Week 13- Integration Moreau First Year Experience David Lassen December 3, 2021 To Question or Not to Question What interests me? From cooking, comedy, medicine, programming and architecture, there was a period in my life where I was sure that each of those fields was my destiny. Today, I still am fascinated by all of those disciplines, but I lack the assurance and clarity I had as a kid. Applying to college, I wanted to make the smart decision and apply for a computer science degree, a career that would provide me with stability in my life. Now at college, I am constantly hearing the advice to explore my interests and not to be afraid to change my major. At first, exploration seemed scary, trying to balance what I like with what I want to do, all while being realistic and responsible. But then I realized how I was overcomplicating the whole process. I believe exploration should be as Reverend King describes: “yearn to look out upon the world like the awestruck shepherds” (Holy Cross and Christian Education By Rev. James B. King, C.S.C - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). The author implies that learning should be an experience that prompts further inquiry and appreciation. King’s words poetically encapsulate the innate curiosity and adoration I hope to find in my studies at Notre Dame. To better practice this next semester, I am taking a diverse range of classes, allowing me to explore multiple interests without the restriction of a major. With each class, I will fully immerse myself in the topic and use my interest in it to guide my educational path forward. https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23646/files/190575?module_item_id=107412 https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23646/files/190575?module_item_id=107412 How do I want to spend my time? Coming from a small-town high school, It was pretty easy to get involved in my community and school. By the end of my senior year, I had tried just about everything my school had to offer: sports, musicals, service, academics clubs and student government. Going into college, I knew I would not be able to commit myself to so many things and would have to narrow my involvement. But after walking around the 400+ offerings at the club fair, deciding where to spend my time became a lot more difficult than I initially thought. After signing up for anything that sounded interesting and getting bombarded with emails, I then had to decide which club meetings I actually wanted to attend. I tried to go to as many clubs as my schedule would allow, still feeling the pressure to do as much as I could. But Parker Palmer’s article reminded me that “community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received” (Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). Palmer eloquently argues for the value of immersing oneself in their community, to relish in offerings provided. With the mind-set I had, that a community must be achieved, I was spreading myself thin trying to be a part of everything, not able to fully engage with the school and south bend community. After taking time to reflect on this, I have prioritized what extracurriculars I want to deeply engage with: volunteering in south bend, pre-medical society, and CS for Good. Looking forward to next semester, I feel confident that I will use my time to benefit myself and my community. How will I be vulnerable with myself? I have heard from my older siblings that the friends you make in college are going to be some of your best friends for life. Having already had a great group of friends at home, I was a http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ little hesitant towards this advice. How could I make friends in 4 years that could compare anywhere near the friendships built over the past 18 years of my life? Coming into Welcome Weekend, with everyone I met I had this underlying pressure that they may be my new best friends but I was so unsure how I would get from acquaintance to best friend level. I was putting too much pressure on myself to have these immediate connections with people. Eventually, this pressure led to me crying in my dorm room the night after the first day of classes. But as said by Kirsten Helgeson, “hearts are breakable, and it’s a very good thing” (Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop By Kirsten Helgeson - Moreau FYE Week Ten). Helgeson claims there is value in emotional pain, as it allows us to repair and grow in our understanding of ourselves. From her diction of “breakable”, I am reminded that I will face multiple emotional challenges in college. But with each challenge, I know I will grow and learn something new from the experience and about myself. Going forward, I will use these moments of heartbreak as a check-in with myself. I will let myself really feel these feelings, and use that to guide how I improve my stature. How will I present myself? The first time I was congratulated for the impressiveness of committing to Notre Dame by a family friend, I responded with “oh thank you, I got off the waitlist though.” I was unable to receive this compliment and immediately tried to talk myself down. This was my first battle with imposter syndrome. My parents, after witnessing this, told me I did not need to tell people I got in off the waitlist, that I still deserved to be congratulated. So, I had to improve the way I was presenting myself to others. Coming to school, I followed the advice of Elizabeth Cox, “to combat imposter syndrome is to talk about it” (What is imposter syndrome and how can you https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo combat it? By Elizabeth Cox - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Cox’s argument that the more you are honest with others, the more others will be honest with you, thus reducing the feeling of being an “imposter”. As my peers and I shared our process of deciding where to go to school, I told my story, they told theirs, and I never felt judged. The difference this time was I proudly shared how I got in, as getting in off the waitlist was part of my journey to Notre Dame, but it would not define my experience here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo