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         M. P., 17th cent.
      
       
         
           1661
        
      
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             A character of coffee and coffee-houses by M.P.
             M. P., 17th cent.
          
           10 p.
           
             Printed for John Starkey,
             London :
             1661.
          
           
             Reproduction of original in the Harvard University Library.
          
        
      
    
     
       
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         eng
      
       
         
           Coffeehouses -- England -- Moral and ethical aspects.
           Coffee -- Moral and ethical aspects.
        
      
    
     
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           A
           CHARACTER
           OF
           COFFEE
           AND
           Coffee-Houses
           .
        
         
           By
           M.
           P.
           
        
         
         
           LONDON
           ,
           Printed
           for
           
             Iohn
             Starkey
          
           ,
           neer
           the
           Devil-Tavern
           ,
           by
           Temple-Barr
           .
           1661.
           
        
      
    
     
       
         
         
         
           A
           CHARACTER
           OF
           COFFEE
           AND
           COFFEE-HOUSES
           .
        
         
           A
           Coffee-house
           is
           free
           to
           all
           Comers
           ,
           so
           they
           have
           Humane
           shape
           ,
           where
           a
           Liquor
           made
           of
           an
           Arabian
           Berry
           called
           Coffee
           is
           drunk
           .
           Six
           or
           seven
           years
           ago
           was
           it
           first
           brought
           into
           England
           ,
           when
           the
           Palats
           of
           the
           English
           were
           as
           Fanatical
           ,
           as
           their
           Brains
           .
           Like
           Apes
           ,
           the
           English
           imitate
           all
           other
           people
           in
           their
           ridiculous
           Fashions
           .
           As
           Slaves
           they
           submit
           to
           the
           Customes
           even
           of
           Turky
           and
           India
           .
           Doth
           the
           French-man
           wear
           Feathers
           in
           his
           Hat
           ,
           and
           Pantaloons
           to
           hide
           his
           stradling
           ?
           Believe
           it
           ,
           the
           English-man
           will
           be
           
             a
             la
             mode
             de
             France
          
           .
           With
           the
           Barbarous
           Indian
           he
           smoaks
           Tobacco
           .
           With
           the
           Turk
           he
           drinks
           Coffee
           .
        
         
           
           
             The
             English-man
             ,
             might
             he
             himself
             misplace
             ,
             
          
           
             Sure
             to
             be
             crosse
             ,
             would
             shift
             both
             feet
             and
             face
             .
          
        
         
           2.
           
           These
           capricious
           Islanders
           ,
           of
           the
           Hop
           ,
           Malt
           ,
           Cock
           ,
           China
           ,
           Rash-berry
           ,
           and
           other
           ingredients
           ,
           make
           and
           swallow
           as
           many
           and
           as
           various
           sorts
           of
           Drink
           ,
           as
           they
           amongst
           them
           have
           Sects
           and
           Opinions
           .
           They
           drink
           as
           much
           Canary
           ,
           as
           its
           native
           Countrey
           produceth
           .
           'T
           is
           said
           ,
           they
           devoure
           down
           a
           greater
           quantity
           of
           Wine
           ,
           (
           called
           Canary
           .
           )
           than
           the
           Canaries
           afford
           .
           All
           Countries
           send
           in
           hither
           their
           several
           sorts
           of
           Wine
           and
           other
           Liquors
           .
           This
           variety
           of
           drink
           satisfies
           not
           the
           voraginous
           Palat
           of
           the
           English.
           Even
           the
           Deserts
           of
           Arabia
           are
           ransackt
           for
           a
           Berry
           ,
           which
           made
           into
           a
           drink
           ,
           is
           as
           thick
           as
           puddle-water
           ,
           and
           so
           ugly
           in
           colour
           and
           tast
           ,
           that
           Poets
           hereafter
           will
           undoubtedly
           choose
           it
           ,
           as
           the
           best
           resemblance
           to
           describe
           the
           Stygian
           Lake
           by
           .
           Oh
           Heavens
           ,
           how
           do
           the
           English
           Palats
           differ
           from
           those
           of
           more
           sober
           Nations
           ?
           These
           preserve
           Snow
           to
           temper
           their
           Liquor
           with
           ,
           those
           gulch
           down
           Coffee
           even
           boyling
           in
           the
           Dish
           ,
           more
           eagerly
           ,
           than
           an
           almost
           ●●arved
           Dog
           doth
           lick
           up
           Pottage
           ,
           just
           then
           taken
           from
           the
           fierce
           fire
           .
           In
           time
           (
           sure
           )
           the
           English-man
           will
           swallow
           down
           burning
           Coals
           .
        
         
           3.
           
           Coffee
           is
           a
           Dryer
           ,
           and
           therefore
           with
           successe
           is
           drunk
           by
           those
           Gentlemen
           ,
           who
           are
           infected
           with
           the
           French-pox
           ,
           which
           is
           now
           become
           the
           Characteristal
           difference
           between
           the
           plumed
           Nobless
           and
           the
           high-shoon
           .
           Alas
           ,
           Vertue
           is
           a
           pedantical
           and
           vulgar
           quality
           .
        
         
           4.
           
           'T
           is
           extolled
           for
           drying
           up
           the
           Crudities
           of
           the
           Stomack
           ,
           and
           for
           expelling
           Fumes
           out
           of
           the
           Head.
           Excellent
           Berry
           !
           which
           can
           cleanse
           the
           English-man's
           
           Stomak
           of
           Flegm
           ,
           and
           expel
           Giddinesse
           out
           of
           his
           Head.
           Yet
           it
           is
           certain
           ,
           that
           for
           the
           small
           space
           of
           an
           hour
           or
           thereabouts
           it
           hath
           expelled
           out
           of
           an
           English
           head
           and
           Stomack
           these
           infirmities
           .
           But
           after
           such
           a
           little
           interval
           ,
           they
           return
           again
           .
           And
           the
           house
           being
           thus
           swept
           and
           cleansed
           ,
           seven
           Devils
           enter
           it
           .
           For
           Physicians
           say
           ,
           that
           Coffee
           causeth
           the
           Meagrim
           and
           other
           Giddinesses
           in
           the
           Head
           ,
           &c.
           
           Of
           this
           dayly
           experiment
           may
           be
           made
           :
           For
           if
           you
           set
           Short-hand-writers
           to
           take
           down
           the
           Discourse
           of
           the
           Company
           ,
           who
           prattle
           over
           Coffee
           ,
           it
           will
           be
           evident
           on
           reading
           the
           Notes
           ,
           that
           the
           talk
           is
           extravagant
           and
           exactly
           like
           that
           of
           the
           Academians
           of
           Bedlam
           ,
           and
           such
           ,
           as
           any
           others
           ,
           would
           be
           asham'd
           of
           ,
           but
           themselves
           .
        
         
           5.
           
           Coffee
           makes
           no
           man
           drunk
           .
           But
           for
           this
           ,
           it
           is
           no
           more
           to
           be
           commended
           ,
           than
           a
           Neates-tongue
           ,
           a
           dish
           of
           Anchovaes
           ,
           or
           a
           salt
           Bit
           ,
           which
           never
           yet
           intoxicated
           any
           man.
           For
           Coffee
           being
           mixt
           with
           the
           more
           drying
           smoak
           of
           Tobacco
           makes
           too
           many
           run
           to
           the
           Tavern
           or
           Ale-house
           to
           quench
           their
           thirst
           ,
           which
           they
           cannot
           satisfy
           ,
           till
           out
           of
           their
           gorged
           stomacks
           ,
           they
           send
           up
           rich
           Sacrifices
           to
           
             Liber
             Pater
          
           .
        
         
           6.
           
           This
           forein
           Liquor
           in
           truth
           qualifies
           the
           Vapours
           of
           Wine
           ,
           which
           makes
           your
           Good
           Fellows
           resort
           thither
           to
           heat
           their
           Stomacks
           made
           cold
           and
           infirm
           by
           their
           having
           powred
           thereinto
           too
           too
           much
           Wine
           ,
           and
           thus
           they
           inable
           their
           weak
           Stomacks
           to
           receive
           a
           new
           Load
           .
           But
           hereby
           in
           part
           may
           be
           made
           a
           Judgment
           of
           the
           good
           Company
           of
           this
           place
           .
           O
           Heavens
           !
           how
           well
           will
           the
           Barrels
           of
           Herings
           (
           imposed
           on
           these
           houses
           )
           agree
           with
           Coffee
           .
        
         
           7.
           
           Coffee
           being
           dry
           ,
           in
           proportion
           ,
           dryes
           up
           the
           Radical
           
           moisture
           .
           By
           constant
           use
           thereof
           ,
           a
           man
           becomes
           ,
        
         
           —
           ad
           unum
           Mollis
           opus
           —
        
         
           The
           other
           Sex
           hath
           just
           cause
           to
           curse
           the
           day
           ,
           in
           which
           it
           was
           brought
           into
           England
           ;
           Had
           Women
           any
           sense
           or
           spirit
           ,
           they
           would
           remonstrate
           to
           his
           Majestie
           ,
           that
           Men
           in
           former
           times
           were
           more
           able
           ,
           than
           now
           ,
           They
           had
           stronger
           Backs
           ,
           and
           were
           more
           Benevolent
           ,
           so
           that
           Hercules
           in
           one
           night
           got
           fifty
           Women
           with
           Child
           ,
           and
           a
           Prince
           of
           Spain
           was
           forc'd
           to
           make
           an
           Edict
           ,
           that
           the
           Men
           should
           not
           repeat
           the
           act
           of
           Coition
           above
           nine
           times
           in
           a
           night
           ,
           for
           before
           that
           Edict
           ,
           belike
           Men
           did
           exceed
           that
           proportion
           ;
           That
           in
           this
           Age
           ,
           Men
           drink
           so
           many
           Spirits
           and
           Essences
           ,
           so
           much
           Strong-water
           ,
           so
           many
           several
           sorts
           of
           Wine
           ,
           such
           abundance
           of
           Tobacco
           ,
           and
           (
           now
           at
           last
           )
           pernicious
           Coffee
           ,
           that
           they
           are
           grown
           as
           impotent
           as
           Age
           ,
           as
           dry
           and
           as
           unfruitful
           ,
           as
           the
           Deserts
           of
           Africk
           .
           Having
           remonstrated
           this
           ,
           they
           then
           would
           (
           were
           they
           wise
           )
           petition
           his
           Majesty
           to
           forbid
           Men
           the
           drinking
           of
           effeminating
           Coffee
           ,
           and
           to
           command
           them
           instead
           thereof
           to
           drink
           delicious
           Chocolate
           .
        
         
           8.
           
           'T
           is
           the
           Interest
           also
           of
           Women
           to
           have
           this
           drink
           damn'd
           ,
           lest
           the
           Men
           bereave
           them
           of
           one
           of
           their
           most
           excellent
           and
           appropriated
           Qualities
           ,
           that
           is
           Garrulity
           and
           Talkativeness
           .
           In
           this
           Age
           Men
           tattle
           more
           than
           Women
           ,
           and
           particularly
           at
           the
           Coffee-house
           ,
           when
           the
           number
           hath
           been
           but
           six
           ,
           five
           of
           them
           have
           talkt
           at
           one
           time
           .
           The
           Company
           here
           have
           out-talk'd
           an
           equal
           number
           of
           Gossipping
           Women
           ,
           and
           made
           a
           greater
           noise
           than
           a
           Bake-house
           .
           Men
           are
           here
           born
           down
           by
           clamour
           ,
           which
           resembles
           at
           times
           the
           noise
           of
           the
           Cataracts
           of
           Nilus
           ,
           but
           alwayes
           resembles
           a
           School
           ,
           fill'd
           with
           Children
           ,
           every
           one
           conning
           his
           Lesson
           aloud
           .
        
         
         
           9.
           
           Here
           Men
           carried
           by
           instinct
           sipp
           muddy
           water
           ,
           and
           like
           Frogs
           confusedly
           murmur
           Insignificant
           Notes
           ,
           which
           tickle
           their
           own
           ears
           ,
           and
           to
           their
           inharmonious
           sense
           ,
           make
           Musick
           of
           jarring
           strings
           .
           
             Hic
             fluvius
             Verborum
             ,
             vix
             gutta
             Mentis
             .
          
        
         
           10.
           
           In
           this
           confused
           way
           of
           gabbling
           the
           Coffee-drinkers
           fondly
           imagine
           ,
           that
           they
           make
           a
           better
           Consort
           ,
           than
           four
           and
           twenty
           Violins
           .
           They
           run
           from
           point
           to
           point
           ,
           from
           one
           subject
           to
           another
           ,
           as
           insensibly
           and
           as
           swifty
           ,
           as
           Polewheel
           runs
           division
           on
           the
           Base
           Viol.
           
        
         
           11.
           
           The
           day
           sufficeth
           not
           some
           Persons
           to
           drink
           3.
           or
           4
           dishes
           of
           Coffee
           in
           .
           They
           borrow
           of
           the
           night
           ,
           though
           they
           are
           sure
           ,
           that
           this
           drink
           taken
           so
           late
           ,
           will
           not
           let
           them
           close
           their
           Eyes
           all
           night
           .
           These
           men
           are
           either
           afraid
           to
           be
           alone
           with
           themselves
           ,
           or
           they
           to
           excess
           love
           Company
           ,
           so
           that
           they
           never
           set
           apart
           any
           time
           to
           converse
           with
           themselves
           .
           This
           ill-tasted
           Liquor
           (
           by
           what
           charms
           I
           know
           not
           )
           makes
           Men
           to
           neglect
           and
           forsake
           themselves
           ;
           for
        
         
           
             Who
             cannot
             rest
             ,
             till
             he
             good
             Fellows
             find
             ,
             
          
           
             He
             breaks
             up
             house
             ,
             turns
             out
             of
             dores
             his
             mind
             .
          
        
         
           12.
           
           At
           this
           place
           a
           man
           is
           cheated
           of
           what
           is
           ,
           by
           far
           more
           valuable
           than
           Mony
           ,
           that
           is
           ,
           Time.
           A
           constant
           Companion
           of
           this
           House
           going
           in
           all
           haste
           for
           a
           Midwife
           ,
           or
           to
           save
           the
           life
           of
           a
           Friend
           then
           dying
           ,
           must
           call
           in
           ,
           and
           drink
           at
           least
           his
           two
           dishes
           of
           Coffee
           and
           his
           two
           Pipes
           of
           Tobacco
           .
           And
           which
           is
           yet
           more
           wonderful
           ,
           many
           persons
           prefer
           Coffee
           ,
           (
           and
           the
           Company
           ,
           which
           love
           it
           )
           before
           the
           gain
           of
           money
           ,
           for
           many
           men
           neglect
           their
           Callings
           and
           Vocation
           ,
           to
           tattle
           away
           their
           time
           over
           two
           or
           three
           dishes
           of
           Coffee
           .
        
         
           13.
           
           Here
           is
           no
           respect
           of
           persons
           .
           Boldy
           therefore
           let
           any
           person
           ,
           who
           comes
           to
           drink
           Coffee
           sit
           down
           in
           the
           very
           
           Chair
           ,
           for
           here
           a
           Seat
           is
           to
           be
           given
           to
           no
           man.
           That
           great
           privilege
           of
           equality
           is
           only
           peculiar
           to
           the
           
             Golden
             Age
          
           ,
           and
           
             to
             a
             Coffee-house
          
           .
           However
           even
           here
           ,
           a
           small
           portion
           of
           Wit
           ,
           gilded
           over
           with
           an
           Estate
           ,
           hath
           an
           influence
           .
           Mony
           !
           
             Thou
             art
             the
             Man
             ,
             and
             Man
             but
             Dross
             to
             thee
             .
          
           Or
           with
           Iuvenal
           I
           may
           say
           ,
        
         
           —
           O
           nummi
           vobis
           hunc
           praestat
           honorem
           Vos
           estis
           fratres
           —
        
         
           So
           also
           is
           it
           here
           in
           respect
           of
           Titles
           ;
           Children
           do
           not
           more
           for
           a
           time
           value
           their
           Babies
           ,
           than
           Titles
           are
           for
           a
           while
           here
           gazed
           on
           .
           Even
           a
           —
           as
           such
           ,
           gains
           as
           good
           an
           opinion
           as
           the
           place
           is
           capable
           of
           .
           Light-things
           weigh
           much
           in
           those
           Scales
           ,
           which
           are
           here
           used
           ,
           Heavy
           ,
           little
           or
           nothing
           .
           Wisedom
           and
           Vertue
           are
           every
           where
           used
           ,
           as
           fanatical
           —
        
         
           14.
           
           Such
           is
           the
           humour
           of
           the
           Coffee-meetings
           ,
           that
           that
           person
           shall
           gain
           more
           love
           and
           respect
           ,
           who
           gives
           to
           the
           Company
           a
           Suger-plum
           ,
           than
           he
           who
           bestows
           gifts
           more
           befitting
           men
           to
           receive
           ,
           and
           he
           who
           hath
           attained
           the
           Art
           of
           making
           an
           agreeable
           *
           addresse
           to
           the
           Company
           ,
           and
           knows
           ,
           how
           by
           empty
           Complements
           to
           flatter
           them
           into
           a
           good
           opinion
           of
           themselves
           ,
           or
           to
           tattle
           to
           them
           little
           pleasing
           things
           ,
           shall
           assuredly
           thereby
           insinuate
           himself
           into
           their
           good
           opinion
           more
           than
           if
           he
           discoursed
           to
           them
           of
           the
           most
           Profitable
           Subjects
           with
           the
           deepest
           Judgment
           .
        
         
           15.
           
           Very
           critical
           and
           very
           discerning
           is
           the
           Assembly
           here
           .
           The
           Company
           within
           a
           very
           short
           while
           will
           look
           thorow
           and
           thorow
           the
           Prudentest
           and
           most
           cryed-up
           Person
           .
           A
           Weak
           part
           will
           quickly
           be
           found
           in
           him
           ,
           and
           not
           only
           Real
           but
           Imaginary
           Faults
           will
           be
           laid
           to
           his
           charge
           .
           A
           Man
           of
           Reputation
           is
           so
           tender
           a
           Creature
           ,
           that
           he
           should
           in
           a
           manner
           alwayes
           keep
           within
           dores
           ,
           and
           never
           come
           into
           the
           Air
           ,
           unless
           chosen
           ,
           and
           cleer
           .
           But
           by
           all
           means
           let
           him
           beware
           of
           the
           Coffee-house
           ,
           for
           here
           there
           is
           alwayes
           a
           thick
           smoak
           ,
           which
           will
           sully
           a
           fair
           colour
           .
           In
           plain
           terms
           ,
           an
           assiduous
           
           frequenting
           the
           Coffee-house
           ,
           and
           exposing
           reason
           ,
           parts
           and
           estimation
           ,
           by
           conversation
           ,
           to
           the
           open
           view
           of
           the
           Society
           ,
           renders
           them
           hereby
           first
           familiar
           ,
           then
           contemptible
           .
           Here
           a
           man
           too
           late
           will
           be
           taught
           ,
           that
           the
           most
           excellent
           Jewels
           ,
           to
           wit
           ,
           the
           Noblest
           Speculations
           ,
           the
           D●vinest
           Truths
           ,
           the
           most
           Exquisite
           Fancies
           ,
           the
           most
           Meritorious
           Actions
           ,
           and
           the
           most
           Complacential
           Humours
           prodigally
           thrown
           away
           amongst
           a
           mixt
           number
           of
           persons
           ,
           become
           as
           common
           ,
           as
           Gold
           was
           once
           in
           Ierusalem
           ,
           that
           is
           ,
           as
           common
           ,
           as
           Stones
           .
        
         
           16.
           
           Such
           is
           the
           mixture
           of
           Persons
           here
           ,
           that
           me
           thinks
           I
           cannot
           better
           express
           it
           ,
           than
           by
           saying
           ,
           That
           at
           these
           Waters
           meet
           all
           sorts
           of
           Creatures
           .
           Hence
           follows
           the
           Production
           of
           diverse
           monstrous
           Opinions
           and
           Absurdities
           .
           Here
           is
           a
           congress
           of
           old
           Rome
           and
           of
           new
           ,
           of
           
             Turky
             ,
             Geneva
          
           ,
           and
           Amsterdam
           .
           A
           Coffee-house
           ,
           like
           Logick
           ,
           the
           Lawyer
           ,
           and
           the
           Switzer
           ,
           will
           maintain
           any
           Cause
           .
        
         
           17.
           
           Infinite
           are
           the
           Contests
           ,
           irreconcileable
           the
           Differences
           here
           .
           The
           Society
           hath
           been
           divided
           about
           the
           manner
           of
           the
           creeping
           of
           a
           Louse
           .
           Were
           there
           not
           here
           ,
           a
           constant
           contention
           amongst
           the
           Elements
           of
           this
           Body
           ,
           it
           could
           not
           subsist
           .
           
             For
             should
             all
             agree
             ,
             and
             be
             of
             one
             Iudgment
             ,
             they
             would
             as
             it
             were
             become
             but
             one
             Person
             ,
             the
             House
             would
             be
             solitary
             ,
             and
             at
             last
             one
             or
             two
             Persons
             would
             be
             the
             whole
             Company
             .
          
        
         
           18.
           
           However
           ,
           though
           it
           resemble
           Amsterdam
           ,
           being
           divided
           into
           innumerable
           different
           Opinions
           ,
           yet
           is
           it
           free
           from
           effects
           of
           Sedit
           on
           or
           War.
           For
           there
           are
           no
           bloody
           Challenges
           here
           made
           ,
           much
           less
           Duels
           fought
           ,
           or
           Blows
           given
           .
           Will
           you
           know
           the
           reason
           ?
           The
           Company
           in
           this
           are
           more
           Couragious
           than
           wise
           ,
           that
           they
           contend
           about
           triffles
           only
           ,
           but
           they
           are
           more
           Wise
           than
           couragious
           ,
           in
           that
           they
           fight
           not
           for
           the
           Victory
           :
           so
           that
           in
           a
           true
           sense
           the
           Lion
           and
           the
           Lamb
           ly
           down
           together
           here
           .
        
         
         
           19.
           
           Such
           being
           the
           differences
           of
           Opinion
           ,
           and
           such
           the
           Tameness
           of
           the
           Company
           ,
           how
           can
           any
           one
           in
           reason
           ,
           think
           ,
           that
           a
           Coffee-house
           is
           dangerous
           to
           the
           Government
           ,
           that
           seeds
           of
           Sedition
           are
           here
           sown
           ,
           &
           Principles
           of
           Liberty
           insinuated
           ?
           A
           Coffee-house
           hath
           alwayes
           been
           as
           great
           a
           Friend
           to
           Monarchy
           ,
           as
           an
           Enemy
           to
           Liberty
           .
           The
           Principles
           of
           a
           Popular
           Government
           at
           the
           Rota
           were
           weakne'd
           ,
           and
           rendred
           contemptible
           .
           Men
           of
           such
           Contrary
           Judgments
           as
           here
           meet
           ,
           cannot
           justly
           be
           feared
           to
           Agree
           in
           a
           Conspiracy
           .
           And
           in
           truth
           they
           talk
           too
           much
           ,
           to
           be
           lookt
           on
           as
           dangerous
           ,
           and
           active
           Persons
           .
        
         
           20.
           
           Rather
           say
           the
           Fanaticks
           ,
           that
           this
           is
           not
           a
           place
           in
           which
           a
           great
           and
           generous
           Truth
           can
           be
           maintain'd
           ,
           that
           a
           Person
           full
           of
           such
           a
           Truth
           ,
           not
           being
           able
           to
           contein
           it
           ,
           is
           forc'd
           to
           whisper
           it
           in
           the
           ear
           of
           some
           Ingenuosus
           ,
           if
           he
           can
           find
           such
           a
           one
           .
           This
           is
           certain
           ,
           that
           who
           ever
           intends
           here
           to
           discourse
           of
           Worthy
           Subjects
           judiciously
           ,
           ought
           carefully
           not
           only
           to
           chuse
           his
           Time
           ,
           but
           to
           pack
           the
           Company
           ,
           that
           so
           he
           may
           be
           heard
           but
           with
           patience
           .
        
         
           21.
           
           On
           the
           other
           side
           ,
           who
           ever
           is
           troubled
           with
           impertinent
           Fancies
           and
           ridiculous
           Notions
           ,
           is
           here
           quietly
           heard
           and
           sometimes
           heraunged
           .
           The
           Relater
           hereof
           hath
           heard
           a
           young
           Gentleman
           affirm
           ,
           that
           he
           used
           to
           go
           to
           the
           Coffee-house
           purposely
           to
           vent
           his
           strange
           and
           wild
           Conceits
           ,
           and
           to
           rid
           himself
           of
           such
           bad
           Guests
           .
           An
           opinion
           ,
           how
           foolish
           or
           fond
           soever
           ,
           here
           receives
           entertainment
           .
           To
           this
           Coast
           ,
           as
           to
           the
           West-Indies
           ,
           you
           carry
           not
           rich
           Merchandises
           to
           Trade
           with
           ,
           but
           only
           Beads
           ,
           Looking-glasses
           ,
           Knives
           ,
           and
           such
           like
           ,
           nor
           shall
           the
           Merchant
           make
           returns
           of
           any
           other
           Commodities
           ,
           than
           such
           as
           are
           fit
           for
           the
           Pedlars
           box
           .
        
         
           22.
           
           Though
           the
           Coffee-house
           may
           be
           condemned
           for
           ill
           choice
           of
           subjects
           ,
           on
           which
           they
           discourse
           ,
           yet
           are
           the
           Company
           by
           many
           persons
           commended
           for
           this
           ,
           that
           every
           one
           of
           
           them
           abounds
           in
           his
           own
           sense
           ,
           and
           submits
           to
           the
           reason
           of
           no
           other
           Mortal
           ,
           following
           herein
           that
           great
           Example
           of
           the
           Men
           who
           inhabit
           the
           Lunary
           World
           ,
           who
           put
           the
           Monsieur
           in
           a
           Cage
           ,
           for
           discoursing
           like
           a
           Parrat
           in
           the
           words
           of
           Aristotle
           .
           Every
           one
           over
           Coffee
           discourseth
           those
           things
           ,
           which
           his
           own
           reason
           or
           fancy
           inspire
           him
           with
           ,
           and
           he
           ,
           who
           cants
           in
           the
           terms
           of
           Aristotle
           ,
           or
           argues
           by
           Book
           ,
           is
           lookt
           on
           to
           want
           terms
           and
           reason
           of
           his
           own
           ,
           
             &
             jurare
             in
             verba
             Magistri
          
           .
        
         
           23.
           
           Yet
           here
           being
           neither
           Moderators
           ,
           nor
           Rules
           ,
           (
           were
           there
           no
           other
           reason
           )
           a
           Man
           shall
           as
           soon
           fill
           a
           Quart
           Pot
           with
           Discourse
           ,
           as
           Profit
           by
           it
           .
           He
           may
           as
           rationally
           expect
           to
           carry
           a
           Ship
           from
           the
           River
           of
           Thames
           to
           the
           East-Indies
           without
           a
           Pilot
           or
           Rules
           of
           Navigation
           ,
           as
           to
           manage
           a
           discourse
           successefully
           ,
           or
           in
           this
           School
           to
           bring
           it
           to
           a
           good
           Issue
           .
        
         
           24.
           
           A
           School
           it
           is
           without
           a
           Master
           .
           Education
           is
           here
           taught
           without
           Discipline
           .
           Learning
           (
           if
           it
           be
           possible
           )
           is
           here
           insinuated
           without
           Method
           .
           Good
           Manners
           and
           commendable
           Humors
           are
           here
           infused
           into
           Men
           by
           the
           contemplation
           of
           the
           Deformity
           of
           their
           contrarie's
           ,
           as
           the
           Spartars
           infused
           into
           their
           Children
           hatred
           of
           Drunkenness
           by
           setting
           before
           them
           their
           drunken
           Helots
           .
        
         
           25.
           
           The
           Company
           ,
           (
           that
           their
           intertainment
           man
           appear
           in
           its
           native
           colours
           )
           at
           times
           divert
           themselves
           with
           the
           controverting
           such
           points
           as
           these
           .
        
         
           
             Utrum
             corpus
             est
             immateriale
             .
          
           
             Utrum
             chimaera
             bombinans
             in
             vacuo
             possit
             commedere
             secundas
             intentiones
             .
          
           
             Utrum
             antiqua
             Roma
             a
             Christianis
             fundata
             fuit
             .
          
           
             Utrum
             bestia
             honoranda
             sit
             .
          
        
         
           26.
           
           A
           facetious
           or
           merry
           Story
           is
           preferred
           by
           the
           Gentlemen
           here
           before
           a
           Banquet
           of
           Philosophy
           .
           The
           Auditors
           
           lissen
           to
           him
           ,
           who
           tells
           a
           Tale
           gracefully
           ,
           with
           as
           great
           an
           attention
           ,
           as
           Orpheus
           his
           Beasts
           did
           to
           his
           Charming
           Musick
           .
           And
           good
           reason
           such
           a
           person
           should
           be
           attentively
           heard
           .
        
         
           —
           nam
           quae
           comoedia
           ?
           Mimus
           Quis
           melior
           ?
        
         
           One
           relates
           he
           took
           thirty
           and
           three
           thousand
           Pipes
           of
           Tobacco
           in
           one
           night
           .
           He
           tickles
           the
           Auditors
           .
           They
           laugh
           heartily
           .
           Another
           informs
           the
           Company
           ,
           that
           the
           night
           before
           having
           swallow'd
           a
           vast
           quantity
           of
           Ale
           ,
           he
           slinkt
           home
           ,
           and
           crept
           into
           Bed
           ,
           and
           that
           in
           the
           midst
           of
           the
           night
           he
           was
           wak'd
           by
           an
           Alarum
           made
           in
           his
           Guts
           by
           reason
           of
           an
           Insurrection
           therein
           .
           Hereupon
           he
           riseth
           to
           expel
           the
           Rebel
           ,
           but
           his
           weighty
           A
           —
           being
           too
           ponderous
           for
           an
           earthen
           Chamber-pot
           to
           bear
           ,
           the
           Pot
           broke
           ,
           and
           his
           A
           —
           unluckily
           fell
           on
           the
           bedighted
           ground
           .
           At
           this
           Story
           the
           Company
           laugh
           
             majore
             cachinno
          
           .
        
         
           Here
           I
           at
           present
           stop
           ,
           having
           run
           (
           methinks
           )
           a
           long
           race
           in
           dirty
           way
           ,
           concluding
           with
           Iuvenal
           ,
        
         
           Aspice
           quid
           faciunt
           commercia
           —
        
         
           
             An
             Apology
             to
             those
             Ingenuous
             Persons
             ,
             who
             frequent
             the
             Coffee-house
             ,
             for
             this
             description
             .
          
           
             THe
             Describer
             knows
             ,
             there
             are
             several
             Virtuosi
             and
             Ingenuosi
             ,
             resort
             to
             the
             Coffee-house
             ,
             whom
             ,
             he
             hath
             the
             honour
             to
             be
             acquainted
             with
             ,
             others
             are
             his
             Friends
             .
             Yet
             all
             the
             Elements
             here
             being
             confusedly
             mixt
             ,
             this
             House
             appears
             to
             him
             as
             a
             meer
             Chaos
             ,
             so
             that
             (
             in
             contemplating
             it
             )
             he
             cannot
             prefer
             even
             Light
             before
             Darkness
             ,
             not
             being
             here
             separated
             or
             distinguishable
             one
             from
             another
             ,
             amidst
             confusion
             it self
             .
          
           
             Verbum
             sat
             .
          
        
         
           FINIS
           .
        
         
      
    
     
       
         Notes, typically marginal, from the original text
         
           Notes for div A56639-e110
           
             Herb.
             with
             some
             little
             altering
             .
          
           
             Herb.
             
          
           
             *
             by
             words
             .
          
        
      
    
  

