Encountering Doubt, Community, and Fatih: My Notre Dame Journey
	
Throughout my first semester at Notre Dame, I have found ample time to reflect on the people and experiences I have encountered and how these confrontations have impacted me. In this process of beginning a new chapter, I can see how overcoming personal challenges, immersing myself in a diverse community, and deepening my faith will continue to shape me as a person and student over the course of my college career. The things that I have already encountered in my short time as a Notre Dame student are actively shaping me into a better person, and I am confident that I will continue to grow as I encounter new horizons. 
	In a place of such academic prestige, it is easy to feel small and insignificant at times. This was certainly the case for me the first few weeks after arriving on Notre Dame’s campus. In late August of this year, I transitioned from being the valedictorian of my high school in a close-knit town where my success was often praised, to being one individual in a sea of unfamiliar faces, all who appeared to be smarter and more qualified than me. It was a profound transition, one that put me on edge. Elizabeth Cox explained what Imposter Syndrome is in a video, stating that “...we each doubt ourselves privately, but believe we are alone in thinking that way, because no one else voices their doubt” (Video: "What is Imposter Syndrome?" (Elizabeth Cox, TED-Ed) - Moreau FYE Week 9). I found that this imposter phenomenon was exactly what I was experiencing. I felt like everyone around me had college figured out on day one, that I was alone in my struggles. It was an eye-opening, yet difficult experience to encounter this level of self-doubt that I had never experienced before. However, it was through open, honest conversations with my peers that I discovered I was not the only one feeling like this. In reality, we all felt like tiny fish in a big pond of geniuses. Through this experience, I was reminded of something very important: I belong here. I am here for a reason. As I listened to my classmates discuss their feelings, it became evident that we all viewed each other as superior to ourselves, when in reality, we are all here because of our shared drive and capability. I realized that the gifts and talents of those around us do not have to take away from our own. Instead of downplaying my successes, I should have confidence in the fact that I am here. College is going to be a big adjustment for me, I have already discovered. I have encountered self-doubt and have taken blows to my self-confidence, and I have faced new academic struggles that I did not encounter in high school. However, encountering this dissonance has led me to realize the importance of focusing on the journey and my personal growth, rather than small individual outcomes. “We all make mistakes. We will disappoint people. We’ll disappoint ourselves. But the world doesn’t have to end when that happens” (Text: "Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit" (Julia Hogan, Grotto) - Moreau FYE Week 9). If I spend my time focusing on getting the perfect grade, or meeting every high expectation I have for myself, I will never be satisfied. Encountering these issues early on in my college career has prepared me to have confidence, while allowing my education to transform me into a better person; to focus on learning simply for the sake of learning and growing. These actions, I believe, will play a pivotal role in my development over the next four years.
	Outside of my internal awakenings, I have also encountered a great community at Notre Dame. I think that before arriving here, community was this sort of ambiguous concept in my mind that was difficult to define. Now, I understand that a community isn’t just about where you are from. After a few months here, I would define community as a group of diverse individuals united by their values or passions who all contribute towards a common goal. Although I believe I am a part of an amazing community at Notre Dame, this does not mean that there is always perfect harmony. I have already encountered instances where the community has fallen short of what it should be. For example, when the Rover article which attacked the LGBTQ community was published, or smaller moments like when I witnessed girls in my dorm making fun of a fellow resident behind her back; it was in these instances where I saw threats to our united community. Even though these threats are rare, and I would certainly not define our community by them, it is vital that we recognize and correct them. If we want to come together completely, we need to reduce hate, and instead create and inspire love. As Father John Jenkins said in his 2012 commencement speech, “Love is the greatest commandment — and hatred is at the heart of the greatest sins. Hatred is the great destroyer — the great divider. Hatred is more dangerous to us than any other threat, because it attacks the immune system of our society — our ability to see danger, come together and take action” (Text: "Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address" (Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C.) - Moreau FYE Week 10) Through my initial encounters with brokenness at college, I have concluded that blind hatred, and a reluctance to accept others, is the biggest threat to our community. And as Notre Dame students, I think we all have a certain duty to combat this hatred. As one individual in a large population, it can seem hopeless at times that one person’s actions could eliminate hatred. However, as Parker Palmer states in an article, “Long before community can be manifest in outward relationships, it must be present in the individual as a capacity for connectedness” (Text: “Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” (Parker J. Palmer, Center for Courage and Renewal) - Moreau FYE Week 11). This quote emphasizes that community often starts with the individual. For any type of comradery to be achieved, individuals must be open-minded and willing to connect with others. The power of the individual to shape the community is greater than we know. When we choose kindness and exhibit this behavior daily, this goodness has a domino effect on those around us, so our actions are more impactful than they might seem. By encountering both brokenness and unity while being a part of Notre Dame’s community, I have learned the importance of being accepting, spreading love, and taking up the personal responsibility to make the community a better place. 
	Before college, I already had some pre-existing expectations that I would encounter academic challenges as well as a new community. However, I was not prepared to encounter faith the way that I have at Notre Dame. I have found that my connection with God has grown tremendously already. From going to mass every Sunday with my dorm, to kneeling in thought at the Grotto, I have found that my faith is a vessel of peace, comfort, and hope for me. I don’t think that I could have the type of relationship with God that I do now if I had gone to school anywhere else. Notre Dame’s mission is based upon this faith which makes it such a special place. As stated in “Holy Cross and Christian Education”,  “Christians spread hope, and religious like those in Holy Cross, have a special obligation to embolden others to pick up their crosses”  (Text: “Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education”pages 14-16 (Fr. James B. King, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week 12). Coming here, I feel inspired; I feel that I have been called to fulfill a great duty in life as a Notre Dame student, to spread hope and love, and to spread the goodness of God to others. Encountering this inspiration has made me feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I think that my rejuvenated interest in my faith will play a key role in my development and growth.
	Everyday I wake up grateful to be at this university. Each day there are endless opportunities on the horizon: opportunities to grow individually, to be a part of a community, and to grow in one’s faith. I am always looking forward to what new experiences I might encounter that day. I am open and willing to embrace the lessons these encounters will yield as I embark on the rest of my college journey.