Moreau FYE
4 March 2022

Hindsight is 202(2): A Preemptive Eulogy

	To reflect back on one’s entire life is an impossible task. The insights and biases we develop as we grow and gain new experiences taint our hindsight and inhibit our ability to accurately reflect on previous chapters of our lives. However, as I reflect back on my life today, a few notable people, moments, and lessons remain steadfast. I hope to share some of these pieces of my life in an attempt to appreciate the legacy that they will inadvertently build for me after my death. 

	A recent conversation with my best friend Kyiesha gave me a glimpse into how I am perceived by others. If her flattering remarks are accurate, I am satisfied with how I have touched the people around me up until this point (Conversation Activity - Moreau FYE Week 5). The conversation revealed to me that to others, I am someone who is full of passion and deep emotions. I am unafraid to be vulnerable and express my emotions to others. This makes me someone that easily forms meaningful and emotional connections with those around me, and grants me a sense of empathy that helps me better understand those with different experiences. 

This passion and sensitivity also make me someone that isn’t only passionate about subjects but motivated to advance them and solve any problems that arise along the way. With these two characteristics in mind, I hope to be remembered as someone who actively invests in her relationship and sees the value in uplifting others (Why the only future worth building includes everyone by Pope Francis- Moreau FYE Week 7). Through uplifting others, I mobilized communities to fight against pressing humanitarian issues such as climate change and mitigate its effects on the environment. 

	Lastly, I want to be remembered as someone who was introspective and validated my own emotions. For most of my life, I struggled to strike a balance between overthinking and impetuousness, due to many external pressures and influences; however, I was eventually able to find the perfect intersection between reason and emotion that allowed me to both appreciate the present moment and recognize the transience of time (The right way to be introspective (yes, there's a wrong way) by Tasha Eurich - Moreau FYE Week 6). One philosophy that threaded through the decision-making processes of my life is that of Immanuel Kant’s, whom I learned about in my Introduction to Philosophy class at Notre Dame. He argued that our ability to reason is what distinguishes humans from other living beings and taking advantage of our ability to reason would be fulfilling the potential of inherent human dignity and value. With this in mind, I was able to ease rationale into my behaviors that were largely emotionally charged. I encourage everyone to consider this philosophy as well. 

	As one approaches death, their perspective on what is important in life turns on its head. The enlightenment and peace that comes with the knowledge of an expiration date, so to speak, is both bittersweet and morbid. In the latter half of this eulogy, I hope to share some of what I believe is most important and often overlooked, to achieve a fulfilled life and unregretful death. 

	Firstly, I believe that a life well-lived is a life that is lived unapologetically. Everyone’s time on earth is fleeting and being able to appreciate, rather than fear, the indisputable fact that everyone will one day disappear into oblivion, one way or another, is empowering. A noteworthy example of someone who lived unapologetically is Father Theodore Hesburgh. He exuded an aura of confidence that played a large role in his ability to influence masses of people and form beautiful relationships in the process (“Hesburgh” - Moreau FYE Week 2). 

Unfortunately, I was unable to do the same for most of my life. The high-pressure environment caused me to struggle with imposter syndrome while I was in school. As a result, I was unable to reach my fullest potential - academically, socially, and even spiritually. I found myself second-guessing myself and discrediting myself for my achievements. Inevitably, this took a toll on my self-esteem, which created a negative feedback loop that took getting over my fear of failure to disrupt. After I experienced enough failure to fully understand that “perfection” is unachievable and an imaginative construct created by capitalism, I was also able to let go of my tendency to live for the approval of others and instead, live unapologetically and for myself. 

Living for myself manifested itself in a few ways. Firstly, it meant that I had to undergo a process of learning about myself, specifically, my values, interests, personality, and skills (Navigating Your Career Journey - Moreau FYE 4). This process required experimentation and a fundamental understanding that “myself” will change; however, once I was able to recognize aspects of my life that are important to me, I was able to recognize when I was living for someone else than myself and indulge in activities that bring me personal fulfillment, such as art, running, and reading. Indulging in these activities makes me more personable and interesting to those that compliment my personality. Inadvertently, this is how I met many of my life-long friends. 

Understanding myself also allows me to strengthen my relationship with myself as I was then able to better respect myself - my boundaries, time, and desires. This respect required a level of intentionality and mindfulness that was also developed. The thoughtfulness in which I lived my life allowed me to be grateful for my blessings and the present moment (Meet the Nun Who Wants You to Remember You Will Die by Ruth Graham - Moreau FYE Week 3). My academic study of philosophy at Notre Dame facilitated this mindset as it pronounced the fact that the past and future are not in anyone’s locus of control, let alone my own. It is important to disclaim, however, that I actively prevent myself from falling into an absurdist philosophy. While many absurdist structures exist in society, I continue to seek meaning in everyday actions. This intentionality guided how I spent most of my time, as I was able to quickly recognize unhealthy habits and patterns that were unproductive or destructive. The way I defined productivity and a life well-lived was not guided by capitalism or any other social construct, but by my inner emotional fulfillment (Why we need to slow down our lives by Pico Iyer - Moreau FYE Week 1).