11/30/2021
Theo Helm
Jumping Into My New Home
	I’ve been around Notre Dame my whole life coming from South Bend, so you would think I had some idea of what my life would look like once I arrived. Instead, I didn’t know what to expect from life in college and how I’d handle being more independent. I’ve experienced some obstacles, but I would consider my first semester as a success since I’m in a good place mentally, academically, and socially. I’m excited to see how the rest of my freshman year unfolds. So far at Notre Dame, I’ve found new demands and stressors placed on me, but these have been more than balanced by the community I’ve found in Baumer Hall and the campus as a whole.
	At a university with so many talented and impressive students, I have fallen into the trap of trying to prove myself and measure up to other people’s standards. While I feel I have done well academically so far, that doesn’t necessarily stop myself from doubting my abilities. This imposter syndrome has made it tougher on me, but learning that it’s a common problem is comforting to hear. In week nine of Moreau, I was especially intrigued by Julia Hogan’s thoughts that we shouldn’t set expectations for ourselves, because I have always lived by setting expectations and attempting to reach them. Hogan contradicts my previous practices, saying, “But I’m going to let you in on a little secret: these expectations are arbitrary.” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Reflecting on that lesson, I’ve realized that it is definitely helpful to have goals for myself but these shouldn’t be expectations that define me. To put this into practice, I plan to work hard to study and prepare for my theology final, but I will focus just on my preparation without worrying about performing poorly on the exam. The first two exams were rough for me, but I think I’ll be more relaxed with this strategy, and may even perform better by being more prepared but less stressed out about the eventual grade. Overall, I want to continue to push myself to achieve my goals while making sure that these are strictly my own aspirations and that they don’t define my self-worth.
	During these first few months, I’ve found it both a blessing and a challenge that I’m finally able to make all my decisions on my own. Without being home with my parents, I now have the responsibility to make the right choices with how I spend my time. This can definitely create some uneasiness, as I’m used to having the comfort of parents to guide me, but it’s also important for me to learn to make decisions individually. I appreciated what Father Jenkins said about conviction, as I have often thought that I should work on being more decisive. He asserted, “Conviction. It is indispensable to every good deed. It defies the forces of inertia — the prevailing winds and currents that fight to keep everything the way it is, or worse.” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr. John Jenkins - Moreau FYE Week Ten). Jenkins also brings up a good discussion when talking about the other factors that can affect our decisions both positively and negatively. Now that I live in a dorm, the main influences on my decisions are my friends. I feel that I definitely have a good group of friends that are focused on the right things, but of course I can’t always let them steer my life. For example, when they all want to do something social but I have work to get done, it’s crucial for me to learn how to say no so I can stay on the right track. This semester, I have been pretty good about this, but there is certainly room for improvement so that I make decisions based on my own priorities and not other people’s.
	The community I’ve experienced during my time in Baumer Hall is one of the main things that has made my Notre Dame experience so special thus far. From the moment I arrived and the Welcome Week crew helped transport my belongings to Room 356, it has felt like home. Since then, I’ve been lucky enough to build a few really strong relationships and find many other friends, which has been a huge part of easing my transition to college. There are a few people that I feel I don’t really understand or I disagree with their ideas, but as I realized from Parker Palmer, these people will always be around. He expressed, “Relationships in community are so close and so intense that it is easy for us to project on another person that which we cannot abide in ourselves.” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). While there have been a few people that fit this description, I feel that I get along with pretty much everybody, and I’ve learned to accept that some people will just be around. As much as we may wish them away, these enemies will always exist because we see negative aspects of ourselves in the people we interact with. Although this may seem problematic to deal with, it means that community allows us to learn more about ourselves and realize the areas we need to improve. My Baumer community has given me a place of comfort I can always come back to no matter what is going on in my life.
	These last few months, I’ve been prompted to think about my religious beliefs much more frequently than usual. I have always attended public school, and while my family goes to Mass every week and prays before dinner, my relationship with God wasn’t something I thought about that much. Now that I’m here, I have the opportunity to fully explore my beliefs and hopefully reach more clarity about these with more reflection and prayer. The excerpt from The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis was really interesting, because even the demon recognized that God’s love is completely real. Lewis said, “One must face the fact that all the talk about His love for men, and His service being perfect freedom, is not (as one would gladly believe) mere propaganda, but an appalling truth.” (The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). Since the devil brings people to his side through coercion and “absorbing” them, it is striking to think God works solely through love. When I get down or face failure, I need to remember this ever-present love and know that God has a plan for my life and a better future. I have always considered myself Catholic and a believer in God, but now that I’m here I have a chance to reinforce my beliefs and grow stronger in my faith.
	My time at Notre Dame has made me certain that I found the right place for me, even when it gets difficult. The culture, the dome, and the amazing people all add up to create a truly special place. I have learned a great deal in these last few months, and I’m excited for all the personal growth the future brings. Through whatever comes next in my life, I will be grateful for all the family and friends that are rooting for me and the tight-knit community I’ve found here.