Building my Horizons - Final Lim1 Jaehyun Lim Mr. Oswald Moreau 01 December 2021 Building my Horizons (to Encounter) As nearly 2 4 months have now come and gone since the start of my college experience, I feel unbelievably older, more exhausted, and yet also a lot more mature (yes I realize this is copy-pasted from my last Integration, not because I’m lazy but because I truly feel this way even more than I had then). Now that I have gotten over experiencing my first high of near complete freedom, I now realize the struggles and sacrifices it takes to excel here at Notre Dame. My root beliefs from the first integration haven’t changed and are still important to me, I just now realize how much work I need to put in to make it all happen. Ever since I’ve arrived here, I always thought I would achieve a 4.0 GPA. Egotistical, maybe, but now that I look back it was just more me being naive/ignorant. After returning from fall break, my mindset wasn’t right for studying and I didn’t show up to class prepared or do my work in advance. It was frustrating because of the internal dissonance I had, in which one side of my brain told me to start working or else I wouldn’t get a high GPA while the other said that I can still get a high GPA while still having more fun and watching more Youtube. My journey here wasn’t what I expected it to be, and after receiving a lower than expected grade on my Calc exam, I had to come to the realization that I could no longer get a 4.0. It sucked, and it was through the Week 9 material in which I realized how I needed to work to improve myself for the Lim2 sake of improvement rather than some prior expectation. As stated by Julia Hogan, “Not only are these expectations arbitrary, but they will almost always backfire on you” (“Why Letting Go of Expectations is a Freeing Habit” by Julia Hogan - Moreau FYE Week Nine). What was previously black and white with my mindset to just “work harder” was not realistic, and I needed to find a way to motivate myself beyond just an expectation. I now know that showing resilience through imperfection is when I can actually manage to learn something when achieving or even failing to reach expectations, because at least I can continue to become better. In the future, I don’t want to come in with a mindset of just attaining a certain number grade but rather just work as hard as I can. Hopefully I can show that with this upcoming finals. Something that really hit me hard was when Mary Frances Myler wrote out an editorial piece on Irish Rover condemning LGBTQ acceptance at Notre Dame. I won’t get into the politics/religious talk regarding this and don’t know enough to even comment on it, but this was the first public display of hate I saw in my time at Notre Dame. Before I got here all I could hear was about how white ND was and how extremely religious they were to the point of alienating anyone else, yet in my experience everyone was completely kind, accepting, and welcoming to others. But here it was, in front of me, a central divide in my community that no one wanted to bridge. My hallmates at Baumer all condemned her, but that sort of retaliation does nothing to fix the challenge that Notre Dame faces. Father Jenkins highlighted this a while back when he said “Love is the greatest commandment — and hatred is at the heart of the greatest sins” (“Wesley Theological Seminary 2012 Commencement Address” by Fr. John Jenkins, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week Ten). It’s easy to hate, and it’s even easier to blame, to hate the hater, and call the problem fixed even though nothing is solved. Ms. Myler’s essay was, at its core, to hate, and the https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://grottonetwork.com/navigate-life/health-and-wellness/letting-go-of-expectations/?utm_source=fall_2021&utm_medium=class&utm_id=moreau https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ https://president.nd.edu/homilies-writings-addresses/wesley-theological-seminary-commencement/ Lim3 group chat messages in Baumer calling her words were, at its core, to hate. This vicious cycle motivated behind an aim to hurt others is a problem that all communities face, not just at Notre Dame, and can only be fixed through love. I’ve realized how pointless hate is, and I hope to not only use this realization to improve myself but also all others. For the most part, people need love the most when they deserve it the least. As an asian student who only represents 4% of the student population, I have to know how to strengthen bonds of interconnection with others even through our dissimilarities. I never cared much about football prior to coming here, and now one of my friends is on the team and I actually search up Notre Dame football and read articles like I’m studying for class, maybe a bit too much. It is through these little things that I can find a way to relate to someone through a similar passion that we have, and then expound on our differences and learn from each other. I found this to be a much better way to build connections and friendships than the cookie-cutter “name, country, and hall” we often used at the start of the school year. The intention was good, but it was never organic, and that was the main problem with it. “Too many relationships have been diminished or destroyed by a drive toward ‘community-building’ which evokes a grasping that is the opposite of what we need to do: relax into our created condition and receive the gift we have been given” (“Thirteen Ways of Looking at Community” by Parker J. Palmer - Moreau FYE Week Eleven). By going outside my comfort zone and coming here meeting complete strangers and people with completely different backgrounds, I’ve learned how to socialize better, which people to socialize with, and how to build friendships that last. One of the biggest questions I had this semester was how to approach hope. For one, it helped lull me to a false sense of security regarding my grades when I should have been studying http://couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/13-ways-of-looking-at-community/ Lim4 from the get-go, while it also is the main reason why I look forward to being here at Notre Dame and in continuing my faith. My Theology professor highlighted something interesting to me that I also noticed in the Week 12 Content: the entirety of Christianity is held together by the hope that the cross was God’s intention, and Christ’s gift to us. “The conviction that the Son of God died willingly, even for the sake of those who persecuted and abandoned him, in order to bring us through darkness to glory” (“Hope - Holy Cross and Christian Education” by Fr. James B. King, C.S.C. - Moreau FYE Week Twelve). From Moreau to even non-believers of Christ, he illustrates that hope is the link between education and belief in which people find a purpose to their life. I think of hope as a way I can continue to move forward when any other viewpoint renders me lost. I hope to use it not to delude myself, but as a crutch to help me continue what I know is right. It is through that hope in which I continue to work to aspire for my hopes to become a reality. https://campusministry.nd.edu/assets/105621/