CHANCELLOR ANGELA MERKEL


 

 
 
 
 
 
 
Chancellor Angela Merkel: a Celtic satire  
 
Anthony Stephens 
 
She leads all Germany. Wagner’s vision splendid 
trots through the gore of the party-room, choosing the slain 
like fruit for a glacé tart. ‘No Bavarian 
quinces this time round! Imagine: poor, dear Chirac 
broke a filling on that sour Stoiber!’ But as well she’s 
Catherine the Great – and guess who’s coming to Stralsund: 
yes! Bush no less! All the star-force boys togged-up as peasants, 
happily lining the empty streets, waving flags, 
folk-dance the Great Friend by. No girls in the act? 
But how would Bush notice, when next to him Angela 
outshines the rest of her sex? – whispers sweetly: 
‘My Potemkin, my pumpkin, my strudel!’ into  
the President’s ear… What a shame it’s turned off. 
 
 
Meanwhile Germany greys. Not even a Grand Coalition 
can get them breeding again, and always: more and more Turks. 
Angela has the Nation’s top chemists all slaving 
on Project Late Afternoon, a Schwarzwälder Torte 
so aphrodisiac that even affluent singles 
will go it like rabbits, while unused condoms uncurl 
amid cake crumbs and spilled coffee: her legacy to the Nation. 
‘Shall I call it Donner und Blitz or Coup de foudre? Such 
a strain to be so European – and keep the place clean! 
And pensioners – more and more piggy-back on one worker! 
What’s wrong with the joys of motherhood? It’s subsidised! 
God knows: they’ve been told off to show me surrounded by kiddies: 
the Nation needs procreation – just nibble this cake!’ 
 
 
‘Schröder left messes – him and his Russian gas! – he made too 
many of them Germans, just for filling the schools 
with offspring who can’t learn grammar! And mess multiplies: 

 
PORTAL Journal of Multidisciplinary International Studies Vol. 3, no. 2 July 2006 

the banks are all selling each other over the border; 

ISSN: 1449-2490 
http://epress.lib.uts.edu.au/ojs/index.php/portal 
 



Stephens  Chancellor Merkel 

Volkswagen’s gone to Brazil and Mercedes in Mysore’s 
using child labour – more plum cake for Spiegel to scoff! 
And – all the time –  the yeasty deficit rises; scandals, 
turncoats, critics sour the mix. The West’s still cruel 
to the East, health’s too dear, Brussels is brutal – really, I’ve so 
little time to bestride the world stage, waving my spear, 
like the Valkyrie I am – let alone ride! Such a shame Wagner 
left out the Grand Coalition. At least I’ll be offstage 
before Götterdämmerung, calming my nerves –  baking cakes!’ 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 
PORTAL vol. 3 no. 2 July 2006  2 


	Anthony Stephens