Integration 2.pdf Shari Ho 11/30/21 My Experiences Before coming into college, I didn’t expect to notice or care about the change I was about to experience in my new life, but I was completely wrong. All aspects of my life were affected, and in this essay, I will be explaining each aspect while incorporating the material we learned in weeks 9-12 of class. The first thing I will talk about relates to Julie Hogan’s article about expectations from others, as she stated, “You can’t live your life according to the expectations of others. When you do, you aren’t living your own life — you’re living someone else’s life.” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine) In high school, I was very content and confident about myself because I had friends I trusted and knew would never judge me. I am not the skinny, pretty girl you would see on Instagram, but because I had such good friends, this didn’t matter to me. And I think because of this, I was more outgoing, had the desire to go out and spend time with my friends, and overall, I enjoyed their company. I trusted that they truly wanted to hang out with me and genuinely cared for me. However, coming to college, I did not know anyone. I didn’t know their intentions or thoughts, as one wouldn’t know when meeting new people, but this really affected me. Society’s expectations of what girls “should” look like really got into my head and affected how I interacted with new people. I would ask myself, “Do they really want to talk with me?” because I do not look like the typical skinny girls in my classes. And because I did not have that trust I had with my friends back at home, I was not comfortable being myself around new people. The students did not have expectations or judgment towards me, but I assumed they did because of how I looked, and because of this, I did not attempt to get to know a lot of people when I came to college. I was so shocked by this, as I was such an outgoing person in high school, but here, my assumptions of others and society’s expectations held me back from being myself and getting to know others. I think the quote stated above is very important for me to think about. Even though it’s easier said than done, I know that letting go of these assumptions and society’s expectations will help me be myself and help me open up, but for some reason, it is so hard here. However, another big part of why I assume the worst of others is race. The next big difference I have experienced when coming to college is race. I am from Hawaii and there is SO MUCH diversity in my community. For example, at my high school, white students were the minority and all of the girls in my friend group were people of color. Because of this, I was so comfortable and familiar with going to school with many Asian students and minorities in general. I didn’t think the change in racial distribution would affect me, but it did. When I first came to Notre Dame, a predominantly white institution, during Welcome Week, I noticed when I was meeting everyone, the white girls and guys did not give the same energy to me as they were giving to other white students. I was not expecting this at all, as I did not experience this racially motivated treatment before, whether intentional or not. The girls did not seem interested in talking to me, but when they started talking to other white girls, they laughed and engaged in conversation and same with the guys. After this, my whole outlook on the students at Notre Dame changed, and as a result, is the main reason why I make these assumptions I talked about above. Even though not every student treats minorities like this, how do I know which students are nice and which aren’t? Since I can’t read anyone’s mind and I do want to waste time on people who won’t give me the time of day, I don’t even attempt to get to know anyone. This mindset further divides the issue of racial inequality, and I need to remember that racism is not a fact. In the Diversity Matters video, the presenter said, “If race, as we use the term, is not a reflection of biological groups, then the real differences that we see between races, are actually based on not biological characteristics. But social, historical, political, and economic components, and most importantly because of that, they're changeable.” (“Diversity Matters” by Kevin Abbott - Moreau FYE Week Eleven) This quote and concept are very powerful and are the reason why I say racism is not a fact. Since the beginning of time, it wasn't a law that white people are superior to black people or white people are superior to Asian people, etc. Racism is a made-up concept that humans created and because of this, we can change this. Knowing this can help me get rid of my assumptions about others. Since racism is not a universal truth, some people are good and I need to give them a chance. I can’t just push aside everyone because there is a possibility of racist treatment towards me. This is also easier said than done, as I will be very hurt if someone treats me differently because of my race, but remembering the quote above, I know there are good people out there, and I will never get a chance to meet them if I don’t open up. The third thing that changed drastically is my views on academics. In high school, I did very well. I am not sure if the classes I took were easy or if COVID affected the class curriculum, but I feel like I didn’t do a lot of work or homework and I passed pretty easily. And because I attended one of the best schools on the island and the fact that I was doing well made me feel like I was a pretty smart student. However, when coming to Notre Dame, I felt like I was ambushed by the amount of work and level of difficulty of each class. For some time, I was staying up until 7 am trying to finish my work and I was on the verge of having a mental breakdown every night. I wasn’t procrastinating and I was ALWAYS doing work, having to sacrifice time with my friends to get my work done. However, my friends did not seem like they were struggling at all, and some of them are pre-med as well. I did not know what was going on. In high school, I strived to get all A’s because I had the ability to and I was hard on myself if I did any worse. Here, however, it is so hard to do well even though I am trying my hardest in every class. In the beginning, I was beating myself up for not getting the grades that I wanted, but over the semester, I have learned to not get mad at myself if I did not get the perfect 100 and if I did my best. I saw much connection with my changed mindset and The Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop video, as Kirsten Helgeson said, “Believing that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” by Kirsten Helgeson - Moreau FYE Week Ten) I saw many interpretations of this statement, but relating to my revelation, Helgeson’s quote is saying that it is okay to fail, make mistakes, and being perfect and getting 100’s on everything does not have to be the standard. I know I am working my butt off every day, and recognizing my effort and not letting my grades bring me down was a big step for me in my college experience. The last thing that was very different when coming to college is my participation in the Catholic Church. The Holy Cross And Christian Education document stated, “In both light and shadow, the cross is Christ’s gift to us, our only hope.” (“Holy Cross And Christian Education” by Notre Dame Campus Ministry - Moreau FYE Week Twelve) This raises the topic of religion and specifically, Catholicism, and how it plays a role in our lives. When I lived at home, my parents would make me go to Church every Sunday. I use the words “make me” because I always felt forced, which made me have a negative outlook on the religion. However, when I came to college, I had a lot more freedom, including when I want to go to Church. With this freedom, I feel like I have a choice in how I want religion to play in my life, which I think helped me grow in my Catholic journey. Because I don't feel forced and because I now have the choice, I have more of a desire to explore my faith.