702 DECISION-MAKING ON DIVORCE FOR JAVANESE WOMEN IN INDONESIA Volume: 3 Number: 3 Page: 702 - 712 1Devi PUSPITASARI, 2Jatie. K. PUDJIBUDOJO, 3Hartanti HARTANTI 123Doctoral Study Program, Faculty of Psychology, University of Surabaya, Indonesia Corresponding author: Devi Puspitasari E-mail: devipuspitasari31@gmail.com Article History: Received: 2022-07-18 Revised: 2022-08-14 Accepted: 2022-11-11 Abstract: Javanese society has a philosophy of life that emphasizes harmony, harmony, and acceptance (nrimo) for everything that happens. Javanese marriage firmly places the role of women as the husband's konco wingking responsible for marital harmony, so if there is a conflict or divorce, the woman or wife becomes a party who is seen as negative because they are considered unable to serve their husbands. The divorce rate among Javanese women always increases and is two times higher than that of men (talak). The purpose of this study is to explain the process of making divorce decisions for Javanese women. This study uses an interpretive phenomenological qualitative method with in-depth interview data collection techniques. The technical analysis used is Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA). The study was conducted on three Javanese women divorced from their husbands. The criteria for the participants are Javanese women who have filed for divorce and have been divorced a maximum of six months before the interview, have children and are employed. The research locations are Kediri and Madiun. The location in the area is chosen because it has a strong Javanese culture. The results showed that the divorce decision-making process for Javanese women was complicated because of the stigma of being a widow. The decision-making process for divorce in Javanese women is influenced by eight factors: children, physical and emotional impacts, friendships and good memories, commitment to marriage, finances, support from friends and family, religiosity and Javanese expectations and ethics. Keywords: Divorce Decision Making, Women, Biopsychosocial. Cite this as: PUSPITASARI, D., PUDJIBUDOJO, J.K, HARTANTI. (2022) “Decision Making on Divorce for Javanese Women in Indonesia”. International Journal of Environmental, Sustainability, and Social Sciences, 3 (3), 702 - 712. INTRODUCTION Javanese marriage is a sideways extension of family ties between two groups or a pledge of membership in a group. Javanese marriage is the union of two somah (household) through the birth of grandchildren who are owned together (Geertz, 1985). Javanese marriage also proves that men can form independent households and harmonious families. Marital harmony can be achieved if there is balance and harmony between family members. The phenomenon is that Javanese families still have a strongly patriarchal culture that affects the relationship between husband and wife, including the division of roles in daily practice. Patriarchy gives the husband the freedom to show strength and power so that the wife is limited in making choices and tends to obey her husband's orders. According to Alfian Rokhmansyah in his book Introduction to Gender and Feminism, patriarchy comes from the word patriarchate, which means a structure that places men as the sole ruler, center and everything (Sakinah & Siti, 2013). According to Subiyantoro (2004), patriarchy is a term for social conditions in which men control power over women. Therefore this culture does not accommodate gender equality and balance, so women are not considered. The existence 703 of gender inequality limits the role of women, where women are shackled and discriminated against and become obstacles in society to get the same opportunities and access as men. Patriarchy in Javanese marriage put men in a stronger position suited to the role of breadwinners of the household. In contrast, women in lower positions can only take care of domestic affairs (Sihite, 2007). The term that describes the position of women in Javanese marriages, namely konco wingking, which means a back friend, illustrates that the wife is a supporter in managing the household, especially in raising children, cooking and preparing meals and making up to please her husband, known as Manak, masak, macak. Another term often used to describe the wife's position in Javanese marriages is surgo nunut neroko katut, meaning that the husband decides whether his wife will go to heaven or hell. If the husband goes to hell, then the wife will also go. If the wife has the right to go to heaven, but the husband goes to hell, then the wife must follow the husband goes to hell too (Putri & Lestari, 2015). Javanese society has a different measure of success from other cultures. The term dadi wong has a broad meaning to describe someone successful. Permanadeli (2015) states that dadi wong includes the three most dominant attributes, persistence, success and spiritual openness to help others. The important criteria for dadi wong are income, work and family. The success of the Javanese people in building a family is when they do not depend on the help of their parents or relatives. The more respectful children are to others, obedient and polite, they are a reflection of a harmonious family. A husband and wife relationship without conflict or bickering is considered a role model for a harmonious family. Interestingly, this harmony lies entirely in the hands of women (Permanadeli, 2015). If there are quarrels, disharmony or moral defects from family members, then the wife is to blame. The image of Javanese women who are gentle, obedient, accepting and responsible for marital harmony causes a negative perception of the status of "divorced widows" because Indonesian society, especially Java, builds a stigma that demeans women and glorifies men (Jelly, 2018). This vocabulary can be interpreted that a wife must be submissive, afraid and obedient to her husband in marriage and also tends to be attached to household chores, helping her husband from home, so if there is a conflict and divorce, the woman is blamed for being considered unable to maintain the marriage (Arvianti, 2011). The image of the two statuses, widow and widower, seems to have different meanings. Labels that are often attached to widows are "flirty women", "naughty women" or "shameless women" (Farida, 2007). In its arrangement, widows are considered "ex's" from ex-husbands and "bad women", while widowers are considered culturally ordinary and commonplace. The burden of family roles and social norms that consider widows is a disgrace. The disgrace is not only for the perpetrators of divorce but also for the extended family because marriage in Javanese society has a bilateral kinship relationship that unites not only men and women but also the "fusion" of the extended family of both men and women. Divorce is not an easy thing to do. This step is taken as the final solution to the problems faced by married couples. In Indonesia, with a Muslim majority population and still upholding Eastern culture, explaining the role of women as wives and mothers occupy a crucial position. The wife largely determines the happiness or misery in family life, so in divorce cases, women are often considered the guilty party. Especially in society generally socially views negatively on the status of widows and considers it a "disgrace or nightmare" for a large family, so in deciding to divorce, women will experience emotional challenges. Confusion, consideration, and doubt in self-conflict affect him and his family. So the assumption is that many women who experience marital problems and conflicts choose to stay in a marriage that causes suffering because of fears that they will become widowed. 704 The phenomenon that occurs is that the divorce rate from year to year shows an increasing trend. Based on data quoted by detik.com from the Website of the Supreme Court (MA) on Wednesday, March 3, 2019, as many as 419,268 married couples officially divorced throughout 2018. Of this number, the most initiatives to file for divorce were from women, namely 307,778, while the number of the men was as many as 111,490. This number represents divorces based on Muslim marriages, not including non-Muslim couples who divorce in the District Court (https://news.detik.com). In East Java, the Surabaya Religious High Court (PTA) recorded that the divorce rate in East Java throughout 2018 reached around 121,000 cases. East Java was the highest province in Indonesia for divorce rates. Many studies have been carried out on the causes of divorce in Indonesia. There are various reasons why women file for divorce. According to research by Khumas (2015), in South Sulawesi, women file for divorce because of domestic violence, infidelity, and irresponsible husbands in the household. Sari (2016) found the cause of Minangkabau women filing for divorce because of domestic violence and irresponsible husbands. This finding is from research conducted by Rahmalia & Sary (2018) in Medan that wives file for divorce because there is no husband's financial responsibility and burdens the wife and interference from outsiders such as in-laws, in- laws, neighbors and friends. Research in East Java shows that the cause of women filing for divorce is infidelity and all forms of domestic violence, namely physical, psychological, sexual, and economic violence (Puspitasari, 2020). The decision-making process for divorce is not an easy thing for Javanese women. Javanese women need time to decide on a divorce between 0 months and 2 years (Puspitasari, Pudjibudojo & Hartanti, 2000). These worries, anxieties and confusion make the divorce decision-making process for women a confusing experience (Fackrell, 2012). According to a survey conducted by Puspitasari, Pudjibudojo & Hartanti (2000), Javanese women in the process of making a divorce decision have considerations of children (59%), social status (10.3%), family (9%), finances (6.4%), religion (4%), threats (1.3%), worry about trauma to children (1.3%), and anxiety about living alone (1.3%). Javanese women are worried if divorce hurts children, being labeled a "broken home" child or rondo child, which can affect their psyche. Javanese women also consider social status related to the stigma of being a widow, being considered a lowly woman, "cheap" and often being gossiped about and sexually objected to by men. Based on the description above, it can be seen that deciding to divorce is a confusing experience for Javanese women. It is contrary to the phenomenon that occurs regarding the number of divorce cases which continues to increase yearly, even more than twice as much as talak. Therefore, the researcher conducted a study that focused on Javanese women who were divorce claimants. This study aims to determine and interpret the divorce decision-making process for Javanese women who are faced with the unpleasant choice of divorce or surviving in a marriage full of suffering. METHODS The research method used in this research is qualitative interpretive phenomenology. The approach used is an interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) technique because it is considered appropriate to explore the meaning of a person's experience (Kahija, 2017; Langdridge, 2007; Smith, Flowers, & Larkin, 2009) deeply. Science focuses on how a person views an experience or what a particular experience means to them. Participants in this study were selected purposively according to the established criteria and snowball. The criteria for the participants in this study were Javanese women in early adulthood, divorced (suing husband) a maximum of 6 months before the interview was conducted, working status, and having children. 705 Data collection techniques used in this case study are semi-structured interviews and observation. Researchers at this stage prepare an interview guide obtained and adapted from the theory of Wandering in Wilderness (Fackrell, 2012). Interview questions include pre-marital, marital, marital conflict and divorce decision-making experiences. The data analysis technique used IPA, which went through 6 stages, namely 1) appreciation of the transcript; 2) initial recording; 3) formulation of emergent themes; 4) formulation of the superordinate theme; 5) patterns among participants' experiences and 6) arrangement of all superordinate themes. Tabel 1. Demographics of Research Participants No Initial Marriage age Age at divorce Last education Job Number of children Reasons for filing for divorce Location of residence 1 Ani 14 years 39 year old Bachelor Souvenir entrepreneur 2 (girl) Infidelity and domestic economic violence Kediri 2 Cinta 10 years 36 year old Bachelor Police 3 (girl) Infidelity and the economy Kediri 3 Hani 16 years 35 year old Senior High School Pecel restaurant waiter 2 (girl) Husband's addiction to drugs and the economy Madiun RESULT AND DISCUSSION From the study results, eight key factors were considered in the decision-making process for divorce in Javanese women. The results obtained are the development of the Wandering in Wilderness theory (Fackrell, 2012). The eight key factors are 1) children; 2) physical and emotional impact; 3) friendship and good memories; 4) religiosity and hope; 5) commitment to marriage; 6) support of friends and family; 7) finance and; 8) Javanese ethics. The eight consideration factors lead to two opposite sides, namely those who support maintaining the marriage, the other and supporting divorce. The following describes each consideration in detail. Child. Children are the most significant consideration in the divorce decision-making process for Javanese women. Participants are worried that their children will lose their father figure. Participants even withdraw the divorce suit because they are still considering children and hope their husbands will return. "...aku mikir ya Allah anakku nanti ga ada ayahnya..ayahnya sama bundanya pisah trus gimana itu… akhirnya tak cabut lagi " “…sebenernya ditahun 2016 itu ya aku udah diingetin kamu segera ambil sikap.. segera ambil sikap tapi aku masih mempertahankan demi anak-anak…terus aku hamil lagi itu aku tambah mempertahankan …” From the quote above, it can be seen that children are a consideration that leads to considering marriage. Participants do not want their children to be "broken home" because they do not have a father figure. On the other hand, the child's consideration supports the participant's decision to divorce. Participants do not want children to see their parents always fighting. Participants want their children to have a better future, even if they are supported by divorce. “...Malah seneng ketoke wong aku ulang tahun iku malah aku di WA” “Selamat ulang tahun bu, semoga panjang umur, ndang oleh bapak anyar” (tertawa), kucluk kog” 706 (meaning) “… she seems happy. because when it was my birthday, I received a WA (whatsapp) chat "Happy birthday mom, all the best, get a new dad soon" (laughs), how funny” “…jadi aku trus mikir seandainya aku tak teruskan rumah tangga iki yang jadi korban adalah anak anak.. saya ndak mau jatuh kelubang yang sama saya nggak mau saya nggak mau eee anak anak saya jadi korban.” It was revealed that children cause deep confusion because they are the most important things in the participants' lives. Changes in meaning occur from initially leading to maintaining the marriage to supporting the decision to divorce. Physical and Emotional Impact. The process of deciding to divorce has a tremendous physical and emotional impact. This factor illustrates that participants experience emotional upheaval that impacts the physical. “...yang ada rasa dendam rasa benci …” “kacau kacau kacau sampek sekarang kalau aku mikirin aku kok koyok ngono yo hehehe dulu kok koyok wong edan..” (meaning) "messed up, messed up, messed up until now when I think about it, how come it is like that before, how come you are like a crazy person?” The physical and emotional impact made the divorce decision-making more complicated and confusing because the participants had difficulty reasoning. Friendship and Good Memories. Friendships, spending time together, and pleasant memories also influence divorce decision-making. The fostered marriage is not only about negative experiences but also about positive and loving experiences. “...tapi kita cek in di hotel dulu, namanya kita barusan nikah masih masih seger segernya yahh jadi menikmati banget..menikmati menikmati pernikahan…” “...jadi modelnya kalo abis apa gituu dia berusaha untuk cinta gini uh wess.. berusaha baik ngajak dolan gini gini.. akhirnya aku hamiil gituuu…” “...yo tipenya tipe piye mbak yaa, seneng bantuin jane mbak, momong, aku repot gitu ya dia bantu nyuci- nyuci, bantu bersih bersih rumah, jane ki yo rajin sih, begadang, nek anake gak mau makan yo diguendong ngalor ngidul ngono i di dulangi” (meaning) "…what type of person is he? Actually, he is happy to help, ma'am. Taking care of the children, when I am busy, he helps wash clothes and cleans the house. He is diligent and stays up late; if the child does not want to eat, he carries the child here and there and feeds." Factors of friendship and good memories lead to support for maintaining a marriage because it describes the husband's strengths. Religiosity and Hope. Important considerations in the decision-making process for Javanese women's divorce are religiosity and hope. The religiosity factor that supports participants to maintain marriage is that divorce is prohibited by religion and even sinful. According to religious leaders, here the kyai also argues that participants are prohibited from getting divorced because, at that time, it was not the right time. “...Alloh yang ngatur perceraian itu juga Alloh yang ngatur nanti suatu saat kalau orang tersebut sudah berhenti jodohnya Alloh itu akan memisahkan sendiri gitu loh gitu tuh kata pak kyainya gitu katanya Gusnya itu gitu jadi saiki gurung wektune awakmu pisah..wes pokoknya disuruh bertahan…” 707 (meaning) "...Allah is the one who arranges the divorce, also Allah who arranges if one day the person is not his soul mate, Allah will separate himself. That is according to Mr. Kyai. So now is not the time for you to part… just being told to survive". The religious factor supporting divorce is that participants believe God will not let his people continue to suffer and will protect them. “...terus aku dikasih disuruh berdoa, disuruh ini minum ini minum air putih ini terus didoain nanti hatinya akan tenang..gituu.. semua yang akan dilakukan itu akan dituntun oleh Allah nah itu wes akhirnya yoo.. ya wes sudah.. emboh.. aku terus yakin wes aku yakin aku harus pisah” (meaning) "…Then I was asked to pray. I was asked to drink this water and continue to pray so that my heart would calm down… I see.. Allah will guide everything that will be done, now that is the end, yes... I do not know… I then believed I had to separate” “...agama itu pentinglah bagi orang laki laki yang tau agama nantikan pastinya kan ga akan menyia nyiakan perempuan gitu…dan itu apa yah karna apaa.. mantan suamiku itu dasar agamanya tuh ga ada” Religion gives peace and creates deep confusion. Participants feel that religiosity and hope are both substantial factors that support maintaining marriage and divorce support. Commitment to Marriage. Participants consider marital commitment to require reciprocity. Participants are willing to improve themselves, change to please their husbands, accept their husbands for all past behavior, and are faithful to wait. “...berusaha memaafkan berusaha menerima gitu loh..loh saya sempat menerima loh itu ee...memaafkan jadi.. he eeh.. jadi gini loh jadi emm..tadi tuh gini memang purel TP itu seandainya kan tadi saya cerita seandainya kamu bisa merubah dirimu..” “...demi keutuhan rumah tangga aku wes berusaha mbak wes nek di rumah duandan macak… pakaian seksi sampek aku tuh beli baju baju tidur seng linjeri linjeri gitu…” (meaning) "for the sake of the integrity of the household, I have tried. When at home I preen. wearing sexy clothes until I bought that lingerie nightgown." Participants did not see that the husband changed even wilder than before. Husbands do not show improvement efforts to maintain a marriage, so participants feel confident about divorce. “..ya itu setelah anak ketiga semakin tak biarin semakin liar gini yo.. sudah pulangnya pagi jam 7 pernah… subuh.. terus sama orangtuaku yaa kurang hormat..ga ada komunikasi gitu loh..” “..duwek kuwi yo dadi anu mbak dadi dadi dadi dadi…dadi pemicune, pegel coro ngono wong ngekek i duwek kok dimaling neh, ora berubah…” (meaning) "Yes, the money was the trigger for the divorce. Yes, I was angry when I gave the money, but it was stolen again. The behavior did not change." Participants expect a reply from the husband to change his behavior to maintain the marriage. Participants are willing to wait and be faithful, but the behavior of the husband getting farther away makes the participants seriously consider divorce. A husband’s commitment to marriage strongly influences the participant’s decision whether to stay in marriage or divorce. Support of Friends and Family. The factor considered in the divorce decision-making process is the support of friends and family. This factor creates confusion because it leads to the 708 opposite of maintaining a marriage or getting divorced. Support from friends and family to maintain a marriage, among others, to maintain the good name of the family, especially parents. “…ibuk itu ojok gawe wirang bapakmu karo ibuk, gitu lo mestii jadii saya mau mikiir mau menggagalkan dan itu pertimbangan saya, saya ga gugat cerai itu yahh karnaa itu lagi mbak…” (meaning) "… do not embarrass your father and mother. So when I think about breaking the marriage, it comes to my mind. I am not filing for divorce because of that…" “...Kamu ga mikir anakmu gitu yang kontranya itu ada yang kontra seperti itu..opo wes mbok pikir tenanan gini gini gini…” (meaning) "…you do not think about your child? there is a contra like that. have you thought about it blah blah blah…." Support from friends and family who support divorce because they think the husbands of the participants are not grateful to have a wife who is empowered. Participants are also seriously considering divorce because their supportive parents and extended family feel sorry to see them get marital violence. “...sebenernya dari anak pertama itu orang tuaku udah nyuruh aku cerai tapi aku ndak mau masih berusaha takpertahankan” “Eh itu wes bener wi.. bojo koyok ngono gawe opoo ngene ngene ngene.. mesti wes duwe bojo kok ga bersyukur gini gini gini…” (meaning) "… that is already right... a husband like that for what blah blah blah... already has a wife why are not you grateful …" “Nek ibu yo, aku yo ngesakno ning kowe nek dingenekno terus….” (meaning) "If it is mom, I feel sorry for you if you continue to be treated like this.” Social support is like a double-edged sword. For some, it helps to gain confidence in the decision to leave the divorce crossroads, but for others, it plunges them into more confusion. Finance. Finance is an essential factor in the divorce decision-making process. It is interesting because the participants are independent in the economy and can support themselves and their children. “…Ya ya aku berfikirku ngene loh piye iki engko lek gak dikek i jatah teko de e.. piye yo aku iso ndak yo.. menyukupi anakku yo engko gek gak cukup punya pikiran gek gek gek iku lo akhirnya…” (meaning) “...I was thinking like, what will happen if I do not get a share from him… can I meet my child's needs or not, what if I do not have enough? I keep thinking about how it ends…" “… pokoke aku sejak jualan punya uang iki coro ngono aku maleh dadi duwe rasa percaya diri, mboktinggalo aku isok ngopeni anakku, soale kan aku berubah, sejak jualan kan aku bisa beli ini beli itu…” (meaning) "Since I started selling, I have my own money and self-confidence. If you leave, I can support my son because I changed. since selling, I can buy this and that…." 709 The financial situation in the marriage left the participants in a state of confusion. For Participants who are economically empowered, in reality, it is also not easy to decide to divorce. Participants have concerns about the future of the child. Economic independence also supports divorce because they feel they can support themselves and their children. Javanese Etiquette. Participants live in neighboring areas and neighborhoods still thick with Javanese culture. Women in Javanese society are "demanded" to obey, not argue, be gentle, and accept all treatment from their husbands even though they are wrong. “...yah gitu piye yo..wong wedok iku kudu seng sabar ojok gampang nesuan ojok gampang nuntut.. dadi bojo kuwi sing nrimo trus awakmu ojok koyok ngono kasar eram karo bojomu ra oleh iku dusoo gitu loh mba.. jadi walaupun bojomu koyok ngono dadi wong wedok kudu tetep apik ngono…” (meaning) "…how it is, the woman must be patient. do not get angry easily, do not demand… so the wife must accept, do not be so rude to your husband, it is a sin… so even if your husband is like that, women still have to be kind…." Being a woman and a wife in a society still thick with Javanese culture must be good at maintaining the family's good name. Mikul dhuwur mendem jero, which means a wife must be able to cover her husband's disgrace because the good or bad behavior of the husband is the wife's responsibility. “...Iya makanya akhirnya kadang aku cuma memendam gitu.. pegeeell gitu tok” “Iya biar dilihat bahagia toh.. ga tau untuk menutupi aja..malu punya suami seperti itu harusnya kan suami melindungi ini malah mukuli” The demand that women have to be patient, so divorce is a bad thing in society. Divorce is a disgrace that has a negative impact not only on participants but tarnishes the good name of the entire extended family. “...kan namanya gimana yah perceraian di itu kan sesuatu yang tabu kan masihan walaupun buanyak sekali kasus tapi bagi kami itu itu masih sesuatu yang tabu lek iso ojok sampek cerei kudu di pertahani mati matian gitu loh” (meaning) “...How to explain it, divorce is something that is still taboo even though there are so many cases. but for us it is still something taboo, if possible don't get divorced. must be maintained to the end...” “...lek awakmu nggugat cerai bapakku pas itu itu abis kenak stroke, kenak serangan jantung..awakmu ape nyekakne bapake?” (meaning) “if you filed for divorce, my father at that time had a heart attack stroke... do you want to make your father die?” Divorce is considered a disgrace, making the perpetrators, especially Javanese women, stigmatized. The stigma of widowhood causes participants to worry about being looked down on as “naughty” women, unable to serve their husbands and being gossiped about. “...Ehm.. ya bayangannya ya eh rondo anak 3..piye yo omonganne uwong piye yo? Terus aku nanti mendapatkan bisa mendapatkan jodoh lagi gak ya.. soale aku bawa anak 3 piye yo” 710 (meaning) “…Ehm… my concern is the widow status of 3 children. What do people think? then I can get a mate again or not… because I have three children, how about that." Divorce does not only hurt Javanese women. Divorce is a disgrace to children and their extended families. The stigma of divorce and widowhood makes participants fall into indecision during the divorce decision-making process. RESULT AND DISCUSSION Fackrell (2012), in his research, found that someone who is at the crossroads of divorce is like falling into the "wilderness", where the person feels confused and confused. Kanewischer & Harris (2014) research on women at the crossroads of divorce to decide to divorce or reconcile the marriage explains that they are baffled and confused with many pushes and pulls influenced by comparisons of unknown future circumstances, full of uncertainty, lost direction, such as "roller coaster", unstable. There are even thoughts of hurting yourself. Fackrell (2012) and Kanewischer & Harris (2014) conducted research in America, which has different cultures from Indonesia. In Indonesia, perpetrators of divorce experience more shame and sexual innuendo, especially among widows. The satire on widows is triggered by the notion that sexually experienced women want to have sex with anyone and pose a threat to married women (Parker et al., 2015). Divorce is a disgrace not only for women who hold the status of widows themselves but also for large families because they are considered to be doing things that are against the norm. The stigma of divorce makes women decide to divorce in deep inner conflict. Javanese ethics are all norms and judgments for Javanese people to know how humans should live their lives (Magnis-Suseno, 1985). The benchmark of the Javanese people's view is to achieve a particular psychological state: calm, tranquility and equanimity. Javanese society accepts all elements in life if it creates a pleasant experience (El-Jaquene, 2019). Elements in life include marriage and Javanese family. A family is considered capable of dadi wong if there are no quarrels and disputes, educating children according to norms, and creating a virtuous next generation (Triratnawati, 2005). Participants experienced problems that resulted in continuous marital conflict. Participants experienced domestic violence and had a desire for divorce. Participants' desire to divorce is not easy because there are important considerations before making a decision. The considerations in the process of filing for divorce are 1) children; 2) physical and emotional impact; 3) friendship and good memories; 4) commitment to marriage; 5) social support; 6) religiosity and hope; 7) finance and; 8) Javanese ethics. Participants no longer want to maintain their marriage. However, Javanese ethics regarding wives' obligations to husbands, such as Mikul nduwur mendem jero, son of father keparadah, and surgo nunut neroko katut, make participants experience intrapersonal conflicts. Intrapersonal conflict occurs within oneself when beliefs conflict with the cultural values of society (Hunt & Metcalf, 1996). Intrapersonal conflicts of participants because they are both faced with bad choices, survive in a violent marriage or divorce with the consequences of the stigma of divorce and widowhood. The stigma of widows as "naughty" women, usurpers for other people's husbands, and unable to serve their husbands was a consideration that attracted participants to maintain their marriages. The most significant consideration of the participants in the child. There is concern that the divorced child will lose a father figure. Ostracized and became the subject of gossip. A "normal" family consists of two parents and their children and a nurturing environment that has the potential to optimize the child's growth and development. One of the family functions is to provide for children's basic needs, namely affection or emotional maturity. Parents develop complementary roles and work together to achieve a harmonious family. Father's and mothers' roles are equal in providing comfort and security for children. Divorce demands a change or 711 transition of family functions. The role of the father or mother can be lost with separation and displacement (divorce means separation of house and separation of responsibilities). The role of the missing father or mother raises concerns that the child will become a "broken home" and receive social sanctions "rondo child" which affects his psyche. Proulx (1991), Fackrell (2012) and Sari (2016) stated that divorce raises concerns if the ex-spouse gets a new partner and the new partner does not give sincere love to their child. The formation of a new family for the ex-spouse causes limited access to meetings with children. The Javanese family has an interdependent relationship. Humans cannot stand alone because the culture of collectivism, cooperation and "guyub" prioritizes togetherness, especially with extended family and friends. Javanese society is a unit that prioritizes togetherness, including kinship. Someone making important decisions on a broad scope generally involves a large family. Participants in the juncture of divorce ask for advice and support from their father, mother, relatives, and even close friends. The suggestion could be in the form of support for maintaining the marriage or for divorce, which causes more profound doubts. Finance is also an essential factor to consider in making a divorce decision. Divorce has an impact on family finances because expenses increase for divorce costs, become the backbone of the family as well as take care of children and pay for their future. CONCLUSION The decision-making for divorce in Javanese women is a confusing event, filled with emotional turmoil due to the considerations that influence it. Participants considered eight critical factors for filing for divorce. These factors are 1) children, 2) physical and emotional impact; 3) friendship and good memories; 4) commitment to marriage; 5) social support; 6) religiosity and hope; 7) finance and; 8) Javanese ethics. 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