Encountering Reflections The single most important question that I have asked this semester is do I belong here? When I was first accepted into the University of Notre Dame, I was ecstatic. Notre Dame was one of my top choices for a college education. I had fallen in love with the size and beauty of the campus, the great educational opportunities, and the welcoming atmosphere. Yet in the weeks and months that followed my enrollment, I began to have doubts about my acceptance. Here I was at one of the most prestigious universities in the world. What had I done to deserve such an honor? I felt that I could not live up to the expectations of others. However, through my Moreau class, I was able to quantify these feelings of doubt and shame. By listening to the Ted-Ed video about imposter syndrome, I learned “that the most surefire way to combat imposter syndrome is to talk about it”. (Cox Imposter Syndrome). By hearing from both my Moreau instructor and my peers openly talk about their experiences with imposter syndrome, I was relieved. I was not the only one that doubted myself and my work. Ever since then, I have become more confident and prouder of my status as a student at the University of Notre Dame. I no longer ask myself the question: do I belong here? Rather, I tell myself a statement: I do belong here. As a result of my Notre Dame journey, my belief in hard work and dedication has grown in importance. Since I was an adolescent, I had always been a hard worker. I still remember the first time I pulled an all-nighter in 8th grade for a science project. That day, I had worked on the project from the moment I came home at 4:30 P.M. to 5:50 A.M. the next morning, only 10 minutes before my parents would have to drive me to school. I still remember the disapproval on my mom’s face, as she realized I had not quite gone to bed. Yet despite all my hard work and dedication, I could never find a justification for my efforts. All my motivation was external. I worked hard solely for my parents’ approval or for a good grade at school. I never put time and effort into my education outside of schoolwork, as I was never certain that my hard work would pay off. What if all my education and dedication were wasted? Why should I continue working hard if I do not know if I will be rewarded for my efforts? These questions gnawed at the back of my mind. I could not answer them. There was always a chance, no matter how slight, that all my hard work would eventually all be for naught. However, since the time that I have been at Notre Dame, this mentality has shifted. It started with the Moreau tour from the log chapel, where Fr. Stephen elaborated on the history of the tiny log chapel. He inspired me with the story of the French priests out in the snow, who had nothing but the clothes around their bodies and a mission to create Notre Dame. He told tales of Rev. Edward Sorin and his unwavering dedication to the university despite the odds. Even the destruction of the main building of Notre Dame only served to inspire Sorin to continue his mission to create the university. While I was inspired by these stories about perseverance, I was not convinced by them. They were just stories of luck, I told myself. However, after I read Holy Cross and Christian Education, I realized that these stories of dedication and bravery were not about luck. These stories were about the never-ending power of faith, where “there is no failure the Lord’s love cannot reverse…It remains only for us to find how even the cross can be borne as a gift.” (Holy Cross and Christian Education 15). By believing in their hard work and dedication, Rev. Edward Sorin and the priests were able to make their dreams come true, no matter the odds. They were able to take the hardest challenges and obstacles to create the foundation for their success. After I encountered these stories and passages about hard work, I realized that as long as I had faith in hard work, I will be able to accomplish anything just like them. One thing that was previously clear that is now more ambiguous is racism and discrimination. When I was in elementary school, I had falsely believed that racism was nonexistent, and that racism had been quelled in the 1960s. I had learned in my history textbook about the civil rights movement; how civil rights leaders used peaceful protests and civil disobedience to engender equality and justice for all people in the United States. By high school, I had become disillusioned to that idea, but I still believed that racism happened overtly. I believed that racism was as easy to spot as a sore thumb, and that racism was a rare occurrence. However, after I read the article “Should Catholic Schools Teach Critical Race Theory”, I realized that I could not have been further from the truth. I discovered from my reading by Christopher J. Devron the true scope of racism: We see systemic racism in higher rates of incarceration, longer sentences and capital penalties for equal crimes for Blacks as compared to their white counterparts. The impact of historic redlining and unjust real estate practices throughout urban neighborhoods has led to lower levels of generational wealth for Blacks as opposed to whites. Covid-19 mortality rates reveal disproportionate victims among Black people and unequal access to health care. (Devron Should Catholic Schools Teach Critical Race Theory?) Devron showed me that racism is embedded deep in the structure of our society and that racism is much less clear than what I had believed. Even if people were not overtly racist and derogatory, the systems and benefits of the United States still are racist today. As seen by Devron, many of the prisons, real estate, and healthcare practices in the country still unequally disadvantage African Americans. Through reading the article, my perception of racism as just an isolated event was completely shattered. I am now just beginning to understand the full extent of racism and discrimination in this country. One thing that has become clearer is the idea of a community. Before I came to Notre Dame, I never had a clear picture of a community. I knew that a community was a group of people with something in common, but I had little idea as to how communities are formed. My best guess was that communities sprouted like a tree, requiring time and dedication before they are created. However, I realized through Moreau that communities are always present like the air around us. “Community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received.” (Palmer Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community). Instead of trying to plant a seed and grow my own community, I discovered that communities were already under the surface. I only need to accept the fact that the community is already there. Citations 1. “What is imposter syndrome?” by Elizabeth Cox – Moreau FYE Week 9 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo 2. “Should Catholic Schools Teach Critical Race Theory?” by Christopher J. Devron – Moreau FYE Week 10 https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2021/06/03/critical-race-theory-catholic-high- schools-black-lives-matter-240792 3. “Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer – Moreau FYE Week 11 http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ 4. “Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Campus Ministry – Moreau FYE Week 12 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23646/files/190575?module_item_id=107412 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2021/06/03/critical-race-theory-catholic-high-schools-black-lives-matter-240792 https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2021/06/03/critical-race-theory-catholic-high-schools-black-lives-matter-240792 http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23646/files/190575?module_item_id=107412