Integration 2 Anderson 1 David Pruitt Moreau FYS-10101-78 3 December 2021 First Steps and Their Lessons In any time of immense change, one will inevitably encounter many new things. When the source of change is going to college, the new things that one is greeted with are multiplied due to the educational nature of the circumstances. The very purpose of college is to introduce new concepts, experiences, people, and ideas. These new encounters can be extremely challenging, forcing people to respond in different ways that they possibly had not considered previously. Personally, my first semester at Notre Dame has been shaped by new encounters and my responses to them. While my new experiences are definitely not unique, I believe that my responses to them have made me a better person in the long run. My encounter with loneliness forced me to respond by giving myself grace, my encounter with a question of what I deserve compelled me to respond with difficult decisions and leaning on my community at Notre Dame, and my encounters with difficult social pains have made me respond with deep emotion and a hope for the future cultivated by learning from the experiences of others. I have encountered loneliness in my time at Notre Dame, but have responded with giving myself grace. Before college, I valued my time by myself. I cherished my time away from the hustle and bustle of school life and the energy required to spend a lot of time with friends. However, once I got to Notre Dame, I felt truly lonely for the first time in my life. I had friends on campus, but I felt like I was floundering without the support system of my family close by. This feeling of loneliness was only exacerbated by the expectations I had set for myself in how Anderson 2 social I should be. I thought that I needed to be with my friends all of the time, even though that has never been how I have lived my life. However ridiculous this expectation is, it emerged in the face of how the media presents the so-called ideal college experience and the stories my parents had told me about their own time away at school. I thought I was feeling this lonely because there was something wrong with me and my personality. Eventually, I recognized that several people felt the same way, as highlighted by Emery Bergmann in her article “Advice From a Formerly Lonely College Student” (“Advice From a Formerly Lonely College Student” by Emery Bergmann - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Once I realized that I was not as alone as I originally thought, I responded by giving myself some grace and adjusting my expectations for myself. Julia Hogan’s article in The Grotto, “Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit,” showcases that unhealthy expectations, similar to my own, hinder personal growth (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). If someone is constantly trapped by self-imposed restrictions, there is no way they can truly become the person they are meant to be. I now know, due to my response of grace for myself, there is no reason for me to force myself to be someone I am not in order to fulfill unnecessary expectations. I have also encountered questions of what I believe I deserve, which forced me to respond by making difficult decisions and falling back on my community. I am lucky to have wonderful friends here at Notre Dame and in my hometown. However, I realized that two people from home were not treating me or our other friends like friends should. They wanted me to be a person that I am not and made fun of me when I did not meet their standards. I let it go for a while, but finally got too much in October. In encountering this question of what I deserve, I realized that, opposed to having unhealthy expectations for my life as described above, it can be https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau Anderson 3 good to have expectations of how I should be treated by my friends. I ended up responding by reaching out to my community for their opinions. Their listening ears and intelligent input helped me decide definitively how to respond. In ignoring small moments these people treated me in ways I did not deserve, I found that I was attempting to force a community in my friendship with these two people, as described by Parker Palmer in his “Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community.” In finding the gift of community at Notre Dame, I realized what was missing in my friendships with the two people that hurt me: acceptance of who I am (“Thirteen Ways of Looking At Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). In the end, I ended up asking for space from these people and I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my chest. While making the decision to cut ties in response to questioning what I deserve was extremely difficult, my community’s assistance has been invaluable. This encounter and my response has taught me to stand up for myself more in future friendships and not to try to force a relationship or community when it is not meant to be. Finally, I have also encountered analysis of difficult social pains in my classes at Notre Dame and responded with deep emotion and hope for the future formed by the experiences of other people. In Introduction to Peace Studies, for example, I have studied war crimes, genocide, marginalization, and the effects of structural violence. When I have encountered these issues, my immediate response is to feel deep pain. There have been multiple times where I was so upset about the things I was learning about that I cried when I got back to my dorm. After my initial response, I attempt to respond with hope from the experiences of others and how they endure hardships. Fr. James B. King, C.S.C. highlights how adversity can make people stronger (“Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Fr. James B. King, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). I draw hope from those that have actually lived through and become stronger in the http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ https://campusministry.nd.edu/assets/105621/ Anderson 4 adverse circumstances I have learned about in an academic setting. I also respond by looking for good in the way people are able to heal in times of strife, as shown in the art of Kintsugi and finding the “beauty in brokenness” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” by Grotto - Moreau FYE Week Ten). By increasing the importance of listening to others about their experiences in perseverance, my response to these encounters is defined by hope for the future. Even though it is painful to keep working with and on these hard topics, I still treasure those feelings of pain. As long as I feel it, I will be motivated to keep hope in my response, especially when I see the experiences of those who have persevered through painful moments in history. My encounters with loneliness this semester forced a response of grace, my encounter of what I believe I deserve came with a response of hard decisions with community support, and my encounter with painful class materials brought a response of deep emotion and an increased hope for the future. My various experiences and encounters that I have had at Notre Dame, whether it be feeling isolated, hurt, upset about different atrocities, or more, will continue to force new responses and shape my worldview. The lessons I have learned so far in my encounters and responses will definitely inform the rest of my college experience and my life beyond school. https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/