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Deepan and Blake, Transforming Masculinities…                                                                                                       98 

 

Transforming Masculinities: A Personal 

Narrative of a Continuing Journey 
 

Prabu Deepan and Ruby Blake 
 

 
 

This article presents the personal narrative of Prabu Deepan, a pioneer of the "Transforming 

Masculinities" initiative by Tearfund UK. The initiative aims to address and reduce sexual and gender-

based violence by challenging harmful gender norms and fostering equitable relationships. Through 

workshops and community dialogues, the program involves men and women as "gender champions" 

who, alongside faith leaders, promote positive social norms within communities. Prabu reflects on his 

transformative journey from a childhood impacted by violence and displacement to a leadership role 

that encourages compassion, accountability, and gender justice. His story highlights faith's role in 

shaping healthier masculinities, drawing inspiration from Jesus Christ as a model of compassionate 

leadership. Additionally, Prabu’s journey emphasizes the importance of supportive relationships, 

personal accountability, and community engagement in promoting gender equality and breaking cycles 

of violence. 

 

 
Introduction 

Prabu Deepan is the architect of Tearfund’s 

evidence-based Transforming Masculinities inter-

vention (Tearfund n.d.b). Launched in 2013, 

Transforming Masculinities is an initiative of Tearfund 

UK, developed together with survivors of sexual and 

gender-based violence. It is designed to train and equip 

men and women as “gender champions” in their home 

communities, in close partnership with local faith 

leaders, through training workshops and regular 

community dialogues (Tearfund n.d.a).  

Transforming Masculinities is a community level, 

participatory, inclusive, reflective process which 

engages men and boys alongside women and girls. Its 

goal is to end sexual and gender-based violence by 

shifting the harmful social and gender norms which 

uphold violence against women and girls. It aims to 

create new positive norms that encourage equality. 

Social norms, as used here, are the unwritten rules of 

what people expect others to do in their communities, 

what people think others are doing, whether or not they 

actually are, and/or what people think others expect 

them to do. 

Transforming Masculinities works with faith 

communities as the primary agents of positive change. 

These communities can play a big part in addressing 

sexual and gender-based violence but are often 

overlooked or sidelined. All of us may have played a 

role in perpetuating and observing violence. We all 

need to be transformed, and in faith communities this 

starts with faith leaders: those with considerable 

influence who shape existing social norms. 

Faith leaders are fully trained in the approach, and 

are supported through their own journey of 

transformation. In turn, they speak out in their 

communities, sharing positive messages in sermons and 

modelling positive ways of being a man or a woman 

which value men and women equally. These faith 

leaders also select one man and one woman in their 

community to become “gender champions” who are 

trained the same way. They then facilitate small, 

participatory discussion groups in their communities, 

called “Community Dialogues” (Tearfund 2016).  

Community Dialogues are transformative spaces 

where men and women can reflect on their 

communities, families and, most importantly, their own 

beliefs, attitudes and behaviours. Each dialogue runs for 

six weeks, with one session for two hours each week. 

The first five weeks are single sex, and the final week 

brings women and men together to envision their 

community free from violence and abuse. Community 

Dialogue participants often want to share their stories 

of change, telling others about how their families are 

stronger, how violence is stopping, and how women and 

men are thriving together. These members are 

supported by the gender champions and faith leaders 

to share their stories and messages in the wider 

communities. They share testimonies at church, over 

meals, even at sports events. Through sharing, more 

https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3Dpv09Ls-uaCw%26t%3D8s&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1688008669988743&usg=AOvVaw3QpXDG-JU7r--2DvU4lV4_
https://learn.tearfund.org/en/resources/series/changing-gender-norms-transforming-masculinities/community-dialogues


Christian Relief, Development, and Advocacy 6(2), Winter 2025  

 
Deepan and Blake, Transforming Masculinities…                                                                                                       99 

people can choose to adopt behaviours and attitudes 

which support equality—leading to a community level 

change in norms and behaviours. 

Some contexts have specific issues or forms of 

sexual and gender-based violence that need more in-

depth discussion. When communities identify specific 

needs, the approach can be adapted to address the issue 

raised by the community. For example, in Mali and 

Chad there are very high rates of female genital 

mutilation or cutting. To help end this, Tearfund, its 

partners and survivors adapted the content to include a 

focus on this issue in the training, as well as in the 

Community Dialogues. 

In other contexts, family planning decision making 

has been the focus, as well as women’s economic 

empowerment and girls’ education. Tearfund 

recognises that although everyone is affected by sexual 

and gender-based violence, it is women and girls who 

are affected the most. Overwhelmingly it is men who 

are perpetrating violence against women and girls, and 

it is essential for men to be transformed in order to be 

a part of the solution. 

The Transforming Masculinities programme has 

been proven to reduce rates of violence and enable 

communities of women and men to flourish equally 

and together. There is a solution, and each one of us 

must be part of it. The programme has been adapted 

and implemented in fifteen countries, with the tools 

available in more than ten languages. Over 2000 gender 

champions and faith leaders have been trained and 

journeyed with, and over 100,000 men and women 

have participated in the Community Dialogues over the 

last nine years.  

This article outlines such a “journey of 

transformation” in Prabu’s own life, where he reflects 

on his journey from childhood as an ethnic minority in 

conflict-ridden Sri Lanka to his present-day roles as a 

husband, a father, and a leader in the global 

development sector, especially in the Transforming 

Masculinities program. He offers a vulnerable 

reflection on the people, experiences, and social 

realities that have shaped and changed his way of being 

a man in this world, seeking to embody masculinity and 

personhood according to the example of Jesus Christ.  

Prabu’s story is incomplete without the voices of 

those who are walking this journey with him. Here, 

Prabu’s reflections are interspersed with excerpted 

testimonies from interviews with several others who 

know Prabu and his journey well and who are walking 

their own journeys of identifying and transforming 

practices of gender injustice. It is our hope that, taken 

together, these reflections will offer insights and 

resonance for Christian development practitioners and 

beyond who are walking their own journeys towards 

understanding, transformation, and Christlikeness.  

 

Formative Childhood Experiences 
During most of my childhood, my father was 

absent in one way or another, struggling with his own 

demons and the troubles that came with his identity. As 

a child, I cannot remember any involvement from him 

in my life, even a conversation. I knew he was proud of 

my educational achievements: that was it. He was also 

abusive and violent towards my mother, and there were 

many times I remember intervening, even though I was 

still a child. Of course, this resulted in getting me into 

trouble with him and also affected my perception of 

who he was. 

I decided at a young age that I didn’t want to be a 

man like my father, a father like my father, or a husband 

like my father. Now that I’m older and a bit more 

aware, I realise that that decision in itself didn’t make 

me a good person, but it was my starting point. I simply 

knew that I did not want to be violent. At that time, my 

understanding of violence was specifically physical, 

because that was what I saw everywhere around me. 

And I think that indicates the problem I saw around 

me: an accepted norm of men being violent. 

Uwezo: His father was violating his mother. Prabu 
decided he couldn’t be like his father, treating other 

people differently, especially women. And I think this 
motivated him to think about how to help other men 
who were treating women the way his father was treating 
his mother. He was motivated to do this work, and he 
was passionate about it. And it is easy to see that he 
values everyone, despite their status. I think this is his 
strength: he's treating people the same way he wants to 
be treated. (Uwezo is Tearfund’s Global Transforming 
Masculinities Advisor, based in Goma, DR Congo. He 
has worked closely with Prabu since 2015 in various 

capacities, including as staff of the partner organisation 
implementing the “What Works” project in Eastern 
DRC). 

We were, at that point, displaced because of the 

war, and by then I had already been sexually abused. 

We lived with a host family in the city, and I was 

sexually abused again. My childhood and teenage years 

were marked by lots of pain, and I didn’t know how to 

navigate it. There was no one who could talk to me 

about it. I didn’t know any other displaced kids, and I 

struggled to understand my identity as a displaced 

person. On top of all that, I was struggling with my 

relationship with my father. It was a very difficult time.  

During that season, however, I met my pastor for 

the first time, and that relationship was trans-

formational: meeting a person who constantly told me 

he believed in and saw me. I was not invisible. Now that 

I look back to my formative years, I think about my 

pastor and other men who came into my life, whose 

characteristics and attributes were positive models for 

me. I think, too, about my mom. She was courageous 



Christian Relief, Development, and Advocacy 6(2), Winter 2025  

 
Deepan and Blake, Transforming Masculinities…                                                                                                       100 

and vulnerable, and I am the man I am because of the 

woman that my mother was.  

Drawing from the examples of these people, I 

chose the characteristics that I wanted to build myself 

around: compassion, courage, seeing people as they 

are, investing in people like my pastor did, and a deep 

sense of commitment to social justice. Because I did not 

have any one constant figure in my life shaping who I 

was as a man, I chose whom I wanted to emulate and 

made my own identity. In a way, this worked out well, 

but it only formed me on the interpersonal, individual 

level, not on the level of the society and systems I was a 

part of, because I had no framework for that. No one 

had taught me. 

Over time, this focus on cultivating an identity of 

righteousness transformed into self-righteousness. 

Mistakenly, I believed that abstaining from physical 

violence alone made me a good person. It took me a 

long time to realise that the matter was far more 

complex. The benchmark was so low that people with 

whom I was in a relationship would consider me a good 

person simply because I wasn’t physically violent or 

didn’t cheat on them. I could be emotionally 

manipulative, I could be narcissistic and passive-

aggressive, and this was accepted as “typical male 

behaviour.” It was justified because I was still a “good 

guy,” meaning I wasn’t physically violent or cheating on 

them. They would go away thinking they did something 

wrong, and I would let them believe that. There was no 

accountability, just impunity and justification. Only 

when I was approaching my thirties did I begin to bring 

that all together, to figure out the core of who I was and 

to try to call that out. 

This internal processing that I went through is so 

critical for deep transformation, and it is reflected in the 

design of Transforming Masculinities. In the training 

sessions of that program, men and women are invited 

to reflect on their actions and childhood experiences 

and through trainings and workshops, the “fishbowl” 

activity, and community dialogues, there is space 

created for men to reflect and share and reimagine 

alternative practices. Part of this involves reimagining 

alternative characteristics to those that are harmful and 

devaluing ones that our society reinforces. They 

explore characteristics of equitable relationships and 

ways in which we can resolve conflict through effective 

communication. Men and women are also invited to 

work towards shaping a culture that promotes 

accountability to one another. 

 

Marriage and Fatherhood 
My wife is phenomenal: very strong-minded and 

strong-willed. Our relationship was mostly healthy and 

there was a lot to unlearn and learn. Over the years, our 

journey as partners has been one of much growth and 

maturing, providing me with a sense of accountability as 

I unlearned and learned over and over again what it was 

to be a man. When we married, I had only just begun 

to reflect on myself, who I was as a man, and a 

relationship partner. This was new; I hadn’t been 

exposed to this kind of self-reflection because I just 

generally wanted to be good. I wanted to be good for 

myself and be good, kind, and encouraging to my wife 

because of her difficult journey. I was still, in many 

ways, a broken person at that time. 

S: I think he had a transformation just before we 
got married, because before that he was always kind of 
insecure, trying to get his way. I'm also very strong-
willed, so I didn't give in, but neither did he. He had 
this way of making his idea feel more important than 
what I wanted to do. I didn't even think about it, 

because his idea sounded better than mine, and I 
thought, “Okay, yes.” Gradually I became dependent 
on him, because he was making all the decisions. But 
when he started working [in Sexual and Gender Based 
Violence (SBGV)], he realized that it [Prabu’s verbal 
behaviour] was toxic. Even though it was not technically 
verbal abuse, it was toxic because I was losing myself. (S 
is a software engineer and is Prabu’s wife. Name is 
anonymised for safety reasons).  

To make our relationship work, we never had to 

sacrifice each other’s journeys, ambitions, and 

aspirations because we came in as equals. She was doing 

amazing things, completely different from what I was 

doing, and the mutual support was enriching. 

S: We had a massive launch last November in my 
company, so I was working ten to sixteen hours a day 
some days. At that time, to be honest, I didn't know 
what our son took in his school lunchbox, whether it 
was washed, what happened with his uniform, what he 

took to school. Prabu took over: “You do your work. 
Everything else, I got it covered.”  

My work requires me to travel at least twice a year, 
so he will check my schedule first and manage his 
schedule accordingly. I could easily tell my boss, “I can't 
go because my husband is traveling,” but Prabu ensures 
that I can't use that excuse. I’m a homebody; I prefer to 
stay home, but he tells me: “You can use any other 
excuse you want, but you can't say that it's because of 
my schedule.”   

When we were expecting our son, I was 

experiencing a period of unemployment. My wife was 

working and pregnant, and we didn’t have enough 

money to meet our expenses. No matter how much I 

believed that it was not my sole responsibility to 

provide, I felt broken. My father would say things like, 

“How can you help people if you can’t help yourself?” 

Hearing this made it challenging to accept myself in that 

situation.  

It was a deeply painful time for me, but it was a 

formative time for us and our relationship because it 

caused us to start unpacking some things about 



Christian Relief, Development, and Advocacy 6(2), Winter 2025  

 
Deepan and Blake, Transforming Masculinities…                                                                                                       101 

ourselves. I realised that I wasn’t feeling small or 

diminished as a person because I depended on her; I 

simply felt sad that I couldn’t care for her enough even 

though she was pregnant and working. I learned that 

companionship and support were fundamental in 

relationships, and embracing support became a 

transformative experience for me. 

S:  In this journey with Prabu, I would say the most 
important thing is I've learned to prioritise myself and 
also look after myself. I think maybe because of how I 
grew up, I do not like spending time improving or 
looking after myself. Prabu also points out that women 
are always going from one task to another. So he has 
pushed me, throughout the years, to give some priority 
to myself. This was also because of his journey and what 

he was learning.  
People say to me, “It’s great you’re helping your 

wife.” To that, I respond, “Why do you consider it 

‘helping’? It’s not her job. It’s our thing. It’s our house.” 

I cook because I love my family. I love the fact that they 

enjoy the food I make, and therefore I cook. It’s an 

expression of love. I clean because we all live in this 

house, and we all want to live in a clean house. People 

praise me for “doing good things for your wife, for 

looking after your son, for helping with your son.” I’m 

always like, “He’s our son, lol.”  

S: Prabu has always been a good father. He travels 
a lot, but it doesn't matter whether he's been travelling 
for like 18 hours or 24 hours at a stretch: as soon as he 
opens the door, he's back to being the father. He will 
start washing our son and feeding him, no matter how 
tired he is. Immediately, I know I'm on a break. And 
there was never a sense of me feeling guilty. He didn't 
make me feel like that, because I think he really, really 

enjoys being the father. 
When our son was born, I thought, “I want him to 

know my heartbeat like he knows his mother’s, from 

his time in her womb!” I wanted to always hold him, 

carry him, and care for him because he was a precious 

human being, a formation of God’s goodness in life. 

But I also wanted to have a real relationship with him—

a real bond. 

At that time, I was going through a crisis of not 

knowing who I was or what I wanted to do. Suddenly, 

my son’s birth catalysed me to try to understand my 

own experiences and to explore how I could create a 

space for him that was different from the one I grew up 

in. I began to realise that I could not only be nonviolent; 

I could be actively positive in that sense, exploring ways 

that my actions in my relationship, decision-making, 

household chores and care, and how I communicate 

could be affirming, equitable, accountable and more 

Christ-like. I think that was when my wife and I started 

having the conversation in our relationship about 

gender norms, gender equality, and the type of man I 

could be and wanted to be.  

Since then, it’s been an interesting journey for us 

to be able to talk about gender roles—and to be held 

accountable as well. She knows what I do and what I 

talk about; I am accountable to her to practise in real 

life what I am “preaching” in my work. And with our 

son, we have been very intentional about talking with 

him about household work, consent, and respect for 

women and their bodies. We knew we needed to raise 

him from a young age in a way that allows him to be all 

of himself while also being accountable and conscious 

of his actions—not just intentions. 

This intentionality, creativity, and accountability 

became and continues to be fundamental to the 

Transforming Masculinities (TM) approach. TM 

creates a space for men and women to reimagine and 

work towards an alternative ideal world. While we don't 

prescribe behaviours, we invite men and women to co-

create practices and behaviours at home (in childcare, 

chores, and so on) to reflect their commitment to and 

equal valuing of each other. We also encourage them 

to create a culture of accountability with one another, 

between the peers from the Community Dialogues 

group, and with the “gender champions” so that they 

can continue to grow in their journeys.  

 

Christ As the Model for Inspiration 
Right after my son was born, I was exposed for the 

first time to conversations about engaging men in the 

prevention of sexual and gender-based violence 

(SGBV). In early training and conversations, people 

talked to me about fatherhood, gender roles in 

childcare, and similar topics. Yet I was still stuck in this 

narrative that men should be the good guys who stand 

up and save the day.  

As I progressed in my own journey and gained 

exposure to various programs on male engagement and 

accountability, I came to realise that any intervention or 

approach aimed at promoting transformative 

masculinities and gender equality must extend beyond 

mere training and workshops. It must permeate our 

everyday conversations, the messages conveyed in 

sermons, and the fabric of our societies. A profound 

shift in norms related to gender roles and attitudes is 

necessary, and both men and women must exemplify 

these positive behaviours. I remember when for the first 

time, I thought, “Oh, aha! Why are we always talking to 

women about gender-based violence if it’s an issue that 

we have actually done to them? You can’t be expected 

to fix something of which you're a victim.” At that 

moment, it clicked for me.  

One of the most significant turning points in the 

development of Transforming Masculinities occurred 

when I heard male participants in a focus group 

express, "I've never seen a man like this. How can I 

become something I've never seen?" This prompted me 

to reflect, "What about Jesus Christ?" The more I 



Christian Relief, Development, and Advocacy 6(2), Winter 2025  

 
Deepan and Blake, Transforming Masculinities…                                                                                                       102 

delved into studying Jesus and his teachings, the more I 

found resonance with his character and the 

transformative potential of faith in Him.  

This experience revitalised my belief in the power 

of faith. I realised that I couldn't align myself with the 

Christian faith that was often labelled as misogynistic, 

sexist, and patriarchal. As my understanding of Jesus 

deepened through Scripture study and engaging in 

discussions with pastors and others, my appreciation for 

Christ's essence grew. He became an aspirational figure 

for me and the ultimate role model for us in our work 

on Transforming Masculinities. Throughout the 

training sessions and community dialogues, we 

reference examples of Jesus. For example, in the “Jesus 

as the role model” session, we look at the life, teachings 

and ministry of Jesus, especially as a man, as a leader, 

and also someone who served those who were 

vulnerable, discriminated, and marginalized by society.  

In a time where faith can be so divisive, so 

alienating, so discriminating towards women, girls, and 

people of different identities or nationalities or races, I 

finally began to see how our faith could also bring 

people together. Our faith could be transformative. 

Our faith could be a source of power for good in a 

world that is so broken. Seeing the humblest forms of 

faith in the communities that I work in and seeing 

Christlikeness in people has been really transformative 

for me.  

 

Power, Leadership, and Intentionality 
This whole conversation is about power. When 

you’re talking about gender inequalities, you’re talking 

about power, status, access, and opportunities: the 

things our society awards men. (This is all, of course, 

complicated further as it intersects with race, ethnicity, 

and so on.) My journey had to start with unlearning old 

habits and becoming attentive to how I engage with 

people and negotiate power. Whether I like it or not, 

my presence carries power. How I speak, how I enter a 

room, how I enter a conversation: I need to be 

conscious of the impact I make on others. These 

dynamics are really complex when I’m holding some 

sort of an organisational responsibility or authority, 

particularly if I’m leading women or co-facilitating with 

women or when I am the only male in a female-

dominated group or team. 

Francesca: Prabu is often given quite a platform as 
an engaged male ally [Editor’s note: “Male ally” is a 
term generally used to refer to any man that is willing to 
advocate and speak up in support of gender equality.] 
He tries to balance that with not taking up too much 
space, in discussions or panels and so on. It's a tension, 
in that his personality is very talkative with lots of ideas, 

so he has lots of things to share. But he's also aware that 
he doesn't want to take up that space and wants to make 
sure that he's creating space for others. (Francesca is 

Tearfund’s Consortium and Networks Manager. She 
has worked with Prabu closely since 2015 in adapting, 
developing, and managing Transforming Masculinities 
intervention and research projects. She is based in the 
United Kingdom).  

Out of my enthusiasm, there has often been a lot 

of “me” in whatever I was talking about. I felt like I 

needed to assert myself, like all “good” allies who feel 

the need to reinsert themselves into the conversation as 

if the whole thing revolves around them. I didn’t notice 

this until someone called me out, and then I was like, 

“What do I do with this? I’m a good guy!” Your ego 

gets affected when someone says something like that, 

and you get defensive: “Do you know what I’m doing, 

you random person on the internet? If you only knew 

how many countries I’m doing this work in…” And then 

you check yourself: “You’ve got a problem, bro! You’re 

stuck on yourself.” It’s a really humbling thing when you 

have to tell yourself, “Hey, sit this one down.”  

In the role of ally, I realised, I had co-opted the 

space and struggle of women in many ways. It shocked 

me that I, this good guy, could be this insensitive in 

many ways. From there, I started to see my journey, my 

relationships, everything kind of converging. I have 

found that it’s really important to keep telling myself 

that I’m not doing this for anybody else. I’m grateful for 

other people in my life who hold me accountable, who 

say things to me like: “You’re not doing this for me as a 

favour. You’re doing this because it’s right.” This comes 

from the experience of being called out and in, learning 

when to be silent and intentional about allowing the 

space to exist where others can be heard more clearly, 

whether this is at home in a discussion, at work in 

meetings/trainings or even in casual conversations, or at 

conferences and panels, where I have learned 

sometimes it’s the best outcome if I can step out of the 

way and suggest someone else whose voice needs to be 

amplified. Whenever I’m invited to speak, I always 

reflect on what I can contribute meaningfully, and if 

there’s someone else who I can recommend whose 

voice needs a platform. In my work on gender equality, 

I try to connect these invitations with the amazing 

women who lead and work on our programmes.  

All of these elements are central parts of 

Transforming Masculinities, in that we promote 

practices of accountability to God, self, and others 

through the “Accountable Practices” session during the 

training and the Community Dialogues. This also 

reinforces the idea on why this conversation is 

important—to live the way God called us to live by 

embodying the teachings of Jesus Christ. We also 

discuss how to be better allies, and in an accountable 

way without co-opting. 

Uwezo: I had the chance to spend two weeks with 
Prabu facilitating Transforming Masculinities training 
in villages. In terms of practising what he's teaching, I 



Christian Relief, Development, and Advocacy 6(2), Winter 2025  

 
Deepan and Blake, Transforming Masculinities…                                                                                                       103 

can remember during a lunch break in the villages, he 
was there to help people get water, serving other people, 
and they were saying, “Wow. This is strange. How can 
a man serve others?” Seeing a man do this was strange 
according to the custom of the area. I've seen many 

times that he's ready to help other people.  
I have started to learn by asking colleagues, “What 

is a helpful way to come into this conversation? What 

would be an empowering way to come into this 

conversation? When do you want me to come in? Do 

you need me to come into this conversation?” These 

are things that I had to start rebuilding in my practice, 

recognising that my intention doesn’t always translate 

into people’s experiences of me. I am learning to 

emphasise, “What do you want in this space, and what 

is my role in this space?” I am also learning to recognise 

that it doesn’t have to revolve around me.  

Francesca: I felt like he gave me space to step into 
things, but he also backed me up. If there were 
questions or if things didn't go well, I knew that he had 
my back. He's very encouraging, always feeding back 
things that he noticed or things that I was doing well, 
helping me to think bigger, longer-term, about where I 
was going and what I was doing.  

As a line manager, I encountered a situation where 

I unintentionally made a female colleague feel 

disempowered when discussing her performance. This 

was a new experience for me, and initially, I didn't know 

how to respond. I chose to acknowledge her feelings 

and requested time to reflect before continuing the 

conversation. It was crucial for me to validate her 

experience, regardless of my intentions. This learning 

process prompted me to explore preventive measures, 

such as regularly checking in on her well-being and 

seeking her accountability. Additionally, I recognized 

the importance of discussing her performance in a way 

that would empower rather than disempower her. This 

open and honest dialogue was necessary to address the 

issue at hand. This has led to significant improvement 

in how we work together through me becoming a better 

line manager and creating a comfortability around 

accountability.  

Today, I’m a regional director with a role that 

comes with a lot of authority and responsibility. In this 

role, it’s been really important to me to intentionally 

think about how I create space in which we engage with 

people as equals of value, irrespective of their role or 

what they do. I try to constantly think, “How do I use 

the space that I’m in to create more space for people? 

How do I spotlight somebody else? How do I actively 

stand out of the way and create space for other people 

so that they can shine?” I strive for active demonstration 

and modelling so that other people in my team can pick 

it up.  

Madhu: He openly shares his stories and 
vulnerabilities, inspiring others to join him on his 

transformative journey. He fearlessly challenges 
stereotypes and encourages dialogue in training 
sessions, creating space for women's leadership and 
promoting intergenerational equity. Moreover, he has 
extended the Transforming Masculinities program to 

all staff members, raising awareness and fostering 
understanding of positive and harmful behaviours. This 
inclusive initiative within the organisation empowers 
individuals to embark on this important journey, as 
awareness and comprehension are crucial for progress. 
(Madhu is Tearfund Asia’s regional Design, Monitoring 
and Evaluation Advisor, based in Nepal. He is also a 
Master Trainer for the Transforming Masculinities 
model.) 

This consciousness of power and intentionality 

about equality comes into play on the organisational 

level of Tearfund and the personal and home levels. It 

doesn’t matter whether you’re a driver or a line 

manager, a housekeeper or a country director. We are 

all created in the image of the Triune God, different in 

the ways that we express God’s characteristics. We are 

not the same, but we have equal value. And if I see you 

fundamentally as someone created in God’s image, how 

does that shape my interaction with you? How does that 

shape the way I relate to you? How does it shape the 

way I give feedback to you and work with you? 

Uwezo: I think dominance is not part of him. I 
think we were in Nairobi one day, and we had to take 
lunch together. We were just two men, Prabu and I, and 
all the other colleagues were women, about six. We 
were discussing, sharing, laughing, you know, this kind 
of collaboration, friendship. There was no complex 
about who you were or not. He is someone you can 
come close to, and he will be open to you.  

But the power dynamics don’t disappear because 

I’m actively working to unlearn and learn. Their impact 

doesn't go away when I walk through the door now as if 

somehow there’s a magical vacuum that sucks up all the 

power, and I’m this powerless person. It is an active, 

intentional effort on a day-to-day basis, the way that I sit, 

talk, and do things to deconstruct power.  

I think that’s the only way until we live in a world 

where these inequalities don’t exist. Our actions, words, 

and behaviour must be consciously oriented towards 

dismantling unequal systems. Our leadership has to 

promote alternatives like Jesus, using our power to flip 

harmful systems and social norms, oppressiveness, 

stigma, and shame. We must be intentional about it 

because the norm is that we fall into the pattern of doing 

what everyone else is doing: reinforcing inequality and 

disparity in our world. 

This is the essence of the Transforming 

Masculinities approach, now part of hundreds of 

communities across more than fifteen countries, 

available in multiple languages and adaptations. We 

explore the life and leadership of Jesus, creating a 



Christian Relief, Development, and Advocacy 6(2), Winter 2025  

 
Deepan and Blake, Transforming Masculinities…                                                                                                       104 

learning reflection on how we can embody his example 

in our leadership. We seek to embrace a form of 

leadership that is purposeful, caring, loving, affirming, 

nurturing, committed, without ego and arrogance, not 

demanding but serving, and ultimately, sacrificial. It’s a 

journey, and my journey continues. I unlearn and learn 

every day, I get called out, and I spend time reflecting 

on my thoughts and actions, because I believe I can be 

better and must be better.  

I invite all who read this article to embark on this 

transformative journey—a journey of questioning and 

grappling with the narratives we have been taught about 

masculinities, leadership, power, and gender inequality. 

Let us explore alternatives, seek connection with fellow 

travellers on similar paths, and willingly accept 

accountability for our actions. Only by doing so can we 

actively contribute to building a more equitable world, 

a world free from violence, where individuals of all 

genders, boys and girls, men and women, can thrive and 

fulfil their inherent potential bestowed upon them. 

 

 

References 

 
Tearfund. n.d.a. Tools and Guides: Changing Gender 

Norms: Transforming Masculinities. 
https://learn.tearfund.org/en/resources/series/cha

nging-gender-norms-transforming-masculinities  

Tearfund. n.d.b. Transforming Masculinities – How 
Can We Overcome Global Sexual and Gender 
Based Violence? (SGBV). Video. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv09Ls-

uaCw&t=8s.  
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tearfund. 2016. Tools and Guides: Community 
Dialogues. 
https://learn.tearfund.org/en/resources/series/cha

nging-gender-norms-transforming-

masculinities/community-dialogues 
 

 

Prabu Deepan is Tearfund's Asia Regional Director 

and leads global GBV initiatives. He developed the 

Transforming Masculinities program, a widely 

implemented, evidence-based approach in over 15 

countries. He holds an MBA from Cardiff 

Metropolitan University. 

 

Author email: prabu.deepan@tearfund.org 
 

Ruby Blake is a student at the Johns Hopkins 

University School of Nursing. She received a 

bachelor's degree in anthropology with a certificate in 

human needs and global resources from Wheaton 

College, Illinois. She has interests in community 

health nursing and equipping long-term caregivers. 

 

Author email: rubyelise01@gmail.com  
 

 

https://learn.tearfund.org/en/resources/series/changing-gender-norms-transforming-masculinities
https://learn.tearfund.org/en/resources/series/changing-gender-norms-transforming-masculinities
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv09Ls-uaCw&t=8s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv09Ls-uaCw&t=8s
https://learn.tearfund.org/en/resources/series/changing-gender-norms-transforming-masculinities/community-dialogues
https://learn.tearfund.org/en/resources/series/changing-gender-norms-transforming-masculinities/community-dialogues
https://learn.tearfund.org/en/resources/series/changing-gender-norms-transforming-masculinities/community-dialogues
mailto:prabu.deepan@tearfund.org
mailto:rubyelise01@gmail.com

