From Rain, Comes Rainbows



Moreau First Year Experience
Professor Wagner
15 October 2021

From Rain, Comes Rainbows

Root Belief #1: I believe that I am here, at Notre Dame, for a reason.
` I believe that I am here for a reason. Arriving at Notre Dame, I was under the impression
that I was not good enough to be here. Surrounded by some of the brightest minds in the world, I
was afraid of what the future held, and fearful about being compared to these individuals. It takes
me longer to understand certain subjects, like Chemistry and Calculus, than it does for other
people, but I still try. I believe that this is why I belong, though. It's this effort, this perseverance,
and this hope that I can overcome the mindset that I am not good enough to be here that in itself
makes me suitable to attend Notre Dame.

I was afraid to admit this fear to those around me however, as everyone seemed so
self-assured. I remember the first Friday in the beginning of the semester, when I dropped a class
because I realized I would not have enough time to put in the effort and work that I knew it
required. I felt like a failure. Maryann, my R.A., noticed I was feeling down, and reached out.
She has since become one of my most trusted friends at Notre Dame. Yes, she is a Senior, but she
treats me as if I’m like any one of her other friends. I go to her when I need help, or when I
simply just want to talk about the week’s events.

Thinking of this event reminds me that “vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and
our struggle for worthiness but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging
and love” (“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown - Moreau FYE Week One). This
statement by Brown reminds me that it's okay to open up to others. In fact, it is through this
opening up to others that will make, and currently is making, my experience at Notre Dame
memorable. It is necessary to let others in and let down my guard in order to truly grow within
myself and connect to those around me. Still, the process of letting go of my inner emotions and
revealing them to those around me is frightening, especially when I don’t know how they’ll
react. Talking about this in Moreau small groups comforted me, however, when I found out that
many of my classmates felt the same way. There was a sense of belonging in this, too, as I
realized I did not stand alone before this new journey. So, I do believe that I am at Notre Dame
for a reason. While it is not clear to me what it is yet, being open to these new relationships, as
well as embracing them, has helped me realize I do belong. It is ultimately up to me to discover
my potential while I am here, but I recognize that I can’t do it alone.

Root Belief #2: I believe that I am growing into my most authentic self through embracing
my innate curiosity.

A few weeks ago, I learned that my top 5 traits were Kindness, Perspective, Love,
Curiosity and Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence (“VIA Character Strengths Survey” by
VIA Adult Survey - Moreau FYE Week Two) . I wasn’t surprised by the curiosity trait, as I
believe that my innate curiosity has always driven me to never stop asking questions, even when
given an easy answer. I have always sought to understand the deeper, underlying tones of
whatever was around me, whether it be the reason behind the changing of seasons, or how
rainbows could appear after it rained. I remember asking my father this question as a six year
old. He didn’t realize that my knowledge was limited, however, and went on a tangent about how

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Qm9cGRub0&feature=youtu.be
https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register


light is refracted from water droplets and our ability to see it depends on if we are viewing it
from a certain angle. I accepted this as true; in my eyes, my father was always right. In my young
mind though, the connection was simple: from rain, come rainbows. As I grew older, I began to
question even my father’s explanations. An intelligent man, I challenge his knowledge with
questions that take him to the central point of the explanation. He still never fails to give me an
answer. He jokes about how he misses when I would just ask about rainbows, saying it was
easier on his mind.

I began to ask myself the hard questions, including 'What do I really want to do with my
life?’ and ‘What brings me joy?’ I’m still searching for the answers to these questions, as they
aren't something that I can just be given an answer to. The answers to these lie deep within me,
and I’m still on the hunt to figure them out. For years, I’ve struggled to find my passion. It
wasn’t until a recent meeting with my advisor, Deacon Mel Tardy, that I truly started to think
about Dentistry or Orthodontics as a career choice. I enjoy working with my hands, creating
things, and putting my own personal spin on whatever I do, and learned that dentistry, especially
a DDS program, would allow me to do just that. I don’t need the answer right now, though. I’m
enjoying the ride, learning more about myself and my passions everyday. Maybe I’ll take a
ceramics class next semester, working with my hands and creating things unique to myself. I like
to think of it like finding a rainbow after it rains. Except I’m in the rain right now, and I’m still
searching for that rainbow.

My biggest challenge, I think, is going to be forging my own path. I know that my
parents and family will support me in whatever I do, but I still feel guilty about wanting to
follow my passions. I think this is because, like Brooks explains, “we live in perpetual self
confrontation between the external success and the internal value” (“Should You Live for Your
Resume or Your Eulogy” by David Brooks TED - Moreau FYE Week Two). I want to be
successful, but that should not be the ultimate goal. Like Brooks's reflection focused on, I think
ultimately it doesn't matter how successful, how powerful, or how wealthy I am. After all, it's not
my profession that will be remembered, but rather my character and kindness towards others. So,
by embracing my innate curiosity, I am acting upon my character rather than the drive for
success and wealth. I don’t care about the money, or the fame; I just want to live a life where I’m
excited to go to work in the morning, I am happy with the person I am becoming, and where I
can truly be my most authentic self. In other words, I want to find my rainbow.

Root Belief #3: I believe that I encounter God in my everyday life.
I grew up attending Catholic schools, and so I’m well versed in Bible stories and Catholic

traditions. Many times, however, it has felt like I was just going through the motions, never truly
searching to deepen my connection with Christ. I knew that Notre Dame would help me grow in
my faith, and ever since I’ve been here it has done just that. I remember Professor Fagerberg
mentioning that “God can come through every experience, every neighbor is the face of God,
[and] every joy and sorrow can become a prayer” (“Faith Brings Light to a Dark World” by
Professor David Fagerberg, Grotto - Moreau FYE Week Three). It was this that transformed the
way I thought about God. I began to train myself to seek to see God in every person I encounter,
even if I don’t necessarily get along with them at first. I began to look for him in the campus: the
squirrels scurrying up the trees, the hues of the sky just before the sun sets, and the flickering of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM
https://grottonetwork.com/keep-the-faith/belief/faith-brings-light-to-dark-world/


the candles in the grotto. Most importantly, I began to realize that God wasn’t responsible for my
inconveniences, but rather was there to carry me through them instead.

I like to believe that my relationship with God is dependent on myself and what makes
me feel connected to Him. I remember talking about this with one of my classmates in Moreau;
we both seemed to have struggled with our relationship with God in the past, but have each
found new, meaningful ways to connect with him again on our own terms. So, I do believe that I
encounter God in my everyday life. I see him in my friends who knock on my door to give me
cookies when I’m sad. I see him in the changing of the leaves as fall approaches. Most
importantly, I know he is there in my times of need, even if I can’t see him. I don’t think God
judges us based on our attendance to Mass. I think that he judges us on our acceptance of him
into our hearts, on our treatment of those who are different from us, on our willingness to be
open to encounter him. So yes, I do believe that I encounter God in my everyday life, no matter
where I am, and even if I can’t directly see him.

Root Belief #4: I believe that I deserve to be loved and cherished.
I believe that I deserve to be loved and cherished. I don’t mean this is a way where I

should be praised or worshipped, but rather in the sense that I deserve to be given the same time
and effort that I give others. It took me a while to realize this, and I attribute this to my middle
school experience, where I was ignored when I spoke, ridiculed behind my back, and sheltered
from group events. I only had one real friend in middle school, who I’m still friends with to this
day. Angie, with the exception of my parents, was the only one who truly cared about me and
made me feel loved and cherished. Angie always invited me, never ridiculed me, and listened
when I spoke. Before I left for college, Angie gave me a sign that said: Life is tough, but so are
you. I read it whenever I want to give up.

Week 4 of Moreau touched upon life-giving relationships, and I remember picking a
quote which explained that “the best kind of friendship are the ones where you leave with a smile
on your face, knowing you’re both growing to be better people and that you’re helping each
other get there” (“5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Friendship” by Olivia T. Taylor, Grotto - Moreau
FYE Week Four). I recognized that this is indeed what I had with Angie, who has always
reminded me that I deserve to be loved and cherished. Entering college, I was scared that I would
have trouble making new friends and would be unable to forge life-giving relationships like this
one. Speaking about this in Moreau small groups, I soon realized that almost everyone had this
fear. We came to an agreement that in order to truly form a life-giving relationship, both people
have to want to put in effort. This, of course, is always easier said than done, and I am still
learning when to hold on and when to let go, especially with friends from home who I no longer
talk to as much. However, on the bright side, while it has only been 2 months, I have met some
amazing people who have amazing hearts and who, like Angie, genuinely want to listen to me.
My friend Spencer, who is Flaherty with me, is one of the sweetest people I’ve met, and never
fails to leave me with a smile on my face. I consider her to be an example of one of these healthy
relationships, just like the one I have with Angie.

https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/relationships/signs-of-toxic-friendships/


Root Belief  #5: I believe that I am facing my fear of the unknown.
I’ve always been scared of the unknown, as change has never been easy for me. I’m a

person who likes to know what's happening and when it's happening. I remember during Week 5
of Moreau, we learned about Father Sorin’s journey to Notre Dame in the cold of 1842. I
remember questioning how he could be so brave in the face of the unknown. This prompted me
to question how I myself could find strength to embark on new journeys in the face of hardships,
even when I’m unaware of what lies ahead. As the school year progressed, I realized that I had
been doing just that. Every day, I go to class where I learn new material, meet new people, and
encounter new experiences, and every day, it gets a little bit easier. Granted, the classes are hard,
I’m afraid people will judge me, and some of the experiences I’ve had here haven't been the best.
Still, I choose to recall that “fear has no place in your success equation” (“2021 Laetare Medalist
Address” by Carla Harris - Moreau FYE Week Five). I know that Harris, an inspiring figure who
has climbed her way to success, is right. Being fearful and never trying won’t get me anywhere
in life. However, I can confidently say that I am trying to overcome my fear of failure, my fear of
the unknown, and the fear of never being good enough, and that's the best I can do at this
moment.

Narratives, like that of Carla Harris’s rise to success and Father Sorin’s journey to Notre
Dame have helped me realize the importance of overcoming my fears. They provide an example
of people who have faced struggle head on, and have not turned their backs to the challenge.
They give me hope, reminding me that if I really want something, I too can achieve it if I put in
the work. I know Notre Dame will help guide me as I face my fear because, as Father Kevin
Grove reminds me, “Notre Dame will be there for [me] because [they] believe that there is no
failure that grace cannot transfigure into a blessing  (“Two Notre Dames: Your Holy Cross
Education” by Fr. Kevin Grove, C.S.C - Moreau FYE Week Five). I’ve recognized this in the
community at my dorm, where all the girls have each other's backs, and in my classes, where my
teachers care about my well-being both as an individual and as a student. So, I’m currently
facing my fear of the unknown, as I don't know what the next four years hold. I know that
whatever happens, though, I will be supported.

Root Belief  #6: I believe that I am influenced by the people closest to me.
I believe that I’m influenced by the people closest to me because I have adopted many of

their habits, traits and ideas. For example, I always cover my eyes with my hand while watching
a horror movie; it's something my mom has always done. I say “sassy” and “bae,” almost
unironically, everyday; they are my best friends' key catchphrases. I pick at the hairs on my arm
when I’m nervous; my dad would do this whenever he was stressed. While I am my own, unique
person, these are noticeable aspects of who I am that have been derived from others. In a way,
people get a glimpse of them through me, even if they do not know them. I realized that out of all
my life experiences, the places I’ve visited, the things I’ve tried, the one thing that I majorly
focus on in my “Where I’m From” poem was the people in my life. This poem allowed me to

https://news.nd.edu/news/carla-harris-2021-laetare-address/
https://news.nd.edu/news/carla-harris-2021-laetare-address/
https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=859bc1a8-0d0f-4eb4-a1c1-d0a45c429187
https://notredame.hosted.panopto.com/Panopto/Pages/Viewer.aspx?id=859bc1a8-0d0f-4eb4-a1c1-d0a45c429187


point out what was important to me, inviting me to just free-write my response, as “no one else
sees the world as [I] do” (“Where I’m From” by George Ella Lyon - Moreau FYE Week Six).

Discussing our poems in class allowed me to see just how different and unique everyone
is. One boy in my group focused heavily on the area he was from, describing the mountains and
the adventures he’d go on with his friends. Alex, however, focused on how theater played a big
role in who he has become. I realized we all have our own stories that shape who we are and
what we are becoming. For me, the people in my life have shaped who I am, and the new people
I meet in college are sure to shape who I am becoming. I think there's a beauty in the fact that
others can see my loved ones in how I act and what I do. It’s like they’re a part of me and present
with me even if they aren’t there physically.

Root Belief  #7: I believe that I actively try to look beyond initial impressions.
When I was ten, I played on a basketball team with a girl who never stayed at the same

hotel as the rest of the team during travel tournaments. I remember talking with the other girls on
our team, judging her because we thought that she did not want to be an active member of the
team. I remember the look of shock on my mother’s face when I made a comment like this to her.
Disappointed in me, she explained that it was because this girl could not afford to stay in these
hotels, and that in fact she probably wouldn't play the next year because her family was going
through financial difficulties. I had failed to ask the extra question, looking at the situation from
only one perspective. I felt terrible, and as a result, have tried to actively work on this throughout
the course of my life.

I used to attend a small, all-girl high school, and everyone was nice because we knew
each other. Coming to Notre Dame, I was introduced to a variety of new people, many who I did
not know, and many who seemed very different from me. I was placed in a dorm with a sweet
girl, whose only flaw is that she is messy, constantly leaving clothes on the floor and dishes in
the sink. At first, I was angry, confused as to how she could just leave things in a mess. However,
I tried to ask just one more question, because the issue with my assumptions was “not that they
are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story” (“Danger
of a Single Story” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Moreau FYE Week Seven).

Following Adichie’s advice, I tried to look at it from a different perspective, rather than
sticking to the single story that existed in my mind. Maybe she was stressed with school and
didn't have time to clean up. Maybe it's her first time living on her own. I can’t judge her for
what I do not know; after all, who am I to judge? I myself am not perfect, nor is anyone for that
matter. Tying this into our Moreau class, it was interesting to see people’s different perspectives
on certain topics, such as socioeconomic status, religion/ faith and nationality. Many of my
classmates had different views on these topics, views that would have probably never been
revealed to us if not asked. It goes to show that if we only dig a little deeper, we can uncover a
world of unknowns. So, I believe that I am actively trying to look beyond initial impressions. It's
something I do everyday, whether it's correcting a mean thought in my mind or reminding myself
that there is always another side to the story.

http://www.georgeellalyon.com/where.html
https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story
https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story