307 © 2020 by the authors; licensee Asian Online Journal Publishing Group Asian Journal of Social Sciences and Management Studies Vol. 7, No. 4, 307-317, 2020 ISSN(E) 2313-7401/ ISSN(P) 2518-0096 DOI: 10.20448/journal.500.2020.74.307.312 © 2020 by the authors; licensee Asian Online Journal Publishing Group Expectations in a Marriage Proposal: A Gender-Based Comparison in Pakistan Asma Amin Malik1 Wasmana Khan2 Fatima Yusuf3 Zainab Raza4 Kashaf Aqeel Zaidi5 Bilal Sarwar6 ( Corresponding Author) 1,2,3,4,6Student, Ziauddin University, Karachi, Pakistan. 5Lecturer, Ziauddin University, Karachi, Pakistan. Abstract To determine the differences in expectations of males and females regarding marriage proposals. It was a cross-sectional study conducted in Karachi. Young people aged between 18 and 45 years were enrolled in the study. An online questionnaire was circulated through a convenience sampling technique. Our sample had 456 participants with n=294 64.5% females. N=387 84.9% were between 18-25 years of age. N=292 64% did not have a preference regarding spouse’s skin tone but n=269 59.0% preferred a taller spouse. Body type was a considerable factor for n=227 49.8%. N=309 67.8% preferred their partner to have a job, own a business and have a career. Love marriage was preferred by n=194 42.5%. Majority of the sample (58.1%) did not have a preference in terms of ethnicity but n=193 42.2% wanted a spouse from the same sect, denomination or caste. N=357 78.3% were against dowry. 52% of the participants said their choices were influenced by societal norms and culture to some extent. Four most important personality traits in a potential spouse were loyalty (75.7%), respect (62.7%), maturity (49.3%) and honesty (46.5%). The findings of this study are reflective of our community and culture as the majority of individuals are under societal influence. Moreover, their preference in traits emphasizes mutual understanding as opposed to physical characteristics. An adequate understanding of an individual's expectations from a marriage proposal decreases the risk of psychological distress associated with the relationship. Keywords: Marriage, Dowry, Socioeconomic status, Marriage preferences, Spouse, Colorism in marriage, Personality traits, Joint family system, Pakistani marriage culture. Citation | Asma Amin Malik; Wasmana Khan; Fatima Yusuf; Zainab Raza; Kashaf Aqeel Zaidi; Bilal Sarwar (2020). Expectations in a Marriage Proposal: A Gender-Based Comparison in Pakistan. Asian Journal of Social Sciences and Management Studies, 7(4): 307- 312. History: Received: 28 October 2020 Revised: 16 November 2020 Accepted: 30 November 2020 Published: 14 December 2020 Licensed: This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License Publisher: Asian Online Journal Publishing Group Acknowledgement: All authors contributed to the conception and design of the study. Funding: This study received no specific financial support. Competing Interests: The authors declare that they have no conflict of interests. Transparency: The authors confirm that the manuscript is an honest, accurate, and transparent account of the study was reported; that no vital features of the study have been omitted; and that any discrepancies from the study as planned have been explained. Ethical: This study follows all ethical practices during writing. Contents 1. Introduction .................................................................................................................................................................................... 308 2. Materials and Methods ................................................................................................................................................................. 308 3. Results .............................................................................................................................................................................................. 308 4. Discussion ........................................................................................................................................................................................ 310 5. Conclusion ....................................................................................................................................................................................... 311 References ............................................................................................................................................................................................ 311 http://crossmark.crossref.org/dialog/?doi=10.20448/journal.500.2020.74.307.312&domain=pdf&date_stamp=2017-01-14 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ http://asianonlinejournals.com/index.php/AJSSMS/article/view/2442 https://orcid.org/0000-0003-1032-7026 https://orcid.org/0000-0003-1883-1841 https://orcid.org/0000-0002-6499-7685 https://orcid.org/0000-0002-0200-1600 https://orcid.org/0000-0001-8421-2809 https://orcid.org/0000-0001-9431-0445 Asian Journal of Social Sciences and Management Studies, 2020, 7(4): 307-312 308 © 2020 by the authors; licensee Asian Online Journal Publishing Group Contribution of this paper to the literature This study contributes to the existing literature by determining the differences in expectations of males and females regarding marriage proposals. 1. Introduction The primary reasons for a marriage are emotional, religious and sexual satisfaction. Intimate relationships, physical and emotional health are greatly influenced by marital expectations of a partner and these expectations include age, ethnicity, gender, religion, marital status and experiences about relationships (Savelsberg, 1995). There is a societal pressure on overweight women to slim down as being slim is considered an attractive attribute and the research proves that the husbands have positive relationship with their wives if they are non-obese (Hasan, Zafar, & Yasmeen, 2019). Moreover, women with BMI within the normal range have higher marital satisfaction than those with a higher BMI. Males have a higher preference for wives that have a fairer skin tone than themselves and are more likely to use words like ‘beautiful’ and ‘lovely’ to describe them (Jha & Adelman, 2008) . In inter-caste marriages spouses prefer personality traits whereas in people marrying within their caste laid more emphasis on the family background. Marriage in a different caste results in couples becoming social outcasts who are deprived of family support and even experience violence in some cases (Rajadesingan, Mahalingam, & Jurgens, 2019). In Pakistan people who live in joint family have a higher level of satisfaction as compared to those who live in joint family that is 87.5% v/s 81% (Saqib Lodhi et al., 2019) . Larger dowries have significantly reduced domestic violence by increasing the economic resources of the household, and serving as an asset over which the woman enjoys more control in the household (Srinivasan & Bedi, 2007). 70 per cent of young women had a family-arranged marriage in which they had no effective say in the choice of their husband and have little or no interaction before getting married (Jejeebhoy, Santhya, Acharya, & Prakash, 2012). Multiple factors including religious, social, cultural, economic and political factors influence the families to opt for consanguineous marriage but most of them result in spontaneous abortions, childhood deaths, cerebral palsy and Mediterranean fever (Tili & Barker, 2015). Intercultural marriages prove to be beneficial as they enhance personal growth, reduce ethnocentrism and provide global awareness and increase acceptance for other cultures (Tili & Barker, 2015). The likelihood of intimidate partner violence (IPV) decreases with increase in household standard of living and education (Ackerson & Subramanian, 2016). On evaluation of online matrimonial sites it was found 21% of the males preferred their spouses to have fair complexion, only 7% of the female profiles were looking for men with ‘fair’ complexion Not a single male or female profile chose ‘dark’ as the expected complexion for their potential spouse (Mishra, Monippally, & Jayakar, 2012). A research conducted in India revealed only 5% inter-caste marriages (Dhillon-Jamerson, 2019). Approximately 90% of the bride’s parents offered dowry in terms of jewelry and cash but in some cases, 50- 60% of the dowry expenses were borne by the groom’s side. Makino (2019) Less than 5% of the females had a primary role in choosing their husbands whereas 65% of the females felt that they were “consulted” in this decision, Allendorf and Pandian (2016) Studies have revealed that 5% of arranged marriages and 11% of love marriages were consanguineous marriages (Ma, 2019) An online survey conducted in 2015 revealed that 75% of females expressed their desire to have a husband who owns a house and earns twice as them. An increasing trend was seen in women having this expectation as only 68% expressed this desire in 2012 (Desai & Andrist, 2010). Some studies have been conducted in the South-East Asian region however, not much research has been conducted in Pakistan highlighting an individual’s expectations from a marriage proposal. These expectations usually develop the basis for a healthy relationship which is important for an individual’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Therefore, it is important to determine individual preferences in regards to career orientation, age difference, personality traits, home chores distribution, pre-marital relationships, and other abovementioned factors including physical appearance. We will also be drawing a comparison between the preferences of males and females participating in the study. 2. Materials and Methods This was a cross-sectional study conducted in 2020, data was collected between April and July in Karachi, Pakistan. The sample size calculated was n=384 which was calculated based on a proportion of 50%, bound of error was 5% and confidence level was taken as 95%. An online questionnaire developed on Google Forms was circulated via social media, various websites and social forums through convenience sampling technique. It was an online survey as data was collected during the COVID pandemic. The target population was young people between 18 and 45 years of age. An informed consent was taken at the beginning of the survey and those who did not wish to continue were allowed to leave the survey. The questionnaire was developed through literature review and researches conducted on similar topics 11,14. Demographic profile variables included age, gender, ethnicity, and socio-income status. The questions related to expectations in a marriage proposal acquired opinions regarding preferences of males and females regarding various characteristics. Data entry was done on Microsoft Excel via Google Forms which was imported to SPSS Version 20. Descriptive analysis for numerical data was done through mean and standard deviation and for categorical data through frequencies and percentages. Chi square test was applied to identify associations between demographic factors and opinion about males and females regarding expectations in a marriage proposal. A p-value of less than 0.05 was taken as significant. Institutional ethical approval was taken from the institute prior to the initiation of the study. 3. Results The sample for our data consisted of 456 participants. Majority of the group comprised of females n=294 64.5% while male respondents were n=162 35.5%. Age group varied from 16 being the youngest to 80 being the oldest. Most of the participants were between 18-25 years n=387 84.9% while those aged 25-30 gave the second highest number of responses n=51 11.2%. Majority of the study sample was unmarried 92.1% while n=35 7.7% of the Asian Journal of Social Sciences and Management Studies, 2020, 7(4): 307-312 309 © 2020 by the authors; licensee Asian Online Journal Publishing Group sample were married. When asked about religion, n=442 96.9% of the sample were followers of Islam, n=9 2.0% followed Hinduism, and n=2 0.4% belonged to Christianity. When inquired about the education level, n=6 1.3% responded with matric/O levels, n=51 11.2% of the sample had done Intermediate/A levels. The highest proportion of the sample n=298 65.4% were undergraduates, second highest response was by Graduates n=60 13.2% and postgraduates were n=41 9%. Regarding combined income for family per month, n=44 9.6% of the sample responded with less than Rs. 50,000 per month. Those with a combined income between Rs. 50,000-1,00,000 were recorded to be n=101 22.1%, n=122 26.8% chose Rs. 1,00,000-2,00,000 while n=189 41.4% said their combined income was more than Rs. 2,00,000. Only a small portion of the population was residing in the rural area n=48 10.5% whereas n=408 89.5% were residing in urban areas. When inquired about preference for the spouse being fairer than them, majority of the sample n=292 64% said they don’t have a preference, n=106 23.2 % responded with yes and n=57 12.5% responded with a no. The population was asked if they preferred their spouse being a homeowner, most of them n=186 40.8% stated yes and n=58 12.7% of the sample said that their spouse should not be a homeowner while the rest n=212 46.5% of them had no preference in this regard. The participants were asked about the importance of their future spouse owning real-estate, n=184 40.4% of the sample said it was not important for them, n=80 17.5% of the sample said it was important, whereas n=192 42.1% said they had no preference. The participants were asked about their spouse being taller than them, n=269 59.0% of the sample said they would prefer their spouse to be taller than them whereas, n=99 21.7% of the sample said they would prefer their spouse to be shorter and n=88 19.3% had no preference regarding this. Most of the participants n=227 49.8% said that they would consider the body type of their potential spouse while n=69 15.1% said they will not. The rest of the sample which accounted for n=160 35.1% had no preference when it came to the body type of their potential spouse. A vast majority of the sample, n=309 67.8% of the sample said they would prefer their potential partner to have a job, own a business and have a career. Only a small proportion of the population n=40 8.8% said they would prefer their potential partner to be a home-maker and stay at home. Whereas, n=107 23.5% of the sample had no preference regarding the matter. Contrary to common belief, most of the participants N= 168 36.8% said they would prefer their partners to be in the building phase of their careers whereas, n=141 30.9% preferred a spouse who is established in their career before marriage. Only n=61 13.4% of the sample said they would prefer their partner to at least be educated if not employed before marriage. The least preferred option was that future partners should neither be educated nor employed which was selected by n=2 0.4% of the sample whereas, n=84 18.4% had no preference regarding their partner’s career establishment. When inquired about the presence of an age gap between the couple, n=274 60.1% sample said they would want an age gap between their potential spouse and them, however n=182 39.9% sample said they would not want any age gap at all. Love marriage was the preferred option for majority of the participants with n=194 42.5% of the sample choosing it whereas, n=104 22.8% of the sample preferred arrange marriage, and n=158 34.6% had no preference in this regard. A significant majority of the sample n=265 58.1% said they had no preference in choosing a spouse of the same ethnicity or different. N=21 4.6 % wanted a spouse of a different ethnicity whereas n=170 37.3% of the sample wanted their partner to be of the same ethnicity. In relation to the sect, denomination or caste, n=193 42.2% of the sample preferred same sect/caste whereas, n=238 52.2% of the sample did not have any preference and n=25 5.5% of the sample wanted their spouse to be from some other sect or caste. A significant proportion of the sample n=288 63.2% preferred not being related to their spouse at all, n=21 4.6% of the sample did not mind a spouse who was their second cousin or closer in relation and n= 27 5.9% of the sample chose their spouse to be either a third cousin or distantly related. Whereas, n=120 26.3% of the sample showed no preference for consanguineous marriage. When candidates were asked regarding the preferred age gap between themselves and their potential spouse, n=231 50.7% wanted 1-3 years, n=80 17.5% wanted 4-6 years, n=12 2.6% wanted 7-10 years and n=6 1.3% had no preference in this regard. A significant proportion of the population n=201 44.1% preferred marrying in nuclear family systems and only n=92 20.2% of the sample preferred getting married in the joint family system. Whereas, n=163 35.7% of the sample showed no preference in this regard. In alliance to the future spouse settlement, n=65 14.3% of the sample preferred their spouse to be settled abroad, n=211 46.3% of the sample showed no preference at all, and n=180 39.5% of the spouse wanted their spouse to be settled within the vicinity of Pakistan n=119 26.1% of the sample preferred their spouse to be settled within the same city of Pakistan as theirs, n=30 6.6% said they wanted their spouse to be from a different city ,n=130 28.5% had no preference while n=177 38.8% did not respond. When questioned about the opinion regarding dowry n=357 78.3% of the sample were against it, whereas n=89 19.5% of the sample gave a neutral response and only n=10 2.2% of the sample supported it. When asked regarding the preference of qualities in their future spouse n=311 68.2% of the sample preferred their spouse to be an ambivert, n=36 7.9% of the sample wanted their spouse to be an extrovert, n=24 5.3% showed interest towards an introvert spouse whereas n=85 18.6% of the sample didn’t have any opinion regarding this matter. When questioned about their opinion regarding cooking, n=177 38.1% preferred cooking for themselves, n=96 21.1% preferred cooking for both of them and n=55 12.1% preferred that their partner cooked for them. The participants were asked about their preference regarding marrying a widowed or divorced spouse to which n=241 52.8% of the people said they could consider it depending on the situation while n=120 26.3% said that they would not marry a widow or a divorced and only n=95 20.8% stated they would not mind marrying a widowed or divorced individual. The participants were asked about the influence of societal norms and culture in their choices. N=134 29.4% people said that their choices were not influenced by societal norms and culture while n=241 52% said their choices were influenced to some extent whereas, n=105 23.0% said their choices are influenced by societal norms and culture. Participants were asked if they ever had pre-marital relationship, n=320 70.2% denied having one and n=46 10.1% people didn’t want to disclose it while n=90 19.7% people had pre-marital relationship. According to the sample n=228 50.0% people told that they would not marry a person who had pre-marital relationship. While n=50.0 50.0% people said that they would marry a person who had premarital relationship. Out of the sample n=5 1.1 % wanted others to choose their spouse. N=25 5.5% wanted their parents and others to choose their spouse Asian Journal of Social Sciences and Management Studies, 2020, 7(4): 307-312 310 © 2020 by the authors; licensee Asian Online Journal Publishing Group whereas, n=291 63.8% wanted to choose their spouse with their parents and only n=135 29.6% want to choose their spouse themselves. According to the sample n=5 11.2% people wanted to know their partners for 2 years before marriage. N=113 24.8% people wanted to know their partners for 1- 2 years before marriage while most of the participants n=151 33.1% wanted to know their partners for 1-6 months before marriage. N=121 26.5% people want to know their partners for 6-12 months before marriage and n=4 0.9% people had no preferences whereas, n=16 3.5% people had other preferences. Participants were asked about the four most important personality traits that they expect in their spouse when considering a marriage proposal. There were mixed views about maturity with n=231 50.7% not stating it as an essential trait and n=225 49.3% preferring it. Regarding loyalty n=111 24.3% did not mention it as a significant trait and n=345 75.7% said it was needed. Moreover, n=244 53.5% did not pick honesty as a preferred trait whereas n= 212 46.5% did. Their opinion was taken regarding an affectionate personality being preferred with n=305 66.9% not listing it as a preference and n= 151 33.1% wanting this quality in their spouse. Furthermore, sense of humor was not a famous personality trait with n=318 69.7% not listing it as a preference whereas, n=138 30.3% wanted it in their potential spouse. For intelligence n=329 72.1% did not choose it as an expectation and n=127 27.9% wanted it. N=394 86.4% were not keen on having an adventurous spouse, whereas, n=62 13.6% wanted their spouse to be adventurous. Moreover, n=170 37.3% did not list being respectful as one of the four most important qualities but majority of the participants n=286 62.7% mentioned it as one of the most important traits. Majority of the participants did not list understanding n=256 56.1% as one of the four traits it whereas n=200 43.9% did. N=74 16.2% expected their spouse to be compromising whereas, n=382 83.8% did not prefer list it among the significant characteristics. 4. Discussion A previous research conducted in India revealed that males were more likely than females to state a preference for skin color in their prospective brides (Jha & Adelman, 2008). This is in contrast to our research where the majority of the sample 64% said they don’t have a preference regarding skin color possibly due to increased awareness regarding colorism and racism worldwide leading to a change in opinion and mindset. 59.0% of the sample said they would prefer their spouse to be taller than them. Since our research was female dominant it was expected to get this result as in the Asian region females prefer a taller husband as in our society it is assumed that the couple looks better together when the male is taller than the female and is considered odd if the opposite happens, and according to a previous research it has been shown that females are more responsible for maintaining this norm then males (Gillis & Evis, 1980). Previous researches have proven that there is a societal pressure for slimmer brides as it is considered a sign of beauty (Hasan et al., 2019). In our research most of the participants 49.8% said that they would consider the body type of their potential spouse, however, our question did not specifically mention over or under weight. Most of the participants, 36.8% said they would prefer their partners to be in the building phase of their careers as in our society commonly the age of marriage usually for males is between 25-30 years which is usually a struggling phase particularly for those who are trying to develop an independent career. As according to Levinson’s life stage theory the major preoccupation for men in early adulthood years is building a career and family while the career being the first priority (Rajadhyaksha & Bhatnagar, 2005). A study hypothesized that a woman is more likely to view homeownership as a necessary criterion for her potential partner (Ma, 2019). Which is similar to our research in which 40% of the respondents preferred their spouse to have a home ownership as this signifies financial security and stability in their future married life. 60.1% sample said they would want an age gap between their potential spouse and them. This is usually due to the cultural preferences, as in many societies including Pakistan, a greater age difference is associated with a comparable level of maturity and understanding between the partners and according to a research conducted in Asia it was seen that marriages in which the wife would be older are avoided however the acceptability of marriages in which the husband is considerably older is more variable (Casterline, Williams, & McDonald, 2010). Most of the participants 33.1% wanted to know their partners for 1-6 months before marriage mainly to develop understanding and assess compatibility. Majority of the population, 63.8% of the sample wanted to choose their spouse with their parents. This is probably because they want to get their parents’ approval as marriage is an association between two families and not just two individuals. Love marriage was the preferred option for majority of the participants that is 42.5% as there is an increased western influence and more decision independence among youngsters. A research conducted in India stated that only 5% in India are inter-caste marriages where the bride and groom belong to different caste groups (Rajadesingan et al., 2019). Our research had similar results with a significant proportion of the population, 42.2% of the sample preferred marriage within the same sect/caste to avoid religious differences and conflicts. However, the proportion was significantly less than in India. A significant proportion of the sample 63.2% preferred not being related to their spouse at all possibly due to an increased genetic predisposition to congenital illnesses due to expression of deleterious recessive genes is a significant factor in the excess maternal mortality as seen in a research conducted on consanguineous marriages in Pakistan (Bittles, Grant, & Shami, 1993). Moreover, the family structure was also important to a significant proportion of the population. 44.1% preferred marrying in nuclear family systems as the couples desire more privacy, less intervention from their family and increased independence with regards to managing their home and married life and according to the research (Freed & Freed, 1982) western experiences, urbanization, and modernization lead inevitably to a transition from the joint family to the nuclear family system in India. In a previously conducted research it was found out that the respondents were ready to compromise on social status, attractiveness, love, and trustworthiness to marry a person who can serve as means of migration/settled (Jalil & Fischer, 2020). However, this is in contrast with our findings where only 14.3% of the sample preferred Asian Journal of Social Sciences and Management Studies, 2020, 7(4): 307-312 311 © 2020 by the authors; licensee Asian Online Journal Publishing Group marrying a person who lived abroad because they do not want to be distant from their families, friends and culture. The participants were asked about their opinion related to dowry, 78.3% of the sample were against it because there is a change in the thought process of today’s generation as they prefer education and other traits over materialism. This is in contrast to a study conducted in rural Punjab where it was observed that the dowry amount is significantly associated with enhancement of the wife’s decision making and autonomy and hence preferred. 6 When asked regarding the preference of qualities in their future spouse 68.2% of the sample preferred their spouse to be an ambivert. This is because people prefer their partners to have balanced quality traits and seen in a previously conducted research in which partners were asked to indicate extent of agreement with their spouses 56.7% of ambiverts responded with almost always agree which demonstrates more understanding and compatibility among individuals with this personality type (Sayehmiri, Kareem, Abdi, Dalvand, & Gheshlagh, 2020). The participants were asked about their preference regarding marrying a widowed or divorced individual, 52.8% of the people said they could consider it depending on the situation. This could be because people overlook if the person is divorced or widowed and prefer other qualities in most cases. However, they are still hesitant if the reason of divorce raises any red flags. Participants were asked if they ever had a pre-marital relationship, 70.2% denied having one. In our opinion this is because most people are hesitant to disclose their premarital relationships and are not comfortable with revealing matters of their personal lives. Moreover, the cultural boundaries in countries like Pakistan, do not approve of the idea of being in a relationship prior to some sort of marriage commitment. As according to a research conducted in Pakistan nearly one-third reported having had non-marital sex in their lifetime (Mir, Wajid, Pearson, Khan, & Masood, 2013). Due to the dislike towards pre-marital affairs, 50.0% people stated that they would not marry a person who had a pre-marital relationship because it is considered as a measure of loyalty. About the influence of societal norms and culture in their choices, 52% said their choices were influenced to some extent. The reason for this could be because in our society, these norms have been ingrained in us since the very beginning and conflicting opinions or decisions are not appreciated by the family, and as seen in a research parental attitudes and beliefs are a key influence on their children’s behavior (Jennings, Axinn, & Ghimire, 2012). 5. Conclusion According to the findings of this study there is a gradual change in the expectations for a spouse as there is more emphasis on personality, shared responsibility and career building rather than just physical traits and materialism. Also with increased education and awareness there is a rise in preference for love marriage and more independence in decision making amongst the youth but with the involvement of their parents while remaining in line with the conventions set by the society. 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