34 

Untouched 

I look in the mirror and see 

My son, a reflection of me 

Untouched. 

I wonder 

How it feels to be denied, neglected, willingly forgotten? 

I brushed him aside like sweat off my forehead. 

Walking through the mall, getting drunk with friends, I still see his face, 

I felt better before I saw his face. Now I know it is me. 

What have I done? What will I do? Can I please move on? 

Untouched. 

I didn't know sex could produce these horrifying emotions 

And self hate. 

Memories sicken me 

Of how I forced her to abort our children, the first three 

I want to cry and vomit and vomit some more 

But tears don't come 

I've kept all of this bottled inside for over a year. 

Nobody knew. 

My sister 

Thinks she's perfect 

Found out on her own. 

Of course, life could never get her in a situation where acting so 

Inhumane could be justified. 

w 

I { 

c 
d 

H 

Tl 

U1 

Fo 

I ~ 

Sh 
A 

B 

Sh 
T~ 
J 
Al 

Ur 



Well guess what little sister life ain't so pretty and you need to wake up. 

I move through the restaurant, the crowds, my mind 

J go to confess to one who may not hate me, but in reality she already knows. 

We order food and pretend to be casual 

Consumed 

I order a cheeseburger and my hands shake uncontrollably 

How bad a lashing will I get today? 

The grease from the cheeseburger starts to go solid from sitting 

Untouched. 

For so long. 

I can't eat 

She brings up the abortions and I go numb. 

A place she's never seen me go before. 

BL A NK ... 

She leaves me alone 

That's what I've been 

And what I want to be 

Alone. 

Untouched. 

Please leave me be, I feel bad 

But it's too late for that. 

Please love me and believe what I WANT TO BELIEVE 

Don't try to talk sense in to me. 

She is being nicer now and we leave the conversation 

Untouched. 

I hug her and she smells like home. Dryer sheets and home cooking. 

Two things I miss. 

I see her and I see myself. She is pretty. So sensitive and lost in her world of 

feeling. I see 

in her eyes what she wishes for me. 

I see my son. 

Untouched. 

by Kelly Hurley 

35