EDUCATIO : Journal Of Education Volume 9 , Number 3, November 2024 ISSN : 2579-8383 (Print) ISSN : 2579-8405 (Online) Fostering Healthy Family Relationships: Overcoming Toxic Parents in the Qur'an Suprapto Universitas PTIQ Jakarta supraptouij@gmail.com Accepted: Sept 28th 2024 Reviewed: Oct 18th 2024 Published: Nov 30th 2024 Abstract This study explores the concept of "Toxic parents" from the perspective of the Al-Qur'an, offering comprehensive solutions grounded in Islamic teachings. Using a qualitative research method, it generates descriptive data presented in verbal form. The qualitative approach includes data collection through observation, interviews, and document analysis, focusing on real-life experiences and contextual understanding. Furthermore, the study employs the tafsir maudu‘i (thematic interpretation) method to analyse Qur'anic verses related to parent-child relationships systematically. The tafsir maudu‘i method involves identifying relevant themes, gathering pertinent Qur'anic verses, conducting contextual analysis, incorporating historical backgrounds, reasons for revelation (asbabun nuzul), and classical and contemporary interpretations. This approach enables an in-depth exploration of Islamic principles addressing "toxic" behaviours in parenting. The results from the qualitative analysis reveal recurring themes and patterns in the data, highlighting key behaviours and attitudes that constitute "toxic parenting." The thematic interpretation of the Qur'anic verses provides a cohesive understanding of the Islamic perspective on maintaining healthy and ethical family relationships. The study concludes that the Al-Qur'an offers valuable guidance for preventing and addressing "toxic" parental behaviours, emphasising the importance of compassion, justice, and ethical conduct in fostering harmonious family dynamics. Keywords: Toxic parents, Al-Qur'an, Tafsir Maudu‘I, Islamic family. By Authors This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. Introduction Toxic parents or Toxic parents, according to Forward & Buck, are parents who commit negative behaviour to children that leads to physical and psychological injuries that are embedded in the child and cause psychological trauma in the child.1 Meanwhile, according to Kusumoastuti, Toxic parents are negative behaviour from parents to children that results in emotional damage to 1Susan Forward and Craig Buck, Toxic Parent: Overcomig Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. New York: Bantam Book, 1989, hal. 17-18. http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/ http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/ https://www.klikdokter.com/tag/toxic-parents https://www.klikdokter.com/tag/toxic-parents Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 183 the children they care for.2 These negative behaviours can be in the form of attitudes that demean or abuse children verbally, physically, and even sexually, and they are reluctant to compromise, take responsibility, or apologise to their children.3 This then causes a distance between the child and the parent, which is the cause of the disharmony in the relationship between the two.4 The behaviour of parents who are toxic to children in family relationships includes overcontrolling children, yelling at children, verbal violence, blaming and criticising children and being selfish.5 According to Forward & Buck, the practice of toxic parental restraint is to excessively punish children for disciplinary reasons, to get children involved in parental problems so that children tend to feel guilty when they want something, to pressure them psychologically and emotionally, and to bribe children in exchange for money.6 Kusumawardhani explained that the leading cause of Toxic parents is that parents cannot meet the needs of their children. Parents only think that the needs of children are eating, drinking, staying at home, and going to school.7 But on the other hand, parents forget that children not only have physical needs but also emotional needs. For example, closeness and warmth with parents, talking from heart to heart between parents and children. This triggers various acts of violence that have the potential to cause disturbances in the psychological and mental condition of children.8 As for the long-term impact of Toxic parents on children, Mikulincer et al. stated that "Toxic parents are those who demonstrate life and interaction styles that damage children's ability to form healthy connections with family members, friends, and partners".9 (Parents who can be categorised as toxic are parents who implement lifestyles and interactions that can result in damage to children's ability to build healthy family relationships, as well as friends and partners). Toxic parents, as mentioned above, indicate that parents have negative behaviours, which can cause emotional damage to the children they care for.10 The behaviour referred to as unfavourable can vary. Some of them are the attitude of condescending or harassing children verbally, physically, and even sexually, reluctant to compromise, take responsibility, or apologise 2Astrid Wulan Kusumoastuti, ”Dampak Pola Asuh Toxic Parents Pada Tumbuh Kembang Anak”, dalam https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/ 3618988/dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak, diakses pada, 2 September 2022. 3 I Putu Adi Saskara dan Ulio, "Peran Komunikasi Keluarga Dalam Mengatasi Toxic Parents Bagi Kesehatan Mental Anak"…, hal. 126. 4Sufiatin, "Pola Asuh Orang Tua Toxic Parents Pada Anak di Youtube In Middle Of The Blackhole (Kajian Semantik Dan Pragmatik)" dalam Jurnal Prosiding Seminar Nasional Linguistik dan Sastra (SEMANTIKS), 2021, hal. 689. 5Edy, Mendidik Anak tanpa Teriakan dan Bentakan, Jakarta: Noura Book Publishing, 2020, hal. 85 6Rianti & Ahmad Dahlan, “Karakteristik Toxic Parenting Anak dalam Keluarga”, dalam Jurnal DIAJAR: Jurnal Pendidikan dan Pembelajaran, Vol. 1 No. 2 Tahun 2022, hal. 194 7Oktariani, "Dampak Toxic Parents Dalam Kesehatan Mental Anak", dalam Jurnal Penelitian Pendidikan, Psikologi dan Kesehatan, Vol.2 No.3 Tahun 2021, hal. 220. 8I Putu Adi Saskara and Ulio, "Peran Komunikasi Keluarga dalam Mengatasi Toxic Parent Bagi Kesehatan Mental Anak", dalam Jurnal Pratama Widya: Pendidikan Anak Usia Dini, Vol. 5 No. 2 Tahun 2020, hal.126. 9Hardiyanti Pratiwi et.al. Assessing the Toxic Levels in Parenting Behavior and Coping Strategies Implemented During the COVID-19 Pandemic,” dalam Jurnal JPUD-Jurnal Pendidikan Usia Dini, Vol. 14 No. 2 Tahun 2020, hal.236. 10Astrid Wulan Kusumoastuti, “Dampak Pola Ash Toxic Parents Pada Tumbuh Kembang Anak”, dalam https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/3618988/ dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak. Diakses pada, 2 September 2022. https://www.klikdokter.com/tag/toxic-parents https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/%203618988/dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/3618988/%20dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 184 to their children,11 having excessive expectations for children's achievements, having selfish traits and lack of empathy, like to manage, exaggerate children's ugliness, always blame children, do not appreciate children's efforts, bring up children's mistakes.12 There is also the behaviour of often yelling at children and blaming them in conditions beyond the child's control. In addition, parents who are unable to fulfil their responsibilities are also included in toxic parenting.13 This is generally done by most parents who have a mental disorder or have an addiction.14 The cause of other Toxic parents is due to dysfunctional families, where parents are unable and unable to carry out their obligations or even wholly run away from responsibility.15 Dysfunctional families refer to family patterns generally associated with low health, well-being, happiness, and positive influences compared to other families.16 The characteristics of dysfunctional families include: First, the existence of emotional, physical, or sexual violence and domestic neglect from parents to children (child abuse) or violence between spouses (spouse abuse). Neglect and violence in the family can hurt a child's soul and body. Second, there is chronic drug and alcohol abuse. Drug and alcohol use has an impact on high levels of domestic violence and low quality of parent-child relationships. Third, certain conditions make it difficult for family members (parents) to fulfil their responsibilities to their children.17 Difficulties in fulfilling these responsibilities are caused by several factors, including: 1. Poverty does not provide individuals with adequate economic opportunities to improve their well-being, adequate education, and the hope of having a better future. 2. Related to these poor conditions, family members become very vulnerable. They have almost no plans for the future, commit crimes (to earn a living), are unemployed and live on the streets. 3. Experiencing severe illness or suffering from a mental disorder (depression or stress) so that the child is forced to take over parental duties and lose his childhood 4. Poor parenting patterns from parents (Toxic parents18), whose negative behaviour patterns are consistent and dominate children's lives, such as harming, hurting, and harassing their children and causing physical and psychological injuries that traumatise children. 11I Putu Adi Saskara and Ulio, "Peran Komunikasi Keluarga dalam Mengatasi Toxic Parents Bagi Kesehatan Mental Anak"…, hal. 126. 12Shelfira Carelina and Maman Suherman, “Makna Toxic Parents di Kalangan Remaja Kabaret SMAN 10 Bandung”, dalam Jurnal Prosiding Hubungan Masyarakat, Vol. 6 No. 2 Tahun 2020, hal.381–384. 13Astrid Wulan Kusumoastuti, “Dampak Pola Ash Toxic Parents Pada Tumbuh Kembang Anak”, dalam https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/3618988/ dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak. Diakses pada, 2 September 2022. 14I Putu Adi Saskara dan Ulio, "Peran Komunikasi Keluarga dalam Mengatasi Toxic Parents Bagi Kesehatan Mental Anak" …, hal. 126. 15Endang Sri Indrawati, et.al., Profil Keluarga Disfungsional Pada Penyandang Masalah Sosial di Kota Semarang, dalam Jurnal Psikologi Universitas Diponegoro, Vol.13 No.2 Tahun 2014, hal.122 16ibid p.123. 17V.N.Parillo, Encyclopedia of Social Problem, SAGE Publication: Thousand Oaks, 2008, hal.98. 18Susan Forward and Craig Buck, Toxic Parent: Overcomig Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. New York: Bantam Book, 1989, hal. 17-18. https://www.klikdokter.com/info-sehat/read/3618988/%20dampak-pola-asuh-toxic-parents-pada-tumbuh-kembang-anak Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 185 Poor parenting in the family can give birth to children whose needs are not met reasonably, both physical, spiritual, physical and social. This pattern will later give birth to delinquency problems in children and adolescents.19 According to Ruqoith, some parents complain about child delinquency related to disobedience behaviour, children's tendency to evil, and children's disobedience to parents; children often violate values and morals and reject the rules taught by their parents.20 Teachers and parents are filing many complaints regarding the behaviour of distraught teenagers.21 Some of the teenagers' behaviours are brawls, the use of illegal drugs and liquor, bus hijacking, stabbing, sexual offences and other criminal acts. Not a few parents are confused about the attitude of their teenage children who are starting to dare to launch protests or opposition, especially against the authority of parents who they consider to be shackled to their independence.22 Parents at home, teachers at school, and society in general seem to have run out of ideas about how to overcome the crisis.23 While parents are the first madrasah for children, they should be at the forefront of educating them. The presence of a child born into a family is believed to bring a sense of happiness to the hearts of both parents, especially if the child has been waiting for his presence for a long time. But over time, many children grow up in a family environment where the condition of parents treats them harshly and arbitrarily and poisons the mental health of children, both physical and psychological.24 Ibnul Qayyim said that the damage to children is mostly triggered by parents, namely their indifference. In addition, parents do not teach their children the obligations and sunnah of religion and neglect children from an early age so that children do not reap the benefits from themselves, nor do they benefit their parents when they reach their old age.25 Educating children is a considerable responsibility. Unfortunately, not a few people neglect and underestimate this responsibility.26 Parents often neglect and neglect their children's education. On the other hand, parents usually do not pay attention to and direct their children. Every parent wants the best for their children. Although, at first, parents intend to do something for the good of their children, their wishes often hurt their children's feelings. Parents often toxicate excessive protection, excessively high expectations, and selfishness.27 This behaviour is, of course, hazardous 19Endang Sri Indrawati, et.al., "Profil Keluarga Disfungsional Pada Penyandang Masalah Sosial di Kota Semarang, dalam Jurnal Psikologi Universitas Diponegoro, Vol.13 No.2 Tahun 2014 ..., p.126. 20Muhammad Hasan Ruqoith, Sudahkah Anda Mendidik Anak Anda Dengan Benar (Konsep Mendidik Anak Dalam Islam), diterjemahkan oleh Luqman Abdul Jalal et.al. Jakarta: Cendekia Sentra Muslim, 2004, hal.103. 21ibid, p.103. 22 Rahmatul Ulfa Aulia, "“Kenakalan Orang Tua Penyebab Kenakalan Remaja”, dalam Jurnal At-Taujih Bingkai Bimbingan dan Konseling Islami UIN Imam Bonjol Padang, Vol.4 No.2 Tahun 2018, hal.96. 23Abudin Nata, Manajemen Pendidikan, Jakarta: Kencana, 2007 Cet Ke-2,hal.215. 24Oktariani, "Dampak Toxic Parents Dalam Kesehatan Mental Anak", dalam Jurnal Penelitian Pendidikan, Psikologi Dan Kesehatan, Vol.2 No. 3 Tahun 2021, hal. 21.6 25His sonl Qayyim Al-Jauziyah, Tuhfatu al-Maudud Bi Ahkam al-Maulud, Beirut: Dar al-Kutub Al-Arabi, 1422/ 2001M, hal. 139. 26Muhammad Bin Ibrahim Al-Hamd, et.al., Good Parenting Cara Tepat dan Benar Mendidik Anak, diterjemahkan oleh Umar Mujtahid dari judul At-Taqshîr Fî Tarbiyatil Awlãd: Al-Mazhãhir, Subulul Wiqãyah Wal’ Ilãj Kaifa Nurabby Awlãdanã Tarbiyatan Islamiyyatan Shahîhatan Ath-Tharîq Ilãl Waladish Shãlih, Kartasura: PQS Sumber Ilmu, 2020, hal.7 27Editorial Team, “Mengenal Toxic Parents” dalam https://bamai.uma.ac.id/ 2022/09/ 28/mengenal-toxic- parents/. Diakses pada 3 Desember 2022 https://bamai.uma.ac.id/%202022/09/%2028/mengenal-toxic-parents/ https://bamai.uma.ac.id/%202022/09/%2028/mengenal-toxic-parents/ Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 186 for the growth and development of children both physically and psychologically because it can damage and harm children. In general, to satisfy the needs and desires of parents, they often have the heart to commit sexual violence, physical violence, and verbal violence, including neglect of children.28 The Qur'an and Hadith have guided parents on how to raise children or parenting, which in Arabic is called Hashanah. Hadhanah is derived from the word hidden, which means stomach, ribs, tight, or close. Hence, the meaning of Hashanah in the sentence "hatanaH at-dairy paiDahuThe " is that the bird is pinning the egg under its wings. Hadhanah is the plural form of the word "Ahdhan" or "hudhun", Taken from the word "Anonymous", which means a limb that is located or under the armpit.29 Or another term, "putting something near your ribs or lap".30 This is the same thing done by a woman or mother who clings to her child because she wants to protect and love him.31 Parents, both mothers and fathers, have the nature to take care of, educate, and nurture babies or small children who are not yet able to take care of and regulate themselves.32 The jurists argue that Hashanah is the maintenance of children by providing something that makes them good, guarding against something that hurts and damages them, and educating them physically, spiritually, and intellectually so that they are able to stand alone to face life and shoulder responsibilities.33 This research seeks to examine the long-term impact of toxic parenting on children and how Islamic teachings can guide parents to adopt a nurturing approach that supports the emotional, spiritual, and physical development of their children. This study addresses the following research questions: (1) What are the characteristics of toxic parenting as outlined in the Qur'an? (2) How does toxic parenting affect children's psychological and emotional development? (3) What guidance does Islamic teaching offer to prevent and address toxic parenting? Methods This research uses a qualitative method. Qualitative methods produce descriptive data, which are presented in qualitative form.34 Meanwhile, the interpretation method used in this dissertation is the interpretation method maudu'i. This method was chosen because it can be used as a more comprehensive exploration of the concept of toxic parents in the Qur'an. 28Aya Ummu Najwa, Toxic Parents, Penyakit Tak Disadari Orang Tua, https://narasipost. com/2021/09/26/toxic- parents-penyakit-tak-disadari-orang-tua/. Diakses pada 25 Nopember 2022. 29Ahmad Warson Munawwir, Al-Munawwir-Kamus Arab-Indonesia, Yogyakarta: Ponpes al-Munawwir, 2004, hal. 296. 30Abdul Rahman Ghazali, Fiqih Munakahat, Jakarta: Prenadmedia, 2003, hal. 175. 31Zulfan Efendi, Pelaksanaan Eksekusi Hak Asuh Anak Hadhanah terhadap Isteri yang Keluar dari Agama Islam (Murtad), Bintan: STAIN Sultan Abdurrahaman Press, 2019, hal. 17. 32Rosita, et.al., Hadhanah(Pengasuhan dan Pendidikan Anak Perspektif Islam), Bandung: Widina Bhakti Persada Bandung, 2023, hal. 1. 33Ibid.hal 80. 34Disarikan dari: Mudji Santoso, Hakikat, Peranan, Jenis-Jenis Penelitian, Serta Pola Penelitian pada Pelita ke VI, dalam Imran Arifin (ed), Penelitian Kualitatif dalam Bidang Ilmu-ilmu Sosial dan Keagamaan, Malang: Kalimasanda, 1994, cet. I, hal. 13. Lihat juga: Koentjaraningrat, Metode-Metode Penelitian Masyarakat, Jakarta: PT. Gramedia, 1981, cet. IV. Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 187 The data in this study are a collection of information obtained from the field and used by the author as research material. This research is qualitative. Therefore, the qualitative data referred to in this study are information data in verbal sentences, not in the form of numbers or symbols. Data is collected from various sources, such as observations, interviews, and document analysis. Observation can involve direct observation of family dynamics that have "toxic" characteristics. In-depth interviews are conducted with individuals who experience or relate to this phenomenon, while document analysis includes literature studies from tafsir books and other Islamic sources. Moreover, the data collected is analysed thematically. This means that researchers will look for recurring themes or patterns in the collected data, group similar information, and identify relationships between those themes. This analysis aims to develop a rich and contextual understanding of how the concept of "Toxic parents" is understood from the perspective of the Qur'an. Result And Discussion In Islamic teachings, children are a mandate and also a gift that must be well-maintained35 And given by Allah SWT so that parents can fulfill obligations and be responsible for guiding the mandate. Nurturing a family means educating them to recognise what is pleasing to run and what is terrible to abandon.36 In a hadith narrated by Imam Ibn Majah from the companion of Anas bin Malik (r.a.), it is explained that: I told us that Ali bin 'Ayyasy narrated to us that Sa'id bin 'Umarah told us that I heard Anas bin Malik from the Messenger of Allah (saw), he said " :Honor your children and improve their behaviour ". The hadith, according to al-Sindi (D.1388 H.), has the understanding that glorifying children increases their love for their parents, while if children are not glorified (with affection and education), they will inevitably fall into moral vice.37 In an effort to produce a resilient and qualified next generation, parents must consistently and continuously work to nurture and educate their children physically and mentally until the child is mature and able to stand alone as a responsible human being. Thus, parents, both fathers and mothers, must try to nurture and maintain their children.38 Children can become what their parents dream of when they are well-educated and cared for. Still, on the other hand, children can become a disaster for their parents with their various behaviours that are troublesome and even miserable for their parents if they are not adequately and appropriately educated by their parents.39 Here, we can understand that both parents' piety and 35Rianti & Ahmad Dahlan, “Karakteristik Toxic Parenting Anak dalam Keluarga”, dalam Jurnal DIAJAR: Jurnal Pendidikan dan Pembelajaran, Vol. 1, No. 2 , 2022, hal. 190 36Hasan Syamsi, Kaifa Turabbî Abnã’aka Fî Hãdzaz-Zamãn,terj. Umar Mujtahid, Modern Islamic Parenting…, hal. 12. 37Abul al-Hasan Muhammad bin abdul al-hadi nur ad-Din Al-Sindi, , Hadits Prophet, dalam https://hadith prophet.com/hadith-44989.html. Diakses pada 3 Desember 2022. 38Nurul Fadilah, Urgensi Parenting Perspektif Hadis, Uin Sultan Maulana Banten, hal.3, dalam https://id.scribd.com/document/505515384/Bagi-Jurnal-hadis-tematik-NURUL-FADILAH. Diakses pada 3 Desember 2022. 39Miftahul Huda & Muhammad Idris, Nalar Pendidikan Anak, Yogyakarta: Ar-Ruzz Media, 2008, hal. 77. Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 188 good deeds significantly impact educating and disciplining children to do good, as well as shaping the intelligence of the child's soul.40 The family is generally a living environment for everyone for the first time. Hurlock argues that the family is a "Training Center" for instilling values (including religious values).41 The environment in which the individual lives in the family will have a great influence on his meeting his basic needs to gain knowledge, develop an attitude, and develop skills in and for life.42 In this case, the parent's role is central and dramatically influences children's growth and development, both directly and indirectly. The family's success in instilling virtue values (character) in children highly depends on the parenting style that parents use.43 Education presented in the family will be the primary foundation as an effort made to provide education as a whole. If the education provided can be done properly and correctly by parents, then later it will be able to be a provision for education after both formal and non-formal education.44 On the other hand, the house is very likely to be the opposite place; instilling values in children will not work effectively when parents are often angry at their children's mistakes, both at home and outside the house.45 Children will feel more relaxed and comfortable with the house conditions as above. They will try to find an environment that is considered comfortable and feels better for them, but it is often dangerous for children. Uncomfortable home conditions will undoubtedly make children stressed, and they will try to find fun that can entertain them through gadgets, smoking, motorcycle gangs, promiscuity or other things that make parents regret.46 Parents must pay attention to their children's religious attitudes. According to Darajat, children's religious conditions will develop in line with their psychological development. This religious spirit is proliferating with the increase in knowledge about religion.47 The way to create a child's religious soul, according to Tafsir, can go through several steps, namely: 1. Condition the life in the household with the life of a Muslim in every way. 2. Since childhood, children are often taken to mosques and participate in prayers, even though they have not carried them out properly. 3. Hold recitation at home, prayer room or mosque. 4. our children are put in a flash pesantren during school holidays. 40Pathil Abror, “Konsep Pola Asuh Orang Tua dalam Al-Qur’an (Studi Ayat-Ayat Komunikasi Orang Tua dan Anak)” dalam Jurnal Syamil, Vol.4 No.1, 2016, hal. 68. 41E.B. Hurlock, Psikologi Perkembangan Suatu Pendekatan Sepanjang Rentang Kehidupan, Jakarta: Erlangga, 1997, hal. 89. 42Tim Pengembang Ilmu Pendidikan FIP-UPI, Ilmu dan Aplikasi Pendidikan: Bagian 4 Pendidikan Lintas Bidang, Bandung, PT. Imperial Bhakti Utama, 2007, hal. 89. 43Pathil Abror, " Konsep Pola Asuh Orang Tua Dalam Al-Qur’an (Studi Ayat-Ayat Komunikasi Orang Tua dan Anak)” dalam Jurnal Syamil, Vol.4 No.1, 2016, hal. 66 44Nurul Fadilah, Urgensi Parenting Perspektif Hadis, Uin Sultan Maulana Banten, hal.4, dalam https://id.scribd.com/document/505515384/Bagi-Jurnal-hadis-tematik-NURUL-FADILAH. Diakses pada 3 Desember 2022. 45M. Syafi'i Saragih, Mendidik Anak Tanpa Marah, Panduan Tarbiyah Untuk Orang Tua dan Guru, Sukoharjo: As- Salam Publishing, 2019, hal. 9. 46Ibid p. 9. 47Zakiyah Darajat, Ilmu Jiwa Agama, Jakarta: Bulan Bintang, 1976, hal.4 Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 189 5. Involve children in every religious event in the village, such as Ramadan, zakat fitrah committee, Eid al-Fitr, Eid al-Qurban committee, and so on.48 In addition, Darajat explained that several aspects of Islamic education must be applied to a child, including faith education, the application of morals, harmony of the soul, and a sense of beauty, as well as in society.49 According to Haiti, along with the modernisation of science and technology, the cultivation of religious aspects is emphasised even more, such as reading the Qur'an, instilling the proper sense of faith (aqidah), habituation in worship, forming commendable morals, and developing the spirit of plurality and work skills.50 Parents' actions in ignoring and exercising children's rights are included in fraud and betrayal. Loving children by educating and caring for them as best as possible is part of fulfilling the mandate of Allah SWT. Children are entrustments and mandates that must be maintained, educated and maintained. Still, if parents do not carry this out, they can be categorised as a person who neglects their obligations and includes acts of betrayal of what Allah has given. Said Allah SWT. in the Qur'an O you who believe, do not betray Allah and the Messenger (Muhammad) and do not betray the commissions entrusted to you while you know. And know that your treasure and your children are only a temptation and indeed in the sight of Allah is a great reward (Q.S.Al-Anfal/8:27-28). Amanah etymologically comes from the Arabic language in the form of mashdar, namely amānah, which is taken from the word amina, which means "to feel safe" and "to believe".51 It also means something entrusted to someone, unlike the word khiyānah. In Indonesia, Amanah means a message or order. According to the Al-Munawir dictionary, amānah means everything Allah commands His servants.52 Amanah is one of the Indonesian languages that has been translated from Arabic. In the Indonesian dictionary, the word that indicates the meaning of trust uses two words: Amanah or mandate.53 The word "Amanah", stated in the Qur'anul Karim, means keeping promises and responsibilities.54 Meanwhile, Ibrahim Mustafa, an expert in the Qur'an, explained that Amanah contains the meaning of repayment and entrustment.55 So trust can be defined as entrusting something to someone because they believe and feel that what is entrusted will be safe, accompanied by the belief that something entrusted will be well guarded and maintained, and when 48Ahmad Tafsir, Ilmu Pendidikan dalam Perspektif Islam, Bandung: Rosdakarya, 1984, hal.188. 49Zakiyah Darajat, Ilmu Jiwa Agama..., hal. 5. 50Nurul Fadilah, Urgensi Parenting Perspektif Hadis“, UIN Sultan Maulana Banten, hal.5, dalam https://id.scribd.com/document/505515384/Bagi-Jurnal-hadis-tematik-NURUL-FADILAH. Diakses pada 3 Desember 2022. 51M. Quraish Shihab, Tafsir Al-Misbah Pesan, Kesan dan Keserasian Al-Qur'an, Vol.5, Jakarta: Lentera Hati, 2002, hal. 423. 52Ahmad Warson Munawir, Kamus Al-Munawwir Arab-Indonesia Terlengkap, Surabaya: Pustaka Progresif, 1997, hal. 41. 53Tim Penyusun Kamus Pusat Bahasa, Kamus Bahasa Indonesia, Jakarta: Pusat Bahasa Departemen Pendidikan Nasional, 2008, hal. 48 54Abbas Mahmud al-Aqqad, Manusia Diungkap Al-Qur`an diterjemahkan oleh Tim Penerjemah Pustaka Firdaus dari buku berjudul Al-insãn fi Al-Qur`an, Jakarta: Pustaka Firdaus, 1991, hal. 45-50 55M. Quraish Shihab, Ensiklopedi Al-Qur`an Kajian Kosakata, Jakarta: Lentera Hati, 2007, hal. 83. Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 190 asked to return, the trust is not lacking, not damaged and remains as it was when entrusted to him.56 Table 1. Toxic parents Style Classification Examples of Behaviour Indifference Not talking to the child unless necessary, ignoring the child's needs, not taking care of them, not providing protection and lack of instruction with the child. Humiliation Insulting, ridiculing, mentioning inappropriate names, making them childish, opposing their identity, the dignity and self-esteem of children, treating and so on. Isolation Keeping children away from their friends, cutting off contact with other people, confining children and so on. Rejection Rejecting or ignoring the presence of children, not appreciating children's ideas and achievements, and discriminating against children. Terror (terror) This can cause scary situations for children, worries, and so on. Discussion In Arabic, the word method is expressed in various ways. Sometimes, the word al horizon, which means way, manhaj, which means a system, and al wasilah, which means intermediary or mediator, is used. Nasih Ulwan, Nasih Ulwan's children's education figure, prefers to use the last word, al wasilah. According to him, the word is very influential in shaping children's personalities.57 Methods can be likened to tools that can be used to achieve goals. A tool will only be effective if its use is adjusted to its function and capacity.58 However, it can also be said that methods are all used in educational efforts.59 Ulwan developed Islamic education methods to obtain adequate methods. A wise educator is looking for a more practical alternative method by applying an influential educational basis to mentally and morally prepare children to achieve perfect maturity, have broad insights, and have an integral personality. Nasih Ulwan concluded that there are five methods of education, namely: 1. Education by example (Al Qudwah). 2. Education with concrete habituation/experience (Al Adah). 3. Education with advice/reprimand (Al Mauidzah) 4. Education with attention (Al Mulahadzah) 5. Education with punishment (Al Uqubah) The following are details of the explanation of the various Nasih Ulwan education methods: 1) Education by example (Al Qudwah). A perfect and systematic educational curriculum has been created with a clear plan for development according to the child's talents and potential. However, it is undisputable that a curriculum like this still requires a realistic educational pattern exemplified by an educator through 56M. Quraish Shihab, Tafsir Al-Misbah Pesan, Kesan dan Keserasian Al-Qur'an…, hal. 423. 57Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, Tarbiyah Al Aulad Fi Al Islam, Beirut: Dar As Saalam, 1978, p. 632. 58Syahidin, Metode Pendidikan Qur’ani Teori dan Praktek, Jakarta: Misaka Ghazali, 1999, hal. 39. 59Dindin Jamaludin, , Metode Pendidikan Anak (Teori dan Praktik), Bandung: Pustaka Al Fikriis, 2010, Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 191 educational behaviour and methods. That is what Allah SWT is for. He sent the Prophet Muhammad (saw) as His servant and Messenger to be an example for humanity in realising the goal of Islamic education through His Word. Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah, there is a good example for all of you, namely the one who always hopes for Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah as much as possible (al-Ahzab/33:21) Aisyah r.a. herself has mentioned that the Prophet's morals are the Qur'an because his personality, character, behaviour, and interaction with humans embody the essence of the Qur'an, ethics, and its laws in a practical, humane, and dynamic way. More than that, his morals embody the foundation and educational methods contained in the Qur'an.60 According to Nasih Ulwan, the success of the education world needs a good example. There must also be a good example to attract attention, as well as the main morals embraced by community leaders and those who can pass on suitable lessons to the next generation.61 It is also appropriate that the current generation of Muslims, in addition to giving a good example, noble morals, good behaviour, and commendable qualities to others so that they become full of guidance, illuminating the sun, calling for goodness and existence, be the cause in the spread of eternal Islamic treatises. Education by example means education by providing examples, both in the form of behaviour, traits, ways of thinking, and so on. 2) Education with Concrete Habits/Experience (Al 'Adah) Habituation is the process of cultivating habits (habits), which are ways of acting that are almost automatic (almost unaware of the perpetrator).62Nasih Ulwan connects this method of habituation with human nature. As stated by Allah SWT, children are created from birth with a pure monotheistic nature, true religion, and faith in Allah. "The nature of Allah that He has created man has no change in the creation of Allah, that is a straight religion, but most people do not know it (Q.S.Ar-Rum/30:30) From here, it appears that habituation, teaching, and education are crucial for the growth and development of children in finding pure monotheism, noble ethics, noble spirituality, and upright religious ethics.63 Habituation in religious education should begin as early as possible. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) instructed educators to tell children to perform prayers when they were seven.64According to Ahmad Tafsir, the essence of habituation is repetition. If the teacher enters the classroom to say a greeting, it has been interpreted as an effort to get used to it. If a student enters the classroom without saying a greeting, the teacher reminds them that he should give a greeting when entering the room. This is also a way to get used to it.65 3) Education with advice/reprimand (Al Mauidzah) 60Abdurrahman Al-Nahlawi, Usus At Tarbiyah Al Islamiyah wa Turuqu Tadrisiha, Damsyiq: Darul Fikr, 1995, hal.266. 61Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, Tarbiyah Al Aulad Fi Al Islam juz 2..., p. 172. 62M. D. Dahlan, Prinsip-Prinsip Dan Tehnik Belajar, Bandung: FIP IKIP, 1979, hal. 7. 63Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, Tarbiyah Al Aulad Fi Al Islam juz 2..., hal. 172. 64Ramayulis, Metodologi Pengajaran Agama Islam, Jakarta: Kalam Mulia, 2001, hal. 99. 65Ahmad Tafsir, Ilmu Pendidikan dalam Perspektif Islam, Bandung: Rosda Karya, 2006, hal. 144. Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 192 Advice is an educational method that is quite effective in shaping a person's faith, morals, soul, and social sense. Giving advice can also provide great benefits and changes, making a person's heart aware of the essence of something and encouraging him to behave well and think positively.66 Education with advice is the education of the child with advice and giving him important advice because advice and advice have a considerable influence in opening children's eyes to the awareness of the essence of something, encouraging them to noble dignity and dignity, adorning them with noble morals, and equipping them with Islamic principles.67 Giving advice is one of the essential methods in Islamic education. With this educational method, teachers can instil a good influence in the soul if it is used in a way that can knock on the recesses of the soul through the right door. This educational method has a vast opportunity to direct students to various goodness and benefits and the goodness of the community and the people. The advice should be born from a sincere heart, meaning that the educator tries to create an impression for his students that he has good intentions and cares deeply about the good of the students. This is what makes the advice well received by the person who is advised.68 Educators who give sincere advice should avoid all forms of riya' and selflessness so as not to tarnish their sincerity so that their educational authority and influence on the soul of students are lost because advice can soften the heart and encourage charity. Influential counsel opens its way into the soul directly through feelings. He moves it and shakes its contents for a specific time, just like a beggar who tries to awaken his consciousness so that it envelops his whole body, but if it is not awakened, his consciousness will sink again. Clear and actionable advice is advice that can hang on to feelings and not let them fall to the bottom and die motionless.69 The Qur'an itself is full of advice and guidance that influence the soul and heart. The difference between the heart and the soul is that the heart is explained as synonymous with spirituality. Sincerity, goodwill, compassion, and everything related to spirituality come from the heart. 4) Education with attention/supervision (Al Mulahadzah) With its universal principles and eternal rules, Islam commands parents and educators to constantly watch and supervise their children in all aspects of life. It has been agreed that paying attention to and supervising children carried out by educators is the most essential principle of education. Children will always be under the attention and supervision of education if educators always pay attention to all their movements, words, deeds and orientations.70 Education with attention is always an effort to devote full attention and follow the development of the child's faith and morals. Supervise and pay attention to mental and social readiness, and always ask about physical education and scientific ability.71 66Senata Adi Prasetya, "“Pentingnya Metode Nasihat dalam Pendidikan Islam”, dalam https://tafsiralquran.id/tafsir-tarbawi-2-pentingnya-metode-nasihat-dalam-pendidikan-islam/. Diakses pada 1 Juni 2023. 67Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, Tarbiyah Al Aulad Fi Al Islam juz 2…, hal. 208. 68Muhammad Munir Mirsa, At Tarbiyah Al Islamiyah Wa Tatowwaruha Fil Biladil ‘Arabiyah, Kairo: Al Kam Al Kutub, 1977, hal. 197. 69Nur Uhbiyati, Ilmu Pendidikan Islam, Bandung: Pustaka Setia, 1998, hal. 197. 70Tim Redaktur, „Tanggung Jawab Pendidikan Seksual“, dalam http://genderi. org/tanggung-jawab-pendidikan- seksual.html?page=5. Diakses pada 1 Juni 2023. 71Abdullah Nasih Ulwan, Tarbiyah Al Aulad Fi Al Islam juz 2..., hal. 274. https://tafsiralquran.id/tafsir-tarbawi-2-pentingnya-metode-nasihat-dalam-pendidikan-islam/ Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 193 Kamal defines supervision as an observation process that aims to supervise the implementation of an educational program, both its activities and results from the beginning to the end, by collecting data continuously so that suitable material is obtained to be used as a basis for the evaluation process or priority improvement in the future if necessary.72 The method of education with attention is considered the strongest principle in forming a whole human being by fulfilling the rights of everyone who has rights in life, including being encouraged to fulfil his responsibilities and obligations perfectly. According to Raharjo, Islam, with its universality, eternal principles and rules, instructs parents and educators to pay attention to and consistently follow and control their children in all universal life and education.73 God said, O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from the fire of Hell whose fuel is man and stone" (At Tahrim/66):6) The Prophet (saw) used attention as a method of education in various forms. Among others, in social, moral, spiritual, and physical education, we warn about what haram is in educating young children and giving guidance to adults and gentle da'wah education to others. 5) Education with punishment (Al Uqubah) Islam has shari'a laws whose principles are universal. Shari'a law maintains the overall order of life. Five things are protected by Islamic law: religion, soul, honour, intellect, and property.74 All Islamic laws aim to preserve this whole. The Shari'ah has put various punishments to prevent violations of these laws. These punishments are known in the Shari'ah as hudud and ta'zir. Hudud is a punishment determined by the Shari'ah that must be carried out because of Allah.75 Ta'zir is a punishment that Allah does not determine for every vice, and there is no limit or kafarat. In the Qur'an, Allah SWT. has mentioned several hadas (hudud) in Islam, including the hadh for apostasy (leaving Islam), the had, the had, the had The punishment given in place can encourage students to avoid doing things that harm them. Punishment is the last resort given by educators when there is no other way to awaken them from mistakes, negligence and laziness. The punishment displayed should not be detrimental or harmful to the person concerned. Therefore, before giving punishment, no matter how light, a reprimand and warning are needed to make them aware not to repeat acts that harm themselves and their learning environment. Every educator needs to remember that every time a punishment is given, it is necessary to take a psychological approach to the person concerned to improve the psychological atmosphere between the educator and the student so that a harmonious relationship between the two parties re-emerges as a result of the disruption of the inner relationship due to the punishment given by the educator. 72Kamal Muhammad Isa, Manajemen Pendidikan Islam, Jakarta:Fika Hati Aneska, 1994, hal.163 73Rahardjo, Pemikiran Pendidikan Islam, Kajian Tokoh Klasik Dan Kontemporer, Yogyakarta: Pustaka Pelajar, 1999, hal. 71 74Ahmad Atabik dan Ahmad Burhanuddin, “Konsep Nasih Ulwan Tentang Pendidikan Anak”, dalam Jurnal Elementary Vol. 3 No. 2 Tahun 2015, hal. 293 75Abdullah Nashih Ulwan, Pedoman Pendidikan Anak dalam Islam, jilid 2, diterjemahkan oleh Saifullah Kamalie, Hery Noer Ali, Asy Syifa’, Semarang: 1981, hal. 147. Volume 9, Number 3, November 2024| 194 Most Islamic education experts, including Ibn Sina, Al Abdari, and Ibn Kholdun, forbade educators from using punishment methods except in emergencies. He should not use the blow except after issuing threats and warnings and commanding those who are respected to approach him or to be able to change.76 Meanwhile, Muhammad Qutub said that if examples and advice are not available, there must be firm action to put the problem in the right place. Strict action is a punishment.77 Meanwhile, Nashih Ulwan offers its method of punishing children, namely, the punishment given should be carried out with full tenderness adjusted to the child's age and development, maintaining the character of children who make mistakes in giving punishment, and using levels in giving punishment ranging from the lightest to the severest.78 Conclusion In Islamic teachings, children are considered a divine mandate and a precious gift from Allah SWT, requiring careful nurturing and guidance by their parents. The hadith narrated by Anas bin Malik emphasises honouring children and improving their manners, as failing can lead children to moral vice. This highlights parents' critical role in nurturing, educating, and maintaining their children's physical and mental well-being until they are mature and responsible. The family is the primary environment for instilling values, including religious values, significantly influencing children's growth and development. The type of parenting applied is pivotal in shaping children's character and behaviour. Practical education in the family sets the foundation for formal and non-formal education, helping children develop a robust and responsible personality. Conversely, a hostile home environment, marked by anger and neglect, can lead to stress and problematic behaviours in children, pushing them to seek solace in potentially harmful environments. Parents are responsible for nurturing their children's religious attitudes, which evolve with their psychological development. Developing a child's religious soul includes integrating Islamic practices into daily life, encouraging participation in spiritual activities, and providing religious education through various means, such as recitations, mosque visits, and involvement in community events. This religious upbringing is crucial in developing faith, morals, and a sense of responsibility. Neglecting children's rights and failing to provide proper education and care are considered acts of betrayal against the divine mandate entrusted to parents. The Qur'an underscores the importance of maintaining trust and fulfilling responsibilities towards children, warning against the temptation of wealth and offspring that can lead to moral downfall. Nasih Ulwan identifies five key educational methods in Islamic upbringing: education by example (Al Qudwah), education through concrete habits (Al Adah), education with advice (Al Mauidzah), education with attention (Al Mulahadzah), and education with punishment (Al Uqubah). 76Ibid P. 314. 77Muhammad Qutub, Manhaj Tarbiyah Al Islamiyah, Cairo: Dar Asy Syuruq, t.th, hal. 341. 78Abdullah Nashih Ulwan, Pedoman Pendidikan Anak dalam Islam, jilid 2, diterjemahkan oleh Saifullah Kamalie, Hery Noer Ali, Asy Syifa’, …, hal. 147. 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