ASEAS 15(2) | 195 Transgender Kathoey Socially Imagining Relationships with Western Men in Thailand: Aspirations for Gender Affirmation, Upward Social Mobility, and Family Acceptance Sarah Scuzzarelloa* & Paul Stathama aUniversity of Sussex, UK *corresponding author: s.scuzzarello@sussex.ac.uk Received: 15 February 2022 / Accepted: 12 September 2022 / Published: 23 December 2022 ► Scuzzarello, S. & Statham, P. (2022). Transgender kathoey socially imagining relationships with western men in Thailand: Aspirations for gender affirmation, upward social mobility, and family acceptance. Advances in Southeast Asian Studies, 15(2), 195-212. This article studies the aspirations and experiences of kathoey (Thai male-to-female trans* people) from poor rural Isan in enduring cross-border relationships with Western men. Drawing from biographical life stories, we try to unpack the cultural script through which partnering a Western man is seen as a plausible pathway for a better kathoey life in Thailand. We study the opportunities such partnering presents for achieving goals of gender affirmation, social advancement, and re-gaining merit within family relations. In the face of significant discriminatory barriers, kathoey in our study managed to build lives that they saw as self-validating, materially successful, and significantly conferring gender recognition. They understood their relationships as socially and personally much more than access to financial resources and drew important sources of emotional support, especially for gender validation from them. Western men were seen as more dedicated to partnering, caring, and being publicly seen in social settings (including family), compared to Thai. Keywords: Cross-Border Relationships; Gender Affirmation; Kathoey; Thailand; Transgender  INTRODUCTION A significant research field on Thai-foreigner partnerships studies how and why Thai women (mia farang) are motivated to search for wealthier foreign men, often initially (sex) tourists, as a route out of poverty and their subsequent transformative life experiences (e.g., Angeles & Sunanta, 2009; Jongwilaiwan & Thompson, 2013; Lapanun, 2019; Statham, 2020, 2021; Statham et al., 2020). Although nonheteronormative Thai-foreigner relationships are commonplace and Thailand is marketed as a tourists’ “gay paradise” (Sanders, 2002), there is surprisingly little discussion of LGBTQ+ relationships within cross-border Current Research on Southeast Asia w w w .s ea s. at 10 .1 47 64 /1 0. A SE A S- 00 74 mailto:thithimadee.art%40mahidol.ac.th?subject= https://orcid.org/0000-0003-4229-4230 http://orcid.org/0000-0003-1281-8742 196 | ASEAS 15(2) Transgender Kathoey Socially Imagining Relationships with Western Men in Thailand relationships research. Instead, the topic is mostly addressed through the valuable queer studies lens (Jackson, 2011), or as sex-tourism (Ocha, 2020). Here we study Thai male-to-female trans* kathoey who have enduring relation- ships with Western1 men in Thailand, examining their aspirations and experiences that carried them on this life-trajectory. We use the term kathoey as a Thai-specific category for people born with a male sexual physiology, and a feminine gender iden- tity. Historically, Thai society has a tripartite gender/sex system: masculine men, feminine women, and kathoey (Morris, 1994). Kathoey does not equate directly with the Western “trans-”. It is broader, including a range of male-to-female gender iden- tifications: some take hormones or undergo sex reassignment and cosmetic surgery to live fully as women; some dress in feminine styles, but only in specific settings/ times; while others live as visibly effeminate men. Participants often used “kathoey” self-referentially. This is partly problematic, because kathoey is used socially with stigmatizing meaning. Still, we use kathoey as an analytic category that is in and of Thai society, while acknowledging the terminological challenges. We see potential added-value in drawing insights from the cross-border marriage field (Constable, 2005) to study kathoey, because our focus is on their aspirations, some of which have parallels to the experiences of mia farang, for whom the “cultural script” (Jongwilaiwan & Thompson, 2013) to partner a wealthy foreigner motivates many women to migrate to tourist zones in search of a better life (Lapanun, 2019). Today, many women seeking foreign partners come from a range of social classes and backgrounds, and the same is true for kathoey; however, rural poverty has tradition- ally been and still remains a core driver of this phenomenon. Most research covers women from the poor, rural Northeastern region of Isan. Similarly, five of the six kathoey in our study were born in Isan, aged between 30-40 years. They are a gener- ation, who as in classic mia farang narratives, migrated within Thailand leaving poor rural households in Isan to find work, often in (sex) tourist cities. However, we know little of their specific aspirations and life-journeys to achieve social advancement and gender affirmation while facing transphobic discrimination from heteronormative Thai society. What does the cultural script for a kathoey Isan person to partner a Western man look like? And how do those who made this life-journey view their efforts to realize goals for gender affirmation, upward social mobility, and family acceptance through this lens? Our study does not claim representativeness. It is explorative, aiming to provide insight into the relatively undiscussed topic of nonheteronormative relationships between kathoey from poor, rural backgrounds and Western men. Of course, there are limits to the parallel with mia farang. Kathoey have their own specific experiences of discrimination in trying to find a social space for gender recognition within the dominant sexual mores, values, and family and social relations within Thai society. Also, Thai law requires kathoey to keep the male gender on their official documen- tation, while same-sex marriage is not permitted. This means kathoey are not able to gain access to property rights and social welfare from their partner through legal marriage, an important resource for mia farang empowerment (see Statham, 2020). Likewise, this documentation problem makes it difficult for kathoey to move abroad 1 Western covers people from Europe, North America, Australia, and New Zealand. ASEAS 15(2) | 197 Sarah Scuzzarello & Paul Statham with their partners, so that most kathoey-Westerner relations remain located in Thailand, with the Western partner often visiting for months at a time. By unpacking some kathoeys’ aspirations and understandings of their cross-bor- der partnerships, we hope to allow space for their voices, and move beyond limiting stereotypes that depict these relationships as sex work or paid companion- ship (Pravattiyagul, 2021). We aim to establish that emotions, (non-sexual) intimacy, and aspirations to overcome stigma and rejection from Thai society are important factors, and crucial for sustaining relationships over the long-term, even if they stand alongside financial motivations. KATHOEY IN THE ‘GAY PARADISE’ Thailand is tolerant towards sexual minorities compared to other Asian societies: the state decriminalized homosexuality in 1956, Buddhist teachings do not declare homosexuality immoral, and homophobic violence is low (Jackson, 1999). In the 1960s, Thailand was a pioneer for gay tourism and today neighborhoods of Bangkok and tourist cities are significant global venues (Jackson, 2011), purpose-built for for- eign tastes. Like their heterosexual counterparts, these venues are premised on the availability of sexual encounters, provided by low-income Thais, and questionable, but state-sponsored, stereotypes of ‘exotic’ Thai people as sensual, caring, and sexual- ly open (Sunanta, 2020). Kathoey are core to this fetishized exotic commodification of Thai-ness marketed to wealthy male tourists. As Jackson argues, “kathoey is the iconic face of queer Thailand” (2011, p. 35). A distinctively Thai phenomenon, which the state tourist board markets to attract tourists to ladyboy cabarets and bars, kathoey are celebrated as a spectacle: e.g., their beauty pageants feature on national television, but they also face ridicule, prejudice, and significant transphobic discrimination. The state enacted basic rights for LGBTQ+ communities against discrimination and hate speech only in 2015. People who have undergone sex-change surgery cannot apply for legal recognition of their gender change. This importantly restricts their chances in all domains of social life where documentation is required, including employment, contractual transactions, and international travel. This prevents kathoey from marrying partners, and potentially gaining access to rights (e.g., property, inher- itance) available to women in heterosexual cross-border marriages. Transphobic prejudice and discrimination are well documented in education, the workplace, and by families (USAID, 2014). Although LGBTQ+ activism has mobilized over the last decades, kathoey still often live on the margins, unable to fully express their gender identity without repercussions. Marginalization is especially acute for kathoey from poor, rural backgrounds in Isan. Within the rigid class and status hierarchies of Thai society, Isan people are looked down upon socially by urban middle classes and considered backward, dark- er-skinned peasants who speak a Lao dialect (Angeles & Sunanta, 2009; Keyes, 2014). Kathoey from Isan face high barriers of double discrimination from gender and class/status to build a life. This is why many move to tourist zones with ladyboy scenes. Such neighborhoods are highly limited geographical spaces that transgress mainstream Thai norms because they are explicitly constructed to cater for foreign tourists’ (sexual) fantasies and tastes. But from a kathoey perspective, tourist zones 198 | ASEAS 15(2) Transgender Kathoey Socially Imagining Relationships with Western Men in Thailand can provide new opportunities for work (albeit often sex work), affirming gender identities, and experimenting in ways of being kathoey and being part of a kathoey peer community, and as a potential route out of poverty by partnering wealthy for- eigners (Statham & Scuzzarello, 2021). A CULTURAL SCRIPT FOR A BETTER KATHOEY LIFE: PARTNERING WESTERN MEN Notwithstanding clear differences that kathoeys’ specific forms of gender identi- fication bring, relevant insights can still be drawn from Thai women’s experiences documented in heterosexual marriage migration research (Angeles & Sunanta, 2009; Lapanun, 2019; Statham, 2020; 2021). Cross-border relationship studies have impor- tantly shifted from explanations of economic motivations, to emphasize intimacy, emotions, and culture, as reasons why women might seek and engage in relationships with foreign men (Constable, 2005; Yang & Lu, 2010). Typically, these examinations of “global marriage-scapes” (Constable, 2005) study first the gendered power, materi- al, emotional, intimate, and care exchanges between individual women and men in a partnership, relative to the intersecting inequalities in which each is socially embed- ded; and, second, the lived experiences, wellbeing, and socio-economic outcomes for the partner from the economically poorer background, usually in the Global South. Jongwilaiwan & Thompson’s (2013) study discusses relationships between mia farang and Singaporean men as negotiated exchanges, emphasizing that partners make an implicit bargain, whereby the underlying asymmetric power structure is an exchange of material and financial support (by men) for emotional, intimacy and care support (by women). However, within this overall complex package, emotional care and material support can flow in both directions, and the balance can shift over time (see also Statham, 2020). This highlights the blurred lines between the emo- tional/intimacy and material/financial dimensions of everyday negotiations within cross-border partnerships, and that we should be cautious about pre-defining a part- ner’s role within a rigid single framework of sex work, domestic work, care-giving, or love. Jongwilaiwan & Thompson (2013) also argue that these negotiated relationships between partners are the cutting edge where agency transforms transnational patri- archal relations. Similarly, we think kathoey-Westerner relationships are an important field where agency can socially redefine what it is to be kathoey, and transform social understandings of being kathoey, relative to dominant gender, heterosexual, and family relations norms, both in Thailand and the West. Important in this respect are the resonant cultural scripts (Jongwilaiwan & Thompson, 2013, p. 370), i.e., socially constructed kathoey narratives that generate aspirations for individuals to follow this specific transformative life-trajectory. Our subjects are embedded in a globalized social world that makes relationships with Western men seem possible and plausible ways to gain access to resources that are ‘blocked’ to them due to discrimination, a lack of enforceable rights, and financial and family pressures. At the same time, the emotional, caring, and intimate components of Thai-Western relationships can provide warmth, security and sometimes a sense of family for kathoey, and an oppor- tunity to strive for self-validation, social self-realization, and recognition of gender identity. ASEAS 15(2) | 199 Sarah Scuzzarello & Paul Statham Here we aim to explore this cultural script through which a generation of kathoey from poor rural Isan understand their aspirations (past and present) and life-stories as socially embedded in relationships with Western men. We present a snapshot of subjects’ understandings of their agency, lived experiences, and outcomes, across four intersecting dimensions of their shared cultural script: social imaginaries of Western men; needs for gender affirmation; goals for upwards social mobility; and desires for family acceptance. Taken together, these dimensions give insight to the perceived narrative, i.e., cultural script, real or imagined, through which kathoey aspire and act to partner Western men in their search for a better life. Whether fantasy or factu- ally-based, a cultural script makes this social pathway seem the most realizable way to achieve gender recognition and a route out of poverty. The power of a cultural script  is that it carries a social force as a self-fulfilling prophecy, generating more aspirations and agency among other kathoey looking for a way out of transphobia and discrimination. It shapes the way kathoey see their negotiated relationships with their Western partners. Social imaginaries of Western men The way kathoey perceive and socially imagine a future life with Western men through ideas of gender, sexuality, and modernity shapes their agency towards that goal. Kathoey can be likely to see Western men through rose-tinted glasses as mod- ern, good family men, and reliable providers (ten Brummelhuis, 1999; Winter, 2011), given harsh experiences of discrimination, family rejection, and bad treatment by Thai men. They see Western men as more likely to accept and be sexually attract- ed to their female gender identification compared to Thai men, who are less willing to be in open relationships, or use intimate relationships with kathoey for financial gain through ‘pimping’. There are parallels to aspirant female marriage migrants, who see opportunities to achieve wealth, move abroad, and gain greater personal free- doms away from rigid gender roles and social constrictions of mundane village life (Lapanun, 2019). Generally, relationships with foreigners confer status and economic benefits for poor rural people (Lapanun, 2012). Imaginaries do not transfer easily into realities, however, and can be based on misperceptions. Gender affirmation Affirmation of kathoeys’ felt and expressed gender is pivotal for their wellbeing and ability to have a satisfactory life (see also Sevelius, 2013). Research underlines their strong desire to be accepted physically and socially as female (ten Brummelhuis, 1999; Thongkrajai, this issue). To bridge the discrepancy between their physiognomy and their identity, some kathoey develop strategies to perform the ‘perfect’ woman – from controlling their voice to changing their body language. Attempts to conceal mascu- line sexual attributes in public can be very stressful for kathoey, as ten Brummelhuis’ interviewee stated, “We are phu-ying (female), but since we are not real, we have to do everything better” (1999, p. 127). Faced by harassment and pervasive stigma, gender affirmation is vital for kathoey self-validation, to be seen for who they are and treat- ed accordingly. Tourist zones can be places where dominant Thai heteronormative 200 | ASEAS 15(2) Transgender Kathoey Socially Imagining Relationships with Western Men in Thailand social norms are transgressed in a way that supports spaces for living as kathoey, albe- it sometimes through sex work (Statham & Scuzzarello, 2021). Some kathoey “choose to pay the price of being stigmatized by engaging in sex work to be able to live some form of the idealized Thai gay/kathoey lifestyle” (Jackson, 2011, p. 202). Possibilities for relationships with Westerners can be seen as a chance to be a “treated like ‘real’ women” in a heterosexual family (Pravattiyagul, 2021, p. 92). Upward social mobility Kathoey from poor peasant backgrounds face high class/status barriers on top of trans- phobic prejudice. These can be formidable barriers to upward social mobility. LGBTQ+ workers face significant institutional discrimination throughout the employment cycle (ILO/Suriyasarn, 2014, pp. 51-64). For example, kathoey applicants are often given psychological tests, asked about sexuality in interviews, and unfairly denied positions. Their chances to earn a living commensurate with education and abilities are highly restricted. This work discrimination makes it hard to be part of society: “long-term unemployment reduces self-reliance and any capacity to contribute to the welfare of parents, grandparents, or younger siblings. It drags down self-esteem and drives many into sex work, including in specialized ‘ladyboy’ bars” (Winter, 2011, p. 261). Confronted by blocked opportunities for social advancement, kathoeys’ aspirations for upwards social mobility become channeled into a narrow set of available pathways located in tourist zones where they can exert agency (Statham & Scuzzarello, 2021). In this context, aspirations for upwards social mobility become strongly tied to aspira- tions for establishing a long-term relationship with a wealthy Westerner. Family acceptance Family is the definitive social and economic unit in Thailand. Filial piety norms strongly shape family relationships, whereby children face significant expectations to provide financial and emotional care for ageing parents. This includes trying to be a ‘good child’ and preserve the family’s social face publicly (Morris, 1994), given that having a kathoey child can generate social rejection. For kathoey, acceptance or rejection by family members significantly influences how they fare over the life- course. Jackson (2011, p. 31) follows Isaraporn (2009), arguing that family is essential to understanding Thai gay identities as “formed through a negotiation of familial expectations in which the autonomy to live a non-heteronormative life is legitimat- ed by a demonstrated capacity to care for one’s parents (which) may not necessarily be felt as a burden.” This explains why kathoey exert agency to be included and recognized within their family, and why family shapes their aspirations, including the goal of a Western benefactor. Notwithstanding childhood experiences of rejec- tion, kathoey seldom break with family. Remittances to family can be an important source of self-esteem and lead to family recognition: “personal wealth can be used to ‘buy’ a space for queer sexual autonomy within a heteronormative culture where- in family ties remain central to queer identity and a sense of self-worth” (Jackson, 2011, p. 202). ASEAS 15(2) | 201 Sarah Scuzzarello & Paul Statham DATA AND METHODS We draw on biographical interviews with kathoey in enduring relationships with Western men. Interviews were conducted in Thai, by Thai researchers, between August 2016 and November 2017. The interviews lasted at least one hour, were record- ed, transcribed, and professionally translated to English. Participants were recruited using researchers’ contacts and links via LGBTQ+ NGOs. Semi-structured interviews enabled participants to recount their life-stories, discussing their aspirations, expe- riences and outcomes regarding gender identity, sexuality, partnering, work, and family relations. To analyze the interview material, first we read the full transcripts several times. We then applied a narrative frame analysis approach: a frame is a “sche- mata of interpretation” (Goffman,  1974, p. 21) that guides cognitive perceptions of reality. We interpreted how interviewees framed the four analytic dimensions (social imaginaries; gender affirmation; social mobility aspirations; family acceptance) of the cultural script in their respective life-stories. Kathoey come from different classes, generations, places, and backgrounds that importantly shape their specific life experiences. Our sample is small (n6) and not representative. We do not aim to speak of a general kathoey perspective. Instead, our focus is primarily on the cultural script of a specific cohort of kathoey, now aged between 30 and 40, who grew up in poverty in rural Isan. Isan people migrated en masse to cities and abroad as an important driving force of Thailand’s rapid social and Su bject In terview ee A ge at In terview P lace o f o rigin C u rren t lo catio n T im e in relatio n sh ip w ith W estern er W estern er p artn er age Years yo u n ger th an W estern p artn er R eceives fi n an cial in co m e fro m W estern er E m plo ym en t (o u tsid e care-w o rk fo r p artn er) H o m e o w n ersh ip in h o m eto w n F in an cial rem ittan ces to fam ily A 30 Loei (Isan) Pattaya 7 years 64 34 yes, on request None Yes Yes, occasionally B 40 Khorat (Isan) Phuket 6-7 years 70 30 THB 27K per month Owns a health business No THB 15K per month C 33 Surin (Isan) Pattaya 2 years 65 32 THB 40K per month Owns a bar with Western partner No THB 15K per month D 32 Sisaket (Isan) Pattaya 6 years 81 49 THB 20K per month Works at bar on “scene” No THB 3-5K per month E 35 Khon Kaen (Isan) Pattaya 7-8 years 78 43 THB 10K per month Works at NGO (LGBT+ rights) Yes THB 4K per month F 22 Samut Prakan (Central) Bangkok 10 months 47 25 Occasional gifts University student. Freelance modelling & design No No Table 1. Interviewee Sample 202 | ASEAS 15(2) Transgender Kathoey Socially Imagining Relationships with Western Men in Thailand economic transformation over the last decades but continue to face stigmatization and limited opportunities (Keyes, 2014). Primarily, we look at kathoey who established relationships with Western men, starting out from an unpromising background of class/status disadvantage, to see how their aspirations and experiences were shaped. Five of our six interviewees fit this profile, the other is a younger generation kathoey, a student from the outskirts of Bangkok, whose relationship is less established, and who is not a migrant. This contrasting case helped to define the distinctiveness of the others’ cultural script and is cited once only in relation to imaginaries of Western men. Table 1 documents some basic sample characteristics regarding background, loca- tion, age, education, relationship, and family remittances. It also provides letters (e.g., A) that link quotes to interviewees. For the five Isan interviewees, it is notable that they are significantly younger than their Western partners (37.6 years mean), who are elders (71.6 years mean), and receive/have received substantial financial support, and provide some support to families. SOCIALLY IMAGINING WESTERN MEN Participants recall ‘success stories’ of mia farang, who gained status and relative wealth through their relationships with Western men. These resonant success sto- ries were a stimulus for participants to seek out Western men to achieve their goals: I wanted to have a farang2 husband. The inspiration came from my friend […] she said a foreign husband takes good care and gives her a lot of money - thou- sands a day. […] I just wanted to have a foreign husband to take care of me, I wanted to have a house like the others […] I wanted to have what others had […] to have a comfortable life, a house, a car, golden jewelry, and everything that others don’t [have]. I just wished I had everything as from [the perspective of] the person who had nothing before, looking at others who were wealthy so that they won’t be able to look down on me. (E) [ I wanted to have a foreign boyfriend] since I was a child as I found other older people having foreign boyfriends […] they were both kathoey and women who were observably wealthy. (C) Mobility to find employment and then on to possibly meet a foreign partner was a common pathway through which participants ended up in tourist cities. One partic- ipant’s experience is illustrative: When I finished school, I came to work in Bangkok […] I worked in a cosmet- ic manufacturing factory […] after [breaking up with her boyfriend] I went to Pattaya. […] in the second year of vocational school I trained at FamilyMart [su- permarket] in Na Kluea [area of Pattaya]. I thought of working in FamilyMart, but once I was there, it didn’t work out, it’s not me. Before starting work, I took a ride around town, looking around. […] I saw some people who were uglier than me and they had a foreign boyfriend. Then why can’t I also have a foreign 2 Farang is a Thai colloquial word for Westerners. ASEAS 15(2) | 203 Sarah Scuzzarello & Paul Statham boyfriend? My friend at the old bar told me about going out with customers and getting 5,000 Baht, 6,000 Baht. Why is it so easy? I wanted to have money like them. If I was lucky, I would have money like them. (A) A person who felt she was “a girl born in the wrong body” since childhood, the partic- ipant underlines the importance of striving for potential material improvement as a key motivation in her desire to meet a foreign man. However, the social imaginaries about Western men that prompt kathoey to take this path are not just economic motivations. First, participants express imag- inings about Western male values and modernity that they believe would make it more likely to find acceptance for their gender identity with a foreign man. They describe Western men as more tolerant because they are “taught to love each other with respect, regardless of sexuality” (B). Thai men instead are described as financially irresponsible, exploitative (“just looking for someone who can support him” [D]), treating kathoey as a “minor wife” (C), and prejudiced believing that kathoey are “not normal” (B). Relationships between Thai men and kathoey are not easily accepted within heteronormative social circles, a point made by the youngest 22-year-old participant: “We’re a lady boy, so we must have a foreign boyfriend” (F). Older ones recounted how, when younger, they were forced to break up with their Thai boy- friends to not bring shame on the families. The strong social exclusionary pressures of society push kathoey towards investing belief in assumed tolerant characteristics of a Western partner. For example, a 40-year-old person who had full gender reas- signment surgery at 23, claims that Western men see a kathoey as an individual in her own rights, a ‘lover’, not defined by a stigmatizing idea of her gender identity: “In Thai culture, transsexuality is clearly stigmatized […] we are not viewed as kathoey by foreigners. They see us as their lovers” (B). The quotation reflects the participant’s romanticized view of Western men, which nevertheless is part of the cultural script that stimulates fantasies of possibilities for a different type of life being kathoey. SEEKING GENDER AFFIRMATION Participants see relationships with Western men as an important potential vehicle to affirm their gender. They talk about how their partners, who identify as heterosex- uals, are attracted by their femininity and that they can affirm their gender through this relationship without being questioned: “He liked me as a lady. He liked that I dressed up beautifully and that I was looking cute. He knew I’m a ladyboy, but he was able to accept it and always complimented me that I looked beautiful” (E). Some recount how their Western partner encouraged them to explicitly express their femininity as a core element of their relationship. For example, one person’s Austrian partner paid for her breast implants and she is encouraged to spend time on her looks when he is in Pattaya: “If I have an appointment with [partner] at 8 pm, at 5 pm I’ll start to shower and wash my hair. I have to spend time with makeup and trying on clothes and drying my hair” (A). A relationship with a Western man can create a space for gender affirmation and this emotional and psychological support can have positive effects on a kathoey’s self-identity and wellbeing. It can allow kathoey to “live like a common couple” (D). It 204 | ASEAS 15(2) Transgender Kathoey Socially Imagining Relationships with Western Men in Thailand is interesting to note that a number of the relationships in our sample were monoga- mous and without sexual activity. This can be attributed partly to Western men being much older, but also indicates that the relationship is built emotionally on more than sex, despite being largely viewed as sex work by the outside world. In some cases, relationships with Westerners can also serve as cover for long-term intimate relationships with a Thai man, relatively concealed from the scrutiny of mainstream society. This is possible logistically because Western partners are often away for long periods. One participant (C), a 33-year-old kathoey, has been in an inti- mate relationship with a Thai man for 11 years. They live together in Pattaya when the participant’s Western partner is in New Zealand. The participant actively nego- tiates multiple relations to sustain this arrangement that allows for a double gender affirmation. The New Zealander believes that the Thais are friends living as “broth- ers” (C), who work together to launch a bar he bought in Pattaya. The participant organized a traditional wedding with the New Zealander back in the home village of Surin and plans to “take care of him” (C) when he retires permanently to Thailand. The participant has also married the Thai partner in a traditional wedding ceremony, but he has to “accept and go along with” (C) the arrangements in exchange for secu- rity and the prospect of a future together: Q: How does your Thai boyfriend feel about you having a foreign boyfriend? A: He’s OK with it. We have agreed that we will not leave each other behind. We will stay together and improve our lives (C). ASPIRING TO UPWARDS SOCIAL MOBILITY Aspirations for long-term security and climbing the social ladder is a core driver underpinning participants’ relationships with Westerners. Four participants receive a monthly allowance ranging between THB 10,000-40,000 (ca. € 250-1,000). At the higher end, this is just less than one-and-a-half times the national average monthly income per household (THB 26,900 as of 2016) (National Statistics Office, no date). In addition, two participants have their rent and bills paid for, and the participants recount receiving gifts, money, and even support to set up their own businesses. All report having a better quality of life since being with their Western partner: I now have my own house to live in when I go back home, unlike before when I used to live in a small hut with my aunt in the farm or at the small hut with my mother […] now I have a proper house to live, a private bedroom, a kitchen and I don’t have to depend on my relatives. (E) Participants are clear that such life-chances would be impossible with a Thai man, for whom they would be a source of money: “money is an important factor for a Thai man to be with a kathoey” (B). However, allowances and gifts from Westerners also come with strings attached and elements of social control when their spending is checked. One person recalls having to prove money was spent as agreed: “He got me the first gold chain that weighed one ounce, then I took a picture of it and sent it ASEAS 15(2) | 205 Sarah Scuzzarello & Paul Statham to him as a proof ” (E). Kathoey seem largely willing to put up with these controlling practices for the bigger good of a better life. This is made easier because the Western men are away much of the time. Kathoey seek not only immediate material gains but also future financial security from a relationship. As legal same-sex marriage is impossible in Thailand, some push to become beneficiaries of their partner’s will, to have legal rights to their partner’s assets, and secure a future after his death. Subjects have relatively little agency in this decision because it depends on their partner’s wealth, own family, and commitment to the relationship. While one participant was included in the Westerner’s will, others mobilized alternative strategies to gain long-term access to his wealth, for example, by having property or a business legally in their name. Some partners had only limited means, however, and could provide only immedi- ate financial support, meaning that some participants developed other ways to save up for the future: “I should do lots of savings to take care of myself when I get older because I will not have my own children to take care of myself as others” (D). D, a 32-year-old kathoey who had feminine appearances until 26 years old, describes man- aging such a relationship in her relationship with an 81-year-old Australian. They are “living happily together” (D) when he is in Thailand three times a year. This person (D) receives a monthly allowance that is enough to pay for living expenses and to sup- port parents, but cannot save enough to set up a small business that is a dream, and still occasionally prostitutes to supplement income and aspirations. Beyond the material trappings and wealth, it is clear that having a Western part- ner adds value and some degree of social acceptance to being kathoey, according to the participants. Some report being looked up to by others because of their relation- ship to a Western man: “One of the pros is that when I go out, I feel proud that I have a foreign boyfriend. It looks good in society. It’s accepted” (A). “It’s about the social factor. It looks better when you have a foreign husband” (E). They also report becom- ing role models for younger kathoey: The young kathoey in my hometown, they ask me “Ma’m’ how do we get a foreign husband? I want to have a foreign husband like you” […] Most of the younger kathoey in Pattaya call me ‘Ma’m’, they call me ‘Madam’ because I have [partner] who supports me. I have a car and things. (A) While Western partners raise status among peers in the tourist zone, it is harder to transfer this status to mainstream society, which stigmatizes these types of relation- ships. Also, new-found wealth can be a source of envy and exploitation, because it transforms relations with friends. One person, a 30-year-old kathoey living in Pattaya, has experienced increased pressure to provide for her friends, something that she had to learn how to manage: Before, I used to party. I thought about it. If I party a lot with my friends, friends will think of me as “Madam”. “Madam, buy us beer.” Everywhere I go, I have to pay every day. It’s not right. If I go out, I just lose – lose my health, lose my money. If I don’t treat my friends, I also lose my friends. (A) 206 | ASEAS 15(2) Transgender Kathoey Socially Imagining Relationships with Western Men in Thailand Her natal family also expects to benefit financially from the relationship, which is why she negotiates a balancing act between her sister’s requests for money and wor- ries that her Western partner will see her as a money-grabber. She loves her Austrian partner and does not want to come across as if she is only after his money: If she [sister] has a problem, she calls me. I told her that if she wants to talk about money, she has to tell me in advance. Not call me today and want the money right away. I told her that if she has financial problems, she has to call me a week in advance because I need time to talk to [partner]. I have to explain the reason to [partner]. When she calls, I can’t explain to [partner] right way and get the money right away. It doesn’t work like that… The money is not with me. I have to explain to [partner] for him to agree. I can’t tell him that I want the money now. Give it to me. Give it to me. Then he will think that I only want his money. I don’t want foreigners to think that I only want their money. I also have good feelings and love for him. We take care of each other. (A) Respondents are aware that their acceptance from Thai society is limited to specific social spaces and places, the nonheteronormative enclaves or ‘scenes’ in tourist-zones. Such places become a “second home” (D), with networks and communities of people like them. Yet, even in these places, they sometimes face stigmatization from Thais, which again underpins the strong heteronormative constraints of Thai society. One person in a relationship with a 70-year-old Swiss medical doctor, recounts her expe- rience of going out in Phuket with her partner: If we want to eat out [in Phuket], we will go to good restaurant with qualified waiters. They may look at us but they will not talk or behave negatively about us, at least while we are there. Differently to some places, we can be looked down and I can see lots of questions into their eyes such as what career I do and how we met. […] It is difficult for people in other cities to accept who we are. Even in Phuket, we still need to go to good places in order to avoid being judged about our relationship by people around there. Let’s say, if we go together at Bangla3, I will be looked down as they thought I got the big fish as referred to my boyfriend. This is how most of Thai people view us. (B) She feels that “most Thai people” look down on her and assume she is a prostitute out with a client. Her story illustrates the participants’ persistently liminal position and precarious conditional status in Thai society, even after attaining material goals. SEEKING FAMILY RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE Participants express a genuine desire to find acceptance and recognition for their gender identity within their family. To this end, some have developed strategies to buy back materially and morally into the family, a core motivation for partnering a Western man in the first place. Monthly remittances are important in this respect and those who received regular support from their partners made significant remittances 3 Bangla Road, known as Patong Walking Street, is the centre of Phuket’s nightlife scene catering for foreigners. ASEAS 15(2) | 207 Sarah Scuzzarello & Paul Statham (see Table 1), ranging from THB 3,000 to 15,000 per month (ca €77-390). At the high- er end, this is close to the average monthly household income for the Northeastern Region (ca THB 21,000 as of 2016) (National Statistics Office, no date). They enable their natal family to have “a fair life” (D) while demonstrating filial piety, and gaining status as dutiful children: If I have a comfortable life, my parents should also have a comfortable life. I don’t want to be the wife of a foreigner and forget my roots. Don’t let other people put a mask on you. You have to be yourself. You should make your family comfortable. (A) If a Western partner is willing to recognize a kathoey’s obligations to natal family and support them, this can importantly impact on acceptance by the family and home village. A person in a relationship for seven years with her Austrian partner describes how they are now accepted as a genuine couple in her hometown: He’s an easy-going person. He can eat Northeastern food. […] When he goes to my hometown, I cook for him and take him out to different places in our prov- ince. I show him around. In the morning, we drink coffee at my friend’s shop. I invite my mom to walk along the Mekong River. In the evening, I buy groceries to cook at home. (A) Her partner’s regular support to her family has meant that he is fully accepted by them: Yes, they accept him. When we go back home, my parents tie holy thread on our wrists. It’s Thai tradition. He is deeply impressed and touched. When my grandfather was still alive, we were about to drive back, my grandfather found holy thread in the house and ran out to knock on the car window. He told us to extend our arms out and he tied our wrists with holy thread. Five minutes after we drove out, [partner] cried. He was deeply touched. He said that when he was married to his Thai wife, her family never did this for him. They only asked for money. They only talked about money. He said that my family never talked about money with him. He felt overwhelmed. (A) A traditional marriage ceremony can be symbolically important in this respect. Another person’s family blessed the union with the Western partner after he agreed to pay “THB 50,000 in cash and two Bhat gold4” (C) to the parents in a dowry. The traditional wedding publicly validated the relationship and importantly the partic- ipant’s gender identity in the village: “At the beginning I was not accepted by the neighbors. Yet, after my relatives participated in the wedding ceremony and under- stood our relationship, they are happy to see us happy” (C). Participants are sometimes not able to live up to local people’s high financial expectations about having a Western partner. When their allowance is modest and they can only remit amounts that cover basic expenses, they receive less acceptance 4 One Bhat gold weighs ca 15g. 208 | ASEAS 15(2) Transgender Kathoey Socially Imagining Relationships with Western Men in Thailand and can be seen in a bad light by people in the village. For example, one person in this situation recounts how the family’s neighbors have been gossiping negatively: “Some people didn’t understand why I am still not having a luxurious life even though I have a foreign boyfriend. They see my mother still living in the same house” (D). Westerners do not always accept the Thai notion of filial duty, applying instead Western individualist values and norms. This can create tensions. One participant, who lives mostly as an effeminate man, says that the 78-year-old British partner “loves me but doesn’t take my family well” (E). Nonetheless, this person still makes remittances to family every month, concealed from the partner, which demonstrates the strength of the internalized social pressures to meet expectations of filial piety that have been raised by knowledge of the relationship: I already told my family that I had a boyfriend, but you know how the villagers are, right? So when they saw him, they got excited. I had already thought that I would not allow myself to feel embarrassed so when I went home, I got my rela- tives some money from the little savings that I had. The little savings were from the small change he used to give me to buy some stuff. But I can’t let him know when I give money to my relatives as he doesn’t take things well and wouldn’t be happy about it otherwise. It’s hard for me to send back home as well with my mom alone is also very difficult. He only takes good care of me for everything I want to have, I want to eat etc. So when I go home, I give money to my mother and to my relatives without him knowing about it. Even after we had a party at home, when I buy snacks for the kids, he would say something that the money he gave me is for myself and not for my family. He is very difficult with my fam- ily and doesn’t take anyone except me. (E) This indicates the degree to which recognition within the family and social accept- ance from the village is conditional, and dependent on expectations for provision, that are driven and significantly raised by being in relationship with a foreigner. CONCLUDING THOUGHTS Here we have tried to present a snapshot of the cultural script through which a gen- eration of kathoey from poor rural backgrounds in Isan aspired to make a social space for living a kathoey life by establishing an enduring relationship with a significantly older Western man. On one side, relationships with Western men (in contrast to Thai men) were seen as opening up chances for gender affirmation and love, and thereby legitimated and made possible a nonheteronormative lifestyle, albeit one sometimes confined to tourist-zone scenes. On the other, relationships with Western men stig- matized kathoey as prostitutes (notwithstanding sex often not being a component of the emotional bond), thereby creating barriers to social acceptance within Thai society, not least in the home-town village where acceptance was strongly dependent on familial provision. Facing a hostile, discriminatory environment from mainstream heteronormative society, people in our sample were able to achieve an important degree of gender recognition and social advancement, according to their own evaluations. Of course, they were selected as people in established relationships, so we should not raise their ASEAS 15(2) | 209 Sarah Scuzzarello & Paul Statham experiences to a general level. There are most likely kathoey from the same origin and cohort who were unable to achieve similar goals, although they most likely aspired to the same cultural script. Indeed, the resonance of this cultural script can in part be attributed to the highly limited opportunities for kathoey from this cohort to achieve aspirations by other means, due to the high levels of transphobic and class/status dis- crimination. Even among a sample of success stories, the high challenges of balancing acts at the interface between the partnership with a foreign man, peers in the tourist zone, and family back in the village, demanded resourceful and continued hard work by kathoey to keep their ambitions afloat. Although their relationships with Western men are structurally underpinned by economic support, it is clear they stand socially for much more. Subjects viewed their negotiated exchanges with their Western partners through a lens of opportunities, but their aspirations within the relationship strongly included needs for intimacy and emotional support from a caring and loving bond. This desire for affection and well- being was mostly achieved and not based on sexual relations, which in most cases had ceased. Also, the public visibility of being kathoey in an enduring relationship with a Western man provided a degree of gender validation in the face of mainstream het- eronormative society that was seen as unrealizable from relationships with Thai men in Thai society. Even the opportunity to gain merit by ‘buying back’ into the family by financial remittances has a strong emotional component in that it required family recognition and acceptance of a kathoey-foreigner relationship, something parents were in some cases willing to embrace and ratify in the local community through wedding rituals. This is transformative of local understandings and norms for socially acceptable relationships, even if one takes the cynical view that acceptance is based on financial contributions. We think there is a more subtle process of social change taking place, whereby kathoey agency, empowered through their relationships, chal- lenges and transforms established norms and values. Ultimately though, even materially successful kathoey remain in a liminal, precar- ious position within Thai society. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, the asymmetric power balance leaves kathoey in a position of dependency on their part- ners, who could leave them at any moment, with few strings attached. They remain in a weaker position than mia farang, because of their relative lack of access to rights through legal marriage in Thailand: same-sex marriage is barred and so is changing gender from that attributed at birth. This is perhaps why kathoey invest so deeply emotionally into Westerner relationships to build lasting bonds while also trying to materialize tangible assets through gifts and property ownership. In some cases, this high emotional investment can be a self-fulfilling prophecy that constitutes a caring and loving partnership. But it can also explain why some kathoey accept social con- trolling behavior by their Western partners, while keeping alive their aspirations for gender realization and buying back morally and financially into their families. It needs noting that the ‘cultural script’ we have unpacked is specific to the class/ status background of a generation of kathoey from Isan. The exception in our sample, a younger student from a middle-class background on the Bangkok periphery, aspired to different social and gender affirmation goals: to migrate and marry her Canadian partner in Canada, where civil partnerships are legally binding, which would provide significant access to individual rights and resources through the partnership. While 210 | ASEAS 15(2) Transgender Kathoey Socially Imagining Relationships with Western Men in Thailand the cultural script we discuss holds for the sizeable generation of Isan kathoey who moved to tourist cities in search of Western men, clearly younger generations from wealthier backgrounds aspire to cultural scripts that are beyond what the people cen- tral to our research considered realizable. Overall, our research on enduring relationships shows that, despite power asym- metries within couples and a structural underpinning of economic motives in seeking a relationship with a foreigner, aspirations for a life with affection, (non-sexual) intimacy, and gender affirmation matter a great deal in shaping these kathoey lives. We think that depictions of kathoey-foreigner relationships as sex-work or ‘sugar-daddying’ – stereotypes that resonate in the social world, but that have also informed sociological approaches – fail to do justice to the subject matter and lives they represent. 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DOI: 10.1002/psp.2407 Statham, P., Scuzzarello, S., Sunanta, S., & Trupp, A. (2020). “Globalising Thailand through gendered ‘both-ways’ migration pathways with ‘the West’: cross-border connections between people, states, and places”, Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies, 46(8), 1513-1542. Sunanta, S. (2020). Globalising the Thai ‘high-touch’ industry: exports of care and body work and gendered mobilities to and from Thailand. Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies, 46(8),1543-1561. ten Brummelhuis, H. (1999). Transformations of transgender: the case of Thai kathoey. In Jackson, P.A. & Sullivan, G. (Eds.) Ladyboys, tom boys, rent boys. Male and female homsexualities in contemporary Thailand (pp. 117-136). Silkworm Books. USAID. (2014). Being LGBT in Asia: Thailand Country Report. Bangkok. Winter, S. (2011). Transpeople (Khon kham-phet) in Thailand: transprejudice, exclusion, and the presump- tion of mental illness. In Jackson, P.A. (ed.), Queer Bangkok. 21st century markets, media, and rights (pp.251-267). Silkworm books. Yang, W., & Lu, M. C (Eds). (2010). Asian cross-border marriage migration. Demographic Patterns and Social Issues. Amsterdam University Press. ABOUT THE AUTHORS Sarah Scuzzarello is Senior Lecturer at the Department of Geography and Researcher at the Sussex Centre for Migration Research (SCMR), University of Sussex (UK). Her research focuses on how transnational migrations and intergroup relations are affected and shaped by gender relations, and on how institutional discourses shape migrants’ collective identification and life chances. More recently, her work has focused on queer migrations. Her research has been pub- lished widely in international peer-reviewed journals and academic presses. She is the Associate Editor of the Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies and the founding co-coordinator of the IMISCOE’s Standing committee on Gender and Sexuality in Migration Research (GenSEM). ► Contact: s.scuzzarello@sussex.ac.uk Paul Statham is Professor of Migration and Director of the Sussex Centre for Migration Research (SCMR) in the School of Global Studies at the University of Sussex, UK. He is Editor- in-Chief of the Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies (JEMS). Paul has written a number of col- laborative monographs and edited volumes, and has more than 70 articles in refereed journals and as book chapters. His earlier research focused on cross-national comparative approaches to migration, ethnic relations and citizenship, Islam in Europe, and the emergence of a trans- national European public sphere. His current research focuses on ‘transnational living’ that mailto:S.Scuzzarello@sussex.ac.uk 212 | ASEAS 15(2) Transgender Kathoey Socially Imagining Relationships with Western Men in Thailand results from migration, mobility and exchanges between Europe and Thailand with a focus on marriage, wellbeing and life-course. This collaborative research programme focuses on the im- pacts of transnationalism between Thailand and the West on the life-chances of Thai people. ► Contact: paul.statham@sussex.ac.uk DISCLOSURE The authors declare no conflict of interest. mailto:Paul.Statham@sussex.ac.uk