INSPIRA: Indonesian Journal of Psychological Research https://journal.iainlangsa.ac.id/index.php/inspira How to cite (APA 7th Edition) Alfaruqy, M. Z. & Indrawati, E. S. (2023). The dynamics of marital relationship after infidelity: Phenomenological descriptive analysis on Muslim spouses. INSPIRA: Indonesian Journal of Psychological Research, 4(1), 41–53. https://doi.org/10.32505/inspira.v4i1.6080 This is an open-access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 4.0 International (CC BY-NC 4.0) Copyright ©2023 by Muhammad Zulfa Alfaruqy & Endang Sri Indrawati. RESEARCH ARTICLE The dynamics of marital relationship after infidelity: Phenomenological descriptive analysis on Muslim spouses https://doi.org/10.32505/inspira.v4i1.6080 Muhammad Zulfa Alfaruqy1, Endang Sri Indrawati2 1 Department of Psychology, Universitas Diponegoro, Central Java, Indonesia 2 Department of Psychology, Universitas Diponegoro, Central Java, Indonesia Corresponding Author: Muhammad Zulfa Alfaruqy (email: zulfaalfaruqy@lecturer.undip.ac.id) ABSTRACT An unstable marital relationship, including an Islamic spouse, opens up opportunities for extramarital affairs. This study aimed to understand the dynamics of the relationship between a Muslim husband and wife who face a wife’s infidelity. This research uses qualitative methods with a phenomenological approach. The subject criterion is a Muslim wife who has had an affair and is still married. Three subjects were selected through a purposive sampling technique. Data collection using a semi- structured interview. The results show that the background of the wife’s infidelity is multi-factor. Marital relations reflect the interdependence of husband and wife. This relationship becomes more dynamic and complex because of the presence of a third person. During an affair, the relationship is under an actor’s control. The relationship transforms into a controlling partner after the affair. Wives initiate nonmutual relations manifested in permissive behavior towards husbands as an effort to atone for guilt and maintain a marriage. The research has theoretical implications for religion and supports the effect of social norms in reading the interdependence of marital relations between Islamic husband and wife. Article History: Received 19 May 2023 Revised 22 May 2023 Accepted 28 June 2023 Keywords: infidelity; interdependence; marital relationship; Muslim spouse INTRODUCTION Interdependence is a relationship between two related people. Interdependence in married couples is aimed at forming exclusive romantic commitments (Yulianto & Faturochman, 2018) and intimacy to perfect religion in marriage (Alfaruqy, 2019). Marriage is a formal and spiritual bond between a man and a woman as husband and wife, which aims to form a happy and eternal family or household based on the Belief in One Almighty God (Law No. 1 of 1974), Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala. Marriage is a sacred event for Indonesian people (Sari & Alfaruqy, 2019). Marriage and family have a special meaning because they are a source of happiness for someone (Afiatin, 2018). According to Olson et al. (2019), a family is a collection of two or more people mutually committed to sharing intimacy, resources, and responsibilities. The family meets the requirements to be called a group because it has structure, goals, and perceptions of unity and develops interdependence (Forsyth, 2019). However, there are times when the interdependence of husband and wife is unstable and opens the door for the birth of an extramarital affair with a third person. This phenomenon https://doi.org/10.32505/inspira.v4i1.6080 https://orcid.org/0009-0009-8741-0072 https://orcid.org/0000-0002-0507-7571 42 encourages the birth of research that focuses on the experience of interdependence between Islamic spouses facing this infidelity storm. Studies of interdependence have helped many scientists in various discussions, ranging from cooperation and conflict, trust and mistrust, communication, and love, to emotions (Lange & Rusbult, 2012; Anatassia, 2017; Butera & Buchs, 2019). The subject matter is varied, including husband and wife. Lange and Rusbult (2012) explain four main assumptions to understand interdependence, namely 1) there is a structure or situation, 2) there is a transformation, as a person’s consideration in acting and behaving towards current and future partners, 3) there is an interaction between partners who are involved in the situation, and 4) there is an adaptation which is the result of repeated interactions. Interdependence was introduced by Thibaut and Kelly in 1959 (Anatassia, 2017). Interdependence theory has influenced the world of research for more than five decades. Interdependence refers to the condition of interdependence between a person and another person. Lange and Rusbult (2012) formulate interdependence (I) as a function of the psychological dynamics of a person (A) and another person (B), or vice versa, in a particular situation (S). This formulation can be written in the formula I = f(A, B, S). The interdependence of husbands (A) and wives (B) also involves affective, cognitive, and motivational processes in various situations. Interdependence is not static but dynamic (Lange & Rusbult, 2012). This condition could threaten the marriage if a third person takes advantage of the momentum to ensnare one of the parties – both husband and wife – in extramarital affairs (Olson et al., 2019). Infidelity is a social problem that has occurred from time to time in various parts of the world, with a tendency for the number to continue to rise (Apostolou, 2019). Blow and Hartnett (2005), who reviewed research on infidelity from 1980 to 2005, found that positive attitudes toward infidelity were associated with infidelity; attitudes toward infidelity differ between countries and between cultures; there are three types of infidelity namely emotional, sexual, and a combination of the two; men are more likely to be involved in extramarital affairs; and men tend to see infidelity as a sexual activity rather than emotional, while women are the opposite. Previous studies have revealed that there are various causes of infidelity, ranging from a person’s lack of emotional stability (Irawan & Suprapti, 2018), prolonged conflict due to failure in adjustment between partners (Muhajarah, 2017), dissatisfaction with partners (Scheeren et al., 2018), sexual dissatisfaction (Mtenga et al., 2018), the prospects offered by cheating partners (Buss, 2016), as well as social learning from previous generations (Weiser & Weigel, 2017). From a male perspective, cheating is an activity that provides sexual benefits to other women, while from a woman’s perspective, cheating provides opportunities for long-term relationships, which indirectly means stopping the tendency of a male perspective (Buss et al., 2017). Cheating creates jealousy for legitimate partners (Redlick, 2016), namely a sense of alertness to the dangers posed by third parties who offer sexual and romantic interest in their partners (Buss et al., 2017), both directly and through social media (Dunn & Billett, 2018; Dunn & Ward, 2020). Cheating requires allocating time and money resources and considerable risks that sometimes end in divorce (Apostolou et al., 2019). Infidelity is the most difficult moral problem to accept worldwide, followed by gambling, homosexuality, abortion, premarital sex, alcohol, and divorce (Pew Research Center, in Olson et al., 2019). If the world community that does not accept infidelity is 78%, then the Indonesian people are even more prominent, namely as much as 94%. In Indonesia, the dominance of previous research 43 uncovers infidelity from the perspective of the wife as the victim, where the husband is the perpetrator (Irawan & Suprapti, 2018; Muhajarah, 2017; Rahayu, 2019; Sari & Koentjoro, 2019). This research offers a new alternative study, namely the psychological dynamics of an affair involving the wife as the perpetrator of the affair. Psychological dynamics is the power within the individual manifested in thoughts, feelings, and behavior (Walgito, 2010). Differences in personality and environmental norms and aspirations influence individual psychological dynamics (Schultz & Schultz, 2017). Research on psychological dynamics is essential to understand the phenomenon as a whole. Psychological dynamics in this study refer to individual psychological conditions manifested in thoughts, feelings, and behavior regarding the spouse relationship during and after the affair occurs. Based on the description of the background of the problem above, it is known that infidelity is a behavior that has a high risk in the Islamic spouse relationship. The mainstream of previous research has highlighted the phenomenon of infidelity, which places the husband as the perpetrator of the affair. This research’s novelty is to define the wife as the perpetrator and the husband as the victim of an affair. While it is a taboo phenomenon, its existence cannot be denied in society. This research aims to understand the dynamics of interdependence between Islamic spouses who face their wife’s infidelity. The research will explore the background of a wife’s affair, the dynamics of spouse (husband-wife) interdependence, why a wife stops having an affair, and interdependence recovery. This research contributes to psychology, especially Family Psychology and Islamic Psychology, to understand the dynamics of interdependence injury and recovery in Islamic spouse relations. METHOD The research was designed using qualitative methods. Creswell and Poth (2018) explain that the qualitative method is a method that aims to explore and understand the meaning of social problems based on the views of several individuals. Qualitative research requires substantial and systematic efforts that require researchers to ask questions, collect data, analyze data inductively, and interpret meaning. Qualitative research requires researchers to be sensitive and empathetic and not ignore the values inherent in individuals. The approach used by researchers is phenomenological. The phenomenological approach is an appropriate research strategy for understanding phenomena and their unique context based on experience to the level of belief. Specifically, the researcher uses phenomenological descriptive analysis to determine the general theme and the essence of meaning (eidos) (Kahija, 2017). The subjects were selected by purposive sampling. The inclusion criteria of the subjects were a Muslim wife who had had an affair and still had a marriage bond. We make an open announcement to everyone who meets the criteria and is willing to be a research subject in Semarang. It is the number suggested in phenomenological research (Kahija, 2017). This number allows researchers to conduct in-depth analysis (Smith, 2009). The three subjects had the initials TU (Subject 1), WD (Subject 2), and BD (Subject 3). All subjects were given informed consent before participating in the study. The following is the subject data in the study: Table 1. Personal information of research subjects Characteristics TU WD BD Pronouncing Subject 1 or S1 Subject 2 or S2 Subject 3 or S3 Age 37 years 30 years 39 years Length of Marriage 17 years 7 years 14 years Number of Children 3 0 2 Domicile Semarang Semarang Semarang Religion Islam Islam Islam 44 Data collection was carried out by interview. The interview is a method of collecting data through conversation with a specific purpose, which is carried out by two parties, namely the interviewer who asks questions and the interviewee who gives answers to questions. We conducted open semi- structured interviews, as suggested by Creswell and Poth (2018). In the phenomenological research developed by Creswell and Poth (2018), the main question is “Can you tell how the phenomenon is?” while other questions are supporters of the main question. With this basis, we compiled an interview guide with four questions, and they are: Can you tell us what the background of the affair is? How are the dynamics of spouse interdependence when an affair occurs? What made you stop having an affair? And what about the dynamics of interdependence recovery? Data analysis was carried out according to Creswell and Poth (2018). Qualitative research data analysis is an attempt to interpret data through a continuous process that requires researchers to reflect on data, provide analytical questions, and take brief notes throughout the study. This analytical procedure was chosen based on conformity with phenomenological research. The data analysis steps in this study refer to Creswell and Poth (2018), namely processing and preparing data, reading all data, analyzing in more detail by coding data, categorizing and describing, creating narratives, interpreting data, and presenting data (see Figure 1). Figure 1. Data Analysis Flow RESULT The Background of an Affair We explore the background of an affair by asking three questions, what is the background of the affair? In this study, TU referred to Subject 1 (S1), WD referred to Subject (S2), and BD referred to Subject 3 (S3). The findings show that cheating on a wife is motivated by multiple factors (see Figure 2). The first is the husband’s deficiency condition (driving factor). Wives who are interested in having an affair tend to see deficiency conditions in their husbands, for example, economic instability (husband S1), little time together (husband S2), and lack of romantic behavior (husband S3). The husband’s deficiency condition is a driving factor for infidelity. 45 “I want to have a husband like other people who work. He had worked several times but never lasted the rest of the time; he was just unemployed. The children were embarrassed when asked what their father’s job was.” (S1) “My husband also works sometimes night and day like that. He often does not have time for me because of his job.” (S2) “My husband is less romantic and a bit boring.” (S3) Second, joint activities with other men (attractive factor). The wife’s activities outside the home are fertile ground for growing the seeds of infidelity. For example, work activities (S1), graduate studies (S2), and building new houses (S3). The pull factor in the form of togetherness is used by a third person to approach a woman who incidentally is already married. It is usually started by opening up about life’s problems to achieve psychological closeness so that sympathy and a sense of comfort will grow. “I am a professional. I have an assistant who is ten years younger. He makes me comfortable, in terms of fulfilling my communication needs. So unknowingly fall into the affair.” (S1) “I am a career woman, then continuing to study at postgraduate. Well, I met him, who turned out to be my husband’s boss. He approached me, seduced. Finally, we are in a relationship. I got a lot of money from him.” (S2) “The story is about building a house. I am looking for a contractor to build a house. It turned out that I met him, and then we often met to build the house. Yes, during the process of building the house, old love blossomed again.” (S3) Third, the wife’s personality (determining factor). The husband’s deficiency and being together with other people will lead to infidelity if there is a determining factor named the wife’s personality. A wife who is interested in having an affair has a personality that is easily influenced by others. The wife believes in the promises given by the third person, starting from the substitution of husband deficiency to the hope of getting married in the future. This hope hinders the wife’s rational mind from seeing the tricks and the opposing side in the third person. If this condition has occurred, that is a sign that heart cheating has blossomed. After heart cheating, at certain moments, it will develop into physical cheating, such as sexual relations like husband and wife. “I need a good chat friend who makes me comfortable. It is a bit of pride to have a working partner.” (S1) “After I got married, two weeks I had an affair. Traveling, everything is paid for by him, no excuse to refuse.” (S2) “I cannot resist being seduced by his advances. He is my ex-fiancé. While having an affair with him, yes, as usual, we do sex activities, we often go to hotels.” (S3) Figure 2. Background of the Affair 46 Islamic Spouse Interdependence during an Affair Figure 3. Spouse Interdependence during an Affair How are the dynamics of Islamic spouse interdependence when an affair occurs? Research finds there are two stages. In the first stage, researchers found a decrease in spouse interdependence. This is marked by changes in the wife’s emotions and behavior, which often shows angry expressions, is rarely at home for various reasons, and is lazy to have sex with her husband. On the other hand, the wife’s interdependence with a third person has increased from emotional to sexual. In front of her husband, the wife has an alibi by saying that relations with third persons are limited to cooperative relations, namely in professional work between lawyers and assistants (S1), lectures in postgraduate study programs (S2), and construction of new houses (S3). “We just like supervisors and assistants. My husband knows. I explained to my husband like that” (S1) “I also have various reasons, go to college, do fitness, that is just to meet him” (S2) “I always have to lie to my husband, make excuses for being unable to return (go home). Right now, I am building a house in another city. I like to ask permission from my husband to say goodbye, not to go home because I go there, and every time I go there, I meet my ex.” (S3) In the second stage, the affair is already leading to romantic love. This condition is a dilemma for wives, especially for bachelor and doctoral students who have been married for more than ten years and are blessed with children. The situation is slightly different for S2, who does not have a baby yet. S2 strongly wants to have a long-term affair by seizing a third person from his legal wife. “Until the end, I felt I was too dangerous, too far, because he seemed to really want to have me to be his wife. In fact, I was not intended to be with him. I just wanted it to be a distraction.” (S3) “Incidentally, he is indeed more capable than my husband. I feel like I want to be his second wife, or just take it away from his legal wife.” (S2) In the condition of the wife in a dilemma, the husbands read the signs of decreasing interdependence in the first stage (see Figure 3). Husbands also make confirmation efforts by observing changes in the wife’s emotions and behavior. The result is suspicion of all possibilities that could threaten the integrity of the spouse relationship. The husband is active in investigations, either secretly following his wife or openly hounding his wife with questions to dismantle the wife’s alibi and third-person cooperation. In S2, the husband even managed to uncover the affair at a hotel while the wife and third person were out on a date. 47 “My husband has been suspicious for a long time. I often do not come home.” (S1) “My lover wrote letters to my husband. From there, he understood and interrogated me.” (S3) “Two weeks later, we found out to if I had an affair at the hotel, you know.” (S2) Figure 4. Affair Uncovered What makes wives stop having affairs? The revelation of a wife’s infidelity has strained the relationship between husband and wife (see Figure 4). Husbands filled with anger due to a breach of trust carry out verbal and non-verbal aggressive behaviour. Verbal aggressive behavior included continuing to accuse the wife (S1, S2, S3), as well as death threats (S1, S2) and threats to make the wife a commercial sex worker (S2). The disclosure of the affair, followed by the husband’s aggressive behavior made the wife feel so wrong that she apologized to her husband. The wife also surrenders and allows her husband to repay her with similar behavior, namely, having an affair with another woman. “My husband is looking for me and wants to kill me if I stay with my affair” (S1) “My husband was angry, I was dropped off on the street, and he wanted me to become a prostitute. My husband also almost killed me, so I am afraid to repeat this action” (S2) “It is okay if he reciprocates with another woman, as long as it stays intact” (S3) At the same time, the wife also experiences a change in perception where a third person is not as good as one might think, including only eyeing the money (S1), taking advantage of innocence without any responsibility (S2), and taking revenge on the husband who stole her in the past (S2). S3). The discovery of an affair by a husband caused a severe shock to the spouse relationship, the nuclear family, and the extended family. In this study, husbands find it difficult to accept wife’s infidelity. “I paid more for my assistant at that time. He married another woman.” (S1) “I feel used. He does not love me sincerely. I just want the sensation of sexual activity. He is not as gentle as I imagined.” (S2) “And she even sent letters to husbands. I found letters explaining that I went to this hotel, went to that hotel, how many days, and on what date, that is all complete. He did like that. I am getting scared. He wants revenge, right? My husband stole me when I was engaged to him.” (S3) Restoration of Spousal Interdependence How are the dynamics of interdependence relations recovery? Relationship restoration is initiated by the wife (see Figure 5). Guilt drives the wife to apologize repeatedly since the affair was discovered. 48 In addition, the wife shows a succumbing attitude to her husband in many ways. The wife’s recovery efforts to bind a husband’s forgiveness in a complicated affair are strenuous. “My husband is a loyal person, even though I betrayed him. He is willing to accept me as long as I will not repeat what I have done to my husband” (S1) “I keep apologizing. And I try to survive with my husband to this day. I do not want to repeat that sin because I am afraid of the risk that my husband is very temperamental and sometimes gets angry” (S2) “My husband has also forgiven me, but yes, I still feel pressure to this day because my husband likes to ask questions” (S3) What about husbands who are victims of infidelity, like in this case? The husband is willing to maintain the marriage because he considers changes in his wife, namely focusing on household chores, reducing activities outside the home, and paying attention to social norms. Besides, the Muslim wife participants repented to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala for their actions while praying their husbands would open the door for forgiveness. Even so, husbands must be vigilantly accompanied by increased control over their wives’ activities. It is a promotive interaction. Wives want to maintain their relationship with their husbands even at all costs. This study found that the wife was willing to reciprocate with a husband with similar behavior, having an affair with another woman. Until this research was conducted, at least the three wives and their husbands had decided to resume their marriage. The meaning (eidos): Wives interpret infidelity as interdependence with the opposite sex, violating religious and social norms and risks damaging the marriage. Wives are willing to make amends for this violating behavior with various efforts to maintain the relationship. Figure 5. Improvement of Interdependence Relations DISCUSSION Research has found that cheating on a Muslim wife is motivated by multiple factors. First, the driving factor of the husband is a deficiency condition. Research conducted by Mtenga et al. (2018) also found that infidelity in women is based on financial problems and a lack of support from husbands. A husband’s deficiency condition can reduce the value as Apostolou and Panayiotou’s (2019) findings show that cheating is driven by a partner’s value which decreases or at least remains constant in terms of health and work. On the other hand, the self-esteem of the cheater has increased. Even though the husband’s deficiency condition reduces the wife’s interdependence, adaptation mechanisms make a marriage last (Alfaruqy & Indrawati, 2021). Second, the pull factor from a third person (attractive factor). Someone’s activities outside the home are fertile ground for growing the seeds of infidelity in research. In line with the principle of proximity, where proximity creates interpersonal interest (Branscombe & Baron, 2017). Third, the 49 internal determinants of the wife’s individual. Push factors (the husband’s deficiency) and pull factors (togetherness) will only give rise to infidelity if there are determining factors in the form of the wife’s personality and decision-making. A wife who is interested in having an affair has a personality that is easily influenced by others. This description of the wife’s personality contrasts with the findings of Emmers-Sommer et al. (2010), which show that people who choose to be faithful to the temptation of infidelity, among others, have personal characters that are moral, honest, and clear-headed. In addition, the person values commitment and adheres to social norms. Research categorizes infidelity into two stages. In the first stage, researchers found a decrease in spouse interdependence. The wife’s interdependence with a third person has increased from emotional to sexual. The findings of previous studies consistently state that infidelity in women is dominated by emotional infidelity (Blow & Hartnett, 2005; Buss, 2017; Dunn & Biller, 2018; Scheeren et al., 2018). Referring to Subotnik and Harris’s (2009) categorization of the depth of infidelity, the wives’ infidelities in this first stage have gone beyond serial affairs and stepped on to flings affairs. Flings affair is a type of affair that lasts between one and three months due to circumstances that allow a meeting with a third person. The peculiarity of this affair is emotional and sexual pleasure. An affair between a wife and a third person illustrates the dynamics of joint control, where the wife and third person have control over each other, and no one is more dependent on one other. Meanwhile, the wife towards her husband describes the dynamics of actor control, in which the wife unilaterally reduces interdependence with her husband. The affair led to a romantic love affair in the second stage. At this stage, high emotional involvement and thoughts unite in life (Subotnik & Harris, 2005). This condition is a dilemma for the wife whether to continue the long-term affair. A person who has entered into a long-term affair will find it difficult to escape because of the strong interdependence built by his mistress. Research conducted by Sari and Koentjoro (2019) found that a mistress maintains interdependence with men who are already married by involving psychological aspects, emotional ties, and sexuality. The main intrinsic factor that attaches mistresses to men who cheat is the need to belong. The extrinsic factors include physical (manly), psychological (charisma, affection), position, and wealth. This complexity perpetuates the interdependence of the affair. The discovery of an affair by a husband caused a serious shock to the marital relationship, the nuclear family, and the extended family. This is in line with the findings of (Pour, 2019), which show that infidelity affects children and the extended family. In this study, husbands find it difficult to accept wife’s infidelity. In line with Buss et al. (2017) that men hate promiscuity and their wife’s infidelity more than any behavior. Husbands more hate a wife’s disloyalty in sexual terms than a wife’s infidelity in terms of emotional closeness (Dunn & Billett, 2018). The wife initiates relationship restoration. The recovery efforts made by the wife are not easy to bind a husband’s forgiveness in an affair that is difficult. This is in line with the comparative research of Khairani and Sari (2019), which found that husbands who are victims of infidelity are less forgiving than wives who are victims. In the case of the wife, who is the victim of infidelity, the wife is willing to defend the marriage because she thinks about the children (Rahayu, 2019). What about husbands who are victims of infidelity, like in this case? The husband is willing to maintain the marriage because he considers changes in his wife, namely increasing worship, focusing on domestic work, and reducing activities outside the home. The Muslim wife repented to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala for their actions while praying their husbands would open the door for forgiveness. Even so, husbands still need to be vigilantly accompanied by increased control over their wives’ activities. From the perspective of interdependence theory (Lange & Rusbult, 2012), the dynamics of husband and wife after an affair describes the dynamics of actor control, which 50 the wife initiates as an effort to maintain the relationship. The husband is placed as the dominant party who exercises control in the relationship. Brown (in Olson et al., 2019) identifies six stages of infidelity. First, the stage where there is a bad climate in the relationship, such as hurt feelings, dissatisfaction, and unresolved differences of opinion. Second, the stage where the aggrieved party commits betrayal while the other party ignores it. Third, the stage where the affair is revealed where all parties do not expect it, and it takes much time to understand why this happened in the marriage. Fourth is the crisis stage in marriage. Fifth is when all parties decide to continue and rebuild their marriage. Sixth is the stage of forgiveness. Until this research was conducted, at least the three wives and their husbands had reached the fifth stage. The research found that the wife interprets infidelity as interdependence with the opposite sex, violating religious and social norms and damaging the marriage. The wife is willing to make amends for this violating behavior with various efforts to maintain the relationship. Counseling can be done to parse this problem. According to Rogers, counseling experts and psychotherapists have at least three characteristics (counselors): congruence, unconditional positive regard, and empathy. The role of the counselor is as an advisor who provides direction with the knowledge they have (informative and educational). Through family counseling, it is expected to be able to assist couples through the family system so that they can make resolutions to problems and change patterns of relationships to become healthier based on a willingness to help from all family members based on willingness and love for family (Alfaruqy & Indrawati, 2022). Counseling based on Islamic law can be an alternative to build awareness that marriage is a worship to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta’ala (God Almighty). Finally, this research encourages spouses to be faithful in their spouse relationships. Loyal people have satisfaction in relationships, do not want to hurt their partner, or personal character, adhere to marital commitments, think about the family’s future, and understand social sanctions (Emmers- Sommer et al., 2010). The loyal person rationally considers the potential harm from the extramarital activity and the benefits of his current legal relationship (Apostolou, 2019). The potential losses in question are related to the problems obtained, social stigma, partner reactions, embarrassment, opportunities for reciprocity from partners, and termination of relations in the form of divorce. The benefits are related to satisfaction in relationships. CONCLUSION The Muslim wife’s infidelity has a multi-factor background, originating from the husband, the third person, and the wife herself. Marital relations reflect the interdependence of Muslim husband and wife. This relationship becomes dynamic and complex because of the presence of a third person. The relationship is in the form of actor control during an affair. A wife who has an affair unilaterally reduces her dependence on her husband and increases her dependence on her cheating partner. The relationship transforms into a controlling partner after the affair. The wife feels guilty for betraying her husband. Nonmutual relations that are manifested in permissive behavior towards husbands are also initiated by wives as an effort to atone for guilt and maintain a marriage. For the meaning (eidos), the wife interprets infidelity as interdependence with the opposite sex, violating religious and social norms and damaging the marriage. The wife is willing to make amends for this violating behavior with various efforts to maintain the relationship. This research has implications for the urgency of minimizing the factors that can increase the risks of infidelity in Islamic spouses (married couples). Their married life needs to be based on religious rules and social norms. This research has a limitation. This research only looks at one side, a wife’s perspective as the actor. For further research, we recommend involving husbands as informants for 51 cross-checking data or explicitly studying the psychological dynamics of husbands as the victims of infidelity. For society, especially Islamic spouses, we suggest actively avoiding unique relationships with other people outside the boundaries of Islam and social norms. As a preventive effort, the premarital counseling program from the Office of Religious Affairs can enhance some knowledge about patterns of healthy marital relationships also the potential and risks of adultery. As a curative effort, marriage counselors can promote the restoration of interdependent relationships and forgiveness. DECLARATION Acknowledgment The researcher thanks the research subjects who are willing to share their experiences openly and the Inspira Journal reviewers. Author contribution statement Muhammad Zulfa Alfaruqy led the research, including writing the introduction, methods, results, analysis, and conclusions. Endang Sri Indrawati assisted in interviewing research subjects. Funding statement This research was funded by the Faculty of Psychology, Universitas Diponegoro, with SK Dekan number 1240/UN7.5.11.2/PP/2020. Data access statement This research data can be asked through the first author. Declaration of interest’s statement The author declares no conflict of interest. Additional information No additional information is available for this paper. REFERENCES Afiatin, T. (2018). Psikologi perkawinan dan keluarga. Kanisius. Alfaruqy, M. Z. (2019). Bismillah, saya menikah: Studi kasus pembentukan keluarga ada pasangan mahasiswa. Al-Qolb, 10(2), 103-112. https://doi.org/10.15548/alqalb.v10i2.954 Alfaruqy, M. Z. & Indrawati, E. S. (2021). Keputusan mengakhiri relasi suami-istri: Sebuah studi fenomenologis. Psychopolytan: Jurnal Psikologi, 5(1), 8–19. https://doi.org/10.36341/psi.v5i1.1847 Alfaruqy, M. Z. & Indrawati, E. S. (2022). Kata maaf, apakah berarti damai? Relasi pasangan suami-istri di pusaran kekerasan dalam rumah tangga. Insight: Jurnal Pemikiran dan Penelitian Psikologi, 18(1), 16 – 30. https://doi.org/10.32528/ins.v18i1.3485 Anatassia, D.F. (2017). Teori interdependensi. In A. Pitaloka (Ed.), Teori psikologi sosial kontemporer (pp. 137- 157). Rajagrafindo. Apostolou, M. (2019). Why Greek-Cypriots cheat? The evolutionary origins of the Big-Five of infidelity. Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, 13(1), 71–83. https://doi.org/10.1037/ebs0000140 https://doi.org/10.15548/alqalb.v10i2.954 https://doi.org/10.36341/psi.v5i1.1847 https://doi.org/10.32528/ins.v18i1.3485 https://doi.org/10.1037/ebs0000140 52 Apostolou, M. & Panayiotou, R. (2019). The reasons that prevent people from cheating on their partners: An evolutionary account of the propensity not to cheat. Personality and Individual Differences, 146, 34–40. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2019.03.041 Apostolou, M., Constantinou, C., & Anagnostopoulos, S. (2019). Reasons that could lead people to divorce in an evolutionary perspective: Evidence from Cyprus. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage, 60(1), 27–46. https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2018.1469333 Blow, A. J. & Hartnett, K. (2005). Infidelity in committed relationships II: A substantive review. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31(2), 217–233. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2005.tb01556.x Buss, D. M. (2016). The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating (4th ed.). Basic Books. Buss, D. M., Goetz, C., Duntley, J. D., Asao, K., & Conroy-Beam, D. (2017). The mate switching hypothesis. Personality and Individual Differences, 104, 143–149. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2016.07.022 Butera, F. & Buchs, C. (2019). Social interdependence and the promotion of cooperative learning. In K. Sassenberg & M. L. W. Vliek (Eds.), Social psychology in action: Evidence-based interventions from theory to practice (pp. 111–127). Springer. Creswell, J. W. & Poth, C. N. (2018). Qualitative inquiry & research design: Choosing among five approaches. SAGE Publication. Dunn, M. J., & Billett, G. (2018). Jealousy levels in response to infidelity revealing Facebook messages depend on sex, type of message and message composer: support for the evolutionary psychological perspective. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 4(1), 17–23. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-017-0110-z Dunn, M. J. & Ward, K. (2020). Infidelity-revealing Snapchat messages arouse different levels of jealousy depending on sex, type of message and identity of the opposite sex rival. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 6, 38–46. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-019-00210-3 Emmers-Sommer, T. M., Warber, K., & Halford, J. (2010). Reasons for (non)engagement in infidelity. Marriage & Family Review, 46(6-7), 420–444. https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2010.528707 Forsyth, D. R. (2019). Group dynamics (7th ed.). Cengage. Irawan, M. N. S. & Suprapti, V. (2018). Hubungan antara kematangan emosi dan intensi berselingkuh pada individu dewasa awal yang sudah menikah. Jurnal Psikologi Pendidikan dan Perkembangan, 7, 8 – 17. http://repository.unair.ac.id/id/eprint/78184 Kahija, Y. F. L. (2017). Penelitian fenomenologis: Jalan memahami pengalaman hidup. Kanisius. Khairani, M. & Sari, D. P. (2019). Pemaafan pada individu yang mengalami perselingkuhan dalam pernikahan. An- Nafs: Jurnal Fakultas Psikologi, 13(1), 35-43. Lange, P. A. M. V. & Rusbult, C. (2012). Interdependency theory. Dalam P. A. M. V. Lange, A. W. Kruglanski, & E. T. Higgins (Eds.), Handbook of theories of social psychology (Vol. 2), (pp. 418-438). Sage Publication. Muhajarah, K. (2016). Perselingkuhan suami terhadap istri dan upaya penanganannya. Sawwa: Jurnal Studi Gender, 12(1), 23-40. https://doi.org/10.21580/sa.v12i1.1466 Mtenga, S. M., Pfeiffer, C., Tanner, M., Geubbels, E. & Merten, S. (2018). Linking gender, extramarital affairs, and HIV: a mixed methods study on contextual determinants of extramarital affairs in rural Tanzania. AIDS Research Therapy, 15(12), 1-17. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12981-018-0199-6 Olson, D. H., Defrain, J., & Skogrand, L. (2019). Marriages and families: Intimacy, diversity, and strengths. McGraw Hill. Pour, M. T., Ismail, A., Jaafar, W. M. W., & Yusop, Y. M. (2019). Infidelity in marital relationship. Psychology & Psychological Research International Journal, 4(2), 1-14. https://doi.org/10.23880/pprij-16000200 Presiden Republik Indonesia. (1974). Undang-Undang Nomor 1 tahun 1974 tentang Perkawinan. Sekretaris Negara Republik Indonesia. Rahayu, N. D. (2019). Memaafkan dan komitmen pernikahan pada istri setelah diselingkuhi oleh suami. Psikoborneo, 7(1), 180-193. http://doi.org/10.30872/psikoborneo.v7i1.4706 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2019.03.041 https://doi.org/10.1080/10502556.2018.1469333 https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.2005.tb01556.x https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2016.07.022 https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-017-0110-z https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-019-00210-3 https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2010.528707 http://repository.unair.ac.id/id/eprint/78184 https://doi.org/10.21580/sa.v12i1.1466 https://doi.org/10.1186/s12981-018-0199-6 https://doi.org/10.23880/pprij-16000200 http://doi.org/10.30872/psikoborneo.v7i1.4706 53 Redlick, M. (2016). The green-eyed monster: Mate value, relational uncertainty, and jealousy in romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 23(3), 505–516. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12140 Sari, D. K. & Koentjoro. (2019). Interdependensi wanita simpanan dan pasangannya. Jurnal Spirits, 9(2), 5-34. https://doi.org/10.30738/spirits.v9i2.6315 Sari, I. A. & M. Z. Alfaruqy (2021). Ikatan relasi suami-istri: Dinamika keputusan menikah saat pandemi COVID- 19. Psikostudia: Jurnal Psikologi, 10(3), 226-236. https://search.crossref.org/?q=psikostudia Scheeren, P. (2018). Marital infidelity: The experience of men and women. Trends in Psychology, 26(1), 355– 356. https://doi.org/10.9788/TP2018.1-14Pt Schultz, D. P. & Schultz, S.E. (2017). Theories of personality (11th ed.). Cengage Learning. Smith, J. A., Flowers, P., & Larkin, M. (2009). Interpretative phenomenological analysis. Sage. Subotnik, R. & Harris, G.G. (2005). Surviving infidelity: Making decisions recovering from the pain. Adams Media Corporation. Walgito, B. (2010). Pengantar psikologi umum. Penerbit Andi. Weiser, D. A. & Weigel, D.J. (2017). Exploring intergenerational patterns of infidelity. Personal Relationships, 24(4), 933-952. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12222 Yulianto, J. E. & Faturochman. (2018). Interdependensi pada relasi perkawinan. In Faturochman & Nurjaman (Eds.), Psikologi relasi sosial (pp. 120-137). Pustaka Pelajar. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12140 https://doi.org/10.30738/spirits.v9i2.6315 https://search.crossref.org/?q=psikostudia https://doi.org/10.9788/TP2018.1-14Pt https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12222