Originally appeared in: Charles Berstein, Recalculating (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2013) 277 Breathtails: a Song Cycle in 13 Breaths Written for Anne LeBaron Charles Bernstein . . . 1 . . . My breath had already settled on the windows of eternity I go on but only in flits and stops to hear myself unsettling as I settled in as I go on pressed against the windowpane when even as I stop the pane presses against me. . . . 2. . . The world passed or I passed it as I live and breathe no one saw it coming no one coming saw it as I breathed I lived the world passes by or I passed it by the world I passed by passed by me Current Musicology, No. 95 (Spring 2013) © 2013 by the Trustees of Columbia University in the City of New York Current Musicology 278 . . . 3 . . . Breath is the door from life to death on the border of hearing I hear not hearing on the border of death and life hear not hearing . . . 4 . . . In breathless anticipation I catch my breath then fall under the spell of respiratory arrest trial by rhythmic disturbance I lose my breath in anticipation of spell of arrest, trial by disturbance catch my breathless anticipation under arrest . . . 5 . . . I am breathing in long (he trains himself) or breathing out long (she discerns) or breathing in short (she trains herself) or breathing out short (he discerns) I will breathe inconstantly (he demurs) mindless of time and space (she protests) I will breathe in without hope (mindlessly) I will breathe out in despair (mindfully) I will breathe out in despair (mindfully) Charles Bernstein 279 I will breathe in without hope (mindlessly) mindless of time and space (she protests) I will breathe inconstantly (he demurs) or breathing out short (he discerns) or breathing in short (she trains herself) or breathing out long (she discerns) I am breathing in long (he trains himself) . . . 6 . . . strident, berserk, & artless putting aside need & care (with reference to the work) artless, berserk, and strident neither here nor there (with reference to the work) ardent, alert, and mindful putting aside grief and tare (with reference to the work) . . . 7 . . . breath settled on eternity but only stops only to unsettling as as in pressed the the when as the the Current Musicology 280 . . . 8 . . . eth ettle on etern ut nly ops o tling as sss ess whe as th th as whe ess sss as . . . 9 . . . tling o ops nly tu etern ut gnilt ettle eth hte ettle etern eltte ut nly tu ops o tling spo Charles Bernstein 281 . . . 10 . . . shivering in August shouting at the rain sleepy at noon pummeled, frayed no fences to guide me neither to the nays sense don’t hide me flushed in haze hopes at half mast fear rumples waves catch a glimpse of heather cut it out before it blows away . . . 11 . . . 1 is the ameliorative co-opt 2 is get even fast 3 is the liberal’s nostalgia 4 is sufficient unto the day but on sale every night 5 or more has 20 percent service added automatically 6 is the smallest perfect number 7 is the loneliest number & cries itself to sleep each night 8 fibs even when sincerity is easier 9’s the end of the line 10’s too cool to be cool 11 runs like rivers under the night 12 is all over before it started 13 is beloved of all incongruous saints 14 is for flat tax 15 likes compote with apricots 16 is sweetly silent on 17 17 won’t say 18’s twice the sum of its digits. 19 is still too young to die 20 is Uncle Max’s favorite 21 is the smallest distance from here to there Current Musicology 282 . . .12 . . . shivering August shouting frayed fences hide flushed haze hopes masked fear’s waves glimpse heather blows away masked fences frayed glimpse August hopes hide haze flushed fear masked waves heather fences shivering fray fear’s way shivering rays slows flush low August asked lush . . . 13 . . . Everything we are the air, the sky that falls into our mouths the passing of day into sobs of night belies the fact in the name of substance, motion, rhythmic erasure, as if the food we eat replaces the fools we are the air, the everything we take as fake, as Charles Bernstein 283 real, gains substance in its absence the air the relocates rhythmic erasure into mouths passing falls, fooled as we are by the care we are, or will become, in the name of sky that falls as if name of night sobs in its absence, the fool belies, or will become, the name of, sobs.