Untitled document William Peeler Defining Myself For Myself I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. I believe that you should ask for help almost daily. I believe that there is no such thing as unconditional love. Finally, I believe that the Taoists are right in saying that there is no way to communicate without losing meaning. Let's work from the top; I am not afraid to admit that I am not a fan of the person I used to be. Then again, who is? I was going through an awful time my freshman year in high school between a few dead relatives, being away from home for the first time, and a suicidal best friend: a surprisingly common American combination. I dealt with these issues by lashing out at people around me. I know I was unpleasant to be around, and, despite that, there was one person who kept reaching out to me and who helped me get back on my feet. Everyone deserves a second chance, no matter how unpleasant they are, because you never know what someone is going through. Brené Brown said that “when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection” (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One) and I think that that's because people find connection in their weakest moments. That connection can be hard to make, because, in the words of David Brooks, “We live in a society that highlights Adam 1, and often neglects Adam 2” (“Should you live for your résumé ... or your eulogy?” by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week Two) and a world of Adam 2 doesn’t reward or highlight the vulnerability required to ask for help or receive it. Think about how often you help others, about how willing you’d be to do something small if a friend asked, and now consider how nice it is to be able to help someone who has asked for it. I believe that you should ask for help whenever you need it, as the times in my life when I have readily asked for help have been the times where I struggled the least. One of the other benefits of openly asking friends and partners for help is that it helps keep you honest and involved with each other. There is no such thing as unconditional love; if you ever stop helping each other, looking out for each other, or generally putting in effort to make each other happy, then that’s not a ‘life-giving relationship’. When actions start being justified with ‘because I love you’ (“Because I Love You” by That’s Not Love Campaign - Moreau FYE Week Four) and ‘unconditional love’ is brought up as a way to get out of putting in work, then that relationship is no longer healthy and that is a condition under which it should end. I spent more time than I would have liked in a relationship where I heard both of those phrases repeatedly, and I wish this was something that I had realized sooner. The last belief is a big one, and it's a bit hard to articulate in the remaining five-hundred words. In Taoism (or most Eastern practices, for that matter) it is said that there is a difference between absolute and relative reality. Essentially, an apple on the table is absolute reality; it holds every part of its being just by sitting there. Our experience of the apple is relative, as we can only see and understand some aspects of it; we can’t know the exact weight, the imperfections inside, ect.. The least absolute of realities lies in communication, because communication takes our already approximate knowledge and approximates it further by cutting out ‘unnecessary’ details. I find this idea central to my way of thinking; it is probably the biggest reason that I can’t follow any organized religion. Most religions, especially Western ones, seek to prescribe faith in some manner, to explain how one should pray and show reverence. I am reminded of a friend I have here at Notre Dame who was called out by her teacher mid math class for not clasping her hands while praying for a God she hadn’t worshipped in a decade. In the words of David Fagerberg, “Spirituality concerns the real world, and how we see it, how we do it, how we approach it” (“Faith Brings Light to a Dark World” by David Fagerberg - Moreau FYE Week Three). Often, organized practice seeks to guide how we see and approach spirituality, and as such seeks to define the deepest parts of absolute reality with relative description. On top of that, those who prescribe this spirituality are not immune to things such as implicit bias, as “most individuals are implicitly biased even if they do not think of themselves as prejudiced” (“How to Think about ‘Implicit Bias’” by Keith Payne - Moreau FYE Week Seven). I have experienced this first hand, hearing homophobic remarks from religious officials preaching to a crowd that internalizes their word as what should define spirituality. I attempted to join a worship band here on campus for the musical experience, but I ended up leaving after memories of past experiences with bigoted priests kept making me uncomfortable when familiar passages would come up. The question is, then, ‘how do we find spirituality if not in religion?’ If you think I’ll answer, then I must have explained myself very poorly above. In the words of George Ella Lyon, “you are the expert on you. No one else sees the world as you do; no one else has your material to draw on. You don't have to know where to begin. Just start. Let it flow. Trust the work to find its own form” (“Where I’m From by George Ella Lyon - Moreau FYE Week Six). While in her quote she was referring to the process of writing a ‘Where I’m From’ poem, I see that as the same process one should undertake to describe their own beliefs. Define them for yourself, defend them to yourself, and understand them fully, as you are the only one who can do so. Fr. Kevin Grove referred to education as “a work of the resurrection” (“Two Notre Dames by Fr. Kevin Grove - Moreau FYE Week Five) and that sentiment applies to self-education. To take a step back and define your thoughts by no metric other than what you believe, ignoring prescribed spirituality and pre-built ideas is to allow your point of view to be reborn. Of course, this new frame of mind can include ideas from pre-existing philosophies and religions - I myself began this tangent by quoting Taoism - but the key is that it doesn’t have to. I would say I write a poem or short story twice a week minimum. Besides that, I have dozens of mini-journals filled with scraps of ideas and notes I write to myself. My goal in doing so is simple: to articulate my thoughts in a way I can understand. My goal at this point in my life is to take all that I have seen, all of the life lessons inside the classroom and out, and understand what it all means to me. That was the purpose of this essay for me. I realize it may seem hypocritical that I referred to ‘you’ in an essay so blatantly against preaching, but this was written from me to me, with no other audience in mind. I will continue writing, scribbling, and wasting notebook pages. I will continue working to define myself for myself.