Week 13: Integration 2 Ryan Moreau FA21 3 December 2021 Week 13: Integration 2 In my first semester of college, I have encountered many things. The Moreau First Year Experience has had many overlapping characteristics with the experiences I have had so far. It has been interesting to see everything I have encountered showing up in my fun and fresh weekly modules. It has been important to my ability to process and work through many of the different obstacles and situations I have experienced. I have learned more about human interactions and highly detailed ways in which emotions and truths play into every relationship. It has not been all easy, and I relate greatly to the statement by Cox that “there is no easy way to dismiss feelings that we are less capable than the people around us.” (“what_is_imposter_syndrome_and_how_can_you_combat_it” by Cox, E. - Moreau FYE Week Nine). This Encountering Dissonance quote, sadly, has become an extremely relatable strain for me over the past few months. I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy throughout my life because I was the younger sister to a highly successful brother and went to a rigorous preparatory school. However, college has fueled these feelings of imposter syndrome. One of my best friends I had made since getting here constantly talked to me in a condescending way that made it hard to feel adequate. I constantly felt as though I was treated as a child, and over time I began to feel like I deserved this treatment since I have a joking disposition and do act in an immature way for a good portion of the time. This is not a proper excuse for the way she treated me because I always made an effort to show a caring https://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_cox_what_is_imposter_syndrome_and_how_can_you_combat_it/transcript?language=en presence and have not felt the same energy reciprocated. I have begun to space myself away from her, and I will not longer be living with her next year. Although this has been a difficult process, I am sure both herself and I will be grateful for the changes and the futures we hold. There are matters I have encountered that do not as greatly affect me, but do affect my great community. Although I am becoming proud of my gateway identity, I have begun to notice some structural issues with the program that remind me of the quote, “the impact of historic redlining and unjust real estate practices throughout urban neighborhoods has led to lower levels of generational wealth for Blacks as opposed to whites” (critical-race-theory-catholic-high-schools-black-lives-matter by Devron, C - Moreau FYE Week Ten). I say this because the University of Notre Dame is a predominantly white school, which is not innately a bad thing as long as there is a push for diverse perspectives within their student body and curriculum. The issue I presently see is that gateway is a highly white program. There is not one black student. The breakdown in race compared to the University has to be with a higher preference to white students. It is just interesting to process such off putting discrepancies at a university that prides itself on a rich background of students through the many states presented, large international presence and ability to provide for students of all economic classes. I hope the future holds a more diverse presence within gateway and the larger university. In time, accepting and working forward as a gateway student has become integral to my college life, I noticed overlap with the quote “Community does not depend on intimacy and must expand to embrace strangers, even enemies, as well as friends” (13-ways-of-looking-at-community by - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). I have found that making connections with not only gateway students but also my Holy Cross College peers. I noticed that some amazing relationships can be made when you look past your dividing factors and are aimed https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2021/06/03/critical-race-theory-catholic-high-schools-black-lives-matter-240792 http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ towards succeeding together. It is impossible to claim you are willing to be a member of a community unless you accept everyone. I over time I have been working on myself and my past opinions of people because it is easy to brush a person off for a bad experience in the past, rather than accept that maybe they had a hard day or it was a misunderstanding in the end. The community within Holy Cross is so small that you are able to live closely to each other and feel everyone’s presence. It has been good to meet so many different people from other backgrounds, and it is more important to actually get to know everyone, unlike if I was fully at Notre Dame where I would probably rely on people of similar backgrounds and thoughts for friendship. I have consistently struggled with my mental health. It relates strongly to the book Screwtape Letters when they state that “as long as he lives on earth periods of emotional and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty” (https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/30498/files/189605?module_item_id=106100 by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). This luckily has not been as much as a struggle for me being at college. In the past, I would go through periods of depression, relating to the numbness in the quote. It was difficult, and I had only felt a few days of depressed states since getting here. It is comforting to feel as though I have risen above the emotional distress, which has been a huge part of my life. I feel like even if I begin to have periods like these again, I will be able to reflect on the fact that in the past I was able to overcome it. It will make these periods less difficult because I will have the hope of the days I live in now to come back. I would like to extend a thank you to the Moreau program because so far it has become a consistently helpful experience for me. I am glad that I have encountered the many difficult situations of my past couple months because they have made me stronger and more discerning https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/30498/files/189605?module_item_id=106100 for the future. I hope for more experiences like this in the future and that I can grow from them as well.