Moreau Integration 2 Redefining Life’s Definitions The Notre Dame journey has largely been one of self-discovery. Away from our families, hometown friends, and everything we grew up with, we have been given an opportunity to find who we truly are. Without expectations of who we were before, we can take risks and get out of our comfort zone. We can try new things, meet new people, and become the absolute best and most genuine version of ourselves. In this manner, college is a truly unique chance to work on self-development. Even more so, Notre Dame provides a community and culture in which improvement and growth is encouraged. Throughout my time at Notre Dame, I have come to reconsider some of the most important facets of my life, such as my future in medical school, my political views, and my identity as a student and person. The day after Christmas in 2017, my dad experienced heart failure. Without the amazing care he received throughout his numerous procedures and surgeries, he would not be alive today. From this moment on, I wanted to be a doctor. I envisioned myself as a neurosurgeon, saving and prolonging the lives of people like my water polo coach, who suffered from brain cancer for years before eventually passing. I never even thought of exploring other career options; I was focused on a singular path and was determined to get there. However, throughout this semester at Notre Dame, I have begun to reconsider my true reasons for going into the medical field and the steps it takes to get there. As I attempt to solidify my future, I have only come up with more questions. Will I truly be able to help others the way I want in the current state of the medical system? Are the many years of graduate school and residency worth the job satisfaction? Do I truly want to be a doctor, or am I just trying to prove myself to my parents or to myself? Am I doing this for external validation or for my internal drive to improve the world around me? I have talked about these questions extensively with one of the best friends I have made here, as we are in very similar positions. There is a stigma within our families and the general society that dropping out of a STEM major is a failure on our part, rather than a discerning of our true passions. As Hogan emphasizes, expectations are detrimental to our self-esteem and our long-term happiness (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). As such, I have worked to rid myself of these expectations and open myself to any and all experiences. Together, we have talked about how the current state of medicine is focused more on efficiency and profit, rather than patient care and connections. We have discussed how we find our module on blindness and neurology fascinating, but our chemistry class difficult and less interesting. As 18-year-olds, we have so much to discover. I am sure that as time goes on, we will discern if this is the correct path and where we belong in life. As of now, I still hold a love for science and hope to continue studying how neurons form every single one of our actions. One of the most difficult things to accept has been that I do not know everything about my future, and that is okay. Some things are not meant to make sense right now, and I am making peace with that. While at Notre Dame, I have also encountered people with a wide variety of views, many of which are different from mine. In my hometown, I largely had the same views as the people around me in regards to politics, social concerns, and activism. Furthering this confirmation bias, I tended to make friends with people with similar views as me and our conversations about politics often centered about how we couldn’t understand the other side. Here at Notre Dame, there is a much greater diversity of thought and I have made friends with people from all over the political spectrum. We have had long conversations about our perspectives, and I feel that we have all learned from each other and come to better understand different viewpoints; personally, I feel much more open to truly listening and attempting to understand. My ideas and opinions that were once cut and dry are now far more fluid and open to change. I no longer have the same animosity that I felt in high school towards the “opposite” end of the political spectrum, and I have come to realize that the two-party system is not the most effective one for our country. As Father Jenkins shared in his 2012 commencement address, we must “co-operate for [our] common good.” (Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address by Father John Jenkins, C.S.C - Moreau FYE Week Ten) The only way for our country to truly make progress is to listen to each other without the intent of lashing back, and to realize that helping the least fortunate is furthering our nation as a whole. In high school, my life centered around success in academics. I was known as “the smart white girl,” and I took on this identity as being intelligent and good at school. Being “smart” became integral to how I thought of myself not only as a student, but also as a human being. Upon entering college and being surrounded by students of similar and greater intellectual levels, as well as taking much more intense classes with more difficult material, I have had to re-evaluate this identity. I was no longer one of the smartest in the room, and while this has been amazing because I have been able to learn so much from my peers, it has also been a time of intense self-reflection. When it appeared that I would get my first “B” in a class, suddenly I questioned who I was. I didn’t know if I had changed from high school or if I had never been that intelligent in the first place. Over the course of this semester, I have learned that neither of those things are true; I simply had so many expectations and pressures to unlearn in order to become my best self. I have had to build an identity outside of academics and redefine where I fit in this community. While of course I still greatly care about academics and work hard for success in my classes, I now know that I am more than my grades. I aim to be a good friend, to be involved in the community, to help others, to make people laugh, and to generally be a force for good in the world. The competitive community of my high school definitely enforced and encouraged my identity as a smart person, but I’ve found that the Notre Dame community is more about educating the person as a whole and improving all aspects of ourselves. For this, I have been grateful, and I hope to continue to grow as a person throughout my time here. I can only dream that the next four years will be as eye-opening and fulfilling as this semester has been. The University of Notre Dame has done such an amazing job at welcoming the freshman with open arms and encouraging us to better ourselves and the world around us. I have learned far more than I could ever imagine, and I will take this knowledge with me as I go through my future.