Integration 1 Bernsten


The Family That is Notre Dame as a School of Love
“Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love

and belonging”(The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown-Moreau FYE Week One. I believe
that I am searching for belonging. I never doubted or questioned the love my family and friends
had for me back home. In many ways, that unconditional love has instilled in me a strong sense
of love and belonging, and I do believe that I am worthy of it. However, it also makes one realize
how much they are missing when they do not have it. Here at Notre Dame, there is immense
potential for finding those people, but I also find myself being very cautious with who I spend
time with. This belief is challenged when I see friend groups forming without me that I have
spent time with, or when academic work takes me away from socializing as much as I would like
during the week. This belief has influenced my actions by motivating me to be more social, more
inclusive, and more disciplined. I had convinced myself that being outgoing would be enough to
find that belonging, but what I have realized is that I must also be inclusive. I cannot always
depend on others to create the reality I want to live in.

“Rest assured, you will eventually be dragged into a dramatic situation with this friend
and they will definitely talk about you behind your back”(5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship,
by Olivia T. Taylor, Moreau FYE Week 4). I believe that I form life-giving relationships by being
vulnerable, being inclusive, and being genuine. I believe this because this is how I connect with
people, and how I believe humans want to connect with others at their core. I have come to
believe this because I have had several different types of relationships. I have had my best
friends since first grade or before. Two of them went to different high schools, and by senior year
none of them went to school with me. Throughout, our friendship levels ebbed and flowed, but
by the end, I was closer with them than I had ever been. I believe that we continued to gravitate
towards each other because we valued that inclusiveness, sincerity, and kindness present in each
other. Even new relationships, romantic and platonic, have shown me this same thing when
certain people become attached to me after a short period of time. This belief has been
challenged in college when I am left out of things, despite putting effort and thought into the
relationships with the people excluding me. It makes me wonder if there is something else that I
am not offering as a friend that does not cause them to gravitate towards me. However, it may
also be that we are not as compatible as I wish we were, and that just has to be okay. This belief
informs my actions by challenging me to be emulate the behavior that special people have shown
me and that I wish to see in others.

“You don’t have a commitment to tasks that would take more than a lifetime to
commit”(Should You Live For Your Resume or Your Eulogy, David Brooks, Moreau FYE Week
2). I believe that my purpose is to live for something more than myself. I also believe that this
purpose not only gives more to those around you, but that it also increases your own joy as well.
I believe this because I have seen it in my grandfather, who was described at his funeral as not
only a good father and husband but also as an exceptional person. Not everybody who is good is
exceptional. My grandfather was a public defender, alderman, mayor, realtor, and university
fundraiser in my hometown. He touched thousands of peoples’ lives for the better, and raised
children that have continued to be forces of good in this world. Not only did help others, but
anyone who knew him could definitively say that he lived a life of joy and happiness. I believe
that the two are directly related; a selfless lifestyle is truly selfish. This belief has not been
challenged much from my perspective. I do believe that a certain amount of selfish behavior is
needed to put yourself in a position of power and security, but only so that you may have the
largest impact through your goodness. This belief has actively influenced my motivations and



therefore my actions. I did not come to school to make money, but to find what I love to study. I
remain undecided in my major, and have talked to several professors and students about their
own paths to find my own. I believe that by doing what I love, I will find joy and be able to help
others in the process.

“I am from Lawn Place, my heart there will remain”(Where I’m From poem, Isaac
Bernsten, Moreau FYE Week 6). I believe that I pursue truth by consulting the core convictions
and experiences I had in my childhood, as well as the reason, emotion, and intuition I have
regarding a topic. I believe this because I think my childhood was unique. The culture of
happiness, love, humor, flexibility, responsibility, and intelligence that my family fostered is
something that I do not take for granted because I have seen its uniqueness even among my
closest friends and their families. This is also another belief of mine that has remained unshaken
and unchallenged; if anything, my belief in this has only grown. I believe that the love I was
raised with allows me to understand the world and truth in a very human way. This belief
informs my actions directly by informing my morals. The truths that I pursue are ones that I
believe are logical and moral, or at least can be used to moral ends. I then try to live by those
truths through action.

“Families are schools in which we learn to love”(Sorin Letter to Moreau, Father Sorin,
Moreau FYE Week 5). I believe that I have responsibility for serving others. It is easy to lose
sight of the things we dreamed for ourselves as children; the things we wished to change in the
world. Where there is love, however, there is the understanding that love does not exist
everywhere and that it is our duty to serve others in realizing a new future for them. I believe the
University of Notre Dame should be a family in which what I have talked about-belonging,
relationships, purpose, and love-is the context for everything that is taught, for a true family is a
school in which we learn to love.