Jacob Kinzler - Integration 2


Jacob Kinzler

What I Have Realized So Far on My Notre Dame Journey

One of the most important questions that I have encountered this semester is “what do I
believe?” Before arriving on campus, I thought that this was a simple question, and I thought
that I knew what my answer to this question was. I grew up in a religious household. Although
my family was not super religious, I did grow up going to a Catholic church, and I have been
active in my church throughout my life. As a result of this, I only believed what I was told to
believe by my church before arriving on campus. I thought that being Catholic just meant that I
believed in God, Jesus, and the importance of communion. I now understand that the Catholic
faith is much more complicated than this.

This semester, I took an Introduction to Theology class, and in this class, I feel like I
have gained a better understanding of the complex Christian faith. However, now that I have a
clearer idea of what the Christian faith is, I feel like my answer to the question of “what do I
believe” has become more unclear. The Christian faith is very complex, and it encompasses a
large number of different things. Due to this, I sometimes find it hard to figure out which of these
things I believe. My faith was previously very black and white, but now it has become more
ambiguous. My faith has expanded to encompass a lot more than just God, Jesus, and
communion, but this has led to me being uncertain about what I do believe. As I continue to
attend Notre Dame, it is important for me to continue to search for answers to the question of
what I believe in. I am hopeful that another theology class and the second semester of the
Moreau class will help me to make my answer to this question clearer.

Although I am not entirely sure what I believe, I understand the importance of having
faith. Faith is very important for navigating life, and I believe that faith is crucial for getting
through difficult times. Throughout this semester, I have encountered a lot of adversity and
brokenness. I have struggled with the transition to college, and this has made it very difficult to
perform well with my academics and social life. My faith is what allowed me to get through the
adversity and brokenness that I faced when I began college. I do know that I believe in God and
Jesus, and my faith in them helped me to fight through the difficulties I faced. Without praying
and having hope that my hardships were for a purpose, I would not still be at Notre Dame today.
I believe that the reason that I struggled as I began college was so that I could grow closer to
God. In the Screwtape letters from Week Twelve, it is said that “in [God’s] efforts to get
permanent possession of a soul, He relies on the troughs even more than the peaks” (“The
Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). In this statement, the “troughs”
being referred to are difficult times, and the “peaks” being referred to are good times. In this
statement from the Screwtape letters, it is said that God relies on difficult times to grow closer to
people, and to help them to be with Him in heaven someday. The adversity that I have faced
has helped me to grow closer to God, and it will help me to be with Him in heaven someday.
The hope that I will be with God someday is what allows me to get through difficult times; my
faith has given me hope that has helped me to make it through my first semester of college.

At the start of the semester, I felt as if it was not okay for me to experience adversity and
encounter brokenness. As I felt broken, I felt like a failure, and I felt like I would never be able to
make it through college. However, I now know that it is okay to feel broken sometimes. In one of

https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23646/files/190607/download?download_frd=1
https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/23646/files/190607/download?download_frd=1


the videos for Week Ten, Kirsten Helgeson said, “I want people to also know that their hearts
are breakable, and it's a very good thing, that it’s worth celebrating because it allows you to
grow and expand, and you get to put your heart back together” (“Women Find Healing Through
Kintsugi Workshop” by Kirsten Helgeson - Moreau FYE Week Ten). This quote from the video
explains that it is okay to feel broken sometimes because it allows growth and it can help
someone to become a better person. The struggles that I have faced caused me to “fall apart”,
but then I was able to put myself back together, which made me stronger. If I did not ever
encounter brokenness, I would never have been able to grow as a person. As I go through my
life, I should remember that brokenness is not necessarily a bad thing because it allows growth
to occur.

l feel like a large part of my struggles as I began college were due to expectations of
myself and others. As I first started classes, I was amazed at how great all of the students at
Notre Dame are, and I felt like I didn’t belong. I suffered from the “Imposter Syndrome” that was
discussed during the Week Nine discussion in Moreau. I felt like I was not a good enough
student to attend Notre Dame. I felt like in order to be “worthy” of attending Notre Dame, I
needed to be perfect, and I expected myself to be perfect. I also believed that because I was
attending Notre Dame, others expected me to be perfect, and this caused me to put more
pressure on myself. Since perfection is impossible, this expectation that I had for myself was
very unhealthy. As I have progressed through this semester, I have realized that the
expectations that I had to be perfect don’t matter. Week Nine helped me to make this realization.
Specifically, in one of the texts, Julia Hogan says, “individuals believe they must be perfect and
that they must live up to the expectations of others (and themselves). But I’m going to let you in
on a little secret: these expectations are arbitrary” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing
Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Reading this helped me to understand that I
should not expect myself to be perfect, and this expectation doesn’t matter because it is
impossible to achieve. I now know that having this expectation for myself is very harmful, so I
should not expect myself to be perfect.

As I have begun my Notre Dame journey, community has grown in importance for me.
Before arriving on campus, I was a member of many communities, but none of the communities
had a very large significance to me. However, now I have encountered some incredible
communities, and I understand that “community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be
received” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week
Eleven). After seeing what a community looks like with both the Notre Dame community as a
whole and the community of my dorm hall, I understand that community is truly a gift. When a
community is strong, being a member of the community is very special. After encountering the
Notre Dame community and my dorm hall community, community is now very important to me. I
understand that being a part of a community doesn’t just happen without effort. In order to
become part of a community, I know that I must be willing to connect with others because “a
capacity for connectedness is both possible and necessary if we are to inhabit the larger, and
truer, community of our lives” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer -
Moreau FYE Week Eleven). As I continue with my Notre Dame journey, it is very important that I
am willing to connect with others so that I can become a better member of the communities that
I am a part of and strengthen the bonds that I have within my communities.

https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/
https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/
https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau
https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau
http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/
http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/