Integration One




Prof. Espeseth

Moreau First Year Experience

15 October 2021

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Look! My integration paper is done! Just kidding, don�t worry.

Ever since I was young, math has always been my favorite subject. I have always found

it comforting to know that there is always a concrete solution to what I am working towards, no

matter how lost or confused I get. As one might logically conclude, I have tried many times to

carry this over to my life: I get an idea in my head of where I need to go and how I need to get

there, and try to hold onto that. Sometimes, this is really not a wonderful mindset, especially

when uncertainty and unforeseen circumstances arise- I found myself very conflicted with this in

high school especially. The one thing that has managed to stay constant, though, that I have

always been able to fall back on, is my belief that I want to help people, and that I am meant to

do so.

I believe that God has a plan for me, and although I don�t know it, I must trust in Him. In

Week 3, we discussed this idea of believing it will all work out in the end. I think Tim phrased it

very nicely, saying, �Much more often, though, it�s been that slow build-- things didn�t go how I

wanted, but I was able to see how God was still good to me through the ordeal� (�Student

Reflections on Faith� - Moreau FYE Week Three). I thought this quote was very truthful in

describing how a lot of us, especially as students, see things- that it doesn�t always go as planned

a lot, but it�s about learning to find God and the good things even in those bad times. Growing

up, I always looked up to my grandma and her faith. Whenever something didn�t go as expected,

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YVemqUBaAs5DNBPYm806TyQZr3F0xElP/view
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YVemqUBaAs5DNBPYm806TyQZr3F0xElP/view


she would say �Offer it up.� My senior year of high school my grandma passed away

unexpectedly, and I found myself having a very difficult time. Although it took a while to come

to terms with her loss, just like Tim, I know that my grandma is much happier now with God, my

grandpa, and the rest of my relatives once again, and I know that not just God is watching over

me, but she is too now. Even in the uncertainty of coming to a completely new place with new

people, the strong faith I am surrounded with daily at Notre Dame, from friends to dorm masses,

does not let me forget these things.

I believe that I am worthy of healthy relationships. My desire to help people and care for

them, especially when I am not sure of anything else, led to me having to realize that my feelings

are just as valid and important as anyone else. Growing up, I was always the friend that was

always there, loving my friends no matter what, doing anything for them. Especially as I entered

high school, I found myself in relationships and friendships where my kindness was

unknowingly being taken advantage of. These relationships were ultimately one-sided, and led

me to developing a mindset that my feelings just were less important than others�. When these

friendships fell apart, I saw myself as unequivocally guilty. After numerous visits to my school

counselor, I was finally able to overcome this perspective. The one piece of advice that she told

me that I remind myself constantly is that �Friendships are a two way street.� I was reminded of

this advice and my many discussions with my counselor during the very first week of this

semester, with the words, �They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to

others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat

ourselves kindly� (�The Power of Vulnerability� by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One)

This quote puts into words something that many of us forget time and time again: that you can�t

take care of others if you are not taking care of yourself and believing in yourself. I feel selfish if

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&list=PLmiPsabET-W_hjesjTZaITh2s1WbM-Kd0&index=3


I choose not to do something for someone else because I need to do something for myself. I

remind myself that I�m just as worthy of that compassion, that I am no less deserving than

anyone else, that friendships, and any other relationships, are a two way street.

Since I have gotten to college, I have started forming some very strong and healthy

friendships. When reflecting on these past two months, I have realized that the friendships I have

formed are actually the healthiest and equal sided I have ever had. Coming to Notre Dame, I was

very nervous, as I am very introverted and have not had wonderful past experiences with making

friends; I was afraid of getting hurt. I was pleasantly surprised, however, at the kindness of

everyone on campus. I believe that genuine friendships are grounded in a mutual respect,

interest, and trust of one another, and I have found this to be particularly true in two friendships I

have made so far. �Attention is one of the rarest forms of love� (�5 Signs You�re in a Toxic

Friendship� by Olivia Taylor - Moreau FYE Week Four). Ever since hearing this quote, I have

realized just how valuable listening is in friendships. With these two friends, I feel genuinely

heard when I talk to them, and I am genuinely listening to what they have to say as well. The art

of listening, I think, is one of the truest signs of friendship. It shows a sense of respect, interest,

and builds trust. I have had some of the most genuine interactions and conversations with others

these past two months, and it has truly made me appreciate and realize what friendship is.

I believe that everyone�s voice deserves to be heard. Everyone has a unique perspective

of the world, and everyone�s perspective holds a place in the world. Although there are right and

wrong values, everyone�s feelings are just as valid and important as each others�. Open

conversations and giving attention even to the ideas that we do not necessarily agree with, but

taking the time to hear what their viewpoint is and why one thinks the way they do is crucial to

form a �shared story,� as Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche explained, rather than one that people are

https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/
https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/


divided. I think the community at Notre Dame works very hard to achieve this goal. I have really

enjoyed our hall council meetings every week in my dorm, because there is always the chance

for anyone to add any thoughts or concerns at the end, and people actually do. I have found this

very admirable, and I find comfort knowing that I live in a community where my voice is not

only able to be heard, but wants to be (�The danger of a single story� by Chimamanda Ngozi

Adiche - Moreau FYE Week Seven).

This welcoming environment and kindness that I have encountered has helped me

overcome a lot of fear. I have always been afraid of the uncertain. That is why I have always

fallen back to math and logic. Life is not a math equation, however much I wish it was, but there

are certain factors that must be taken into account. Arriving at Notre Dame, I do not think I have

been more scared of anything. Living in South Bend my whole life, I have always known Notre

Dame and I had been on campus a thousand times, yet it still terrified me, because I did not

know what Notre Dame would be to me. But I could not let this fear paralyze me, as �Fear has

no place in [my] success equation� (�Notre Dame Commencement 2021: Laetare Medalist

Address� by Carla Harris - Moreau FYE Week Five). My fear would only hold me back from

achieving the things I am meant to. How am I supposed to help people, if I am too afraid to make

a mistake? I believe that failure, not fear, does hold a place in my success equation.

Without knowing my faults and making mistakes, I will never be able to improve myself,

get better, or succeed in providing the help and care I so long to give to the people around me

and the world. We do not get better by never acknowledging our weaknesses. This is a flaw in

our mindsets: we only focus on building our strengths because we think, �oh, that�s what we�re

good at, so let�s just keep doing that,� and when we have trouble with something we say, �oh,

well we�re not good at that so let�s just accept it how it is.� (�Should you live for your résumé ...

https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjSwjn-SyB4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjSwjn-SyB4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM


or your eulogy?� by David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week Two). Some of my biggest weaknesses

are bravery and courage. These are two things that I have especially tried focusing on improving

upon since arriving at college, trying to put myself out there and stand up for myself and the

things I believe in. I believe that our biggest moments of growth do not come from our strengths,

but from facing our weaknesses.

I have always liked knowing what is coming, exactly how things work, where things

come from. I like knowing the deeper meaning and origins of things, and building new things.

Growing up the daughter of an architect, I have always had a big imagination. My dream has

always been to invent something that helps people (Poem - Moreau FYE Week Six). But, as I

have come to learn, especially these past two months, in order to do that, I need to recognize my

core beliefs, because those are how I will grow and learn how I actually can help people. By

forming strong friendships built on trust, trusting in God and accepting that I do not know what

is coming, embracing failures, and facing my weaknesses, I can continue to forge my path in the

world, and grow as an individual contributing to the greater good. These are the components of

the math equation that I am capable of pursuing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM
https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/196E4d2pf-AYCR3fF8WNCAKLvYH-5S9tf0gFqZEJIB7w/edit