week 8 - integration one Riley 1 Kiara Riley Professor Retartha Moreau First Year Experience 15 October 2021 The Importance of Vulnerability in Establishing Forever Relationships I believe that one needs to be vulnerable in order to create forever relationships with others and find his or her genuine friends. This belief, although difficult to follow at first, has helped me tremendously throughout my freshman year in college so far. Even in high school, being vulnerable with others has always been a difficult task for me, and moving to another state to begin my independent journey as a freshman college student made the process even more challenging. Vulnerability, as discussed in week one, is a very important step in finding one’s genuine friendships. I intentionally ignored this important step in the beginning of the year when first attempting to make friends. I, instead, behaved in a certain manner to blend in with my peers because I was too scared that if I expressed my true self I would be left without any friends. I remember thinking that I would rather have friends who don’t genuinely know me on a deep level than not have friends at all. As the weeks progressed, I felt very lost and continuously kept comparing my new college friends to my best friends back at home. At this time period in the semester, I was at a very low point. As David Brooks explains in his TED Talk, it is important to lose yourself and get to a really low point in order to grow into your most authentic self. He stated in his speech, “In order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself” (“Should You Live for Your Resume or Your Eulogy?” by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week Two). Brooks’ belief that one needs to lose his or herself in order to find his or herself really resonated with me because it was so applicable with my life at that time. I, as previously mentioned, was at a low point in my life and knew that in order to grow into my most authentic self, I needed to change my mindset in regards to finding friends because I lacked deep and meaningful relationships in my life. Having these connections is so important to me and they are what keep me grounded. Being at rock bottom encouraged me to gain Riley 2 the strength and courage to alter the way I seek potential friends and the way I express myself to these potential friends as well. Growing up in a very Catholic and faithful household, there was a large emphasis on the importance of having meaningful relationships with people in life, for these are the people who will be there for you when you need support. My faith helped me during this low period because I found myself putting my stress and worries regarding my social life in God’s hands. I used my anxious thoughts as an opportunity to create a more powerful relationship with Him and to strengthen my overall faith. This definitely helped ease my stress, because I realized that God controls my fate and that He has a plan for me. Father Pete McCormick discusses this idea of God being everywhere and will be there for anyone who needs guidance in his video: “We don’t have to look elsewhere for God; we only need to look around. He’s there, and the dawning faith sees him everywhere” (“The Role of Faith in Our Story” by Father Pete McCormick - Moreau FYE Week Three). Watching this video reassured me that everything will work out in the end if I trust that God is there looking over me. Keeping this in mind, I went back into reality with a different mindset in regards to vulnerability. Week four of Moreau directly aligned with my goal of being more vulnerable with my peers to find “life-giving relationships.” I began to search for potential friends who I felt were genuinely interested in what I have to say and offer to conversations. The individuals who paid attention to me and made me feel comfortable with expressing my true personality were the ones I naturally gravitated towards. Once I felt comfortable being my genuine self around these individuals, I began to be more vulnerable with them and began to share stories from my past that caused me to have my wall up in the first place. Olivia T. Taylor discusses the importance of attention in regards to friendship in her article: “Attention is one of the rarest forms of love” (“5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship” by Olivia T. Taylor - Moreau FYE Week Four). Attention, as Taylor mentions, is a form of love. All genuine Riley 3 friendships are formed on the basis of trust and love, and paying pure attention to another individual shows the care that individual has for him/her. When I was on my journey of finding friends, I kept this in mind and looked for those who would pay attention when I had something to contribute to the conversation and would also not speak over me. Those who would simply listen to me when I went out of my comfort zone and attempted to be vulnerable and express my true personality are the ones I knew would be my real friends and accept me for who I am. Later on in my journey of making meaningful friendships, I began to share stories about my upbringing to the individuals who made me feel comfortable and safe opening up. As previously stated, I was raised in a very Catholic household, and a large part of my upbringing was my parents’ encouragement to always be compassionate to others and treat others how I want to be treated. I shared this part of my childhood and other past stories with my new friends, because I felt as if the next step towards my goal in forcing myself to be more vulnerable was sharing personal stories from my past. Sharing these stories, as discussed in week five of moreau, helped shape my journey of finding genuine long-lasting friendships because I looked for those who would appreciate me sharing stories from my past. A large part of my journey in finding genuine friends was reflecting on what and who have formed me into the girl I am today. Writing the “Where I’m From” poem allowed me to acknowledge and express my gratitude towards the individuals and places that helped me get to where I am today. The majority of my poem is written about my old home that was knocked down years ago. This place meant a lot to me and was unfortunately removed so we could rebuild a new home on top of it. When I think about where I am from, that is the place I think of, not the new home. All of my childhood memories were made in this old home. The ironic aspect is that the statements I made in my poem put me in a very vulnerable position, which is something I have been trying to work on. I included a line about my older Riley 4 sister who suffers from extreme anxiety. I have not shared this yet with either my new friends in college or the ones back at home. I believe that writing about these vulnerable parts of myself and my life in this poem is the first step in me becoming verbally vulnerable with the people around me. My belief that being vulnerable is necessary in order to create forever relationships with others and to find genuine friends greatly influences my actions. I am more careful about what I say to people because I want everything that leaves my mouth to be an accurate reflection of my true self and of my moral character. As discussed in week seven of moreau, pursuing the truth and not being stereotypical is important in finding and being my true authentic self. Thinking before I speak will remove the implicit bias and stereotypical thoughts about individuals around me from my mind. The removal of these thoughts will allow me to put aside these stereotypes and look for friends who will allow me to express my true self and who I know I will feel comfortable around. At this point in my first semester, I have an amazing and supportive group of friends. The hole in my life when I was at rock bottom and very alone in the beginning of the year is now filled with deep and meaningful friendships that allow me to feel comfortable expressing my genuine self and sharing my past. I am so lucky and thankful to have these individuals in my life, and my college experience would not nearly be the same without them. I am going to continue to grow in the future in being vulnerable with others and challenge myself to be more open with my peers earlier on. If I was more vulnerable in the beginning of the year with my peers, I would never have gotten to that low and lonely point in my life. In the future, I plan to no longer be closed off with people because I have seen and experienced it first hand, and it prevents me from finding these deep friendships that I absolutely need in my life.