Integration 2 Prof. Nguyen Moreau FYE 3 December 2021 Close Encounters of the Transforming Kind I’ve now been at Notre Dame for more than 100 days. In that relatively brief time, I’ve encountered seven football games, dozens of late nights, hundreds of dining hall meals, hundreds of new faces, thousands of pages of required reading, and countless new memories. I’ve learned lessons both inside and outside the classroom. Most notably, I’ve learned lessons in perfection, family, unanswerable questions, and division. Prior to coming to Notre Dame, I had never really worked out beyond what was required in gym class—which, in the case of my high school, was more bowling and mini-golfing than actual gym—and I was pretty physically weak as a result. My friends would go to the gym pretty regularly, but I never wanted to go with them because I would feel like a misfit at the gym. I tended to look at everything with an expectation of perfection, which made me afraid of going to the gym because I knew I wouldn’t be good at it. “...Expectations are the bars we set for ourselves. When we meet (or surpass) them, we feel like we are worthy. If we don’t meet those expectations, we feel like the exact opposite — that we aren’t good enough” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week 9). Once I allowed myself to lose my expectation of perfection, I started working out with them and even trying rock climbing. I also joined my interhall soccer team, even though I am by far the worst on the team and the only one who didn’t play soccer in high school. Even though I am basically the https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau opposite of perfect in my workouts, rock climbing, and soccer skills, I have had a lot of fun participating in those activities, and it feels liberating to go outside my comfort zone. Over the course of this semester, my concept of “family” has changed. Previously, “family” seemed pretty straightforward and merely consisted of my blood relatives. Leading up to fall break, I was really looking forward to seeing my family. Surprisingly, though, while I was at home and surrounded by my parents and siblings, I still had this nagging feeling of missing my “family.” It wasn’t until then that I realized how much Notre Dame has started to feel like my family. After all, “community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Patrick J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week 11). The family that I have discovered here couldn’t have been forced; it just happened. Just like my biological family has close members who I see everyday in addition to distant members who I may have never met, the family I’ve discovered at Notre Dame is far more complex than just my closest friends: just by virtue of being a student here, I share experiences with thousands of other students who I may only ever pass on the way to class. I’ve also faced a lot of questions that don’t have answers. In part due to my bio class, I’ve become a lot more interested in learning about cancer therapy, particularly pediatric cancer, and it’s frustrating and heartbreaking that so many kids are dying because there still aren’t cures. Questions like these are similar to the troughs discussed in The Screwtape Letters. There may not be answers yet, but that doesn’t mean that God isn’t there: “He relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favourites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else” (“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week 12). In my spare time, I’ve started following the stories of dozens of pediatric cancer families on social media, and I’ve had the opportunity to share in their hope for a cure and share in many of their troughs http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/25086/files/192655/download?download_frd=1 as they mourn over children gone too soon. I need to hold onto hope that we may one day have the answers to eliminate cancer for good. This isn’t just a passive hope; I hope that I may one day be a doctor helping treat cancer patients myself. It’s so easy to get bogged down in hatred and division. In psychology, I learned about the human tendency to divide into us vs. them, which can lead to stereotypes and hatred. I’ve encountered countless benign examples of this over the course of this semester, such as temporarily despising another college during football games, establishing dorm superiority (Farley is the best!), and light-hearted competition between majors. More harmfully, though, I all too often find myself silently judging a person based on their political leaning or making subconscious assumptions based on a person’s race or appearance. This creates divisions that I might not even realize are there. The divisions are fueled by these thoughts: “Develop strong convictions. Group up with like-minded people. Shun the others. Play the victim. Blame the enemy. Stoke grievance. Never compromise” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week 10). I’ve realized that I can’t control my thoughts and my automatic subconscious categorizations, but I can make the choice to treat others with compassion and always give the benefit of the doubt. These lessons I’ve learned won’t do me much good unless I continue to build on them over the next 3.5 years and the rest of my life. I will need to continue to go out of my comfort zone and challenge myself to do hard things even when I know I won’t meet my own expectations, whether that means taking difficult classes or joining more unfamiliar clubs. I will need to discover an even broader family beyond just this school, perhaps by volunteering in the wider community. I will need to continue to ask the tough questions and hold onto hope that the answers are out there somewhere if we just keep working towards them as a society. I will need https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ to actively find people who are different from myself and use our unique perspectives to work for good instead of focusing on division. If I keep all this in mind, I hope I will be able to make the next 100-plus days of college even more rewarding!