Integration Two 12/3/21 Lassen Integration Two Finding the Beauty in Starting Over We prepare ourselves as best we can for our college experience through tests, tours, and endless hours of decision making in order to make sure we will feel at home for our next four years. As the youngest of six children, I have been going on college visits since first grade. How could anyone possibly be better prepared for college than me? Well despite my best efforts, nothing could have prepared me for this transition to a completely different way of life. Immediately upon arrival, I started to worry about things I didn’t even know I could ever worry about. Questions like, what time will I eat, and with whom? Menial tasks and tiny parts of my daily life became these huge events that threatened to make or break my first semester of college. We are expected to immediately find our place and social media tells us lies about how everyone we know from high school already has a friend group after the first weekend. As expressed by another college student in a New York Times article, “transitions are always hard — regardless of your age. But the social expectations around college put overwhelming pressure on students to fit in seamlessly into their campus, without truly acknowledging the difficulty of uprooting your life and starting fresh” (“Advice From a Formerly Lonely College Student” By Emery Bergmann - Moreau FYE Week Nine). Bergmann’s perspective aligns with what every college freshman is truly thinking at the beginning, but if nobody expresses these fears openly, we all cower in ignorance alone. What really helped me to escape this was being honest with those around me about how I was feeling. I was able to become closer with people I’d met by expressing how I was finding this transition difficult. And everywhere I went, I was met with people who felt the same way and wanted to share how they felt discouraged and lonely. By talking about my experiences, I was able to make other people more comfortable to voice their own struggles. This way, we could bond over this tremendous change in our lives and work through it collectively. I was actively working to involve myself in the Notre Dame community, and even though I was outside of my comfort zone, I was making important developments. One of my favorite ideas from this half of the semester was from our discussion of community and how “long before community can be manifest in outward relationships, it must be present in the individual as ‘a capacity for connectedness’” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” By Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). This idea of looking within yourself for strength is so important, especially because the beginning of college can feel so lonely. Instead of dwelling on the fact that I was away from my family and friends, I relied on myself to better the situation. It is important for me to remember that only I can control my attitude towards a situation and by being honest with myself and others, I took charge to better my situation. Another important part of this process is acknowledging that there is nothing wrong with having these fears and insecurities. Of course we want to feel at home as soon as possible, but this is a long process that takes patience. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and for me this was https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/09/well/family/advice-from-a-formerly-lonely-college-student.html http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ difficult at first. I began to dislike the personality I had created to try and fit in. Instead of being myself, I was trying to be someone else in order to find friends. This, however, is unhealthy because I would never find true friends if I was not being myself. The best course of action is to be fully myself, with the good and the bad, in order to form authentic relationships. In my philosophy class this semester, we’ve discussed what it means to be your authentic self. The key idea was that in order to be our authentic selves, we must make choices that we can truly support. Not just, “I did it because everyone else was” but instead “I did it because it makes me happy”. Embracing every part of ourselves is key to building lasting relationships. Just as I discussed earlier, community starts from within so we have to accept ourselves first in order to be accepted by others. This idea was highlighted in the video we watched about the Japanese art of Kintsugi, where shattered pottery is put back together with gold glue. This embracing of the beauty in brokenness shows how “the good, the bad, the ugly, all of that — it has made them this beautiful, dynamic, interesting person that they are today. And that that person is worth celebrating and honoring” (“Women Find Healing Through Kintsugi Workshop” By Grotto - Moreau FYE Week Ten). When we embrace our whole selves, we can inspire confidence in others as well. When I openly shared my struggles with friends they not only agreed, but they wanted to help. This helped me on the way to healing and moving on from this difficult time. I found beauty in my brokenness by sharing it with others and commiserating. One of the most difficult parts of this time was keeping up hope. The weeks felt long and every minor inconvenience seemed to be the end of the world. When I had nobody around to comfort me, I lost my way and became utterly distressed. Something that helped me find my way back was my faith. When I felt overwhelmed or alone, I would go to a mass or visit the Grotto in order to get more in touch with myself. Religious faith is just one way to do this, but the overarching idea is centering yourself around something constant. Since I come from a religious household, this practice of going to a holy place reminded me of home and showed me that not everything in my life had changed. This physical manifestation of constancy helped me to stay hopeful for the future and put my trust in something that has comforted me all my life. Everyone experiences difficulties in their lives and “one does not have to be a Christian to believe that adversity does, or at least can, make people stronger and prepare them for harder challenges in the future” (“Holy Cross and Christian Education” By Campus Ministry - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). Knowing that everyone was facing these struggles helped me to confide in friends, but my hope was what kept me afloat in between. Speaking with others about these struggles showed me how to move past them, but I had to look inside myself to learn how to grow. By keeping my faith and using that inner strength to put myself out there, I was able to meet wonderful people and I have already formed genuine relationships. https://grottonetwork.com/make-an-impact/heal/find-healing-through-kintsugi-art/ https://campusministry.nd.edu/assets/105621/