Integration 2 Bossone 1 Megan Leis Moreau 3 November 2021 A Journey Towards Bettering Myself Sitting down and writing this integration comes at a shock to me; I simply cannot believe that an entire semester has already passed. To quote one of my favorite books, A Tale of Two Cities: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair” (Dickens). This quote is a great representation of my first semester here at Notre Dame. There was darkness and light, hope and despair, knowledge gained and mistakes made. I’ve always been told that college is a time to grow and even within 13 short weeks, this Moreau class has forced me to think a lot about what I value in life. In the past four weeks, I have developed the following beliefs: 1. I believe that the expectations I set for myself should be fair and based on my own judgment. 2. I believe that I must experience brokenness in order to become my best self. 3. I believe that listening to other perspectives will facilitate forming my own world views. 4. I believe that growing means learning how to maintain hope even in my darkest times. Our ninth week of class was titled “Encountering Dissonance,” and we sought to answer the question: “How do I respond to external and internal dissonance?” We talked Bossone 2 about the infamous imposter syndrome that I’ve heard mentioned many times in relation to Notre Dame students. I have always had high expectations for myself in everything I do, from school to sports to something even as mundane as baking. I always degrade myself when I fail or do something wrong, because it is proof that I have not lived up to my inner perfectionist’s expectations. While much of this is self-inflicted, I have also felt pressure from those around me. My mom has always been supportive of me but unfortunately my dad is not the same. If I didn’t get an A in a class, I was always met with the disappointing sigh of my father. So not only did I have to battle my own expectations, but I also had to put a wall up so that I didn’t let my father’s expectations dig me deeper in my own hole of perfectionism. Through years of emotional abuse, this wall has grown, and grown, and grown. I told myself that I would begin chipping away at this wall once I was away from the person from whom this wall protected me, and I’m happy to say I lived up to my promise to myself. Now that I am alone at college, I can begin to make my own decisions and form my own expectations for myself that aren’t based on the expectations of my dad. This led me to my new-found belief: I believe that the expectations I set for myself should be fair and based on my own judgment. I think Julia Hogan explains it perfectly in her article titled “Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit: “You can’t live your life according to the expectations of others. When you do, you aren’t living your own life — you’re living someone else’s life” (Hogan). And now that I am adjusted to life away from home, I am finally ready to start living my own life, based solely on my own terms. Our tenth week of class was titled “Encountering Brokenness,” and we sought to answer the question: “What are the central challenges of my community and how do I respond?” Brokenness is a struggle for everybody and can be encountered at nearly any and every stage in someone’s life. My favorite part of the Moreau curriculum from this whole year came during this week, and it was the video that we watched on Kintsugi, which is a Japanese artform in which pottery is broken, mended back together, and then the cracks are painted with gold. As this was a new concept to me, I did a little more research, discovering that the philosophy behind Kintsugi is described as “highlighting or Bossone 3 emphasizing imperfections, visualizing mends and seams as an additive or an area to celebrate or focus on” (Wikipedia). In this concept, brokenness is seen as something beautiful; being able to recognize one’s own cracks and seams from a previous break is empowering. This discovery led to my next belief: I believe that I must experience brokenness in order to become my best self. Brokenness is inevitable. While I could experience heartbreak or disappointment and allow it to mentally drag me down, I would rather acknowledge my experiences and appreciate them for making me stronger. This recognition and appreciation will help me lead a life of strength and goodness. Our eleventh week was titled “Encountering Community,” and we sought to answer the question: How do I strengthen bonds of interconnection with others, especially in the midst of conflict or dissimilarity? Coming from Scottsdale, Arizona, I grew up in a very predominantly white neighborhood. Had I only sought to listen to the experiences of my hometown community, my world views would have been completely different. Because there is little diversity in race, nationality, and sexual orientation, my world views would’ve reflected that, and likely would’ve upheld the belief of white supremacy that is systemically prevalent in our country. But luckily, I sought to form my beliefs using the voices that I didn’t hear in my immediate community: black voices, asian voices, hispanic voices, gay voices, transgender voices, etc. How could I form a worldview without considering the amount of diversity present in said world? This helped me form my belief: I believe that listening to other perspectives will facilitate forming my own world views. This also applies to Notre Dame. Even though Notre Dame is not nearly the most diverse university in the country, I still see more minorities here than I did in my hometown. And while I tried to diversify my friends at home, it is much easier to do so when you live within a more diverse community to begin with. This week also reassured me of my choice of major: American Studies. As Prof. Agustin Fuentes states in the video “Diversity Matters,” “Understanding the landscape of the United States is absolutely central to understanding who we are as students, who we are as scholars, who we are as members of the Notre Dame community” (Fuentes). I’m excited to further pursue American Studies Bossone 4 and study the stories of marginalized people in order to not only become a better Notre Dame student but also to become a better person. Our twelfth week was titled “Encountering Hope,” and we sought to answer the question: “How do I live and grow in hope?” To put it simply, hope and I have had a complicated relationship. Without getting too deep into the world of problems that my parents have faced, my mom always had hope when it came to my relationship with my dad. She kept hope that it would improve and that he would be able to change. Through this experience, I began to view having hope as a dangerously optimistic way to make excuses for the problems I was facing. I saw it as a symbol of weakness, but that could not have been further from the truth. Fr. James B. King C.S.C. stated that “One does not have to be a Christian to believe that adversity does, or at least can, make people stronger and prepare them for harder challenges in the future” (King). To connect this quote to the idea of hope, hope is born from adversity; it would hardly exist without it. As I grew more, and faced more adversity, I came to the following belief: I believe that growing means learning how to maintain hope even in my darkest times. Rather than viewing hope as a weakness, I should use it as a strength when tackling my problems. And I intend to take this advice with me not only through my time at Notre Dame but also through my entire life. An Extra Note: Thank you for everything, Megan. It was such a pleasure being in your class this semester; you are genuinely one of the kindest souls I have met here. I hope everything goes well with the new baby, and I hope you have a restful break with your family. Happy holidays! Bossone 5 Works Cited Week Nine: Julia Hogan “Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?u tm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau Week Ten: “ Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/?utm_ source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau Week Eleven: Professor Agustin Fuentes “Diversity Matters” https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=d14a0472-9c0e-4 4ea-bd39-53c67ee1d436 Week Twelve: Fr. James B. King C.S.C. “Holy Cross and Christian Education” https://campusministry.nd.edu/assets/105621/ Dickens, Charles. A Tale of Two Cities. Penguin Classics. 2012. Kintsugi Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=d14a0472-9c0e-44ea-bd39-53c67ee1d436 https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=d14a0472-9c0e-44ea-bd39-53c67ee1d436 https://campusministry.nd.edu/assets/105621/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi