Akerman 

Professor Taylor Kelly
Moreau
15 October, 2021
Strong and True: A Series of Formation
Root Belief #1: I believe that vulnerability is authenticity, and that is beauty.
In the past I have trained myself, if you will, to be strong and bold on the outside so that no one could ever see my inner weaknesses or even my emotions. I have realized the fact that I need to change this idea and have been working on doing so since I got here, to Notre Dame, by interacting with new people on a daily basis, exploring new things, and portraying myself in an open and truthful way. In her speech, Dr. Brown mentioned how if you are afraid to discuss shame, the more shame you have, and that sentence spoke volumes to me (“The Power of Vulnerability” Brene Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). The talk helped me realize how much work I have to do on myself so that the people around me can see who I am from the start of a relationship rather than later into the friendship. This goes in accordance with what is so special about the Notre Dame community. The people create such a strong, unbreakable connection because everyone is so willing to be authentic and willing to listen to others and their stories. “What made them vulnerable made them beautiful” (“The Power of Vulnerability” Brene Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). This quote, spoken by Dr. Brown, concisely explains the importance of understanding that letting your guard down and allowing yourself to be seen is not shameful, but authentic and true. I feel that today, in this day and age with such a large focus on social media and personal reputation, it is difficult to let your guard down with such a big audience. It is difficult to understand and accept your flaws, let alone show them off to the world, but as Dr. Brown expresses, specifically in this quote, that is what makes someone unique and vulnerable, which is a good thing. 
	When we took the character survey in class, I saw that the strengths and weaknesses matched what I had trained myself to be like, judgemental-thinking about every possible consequence, and my biggest weakness was love, which entails great vulnerability. Here at Notre Dame,  I have been inspired by the vulnerability and authenticity of others, which has therefore encouraged me to be more proud of the things that make me different and to be fully aware of who I am so that no one can alter those qualities. David Brooks spoke the words, “In order to find yourself you have to lose yourself” and that resonated with me because I believe that on my path to becoming more vulnerable this school year, I let myself go to an extent that everyone knew everything about me and my personality because I intentionally let it show (“Should You Live for your Resume of your Eulogy?” David Brooks - Moreau FYE Week Two). After this, I have realized how easy it is to connect with others when they know you and you know you. The “Where I’m From” poems from class really helped me reflect on my life up to this point and what main happenings or people stuck out to me and had a large impact on my life (“Where I’m From George Ella Lyon - Moreau FYE Week Six). I have learned that you must overcome the fear of what could go wrong and welcome the idea of becoming stronger not in terms of the wall or closing yourself off, but rather the opposite: to gain strength by allowing people in, showing them who you are at the core, not just the image you want to be seen as.
Root Belief #2: I believe that I am searching for ways to grow in my faith.
Before coming to Notre Dame, I had always been one to go to mass with my family every single Sunday. I have been fortunate to be able to attend Catholic school for all my life, and I believe that is what shaped me to be who I am today and it has shaped my values as a person. I did quite a bit of soul searching towards the end of my senior year of high school as well as during the summer before coming to college, knowing that I would have to work hard to maintain everything that I've stood for up until that point as well as grow even further. At the beginning of the semester, I got so enthralled in the hustle and bustle of college-the school work of an engineering student and the social life of a college student-that I failed to recognize that I was missing mass and a stronger connection with Jesus that had faded away during such a busy time. As studies started getting much more intense, and I failed to find a method that worked for me to manage my time, I knew I needed something that would help me. I decided to visit the grotto. “There is no failure that grace cannot transfigure into a blessing” (“Two Notre Dames: Your Holy Cross Education” Father Kevin Grove - Moreau FYE Week Five). Father Kevin Grove, in this quote, reminded me that although I may be struggling to study and keep up, it can teach me to learn new habits of studying and better time management, all of which has come out as a result of the struggle.  After that first visit to the Grotto  of the semester, I felt a wave of peace and utter assurance that Jesus was on my side and would, from that point on, hold my hand in such difficult times. Ever since, I have been trying to visit the grotto every night as well as attend Mass at the Basilica. 
In his speech, David Fagerberg reminds us all to seek God’s work in our lives and the world, but to do this, your heart must be open to faithfulness. He said, “Faith sees God’s face peeking through every creature” (“Faith Brings Light to a Dark World” Professor David Fagerberg - Moreau FYE Week Three). My heart was not quite open to such faithfulness at the beginning of the school year, but once I recognized that and allowed it to open, the change was magnificent. This may lead some to wonder, “well how can I feel the same thing” or “why don’t I have that same reaction to the Grotto?” and to this I would say listen to Father Pete’s video where he states how each faith journey is unique and different and “the greatest journey you will ever go on is the journey of self discovery” (“The Role of Faith in Our Story” Fr. Pete McCormick - Moreau FYE Week Three). I know that there is still more work that needs to be done to reach the point where I want to be in my relationship with God. I will try to continue keeping my faith in my college journey so that I can see God in all things and strengthen my faith.
Root belief #3: I believe that I am responsible for portraying myself in a truthful manner so that I can forge life-giving relationships.
	As I have been adapting to college and this new way of life, meeting new people, and experiencing new things, I have involved myself with many groups of people in an attempt to find where and with whom I fit best. Especially within the Gateway program, I have found a group of friends that have become my family in just the past two months. We, as a group, have already gotten through so many hardships, learned so much from and about each other, and have been able to grow as a unit on faith journeys, having personal growth, and forging relationships and I couldn’t ask for a better group of people to have my freshman year. However, I believe that some of these relationships would not have formed as strongly as they have or even not at all if I did not portray my true self from the very beginning and if I did not have a strong view of what I knew was a friendship versus what I knew was toxic. An article we read from class titled “5 signs you’re in a toxic relationship” claimed that “the best kind of friendships are the ones where you leave with a smile on your face” (“5 SIgns You’re in a Toxic Friendship” Olivia T. Taylor - Moreau FYE Week Four). I found a group of friends at the very beginning of my time here and we went everywhere together because our schedules matched up, for the most part. Then I would notice that they met up very often on their own which I did not mind at all, but whenever all of us were together, there was definitely some tension and awkwardness, which had not existed before. I also felt very judged when I was around them. I could sense that I was not necessarily as welcomed as I was before and I had also heard from other people things they were saying behind my back. Therefore, I decided to keep a bit of distance. After doing this, I found what seems to be my best friend and I branched out even more to the group as a whole. It feels so good to be around this person and I feel like I can be myself without feeling unwelcome or judged as I had felt before. Comparing the two friendships and reading these articles, I now recognize the unhealthy aspects of the friendship from the “Healthy vs. Unhealthy” chart; previously there was no respect for each other’s independence, and there was a lot of jealousy,  but now, there’s respect, humor, and happiness, which is the perfect situation (“Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationships” The Red Flag Campaign - Moreau FYE Week Four). 
	Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie claims that “to insist on only….negative stories is to flatter...experience and to overlook the many other stories” (Danger of a Single Story” Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Moreau FYE Week Seven). With the negative friends I had before, they only focused on the bad, they only found the negative in what I had to say and did not listen to my explanation, or in relation to Adichie, the whole story and therefore, I was portrayed in a negative way. I have learned the importance of knowing the whole of someone’s story and I hope that during my time here at Notre Dame, that awareness can grow even larger in order to form pure and valuable relationships with my peers.