mr: hermit
crab
by mimpsy rhys



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1
MR. HERMIT CRAB


The MOS
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“Please don't eat me!” sobbed Louisa.


EDUC.-
PSYCH4,
LIBRARY
MR. HERMIT
.
CRAB
A Tale for Children by a Child
BY
MIMPSY RHYS
Introduced by
MARY ELIZABETH BARNICLE
Illustrated by
HELEN SEWELL
NEW YORK
THE MACMILLAN CO.
1929


COPYRIGHT, 1929,
.. BY THE MACMILLAN COMPANY.
All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction
in whole or in part in any form.
Set up and electrotyped.
Published September, 1929.
SET UP BY BROWN BROTHERS LINOTYPERS
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
BY THE STRATFORD PRESS


962
2479
m
EDUC
LIBRARY
TO
SOPHIA H. MACLEHOSE
Wisest and Quietest of Women





THE INTRODUCTION OF MIMPSY RHÎS
TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC
ONE summer afternoon while rummaging through a
carved Jacobean chest in the drawing-room of the Rec-
tory, Tarrant Gunville, near Blandford Forum, in Dor-
setshire, I came upon a neat pile of little, fat copy books,
some of them bound in stiff, brown covers and others in
flexible black. Opening the one on top, I discovered
from the round, clear, copperplate handwriting that I
was gazing at a volume of the “Works of Mimpsy
Rhys." These "Works” began in Vol. I with a play,
'
"Queen Goldilocks," written, according to the table of
contents, at the age of eight-a play in the Shakespear-
ean manner with many oaths and much fighting—and
ended in Vol. X with “Reminiscences of My Father," a
novel written just before Mimpsy entered the University
of Glasgow. Attracted by the title-page of Vol. III
which ran
WORKS BY MIMPSY
Vol. III
"The Sorcerer," A Comedy. Age 13 (Continued from Vol. II)
"Mr. Hermit Crab," A Tale for Children. Age 14
I turned to the "Tale for Children" and became at
once engrossed in Great-Uncle Stephenson and his hor-
[ vii ]


INTRODUCTION
ror of a “masculine or horsey woman”; in the two little
girls, Lucia and Louisa, "whose external appearances
showed every sign of consummate innocence," but whose
"minds were far from that much-to-be-desired state"; in
Miss Gray and the “glory of her red parasol" so kind to
“her complexion on the wane”; in "the chronic invalid,
poor, dear Arabella”; in John o' Groat's "strong consti-
tution" and "the continued strain under which it at last
gave way''; in the Malicious Fairy and her fiancé, Mr.
Hermit Crab, "a young giant, not yet fully grown”; in
the "relics of Education meant to enlighten Mr. Hermit
Crab's ignorance"; in that toothsome delicacy, Seaweed
Soup; and in the story of the breaking of the wondrous
spell.
To an American it may seem incredible that a child
of fourteen should have such a knowledge of the tech-
nique of story-telling, such a feeling for character and
situation, such an uncanny sense of humor, and such a
vocabulary as Mimpsy shows in this book. This incred- .
ibility has its root in a lack of realization of the intense
individuality of so much of English education. Living
during her childhood in spacious country rectories in the
south of England, Mimpsy learned to read when she was
two years old and so could never remember the time
when the written page was a mystery to her. Before
she was six, she had read most of Sir Walter Scott's nov-
els; at six she was taught Latin by her father, the Rev.
J. L. Rhậs, a keen classical scholar, at seven, Greek, and
soon she was coursing through Vergil and Horace,
Homer and the Greek dramatists in the original. Mr.
Rhộs, in his expressive Welsh voice, used to read aloud
[ viii ]


INTRODUCTION
to his children the plays of Shakespeare and Goldsmith,
and the poems of Tennyson, Pope, Cowper, and William
Barnes. French governesses were always in the house
and she had from the beginning free access to her father's
library, which lined the walls of the study, overflowed
into the drawing-room, flooded the dining-room, and
crept upstairs into the schoolroom, sewing-room, dress-
ing-rooms, bedrooms, even into the bathroom, and was
halted only by the roof of the attic. At eight she was
enchanted with Meredith's "The Egoist” and at nine she
read "Vanity Fair" three times in succession-she felt
she was meeting the world in this book. Not that her
own world was so limited in scope, for in her father's
parishes she met all sorts and conditions of men, and in
her writings she mirrored her experiences.
The Rhys children were brought up in a very sane,
healthy manner without being subjected to any of the
pedagogic fads so prevalent in our period of steam-
heated education. It was assumed at the beginning that
they were intelligent and they were treated, therefore, as
intelligent human beings. Whenever any of them showed
an interest in gardening, bees, birds, wild flowers, but-
terflies, their scholarly father gave them at once an
authoritative book on the subject with beautiful plates-
he had too much respect for their mentality ever to give
them “Bees Made Easy for Children" or any of the
emasculated literature which we in America are so fond
of offering as nourishment to the "child mind.” In con-
sequence, nothing in Mimpsy's reading was expurgated
or softened for her. It was neither censored nor
directed. Only once did it meet with ecclesiastical dis-
[ix ]


INTRODUCTION
approval. It was her custom to read in nooks and cor-
ners where she was not likely to be disturbed until she
had finished her book. A favorite spot was under the
dining-room table where she could lie outstretched and
completely hidden by the long tablecloth, though, to be
sure, the light left something to be desired. One morn-
ing when she had retreated to the security of the table,
she noticed that the light had become much dimmer than
usual and, looking up, she saw a row of black, trousered
legs arranged round the table and, at one end, a pair of
neat, black-gaitered legs. She continued her reading,
forgot about the black legs and, coming to an exciting
passage, she flipped the pages rapidly and not quite so
noiselessly as before. The sound caught the ears of the
gentlemen seated round the dining-room table and soon
a chubby, little girl with black ringlets, in a pinafore,
clutching a red volume in a pudgy hand, was drawn forth
from her hiding-place. As she was trotting to the door
to make her escape, the Bishop, who was presiding at a
clerical meeting, inquired in fatherly fashion, “And what
are you reading, my dear?” Mutely she proffered the
,
volume—“Thelma" by Marie Corelli !
"Mr. Hermit Crab," a blend of classical knowledge,
fairy lore, omnivorous reading, and contact with reality,
is largely the result of her typically English education.
The author, a virile young barbarian, has been nourished
on the classics—Greek, Latin, French, English-greatly
to the advantage of her vocabulary, never to the disad-
vantage of her originality. With an extraordinary gusto
this little, healthy modern absorbs the civilized and cul-
tured atmosphere of antiquity and then turns round and
[x]


INTRODUCTION
mocks at the mild gentilities of Victorian life with an
irrepressible sense of humour. Lucia bows to respecta-
bility in the person of Miss Gray for the time being,
but the little Bohemian is biding her time until Miss Gray
is "out of her sphere."
I found that “Mr. Hermit Crab” had an abiding charm
and that I could chuckle over it again and again. Here,
I felt, was a piece of writing of like caliber with the
works of Mrs. Ewing and Maria Edgeworth; here was
a child's classic—comparable, in its appeal to both chil-
dren and grown-ups, to "Alice in Wonderland.”
MARY ELIZABETH BARNICLE.
Department of English,
New York University.
[ xi ]





CONTENTS
PAGE
THE INTRODUCTION OF MIMPSY RHỳS TO THE AMERI-
CAN PUBLIC
vii
.
.
CHAPTER
4
7.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
17
31
37
61
68
.
.
.
.
.
.
I. ON FEMALE EDUCATION
II. ON MAKING DESIRABLE ACQUAINTANCES
III. ON BIRTHDAYS
IV. ON THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING INTRODUCED
AND ON THE INTREPID QUALITIES OF MIND
NECESSARY TO EXPLORERS
V. A RECIPE FOR FRIENDSHIP
VI. ON DEATH AND OTHER MYSTERIES
VII. IN STATE ON THE PARADE AT HENLEY
VIII. ON THE BENEFITS OF BENEFACTION
IX. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN FAIRIES AND MORTALS
MEET
X. A DEUS ALIGHTS EX MACHINA
XI. SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH ON THE SEASHORE
XII. SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH ON LAND
XIII. ON HEAVEN BUT MOSTLY ON HELL
XIV. THE ADVENTUROUS TASK OF PAYING AFTER-
NOON CALLS.
XV. THE WAYLAYING OF THE WITCH WIFE
XVI. THE BREAKING OF THE SPELL
XVII. STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM
XVIII. CHURCH BELLS
.
75
88
.
.
.
95
100
.
.
.
107
.
.
.
.
125
137
148
173
177
.
.
[ xiii ]





ILLUSTRATIONS
"Please don't eat me!” sobbed Louisa .
Frontispiece
.
PAGE
The passage was very narrow
21
A sea-pirate by trade
.
45
When Mr. Hermit Crab was a baby
55
A young lady in a sailor-hat
77
.
Herbs gathered by the light of the moon
133
"Doctors always hurt their patients"
143
[xv ]





MR. HERMIT CRAB
I
1





On Female Education
CHAPTER I
ONCE upon a time, a good many years ago, there lived
a little girl of ten years of age, called by rights Lucretia
Graham, but generally Lucia for short. She had no
father or mother, since they had died four years before,
leaving her to the care of her great-uncle, Mr. Stephen-
son, a respectable book-worm. Great-Uncle Stephenson,
when he found that a restless little girl was to be in his
charge henceforth, rightly conjectured that she and books
would not agree, and so he chartered an estimable, mid-
dle-aged lady as a governess for her, to whom he gave
the following instructions.
[1]


:MR. HERMIT CRAB
Doubtless, my dear madam, you are surprised that
I should give you the care of so young a child.”
The lady smiled and murmured, “Not at all, sir."
Waving aside her polite contradiction, Great-Uncle
Stephenson continued thus: “But I have sound reasons
for this as you will soon find. My opinions are much at
variance with the present fashion of teaching females.
Therefore, I will, if you do not mind, mention the sev-
eral heads of the manner in which I wish Lucretia to be
brought up. The chief accomplishments in which I wish
her to excel are languages above all, a ladylike deport-
ment, and a complete knowledge of all the little trifles
which make ladies charming, and in which, I doubt not,
you are a proficient.”
She curtsied.
"Take her sight-seeing as much as possible, so that her
mind may be improved by an acquaintance with noted
places and things, and widened by an experience of for-
eign customs. You will travel widely, if you please. Let
there be nothing bigoted or narrow in her way of think-
ing, and see that she does not show signs of turning into
a masculine or a horsey woman.” He shuddered. "Do
you think you understand perfectly what I require from
you?"
Miss Gray, for that was her name, signified her perfect
comprehension.
“Then at the age of seventeen I would wish you to
bring her to me for approval, when I hope to see her
much benefited by your instruction and example.”
The week after this conversation took place Miss Gray
and her charge set forth on their travels. They had
[2]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
travelled for four years already when our tale begins,
and had just taken a house on the coast in the village of
Porthnock in the county of Cornwall for the summer
months. Porthnock is a queer little place, and you do
.
not often find such. It is composed of a few straggling
houses in the valley facing the sea-shore and a long string
of whitewashed cottages along the cliff, set in batches of
twos with a cobble-stoned path between each batch.
They have eight rooms and are chiefly inhabited by the
coast guards and visitors who are continually changing.
The grey old church stands on the hill behind the village.
The population earn their living by fishing for the most
part.
[3]


CHAPTER II
ON MAKING DESIRABLE ACQUAINTANCES
Miss GRAY had taken one of the whitewashed cot-
tages on the cliff, but its neighbour was "To Let," to
Lucia's great disappointment. She had hoped to find
it habited by some children of her own age, with whom
she might get acquainted. Miss Gray, on the other
hand, was rather glad than otherwise, for she considered
that Lucia was far too fond of making undesirable
acquaintances.
One Wednesday morning, however, two weeks after
their arrival in Porthnock, when Lucia was doing arith-
metic with Miss Gray, she heard the sound of wheels
stopping at the house next door. She looked up quickly
and espied a load of furniture standing there. This
interested her so much that she had very little attention
indeed left for Miss Gray. At first this lady very kindly
attributed her inattention to the inability of hearing well
on account of the noise the men were making in carrying
in the furniture. But when she saw how often Lucia's
eyes were turned to the window and with an expression
more of interest than anger, she was speedily undeceived.
“Lucretia! As I see that you are not attending to me
I shall not waste my time on you. I am going out shop-
ping, and by the time I come back I shall expect to find
six sums done. Nos. 20-26." And, turning, she swept
from the room.
[4]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Lucia looked at the arithmetic with much distaste, but
nevertheless she did three out of the six sums without
turning to look out of the window more than six or seven
times. Then she heard a carriage drive up and she
immediately few to the window. Out of the carriage
stepped a fat, old, white-haired gentleman, then a stout,
old, silver-haired lady, and lastly a thin, middle-aged
lady. That was all. Lucia resumed her seat in a decid-
edly unpleasant frame of mind, and set to work at her
fourth sum with very hurt feelings painted on her coun-
tenance. She was in the midst of her sixth and last,
when she again heard the sound of wheels. “Only serv-
ants !" she muttered. “I will not look out of the win-
dow!” And she went on with her sum, feeling herself a
decidedly firm and Spartan sort of maiden. Then she
heard a child's voice, and instantly her resolution flew to
the winds, where most resolutions go, and she rushed
across the room.
Sure enough, there was a child talking to the three who
had come in the first carriage. Lucia remarked with
satisfaction that it was a girl seemingly of her own age,
but shorter. Soon the little girl went into the house, and
though Lucia could not have reasonably expected her to
stay outside, yet she felt considerably aggrieved, and, as
she sat down, carelessly smudged her sum with her sleeve,
so that she had to begin again. This did not lessen her
grievous feelings, or soothe her agitated state of mind.
When, however, she had almost finished it, she heard the
front door of the next house bang, and, once more look-
ing out, she saw the child inspecting the next-door gar-
den. Lucia mentally congratulated herself on the fact
[5]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
that the schoolroom was upstairs and gave herself up to
watching the unconscious child. Soon the little girl
looked up and saw her, and they smiled amicably at each
other for a minute or so, and might have continued their
friendly stare for a longer period of time, only Lucia
suddenly saw Miss Gray enter the gate, and remembered
her unfinished sum. With a speed born of necessity, she
managed to scribble down “Ans." just as Miss Gray
opened the schoolroom door.
And it was a good thing, too, for her, as Miss Gray
did not seem in the best of tempers. "Have you finished,
Lucretia ?” Miss Gray, Lucia noticed, always called her
Lucretia when something had displeased her. Lucia did
not approve of this habit; she considered that her Chris-
tian name ought to have been used on the special occa-
sions that she was praised, or on fête days, something
after the fashion of her best hat and gown. Miss Gray
looked at the sums and crossed out the sixth. “And,
Lucretia, was that you I saw standing at the window, as
I opened the gate ?"
Since Lucia could not deny it, she made a virtue of
necessity, and answered “Yes” very humbly.
“Then, Lucretia, understand this from the beginning.
I am sure that the people next door are not suitable or
desirable acquaintances for you, so I shall be 'extremely
vexed with
if
you try to scrape an acquaintance with
that child in the garden. Now, come to lunch.” Miss
Gray left the room, and after Lucia had relieved her
feelings by a few emphatic gestures with her fists at Miss
Gray's retreating form, she also went to a not unwelcome
meal.
you,
[6]


CHAPTER III
ON BIRTHDAYS
AFTER lunch, Miss Gray requested Lucia to play
quietly in the garden and not make a noise, as she had
a headache and wished to take a nap. So Lucia took
her favourite dolls, and the one she despised most, into
the garden. Lady Matilda was the name of the scorned
doll, a beautiful wax blonde, whom she had been given
by her great-aunt, Lady Horatia Graham. Lady
Matilda was a very expensive doll, dressed in the latest
fashion with an ever-open, red, shot-with-green sunshade,
a marvellous Parisian hat, a green silk dress with the
deepest flounces, her under-garments also greatly
befrilled, and to top all a most superior little pair of
patent leather shoes, with enormously high heels. Miss
Gray esteemed the Lady Matilda very highly, and always
made Lucia take her with her, whenever she was asked
out to tea and told to bring her favourite doll. Lucia,
however, thought very little of Lady Matilda, and never
played with her under any pretence whatever.
Her favourite dolls were Mary Ann and John o' Groat.
Mary Ann had a wooden body and a composite head.
Her good points were her strength and her general
usefulness, but even Lucia could not call her beautiful.
Miss Gray thought her hideous, and said so, too, which
[7]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
was worse, but Lucia considered her, if not handsome,
at least as good-looking as most people were, including
Miss Gray herself. John o' Groat had been given to
Lucia by her Aunt MacPherson, a very worthy Scotch
spinster, who, when she gave him, was under the impres-
sion that she was giving a most valuable present; on a
far inferior scale, to be sure, to her old china, which
cumbered the corners of her rooms in glass cabinets,
but able to be compared favourably with a recipe of her
grandmother's for making oat-cake.
"In my young
[8]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
9
days," said Miss MacPherson, sitting very upright in
her straight-backed chair, “dolls were rarely possessed
and dearly prized. I myself was only allowed to play
with my doll on special occasions, for fear of breaking
it, although it was wooden, not like this one, which cost
one shilling. I hope you will appreciate it and use it
well.”
Lucia replied with a humble “Yes'm, thank you very
much," and a curtsy. Miss MacPherson had a weakness
for this form of address and Lucia knew it.
"I do not know," went on her aunt, gazing thought-
fully at John o' Groat, “but that I am doing wrong in
giving you a doll of the male sex. In my young days it
would have been thought highly unbecoming and most
indecorous for a young lady to have a doll that was not
of the female sex.” John o' Groat was the same kind
.
of doll as Mary Ann, only he had two hard, staring,
unwinking black eyes instead of two yellow ones, and
straight red hair attached to his scalp. Mary Ann had
been given to Lucia by her Uncle George, a sailor, of
whom she was very fond for several reasons. Uncle
George never cared when she tore her clothes or climbed.
trees, very different in that respect from Miss Gray, and
he could tell the most delightful tales about the sea, not
quite as good as the real "Robinson Crusoe," but far
superior to the "Swiss Family Robinson.” Besides he
could understand things so well, and was most obliging
in bringing different kinds of medicines for “poor, dear
Arabella," another of Lucia's favourite dolls, a chronic
invalid.
When Lucia came to her favourite place in the garden,
[9]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
a wooden bench set against the wall, she first placed the
Lady Matilda unceremoniously on a small chair behind
a large sunflower, by which she was completely obscured.
Then she tucked up poor, dear Arabella, and gave her
a dose of medicine, regaling herself with some at the
same time. Next, after she had made sure that poor,
dear Arabella wanted nothing more, and had shaded the
sun from the invalid's weak eyes, she began to amuse
herself by tossing John o' Groat up into the air and catch-
ing him again. Suddenly she heard the front door of
the next house bang. Lucia immediately jumped to the
conclusion that it was the next-door child, and she forgot
on the spot Miss Gray's warning against undesirable
acquaintances. Her one idea was to attract the child's
attention by some means or other. A brilliant thought
struck her. She seized John o' Groat, whom she had
let fall when she had heard the door, and began to
throw him up into the air once more, but much higher
and much more wildly than before, not caring whether
he fell into her outstretched hands or not.
Soon she heard the next-door child exclaim, "Dear
me! Why! Whatever is it? How curious! I must
go and tell mother.” Lucia, however, did not wish her
to fetch her mother at all, and so she threw the unhappy
John o' Groat up into the air so carelessly that he fell
into the other garden. Then she jumped on to the bench,
so that her head might appear above the parapet. The
next-door child was picking up John o' Groat tenderly
and respectfully.
"Oh, thank you,” cried the faithless Lucia, “it was so
careless of me!"
[ 10 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
“How strong he is l" replied the child. "Any other
doll would have certainly been smashed to smithereens
beyond all hope of recovery. What do you feed him on?"
This was the way to win Lucia's heart. She had two
tests with which she always tried people before she
admitted them into the circle of her friends. The first
test was to ask them their opinion of John o' Groat; the
second, their opinion of the Lady Matilda. If they
answered that they were overflowing with admiration for
John o' Groat and heartily scorned the Lady Matilda,
well and good. If the opposite, Lucia was too polite to
show her animosity, but she never called them friends;
they were only acquaintances. She never signed herself,
when she wrote to them, “Your affectionate friend,
Lucia,” but “Yours affectionately, Lucretia Graham,
and sometimes, when she disliked them particularly, she
would shorten the word and write “affect"ly," or
“respectfy.” Lucia detested people who shortened their
"
words. She thought it was disrespectful, and looked as
if the writer were in a hurry and had no time to spare.
“Oh, Dr. Ridge's Food. I don't believe in Mellin's at
all. Two children that I brought up on it I had to bury.
One had conclusion of the brain and the other celebra-
tion.” Then she suddenly disappeared, to the child's
great astonishment. However, before she could come
to a conclusion that some dreadful accident had occurred,
Lucia's head reappeared, waving the Lady Matilda in
her right hand. "What do you think of her?”
“Er-er, a very nice Sunday doll, but hardly the right
sort of doll to play with.” The child had had an idea
that Lucia meant to treat the Lady Matilda in the same
[11]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
manner that she had treated John o' Groat, and she felt
a horrified wonder as she imagined the demoralized
appearance that the Lady Matilda would present after-
wards. But greatly to her relief, for she would not have
been pleased to be a party to such a deed, Lucia only
beamed on her and then disappeared again—this time
to deposit the Lady Matilda behind her sunflower once
more. When she reappeared she asked the child's name
with a polite interest, which deepened when she heard
that it was Louisa Granson. "Why!" she exclaimed.
"Your initials are L. G. like mine. My name is Lucretia
Graham. How old are you?”
"Ten.”
"So am I. When is your birthday ?"
At this question Louisa became very red, and looked
as if she were going to cry or run away, or do something
[ 12 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
a
>)
else as bad. At last, she said in a doubtful manner, "You
won't laugh? Sure?”
“No, I promise. Not for power and glory. Not even
if you haven't one at all.” Lucia's curiosity was dread-
fully piqued by all this mystery, and so she used her
strongest promise, though she prided herself upon the
idea that her slightest word was as good as another per-
son's oath.
Louisa sighed. “I think it's just as bad."
“Oh, I should hope not !" cried Lucia, quite shocked.
"Why, just fancy, you would have no presents, and when
you died you would be no older than when you were
born, and, just think, everyone could call you a baby, and
say that you had not come to years of discretion even
when you had grey and silver-white hair, like Miss Gray."
.
And Lucia stopped, quite out of breath.
Louisa herself was somewhat appalled by the list of
inevitable horrors which attended a person so unfor-
tunate as to have no birthday. “Is Miss Gray your gov-
erness, and has she silver-white hair?"
“Miss Gray! White hair! Good gracious, no! Why,
if she had only one grey hair she'd dye it, and if she had
white hair she would have a wig!"
“ "But you said silver-white hair like Miss Gray!"
“Oh, I meant that Miss Gray always says, whenever
I want to do anything particularly nice, 'Wait, my dear,
until you have come to years of discretion like myself.'”
"She isn't nice, then ?"
“Oh, she's an ideal governess. My aunt, Lady Hern-
dale, said once that she seemed an excellent sort of per-
son for a governess, and that, you know, was the very
[ 13 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
highest praise for my great-aunt. When is your birth-
day, do tell me?"
Louisa hesitated and then said, “It's on the first of
April, April Fool's Day, you know. Isn't it dreadful ?"
“Oh! Well, never mind! I am a companion in your
misfortune."
“What! Is it your birthday, too?" And Louisa gave
an ecstatic skip at the very idea.
“No, but it is almost as bad. My birthday comes on
the twenty-ninth of February, so you see, by rights, I
have a birthday every four years."
Louisa gasped and then asked eagerly, “How many
birthdays have you had then ?"
“Ten.”
“But you can't have! Why, you would be, let me see, ,
forty years old I"
“Oh,” replied Lucia, “I manage all right. On the
twenty-seventh of February I write to everybody from
whom I may reasonably expect a present, saying, 'You
may perhaps have heard of the unhappy accident of my
birth, and if so, you may perhaps think that I do not need
any
of the slight tokens of respect which you might per-
haps have sent, barring the accident, but if you think
twice I am sure you will acknowledge that I need them
all the more.' I have only to write that once to anybody
and then I just send a postcard with a picture on it.”
At this moment Lucia heard a voice calling out in a
forbidding tone. “Lucretia! Lucretia Graham!”
"There's Miss Gray calling! I quite forgot! Good-
bye, Louisa.”
“Whatever is the matter?"
.
[14]


MR. HERMIT. CRAB
“Miss Gray said you were an undesirable acquaintance
for me, and forbade me to speak to you. I quite forgot,
so she's as cross as forty and two sticks. Good-bye !"
And Lucia disappeared.
Miss Gray was truly very annoyed. “To flatly disobey
her precise orders, in her very teeth! Forgot! Forgot! !
Of course, when she had told her 'exactly half an hour
ago. It was rank disobedience, and not to be overlooked
on any account whatever. She would write by the next
post to Mr. Stephenson and see what he had to say on
the subject. She would take Lucretia home to Mr.
Stephenson and resign her trust. What would Lucretia's
own father and mother have said if they had been alive
to see what a naughty little girl belonged to them? What
would Lady Herndale say?"
Here Lucia could not suppress a little smile. Lady
Herndale might be a very important person in the eyes
of Miss Gray, but Lucia had actually heard her Uncle
George, and he could not be wrong, call Lady Herndale
"an old humbug!" And Lucia consequently did not much
mind what "an old humbug' might say. This smile was
the last straw on the camel's back of Miss Gray's
patience. Lucia felt a firm hand on her shoulder and
with one glance at the pitying servants standing by the
corner next to the kitchen door, she was marched up
the
stairs, and then the key grated in the lock of her bed-
room door. Outside, Miss Gray was warning her that
she would not come downstairs for the rest of the day,
and she should have bread and water for her tea, unless
she begged Miss Gray's pardon on the spot. Lucia,
however, rather ruffled by her sudden passage upstairs,
[15]


MR. HÉRMIT CRAB
stoutly replied that she wasn't going to, so Miss Gray
could go away
"Very well, Lucretia," was the ominous answer, and
Lucia heard her steps dying away in the distance, as she
went downstairs.
[16]



C
'H. SEWELL
On the Importance of
Being Introduced
.V.
sir
y
CHAPTER IV
For the next two days Lucia was in Miss Gray's black
books, although she had begged her pardon. But Miss
Gray thought that so severe a fault ought to have a
severe punishment and so she gave her extra lessons and
kept a very sharp eye on her during her rare playtime
and had ideas of putting a stop to her Saturday holiday.
Lucia, however, seemed so penitent that she was
softened, and they went down to the sea-shore on Satur-
day morning at 9 A. M. as usual.
There Miss Gray sat down on a rock with her work
and a book, for which Lucia had a great contempt,
[17]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
because it was a French novel, and she had heard that
French novels were pernicious reading. Lucia then
roamed about for almost an hour, knocking hapless
limpets from the rocks; catching little green crabs and
placing them all in one little rock pool, where they even-
tually eat each other up, unless they are rescued at high
tide; giving little pebbles to the red anemone suckers, or
making them devour sand-fies wholesale; and doing such-
like things not to be admired or imitated.
At 10 A. M. an agreeable surprise awaited her, for, as
she was looking down at the pier from the upper end of
the bay, she suddenly 'espied a little figure paddling
demurely along in her direction. Instantly, with a
sublime disregard for her clothes and Miss Gray's future
anger, she dashed into the rippling waves and splashed
along at a great rate. The little figure, when she saw
a fountain of spray advancing toward her, immediately
seemed to catch the infection, for she also began to run
wildly and splash violently. When the two fountains
met, the state of their clothes would certainly have scan-
dalised Miss Gray, if she had seen them. Louisa, how-
ever, for it was she, and Lucia cared very little for Miss
Gray and her opinions, as they shook hands effusively,
and shook the water off themselves at the same time like
two dogs, and then stepped out of the sea. They sat
down on the sand, and Lucia related the woeful tale of
her wrongs and Miss Gray's infliction to her sympathising
audience, as the causes of her not continuing the inter-
change of their bosom's thoughts and heart's anxieties
before the present moment.
Louisa listened attentively and sympathised heartily,
[ 18 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
but when Lucia ended mournfully with "And I know
Miss Gray will send me to bed again, when she knows
that I have talked to you again. She has forbidden all
intercourse whatever with you !" she then showed herself
not without resources. Seizing Lucia by the hand, she
dragged her along at her topmost speed, panting out,
"Grandmother will set it all right and introduce us prop-
erly. Come along!” Then they rushed along as fast as
the sand would let them, which slipped from under their
feet in a most exasperating manner—but most people
have tried to run on a sandy sea-shore and failed to do
more than pound along—till they came to the plump, old,
silver-haired lady mentioned above.
When she heard their prayer, she obligingly promised
to bell the cat, namely Miss Gray. Lucia privately
thought her more of a dragon than a cat, and she much
heartened the old lady by informing her that Miss Gray
would be monstrously polite to her, because she was well
and respectably dressed, and a stranger. She also wisely
advised her to mention to Miss Gray one of her relations
or friends who had a handle to their names, because Miss
Gray adored the nobility. Lucia and Louisa standing
respectfully a little distance away awaited with beating
hearts the result of this momentous interview. It was
in every way very favourable. Miss Gray kissed Louisa
and called her “dear" and remarked to her grandmother
how sorry she was, but Mrs. Granson must excuse her
as she knew how careful it was necessary for her to be,
because Mr. Stephenson was so particular. Then Lucia
and Louisa drifted away happily together, arm-in-arm,
leaving Louisa's grandmother and Miss Gray sitting on
a
a
[19]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
the same rock, and comparing fancy work and French
novels.
Lucia wished to show Louisa a mysterious cave that
she had found in the next bay, and which would do splen-
didly for playing house together in. Its one drawback
was that there was the risk of being caught by the tide
in coming back into the larger bay with the pier. The
two bays were separated by a long line of beetling rocks
stretching far out to sea, with an arch in the middle,
which you might pass through dry-shod when the tide
was out, but which was impassable when it was high tide.
When they came to the arch, the sea was still a good way
from it, and so they passed through into the other bay,
which was very different in appearance from the first one.
Bay Number One was very broad and one could see far
and wide out over the sea and the smoke of the passing
steamers against the horizon. Bay Number Two, on the
other hand, was very narrow, something in shape like a
creek. Standing on its beach, one looked along a thin
strip of water lying between two frowning headlands,
which shut out the view on the right and left; behind rose
a high cliff.
Lucia and Louisa, once through the arch, walked up
along the bay or, rather, creek, till they came to a large
boulder, which seemed to lean against the cliff. Here
Lucia stooped and led Louisa behind it through a hole
which seemed to run into the cliff. The hole, however,
widened out into a cave made of two large rocks leaning
their heads against each other. Louisa was enchanted!
But "Wait a minute !" said Lucia and she showed her
another smaller cave opening out of the one they were
[ 20 ]



Anne
SA
The passage was very narrow.





MR. HERMIT CRAB
in. “That will do for the larder.” Louisa gasped. It
was almost too beautiful to believe. At last "It's simply
splendid !” she exclaimed and she spoke with enthusiasm.
Lucia also was delighted, though in a somewhat modified
way. Here at last was a child who could sympathise
with her inmost feelings, a child of her own age, her
affinity, who knew what she felt when Miss Gray-who
scorned the Lady Matilda, doted on John o' Groat, and
knew how to appreciate a proper cave!
“I vote that we have lunch now, Lucia. We will make
soda out of sand and sea, and we will have a fricassee
of rock snails, savoured with limpets, and seaweed grapes
for dessert. There are plenty of shells for crockery of
all kinds. We shall have a feast fit for a king.
“Fit for queens, you mean," replied Lucia. "But
come," and she assumed suddenly a wearied and care-
worn expression, “let us get to work, there's no time to
waste, and moving into a new house is such an anxiety,
you know, Hannah."
“Indeed it is, mum, nothing but moiling and toiling and
worrying from morning to night, and master so exact-
ing !" retorted Louisa, as quickly assuming the rôle of
Hannah, presumably the cook.
They soon finished preparing and eating their gor-
geous repast, and then, greatly refreshed, Lucia pro-
posed exploring. “Because," she said, “there is a passage
leading out of the larder to we don't know where, and
you know the mistress should always have a complete
knowledge of everything and never leave anything to
servants, untidy, shiftless creatures as they are nowa-
days."
[ 23 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Louisa agreed, and they began to crawl through the
hole, Lucia leading. They crawled a little way with
much discomfort, for the passage was very narrow and
kept making sharp turns, while jagged stones darted up
from the ground here and there, and besides it was pitch
dark. Soon, when their desire for exploring was fast
being extinguished by the toils of the journey, they heard
a distant, booming sound, very faint at first, but becom-
ing louder as they advanced.
“Whatever is it?” whispered Louisa, whose courage
was fast dying away, as the ominous sounds seemed to
come ever nearer.
"Well," whispered back Lucia, "I am doubtful
whether it is a giant snoring or a lioness is crouching in
her den not far from here and roars and lashes the
ground with her tail, as she scents our approach.”
Louisa stopped; neither of these ideas was very wel-
come to her.
“Or it may be the roaring of the gnomes' furnace, as
the flames and smoke roll up some volcano, and they are
smelting gold and silver and manufacturing jewels of all
kinds."
“But they live only a few miles from the Fountains of
the Earth," objected Louisa.
"Well, and how do you know that this isn't the Won-
derful Backstairs?" retorted Lucia crushingly. "Come
along !" So they set off once more, and the sounds grew
louder and louder, and more fiercesome. They even
began to awe the dauntless spirit of Lucia and quite
frightened Louisa's gentler one.
Indeed, the noise was terrible; it seemed to be com-
>
[ 24 ]


MR. .
HERMIT CRAB
posed of the lowing of a thousand cows, and between-
times were heard the sea-horses beating their hoofs
impatiently on the beach, as if anxious to.be off. As they
came still nearer, a little light filtered through the dark,
and the hole began to widen, but the roaring was worse
than ever.
Lucia began to fear that they were come to
the Seven Pits of Fire in the middle of which Father
Time sits knitting, helping the Three Fates when they
have an overplus of work, which is mostly always, with
his terrific dog at his side, and the monstrous feet of
Atlas showing in the distance. Slower and slower became
their advance, and not from the difficulties of the road,
which was much improved. Then when Lucia began to
think of stopping altogether, they emerged into greater
light and on to a little rock-platform. The light was not
strong, but very soft, and only enabled them to see black
space all around them, but they felt, rather than saw,
an empty void just in front of them. The noise came
from all sides, and sounded at times very human. Some-
times it moaned, and moaned in a very queer wise. First
it moaned very loud and very near, then it moaned not
quite so loud and not quite so near, and then again it
moaned farther away, and again farther off still, until
it ended in the softest little moan, it was almost a
sigh, that you can imagine. It seemed as if there
were thousands of people standing around them in
the black space somewhere, and the first one groaned,
and then another, and so on till the last, one after the
other. Sometimes, too, it roared, and it roared as it
moaned.
The children stood quite still side by side on the little
[ 25 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
>
1
1
rock platform. Then Lucia said in a sort of hushed
voice, "I think, Louisa, this must be the Weird Place of
the Tormented Souls. You know, the guilty ones are
blocked up in the little caverns for miles round here,
and they groan and moan and perpetually lament their
sins, for the spirit of Remorse haunts them and gives
them no rest."
“Yes-es-es," replied Louisa faintly, “but I feel ra-
rather cold, my teeth cha-chatter. I think we had better
be going.'
“Oh!” said Lucia very readily, "if you are cold, I think
we had better. Besides, the tide may be in."
“Let us hurry!" cried Louisa, and they did. Lucia
had kept her fear well down while they had faced the
danger, but directly she turned her back, it seized her,
and she Aed as if propelled by wings. She felt as if she
could not get away from those terrible sounds, so she
dashed into the hole with Louisa at her heels, and rushed
along, as if pursued by the Furies themselves, and did
not stop till they came into broad daylight again, and out
on to the sea-shore. Then they both sat down and cried
hard for a few minutes. They soon recovered, however,
and although their first laugh was somewhat hysterical
they were just the same again as they ran down the beach
to the arch. But when they reached the sea, they found
to their extreme dismay that the tide was far past the
arch, and the waves were rolling in fast.
Lucia soon solved the problem. “Let us undress, and
carry our clothes on our heads, we'll soon wade through."
No sooner said than done, and as they waded into the
sea, they decided that it was by far the most convenient
mode of travelling. When they came into the other bay,
a
[ 26 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
a
they heard Miss Gray calling them. Before that they
had been progressing very leisurely, but now they dashed
through the water and scrambled into their clothes in no
time. Miss Gray and Mrs. Dalrymple wished them to
have their bathes. Soon their clothes were off again, and
clothed in a single garment they were about to dare the
perilous waves, when Lucia was summoned back severely
by Miss Gray to fold up her clothes tidily, instead of
leaving them artistically flung here and there over the
broad back of a rock, as a sort of miscellaneous drapery
for it.
That slight interruption over, they challenged each
other to swim the length of the bay. However, although
Louisa declared that she was the champion swimmer of
England, and Lucia that she was the same of Scotland,
still these champions did not quite fulfil the expectations
such names are wont to raise. They kept tamely within
their depths, and progressed extremely slowly, swimming
by the means of one foot on the ground. In the midst
of their exciting contest, at which all the inhabitants of
both countries were supposed to be presiding with bated
breath and conflicting hopes, the two beings, on whom
all eyes were fixed, suddenly saw a rock able to hold two
somewhat small people, almost at their side. Forgetting
their self-imposed task of swimming the length of the
bay, they scrambled on to it. Forgetting also their rôle
,
of champion swimmers, they immediately were meta-
morphosed into two, poor, miserable, shipwrecked sail-
ors, who, in a terribly stormy gale, had been dashed on
to this rock by the wind and waves, and left there to per-
ish in the midst of the Atlantic, unless the welcome sail
hove in sight. They were in dire distress, one single
[ 27 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
>
limpet was their only provision against starvation. They
must cast lots as to which should be thrown into the
waves and there struggle as best he might with his enfee-
bled strength, until he perished. Louisa, alias Jack Tar,
lost. With a fearful, heartrending groan, she stood up
to be cast far out on to the deep by the victorious Lucia,
alias Captain Dick Blue-Jacket. "Good-bye, matey,'
quoth that worthy, “over the starboard you go!" And
he was about to fling the hapless Jack Tar into the briny
deep with his strong right arm, but Louisa, looking down-
wards, saw a tiny green crab crawling ten thousand fath-
oms deep below on the sand at the bottom of the sea.
She gave a shriek, "A crab! A crab l" and clutched Lucia
by her gown. The natural consequence was that they
both toppled over together into the sea. The two brave
mariners plunged wildly about, trying vainly to avoid the
crab, which had by this time scuttled away to its hole
terror-stricken. I think, however, it must have been a
monstrous, hungry shark, to have caused such a panic
amongst mariners so experienced and with such an inti-
mate knowledge of the creatures of the deep and their
manners. Lucia and Louisa, when they had once more
clambered on to their rock of refuge, found that no crab
or any other creature was to be seen as they peered down
from their fortress. This gave rise to a slight coolness
between them. Lucia declared that Louisa had pulled
her off on purpose, because she did not want to be cast
into the deep, an accusation which naturally hurt Louisa's
feelings, as it implied that she was afraid. While Lucia's
own conscience told her that she had not been quite tran-
quil in the affair of the crab.
1
!
1
[ 28 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Miss Gray, at the same time, found out that they had
been long enough in the water. They came out and
began to dress, still feeling a somewhat vague irritation
against each other. This feeling was accelerated by the
business of pulling on their stockings, which was slightly
difficult, as their feet and legs were damp and not prop-
erly dried. The open ruption, however, did not come
yet. They, at last, drew them on with infinite trouble,
and then began the task of wringing the water out of
their bathing-gowns. Lucia's was a new one, so she felt
secretly proud of it, but Louisa's was not, so she felt that
hers was somewhat put in the shade by Lucia's brighter
tints. Moreover, they were different in colour, material,
and make. Lucia opened the conversation. “Don't you
think my bathing-gown very pretty?” And she gave a
supercilious glance at Louisa's.
"Hm-m! Perhaps you fancy so, for my part, I do
not like such gaudy, flaring, showy, staring, vulgar col-
I infinitely prefer something more simple, and
tasteful, and elegant, like mine. Simplicity is the essence
of a good style."
Lucia immediately flew up in defence of her article of
clothing. "What I detest and despise are washed-out
colours all run together, till you don't know which were
the original ones. A sure sign of the poorness of the
stuff!"
This touched Louisa to the quick, for it was true that
her colours were a little faint, and in the wash had run
a little. “I had rather have my bathing-gown than all
your fine, frilly makeshifts, which look so grand! she
hotly exclaimed. "Give me a useful bathing-gown, which
ours.
a
[ 29 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
wears well, though it may not be able to stare a cow out
of countenance, till it runs at it."
Lucia replied with a curling lip, a turned-up nose, a
head held haughtily, high in the air, and a hastily shown
back. Louisa also turned away in like manner. They
were in a state of bitterest enmity towards each other,
and would not even condescend to throw a word at one
another.
Miss Gray and Mrs. Dalrymple now moved that they
should return homeward, and to these ladies' intense
surprise, no objection was made by either Lucia or
Louisa. So they proceeded homeward, Miss Gray and
Mrs. Dalrymple walking together in front while the
two children followed behind, one on either side of the
road, as they both refused to walk by each other's side.
They avoided one another as if there was pollution in the
other's touch. Thus they proceeded, at the extremities
of the sides of the road, with their countenances carefully
turned away from the side on which the other walked,
till they came to Louisa's house, when they had to endure
each other's nearer approach. It seemed that Mrs.
Dalrymple was inviting Lucia to come to tea in the after-
noon. The two parties concerned heard this announce-
ment with a lofty, unconcerned air. However, as Mrs.
Dalrymple began to dilate on the pleasures that would
come to pass in the course of the afternoon, their haughty
airs and immovable countenances softened measurably,
and when she ended by saying that Miss Gray must bring
Lucia early, their resentment faded away altogether, and
they parted the best of friends.
[ 30 ]


CHAPTER V
A RECIPE FOR FRIENDSHIP
a
AFTER lunch, Lucia hurried upstairs and arrayed her-
self in her best clothes hastily, and then went into the
garden to while away the time as best she might, until
Miss Gray should finish arranging her bibs and tuckers
à la mode. Under the circumstances it was with sincere
delight that she saw Louisa's head appearing above the
wall, as she scrutinised the place for Lucia's whereabouts.
After a little conference, which lasted about five minutes,
they parted to inquire the time at their respective houses.
They found out that the clocks in Louisa's house were
five minutes slower than Lucia's, so they immediately
decided that Louisa's was certainly not Greenwich time.
The next ten minutes were spent in looking at the clocks
and in finding fault with their makes, slowness, and gen-
eral irregularity. Then they began to feel their patience
ebbing away at a perilous rate, so Louisa was sent as an
ambassadress to her mother to ask if Lucia might come
without waiting for Miss Gray, as it was almost, if not
quite, half-past one. Permission was given and Lucia,
seizing John o' Groat by his head, scaled the wall which
divided the two gardens, and enthusiastically grasped
Louisa by the hand or rather the shoulder, as she recov-
ered from jumping from the top of the wall.
[ 31 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
They then played at Bonnety, Grandmother's Steps,
and Old Bear for a quarter of an hour with every appar-
ent symptom of pleasure. Afterwards, they agreed to
play visiting with their children. Here a serious inter-
ruption took place. Which of them should have the
famous John o' Groat for their child? Lucia and Louisa

1
each firmly refused to yield him to the other. Lucia
urged the claims of hospitality and the right of posses-
sion, while Louisa declared that Lucia had him always
so she might as well give him up for once. The quarrel
waxed from entreaties to sarcasm, and as sarcasm raised
bitter feelings, from sarcasm to a downright struggle for
the possession of John o' Groat. He, unhappy one, was
seized by the head and shoulders by one rapacious crea-
[ 32 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
ture, by the legs by the other. The very natural conse-
quence was that under this continued strain John o'
Groat's constitution gave way. There was a loud report,
and Lucia and Louisa, both suddenly tumbled over back-
ward, each one still clutching her portion of the wretched
John o' Groat. At this mishap Lucia burst into sorrow-
ful as well as angry tears, for she really had a great
affection for John o' Groat. Then as Louisa stood trans-
fixed at this sudden absence of fortitude on Lucia's part,
she threw herself on her, like a lioness bereft of her cub,
and wrenched the rest of him from her hand. After this,
still sobbing convulsively, Lucia rushed from the garden
to her own. From there she hastened into the house to
the kitchen, where she poured out the overflowing cup of
her wrongs into the partial bosom of Mary Jane, the
housemaid. The aforenamed condoled with her, and at
last brought her back to a calmer state of mind, by con-
soling her with the news that John o' Groat could be
mended by the intricate means of riveting and cementing
him.
Soon after this happy state of things had come to
pass, Miss Gray was heard calling Lucia to her to endure
a final tidying before going to play with Louisa. Lucia
went slowly and unwillingly, and while Miss Gray was
combing her hair, and scolding her for getting into such
a state in so short a time, she secretly made up her mind
to take the daring step of telling Miss Gray that she
would not go. However, she found herself walking
sedately with Miss Gray out of their front gate into
the street, and from the street into Louisa's garden (Miss
Gray would never have dreamed of the short cut over the
[ 33 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
wall), without her resolution coming to a head. Miss
Gray knocked at the front door, and they were ushered
into the drawing-room by a neat, smiling handmaiden,
where they were warmly welcomed by Mrs. Granson,
her father, and mother-in-law, and Louisa was standing
by. Poor Louisa was in the same frame of mind as
Lucia herself. When she had been so abruptly left by
Lucia, she also had run to the kitchen, and had been
caressed and consoled by Mary Ann, the housemaid.
Then she had been summoned by Mrs. Granson to have
her curls done once more, and she also had not been able
to make up her mind. They met now for the second time
on this eventful afternoon with a somewhat haughty and
cool air, and a wide distance was meted out between each
other. Good Mrs. Granson took this for shyness, though
this was the first time that Miss Gray had seen Lucia
afflicted in this way, and she said so. Mrs. Granson then
kindly proposed that Louisa should take her little friend
into the garden for a good game; the children, she said,
would get on better by themselves.
The children departed to the garden, where they began
to play Old Witch and her Jewels. At first they played
very stiffly, but as the game went on, excitement seized
hold of them, and they began to forget, or at least par-
don, their offences against each other. At last they
became as good friends as ever, and they talked compan-
ionably together, but they politely ignored John o' Groat
as a subject for conversation. Lucia after a while pro-
posed that they should celebrate the rite of friendship
together, and Louisa agreed. "For," said Lucia, "in
books, you know, perhaps you have noticed that even the
a
[ 34 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
best of friends sometimes quarrel, and when they do,
something disagreeable is sure to happen.” She sighed
as she said this, for she was thinking of John o' Groat,
and so was Louisa. "I believe it was because we, I mean
they, didn't celebrate it."
Louisa nodded gravely. "Yes, I think we had better,"
she replied solemnly. “One doesn't know what may
happen."
Still somewhat seriously Louisa went for a bowl of
fresh water, a soap-bubble pipe, and a tin of salt water.
The trowel was in the garden. First of all—I enclose
the recipe for the benefit of the uninitiated—they picked
a few blades of grass, for Envy; a yellow rose, for Jeal-
ousy; a peony, for Hatred. Here they came to a stop,
for they had forgotten to provide a broken straw for
Quarrel. When they had found one, they drowned sol-
emnly the four hurtful herbs in the tin of salt water,
which represented bitter feelings, while they waved tri-
umphantly above it a bluebell, for Constancy, a leaf of
the cypress, for Death, and a whole straw, for Union.
(Notice the lucky number three; you can, if you please,
,
have four other appropriate flowers, to make magic
seven, but three are sufficient to make the spell powerful.)
Afterwards they dug a hole in Louisa's little plot, in
which she was allowed to garden at her pleasure, and
buried therein the harmful flowers, but planted the good
on top. (It is a good omen if the flowers planted grow,
but if the flowers buried appear above the surface, as has
happened more than once within the memory of man,
beware!) Next, they smoked the Peace, alias the soap-
bubble pipe, and almost, but not quite, quarrelled as to
[ 35 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
which had blown the largest bubble. That slight matter
over, they smoked the peace-pipe until tea-time.
During tea-time, they related to each other their expe-
rience on Sundays, when they were small. How they
regretted having to give up taking a little pot-dolly to
church, when they arrived at the mature age of six! How
they once had a carnivorous appetite for prayer-books !
etc. When, at last, Miss Gray decided that they must go,
thanking Mrs. Granson so much for the delightful after-
noon they had passed, Lucia and Louisa had made an
appointment to walk to church together the next morning
provided the weather was fine. Louisa's last words to
Lucia as she gave her a last squeeze of the hand, were
“How's John o' Groat? I hope he can be mended!”
"Thanks, he's going to be riveted.” And Lucia's squeeze
of the hand was very cordial.
[ 36 ]


CHAPTER VI
ON DEATH AND OTHER MYSTERIES
From Sunday till Wednesday afternoon Lucia and
Louisa had to be content with occasional glimpses of
each other and to regulate their converse to five-minute
talks across the wall every now and then. However, on
Wednesday afternoon at 2 P. M. they journeyed down to
the beach together. When once there, they did not long
favour Miss Gray and Louisa's grandmother with their
company. They had a great idea in their heads, which
had been forming slowly since Saturday, so they were
naturally eager for its fulfilment. This idea was nothing
less than an exploit of the most daring kind. They had
determined to go once more to the place of the Tormented
Souls, and there pass the whole of the afternoon in vigil,
to see what they should see. They were two young
knights of King Arthur's Round Table, burning for
renown, and they had been sent by the king himself on
a most perilous enterprise. They had been picked out
from amongst the most illustrious of that famous Table,
objects of envy for all, to tread with dauntless footsteps
the farthest boundary of the Ocean, to free those thou-
sand and one hapless, who had dared the attempt before
and failed, and who were now lying in brass-bound pris-
ons, at the mercy of the Monster of the Deep, whom they
had vainly tried to kill.
[37]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
At the cave's opening the two doughty knights hesi-
tated somewhat, but Lucia said boldly “Come on!” and
dived into it, so Louisa perforce had to follow. Again
they passed through the two caves and began their toil-
some journey through the underground passage. They
had not crawled far before another new terror became
manifest. They heard the distant sound of thunder
booming overhead, and from time to time repeated
flashes of lightning showed them frowning rocks leaning
forward as if to enclose them in an early tomb, and
fearful black space beyond and behind, while the rain pat-
tered above at a tremendous rate. A little farther on
and the cry of the Tormented Souls began to make itself
heard, and at the same time there was a rushing sound
as of falling waters. These fearsome sounds made
Louisa lag behind somewhat, and Lucia herself did not
proceed quite so fast as she had been doing before. Her
bold spirit, cowed only for a moment, soon reasserted
itself, and she called upon Louisa to come along, while
she quickened her own pace at the same time. A few
more feet and they stood on the little rocky platform.
Suddenly a peal of thunder, louder than all the former
ones, sounded, and immediately after a sharp flash of
forked lightning lit up the surrounding darkness. It
showed them a torrent of water falling down the crags
on their left and a large entrance on their right, through
whose bottom the sea was pouring and losing itself in
the huge caverns, which doubtless lay far into the land.
At their feet a flight of steps, hewn out of the rock,
partly natural, partly the work of man's hand, led down-
ward.
[ 38 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Already terror-stricken beforehand, this last sight was
too much for Louisa. Clutching Lucia by the hand, she
cried out, “Oh! Lucia! Let us go home!"
The latter, however, was more curious than fearful,
and the steps were a loadstone to her fancy. She felt
an uncontrollable desire to go down them. “Don't be
silly, Louisa,” she said sharply, "we should be much more
likely to be struck by the lightning if we were outside
than if we stayed here." And as she ended, the thunder
rolled once more overhead, and the lightning flashed.
Louisa shrieked aloud, but Lucia made for the steps.
When Louisa saw this, more afraid of being left alone
than of facing unknown dangers with Lucia, she rushed
after her and clutched hold of her, as the lightning
ceased and they were left in utter darkness.
“Now," said Lucia, whose courage the novelty of the
affair and the spice of adventure in it were rapidly rais-
ing, "we must wait for the next flash, and by its light get
down a few steps, as many as we possibly can. Ah!
There now! Come along!"
In this manner they descended several steps, before
Louisa had found a voice to protest or even utter a
sound. Intense fear deprived her of every power except
that of mutely following Lucia, who was becoming quite
at ease under the circumstances, although she felt
Louisa's presence comforting.
"Lucia," said Louisa in a faint voice, "don't you think
we had better go home now, and come again another
day?"
"No, I don't. We shouldn't be able to see another
day, because there wouldn't be any lightning !"
[ 39 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
“But,” replied Louisa still faintly protesting, "what is
there? Who lives at the bottom of these steps? Per-
haps it breaks off sheer, and we shall fall into the sea
and get drowned, and our corpses will be dashed to pieces
on the rocks, and so mutilated that our own parents won't
recognise us, and we shall be heaped into a grave with a
lot of common sailors, who have lived you don't know
what lives, and who come ashore from the next wreck.
Just think, no headstones, no epitaph, no flower bed on
the top of the grave, and no will!” Louisa's fear lent
her eloquence, and she spoke with energy.
Lucia, outwardly unmoved, had been given inwardly
a great shock. Her death was the last pleasure in life
that she was used to look forward to. Often and often
had she gone over the details in her mind, generally when
she was in bed and not sleepy. Again and again had
she changed the text, or the fashion in which the head-
stone was to be carved, and considered what kinds of
flowers would be most suitable for the different ages she
might die at. And her will! How many times she had
.
altered the amount of money she was to bequeath, and
what charitable institution she was to erect. Her will
was full of rich possibilities. Her text and epitaph were
flat compared with it. Her headstone was a compara-
tively easy thing to choose, as was her flower garden;
and the brass plate, or was it to be a marble statue of her,
lying down or in some other elegant posture, though very
interesting, was still inferior to her will. Then there
were her last words, which were a great favourite, but
yet she liked her will better. There was the tip to the
sexton, who was to keep her grave tidy and not let weeds
grow on it; her dependents who were to have little annu-
1
1
1
a
[ 40 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
ities, on the condition of wearing black so long, and on
her birthday once every year, to remind them of her,
as people are reminded of certain Apostles, by finding
a collect dedicated to them in the Prayer-book. Her
relations whom she had and those whom she might have,
were considered, and the school to which she was going
to give a scholarship. And the rector was to be remem-
bered, that he might give an edifying sermon on the occa-
sion of her demise. Sometimes, when she thought of the
weeping wretches who were to surround her dying bed,
and learned physicians with their hands on her pulse, and
the expectant crowd in her anteroom, then, she some-
times remembered that she might not die rich, in an hon-
oured old age, with all the paraphernalia of the rich
escorting her to the grave; not even young, cutting
short all the hopes which were bound up with her frail
person, but old, lamented by no one, making no noise,
but quietly stepping from the workhouse to the pauper's
grave, not benefiting, but benefited. When this thought
occurred to her, she always thrust it aside, as unworthy
of her, and shrunk from it, but it seemed to stick the
more persistently to her, the more she tried to forget it.
And now here was as bad a fate yawning before her,
to be drowned, and share the grave of the unknown and
the unrecognised. She shuddered, but replied carelessly,
"Pooh, pooh, my dear, but at any rate they will be
saved the expense of burying us."
Louisa went on, “Or the little people live here, and
will take us and keep us till our friends are all gone."
She had tried a practical danger, now she tried an
imaginative one. “Or the giants will eat us."
"Well, my dear child,” replied Lucia grandly, undis-
[ 41 ]


1
2
MR. HERMIT CRAB
1
1
turbed now by the rush of thoughts the other supposi-
tion had called up, "what if the little people take us, or
the giants eat us? What if they do? We must fulfil
our destiny, surely !"
This rejoinder crushed Louisa entirely, though she pri-
vately thought that she would have liked her destiny to
lead her homeward. Still down a few more steps, and
they emerged on to another small platform, beneath
which the sea roared and at times cast up its spray on it.
Besides, there was a small wooden door facing them set
in the rock. “Oh! Let us go home !" cried Louisa. "A
giant lives there, or a monster of the deep !"
“It isn't big enough for a giant's door,” replied the
practical Lucia, although her courage was somewhat
shaken by the idea of the monster of the deep.
“Aren't you coming home?” again asked Louisa, who
was quaking in every limb, but it would have been better
for her to have remained silent. Her words spurred
Lucia on to the deed.
"No, we will go in." She felt she could not retreat
now, but despite her brave words, her tone was not so
firm. Slowly she advanced to the door. Slowly Lucia
.
raised her hand, and gave a low and timid knock, which
certainly could not have been heard by anyone above
the Cry of the Tormented Souls and the roar of the sea.
They waited. Again she knocked, but no louder. Again
they waited. Then said Lucia, “I think the inhab-
itant is not at home.” This happy thought gave them
both fresh courage, and, lifting the latch, they entered
boldly.
Inside, there appeared a little room, barely furnished
1
1
i
1
[ 42 ]
1


MR. HERMIT CRAB
with a small table, one chair, a shelf, all these evidently
home-made, on which stood a plate, a knife, a fork and
spoon, a cup and saucer, two large saucepans and a huge
tureen. There was also a fireplace, and a door leading
into another room, as it seemed, but no living person.
Emboldened by a survey of this empty room, the children
made for the other door, and lifted the latch. Inside,
there was another little room, with a fishing-net in a cor-
ner, a butterfly net, a large box, and a bed of ferns, on
which lay a form, evidently that of a young giant, not
yet fully grown.
Louisa gave a piercing shriek and turned to fly, as did
Lucia. A dreadful voice stayed them in their fight.
“Whatever- The dickens! Stop! Come here this
instant, or it will be the worse for you!"
Tremblingly they stopped and turned pale faces of
entreaty on his dreadful form. Then Lucia came slowly
and timidly up to him and touched his knees. “Oh!
Most illustrious and potent-
"What?"
"I prithee, be not angry with us, intruding our miser-
able persons [at another time Lucia would have scorned
to call herself miserable, but fear swallowed up pride]
on thy sacred privacy. Oh!”— Here Lucia's voice
gave way, and both she and Louisa melted into tears.
The being turned into some tasty dish for this terrible
ogre seemed very near to both of them.
"Ho!” said or rather growled the giant, eyeing them
from under his bushy eyebrows.
"Ha! He!" Lucia here interrupted meekly, but des-
perately desirous of pleasing their oppressor.
[ 43 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
"Huml" The giant gave a short, gruff laugh. "Ho!
Who are you?"
"If you please, most mighty reverend and potent sig-
nior, I am Lucia, and this is Louisa.”
"Indeed! And whom do you take me for?”
”
Now this was a most discomforting and embarrassing
question. They wished to please him, but his clothes,
viz., a pair of high sea-boots, a sou'wester, and a grey
flannel jacket and trousers, were not the clothes of a very
great personage held in high honour by the giants. They
examined his countenance. A great bushy black beard,
frowning black eyebrows, large black eyes, and black
curly hair, in fine, everything of his countenance was
black, ominous, and gloomy. Lucia conceived the idea
that he was a sea-pirate; without doubt the great chest
held his murderous weapons. “A sea-pirate are you by
trade, I doubt not, oh, one to be feared!"
“Ha! Indeed I” He filled the room with his mighty
sonorous laugh. “Indeed! Right you are! A sea-pirate
I am! A wrecker, too! I lure ships to their doom by my
art. Beware of me!" He laughed again. “How nice
and fat you are!" He pinched Louisa's plump, usually
rosy, cheek, and pulled a golden curl.
They both fell on their knees at this awful remark,
fraught with so much meaning.
“Oh! Please don't eat me!" sobbed Louisa, and Lucia
added in a suppliant and shaking voice, “She won't be
nice to eat, really! She's much too fat!"
“Ho! Indeed! Perhaps you would be more to
my taste then." And he eyed Lucia with a gloating
gaze.
[ 44 ]



சப்பா
TALIBOVU
W..
0
H.S.
A sea-pirate by trade.


JA


MR. HERMIT CRAB
y?!!
Lucia shook in her shoes, visibly. “Oh! No! I'm
much too thin!" she cried earnestly.
“I don't know much about that,” muttered the giant.
“How did you come here, and invade my privacy ?”
“By the cave, and the path of the Tormented Souls,"
replied Lucia readily, right glad of a change of subject.
“Indeed! Was it a long journey
“Pretty long."
"Perhaps you are hungry after it. Do you think that
you could manage with Seaweed Soup, shrimps, and green
vegetables freshly gathered from the sea-shore ?”
"Seaweed Soup!" exclaimed Lucia and Louisa, too
surprised to remember their fright. "Is it nice?"
“Of course! It's a dish of my own invention, and it's
delicious, though I shouldn't say so."
Lucia was much struck by this trait of modesty in the
giant. “Really! I didn't know giants invented things.”
“Giants! Oh, goodness!" And the half-grown giant
threw himself back on his couch of ferns, and went off
into a perfect epileptic fit of laughter. Then suddenly-
“Why shouldn't we as well as you puny mortals ?” he
exclaimed with ferocity.
“Oh, I didn't mean that they couldn't, you know, but
I-I thought it wasn't quite the usual thing,” Lucia inter-
posed with trembling accents, and she thought that giants
might be modest, but they were very changeable in their
moods. And aside to Louisa, "We must be very careful,
mind that, he seems rather touchy."
“What's that you are saying?" roared the giant.
"I was only saying that your puissancy has forgotten
about the Seaweed Soup."
[ 47 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Who? my— Oh, no, come along! I'm getting
awfully hungry, and I am beginning to doubt whether
my own frugal tea will satisfy me.” And he cast a wolf-
ish eye on Louisa.
However, during the setting of the table, and the dif-
ficulties of making the giant's crockery go round, they
became rather friendly, though Lucia and Louisa still
observed the reverence and the distance which was meet,
between such insignificant persons as they were and a
giant sea-pirate with ogreish tendencies. His potency in
fact became so affable as to condescend to propose that
Louisa should sit on his knee during the repast, as there
was only one throne, and no other means of sitting down.
Louisa and Lucia, when this august bounty was offered
to each of them in turn, both refused with horror, well-
hidden by an expressed fear to desecrate such a post of
honour with their unworthy selves. Nevertheless, dur-
ing their second supply of Seaweed Soup, the three of
them became quite a pleasant party, despite the saying
that “Two's company, three's none.” Lucia and Louisa,
however, were rendered aghast, as they saw the amount
he was eating, showing at the same time a mouth well-
furnished with huge white tusks. Despite his fearful
appearance, he became quite communicative as the meal
progressed, relating at length the woes he had endured
from his birth. Lucia, emboldened, enquired her liege's
Instead of replying, he clapped both hands to
his forehead and began to stamp up and down the room,
showing evident signs of mental derangement. Forget-
ting sometimes his height, he would knock his head
against the roof, and then turn to rub it in such a ludi-
name.
[ 48 ]


MR. .
HERMIT CRAB
crous manner that the unhappy children burst into stifled
laughter. The giant turned with a demoniac bound, and
stood towering above them glaring down. On their
knees, they prayed for the gracious pardon, which
was so long in coming. At last, lowering his fist, the
giant commanded them to be seated and fall to
and eat or worse would befall them, but it was
long before his ruffled spirit was soothed calm once
more.
a
you dare!”
When it was, Lucia, always running into dangers to
gratify her curiosity, asked his name again, hastily add-
ing, to ward off the storm she thought she saw gathering
in his bewildered stare, “Only never mind, if you
haven't
got one, we'll invent one for you."
"It isn't that," replied the giant with a ghastly groan,
“I have one, only—" Deep and manly emotion checked
his speech.
"You have forgotten it?"
"I have.” And he waved his hand theatrically. “Now,
despise me,
if
!"
“Oh, we don't!" was their breathless reply. “But
never mind, we'll invent another for you, if you can't
,
remember.”
"I cannot. Melancholy and humiliating as such an
avowal must be to a man of my inches. Why even Tom
Thumb knew his own name, but I–I cannot.” And he
bowed his head in noble sorrow. Lucia and Louisa
respected it, and immediately began to try and invent a
name of sufficient syllables and beauty to match their
illustrious and ill-fated host.
They both placed themselves in attitudes of deepest
[ 49 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
thought, one hand to the brow, the other frantically
grasping a lock of hair, the eye fixed on the ceiling, draw-
ing thence inspiration from the Muses. Sometimes they
sighed, sometimes they said in eager tones, “Ah! I have
it!” Then in tones of the deepest despondency, “Ah,
no! It has escaped me again.” Now they would tramp
up and down the room, moodily surveying the floor, then
throw themselves into the chair, alas, the only one, and
clasp their brow, or meditate vengeance on their flowing
tresses. All these wiles to lure thought they tried, but
in vain. They thought without success on the Greek and
Roman heroes of old, and ransacked the pages of Homer
and Vergil in a vain search, and ran over the titles of the
happy gods. They debated about Odin and the dwellers
in Asgard, and all the blue-eyed berserkers of the North.
In vain! They tried historical and well-known names,
which should have thrilled through his brain like lumps
of fiery lava. Was not the flattery sweet of being
thought worthy of bearing such names, crowned with
glory and famed in song? In vain. Then they began to
try queerly coined names of ponderous sound, such as
Giganticus, Omnipotens, Glorionocus, and Cloud-Com-
peller. In vain. The giant shook his head at each recur-
ring name, glorious in its rolling syllables, and blacker
grew his frown. Desperate-grown, they tried names borne
by villains, and wizards, but did not long continue with
that dreadful catalogue, as they saw the giant's brow
bend visibly into mighty folds, foreboding no good to
themselves. At last, Lucia with one last despairing effort,
proposed a name, and then almost fell down in anticipa-
tion of the volume of scorn about to be heaped on her
[ 50 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
too-active head. However, she had said it in so low a
tone that he had not heard.
“What did you say? Don't mumble !" was his stern
encouragement.
Nerved by creative despair, the victim bowed her head
and piped forth, “Mr. Hermit Crab !"
"What!” The unexpected always happens. He burst
into—a gale of laughter. But, when he had recovered
some part of his control, his enthusiasm was tremendous.
It was a most delightful name and a most delightful idea!
It suited him to a nicety! He was most grateful and
would do anything, in moderation, that they wished! He
invited them also to another helping of Seaweed Soup,
and ordered them to call him by no other name hence-
forth!
Soon after this, Lucia and Louisa found to their great
regret that they must go. He was profuse in his expres-
sions of sorrow, and invited them again and again to
come and visit his humble abode, if they could spare the
time from their pleasures in the upper world. They
thanked him warmly for the honour he was doing them,
but then hesitated, showing that they had some load on
their mind. Mr. Hermit Crab encouraged them to
unburden themselves.
At length Lucia, although filled with a secret trem-
bling, spoke, “They were very sensible of Mr. Hermit
Crab's kindness, but they could not venture to engage
their presence, unless they had his word of honour that
he would refrain from every desire of eating either of
them or both." Mr. Hermit Crab, however, took it
very kindly, gave his parole d'honneur, and even went so
[ 51 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
1
far as to say that in their situation, it was a very natural
and even laudable prayer. Thus amity was restored
betwixt them.
But when they asked him to visit them in return, he
shook his head, and to their surprise, informed them
that he was debarred from mounting up to the other
world. To their eager questions on this point he could
give no satisfactory answer. He was not allowed to.
By whom? He did not know. Was it because he was
a giant and people might lock him up in a glass case as
a curiosity and send him to the Zoo? No, he had no
fear of that, because he knew he should grow no taller.
Why wouldn't he, when he was a giant ? He didn't
know, but it was fated to be so. Why? He didn't
know, but it was fated. That was the only answer that
they could get from him afterwards. It was fated. Then
they left him, filled with great awe and pity for his hard
lot, and impotent anger against the invisible deity who
had ordained such things to be.
They said nothing, however, until they had passed
safely through the way of the Tormented Souls, and
were once more out in the open. Then they both drew
in a great draught of the fresh air, and throwing off
the load of mystery and horror which oppressed her,
Lucia exclaimed with energy, “It's a shame! There
now!” Louisa agreed. Then there was silence. Not
for long though. Lucia resumed in a contemplative
tone, “I wonder why it is, but I felt just now exactly as
I did when I came out of Madame Tussaud's, and when
I had gone over the Tower of London. That was last
year— Uncle Stephenson said I ought to know and
a
[ 52 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
admire my country's famous town. Nasty, smoky place,
it was, too. I've heard somewhere that generous souls
suffer on earth for the crimes of others. I expect that's
why I felt so blue and miserable. I hate history, too, at
least some parts, it jars on my nerves, not Miss Gray's
kind, you know, but it hurts my feelings. History's ter-
ribly sad, so's the Old Testament, and I suppose the New
is, too, but somehow or other the people in the Old seem
so much nearer and more human, as if they had lived
once, than the apostles, and their acts. Most nice things
are sad. I like the sea, and it looks now as if it wouldn't
hurt a single thing. It's dancing and laughing like any-
thing, but some day there'll be a storm and lots of wrecks.
Life is a very fickle and uncertain thing." And Lucia
sighed. There was silence again, and again Lucia broke
it. “Do you know why Mr. Hermit Crab can't come
up into the upper world but must stay in the nether?"
"No-0-0," replied the wondering Louisa, "only because
it's fated, I suppose."
"Stuff and nonsense!" was Lucia's somewhat unex-
pected answer.
“Isn't that the reason, then ?” asked Louisa, feeling
rather ashamed of herself, though wherein she had shown
stupidity, she did not know.
“Of course not! Though how should you know?"
Louisa was further mystified by Lucia's pitying tone, but
her gentle nature did not allow her to feel indignant.
"Well, I suppose you must know some time,” went on
Lucia. Here came a pause, during which Louisa tried
not to look impatient, for fear of still further pro-
longing it. At last, "When Mr. Hermit Crab was a
>
[53]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
never.
baby, his mother offended a wicked, but alas, powerful
fairy."
Louisa gasped. “But wasn't it as great a pity that
she was wicked as well as powerful? Wicked people
don't enjoy themselves half as much as good ones, not
even in this life, and certainly not afterwards. Stolen
fruits are sour, mother says."
Lucia eyed her with a glance of unmitigated con-
tempt, but did not deign to explain. "So the wicked
fairy decided to revenge herself on his mother by taking
away Mr. Hermit Crab from her, so that she might dis-
solve away in green and yellow melancholy, while he,
buried deep down in the Place of the Tormented Souls,
might grow up very ignorant, only able to catch fish and
make Seaweed Soup, and she never lets him come up,
There's nothing worse than ignorance, Uncle
Stephenson says. Well?”
She said this so suddenly that Louisa could think of
no cleverer reply than “Well ?” too, though she felt that
something more was expected of her.
“Well?" returned Lucia contemptuously.
Louisa seized an idea that was fast escaping her. "I
thought that ignorance was bliss,” she observed.
Lucia glared at her. “Is that all you have to say?"
Louisa smiled feebly. “Why, what else should I say?"
Lucia sniffed scornfully, and turned her back on Louisa,
and there was silence. However, when her curiosity
forced her to turn round to see what the despised and
degenerate one was doing, she found her gazing out to
sea with every appearance of placidity. This was too
much. "Do you know what we must do?” She hurled
1
[ 54 ]



LLL
HELLE
H.SEWELL
สาย
เพลส
When Mr. Hermit Crab was a baby.


{
}
1
|
}
?


MR. HERMIT CRAB
tell me, '
>
the words at the senseless Louisa.
“Of course you
don't !"
"But I will do whatever
you
was the pacific
reply, "so I don't see why you should be so cross, Lucia.”
"Do you know that we must find the wicked fairy first
and then find out where her power lies, and make her dis-
enchant Mr. Hermit Crab ?"
"But we don't know where she lives !"
"Well, what of that?"
"She mayn't live near here, you know!"
“Of course she mayn't, very likely she's at the North
Pole, or she's gone to Jerusalem."
“Jerusalem!" gasped the horrified Louisa. “Why,
Lucia, how could she? You know she wouldn't be
allowed within the precincts of the sacred city!"
"Might be, considering how many dirty heathens have
laid it waste and grubbed among its ruins !" As she said
this, Lucia felt a delicious sense of having spoken heresy
thrilling through her veins.
Louisa was quite shocked. “But we can't go after
her, you know, wherever she is, though I don't believe
she's at Jerusalem at all, and you're a very wicked girl
to say such things, so there, Miss Graham !"
For once in her life Lucia took no notice of a direct
insult to her person. "We aren't going after her, even
if she is in Timbuctoo !” she said triumphantly.
"Then how will you find her?"
"Oh, she must sometimes come and visit her victim
and gloat over his sufferings, and then we will find out
everything," was the airy reply. To Lucia at least it
seemed a very easy matter. "Now we must go and find
[ 57 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
“But re-
>
Miss Gray and Mrs. Granson,” she went on, and Louisa
gave a sigh of relief to know that they were not going
to try and find the wicked fairy just then.
member, Louisa, what we've got to do, and what we
shall do."
No more was said till they came to the gates of their
respective homes. Each was pondering over weighty
matters. Lucia was wondering if there was a likelihood
of the wicked fairy's visiting her victim oftener than once
a month, while Louisa was hugging the hope to her
breast that she would not visit him oftener than once a
year, and that she had already paid her annual visit.

ფუფრო.
1
They found Miss Gray and Louisa's grandmother had
escaped the thunderstorm by observing the threatening
[ 58 ]
1
1
1


MR. HERMIT CRAB
signs, “... as every one with common sense had done,
except you, Lucretia.” Thus Miss Gray.

Then the children were invited to a substantial meal,
as they were naturally expected to be hungry after their
long abstinence. To everyone's surprise they showed a
fastidious loathing for food of any kind, was it ever so
dainty. Mrs. Granson became quite anxious, for Louisa
had usually a very hearty appetite, while Miss Gray
began to remember certain reports of the measles being
in the neighbourhood. The servants had no doubts
.
whatever—the children had caught the measles and
ought to be put to bed at once. Mrs. Granson felt
Louisa's forehead, took her temperature, found it rather
[ 59 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
higher than usual, and decided that bed was the best
place for her. Louisa went off without a murmur, too,
which made Mrs. Granson as well as Mrs. Dalrymple
still more anxious, for Louisa really felt rather languid.
Lucia did not escape any more than Louisa, for Miss
Gray, although really feeling a little anxious about her,
also felt that it would reflect discredit on herself, if she
omitted to take the same precautions as Mrs. Granson.
+
[60]


In State on the Parade
at Henleyr
ce
w
CHAPTER VII
The children were kept in bed the whole of the next
day, but they were in such high spirits the whole time
that they were allowed to get up after breakfast on
Friday, though Miss Gray and Mrs. Granson decided
that they should have a holiday for once.
was by no means disagreeable, and Lucia and Louisa
spent the morning in turning over their numerous pos-
sessions and in picking out those which they thought
This news
[ 61 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
would be useful for Mr. Hermit Crab, and placing those
chosen under Lucia's bed for safety. The consequence
was that they were in a perfect fever the whole morning
lest Miss Gray by some unforeseen chance should find
out the precious parcel and make inquiries. They had
no fear of the servants who have a natural dislike to
going under beds.
The parcel consisted of sundry things. There was
first and foremost a tattered Macmillan's spelling-book,
No. 1, a relic of Lucia's young days. Louisa also pro-
vided other relics, a broken slate and the stump of a
slate-pencil, an arithmetic that had seen better days, and
a copy-book of large, round handwriting. These relics
were to enlighten Mr. Hermit Crab's ignorance, and
teach him the terrors of Education, as yet unknown.
There was also a slight and pliant cane, which by rights
was the property of Mr. Dalrymple, but at some time in
the far past it had been appropriated by Louisa herself
for the purpose of chastising her dolls. Now it was
intended for chastising something more feeling than a
doll, if it should happen that he should show signs of
refractoriness. This was in itself an unfailing source of
joy to the children, and they tried it on each other with
an unabated sense of its fitness for the post of Usher-in-
chief to the fountain of Knowledge. They also secreted
under the bed a looking-glass, which Louisa had had in
a cracker, and a doll's tea-set, perfectly whole for a won-
der, excepting the loss of the tea-pot's lid, a handle or
two from the cups, and a few chippings here and there.
Besides, Louisa sacrificed a comb, and Lucia a brush,
which were to be reported as missing to Miss Gray and
1
а.
[ 62 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Mrs. Granson. They also excited these two ladies' ire
by a sudden monomania for cutting out gaily coloured
pictures from magazines and other handy MSS. Lucia
found out, too, that she could give up a doll's piano to
the service of Mr. Hermit Crab's musical education, since
she had had a new one for a Christmas present, and since

d
ملح
the old one had only one note at either end deficient in
sound. They decided that they would teach him his five-
finger exercises on it. In the midst of these occupations
they spent the morning happily enough, but at dinner-
time Miss Gray announced her intention of going to Hen-
ley that afternoon to get several things, amongst which
[63]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
was Lucia's brush. Of course Lucia asked if Louisa
might accompany her, and of course that led to Mrs.
Granson's commissioning Miss Gray to get a comb for
Louisa's use in the stead of the missing one.
So at half-past two, the little company set off. Miss
Gray walked on in front, in all the glory of her red para-
sol, which glowed in the sunshine, her new Parisian hat
à la mode, her well-cut jacket and shapely skirt, whose
train she now held up to prevent its getting soiled by
the dust of the highroad, but soon would allow to trail
its flowing, shining folds on the Parade, and her light,
glacé kid walking-shoes, the acme of blameless respecta-
bility with their high heels and pointed toes. Lucia and
Louisa walked behind, side by side, admiring that same
parasol, and wondering if the Equator itself were redder.
It made them feel hot only to look at it. Said Louisa,
"Why ever does Miss Gray have a red parasol ? Blue
or green would be much prettier. At least, they would
not be such an eye-sore in the landscape. Isn't it terrible ?
A blue sky, green trees, yellow corn, a white road' and a
red parasol !”
“Oh!" replied Lucia wisely, "don't you know that
middle-aged females always use red parasols, because red
is a colour very favourable to the complexions on the
wane; it hides the wrinkles and crow's-feet, and gives a
lovely flush to the fast-sallowing countenance. Miss Gray,
you know, is not so young as she once was."
"Oh, I see!" replied Louisa, much enlightened.
Although their external appearances showed every
sign of consummate innocence, the children's minds were
far from that much-to-be-desired state. A great project
ant
[64].


MR. HERMIT CRAB
burdened them. They had seven and sixpence between
them in their respective pockets, which sum they had
extracted privily from their money-boxes, and with which
they intended to buy two blankets for Mr. Hermit Crab,
after having first ascertained the price in one of White-
ley's catalogues.
"For,” said Lucia pityingly, "a bed of ferns can't be
very comfortable, though it does say in the Lady of the
Lake that she gave the king a bed of freshly plucked
heather, and anyway he had very bad dreams on it, and
I wonder he didn't catch a royal cold or end his life bed-
ridden with rheumatics on account of it. It must have
been damp because of the dew, if it was freshly plucked.
At least ferns are dry, though I guess she told a servant
who didn't take the trouble to fresh-pick it. I think the
fairy was very malicious not to provide him with even
the barest necessities of life. If I were a judge, I'd have
her up for wilful cruelty, and sentence her to Botany
Bay!"
When they arrived at Henley, Miss Gray, as in duty
bound, bought first of all a brush and comb, not however
without severe comments on Lucia's lack of method, un-
tidiness, and general carelessness. These sharp arrows
found a home in Louisa's breast also, though she was not
openly referred to, for was she not as culpable as Lucia.
After a few more purchases Miss Gray, following the
motto, "Business first, pleasure afterwards,” proceeded
to walk on the Parade. Now was the children's oppor-
tunity, and they took it. As Miss Gray walked in state
up and down, up and down, with shoulders back and
head upright, pleasantly conscious of the perfect fit of
a
1
[ 65 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
her gown and of her own worth, the children hastened
without state to a point at right angles with her ladyship,
and disappeared from view amongst the crowd.
Then with very red cheeks they walked demurely into
a shop, on the outside of which was affixed a placard,
which advertised to the world in general that there were
blankets for sale inside, two-and-sixpence each, a regular
bargain. Here Lucia with an off-hand businesslike air
asked to see some blankets. When some were shown
them by an assiduous shopman, both the children felt
the stuff with the first finger and thumb, and then thought-
fully drew them down the side. “Somewhat common,
said Lucia. "But strong and serviceable," replied
Louisa. The upshot was that they bought two blankets,
one with pink stripes, the other with blue. "Shall I send
them for you ?" asked the assiduous shopman. “No,
thanks, we will take them,” returned Lucia. The par-
cel was tied up and laid on the counter. “Five shillings,
if you please, miss. Thank you.” That business over,
they laid out sixpence in the purchase of three large
wooden spoons.
Then they hailed a hansom and asked the driver if he
would take them to Porthnock for two shillings. The
driver assented, and they were soon bowling cheerily
along the road, feeling very important as they com-
mented elegantly on the weather and the beauty of the
scenery. Arrived at Porthnock, they first placed the
auspicious parcel under Lucia's bed, and then went in to
Mrs. Granson, and told her the dreadful tale of how they
had got separated from Miss Gray in a crowd, and how
they had taken a hansom home and paid the driver two
[66]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
a
shillings. Good Mrs. Granson felt rather astonished to
think that careful and sensible Miss Gray should have lost
the children, as they kept telling her, but she conjectured
that the truth was that, while they were looking in at a
shop-window, Miss Gray had turned down another
street. As it was, she felt thankful that the children had
had the sense to take a hansom, at which she rather won-
dered, and her slight anger with Miss Gray melted away
very quickly as she thought of the anxiety that worthy
lady must be enduring at that moment.
An hour afterwards, Miss Gray returned home, hot,
tired, and worried. Her first feeling, when she found
the children playing happily together in the garden, was
one of thankfulness, but this feeling was soon succeeded
by one of anger and vexation at her having suffered so
much without cause, and Lucia, as she went sobbing to
bed a few minutes after Miss Gray's appearance, felt
that she was truly a martyr in the cause of Mr. Hermit
Crab, and her bitterness of spirit against the Malicious
Fairy grew strong and hardened. Verily, it would have
been in an evil hour for herself that the fairy would have
found herself in the power of Lucia at that moment,
who lulled herself to sleep by devising excruciating pun-
ishments for the Malicious Fairy,
[67]


CHAPTER VIII
ON THE BENEFITS OF BENEFACTION
SINCE the next day was Saturday, they all went down
to the sea-shore at half-past 9 A. M. Then there occurred
a little change in their usual routine. Lucia and Louisa
with an extraordinary politeness, extremely suspicious to
Miss Gray, pointed out to Mrs. Dalrymple and herself
a much nicer rock for them to sit on than the one they
usually occupied. The children had a very good reason,
at least so it seemed to themselves, for how could they
go back home and fetch the parcel for Mr. Hermit Crab,
if Miss Gray and Louisa's grandmother should occupy
their accustomed rock? How could they escape Miss
Gray's prying eyes ? Once they had removed those
obstacles from their course, Lucia and Louisa wasted no
time. Moving stealthily in the approved fashion of an
Indian scout, they carefully steered their course past the
rocks which partially screened unsuspecting Mrs. Gran-
son and her far more to be dreaded companion. Safely
past they rushed wildly home, and then back again,
though their speed this time was somewhat retarded by
the brown paper parcel of by no means insignificant
weight and size, which was destined to gladden the eyes
of Mr. Hermit Crab. Again they steered safely past the
fearsome “Altars," and then made a bee-line for Bay
Number Two.
[68]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
It grew
Bravely they entered the cave, and dived into the dark
night of the way to the Place of the Tormented Souls.
Full of anxieties was the journey, for they found out too
late that the brown paper parcel was of an obnoxious
size and shape, and required at all times much coaxing
to round the corners, and to progress at all, where the
passage was somewhat narrow. Arrived at last on to
the platform, they drew from their respective pockets
three candle-ends, which they had privily extracted from
the candle-sticks, when the servants' backs were turned,
and Lucia also drew forth triumphantly a match-box,
but which, alas, only contained two matches. With fear
and trembling Lucia struck match No. 1. It flickered for
a moment, and then went out. Once more, Lucia struck
match No. 2 and the last, and they watched with bated
breath the flickering and uncertain flame.
stronger, however, and after they had lighted their first
candle-end, they proceeded on their journey. Without
any serious mishap, barring the loss of a candle-end, they
reached the bottom and knocked at Mr. Hermit Crab's
door, just as their last candle-end expired. They had not
long to wait outside; immediately after Lucia's thunder-
ing, lordly knock they heard the sound of a chair being
upset, and the noise of heavy footsteps hastening over the
floor. Then the door split open so suddenly that Lucia
who was leaning negligently against it, was precipitated
into Mr. Hermit Crab's arms.
That gentleman was extremely pleased to see them,
and was just expressing his pleasure by shaking hands
vigorously, when his eye fell on the brown paper parcel.
He immediately expressed an ardent curiosity to see what
a
[69]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
was inside, and was on the point of cutting one of the
numerous knots which preserved it intact when Lucia
sternly called him to order. Then to punish him she
banished him to a remote corner of the room, with
Louisa to mount guard over him, while she herself took
up the parcel in her arms and placed it on the table,
which it almost filled. Then very slowly, so as to teach
him the virtue of patience, she began to untie the knots
one by one, lecturing him the while on that very same
virtue and on economy, and pointing the moral by refus-
ing to waste the string by cutting it, as Mr. Hermit Crab
kept fervently entreating her to do. At last, the string
was taken off and rolled up in a manner which it would
have given Miss Gray great pleasure to see, for usually
Lucia was somewhat lax about putting away small mat-
ters like string. Mr. Hermit Crab heaved a sigh of
relief, but Lucia was determined that his impatience
should not be gratified yet. She now began pulling
off paper after paper, still exhorting Mr. Hermit Crab
on the score of patience. That gentleman, however,
did not prove himself amenable to Lucia's matriarchal
rule, for he flung Louisa on one side, and rushed
open-mouthed at the parcel and would soon have
unveiled its mysteries, if Lucia had not been before-
hand, cleverly pulling off the two last coverings at the
same time. Then she held up the Lady Matilda to Mr.
Hermit Crab's admiring gaze, and breathlessly asked, or
rather demanded his opinion of her. Mr. Hermit Crab
inconsiderately threw himself into an attitude of rapture.
“Upon my word, an extremely fine doll I” But when he
saw Lucia glaring at him, and Louisa gazing in his direc-
.
[ 70 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
>
tion with lowering eyebrows, though a warning eye (for,
although Louisa was so far permeated by Lucia's influ-
ence as to be horrified at such a remark, still her good-
nature made her feel pity for the culprit, and a wish to
help him out of his scrape), then he knew that he had
made a mistake, and hastily added, “I spoke ironically,
you must know; if you want the truth, I simply detest
her."
The change in the two faces was instantaneous. Louisa
smiled approval, but Lucia beamed anxiously; there was
still the final test. And as Lucia had been taking Mr.
Hermit Crab's wrongs to heart and had been deciding to
do all she could for him, she was anxious for him to
merit her thoughts and deeds. She set down the Lady
Matilda, and held up Mary Ann. "What do you think
of her?” Lucia spoke in a tone of unmistakable pride.
"Simply adorable! May I-" Here he hesitated, ,
but the radiant faces before him winged him on. “May
I kiss her?"
Lucia was so pleased with his enthusiastic reply and
gratifying request, which she of course consented to, that
she felt that she must give a signal sign of her approval,
and so she climbed on to the table, and patted his head
kindly. Louisa, as cordial but less formal than the great-
niece of Lady Herndale, offered him her own cheek,
which was certainly more palatable than that of Mary
Ann. Then Lucia proceeded to show the rest of the con-
tents of the brown paper parcel, John o' Groat and poor,
dear Arabella. Mr. Hermit Crab admired these dolls
so much that the children hastily told him that they were
only brought for him to see, not to keep. His disappoint-
[71]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
ment wrung their hearts, though he tried manfully to
hide it, but they could not make up their minds to sacri-
fice even one of them. They assuaged his disappointment
by showing him the other presents, which were to be
kept. He was delighted with them all, except the cane,
and quite forgot his disappointment, except when he
glanced Arabella's way, and then he would remark with
a sigh, “Ah, if I only had her, I know she would get
quite strong and well on Seaweed Soup; Mellin's Food is
not to be compared to it.” In fact his cup of joy seemed
to be full and running over, for he was continually being
seized by an excessive risibility, and the more serious and
matter of fact the children were, the more he laughed.
Lucia and Louisa, however, excused him very kindly.
Lucia considered it as a proof of his untamed nature,
unrestrained by contact with and by the gentle influence
of the customs, contraventions, and conventions of the
civilized upper world. She also set it down in her
account, which she was going to settle some day with the
Malicious Fairy, as another of that wicked person's
wicked deeds. While Louisa began to think that he was
a very jovial and good-tempered man, and if she had any
lingering fears of his ogre-like propensities they vanished
completely before the sound of his hearty laughter. Then
they went into the next room to lay the two blankets
on the bed of ferns. And here a what-would-have-been,
but for Mr. Hermit Crab, very serious quarrel took
place between Lucia and Louisa. The children disagreed
as to which blanket should lie on top and be the counter-
pane. Lucia said that the pink was by far the prettier,
( 72 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
while Louisa preferred the blue. Neither would give in
to the other, for they felt that it would be a weakness on
their part to give in and strike their flag, and matters
began to wear a serious aspect, when Mr. Hermit Crab
interposed with the happy idea that they should take it
in turns, day by day. They agreed, but again a difficulty
arose. Which blanket should have the first turn? Again
Mr. Hermit Crab interposed, and again with success.
He proposed that they should toss up for it, and he took
a penny out of his pocket, which increased still more
Lucia's wrath against the Malicious Fairy, as she thought
of the terribly irony of giving money to Mr. Hermit
Crab, and not teaching him its use, or allowing him to
spend it in the upper world, and buy the pleasures which
the possession of money could give him. The toss-up
proved favourable to Lucia, and she carefully laid the
pink blanket on the top, and smoothed it with a partial
hand.
Then they helped their host to lay the cloth, and set
the table for dinner. At dinner they again made a tasty
meal of Seaweed Soup, amongst other dainties of the sea,
and also had the delight of seeing Mr. Hermit Crab eat
it with one of the wooden spoons. They told him, too,
about the false alarm of the measles, and about their
being sent to bed, because they could eat nothing after
the Seaweed Soup. This recital and that of Miss Gray's
losing them, with which they also favoured him, threw
him into convulsions of laughter, and so it was in high
good spirits and humour with each other that after din-
ner they set about giving Mr. Hermit Crab his first
[73]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
experience of lessons. The lesson went off very well, for
when Mr. Hermit Crab was inclined to be refractory,
one glance at the cane swishing through the air in Lucia's
ready and willing hand, was sufficient to cow all turbulent
feelings. When the lesson was finished, they parted, and
it was with deep regret on both sides.
[ 74 ]


CHAPTER IX
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN FAIRIES AND
MORTALS MEET
The two children spent all the days that come between
Sunday and Wednesday in a dreary, monotonous round
of eating, drinking, and sleeping, which only enhanced
their spirits on this momentous afternoon. They went
down to the beach great friends, because of their pro-
longed absence from each other's company, and the dull-
ness of their late occupations. Once there, however,
they began to make up for lost time, and their frolic-
someness was so ill-timed that Miss Gray commanded
them on pain of her wrath not to go out of her sight.
Since this injunction cut off all hope of a visit to Mr.
Hermit Crab, they were instantly sobered, and sat
gravely down on a rock, which was as far off as they
could possibly go from Miss Gray without breaking the
conditions imposed upon them. Nevertheless, their high
spirits revived before long, and they were soon happily
engaged in paddling, well protected from the waves by
large canvas knickerbockers, drawn over their skirts and
fastened by a strap around their waists, though still at
some distance from Miss Gray.
Their bliss, however, was short, for while engaged in
making stones skip over the waves, they suddenly heard
[ 75 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
short, fierce barks behind them, and turning hastily round
they saw two, lean, hungry-looking, wolf-like dogs, with
bloodshot eyes, open mouths, and gleaming tusks, rush-
ing over the sand in their direction. No time was to be
lost and no time was lost. Lucia and Louisa gave but
one glance and then hastily turned and fled. Into the
waves they scurried, and clambered, breathless and pant-
ing with fear, on to a rock, jutting from the sea. The
dogs, however, showed no signs of despair, but plunged
into the waves and swam up to and round the rock on
which the children were perched, huddled together. Once
more the dogs swam round the rock, and then the most
fearful-looking of the two placed his dripping paws on
a ledge and began to drag his huge body out of the water
on to it. The children gazed at him immovable with ter-
ror for the moment, but when the other beast began to
do the same, their endurance came to an end, and with
a piercing shriek they flung themselves into the water,
and made for the shore and Miss Gray.
But scarce the friendly shore touched had they, when
they were stopped in their mad flight by a young lady,
who calmly put out her two hands and thus brought them
to a halt. Then she said in a very cool, off-hand sort of
tone, and with a very sweet smile playing round the cor-
ners of her mouth, plainly to be seen, though the owner
was evidently trying to repress it, “There's no hurry, the
dogs won't eat you, so don't be frightened.”
This speech capped Lucia's wrath, which was boiling.
"Girl!" she mentally styled her, as she viewed a young
lady of about eighteen or nineteen, dressed simply in
white serge and a sun-browned sailor-hat, with chestnut-
[76]



፣
OS
A young lady in a sailor-hat.





MR. HERMIT CRAB
coloured hair, very curly eyes, and a very cheerful coun-
tenance. And she thought of her wrongs and felt simply
furious. First, to allow such fearful dogs perfect free-
dom, so that they might persecute and endanger the lives
and dignity of innocent people like themselves. Secondly,
not to call them back, when she saw on whom their fierce
onslaught was bent. Thirdly, to laugh and tell them out-
right that they were cowards, for what else was the
meaning of her speech? Lucia, indeed, could not say to
herself that she had not been frightened, but still she
thought to herself, “Why should this girl, who keeps such
brutes, make such a to-do about a little matter of
nerves ?" With these laudable sentiments in her mind,
Lucia viewed the unknown young lady with a critical and
somewhat hostile stare, which was a little marred by
the dogs coming up at this instant, and her gaze could
not help wandering to them and watching their move-
ments anxiously. With a good cause, too, as it seemed,
for the dogs kept snuffing around them and growling far
down in their throats in an ominous manner, which made
Louisa quake visibly, but Lucia kept a bold demeanour,
barring her wandering eyes.
At last the unknown took pity on them and quenched
her too sweet smile, and said in a less off-hand tone,
“They won't hurt you, truly, on my honour. Here Wolf !
Tiger! Come here, sirs! If you give them a biscuit and
!
pat their heads, they will be good friends with you."
The children patted their heads gingerly, and gave them
a biscuit each, though they did it in mortal fear of having
their hands snapped off. When that ordeal had been
undergone without mortal injury, the dogs seemed to
[79]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
understand that they were harmless and might be left
unmolested, for they again proceeded to gambol over the
sand, leaving the children and their mistress to continue
their conversation. The unknown began, “Are you
twins? Or sisters ?”
This apparently harmless and very allowable question
upset Lucia once more. "Of course not!” She replied
sarcastically. "Why, we're not the least bit alike!"
“Oh, I thought you might be, you know," replied the
young lady nonchalantly.
"I'm sorry, but I don't know anything of the kind !"
,
Louisa now tried to pour oil on the troubled water.
"Are your dogs twins ?"
“Of course not! Why, they're not the least bit alike!"
But this answer was evidently a perversion of the truth,
for the dogs were almost exactly alike, and it was too
much for Lucia.
She turned to Louisa and said grandiloquently, "Come,
Louisa !" And it was easier to say it, since at that
moment the dogs came loping up, “We must be going
home. Miss Gray always forbids us to have anything
to do with mongrel, mangy curs." Yet Lucia ordinarily
was a very polite, nice-mannered, nice-spoken little girl,
but remember her disappointment about going to visit
Mr. Hermit Crab and the subsequent exasperating occur-
rences of the afternoon, and that Lucia's temper was at
all times wanting in perfection.
Now it was the dogs' mistress's turn to be angry.
"Mangy, mongrel curs !" she exclaimed. "Here! Wolf!
Tiger! Come here! We must be going home. Miss
Grigs, I am sure, would never allow us to consort with
[80]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
such ragamuffins as these children are." And she hummed
in a most aggravating manner the words, "Around the
rugged rocks the ragged rascals ran,” which every child
who begins to learn French has to learn to say in order
to roll his or her r's properly.
Lucia had already turned her back on the mongrel curs
and their owner, when her curiosity was roused by the
mention of Miss Grigs. She immediately felt an over-
powering desire to know more of that lady, and her
desire overcame her wrath and pride. She turned round
again, and said in tones which her curiosity wished to
make ingratiating and her pride ungracious, “I'm sorry
I said mongrel curs, it was as true as what you said, I
mean when you said they weren't twins, when they are.
Is Miss Grigs your governess ?”
The young lady evidently felt inclined to accept this
amende d'honneur, for she replied graciously, "I think
you may call her so, unless you prefer duenna."
"Is she nice or nasty
??)
"I don't know whether you could quite say she was
nasty, but she is certainly somewhat vinegary at times.”
This answer removed some of Lucia's dire sense of
the wrong which had been inflicted on her, and she felt
inclined to forgive a fellow-sufferer. “Is she most amia-
ble to you in public and vinegary in private, like Miss
Gray?"
Again Miss Grig's charge conceded this disparaging
question. “Certainly she is more acid in private, but I
do not know if she is like Miss Gray, as I have not the
honour of that lady's acquaintance. Is she your gov.
erness ?"
( 81 )


MR. HERMIT CRAB
"She is !" sighed Lucia melodramatically.
"Is she nice or the reverse ?"
"She's like Miss Grigs, my-dearing you when other
people are by and sending you to bed when they are
gone.”
“Miss Grigs does not send me to bed,” replied the
dogs' mistress a little coldly.
“No, I suppose you are too old.” And Lucia sighed
again, for her thoughts were occupied with Miss Gray;
very likely the unknown was thinking about Miss Grigs;
and Louisa was speculating as to how long the dogs
would keep their present distance from her. Their mis-
tress was the first to speak and break an egg, “Would
you mind telling me your names?"
"Not at all.” Lucia was always polite, if spoken to
”
with proper civility and courtesy. “Though,” continued
Lucia thoughtfully, "to be introduced to people at the
very moment that you see them for the first time, as host-
esses and people do, has its disadvantages, for you miss
the pleasure of trying to imagine their names and who
they are, and whom you would wish them to be."
“And whom would you wish me to be?” And she
smiled sweetly and obligingly. She mostly did smile.
It was a trick of hers, to have a cheerful, smiling coun-
tenance on any and every occasion.
“I would wish you to be a fairy,” said Lucia with
decision, “and I would like you to be called the Mali-
cious Fairy
“How peculiar !” exclaimed the young lady with a calm,
cheerful insouciance, “I am the Malicious Fairy, at least,
that is the name that some people give me. I have other
[ 82 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
names, of course, still more complimentary!" And she
tried to look as a fairy naturally would look, when she
announces her fairy estate to mortals. Her look, how-
ever, had scarcely formed itself, when it was changed
into an everyday, mortal look of utter, undisguised aston-
ishment. The storm that she had raised was not of the
kind that she had expected.

NORTH
POLE
Louisa frantically clutched Lucia's arm and then sank
down on the sand, murmuring, “To think that she should
come of all things, and now, of all times!" Then with
a gesture of despair and exasperation she turned to the
bewildered Malicious Fairy, and said, “Why ever didn't
you stay at the North Pole instead of coming to see your
victim ?'' Lucia's first feeling was one of pure joy, then
[83]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
she felt that she must use caution, since she had the great
responsibility of Mr. Hermit Crab's future life on her
shoulders. She determined to act with the greatest diplo-
macy. In accordance with this policy, she turned to
Louisa with her finger on her lips, and said in a stage
whisper, "Not a word! On your life! We must outwit
her, meet Greek with. Greek! Do nothing rash!" Then
aloud and carelessly she spoke to the Malicious Fairy,
“Oh! The Malicious Fairy, 'tis an unusual name."
"Rather, I'm afraid," replied the Malicious Fairy, still
confused and not able to perceive the drift of affairs.
"Yes, it is rather," returned Lucia still nonchalantly.
"Our names are much less out of the common. I'm Lucia,
and this is Louisa, and now as we're acquainted, suppose
we play ‘All for Nothing.'
"Quite agreeable, only I'm afraid I don't know the
game.
Louisa didn't either, but she didn't think it wise to
say so.
“Oh, never mind, it's quite easy. You each have four
shells, and you place all the shells in a heap, and you call
one of the shells 'He.' Then you all shut your eyes, and
each one takes four shells from the heap, and whoever
gets the one named 'He' has to answer whatever question
the other players ask him or her. Do you understand ?”
Ꭰ
“Yes, but what happens if one can't answer the ques-
tion put?"
“Oh, he goes out of the game! The one who stays
in longest wins.”
Louisa and the Malicious Fairy sat down unsuspi-
ciously on the sand, while Lucia placed the amount of
>
[ 84 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
shells required in a heap, and then sat down also. So
far, so good, but then Lucia found herself in a difficulty.
It was certainly necessary for the Malicious Fairy to
take the "He,” but how to make her, if Lucia played fair
and did not cheat, but kept her eyes shut? Her con-
science was very uneasy at the idea of cheating, but yet
was not Mr. Hermit Crab's future life at stake, and is
not all fair in love or war? Lucia's scruples were over-
?
ruled, and when the other two closed their eyes, she kept
hers open, though with a grave misgiving, but it was too
late to turn back. The Malicious Fairy took the "He."
Lucia asked in hurried tones, "In what does your power
lie? How can it be overthrown? You must tell the
truth, you know, because you promised. In what?
Quick!” And she almost danced in her eagerness. She
could not keep still, she was so pleased at her own clever-
ness and at the pleasure she was going to give to Mr.
Hermit Crab.
The Malicious Fairy did not at first quite take in the
question, but when she did, she astonished both Lucia and
Louisa by bursting into peals of laughter. Lucia could
not help thinking, as she watched her laughing, that both
the victim and his persecutor were given to laughing vio-
lently at inopportune moments. Nevertheless, when she
had finished laughing, the Malicious Fairy showed her-
self sensible enough. "My power! Oh, well, if you
must have the truth,” here there was a suspicious shake
in her voice, “my good power is in Tiger, my bad, in
Wolf. If anyone kills Tiger, my ability to do good dis-
appears; if anyone kills Wolf, my ability to do harm
disappears. There! You have it in a nutshell."
[85]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
As Lucia heard these words, her face grew won-
drous long, and she eyed Wolf with a murderous
glance, but there was fear as well as murder in her
eye.
The Malicious Fairy then proposed that they should
help her to fill her basket with shells. During their
ramble over the shore, picking up the shells with which
it was covered, and over the business of choosing some
and rejecting others, the Malicious Fairy showed herself
so amiable and affable that the three of them became
quite good friends, and even Lucia's bitter and hostile
feelings retired into the background for the time being,
though she kept trying to stir them up by telling herself
very fiercely that courtesy and common civility to the
Malicious Fairy were faithlessness and treachery to Mr.
Hermit Crab. When the basket was full, Louisa hap-
pened to mention their cave, and the Malicious Fairy
showed such enthusiasm at the idea of a real cave that
the children could do no less than conduct her thither.
Fortunately the tide was out. The sight of the cave gave
her great pleasure, and they were talking affably together
about the prehistoric age and the cave-dwellers and
smugglers and revenue-cutters, when Wolf, who had
entered a little time before the passage to the Place of
the Tormented Souls, suddenly rushed out from the hole
with hair bristling, eyes starting out of their sockets, and
every symptom of terror. (The children heard after-
wards from Mr. Hermit Crab that Wolf had invaded
his territories and he had thrown a boot at him). How-
ever, worse came of Wolf's unhappy adventure, for it
brought the hole under the notice of the Malicious Fairy.
[ 86]


MR.
. HERMIT CRAB
She immediately became full of curiosity and enthusiasm
for exploring
In vain did the children first tell her that the hole
ended very soon, and then tried to frighten her with
stories of the noises which the Tormented Souls made.
She taunted them with deficiency in the womanly posses-
sion of laudable curiosity, and with cowardice, and told
them that she had hoped for better things from them.
It was hard to bear, but when they persisted in thwart-
ing her ladyship's royal desire, her affability dropped from
her like a cloak, and she assumed a threatening aspect.
"You dare, puny mortals, put yourselves in opposition to
me, to me! Unhand me! Creations of dust! Or I will
change you into something more durable than your pres-
ent form, stone!" She drew a circle on the sand, and
a
began to wave a long piece of seaweed in the air and to
make magic passes with it, and to mumble incantations.
Louisa grew pale as death and her limbs were relaxed
and numb with fear; Lucia pale, too, but desperate, seized
a stone, and caught Wolf by an ear. "I will dash out
his brains with this stone !" she cried. “Vade retro,
Sathanas!"
When the Malicious Fairy heard these words, she
threw down her piece of seaweed, a magic wand for the
nonce, smudged out the circle with her foot, gave a pierc-
ing shriek, turned and Aed, but took her basket of
shells with her. Her four-footed satellites, Wolf,
wrenching his ear out of Lucia's grasp, and Tiger, fol-
lowed her. In silence Lucia and Louisa rose, and went to
Miss Gray, whom they found about to go home. In
silence they returned home.
[ 87 ]


CHAPTER X
A DEUS ALIGHTS EX MACHINA
a
The next morning, Miss Gray received a letter which
gave her considerable surprise, since it was from no less
a person than Lucia's Great-Uncle Stephenson. Its con-
tents were also unexpected, for, although Mr. Stephen-
son was in the habit of writing to Miss Gray at certain
periods of the year, his letters only contained a brief and
ceremonious inquiry after her own and her charge's
health, and the progress which Lucretia was making in
her studies. This letter, however, which had arrived at
no certain period, had no such contents. It briefly noti-
fied Miss Gray that she might expect the honour of a
visit from Mr. Stephenson on Wednesday morning at
10:30 A. M.
Mr. Stephenson also set down his hope
that he should find Lucretia as advanced in her studies as
he could wish, and a room ready aired and prepared,
since he intended to make no short stay, provided that the
air of the place suited him. This letter Auttered Miss
Gray not a little (to use the expression which Lucia made
use of when she retailed the news to Louisa after break-
fact), for Miss Gray had her doubts as to whether Mr.
Stephenson would find his great-niece such as he wished.
This doubt rendered her especially critical of Lucia's
behaviour, and Lucia felt during Monday and Tuesday
that life was very hard, when people like Miss Gray and
Miss Grigs had authority and rule.
[ 88 ]


MR. .
HERMIT CRAB
Nevertheless, she had a secret hope that Great-Uncle
Stephenson might turn out to be less black than he was
painted. This hope buoyed her up when she found that
Miss Gray, hoping to impress Great-Uncle Stephenson
with the idea of her extreme care and attention had
decided that she would keep Lucia at lessons till the very
moment of his entering the garden-gate. Miss Gray had
half-expressed thoughts floating through her brain, viz.-
Would it not impress Mr. Stephenson very favourably on
her behalf, if he should find Lucia putting away tidily
her lesson-books, while she was exhorting her in such
wise, "Lucretia, my dear," in a firm but gentle manner,
"you really must learn to be neat. Neatness, my dear, is
.
the soul of punctuality, and punctuality is the great thing.
Try to remember it, my dear." Then Mr. Stephenson
would say in a pleased tone, charmed to surprise a model
governess, "I am very, very glad, very glad to see, Miss
Gray,” etc. These thoughts, though only half-
formed, had nevertheless tended greatly to influence Miss
Gray's decision that Lucia should not have a whole holi-
day on Wednesday in honour of Great-Uncle Stephenson's
coming, which she and Louisa earnestly petitioned for.
She remembered a certain sentence in one of Mr. Stephen-
son's letters, which lamented the injurious increase in
holidays in honour of petty events in these degenerate
times. Such being the case, she was adamantine to
Louisa's entreaties on the behalf of Lucia, and Louisa
had to depart to her own house, bitterly indignant at
Miss Gray's injustice, and exchanging sympathetic glances
with Lucia, which that young lady returned with a shrug
of her shoulders and a would-be stoical-heroical look.
a
[ 89 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
As the morning dragged on, Fate proved itself to be
in opposition to Miss Gray, for half-past ten, eleven, and
twelve hours were doled out by the great-grandfather's
clock in the hall without Great-Uncle Stephenson making
his appearance. When twelve o'clock struck, Miss Gray
at last gave ear to Lucia's oft-repeated opinion that
Great-Uncle Stephenson had missed his train, or gone
to sleep in the carriage, and had been carried past his
station, or, gloomier grown, there had been a train acci-
dent, or he had suddenly been seized by a virulent dis-
ease, or he had been run over and was at that very
moment lying pale and helpless, and perhaps minus a leg
or arm or perhaps both, in a narrow bed in some hos-
pital, with another case waiting on a stretcher, till Death
should make him give up his bed to him. Though Miss
Gray did not quite believe all Lucia's dismal prophecies,
still she thought that there was no hope of Mr. Stephen-
son's coming before the afternoon at least, and she felt
that some fresh air would do her good, and so she
ordered Lucia to put away her books, without the pre-
conceived oration, and get ready to go out with her.
Consequently at ten minutes past twelve Miss Gray and
Lucia set out, the latter in very good spirits.
Precisely at twelve-thirty a hansom drove up to Mrs.
Granson's house, from which alighted a tall, elderly gen-
tleman, stooping a little, with grizzled hair, gold-rimmed
spectacles, and a top hat. He paid the driver and walked
up to Mrs. Granson's front door and knocked. While
he waited for it to open, he flicked his trousers fastid-
iously with his silk pocket-handkerchief, and his worried,
knitted brows grew smooth, as he mentally congratulated
[ 90 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
himself on the fact that he had got here at last. The
door was opened by a neat, rosy handmaiden, and Mr.
Stephenson, for it was he, entered, and met Louisa in
the passage, with a large doll tucked under her arm.
Great-Uncle Stephenson smiled amiably and chucked
her under the chin with one finger. “Well, Lucretia, my
"
dear, here we are at last. I suppose you had quite given
up hope of seeing me to-day.” Louisa gasped and at this
moment Mrs. Granson, who had heard a strange voice,
came to see what was happening. Conceive her aston-
ishment at being accosted thus, "Ah, Miss Gray, I must
apologise for having arrived at this unseasonable time,
but, first of all, let me express my satisfaction at seeing
Lucretia looking so well. I owe you indeed many thanks
for the care you have given her; no one, indeed, would
imagine that a mother's care was wanting (as it was
not). I have no doubt after this proof that I shall find
her studies in a like state, and all that I could desire.”
Whilst he was speaking thus in suave tones, he shook the
astonished Mrs. Granson warmly by the hand. Then his
beaming eye fell upon Louisa's grandfather and grand-
mother, who had followed Mrs. Granson very closely.
Mr. Stephenson bowed politely, and addressed the grand-
mother first, "I think I need no introduction, when I see
Mrs. Groats before me (Miss Gray's landlady). May I
assure you of my hearty thanks for the great satisfaction
that
you have given Miss Gray, and through Miss Gray,
me.” He then turned to the grandfather, bent on doing
the affable impartially, “Mr. Butes (the vicar), if I am
not mistaken (which he was, very much so, indeed). I
know you from the description which Miss Gray has
[91]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
given me of you in her letters to me. I hope you will
receive me kindly as a new parishioner of yours, and
preach in your choicest mood on Sunday. I warn you
beforehand that I expect great things of you, for Miss
Gray has given me an idea of your feats of rhetoric."
These amiable remarks of his, however, did not give the
lively pleasure which they would have without doubt, if
they had been addressed to the right persons. As it was,
the wrong persons experienced no sensation of pleasure,
but rather one of overwhelming surprise and conster-
nation.
Louisa, though the smallest, was the only one of the
party who saw how matters stood. Giving an ecstatic
skip she exclaimed, "Why, mother, it's Great-Uncle Ste-
phenson, you know, and he's come to the wrong house !"
Then, turning to Mr. Stephenson, she inquired, "Didn't
you see it was the wrong number, because your spectacles
have gold rims ? Lucia and I don't believe in gold-rimmed
spectacles; we think they aren't half so good as useful,
serviceable steel ones. Because, you know, it's not always
gold that glitters, and sensible people always judge people
who wear such gaudy, useless ornaments as vain, stiff-
necked, puffed up, worldly scis-scis—what did Mr. Butes
call them in his sermon on Sunday, mother?-Oh, scis-
matics! I hope, Great-Uncle Stephenson, you have not
cast in your lot with those, and fallen into the pit set
apart for the unwary feet of the ungodly.”
Mr. Stephenson's bland smile faded gradually away,
his brows drew together again in a worried fold-he
took off the offending spectacles, and began to shine them
mechanically with his silk handkerchief. “Yes—yes—
[ 92 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
my dear,” he said abstractedly, “I suppose you are right,
but did you say this was the wrong house?”
By this time Mrs. Granson had grasped the situation,
and she now came valiantly to the rescue. "Certainly
wrong, Mr. Stephenson, but not very far wrong. Miss
Gray and your little great-niece live next door. Unhap-
pily they are at present out, since they had given up all
hope of your arrival."
“ “Next door !" Mr. Stephenson exclaimed in accents
of extreme surprise. “My dear madam! You must be
mistaken! I beg your pardon, but I saw To Let set up
in a window.”
"To Let!” Then Mrs. Granson's eye fell on Louisa's
tell-tale face. “Louisa! What is this?"
Louisa had the grace to blush. "It was Lucia who
did it." So she excused herself.
“But why?”
"Because because we didn't want to break the last
commandment."
"But what has that to do with saying that the house
was 'To Let'?”
"Well, you see, I coveted Lucia's house, because, you
know, it really is much nicer than ours, mother, and so
Lucia said that if it was To Let, I could covet it quite
well, because it wouldn't belong to my neighbour, as
Mrs. Groats lives ever so far down the other side of
the street."
“I don't see the logic of that quite,” replied her mother
gravely, “for the house belongs to Miss Gray."
“I know,' returned Louisa eagerly, “but we mesmer-
ised Miss Gray into thinking of it as To Let.”
[ 93 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
"You did! And do you really think, Louisa, that you
made Miss Gray think such a thing ?”
"I'm afraid,” replied Louisa reluctantly, that our
influence over her is rather slight, though,” she continued
more hopefully, "I daresay it is enough to prevent me
breaking the last commandment.'
Mrs. Granson turned from Louisa as incorrigible to
Mr. Stephenson. “My little girl is a great friend of
your great-niece," she said, "so, I hope that you will hon-
our us with your company at lunch, which is now ready.
You must be tired after your journey."
Mr. Stephenson accepted with many thanks, for he
now knew into whose hands he had fallen. The name,
Louisa, had enlightened him on that point, for some-
times he received letters from Lucia, which had not been
censored by Miss Gray,
[94]


u
Scientific Research
on the Seashore
CHAPTER XI
After lunch Great-Uncle Stephenson was sitting in a
chair in the garden in the company of Mrs. Granson
and Louisa's grandfather and grandmother and Louisa,
and was making himself generally agreeable, when Miss
Gray and Lucia returned home. Lucia was spared all
the embarrassment of the meeting by Louisa, who, jump-
ing off Great-Uncle Stephenson's knee, so speedily had
her intimacy with that gentleman increased, seized hold
of her dearest friend and hauled her up for judgment.
“This is Lucia. I think you will like her as well as you
[95]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
do me—she's quite nice really, you know. Anyway, you
ought to, if you don't, because she's your great-niece,
and blood is thicker than water.' Then she told Lucia
in a sort of loud confidential aside, “It's Great-Uncle
Stephenson, Lucia. He was lazy (Mr. Stephenson had
said he had overslept himself) and so he missed his
train, but he's quite nice. He said he wouldn't mind two
people on his knees at all.”
Then Great-Uncle Stephenson greeted Miss Gray in
a manner which at once set at rest all the misgivings
which had instantly crowded to that lady's brain, when
she found that he had arrived and found no joyful wel-
come from herself.
Later, everyone adjourned to the seashore, where
Lucia and Louisa took complete possession of Great-
Uncle Stephenson. His trials were many and severe.
They used his silk top hat as a receptacle for small and
very active crabs, and kept him busily occupied in push-
ing them down to the bottom of the hat, as they began
to crawl up again the instant they felt the bottom. Never-
theless, he preferred keeping a constant supervision over
their movements to facing Lucia's and Louisa's reproach-
ful faces, when they found that a particularly obnoxious
crab had escaped. All the same, he felt keenly that the
silk handkerchief which he wore as a substitute for the
natural covering of his head, made him look extremely
ridiculous, and he suffered agonies of mind when he
thought of the likelihood of his meeting anybody. Be-
sides, it was but a scanty protection from the burning
rays of the sun. His linen handkerchief was of no use
whatever, for it had been converted into a pulpy, drip-
[ 36 ]


MR. .
HERMIT CRAB
ping, shapeless mass, from being successively used as a
net to catch those same green crabs, which had nipped
Great-Uncle Stephenson's fingers severely when he took
them out of the impromptu net, and dropped them into
his hat, and also as a receptacle for sand-Aies. Great-
Uncle Stephenson had been used to regard sand-Aies
with at least indifference if not with liking, but on this
memorable afternoon his benevolent tendencies towards
them were changed into a positive hatred. He found
that he was expected to grovel on his knees on the sand,
thereby injuring his lavender-striped trousers past rem-
edy, and catch handfuls of the jumping creatures, and
place them in his handkerchief without crushing them to
death or letting them escape. To his great joy, the
undertaking proved too difficult, and the enterprise was
abandoned. Then they went for a scramble over the
rocks, which he found extremely discomforting, since he
caught his toes within the cracks and crevices, and
scratched his kid boots, besides spoiling them irreme-
diably by wading through rock-pools. In the midst of
this excursion he lost his gold-rimmed spectacles down a
seemingly bottomless crevice. Lucia and Louisa were
mortally sure that they had fallen into Mr. Hermit
Crab's dwelling, but they said nothing of this. The
search for them was fruitless, and Great-Uncle Stephen-
son had to depart from that place spectacleless.
Mrs. Granson and Miss Gray could find no words to
express their amazement at his total change of appear.
ance when the children brought him back in triumph, and
so, default of words, they laughed. He had left them,
a perfectly dressed, irreproachable looking elderly
( 97 )


MR. HERMIT CRAB
>
seen.
gentleman :tailor-cut coat and trousers, shiny kid boots,
gold-rimmed spectacles, kid gloves, cane, and a silk chim-
ney pot-a battered scare-crow returned, hatless, save for
a handkerchief knotted round his head, the kid boots
scratched and sodden, his kid gloves gone (he had put
them in his pocket, for fear lest Lucia's inventive genius
should find another use for them), the cane in Lucia's
hand, and the gold-rimmed spectacles nowhere to be
All his clothes had a dilapidated, hard-used look,
and there were salt-water stains in plenty, but, about the
cut of them, there still remained an air of faded gen-
tility as if they had seen better days.
The worst ignominy, however, was before him. In
this wretched, disrespectable state he had to walk home,
and face the populace in his forlorn condition. He remem-
bered that walk home for long afterwards. The jeers
of the street-boys, their dirty fingers pointed derisively
at him were very painful, especially when he thought
of the reverential silence in which he had passed through
them before. Then there was the gaze of the respectable
part of the population to encounter and the amount of
windows which were flung open and the number of heads
which appeared, as he advanced up the street with a
mocking cortège of children of all ages and sexes attend-
ing him, and the doorways filled with admiring specta-
tors—these things were not to be forgotten; they were
burnt in on his brain, however low he cast his eyes. The
two sympathising ladies on either side and the resentful
glares which Lucia and Louisa showered broadcast on
the crowd were slight alleviations to his humiliation.
The excitement was general; all left their occupations and
+
[ 98 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
turned to gaze.
Great-Uncle Stephenson found it
extremely trying for a man of his age, disposition, and
retired habits. In vain did he ask himself what differ-
ence would it make a hundred years hence; he did not
derive much present comfort, and he felt a rush of thank-
fulness when the friendly front door closed behind him,
and shut out the madding crowd, which parted with him
with three ironical cheers.
( 99 )


CHAPTER XII
SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH ON LAND
The next morning Great-Uncle Stephenson came
downstairs in a melancholy frame of mind, not that he
had spent a bad night, but the numerous deficiencies of
his dress weighed painfully upon him. This was owing
to the fact that his luggage had not yet come. His exter-
nal habiliments consisted of a pair of trousers a world
too short for him, a coat which hung loosely on his nar-
row, scholarlike shoulders, and which flapped wildly in
the gentlest breeze, both garments the property of old
Mr. Dalrymple, and a pair of gaudy, red carpet slippers,
embroidered with full-blown cabbage-roses. A straw hat
which waggled from side to side was on his head, and in
this promiscuous attire he sidled bashfully down the stairs
into the hall. Carefully he looked round to ascertain
that no one was in sight. (Lucia and Miss Gray were
having lessons.) He then opened his Gladstone bag,
and examined its contents with a care but little rewarded.
There was only his cherished butterfly net, and his appa-
ratus for curing and preserving butterflies, and a purse,
which he slipped into his pocket, besides a case of cigars.
He lighted one of these, and began to puff it thought-
fully, seated on his possessions.
This period of tranquillity, however, did not last long.
[100]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
There floated in through the half-open door a large
butterfly. Down went Great-Uncle Stephenson's choice
Havana; he jumped up and drew forth his familiar net,
darned in many places, where the brambles had torn it,
when he was endeavouring to snare some brightly col-
oured variety. "The Vanessa Antiopa !” exclaimed
/
.
Great-Uncle Stephenson, and he dashed at it with his
net, but the butterfly turned and flew through the door
out into the open air. Great-Uncle Stephenson rushed
after it, down the path into the street. The butterfly
had settled on a cherry-tree a few gardens away, but it
was routed from there by Great-Uncle Stephenson, and
it flew into a corn-field. Without taking any heed of the
corn he was trampling underfoot, much to the disgust
[ 101 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
>
of the irate owner, who was leaning on a gate near at
hand, Great-Uncle Stephenson ran wildly after it, leav-
ing his hat behind him, “And why, because it was too
large.”
Then the butterfly floated lazily over a hedge of
thorns, which its pursuer scrambled painfully through.
They were now in an orchard, and so the butterfly had
many reasons for lingering, and settled on fallen fruit
here and there in a calm manner which exasperated
Great-Uncle Stephenson extremely. He was kept danc-
ing from tree to tree, until he was quite exhausted, and
had to mop his heated face after each attack. The but-
terfly seemed quite to enjoy the fun, and time after tiine
raised delusive hopes in Great-Uncle Stephenson's breast.
It would let him come just so near as to make him think
he must have it this time, and then would rise, and wing
its flight elsewhere. At last it left the orchard, and drew
its unhappy follower after it into a neat garden well-
stocked with brilliantly-dyed flowers of every kind. Now,
this garden belonged to the Rev. Mr. Butes, and it was
with ill-digested ire that that worthy gentleman from his
study window saw this ill-omened depredator planting
careless footsteps in the middle of each symmetrically
laid out bed, and scattering rosebuds far and wide with
his dangerous weapon. Mr. Butes did not hesitate, he
rung the bell instanter, and commanded the neat hand-
maiden, who came at his silver-tongued signal, to send
William to him. Mr. Butes pointed out the depredator
to William with a plump, outstretched finger; no words
were needed. William, filled with just wrath on behalf
of his garden, the pride of his heart, the apple of his
[ 102 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
eye, opined that the policeman had better be called in.
That official came.
As Great-Uncle Stephenson was making a desperate
jump on to the top of an immense double peony, the
flower of its family, he felt a strong hand on the collar
of his coat, and he was suddenly brought to, and nearly
strangled. Looking round, he found himself in the grip
of the law, and on the path were the accusing faces of
Mr. Butes and William. Great-Uncle Stephenson's inner
consciousness told him that he had better make no resist-
ance, but his eye fell on the Vanessa Antiopa vanishing
on the horizon with a last flirt of her tail, and he strug-
gled valiantly. A gruff voice soon brought him to a
clearer sense of his position. “Here, you've had your
bit of fun, so you'd better come along quietly, or it'll be
the worse for you.” In vain Great-Uncle Stephenson
protested his entire innocence, but his eloquent defence
fell in the face of the evidence of the desecrated beds and
flowers. His threats and prayers were treated with
marked contempt by his three capturers, and he was
marched off by the policeman, to the manifest triumph
of William and the no less, but unconfessed, triumph of
the priest, whose priestly feelings had been superseded
for the time by those of the injured proprietor.
Great-Uncle Stephenson's feelings were intensely har-
rowing, as he neared the scene of his former martyrdom.
He also could not but grieve for the loss of his Vanessa
Antiopa, snatched from him, he fondly fancied, in the
'hour of triumph. Here he sighed and sighed again, as
he saw the houses of Porthnock rise up before him.
Captor and captured had almost reached Lucia's house,
[103]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
when Lucia and Louisa, playing in the garden, espied
to their mingled horror, amazement, and anger, their
Great Uncle Stephenson coming, accompanied by a police-
man, who, “Oh, woe, oh, death, oh, lightl" had his great,
hairy hand on Great-Uncle Stephenson's collar! Instan-
taneously' they gave a shriek,' rushed out, and almost tore
their beloved uncle out of the hands of the astonished
policeman. They were followed almost immediately by
Miss Gray and Mrs. Granson, who had been summoned
by the children's shriek of rage.
To them the policeman appealed, to remove the young
ladies from his charge. Upon this, Mrs. Granson
became extremely curious and eager to know what were
the crimes which had reduced Great-Uncle Stephenson to
so low an estate. When she knew, her amazement
became still greater, if anything. Mr. Stephenson, the
trespasser, the wanton injurer of property, was a person
entirely unknown to her. The children had listened
.
with speechless indignation. She demanded an explana-
tion from the culprit himself, and though she had the
deepest respect for Great-Uncle Stephenson she could not
forbear laughing during his recital of the morning's mis-
fortunes. Lucia and Louisa joined in her laughter, but
they also sympathized with Great-Uncle Stephenson,
because the butterfly had escaped. Then she asked the
policeman if they might accompany their friend to the
court, and if he would mind loosing his grip of Great-
Uncle Stephenson's collar. She elicited a favourable
answer to both prayers, although the policeman showed
a natural reluctance to quit his hold of the collar.
The party set out for the court of justice as follows:
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
Lucia and Louisa in front, catching tight hold of the
much-injured Great-Uncle Stephenson's hands. Mrs.
Granson and Miss Gray walked behind, trying to soothe
the doughty custodian of the law, although their efforts
were much impeded by Lucia and Louisa, who kept up an
audible duet in front. Lucia speaks: “Poor, dear
Uncle !" Louisa : "Mangled by that wretch of a police-
man!" Lucia : “Did he nearly strangle you?” Louisa: :
"With his great, coarse, clumsy hands !" Lucia: "As if
he could not see the difference between my Great-Uncle
Stephenson and a common malefactor!" Louisa: "Bat!"
Policeman: "Begging your pardon, miss, but not so blind,
neither. I think his own mother would need her specs
to recognise him in his present clothes." Lucia and
Louisa turn a deaf ear. And so on, which certainly did
not improve the policeman's temper.
When they came to their destination, Mrs. Granson
prudently left the children outside, there to spend an
anxious quart d'heure de Rabelais. The result, however,
was satisfactory, and Great-Uncle Stephenson, swallow-
ing his naturally hasty temper, showed himself truly
great, for he gave the policeman half-a-crown, in a most
Christian spirit, which Lucia and Louisa immediately
copied by bidding the obnoxious bat good morning,
though somewhat haughtily to be sure. In an after-
thought Great-Uncle Stephenson asked him what unhappy
criminal he was going to take up next? The policeman
grinned broadly as he replied, “A great friend of your'n,
master. I'm just going to see the parson about his shoot-
ing without a license; I thought of it when I was there
before, but considered as I'd better seę after you first."
[ 105 ]


MR. .
HERMIT CRAB
And as he spoke the fingers of his hand unclosed mechan-
ically. Great-Uncle Stephenson did not disappoint him,
and the half-crown was increased to five shillings. At
the same moment the children's faces unbent, and the
policeman went up immensely in their opinion. They
determined the next time they saw him, to acknowledge
him as an acquaintance, instead of cutting him dead, as
they had meant to, and they all parted with the arm of
the law in a most affable manner.
[106]


On
Heaven
but mostly on Hell
CHAPTER XIII
a
The next day Lucia and Louisa set about a task which
had been preying on their minds for some time past.
They found out, when it was too late, that they had com-
pletely forgotten to ask the Malicious Fairy for her
address. Louisa indeed despondently asked Lucia if she
thought she had a proper address, and if it was possible
for Lucia to know that she wasn't living at the North
Pole, and had only just paid a flying visit that day to her
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
victim, and had had a picnic lunch on the beach. Lucia
scouted the idea indignantly. “Do you think she would
be dressed like an ordinary person then? And do you
think that we shall not find her—we, appointed by Des-
tiny to be the saviours of Mr. Hermit Crab, and to make
her loose her hand, red with the blood of her victims,
from its fatal grasp?"
“Grasp where?" asked Louisa.
"Oh, on his collar, I should imagine, like the police-
man had his hand on Great-Uncle Stephenson's collar."
“But I thought you said yesterday that she had put
her foot on his neck. She couldn't do both, could she ?”
"Oh, I daresay she does them in turns. But think,
Louisa, don't have such an earthy mind, think that we
are perhaps also appointed to end her crimes, to free the
world of its oppressor, to kill this vampire who sucks
human blood! Does not your heart swell proudly at the
thought? Do you not step out more freely, do you not
breathe a purer, more rarefied air? Think what a bless-
ing you are doing to mankind !"
Louisa could not have felt these emotions, for she
said, “Really, Lucia, don't you think it is rather con-
ceited of you, as if you were picked out, because you are
so much better than anybody else?
Mother says no
one is worthy, till they have confessed themselves miser-
able sinners.” Louisa went on, for the Malicious Fairy's
affability had won her heart. "Perhaps she isn't so
wicked as you think, Lucia; perhaps she was never
taught anything better, so we ought not to kill her; per-
haps she's only possessed !”
Lucia became grave for an instant. “Very likely," she
1
1
1
1
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
said soberly, “but then," and she brightened up again,
"it's all the more important and there's all the more need
to find her and free her from the fiend who possesses
her! We must not lose an instant, Louisa! We must
kill Wolf directly she has disenchanted Mr. Hermit
Crab.”
Louisa sighed, but protested no more, although kill-
ing at all was not to her taste, and she had a wholesome
fear of Wolf. Lucia then began her operations in the
most approved strategic fashion. First she won over
Great-Uncle Stephenson, a comparatively easy task, to
her plan, which was simply to allow Louisa and herself
to go for a walk by themselves in the afternoon. Per-
mission was granted, by the means of expending a few
blandishments. Mrs. Granson was next appealed to, and
her permission was elicited, after a liberal expenditure of
promises, that was, if Miss Gray said "Yes" too. Then
Lucia delegated to Louisa the task of tackling Miss
Gray, as she rightly conjectured that that lady would
listen more favourably to her than to herself. So Lucia
pushed Louisa into Miss Gray's special sanctum, or bou-
doir, as she was fond of calling it (the children usually
spoke of bearding the lioness in her den) directly after
dinner, for Lucia well knew that a good meal has always
a salutary effect on the temper of even the most irritable
species of mankind, or womankind for that matter.
Miss Gray looked up with a frown, as she entered,
which however speedily softened to a smile, when she
saw it was Louisa and not Lucia, "Ah, Louisa, is that
you? Sit down, dear."
Louisa sat down on the extreme edge of her chair,
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
and fidgetted uneasily for some moments, while Miss
Gray went on reading a new novel from the circulating
library at Henley. Lucia, waiting impatiently outside
with the door ajar, grew restive on account of the long
silence and poked her head in. Louisa caught her eye,
and grew very red, and so Lucia's head retired again
discreetly. Once more Lucia's head appeared with a
dumb pantomime of winks, and jerks, and frowns. Still
Louisa said no word. Lucia's head appeared again, and
the same pantomime took place. Louisa grew desperate.
Fixing an anxious 'eye on Miss Gray's impassive face,
she broke the silence, "Ahem !"
“Yes, dear?"
Louisa then exhibited all the signs of an intense ner-
vous excitement. "Please, Miss Gray, please!". And she
jumped up from her chair in her oratorical frenzy.
“Yes, dear?" An unimpassioned voice replied, and
the sound of it was as a wet blanket to her fevered spirit.
"Please, Miss Gray, may Lucia and I-"
Miss Gray's brow darkened as she heard Lucia's
name, and Louisa's spirits fell proportionately, while the
"Yes, dear?" was very cool.
“May I and Lucia" (which was bad grammar but
good policy, for it threw Lucia in the background, very
different from Cardinal Wolsey's “ego et meus rex,
which was good grammar, but not the way a courtier
should have spoken) "May I and Lucia go for a walk
by ourselves this afternoon?"
“May Lucia and you go for a walk this afternoon by
yourselves” Nothing could be more sublime than Miss
Gray's attitude (it made you think of Mrs. Siddons) and
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
tone (her words fell like the first drops of rain before
a thunderstorm, slow and heavy, fraught with meaning)
of extreme horror at such a fearful project, quite incom-
patible with Miss Gray's ideas of respectability. She
considered that little girls should always go for a walk
with their governess, or another person of respectability,
walking on either side, and talking French, or listening
to a lecture on botanism.
Louisa hastened to go on, "Mother and Great Uncle
Stephenson don't mind" (she said nothing of the condi-
tion annexed to the permission, if Miss Gray agrees :)
"and—and—” she racked her head for a reason that
might influence Miss Gray, "he says he thinks it makes us
independent and able to think for ourselves. I suppose he
was thinking about the Spartans." Great-Uncle Stephen-
son often praised the Spartans, and told the children to be
like them. Miss Gray pondered over these last remarks,
and at last said reluctantly, "Well, if Mr. Stephen-
son says you may, I suppose you can, but mind"
and she began to pour forth a quantity of good advice,
expressly warning Louisa not to do whatever Lucia told
her to. During these admonitions Louisa kept fidgetting
uneasily. They came to an end much sooner than Louisa
had expected, for she had had experience of them before,
but Miss Gray wished to continue reading her novel.
When free, Louisa lost no time in rushing to find Lucia,
in fact she sped so quickly on her errand that she nearly
knocked her down by running into that young lady just
outside Miss Gray's door. Lucia's resentment at any
other time would have been proportionate to the injury,
but she felt that if she quarrelled with Louisa, she would
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
delay the news. Besides, she felt that it would be pru-
dent to bottle up her anger in so near a proximity to
Miss Gray.
They lost no time in getting on their coats and hats
and then set out. They walked along very demurely
until they reached the top of the hill, on which stood the
church, then they stopped, turned round, and looked back
on Porthnock, stretching beneath them down to the sea-
shore, and to the sea beyond. They drew a deep breath
and realised that there was no Miss Gray near at hand
to reprimand and forbid every pleasurable deed, or at
best, looking on with cold surprise and contempt. Then
they relieved their feelings by a race down the hill,
which they had just surmounted with so much toil. This
foolish proceeding over, they came up again in the high-
est spirits and good temper with themselves and each
other.
They then entered the churchyard, and looked sharply
round to see if any of the Malicious Fairy's progenitors
were buried there by the wall amongst the stinging net-
tles in an unconsecrated corner. Louisa indeed was
doubtful if the Malicious Fairy's predecessors were
witches or wizards, and so she asked Lucia why they
should be such? Lucia replied crushingly that witchery,
like madness and other constitutional ills, was hereditary,
and expected to hear no more about the matter, but
Louisa was not yet silenced.
“But who begins it?" she asked. "For it must be
begun, before anyone can inherit it."
Lucia was at first somewhat nonplussed, but not for
long. "Why, the Serpent, of course!"
[112]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
“I don't see any of coursel" protested her less learned
companion.
“Why, don't you know that a satellite of Satan sits
on the left side of your heart, and your guardian angel
on the right side, and they both watch every thought and
feeling that passes through your heart? The one to
help the good, the other the bad, for just as God appoints
a guardian angel at every birth to watch over and pro-
tect the new-born baby, so Satan appoints a tempter to
try and destroy the deeds of the guardian angel, and
destroy too the soul of the new-born baby."
"But- -" interrupted the sceptical Louisa, "you said
they sit on either side of the heart, and watch every
thought and feeling that passes through it. Now, you
know, Lucia, they can't, because the idea that the heart
is the seat of intelligence is an exploded theory, at least
I know Great-Uncle Stephenson said so, and that it is
the brain; the heart is only the spring of life, like the
pendulum of the clock."
"I only said they sat there, Louisa, but, of course, they
have spiritual eyes and can see all over the place, through
bones and flesh and everything. But you shouldn't inter-
rupt so, it is very rude. I am ashamed of
Louisa.
Well, this tempter goes and tells his master when the
soul is in a beast of a temper and ready to do any mortal
thing out of disgust and spite with everything, or per-
haps some one has done it a great wrong, and it wishes
to take vengeance on him, and the guardian angel dances
about in a fever of agitation and flaps his wings, and
keeps saying, 'Remember! Vengeance is mine, saith the
Lord. Remember! Patience is a great virtue. Oh,
you,
[113]


MR. HERMİT CRAB
remember, do remember!” And the tempter dances about
in a fever of delight and kicks up his horny hoofs, and
shakes his tail, and says, snapping his finger and thumb,
'Oh, remember he who will not when he may, may not
when he will,' which shows that the devil can quote prov-
erbs when it suits him. 'And remember what you have
suffered. Are you a thing of no account? Shall he, this
insignificant being who has wronged you, live to laugh,
and point the finger of scorn at you, and say, Yes, yes,
I
did it, I, and I have received no hurt. Remember, life
is short, let us eat and drink and revenge ourselves
to-day, for tomorrow we die.' And the soul says,
'Remember, yes, I will remember, and he grinds his
teeth, and bites his lips, and pulls his hair, and works
himself
up from more to more. Then Satan comes, most
spick and span, for you see, after a few thousand years,
he got plenty of lost souls to do all the work and set
up to be a gentleman of leisure. Then he comes, most
bland and smiling, all dressed in black, like a clergyman,
with a large book under his arm, which looks like the
Bible, but it isn't. And then the soul, when certain pow-
ers had been given him by Satan, swears to become his
man, and after a certain number of years, to belong to
him, and be his possession, to be done whatever Satan
likes with. Then the soul writes his name in the book,
with his own blood for ink, and is lost for ever. And
that is the beginning,” ended Lucia solemnly, "for the
unhappy descendants of that poor soul have the germs
of witchery in them, which are ready to rise to the sur-
face at the least opportunity."
Louisa sighed. “Poor Malicious Fairy, I don't
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
call it fair, when she's sort of made to become
wicked.”
“Yes, and do you know, Louisa, what Satan is very
fond of doing? Why, he makes the first witch or wiz-
ard in a family become the Tempter of a descendant of
his own, and of course he endures agonies of remorse!"
"I don't believe it !” exclaimed Louisa, much moved
by the thought of the poor soul's torments of mind.
“Especially when he has to welcome his descendants
to hell, and behave as the host, and inculcate them into
all the pains and sufferings and miseries,” went on Lucia
who was thoroughly enjoying herself.
Louisa was not-she burst into passionate sobs. "I
don't be-believe it! You-you are making it all up, and
I-I know the Malicious Fairy won't go to hell. I-I know
she's far too good for it, you'll go yourself first. So
'there!"
Lucia had not been watching the varying emotions
which had been flushing and paling Louisa's face for the
last few minutes, and so she was surprised at this out-
break. “Why, Louisa! Whatever is the matter?”
"You are a great st-st-story-teller, so there now!"
Louisa replied between her sobs. “And I don't be-be-
lieve the Malicious Fairy belongs to Satan at-at all !”
Lucia cast about in her mind for comfort to give
Louisa. "Well, Louisa, very likely the Malicious Fairy
will only get a few hundred years in purgatory.'
Louisa stopped sobbing. "Purgatory ?”
“Yes, you see, Louisa, when people are not good
enough for heaven and too good for the other place"
(delicately) “they go to purgatory, and get punished for
[115]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
their sins and purified of their baseness, and made fit for
heaven. The worse they are, the longer they stay there,
and if they are very bad they go to hell. You see purga-
tory is like a little room with three doors, one of the
doors leads to heaven, the other into hell, and the other
is the one by which mortals enter. There are different
C
instruments of torture all round the room, some of which
don't hurt much, and some which are like those in hell,
frying and pitchforking and suchlike."
Louisa did not seem much comforted, for she burst into
tears again. “And-and the Malicious Fairy's got to be
fried and pitchforked for a few hundred years! Oh,
Lucia !"
[116]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
“My dear," replied Lucia grandly, "what are a few
hundred years compared to Eternity ?”
But Louisa could not look at it in this great white
light. "How would you-you like to be fried and pitch-
forked for a-a few hundred years ?”
"Hum, not much! But I didn't say the Malicious
Fairy had to be fried and pitchforked, I only said she
would go to purgatory. Very likely she will have quite
easy tortures, you see, they are the same as lessons are
in this world, and very likely on Sundays and holidays
she would be allowed to go into heaven and spend the
day there."
Louisa's tears dried quickly as she listened to this gor-
geous picture of the Malicious Fairy's future life. They
could find, however, no traces of the Malicious Fairy's
ancestors in the churchyard, and left the acre of God.
“Now, what are we to do next?" asked the weaker
vessel.
"You see those six houses over there, don't you? And
you don't know who lives in them, do you? Well, we
are going to call at every one of those houses and ask
if the Malicious Fairy lives there. Witches generally live
in huts, and fairies have no particular residences, but
those are well, not cottages, but pretty small houses, and
so I guess they'll do."
“Don't you think you had better go and see without
me, while I have another search for the unconsecrated
graves ?"
"I will on no account allow that,” replied her no less
wily companion. “What would Miss Gray say, if we
parted, and what anxiety should I not endure on your
account if I let you go out of my sight?”
[117]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Louisa perceived that all protestations would be of
no avail, and so she reluctantly consented to accompany
Lucia on her perilous errand. Slowly they approached
the first house, a modern, red brick building called “The
Braes," with large bay windows, and a garden with a
box-bordered path leading up to the front door. Still
more slowly they entered the garden and walked up the
box-bordered path. Lucia, seized the knocker, a some-
what pretentious brazen chimaera, which she could just
reach by standing on tip-toe, and by a most undignified
stretching, and then let it fall back very gently, devoutly
hoping that no one would hear, so that she might have
a good excuse for saying that the inhabitants were not
at home. Vain hope! The door swung back and dis-
closed a smart little page boy in buttons.
"Please, is the Malicious Fairy within ?" asked Lucia
in a small, weak, and uncertain voice. (She told Louisa
afterwards that she wanted to cough just at that moment
and that was why her voice was so low.) Louisa stood
aghast at her boldness, for she had quite believed that
when it came to the point Lucia's courage would fail
her, and directly the knocker had fallen, they would turn
and scurry ignominiously away, leaving an astonished
servant gazing after their retreating backs and legs.
The buttoned boy did not at first seem quite to under-
stand what Lucia meant, then his face cleared, “Oh,
you've come for the book, certainly, miss." He turned
and went, leaving two very astonished children behind
him, although Lucia's astonishment was somewhat
allayed by the pleasure of hearing herself called "miss."
He was soon back again, and placed a little brown paper
7
[118]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
parcel in Lucia's hands. “Thank you, miss. Good after-
noon, miss.” Again a thrill of gratified vanity ran
through her veins, as she replied mechanically, "Thank
you," and then covered herself with shame by returning
a "Good morning" instead of a “Good afternoon."
a
Directly they were outside the gate, Louisa asked,
devoured by curiosity, "What book is it?"
Lucia was just beginning to open the parcel when her
conscience interrupted her in her task. “We mustn't,
I'm afraid," she said sadly. “It isn't ours, you know.”
Louisa felt the force of the suggestion, but her desire
was not abated. "Perhap it may be a very nice book,
you know, for you said the Malicious Fairy, and the but-
ton-boy thought you meant the book, so I expect it's about
fairies,” she hinted.
“Yes, I know it would be very nice to see what it's
like," Lucia sighed.
"The button-boy gave it to us, so it's ours in a sort of
way,” said Louisa, for once playing the part of the
Tempter, though it was generally the other way round
with Lucia and herself.
"But we've got it under false pretences." There was
silence. The children were trying to find captious rea-
sons why they should appropriate the book for their own
pleasure. “And it would be dishonourable,” said Lucia,
finishing her sentence.
Louisa said no more, for she knew it would be no good.
Lucia was extremely nice and punctilious in matters
which concerned her honour, and she very often men-
tioned her ancestors, who were men of honour, and whom
it was her duty not to disgrace.
[119]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
"Besides," said Lucia, "it's addressed to somebody else,
so that settles the matter." Louisa looked and saw
“Miss Couronnoway, The Pine Grove,” inscribed in large
black letters on it. “Now, let us try the next house !"
went on the enterprising Lucia, taking the parcel under
her arm, for her first attempt had rather increased her
courage than otherwise, as is usually the way with after-
noon calls. This next house had an extremely glaring
white outside, with a kind of little enclosure, something
like an extremely clean and tidy yard, in the front, and
on the green entrance gate was inscribed in gilt letters,
"The Kraal." The house itself had also a sort of aroma
or scent or something about it, which gave the idea of
a farm-house, yet it was an intuition more than any-
thing else. "I think," said Lucia, as she viewed it, "that
this looks like the Boers a thousand miles away." Boldly
she advanced to open the gate, when suddenly there raced
madly round the corner of the house two little black and
white dogs, yelping shrilly but ferociously. The two
would-be saviours of Mr. Hermit Crab and the would be
wipers off the face of the earth of the Malicious Fairy
turned pale, and, as the little dogs came nearer, fled, while
the dogs sped their parting footsteps with quite a shower
of little yelping barks.
Lucia stopped soon, when she found that she was not
being pursued. "It's all right, Louisa, there's no need
to run.” Louisa stopped shamefacedly. “And do you
know,” Lucia went on in a superior sort of tone, because
she had stopped running first, “the Malicious Fairy
doesn't live there."
"How do you know?” asked Louisa, breathless but
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
incredulous, not that she didn't believe that the Malicious
Fairy didn't live there, but she did not see how Lucia
had gained her knowledge so suddenly.
"Why, as if I don't know," said Lucia disdainfully.
"Why, do you think I would have followed you in your
mad Alight, if I had not received an answer to my ques-
tion, when I was going to the house on purpose to get
an answer?” Louisa winced at the "mad Aight" but had
her own opinion of it nevertheless. “Why, those
wretched little curs," safe and sound from their pursuit
Lucia could afford to call them names, and though not
a noble or generous thing to do, it was very soothing all
the same.
She repeated it, “Why, those wretched, little
mongrel curs would have been Wolf and Tiger, of course!
Besides, didn't you see an old horse-shoe nailed to the
door. Fancy a witch fastening a horse's shoe to her
door!”
"What are you going to do next, then ?" asked Louisa,
wisely changing the subject.
“Oh, I think we'll try this house in front of us,” was
the airy response. The house in front of them, which
was about a hundred yards distant, seemed to have been
designed by a somewhat eccentric architect, or owner,
probably both. It was a long, low, one-storied building,
with a dazzling roof of pink tiles. It seemed to be
built mostly of wood, and the windows were very large.
It stood in the middle of a green field, and the drive to it
was laid along the hedge, but halfway turned straight
round and set its face towards the house. The finger-
.
post, which was set up by the side of the road, said “To
the Bungalow." The two children walked side by side
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
(this was their custom, when any feat of daring had to
be performed, each kept a sharp eye on the other, for
fear lest she should fall behind, and not participate in
the glory or the danger) up the drive, which was scat-
tered with ashes, a funestral omen. They came to the
door, they were about to ring the bell, which kindly
invited them to press on its little bone knob, when they
happened to look in through the window by the side of
the door. They both gave an involuntary gasp, and no
wonder, for there was Mr. Hermit Crab, who was des-
tined to pass his time in the nether world until his sav-
iours freed him; there he was before them, sitting at a
writing-table and holding a pen in his hand, with which
he seemed to be doing something which afforded him
intense amusement, for his suppressed chuckles came
clearly to them through the half-open window.
With a similar impulse the two children burst open the
front door and through another door, which had in enam-
elled letters on it “Please shut this door," but they took
no notice, and dashed into the room in which Mr. Hermit
Crab was sitting. He looked up at the noise of their
entrance, and exclaimed “The dickens !" while surprise
was admirably painted on his face. Then he turned and
entered a little cage which was standing by the side of
the room, banged the door to, and before their eyes the
cage ascended by some mysterious and unhallowed means,
smelling suspiciously of brimstone and fire, carrying him
with it.
When it had disappeared through the ceiling, “Quick !"
cried Lucia, “let us catch him, before the Malicious Fairy
whisks him off to the Place of Tormented Souls in her
a
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
9
fiery chariot.” They rushed into the passage and met
Mr. Hermit Crab coming down a flight of steps, intend-
ing to slip out by the back door, his general mode of
egress when he observed through his window any objec-
tionable visitor coming up the drive, which was in no
way screened by trees on that side. Lucia and Louisa
had taken him unawares, for he had been too engrossed
by his occupation to glance out of the window. Besides,
they had not rung, and so how could his conveniently-
slow-in-answering-the-door servant wait till he saw his
master safe. The children, however, were too quick for
him, but, before they could seize hold of him, he had
dashed past them into the room again, and when they
entered they found him disappearing through the floor
by some other mysterious means.
"It is no good now,” said Lucia in despairing accents,
"he has sank down into the bowels of the earth, she has
been too much for us.” There was undying hatred in
Lucia's tone.
Louisa then drew her attention to the writing-table,
over which Mr. Hermit Crab had been bending. On it
lay a spirited pen-and-ink drawing, representing the
Malicious Fairy in all her witch's paraphernalia, the
steeple-crowned hat resting lightly on her curls, and set
jauntily on one side, the red cloak, the magic staff,
engraven with cabalistic signs, the high red-heeled shoes
with red rosettes-nothing was wanting. At the bottom
was scrawled "The Malicious Fairy, alias Miss Couron-
noway.” Lucia had seized it, when a fearful sound came
from below. It came from Mr. Hermit Crab, who had
no intention of remaining long in the cellar, for he had
[123]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
i
promised to dine at seven with Miss Couronnoway, a
young lady in whose good graces he was most anxious to
stand, and it always took him at least three hours to
dress when he was going to see her, and so he began to
recite a charm to drive the children from his house. In
a high, nasal tone these words were shrieked through the
floor,
"Rats and mice! I wave my wand. List!
Whisk your tails, I've work for you! Hist!
Nibble and gnaw through the wainscot!
Drive these intruders away. What?
Ready, are you? Then hedge them in!
Like the old bishop, for their sin!
Out of the house, come O rats and mice!
Two little girls, O so fat and nice!
Brothers, sisters, husbands, wives,
Follow me, follow me, for their lives!
Out, out with your teeth, your knives-
die
The words ceased and the room was filled with a demo-
niacal laughter, pealing and echoing all around. Lucia
and Louisa did not wait, the awful death of the Bishop
of Lièges was warning them. They turned and filed
before it was too late.
[ 124 ]


CHAPTER XIV
THE ADVENTUROUS TASK OF PAYING
AFTERNOON CALLS
It was long before they stopped. They were per-
fectly exhausted and could say nothing as they looked at
each other. They panted like dogs, their cheeks were
very pale, and their hair lay dank and straight on their
foreheads. In fact, they had been badly frightened, and
if Mr. Hermit Crab had known the consequences of his
charm it is a thousand chances to one that he would not
have uttered it—so potent was it. When they got their
breath again, however, they felt much the same as usual,
excepting a dazed sensation somewhere at the back of
their feelings, half-formed as it were, and in the first
sentences which they spoke their voices were somewhat
high and uncertain.
"Do you know," said Lucia looking gravely at
Louisa, “I have found out that there is a very erroneous
impression in many people's minds regarding the effect of
fright. I speak of the very common expression, his hair
stood on end with horror, and his hair bristled with
fright. Well, do you know, your hair hasn't stood on end
or bristled or anything and I know mine hasn't. In fact,
I never saw yours straighter. I suppose it's something
like it is on Saturday nights, after you've had a bath,
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
before it's done up in curl-papers.” Lucia, though she
would not own it, was really jealous of Louisa's curls,
not that she did not believe firmly in the superiority of
her own straight dark locks, but she envied Louisa her
long, glossy, shining, golden ringlets, as being more
showy and more likely to catch the casual eye, for she
ingy
mu
felt certain that on a closer acquaintanceship the real
inferiority would be seen, and whatever Louisa might
say she could never make Lucia believe that her hair
curled naturally and was not an artificial product.
Louisa now passed over Lucia's last sentence, for she
did not yet feel herself capable of a pitched battle with
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
Lucia after the late agitations of mind which she had
gone through. "Perhaps we weren't frightened enough,"
she suggested.
"Well, as for fright,” replied Lucia disdainfully, “per-
haps not, but I know I suffered enough anxiety to turn
my raven hair as white as snow."
"Why raven hair?” asked Louisa, somewhat offended
that Lucia should apply such an epithet to her hair.
"Because in novels if the heroine's hair is dark, it is
always called 'black as raven's down' or simply raven
hair."
“But you aren't a heroine !"
“My Uncle George says," retorted Lucia, her ire
roused by Louisa's scornful air and light manner of
speaking of herself, for although she did not set herself
up for, or think of herself as, a heroine, still she did not
like Louisa to say that she was not one so flatly. “My
Uncle George says," she repeated to give her words
more weight [Lucia, before her Great-Uncle Stephenson
had arrived, had been used to quote him, but it is fatal
to an oracle to be seen too near at hand], "that there are
two currents of feeling in your mind: one is the outward
and apparent sensation, the other the inward or back-
current; when people do or say such irrelevant things
sometimes, it is because the back-current suddenly
assumes very large proportions and swallows up the
other. Now, he says, you, you yourself, are the heroine,
the ideal, the first object of your affections of the back-
current, and you are its heroine always, while the heroine,
or sometimes the hero, of the main current changes very
often and may have a lot at the same time, that is, except
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MR. .
HERMIT CRAB
a
if you are an extremely selfish person, or a one-ideaed
person or a monomaniac; then, he says, the two currents
join and become one stream, and the heroine is yourself.
I think Miss Gray's two currents have become one stream
and have the same heroine."
Louisa looked up with intense disapproval. "I think
that makes people out to be awfully vain. Your Uncle
George is a cynic, so there! And I know mother's back-
current hasn't herself for a heroine at all! There!"
"Far be it from me, my dear Louisa," replied Lucia
warmly, “to depreciate your mother. On the contrary I
have the highest respect for her, but she must be
heroine to her back-current, although this much I will
say, I daresay her back-current is very small and does
not run at all swiftly."
“I tell you, she isn't!"
Lucia shook her head, but said nothing.
"She isn't, I tell you, so there!" And to Lucia's
amazement, Louisa sat down by the roadside and wept.
Lucia looked thoughtfully at her for a second or so.
Then— “I tell you, your mother is most estimable, but
she is, alas, human like the rest of us," she said, uncon-
sciously copying the Rev. Mr. Butes.
“And do you
know, there's somebody coming."
The effect was instantaneous; Louisa rose from her
lowly seat immediately, her eyes dried as quickly, and
they walked along together calmly, casting casual glances
at the scenery as they went, and remarking on the strik-
ing contrast there was between the dark mass of trees
against the skyline and the red cows lying in the green
fields dotted with daisies.
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MR.
. HERMIT CRAB
The somebody turned out to be a boy of about the
same age as they were, and Lucia decided to ask him
where the Pine Grove was. As they met, “My boy,"
she said, "could you tell me where the residence of Miss
“
Couronnoway, the Pine Grove, is to be found ?" The boy
gave the directions required, and perhaps hoping for
something from the mildness of his interlocutress held
out his hand. Lucia and Louisa felt in their pockets, for
though Lucia remembered a certain speech of Great-
Uncle Stephenson's in which he inveighed bitterly against
those who undermined the honest independency of the
British workman by teaching him to beg and expect his
betters to keep him, yet she could not find it in her heart
to refuse the mute appeal of the open hand. However,
she could only find three farthings in her pocket, and as
she could not insult him with so insignificant a sum she
gave him a handful of nuts, and Louisa supplemented her
bounty with a fine, large, rosy-cheeked apple. The Brit-
ish workman thanked them for their unexpected presents,
transferred the nuts to his own pocket, and passed on
contentedly munching the apple.
“Now then, Louisa, come along, and let us beard the
lioness in her den !” exclaimed Lucia in great excitement.
The two children broke into a trot, which soon became
a gallop, and at last a regular race, and they did not stop
until they came to the dark mass of trees, which the very
youthful British workman had pointed out as the Pine
Grove. Then they examined breathlessly the home of
the Malicious Fairy. In front of them was a large,
closely shut, most inhospitable-looking iron gate, through
which was seen the drive, which curved and lost itself
a
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
a
amongst the trees that stood on either side. The reason
for the name was obvious enough, for there was quite a
forest, as it seemed, of pines intermixed with firs, stretch-
ing along the high-road, and guarded by iron palings,
through which the ground showed, matted with cones
and dried fir branches, with moss pushing through here
and there. For an instant the children hesitated; there
was something gloomy and forbidding about the place
altogether, partly the effect of the sombre trees, height-
ened by the sun's just having gone behind a cloud, partly
the knowledge or feeling that behind it all was a witch,
bending over a cauldron, stirring with a stick most unholy
ingredients, a black cat seated high up behind her, growl-
ing and spitting and putting her back up at Wolf and
Tiger, snarling back with equal enmity—frightful vision,
which they both tried to banish from their minds.
Lucia shivered as she pushed open the iron gate, which
seemed to make a fearfully loud noise, as it clanged to
again when they had passed through. The thought
immediately flashed through Lucia's brain that the iron
gate was a victim of the Malicious Fairy's wicked arts,
once a powerful prince, ruler over a mighty kingdom,
who had offended her by trying to warn her victims
against her. In her wrath, she had touched him with her
wand, and turned him into his present form, to endure
the agony of seeing all her victims pass through to fall
into her clutches without being able to warn them of their
fate. Perhaps with manly courage, had he again and
again, when set hospitably open, wrenched away his fas-
tening and shut himself, in defiance of the Malicious
Fairy's anger. The noise which the gate had made, when
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
it clanged to, was it not a groan wrung from his manly
heart at the sight of two more victims, and such victims?
Perhaps, too, were all these tall and stately trees but
more victims, pent in hollow trunks by her foul magic,
Ariels tortured by a Sycorax.
Howbeit, they walked along bravely, but when they
came to the first turning, they instantaneously turned
round to have a last long look at the white high-road,
as if it were an old friend they were leaving. Every min-
ute the chill air seemed to grow heavier, the light more
dim, the silence more intense. They heard no sound but
those of their feet on the gravel, which made a most
appalling noise, and a rustle every now and then among
the thickly piled branches, very likely made by some bird
in its fight, but it made them start, look fearfully about
them, and press nearer to each other. When they had
walked for some time in this manner, Lucia felt that she
must break the silence which was becoming unbearable
and the everlasting crunch, crunch of their boots. But
she could only speak in a whisper, so overawed was she
by the general hush, “Do you know, Louisa, I never knew
my boots could make such a noise before?" "Nor did
I,” came the low whisper back. “Do you know, Lucia, ,
I feel exactly as if I were in church?” “So do I.” Then
they relapsed into silence again, and trudged on, preys
to the keenest anxiety.
They turned a corner, and suddenly the full glare of
the sunlight fell on them again, dazzling them for the
moment. There was an instantaneous change in their
surroundings. Left behind was the pine forest with all
its gloom and its depressing influences. Before them lay
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
a handsome modern mansion, surrounded by gay flower-
beds, laid out in intricate patterns and artistic fashions,
and, greatest wonder of all, there, there was the Mali-
cious Fairy busily engaged in watering the most gaily-
coloured bed, representing the Union Jack, with a red
watering can. Beside her on the pathway lay her gar-
dening tools, and there were gardening gloves on her
hands. Lucia and Louisa gave a simultaneous gasp. It
was not under such auspices that they had expected to
find the Malicious Fairy. Where was the dark room,
only illuminated by a roaring fire, over which hung the
cauldron, filled with strange and powerful herbs, gath-
ered by the light of a full moon? Where the cast-off
snake-skin, the dead hand taken secretly from the gal-
lows in the dead of night, the grinning skull? Where
the broom, standing in the corner, ready to be ridden up
the chimney, where the black cat with glaring, green eyes ?
Where, especially missed, the witch with her red cloak
and magic staff? Here was only Miss Couronnoway, a
most twentieth-century figure, with her gardening imple-
ments! The two children felt a choking sensation in
their throats, but they did not cry. They only felt
dumbly that it was too bad! Lucia indeed repeated it
mechanically out loud, and with great energy, “It is too
bad!"
The Malicious Fairy turned hastily round, and Wolf
and Tiger came barking round the corner. "Why! It's
you !" exclaimed the Malicious Fairy in great amaze-
ment. “However did you find out where I lived ? I
know I never told you !"
"I wonder you didn't find out by your magic that we
[ 132 ]



H SEWELL
27
Herbs gathered by the light of the full moon.





MR. HERMIT CRAB
were coming and bringing you back your book !" replied
Lucia coldly.
"Well, you see, I never thought that you would pay
me a visit, and so I didn't take the trouble to look in my
magic glass and see.” She laughed merrily. "However,
.
as you have come, I am terribly glad to see you. Miss
Grigs has gone out to tea. Thank heavens! And I am
left all alone. These flower-beds want weeding very
badly, so if you two come and help me, we'll soon make
a difference, and when our work's done, we'll have a
splendiferous tea!"
It was a charming plan! Lucia and Louisa set to
weeding with vigour. "So Miss Grigs is out, is she?”
asked Lucia with a look of beatific happiness on her face,
as she pulled up by its roots a particularly large and
obtrusive dandelion.
Miss Couronnoway nodded. “Yes, for a wonder. But
however has Miss Gray allowed you two out by your-
selves, or is it with French leave?"
“Oh, it was Great-Uncle Stephenson, of course!"
“Great-Uncle Stephenson?”
"Yes, haven't you heard of him?"
“No, I suppose it's my awful ignorance, but I should
very much like to."
So Lucia told her all about Great-Uncle Stephenson,
his mishaps on his arrival, and those of the previous day,
and all his little weaknesses. She ended with, "And do
you know, I believe Miss Gray is setting her cap at Great-
Uncle Stephenson; she used to be setting it at the Rev.
Mr. Butes, but she's dropped him lately. Fancy having
her for a Great-Aunt Stephenson! But anyway, she
a
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
won't be his wife, for I have warned Great-Uncle
Stephenson, and so she'll have to be content with the
clergyman.”
“And what did Great-Uncle Stephenson say?"
"Oh, he said he thought I had a right to a voice in
choosing my Great-Aunt."
The Malicious Fairy listened to everything with an air
of absorbed interest, laughing often, as was her way,
and smiling when she didn't laugh, but Lucia noticed with
disfavour that her intense interest prevented her from
doing her fair share of the work. However she felt
flattered and pleased by the sense that she was amusing
a person full of such great powers. Besides, she felt
the importance of keeping her in a good humour for
Mr. Hermit Crab's sake.
[ 136]


CHAPTER XV
THE WAYLAYING OF THE WITCH WIFE
When the weeding was finished Miss Couronnoway
led the way indoors, and after they had washed their
hands, which were stained with earth, and brushed their
hair, they entered the drawing-room. There, the chil-
dren critically surveyed the tea-table, spread with an
abundance of good things, and found it to their liking.
Nothing was lacking, from cake to thin bread-and-butter,
and their critical gaze softened into a favourable smile.
They then sat down and were soon glorying in the con-
sciousness that Miss Gray's severe and prying eye could
not inspect their tea-cups, to see how many lumps of
sugar they contained, and could not look with horror on
the extravagant way in which they were piling jam on
cake. The Malicious Fairy did all she could to encour-
age them in their forbidden pleasures; doubtless she, too,
was enjoying the absence of Miss Grigs, another Gor-
gon, as it seemed, of Miss Gray's type. Wolf and Tiger
were also sharing in the joys of their betters, and kept
walking sedately round and round the table, stopping at
each person in turn to receive the proffered titbit. Mat-
ters were in this beatific state of primitive nature, in
which doubtless Adam and Eve had passed their time
before the intrusion of the Serpent, when it came into
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
Lucia's mind that now was the time to set about pleading
Mr. Hermit Crab's unhappy case. The Serpent was
coming in their case, too.
Calling Wolf to her, she began to speak, "Dear Miss
Couronnoway, I wish to address you in the character of
the Malicious Fairy, not Miss Couronnoway of the Pine
Grove, as you have hitherto been this afternoon. I wish
to plead with you for one of the unhappy victims of your
magic arts. Think of his fate, does it not move your
heart of stone, and make you shed a tear, one tear?”
Here Louisa interrupted, who never forgot the loss
of sense that there often is in a metaphor. "How can
she feel pity when her heart is of stone, Lucia, and how
can she shed one tear when she can't feel pity, and when,
as she signs the compact, the devil takes away her living
spring of real tears, and puts a fountain in its place, so
that she may only weep crocodile tears ?”
Lucia waved her inane speech aside grandly with a
pooh-poohing hand. "Be silent, I prithee, my co-legate”
(here Lucia wavered in her mind as to whether col-
league, or confederate, or conspirator was the right word
to use; finally she decided to use all four) "colleague,
confederate, and conspirator, and let me continue to
state the case.” Here a spasm of some feeling or other
contorted the Malicious Fairy's face. Lucia took it for
a spasm of remorse, took heart of grace, and proceeded
,
with gusto. “Think of his fate! Think, I say, think!
Immured for ever in the bowels of the earth, with the
cry of the Tormented Souls ever in his ears, bereft of
all the ties that constitute the happiness of life, bereft, I
say, of-of what, Louisa ?”!
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
a
Louisa mutely shook her head. The Malicious Fairy
had recourse to her handkerchief, while Lucia began to
search her pocket, and at last, after she had drawn forth
sundry miscellaneous odds and ends, pulled forth tri-
umphantly a dirty crumpled piece of paper, tied round
with a piece of red tape, which gradually assumed large
dimensions, as she unfolded it, and turned out eventually
to be a sheet of foolscap.
“Bereft, I say,—Oh, here's the place !-Bereft, I say,
of friendship's sweet communion, never knowing what it
is to be in the bosom of one's family, never having felt
paternal chastisement -"
"Surely it isn't that, Lucia !” exclaimed Louisa. "Why,
that wouldn't be any loss !”
"Oh, yes
never having felt a father's tender care,
and a mother's gentle flagellations, no, I mean flatteries;
ignorant of higher thoughts and higher aims than the
making of Seaweed Soup and the daily struggle for life's
necessities. Without the patriot's love for his country,
without the knowledge of his good fortune in being born
a Briton and an Englishman! Never having heard a
good sermon in his life!" Here Lucia became pathetic.
"Ignorant even of his own christened name and the three
Royal R's!"
Here a stifled laugh broke from the Malicious Fairy,
who had been struggling bravely and politely but una-
vailingly against her natural desires. Lucia was much
taken aback; she had been congratulating herself on the
production of the handkerchief, presumably to hide burn-
ing blushes and briny tears, and on the many spasms of
remorse which had contorted the Malicious Fairy's coun-
[ 139 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
tenance. She darted at her a withering glance, while
Louisa was even more astonished at such heartlessness
than Lucia.
“Oh! You may laugh!” Lucia's written appeal which
had been meant to appeal to the better side of the Mali-
cious Fairy's nature, was forgotten. Lucia sprang to her
feet in an honest passion, her open hand, which had been
waving insinuatingly to and fro, became a clenched fist;
her bland, ingratiating smile vanished, and a gloomy
scowl took its place. "Yes! Laugh away! But she
“!
laughs best, who laughs last, and you may laugh on the
other side of your mouth directly! Offspring of Vipers !
Accursed one! Here is given you a chance to do one
good thing in your wicked life, full and brimming over
with crimes! Now, you may give happiness to one fel-
low-creature!"
"Ignorance is bliss !" retorted the Malicious Fairy,
somewhat heated by the epithets hurled at her.
Lucia did not deign to notice her interjection. “You
have this chance given you—and you laugh! Malicious
Fairy, you are worse than I ever thought you were!
You, heedless, are standing at this moment on the razor-
edge of fate, on either side a deep abyss. Beware!”
"
Lucia rolled up her sleeves, gave Wolf a last piece of
cake, a last pat, took her knife from off her plate, and
was ready. “Malicious Fairy, will you disenchant Mr.
Hermit Crab, or not? If not, you will soon see the dead
body of yoạr favourite lying stark and stiff on the
ground.”
“Child I” returned the Malicious Fairy in blood-cur-
dling tones, "do you think that you can overreach me?
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MR. HERMIT CRAB
You! Puny mortal! Youl Know, presumptuous ones,
that I have drugged your tea!”
“What" screamed Lucia. Louisa was voiceless with
horror. She felt the quantities of tea that she had swal-
lowed suddenly rise up before her, blue like death, and
point their skeleton fingers made of tea-leaves at her, and
cry out, “Poisoned! Poisoned!" "What! You have
poisoned our tea !"
“You have said it !" The Malicious Fairy drew her-
self up to her full height, and folded her arms. "You
have said it! Now I have only to say Hey! Presto!
Cockolorum hil and you, you," she snapped her finger
and thumb together, “you will be changed into stonesor
candles, with a gutter for your end! Choose !"
Lucia glared at her, and then simultaneously the two
children rushed at her. The Malicious Fairy saw them
coming, gave a faint shriek, dropped into an easy arm-
chair, conveniently near, became quite stiff and straight,
and closed her eyes.
The children came to a dead stop, and looked anxiously
at each other. "Is she dead?” asked Louisa fearfully.
.
"I don't know, I guess it's a visitation or a judgment
on her for not giving in to us and promising to disenchant
Mr. Hermit Crab."
"What shall we do?"
“Oh, I guess she's only fainted,” replied Lucia, whose
volatile spirits were beginning to rise again after the
first shock was over.
“What do you do to people when they faint ?" asked
Louisa helplessly.
"Oh, you can do lots of things," replied Lucia cheer-
6
[141]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
fully. "You can slap their hands, or give them salts, or
burnt feathers, or pour something over them. Let's pour
something over her.” And she seized the tea-pot.
Louisa followed her example by catching hold of the
hot-water jug. “But won't it burn her?” Louisa had
“
once had a little hot water spilt on her hand and she did
not know the amount of credit which ought to be given
to Lucia's statements.
“Oh, doctors always hurt their patients, when they
cure them. Come on!"
Abruptly the Malicious Fairy gave a deep sigh, opened
her eyes, sat up, and shook herself. “You little
wretches !” she exclaimed. "Why, you would have
scalded me to death in one second! Pour something over
me, indeed !” She was righteously indignant. Then her
eye fell on Wolf, who was calmly lapping up all the
cream. "Oh! Look at Wolf!"
There then ensued a general scuffle, in which Lucia
and Louisa joined heartily, for Wolf refused to give up
his booty, and Tiger turned over the tea-tray, in his
efforts to appropriate it for himself. After their utmost
energies, combined with those of a tall and majestic foot-
man, had been expended on the recalcitrant Wolf and
Tiger, and after those offenders had been sent out of the
room in deep disgrace, order was at length restored.
Then and not till then was it that the two children remem-
bered the base attempt to make them victims, forgotten
in the moments of excitement, and they looked at the
Malicious Fairy with suspicion as she said gayly, “Will
you have some more tea now, children, at least of what
there is left after the devastations of Wolf and Tiger?”
[142]



#SEWELA
2)
"Doctors always hurt their patients."





MR. HERMIT CRAB
This question seemed to the two children to be adding
insult to injury. They glared at the unsuspicious Mali-
cious Fairy, who suddenly remembered also, as she met
their meaning looks.
"Trapped !" Lucia remarked hastily in a stage aside
to Louisa. "Wolf out of the room! Base conspiracy!
We must do or die l”
Louisa rose to let in Wolf who was scratching at the
door, with Tiger too, when the Malicious Fairy, putting
on again her tragedy-queen air, spoke scornfully and
with a most dignified posture, “Children! Pigmies !
Creatures of dust! Do you fancy that you could slay
Wolf before I said Hey-"Her speech came suddenly
to an end and her dignified posture also, for Lucia and
Louisa flung themselves upon her, before the fatal words
could be uttered. "Gag her!" cried Lucia, but there was
no pear of deadly anguish in sight. However, the sofa
cushion was caught up. “Necessity is the mother of
invention,” said Lucia grimly, with a cynical smile play-
ing round her mouth (at least she thought it was one)
as she pressed it upon the hapless Malicious Fairy's face,
who felt herself on the verge of suffocation.
"You'll be hanged for this murder !" she managed to
ejaculate, and a minimum quantum of air was allowed
her. Then Lucia dictated their terms to her with intense
enjoyment. She was to eat humble pie in the most humil.
iating fashion. She was never to say "Hey! Presto!
Cockolorum hil" again on any occasion whatever !
Here the Malicious Fairy interposed, "Then how am
I to call my broomstick to me, when I want to ride up
the chimney?” The children nevertheless were inexor-
( 145 )


MR. HERMIT CRAB
able. "Of course," said the Malicious Fairy deceitfully,
choking down her disappointment, at least that was what
Lucia put down the queer, shaky tone of her voice to,
“of course, it's not so much for myself I care, but I had
intended to take you two for a ride, you know, and how
can I, if I don't say Hey Presto " Here her speech
was interrupted, violently.
When free once more she uttered, "Well, how can I
then ?” Judge Lucia looked haughtily at the prisoner
at the bar. "Ah! We know you !" said his worship, in
a tone of ineffable wisdom, and he winked at Counsellor
Louisa. Then the trial continued. She was to give them
a potion, which would do away with the harm which the
poison might happen to do them even without the fatal
words. (The Malicious Fairy immediately decided to
make the potion extremely nasty to indemnify herself for
the damages which the judge was decreeing, and those
which she had received through partial suffocation and
threatened scalding.) She was also to disenchant Mr.
Hermit Crab with all due formalities. The Malicious
Fairy, so serenely and sweetly that she must surely have
melted any hearts but theirs, consented to do their wills,
though she called down many terrible maledictions on
Mr. Hermit Crab's innocent head.
Then the children said they must be going. Miss
Couronnoway tried to persuade them to stay longer, but
fruitlessly. The remembrance of Miss Gray forbade
their yielding to her pressing invitation, and Lucia's fear
that Miss Couronnoway might vanish and leave the Mali-
cious Fairy in her place. However, her offer of a car.
riage to take them home met with more favour, and was
[ 146 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
at last accepted, and after they had settled with the
Malicious Fairy to meet on Saturday at 9:30 A. M. on
the seashore they bowled away merrily down the drive,
and left the Malicious Fairy to grind her teeth over the
humiliating events of the afternoon, and Miss Couron-
noway to prepare to receive Miss Grigs back, and to
entertain Mr. Hermit Crab at dinner afterwards.
[ 147 ]


CHAPTER XVI
THE BREAKING OF THE SPELL
>
SATURDAY morning came, the thoughts of which pre-
vented Lucia and Louisa from going to sleep till late on
Friday night, and made them wake up very early. They
also ate so little breakfast that Mrs. Granson and Great-
Uncle Stephenson were quite anxious, but Miss Gray
scented mischief afar off, and decided to keep her eye on
Lucia. After breakfast they all went down to the sea-
shore, the children racing in front. However, when they
came there, they found no sign of the Malicious Fairy
and they began to ask themselves whether she might not
be playing them false, and perjuring her soul by break-
ing her word to them. But as they were standing on a
large boulder from where they could see far and wide,
they were roused from these gloomy meditations by a
familiar bark behind them, and looking round they
espied Wolf and Tiger in the most exuberant spirits.
Behind them was the Malicious Fairy coming down the
side of the cliff, and they found that they had been look-
ing in the wrong direction for her approach. The Mali-
cious Fairy was followed by two tall, imposing footmen,
each carrying a large hamper, whose lid was tightly tied,
to protect its contents from prying eyes.
"Good morning," said Miss Couronnoway, "I hope I
am not late."
[ 148 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
"Hope ?” asked Lucia. "Are you glad to release Mr.
Hermit Crab?" And she smiled benignantly at the
thought that perhaps her inspiring appeal of the other
day had softened her stony heart somewhat.
The Malicious Fairy frowned. “Is it a thing to be
pleased with? You give me a fearful amount of trouble
and you ask me if I am glad!” Lucia saw that more
than one lecture was needed to bring the Malicious Fairy
to a sense of her sins.
When they came to the archway, surnamed "The Flood
Gate,” Miss Couronnoway dismissed James and Thomas,
who set down the hampers and departed with the same
immovable air and countenance, “Yes, miss," being the
only words which it seemed in their power to utter. The
tide was in, and so the children immediately proceeded
to divest themselves of their shoes and stockings, and the
Malicious Fairy followed their example with much reluc-
tance. Then the children each took hold of a hamper,
and invited the Malicious Fairy to step in between and
share the burden. With sundry groans she consented,
although obviously against her will, and they waded
bravely along, albeit somewhat disconcerted by the Mali-
cious Fairy's frequent warnings that her arms were
breaking off with the weight, and the hampers would fall
in mid-stream. Once safely across, the Malicious Fairy
sank down on the sand and with infinite toil and with
what Lucia and Louisa considered an undue use of her
pocket handkerchief began to put on her shoes and
stockings, a work which the two children dispensed with.
She took so long a time over this that Louisa even grew
impatient, and Lucia lost her patience altogether. Seiz-
a
( 149 )


MR. HERMIT CRAB
ing the shoes and stockings, she threw them far out on to
the deep. At first the Malicious Fairy was really angry,
but her anger soon changed to earnest pleading, when
she found that Lucia had no idea of giving them back to
her. At last Louisa became touched by her representa-
tion of how tender her feet were and what pain the rough
way to Mr. Hermit Crab's dwelling would cause her.
So she waded into the sea, and fetched them out, while
Lucia stipulated that the Malicious Fairy should take no
more than one minute in putting them on, as she had
found out on consulting Miss Couronnoway's watch,
which she wore conveniently on her wrist, that they had
already spent half-an-hour in getting thus far on their
journey. The Malicious Fairy put them on in haste,
though not without complaining of their dampness and
how it was enough to give her her death of cold, and how
Miss Grigs would scold, and how in her old age she
would regret this journey, when racked with rheumatic
pains! These remarks made Louisa intensely uncom-
fortable, and Lucia could just look full of composure,
lest the Malicious Fairy should see her weakness and
rejoice at it.
But as soon as they entered the passage all their ener-
gies were needed for dragging along the hampers, which
was the harder task from the fact that it was almost
pitch dark, and that the Malicious Fairy was of no use
at all. Nevertheless, by dint of great expenditure of
skill and strength on Lucia's and Louisa's part, they
emerged after a time on to the platform and began the
difficulties of the descent of the stairs. This was so
much the more difficult because they had forgotten to
[ 150 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
annex privily some candle-ends. By good hap Louisa had
a match-box with her, with some matches in it, and by
their aid they managed to descend half-way before they
gave out, and darkness fell upon them. They were in a
state of doubt and perplexity when they heard Mr. Her-
mit Crab's door open far below.
“Hallo!” shrieked Lucia shrilly, and a stentorian voice
shouted back, "Hallo! Come to pay me a visit? I'll
put on a pot of Seaweed Soup directly !"
"Very good," replied Lucia, “but wait a minute, I've
a great surprise for you."
"Oh, do tell me!"
“Patience is a great virtue."
"But I have a burning curiosity to know."
“Now, my dear child, how often have I told you that
only a calm demeanour is compatible with a lady-er-
gentlemanlike deportment. No true gentleman allows
himself to be so far carried away by emotion as to forget
that he is a gentleman,” said Lucia in tones of mild exas-
peration, reminiscent of Miss Gray.
"I am sorry," in a submissive tone, “but do be good
and kind, Lucia, and tell me."
"Well, say your alphabet, frontwards, backwards, side-
wards, and anyhow, and perhaps-" Mr. Hermit Crab
instantly began in a regular schoolboy's drawl and rat-
tled off the alphabet frontwards and backwards in fine
style. There was some hesitation about sidewards, and
anyhow came to a complete smash.
“I am ashamed of you,” said Lucia severely, "espe-
cially when we have brought a lady to see you." But she
remarked aside to the Malicious Fairy proudly, “that all
).
[151]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
>
the same, it was very good, considering the short time he
has been learning
“A lady !" exclaimed Mr. Hermit Crab. "Whoever is
it? Miss Gray?"
This guess sent both Lucia and Louisa into agonies of
laughter as they thought of Miss Gray paddling through
the Flood-Gate and crawling along the passage from the
cave. “We should hope not! Guess again!"
“Mrs. Granson ?”.
"No!" Here the children could not wait for another
guess, their impatience was so great, and they were so
eager to tell the wonderful news that they both spoke at
the same time. “It's—it's the Malicious Fairy !"
Mr. Hermit Crab gave a hollow groan. “My tor-
mentress! The destroyer of my rest! To soften whose
heart I have even written sonnets in her praise! Chil-
dren, children, I thought better of your friendship than
this !"
The two children, pierced to the heart by his reproach-
ful tone, again spoke together to undeceive him. “She
won't torment you really! We'll kill Wolf if she tries
to! She's going to disenchant you! And she is so anxious
to taste your Seaweed Soup !"
Mr. Hermit Crab's voice took on the tone of the
inventor, proud of his skill, and he said very suavely, “I
shall be delighted to see her, quite enchanted!”
“You shall see her in five seconds, if you'll get your
lantern and show us the steps. Our matches have given
out!"
Mr. Hermit Crab's door banged, and then banged
again, as he came out with his lantern to light the way
[152]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
down the steps. Mr. Hermit Crab greeted the Malicious
Fairy with an extremely low and ceremonious bow, and
she returned his politeness with a very fine curtsy, while
Wolf and Tiger gave the little short barks with which
they were accustomed to welcome friends of their mis-
tress. Lucia was a little astonished at Mr. Hermit
Crab's knowledge of good manners, but then recollected
that she had read somewhere about Nature's gentlemen.
Then Mr. Hermit Crab took hold of the two hampers,
and carried them in, but he instantly returned, picked up
the lantern, which he had set down on the rocky cause-
way, and opening the door again, which banged to after
every entrance and exit, invited the Malicious Fairy to
honour his humble abode by stepping in. The Malicious
Fairy smiled very sweetly, and going in, immediately sat
down on the table, and proposed that they should have
some Seaweed Soup all round.
To this the children demurred; they wanted to have
the disenchanting safely over first, and when they told
Mr. Hermit Crab that she was dressed as a real, proper
witch under her mackintosh, he also became anxious for
the disenchanting. This did not suit the Malicious Fairy
at all. She became highly displeased. She said that she
was so fearfully hungry that she couldn't disenchant with-
out something to eat first. The disenchanting would
take so long that she should faint from starvation before
she had finished, and that would mar her spells dread-
fully. She did so want to taste the Seaweed Soup, for
Lucia and Louisa had so often told her that it was quite
a chef-d'auvre. She wouldn't and she couldn't disen-
chant Mr. Hermit Crab before her hunger was satisfied.
( 153 )


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Mr. Hermit Crab inquired how long it would take to dis-
enchant him, and was horrified to learn that it would
take twenty-four hours at the very least. The children
were as astounded as himself, and it was only after
repeated pleadings that they elicited from the now com-
placent Malicious Fairy that there was one way in which
it would take no more than one hour, but it was a per-
fectly impossible way, perfectly impossible, so no more
could be said about it. They begged earnestly to be told
the way at least. It was that Lucia and Louisa should en-
dure the same treatment which Mr. Hermit Crab would
have to endure to be disenchanted. The two children
winced rather at the idea of having to endure any-
thing, which might be unpleasant perhaps, but they prom-
ised in consideration of the great good it would do Mr.
Hermit Crab, and felt like martyrs. So the pot of Sea-
weed Soup was put on to boil, and everything was in
readiness.
The Malicious Fairy doffed her too-cheerful counte-
nance, and donned an expression more suitable for the
occasion and the ceremony about to take place. She took
off her mackintosh, and hung it on a nail, watched the
while by Lucia and Louisa with the utmost interest. She
revealed herself attired in a very imposing dress. It was
made of black, yellow, and red colours, combined together
in strips of different widths, and looped up in several
places with bunches of ribbons. The material was soft,
clinging, and flimsy. She then drew from one hamper a
pair of shoes with red heels made very high, with a large
rosette on either toe. These she put on her feet in the
place of her soaked sand-shoes. Her next move was to
[ 154 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
It was
a
draw from the hamper a quantity of round, hollow
sticks, of different lengths, all carved in different fash-
ions. These she fitted one into the other, until she had
a pole, or rather wand, as tall as herself.
engraven with cabalistic signs, all done with a poker, and
it had a very pretty little miniature owl set on the top,
whose bright, round, beady eyes and head held a little on
one side gave it a laughable air of wisdom, most pleasant
to behold. Long streamers were fastened to its claws.
She then turned to the hamper again and brought forth
a bandbox. Out of the bandbox she first took a great
deal of crushy paper, which showed that there was some-
thing very precious inside, and then she drew forth in
triumph and with infinite care the peculiar hat of a witch.
"Ah," said Mr. Hermit Crab in a parenthesis, “I knew
it was a hat straight from Paris, when I saw the care with
which it was unpacked, nothing but a Parisian hat à la
mode would have received such attention."
“On the contrary," replied the Malicious Fairy indig-
nantly, "it is of genuine English make and style." As she
spoke she placed it on her head, surveying the effect in a
doll's looking-glass which had come out of a cracker, and
which hung on the wall, the only one which Mr. Hermit
Crab's establishment could boast of. The hat had a
broad brim, and was in style something like those worn
at one time by the Roundheads, with a very high crown
narrowing towards the top and ending in a peak, in fact
exactly like a steeple. It was trimmed with parti-coloured
ribbons, which ran round the crown on either side
to the back, having their source in a huge rosette set in
the middle of the front. The hat was eminently suited
[155]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
a
to the Malicious Fairy, and from the complacent way in
which she set it on her head and viewed herself in the
looking-glass, such as it was, it seemed that she knew it.
Her composure, however, was a little upset when she
perceived that Lucia behind her back was copying her
every movement, setting herself and clothes generally
straight with the same air, while Mr. Hermit Crab and
Louisa applauded her by clapping their hands in dumb
pantomime. The Malicious Fairy turned sharply round,
and was met by the sight of three very innocent faces,
and three pairs of carefully folded hands. She surveyed
them with an angry glare, and proceeded to get a piece
of chalk from the inexhaustible hamper. She then drew
with a vicious energy a circle on Mr. Hermit Crab's care-
fully scrubbed and scoured floor, which sight could not
be endured by him.
He rose in great wrath from the only chair. "You are
dirtying my floor, I shall have to scrub it for the sixth
time to-day, woe is me!"
The Malicious Fairy glanced at the floor, which cer-
tainly did not show the signs of such careful house-
wifery. “I don't think it will hurt it,” she answered
coolly, “even if it gets a seventh," and to Mr. Hermit
Crab's intense disgust, went on with her circle, which
when it was completed, was certainly not a complete cir-
cle. “Now, come into this circle and kneel down,” she
cried.
Again Mr. Hermit Crab demurred. "I shall dirty my
trousers, my Sunday go-to-meeting trousers.”
“Surely not, when the floor has been scrubbed five
times to-day,” the Malicious Fairy replied icily.
>
[156]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Mr. Hermit Crab, making a sign of despair, knelt
down, and in this act was followed by Lucia and Louisa.
Lucia had some qualms of conscience, which she stifled
bravely, about whether it was right to kneel, when she
knew that her knees only belonged to her God and her
King. The Malicious Fairy waved her wand over them
with a grandly protecting air, and the streamers raised
such a wind that the fire smoked and they all, including
the witch herself, who ought to have been free from such
human frailties, coughed. Then cried the Malicious
Fairy, “If you move either hand or foot, the spell will
be broken.” She took from the hamper a little card-
board box, out of which she took something, and threw
it into the kettle on the fire.
"Oh!” cried Mr. Hermit Crab, greatly concerned,
"you've poisoned the water, and I shall have to boil the
kettle again for my dinner!"
The Malicious Fairy turned round and sternly placed
her finger on her lips. "Sh-s-ssss!" she hissed. It was
truly dramatic and thrilling. Lucia and Louisa and Mr.
Hermit Crab were lost in admiration. The Malicious
Fairy now began to murmur unintelligible words to the
kettle, and to wave her wand, and occasionally to flick
one of them with a streamer. Soon she began to flick
them oftener, and she kept them occupied in trying to
escape the flick by bending their heads when they saw it
coming. They spent some time in this interesting diver-
sion, but at last the Malicious Fairy stopped, when she
found that they would keep cheating by bending their
bodies as well as their heads. She marched in stately
fashion to the hamper and drew out what seemed in
[ 157 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
essentials extremely like a pepper-box. In fact, she
sneezed slightly as she brought it out. But when Mr.
Hermit Crab hazarded the question, he was immediately
rebuffed. “Pepper! It is incense! How could you mis-
take incense for pepper?” Then she began to pepper, or
rather to sprinkle incense on the floor pretty freely
around them, which, when they inhaled it, made them
sneeze and Mr. Hermit Crab lament his much-abused
floor in heart-rending terms. After a while the Malicious
Fairy grew tired of this, as it came about that she hap-
pened to wave her wand, which raised such a storm of
incense that she suffered equally from it with those under-
going the disenchantment. She put it back in the ham-
per again and instead brought out a large black bottle,
which the children and Mr. Hermit Crab eyed with much
disfavour, for it was dark in colour and had a pungent
smell.
"I hope,” remarked Mr. Hermit Crab, "that we have
quite finished with pepper, I beg pardon, with incense.
Then in a deferential tone to the Malicious Fairy,
"Would you mind telling me, madame, the name of that
evil-smelling drug ?”
“Nectar!" she replied graciously.
"Nectar!” exclaimed her three hearers. "I am sadly
afraid,” added Mr. Hermit Crab, “that it is not the nec-
tar that I have read of."
The Malicious Fairy now marched up to him and
motioned him to drink it off. Mr. Hermit Crab put on
a pleading countenance, but since no signs of relenting
were visible, he opened his mouth a little way, and took
a little sip. Lucia and Louisa watched his face anxiously
[158]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
but were not much encouraged by its expression after the
little sip. His mouth shut tightly, he had a compressed
air about him, as if he were bottling up his feelings, and
all his lineaments were perfectly rigid, while the corners
of his mouth were drawn down and set awry. "Come,
down with it !" said the Malicious Fairy. Mr. Hermit
Crab shook his head emphatically, but his jaws remained
locked. “The disenchantment cannot go on until you
have finished the tumbler." Mr. Hermit Crab made an
awful effort for command of himself, and gulped it all
down. Then the Malicious Fairy proceeded to admin-
ister the same black dose to Lucia and Louisa, who
required some persuasion before they could finish their
tumblersfull. When, at last, the black bottle was
replaced in the hamper, all the three gave a positive gasp
of relief.
The Malicious Fairy now produced a squirt, which her
victims surveyed with a painfully quickened interest.
They were not left long in suspense as to what it was
going to be used for. She began to squirt the water at
their faces with a dreadfully straight aim. In vain they
dodged, but this torture came to a sudden end. The
Malicious Fairy tried to squirt the water at them faster
than she was able. The consequence was that her hand
slipped, and she squirted it with a terrible force up into
her own face, to the manifest and unholy joy of the
others. She put the squirt away, but from her air they
began to fear that something far worse was in store for
them. As it was, she happened to look in their direc-
tion as she dived into the hamper, and her forbidding
glance suddenly softened. She looked in a hesitating
[ 159 )


MR. HERMIT CRAB
manner at the hamper and then at them, and then back
at the hamper again. The children and Mr. Hermit
Crab watched her in a breathless silence, for they felt
that their fate hung in the balance. Soon she took her
resolution and rising, she waved her wand to the four
quarters of the earth.
“Ladies and Gentlemen [the last comprising Mr.
Hermit Crab and Wolf and Tiger], I have the honour to
announce to you that the disenchanting is fulfilled, the
spell broken. [Wild applause.] I now think that some
refreshment will be very welcome to all of us after our
late exertions. I therefore propose that we adjourn to
the dining-room to partake of Seaweed Soup. [Vigor-
ous clapping from Lucia and Louisa, while Mr. Hermit
Crab succeeded in looking amiably bashful.] I, for
I
one, am quite ready. [Signs of dispersion in her audi-
ence.] Still one more thing, or as Mr. Butes, our revered
Vicar says, 'just another thought' [“And goes on for
another half-hour,” grumbled one of her audience),
“knowing the ignorance of the Hon. member there of
the eatables of the upper world, I hope this simple repast
here, which I thought fit to bring with me, will meet with
favour.”
And bending gracefully, she lifted the lid of the second
hamper, and showed that it was full of good things:
veal pie, rabbit pie, cold pheasant, cod's roe, plovers'
eggs, potatoes roasted in their skins, which were imme-
diately set on the fire to warm, and a bottle of Harry
Peck's, comprised the meat courses; blanc-mange, jelly,
trifle, jam puffs, and chocolate éclairs for the sweets; for
the dessert, oranges, nuts, apples, peaches, pears, and
>
[ 160 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
grapes. For the moment the recipients of the Malicious
Fairy's bounty were silent, but they soon gave vent to
their feelings in hearty cheers and vigorous clapping.
Then Mr. Hermit Crab signed for silence, and in an
address full of enthusiasm and wit and general brilliancy
proposed three cheers for the Malicious Fairy. His pro-
posal was greeted with acclamations, and Lucia and
Louisa and Mr. Hermit Crab and Wolf and Tiger then
drowned the cries of the Tormented Souls by their united
hip, hip, hurrays, which the echoes swelled, till it seemed
as if thousands of voices were cheering and hundreds of
dogs barking.
When the noises so suddenly roused had died away in
gentle whisperings afar off, Mr. Hermit Crab rolled up
his sleeves for the purpose of outdoing himself in Sea-
weed Soup to grace the occasion, while the Malicious
Fairy with the help of the two children set the table and
placed the viands in the manner which most set off their
respective beauties. Then they turned their attention to
the making of the Seaweed Soup. In vain did Mr. Her-
mit Crab remind them of the old proverb that “too many
cooks spoil the broth.” Their assiduous attentions could
not be curtailed, from the Malicious Fairy, who was hav-
ing a warm dispute with Lucia as to how many pinches
of salt would be necessary, down to Louisa, who was
vainly trying to persuade Mr. Hermit Crab to take a
wooden spoon to stir it up with, instead of the iron one
he was using, on the ground that there might be some
lead mixed with the iron, which would surely have seri-
ous effects on themselves, if it happened to melt, and
become one of the ingredients of the Seaweed Soup. At
[ 161 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
last it was made, and Mr. Hermit Crab proceeded to
pour out generous bowls-full for each one. The Mali-
cious Fairy tasted it delicately, while the others waited
for her decision with bated breath. "Wonderfully good,
“
considering who is the inventor.” Her hearers drew
"
deep breaths of relief, and proceeded to do justice to the
rest of the feast, for Lucia and Louisa had felt almost
as much anxiety as Mr. Hermit Crab himself about
whether the Seaweed Soup would meet with the Mali-
cious Fairy's approval or not. To be sure, they were
not the inventors, but they had been the first to taste
and praise it. The meal was a great success, and nothing
,
was left at the end except fragments, which were thrown
to the fishes.
Then the whole party began their journey to the upper
world, expecting to find great pleasure in Mr. Hermit
Crab's surprise at the many things which would naturally
strike him in his first glimpse of it. To their intense sur-
prise, however, when they had ascended the steps, Mr.
Hermit Crab turned aside and led them along a ridge
or wide ledge, which went past the hole, through which
they had been used to crawl, away from the rocky plat-
form. He himself did not know of the existence of that
way to the upper world. As they went along the ledge
they found that they were going downhill rapidly, and
soon they found themselves close to the water, which
lay long and narrow like a lake, and was quite fresh,
without the least suspicion of salt in its taste, as they
proved by the test of the tongue.
A small rowing-boat was fastened by its painter to the
ledge on which they stood. They jumped in, and Mr.
[ 162 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Hermit Crab took the oars, while the Malicious Fairy
steered. Soon the boat grated at the bottom, and jump-
ing out, they found themselves on dry land, composed of
boulders of different sizes, while, overhead, the ground
was in the form of an arch. The sky and the sea showed
a few yards away. Mr. Hermit Crab fastened the boat
to a large boulder, and then they all scrambled over the
rocks towards the opening. Two great masses of earth
and rock had been cleft in two by the force of the sea,
forming a narrow creek. An iron ladder rested against
one side, up which they climbed. The children and the
Malicious Fairy looked around them in amazement.
This place and its surroundings were most familiar to
them. “Why! It's Piper's Hole!” they exclaimed.
Often in their walks had they come there. Once Lucia
and Louisa had been taken by Mrs. Granson and Miss
Gray to this place—a great resort of smugglers it had
been. They had gone down that iron ladder, and had
been rowed on that freshwater lake by the sailor, whose
duty it was to take visitors for a row and to see the sights
of the place and to charge as highly as his customers'
purses would allow. It was one of the sights of Porth-
nock, which it was the duty of every tourist and new-
comer to go and see, as well as the Monument and
Beaton House, the residence of a lord, who was much
revered, but rarely seen-a most convenient invalid,
whose estate agent could do nothing without his consent,
and yet he was much too ill to be worried with any busi-
ness. All tourists ate their lunches on that headland, and
left papers and ginger-beer bottles behind them.
The Malicious Fairy was the first to throw off her
[ 163 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
astonishment; she turned to Mr. Hermit Crab, “How
much do you pay Horatio for the use of that boat? I
don't wonder now that he has lately set up another fish-
ing-boat, bought his second son the forge, besides a new
suit of broadcloth on Sundays for himself.” At this
moment the form of Horatio himself was seen higher up

UM
JAM
on the cliff, standing on the coast-guard path, which
wound along the coast. His arms, clad in wide oilskins,
were gesticulating wildly, and they could see his mouth
opening and shutting, but the roar of the waves on the
rocks below them drowned the sound of his voice. "What
the dickens is the man after?" said Mr. Hermit Crab
gaping in puzzled fashion at the broad figure above them,
with his oilskins flapping in the breeze. Then he glanced
[ 164 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
behind them, and cried hurriedly, "Run! Run !" and
seized Lucia and Louisa by the hand. They too looked
behind and then began to scramble up the cliff as fast as
they could, but it was too late. The great, white cloud
of spray which had suddenly risen out of the sea came
rushing over the rocks and up the cliff, burying them in
its course. They gasped, when it had passed over or
rather through them, and gazed ruefully at their gar-
ments which were quite drenched. Then they continued
to hurry up the cliff, since they did not wish for another
douche. However, when they reached the top and scrut-
inised their clothes once more, they found that they were
not so badly off as they had at first thought, for happily
the greater part of the spray had been exhausted before
it reached them. The Malicious Fairy's mackintosh had
protected her for the most part, and as for the rest of
the party their clothes would soon dry in the high wind
on the top of the cliff. A little row of whitewashed cot-
tages stood in front of them, and the Malicious Fairy
suddenly remembered that she had promised to go in and
see an old woman who lived in one of them the next time
she passed by
Mr. Hermit Crab and the children said they would
accompany her, and so the four entered the little wooden
gate, walked up the cobble-stoned path with the scrap of
garden on either side, full of sunflowers and everlastings,
and rapped at the door. A querulous old voice told them
to come in, and they lifted the latch, and entered the
kitchen. In a wooden armchair, with a scarlet wrap-me-
jack round her shoulders, sat Mrs. Jenkins. The kettle
was singing, the "tay-pot” was on the hob, and there were
[ 165 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
geraniums on the window-sill. At the first glance the
Malicious Fairy saw it was one of Mrs. Jenkins's bad
days, when she could see no good in anyone or anything.
“Good morning, Mrs. Jenkins, a nice warm morning,
isn't it?"
"Warm, do you call it? Ah well, I suppose you find
it warm. It's bitter cold to me. Bitter cold I"
"Are your rheumatics bad to-day?”
“As bad as they can be, they are. But there's always
crisses and crosses in this world. Ah, dear! I'm not
long for this world, I'm thinking. No better than a cast-
off garment or a rotten apple, I am.”
"Oh, let us hope you will be better, now the weather is
becoming warmer, Mrs. Jenkins.
“Ah, you don't know when you may die, you don't.
There was my mother's uncle Benjamin's niece, a strong
hearty woman, she was, with a husband and seven little
childer."
“Indeed! And did she die ?"
“Dear! Dear! She was making bread one morning,
and she had made two loaves and the third was baking
in the oven. And she went into the garden and fell down.
Fell down! And died! And the little boy came crying
down the street to my mother! And there was the loaf
burnt to death in the oven! There were seven childer
and the husband used to drink, and the loaf was quite
spoilt! Beautiful bread, too, she used to make, I've
heard my mother say, and it was black as a cinder. She
had baked the two, beautiful and brown they were, and
as crusty as can be, and she went out into the garden and
fell down and died, and it was like eating ashes, the other
[ 166]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
was so baked to death. Black as a cinder! Yes in-
deed!”
"Oh, what a pity, Mrs. Jenkins !"
“And there was my Great-Aunt Cecilia's cousin, she
could make beautiful cakes, she could. Yes indeed! She
used to go round, saying, 'Have you anything for me
to-day?' And they used to give her the things, and she
would make a cake. She was powerful at wedding cake
.
specially. She lived with her father and mother, and her
father died when it was harvesting-time. And she went
to Henley with another woman, who had lost her child,
and she got a headstone for him, made of granite it was,
and they say it cost forty pounds! Think of that! Yes
indeed! Then in another month she died and was buried.
The schoolmaster and his young lady were very
vexed because they had wanted her to make their wed-
ding-cake, and they had to put up with a boughten one,
fit to poison a body it was! Yes indeed! And the next
month her mother died. In three months the three of
them died, and were buried before the time for planting
the potatoes. And they all kept beautiful! And such
wedding-cakes as she used to make! A beautiful head-
stone it was, all made of granite, and the grave was on
the sunny side of the church, too! And the daffodils
came up lovely! Dear, dear, forty pounds !"
"Very sad indeed, Mrs. Jenkins. Well, I think I must
be going now and leave you to your tea. I see the kettle
is beginning to boil. Good-bye, I hope you will be better
soon. I will tell Cook to send James down with a pud-
ding. I daresay your appetite is not very good at
present.”
[167]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
"Well, no, I can't say it is. Some people's appetites
want tempting a lot, though I'm thankful to say that
when I was young and hearty, I could eat almost any-
thing. And some people can't abear rice pudding. There
was a near relation of my own, such things run in the
family, you know, my mother's uncle's nephew, Jabez,
Gibbers he was called by his intimates-
Here the Malicious Fairy rose hastily and looked at
her watch. “I really am afraid that I cannot stay any
longer. If I send a custard pudding, will that do? Oh,
very well, good-bye. Your geraniums look flourishing,
good-bye." And the Malicious Fairy departed with her
cortège. As they walked down the cobble-stoned path,
she observed to Mr. Hermit Crab, “Whenever I visit
Mrs. Jenkins I always emulate the ladies of Cranford in
the length of their calls."
Lucia said, “Do you know, I think Mrs. Jenkins is a
rather talkative old woman, and I hope that you have
no other such to visit."
"Well, there really are some other people I ought to
visit, but I really don't think I have the strength of mind.”
“Oh, no, I am sure you haven't!" said Lucia and
Louisa with decision.
The whole party now left the coast-guard path, and
scrambled down the cliff to the shore in which the cave
was. Happily the tide was out, and so they walked
through the Flood-Gate dry-shod into the common bay.
The forms of Great-Uncle Stephenson, Mrs. Granson,
and Miss Gray were seen sitting on the rocks in the dis-
tance, and so they stopped and held a consultation.
“Do you know, Lucia," said Mr. Hermit Crab, “Miss
[ 168 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Gray's back is decidedly terrifying, I dare not venture
near such an ogress, as you have described her to be, lest
I should endure woes like those that you have so feel-
ingly told me of."
"Well,” said the Malicious Fairy scornfully, "if the
man of the party cannot muster up courage enough to
face her, surely he cannot expect us poor, weak females to
do so."
"Birds of a feather"
“But she really won't do anything to you,” said Lucia
hastily. "At least I know she wouldn't, if you were
dressed more decently." She eyed Mr. Hermit Crab's
clothes with misgiving, for his straw hat was the only
article which did not show signs of excessive hard
wear.
Mr. Hermit Crab stuck his hands in his pockets and
whistled in dismay. Then— “Oh! I forgot! I say,
Lucia, these came through my ceiling the other day on
to my bed. Do you know whose they are?" And he
drew out of his pocket Great-Uncle Stephenson's long-
lost and lamented gold-rimmed spectacles.
"How lovely!" And taking them she began to rub
them carefully with her handkerchief, clean for once,
trying to give them the shine and polish which Great-
Uncle Stephenson's silk handkerchief had been wont to
produce.
“Why! Whose are they? Not yours, surely, Lucia,
or Miss Gray's ?"
“Great-Uncle Stephenson's !"
"Oh, then I suppose it will be useful as a sort of hos-
tage,” said the Malicious Fairy.
( 169 )


MR. HERMIT CRAB
“Of course!” replied the delighted Lucia. "Come
along!"
The procession moved forward, briskly at first, but
as it approached nearer to the dreaded Miss Gray, its
progress became measurably slower, and when Miss
Gray, thinking she heard some sounds and suspecting
some vulgar practical joke on Lucia's part, turned round
and transfixed them all with her haughty countenance
and Roman nose, it fell into rank and file something like
this:-first came Mr. Hermit Crab with a bland smile
playing around his mouth and a gallant air which sat
somewhat strangely on his dilapidated clothing; next
came Lucia, a peculiar look on her face, which Miss
Gray was accustomed to expect after some misdeed more
flagrant than general, and which the lady called brazen-
faced, but which Lucia thought was firmness and endur-
ance, the martyr's look as he walks to the stake without
humility; the Malicious Fairy followed close at hand, an
agreeable smile on her face, seeming as if she expected
some enjoyment out of the proceedings, and was looking
forward to it more than fearing it; Louisa was the last,
for she had no doubts whatever as to the reception that
Miss Gray would give them, and she cowered fearfully
behind the others' forms. Her only hope lay in Great-
Uncle Stephenson.
Mr. Hermit Crab gave a fleeting glance at the coun-
tenances which were before him, to see in which anger or
surprise predominated. There was no doubt as to which
did in Miss Gray's face, but the risible look about the
corners of Mrs. Granson's mouth encouraged him some-
[ 170 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
what. He determined, however, to address Great-Uncle
Stephenson first, as his mild countenance with its uplifted
eyebrows was far from threatening. "Great-Uncle
Stephenson," he began glibly, “I hope you will pardon
me my free use of your pre-nomens, but I have heard
so much of you from your admiring little great-niece"-
here he glanced at Lucia to see if he had used the right
adjectives—“or rather admirable great-niece, missing
out the little—that it came naturally to my lips, and you
must remember my ignorance of this world's usages.
But here is something which will procure my pardon more
quickly than Nestor's silver tongue, if I had it, and
rightly too, for is it not of purer metal?” He turned to
take the gold-rimmed spectacles from Lucia, and then
presented them to Great-Uncle Stephenson with a grace-
ful bow.
Great-Uncle Stephenson grabbed them with a painful
eagerness, and then took out his silk handkerchief and
began to polish them tenderly. Then he set them on his
nose and proceeded to look Mr. Hermit Crab over. His
final decision was favourable. "Thank you, young man,
thank you. I am glad to make your acquaintance. Your
.
name, sir?”
“Mr. Hermit Crab, at your service, sir." They shook
hands warmly. "And may I introduce Miss Couronno-
way?"
Miss Gray's dour countenance cleared considerably,
for she knew well the name of Miss Couronnoway, the
rich young heiress who lived at the Pine Grove. Then
Great-Uncle Stephenson introduced to his new acquaint-
[171]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
ances Mrs. Granson and Miss Gray, and for a few min-
utes there was simply a buzz of “Delighteds !" as each
testified to the pleasure with which they made each
other's acquaintance. It happened, however, that before
they could taste the sweets of acquaintance they all found
out it was lunch-time, and they must part. Mr. Hermit
Crab offered to conducť the Malicious Fairy home. His
offer was gratefully accepted, and they all dispersed.
[172]


CHAPTER XVII
STRAWBERRIES AND CREAM
On Monday, Great-Uncle Stephenson, Mrs. Granson,
Miss Gray, Lucia and Louisa were all out for a walk,
when it happened that they met Mr. Hermit Crab and
the Malicious Fairy not far from the Bungalow. Mr.
Hermit Crab was irreproachably dressed, a fact which
Lucia and Louisa immediately noted, and Lucia asked
him who gave him them? He replied that he owed that
happiness to the Malicious Fairy as well as other things
of greater moment. “Oh, I'm glad to hear that, though
all the same it wouldn't have mattered much, for Louisa
and I decided on Sunday to ask Mr. Butes to preach a
missionary sermon on your behalf, to ask everybody to
give a tenth of their goods for the purpose of educating
and edifying your benighted person.
“Thanks awfully, Lucia, I feel edified at the bare men-
tion of it, but wasn't a tenth rather exorbitant?"
"Well, before the Reformation, they used to give a
tenth part of their fruits to the Pope, didn't they? And
you're as good as the Pope any day, aren't you? How-
ever,” turning to the Malicious Fairy, "it was very kind
of you, and I'm very, very glad to see that you are turn-
ing from your wicked ways, but I do hope, if you have
other victims, whose pains and privations you are gloat-
ing over as you did Mr. Hermit Crab's, that
you
will
disenchant them immediately."
[173]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
"You will be glad to hear then, Lucia," said Mr. Her-
mit Crab, "that the other victims have all been released,
and are now mending their broken hearts as quickly as
may be; also, that the Malicious Fairy didn't enchant me
first of all, it was her mother who first subjected me by
her base artifices. You see, Lucia,' went on Mr. Hermit
Crab with a twinkle in his eye, as he saw that both she
and Louisa were quite transfixed by this astonishing news,
"it would have been rather difficult for the Malicious
Fairy to enchant me at my birth, when I was five years
old before she was born." Lucia became very red, as
she remembered that the thought had never occurred to
her, although it was very plain that the Malicious Fairy
was the younger of the two. Only later did she chance
to recall that for all she knew the Malicious Fairy might
have been addicted to sips from the Fountain of Youth.
“However, Lucia, she is so very sorry for me on account
of the tribulations that I have endured immured in the
nether world that she has promised to marry me. Will
you congratulate me?"
Here Lucia gave everyone a shock by crying out, “But
she can't!"
"Really, why not, Lucia ?” And Mr. Hermit Crab
raised his eyebrows.
“Because she's engaged to a Mr. Delaware of this
county—the engagement was announced in the Henley
Post, in print-not but that you wouldn't be a nicer
person for her to marry,” continued Lucia sadly, as she
thought of the Malicious Fairy wasting her sweetness on
a somebody she didn't know who, but certainly inferior
in charm to Mr. Hermit Crab.
[ 174 )


MR. HERMIT CRAB
That gentleman, however, began to laugh very cheerily
and the Malicious Fairy smiled very sweetly. "I see,
Lucia, that you are labouring under a slight misappre-
hension. The fact is—I am Mr. Delaware!" And he
placed himself in a theatrical position, waving one arm,
the other placed upon his hip, his right leg planted
firmly in front, his hat tilted on one ear, the whole pleas-
antly reminiscent of the first position in fencing, and a
demi-scowl, demi-scornful smile on his curled lips, as one
to whom who should dare say nay. “I hope you will
congratulate me now !”
Lucia congratulated him with all her heart. At first
she wondered how it was that there could be a Mr.
Delaware in the upper world and a Mr. Hermit Crab in
the nether, but happily before the question crossed her
lips she remembered that witches were always able to
give birth to a semblance of a real person, a Golem, to
act and talk in his stead, and she congratulated herself
on the fact that she had not asked the question and thus
escaped the sight of Mr. Hermit Crab's eye twinkling
once more.
"Thank you! And I think, Beatrix, we had better
transact our business now. Lucia and Louisa, we have
a great favour to ask of you."
"Yes?” gasped the children, eager to grant any
boon.
"Perhaps you know that next month is our-our wed-
ding-day?” Mr. Hermit Crab was evidently new to
weddings. “Naturally we are in need of bridesmaids,
and we thought that no others would be so suitable and
appropriate as you two. I hope," turning to Great-
[175]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
-
Uncle Stephenson and Mrs. Granson, “that you will have
no objection, if they agree?"
“Oh, none at all, and I am sure," said Mrs. Granson,
"that they will be only too pleased.” Lucia and Louisa
were tongue-tied from pleasure for the moment, and then
gave their heartiest consent. It was one of those occa-
sions which seem too good to be true:
-to be brides-
maids at a real wedding, wear beautiful new dresses, see
themselves look their best, be admired, hold up a lace
train, be in the very centre of affairs, have their fingers
in the pie, and above all see themselves in print! They
were only convinced of the reality of it all, when, at Mr.
Hermit Crab's invitation, they entered the Bungalow
and found themselves feasting on strawberries and cream.
[176]



Church Bells
CHAPTER XVIII
The day appointed for the wedding of the Malicious
Fairy and Mr. Hermit Crab dawned brightly and clearly.
Lucia and Louisa were so excited that they could hardly
eat any breakfast, and they were just as if they were
on wires, for they could not keep still but jumped and
ran about and laughed loudly at the slightest provoca-
tion. After breakfast they were hurried off to the Pine
Grove by Miss Gray, to put on their bridesmaids' dresses
and to see how many things were to be done at the last
1
[ 177 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
moment. The wedding was to take place at St. Peter's at
ten o'clock, the Rev. Mr. Butes officiating.
The Malicious Fairy went to change her clothes
directly after the wedding and so did Lucia and Louisa
at Miss Gray's command. Then they all went down into
the park, where there were benches and tables laid out
under the trees, and a great assembly of people, to every
one of whom the Malicious Fairy and Mr. Hermit Crab
had to say something, if it were but one word.
Lucia and Louisa went rambling about at their own
sweet will, and came upon Mrs. Jenkins comfortably
ensconced in a basket arm-chair in the shade of a four-
ishing oak-tree. "Well, Mrs. Jenkins," said Lucia,
"what do you think of the wedding?”
Mrs. Jenkins shook her head sadly to and fro. "Better
than might be expected nowadays, but you should have
seen her mother, when she was married. That was a
wedding! Yes indeed! And how the bell-ringers did
ring, to be sure! Ah, they could ring then, and no mis-
take! They didn't leave no gaps between as they do
No indeed! There was no first and second bells,
but good straightforward ringing and then tolling! Ah,
that was a wedding! And they flung so much rice about
it fair sent the old sexton crazy! How he did grumble,
to be sure! They didn't go for no honeymoons neither
in foreign lands, but stayed at home, and looked after
the place. I don't believe in this gadding about directly
you've been wedded, it's enough to unsettle anybody, let
alone a newly married pair.” She sniffed contemptuously.
"What do you think of the wedding-cake, Mrs. Jen-
kins ?" asked Lucia, who privately admired it very much,
now.
.
[ 178 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
while Miss Gray had eyed it with a suspicious gaze and
decided that she would not let Lucia have any of it, if
she could help it.
"Very fine!" replied Mrs. Jenkins drily. "Ah, I've
seen wedding cakes in my time! Not such as will lie as
heavy as lead on one's stomach, but as will go down light
as a feather, and which it's a pleasure to eat, not a duty.
Dear! Dear! I know that cake will do away with all
the enjoyment I'm going to get from this spread.”
“But you needn't have any, if you think it will dis-
agree with you,” said Lucia unadvisedly.
Mrs. Jenkins eyed her sternly. "What it's my duty
to do, I'm going to do, whatever be the cost !” she added
sepulchrally.
At this moment the children saw the Malicious Fairy
coming in their direction. “If she would rescue them !”
They saw her look their way, then she turned away her
head again. “Just like her!” groaned Lucia to herself.
"She is maliciously inclined, and she is going to leave us
to our fate." Again she glanced their way. It was evi-
dent that she was being pulled in different ways by her
sense of compassion and her love of mischief. At last
she decided to pity them and not to go laughing on her
way, leaving them to Mrs. Jenkins' tender mercies, for
she advanced towards them. As soon as she came within
hearing, “Well, Mrs. Jenkins, you do look comfortable !"
"Yes'm, I dearly loves a chat with the gentry-it is a
liberal education in itself.”
.
"Indeed! By the way, Lucia and Louisa, the cake is
being cut up now, and so if you want any, you had bet-
ter run and get some, for I'm not going to reserve a
[179]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
piece for you two, as I certainly shall for Mrs. Jen-
kins."
The children did not need a second invitation. Off they
went, after having given the Malicious Fairy a look
which expressed their gratitude. Said Lucia when they
were in safety, “Mrs. Jenkins said it was a liberal educa-
tion in itself to talk with the gentry, but I think, Louisa,
she lets the gentry say precious little; it seems as if she
would rather give a liberal education to the gentry."
“If we are gentry, she certainly does give one!"
“In patience, do you mean? But I think Miss Gray
schools my patience quite enough as it is. Oh, won't I
,
be glad and relieved when she goes out of my sphere!
Hallo! There she is ! Talk of the devil and"
The children gazed aghast through the trees. It cer-
tainly was Miss Gray's hat, which showed above the
shrubs. What other hat had that aggressive grey
feather laid along the brim in front, and which threat-
ened to poke out the eyes of all comers? Their first
thought was flight, and they acted on it. Turning, they
dashed madly into a species of thornbush close at hand,
and naturally in a few seconds found themselves so intri-
cately wound up in thorns and brambles that they could
hardly tell which were thorns and which were themselves,
but they felt all thorns. Miss Gray's hat came nearer,
and, oh horrors, there was a clerical shovel alongside of
it. The children crouched and waited. They had not
long to wait. The causers of their present discomfort
approached, apparently in close confabulation. “Then
Beatrice” (Beatrice!), said Mr. Butes' sonorous voice,
"I hope you will leave off this governessing slavery at
[ 180 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
_" and
once. There is no need for you to continue it that I
can see.”
"I shall be very glad to do so, Alexander, I can assure
you. It is very wearing, especially with such a child as
Lucretia."
“Naturally you would find it so, though I daresay I
should soon be able to make her conform. A firm hand,
I should imagine, is needed in her case; you, my dear,
err on the side of kindness, and she, of course, takes
advantage of your sweetness of temper."
They passed on, their words becoming unintelligible,
leaving a storm raging in Lucia's breast. Boiling with
anger, she sprang up, forgetful of the thorns, smarting
in mind and body. “Well, of all the women-
she stamped with anger. “Oh!
"Oh! My poor leg! Here,
Louisa, let's get out of this beastly bush, quick !"
“Easier said than done, my dear!" replied Louisa, as
she tried to disentangle herself as gently as might be.
“Beatrice! Sweetness of temper! Well, Mr. Butes,
I once thought you a clever man; now I see how I was
deceived !" And she struggled viciously. "When one
"
day you find Miss Gray a thorn in your side, expect no
pity from me! And may she be as sharp as these are!"
Louisa now stood on the turf outside, free, though a
little rumpled. "I shouldn't advise you to struggle so,
Lucia,” she said wisely, "you only get entangled the
more.
Lucia took no notice whatever of her remark; it only
exasperated her to see Louisa standing there, nay, sit-
ting, for she had sunk down on a mossy seat, so com-
fortable and cool and cheerful, while she herself was
[ 181 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
a
heated with her struggles with the brambles and her men-
tal agitation. "Governessing slavery, indeed!” she
exclaimed contemptuously. For strange as it may seem,
Lucia, like many other little girls, had no idea what-
ever that it was anything short of a blessing to look after
and teach her. She considered Miss Gray the trial of
her life, but she certainly did not imagine that she was
the trial of Miss Gray's life; and thinking thus it is not
surprising that she was very indignant at Mr. Butes's
remarks. They were disparaging to herself, and her
self-love was wounded. To think that anyone should
dare to say that he would make her conform! And her
angry feelings were much heightened by her physical
position. Surrounded on all sides by grasping, clutch-
ing, tearing, scratching, pricking brambles, while Louisa
was watching her struggles so calmly, looking so cosy
and comfortable and placid; undisturbed by her trou-
bles, at least only so far moved as to give her a little
advice languidly from time to time, such as: "Well,
Lucia, you know you can't complain much at their
remarks, because eavesdroppers never hear good of
themselves.” Could anything be more exasperating, and
all the more because it was so true! “And, Lucia, you'll
tear your dress, if you aren't more careful.” She had
torn it. “Really, Lucia, why do you struggle so? Remem-
ber, patience is a great virtue.” She had lost hers and
she knew it. And so on, and so on.
At last Lucia with one last desperate effort tore her-
self free.
“Let me never see your face again! I
hate you !" she cried in red-hot anger at the astonished
Louisa.
[182]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
“Why, whatever are you so cross with me for, Lucia ?
I haven't done anything to you
1!”
Lucia looked upon her assertion as a piece of most
bare-faced acting, and replied with a stony, contemp-
tuous, icy calm, “Indeed!”
"Well, I haven't!"
"Glad to hear it!"
Lucia's insulting behaviour now aroused Louisa's sleep-
ing ire. She returned loftily and pityingly, "Well, Lucia,
all I can say is that I'm glad my inside isn't in the state
yours is in."
>
“A lot you know about my inside !"
“I do!”
"Indeed, Miss Granson !"
"Yes, indeed, Miss Graham! It's boiling, and you've
let your wild beast loose, and he's running about, foam-
ing with rage, seeking whom he may devour."
.
Lucia immediately felt a canine desire to tear Louisa
in pieces, but restraining herself, she surveyed the tree-
tops, and said sotto voce, “How glad I am she's not my
sister!" One day, when she was very friendly, Lucia
had informed Louisa that if she had been given a sister,
she would have liked Louisa to be that sister. This mark
of her estimation had pleased Louisa very much at the
time, and she knew she would not have forgotten it.
Her dart took effect, as she knew it would, for Louisa
winced, but replied with spirit, “And I am glad you are
not mine, so there are no bones broken."
Lucia did not deign to answer her; perhaps no fitting
retort suggested itself to her. With a glance of wither-
ing contempt, at least she meant it for such, she turned
[ 183]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
and stalked away; no other word can express her peculiar
gait. As Louisa looked after her retreating form, it
occurred to her that she looked exactly as if she had
been swallowing red-hot pokers whole. She was tempted
to shout after Lucia and call her attention to the simi-
larity but forbore. Then she turned her thoughts to the
astonishing news that she had just been made acquainted
with. “Mr. Butes and Miss Gray going to be married !"
She at once felt an overpowering desire to go and tell
her mother. If her conscience reminded her that she
had no right to spread the engagement, without the
consent of the parties concerned, it was immediately
quenched by the thought that mother didn't matter.
"Won't she be surprised!" And as she set off at a steady
trot to go and look for her she could not but wonder at
Lucia's uncalled-for anger. "Well, I should have thought
she would have been as pleased as Punch, and she was
only just wishing Miss Gray to go out of her sphere.
Anyway, won't she be cross when she finds that I have
told the news first ?"
However, it happened that when Lucia's anger had
cooled a little the thought came to her to tell the news
before her faithless friend, as she bitterly termed Louisa,
and a few other pretty appellations, too, as the viper
which she had nourished in her bosom, ingratitude incre-
mate (though she must have meant incarnate), etc. She
set off running as fast as she could at once, and conse-
quently they met at the top of a green shrub-bordered
alley, which they had entered by different paths, and at
the bottom of which on a green bench sat Mrs. Granson
and Great-Uncle Stephenson. They read in each other's
( 184 )


MR. HERMIT CRAB
eyes at a single glance the purpose which animated both.
They raced along side by side at their utmost speed,
and arrived breathless at the goal, without breath, unhap-
pily, to tell their tale.
When, however, Mrs. Granson and her companion
managed to make out the news from their broken utter-
ances, they then consulted each other's countenances. The
result of this mute colloquy was that Great-Uncle Stephen-
son said, “Just as I had hoped !" and then drawing Lucia
and Louisa to his side, “Lucia, my dear, wouldn't you like
a great-aunt?” Lucia looked doubtful, as if she wasn't
quite sure whether a great-aunt were a desirable acqui-
sition or no, and so he turned to Louisa, “Louisa, my
dear, wouldn't you like a—ahem"-(here Great-Uncle
Stephenson became visibly shy)—"a father?”'
“That depends on what he's like,” replied Louisa dole-
fully, and Lucia went on discontentedly, "I always
thought aunts were Meddlesome Matties."
Mrs. Granson now came to Great-Uncle Stephenson's
rescue. "My dear, do you think I am a Meddlesome
Matty ?”
"H-m-m! You see, I've never lived with you, and that
makes a great difference, even if you meet people day
after day, you never know what they are capable of, until
you have lived in the same house with them for a month
or two. That accounts for the quantity of unhappy mar-
riages there are."
“Lucia !” exclaimed Louisa, for she thought that she
had observed some signs of a propensity to slight her
mother in the above remarks.. “Do you mean to insin-
uate-
.
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[ 185 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
"No, I don't!" replied Lucia hastily, for she knew
from past experience that the one thing about which
Louisa would stand no trifling was if her mother were
mentioned in a disparaging fashion, or if she thought she
had been mentioned thus.
"And so you think me capable of something dreadful,
Lucia, do you ?” asked Mrs. Granson, smiling sweetly, to
show how far from her thoughts it was. "Do I look very
capable?”
“Mustn't trust to appearances,” replied Lucia stoutly.
"You see, dears," went on Great-Uncle Stephenson
nervously, "I—that is, we—have decided to be married,
and so
The children gasped and stared; never had such an
idea crossed their vision, keen as they thought it was.
"Won't you congratulate us?” asked Mrs. Granson,
smiling very youthfully.
They kissed their new-found relations silently, and
then walked off gravely together.
“I hope they are pleased,” said Great-Uncle Stephen-
son, when they had gone, “they seemed very serious
about it."
“Oh, they are only very surprised,” replied Mrs. Gran-
son, “and they are still amazed at Miss Gray's engage-
ment, too. Children are so conservative !"
“I suppose so.
Dear children!”
All of which showed that they were not selfish, and
could think of other people, even though they were just
engaged.
Meanwhile the children strolled on for five whole min-
utes in silence, and then their tongues awoke again.
[ 186]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
"Gracious!" said Louisa. “I never thought mother
would get married again !"
“And as for Great-Uncle Stephenson getting married
at all, it never entered my head!"
“And, oh, Lucia! We must be a sort of relations,
because my mother is going to marry your great-uncle.'
“What of that?” replied Lucia carelessly, as if she
wanted to shove aside the whole subject. “It will only
be in-law anyway!"
Louisa was really hurt by her manner. She knew that
Lucia had said that she was glad she was not her sister
in a temper, and so she hadn't minded much, but this
carelessness now that they were quite good friends again
wounded her feelings severely. “Well, Lucia, I am sur-
prised! I thought you would be pleased to have me for
a relation."
“Oh, I'm glad, of course, only I don't see what there's
to bother about."
Louisa did not take any notice of the latter part of her
sentence. Quite cheerful again, she continued, “Now,
whatever will it be? Let me see-"
"Oh, what does it matter?” interrupted Lucia almost
crossly, who saw dark vistas of the future looming before
her.
“My mother marries your great-uncle, so he becomes
my step-father,-step ?- That sounds rather ominous,
doesn't it? Step-parents always ill-treat their step-chil-
dren, don't they? Like Mr. Murdstone."
"Oh, what does it matter?” cried Lucia again.
“My mother becomes your step-great-aunt. Anyway,
you've got a step, too, that's one comfort, so if Great-
[187]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
Uncle Stephenson pets you and mistreats me, mother
will pet me and ill-treat you. And I become your—oh,
Lucia I-I'm your aunt!"
"No, you don't !”
"But I do! Just listen! My mother marries your
great-uncle, so he becomes-
” and she would have gone
over it again, if Lucia had not stopped her.
"Well, I don't care! So there!" And she faced her
desperately. She saw in the far future, dark and drear,
a Louisa always domineering over her, and who, when
she objected to such treatment, would triumphantly
exclaim, “But I'm your aunt!" Unanswerable answer!
"And, oh, Lucia! I'm younger than you are!"
“Well, what of that?” replied Lucia doggedly, and
she turned her face away and tried to wink away a tear,
which would fall, despite her efforts. The tone of her
voice attracted Louisa's attention.
"Why, Lucial You're crying!”
"I'm not! So there!" And Lucia verified her state-
!
ment by bursting into violent sobs.
“But whatever on earth are you crying for?” asked
Louisa in a condition of profound astonishment. "Why,
I thought you would be awfully pleased to have an
aunt younger than yourself, and who did lessons with
you, and was behind you in some things, too! Besides
being shorter, you know. Fancy being able to play with
an aunt!”
And Louisa chuckled gleefully. This side
of affairs had not occurred to Lucia, and she soon bright-
ened up and dried her tears, somewhat ashamed of giv-
ing way to so much emotion before Louisa, whom she
had often taunted with turning on the waterworks at
( 188 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
every and any opportunity. The cloud on her horizon
disappeared as quickly as it had risen, and the children
departed to taste the wedding-cake in the highest spirits
possible.
I have little more to add except that after Miss Gray's
marriage, Lucia and Louisa were sent to school, where
they caused much merriment and some confusion at first
by persisting in addressing each other as Aunt Louisa
and Niece Lucretia. They also acquired a command of
language with a choice vocabulary with which they horri-
fied Miss Gray in the holidays, when they went to pay
her a visit to show their entire forgetfulness and for-
giveness of past injuries. There was no happy medium
in their likes and dislikes. They either adored and loved
a thing to distraction or simply loathed it. Such a puny,
mincing word as “nice" never profaned their lips. It
was "How jolly! What luck! Scrumptious!" When
things displeased or annoyed them, “What beastly luck!
How awfully loathly!” Or even, “How fearfully awfully
loathly!” They talked about bunking and funking and
flunking, crams and exams, rotting and swotting, bag-
ging and fagging, etc., etc., and they also used other like
incomprehensible terms. Meat and drink was dignified,
on the contrary, by the appellation of “grub.” They did
not take off their clothes, they "shed" them. Small chil-
dren degenerated into the animal species, and became
“kids." "Hurry up!" was not emphatic enough for them,
they said, “Buck up !” “Oh, you duffer !" came frequently
to their lips, and “beastly” was a favourite adjective.
They were rather fond of calling their friends "asses,"
too. D. D. signified for them "Dear Donkey; M. A.,
6
[ 189 ]


MR. HERMIT CRAB
>
"Mad Ass”; B. A., “Bad Ass,” etc. They also thought
it very witty to speak of Tschaikowsky as “the sneeze.
All of which showed they were still very young and had
much to learn.
Miss Gray made a very exemplary parson's wife and
ruled her own house and the parish to the mutual advan-
tage of all concerned. And though at first she met with
rebels, she held her own, and sent her adversaries pack-
ing, and never more did they enter her sphere. She out-
lived her husband and died at the ripe age of eighty-two
in an odour of sainted respectability, revered by all. Of
course there were a few back-biters, who had never been
admitted inside her charmed circle and never felt the
weight of her benevolence, but is not this the lot of all
really good people? We will not pollute our pages by
setting down their libellous tales, how they said she had
driven Mr. Butes into an early grave by her constant
fault-finding, that if there were ever a poor man hen-
pecked, he was that man, and so on, and so on, ad
infinitum.
This Manuscript was begun on All-Hallowmas and
finished on the festival of Candlemas.
M. R.
[190]


Ma ei



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