ACRL News Issue (B) of College & Research Libraries 952 / C & RL News INNOVATIONS 1*1 Humor and creativity: Reports from the field (1) By Norman D. Stevens D irector The M olesw orth Institu te In previous colum ns I have largely d eveloped them es th a t d e m o n strate how individuals an d in d i­ vidual libraries have m ade creative use o f h u m o r in dealing w ith p articu lar events (e.g., holidays) or issues (e.g., preservation) o r in a p articu lar fashion (e.g., poetry). E ach o f those th e m es was selected by an osm otic process th a t involved sorting th ro u g h an accum ulation o f m aterial filed in ran d o m o rd e r and culling o u r item s th a t seem e d to fit to g e th er. T h e most re c e n t sorting process failed, for unknow n reasons, to identify a p articu lar th e m e. R a th e r it mysteriously set forth a m iscellaneous assortm ent o f item s th a t can b est b e d escrib ed as rep o rts from th e field. T hose rep o rts com e in such diverse form s as letters describing p articu lar anecdotes, selec­ tions from new sletters real an d im aginary, elec­ tronic mail messages, articles from obscure jo u r­ nals, and articles seeking a hom e. T o g e th e r th e y dem onstrate th a t academ ic, an d even o th e r, li­ brarians are in d e e d creative souls an d th a t library hum or, w hich can take m any form s, is alive and well. Just as th e best library h u m o r som etim es is nonsense th a t makes no sense, so this colum n and the next will be simply a p o tp o u rri d esig n ed for your en tertain m en t. Enjoy! Reports Bored, or distressed, by th e usual reg u lar ad m in ­ istrative chore o f producing yet a n o th e r annual report, set o f goals and objectives, mission sta te ­ m ent, or list o f priorities, a few librarians eventually revolt. W hat use, th ey ask, is a n o th er generic d o c u ­ m ent th a t reads as though it could have b e e n p ro d u ced at any o th e r academ ic library? W hat value, th ey w onder, is a lofty set o f statem ents describing events th a t n ev er h a p p e n e d o r n ev er will? W hy, th e y think, sp en d so m uch tim e p ro d u c ­ ing a n o th e r d o cu m en t th a t will b e filed, n o t read ? T h e fo rtu n ate resu lt is th e p ro d u ctio n o f a few far m ore realistic, an d certainly m ore entertaining, d o cu m en ts th at, in th e vernacular, tell it like its is. N ot widely circulated, b u t deserving w id er recog­ nition, such organizational rep o rts are am ong o u r real trea su res. T h re e such u n d e rg ro u n d d o c u ­ m ents have com e to my atten tio n recently. W h at is m ost fascinating is th a t two o f th e se d o cu m en ts are n o t o f re c e n t vintage; they, unlike th e ir real-life c o u n te rp a rts th a t are pro m p tly filed an d forgotten, obviously rem ain fresh in th e m inds an d m em ories o f a library’s staff. T h e first is a set o f library projections for 1973 from an u n n a m e d library. Allegedly b ased on in te r­ views w ith various m em b ers o f th e library staff, it sets forth in tw o pages te n sim ple goals for various divisions an d units. T h e H u m an ities Division, for exam ple, hopes to b e able to d istrib u te 500 p laster busts o f A ristophanes (received as a gift from th e Shell Service Station) a ro u n d th e cam pus “to raise th e intellectual level o f this p lace.” O th e r p ro je c ­ tions include: fu rth e r experim ents in th e m icro­ film ing o f students; th e com pletion o f 100,000 book req u ests— 90% m ark ed ru sh — in 50 weeks; hiring 200 m ore staff for th e acquisitions d e p a rt­ m e n t to h an d le th e 40 cubic yards o f free m aterial received w eekly an d to avoid having to buy 15 copies o f every expensive book re q u e s te d in o rd e r to sp en d th e book budget; a sizable individual salary re b a te resu ltin g from a co st/benefìt analysis revealing th a t “everyone in th e library earn in g m ore th a n $10,000 p e r an n u m is an unjustifiable o v erh ead ”; an d even an effort to locate th e director. Novem ber 1 9 9 0 1 953 A similar early docum ent, d rafted naturally by an interim director, from a n am ed library th a t shall rem ain unnam ed, outlines its mission and 18 goals. T he proposed mission is “to provide enough infor­ m ation and spread it around sufficiently so th e librarians w on’t get sued by th e rest o f th e U niver­ sity for n o n -support.” T h e goals are similarly suc­ cinct and to th e point. T hey include: “to create an atm osphere w hich will lead patrons to com e over and annoy us only w hen they have to; to let th e w orld know w hat a good outfit we are; to p u t up enough signs on th e library walls so all w ho e n te r will ultim ately exit; to initiate at least one new list p e r librarian each day and one new file each week; and to develop a 10-year Long-Range Plan for m onthly refresh m en ts.” A m ore recen t contribution com es in th e form o f L em u r T. Stodge’s 1988/1989 annual re p o rt from th e M oriarity Library at Claxton-W him sey College in Am orphous, N orth Carolina. T he re p o rt mainly describes th e results o f a th ird consecutive year o f th e institution’s unique No G row th Library B udget policy. It is n o ted th a t only tw enty p e rc e n t o f Stodge’s tim e was sp en t in p rotesting th e im plem ­ entation o f th a t policy in 1988/1989, as com pared with fifty and seventy p e rc e n t in th e two p reced in g years, in large p art because m uch o f th e rest o f his tim e was spent in fulfilling th e duties form erly assigned to th e public service staff. T he en tire nine-page re p o rt is filled w ith splen­ did examples o f th e ingenuity o f Stodge and his few rem aining staff and o f how, in fact, th e no-grow th policy may have b e e n a blessing in disguise. F o r example, in addition to surreptitiously canceling num erous periodical subscriptions, u ser fru stra­ tion at not being able to find m aterial has b een red u ced by canceling several indexing services as well. T he sim ultaneous cancellation o f th e biblio­ graphic instruction program is p ro jected to elim i­ nate inform ed stu d en t d em an d for periodicals after th e graduation o f th e class o f 1990 in any case. A fter m uch planning over several years Stodge has d e ­ vised an ingenious schem e th a t w ould seem to solve th e library’s space problem s, which rem ain severe despite a drastic decline in purchases, and faculty com plaints about th e potential w eeding o f th e ir old favorite volumes. M any o f those volum es w ere sent to faculty offices in 1987/1988 and in 1988/1989 th e relevant cards w ere w ithdraw n from th e cata­ logs. R egular rem inders are now sent to th e faculty asking th em to re tu rn those volum es. “Given th e fact th a t faculty m em bers relentlessly ignore all such rem inders, we have g u aran teed th e p e rm a ­ n e n t rem oval o f th ese titles from th e prem ises, leaving a d e q u a te space for new books in th e stacks.” A variety o f o th e r efforts to red u ce d em an d and services will allow th e d irecto r to devote few er hours each w eek to record-keeping, production of overdue notices, and shelving so th a t he will b e able to spend m ore tim e reviewing jo b ads in th e C hron­ icle o f H igher Education. Newsletters T h e internal library new sletters, and th e ir p aro ­ dies, th a t w ere dealt with in detail in an earlier colum n (C & R L News, January 1989) rem ain p e r ­ haps th e richest source o f academ ic library hum or. W hile it is incredibly boring to read th ese in large doses, partly because they are often so poorly w ritten and edited, b u t prim arily because they tell you m ore th an you care to know about local library events and people in w hom you have no interest, th ey are always w orth scanning for th e occasional nuggets o f intentional or unintentional h u m o r th at they contain. T h eir sloppy editing often produces gems th a t are w orthy o f inclusion in th e “M argina­ lia” colum n o f th e Chronicle o f H igher Education. Mosaic, from th e University o f N otre D am e Li­ brary, indicated recently, for example, th a t several staff h ad b e e n on a “sight” visit to o th e r libraries to investigate th e ir signs. W hen new signs are in place in th e library at N otre D am e it will surely be a “site” for sore eyes. F o r th e inveterate collector o f librari- ana, th ese new sletters often announce th e availa­ bility o f such treasures as library cookbooks or t- shirts. My goal is not to acquire th e w orld’s largest collection o f academ ic library internal new sletters, b u t I rem ain in terested in acquiring on a regular basis those th a t feature intentional h u m o r on a regular basis. I am especially in terested in co n tin u ­ ing to acquire on a regular basis parodies issued to celebrate April F ool’s Day or o th e r im portant occa­ sions, such as th e d ep artu re or arrival o f a new director, for a p erm a n en t collection o f such im agi­ nary delights. E ven item s th a t dwell on our form er stereotype can be enjoyable if properly structured. T h e April 1, 1990, issue o f th e U niversity o f Louisville Library’s The Ekspress, w hose m otto is “All th e news th a t’s p rin t to fit,” was not, alas, a tru e April F ool’s issue b u t does contain one such gem in th e guise o f an ad— subm itted by a re a d e r w ho w anted to k eep his id e n tity q u ie t— for a P rofessional Shoosher. “A Professional Shoosher is som eone who shooshes and has th e ir MLS. Low ering deci­ bels is th e prim ary responsibility o f a PS. W hen several people congregate, decibel levels rise, at w hich tim e th e PS is called to th e rescue. . . . A PS is usually som eone who keeps to her/him self, can e m erg e w ith o u t m uch no tice an d c a n ’t stan d crowds. Although th e re is a high tu rn o v er rate am ong Professional Shooshers [perhaps th e ir voice boxes give way and they m ight benefit from shoosh- ing lessons], it is a tim e-honored position and ful­ fills th e expectations o f society at large.” T he ad concludes w ith th e usual affirm ation o f equal o p ­ portunity, noting th a t “Applicants will b e consid­ 954 I C&RL News e re d in spite o f th e ir w ardrobe and/or sour disposi­ tion.” M ore entertaining, especially for those am ong us who get apoplexy w hen we prom ote th e ste re ­ otype, are som e recen t examples from old and new Feeling funny? You too can be famous! Slowly b u t surely since my first colum n in this series ap p eared in M arch o f 1988 academ ic librarians have re ­ sponded to my continued appeals for examples o f th e creative use o f h u m o r in librarianship. I have developed a regular stable o f contributors who keep m e supplied w ith a w ide assortm ent o f delightful stuff. Periodically others send m e th e occasional item , and som e o f th e best m ate­ rial in my growing file has com e in over th e transom , so to speak. M ore contributions from bo th old and new friends are welcom e. I am, in general, a firm believer in th e notion th a t th e best examples o f libraiy h u m o r are those th a t are created spontaneously in re ­ sponse to th e real, b u t h ard to believe, events and incidents th a t occur in all libraries. It is difficult to b e creative simply because you w ant to be. Still and all, though, th e re is a place for artificially stim ulated creativity. I am, th e re ­ fore, pleased to announce— strictly on an ex­ p e r im e n ta l b asis— th e firs t— a n d p e rh a p s last— creativity and h u m o r com petition spon­ sored by T he M olesworth Institute. O pen to all academ ic librarians, and anyone else who cares to participate, th e challenge is a simple one. You n eed only send m e a b rie f description o f one or m ore o f th e twelve m ighty library labors th a t might face a contem porary H ercules as he, or she, seeks purification and preem inence. W hat are th e golden apples o f th e H esperidian Li­ brary? O ne or m ore appropriate prizes, includ­ ing even appointm ent as a F ellow o f T h e M oles­ w orth Institute, will be aw arded dep en d in g on th e quality o f th e entries and/or th e m ood o f th e judge. T he decision o f th e judge is tem porary and subject to change. To be considered for reporting in a subsequent colum n entries m ust be received by April 1,1991. No entries will be retu rn ed b u t all will be acknowledged. P ap er entries, from th e old-fashioned librarian, may be sent to me at 143 Hanks Hill Road, Storrs, CT 06268, preferably accom panied by your business card signed and d ated on th e verso. E lectronic entries, from th e new fangled librar­ ian, may be sent to m e eith er via B itnet at hbladm3@ uconnvm or ALANET at alal625, preferably accom panied by your electronic business card.— N orm an D. Stevens. April F ool’s new sletters with such great titles as The B iblio-fobe, L ib el Talk, L ib ra ry Lie, an d th e W eakly Agenda. In every case th e contents o f th e issue are w orthy o f th e titles. T hey rep o rt on such im portant m atters as th e cancellation o f an OPAC project after years o f com m ittee work, th e re q u ire ­ m en t th a t librarians at public service desks acquire m alpractice insurance, new cataloging rules th at tran scen d th e main en try concept, several im ­ proved techniques for recovering overdue books, th e joy o f night referen ce service, th e Perfectly In teg rated Inform ation E nvironm ent, and keeping creditors at bay. A few examples will suffice to dem onstrate th e inestim able value o f telling th e tru th about our problem s. At th e San D iego State University Li­ brary, for example, w ith th e dem ise o f th e online public access catalog project—ju st after th e Li­ brary was nom inated for inclusion in th e Guinness Book o f W orld Records for having 24 OPAC com ­ m ittees generate 542 pages o f m inutes in a single m onth— th e N am e C om m ittee m et in em ergency session to quickly nam e th e card catalog Guis Agrippa Clodius Pulchar, having finally concluded th a t th e first choice for th e OPAC nam e w ould have b e e n C.A.R.D. (C om puterized Algorithmic Rela­ tions D atabase) Catalog. At th e University o f R ichm ond th e rep o rt from th e Universal L ibrarian’s Office on th e P IIE sug­ gests th e desirability o f finally integrating food services an d library services to accom m odate, ra th e r th a n discourage, stu d en t p referen ce for eating and drinking while using th e library. That, along w ith several o th e r innovations, is p art o f a larger schem e to “bring all o th e r services to our patrons while they rem ain in th e library. T he politi­ cal advantages to us are clear: we retain control and increase dependency. W ithin two years we will not only be th e ‘h e a rt and b rain ’ o f th e University, we will have all th e m uscle we n eed to d em an d m ore funding and m ore resp ect.” Go for it! T he R utgers University Library contribution describes several efforts to raise new funds to offset an anticipated 36% loss in th e p ro jected budget including: a bake sale th a t raised m ore th an $43; th e sale o f th e card catalog to an o th er d ep artm en t in th e university w here it will be used to house small laboratory animals; th e “All You C an C arry Sale” from th e collection th a t n e tte d $340 and cleared 13,000 square feet o f stack space; and th e proposed C ar-w ash/Phonathon to call alum ni urging th em to wash th e ir cars them selves and mail a check to th e library. T hrough such efforts th e Rutgers U niver­ sity Library is b o u n d to “rem ain one o f th e p rem ier library systems in M iddlesex C ounty.” D riven to such d esp erate m easures, th e R utgers University Library, like th e University o f R ichm ond Library, has decided to allow food and beverages in all its units. T hat includes th e addition o f a food delivery N ovem ber 1 9 9 0 1 955 service (eith er B-U-Y P-I-Z-A o r E-A-T D -E -L -I) to th e existing d o cu m en t delivery service via e ith e r th e F o o d F o n e o r th e F o o d Fax m achines designed to look like actual food item s. T h e fine p rin t at th e e n d o f th e R utgers n ew sletter sheds a great deal o f light and tru th on th e real purposes o f all library new sletters. It “is in te n d e d to provide inform ation about library activities and o th e r things th a t no one really wants to read about. In clu d e d are such item s as: a n n o u n c e m e n ts, p ro n o u n c e m e n ts, an d d e ­ nouncem ents; lies, d am n ed lies, and statistics; r e ­ tra c tio n s, c o rre c tio n s a n d recrim in atio n s; an d m ore m eetings th a n you can shake a stick at. ‘P eople in th e L ibrary’. . . notes briefly such infor­ m a tio n as m arriag es, divorces, affairs, b irth s, deaths, deportations, arraignm ents, indictm ents and incarcerations; lacerations, bum ps, bruises and scrapes; and addictions, afflictions and o th e r fic­ tions.” Always sure to p ro d u ce groans, puns and similar form s o f wordplay, have only a lim ited audience. F o rtu n ately th e re do not ap p ear to b e an inordinate n u m b e r o f library p u n sters b u t th e re are, alas, a few who deserve at least b rie f m ention. Irving W ein- trau b , o f th e R utgers University Library (is som e­ thing going on th ere?), sent m e a single-page sheet th a t contains, am ong o th e r faults, th e following sam ple o f his “w it.” I f H arrison F o rd h ad b e e n a librarian h e w ould have b e e n searching for catalog­ ing records ra th e r th a n diam onds in Readers o f the L ost M ARC . T h e difference b etw een a referen ce librarian and a rebellious youth is th a t one is an authority on questions and th e o th e r questions authority. L ibrarians usually re fe r to journals th a t re p re se n t an industry o r discipline as an organ; th a t som etim es causes em b arrassm en t for agricultural librarians w ho may re fe r to a journal dealing w ith a b re e d o f livestock as th e “b re e d organ.” W eintraub once e n d e d u p describing a journal as “an organ for th e dissem ination o f inform ation on insem ination.” M ore next tim e. Adventures in grant-writing By Ada D. Jarred D irector o f Libraries N orthw estern State U niversity o f Louisiana In a re c e n t issue o f College & Research Libraries N ew s, S h e rm a n H ayes c a lle d fo r re p o rts on “u n iq u e , w eird services” in academ ic lib raries.1 T h e librarians o f N o rth w estern State University o f Louisiana disagree som ew hat w ith H ayes’s taxon­ om y o f activities b u t are nevertheless eag er to share th e ir re c e n t adventures in w riting grants. Louisiana’s d e p ressed econom ic conditions over th e last several years have n ecessitated alternative funding to m aintain and enhance th e core services o f E u g en e P. W atson M em orial Library, N o rth ­ w estern State U niversity o f Louisiana. Naturally, thoughts o f N o rth w estern librarians tu rn e d to th e w riting o f grant proposals. Several applications proved successful, leading to th e d evelopm ent o f unusual services w hich have en ric h ed th e univer­ sity and th e su rrounding area, as well as assisted w ith th e su p p o rt o f core activities. N ot th e least am ong th e delights o f N o rth w est­ e rn State University is its setting in N atchitoches (NAK-o-tish), Louisiana, th e oldest continuous G h e rm a n Hayes, “W anted: W eird an d /o r U n­ usual Services and Activities,” C & R L N ew s 51 (April 1990): 322-325. E u ro p e a n settlem e n t in th e Louisiana Purchase and th e central city o f th e C ane River region, a culturally diverse area o f northw est Louisiana. O ne o f th e fascinating fo rm er residents o f N atchitoches Parish (county) was th e celeb rated A m erican au ­ th o r Kate C hopin, who devoted m uch o f h e r w rit­ ing to th e people and life o f this area. In 1988 th e N SU d irecto r o f libraries agreed to b e p ro ject d irec to r o f th e first international co n fer­ ence devoted to th e life and works o f C hopin. T he m eetin g was cre a te d and p lan n ed by faculty m e m ­ bers o f th e N SU D e p a rtm e n t o f Languages and C om m unications; th e NSU Louisiana F olk Life C en ter; th e Louisiana Scholars’ College, an in te r­ disciplinary program for academ ically advanced university students o f high ability; and th e Louisi­ ana School for M ath, Science and th e Arts, a resi­ dential high school for gifted and ta len te d juniors and seniors. This was th e first cooperative effort b etw een th e se entities, all o f w hom are located on th e sam e cam pus. T h e Association for th e P re se r­ vation o f H istoric N atchitoches, ow ner and o p e ra ­ to r o f th e Bayou Folk M useum (housed in C h o p in ’s fo rm er hom e) in nearby Cloutierville, also was a participating sponsor.