





































. You knew where they were go ing. 

sir. There is o nly one bus left this 

roo m, the motor rumbles, the brakes 
:owards the window.) 

:lon 't get o n the bus? What if I just 

·. (Reaches under the counter and 

:ket stated, your destinati on is open 

1o ments.) But what if I get lost alo ng 

.i ng to the clerk he puts the hat on his 
us) 

weep the room, the red ta il lights 
hes the bus lights for a moment, then 
•itch on the wall behind h im and turns 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

The Means, Act One 
Zorina E. Jerome 

FADE IN 

EXT · SOUTH BEND, IND. - INTERFA ITH BAPTIST CHURC H 
-DAY 

ORGAN MUS IC plays. Autumn-colored trees envelope a quaint church. 

PREACHER 
(v.o) 

Marriage. Marriage is a sacred thing. The union be­
tween two people. Spirit, soul and body. Marri age is a 
compromise. A sacrifice. It is a li fetime commitment. 

Yellow cab /JULI.I up. LEXIE CUMMINGS gets out of a cab and walks 
hastily into the church. 

INT - INTER FA ITH BAPTIST CHURCH/ SANCTUARY - DAY 

Lexie quickly finds a seat in the back of the church. At the alter, stand the 
PR EACH ER and WI NS LOW STAND FLECK who is holding a very 

beautiful and pregnant MONET SPADER'S hands. 

Standing behind Winslow is the best man, WAYMON STANDFLECK. 
He notices Lexie. The camera focuses on ALIYCHA ANDREWS sitting in 

the fifth pew fold ing her arms and staring at Waymon with jealousy. 

Waymon smiles at her. Aliycha's stern face softens. Sitting next to Aliycha 
is MA /TRON who is text messaging through his top-dollar cell phone. 

PREACHER 
(CONT' D) 

It is also a dying of o ne's self. Ir's the resurrectio n of 
something new. Something beautiful. .. (pause) 

The Preacher looks at the bride-to-be. 

PREACHER 
Life. 

Monet and Winslow exchange smiles. 

PREACHER 
If there is anyone today who does not bel ieve that 
Winslow Standfleck and Monet Spader.Shou ld be 
married, let him speak now or fo rever hold his peace. 

WAYMON 
Now. 

The guests GASP 

69 



70 Drama 

WINSLOW 
What? 

WAYMON 
Forever is a long time, Bro. I ca n't let you do this. 

WINSLOW 
What? This? I love her. Why are you frea king out, 
man7 This is my wedding day. 

WAYMON 
[ can' t let you do this. She's not right, Win . Look, just 
trust me on this. She's not the one fo r you. 

WINSLOW 
Hey, there's no cameras o n today ... 

WAYMON 
This isn' t about the damn show ... 

WINSLOW 
You know you' re a real piece of ... 

WAYMON 
Would you just li sten to ... 

WINSLOW 
Bad timing, bro. I'm kind of getting married right 
now ... 

WAYMON 
She's not pregnant, Winslow! 

The guest murmur. Monet rolls her eyes. 

MONET 
This is ridiculous. Father, please continue. 

PREACHER 
Let us .. 

WAYMON 
No, let us get to the bottom of this. Have you gone to 
the docto r with her? As a matter of fac t, who is her 
doctor? ls he here? Surely, you've invited him to such 
an occasion as this, Monet. 

MONET 

-
I can 't believe you 

Do what? Fa ke a p 

To what, Waymon? 
ous of your brothe1 
you. He'll do anyth 
since our engagem1 

Do n't do this to hi 

(disgusted)You're d 
places his pa lm on 

Can we just co nrim 
I'd like to enjoy the 

Did you hear anyth 
pregnant! 

How would you eve 
my wife. 

Thank you. 

Not yet. Look Wins· 
lie about something 

Excuse me, but we n 
ding ceremony toda~ 

Monet and 

Yes. 



let you do this. 

ou freaking out, 

ght, Win. Look, just 
~ fo r you. 

ng married right 

rolls her eyes. 

:o ntinue. 

is. Have you gone to 
Jf fact , who is her 
invited him to such 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

I can 't believe you would do this to your own brother. 

WAYMON 
Do what? Fake a pregnancy just to ... to .. . 

MONET 
To what, Waymo n? To what? You've always been jea l­
ous of your brother and I do n't know why. He loves 
you. He'll do anything fo r you. You haven' t been right 
since our engagemenr. 

WAYMON 
Do n't do this to him . 

MONET 
(disgusted)You're the o ne doing this to him.Winslow 
places his palm o n Monet's back to calm her. 

WINSLOW 
Can we just continue? Our plane leaves at midnight. 
I'd like to enjoy the reception. 

WAYMON 
Did you hear anything I said to youl Mo net isn' t 
pregnant! 

WINSLOW 
How would you even know something like that? She's 
my wife. 

MONET 
Thank you. 

WAYMON 
Not yet. Look Winslow, yo u know me. Would I ever 
lie about something like this? Am I lying now? (pause) 

PREACHER 
Excuse me, but we need to know. Will there be a wed­
ding ceremony today? 

Monet and Waymon answer toge ther. 

MONET 
Yes. 

WAYMON 

71 



I 

72 Drama 

No. 

Monet and Waymon look at Winslow. 

WINSLOW 
1...1 don't know. 

More MURMURS from the guests. 

MONET 
Sweetie, don't let him get to you. [love. You love me. 
Let's do th is. 

WINSLOW 
Are you pregnant? Monet steps back with her hands 
on her sto mach. She is speechless. 

WINSLOW 
Monet? Are you pregnant? Monet remains silent. She 
is about to cry. 

PREACHER 
Monet, this is very serious. Are you pregnant with 
Winslow's ch ild7 

MONET 
(in tears) A few minutes ago, you were about to pledge 
to God, to me, to everybody that you would trust and 
honor me ... 

WAYMON 
Jeez, give me a break. 

MONET (CONT'D) 
... and now, you question the woman whom you are 
to spend the rest of your life with? Maybe I need to 

seco nd-guess my decision. I certainly don' t want to be 
with a man who doubts me. 

Monet turns to the audience. She wipes her tears and places her hands back 
on her stomach. 

MONET 
I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry you had to see this. 

Monet turns to leave. Winslow grabs Monet's arm. 

WINSLOW 
Monet. Baby, no. !...don' t go. I love you. Let's do this. 
Let's get married . 

-
Waymon yanks Monet awe 

O h hell no. Look! 
a pillow. Here! Lo 

Winslow, Monet, 

Let me go! Winslc 

Feel the baby kick, 

Winslow punches Wa~ 

Show's over. 

Winslow and Monet turn t 
proceeds to exit down the c 

Uh ... Ah yes. Marri: 
THE DEVIL IS A I 

Waymon l 

INT - INTERFA ITH 

As Waymon attempts to ope 
her m 

Waymon' 

Lexie c 

What was that ab01 

Not right now, Aliy 

Right now is as goo 



tt Winslow. 

the guests. 

love. You love me. 

ck with her hands 

: remains silent. She 

u pregnanr with 

were about to pledge 
you would trust and 

r'D) 
1an whom you are 
? Maybe I need to 
nly don't want to be 

ears and places her hands back 

had to see this. 

r-abs Monet's arm. 

>Ve you. Let's do this. 

The Means, Act One- Analecta 

Waymon yanks Monet away from Winslow. He pulls at her ruffled dress. 

WAYMON 
O h hell no. Look1 There's no baby in there! It's just 
a pillow. Here! Look1 

Winslow, Monet, Waymon and the preacher struggle. 

MONET 
(screaming) 

Let me go! W inslow' Waymon, stop it. STOP! 

WAYMON 
Feel the baby kick, bro! Feel the pillow baby kick! 

W inslow punches Waymon to the ground and snatches his ring. 

WINSLOW 
Show's over. 

Winslow and Monet turn to the preacher. Waymon stands to his feet and 
proceeds to exit down the center aisle of tlie church. The camera follows 

Waymon out. 

PREACHER 
(o.s .) 

Uh .. .Ah yes. Marriage is love. Love is trust ... AND 
TH E DEVIL IS A U AR! 

Waymon leaves. Lexie follows him out. 

INT - INTERFAITH BAPTIST CHURCH/ FOYER- DAY 

As Waymon attempts to open the main doorway of the church, Lexie opens 
her mouth to call out to him. 

Waymon ' 

ALIYCHA 
(o.s .) 

Lexie quickly steps out of sight. 

ALIYCHA 
W hat was that about7 

WAYMON 
Not right now, Ali ycha. 

ALIYCHA 
Right now is as good a time as any. 

WAYMON 
(yells) 

73 



74 Drama 

I said not right nowl 

Aliycha is stunned. Waymon calms down and comforts her in a softer tone. 

WAYMON 
Not right now, OK? I promise I'll explain everything. 

A UY CHA 
Waymon, you've got to talk to me. 

WAYMON 
!will. 

Waymon showers Aliycha with kisses. 

WAYMON 
I will. I promise. You gotta trust me. 

Everything alright? 

Not really, Maitron. 

MAITRON 
(o.s.) 

WAYMON 

Speaks to Aliycha. 

WAYMON 
Go with Maitron. I'll call you. 

Aliycha is hesitant. 

WAYMON 
I'll be fine. I just need to be alone. Go to the recep­
tion. Have a good time. Maitron, take care of her. 

MA ITRON 

You got it. 

Aliycha reluctantly enters the sanctuary with Maitron. 

WAYMON 
I'll call you. 

Aliycha and Maitron disappear into the sanctuary. Waymon leaves the 
building. 

EXT - INTERFAITH BAPTIST CHURCH - DAY 
Light breeze. Autumn leaves scurry about the ground. The trees rain more 
leaves. A bruised Waymon heads towards his vehicle. Lexie runs out of the 

church after him. 

LEXIE 

-
Robin! 

Waymon stops instantly an 

Batman7 

In the flesh. 

Waymon' 

It's refreshing to pu 
who gives inaccurat 
you 7 

I'm Batman. Your f 

Waymon become 

This isn't a joke. I j1 
my reputation. 

Lexie fearl£ 

Aw, Goldenboy's gc 

Exactly how much c 

Are you serious? As 
Aliycha's faces are p 
stand? Your reality: 
you forget? 

You know what I'm 

You're wasting time 
need to do ... 



i comforts her in a softer tone. 

explain everything. 

with kisses. 

le. 

a. 

nt. 

:. Go to the recep­
:ake ca re of her. 

tuary with Maitron. 

mctuary. Waymon Leaves the 

"CHURCH - DAY 

te ground. The trees rain more 
s vehicle. Lexie runs out of the 
n. 

The Means, Act One- Analecta 

Robin' 

Waymon stops instantly and turns around walking slowly toward Lexie. 

Batman? 
WAYMON 

LEXIE 
(Laughs) 

In the flesh. 

Waymon cautiously pulls Lexie aside. 

WAYMON 
(sarcastic) 

It' s refreshing to put a face to my little Internet buddy 
who gives inaccurate information. (pause) Who are 
you7 

LEXIE 
I'm Batman. Your Robin. It's all very simple. 

Waymon becomes frustrated and grab Lexie's arm. 

WAYMON 
This isn't a joke. 1 just lost my brother and probably 
my reputation. 

Lexie fearlessly snatches her arm away. 

LEXIE 
Aw, Goldenboy's got a boo-boo! 

WAYMON 
Exactly how much do you know about me? 

LEXIE 
Are you serious? Aside from the fact you, Monet and 
Aliycha's faces are plastered on every supermarket 
stand? Your reality show airs every Thursday. Or did 
you forget? 

WAYMON 
You know what I'm talking about. 

LEXIE 
You're wasting time on irrelevantquestions. What you 
need to do ... 

WAYMON 

75 



Ode to Nick Drake 
Illustration 

John Thompson 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

FADE IN 

EXT -SOUTH BEND, IND. 
- INTERFAITH BAPTIST CHURCH 

-DAY 

ORGAN MUSIC plays. Autumn-col­
ored trees envelope a quaint church. 

PREACHER 

(v.o) 
Marriage. Marriage is a sacred thing. 
The union between two people. 
Spirit, soul and body. Marriage is 
a compromise. A sacrifice. It is a 
lifetime commitment. 

Yellow cab pulls up. LEXIE 
CUMMINGS gets out of a cab and 

walks hastily into the church. 

INT - INTERFAITH BAPTIST 
CHURCH/SANCTUARY - DAY 

Lexie quickly finds a seat in the back 
of the church. At the alter, stand 

the PREACHER and WINSLOW 
STAND FLECK who is holding a 

very beautiful and pregnant MONET 
SPADER'S hands. 

Standing behind Winslow is the best 
man, WAYMON STANDFLECK. He 

notices Lexie. The camera focuses on 
ALIYCHA ANDREWS sitting in the 

fifth pew folding her arms and staring at 

Waymon with jealousy. 

Waymon smiles at her. Aliycha's stern 
face softens. Sitting next to Aliycha 

is MAITRON who is text messaging 
through his top-dollar cell phone. 

PREACHER 

85 



86 Drama 

(CONT'D) 
It is also a dying of one's self. It's 
the resurrection of something new. 
Something beautiful...(pause) 

The Preacher looks at the bride-to-be. 

PREACHER 
Life. 

Monet and Winslow exchange smites . 

PREACHER 
If there is anyo ne today who does 
not believe that Winslow Stand fleck 
and Monet Spader.Should be mar­
ried , let him speak now or forever 
ho ld his peace. 

WAYMON 
Now. 

The guests GASP. 

WINSLOW 
What? 

WAYMON 
Forever is a long time, Bro. l can't 
let you do this. 

WINSLOW 
What? This? ! love her. Why ~ re 
you freaking out, man? This is my 
wedding day. 

-
I can' t let yo1 
right, Win. l 
this. She's n< 

Hey, there's : 

This isn 't ab< 

' You know yo 

Would you jt 

' Bad timing, l 
married right 

She's not pre 

The guest mur 

This is ridi cu 
continue. 

p 
Let us .. 



's self. Ir's 
ething new. 
pause) 

te bride-to-be. 

R 

hange smiles. 

R 
who does 

•W Standfleck 
uld be mar-
' or forever 

~ 

~SP 

v 

~ 

Bro. I can't 

v 
. Why are 
This is my 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

WAYMON 
I can'~ let you do this. She's not 
right, Win. Look, just trust me on 
this. She's not the one for you. 

WINSLOW 
Hey, there's no cameras on today ... 

WAYMON 
This isn't about the damn show ... 

WINSLOW 
You know you're a real piece of ... 

WAYMON 
Would you just listen to ... 

WINSLOW 
Bad timing, bro. I'm kind of getting 
married right now ... 

WAYMON 
She's not pregnant, Winslow! 

The guest murmur. Monet rolls her eyes. 

MONET 
This is ridiculo us. Father, please 
continue. 

PREACHER 
Let us .. 

87 



BB Drama 

WAYMON 
No, let us get to the bottom of this. 
Have you gone to the doctor with 
her? As a matter of fact, who is her 
doctor? ls he here? Surely, you've 
invited him to such an occasion as 
this, Monet. 

MONET 
I can't believe you would do this to 

your own brother. 

WAYMON 
Do what? Fake a pregnancy just to ... 
to ... 

MONET 
To what, Waymon? To what? You've 
always been jealous of your brother 
and I don't know why. He loves 
you. He'll do anything for you. You 
haven't been right since our engage­
ment. 

WAYMON 
Don't do this to him. 

MONET 
(disgusted)You're the one doing this 
to him.Winslow places his palm on 
Monet's back to calm her. 

WINSLOW 
Can we just continue? Our plane 
leaves at midnight. I'd like to enjoy 
the reception. 

-
Did you hea 
Monet isn't 

How would 
thing like th 

Thank you. 

Not yet. Loe 
me. Would I 
thing like th 
(pause) 

Excuse me, 1 
Will there b 
today? 

Monet and 

Yes. 

No. 

Monet and 1 

1...1 don't kr 



to m of this. 
K to r with 
who is her 

:ly, you've 
KCas ion as 

d do this to 

rncy just to ... 

what? You've 
our brother 
He loves 
:or you. You 
: our engage-

:te do ing this 
his palm o n 
er. 

v 
Our plane 
ike to enjoy 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

WAYMON 
Did you hear anything I said to yo u? 
Monet isn't pregnant! 

WINSLOW 
How would you even know some­
thing like that? She's my wife. 

MONET 
Thank you. 

WAYMON 
Not yet. Look Winslow, you know 
me. Would I ever lie about some­
thing like this? Am I lying now? 
(pause) 

PREACHER 
Excuse me, but we need to know. 
Will there be a wedding ceremo ny 
today? 

Monet and Waymon answer together. 

MONET 
Yes. 

WAYMON 
No. 

M onet and Waymon look at W inslow. 

WINSLOW 
I...l don 't know. 

89 



90 Drama 

More MURMURS from the guests. 

MONET 
Sweetie, don't let him get to you. I 
love. You love me. Let's do this. 

WINSLOW 
Are you pregnant? Monet steps back 
with her hands on her stomach. She 
is speechless. 

WINSLOW 
Monet? Are you pregnant? Monet 
remains silent. She is about to cry. 

PREACHER 
Monet, this is very serious. Are you 
pregnant with Winslow's child? 

MONET 
(in tears) A few minutes ago, you 
were about to pledge to God, to me, 
to everybody that you would trust 
and honor me ... 

WAYMON 
Jeez, give me a break. 

MONET (CONT'D) 
... and now, you question the woman 
whom you are to spend the rest of 
your life with? Maybe I need to 
second-guess my decision. I certainly 
don't want to be with a man who 
doubts me. 

Monet turns 

her tears and 

l' m sorry eve 
had to see th 

Monet turn~ 

Monet. Baby 
you. Let's do 

Waymony 

Winslow. He 

Oh hell no. l 
in there! It's 
Look! 

Winslow, 1',, 

pn 

Let me go! 'J 
stop it. STOI 

Feel the baby 
pillow baby k 

Winslow p 
ground a 



n the guests. 

et to you. I 
do this. 

1 
et steps back 
.tomach. She 

1 
mt? Monet 
iout to cry. 

R 
•US. Are you 
's child? 

; ago, you 
God, to me, 
uu Id trust 

IT'D) 
o the woman 
the rest of 
need to 
•n. I certainly 
man who 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

Monet turns to the audience. She wipes 
her tears and places her hands back on 

her stomach. 

MONET 
I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry you 
had to see this. 

Monet turns to leave. Winslow grabs 
Monet's arm. 

WINSLOW 
Monet. Baby, no. !...don't go. I love 
you. Let's do this. Let's get married. 

Waymon yanks Monet away from 
Winslow. He pulls at her ruffled dress. 

WAYMON 
Oh hell no. Look! There's no baby 
in there! It's just a pillow. Here! 
Look! 

Winslow, Monet, Waymon and the 
preacher struggle. 

MONET 

(screaming) 
Let me go! Winslow! Waymon, 
stop it. STOP! 

WAYMON 
Feel the baby kick, bro! Feel the 
pillow baby kick! 

Winslow punches Waymon to the 
ground and snatches his ring. 

91 



92 Drama 

WINSLOW 
Show's over. 

Winslow and Monet turn to the 

preacher. Waymon stands to his feet and 

proceeds to exit down the center aisle of 

the church. The camera fotlows Waymon 

out. 

PREACHER 

(o.s.) 

Uh .. .Ah yes. Marriage is love. Love 
is trust ... AND THE DEVIL IS A 
LIAR! 

Waymon leaves. Lexie follows him out. 

INT - INTERFAITH BAPTIST 
CHURCH/ FOYER - DAY 

As Waymon attempts to open the main 

doorway of the church, Lexie opens her 

mouth to call out to him. 

ALIYCHA 

(o.s.) 

Waymon! 

Lexie quickly steps out of sight. 

ALIYCHA 
What was that about? 

WAYMON 
Not right now, Aliycha. 

ALIYCHA 
Right now is as good a time as any. 

-
I said not rig 

Aliycha is s 

down and car 

Not right no· 
exp lain every 

Waymon, yo1 

I will. 

Waymon sho 

I will. 1 prom 

Everything al 

' Not really, M 

Spe 

\ 
Go with Mait 

Aliy 



vv 

turn to the 

s to his feet and 
~ center aisle of 
allows Waymon 

~R 

is love. Love 
EVIL IS A 

illows him out. 

l BAPTIST 
:R- DAY 

open the main 
,exie opens her 
to him. 

\ 

ut of sight. 

\ 

";/ 

\ 
time as any. 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

WAYMON 

(yells) 
[said not right now! 

Aliycha is stunned. Waymon calms 
down and comforts her in a softer tone. 

WAYMON 
Not right now, OK? I promise I'll 
explain everything. 

ALIYCHA 
Waymon, you've got to talk to me. 

WAYMON 
I will. 

Waymon showers Aliycha with kisses . 

WAYMON 
I will. I promise. You gotta trust me. 

MAITRON 

(o.s.) 
Everything alright? 

WAYMON 
Not really, Maitron. 

Speaks to Aliycha. 

WAYMON 
Go with Maitron. I'll call you. 

Aliycha is hesitant. 

93 



94 Drama 

WAYMON 
I'll be fine. I just need to be alone. 
Go to the reception. Have a good­
time. Maitron, take care of her. 

MAITRON 

You got it. 

Aliycha reluctantly enters the sanctuary 
with Maitron. 

WAYMON 
I'll call you. 

Aliycha and Maitron disappear into the 
sanctuary. Waymon leaves the building. 

EXT - INTERFAITH BAPTIST 
CHURCH-DAY 

Light breeze. Autumn leaves scurry 
about the ground. The trees rain more 

leaves. A bruised Waymon heads 
towards his vehicle. Lexie runs out of the 

church after him. 

LEXIE 
Robin! 

Waymon stops instantly and turns 
around walking slowly toward Lexie. 

Batman? 

In the flesh. 

WAYMON 

LEXIE 

(laughs) 

-
Waymon cm 

It's refreshin; 
little lnterne1 
curate inforn 
are you? 

I'm Batman. 
very simple. 

Waymon beo 

' This isn't a jc 

brother and r 

Lexie fearless!: 

Aw, Goldenb 

\ 
Exactly how r 
about me? 

Are you serio1 
fact you, Mon 
a re plastered c 

stand? Your r 
Thursday. Or 



\J 
to be alone. 
.ave a good­
·e of her. 

·s the sanctuary 

m. 

N 

:appear into the 
1es the building. 

Y. BAPTIST 
DAY 

I.eaves scurry 
trees rain more 
. ymon heads 
~ runs out of the 

him. 

dy and turns 
toward Lexie. 

N 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

Waymon cautiously pulls Lexie aside. 

WAYMON 

(sarcastic) 
It's refreshing to put a face to my 
little Internet buddy who gives inac­
curate information. (pause) Who 
are you? 

LEXIE 
I'm Batman. Your Robin. It's all 
very simple. 

Waymon becomes frustrated and grab 
Lexie's arm. 

WAYMON 
This isn't a joke. I just lost my 
brother and probably my reputation. 

Lexie fearl.essly snatches her arm away . 

LEXIE 
Aw, Goldenboy's got a boo-boo! 

WAYMON 
Exactly how much do you know 
about me? 

LEXIE 
Are you serious? Aside from the 
fact you, Monet and Aliycha's faces 
are plastered on every supermarket 
stand? Your reality show airs every 
Thursday. Or did you forget? 

95 



96 Drama 

WAYMON 
You know what I'm talking about. 

LEXIE 
You're wasting time on irrelevant­
questions. What you need to do ... 

WAYMON 
Who are you to tell me what to do? 
Look where your little "Batman" 
information got me.Waymon points 
to his swollen eye. 

WAYMON 

(CONT'D) 
My brother still married her. l 
can't wait till he finds out she's not 
pregnant. I hope ... 

LEXIE 
That's where you're wrong, Robin. 
(pause) I was hoping with your help, 
wecould've prevented this marriage. 
That's why I contacted you through 
the Internet. 

Lexie digs in her purse and pulls out a 
cigarette. 

LEXIE 

(CONT'D) 
I never intended to meet with you 
face to face but l could tell through 
your emails you were getting desper­
ate. 

-
Waymon takes 

and ligh 

' You don't str 
smoke. 

l knew you w 

something sn 
showed up. Y 

Waymon frou 
Lexie's m 

\ 
No. 

Then why do 

\ 
In case a beaL 
one. 

Sounds of AP 

Waymon and L 
the back OJ 

\l 
You a reporte 



~ 

king about. 

, irrelevant­
eed to do ... 

~ 

: what to do? 
"Batman" 
aymon points 

N 

1) 

d her. I 
out she's not 

·ong, Robin. 
•ith your help, 
this marriage. 
. you through 

md pulls out a 

)) 

~et with you 
l tell through 
:etting desper-

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

Waymon takes a lighter out of his pocket 
and lights Lexie's cigarette. 

WAYMON 
You don't strike me as the type to 

smoke. 

LEXIE 
I knew you were going to do 
something stupid today. That'swhy I 
showed up. You smoke? 

Waymon frowns as he passively waves 
Lexie's smoke away from him. 

WAYMON 
No. 

LEXIE 
Then why do you carry a lighter? 

WAYMON 
In case a beautiful woman needs 
one. 

Sounds of APPLAUSE come from the 
church. 

Waymon and Lexie start walking toward 
the back of the church building. 

WAYMON 
You a reporter? 

LEXIE 

97 



98 Drama 

Something like that. 

WAYMON 
For who? 

LEXIE 
For me. 

Waymon takes a piece of bubble gum 
from his pocket and pops it into his 

mouth. 

WAYMON 
What's it to you if Monet marries 
into my family and takes over the 
business? 

LEXIE 
I have my reasons. Bubble gum? 

WAYMON 
Winslow thought it would be a nice 
gimmick for the show. Now it's a 
habit. Want some? 

LEXIE 
No thank you. I've got my lollipop 
in the car. Look, you've gotta get 
back in that church. 

WAYMON 
For what? 

LEXIE 

How else are 
Monet is up t 

' You're the on 
her. You tell 1 

Lexie takes on 
then drops it 1 

out wit 

Everything's c 

A few people 
Maitron and 

s· 

EXT-INT 
CHURCH; 

}v 

What's wrong 

Aliycha scans t1 

p 

Waymon's stil 
moved. 

M 
Why do yous 
could believe : 
be false? 



N 

of bubble gum 
ips it into his 

N 
net marries 
:es over the 

)ble gum? 

N 
:iuld be a nice 
Now it's a 

: my lollipop 
re gotta get 

IN 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

How else are we going to know what 
Mon~t is up to? 

WAYMON 
You're the one with all the dirt on 
her. You tell me. 

Lexie takes one last puff of her cigarette 
then drops it to the ground, mashing it 

out with her pink pumps. 

LEXIE 
Everything's changed. 

A few people trickle out of the church. 
Maitron and Aliycha are among the 

small crowd. 

EXT. - INTERFAITH BAPTIST 
CHURCH/ FRONT BUILDING 

-DAY 

MAITRON 
What's wrong? 

Aliycha scans the parking lot with a look 
of concern. 

ALIYCHA 
Waymon's still here. His car hasn't 
moved. 

MAI TRON 
Why do you suppose Waymon 
could believe Monet's pregnancy to 
be fa lse? 

99 



100 Drama 

More PEOPLE spill out of the church. 
A WOMAN prances about holding a 
basket with a yellow bow. She is passes 

out little white sacks of rice with a 
yellow ribbon tightly sealing its contents. 

Aliycha and Maitron each receive a sack 
and fumble with the yellow ribbon. 

ALIYCHA 
He probably thought she faked it 
just to spite him for choosing me as 
his fiancee instead of her. She even 
turned down half a million to stay 
on the show and for the chance of 
Waymon choosing her. She was re­
jected and broke. l just don't know 
why Waymon wouldn't just tell me. 

MAITRON 
Why would he? 

ALIYCHA 
I'm his fiancee. 

MAITRON 
Only on televison. 

ALIYCHA 
He chose me! 

MAITRON 
Only on television. 

ALIYCHA 
We love each other! 

-
~ 

Only-on-telev 

Maitron u 

Aliycha's she 
walk furthe1 

awaiting the 

If you can ma 
it. lf it doesn' 
Bachelor will 
you can put o 

Winslow am 
church. Everyc 

You actresses 
seriously. Juli< 
Ryan, Nicole, 
Waymon's far. 
dis tract you fr 
career. When 
black actress, ' 
friend. You co 
Berry. l can m 

As Winslow an 
to Maitron anc 

aiming the rice 

hits Monet in h 
from the res 

A 



: of the church. 
bout holding a 
v. She is passes 
>f rice with a 
ing its contents. 
:h receive a sack 
eltow ribbon. 

<\ 
he faked it 
Loosing me as 
ler. She even 
Ilion to stay 
le chance of 
. She was re­
;t don't know 
t just tell me. 

N 

A 

N 

A 

1N 

A 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

MAITRON 
Only-.on-television. 

Maitron wraps his arms around 
Aliycha's shoulders. They proceed to 

walk further down the line of guest 
awaiting the bride and grooms depar­

ture. 

MAITRON 

(CONT'D) 
If you can marry Waymon, do 
it. If it doesn't work out then #l 
Bachelor will just be one more thing 
you can put on your resume. 

Winslow and Monet step out of the 
church. Everyone applauds and throws 

rice. 

MAITRON 

(CONT'D) 
You actresses take your jobs too 
seriously. Julia Roberts, Lopez, Meg 
Ryan, Nicole Arie-Parker. .. Don't let 
Waymon's family entanglements 
distract you from advancing your 
career. When Hollywood calls for a 
black actress, you better jump, girl­
friend. You could be the next Halle 
Berry. I can make it happen. 

As Winslow and Monet step down closer 
to Maitron and Aliycha, Aliycha starts 

aiming the rice at Monet. A grain of rice 
hits Monet in her eye. She shields herself 

from the rest of the "rice tossing". 

ALIYCHA 

101 



102 Drama 

The only thing that's going to hap­
pen is my becoming Mrs. Waymon 
Stand fleck. 

As Aliycha throws the rice at Monet she 
says: 

ALIYCHA 

(CONT'D) 
We'll-all-be-one-big-happy-family! 

EXT . INTERFAITH BAPTIST 
CHURCH/BACKSIDE OF 

CHURCH-DAY 

Lexie peeks behind the church building 
spying on Aliycha and Maitron. 

WAYMON 
Lexie! What's changed? 

Lexie snaps out of her infatuation with 
Aliycha and Maitron's conversation. 

LEXIE 
You have to go back. 

WAYMON 
To what? 

LEXIE 
To making nice-nice with Monet. 

WAYMON 
So I can ... ? 

-
Know what lv 
next. 

\ 
She's gonna s 
Standfleck C< 
That's what sl 
Standfleck nc 

Silen 

The hell it is. 
the reception 
dapologize to 
to your jealou: 

" But I'm not je 

and congratul; 
baby. 

Waymon spits 
fresh piece of b1 

\\, 

Why would Iv 
crazy like that? 

Because you're 
to be one step 
in-law. You're t 

her. To everyb< 
pathetic and ir 



:oing to hap­
lrs. Waymon 

ce at Monet she 

A 

)) 
;:>py-fami ly! 

H BAPTIST 
CS/DE OF 
DAY 

church building 
rid Maitron. 

IN 
d? 

nfatuation with 

s conversation. 

>N 

vith Monet. 

>N 

The Means, Act One - Analecta 

LEXIE 
Know what Monet is going to do 
next. 

WAYMON 
She's gonna sink her claws in 
Standfleck Communications. 
That's what she's gonna do. She's a 
Stand fleck now. It's a done deal. 

Silence. Lexie paces. 

LEXIE 

(grins) 

The hell it is. You're going to goto 
the reception sloppy drunk an­
dapologize to the newlyweds. Admit 
to your jealously towards Winslow ... 

WAYMON 
But I'm not jealous! 

LEXIE 
and congratu late them on their new 
baby. 

Waymon spits his gum out and pops a 
fresh piece of bubble gum in his mouth. 

WAYMON 
Why would l want to do something 
crazy like that? 

LEXIE 
Because you're on a roll. You need 
to be one step ahead of your sister­
in-law. You're no longer a threat to 
her. To everybody, you're pitiful, 
pathetic and insanely jealous. 

103 


