Integration 2

Moreau First Year Experience
Dec 3, 2021

Encountering Adversity: My Experiences With Living in the Light

Throughout my first semester in college, I've encountered massive changes and
challenges. I’ve also experienced a lot of positive connections and learning experiences that have
shaped the beginning of my college experience. Moreau has served as a learning space to explore
how best to respond to these massive life changes and adjust to Notre Dame. Specifically, this
integration will address how I’ve encountered self doubt, challenges to my beliefs, and
struggling to choose hope. Through this adversity and the lessons of Moreau, I’ve been able to
respond to these challenges and seek self love, conviction and a life lived in light.

Doubt is a normal part of life and an emotion I often feel when I don’t trust in myself. My
encounters with imposter syndrome and self doubt helped me learn vulnerability and find
community with my peers. I took stats as a senior in high school during the peak of covid.
Chicago Public Schools had decided to stay closed until April of that school year, meaning I was
completely remote for three of the four quarters. While I did well in the class, I never felt
confident in my math abilities. This semester, I took statistics again. While I was familiar with
the content of the course, I was not comfortable with actually solving the problems. I struggled in
the class, and felt very alone in that struggle. My expectations for myself began to shift from
straight A’s to B’s and C’s. The imposter syndrome I was experiencing was caused by an
unfounded feeling of failure and lack of belonging or accomplishment (“What is Imposter
Syndrome” by Elizabeth Cox - Moreau FYE Week Nine). However, I soon began to learn that
my classmates and friends were also struggling with classes. The first time I felt solidarity was
when I went to office hours at the beginning of the semester. I saw a handful of my classmates
there and they were asking the same questions that I was. Much like the women making Kintsugi
pottery, our common struggle allowed us to be kinder to ourselves (“Women Find Healing
Through Kintsugi Workshop” by Grotto - Moreau FYE Week Ten). Our natural instinct is to hide
our weaknesses and insecurities. During Week 9, we learned about pluralistic ignorance, where
we each doubt ourselves privately but think we're alone in this thinking because we don't share
our fears(“Advice From a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emery Bergmann - Moreau
FYE Week Nine). However, once I realized that many kids in my class were struggling, I was
able to be more open about needing help and my confidence in math and self love greatly
improved.

This November, my friend and I led a divestment march at Notre Dame. We were
organizing because Notre Dame invests a large part of its endowment into fossil fuels. This is



extremely harmful for the environment and people, specifically low income and  communities of
color who are disproportionately affected by climate change and environmental racism. I love
my Notre Dame community, and by standing by my convictions, I’m working to improve this
place I care for so much. I was so honored my friend asked me to co-MC with her. This was a
big moment for me because activism has always been extremely important to me. During Week
10, we discussed the value of Catholic Social Teaching and Critical Race Theory. In the assigned
article, the need to address systemic violence and oppression is of the utmost importance, not just
in Critical Race Theory, but also when addressing climate change (“Should Catholic Schools
Teach CRT” by Christopher J. Devron, S.J. - Moreau Week Ten). To have a valuable role in this
march meant I was actively seeking this systemic change with my peers. We spent the week
before preparing our scripts and coordinating with students in the Student Government
Sustainability Department. On the actual day of the march, it was extremely cold and there was a
light snow. It was so affirming to see people still come even though the conditions weren’t great
for marching across campus. The other speakers and the student’s in attendance made their
voices heard and stood up for our Catholic community values. During Week 11, we delved into
the foundations of building a community. Something that really struck me was the second of the
“Thirteen Ways to Build Community”. The author writes, “a capacity to resist the...forces with
names like narcissism, egotism, jealousy, competition, empire-building, nationalism, and related
forms of madness in which psychopathology and political pathology become powerfully
intertwined” are essential to building community (“13 Ways to Build Community” by Parker J.
Palmer - Moreau Week 11) . This felt extremely relevant to this march because we were trying to
improve our community by pushing our school to think of vulnerable communities and the
environment, rather than investing in something so harmful. While it's extremely challenging and
upsetting to know our endowment money is hurting our community, this experience has forever
changed me. I want to continue to actively seek change and work towards improving Notre
Dame with my peers.

My experiences with building meaningful connections during Welcome Week have
pushed me to live in the light. Welcome weekend can best be described as a roller coaster of
emotions. I spent a lot of time crying to my mom during welcome week, feeling extremely
hopeless about finding home in this new place. Everytime I’d meet someone new, I’d
immediately bond with them over something generic or superficial, but once we’d run out of
surface level topics, the conversation would die out. This social wall I kept running into was
because I was unable to make meaningful connections with my peers. The overall lack of
vulnerability in these exchanges hindered me from making satisfying connections, which I now
realize is a collective experience for freshmen (“Advice From a Formerly Lonely College
Student” by Emery Bergmann - Moreau FYE Week Nine). In Moreau, we were able to engage in
group conversations talking about our fears and stressors in college. Whether we were struggling
with homework, roommates, or making friends; we were able to relate to one another. Through
this exercise, we were able to find a sense of hope. The mission of the Holy Cross is built on this



idea of hope, which heavily shapes our education. Hope ties into this as the motivator to continue
to strive for this goodness. Moreau wishes to equip and armor us with an education and the tools
to persevere. Hope is what keeps me going when I see upsetting things in the world or in my own
life. It's also what drives people to seek salvation, a hope for a second chance at gaining access to
heaven (“Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Fr. James B. King, C.S.C. - Moreau
Week 12). With this newfound solidarity with my peers, I was able to start making deeper
connections. I could begin to embrace the diversity of thought and background that comes with
making friends in college. I would’ve never met so many different people from different states,
upbringings, or points of views had it not been for Notre Dame. My life is so much more
enriched because of these new friends and the hope that pushed me to find them.

In conclusion, my first semester of freshman year has been a learning experience. These
weekly lessons have enhanced my understanding of community, emotions and values in a way
that I've been able to apply to my life. My encounters with the challenges of adjusting to college
have pushed me to confront problems with vulnerability and conviction. Through the guidance of
Moreau, I’ve been able to develop as an individual and become a part of this college community.
After this semester of learning, I will continue to strive to live in the light.