






































OCR Document


 

"Now I LAY ME DOWN To SLEEP. . .": SYMBOLS AND 
THEIR MEANING ON CHILDREN'S GRAVEMARKERS  

J. JOSEPH EDGETTE 

Now I lay me down to sleep; the bedtime prayer so familiar to many 
children dating back to the New England Primer of 1781 was a plea to 
the Almighty to protect the soul of the petitioner during the night. If for 
any reason death would come while the child was in that vulnerable state 
of sleep, the Lord was asked to take the soul, thus saving it from other 
alternatives. Even to this day as we approach a new millennium, this 
child's bedtime prayer is still invoked. 

The Victorian Age was a time when euphemism was very much the 
rule of the day. It would be correct to assume that the child did not 
consciously comprehend the symbolic significance of the prayer. 
However, when visiting burial sites and reading the inscriptions upon the 
markers there, we frequently see such phrases as: At rest, Asleep in the 
Lord, Resting, In the company of angels, Asleep, and so on. Mourners 
and visitors quickly saw the implied meaning of the reference being 
made. Therefore, when looking at the words of the prayer, we can fairly 
claim that it serves as a good example of euphemism. The other form 
equating to this lessening of that considered too strong was symbol. 
Everyone who has studied literature is already acquainted with this. Of 
the two types, open and closed, it is the closed symbol having one mean-
ing readily recognized by those who encounter it. The antecedent of 
death was more often than not established through the motif found 
carved or etched upon the marker. These symbols held the quality of 
universality crossing racial, national, and ethnic boundaries. For 
example, the cross was always symbolic of death; whereas; a flower, 
vine, or other depiction of something living was symbolic of life—
eternal life. The laurel wreath stood for victory over death. Death was 
and is still looked upon as a transition from earthly life to eternal life. 
Recognition of the lily as symbolic of eternal life and the rose for love 
became closed symbols as well. Symbols, then, convey a specific 
meaning relative to death and more specifically to human qualities and 
are universally understood. Probably most important is the fact that the 
gravemarker reflects society's attitude towards death at the time of the 
symbol's implementation. 



 

EDGETTE 

Humans are the only creatures aware that they will eventually die. 
Because of this knowledge they plan for that eventuality. As a part of 
the preparation for the inevitable, serious thought is given to ways in 
which to memorialize the deceased. There is sometimes much planning 
in the design and execution of the gravemarker. Nowhere is the impact 
more apparent than that of the marker for a child. The child has always 
been revered by its parents; however, it was during the Victorian period 
that a noticeable shift occurred in the overall philosophy of the family 
unit especially in terms of a change in perception of the child. Its image 
was changing to that of being innocent, unblemished, and pure. The 
child was closely associated with the home (Snyder). As a direct result, 
the death of a child was treated much differently than that of the adult 
counterpart. This attitude was reflected clearly in the resulting funerary 
monuments. Another accompanying change was that of the view of 
death. By the mid-nineteenth century religious ideas began to alter the 
shape of the notion of death in America. With the arrival of 
Arminianism, which advocated that salvation was attainable through 
good works, Protestant Americans realized it would be better to focus on 
salvation rather than on damnation (Sloane). The gravesite became a 
permanent memorial to the successes and good deeds of the loved one. 
Symbols were being created to convey this new focus. For children, 
these sites became even more important. Thus, we see more serious at-
tention being paid to the design and use of symbols for the children. 
With the place of the child in the family and the new religious shift, 
children who had died were actually being adored in the cemeteries 
(Sloane) through all kinds of memorial structures and new child-specific 
symbols. 

Throughout the early evolution of symbolic representations for use 
on children's gravemarkers, emphasis was placed on human mortality. 
Children very often had the same symbols as adults, but the symbols 
were smaller to represent the child as a small adult. The skull and bones 
evolved to the winged skull during early New England times (Dickran 
and Tashjian). The markers for children very often showed cherubs, or 
the smaller angels. In the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries a gradual 
move to lambs, small angels, and guardian angels became more 
prominent for the child's marker. Once the twentieth century arrived, the 
use of these same symbols 

8 



 

"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP. . ." 

continued. By mid-century another level emerged. The sudden 
appearance of images of toys, small animals, and effigies of the 
deceased became more commonplace. The use of photographic images 
as depicted on porcelain attachments to the markers was profuse for 
nearly thirty years beginning at the turn of the twentieth century. As we 
approach the end of this century, we find a resurgence of the 
photographic images as well as laser images of the child. Today, we 
have also included by way of engraved etchings and carvings of the 
kinds of activities engaged in by the departed child. Also, depictions of 
those things most cherished in life by the deceased are prominently 
displayed. At this point it should be noted that grave goods, not to be 
confused with grave decorations (Edgette 1998), are used to supplement 
and to underscore the vitality and interests of the child that once lived. 
Often, the impression conveyed is that of peace and tranquility and 
knowledge that the child is safe in the hands of the Maker. One could 
suppose that rest and slumber-like peace is the universal trait prevailing. 
I pray the Lord my soul to keep. 

In looking at various examples of children's gravemarkers from 
around the country it quickly becomes very obvious through emerging 
patterns that the symbols used are commonly found in all areas of the 
United States. In Bristol, Rhode Island, for example, there is an ancient 
slate marker (1700) that shows the six babies who never lived beyond 
their first year. The marker is approximately seven feet wide and 
eighteen inches high having six sculpted winged cherubs across its top. 
Immediately, one is drawn to this marker by its strong visual presence. 
In 1925 a small child died outside Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. His 
parents had a small angel mounted to the right of the family monument. 
It is made of white marble and shows a small angel with spread wings 
having his hands folded as if he were praying. The overall height of the 
angel is approximately three feet. Not far from this small angel is one 
that stands eight feet in height at a grave for an adult. In a paper I gave at 
the Association for Gravestone Studies at its regional conference in 
Portland, Oregon, in August of 1998 (Edgette 1998), I made a case for 
the soul being represented by a winged creature. In terms of class or 
level, the angel would be first. It is the only human-like non-human 
symbol used to represent the deceased. Further, much attention has been 
given to the idea that guardian 

9 



 

 

EDGETTE 

10 



 

"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP. . ." 

angels do exist. It is my contention that the angel is simply a way to 
characterize the soul of the human. In many cultures the use of the bird, 
a symbol for flight, is the means of transporting the soul to its place in 
eternal life. Another winged creature found on the markers for children 
is the butterfly. A double symbol is exhibited here in that the butterfly 
also suggests a metamorphosis from mortal to spirit. Once more the 
wings imply flight back to the Father. Angels and other winged 
creatures, if small in size, are indicative of the child. In the Chester Rural 
Cemetery not far from Philadelphia is a small flat stone of salt and 
pepper granite having a small fairy seated atop a small green oblong 
stone about an inch long embedded into the granite. This is the marker of 
little Melissa Watt who died at the age of eight years. The tiny fairy with 
spread wings is symbolic of the spirit or the soul of Melissa. Pattern 
emerges very quickly when discovering these symbols. In LaSalle, 
Illinois, in 1987, an abandoned baby was found in a waste can in one of 
the local cemeteries there. The simple flat, granite stone place atop her 
grave read: Baby Girl Doe, March 15,1987, March 18,1987, with an 
angel carved to the right of the name. This angel was positioned as a side 
profile facing the name. It is kneeling with hands folded in prayer. The 
motif depicted is very commonly found across the country. One needs 
only to visit a cemetery where a section has been dedicated to the burial 
of children. Among the various designations of these areas would be 
Babyland, God's Children, Littlest Angels, and Our Children. Time or 
age of the marker does not appear to alter the likelihood of its design or 
presentation. The only appreciable change is that of the technique used 
to depict the image, i.e., etching versus engraving versus laser. 

The angel does abound and is the most common symbol used to 
represent the child in death; however, it is not the only one. Included in a 
long list of motifs directly associated with very young children are 
rattles, alphabet blocks, tricycles, wagons, highchairs, toy trains, dolls, 
baby shoes, and the like. The motifs found on the memorials for older 
children have a tendency to show the kinds of things associated with that 
age group. Examples include: sports equipment (bats, basketballs, 
baseball gloves, hockey sticks, pucks, boxing gloves, skiis), automobiles, 
scooters, bicycles, motorbikes, the whole range of musical instruments, 
school insignias, organizations to which they belonged, class rings, and 
so on. 

11 



 

 

EDGETTE 

12 



 

 

"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP. . ." 

13 



 

EDGETTE 

There are times, however, when no motif is found. The wording 
itself is powerful enough to tug at the heartstrings of the visitor. In 
upstate New York at a fairly large cemetery there is a flat little stone that 
reads: Baby John, born- Jan. 7, 1974, 4 pounds 2 ounces, 18 inches tall, 
died the same day. Another, in Yeadon, Pennsylvania, simply reads: W. 
W. Colt, aged, 8 months, died, July 1877. The letters have been stenciled 
onto a piece of wood cut in the shape of a tablet stone and placed next to 
his father's military issued marker in the military section of the 
cemetery. Sometimes there are phrases: Our gift from heaven, stillborn, 
our brief joy, our little angel, God's gift, our saint, dearest one, or 
simply baby. The word when carefully and appropriately chosen can be 
just as moving as the visual icon. 

From the mid-1850s and continuing for the next fifty or sixty years, 
it was commonplace to see the use of both headstones and footstones at 
the burial site. The headstone, placed at the head or top of the grave, had 
a smaller but identically shaped stone at the foot. Usually the only 
printing on the latter consisted of the departed's initials. Furthermore, it 
was a time in cemetery design that curbing, coping, and fencing were 
used to set off the burial plot from those neighboring it. For ease of 
maintenance and for insurance reasons most of these boundary markers 
have been removed today. A practice was begun whereby the headstone 
and footstone were connected by the use of side pieces. The resulting 
configuration became to be known as a cradle stone because of its visual 
similarity to the shape of a baby's cradle. However, similar cradles were 
designed for adults as well. These obviously were larger. It is a very 
moving sight to see a row of three or four adult cradles with a small one 
beside the mother's. One of the finest examples of the baby cradle I have 
discovered was found in Pennsylvania. It consists of a white marble 
headstone on which is inscribed: 

DAUGHTER OF 

G. PURTIS & HANNAH M. COX 
BORN OCT. 22, 1877. 
DIED APRIL l0, 1879. 

14 



 

 

"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP. . ." 
 

NO MORE NEED OF SIGNING.  
WHEN EVENING SHADOWS CREEP. 
THE CRADLE BED IS EMPTY. 
OUR DARLING'S GONE TO SLEEP. 

Approximately 48 inches below the headstone is a footstone on which is 
carved a simple A. perhaps the first initial of the child. Connecting the 
two stones are sides of matching white marble. Taken as a whole a 
cradle has been created. The opening in the bed part of the cradle was 
often filled with flowers or ivy to symbolize everlasting life. In the 
Chester Rural Cemetery, established 

15 



 

EDGETTE 

in 1864, is another white marble child's marker. This one has a small 
baby's cradle bed atop a twenty-inch high pedestal. The cradle is empty 
with the blanket turned down at an angle to the bottom of the cradle. On 
the floor next to it can be found two little shoes, one upright and the 
other on its side. Over the headboard is a cloth-like material draped very 
carefully going from a left to right direction. This symbolizes the pall or 
curtain of death that has descended upon the child. The grave contains 
the mortal remains of a one-year-old who died in 1878. 

The use of effigies was popular throughout most of the late 
nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, especially for those families 
who could financially afford such monuments. Typically, they were life-
sized statues of the deceased child. It is important to note that the 
resemblance between the sculpted figure and the child were remarkably 
close. They were the equivalent of carved photographs. The Zurbuch 
stone in Fort Wayne, Indiana, shows a little boy seated on the ground 
with legs outstretched leaning against a tree. His right hand is resting 
upon his right knee. In that hand we see what appears to be the other end 
of a leash. On his left is a puppy whose head and upper body are resting 
upon the boy's left knee. The boy's left hand is resting upon the head of 
the puppy. 
The face of the child is innocent with eyes wide open and a hint of smile. 
His hair is parted in the middle. He is wearing a long sleeved shirt with 
collar opened at the neck and overalls whose right strap is slightly 
sliding off his right shoulder while that on the left is securely in place. 
The gravestone reminds the passerby of a Norman Rockwell subject 

At Fernwood Cemetery in a suburb of Philadelphia can be found 
another effigy. This one depicts "Bicycle Boy," a name known to the 
residents of Norman VanKirk's neighborhood. Carved by Thomas 
Wood, a prominent Philadelphia carver in the early 1900s, it presents a 
small boy with his tricycle. According to local lore, Norman 
accompanied his parents to Atlantic City, New Jersey, the shore resort, 
in the summer of 1898. Little Norman having become overheated while 
riding his tricycle decided to cool off by climbing into a nearby horse 
trough. Within a few days he had contracted pneumonia and was dead 
within ten days. Because of severe weathering and the adverse effects of 
acid rain, the marker today is undergoing restoration at the H. C. Wood 
Monu- 

16 



 

 

"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP. . ." 

17 



 

 

EDGETTE 

18 



 

 

"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP. . ." 
 

ment Company, owned by the great-great nephew of Thomas, the 
creator of the effigy. 

Function was not always looked upon as simply an aesthetic one, 
but rather a way of personifying the memory of the deceased. Often, it 
has been discovered that the cemetery effigy becomes the photographic 
record, a photograph in stone, of notable members who once lived 
within the community. However, the use of the effigy to immortalize the 
child by families who were not classified as community notables are 
found frequently. A charming grave marker in the form of the effigy is 
found in the Presbyterian Cemetery in Ellettsville, Indiana, of a little boy 
who has fallen asleep with his hands under is chin. He has very short 
hair and a 

peaceful smile. He is in a kneeling position with his rump up in the air 
as he sleeps. If I should die before I wake. 

Because of the change in attitude and perspective on death, it 
became very common for families to photograph their loved ones in 
death. Photography has been an important piece in the coming to grips 
with the traumatic impact of dealing with life's disruption caused by the 
premature passing of loved ones, especially children (Norfleet). The 
death images are sometimes shocking, some- 

19 



 

EDGETTE 

times melancholy, but at the same time they can be sobering and 
comforting; the grief never totally goes away. The loss of a child results 
in permanent and unbinding sorrow. No other death can compare to it. 
Shakespeare's King John states, "Grief fills the room up of my absent 
child" (Norfleet). The transferal of a photographic image to porcelain 
through a special process made it possible to show and to preserve the 
actual image of the child as they looked in life or at the time of their 
death This addition would make its way into the cemeteries throughout 
the entire nation. In the case of children it was most common to include 
the picture as an actual attachment to the gravemarker. These photos 
typically showed the child in eternal sleep in their coffin or casket. It 
was literally the last view of the child Cemeteries established from the 
early 1900s through late 1930s will certainly contain many examples of 
these photos. After the peak, approximately 1941, these photographs fell 
into disuse. Many families who would sometimes show the photographs 
to others began to hide them from public view. The practice was labeled 
"morbid." A shift again toward death was becoming evident. Since the 
early to mid-1970s, the resurgence in the interest of using porcelain 
portraits has arisen. Today, we continue to use these porcelainized 
photos; however, the images are often "favorite" photos of the child. 
These poses are from life not death. Also, greater use is being made 
today of laser etching which enables the designer to transfer the 
photographic image to granite without any appreciable loss of detail. 

Since we now have evidence of more modern designs and pre-
sentation, we are seeing the retention of the standard symbols, but they 
are being configured and arranged in a more modern context. For 
example there is a marker for a child whereon is a frontal view of the 
child asleep in the palm of a hand. The hand is presumably that of God. 
The fingers are strong and at the same time gentle. The fingernails are 
well manicured and imply those of male. The motif here is obviously a 
reference to the hymn, On Eagles' Wings specifically to the line, ". . . 
and he will hold you, hold you in the palm of His hand." The size of the 
child shown would correspond to a very young one. This is substantiated 
by the inscribed data. Linda Trosley was born on the 15th day of June in 
1997 and "became an angel" on April 24, 1998, but will never be 
forgotten. The motif in this instance is both relative and appro- 

20 



 

 

"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP. . ." 

21 



 

 

EDGETTE 

22 



 

"NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP. . ." 

priate. Thus, in examining the gravemarkers of children attention is 
always drawn first to the motif and then to the inscription. The 
inscription tends to confirm any implications suggested by the motific 
symbols. 

Death is a part of the life cycle, and it is important that it be treated 
with dignity and solemnity. Any death is a tragic one, for the loss of any 
individual is always tragic; however, the power of prayer or faith, 
support, and the healing qualities of time soften the harshness of death 
itself. The loss of a child is enormous in its levels of grief and sorrow It 
is said that parents are not supposed to survive their children; but this is 
not always the case. For, everyday somewhere, someplace, somebody is 
losing a child to that predator, death. Because of the strong belief in the 
innocence and purity of the child, we have a more difficult time coming 
to terms with the death. It is through the gravemarker and its employing 
iconography that the memory of the child is immortalized far better than 
that of the adult. The innocence guarantees a select seat in the afterlife. 

Ryan White, the young man who achieved national attention in the 
1980s because his Aids-related illness, is buried in Cicero, Indiana. His 
gravemaker is made of two-tone granite, unpolished white and polished 
black. It has his name and dates and three very conspicuous symbols. As 
one approaches, the porcelain close-up of a young man sporting a happy 
smile is placed precisely at the center of a cross where the arms come 
together. It is very attractively designed and the contrast is very stark, 
gray against deep black. Adjacent to and on the left segment of the 
marker the reverse is in evidence. Deep black lines meticulously are 
carved into an unpolished background of white granite. 

Centered above, near the top, is a soaring pigeon. This bird is a 
symbol for the soul, and its being shown in flight indicates return to that 
place from whence it came. Beneath the eagle are the words KID OF 
COURAGE, obviously an allusion to the pain and suffering he had to 
endure through his physical battle coupled with the social non-
acceptance of the situation. A quotation from Elton John graces the front 
bottom of this side of the marker: 

TURN ME LOSE FROM YOUR HANDS. 
LET ME FLY TO DISTANT LANDS. 

23 



 

EDGETTE 

FLY AWAY SKY-LINE PIGEON,  
FLY FROM ALL THE THINGS  
YOU LEFT SO VERY FAR BEHIND. 

LOVE 
ELTON JOHN 

Next to this quotation is a second from Michael Jackson: 

"GONNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE, 
GONNA MAKE IT RIGHT." 

FRIENDS FOREVER 
 MICHAEL JACKSON 

Finally, along the base of Ryan's memorial stone are the words: 

PATIENCE-TOLERANCE-FAITH-LOVE-FORGIVENESS-WILL 

Taken as a whole this grave marker embodies all that symbolism is 
supposed to do. It conveys in iconographic terms our wishes and hopes 
for the deceased relative on their place in eternity. 

Over time we as a culture have always honored our dead. We insist 
on a dignified and fitting funeral, and we erect suitable and most often 
tastefully designed gravemarkers. The marker for a child tends to be 
more poignant than those of adults. The poignancy is manifested in the 
symbols used thereon. For, regardless of those used, the ultimate request 
is: I pray the Lord my soul to take. 

WORKS CITED 

Edgette, J. Joseph. "Frozen Countenances: Form and Function of Cemetery 
Effigies." Paper presented to the American Folklore Society, Portland, OR, 
1998 

______. "Atop the Grave: Its Goods vs. Its Decorations" Paper presented to 
the American Culture Association, Orlando, FL, 1998  

Norfleet, Barbara P. Looking at Death. Boston: David Godine, 1993.  
Sloane, David Charles. The Last Great Necessity: Cemeteries in American 
 History. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins, 1991. 
 Snyder, Ellen Marie. "Innocents in a Worldly World: Victorian Children's 
 Gravemarkers." Cemeteries and Gravemarkers: Voice of American 
 Culture. Ed. Richard E. Meyer. Ann Arbor, MI: UMI Research P, 1989. 
Tashjian, Dickran and Ann Tashjian. Memorials for Children of Change. 
 Middletown, CT: Wesleyan UP, 1974. 

24 




