Moreau Integration 2 Leathers The Power of Introspection: A Preparation for the Future As the famous philosopher, Socrates once said, “A life unexamined is not worth living.” I believe to every Notre Dame student, including myself, these words ring true. The examination of my own life is where I find personal growth that ultimately will fulfill my purpose on Earth. To be introspective is to grow through different encounters with good and evil, justice and injustice, to build a response for the future in light of what I have learned through this class. This is the goal of the Moreau First-Year Experience. To tackle the more significant questions of personal development, one must have confidence. It is not always an easy thing to ask yourself difficult questions about your experiences. Often I lie awake at night contemplating the previous twelve hours of my day. A frequent question that I used to encounter in my day-day life before and during my time at Notre Dame was, “Should I be here? Am I enough?” These questions are related to the mental “disease” imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is when an individual questions their right to be participating in an activity or a part of their life. Just being able to put a name on this feeling of deep questioning of my value helped start my healing process. This was true for many others that suffer from the same problems (“What is Imposter Syndrome” by Elizebeth Cox– Moreau FYE Week 9). My worst feelings of Imposter Syndrome started before my arrival on campus. I initially hesitated to accept my enrollment offer for the university out of fear I would under-perform here. Eventually, I conformed to pressure I set on myself to chase the best education possible. As my parents drove me across the country on the final days of summer to Notre Dame, I honestly felt like a lamb going to the slaughter. I felt more fear in the anticipation for the first week of classes than I did ever going to school in my life. The single most significant thing that helped quell these fears was an email I received from the university explaining imposter syndrome and telling us not to be discouraged if we stumble. It put a name to my feelings and gave a talking point both my roommate and I could discuss. I quickly found out he felt the same way, and many others in my dorm felt they also didn’t belong. I now find that Notre Dame significantly challenges everyone, but we have the tools necessary to succeed. I do belong here, and I can succeed. Another important lesson I learned in my first semester at Notre Dame was you do not know your limits until you test them. My calculus professor always reminds us of this in the mathematical sense, as some limits (a mathematical way to estimate numbers) seem solvable with shortcuts. Still, in reality, they are much more nuanced. I thought I knew my capabilities, but as it turns out, I drastically underestimated myself. My fear of Notre Dame was so out of touch with reality. How is it possible to fear something and believe that you won’t succeed without trying? Conquering imposter syndrome was my first step to build confidence in myself and learn that sometimes the best thing for myself is a leap of faith headfirst into the unknown. Another crucial personal development I encountered this semester was the importance of community. Pre-Notre Dame, I was no stranger to the community. I played sports and was involved with many different organizations that built a sense of community in my life. This aspect of my life was something I rarely reflected on. Within my relocation to northern Indiana, I realized that communities were something I took for granted. As time has passed, I feel that I am flourishing within the different on-campus communities I have found. Not only that, but the communities I have found here are arguably stronger than any I had at home, which proves Parker Palmer’s point that “Community is not a goal to be achieved but a gift to be received.” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker Palmer– Moreau FYE Week 11). He explains in his article that communities that are sought after, not created, are the strongest. At home, all of my communities were beneficial but ultimately created for purposes other than sharing experiences. The importance of a real community that throws people from all walks of life together cannot be understated. My future will inevitably be wrapped up within multiple different communities. Different values and beliefs will often clash within these communities, as is seen inside of any normal community. In week 10, I learned the dangers of conviction. Fr. John Jenkins stated, “Conviction, however, is not all good.” (“Wesley Theological Seminary Commencement” by Fr. John Jenkins– Moreau FYE Week 10). Conviction, passion, and willpower are all positive things that can change communities for the better– and I foresee myself using these to change my future communities for the better. I also see my peers at Notre Dame filled with all of these qualities because they are pursuing extra-education at a challenging school. But, as father Pete addresses, the problem that is not considered enough today is how blinding these forces are. We can be so caught up in the want to change our world for the good that we may not recognize other options that can make our goals more accessible. This is something I have never thought of before. I felt that having conviction about my beliefs was fundamental to having roots in something. I learned it is ok to challenge these beliefs, and frequently other ways of change can be more effective than the ones we seek. Throughout all of these different experiences mentioned above, there is one essential tool that I failed to mention–hope. I have learned that hope can be practiced. It is simply a mindset that one goes to when entering the “troughs” in their life. In C.S. Lewis’s mind, “...the troughs provide opportunities to our side also.” (“The Screwtape Letters” C.S. Lewis–Moreau FYE Week 12). “Our side” is a reference to hell, or less literally the evils of the world. Lewis's final paragraph hints to his nephew that humans are most vulnerable to corruption when they enter their “troughs” (lows in our lives). My personal development has stemmed from hard, uncomfortable experiences, and I know the future will not be any different. Having and practicing hope is the ultimate tool to conquer these things. This semester of the Moreau First-Year Experience has taught me many things. Ultimately, it has taught me to be introspective and realize where my values and personal development come from. Week 9-12 all allowed me to do this through different lights, from understanding Imposter Syndrome, the power of community, the dangers of conviction, and hope. All different things, but very interconnected in my life. I do not fear the future, as I am well equipped to handle any problem thrown my way through these experiences learned in such a short period of time.