Week 13: Integration Two Ladd 1 Mr. Drew Espeseth Moreau First Year Experience 3 December 2021 Encountering Change: A Reflection on my First Semester During the final weeks of Moreau, I continued to deepen my self-knowledge in relation to my personal development and entry into a new chapter of my life. After interacting with others and reflecting internally on my first semester experiences, I have expanded upon the ways I respond to my surroundings. By sharing a few, I hope to reveal more about my character and the development that I have had since coming to college. I feel that I have grown in many ways throughout my first semester, especially in terms of the level of significance I place on things. For example, ever since I was young, I have been a high achieving student who cares deeply about her academic record and performance. After coming to Notre Dame, I have had some setbacks in terms of grades and exams that have left me feeling disappointed and, at times, unworthy. Week nine’s lesson on imposter syndrome came at a moment when I was particularly feeling this way. As Elizabeth Cox says in her video, “Many people suffering from imposter syndrome fear that if they ask about their performance, their fears will be confirmed” (“What is Imposter Syndrome?” by Elizabeth Cox -Moreau FYE Week Nine). I felt this directly related to me and my tendency to avoid talking about my shortcomings or apprehensions for fear that they may come true or that people may think less of me. Reflecting on it more, I learned that talking to people about these topics actually makes me feel better. I have tried to open up to my friends and family more, since at the end of the day they are ready and willing to help me. Additionally, I have learned to place less of my worth solely on my https://youtu.be/ZQUxL4Jm1Lo Ladd 2 academic performance, as I recognize there is more value in how I treat others and what I achieve as a holistic person. Though I have come to this realization about academic performance, there have been certain things that were once “black and white” to me that now are more nuanced and complex. An example of this is in terms of diversity of thought and opinion. I have met people with many different opinions since coming to Notre Dame, and sometimes I do not always agree with them. However, I have come to recognize that it is important to see the value in a differing opinion. A particular quote from week ten of Moreau when we discussed how we can respond to challenges in our community reminds me of this idea: “Both sides call for change, but each believes it’s the other side that must change ("Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address" by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C. -Moreau FYE Week Ten). Though Fr. Jenkins is referencing politics, I feel this quote is applicable in any setting where there can be disagreement. Everyone wants peace, but they do not want to alter their perspectives or viewpoints in order for this change to occur. This inherent stubbornness that exists within each of us is prohibiting us from choosing love over hate. We must be willing to put down our egos and make the change necessary for success, even if that means changing our perspectives a bit. I have tried to be more cognizant of how I respond to different opinions, and feel that I do a good job of seeing both sides of any argument. Going along with this attitude of openness and self-reflection, I have asked myself some important questions in regards to how I am treating others. I constantly reflect on if I am taking the time to understand those around me, especially if they are different from me. For example, there was a time that my dorm had a multicultural training night where many of the issues brought up were only applicable to those in the non-white community. I felt I had little to https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28315/modules/items/108027 Ladd 3 contribute to the discussion, since I mainly reaffirmed the support I had for those around me and listened to them talk about the personal effects these issues had on them. I left with the fear that I did not say or do enough to show the people in my group I cared and wanted them to feel heard. However, at this time I was reminded of a particular quote from week eleven of Moreau when we talked a lot about strengthening bonds with others: “The story of race has many voices; understanding it begins with listening” (“With Voices True Snapshot Summary” by Klau Center Archive on Race -Moreau FYE Week Eleven). With this video in mind, I realized that just by simply listening to the people in my group, I exhibited tolerance and support for them. Even though I could not directly relate to their experiences, I am glad I gained a new perspective. Oftentimes, people feel that there is not a way that they can help solve bigger issues in the world, but the truth is that many solutions start with listening. I will try to keep this in mind as I continue through Notre Dame and encounter many similar situations where lending an ear can make all the difference. As a whole, the idea of having and maintaining hope is something that has become much more clear to me since coming to college. I find that I have so much to look forward to in life, and remembering this can foster an attitude of hope that helps me through difficult times. However, it has also become clear to me that difficult times are necessary for growth. We talked about this concept in week twelve of Moreau after we read a chapter of The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. Though in a satirical way, this chapter emphasized the value of difficult times: “It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be” (“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis -Moreau FYE Week Twelve). Screwtape is essentially saying that he has observed how humans experience a greater level of change and growth during difficult or “trough” periods in their life, versus during the https://voicestrue.nd.edu https://canvas.nd.edu/courses/28315/files/191230?module_item_id=108039 Ladd 4 positive or “peak” periods of life. In turn, this forms us into the kinds of people God wants us to be. I think this speaks to the idea that we can learn the most from our setbacks and our failures, rather than when everything is easy and smooth sailing. We should embrace our shortcomings for the learning experiences that they are, rather than dwell on their negativity. If everything was always easy, we would never have the opportunity to grow. For this reason, we should be filled with hope that we can come back stronger and wiser from the difficult moments in our life. I have tried to have this attitude when I am faced with setbacks or during times where I feel there is little hope to be had. These realizations I have had since coming to school are ones that I plan to keep with me throughout the rest of my college career. Though I have been able to come to these conclusions through responding to my experiences, Moreau has helped me understand and connect them to other aspects of my life. Placing less of my worth on academic performance, recognizing the value in diversity of opinion, lending a listening ear to those around me, and having hope amidst difficult times are all lessons that I am glad to have learned. I have enjoyed participating in Moreau this semester, and look forward to the insight that I will gain from the second semester portion of the course.