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Over the last decade, the visibility of  LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and 
transgender) families has multiplied greatly, and these families have 

begun gaining acceptance within American society. Compared with even 
10 years prior, the number of  organizations dedicated to advancing legal 
protections for LGBT families, producing teacher trainings about LGBT 
families, including more inclusive language on parental consent forms in 
school, and even increasing the number of  children’s books centering on 
LGBT families have climbed dramatically. Yet, despite the new attention 
LGBT families have received, an evident hierarchy has emerged with regard 
to which members of  LGBT families are discussed most frequently by 
researchers and in the media. There have been extensive research studies and 
publications that address same-sex parenting, including topics of  adoption, 
donor insemination, surrogacy, same-sex stepfamilies, and coming out to 
your children (Goldberg, Moyer, Weber, & Shapiro, 2013; Bergman, Rubio, 
Green, & Padron, 2010; Lynch, 2005; Vanfraussen, Ponjaert-Kristoffersen, & 
Brewaeys, 2003; Lynch & Murray, 2000). Families with transgender parents 
have not received this high level of  attention, and far fewer research inquiries 
have been conducted in this area. Yet, of  particular importance for this paper 
is the lack of  acknowledgement of  the experiences, realities, and identities 
of  those who were raised in LGBT-parented households. As a result of  
the shortage of  research about this population, there is little knowledge 
about this group proliferating outside of  peer communities of  those raised 
in LGBT families. In particular, clinicians are often not presented with 
information about this population and aspects to consider when working 

Queerspawn on the Couch: A Guide for Clinicians 
Working With Youth and Adults With LGBT Parents

Megan McKnight

Support for LGBTQ families is on the rise and many research studies have 
been published proving that children with LGBTQ parents fare just as well as 
children raised by heterosexual, cisgender parents. However, despite the growing 
acceptance of  LGBTQ families, much of  the literature and many community 
resources have only focused on the parents. We still know very little about the 
experiences and development of  queerspawn. In particular, many are unfamil-
iar with the kinds of  support queerspawn need, the language they may use to 
speak about their identity/ies, and their unique relationship to queerness and 
queer community. The culmination of  this paper includes clinical recommenda-
tions for providers to consider when working in clinical settings with queerspawn.  

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© 2016 McKnight. This is an open-access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License, which permits the user to copy, distribute, and transmit the work provided that the original author(s) and source are credited.

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QueerSPaWn on THe CouCH mCknigHT

with these clients. This paper seeks to begin filling that gap by outlining 
recommendations and considerations for clinicians working with youth or 
adults raised by one or more LGBT parents.

Literature Review
Although relatively new, there are multiple terms employed among those 

with LGBT parents to identify themselves within their communities and to 
create a way to discuss their social positionality and identities. “Queerspawn” 
is a term used by many members of  this community to not only speak to 
their identity as children with LGBT parents, but to also claim a space within 
the larger LGBT community (Fitzgerald, 2010). The term “COLAGEr” is 
also used as an identifier, particularly among those involved with COLAGE, 
the only national organization for youth and adults with LGBT parents 
(Fitzgerald, 2010). In addition, “bothie” and “ 2nd Gen” are used to mark 
subset identities within the queerspawn community. “Bothie” refers to 
someone who was born into a heterosexual relationship in which the parents 
later both came out as LGBT or applies to instances in which LGBT people 
came together to create their own families, such as a lesbian couple and a 
gay male friend who decide to conceive together (Kuvalanka & Goldberg, 
2009). Those who identify as “2nd Gen” are queerspawn who are lesbian, 
gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer themselves (Kuvalanka & Goldberg, 
2009). Some queerspawn with transgender parents also use the abbreviation 
“KOT,” meaning “kids of  trans” (COLAGE, 2008). 

Unfortunately, the bulk of  literature 
about children with LGBT parents 
has been organized around the idea 
of  “proving” that children raised in 
same-sex households are no different 
than children raised in heterosexual 
households, and that being raised in 
LGBT families does not negatively 
affect the wellbeing of  these children 
(Bos, Gartrell, Peyser, & van Balen, 
2008; Lick, Tornello, Riskind, Schmidt, & Patterson, 2012; Marks, 2012). 
Studies have also sought to show that children with LGBT parents are not 
more prone to identify as gay themselves (Marks, 2012). The use of  this 
narrow scope to understand children in LGBT families is a direct reaction 
to assertions and previous flawed studies from conservatives suggesting that 
same-sex couples and trans people should not be allowed to parent (Clarke, 
2001). This debate has shown up in many research studies in the last 25 

“This narrow scope is actually 
harming LGBT families by 

determining one’s right to 
parent based on the successes 
of one’s children and continues 
to measure the ‘wellbeing’ of 
queerspawn by heteronormative 
standards and norms.”

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years and recordable studies continue to show that children raised in LGBT 
families fare as well as children raised by heterosexual parents. Although 
studies like these were needed in the past to shift public opinion, that time 
has passed. Now, this narrow scope is actually harming LGBT families by 
determining one’s right to parent based on the successes of  their children 
and measuring the “wellbeing” of  queerspawn by heteronormative standards 
and norms. This has left many issues pertaining to children of  LGBT parents 
unexamined and has allowed little room for queerspawn of  all ages to voice 
their experiences and views of  being raised in nontraditional families.

 More recently, a few studies have surfaced that address more 
nuanced and real experiences of  children with LGBT parents. Research 
looking into the experiences of  queerspawn in schools have found that 
these children often face heightened stigma in classroom environments due 
to homophobic and transphobic beliefs held by teachers, staff, and other 
parents (Kosciw, Diaz, GLSEN, COLAGE, & Family Equality Council, 
2008; Lindsay, Perlesz, Brown, McNair, de Vaus, & Pitts, 2006).  A lack of  
inclusion of  alternative family structures in curriculums was also noted. 
Queerspawn who were taught such curriculums were found to be more 
withdrawn or aggressive than those who had inclusive curriculums (Kosciw 
et al, 2008; Lindsay et al, 2006). Shifting the focus to adolescent experiences, 
researchers have examined what it is like for adolescents to grow up in LGBT 
families and how they develop their gender identity and sexual orientation 
slightly different from most children raised in homes in which both parents 
are heterosexual and cisgender (Davis, 2014; Welsh, 2011; Istar, 2010). This 
is due to the decentralizing of  heteronormativity and cisnormativity, thus 
allowing for less rigid gender expectations and opening up the possibility of  
sexual expression (Davis, 2014; Istar, 2010).

Although the literature on queerspawn development is already extremely 
limited, studies that address adults with LGBT parents are even less common 
(Bourdon, 2013; Hart, 2005). These individuals have a unique positionality 
in society, given their potential to “border-walk” two opposing cultural 
realities (Bourdon, 2013; Goldberg, Kinkler, Richardson, & Downing, 2012; 
Goldberg, 2007). Now, one may say that LGBT-identified people must also 
walk the border of  queer culture and the dominant, heterosexual culture. 
However, heterosexual adults with LGBT parents are often raised in the 
queer community and learn about society through a queer lens first, and then 
are exposed to the heterosexual culture and its norms later in life.(Goldberg 
et al., 2012; Goldberg, 2007). However, unlike someone who is Catholic, 
grows up immersed in Catholic traditions and culture, and has the option 
to still identify as Catholic once he or she is an adult, heterosexuals raised in 



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queer culture are often unable to access queer space and cultural traditions 
once in adulthood, even though this community may be a large part of  their 
cultural identity. This type of  exclusion 
is often due to a lack of  knowledge 
in the queer community about 
queerspawn identity and relations to 
queerness, particularly in adulthood. 
Thus, heterosexual queerspawn are 
not seen as queer and are considered 
either allies or outsiders. To combat 
this erasure of  cultural identity or the 
“cultural homelessness” experienced 
by heterosexual adults who were raised 
in LGBT families, many use the term queerspawn, as well as “culturally 
queer,” to describe their experience and relationship to this piece of  their 
identity (Fitzgerald, 2010).

Clinical Considerations and Recommendations
As clinicians, it is critical that we develop a level of  competency for 

working with clients from a multitude of  backgrounds, identities, and 
cultures. Given that there is not much literature yet on doing clinical work 
with queerspawn, the hope is that this guide will bring more attention to the 
importance of  understanding this community’s needs. 
Ask them how they identify and validate those identities

As with any client, it is important not to assume you know how 
someone identifies. One must ask how clients identify themselves and how 
they would like you, as the clinician, to address them. As mentioned earlier, 
the queerspawn community has a subcultural set of  language with which 
a client may identify, so it is important to understand the terminology. It 
is equally important to validate this identity, as queerspawn identities are 
rarely acknowledged and validated in broader society. In addition, many 
people with LGBT parents may come into your office or attend a group you 
are facilitating without ever having been exposed to the existence of  this 
terminology and the establishment of  any type of  collective identity to speak 
to their experience. It may be helpful to explore this with them in therapy and 
allow them to “try on” the language and meanings for themselves. 
Acknowledge culture and connections to the queer community

Many queerspawn articulate a strong affiliation and connection to the 
queer community, regardless of  their own sexual orientation or gender 
identity. (Some of  the personal struggles associated with this were mentioned 

“To combat this erasure of 
cultural identity or the ‘cultural 

homelessness’ experienced by 
heterosexual adults who were 
raised in LGBT families, many 
utilize the term queerspawn, as 
well as ‘culturally queer,’ to describe 
their experience and relationship 
to this piece of their identity.”



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above.) It is necessary to allow queerspawn space to discuss in what ways 
they may experience a sense of  bicultural identity, exclusion from queer 
spaces where they feel most at home and accepted, denial of  their cultural 
identity in adulthood, or their struggles with identifying within the dominant, 
heterosexual culture. A goal with a client who articulates feelings such as 
these may be to work on developing a sense of  understanding about this 
bicultural identity, how to discuss it with others (particularly partners) who 
often do not understand the role of  queer culture and traditions in their lives, 
and how to work through or cope with their feelings surrounding exclusion 
or isolation. 
Ask how their parents identify and how they refer to their 
parents

Do not assume you know the identity of  a client’s parent. It is still 
significant to ask clients how each of  their parents identifies and if  they have 
more than two people whom they consider parents. Also inquire as to how 
clients refer to their parents, as there are all sorts of  terms that queerspawn 
may use. In addition, ask what pronouns to use when referring to their 
parents. This is necessary because although a client may be talking about their 
father, one should not assume that he/him/his pronouns are appropriate to 
use when discussing the client’s father. For example, the client may still refer 
to a father who uses she/her/hers pronouns as “Dad.”  
Become educated on the impact of being raised by LGBT 
parents across one’s life course

Like any other client, the onus of  describing one’s identity and culture 
should not lie solely on the shoulders of  the client. Clinicians need to take it 
upon themselves to become familiar with the experiences of  those raised in 
LGBT families. This includes being knowledgeable about the multitude of  
ways LGBT families are formed (donor insemination, adoption, foster care, 
a prior heterosexual relationship, surrogacy, etc.) and the possible clinical 
implications for each. It also includes an understanding of  implications and 
experiences of  queerspawn in schools, particularly during different eras. 
Clinicians should reflect on ways clients may have had to hide their family’s 
identity, difficulties they experienced “coming out” about their families 
in school, in their communities, and in their relationships, and how they 
were affected by heterosexism, cissexism, and discrimination. Additionally, 
clinicians should explore what is it like for queerspawn to transition to 
adulthood, how their intimate relationships are affected by their identity, 
how they identify with their queer upbringing, and how they talk to their 
own children about love and relationships. The questions go on, but they 



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make the point that these are areas that clinicians should be researching and 
coming to understand when working with queerspawn. 
Create outlets for personal narratives to be shared

Queerspawn are often denied the opportunity to speak for themselves 
and share their stories and truths, particularly for the many queerspawn 
whose stories do not align perfectly with the dominant, liberal, and political 
discourse about queer families. Thus, clinicians should think about working 
with queerspawn on articulating their stories and developing their own voice 
outside of  the narratives they are told about themselves. Narrative therapy 
and creative therapies, such as art and drama therapy, offer modes through 
which queerspawn can begin to share their narratives.
Pay attention to silence

 For queerspawn, there are particular areas in which silence is prevalent 
and often used to cope. First, do not assume because a client identifies 
as 2nd Gen that they are out to their parents. Despite their parent being 
LGBT, the client may still experience anxiety and pressure causing them to 
stay closeted. This is often because there is a fear shared by many 2nd Gen 
queerspawn that by being LGBT, they are letting down their parents and 
community (Davis, 2014). One of  the biggest fears that those who oppose 
LGBT parenting voice is that LGBT parents will raise gay and trans children. 
Thus, organizations lobbying for legal protections for and increased visibility 
of  LGBT families tend to counter this assertion by citing statistics that 
children of  LGBT parents are no more likely to be LGBT themselves than 
those raised in non-LGBT households. However, it is important to consider 
the impact of  this discourse on queerspawns’ comfort or level of  social 
acceptance if  they come out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer. 
Questions to think about: Are there fears about the impact of  this identity 
on the perception of  their family in their community? What does it mean for 
their family and the larger community if  they do not produce a heterosexual, 
cisgender child? How does this identity impact the struggle for LGBT family 
rights at large? Why may their truth be stifled within and outside of  queer 
community?

Similarly, because of  the increasingly positive state of  public opinion 
about LGBT parents, abuse in these homes is also often silenced. Queerspawn 
are aware of  the possible implications of  reporting such behavior reaching 
far beyond the borders of  their own family. Even adult queerspawn struggle 
with telling people that they were abused in any way by their parents. The 
fear is that sharing may reflect negatively upon all LGBT parents rather than 
just their parents. Even within queerspawn communities, sometimes these 



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individuals feel silenced because they may not celebrate or express pride in 
their family in the way others do.

“Parentification,” a child’s embodiment of  taking on pain or baggage 
for their parents, is another struggle many young queerspawn experience 
(Fitzgerald, 2010). Many queerspawn often keep instances of  bullying or 
discrimination they have experienced in school, in a community group, or from 
relatives a secret from their parents. They do this as a way of  protecting their 
parents and, in this way, are taking on the parental role of  protection. They 
do not want their parents to blame themselves for the negative experiences 
they have had navigating a heteronormative society as queerspawn. The 
effects of  this behavior are also worth exploring in therapy.

Conclusion
It is time to move past solely focusing on parents when discussing LGBT 

families and stop producing studies “proving” child wellbeing to appease 
conservatives who preach about protecting children from LGBT parents. 
There was an appropriate time for these studies, but now we need to move 
forward and begin addressing queerspawn as a community and understanding 
their unique positionality. It is time to acknowledge how homophobia and 
transphobia in our society also harm queerspawn, no matter how they 
may identify. It is time to pay more attention to the truths of  queerspawn. 
Specifically, clinicians have the ability to practice this by being open to explore 
queerspawn identity and how queerspawn view the impact of  being raised by 
LGBT parents. As a first step, clinicians need to educate themselves and learn 
how to create space for these clients to be heard. 

References
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Megan McKnight is a Midwestern transplant living in New York City. She is 
completing her Masters in Social Work at Columbia University and has a Bachelor of  
Arts in Sociology from DePaul University where she also triple-minored in LGBTQ 
Studies, Women’s and Gender Studies, and Peace, Justice, and Conflict Studies. Megan 
has significant work history supporting LGBTQ families and youth in university, 
community center, and social service settings. How Megan conducts her work is 
greatly informed by her identity as 2nd Gen queerspawn, and she dedicates much 
of  her work to creating space for queerspawn inside and outside of  the LGBTQ 
community. 




