Integration 2 Transitioning Optimism and Good Intentions to Action I am a deep thinker. My ideal way of processing situations and handling conflict is to mull it over for a while and approach people in a friendly manner. Although I am very agreeable initially, I have very few ideas that have permanence in my mind, and to change those ideas would take much reinforcement and effort. At Notre Dame, I have encountered a completely new social scene, expectations, language, people, and education. While I feel as if I have matured in college already socially, I also feel somewhat incomplete as a person and critical of the dialogue in many relationships. In terms of academics, I feel confident and at ease, but in the back of my mind the question of what to study and what to do lingers as others plan for internships or pursue careers in more practical fields. I have encountered a group of people exponentially more privileged than those I went to high school with, and a cultural diversity that is also completely different from what I am familiar with. I have already started to respond and come to terms with some of these situations, but in others, I have yet to do so in a way meaningful to me. In "Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit", Julia Hogan writes, “Preconceived ideas college students arrive with can make for a defeating experience(Julia Hogan Moreau FYE Week 9).” I made a point to not arrive at college with any expectations except that I would make lifelong friends. My parent’s experience in college informed my expectations largely because that is where they met each other and several of their favorite people today. I think that I have not been pessimistic about the party scene, the academics, or the diversity of this campus because of that, all to my benefit; however, my expectation for great friends and my past experience of great friends at home has been a minor stressor in my experience. I want to be a part of a friend group in which we understand each other, but I am wary of buying into any one group at the risk of not being exactly who I want to be. I think that I will respond to this situation by trying to be more inclusive and creative with my plans and weekends, especially as the game days fade away. Back home, I created my friend group by combining my favorite people together, and luckily they clicked with each other as well. To an extent, that is also what I want to do here. One inner conflict I have encountered in my time here is the willingness to stick up for what is right. At home, most people operated on the same beliefs socially, in which we believed that it was essential to live in a way that respects everyone’s right to be themselves. Here, I have found less uniformity in that belief in terms of language. I frequently hear people, and many times people I like, say words like “retard” or “faggot”, and I often do nothing out of fear of making a scene in a stage of college that seems so formative. In his 2012 commencement address, Father Jenkins says, “Conviction. It is indispensable to every good deed. It defies the forces of inertia — the prevailing winds and currents that fight to keep everything the way it is, or worse(John Jenkins, Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address, Moreau FYE Week 10).” To respond to this encounter with language I disagree with, I want to act with more conviction and integrity and tell people, in my own way, that I do not think what they are saying is right and why I think so. I cannot have a clear conscience unless I do so. In terms of building community, I believe that I have already come far, but that I have far to go. My dorm has an amazing community, full of friendly and engaged people, and has been the place most of my activity surrounds itself around. I play sports, read at mass, attend hall council, talk to those I don’t know and keep tabs on the ones I do. I have been so passionate about it that I plan on running for hall council vice president next year. “But a capacity for connectedness is both possible and necessary if we are to inhabit the larger, and truer, community of our lives(Parker Palmer, Center for Courage and Renewal, Moreau FYE Week 11).” I feel that my capacity for connectedness has completely increased since I got here, and that is why I feel so confident and content in this dorm and at Notre Dame. However, there are still many ways I can push myself to be more social. I have encountered a community in Siegfried and my honors classes, and I will respond by not being complacent and continuing to behave in a way that forces me to put myself out there. I have also encountered religion more in my time here than any other time in my life. I went to a public school throughout my childhood, and rarely discussed theology apart from scattered CCD classes. Although I went to church often when I was younger, after I and my brothers became confirmed we started going less; now, I go every week. Although I am more Agnostic than Christian, I continue to participate as part of the Chapel as a member and lector because I believe that there is something to be gained by thinking of others and by centering yourself. It is a reset for me each week. “The danger of the trend since the onset of Enlightenment to compartmentalize theology and rely solely upon human knowledge(Hope-Holy Cross and Christian Education, Moreau FYE, Week 12).” Whether I believe in God or not, I do believe that finding time to be connected in reflection and love for each other regularly is healthy, and that is what mass is every week for me. Combining that room for thought is an asset, not a cost, to my education in life.