







































 
 

  
 
  

 
EDUCATIO : Journal Of Education 

Volume 9 , Number 3, November 2024 
 ISSN : 2579-8383 (Print) ISSN : 2579-8405 (Online) 

 

  

Fostering Healthy Family Relationships: Overcoming Toxic 

Parents in the Qur'an 
 

Suprapto 

Universitas PTIQ Jakarta 

supraptouij@gmail.com  

 

Accepted: 
Sept 28th 2024 

Reviewed: 
Oct 18th 2024 

Published: 
Nov 30th 2024 

 

Abstract  
This study explores the concept of "Toxic parents" from the perspective of the Al-Qur'an, offering 
comprehensive solutions grounded in Islamic teachings. Using a qualitative research method, it generates 
descriptive data presented in verbal form. The qualitative approach includes data collection through 
observation, interviews, and document analysis, focusing on real-life experiences and contextual 
understanding. Furthermore, the study employs the tafsir maudu‘i (thematic interpretation) method to 
analyse Qur'anic verses related to parent-child relationships systematically. The tafsir maudu‘i method 
involves identifying relevant themes, gathering pertinent Qur'anic verses, conducting contextual analysis, 
incorporating historical backgrounds, reasons for revelation (asbabun nuzul), and classical and contemporary 
interpretations. This approach enables an in-depth exploration of Islamic principles addressing "toxic" 
behaviours in parenting. The results from the qualitative analysis reveal recurring themes and patterns in 
the data, highlighting key behaviours and attitudes that constitute "toxic parenting." The thematic 
interpretation of the Qur'anic verses provides a cohesive understanding of the Islamic perspective on 
maintaining healthy and ethical family relationships. The study concludes that the Al-Qur'an offers valuable 
guidance for preventing and addressing "toxic" parental behaviours, emphasising the importance of 
compassion, justice, and ethical conduct in fostering harmonious family dynamics. 
 
Keywords: Toxic parents, Al-Qur'an, Tafsir Maudu‘I, Islamic family. 

 

 By Authors 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International 

License. 

 

Introduction 

Toxic parents or Toxic parents, according to Forward & Buck, are parents who commit 

negative behaviour to children that leads to physical and psychological injuries that are embedded 

in the child and cause psychological trauma in the child.1 Meanwhile, according to Kusumoastuti, 

Toxic parents are negative behaviour from parents to children that results in emotional damage to 

 
1Susan Forward and Craig Buck, Toxic Parent: Overcomig Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. New York: 

Bantam Book, 1989, hal. 17-18. 

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/
https://www.klikdokter.com/tag/toxic-parents
https://www.klikdokter.com/tag/toxic-parents


 
 

  
 
  

Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 183 

 

  

the children they care for.2 These negative behaviours can be in the form of attitudes that demean 

or abuse children verbally, physically, and even sexually, and they are reluctant to compromise, 

take responsibility, or apologise to their children.3 This then causes a distance between the child 

and the parent, which is the cause of the disharmony in the relationship between the two.4  

The behaviour of parents who are toxic to children in family relationships includes 

overcontrolling children, yelling at children, verbal violence, blaming and criticising children and 

being selfish.5 According to Forward & Buck, the practice of toxic parental restraint is to excessively 

punish children for disciplinary reasons, to get children involved in parental problems so that 

children tend to feel guilty when they want something, to pressure them psychologically and 

emotionally, and to bribe children in exchange for money.6 

Kusumawardhani explained that the leading cause of Toxic parents is that parents cannot meet 

the needs of their children. Parents only think that the needs of children are eating, drinking, 

staying at home, and going to school.7 But on the other hand, parents forget that children not only 

have physical needs but also emotional needs. For example, closeness and warmth with parents, 

talking from heart to heart between parents and children. This triggers various acts of violence 

that have the potential to cause disturbances in the psychological and mental condition of 

children.8 As for the long-term impact of Toxic parents on children, Mikulincer et al. stated that 

"Toxic parents are those who demonstrate life and interaction styles that damage children's ability to form healthy 

connections with family members, friends, and partners".9 (Parents who can be categorised as toxic are 

parents who implement lifestyles and interactions that can result in damage to children's ability to 

build healthy family relationships, as well as friends and partners). 

Toxic parents, as mentioned above, indicate that parents have negative behaviours, which 

can cause emotional damage to the children they care for.10 The behaviour referred to as 

unfavourable can vary. Some of them are the attitude of condescending or harassing children 

verbally, physically, and even sexually, reluctant to compromise, take responsibility, or apologise 

 
2Astrid Wulan Kusumoastuti, ”Dampak Pola Asuh Toxic Parents Pada Tumbuh Kembang Anak”, dalam 

https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/ 3618988/dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak, diakses 
pada, 2 September 2022. 

3 I Putu Adi Saskara dan Ulio, "Peran Komunikasi Keluarga Dalam Mengatasi Toxic Parents Bagi Kesehatan 
Mental Anak"…, hal. 126.    

4Sufiatin, "Pola Asuh Orang Tua Toxic Parents Pada Anak di Youtube  In Middle Of The Blackhole (Kajian 
Semantik Dan Pragmatik)" dalam Jurnal Prosiding Seminar Nasional Linguistik dan Sastra (SEMANTIKS), 2021, hal. 689. 

5Edy, Mendidik Anak tanpa Teriakan dan Bentakan, Jakarta: Noura Book Publishing, 2020, hal. 85 

6Rianti & Ahmad Dahlan, “Karakteristik Toxic Parenting Anak dalam Keluarga”, dalam Jurnal DIAJAR: Jurnal 
Pendidikan dan Pembelajaran, Vol. 1  No. 2 Tahun  2022, hal. 194 

7Oktariani, "Dampak Toxic Parents Dalam Kesehatan Mental Anak", dalam Jurnal Penelitian Pendidikan, Psikologi 
dan Kesehatan, Vol.2 No.3 Tahun 2021, hal. 220.   

8I Putu Adi Saskara and Ulio, "Peran Komunikasi Keluarga dalam Mengatasi Toxic Parent Bagi Kesehatan 
Mental Anak",  dalam Jurnal Pratama Widya: Pendidikan Anak Usia Dini, Vol. 5 No. 2 Tahun 2020, hal.126.     

9Hardiyanti Pratiwi et.al. Assessing the Toxic Levels in Parenting Behavior and Coping Strategies Implemented 
During the COVID-19 Pandemic,” dalam Jurnal JPUD-Jurnal Pendidikan Usia Dini, Vol. 14 No. 2 Tahun 2020, hal.236. 

10Astrid Wulan Kusumoastuti, “Dampak Pola Ash Toxic Parents Pada Tumbuh Kembang Anak”, dalam  
https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/3618988/ dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak. Diakses 
pada, 2 September 2022.   

https://www.klikdokter.com/tag/toxic-parents
https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/%203618988/dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak
https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/3618988/%20dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak


 
 

  
 
  

Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 184 

 

  

to their children,11 having excessive expectations for children's achievements, having selfish traits 

and lack of empathy, like to manage, exaggerate children's ugliness, always blame children, do not 

appreciate children's efforts, bring up children's mistakes.12  

There is also the behaviour of often yelling at children and blaming them in conditions 

beyond the child's control. In addition, parents who are unable to fulfil their responsibilities are 

also included in toxic parenting.13 This is generally done by most parents who have a mental 

disorder or have an addiction.14 

The cause of other Toxic parents is due to dysfunctional families, where parents are unable 

and unable to carry out their obligations or even wholly run away from responsibility.15 

Dysfunctional families refer to family patterns generally associated with low health, well-being, 

happiness, and positive influences compared to other families.16   

The characteristics of dysfunctional families include: First, the existence of emotional, 

physical, or sexual violence and domestic neglect from parents to children (child abuse) or violence 

between spouses (spouse abuse). Neglect and violence in the family can hurt a child's soul and body. 

Second, there is chronic drug and alcohol abuse. Drug and alcohol use has an impact on high levels 

of domestic violence and low quality of parent-child relationships. Third, certain conditions make 

it difficult for family members (parents) to fulfil their responsibilities to their children.17 Difficulties 

in fulfilling these responsibilities are caused by several factors, including:  

1. Poverty does not provide individuals with adequate economic opportunities to improve 

their well-being, adequate education, and the hope of having a better future. 

2. Related to these poor conditions, family members become very vulnerable. They have 

almost no plans for the future, commit crimes (to earn a living), are unemployed and live 

on the streets.  

3. Experiencing severe illness or suffering from a mental disorder (depression or stress) so 

that the child is forced to take over parental duties and lose his childhood  

4. Poor parenting patterns from parents (Toxic parents18), whose negative behaviour patterns 

are consistent and dominate children's lives, such as harming, hurting, and harassing their 

children and causing physical and psychological injuries that traumatise children. 

 
11I Putu Adi Saskara and Ulio, "Peran Komunikasi Keluarga dalam Mengatasi Toxic Parents Bagi Kesehatan 

Mental Anak"…, hal. 126.    
 
12Shelfira Carelina and Maman Suherman, “Makna Toxic Parents di Kalangan Remaja Kabaret SMAN 10 

Bandung”, dalam  Jurnal Prosiding Hubungan Masyarakat, Vol. 6 No. 2 Tahun 2020, hal.381–384.  
13Astrid Wulan Kusumoastuti, “Dampak Pola Ash Toxic Parents Pada Tumbuh Kembang Anak”, dalam  

https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/3618988/ dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak. Diakses 
pada, 2 September 2022. 

14I Putu Adi Saskara dan Ulio, "Peran Komunikasi Keluarga dalam Mengatasi Toxic Parents Bagi Kesehatan 
Mental Anak" …, hal. 126.   

15Endang Sri Indrawati, et.al., Profil Keluarga Disfungsional Pada Penyandang Masalah Sosial di Kota 
Semarang, dalam Jurnal Psikologi Universitas Diponegoro, Vol.13 No.2 Tahun 2014, hal.122 

16ibid p.123.  
17V.N.Parillo, Encyclopedia of Social Problem, SAGE Publication: Thousand Oaks, 2008, hal.98.  
18Susan Forward and Craig Buck, Toxic Parent: Overcomig Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. New York: 

Bantam Book, 1989, hal. 17-18. 

https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/3618988/%20dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak


 
 

  
 
  

Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 185 

 

  

Poor parenting in the family can give birth to children whose needs are not met reasonably, 

both physical, spiritual, physical and social. This pattern will later give birth to delinquency 

problems in children and adolescents.19 According to Ruqoith, some parents complain about child 

delinquency related to disobedience behaviour, children's tendency to evil, and children's 

disobedience to parents; children often violate values and morals and reject the rules taught by 

their parents.20  

Teachers and parents are filing many complaints regarding the behaviour of distraught 

teenagers.21 Some of the teenagers' behaviours are brawls, the use of illegal drugs and liquor, bus 

hijacking, stabbing, sexual offences and other criminal acts. Not a few parents are confused about 

the attitude of their teenage children who are starting to dare to launch protests or opposition, 

especially against the authority of parents who they consider to be shackled to their 

independence.22 Parents at home, teachers at school, and society in general seem to have run out 

of ideas about how to overcome the crisis.23  

 While parents are the first madrasah for children, they should be at the forefront of 

educating them. The presence of a child born into a family is believed to bring a sense of happiness 

to the hearts of both parents, especially if the child has been waiting for his presence for a long 

time. But over time, many children grow up in a family environment where the condition of parents 

treats them harshly and arbitrarily and poisons the mental health of children, both physical and 

psychological.24 Ibnul Qayyim said that the damage to children is mostly triggered by parents, 

namely their indifference. In addition, parents do not teach their children the obligations and 

sunnah of religion and neglect children from an early age so that children do not reap the benefits 

from themselves, nor do they benefit their parents when they reach their old age.25 

 Educating children is a considerable responsibility. Unfortunately, not a few people neglect 

and underestimate this responsibility.26 Parents often neglect and neglect their children's education. 

On the other hand, parents usually do not pay attention to and direct their children. Every parent 

wants the best for their children. Although, at first, parents intend to do something for the good 

of their children, their wishes often hurt their children's feelings. Parents often toxicate excessive 

protection, excessively high expectations, and selfishness.27 This behaviour is, of course, hazardous 

 
19Endang Sri Indrawati, et.al., "Profil Keluarga Disfungsional Pada Penyandang Masalah Sosial di Kota 

Semarang, dalam Jurnal Psikologi Universitas Diponegoro, Vol.13 No.2 Tahun 2014 ..., p.126.  
20Muhammad Hasan Ruqoith, Sudahkah Anda Mendidik Anak Anda Dengan Benar (Konsep Mendidik Anak Dalam 

Islam), diterjemahkan oleh Luqman Abdul Jalal et.al. Jakarta: Cendekia Sentra Muslim, 2004, hal.103. 
21ibid, p.103.  
22 Rahmatul Ulfa Aulia, "“Kenakalan Orang Tua Penyebab Kenakalan Remaja”, dalam Jurnal At-Taujih Bingkai 

Bimbingan dan Konseling Islami UIN Imam Bonjol Padang, Vol.4 No.2 Tahun 2018, hal.96. 
23Abudin Nata, Manajemen Pendidikan, Jakarta: Kencana, 2007 Cet Ke-2,hal.215. 
24Oktariani, "Dampak Toxic Parents Dalam Kesehatan Mental Anak", dalam Jurnal Penelitian Pendidikan, 

Psikologi Dan Kesehatan, Vol.2 No. 3 Tahun 2021, hal. 21.6 
25His sonl Qayyim Al-Jauziyah, Tuhfatu al-Maudud Bi Ahkam al-Maulud, Beirut: Dar al-Kutub Al-Arabi, 1422/ 

2001M, hal. 139.  
26Muhammad Bin Ibrahim Al-Hamd, et.al., Good Parenting Cara Tepat dan Benar Mendidik Anak, diterjemahkan oleh 

Umar Mujtahid dari judul At-Taqshîr Fî Tarbiyatil Awlãd: Al-Mazhãhir, Subulul Wiqãyah Wal’ Ilãj Kaifa Nurabby Awlãdanã 
Tarbiyatan Islamiyyatan Shahîhatan Ath-Tharîq Ilãl Waladish Shãlih, Kartasura: PQS Sumber Ilmu, 2020, hal.7    

27Editorial Team, “Mengenal Toxic Parents” dalam  https://bamai.uma.ac.id/ 2022/09/ 28/mengenal-toxic-
parents/. Diakses pada 3 Desember 2022 

https://bamai.uma.ac.id/%202022/09/%2028/mengenal-toxic-parents/
https://bamai.uma.ac.id/%202022/09/%2028/mengenal-toxic-parents/


 
 

  
 
  

Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 186 

 

  

for the growth and development of children both physically and psychologically because it can 

damage and harm children. In general, to satisfy the needs and desires of parents, they often have 

the heart to commit sexual violence, physical violence, and verbal violence, including neglect of 

children.28 

The Qur'an and Hadith have guided parents on how to raise children or parenting, which in 

Arabic is called Hashanah. Hadhanah is derived from the word hidden, which means stomach, ribs, 

tight, or close. Hence, the meaning of Hashanah in the sentence "hatanaH at-dairy paiDahuThe " 

is that the bird is pinning the egg under its wings. Hadhanah is the plural form of the word "Ahdhan" 

or "hudhun", Taken from the word "Anonymous", which means a limb that is located or under the 

armpit.29 Or another term, "putting something near your ribs or lap".30 This is the same thing done 

by a woman or mother who clings to her child because she wants to protect and love him.31 

Parents, both mothers and fathers, have the nature to take care of, educate, and nurture babies or 

small children who are not yet able to take care of and regulate themselves.32 The jurists argue that 

Hashanah is the maintenance of children by providing something that makes them good, guarding against something 

that hurts and damages them, and educating them physically, spiritually, and intellectually so that they are able 

to stand alone to face life and shoulder responsibilities.33 

This research seeks to examine the long-term impact of toxic parenting on children and how 

Islamic teachings can guide parents to adopt a nurturing approach that supports the emotional, 

spiritual, and physical development of their children. 

This study addresses the following research questions: (1) What are the characteristics of 

toxic parenting as outlined in the Qur'an? (2) How does toxic parenting affect children's 

psychological and emotional development? (3) What guidance does Islamic teaching offer to 

prevent and address toxic parenting? 

 

Methods 

This research uses a qualitative method. Qualitative methods produce descriptive data, 

which are presented in qualitative form.34 Meanwhile, the interpretation method used in this 

dissertation is the interpretation method maudu'i. This method was chosen because it can be used 

as a more comprehensive exploration of the concept of toxic parents in the Qur'an. 

 
28Aya Ummu Najwa, Toxic Parents, Penyakit Tak Disadari Orang Tua, https://narasipost. com/2021/09/26/toxic-

parents-penyakit-tak-disadari-orang-tua/. Diakses pada 25 Nopember 2022. 
29Ahmad Warson Munawwir, Al-Munawwir-Kamus Arab-Indonesia, Yogyakarta: Ponpes al-Munawwir, 2004, 

hal. 296.  
30Abdul Rahman Ghazali, Fiqih Munakahat, Jakarta: Prenadmedia, 2003, hal. 175.  
31Zulfan Efendi,  Pelaksanaan Eksekusi Hak Asuh Anak Hadhanah terhadap Isteri yang Keluar dari Agama Islam 

(Murtad), Bintan: STAIN Sultan Abdurrahaman Press, 2019, hal. 17.   
32Rosita, et.al., Hadhanah(Pengasuhan dan Pendidikan Anak Perspektif Islam), Bandung: Widina Bhakti Persada Bandung, 

2023, hal. 1.    

33Ibid.hal 80.   
34Disarikan dari: Mudji Santoso, Hakikat, Peranan, Jenis-Jenis Penelitian, Serta Pola Penelitian pada Pelita ke VI, dalam 

Imran Arifin (ed), Penelitian Kualitatif dalam Bidang Ilmu-ilmu Sosial dan Keagamaan, Malang: Kalimasanda, 1994, cet. I, hal. 
13. Lihat juga: Koentjaraningrat, Metode-Metode Penelitian Masyarakat, Jakarta: PT. Gramedia, 1981, cet. IV. 



 
 

  
 
  

Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 187 

 

  

 The data in this study are a collection of information obtained from the field and used by 

the author as research material. This research is qualitative. Therefore, the qualitative data referred 

to in this study are information data in verbal sentences, not in the form of numbers or symbols.  

 Data is collected from various sources, such as observations, interviews, and document 

analysis. Observation can involve direct observation of family dynamics that have "toxic" 

characteristics. In-depth interviews are conducted with individuals who experience or relate to this 

phenomenon, while document analysis includes literature studies from tafsir books and other 

Islamic sources. 

Moreover, the data collected is analysed thematically. This means that researchers will look 

for recurring themes or patterns in the collected data, group similar information, and identify 

relationships between those themes. This analysis aims to develop a rich and contextual 

understanding of how the concept of "Toxic parents" is understood from the perspective of the 

Qur'an. 

 

Result And Discussion 

In Islamic teachings, children are a mandate and also a gift that must be well-maintained35 

And given by Allah SWT so that parents can fulfill obligations and be responsible for guiding the 

mandate. Nurturing a family means educating them to recognise what is pleasing to run and what 

is terrible to abandon.36  In a hadith narrated by Imam Ibn Majah from the companion of Anas 

bin Malik (r.a.), it is explained that: 

I told us that Ali bin 'Ayyasy narrated to us that Sa'id bin 'Umarah told us that I heard Anas bin Malik 

from the Messenger of Allah (saw), he said " :Honor your children and improve their behaviour ". 

The hadith, according to al-Sindi (D.1388 H.), has the understanding that glorifying children 

increases their love for their parents, while if children are not glorified (with affection and 

education), they will inevitably fall into moral vice.37 In an effort to produce a resilient and qualified 

next generation, parents must consistently and continuously work to nurture and educate their 

children physically and mentally until the child is mature and able to stand alone as a responsible 

human being. 

 Thus, parents, both fathers and mothers, must try to nurture and maintain their children.38 

Children can become what their parents dream of when they are well-educated and cared for. Still, 

on the other hand, children can become a disaster for their parents with their various behaviours 

that are troublesome and even miserable for their parents if they are not adequately and 

appropriately educated by their parents.39 Here, we can understand that both parents' piety and 

 
35Rianti & Ahmad Dahlan, “Karakteristik Toxic Parenting Anak dalam Keluarga”, dalam Jurnal DIAJAR: Jurnal 

Pendidikan dan Pembelajaran, Vol. 1,  No. 2 , 2022, hal. 190 
36Hasan Syamsi, Kaifa Turabbî Abnã’aka Fî Hãdzaz-Zamãn,terj. Umar Mujtahid, Modern Islamic Parenting…, 

hal. 12.    
37Abul al-Hasan Muhammad bin abdul al-hadi nur ad-Din Al-Sindi, , Hadits Prophet, dalam https://hadith 

prophet.com/hadith-44989.html. Diakses pada 3 Desember 2022. 
38Nurul Fadilah, Urgensi Parenting Perspektif Hadis, Uin Sultan Maulana Banten, hal.3,  dalam 

https://id.scribd.com/document/505515384/Bagi-Jurnal-hadis-tematik-NURUL-FADILAH. Diakses pada 3 Desember 2022.   
39Miftahul Huda & Muhammad Idris,  Nalar Pendidikan Anak, Yogyakarta: Ar-Ruzz Media, 2008, hal. 77. 



 
 

  
 
  

Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 188 

 

  

good deeds significantly impact educating and disciplining children to do good, as well as shaping 

the intelligence of the child's soul.40  

The family is generally a living environment for everyone for the first time. Hurlock argues 

that the family is a "Training Center" for instilling values (including religious values).41 The 

environment in which the individual lives in the family will have a great influence on his meeting 

his basic needs to gain knowledge, develop an attitude, and develop skills in and for life.42 In this 

case, the parent's role is central and dramatically influences children's growth and development, 

both directly and indirectly.  

The family's success in instilling virtue values (character) in children highly depends on the 

parenting style that parents use.43 Education presented in the family will be the primary foundation 

as an effort made to provide education as a whole. If the education provided can be done properly 

and correctly by parents, then later it will be able to be a provision for education after both formal 

and non-formal education.44 On the other hand, the house is very likely to be the opposite place; 

instilling values in children will not work effectively when parents are often angry at their children's 

mistakes, both at home and outside the house.45  

Children will feel more relaxed and comfortable with the house conditions as above. They 

will try to find an environment that is considered comfortable and feels better for them, but it is 

often dangerous for children. Uncomfortable home conditions will undoubtedly make children 

stressed, and they will try to find fun that can entertain them through gadgets, smoking, motorcycle 

gangs, promiscuity or other things that make parents regret.46    

Parents must pay attention to their children's religious attitudes. According to Darajat, 

children's religious conditions will develop in line with their psychological development. This 

religious spirit is proliferating with the increase in knowledge about religion.47 The way to create a 

child's religious soul, according to Tafsir, can go through several steps, namely: 

1. Condition the life in the household with the life of a Muslim in every way. 

2. Since childhood, children are often taken to mosques and participate in prayers, even though 

they have not carried them out properly. 

3. Hold recitation at home, prayer room or mosque. 

4. our children are put in a flash pesantren during school holidays. 

 
40Pathil Abror, “Konsep Pola Asuh Orang Tua dalam Al-Qur’an (Studi Ayat-Ayat Komunikasi Orang Tua dan 

Anak)” dalam  Jurnal Syamil, Vol.4 No.1, 2016, hal. 68. 
41E.B. Hurlock, Psikologi Perkembangan Suatu Pendekatan Sepanjang Rentang Kehidupan, Jakarta: Erlangga, 1997, hal. 

89. 
42Tim Pengembang Ilmu Pendidikan FIP-UPI, Ilmu dan Aplikasi Pendidikan: Bagian 4 Pendidikan Lintas Bidang, 

Bandung, PT. Imperial Bhakti Utama, 2007, hal. 89. 
43Pathil Abror, " Konsep Pola Asuh Orang Tua Dalam Al-Qur’an (Studi Ayat-Ayat Komunikasi Orang Tua 

dan Anak)” dalam  Jurnal Syamil, Vol.4 No.1, 2016, hal. 66  
44Nurul Fadilah, Urgensi Parenting Perspektif Hadis, Uin Sultan Maulana Banten, hal.4, dalam 

https://id.scribd.com/document/505515384/Bagi-Jurnal-hadis-tematik-NURUL-FADILAH. Diakses pada 3 Desember 
2022.  

45M. Syafi'i Saragih, Mendidik Anak Tanpa Marah,  Panduan Tarbiyah Untuk Orang Tua dan Guru, Sukoharjo: As-
Salam Publishing, 2019, hal. 9. 

46Ibid p. 9.  
47Zakiyah Darajat, Ilmu Jiwa Agama, Jakarta: Bulan Bintang, 1976, hal.4 



 
 

  
 
  

Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 189 

 

  

5. Involve children in every religious event in the village, such as Ramadan, zakat fitrah 

committee, Eid al-Fitr, Eid al-Qurban committee, and so on.48  

In addition, Darajat explained that several aspects of Islamic education must be applied to a 

child, including faith education, the application of morals, harmony of the soul, and a sense of 

beauty, as well as in society.49 According to Haiti, along with the modernisation of science and 

technology, the cultivation of religious aspects is emphasised even more, such as reading the 

Qur'an, instilling the proper sense of faith (aqidah), habituation in worship, forming commendable 

morals, and developing the spirit of plurality and work skills.50 

Parents' actions in ignoring and exercising children's rights are included in fraud and betrayal. 

Loving children by educating and caring for them as best as possible is part of fulfilling the mandate 

of Allah SWT. Children are entrustments and mandates that must be maintained, educated and 

maintained. Still, if parents do not carry this out, they can be categorised as a person who neglects 

their obligations and includes acts of betrayal of what Allah has given. Said Allah SWT. in the 

Qur'an 

O you who believe, do not betray Allah and the Messenger (Muhammad) and do not betray the commissions 
entrusted to you while you know. And know that your treasure and your children are only a temptation and indeed 
in the sight of Allah is a great reward (Q.S.Al-Anfal/8:27-28). 

Amanah etymologically comes from the Arabic language in the form of mashdar, namely 

amānah, which is taken from the word amina, which means "to feel safe" and "to believe".51 It also 

means something entrusted to someone, unlike the word khiyānah. In Indonesia, Amanah means a message 

or order. According to the Al-Munawir dictionary, amānah means everything Allah commands His 

servants.52 Amanah is one of the Indonesian languages that has been translated from Arabic. In the 

Indonesian dictionary, the word that indicates the meaning of trust uses two words: Amanah or 

mandate.53 The word "Amanah", stated in the Qur'anul Karim, means keeping promises and 

responsibilities.54 Meanwhile, Ibrahim Mustafa, an expert in the Qur'an, explained that Amanah 

contains the meaning of repayment and entrustment.55 So trust can be defined as entrusting 

something to someone because they believe and feel that what is entrusted will be safe, 

accompanied by the belief that something entrusted will be well guarded and maintained, and when 

 
48Ahmad Tafsir,  Ilmu Pendidikan dalam Perspektif Islam, Bandung: Rosdakarya, 1984, hal.188.   
49Zakiyah Darajat, Ilmu Jiwa Agama..., hal. 5. 
50Nurul Fadilah, Urgensi Parenting Perspektif Hadis“, UIN Sultan Maulana Banten, hal.5, dalam 

https://id.scribd.com/document/505515384/Bagi-Jurnal-hadis-tematik-NURUL-FADILAH.  Diakses pada 3 Desember 
2022. 

 
51M. Quraish Shihab, Tafsir Al-Misbah Pesan, Kesan dan Keserasian Al-Qur'an, Vol.5, Jakarta: Lentera Hati, 2002, 

hal. 423.  
52Ahmad Warson Munawir, Kamus Al-Munawwir Arab-Indonesia Terlengkap, Surabaya: Pustaka Progresif, 1997, hal. 

41.  
53Tim Penyusun Kamus Pusat Bahasa, Kamus Bahasa Indonesia, Jakarta: Pusat Bahasa Departemen Pendidikan 

Nasional, 2008, hal. 48  
54Abbas Mahmud al-Aqqad, Manusia Diungkap Al-Qur`an diterjemahkan oleh Tim Penerjemah Pustaka Firdaus 

dari buku berjudul Al-insãn fi Al-Qur`an, Jakarta: Pustaka Firdaus, 1991, hal. 45-50 
55M. Quraish Shihab, Ensiklopedi Al-Qur`an Kajian Kosakata, Jakarta: Lentera Hati, 2007, hal. 83. 



 
 

  
 
  

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asked to return, the trust is not lacking, not damaged and remains as it was when entrusted to 

him.56   

 

Table 1. Toxic parents Style 

Classification Examples of Behaviour 

Indifference  Not talking to the child unless necessary, ignoring the child's needs, not 
taking care of them, not providing protection and lack of instruction with 
the child. 

Humiliation  Insulting, ridiculing, mentioning inappropriate names, making them 
childish, opposing their identity, the dignity and self-esteem of children, 
treating and so on. 

Isolation  Keeping children away from their friends, cutting off contact with other 
people, confining children and so on. 

Rejection  Rejecting or ignoring the presence of children, not appreciating children's 
ideas and achievements, and discriminating against children. 

Terror (terror) This can cause scary situations for children, worries, and so on. 

 

Discussion 

 In Arabic, the word method is expressed in various ways. Sometimes, the word al horizon, 

which means way, manhaj, which means a system, and al wasilah, which means intermediary or 

mediator, is used. Nasih Ulwan, Nasih Ulwan's children's education figure, prefers to use the last 

word, al wasilah. According to him, the word is very influential in shaping children's personalities.57 

Methods can be likened to tools that can be used to achieve goals. A tool will only be effective if 

its use is adjusted to its function and capacity.58 However, it can also be said that methods are all 

used in educational efforts.59 

Ulwan developed Islamic education methods to obtain adequate methods. A wise educator is 

looking for a more practical alternative method by applying an influential educational basis to 

mentally and morally prepare children to achieve perfect maturity, have broad insights, and have 

an integral personality. Nasih Ulwan concluded that there are five methods of education, namely: 

1. Education by example (Al Qudwah). 

2. Education with concrete habituation/experience (Al Adah). 

3. Education with advice/reprimand (Al Mauidzah) 

4. Education with attention (Al Mulahadzah) 

5. Education with punishment (Al Uqubah) 

The following are details of the explanation of the various Nasih Ulwan education methods: 

1) Education by example (Al Qudwah). 

A perfect and systematic educational curriculum has been created with a clear plan for 

development according to the child's talents and potential. However, it is undisputable that a 

curriculum like this still requires a realistic educational pattern exemplified by an educator through 

 
56M. Quraish Shihab, Tafsir Al-Misbah Pesan, Kesan dan Keserasian Al-Qur'an…, hal. 423.     
57Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, Tarbiyah Al Aulad Fi Al Islam, Beirut: Dar As Saalam, 1978, p. 632. 
58Syahidin, Metode Pendidikan Qur’ani Teori dan Praktek, Jakarta: Misaka Ghazali, 1999, hal. 39. 
59Dindin Jamaludin,  , Metode Pendidikan Anak (Teori dan Praktik), Bandung: Pustaka Al Fikriis, 2010,  



 
 

  
 
  

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educational behaviour and methods. That is what Allah SWT is for. He sent the Prophet 

Muhammad (saw) as His servant and Messenger to be an example for humanity in realising the 

goal of Islamic education through His Word. 

Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah, there is a good example for all of you, namely the one who always hopes for 
Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah as much as possible (al-Ahzab/33:21) 

 

Aisyah r.a. herself has mentioned that the Prophet's morals are the Qur'an because his 

personality, character, behaviour, and interaction with humans embody the essence of the Qur'an, 

ethics, and its laws in a practical, humane, and dynamic way. More than that, his morals embody 

the foundation and educational methods contained in the Qur'an.60  

According to Nasih Ulwan, the success of the education world needs a good example. There 

must also be a good example to attract attention, as well as the main morals embraced by 

community leaders and those who can pass on suitable lessons to the next generation.61 It is also 

appropriate that the current generation of Muslims, in addition to giving a good example, noble 

morals, good behaviour, and commendable qualities to others so that they become full of guidance, 

illuminating the sun, calling for goodness and existence, be the cause in the spread of eternal 

Islamic treatises. Education by example means education by providing examples, both in the form 

of behaviour, traits, ways of thinking, and so on. 

2) Education with Concrete Habits/Experience (Al 'Adah) 

  Habituation is the process of cultivating habits (habits), which are ways of acting that are 

almost automatic (almost unaware of the perpetrator).62Nasih Ulwan connects this method of 

habituation with human nature. As stated by Allah SWT, children are created from birth with a 

pure monotheistic nature, true religion, and faith in Allah. 

"The nature of Allah that He has created man has no change in the creation of Allah, that is a straight 
religion, but most people do not know it (Q.S.Ar-Rum/30:30) 

 
From here, it appears that habituation, teaching, and education are crucial for the growth and 

development of children in finding pure monotheism, noble ethics, noble spirituality, and upright 

religious ethics.63 

Habituation in religious education should begin as early as possible. The Prophet (peace and 

blessings of Allaah be upon him) instructed educators to tell children to perform prayers when 

they were seven.64According to Ahmad Tafsir, the essence of habituation is repetition. If the 

teacher enters the classroom to say a greeting, it has been interpreted as an effort to get used to it. 

If a student enters the classroom without saying a greeting, the teacher reminds them that he 

should give a greeting when entering the room. This is also a way to get used to it.65  

3) Education with advice/reprimand (Al Mauidzah) 

 
60Abdurrahman Al-Nahlawi, Usus At Tarbiyah Al Islamiyah wa Turuqu Tadrisiha, Damsyiq: Darul Fikr, 1995, 

hal.266.  
61Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, Tarbiyah Al Aulad Fi Al Islam juz 2..., p. 172.  
62M. D. Dahlan, Prinsip-Prinsip Dan Tehnik Belajar, Bandung: FIP IKIP, 1979, hal. 7.   
63Abdullah Nasih Ulwan,  Tarbiyah Al Aulad Fi Al Islam juz 2..., hal. 172.     
64Ramayulis, Metodologi Pengajaran Agama Islam, Jakarta: Kalam Mulia, 2001, hal. 99.   
65Ahmad Tafsir,  Ilmu Pendidikan dalam Perspektif Islam,  Bandung: Rosda Karya, 2006, hal. 144. 



 
 

  
 
  

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Advice is an educational method that is quite effective in shaping a person's faith, morals, 

soul, and social sense. Giving advice can also provide great benefits and changes, making a person's 

heart aware of the essence of something and encouraging him to behave well and think positively.66 

Education with advice is the education of the child with advice and giving him important advice 

because advice and advice have a considerable influence in opening children's eyes to the awareness 

of the essence of something, encouraging them to noble dignity and dignity, adorning them with 

noble morals, and equipping them with Islamic principles.67 Giving advice is one of the essential 

methods in Islamic education. With this educational method, teachers can instil a good influence 

in the soul if it is used in a way that can knock on the recesses of the soul through the right door. 

This educational method has a vast opportunity to direct students to various goodness and benefits 

and the goodness of the community and the people. The advice should be born from a sincere 

heart, meaning that the educator tries to create an impression for his students that he has good 

intentions and cares deeply about the good of the students. This is what makes the advice well 

received by the person who is advised.68  

Educators who give sincere advice should avoid all forms of riya' and selflessness so as not to 

tarnish their sincerity so that their educational authority and influence on the soul of students are 

lost because advice can soften the heart and encourage charity. Influential counsel opens its way 

into the soul directly through feelings. He moves it and shakes its contents for a specific time, just 

like a beggar who tries to awaken his consciousness so that it envelops his whole body, but if it is 

not awakened, his consciousness will sink again. Clear and actionable advice is advice that can hang 

on to feelings and not let them fall to the bottom and die motionless.69  

The Qur'an itself is full of advice and guidance that influence the soul and heart. The 

difference between the heart and the soul is that the heart is explained as synonymous with 

spirituality. Sincerity, goodwill, compassion, and everything related to spirituality come from the 

heart. 

4) Education with attention/supervision (Al Mulahadzah) 

 With its universal principles and eternal rules, Islam commands parents and educators to 

constantly watch and supervise their children in all aspects of life. It has been agreed that paying 

attention to and supervising children carried out by educators is the most essential principle of 

education. Children will always be under the attention and supervision of education if educators 

always pay attention to all their movements, words, deeds and orientations.70 

Education with attention is always an effort to devote full attention and follow the 

development of the child's faith and morals. Supervise and pay attention to mental and social 

readiness, and always ask about physical education and scientific ability.71 

 
66Senata Adi Prasetya, "“Pentingnya Metode Nasihat dalam Pendidikan Islam”, dalam 

https://tafsiralquran.id/tafsir-tarbawi-2-pentingnya-metode-nasihat-dalam-pendidikan-islam/. Diakses pada 1 Juni 2023.  
67Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, Tarbiyah Al Aulad Fi Al Islam juz 2…, hal. 208.   
68Muhammad Munir Mirsa, At Tarbiyah Al Islamiyah Wa Tatowwaruha Fil Biladil ‘Arabiyah, Kairo: Al Kam Al 

Kutub, 1977, hal. 197.  
69Nur Uhbiyati, Ilmu Pendidikan Islam, Bandung: Pustaka Setia, 1998, hal. 197. 
70Tim Redaktur, „Tanggung Jawab Pendidikan Seksual“, dalam http://genderi. org/tanggung-jawab-pendidikan-

seksual.html?page=5. Diakses pada 1 Juni 2023.  
71Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, Tarbiyah Al Aulad Fi Al Islam juz 2..., hal. 274. 

https://tafsiralquran.id/tafsir-tarbawi-2-pentingnya-metode-nasihat-dalam-pendidikan-islam/


 
 

  
 
  

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Kamal defines supervision as an observation process that aims to supervise the 

implementation of an educational program, both its activities and results from the beginning to 

the end, by collecting data continuously so that suitable material is obtained to be used as a basis 

for the evaluation process or priority improvement in the future if necessary.72  

The method of education with attention is considered the strongest principle in forming a 

whole human being by fulfilling the rights of everyone who has rights in life, including being 

encouraged to fulfil his responsibilities and obligations perfectly.  According to Raharjo, Islam, 

with its universality, eternal principles and rules, instructs parents and educators to pay attention 

to and consistently follow and control their children in all universal life and education.73 God said,  

O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from the fire of Hell whose fuel is man and stone" (At 

Tahrim/66):6) 

 The Prophet (saw) used attention as a method of education in various forms. Among 

others, in social, moral, spiritual, and physical education, we warn about what haram is in educating 

young children and giving guidance to adults and gentle da'wah education to others. 

5) Education with punishment (Al Uqubah) 

Islam has shari'a laws whose principles are universal. Shari'a law maintains the overall order 

of life. Five things are protected by Islamic law: religion, soul, honour, intellect, and property.74 All 

Islamic laws aim to preserve this whole. The Shari'ah has put various punishments to prevent 

violations of these laws. These punishments are known in the Shari'ah as hudud and ta'zir. Hudud 

is a punishment determined by the Shari'ah that must be carried out because of Allah.75 Ta'zir is a 

punishment that Allah does not determine for every vice, and there is no limit or kafarat. In the 

Qur'an, Allah SWT. has mentioned several hadas (hudud) in Islam, including the hadh for apostasy 

(leaving Islam), the had, the had, the had 

The punishment given in place can encourage students to avoid doing things that harm them. 

Punishment is the last resort given by educators when there is no other way to awaken them from 

mistakes, negligence and laziness. The punishment displayed should not be detrimental or harmful 

to the person concerned. Therefore, before giving punishment, no matter how light, a reprimand 

and warning are needed to make them aware not to repeat acts that harm themselves and their 

learning environment. 

 Every educator needs to remember that every time a punishment is given, it is necessary 

to take a psychological approach to the person concerned to improve the psychological 

atmosphere between the educator and the student so that a harmonious relationship between the 

two parties re-emerges as a result of the disruption of the inner relationship due to the punishment 

given by the educator. 

 
72Kamal Muhammad Isa, Manajemen Pendidikan Islam, Jakarta:Fika Hati Aneska, 1994, hal.163  
73Rahardjo, Pemikiran Pendidikan Islam, Kajian Tokoh Klasik Dan Kontemporer, Yogyakarta: Pustaka Pelajar, 1999, hal. 

71 
74Ahmad Atabik dan Ahmad Burhanuddin, “Konsep Nasih Ulwan Tentang Pendidikan Anak”, dalam Jurnal 

Elementary Vol. 3 No. 2 Tahun 2015, hal. 293 
75Abdullah Nashih Ulwan,  Pedoman Pendidikan Anak dalam Islam, jilid 2,  diterjemahkan oleh Saifullah Kamalie, 

Hery Noer Ali, Asy Syifa’, Semarang: 1981, hal. 147.  



 
 

  
 
  

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 Most Islamic education experts, including Ibn Sina, Al Abdari, and Ibn Kholdun, forbade 

educators from using punishment methods except in emergencies. He should not use the blow 

except after issuing threats and warnings and commanding those who are respected to approach 

him or to be able to change.76 Meanwhile, Muhammad Qutub said that if examples and advice are 

not available, there must be firm action to put the problem in the right place. Strict action is a 

punishment.77 Meanwhile, Nashih Ulwan offers its method of punishing children, namely, the 

punishment given should be carried out with full tenderness adjusted to the child's age and 

development, maintaining the character of children who make mistakes in giving punishment, and 

using levels in giving punishment ranging from the lightest to the severest.78 

 

Conclusion 

In Islamic teachings, children are considered a divine mandate and a precious gift from Allah 

SWT, requiring careful nurturing and guidance by their parents. The hadith narrated by Anas bin 

Malik emphasises honouring children and improving their manners, as failing can lead children to 

moral vice. This highlights parents' critical role in nurturing, educating, and maintaining their 

children's physical and mental well-being until they are mature and responsible. 

The family is the primary environment for instilling values, including religious values, 

significantly influencing children's growth and development. The type of parenting applied is 

pivotal in shaping children's character and behaviour. Practical education in the family sets the 

foundation for formal and non-formal education, helping children develop a robust and 

responsible personality. Conversely, a hostile home environment, marked by anger and neglect, 

can lead to stress and problematic behaviours in children, pushing them to seek solace in 

potentially harmful environments. 

Parents are responsible for nurturing their children's religious attitudes, which evolve with 

their psychological development. Developing a child's religious soul includes integrating Islamic 

practices into daily life, encouraging participation in spiritual activities, and providing religious 

education through various means, such as recitations, mosque visits, and involvement in 

community events. This religious upbringing is crucial in developing faith, morals, and a sense of 

responsibility. 

Neglecting children's rights and failing to provide proper education and care are considered 

acts of betrayal against the divine mandate entrusted to parents. The Qur'an underscores the 

importance of maintaining trust and fulfilling responsibilities towards children, warning against the 

temptation of wealth and offspring that can lead to moral downfall. 

Nasih Ulwan identifies five key educational methods in Islamic upbringing: education by 

example (Al Qudwah), education through concrete habits (Al Adah), education with advice (Al 

Mauidzah), education with attention (Al Mulahadzah), and education with punishment (Al Uqubah). 

 
76Ibid P. 314.  
77Muhammad Qutub, Manhaj Tarbiyah Al Islamiyah, Cairo: Dar Asy Syuruq,  t.th, hal. 341. 
78Abdullah Nashih Ulwan, Pedoman Pendidikan Anak dalam Islam, jilid 2, diterjemahkan oleh Saifullah Kamalie, 

Hery Noer Ali, Asy Syifa’, …, hal. 147.     



 
 

  
 
  

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These methods provide a comprehensive framework for instilling values, ethics, and discipline in 

children, ensuring their holistic development. 

 

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