11/29/21
Integration #2

Encountering a Deeper Identity


From meeting new people, changing my routine, and joining new clubs and events, I have had so many opportunities to learn and grow. I remember being scared of the transition from middle school to high school. Now, I can look back and realize how much I have changed and how much more confident I feel. I am so glad that I got to encounter the things that I encountered in high school because they have really prepared me for college. This semester has been challenging for me. Rigorous stem classes, trips back and forth from Holy Cross to Notre Dame, and being a member of the marching band, I have had to learn to use my time very wisely-- studying every chance I get, staying up late, and skipping meals. Like all college freshmen, the process of adapting to a completely foreign environment is difficult. There have been times where I have felt overwhelmed, second guessed my major, and became frustrated by my situation, but these times have allowed me to encounter trust and perseverance. These situations have given me wake-up calls, confirming that I am on my own now. Nobody is going to tell me to start studying multiple nights in advance, or eat a healthy dinner, or do the laundry, or stop scrolling on my phone. I have realized that it is now up to me. I have always been pretty independent, and I knew that this was going to happen before going to college, but now it's real. This realization has sprouted many more. I am excited to share my encounterings so far as they continue to build my identity.
	I think that one of the hardest parts of college for me is putting myself out there. Since I like to stick with routines in my comfort zone, sometimes I will rely on other people when I have to make a change. Julia Hogan says it's important to, “Trust yourself. Don’t look to others for approval or for directions for how to live your life. Look at all of the options out there for living life and pick the ones that you feel called to.”[footnoteRef:0] There are so many methods to trying new activities and diversifying your friend group. I have been telling myself that it is ok to create my own path. In accordance with this lesson that I am still trying to learn, Father James B. King states, “The contemplation of new ideas and needs beyond our comfort zones requires a sacrificial willingness to put at risk everything that we think we already know. We need to have hope in that process to stick with it, to believe that what is born of questioning beliefs previously taken for granted will lead us to a new and better understanding of our vocation as citizens in this world and for the next.”[footnoteRef:1] In order to achieve my goals it is vital that I allow myself to be comfortable not having control over situations. Making sacrifices is an especially hard request because of how easy it is to assume that my needs should come first. Having hope guides this process. College has definitely given me more opportunities to be hopeful, whether it's academics or my faith. [0:  (https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week 9)]  [1:  (https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28317/modules/items/106340 by Father James B. King - Moreau FYE Week 12)] 

	Another aspect of college that I have learned is that diversity is important. I am grateful that I have gotten to meet and know a variety of people at Holy Cross and Notre Dame. At my high school, the population was pretty diverse but everyone still had many similarities and lived close by in nicer neighborhoods. Here, I have noticed that people surprise you all the time with the talents that they have and the backgrounds that they come from. Christopher Devron concluded his article about critical race theory by saying, “Rooted and grounded in our tradition, we will more effectively advance our Catholic Jesuit mission to form leaders committed to the common good who, aided by God’s grace, may strive to overcome and eradicate all forms of discrimination, which are contrary to God’s intent.”[footnoteRef:2] I have really enjoyed the sense of community that Notre Dame has created. That was one of the reasons that I wanted to come here. I remember when I was researching other colleges in high school, greek life was a common topic. I personally was not a big fan of it though because I felt like one of the communities would pick me based on how they thought of me, versus me being able to explore and choose my own community.  [2:  https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2021/06/03/critical-race-theory-catholic-high-schools-black-lives-matter-240792 by Christopher Devron - Moreau FYE Week 10)] 

Notre Dame and Holy Cross also center their academics and community on faith. I feel like faith makes this community feel even more tight-knit. Because of this environment I am able to deepen my faith and feel comfortable in new situations. Parker Palmer emphasizes in his writing, “If we are willing to embrace the spiritual potentials of suffering, then both community and leadership, human resourcefulness and the capacity to hold it in trust, will prove to be abundant among us—gifts we have been given from the beginning but are still learning how to receive.”[footnoteRef:3] I have discovered this semester that suffering is essential for growth and trust. Being put in a tough spot, allows you to ask for help which you should not be criticized for. When I was struggling with my biology lab paper, I decided to go in and talk with my teacher. I was confused by his directions at first and I really wanted to get a good grade because this paper was going to be a large part of my grade. Before asking for help, I was nervous and hoping I could just figure it out on my own. I never really needed to ask for extra help in high school, so this was new territory for me. However, once I talked to my professor, I had a much better understanding of what he was looking for in my paper and I got to know him better.  [3:  (http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ by Parker Palmer - Moreau FYE Week 11)] 

This semester has changed my mindset, my faith, and my identity so much already and I am looking forward to what I will encounter in the next seven semesters.