England's jests refin'd and improv'd being a choice collection of the merriest jests, smartest repartees, wittiest sayings, and most notable bulls yet extant, with many new ones never before printed to which are added XIII ingenious characters drawn to the life / the whole work compil'd with great care and exactness, and may serve as the witty-man's companion, the busie-man's diversion and the melancholy man's physick and recreation, calculated for the innocent spending of the winter evenings by H.C.
Crouch, Humphrey, fl. 1635-1671.
1693
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England's jests refin'd and improv'd being a choice collection of the merriest jests, smartest repartees, wittiest sayings, and most notable bulls yet extant, with many new ones never before printed to which are added XIII ingenious characters drawn to the life / the whole work compil'd with great care and exactness, and may serve as the witty-man's companion, the busie-man's diversion and the melancholy man's physick and recreation, calculated for the innocent spending of the winter evenings by H.C.
Crouch, Humphrey, fl. 1635-1671.
The third edition
[5], 186 p.
Printed for John Harris ...,
London :
1693.
Contains added engraved t.p.
Imperfect: stained and tightly bound with loss of print.
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English wit and humor.
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ENGLAND's
JESTS
Refin'd
and
Improv'd
.
Being
a
Choice
COLLECTION
OF
THE
Merriest
Jests
,
Smartest
Repartees
,
Wittiest
Sayings
,
and
most
Notable
Bulls
,
yet
Extant
.
With
many
New
Ones
,
never
before
Printed
TO
WHICH
ARE
ADDED
,
XIII
.
Ingenious
CHARACTERS
Drawn
to
the
Life
.
The
whole
WORK
compil'd
with
great
Care
and
Exactness
:
And
may
serve
as
the
Witty-Man's
COMPANION
,
the
Busie-Man's
DIVERSION
;
and
the
Melancholy
Man's
PHYSICK
and
RECREATION
.
The
Third
Edition
,
with
the
Addition
of
several
Jests
,
not
permitted
to
be
Printed
in
the
former
Impressions
.
Calculated
for
the
Innocent
spending
of
the
Winter
Evenings
,
By
H.
C.
Semel
in
Anno
Ridet
Apollo
.
Horat.
.
London
,
Printed
for
Iohn
Harris
at
the
Harrow
in
the
Poultrey
,
1693.
ENGLAND'S
JESTS
REFIN'D
AND
IMPROV'D
Spectatum
admissi
Risum
teneatis
Amici
Horat.
London
Printted
for
John
Harris
at
y
e
Harrow
in
y
e
Poultry
LICENS'D
,
And
Entred
,
According
to
Order
.
The
Preface
to
the
READER
.
READER
,
AS
I
know
and
own
Plain-Dealing
to
be
a
Iewel
,
so
I
were
much
too
blame
if
I
did
not
use
it
with
You
:
Therefore
as
a
taste
thereof
,
there
were
two
Reasons
that
chiefly
induced
me
to
compile
this
small
Piece
,
and
which
I
proposed
to
my self
as
the
end
thereof
,
viz.
Your
Pleasure
,
and
my
own
Profit
.
For
let
Men
pretend
what
they
will
for
their
Scribling
,
as
the
Informa●ion
,
Instruction
,
or
Obligation
of
their
Friends
and
Countrey-men
with
Twenty
other
Reasons
given
for
it
;
I
must
beg
their
Pardons
if
I
can't
screw
up
my
Faith
to
believe
'em
:
For
't
is
too
plain
that
Interest
sways
the
World
,
and
that
all
sorts
and
degrees
of
Men
,
even
from
the
Courtier
to
the
Cobler
,
are
its
Votaries
.
You
will
not
then
admire
if
I
proposed
it
to
my self
;
nor
do
I
think
that
I
stood
in
need
of
a
Preface
to
convince
you
of
it
:
But
Custom
calling
for
one
,
a
Book
being
without
it
(
as
our
Modern
Wits
say
)
Like
a
House
without
a
Porch
,
or
a
Play
without
a
Prologue
,
&c.
Tho
I
must
confess
I
am
no
great
admirer
of
Prefaces
,
looking
upon
'em
,
I
mean
the
Generality
of
'em
,
(
for
there
are
some
that
are
Concise
,
Pithy
and
Instructive
)
to
be
for
the
most
part
Impertinent
,
Superfluous
,
and
little
to
the
purpose
;
stuft
with
Flattery
and
Ostentation
,
and
many
times
excessive
long
and
tedious
,
like
too
much
Ceremony
before
a
good
Feast
;
which
by
its
long
detaining
a
Man
,
palls
his
Appetite
:
Notwithstanding
which
,
I
was
willing
to
give
you
some
short
account
of
tjis
Book
;
which
you
will
find
to
be
a
choice
Collection
of
the
merriest
Iests
,
&c.
(
as
you
may
see
in
the
Title
Page
,
to
which
I
refer
you
)
extracted
from
the
several
Authors
that
have
written
on
those
Subjects
:
Wherein
their
Gold
is
separated
from
their
Dross
,
their
Vnpolite
ones
are
Refin'd
,
their
long
and
tedious
ones
Retrench'd
,
their
old
ones
render'd
Modern
,
and
those
unworthy
an
ingenious
Mans
Reading
,
wholy
left
out
;
The
Composure
thereof
,
having
cost
me
no
small
Care
and
Pains
,
as
you
may
judge
;
that
not
only
the
reading
over
,
but
Critical
Examination
of
the
several
Books
written
(
as
aforesaid
)
on
those
Subjects
,
must
needs
amount
to
.
But
perhaps
some
carping
Zoilus
,
or
severe
Cato
,
will
either
blame
the
Composure
of
those
Iests
,
or
utterly
deny
the
usefulness
of
any
.
As
to
the
first
,
I
leave
it
to
your
Candor
to
judge
of
it
,
knowing
that
if
you
come
to
delight
your Self
with
Ingenious
Fancies
,
and
not
to
Carp
,
you
may
find
some
in
this
Collection
that
may
answer
your
Expectation
:
But
if
there
still
remain
any
that
ought
to
be
Expung'd
,
pass
'em
by
;
and
let
the
Merits
of
the
Majority
a●tone
for
their
Defects
.
To
the
latter
Objection
against
all
manner
of
Iests
,
I
think
Example
and
Authority
will
be
a
suffi●ient
Apollogy
,
especially
since
they
do
not
interfere
with
Religion
,
or
good
Manners
.
But
I
leave
the
whole
to
your
Perusal
;
Hoping
that
as
I
have
done
what
lay
in
my
Power
,
to
contribute
to
your
Pleasure
and
Delight
,
so
you
will
do
your
part
,
and
show
your
kind
acceptance
thereof
in
buying
it
,
especially
when
you
may
have
it
at
so
Reasonable
a
Rate
as
One
Shilling
.
Farewel
,
H.
C.
ENGLAND's
JESTS
Refin'd
and
Improv'd
.
1.
APelles
the
Famous
Painter
,
having
drawn
the
Picture
of
Al●x●nder
the
Great
on
Horseback
,
and
presented
it
to
him
,
he
gave
it
not
that
Praise
that
so
exquisite
a
Piece
deserved
;
whereupon
Apelles
desired
a
Living
Horse
might
be
brought
,
who
seeing
the
Picture
,
fell
●o
●awing
and
Neighing
,
taking
it
to
be
a
real
Rival
:
Upon
wh●ch
Apelles
ingeniously
told
that
Great
Emper●u●
,
That
his
Horse
understood
Painting
better
than
He.
2.
An
Ignorant
Countrey-man
coming
to
Town
,
went
to
Covent-Garden
,
to
a
Gentleman
to
whom
he
was
directed
;
who
out
of
civility
to
the
Countrey
man
,
shew'd
him
what
was
remarkable
thereabouts
,
as
the
Piazza's
,
and
several
Persons
of
Quaities
stately
Houses
:
At
length
he
came
to
the
Church
,
and
the
Countrey-man
pointing
to
it
,
asked
the
Gentleman
whose
House
that
was
?
He
told
him
it
was
the
Lord
of
Hosts
:
The
Countrey-man
having
never
heard
of
such
a
Lord
before
,
reply'd
,
It
was
some
Scotch
Lord
,
he
'd
warrant
him
.
3.
A
Gentleman
of
Grays-Inn
last
Winter
desir'd
another
of
the
same
Inn
to
lend
him
Bakers
Chronicle
for
an
hour
or
two
:
He
sent
him
word
▪
That
he
could
not
spare
it
out
of
his
Chamber
,
but
if
he
pleased
to
come
thither
,
he
might
use
it
all
day
there
.
Not
long
after
,
the
other
Gentleman
desir'd
him
to
lend
him
his
Bellows
:
he
sent
him
word
,
He
could
not
spare
them
out
of
his
Chamber
,
but
if
he
pleased
to
come
thither
he
might
use
them
all
day
long
there
.
4.
A
Mayor
of
a
certain
Corporation
dining
with
the
Aldermen
his
Brethren
;
after
Dinner
,
to
shew
his
Loyalty
,
began
his
Majesties
health
on
one
Knee
,
and
presented
it
to
one
of
the
Aldermen
,
whom
he
imagin'd
to
be
no
great
Admirer
of
Health-Drinking
;
The
Alderman
took
the
Glass
,
and
pledg'd
him
on
both
Knees
:
which
the
rest
of
his
Brethren
observing
,
the
Loyal
Mayor
was
not
a
little
concern'd
to
be
out-done
(
as
he
thought
)
by
the
Alderman
,
and
asked
him
why
he
did
it
not
as
he
had
begun
it
,
on
one
Knee
?
Why
truly
(
says
the
Alderman
)
one
Knee
was
in
Honour
of
the
King
,
and
the
other
to
ask
God
Forgiveness
for
so
doing
:
What
(
says
the
Mayor
)
for
doing
the
King
Honour
?
No
(
says
he
)
not
for
that
,
but
because
I
pledg'd
a
Health
on
that
which
I
ought
to
pray
on
.
5.
A
Spaniard
and
a
Frenchman
meeting
in
Covent-Garden
,
after
the
usual
Complements
passed
between
them
,
fell
to
disputing
about
Religion
;
Why
(
quoth
the
Spaniard
)
will
you
contend
with
us
about
Religion
?
There
are
more
Saints
in
Spain
then
I
have
Hairs
on
my
Beard
:
And
there
are
more
in
France
(
said
the
Frenchman
)
then
I
have
Hairs
on
my
Head
and
Beard
too
.
Then
said
the
Spaniard
,
let
the
contest
be
thus
decided
,
I
will
pull
a
Hair
off
your
Beard
,
for
every
Saint
I
name
;
an●●ou
shall
pluck
one
off
mine
,
for
every
Saint
you
name
:
So
the
Frenchman
began
,
and
pull'd
one
off
the
Spaniards
Beard
,
crying
St.
Dennis
;
then
the
Spaniard
doing
the
like
,
said
St.
Ignace
:
The
Frenchman
pulling
another
,
cry●d
St.
Martin
;
the
Spaniard
,
St.
Xavier
;
The
Frenchman
,
St.
Lovis
;
the
Spaniard
,
St.
Terese
;
the
Frenchman
,
St.
Clotilde
;
the
Spaniard
,
St.
Isidore
;
the
Frenchman
,
St.
Bun
;
the
Spaniard
pulling
two
at
once
,
cry'd
,
St.
Cosme
and
St.
Phillip
;
the
Frenchman
resolving
to
be
reveng'd
,
pluck'd
off
a
whole
Mustache
,
saying
,
The
Eleven
Thousand
Virgins
:
Upon
this
,
the
Contest
ended
;
the
Spaniard
not
being
able
to
endure
or
parallel
so
great
a
number
.
6.
A
Countrey-fellow
Thatching
a
House
,
had
an
arch
Boy
to
serve
him
with
Straw
;
now
there
comes
by
a
great
Hog
,
and
turns
up
his
Head
,
as
is
he
were
listening
:
says
the
Thatcher
●hen
to
the
Boy
,
What
does
that
Hog
think
now
?
O
(
says
the
Witty
Rogue
)
I
'll
warrant
you
he
's
hatching
of
Mischief
.
And
while
he
was
busie
at
his
Work
on
the
Ladder
,
the
Boy
hunted
the
Hog
just
towards
it
,
and
justling
against
it
,
down
came
the
Ladder
,
and
Man
and
all
:
Pox
on
you
,
says
this
Blockhead
to
the
Hog
,
't
is
true
as
the
honest
Boy
said
,
you
were
hatching
of
Mischief
indeed
;
for
I
think
my
Shoulders
out
:
And
if
ever
I
thatch
for
any
Body
hereafter
,
I
'll
make
my
Bargain
with
them
,
that
they
shall
all
tye
up
their
Hogs
.
7.
Two
young
Scholars
travelling
from
Roan
to
Paris
,
mit
a
Countrey-fellow
riding
upon
an
Ass
,
which
brayed
in
such
a
manner
,
as
if
he
had
been
over-joy'd
to
be
in
such
learned
Company
:
These
Students
thinking
to
put
a
trick
on
the
Fellow
,
said
,
Friend
,
why
do
you
let
your
Brother
cry
so
?
Can't
you
find
out
some
way
to
still
and
quiet
him
?
The
Fellow
,
who
was
none
of
the
dullest
of
the
Parish
that
he
dwelt
in
,
answered
,
My
Ass
,
Sirs
,
is
so
extreamly
pleased
to
meet
with
his
Relations
and
Old
Acquaintance
,
that
he
cou'd
do
no
less
than
sing
a
Song
of
mirth
and
merry
glee
,
in
testimony
of
your
hearty
Welcom
to
him
.
8.
One
told
a
Gentleman
,
That
he
wou'd
willingly
marry
,
but
he
wou'd
have
a
Wife
that
is
perfectly
good
:
To
whom
the
Gentleman
replyed
,
That
if
none
but
such
a
one
wou'd
serve
his
turn
,
he
must
bespeak
her
,
for
there
was
no
s●ch
ready
made
.
9.
Two
young
Students
were
in
a
deep
dispute
about
the
Man
in
the
Moon
,
whether
he
was
a
Gentleman
or
a
Citi●en
:
and
after
a
great
many
Pro's
and
Con's
between
them
,
one
of
them
very
wittily
solv'd
it
thus
:
When
the
Moon
was
at
Full
,
then
there
was
a
Gentleman
in
her
;
but
when
she
appear'd
with
two
Horns
,
then
he
might
swear
there
was
a
Citizen
in
her
.
10.
Three
Souldiers
talking
together
,
were
over-heard
by
a
Courtier
to
say
thus
:
One
said
,
Had
he
a
Thousand
Pounds
;
he
should
be
happier
than
the
King
,
the
other
said
,
Were
he
a
Captain
under
the
King
,
he
should
be
happier
than
he
:
the
third
said
,
That
had
he
one
Nights
Lodging
with
the
Queen
,
he
should
be
the
happiest
Man
in
the
World.
The
Courtier
related
this
to
the
King
,
and
his
Majesty
,
for
Divertisement
,
se●t
for
the
three
Souldiers
the
next
day
before
him
,
and
commanded
them
to
tell
him
what
they
said
the
night
before
at
such
a
time
.
The
first
,
fearing
the
Kings
Displeasure
,
said
,
That
he
had
indeed
rashly
said
,
That
if
he
had
a
thousand
Pounds
,
he
should
be
as
happy
as
the
King
:
so
the
King
commanded
a
thousand
Pounds
should
be
given
him
.
The
Second
begg'd
his
Majesties
Pardon
for
his
bold
saying
,
That
had
he
a
Captains
Command
under
him
,
he
should
be
as
happy
as
he
:
then
the
King
confer'd
that
honourable
Office
upon
him
.
Then
the
third
fell
upon
his
Knees
,
imploring
his
Majesties
Pardon
for
that
he
had
said
,
That
if
he
lay
one
Night
with
the
Queen
,
he
should
be
the
happiest
man
in
the
World.
Well
,
said
the
King
,
that
is
not
in
my
power
to
grant
;
but
if
you
can
get
her
consent
,
you
shall
have
mine
:
So
he
brought
him
before
his
Queen
,
and
told
his
Petition
;
but
the
Queen
,
to
shew
that
our
desires
ought
to
be
placed
on
suitable
Objects
,
caused
him
to
be
soundly
whipt
.
11.
A
Witty
Young
Fellow
was
tryed
for
his
Life
,
since
his
Majesties
Restauration
,
and
being
cast
,
they
told
him
he
must
be
hanged
:
But
he
pleaded
in
his
own
defence
a
long
time
?
at
last
desired
the
Judge
,
That
if
he
must
be
hanged
,
he
might
be
hang'd
after
the
new
way
that
Oliver
was
,
three
or
four
years
after
h●
〈◊〉
dead
.
12.
One
that
was
advised
to
marry
a
Widow
,
replied
,
That
they
were
too
Politick
a
Generation
for
him
;
which
he
prov'd
by
Similies
:
Many
Voyages
,
said
he
,
make
an
expert
Seaman
;
many
Offices
,
a
Crafty
Knave
;
and
many
Marriages
,
a
Cunning
False
Widow
.
13
,
A
Justice
of
Peace
overtaking
a
Parson
upon
the
Road
,
between
London
and
●ow
,
told
his
Company
that
he
would
put
a
Trick
upon
him
:
and
so
coming
up
to
him
,
said
,
Sir
,
You
don't
follow
your
Masters
Rule
,
for
he
was
content
with
an
Ass
,
but
you
have
a
very
fine
Horse
:
The
Parson
replyed
,
the
reason
was
,
because
the
King
had
made
so
many
Asses
Iustices
,
that
a
Clergy-man
could
not
get
one
to
Ride
on
.
14.
A
young
Gentleman
of
the
Temple
,
left
a
Note
in
the
Key
hole
of
his
Chamber-door
,
thus
,
I
am
gone
to
the
Devil
;
but
if
you
cannot
Read
,
carry
it
to
the
Stationers
at
the
Gate
,
and
he
will
do
it
for
you
.
15.
A
Rich
Man
,
in
the
Countrey
,
who
was
never
thought
to
be
one
of
Solomon's
Off-Spring
,
went
with
his
Wife
to
see
a
Child
of
his
at
Nurse
:
when
he
came
,
he
very
wisely
asked
the
Nurse
whether
she
was
a
Maid
or
Married
?
she
replied
,
she
was
Married
:
says
he
,
I
'll
have
no
Married
Woman
,
I
'll
have
a
Maid
to
be
my
Childs
Wet-Nurse
;
Truly
Sir
,
says
she
,
then
you
had
best
bespeak
one
at
London
,
for
we
have
no
such
ready
made
here
in
the
Countrey
.
16.
A
Valiant
Fellow
who
had
been
in
the
West
,
was
met
by
a
Gentleman
here
,
who
asked
him
what
Exploit
he
had
done
there
?
he
answered
,
That
he
had
cut
off
one
of
the
Rebels
Arms
:
the
Gentleman
replyed
,
That
it
had
been
something
if
he
had
cut
off
his
Head
,
O
said
he
,
you
must
consider
his
Head
was
off
before
.
17.
When
Metellus
Nepos
asked
the
famous
Roman
Orator
,
in
a
jearing
way
,
who
was
his
Father
?
he
replyed
,
Your
Mother
has
made
that
Question
harder
for
you
to
Answer
,
18.
A
Rich
Blade
,
that
was
a
very
great
Eater
,
came
to
a
Gentleman's
House
to
Court
his
Daughter
:
the
Gentleman
out
of
Civility
,
desir'd
him
to
stay
and
Dine
with
him
,
which
he
did
,
and
Eat
very
heartily
:
After
Dinner
,
he
began
to
speak
to
the
Lady
about
the
matter
,
and
having
utter'd
several
Expressions
of
his
Passion
;
he
protested
that
he
loved
her
as
his
own
Soul
;
to
whom
she
wittily
replied
,
But
not
so
well
as
your
Body
,
Sir.
19.
A
Gentleman
coming
into
London
out
of
the
Countrey
,
as
he
came
by
Stepny
Church
his
Horse
threw
him
,
which
a
young
Gentlewoman
seeing
,
fell
a
Laughing
:
the
Gentleman
being
angry
that
she
jeered
him
,
said
:
Pray
admire
not
at
this
,
Madam
,
my
Horse
always
stumbles
when
he
sees
a
Whore.
To
which
she
answered
merrily
,
Have
a
care
then
,
Sir
;
for
if
you
ride
into
the
City
,
you
'll
break
your
Neck
.
20.
A
sharping
Scholar
of
King's
Colledg
in
Oxford
,
being
in
the
Kitchin
,
and
seeing
the
Cook
take
up
a
Plumb-pudding
out
of
the
Pot
,
watching
his
opportunity
,
while
the
Cook
's
back
was
turn'd
;
he
whipt
up
the
Pudding
into
his
own
Chamber
:
which
the
Cook
presently
missing
,
runs
up
into
the
Scholars
Chamber
,
and
searched
all
about
for
it
,
but
could
not
find
it
;
the
Scholar
swore
it
was
not
in
his
Chamber
(
though
the
Cook
smelt
it
)
for
he
had
ingeniously
hung
it
out
of
his
Window
,
which
when
the
Cook
was
gone
,
he
pull●d
in
,
and
eat
as
ingeniously
.
21.
One
desiring
a
pretty
Maid
to
go
to
a
Gentleman
and
Kiss
him
,
Nay
Sir
(
says
she
very
wittily
)
I
'll
nev're
go
to
Market
for
that
Ware
which
I
can
have
brought
home
to
my
Door
.
22.
At
the
Battel
of
Newport
,
the
Prince
of
Orange
having
the
Spanish
Army
before
him
,
and
the
Sea
behind
him
,
said
to
his
Souldiers
,
Gentlemen
,
if
you
have
a
mind
to
live
,
you
must
do
one
of
these
two
things
;
either
eat
those
Spaniards
,
or
drink
up
this
Sea.
23.
A
London
Serivener
dying
in
Cambridg
,
a
merry
Fellow
writ
thus
over
him
:
Know
all
Men
by
these
presents
,
That
I
that
have
bound
so
many
,
am
now
bound
fast
my self
,
by
a
Gentleman
of
an
Ancient
Family
,
whose
Name
's
Mr.
Death
,
who
brought
me
my
last
Sheet
,
and
to
my
last
full
Point
.
And
though
I
was
never
Guilty
of
any
great
Wickedness
,
yet
I
often
made
many
a
Blot
,
which
my
Daughter
Pen
was
the
occasion
of
:
I
gave
no
bad
Example
to
any
,
but
good
Copies
to
all
:
I
was
not
unlearn'd
neither
,
because
I
always
dealt
in
good
Letters
,
and
was
a
Justice
of
Peace
in
my
own
Dominions
;
and
though
I
could
not
hang
(
except
an
Arse
sometimes
,
when
my
own
money
was
to
be
Paid
)
yet
I
cou'd
draw
:
I
made
all
Bond-men
but
my
Apprentices
,
for
those
I
made
Free
:
And
after
I
had
finish'd
all
my
Letters
,
this
Mr.
Death
threw
some
dust
upon
'em
,
and
as
I
was
making
Bonds
,
assaulted
me
with
Bills
,
and
at
last
Seal●d
the
Letters
of
my
Eyes
quite
up
,
and
then
sent
me
away
to
my
long-home
.
24.
A
Welsh-man
that
was
condemn'd
to
be
Hang'd
,
just
before
he
was
to
be
turn'd
off
,
the
Hang-man
ask'd
him
if
he
had
any
thing
to
say
;
he
answer'd
he
had
a
desire
to
speak
with
some
of
his
Countrey-Men
,
before
he
died
(
if
there
were
any
there
)
so
the
Hangman
call'd
to
know
if
there
were
any
there
he
should
hold
up
his
Hand
.
It
so
happened
that
there
was
one
there
,
so
the
Hang-man
told
him
that
the
poor
Man
wou'd
speak
with
him
;
so
he
drew
near
,
and
the
Welsh-man
ask'd
him
if
he
knew
such
and
such
in
Wales
,
he
replied
he
did
;
Then
,
says
the
Welsh-man
,
You
know
my
Father
and
Mother
,
who
I
am
certain
will
be
very
sorry
to
hear
of
my
Misfortune
;
but
pray
,
to
comfort
them
,
tell
them
that
I
dye
a
●ery
good
Christian
,
and
am
informed
that
I
shall
go
to
Heaven
,
and
I
hope
they
will
follow
me
thither
the
same
way
.
25.
When
Charles
the
Bald
was
Emperour
and
King
of
France
,
one
Iohannes
Eringen
,
a
Scotch-man
,
for
his
great
Learning
had
the
honour
to
sit
at
Table
with
the
Emperour
;
but
being
very
ungentiel
in
his
behaviour
,
the
Emperour
asked
him
,
Quid
interest
inter
Scotum
&
Sotum
?
Which
in
English
is
,
What
's
the
difference
between
a
Scot
,
and
a
Sot
?
To
which
he
readily
,
(
but
rudely
)
answered
,
Mensa
,
that
is
,
The
Table
:
thereby
calling
the
King
Sot
,
by
craft
.
26.
Another
time
this
Iohannes
,
who
was
but
of
little
Stature
,
din'd
at
the
King's
Table
,
with
two
other
Scholars
who
were
tall
men
.
The
Emperor
set
him
a
Dish
with
two
great
Fishes
,
and
one
small
one
,
bidding
him
divide
them
between
himself
and
the
two
Schollars
;
whereupon
Iohannes
took
the
two
large
Fishes
,
and
laid
them
on
his
own
Plate
,
and
gave
the
small
one
to
the
two
Scholars
.
The
Emperor
smiling
,
said
,
In
saith
,
Mr.
Johannes
you
are
no
equal
Divider
:
That
's
your
Highnesses
mistake
(
said
he
)
and
pointing
to
himself
and
the
two
great
●●shes
,
said
,
Here
are
two
great
,
and
one
●●ttle
;
and
on
the
other
side
,
is
one
little
,
●nd
two
great
.
27.
One
going
in
the
dark
,
held
both
●is
Arms
out
to
save
his
face
,
and
co●ing
accidentally
against
the
Door
,
●hich
it
seems
stood
slanting
out
,
he
●it
his
Nose
a
good
blow
against
it
,
●ey
ho
,
says
he
,
I
never
thought
my
Nose
●as
longer
than
my
Arms
till
now
;
but
if
●ver
I
go
in
the
Dark
again
,
I
'll
have
a
●andle
in
my
hand
.
28.
A
noted
Countrey
Gentleman
bla●ing
a
Comical
Poet
for
bringing
a
●eud
debauched
Ruffian
on
the
Stage
,
●nd
so
gave
bad
Example
to
young
●en
,
Truly
,
Sir
,
said
he
,
I
brought
such
man
on
,
but
I
hang'd
him
before
he
went
●ff
,
and
so
gave
them
a
good
example
.
29.
An
Englishman
and
his
Wife
lodg●ng
at
a
French-mans
House
in
Paris
,
●he
Englishman's
Wife
cried
out
in
the
●ight
;
so
he
ran
up
stairs
to
acquaint
●he
Midwife
who
lay
there
,
of
his
●ives
Condition
,
and
went
down
to
●●form
his
Landlord
and
Landlady
of
it
;
so
he
stood
by
their
bed-side
shivering
in
his
shirt
,
for
it
was
in
a
cold
winter
night
;
but
could
not
speak
F●ench
and
so
had
much
a
do
to
make
them
understand
him
;
at
last
he
did
:
his
Landlady
pitying
him
,
said
to
her
Husband
,
Prethee
,
my
Dear
,
let
him
come
into
Bed
to
us
,
and
lye
till
day
light
,
seeing
it
is
so
cold
,
and
that
he
cannot
in
Civility
go
into
his
own
Chamber
;
you
need
not
fear
any
thing
since
you
are
in
Bed
with
me
:
so
he
consented
to
it
,
and
the
English-man
came
and
lay
down
on
the
other
side
of
the
Woman
;
the
French-man
being
tir'd
soon
fell
fast
asleep
,
the
English-man
presently
grew
warm
,
and
began
to
Caress
the
French-woman
;
the
motion
of
the
Bed
,
which
was
caus'd
by
their
amorous
Engagement
,
wak●d
her
Husband
,
he
call'd
out
,
Wife
,
Wife
,
What
are
you
doing
?
Why
,
what
would
you
have
me
do
,
said
she
,
if
I
should
speak
to
him
,
you
know
he
can't
understand
a
word
of
our
Language
.
30.
A
Countrey
Gentleman
being
at
Dinner
in
London
,
with
several
Gentlemen
of
his
acquaintance
,
one
of
them
whose
Name
was
Chambers
,
thinking
to
put
a
Joque
upon
him
,
asked
him
why
he
wou●d
not
live
in
London
in
the
Winter
,
where
he
might
find
all
sorts
of
Company
to
fit
his
Humour
,
I
would
Sir
,
says
he
,
if
I
could
find
a
House
fit
for
my
turn
.
Says
Chambers
,
I
can
help
you
to
one
that
has
three
Rooms
of
a
Floor
,
but
't
is
built
of
Wood.
Where
is
it
,
says
the
Gentleman
?
Says
he
,
at
Tyburn
;
'T
is
true
indeed
,
says
the
Gentleman
,
't
is
a
convenient
House
,
and
stands
in
a
good
Air
;
for
it
will
quickly
Cure
a
Man
of
all
Diseases
,
and
for
a
House
that
is
but
one
Storyhigh
,
't
is
a
very
good
one
,
and
wants
nothing
in
it
but
Chambers
.
31.
An
extravagant
young
Heir
,
having
sold
all
his
Lands
to
maintain
his
Debauchery
,
fell
Sick
and
sent
for
a
Physician
;
who
perceiving
that
his
Distemper
arose
from
ill
Humours
,
contracted
by
his
Intemperunce
,
order'd
him
to
be
let
Blood
,
and
coming
to
see
it
,
he
told
him
it
was
very
green
.
Alas
Sir
,
says
he
,
how
can
it
be
otherwise
,
when
I
have
Eaten
up
all
my
Meadows
and
Corn-fields
.
32.
A
Doctor
of
Divinity
that
had
a
good
Estate
,
and
no
Child
,
resolv'd
to
make
himself
memorable
to
posterity
,
by
some
publick
Charity
;
and
so
order'd
a
Cau●-way
to
be
made
to
a
Market-Town
,
for
the
secu●ity
of
Travellers
in
the
Fenny
Countrey
.
As
the
Labourers
were
at
Work
,
the
Doctor
being
there
to
oversee
them
,
a
Noble-Man
came
by
,
who
had
no
great
esteem
for
Men
of
his
Coat
,
and
said
jearingly
,
Doctor
,
for
all
the
Cost
you
have
been
at
,
I
don't
think
this
is
the
way
to
Heaven
.
I
am
of
your
Mind
(
quoth
the
Doctor
)
for
then
I
could
not
have
expected
to
meet
your
Lordship
here
.
33.
A
Quaker
being
in
Bed
with
his
Wife
,
in
the
middle
of
the
Night
she
pulled
him
,
saying
thus
,
Awake
,
Ebenezer
,
awake
:
What
sayest
thou
the
Wife
of
my
Bosom
,
says
he
?
Arise
quickly
,
says
she
,
and
go
into
the
next
Room
,
and
nigh
unto
the
place
that
pays
Tribute
to
Caesar
,
there
standeth
a
Wicker-Chair
,
thereon
hangeth
my
Red
Petticoat
;
take
from
thence
two
Fart●ings
,
and
go
to
our
Friend
Theophilus
,
the
Tallow-Chandler
,
and
buy
therewith
two
Candles
;
light
one
of
them
,
and
spring
in
hastily
,
for
I
fear
our
youngest
Son
Aminadab
has
Beshit
himself
.
24.
A
Nun
reading
at
the
bottom
of
a
Book
,
it
is
good
to
know
all
things
,
was
resolv'd
to
try
a
Man
;
but
turning
over
she
found
,
but
not
to
use
them
,
at
which
she
was
not
a
little
troubled
to
be
so
soon
depriv'd
of
her
so
delectable
expected
enjoyment
.
25.
A
Constable
carrying
a
big
belly'd
wench
before
a
Justice
,
said
to
him
;
An
't
please
your
Worship
I
have
brought
you
a
Maid-with
Child
:
whereupon
the
wench
called
him
Fool
and
Knave
;
being
reprov'd
by
the
Justice
,
she
answer'd
thus
:
Sir
,
this
Constable
must
be
one
of
them
;
for
if
I
am
a
M●id
,
he
is
a
Fool
to
think
I
can
be
with
Child
:
and
if
I
am
not
with
Child
,
he
is
a
Knave
f●r
saying
so
.
36.
Two
Gentlemen
quarrelling
,
the
one
gave
the
other
a
Challenge
to
meet
him
at
six
a
Clock
the
next
morning
at
such
a
pla●●
upon
his
Honour
:
Hang
Honour
,
says
the
other
,
for
we
both
are
but
Worshipful
;
and
you
know
'
●is
not
my
custom
,
and
I
know
't
is
not
yours
neither
,
to
rise
before
Eleven
or
Twelve
a
Clock
;
therefore
pray
let
us
consider
whether
we
should
break
our
Rest
to
break
our
Limbs
.
The
other
told
him
,
If
he
did
not
meet
him
,
he
'd
Post
him
:
Well
,
said
he
to
him
,
if
you
do
,
I
'll
ride
Post
out
of
Town
,
and
stay
there
till
your
furie
's
over
.
37.
An
Oxford
Scholar
going
along
Fleetstreet
,
was
met
by
a
huffing
Fop
,
who
thrusting
between
the
wall
and
him
,
jostl'd
him
almost
to
the
Kennel
,
saying
(
with
a
no
Sir
Courtly-Face
)
I
don't
use
to
give
the
Wall
to
every
Sawcey
Loggerhead
:
To
whom
the
Scholar
,
with
Cap
in
hand
,
replied
smartly
,
But
I
do
.
38.
A
Proper
Tall
Gentleman
that
had
married
a
very
little
Woman
to
his
Wife
,
being
ask'd
the
reason
of
it
,
he
repli'd
,
That
of
all
Evils
,
it
was
always
the
best
to
chuse
the
least
.
39.
A
Serjeant
kneeling
before
the
King
,
to
have
a
Bill
si●●'d
,
being
troubled
with
the
Wind
Chollick
;
gave
vent
to
his
Posteriors
in
three
or
four
loud
Vollys
:
the
King
hearing
,
smileingly
says
:
I
never
understood
till
now
that
a
Serjeant
had
authority
to
let
go
a
Prisoner
,
it
being
against
the
Law.
An
't
please
your
Majesty
,
says
the
Serjeant
,
he
was
a
turbulent
Rogue
,
and
crept
through
the
Key-hole
,
and
necessity
has
no
Law.
40.
A
Countrey
man
coming
up
to
London
,
a
little
after
the
rebuilding
of
it
,
to
see
a
Friend
who
made
great
Complaint
of
his
own
particular
loss
,
as
well
as
of
the
loss
of
so
stately
a
City
:
As
for
your
own
loss
,
says
the
Countrey
man
,
I
am
very
sorry
for
it
,
but
as
for
the
loss
of
your
City
,
I
can't
tell
what
to
say
;
for
who
would
be
troubled
to
have
a
good
new
suit
for
an
old
one
?
41.
Cardinal
Woolsey
being
to
pa●s
through
St.
Pauls
Church
,
his
Gentleman
went
before
,
to
make
a
way
for
him
,
and
coming
to
a
poor
Priest
kneeling
at
Prayers
in
the
way
,
he
said
to
him
,
Room
for
my
Lord
Cardinal's
Grace
:
No
says
he
,
the
Pope
is
not
dead
yet
,
what
should
he
do
there
?
remove
out
of
your
place
,
says
he
,
to
make
way
,
why
saies
he
?
do
you
think
My
Lord
will
take
my
place
.
An
Arch
Wag
speaking
of
the
late
dreadful
Fire
of
London
,
said
,
Cannon-street
roared
,
Wood-street
was
burnt
to
Ashes
,
Bread-street
was
burnt
to
a
Coal
,
Pie-Corner
was
over-bak'd
,
and
Snow-hill
was
melted
down
.
43.
A
Man
Thatching
a
House
in
the
Country
,
and
the
Thatch
being
loose
under
him
,
his
Feet
slipt
,
and
still
as
he
found
himself
falling
,
catching
hold
of
the
Thatch
which
fail'd
him
,
he
cry'd
Lord
bless
me
,
Lord
help
me
,
&c.
but
coming
to
the
Ridge
of
the
House
,
and
seeing
what
a
great
way
it
was
to
the
ground
;
Z
—
ds
,
says
he
,
what
a
confounded
fall
am
I
like
to
have
.
44.
An
old
Gentleman
was
chid
by
a
neighbour
for
marrying
a
young
Girle
;
to
whom
he
replied
,
She
'll
be
a
Woman
to
morrow
;
for
,
says
he
,
Wives
are
young
mens
Mistresses
,
Middled-ag'd
mens
Companions
,
and
old
mens
Nurses
;
and
will
you
blame
a
man
to
have
a
Nurse
in
his
old
Age
?
No
,
says
he
,
I
don't
blame
you
for
having
a
Nurse
,
but
for
your
not
Providing
for
Heaven
;
but
that
your
Wife
must
do
,
for
says
he
,
Don't
you
know
whether
all
Cuckolds
go
?
O
,
says
the
old
Gentleman
,
Now
you
put
me
in
mind
on
't
,
't
is
true
;
for
I
have
heard
your
Wife
say
some
years
ago
,
That
she
was
sure
her
husband
would
go
to
Heaven
;
and
now
I
find
which
way
;
and
mum
for
that
,
my
dear
neighbour
too
.
45.
A
certain
Woman
brought
a
man
before
the
Duke
of
Millan
,
and
accused
him
for
killing
her
Son
,
complaining
of
her
great
loss
by
it
,
saying
that
nothing
in
the
World
was
so
dear
to
her
;
The
poor
man
excused
himself
as
well
as
he
could
,
telling
his
Excellency
that
he
did
not
design
to
hurt
her
Son
;
but
that
the
head
of
his
Hatchet
flew
off
,
as
he
was
cleaving
some
Wood
,
and
bit
him
accidentally
on
the
head
,
and
prov'd
his
Death
:
Well
says
the
Duke
to
the
Woman
,
I
am
willing
that
thou
shouldst
have
all
the
reasonable
satisfaction
in
the
World
,
therefore
,
for
repairing
thy
loss
:
he
shall
lie
with
Thee
and
get
thee
such
another
Son
:
which
stopt
the
womans
mouth
,
that
s●e
went
away
without
speaking
a
word
more
,
and
never
troubled
the
man
after
▪
wards
.
46.
A
Highway-man
being
to
be
hang'd
in
a
Country
Town
,
Order
was
sent
to
the
Carpenter
to
make
a
Gallows
;
which
he
neglecting
to
do
,
the
Execution
was
forc'd
to
be
defer'd
,
for
which
the
Judge
was
not
a
little
angry
,
who
sending
for
the
Carpenter
,
asked
him
why
he
had
not
done
it
?
Why
Sir
,
said
he
,
I
have
done
two
or
three
already
,
but
was
never
paid
for
them
;
but
had
I
known
it
had
been
for
your
Worship
,
I
would
have
left
all
other
business
to
have
done
it
.
47.
A
Scotchman
going
along
the
street
,
jostles
a
Gentleman
,
The
Gentleman
said
to
him
,
Goddamn
you
.
The
Scotchman
reply'd
,
God
bless
you
Sir
,
may
neither
of
them
light
.
48.
One
ask'd
a
Gentleman
if
he
'd
venture
any
thing
at
the
Lottery
this
Fair
,
and
what
he
won
,
his
Wife
shou'd
have
for
her
fairing
?
No
,
says
the
Gentlemen
,
for
there
's
not
one
in
forty
has
any
luck
but
Cuckolds
;
which
his
sweet
Wife
hearing
,
said
,
Dear
Husband
,
p●ay
venture
,
for
I
'm
sure
you
'l
have
good
luck
.
49.
A
Cambridge
Schollar
crossing
King
Iames's
Steed
,
when
he
was
riding
a
Hunting
:
The
King
was
in
a
great
Passion
at
it
,
and
rid
after
him
with
his
drawn
Sword
,
and
being
going
to
cut
him
over
the
Pate
:
the
Schollar
said
to
him
,
Pray
Sir
,
don't
Knight
me
till
my
Elder
Brothers
Dead
:
for
I
am
but
a
younger
Brother
:
at
which
witty
saying
,
the
King
was
pacified
and
pleased
,
and
gave
him
a
Guinney
for
his
ingenuity
.
50.
A
silly
Fellow
hearing
a
Ladys
servants
call
her
Madam
,
at
every
word
,
he
thought
to
be
more
mannerly
than
they
,
and
therefore
made
an
Addition
of
Mistress
,
to
it
,
saying
,
Mistress
Madam
,
an
't
please
your
Ladiship
.
51.
The
late
engenious
Bishop
Wilkins
having
in
his
juvinal
days
written
a
Book
,
inti●uled
the
World
in
the
Moon
,
wherein
he
allotted
Land
to
several
Princes
in
the
World
,
and
particularly
a
considerable
quantity
to
our
late
King.
After
Dinner
one
day
the
K.
having
a
mind
to
be
merry
,
said
to
the
Bishop
,
I
have
seen
a
Book
of
yours
wherein
you
allot
me
a
great
deal
of
Land
in
the
World
in
the
Moon
;
now
it
being
so
far
off
,
and
troublesome
to
look
after
,
I
will
sell
it
you
if
you
please
;
to
whom
the
Bishop
repli●d
,
I
thank
your
Majesty
,
but
I
don't
care
to
meddle
with
Crown
Lands
.
52.
At
another
time
the
Countess
of
Newcastle
being
a
whimsical
Lady
,
ask'd
this
Bishop
Wilkins
,
how
she
should
get
up
into
the
World
in
the
Moon
which
he
had
discovered
:
For
say●
she
,
it
must
certainly
be
a
very
great
Iourny
thither
,
and
unless
one
can
rest
by
the
way
,
it
is
impossible
to
get
thither
:
Oh
Madam
says
the
Bishop
,
your
Ladyship
has
built
so
many
Castles
in
the
Air
,
that
you
may
rest
in
one
of
them
.
53.
One
that
had
a
confounded
Scold
to
his
Wife
,
being
continually
tromented
with
the
perpetual
Clack
of
her
Tongue
,
wish'd
one
day
,
That
she
was
in
Heaven
;
she
knowing
thereby
that
he
had
a
mind
to
be
rid
of
her
,
in
a
great
rage
told
him
,
she
had
rather
see
him
hang'd
first
.
54.
A
Lords
Son
in
the
North
,
that
was
much
addicted
to
the
Pleasures
of
Venus
,
haunted
all
the
pretty
Girls
thereabouts
,
but
especially
one
above
the
rest
,
that
was
a
very
handsome
Maid
,
and
a
Farmers
Daughter
who
was
his
Fathers
Tenent
;
which
gave
him
the
more
liberty
of
Courting
her
;
and
having
inpertuned
her
very
much
,
yet
she
would
not
grant
:
At
last
he
promis'd
her
Marriage
,
and
thereby
had
the
pleasure
of
Enjoyment
:
But
his
Father
and
Mother
fearing
that
he
would
make
up
a
Match
with
the
Farmers
Daughter
,
by
going
so
often
thither
,
sent
to
another
Lord
that
lived
five
Miles
off
,
to
Treat
with
him
for
his
Daughter
,
who
was
a
pretty
Woman
also
,
for
his
Son.
So
they
soon
agreed
,
and
the
Marriage
day
was
appointed
,
and
the
Young
Blade
was
Riding
with
his
Man
to
the
Bride-House
;
but
the
Farmer
and
his
Daughter
had
way
laid
him
.
The
Farmer
ask'd
him
,
What
satisfaction
he
shou'd
have
for
the
wrong
he
had
done
his
Daughter
?
Well
,
says
he
,
There
's
forty
Guinneys
for
you
,
and
I
'll
give
you
a
Bond
,
to
make
it
up
a
hundred
Pounds
,
to
be
paid
in
three
Months
,
if
you
'll
be
contended
.
So
the
Bond
was
making
under
the
Hedg
,
and
the
People
at
the
Bride-House
admiring
at
his
stay
,
sent
one
to
see
;
who
when
he
came
,
found
him
Indenting
with
the
Farmer
and
his
Daughter
under
the
Hedg
.
So
when
he
had
do●e●
〈◊〉
Rid
away
to
the
Bride-House
as
fast
as
he
could
Gallop
,
and
soon
afte●
was
Ma●●●●
to
the
Lady
;
and
wh●n
they
were
a
bed
together
,
he
began
to
Kiss
her
:
Pray
,
says
she
,
resolve
me
one
Question
first
:
What
made
you
under
the
Hegd
with
the
Farmer
&
his
Daughter
so
long
?
Why
●
says
he
,
that
does
not
concern
you
at
all
Well
,
says
she
,
I
will
know
,
or
else
you
and
I
shall
be
at
a
distance
.
Why
then
,
says
he
,
if
you
won't
be
angry
,
I
'll
tell
you
.
Well
,
I
will
not
,
says
she
,
let
it
be
what
it
will.
Why
then
,
says
he
,
I
got
the
Farmers
Daughter
with
Child
,
and
she
was
such
a
Fool
to
tell
her
Father
of
it
.
So
she
was
by
my
Troth
,
says
she
,
for
my
Fathers
Man
got
me
with
Child
above
a
Twelvemonth
ago
,
and
you
are
the
first
that
ever
I
told
of
it
.
55.
The
Bishop
of
Mentz
,
had
a
merry
Fellow
to
his
Tenant
,
who
was
deep
in
Arreers
for
Rent
,
to
whom
the
Bishop
sent
his
Steward
,
who
told
him
that
unless
he
took
more
care
to
pay
his
Rent
,
the
Bishop
would
take
a
Course
with
him
;
to
whom
the
Fellow
replied
,
he
did
not
value
the
Bishop
,
for
he
knew
how
to
keep
out
of
his
Clutches
:
Why
,
says
the
Stward
,
you
must
go
out
of
the
Bishopwrick
then
,
no
replied
the
Fellow
,
I
wont
;
for
I
have
forty
lurking
places
about
the
Diocess
where
he
will
never
find
me
:
where
can
they
be
,
I
beseech
you
,
says
the
Steward
,
why
there
's
one
in
every
Church
,
says
he
;
Then
he
'l
quickly
find
you
out
,
says
the
other
,
for
he
's
there
once
a
Week
at
least
.
O
but
,
says
the
Fellew
,
I
'll
hide
my self
in
one
of
the
Pulpits
,
where
I
'm
sure
he
won't
come
in
hast
.
56.
An
Ignorant
Fellow
,
having
got
in
to
be
a
Reader
in
a
Countrey-Church
;
the
first
Chapter
of
Matthew
being
appointed
to
be
Read
,
which
contains
the
Genealogy
,
and
is
full
of
hard
Names
:
He
began
with
Abraham
begat
Isaac
,
and
so
read
on
three
or
four
more
,
till
he
was
quite
nonplus'd
▪
but
casting
his
Eyes
forward
,
And
so
,
says
he
,
they
begat
one
another
to
the
end
of
the
Chapter
.
57.
A
Knight
in
North●mpton
S●ire
,
that
had
three
Sons
,
and
no
great
Estate
,
told
his
young●st
Son
that
he
must
needs
bind
him
an
Apprentice
,
and
bid
him
chuse
his
Trade
.
The
Boy
bei●g
of
a
smart
and
ingenious
temper
,
told
his
Father
he
'd
be
a
Tanner
.
Push
,
says
he
,
that
's
a
nasty
Trady
:
That
's
true
,
says
he
;
but
yet
't
is
the
most
convenient
Trade
for
me
of
any
;
because
you
have
but
a
littl●
to
give
me
,
and
three
Hides
will
set
me
up
.
What
Hides
are
those
,
says
his
Father
?
Why
Sir
,
Reply'd
the
Boy
,
Yours
and
my
two
Brothers
.
58.
An
Impudent
Fellow
having
several
Indictments
brought
against
him
,
the
Judge
seeing
the
Notoriousness
of
his
Crimes
,
said
,
Sirrah
,
if
you
ben't
Hang'd
,
I
'll
be
Hang'd
for
you
:
To
whom
the
Rogue
reply'd
,
I
thank
your
Honour
,
for
your
kind
Offer
;
pray
be
not
out
of
the
way
when
that
time
comes
.
59.
A
Gentleman
of
Lincolns-Inn
,
hearing
of
the
Death
of
his
Father
,
in
the
Countrey
was
not
a
little
concern'd
,
as
not
knowing
how
he
had
left
his
Estate
.
An
I●timate
F●iend
of
his
seeing
him
,
said
,
Chear
up
,
Jack
;
if
your
Father
has
left
you
a
good
E●tate
,
you
have
no
great
cause
to
grieve
;
and
if
he
has
given
you
nothing
,
who
'd
grieve
for
such
a
Father
?
60.
A
Ranting
Bully
Drinking
a
Health
to
a
Sober
Man
,
he
refus●d
to
Pledge
●im
;
upon
which
●e
wish'd
this
Curse
might
light
upon
him
.
That
in
a
dark
and
cold
Rainy
Night
,
he
were
set
upon
a
tir'd
Iade
,
bare
Ridg'd
,
in
a
dirty
Lane
,
with
a
Pocky
Whore
behind
him
,
and
his
own
Bones
rotten
,
and
seven
Miles
from
any
House
,
not
knowing
one
step
of
the
way
,
and
with
never
a
Penny
in
his
Purse
,
both
Hungry
and
Thirsty
.
Hold
Sir
,
says
the
Man
,
there
's
enough
already
:
I
thank
you
for
your
good
wishes
;
but
hope
in
a
little
time
you
'll
enjoy
'em
all
your self
.
61.
An
Arch
Fellow
in
Oxford
,
took
a
great
many
Rams
horns
in
his
Basket
,
and
went
about
the
City
with
them
,
crying
,
Fair
Cherries
in
Winter
;
this
made
many
People
call
to
him
,
and
amongst
the
rest
a
Lawyer
,
who
seeing
his
Ware
,
laught
at
him
,
saying
,
You
Fool
,
who
do
you
think
will
buy
your
Horns
of
you
?
O
Sir
,
replie●
he
,
Though
you
are
provided
,
yet
I
may
meet
with
some
that
are
not
.
62.
A
Gentleman
told
his
Cook
that
he
would
dine
on
a
Venison
Pasty
,
and
so
order'd
him
to
provide
one
;
which
he
did
,
with
two
or
three
other
dishes
preliminary
to
it
.
So
when
the
dinner
was
ready
,
he
brought
it
up
in
order
;
the
first
dish
was
a
good
Surloin
of
Beef
,
which
he
set
upon
the
Table
before
the
Gentleman
,
which
as
soon
as
the
Cooks
back
was
turn'd
,
he
took
and
threw
out
of
the
Window
;
then
the
Cook
brought
up
the
second
Course
,
which
was
a
Legg
of
Mutton
and
Colly-flowers
,
which
he
sent
out
of
the
Window
after
the
other
;
then
the
Cook
brought
up
the
Venison
Pasty
,
and
threw
it
out
of
the
Window
,
after
the
other
two
dishes
;
which
his
Master
storming
at
him
for
,
ask'd
him
the
reason
of
it
,
says
he
,
I
thought
your
Worship
intended
to
dine
below
,
becaus●
you
sent
the
dishes
down
.
63.
Two
Persons
who
had
no
great
kindness
for
one
another
,
were
invited
to
dinner
together
with
a
Knight
,
who
had
a
mind
to
be
merry
.
Now
they
were
both
pretty
witty
;
but
one
was
slovenly
,
and
the
other
spruce
and
neat
:
the
spruce
man
was
the●e
first
,
and
when
the
o●her
came
,
he
ran
to
the
door
to
salute
him
and
conduct
him
in
,
and
thinking
to
make
a
Jest
on
his
uncourtly
habit
,
started
back
,
saying
,
I
thought
to
have
met
a
worthy
Doctor
;
but
I
doubt
in
his
stead
I
accost
a
Butcher
.
The
Doctor
(
who
very
well
understood
Repartees
)
answered
,
Sir
,
I
can't
blame
you
for
being
surprized
,
because
't
is
natural
for
horned
Beasts
to
dread
the
Butcher
:
which
to
one
married
under
Capricorn
,
was
a
very
close
Repartee
.
64.
One
held
a
Paradox
,
that
Wise
Men
were
the
greatest
Lyers
;
for
says
he
,
the
Proverb
says
,
Children
and
Fools
speak
Truth
.
65.
A
certain
Person
speaking
unseemly
Words
before
a
Gentlewoman
,
she
ask'd
him
what
Profession
he
was
of
?
Madam
,
says
he
,
I
am
a
Civil
Lawyer
.
Alas
,
Sir
,
replied
she
then
,
If
Civil
Lawyers
are
such
rude
People
,
I
wonder
what
other
Lawyers
are
.
66.
Socrates
being
asked
Why
he
suffere●
so
much
brawling
from
his
Wife
:
says
he
,
Why
do
you
suffer
so
much
kackling
of
your
Hens
?
Because
they
lay
Eggs
,
says
he
.
And
I
from
my
Wife
,
replied
Socrates
,
because
she
bears
Children
.
67.
At
a
Market
Town
in
Somersets●ire
,
there
lived
a
Quaker
that
was
a
Barber
,
to
whom
the
Parson
of
the
Parish
came
,
dem●nding
fif●een
Shilli●gs
of
him
for
Tythe
;
The
Quaker
told
him
he
owed
him
none
,
nor
none
would
he
pay
him
:
He
told
him
it
was
his
due
,
and
if
he
would
not
give
it
him
by
fair
means
,
he'●
make
him
do
it
by
foul
.
The
Quaker
asked
him
for
what
it
was
due
?
he
told
him
for
Preaching
and
Reading
Divine
Service
,
and
oother
Ministerial
Duties
in
the
Church
:
Why
,
says
the
Quaker
,
I
never
came
there
:
You
might
if
you
would
,
says
the
Parson
,
the
Door
stands
open
.
Soon
after
the
Quaker
hearing
that
he
was
s●ing
him
for
the
money
,
enters
an
Action
also
against
the
Parson
for
fifteen
Shillings
;
the
Parson
hearing
of
it
,
went
and
asked
him
how
he
came
to
owe
him
fifteen
Shillings
?
he
told
him
for
Trimmin●
.
Why
,
says
the
Parson
,
I
was
never
Trimmed
by
you
in
my
life
:
You
might
if
you
would
,
sayd
the
Quaker
'
▪
my
Door
stands
open
.
68.
A
Doctor
of
Physick
in
Oxford
that
used
to
salute
every
one
he
met
,
with
these
Words
,
I
am
very
glad
to
see
you
well
;
A
Student
,
a
Gentleman
of
good
quality
,
whom
he
so
greeted
,
told
him
ingeniously
,
He
believed
he
lyed
,
for
the
World
went
ill
with
him
when
People
were
well
.
69.
O●e
perswaded
a
Man
to
hang
his
Dog
that
had
done
some
mischief
,
I
am
loath
to
hang
him
,
says
he
,
but
I
'll
go
amongst
his
Neighbours
and
give
him
an
ill-name
,
and
that
is
as
bad
.
70.
A
French
Captain
having
been
a
long
time
closely
Besieged
in
a
place
where
for
four
months
he
eat
nothing
but
Horse-flesh
;
at
length
being
relieved
,
he
repaired
to
his
former
Mistress
,
thinking
to
enjoy
the
same
da●liances
and
caresses
that
he
was
formerly
blessed
with
;
But
she
having
been
informed
how
he
had
fa●ed
since
his
departure
;
Hold
,
says
she
,
Monsieur
;
for
though
I
have
a
mind
to
be
gotten
with
Child
,
yet
I
am
resolved
never
to
be
gotten
with
Colt.
71.
A
covetous
Tradesman
had
a
mind
to
be
married
,
but
was
afraid
of
the
charge
of
having
Children
too
fast
;
at
last
he
resolved
to
be
married
,
and
agreed
with
his
Wife
that
they
would
lie
together
but
once
a
Fortnight
;
and
,
says
he
,
I
intend
to
get
every
Fortnight
a
Joy●t
of
the
Child
from
Head
to
Foot
;
so
by
that
device
we
shall
not
have
too
many
Children
:
But
I
do
it
,
my
Dear
,
to
ease
thee
in
the
bearing
of
them
,
which
you
know
,
would
be
no
small
trouble
to
you
.
After
Marriage
,
it
seems
he
lay
with
her
the
first
Night
,
and
I
can't
tell
how
it
came
about
,
but
at
forty
Weeks
end
she
was
brought
to
bed
of
a
brave
Boy
.
Why
how
now
Wife
?
says
he
,
this
is
not
according
to
my
Expectation
:
Yes
Husband
,
says
she
,
but
I
may
thank
good
Neighbours
,
or
else
for
ought
I
know
we
might
have
had
a
deformed
Child
.
72.
The
King
of
Spain
coming
into
one
of
his
chief
Cities
,
the
Mayor
came
to
make
a
Speech
,
and
began
thus
:
When
the
King
of
Peace
rode
to
Jerusalem
;
but
being
dashed
out
of
Countenance
,
he
said
again
,
When
the
King
of
Peace
rode
to
Jerusalem
;
and
so
the
third
time
,
but
could
not
proceed
:
Then
the
King
turning
to
his
Cou●tiers
,
said
,
We
may
easily
ima●gine
this
Man
to
be
an
Ass
by
the
Consequent
.
73.
Mr.
Philemo●
Holland
having
Translated
several
Books
,
as
Plutarch
,
Pliny
,
Livy
,
Cambden
,
&c.
at
length
he
Translated
S●etonius
Tranquillus
into
English
;
upon
which
,
an
ingenious
Blade
writ
this
Distich
on
him
:
Phliemon
with
Translations
doth
so
fill
us
.
He
will
not
let
Suetonius
be
Tranquillus
.
74.
A
Gentleman
going
into
a
Church
in
London
▪
when
they
were
chaunting
Sternhold's
and
Hopkin's
Psalms
,
which
are
not
the
most
Mellodious
in
the
World
,
the
Words
were
these
,
Have
mercy
upon
us
Miserable
Sinners
:
Ay
,
(
says
he
)
they
might
as
well
h●ve
s●id
,
H●ve
mercy
upon
us
Miserable
Singers
.
75.
Two
Sparks
standing
together
in
the
Cloys●ers
,
seeing
a
pretty
Lady
pals
by
,
says
one
of
them
.
There
goes
the
handsomest
Lady
that
ever
I
saw
in
my
Life
:
She
hearing
him
,
turned
back
,
and
seeing
him
very
ugly
,
said
,
Sir
,
I
would
I
could
in
way
of
Requital
say
as
much
of
you
:
Faith
,
says
he
,
so
you
may
,
and
Lye
as
I
did
.
76.
A
Poor
man
in
Smithfield
having
a
mind
to
bind
his
Son
to
a
Butcher
;
but
being
●olicitous
to
get
a
Master
of
whom
he
might
learn
his
Trade
well
,
he
asked
his
Friend
,
who
was
an
Ingenious
Gentleman
,
and
had
great
Acquaintance
,
to
whom
he
should
Bind
him
?
O
,
says
he
,
there
is
a
Physitian
hard
by
you
,
Bind
him
to
him
;
for
he
kills
more
than
all
beside
in
the
Town
.
77.
A
Gallant
,
Dining
at
a
Friends
House
,
had
promised
a
Lady
to
meet
her
in
the
Afternoon
;
but
being
engaged
after
Dinner
at
Cards
,
could
not
fairly
get
away
;
wherefore
he
called
his
Boy
,
and
sent
him
to
the
Lady
to
excuse
him
;
whispering
him
in
the
Ear
,
that
whatever
Answer
the
Lady
returned
,
he
should
tell
it
him
as
if
it
were
from
a
Man
;
that
the
Company
might
not
know
.
So
the
Boy
went
on
his
Errand
,
and
a
little
after
returned
to
his
Master
,
who
asked
him
aloud
before
the
Company
▪
What
was
the
Gentleman
at
home
?
Yes
Sir
,
answered
the
Boy
:
Well
,
what
said
he
to
you
:
He
said
,
Sir
,
you
might
appoint
any
other
time
:
What
was
he
doi●g
,
says
the
Gentleman
?
He
was
putting
on
his
Hood
and
Scarf
,
to
go
to
Mass
,
says
the
Boy
,
which
discovered
the
Intreague
,
and
set
them
all
a
L●ughing
.
78.
A
Woman
asking
her
Husband
for
some
Money
to
buy
a
broad
Silver
and
Gold
Lace
,
to
put
on
her
Petticoat
,
he
replied
thus
to
her
,
If
I
once
make
you
a
Gold-finch
,
you
will
prove
a
Wag-tail
all
your
Life
after
.
79.
One
that
was
a
great
Eater
,
sitting
down
to
Supper
,
complained
that
he
had
lost
his
Stomach
,
Well
says
a
merry
Fellow
that
was
there
,
If
a
Poor
Man
has
found
it
,
he
will
be
utterly
undone
.
80.
A
Bishop
being
informed
by
hi●
Steward
of
the
greatness
of
his
Expence
,
that
it
was
over
proportionable
to
his
Estate
;
and
that
particularly
the
number
of
his
Servants
was
too
great
:
The
Bishop
ordered
him
to
draw
up
a
Note
,
of
such
as
were
necessary
,
and
such
as
were
not
;
which
being
done
,
he
Summoned
all
his
Servants
together
,
and
reading
the
Note
,
separated
them
;
and
then
said
,
These
I
have
need
of
,
and
therefore
they
must
continue
;
those
have
need
of
me
,
and
therefore
they
must
continue
also
.
81.
Just
after
the
late
Kings
Restauration
,
when
going
to
Church
came
to
be
in
fashion
,
an
old
Woman
was
advised
by
her
Neighbours
to
go
to
Church
;
for
fear
of
being
Presented
,
she
was
resolved
to
go
once
a
month
to
save
her
Bacon
:
So
Dressing
her self
very
fine
,
she
came
into
the
Church
just
at
the
Expiration
of
the
Letany
,
and
the
Parson
having
said
,
Lord
have
Mercy
upon
us
,
and
then
the
People
Responding
thereunto
;
she
Cryed
out
aloud
,
I
never
was
here
before
in
my
Life
,
an●
since
you
make
such
a
Wonderment
at
it
,
I
will
never
come
again
.
82.
Two
Gentlemen
walking
in
Cheapside
,
in
Oliver's
time
,
saw
the
Sign
of
the
Golden-Cross
;
One
of
them
proffered
to
lay
two
Bottles
of
Wine
with
the
other
,
that
he
would
make
the
master
of
the
Shop
pull
down
the
Sign
:
The
Wager
being
laid
,
he
pulls
off
his
Hat
,
and
makes
half
a
dozen
Leggs
to
the
Sign
,
first
on
one
side
,
and
then
on
the
other
,
which
the
Master
of
the
Shop
seeking
,
thinking
to
prevent
his
future
Superstition
,
suddenly
pulled
down
his
Sign
,
whereby
the
Gentleman
won
his
two
Bottles
of
Wine
.
83.
A
Minister
finding
his
Parishioners
to
be
Ignorant
,
was
resolved
to
Examine
and
Instruct
them
at
home
;
so
going
to
an
Ancient
Womans
House
,
amongst
other
Questions
,
he
asked
her
how
many
Commandments
there
were
?
She
told
him
she
could
not
tell
:
He
told
her
there
were
Ten
:
Whereat
she
replied
,
A
Iolly
Company
!
God
Bless
you
and
them
both
together
:
Well
,
but
Neighbour
(
says
he
)
Do
you
think
you
can
keep
these
Commandments
?
Ah!
God
Bless
you
,
Sir
,
(
said
she
)
I
am
a
poor
Woman
,
and
can
ha●dly
keep
my self
;
I
hope
you
will
not
put
me
to
the
Charge
of
keeping
any
of
the
Commandments
for
you
.
84.
Going
to
another
of
them
,
●e
asked
her
,
who
made
her
?
She
Replyed
,
She
did
not
know
:
A
Child
standing
by
,
he
asked
him
the
same
Question
,
who
Answered
,
God
;
whereupon
the
Parson
Reproving
the
Old
Woman
,
told
her
it
was
a
shame
that
she
should
be
so
Ignorant
,
who
had
lived
to
those
Years
,
and
that
little
Child
could
tell
Marry
,
quoth
she
,
I
am
old
Woman
,
and
have
been
made
a
great
while
,
and
he
was
made
but
t'other
day
;
he
may
well
tell
who
made
him
.
85.
A
Quaker
went
to
sell
a
Horse
in
Smithfield
,
a
Chapman
who
looked
on
the
Horse
,
complained
of
his
Head
;
Quoth
the
Quaker
,
He
that
made
that
Head
,
won't
learn
of
thee
to
make
Heads
.
Why
Friend
,
says
the
other
,
may
I
not
speak
of
thy
Horses
faults
if
I
see
them
?
Nay
,
said
he
▪
for
he
sees
none
in
thee
,
why
shouldst
thou
see
any
in
him
.
The
Man
was
so
taken
with
the
bluntness
of
the
Quaker
,
that
he
bought
his
Horse
;
which
,
as
he
had
told
him
before
,
was
stark
blind
.
86.
Two
Gentleman
Riding
on
the
Road
,
espi●d
at
a
distance
an
old
Woman
a
doing
her
necessary
occasion
,
by
a
Hedge
side
;
one
of
them
offered
a
Bottle
of
Wine
,
that
she
would
turn
and
see
what
she
had
done
;
they
agreed
on
the
Wager
,
and
she
accordingly
did
.
Well
,
says
the
Loser
,
I
'll
ask
her
why
she
did
so
when
I
come
to
her
;
then
Riding
up
to
her
,
Well
,
good
Woman
,
said
he
,
I
see
you
have
been
Evacuating
your self
;
Did
you
so
?
quoth
she
,
you
see
no
more
with
your
Eyes
,
then
you
may
carry
away
in
your
Mouth
.
But
pray
Mrs.
said
the
Gentle●an
,
what
made
you
look
back
on
it
,
when
you
had
done
?
To
see
if
there
were
enough
for
you
Both
,
Sirs
,
replyed
she
.
87.
A
Young
Esquire
,
who
had
more
Money
than
Wit
,
Travelling
into
Spain
to
a
University
,
where
a
Man
might
be
made
a
Doctor
for
Money
,
had
a
mind
to
take
his
Degrees
;
so
for
his
better
Reception
,
he
invited
the
Doctor
of
the
Chair
to
Supper
,
where
being
a
little
flushed
with
the
expectation
of
his
new
Honour
,
he
asked
the
Doctor
if
he
would
take
Money
to
make
his
Horse
a
Doctor
too
?
Yes
,
says
he
,
I
may
make
a
Horse
a
Doctor
,
as
well
as
an
Ass
;
and
so
by
consequence
yo●r
Horse
as
well
as
your self
.
88.
An
Impertinent
Fellow
told
a
Gentleman
,
that
he
was
mad
for
doing
a
thing
with
less
Judgment
then
he
ought
to
have
done
,
and
that
he
ought
to
be
sent
to
Bedlam
to
be
cured
of
Frenzie
;
and
went
on
at
that
rate
,
till
the
Gentleman
wittily
answered
,
That
he
admired
as
much
,
why
(
as
in
every
Commonwealth
there
was
provided
a
Bedlam
for
Madmen
)
there
was
never
any
place
alotted
for
Fools
.
89.
A
merry
Archer
coming
into
the
Market
on
a
Market
day
,
necked
an
Arrow
as
if
he
intended
to
Shoot
,
and
said
,
with
a
●oud
Voice
,
Now
have
at
a
Cuckold
.
A
Woman
thinking
he
aimed
that
way
,
and
her
Husband
being
by
her
,
cries
out
,
Stand
away
Husband
,
stand
aw●y
Husband
:
Why
you
silly
Jade
(
says
he
)
I
am
no
Cuckold
,
am
I
?
No
,
no
,
(
quoth
she
)
but
who
knows
how
a
confonnded
Arrow
may
glance
?
90.
A
Farmer
in
Essex
,
who
for
his
Means
was
made
a
Knight
,
and
his
Wife
thereby
growing
very
Gallant
and
Fine
;
a
Jocose
Gentleman
told
his
Worship
,
That
he
did
not
do
well
,
in
spoiling
a
Good
Wife
,
to
make
a
Mad-Dame
.
91.
A
merry
Gentleman
seeing
a
great
Dish
of
Broth
brought
to
the
Table
,
with
a
little
Chop
of
Mutton
in
the
middle
of
it
,
began
hastily
to
unbutton
his
Doublet
:
one
asking
him
the
meaning
of
it
;
I
mean
(
says
he
)
to
swim
through
this
Sea
of
Pottage
,
to
that
Island
of
Mutton
.
92.
A
merry
Fellow
Riding
with
his
Master
,
he
desired
to
ask
him
a
Question
;
his
Master
knowing
him
to
be
a
jocose
witty
Rogue
,
gave
him
leave
:
Why
then
,
Sir
,
said
he
,
you
see
a
Horse
and
an
Ass
yonder
feeding
together
:
now
suppose
you
were
forced
to
be
a
Beast
,
which
of
those
two
would
●ou
be
?
You
Fool
,
said
the
Master
,
I
would
be
a
Horse
,
as
being
the
noble●
and
more
generous
Creature
:
I
am
of
another
Opinion
,
said
the
Man
,
for
I
would
be
an
Ass
:
His
Master
being
pleased
with
the
Humour
,
asked
his
reason
?
Why
,
said
he
,
I
have
often
seen
an
Ass
Ride
the
Great
Ho●●e
,
strut
briskly
before
his
Company
,
be
made
a
Iustice
,
have
the
honour
of
Knighthood
conferred
on
him
,
and
often
Elected
Mayor
of
a
Corporation
;
but
I
never
knew
a
Horse
capable
of
any
of
these
Preferments
.
92.
An
Ignorant
Countrey
Fellow
coming
along
Paternoster-Row
,
had
occasion
to
change
a
Half-Crown
into
small
money
,
and
looking
over
a
Grate
which
stood
on
the
Stall
,
there
sate
a
large
Monkey
,
whom
he
prayed
to
change
his
money
;
the
Monkey
took
it
,
and
put
it
into
the
Till
of
the
Compter
,
where
he
had
observed
money
to
be
put
,
and
then
came
and
Grinn'd
at
the
M●●
;
who
being
in
a
passion
,
made
a
noise
at
the
Door
,
whereat
the
man
of
the
Shop
,
coming
into
the
Shop
,
asked
him
what
was
the
matter
?
Sir
,
said
he
,
I
gave
your
Son
half
a
Crown
to
change
,
and
he
will
not
give
it
me
again
,
b●t
laughs
at
me
,
and
will
not
give
me
one
word
of
answer
,
tho
I
have
asked
him
for
it
many
a
time
.
94.
Two
Friends
meeting
,
one
being
overjoyed
to
see
the
other
▪
Hark
you
Sir
,
said
he
,
Between
you
and
I
,
my
Wife
's
with
Child
.
Faith
,
cry'd
the
other
,
you
're
a
liar
,
for
I
have
not
seen
her
this
twelve
Months
.
95.
Two
Persons
who
had
been
formerly
acquainted
,
but
had
not
seen
each
other
a
great
while
,
meeting
on
the
Road
,
one
ask'd
the
other
how
he
did
,
he
told
him
,
He
was
very
well
,
and
was
Married
since
he
saw
him
:
the
other
reply'd
,
That
was
wel●
indeed
:
not
so
well
neither
,
said
he
,
for
I
have
M●rried
a
Shrew
.
That
's
ill
,
said
the
other
.
Not
so
ill
neither
,
said
he
,
for
I
had
2000
Pounds
with
her
.
That
's
well
again
,
said
his
Friend
.
Not
so
well
neither
,
for
I
laid
it
out
in
Sheep
,
and
they
died
of
the
Rot.
That
was
ill
indeed
,
said
the
other
.
Not
so
ill
neither
,
said
he
,
for
I
sold
the
Skins
for
more
money
then
the
Sheep
cost
.
Th●t
was
well
indeed
,
quoth
his
Friend
.
Not
so
well
neither
,
said
he
,
for
I
laid
out
my
money
in
a
House
and
it
was
burned
.
That
's
very
ill
,
said
the
other
.
Not
so
ill
neither
,
said
he
,
for
my
Wife
was
burned
in
it
.
96.
One
that
had
been
very
much
vex'd
in
Law-suits
,
went
to
Tyburn
one
day
to
see
the
Execution
,
and
vow'd
,
That
't
was
better
to
have
to
do
with
Tyburn
,
then
Westminster
H●ll
;
for
there
Suits
hang
half
a
year
,
but
at
Tyburn
half
an
hours
hanging
ends
all
.
97.
A
young
Countrey
Esquire
,
who
you
must
think
never
read
Cook
upon
Littleton
,
&c.
had
a
mind
to
borrow
some
money
privately
,
for
which
he
was
to
give
a
Bond
,
and
hearing
it
run
,
Be
it
known
unto
all
men
;
Hey
boys
!
says
he
,
if
all
men
must
know
it
,
then
I
'm
sure
it
will
come
to
my
Fathers
Ear
;
therefore
I
will
have
no
such
Bond
drawn
.
98.
A
Handsom
young
Widow
having
lately
Bu●●ed
an
old
grave
Husband
,
called
Old
Simon
,
had
been
so
used
to
●
Bedfellow
,
that
she
could
not
sleep
without
one
;
but
could
endure
the
thoughts
of
none
but
her
dear
Husband
;
wherefore
she
ordered
a
Carver
to
make
her
Husbands
Statue
as
near
as
he
could
;
which
every
Night
(
being
w●ll
warmed
)
had
a
Shirt
and
Night-Cap
put
on
,
and
was
laid
by
her
in
Remembrance
of
her
Husband
,
●hat
she
might
,
at
least
,
embrace
him
in
Effigie
.
This
Trade
had
lasted
ever
since
her
Husbands
Death
,
and
she
would
not
admit
the
Cour●ship
of
any
S●iter
,
till
at
last
a
young
Gentleman
who
was
inflamed
with
no
small
passion
for
her
,
had
by
the
help
of
his
Wit
,
and
some
good
Angels
preva●led
with
her
Maid
to
lay
him
one
Night
in
the
place
of
Old
Symon
:
So
the
Widow
came
to
bed
to
him
,
and
casting
her
hand
over
her
dear
S●atue
(
as
she
thought
)
she
felt
a
more
agreeable
warmth
than
usual
;
nay
,
she
fancied
't
was
alive
and
had
motion
;
She
was
not
frighted
at
it
(
which
is
not
a
little
wonderful
)
but
by
degrees
crept
closer
and
closer
to
her
Side-mate
,
till
at
length
they
were
locked
in
mutual
embraces
;
by
which
she
with
pleasure
found
that
it
was
not
her
Wooden
Bedfellow
.
In
the
Morning
the
Maid
call'd
at
the
Chamber-door
,
as
she
u●●d
to
do
;
Madam
,
what
will
you
please
to
have
for
Dinner
to
Day
?
she
replyed
,
Rost
the
Goose
,
and
the
two
Pheasants
that
were
brought
in
Yesterday
,
Boyl
a
Leg
of
Mutton
and
Colly-flowers
,
and
get
a
good
Dish
of
Tarts
and
Custards
,
and
a
Dish
of
good
dryed
Fruit.
Madam
,
says
the
Maid
,
I
think
we
have
hardly
Billers
enough
for
a
quick
fire
.
You
may
burn
Old
Symon
,
says
she
,
burn
Old
Symon
.
99.
A
young
Buxom
Maid
,
that
was
newly
Married
to
an
old
Man
(
by
her
covetous
Father
for
money
(
was
very
melancholy
;
which
a
merry
Fellow
seeing
,
to
comfort
her
,
said
,
Be
of
good
Chear
,
my
pretty
dear
Rogue
,
for
an
old
Horse
will
perform
as
good
as
Iourney
as
a
young
one
,
She
Smirking
and
Sighing
said
,
withal
stroaking
down
her
Belly
,
But
not
in
this
Road
,
Sir.
100.
A
Gentleman
that
was
a
Lawyer
,
coming
up
to
London
,
to
the
Term
,
met
a
plain
Countrey-man
,
and
after
the
usual
Complement
,
of
well
met
,
&c.
says
the
Gentleman
,
Pray
Friend
answer
me
this
Question
,
Which
are
the
greatest
Wonders
in
the
World
?
To
which
,
after
a
little
consideration
,
he
dryly
Replyed
,
Womens
and
Lawyers
Tongues
;
for
,
says
he
,
they
always
lye
,
yet
never
lye
still
.
101.
A
Gentleman
Riding
on
the
Road
,
overtook
a
young
brisk
Countrey
Lass
,
who
after
some
time
Travelling
together
,
consented
to
his
Amours
;
the
Man
being
conscious
of
what
he
had
done
,
and
how
Prejudicial
it
might
prove
to
the
Maid
;
told
her
,
if
any
thing
came
of
their
Endeavours
,
she
should
hear
of
him
at
a
certain
place
in
London
:
'T
is
no
matter
Sir
,
said
she
,
I
am
to
be
married
on
Monday
.
102.
An
ignorant
old
woman
in
the
Countrey
,
hearing
a
Minister
Preach
on
the
Passion
of
Christ
,
of
the
Cruel
and
Barbarous
Death
that
the
Iews
put
him
to
,
wept
grievously
;
and
when
the
Minister
had
done
,
she
came
to
him
,
and
asked
him
how
long
ago
it
was
since
this
sad
thing
was
done
?
The
Minister
told
her
it
,
was
Sixteen
hundred
Years
since
:
O
then
,
says
the
Woman
,
being
a
little
revived
,
if
it
be
so
long
ago
,
I
hope
in
God
it
may
not
be
true
.
103.
A
brisk
young
Woman
going
to
her
Husbands
Funeral
,
a
Gentleman
comes
and
whispers
her
in
the
Ear
,
proffering
his
Service
in
way
of
Courtship
:
She
thanked
him
very
kindly
,
but
told
him
,
He
came
too
late
;
for
says
she
,
I
was
Yesterday
made
sure
to
another
.
104.
A
Citizen
Travelling
into
the
Countrey
,
came
into
a
very
good
Inn
,
where
the
Master
of
the
House
was
Complaisant
to
him
,
showing
all
his
conveniencies
;
which
were
so
far
beyond
the
common
I●ns
,
that
he
told
him
,
It
was
a
House
for
a
Nobleman
;
at
which
the
Inn-keeper
fell
into
a
great
Passion
,
calling
him
Rascal
,
and
abusive
Fellow
.
The
Gentleman
not
being
pleased
with
his
Entertainment
,
went
to
the
next
House
in
the
same
Town
;
where
telling
his
Host
the
business
,
he
informed
him
,
That
the
Man
had
lately
Broke
,
and
Paid
but
a
Noble
in
the
Pound
of
his
Debts
,
which
had
Enabled
him
to
Build
that
spacious
House
.
105.
An
Amorous
Gentleman
in
Paris
,
Playing
under
his
Mistresses
Window
with
a
Lute
,
she
commanded
her
Servants
to
throw
Stones
at
him
,
which
he
took
in
good
part
,
and
esteemed
as
a
great
Grace
,
fancying
himself
like
Orpheus
;
saying
,
The
Stones
danced
after
his
Musick
.
106.
A
Wine
Cooper
in
Mark
Lane
,
taking
a
Gentleman
down
into
his
Cellar
to
Treat
him
,
he
finding
no
Seat
there
for
him
to
sit
on
,
asked
him
the
reason
of
it
:
Why
,
says
the
Wine-Cooper
,
I
will
have
no
Man
here
Drink
longer
than
he
can
stand
.
107.
A
Citizen
of
London
had
for
a
long
time
been
Jealous
of
his
Wife
,
mistrusting
her
Chastity
,
but
had
no
real
proof
of
it
;
till
at
length
he
resolving
to
have
an
ocular
Demonstration
,
pretends
to
go
into
the
Countrey
,
but
returns
the
same
Night
;
and
coming
into
the
House
,
looks
through
the
Door
into
his
Wives
Chamber
,
and
sees
a
brisk
Spark
Caressing
her
in
an
Amorous
manner
.
Having
thus
satisfied
his
Curiosity
,
he
retires
,
resolving
to
discipline
her
the
next
day
:
So
he
comes
to
her
,
and
after
some
little
Discourse
,
taxes
her
with
the
last
Nights
Recreation
.
She
denies
it
,
and
he
affirms
it
,
telling
her
that
he
saw
it
with
his
own
Eyes
:
to
which
she
wittily
and
simperingly
said
,
What
,
my
Dear
!
Won't
you
believe
your
own
dear
Wife
,
before
your
own
Eyes
?
108.
Two
young
Fellows
observing
a
Countrey
man
go
up
into
the
Monument
,
went
up
after
him
,
and
when
they
came
to
the
top
,
they
bound
him
,
and
pickt
his
Pocket
:
which
as
soon
as
ever
they
had
done
,
they
heard
some
body
coming
up
:
So
being
put
to
their
Shifts
,
and
in
some
danger
of
discovery
,
they
made
haste
down
,
and
meeting
a
Man
,
they
told
him
,
There
was
a
pleasant
Scene
acting
at
top
,
between
a
young
Maid
and
her
Sweet-heart
:
So
the
Man
believing
them
,
and
being
a
merry
Fellow
,
went
down
with
them
,
saying
,
That
if
he
could
make
no
sport
,
he
was
resolv'd
to
spoil
none
,
and
so
by
this
witty
Stratagem
the
Rogues
escaped
with
the
money
and
the
poor
Countrey-man
was
left
to
be
relieved
by
the
next
comer
.
109.
An
old
Bawd
being
brought
before
a
Justice
of
Peace
,
in
London
,
for
keeping
a
B●wdy-House
,
and
being
accused
by
several
Witnesses
,
and
upon
probable
Grounds
,
the
Justice
said
in
a
Passion
to
her
,
You
old
Hag
,
you
do
keep
a
Debauched
House
,
and
I
will
maintain
it
:
whereupon
the
old
Jade
dropt
him
a
Courtesie
,
saying
,
I
most
humbly
thank
your
Worship
,
I
desire
no
better
Warrant
.
110.
A
Tinker
coming
through
Cornhill
,
and
sounding
briskly
on
his
Kettle
,
Have
you
any
Work
for
a
Tinker
?
A
Grocer
that
thought
to
put
a
Jest
upon
him
(
there
being
a
Pillory
near
his
Door
)
bid
him
stop
those
two
Holes
,
pointing
to
the
Pillory
:
to
whom
the
Tinker
smartly
replyed
,
Sir
,
if
you
will
lend
me
your
Head
and
Ears
,
I
will
find
a
Hammer
and
Nails
,
and
give
you
my
Work
into
the
bargain
.
111.
A
modest
Gentlewoman
being
forced
by
her
Mother
to
accuse
her
Husband
of
Defect
,
she
desired
the
Judge
,
being
in
Court
,
that
she
might
Write
her
mind
for
Modesties
sake
.
So
the
Judge
granted
her
request
,
and
ordered
Ink
and
Paper
to
be
given
her
:
So
she
took
the
Pen
without
dipping
it
into
the
Ink
,
and
●ade
as
if
she
would
Write
,
says
one
of
the
Counsellers
to
her
,
Madam
,
there
's
no
Ink
in
your
Pen.
Truly
Sir
,
says
she
,
that
is
just
my
Case
,
and
therefore
I
need
not
Explain
my self
any
further
.
112.
Queen
Elizabeth
coming
into
a
School
in
London
,
and
seeing
a
very
pert
Boy
,
asked
him
how
often
he
had
been
Whipt
?
To
whom
he
Ingeniously
answered
in
these
words
of
AEneas
to
Queen
Dido
,
Infandum
Regina
juber
removare
dolorem
.
For
which
she
gave
him
a
Reward
.
113.
Another
time
the
Queen
coming
into
Westminster-School
,
had
some
Verses
made
to
her
Extempore
,
by
a
poor
Boy
:
and
being
pleased
with
his
quickness
,
she
bid
him
make
some
Verses
upon
this
,
Pauper
ubique
jacet
,
which
he
did
presently
as
follows
:
In
Thalamis
Regina
tuis
hac
nocte
Iacerem
,
Si
verum
hoc
esset
,
pauper
ubique
jacet
.
For
which
the
Queen
took
special
notice
of
him
,
and
gave
him
great
preferment
afterwards
.
114.
A
Gentleman
being
in
Mourning
for
his
Father
,
was
Riding
out
with
some
fine
Ladies
,
who
seeing
his
Horse
have
a
Velvet
Saddle
,
and
Embroyder'd
Cloath
,
ask'd
him
why
that
was
not
black
too
?
O
,
says
the
Gentleman
,
my
Horses
Father
is
not
dead
yet
.
115.
A
Countrey
Farmer
coming
up
to
London
,
had
a
Token
to
deliver
to
his
Landlord's
Son
,
a
young
Gentleman
of
the
Temple
:
when
he
came
to
his
Chamber
,
he
found
a
Note
in
the
Key-hole
,
written
,
I
am
gone
to
the
Devil
:
Whereupon
the
poor
Farmer
fell
into
a
great
fright
,
having
the
sadd●st
apprehensions
imaginable
.
Alas
!
said
he
,
that
ever
my
Landlord
should
send
his
Son
to
this
wicked
place
:
a
fine
young
Gentleman
that
has
cost
his
Father
many
a
fair
pound
to
bring
him
up
to
Learning
,
and
that
ever
he
should
come
to
this
Ungodly
Town
,
in
two
or
three
Months
time
to
go
to
the
Devil
;
I
dare
not
carry
this
sad
evil
Tydings
to
his
Father
:
And
as
he
was
making
these
sad
Lamentations
,
a
young
Student
came
up
and
told
him
,
that
the
Note
only
meant
the
Devil-Tavern
ha●d
by
,
and
that
he
believed
he
might
find
him
there
.
So
he
went
thither
,
and
found
the
Gentleman
,
and
presented
his
Fathers
Token
,
and
then
told
him
the
extraordinary
Trouble
he
was
in
,
upon
Reading
the
Note
.
At
which
the
Gentleman
laughed
heartily
,
and
gave
the
Farmer
such
an
Entertainment
,
that
when
he
came
down
into
the
Countrey
,
he
told
his
Friends
,
That
he
never
fared
better
in
his
Life
,
than
he
did
at
the
Devil
,
which
put
them
all
into
no
small
Astonishment
.
116.
A
Scholar
of
Oxford
,
having
wore
out
the
Heels
of
his
Boots
,
brought
them
in
his
hands
to
a
Cobler
,
and
shewing
him
them
,
said
,
O
thou
curious
Artificer
,
that
hast
by
no
small
pains
and
study
,
arrived
to
the
perfection
of
that
exquisite
Art
of
repairing
the
defects
of
old
decayed
Calcuments
,
affix
me
two
Semicircles
to
my
Suppeditors
.
The
Cobler
stared
upon
him
,
as
if
he
would
have
looked
him
through
:
but
a
little
recovering
himself
,
said
,
Before
George
Sir
,
I
understand
not
your
hard
Language
:
but
if
I
put
on
two
Heel-pieces
,
I
'll
have
a
Groat
for
them
.
117.
The
same
Scholar
being
asked
by
a
Porter
for
a
Gentlemans
Chamber
in
the
Colledg
,
he
directed
him
thus
,
you
must
crucifie
the
Quadrangle
,
and
ascend
the
Grades
,
and
you
will
find
him
perambulating
in
his
Cubicle
,
near
the
Fenkster
.
Pray
Sir
,
says
the
Porter
,
what
is
that
Fenester
?
It
is
,
replies
the
Scholar
,
the
Diaphanous
part
of
an
Edifice
,
erected
for
the
Introduction
of
Illumination
:
which
so
amazed
the
Porter
,
that
at
first
he
did
not
know
what
to
think
,
till
recovering
himself
,
he
went
and
enquired
of
another
,
who
gave
him
plainer
directions
,
in
more
intelligible
terms
.
118.
An
old
Usurer
dying
,
left
a
good
Estate
to
his
Son
,
who
was
more
lavish
in
the
spending
of
it
,
then
his
Father
had
been
careful
in
scraping
it
up
:
As
this
young
Spark
was
riding
in
his
Coach
to
Epsome
,
he
was
angry
with
his
Coachman
,
for
not
driving
faster
,
calling
to
him
,
saying
,
You
Dog
,
if
you
do
not
make
more
haste
,
I
will
come
and
kick
you
to
the
Devil
.
Sir
,
replied
the
Coach
man
,
I
swear
if
you
do
,
I
'll
there
tell
your
Father
how
extravagan●ly
you
have
spent
his
Estate
.
119.
A
Gentleman
living
in
the
Countrey
,
having
some
urgent
business
at
London
,
and
his
Lady
at
the
same
time
being
ready
to
Lye
in
,
leaves
order
with
his
Servant
,
a
Welsh-man
,
that
when
his
Lady
was
Delivered
,
if
it
were
a
Son
,
he
should
come
to
London
,
and
acquaint
him
,
promising
him
for
his
paines
a
new
Suit
of
Cloaths
;
the
Lady
was
in
a
short
time
after
Delivered
of
a
Daughter
;
however
Iack
(
unwilling
to
lose
his
Suit
of
Cloathes
)
goes
to
London
,
and
acquain●s
his
Master
that
his
Lady
was
brought
to
Bed
of
a
brave
young
Son
:
the
Gentleman
being
over-joyed
at
the
News
,
performed
his
Promise
,
and
Iack
being
well
accoutred
,
returns
to
his
Mistress
:
and
in
a
short
time
after
,
the
Gentleman
returns
;
and
meeting
his
Wife
,
wisheth
her
much
Joy
of
her
Son
;
but
she
alledging
it
was
a
Daughter
,
and
he
finding
himself
abused
,
orders
Iack
to
be
sent
for
;
who
when
he
came
,
still
continued
in
his
former
saying
,
that
it
was
a
Son
;
whe●eupon
the
Child
was
produced
,
and
shown
to
the
whole
Company
;
Iack
still
avers
it
to
be
a
Son
:
Why
thou
Fool
,
quoth
the
Nurse
,
if
it
were
a
Son
it
should
have
a
Cock
here
.
Cots-plut
,
quoth
the
Welshman
,
Is
hur
in
haste
?
Would
hur
have
a
Cock
there
already
?
Let
hur
keep
hur
till
hur
is
sixteen
or
seventeen
years
old
,
and
if
hur
have
no
Cock
then
,
Hang
hur
.
120.
A
brisk
young
Lady
,
seeing
the
Sheriff
of
a
County
,
who
was
a
comely
young
Man
,
wait
upon
the
Judge
,
who
was
an
old
Man
,
was
asked
by
one
,
which
she
had
most
mind
to
,
the
Judge
,
or
the
Sheriff
?
She
answered
,
the
Sheriff
.
He
asking
the
reason
,
she
replied
,
That
she
loved
Iudgement
well
,
but
Execution
much
better
.
121.
Some
Souldiers
in
the
Camp
being
very
Lowsie
,
complain'd
to
their
Captain
,
who
being
a
Jocose
man
,
bid
them
turn
their
Shirts
,
and
shake
them
,
telling
them
that
the
Lice
would
have
a
days
March
,
at
least
,
before
they
could
come
to
their
Skin
.
122.
A
Handsome
Countrey
Maid
coming
to
Croyden
Market
,
and
being
very
nimble
,
leaped
off
her
Horse
,
but
the
Pummel
of
her
Saddle
being
high
,
catcht
hold
of
her
Petticoat
,
and
shewed
almost
all
that
Nature
gave
her
;
which
a
Gentleman
standing
by
and
seeing
,
said
,
Sweetheart
,
you
have
a
very
clear
Skin
,
To
whom
she
answered
briskly
,
Sir
,
if
you
like
it
so
well
,
why
did
not
you
come
and
Kiss
it
,
to
take
your
leave
on
't
,
for
you
are
not
ever
like
to
see
it
again
?
123.
Two
Scotchmen
meeting
about
Dinner
time
,
one
asked
the
other
to
lend
him
Six-pence
;
by
my
Troth
,
quoth
he
,
I
have
but
a
Groat
;
Prithee
Man
,
said
he
,
lend
me
that
,
and
I
will
trust
you
for
the
other
Two
pence
.
124.
A
young
Woman
having
married
a
great
Student
,
who
was
so
inte●t
on
his
Studies
,
that
she
thought
her self
too
little
regarded
by
him
,
and
one
day
when
they
were
at
Dinner
with
some
Friends
,
she
wished
her self
a
Book
,
that
she
might
have
more
of
her
Husbands
Company
;
If
it
must
be
so
,
says
her
Husband
,
I
wish
thou
wert
an
Almanack
,
that
I
might
change
thee
for
a
new
one
once
a
Year
.
125.
A
Gentleman
alighting
out
of
his
Coach
at
White-hall
,
ask'd
a
F●ot-man
that
stood
there
,
what
a
Clock
it
was
?
Sir
,
says
the
Foot-man
,
what
will
you
give
me
?
Why
,
replied
the
Gentleman
,
must
I
give
you
any
thing
to
tell
me
that
?
Yes
Sir
,
said
he
,
for
we
Courtiers
do
nothing
without
money
.
126.
Two
Gentlemen
discoursing
over
a
Glass
of
Wine
,
of
the
Affairs
of
England
,
and
of
the
several
Classes
of
men
therein
;
One
of
them
wittily
said
,
That
in
it
there
were
neither
Scholars
enough
,
Gentlemen
enough
,
nor
Iews
enough
.
I
can
b●●
admire
at
your
openion
in
that
,
says
the
other
Gentleman
;
for
methinks
there
are
rather
too
many
of
those
sorts
than
too
few
.
To
which
he
replied
,
If
there
were
Scholars
enough
,
so
many
would
not
be
double
or
treble
beneficed
.
If
Gentlemen
enough
,
so
many
Peasants
would
not
be
reckoned
amongst
the
Gentry
.
And
if
Iews
enough
,
so
many
Christians
would
never
profess
Vsury
.
127.
A
conceited
Scholar
that
was
lately
come
from
Oxford
,
Drinking
with
two
or
three
Gentlemen
at
the
Mitre-Tavern
in
the
Poultrey
,
was
very
brisk
and
airy
,
and
would
needs
be
forming
of
Sylogismes
&c.
One
wise
one
was
this
,
He
bid
them
fill
two
Glasses
of
Wine
,
which
they
did
:
Now
,
says
he
,
I
will
prove
those
two
Glasses
to
be
three
,
thus
,
Is
not
here
one
,
says
he
?
Yes
,
says
the
Gentleman
.
And
here
another
,
that
's
two
,
says
he
:
Yes
,
says
the
Gentleman
again
.
Why
then
,
says
he
,
one
and
two
is
three
,
so
't
is
done
.
Very
well
,
says
the
Gentleman
,
I
'll
have
one
Glass
,
and
that
Gentleman
shall
have
the
other
,
and
you
shall
have
the
third
for
your
pains
in
finding
it
out
.
128.
One
who
had
lain
with
his
Female
Servant
,
the
next
day
asked
her
how
many
Commandments
there
were
?
She
answered
nine
.
Thou
Fool
,
quoth
he
,
hast
thou
lived
to
this
Age
,
and
knowest
no
better
?
There
are
ten
.
I
know
,
says
she
,
very
well
,
there
were
ten
Yesterday
;
but
you
and
I
broke
one
of
them
the
last
Night
,
so
that
there
are
but
nine
of
them
left
.
129.
A
witty
,
though
unfortunate
Fellow
,
having
tried
several
Trades
,
and
failed
in
them
all
,
at
last
took
an
Ale-house
,
and
set
up
the
Sign
of
the
Shirt
;
Writing
under
it
,
This
is
my
last
Shift
;
which
witty
Device
,
brought
him
much
Company
and
Profit
.
130.
A
Gentleman
that
had
never
been
used
to
Wounds
,
received
a
small
Scratch
with
a
Sword
in
a
Tavern-Fray
;
at
which
he
was
sadly
frighted
,
and
sent
immediately
for
a
Chyrurgeon
,
who
coming
,
and
seeing
the
Wound
but
slight
,
and
the
Gentleman
in
a
great
fear
;
for
sports
sake
pretended
great
danger
,
and
therefore
sends
his
Man
with
great
speed
to
fetch
him
such
a
Plaister
:
Why
Sir
,
quoth
the
Gentleman
,
is
the
wound
so
dangerous
?
O
Yes
,
replyed
the
Arch
Chyrurgeov
,
for
if
he
don't
make
great
haste
,
it
will
heal
of
it self
,
before
he
comes
.
131.
A
young
Lady
being
to
be
sworn
at
Hygate
;
the
Lord
Judge
asked
her
whether
she
would
have
a
Pr
—
,
or
a
Pear
?
A
Pr
—
my
Lord
,
says
she
,
Well
said
Madam
,
says
he
,
you
speak
like
a
Modest
Lady
;
for
some
of
your
Sex
can't
be
contented
with
a
Pr
—
but
they
must
have
a
pair
.
132.
A
Woman
in
the
Countrey
that
had
Ten
Children
,
told
her
Husband
that
Nine
of
them
were
his
,
and
no
more
;
now
he
mistrusting
the
Parson
of
the
Parish
had
been
sweet
upon
her
,
said
,
Well
,
Wife
,
I
'll
keep
the
Nine
,
but
I
never
denyed
the
Clergy
their
due
,
and
so
will
not
begin
now
;
for
the
Parson
shall
have
the
Tenth
for
his
Tythe
,
it
being
rightly
due
to
him
.
133.
Parson
Bull
coming
to
visit
one
Mr.
Hide
.
Hide
said
smileing
,
Bull
,
where
are
your
Horns
?
Sir
,
replied
Bull
,
they
always
go
with
the
Hide
.
134.
A
Countrey
man
coming
through
Cheapside
with
Hob
nails
in
his
Shoes
,
and
treading
in
a
slippery
place
,
his
Heels
flew
up
;
which
a
Ci●izen
taking
notice
of
in
his
Shop
,
said
to
the
Fellow
,
How
now
,
Friend
?
You
see
our
City
stones
are
so
proud
,
they
scorn
to
let
a
Countrey-Clown
tread
on
them
.
Hah
!
says
the
Countrey-man
,
as
proud
as
they
are
,
I
made
them
kiss
my
Arse
.
135.
A
Scotchman
having
found
an
extra-ordinary
large
Turnip
in
his
Garden
,
which
is
a
Root
that
Scotchmen
love
very
well
,
)
came
and
presented
it
to
King
Iames
;
who
being
pleased
with
the
humour
of
the
Man
,
gave
him
a
hundred
Pounds
.
A
Courtier
seeing
this
,
thought
with
himself
,
thus
,
if
the
King
regards
a
Turnip
so
much
,
and
rewards
the
Giver
of
it
so
nobly
,
how
much
more
nobly
will
he
reward
me
for
a
greater
present
.
So
he
presented
the
King
with
a
curious
Race
Horse
,
which
when
the
King
received
,
he
said
to
his
Nobles
,
what
shall
I
give
to
this
man
for
his
present
,
and
when
they
were
all
silent
,
says
the
King
,
By
my
Soul
man
I
will
give
thee
the
Turnip
.
136.
A
Welshman
that
was
condemned
to
be
hanged
,
had
the
benefit
of
the
Clergy
granted
to
him
,
and
so
was
burnt
in
the
Hand
;
which
when
it
was
doing
,
they
bid
him
say
,
God
bless
the
King.
Nay
,
says
he
,
God
bless
hur
Father
and
Mother
;
for
if
they
had
not
taught
hur
to
read
,
hur
might
hwve
been
hanged
for
all
the
King.
137.
A
Lady
that
was
going
to
Mass
,
was
interrupted
by
a
Rustical
Fellow
that
stood
just
in
the
Church
Door
,
and
hindred
her
going
in
.
She
prayed
him
to
make
a
little
way
,
to
which
he
gave
h●r
a
Clownish
Answer
,
which
stirred
up
her
Passion
a
little
,
and
thinking
it
in
vain
to
expect
any
Civility
from
him
,
she
said
,
Sir
,
I
perceive
that
the
Mass
for
Clowns
and
Fools
is
over
,
so
that
you
having
no
more
business
here
had
best
be
gone
.
Yes
Madam
,
says
he
,
drily
,
that
is
over
,
and
that
for
Wh
—
's
is
just
now
beginning
;
you
ha●
best
make
haste
in
,
and
put
in
for
a
share
.
138.
Another
Lady
going
to
Ma●s
to
present
her
Tapers
,
fixed
one
to
St.
Michael
,
and
another
to
the
Devil
that
was
at
his
Feet
.
The
Clerk
seeing
her
,
told
her
she
did
not
do
we●l
to
offer
a
a
Candle
to
the
Devil
,
No
matter
,
says
the
Lady
,
't
is
good
to
have
Friends
every
where
;
for
we
know
not
where
we
shall
g●
.
139.
A
●ussing
young
Blade
coming
to
E●som
,
cal●'d
an
honest
plain
Countrey-man
,
that
was
there
to
hold
his
Hors●
▪
Can
one
hold
him
,
says
he
?
Yes
,
yes
,
says
the
Gallant
.
Then
you
may
do
it
your self
,
replied
the
Countrey-man
,
and
so
went
away
.
140.
A
C●untrey
man
that
was
very
ignorant
,
coming
to
the
Arch-Bishops
House
,
with
his
Rent
,
the
A●ch-Bishop
coming
through
the
Hall
,
asked
who
'
t
was
?
An
't
please
your
Worships
Honour
,
says
the
Countrey
man
,
I
am
come
to
pay
you
your
Rent
;
so
the
Arch
Bishop
went
out
;
and
the
Servants
told
him
,
he
must
say
,
An
't
please
your
Grace
;
But
the
Arch-B●shop
coming
in
again
,
he
was
at
,
An
't
please
your
Worships
Honour
;
they
told
him
he
must
say
Grace
;
Must
I
so
?
says
he
;
then
putting
his
Hat
before
his
Eyes
,
he
said
▪
The
Eyes
of
all
things
,
&c.
141.
A
Q●aker
having
took
a
Lodging
at
the
Kings-Arms
Inn
in
Holbourne
;
the
House
being
full
,
a
damming
Blade
came
up
into
the
Room
,
and
would
have
hectored
him
out
,
but
the
Quaker
told
him
't
was
his
Room
,
and
by
Yea
,
and
Nay
,
he
should
not
come
there
.
The
Hector
began
to
thunder
out
his
Oa●hs
,
and
to
strike
him
;
but
the
Quaker
being
a
stout
Fellow
,
returned
him
his
Blows
with
Int●rest
,
and
at
last
very
fairly
kicked
him
down
stairs
,
upon
which
the
Master
of
the
House
sent
up
the
Tapster
to
know
what
was
the
Cause
of
this
noise
above
,
he
told
h●●
'
●was
nothing
●ut
that
Yea
,
and
Nay
had
kickt
God
Damme
down
Stairs
.
142.
A
Gentleman
reproving
h●s
Friend
that
was
a
married
Man
,
for
getting
a
Maidwith
Child
,
saying
,
He
admired
that
such
a
man
as
he
would
defile
his
Bed
so
:
You
mistake
,
Sir
,
says
he
,
there
was
no
defiling
of
my
Bed
in
the
Case
,
for
I
did
it
in
the
Fields
.
143.
An
Arch
Wag
asking
why
Monks
,
and
Fryers
were
called
Holy
Fathers
,
since
they
never
Married
.
O
replied
an
Ingenious
Gentleman
,
if
you
consider
how
much
the
World
is
beholden
to
them
for
Propagation
,
how
many
swarms
of
young
Frieslings
they
supply
the
World
with
,
you
'll
see
a
great
deal
of
reason
for
it
.
144.
A
conceited
Fellow
,
that
had
an
extraordinary
good
opinion
of
himself
,
asked
his
Friends
what
others
thought
of
him
?
Why
,
says
his
Friend
,
The
Wise
think
you
foolish
,
and
Fools
think
you
wise
;
Now
pray
,
What
think
you
of
your self
.
145.
Pope
Vrban
using
to
commend
the
Institution
of
the
single
Life
in
Priests
,
and
to
blame
their
using
of
Concubines
,
was
wont
to
say
,
God
has
forbidden
〈◊〉
to
g●●
Children
,
and
the
Devil
has
given
us
Nephews
.
146.
Two
Gentlemen
that
had
been
a
great
while
at
Law
together
,
and
had
spent
a
great
deal
of
Money
at
it
,
one
of
the
Gentlemens
Friends
told
him
,
That
his
Antagonist
had
removed
his
Suit
into
Chancery
;
Let
him
remove
it
into
Hell
,
says
he
,
I
don't
question
but
to
get
a
Lawyer
to
follow
it
for
Money
.
147.
A
Gentleman
in
Brussels
talking
with
a
Priest
about
Religion
,
asked
Why
they
kissed
the
Cross
more
than
any
other
p●ece
of
Wood
?
and
what
there
was
more
in
that
,
than
in
any
other
Trees
else
,
that
they
did
not
kiss
them
?
Why
,
said
the
Priest
,
Is
not
your
Wife
made
all
of
the
same
F●●sh
and
Blood
?
and
what
's
the
reason
you
don't
kiss
her
back-side
,
as
well
as
her
Mouth
.
148.
An
English
Merchant
at
Lisbon
in
Spain
,
●old
some
Jews
five
hundred
pounds
worth
o●
Gloves
;
but
they
falling
off
from
their
Bargain
,
would
have
but
half
of
them
:
Well
,
said
the
Merchant
,
you
●●st
give
me
●ometime
to
s●r●
them
,
and
then
you
shall
have
half
;
so
he
ordered
his
Man
to
put
all
the
Right
handed
Gloves
in
one
parcel
,
and
the
Left-handed
Gloves
in
another
.
Then
when
the
Jews
came
,
he
bid
them
take
their
Choice
;
which
when
they
had
do●e
,
and
were
packing
of
them
up
,
they
perceived
them
to
be
all
for
one
band
;
and
so
were
glad
to
take
the
other
parcel
at
the
M●r●hants
own
rate
.
149.
One
standing
in
the
P●llory
at
the
Exchange
,
and
his
Wife
being
by
him
to
bear
him
Company
,
a
Gentleman
that
saw
him
,
said
,
He
believed
he
was
a
Papist
,
because
he
had
his
Cross
with
him
.
150.
Another
man
heari●g
a
Parson
Preach
on
that
Text
,
Take
up
your
Cross
and
follow
me
;
took
his
Wife
upon
his
Back
the
next
Sunday
,
and
came
into
the
middle
of
the
Church
,
while
the
Pa●son
was
preaching
,
and
looking
up
to
him
,
said
,
N●w
Sir
,
I
have
brought
my
Cross
,
what
must
I
do
with
it
?
The
Minister
being
a
little
su●p●iz'd
at
the
humour
of
the
Fellow
,
hardly
knew
what
to
say
to
him
,
but
at
last
he
bid
him
set
it
down
there
:
Yes
,
that
I
will
,
says
he
,
with
all
my
heart
,
though
it
were
in
the
middle
of
the
Sea
:
But
I
s●●
,
savs
he
,
as
well
as
you
pretend
to
love
the
Cross
,
mine
may
lie
upon
my
hands
this
forty
Years
,
before
you
'll
ease
me
of
it
.
151.
A
Gentleman
ask'd
on
of
the
Female
Sex
,
Whether
she
was
Maid
,
Wife
,
or
Widdow
;
and
bid
her
tell
him
truly
:
She
being
a
little
put
to
it
,
after
some
consideration
upon
this
hard
question
,
and
being
above
twenty
years
old
answered
him
thus
,
Though
I
was
never
married
,
Sir
,
yet
you
may
write
me
down
Young
Woman
.
152.
King
Henry
the
Eighth
,
going
once
to
Gravesend
,
took
Will.
Summers
his
Jester
wi●h
him
for
his
diversion
;
the
Wind
being
very
high
,
it
was
very
tempestuous
;
and
Summers
being
very
fear●u●
,
thought
himself
in
great
danger
,
and
said
to
the
King
,
Harry
,
Harry
,
I
had
rather
be
thy
Fool
by
Land
,
than
thy
Companion
by
Watter
:
At
which
the
King
laugh●'d
heartily
.
153.
A
Nobleman
having
a
mind
to
be
merry
,
sent
for
his
Chaplain
,
and
tol●
him
,
That
unless
he
could
resolve
him
these
,
Three
Questions
,
he
should
be
discarded
,
and
turn'd
out
of
his
Service
;
but
if
he
cou'd
,
he
shou'd
have
Thirty
Guinneys
▪
and
the
best
Horse
in
his
Stable
:
So
he
propos'd
the
Questions
to
him
,
which
were
these
;
First
,
What
compass
the
World
w●s
about
?
Secondly
,
How
deep
the
Sea
was
?
And
Thirdly
,
What
he
thought
?
The
Poor
Chaplain
was
in
a
peck
of
Troubles
,
and
did
not
know
how
to
answer
them
,
or
what
to
say
,
thinking
them
very
unreasonable
Questions
;
so
that
all
he
could
do
was
to
desire
a
little
time
to
consider
upon
them
,
which
the
Earl
granted
.
So
he
going
a
long
the
Fields
one
day
very
melancholy
,
a
Cobler
of
the
Town
,
a
merry
Fellow
(
who
was
very
like
the
Chaplain
,
both
in
Physiognomy
and
Stature
)
met
him
,
and
ask'd
him
the
reason
of
his
sadness
;
which
with
some
Reluctancy
he
told
him
:
O
Sir
,
says
the
Cobler
,
don't
be
dejected
,
chear
up
;
I
've
thought
of
a
device
to
save
your
Place
,
and
get
you
the
Money
and
Horse
too
;
but
you
shall
give
me
Ten
Guinneys
for
my
pains
.
So
he
agreed
to
't
;
and
it
was
●hus
:
Says
he
,
I
'll
put
on
your
Cloaths
,
and
go
to
My
Lord
,
and
answer
his
Questions
.
Accordingly
he
went
,
and
when
he
came
before
him
,
he
answer'd
him
thus
:
To
the
first
Question
,
What
Compass
the
World
was
about
?
He
answered
,
It
was
four
and
twenty
hours
Iourney
;
and
if
a
man
could
keep
●pace
with
●he
Sun
he
might
easily
go
it
〈◊〉
t●at
●●me
.
To
the
Second
,
How
deep
●●e
Sea
was
?
He
answer'd
,
Only
●
stones
throw
;
for
cast
it
into
the
deepest
place
of
it
,
and
in
time
it
will
come
to
the
bottom
.
To
the
th●d
,
(
which
I
fancy
your
Lordship
thinks
the
most
difficult
to
be
resolv'd
,
but
is
indeed
the
easiest
)
which
is
,
What
your
Lords●ip
thinks
?
I
answer
,
That
you
think
I
am
your
Chaplain
,
when
as
indeed
I
am
but
the
Cobler
of
Gl●●cester
.
The
Nobleman
was
so
pleas'd
with
his
witty
Answers
,
that
he
p●rform'●
his
Promise
t●
his
Chap●a●n
,
and
gave
the
Cobler
Ten
Guinneys
for
his
Ingenuity
.
154.
Says
a
Glazier
to
a
Painter
,
I
see
you
do
all
under
a
Colour
.
Get
you
gone
,
you
Rogue
,
r●ply'd
the
Painter
,
you
're
alw●ys
●icking
of
Quarrels
.
155.
A
Certain
King
kept
a
Fool
in
his
Court
,
that
us'd
to
write
down
in
a
Book
all
the
Follies
of
the
great
Men
in
the
Court
▪
which
Book
the
King
sometimes
,
when
he
was
dispos'd
to
be
Mer●y
,
wou'd
look
into
.
Now
one
day
after
Dinner
,
the
King
reading
of
the
Book
,
found
himself
in
it
,
with
a
Story
of
five
thousand
Pounds
,
which
he
gave
a
Iew
in
his
Court
,
to
go
to
B●rbary
and
buy
Horses
with
:
So
the
King
ask'd
his
Jester
,
Why
he
put
him
in
,
Why
,
says
he
,
for
giving
your
Mon●y
to
one
t●●t
you
may
never
see
,
again
:
But
says
the
King
,
What
if
he
should
return
and
bring
the
Horses
,
what
Folly
is
it
then
?
Why
,
if
he
doe's
,
replyed
the
Fool
,
I
'll
blot
out
your
Name
,
and
put
in
his
,
for
a
Fool
,
for
not
keeping
your
Money
whe●
he
had
it
.
156.
Two
Women
scolding
in
the
Street
,
another
of
their
Acquaintance
came
by
,
whom
they
would
refer
th●ir
Cas●s
to
;
N●
,
says
the
W●m●n
,
pray
Excuse
me
,
I
won't
meddle
in
it
,
but
will
stand
Neuter
:
How
can
that
be
,
says
on
of
them
,
when
you
have
been
common
to
all
the
Town
?
157.
Doctor
F●l●r
,
overtook
one
Mr.
Woodcock
upon
the
Road
,
falling
in●o
D●sc●urse
in
a
facetious
manner
,
ask'd
him
what
diff●re●ce
th●re
was
between
a
Woodcock
and
an
Owl
,
(
supposing
M●
Woodcock
had
not
known
him
)
He
wittily
replyed
,
That
an
Owl
was
Fuller
in
the
Head
,
Fuller
in
the
Face
,
Fuller
in
the
Eyes
,
Fuller
in
the
Neck
,
and
Fuller
all
over
.
A
Scholar
meeting
a
Countreyman
upon
the
Road
,
Rid
up
ve●y
briskly
to
him
;
but
the
Countreyman
out
of
Respect
to
him
,
was
turning
off
his
Horse
to
give
him
the
Road
,
when
the
Scholar
laying
his
Hand
upon
his
Sword
,
said
,
'T
is
well
you
gave
me
the
Way
,
or
I
'd
.
—
What
wou'd
you
have
done
?
said
the
Countreyman
,
holding
up
his
Club
at
him
:
Given
it
you
Sir
,
says
he
,
pulling
of
his
Hat
to
him
.
159.
One
Reading
in
the
Famous
History
of
the
S●ven
Champions
,
how
St.
George
kill'd
the
Dragoon
,
and
sav'd
Sabra
the
fair
Maid
of
Egypt
,
said
,
He
admir'd
how
Men
co●'d
invent
such
Lies
;
for
,
says
he
,
I
believe
there
never
was
any
such
Dra●oon
,
or
such
a
Man
as
St.
George
.
O
,
says
another
,
I
can
believe
that
,
better
than
that
there
was
a
Maid
.
160.
A
Tallow
Chandler
dying
,
a
merry
Fellow
said
,
He
wondred
,
that
he
that
had
made
so
many
Weeks
,
cou'd
make
his
Life
no
longer
.
162.
A
Lusty
young
Man
,
in
Somersetshire
,
after
he
had
been
Married
about
four
Months
,
grew
very
Lean
and
Feeble
,
so
that
he
cou'd
hardly
crawl
along
;
He
one
day
seeing
a
Butcher
run
over
a
Plough'd
Field
after
a
Mad-Bull
,
ask'd
him
the
reason
of
it
?
Why
,
says
the
Butcher
,
it
is
to
Tame
him
:
O
,
says
the
Fellow
,
Let
him
be
Married
,
let
him
be
Married
;
if
that
don't
Tame
him
,
I
'll
be
hang'd
.
163.
A
Soldier
,
a
merry
Fellow
,
finding
a
Louse
on
his
Sleave
,
walking
to
take
the
Air
,
took
him
up
by
the
Back
,
and
said
,
I
swear
,
if
I
catch
●ou
ag●in
out
of
your
Quarters
,
you
shall
be
Hang'd
;
and
so
put
him
into
the
Collar
of
his
Dublet
.
164.
A
certain
Highway-man
having
committed
a
Robbery
in
Devonshire
,
was
taken
in
Dorsets●ire
,
making
towards
London
,
and
brought
before
a
Justice
of
Peace
,
who
wou'd
not
meddle
with
him
,
but
wou'd
send
him
back
into
the
Shire
where
he
committed
the
Robbery
;
which
a
witty
Countrey
man
hearing
(
that
had
been
at
the
trouble
of
taking
him
,
and
was
unwilling
to
Guard
him
back
into
the
other
County
)
desir'd
leave
to
ask
the
Justice
one
Question
,
which
he
granted
:
Why
then
,
says
the
Man
,
I
desire
your
Worship
to
tell
me
,
if
a
man
be
taken
abed
with
your
Wife
to
Night
,
whether
●e
must
be
sent
thither
again
the
next
night
.
165.
A
Gentleman
ord●'d
a
Crane
for
Supper
;
but
his
Cook
having
a
Sweet-heart
in
a
longing
condition
,
〈◊〉
off
a
Leg
and
sent
her
;
so
the
One-Leg●'d
Crane
was
set
on
the
Tab●e
,
which
the
Gentleman
seeing
,
was
enrag'd
at
his
Cook
;
but
he
being
an
arch
Wag
,
readily
told
the
Gentleman
,
that
Cranes
had
but
one
Leg
?
and
avow'd
it
with
that
co●fidence
,
that
he
gain'd
upon
his
wise
Masters
belief
;
but
he
resolving
to
observe
it
as
he
was
walking
in
the
Fields
one
Frosty
Morning
,
he
saw
a
flock
of
Cranes
,
and
sending
for
his
Cook
,
they
held
up
one
of
their
Legs
under
their
Wings
,
as
is
the
custom
of
those
b●rds
in
the
cool
weather
;
So
,
says
his
Cook
,
I
hope
your
Worship
is
su●●fied
that
they
have
but
one
●eg
;
but
the
Gentleman
going
pretty
near
to
them
,
cries
Cush
,
and
frighted
them
up
.
wher●upon
both
Legs
appear'●
;
Look
,
says
the
Gentleman
,
they
have
now
two
Legs
:
Oh
,
says
the
Cook
,
if
you
had
cried
Cush
to
that
in
the
Dish
,
it
wou'd
have
had
two
Legs
too
.
166.
A
Gentleman
losing
his
Watch
,
Complain'd
to
his
his
Frie●d
of
his
loss
;
Alas
,
Sir
,
says
he
,
all
the
World
c●●'t
help
it
,
Time
will
away
.
167.
A
Bully
meeting
a
brisk
Lady
in
St.
Iame's
Park
,
with
her
naked
Breasts
appearing
very
tempting
,
says
to
her
,
Madam
,
is
that
Flesh
to
be
sold
?
No
,
replied
she
,
no
money
shall
buy
it
:
Then
,
says
he
,
Madam
,
if
you
won't
sell
you
Ware
,
I
'd
wish
you
to
shut
up
your
Shop
:
Faith
,
Sir
,
says
she
,
you
may
be
sure
I
'll
never
let
you
come
within
my
Doors
:
'
T
is
no
matter
,
Madam
,
replied
he
,
for
I
am
sure
they
a●e
wicked
ones
.
168.
A
Person
of
Quality
in
the
Countre●
,
k●eping
a
Baboon
at
his
Door
with
a
handsome
fine
Co●ton
;
a
Countrey
Fellow
brought
a
Letter
and
gave
it
to
the
Baboon
,
who
tore
it
to
pieces
;
and
the
Lord
happening
to
come
out
,
saw
him
do
it
;
at
which
he
was
angry
with
the
Fellow
,
and
asked
him
why
he
delivered
it
not
to
him
himself
?
Why
,
says
the
Fellow
,
I
gave
it
to
your
Son
,
and
he
tore
it
:
You
Fool
,
says
he
,
't
is
a
Baboon
:
Indeed
,
says
the
Fellow
,
I
thought
it
was
your
Son
,
he
is
so
like
you
.
169.
A
Woman
having
a
mind
to
oblige
her
Husband
,
desired
him
to
invite
some
of
his
Friends
to
Dinner
,
and
they
would
be
merry
,
for
,
says
she
,
I
have
provided
a
curious
Leg
of
Mutton
for
you
:
I
thank
you
my
Dear
,
says
he
,
you
are
always
very
free
of
your
Flesh
to
me
,
and
every
body
else
that
has
any
Appetite
to
it
.
170.
Some
S●holars
having
a
spight
against
their
Master
,
bec●use
●of
his
Ha●shness
to
them
,
resolved
to
play
him
some
trick
;
so
knowing
him
to
be
a
very
curious
neat
Man
,
they
daubed
the
Railes
of
the
Stairs
with
a
Sir
R
—
Now
the
Master
coming
down
in
the
dark
,
laid
his
Hands
in
it
,
which
set
him
into
a
terrible
feu'd
;
so
he
called
all
the
Schollars
,
and
took
them
into
strict
Examination
;
but
suspecting
one
above
the
rest
,
he
was
very
sharp
upon
him
,
urging
him
to
confess
it
,
telling
him
he
did
it
;
the
Boy
utterly
denied
it
;
but
the
Mas●er
was
the
more
pr●ssing
upon
him
:
Indeed
,
said
the
Lad
,
with
all
the
Asseverations
imaginable
,
I
did
it
not
,
but
if
you
please
,
I
'll
tell
you
who
had
a
hand
in
it
:
Hereupon
the
Master
thought
to
have
found
out
the
Truth
,
and
so
very
eagerly
asked
him
who
?
Your
Worship
,
Sir
,
says
he
:
Whereupon
he
was
dismissed
,
with
the
applause
of
all
his
Fellows
,
for
his
Ingenuity
.
171.
A
Merry
Fellow
in
a
great
Storm
at
Sea
,
when
all
were
at
Prayers
,
Eat
heartily
on
Salt-Beef
;
and
being
asked
his
reason
,
answered
,
He
should
Drink
more
that
day
,
than
ever
he
did
in
his
life
.
172.
Iohn
Taylor
the
Water
Poet
▪
being
aboard
the
Ship
,
called
,
The
Hector
,
was
so
Treated
with
Punch
by
the
Captain
,
that
it
was
easily
perceived
by
the
Seamen
,
who
began
to
play
upon
him
;
whereupon
Iohn
in
a
Poetical
rage
,
invoked
the
Patron
of
the
Ship
thus
,
O
Noble
Hector
▪
Valiant
Son
of
Priam
,
Grant
all
these
Men
may
be
as
Drunk
as
I
am
.
173.
A
certain
Knave
asking
a
virtuous
Gentlewoman
,
Jearingly
,
What
was
honesty
?
She
answered
,
What
's
that
to
you
?
Me●dle
with
those
things
that
concern
you
.
174.
A
Young
Man
in
London
being
caught
a
bed
with
his
Mistress
,
was
severely
reprimanded
by
his
Uncle
,
who
set
before
him
the
example
of
Ioseph
:
O
,
●ays
he
,
if
Joseph
'
s
Mistress
had
been
as
handsome
as
mine
,
I
doubt
not
b●t
he
would
have
done
as
I
did
.
175.
A
Gentleman
that
had
many
Children
,
was
saying
one
day
to
his
Friend
,
that
his
Wife
was
more
Fertile
then
his
Land.
I
'll
give
you
a
good
reason
for
that
,
says
his
Friend
,
for
if
you
are
weary
,
and
w●n't
take
pains
to
make
her
so
,
others
will.
176.
A
Witty
Fellow
going
along
Paterno●er-Row
,
in
a
dark
Winter
Night
,
saw
a
Lanthorn
hang
out
with
a
Candle
in
it
,
which
he
had
a
mind
to
,
to
light
him
home
;
b●t
as
he
had
clim'd
up
to
it
,
and
was
just
going
to
unty
it
,
the
Maid
of
the
House
saw
him
,
and
asked
what
he
medled
with
the
Lanthorn
for
?
I
beg
your
Pardon
,
says
he
,
Sweet-heart
,
I
only
went
to
snuff
the
Candle
,
that
I
might
see
to
go
along
.
177.
Two
Gentlemen
riding
from
Barnet
to
London
,
met
a
Miller
riding
softly
on
his
Sacks
;
and
they
being
merrily
disposed
,
had
a
mind
to
abuse
the
Miller
;
so
one
went
on
one
side
of
him
,
and
the
other
on
the
other
,
and
having
Rid
so
a
little
way
with
him
,
they
prayed
him
to
resolve
them
one
Question
,
Whether
,
says
they
,
art
thou
more
Knave
or
Fool
?
Trully
,
replyed
the
Miller
,
I
don't
know
which
I
am
most
,
but
I
think
I
am
between
both
.
178.
Mr.
Randolph
,
the
Great
Wit
of
Cambridg
,
coming
to
London
,
had
a
mind
to
see
Ben
Ioh●son
,
who
was
Drinking
at
the
Devil
Tavern
with
Mr.
Drayton
,
Mr.
Daniel
,
and
Mr.
Silvester
,
three
famous
Poets
of
that
Age
;
he
being
loth
to
intrude
into
their
Company
,
and
yet
desiring
to
be
call'd
in
,
peep'd
in
at
the
Door
several
times
,
till
at
last
Mr.
Iohnson
perceiving
him
,
said
,
Come
in
,
Iohn
Bopeep
:
which
he
did
:
and
when
the
Reckoning
came
to
be
●aid
,
which
was
Five
Shillings
,
they
agreed
among
themselves
that
he
that
made
the
best
Extempory
Verles
,
should
be
excused
from
paying
any
thing
,
and
the
other
four
should
pay
it
all
;
so
every
one
made
his
Verses
,
and
when
it
came
to
Mr.
Randolph's
turn
,
he
made
●hese
:
I
John
Bopeep
,
to
you
four
Sheep
,
With
each
one
●is
good
Fleece
;
If
you
are
willing
to
pay
your
five
Shilling
,
'T
is
fifteen
Pence
a
piece
.
179.
Ben
Iohnson
and
Silvester
being
very
merry
one
day
at
the
above
named
Tavern
,
began
to
Rhi●e
upon
one
another
;
so
Silvester
began
thus
:
I
Silvester
Lay
with
your
Sister
.
To
whom
Ben-Iohnson
answered
:
I
Ben
Johnson
Lay
with
your
Wife
.
That
,
says
Silvester
,
is
no
Rhym
;
but
,
Faith
,
't
is
true
though
,
says
Ben
Iohnson
.
180.
Mr.
Noy
the
Attorney
General
making
a
Venison
Feast
in
a
Tavern
,
where
Ben
Iohnson
and
some
of
his
Companions
were
Drinking
▪
and
he
having
a
mind
to
some
of
the
Venison
,
wrote
these
Verses
,
and
sent
them
to
Mr.
Noy
:
When
all
the
World
was
drown'd
,
No
Venison
could
be
found
;
For
then
there
was
no
Park
:
Lo
here
we
sit
Without
e're
a
bit
,
Noy
has
it
all
in
his
Ark.
For
the
ingenuity
of
which
,
Mr.
Noy
sent
him
a
good
corner
of
a
Pasty
,
and
half
a
Dozen
Bottles
of
Sack
to
wash
it
down
.
181.
At
another
time
,
Ben
Iohnson
intending
to
go
through
the
Half-Moon-Tavern
in
Aldersgate-Street
,
was
denied
entrance
,
the
D●or
being
shut
:
upon
which
he
made
these
Verses
,
Since
the
Half
Moon
is
so
unkind
,
to
make
me
go
about
,
The
Sun
my
Money
now
shall
take
,
the
Moon
shall
go
without
.
And
so
he
went
to
the
Sun
Tavern
at
Long
Lane
end
,
forsaking
the
Half-Moon
,
for
this
affront
.
182.
A
fool
being
very
sick
,
and
like
to
dye
,
one
that
went
to
see
him
,
went
to
comfort
him
,
bidding
him
chear
up
,
for
if
you
dye
,
says
he
,
Four
proper
Fellows
shall
carry
you
to
Church
:
Ay
but
,
quoth
he
,
I
had
rather
by
half
go
thither
my
s●lf
.
183.
A
Courtier
importu●ing
Queen
Elizabeth
,
for
a
certain
place
that
was
vacant
,
the
Queen
told
him
,
He
was
n●t
fit
for
it
:
An
't
please
your
Majes●y
,
says
he
,
I
can
get
one
to
Officiate
fo●
me
:
Very
likely
,
says
the
Queen
and
I
can
put
in
one
of
my
Maids
,
that
can
do
so
too
.
184.
A
Tutor
in
Oxford
,
reading
a
Lecture
to
his
Scholars
about
the
Virtues
in
moral
Philosophy
,
gave
them
this
general
Rule
to
know
Virtue
from
Vices
,
The
Virtues
consisted
in
the
Middle
,
but
Vices
were
Extreams
.
The
next
day
he
bid
his
Scholars
give
an
Example
of
the
fore-going
Rule
;
so
one
of
them
,
being
a
sharp
Lad
,
instanc'd
in
Virginity
.
Why
Sirrah
,
says
the
Tutor
,
who
told
you
that
Virginity
was
a
Virtue
?
You
did
,
that
Sir
,
replied
the
Lad
,
for
you
told
us
,
that
all
Virtues
consisted
in
the
Middle
,
and
so
does
Virginity
.
185.
Says
a
Tall
Man
,
going
along
with
a
little
Man
,
The
People
won't
gaze
so
much
at
a
Pigmy
,
because
I
'm
in
your
Company
.
Yes
,
says
the
little
Man
,
they
will
gaze
●he
more
upon
me
,
to
see
me
have
an
Ass
●n
my
Company
,
and
not
Ride
.
186.
A
Lawyer
meeting
a
Country
Fel●ow
driving
his
Cart
,
ask'd
him
mer●ily
,
why
his
Fore-Horse
was
so
Fat
,
●nd
the
other
so
Lean
?
Why
,
says
the
●ellow
,
my
Fore-Horse
is
a
Lawyer
,
●nd
the
rest
are
his
Clients
;
for
which
●itty
answer
,
the
Lawyer
gave
him
Shilling
to
Drink
.
187.
A
Country-man
coming
up
to
London
,
having
never
been
there
before
,
star'd
into
a
Scriv'ners
Shop
;
the
Scriv'ner
standing
at
a
Door
,
ask'd
him
what
he
wou'd
buy
?
What
do
you
sell
,
says
the
Country-man
?
Why
Logger-heads
,
says
the
Scrivner
,
will
you
buy
one
?
Yes
,
says
he
,
but
I
see
you
have
such
a
good
Trade
,
that
you
have
no
choice
,
having
but
one
left
in
your
Shop
.
188.
One
said
;
That
no
Man
had
a
greater
confidence
in
their
Country
,
than
Thieves
,
for
they
put
themselves
upon
it
,
though
they
are
Hanged
for
their
pains
.
189.
One
told
his
Wife
,
that
there
was
a
Law
making
,
That
all
Cuckolds
should
be
drown'd
:
O
pray
,
my
Dear
Husband
,
says
she
,
then
learn
to
Swim
.
190.
A
Blunt
Rustical
Fellow
,
having
been
netled
with
a
Jest
that
one
put
upon
him
,
resolv'd
one
way
or
other
to
be
even
with
him
;
therefore
having
a
good
Cane
in
his
Hand
,
he
laid
him
over
the
Pate
with
it
saying
,
Every
Man
has
his
Talent
;
you
can
break
Iests
,
and
I
can
break
Heads
.
191.
Some
Thieves
coming
to
Rob
a
Gentlemans
House
before
he
was
asleep
,
he
call'd
out
of
the
Window
,
and
bid
them
stay
but
one
hour
,
and
by
that
time
he
should
be
a
sleep
;
which
frighted
them
so
,
that
they
ran
away
faster
than
they
came
thither
.
192.
A
Gentleman
having
his
Pocket
pickt
whilst
he
was
at
Prayers
at
Church
,
complain'd
to
his
Friend
of
it
;
why
says
his
Friend
,
If
you
had
Watch'd
as
well
as
Pray'd
,
you
would
not
have
lost
your
Money
.
193.
A
Constable
taking
a
pretty
Wench
late
at
Night
,
brought
her
before
a
Justice
,
who
seeing
her
handsome
and
gentilely
Dreft
,
was
very
favourable
to
her
,
winking
at
her
fault
in
being
out
so
late
,
and
bid
the
Constable
take
her
home
to
his
House
that
Night
.
Yes
,
that
I
will
with
all
my
heart
,
says
the
Constable
,
if
your
Worship
will
be
pleas'd
to
commit
my
Wife
till
the
Morning
.
194.
Two
young
Oxford
Scholars
agreeing
together
to
go
into
an
Adjacent
Warren
to
steal
some
Rabbets
;
one
being
to
watch
,
and
not
to
speak
one
word
,
and
the
other
to
catch
them
:
So
they
being
come
to
the
place
,
he
that
watch'd
,
cried
out
,
Ecce
Cuniculi
multi
;
which
noise
frighted
all
the
Rabbets
into
their
Burrows
;
whereupon
the
other
was
very
angry
with
him
;
Why
,
says
he
,
who
thought
the
Rabbets
had
understood
Latin
?
195.
A
Lady
receiving
a
Letter
from
a
Foppish
Gentleman
,
taken
verbatim
out
of
Cassander
,
which
he
had
read
,
she
sent
it
him
back
again
,
bidding
the
Messenger
tell
him
,
That
he
was
mistaken
,
for
though
the
Letter
was
directed
to
her
,
it
was
written
to
Madam
Roxana
.
196.
A
Gentleman
borrowed
five
Pounds
of
his
Friend
,
and
lost
it
at
Play
;
thereupon
he
sent
to
borrow
five
Pounds
more
,
by
the
Token
that
he
ow'd
him
five
Pounds
already
:
Pray
,
said
his
Friend
,
bid
your
Master
send
me
the
Token
,
and
I
'll
send
him
the
five
Pounds
.
197.
A
Wench
that
was
got
with
Child
,
sent
her
Friend
to
the
Father
of
it
,
to
tell
him
that
she
was
quick
;
he
replied
,
If
she
be
quick
,
I
'll
be
as
nimble
,
and
so
run
away
.
198.
One
seeing
Doctor
Mathew●
,
that
was
a
very
Learned
man
,
but
little
of
Stature
,
pass
by
,
said
,
There
goes
minimus
Apostolorum
;
which
the
Doctor
hearing
,
merrily
replied
,
That
Mathew
was
Maximus
Evangelistarum
.
199.
A
Gentleman
standing
in
a
brown
Study
,
a
Lady
ask●d
him
,
What
he
was
thinking
of
?
He
said
Of
nothing
:
What
do
you
think
on
,
says
the
Lady
,
when
you
think
on
nothing
?
Faith
,
says
he
,
Then
I
think
on
you
,
and
the
inconstancy
of
your
Sex.
200.
The
Lord
Bacon
going
the
Northern
Circuit
,
a
Fellow
that
was
try'd
for
Robbing
,
was
very
importunate
with
the
Judge
to
be
favourable
to
him
,
telling
him
that
he
was
a
kin
to
his
Lordship
:
Why
how
so
,
said
the
the
Judge
?
Why
,
answer'd
the
Fellow
,
An
't
please
your
Lordship
,
your
Name
is
Bacon
,
and
my
Name
is
Hog
,
and
those
two
are
alike
.
'T
is
true
,
said
the
Judge
;
but
you
and
I
can't
be
Kindred
till
you
are
Hang'd
,
for
Hog
is
never
good
Bacon
till
't
is
Hang'd
.
201.
King
Iames
Riding
a
Hunting
in
Essex
comes
to
a
Gate
which
he
must
go
through
,
and
seeing
a
Countrey-Clown
at
it
,
he
says
to
him
,
Prethee
good
Pellow
open
the
Gate
?
But
he
knowing
who
it
was
,
answered
,
No
,
an
't
please
your
Grace
,
I
am
not
worthy
to
be
in
that
Office
;
but
I
'll
run
and
fetch
Mr.
Johnson
,
who
is
a
Iustice
of
Peace
,
and
lives
a
Mile
off
,
and
he
shall
open
it
for
your
Grace
;
and
so
he
run
away
as
fast
as
he
could
,
and
left
the
King
to
open
it
himself
.
202.
When
the
Turks
were
Besieging
Vienna
,
a
Gentleman
being
to
be
sent
to
the
Grand-Vizier
,
upon
some
important
Affair
,
desir'd
to
be
excus'd
;
for
,
says
he
,
I
'm
affraid
,
because
he
is
so
faithless
and
treacherous
,
that
he
'll
take
my
Head
off
:
If
he
does
,
says
the
Governour
,
I
'll
take
a
Thousand
of
his
Mens
Heads
off
.
I
,
Sir
,
replied
the
Gentleman
,
but
I
question
whether
any
of
them
will
fit
my
shoulders
.
203.
A
young
Lad
being
chid
by
his
Uncle
,
for
lying
a
Bed
so
long
in
a
Morning
,
telling
him
that
such
a
one
had
found
a
Purse
of
Money
by
rising
early
in
the
Morning
;
I
,
says
the
Lad
smartly
,
but
he
rose
too
early
that
lost
it
.
204.
A
merry
Gentleman
,
in
the
beginning
of
the
late
Civil
Wars
,
being
ask'd
,
if
he
should
dye
,
how
he
would
be
buried
?
Answered
,
With
his
Face
downwards
s
For
,
says
he
,
in
a
little
time
England
will
be
turn'd
up
side
down
,
and
then
I
shall
lie
right
.
205.
A
man
being
brought
before
the
Duke
of
Millan
,
for
falling
down
from
a
House
(
which
he
was
Tiling
)
upon
a
poor
man
that
was
going
by
,
and
bruising
him
very
much
:
Look
you
Friend
,
says
the
Duke
to
the
man
that
was
hurt
,
I
'm
for
the
Law
of
Retaliation
;
You
shall
go
up
to
the
top
of
the
House
where
he
was
,
and
he
shall
go
along
just
where
you
did
;
and
so
you
shall
fall
upon
him
,
and
bruise
him
as
much
as
he
did
you
:
Which
unexpected
piece
of
Justice
,
put
an
end
to
the
mans
Prosecution
.
206.
A
Farmers
Daughter
in
the
Countrey
bringing
up
her
Fathers
Cows
near
the
House
to
be
Milk'd
,
they
all
run
away
from
her
down
a
dirty
Lane
;
upon
which
the
Girl
cry'd
out
,
O
,
Mothe
,
the
Cows
are
ru●
down
the
Lane
to
the
Devil
;
shall
I
go
after
them
?
No
,
Child
,
says
the
Mother
,
let
your
Father
go
,
for
he
has
high
Shoon
.
207.
A
Tallow-Chandler
having
some
Candles
stole
,
complain'd
to
his
Friend
:
O
,
says
he
,
be
patient
,
for
I
'm
confident
in
a
short
Time
they
'll
all
come
to
light
.
208.
An
Oxford
Scholar
coming
up
to
London
,
went
into
a
House
of
Iniquity
in
Covent-Garden
,
which
had
the
Flower-de-Luce
to
its
Sign
,
where
he
got
a
Clap
:
whereupon
he
writ
these
Verses
over
the
door
at
his
going
away
:
All
you
that
hither
chance
to
come
,
Mark
well
e'er
you
go
in
;
For
Frenchmens
Arms
are
Signs
without
,
And
Frenchmens
Harms
within
.
209.
One
asking
a
Painter
how
he
cou'd
draw
such
curious
Pictures
,
and
yet
get
such
ugly
Children
?
He
answer'd
,
Because
he
drew
the
Pictures
in
the
day
,
but
got
his
Children
in
the
night
.
210.
Another
asking
why
men
sooner
gave
to
Poor
People
than
to
Scholars
?
was
answer'd
,
Because
they
think
they
may
sooner
come
to
be
Poor
,
than
Scholars
.
211.
A
Player
Riding
along
Fleetstreet
in
great
haste
,
a
Gentleman
of
the
Temple
stop'd
him
,
and
ask'd
what
Play
was
to
be
acted
that
night
?
The
Player
was
not
a
little
vex'd
at
him
,
for
hindering
him
on
such
a
slight
occasion
;
however
recovering
himself
,
he
told
him
he
might
see
that
on
every
Post
:
I
beg
your
Pardon
,
said
the
Gentleman
,
indeed
I
took
you
for
a
Post
,
you
rid
so
fast
.
211.
Two
Gentlemen
being
drinking
together
,
one
of
them
prest
the
other
to
drink
more
then
he
could
well
bear
,
and
therefore
he
refus'd
it
,
desiring
to
be
excus'd
;
but
the
other
being
pretty
well
dipt
,
swore
he
shou'd
take
●
other
Glass
,
or
else
he
'd
run
him
th●o
'
.
No
,
says
he
,
you
shan't
,
I
'll
save
you
that
labour
,
for
I
'll
run
my self
through
,
and
Pledge
you
afterwards
;
saying
so
,
he
run
through
the
door
down
stairs
,
and
left
the
Spark
to
pay
the
Reckoning
.
213.
Sir
Thomas
Moor
being
surveying
of
St.
Paul's
Church
,
as
he
was
walking
on
the
Leads
of
it
,
there
happened
to
be
a
Madman
there
,
who
seeing
some
Jack
daws
flying
about
the
Church
,
catch'd
up
Sir
Thomas
(
being
a
little
man
)
in
his
Arms
,
saying
,
Now
Sir
,
we
will
fly
down
as
those
Birds
do
;
and
so
was
going
to
throw
him
over
;
but
he
cryed
out
to
him
,
saying
,
Hold
Friend
,
let
us
go
down
,
and
fly
up
to
them
,
which
stopt
the
Madmans
hand
.
214.
A
Woman
coming
to
a
Parson
,
desir'd
him
to
preach
a
Funeral
Sermon
on
her
Son
that
was
lately
dead
;
the
Parson
promised
her
to
do
it
;
but
she
desiring
to
know
the
Price
of
his
Sermon
,
he
told
her
it
was
Twenty
Shillings
:
Twenty
Shillings
!
says
she
;
An
Ass
spoke
for
and
Angel
,
and
won't
you
speak
under
Twenty
Shillings
?
The
Parson
being
a
little
netled
at
her
,
told
her
she
was
better
fed
than
taught
:
Sir
,
says
she
,
't
is
very
true
;
for
my
Husband
feeds
me
,
and
You
teach
me
.
215.
A
Countrey
Gentleman
riding
along
Cheap-side
,
his
Horse
stumbled
and
threw
him
in
the
Dirt
;
so
he
got
a
fellow
to
hold
him
,
and
went
into
the
next
Shop
,
the
Mistress
of
which
being
a
pleasant
Woman
,
smiling
,
(
seeing
he
had
no
hurt
)
asked
him
if
his
Horse
used
to
serve
him
so
?
Yes
Madam
,
says
he
,
When
he
comes
just
again●●
a
Cuckold's
door
.
Then
in
truth
,
replied
she
ingeniously
,
You
are
like
to
have
twenty
falls
,
before
you
get
to
the
Exchange
.
216.
A
Gentleman
riding
to
Epsom
,
overtook
a
handsome
Countrey
Wench
jogging
along
easily
upon
a
poor
dull
Mare
;
the
Gentleman
being
merrily
disposed
,
asked
her
how
she
did
?
and
told
her
,
if
she
pleased
he
'd
occupy
her
.
O
Sir
,
says
she
,
what
good
will
that
do
me
?
Why
,
says
he
,
't
will
make
you
brave
and
brisk
;
Pray
then
Sir
,
says
she
,
Occupy
my
Mare
,
for
she
's
very
dull
.
217.
An
Elder
Brother
told
his
younger
Brother
,
that
that
White
Camlet
Cloak
he
had
on
,
became
him
extra-ordinary
well
:
Faith
Brother
,
says
he
,
but
a
black
mourning
Cloak
for
you
,
would
become
me
a
great
deal
better
.
218.
A
Great
Sweater
▪
being
subpoena'd
to
give
his
Oath
upon
a
Trial
▪
they
brought
him
a
Book
to
swear
on
:
Faith
,
says
he
to
the
Clark
,
You
may
save
your self
that
Labour
,
for
there
is
no
Oath
but
I
can
Swear
it
without
Book
.
219.
A
Scolding
Woman
used
to
abuse
her
Husband
,
who
was
pretty
softly
,
and
call
him
Cuckold
twenty
times
a
day
,
which
a
silly
Fellow
hearing
,
said
,
He
wondred
the
Husband
was
such
a
fool
to
let
his
Wife
know
that
he
was
a
Cuckold
.
220.
A
Drunken
Countrey
Fellow
whose
name
was
Will
Iohnson
,
driving
his
Cart
between
Cambridge
and
S●urbridg
,
fell
fast
asleep
in
it
;
and
in
the
mean
time
his
two
Horses
were
stole
out
of
it
:
he
awaking
said
,
Either
I
am
Will.
Johnson
,
or
I
am
not
Will.
Johnson
:
If
I
am
Will
:
Johnson
,
then
I
have
lost
my
two
Horses
:
if
I
am
not
Will.
Johnson
,
then
I
have
found
a
Cart.
221.
A
Gentleman
discoursing
of
his
Travels
,
was
interrupted
by
a
Lady
in
the
Company
,
that
said
she
had
travell'd
further
then
he
:
Say
you
so
,
Madam
;
says
the
Gentleman
,
Then
We
as
Travellers
,
may
lye
together
with
Authority
.
222.
One
that
had
been
married
but
a
Week
,
call'd
her
Husband
Cuckold
:
which
her
Mother
hearing
,
reproved
her
?
You
stut
,
says
she
,
do
you
call
your
Husband
Cuckold
already
?
And
I
have
been
married
this
twenty
years
to
your
Father
,
and
never
durst
tell
him
of
it
yet
.
223.
A
Countrey
Man
going
along
Limestrest
,
saw
a
Rope
with
a
handle
to
it
hand
out
of
the
Door
;
now
he
not
knowing
what
was
the
meaning
of
it
,
went
and
played
with
it
;
and
pulling
it
a
little
hard
,
the
Merchant
being
in
the
Compting
▪
house
,
came
out
to
the
door
,
and
asked
the
Countryman
what
he
would
have
?
He
answered
,
nothing
but
he
pull'd
the
string
,
and
the
Bell
rang
:
the
Merchant
seeing
him
so
simple
,
asked
him
what
Country-man
he
was
?
I
am
an
Essex
man
,
an
't
please
you
,
says
he
:
Ay
,
says
the
Merchant
,
I
have
heard
that
in
Essex
a
man
can't
beat
the
hedg
,
but
out
comes
a
Calf
?
True
,
says
he
,
and
I
see
that
in
London
a
man
can't
ring
a
Bell
,
but
out
comes
a
Cuckold
.
224.
A
Drunken
debauched
Dyer
,
complaining
to
his
Friend
that
was
a
sober
man
,
that
whatsoever
he
took
in
hand
to
dye
,
came
to
some
mischance
or
other
:
O
,
says
his
Friend
,
The
way
to
succeed
in
your
Business
,
is
to
amend
your
Life
;
for
a
man
that
does
not
live
well
,
can
never
dye
w●●●
.
225.
A
Fidler
boasting
what
a
chaste
Wife
he
had
:
says
a
Gentleman
,
I
'll
lay
my
House
against
thy
Fiddle
,
that
if
I
have
opportunity
,
I
'll
get
her
consent
to
lie
with
her
:
the
Wager
was
laid
,
and
he
had
the
Fidlers
consent
to
try
;
but
the
Fidler
went
in
the
mean
time
,
and
sung
this
Song
under
the
Window
:
Hold
out
,
my
Dear
,
hold
o●t
;
Hold
out
,
but
these
two
hours
:
If
you
hold
out
,
there
is
no
doubt
But
the
House
,
and
all
is
ours
.
To
which
his
Wise
answered
:
I
Faith
sweet
William
I
cannot
,
He
has
caught
me
about
the
Middle
:
He
hath
me
Won
,
thou
art
undon
,
Sweet
William
thou
'st
lost
thy
Fiddle
.
226.
A
Facetious
Gentleman
discoursing
with
a
Witty
Lady
,
who
was
speaking
of
the
Weakness
of
her
Sex
,
and
the
vast
advantage
that
men
had
above
them
:
Hold
,
Madam
,
said
he
;
I
beg
your
Pardon
,
if
I
dissent
from
you
in
this
commonl●-received-point
;
for
it
is
no
difficult
thing
to
prove
that
your
Sex
is
now
a
days
stronger
than
ours
;
for
Sampson
,
the
strongest
Man
,
carried
only
the
Gates
of
the
City
upon
his
Shoulders
;
but
now
every
little
Lady
of
your
Sex
carries
a
Tower
upon
her
Fore-head
.
To
which
she
wittily
and
briskly
replied
,
Certainly
,
Sir
,
you
have
a
very
strong
Head
,
to
carry
so
many
Windmils
up
and
down
in
it
.
227.
One
that
had
weak
Eyes
,
being
jear'd
by
a
man
that
had
clear
Eyes
;
he
told
him
,
They
were
not
so
di●
,
but
he
could
see
a
Fool
:
It
may
be
so
,
says
the
other
,
but
you
must
look
in
a
Glass
then
.
227.
A
Schoolmaster
examining
his
Boys
,
and
asking
them
several
Rules
for
Pea●sing
,
espied
one
to
have
a
dirty
face
&
hands
,
and
asked
him
by
what
Rule
it
was
that
he
was
dirty
;
the
Boy
readily
answered
,
By
de
me
Lavo
Lavi
.
228.
One
telling
his
Friend
that
he
saw
a
Man
and
his
Wife
Fighting
:
Why
did
not
you
part
'em
,
says
he
?
Part
'
em
!
says
the
Gen●leman
,
I
have
been
better
bred
,
then
to
part
Man
and
Wife
.
229.
Some
Gentlemen
coming
into
a
Tavern
,
whose
Sign
was
the
Moon
,
(
where
for
a
Fancy
they
sold
nothing
but
Claret
,
for
which
they
were
very
noted
,
and
had
great
Custom
)
called
for
a
Bottle
of
Sack
:
whereupon
the
Drawer
told
him
they
had
none
:
At
which
,
they
not
a
little
admiring
;
as
not
knowing
the
Humour
,
asked
the
Drawer
the
reason
,
who
told
them
,
The
Man
in
the
Moon
drinks
Claret
.
The
Fancy
of
which
pleased
them
so
,
that
they
said
they
were
resolved
●o
be
sociable
;
and
so
called
for
each
Man
his
Bottle
,
to
drink
their
Brothers
Health
in
the
Moon
.
230.
One
being
asked
what
he
was
that
had
a
fine
Wit
in
Jest
?
Answered
,
a
Fool
in
Earnest
.
231.
One
gave
a
Fellow
a
Box
o●th
'
Far
,
upon
which
the
Fellow
whom
he
strook
gave
him
another
:
What
do
you
mean
,
said
he
that
gave
the
first
Box
?
I
did
not
lend
you
a
Box
,
I
freely
gav●
it
you
:
No
matter
,
says
the
other
,
I
am
a
Gamester
,
and
am
always
used
to
pay
the
Box.
232.
Says
a
Gentleman
to
his
Friend
,
methinks
a
Player
,
has
the
idlest
Employment
of
any
:
No
,
replyed
he
,
you
are
mistaken
,
for
he
is
always
in
Action
.
233.
A
Gentleman
was
used
to
say
of
a
Drunkard
,
That
it
signified
not
much
what
he
said
in
his
Cups
;
for
he
seldom
spake
any
thing
that
he
could
stand
to
,
tho
he
made
by
Indentures
.
234.
One
seeing
a
Book
that
was
but
one
sheet
of
Paper
,
said
,
A
Man
need
not
libel
it
,
for
it
did
Pennance
in
a
sheet
already
.
235.
One
Tom.
Love
,
University
Capper
in
Cambridge
,
ringing
in
one
of
the
Belfreys
,
the
Clapper
of
the
Bell
fell
upon
his
Head
,
and
almost
killed
him
.
An
arch
young
Student
seeing
his
Mischance
,
and
thinking
the
Wound
Mortal
,
writ
over
against
the
place
where
he
sell
,
these
following
Verses
.
Here
lies
Tom
Love
,
the
Vniversity
Capper
;
That
liv'd
by
the
Bell
,
and
dy'd
by
the
Clapper
.
But
Tom.
Love
recovering
,
and
seeing
these
Verses
,
under-writ
thus
:
Tom.
Love's
alive
,
and
lives
in
hope
To
live
by
the
Bell
,
when
thou
dy'st
by
the
Rope
.
236.
Cambden
,
●n
the
25th
.
Page
of
his
Remains
,
tells
you
of
a
Fryer
,
who
Preaching
in
the
Countrey
,
espied
a
poor
Woman
,
whispering
to
one
that
sat
in
the
same
Pew
with
her
,
at
which
the
Fryer
being
enrag'd
,
call'd
to
her
aloud
,
saying
,
Hold
thy
Peace
Babble
I
bid
thee
,
thou
Wife
in
the
Red
Hood
;
whereat
the
Woman
angry
,
started
up
and
cried
to
him
again
that
all
the
Church
rang
of
her
;
Marry
Sir
,
I
●eshrew
his
Heart
that
bableth
most
of
us
two
;
for
I
do
but
whisper
a
word
with
my
Neighbour
here
,
and
thou
hast
babled
there
a
good
large
hour
.
Witty
and
Grave
SAYINGS
.
1.
SOldiers
in
Peace
,
are
like
Chimneys
in
Summer
.
2.
Painters
are
cunning
Fellows
,
for
they
have
a
Colour
for
whatever
they
do
.
3.
Coblers
may
be
said
to
be
good
men
because
they
set
men
upright
,
and
are
always
mending
Soles
.
4.
A
Prison
is
a
good
Instrument
of
Reformation
,
for
it
makes
many
Lewd
Fellows
staid
men
.
5.
Physicians
,
of
all
men
,
have
the
be●●
on
't
;
for
if
they
do
well
,
the
World
proclaims
it
;
if
ill
,
the
Earth
covers
it
.
6.
Carpenters
are
civil
and
honest
Fellows
,
for
they
do
all
their
business
by
Rule
.
7.
Vertue
is
easier
than
Vice
;
for
the
Essential
difference
between
Vice
and
Virtue
is
Truth
and
Falshood
;
and
it
is
easier
and
less
pains
to
tell
Truth
than
a
Lye
;
and
for
Vices
of
the
Senses
,
Custom
is
all
in
all
;
for
to
one
that
has
lived
honestly
,
it
is
as
much
shame
to
commit
Sin
,
as
for
another
to
abstain
.
8.
At
a
certain
Marriage
,
One
let
fall
this
Silver
Saying
,
That
Parents
might
forbid
their
Children
an
unfit
M●●ch
,
but
may
not
force
their
Consent
to
a
fit
one
.
9.
Aristippus
being
accus'd
by
a
Strumpet
for
having
got
her
with
Child
,
answered
,
Thou
may'st
as
well
,
going
through
a
Thorn-Hedge
,
tell
certainly
which
Thorn
prick'd
thee
.
10.
The
Merits
of
a
deserving
Lady
are
enough
to
serve
her
for
a
Protection
,
amongst
the
Savage
Indians
;
whilst
their
Rudeness
and
Barbarity
knows
not
so
perfectly
to
hate
all
Virtues
,
as
some
mens
Subtilty
does
.
11.
Carry
a
Watchful
Eye
,
upon
Dangers
till
they
come
to
ripeness
;
&
when
they
are
ripe
,
let
loose
●
speedy
hand
:
He
that
Expects
them
too
long
,
meets
'em
too
soon
,
and
gives
advantage
to
the
Evil.
Commit
their
beginnings
to
Argus's
Eyes
,
and
their
End
to
Bri●●●●'s
hands
,
and
thou
art
safe
.
12
,
Fortune
has
no
Power
over
Wisdom
,
but
of
Sensuality
,
and
of
Lives
that
Swim
and
Navigate
without
the
Loadstone
of
Discretion
&
Judgment
.
13.
Aristarchus
Scoffingly
said
,
That
in
old
times
hardly
cou'd
be
found
seven
Wise
Men
throughout
the
World
:
But
i●
our
Days
,
says
he
,
much
ado
there
is
to
find
so
●any
Fools
.
14.
Antisthenes
being
ask'd
by
one
,
What
Learning
was
most
necessary
for
Mans
Life
?
Answer'd
,
To
Vnlearn
that
which
is
Naught
.
15.
Diogenes
being
ask'd
in
a
kind
of
scorn
,
What
was
the
Reason
that
Philosophers
haunted
Rich
Men
,
and
not
Rich
Men
Philosophers
?
Answerd
,
Because
the
former
knew
what
they
wanted
,
the
latter
did
not
.
16.
When
it
was
said
to
Anaxagoras
,
The
Athenians
have
condemn'd
you
to
dye
;
he
said
again
,
And
Nature
them
.
17.
When
Croesus
for
his
Glory
shew'd
Solon
his
great
Treasures
of
Gold
,
Solon
said
to
him
,
If
another
comes
that
has
better
Iron
than
you
,
he
will
be
Master
of
all
this
Gold.
18.
Chilon
us'd
to
say
,
That
Gold
was
try'd
with
a
Touchstone
,
and
Men
with
Gold.
19.
Solon
compar'd
the
People
unto
the
Sea
,
and
the
Orators
and
Counsellors
unto
the
Wind
;
for
that
the
Sea
would
be
calm
and
quiet
if
the
Wind
did
not
trouble
it
.
20.
An
Arch
Blade
us'd
to
say
,
That
of
all
Trades
the
Midwives
was
the
most
commendable
:
For
,
says
he
,
they
live
not
by
the
hurts
of
other
men
,
as
Chyrurgions
do
;
nor
by
the
falling
out
of
Friends
,
as
Lawyers
do
;
but
by
the
Agreement
betwixt
Party
and
Party
.
Notable
BULLS
,
1.
A
Young
Countrey
Squire
riding
very
hard
,
his
Horse
grew
very
Sick
upon
it
:
he
complaining
to
hi●
Friend
;
says
he
,
I
rid
my
Horse
har●
and
he
's
sick
;
and
I
fear
he
'll
never
〈◊〉
his
own
Man
again
.
2.
Another
being
ask'd
whether
〈◊〉
Friend
Tom
,
that
was
lately
dead
,
h●●
left
him
any
Legacy
?
No
Faith
,
says
〈◊〉
Not
a
Tester
to
drink
his
Health
.
3.
One
ask'd
a
Fellow
if
he
would
into
the
Water
with
him
:
No
,
fa●
he
,
I
'll
never
go
into
the
Water
till
I
have
learnt
to
Swim
.
4.
Some
Gentlemen
being
at
Dinner
in
a
Tavern
,
one
of
them
that
was
a
little
nicer
than
the
rest
,
seeing
the
Salt
look
a
little
dirtily
,
called
to
the
Drawer
,
to
bring
up
some
fresh
Salt.
5.
Some
Gentlemen
being
at
Dinner
together
,
were
diverting
themselves
with
Jests
and
Bulls
:
One
among
●hem
more
curious
than
the
rest
,
de●ired
an
Oxford
Scholar
in
the
Company
,
to
give
him
the
definition
of
a
Bull
;
who
ingeniously
told
him
,
That
a
Bull
was
an
Ox
gelt
.
6.
A
Blind
Minister
coming
to
speak
with
a
Gentleman
,
the
Gentleman●s
man
came
running
to
him
,
and
told
●im
,
That
the
blind
Minister
was
come
●o
see
him
.
7.
A
Young
Scholar
was
very
much
troubled
,
and
did
not
like
his
Dictionary
,
Praying
his
Father
to
get
it
chang'd
,
because
,
He
could
not
find
what
was
Latin
for
Aqua-vitae
in
it
.
8.
A
Country
Justice
examining
a
poor
thieving
Schollar
,
said
,
Sirrrah
,
you
are
an
Arch
Rogue
,
but
take
warning
,
for
if
you
are
once
hang'd
,
your
Book
can't
save
you
from
the
Gallows
.
9.
One
being
advis'd
to
go
to
Sea
,
No
says
he
,
I
had
rather
travel
all
th●
World
over
by
Land.
10.
A
certain
King
being
sick
,
on●●
pray'd
,
That
he
might
Reign
as
long
a●
the
Sun
and
Moon
should
endure
,
an●
the
Prince
his
Son
,
after
him
.
11.
One
finding
his
Friend
abed
at
Ten
a
Clock
in
the
Morning
,
asked
him
why
he
lay
so
long
?
Why
Faith
,
says
he
,
I
came
home
late
last
night
:
Why
,
how
late
was
it
,
says
his
Friend
?
Late
!
says
he
,
't
was
three
a
Clock
in
the
morning
.
12.
An
Ignorant
Fellow
complaining
of
the
Folly
of
the
Age
,
said
,
That
men
were
far
wiser
in
future
times
then
now
.
13.
One
boasting
of
his
Credit
,
said
,
He
knew
a
Scrivener
that
would
lend
him
Fifty
Pounds
at
any
time
,
on
his
own
Bond
,
without
either
Scrip
or
Scrowl
.
14.
One
going
over
in
the
Ferry-Boat
from
Richmond
to
Twitnam
,
the
Ferry-mans
Wife
Officiating
,
admiring
said
,
He
never
saw
a
Woman
Ferry-man
before
.
15.
Two
Persons
going
along
Cheapside
,
a
Dumb-man
accidentally
meeting
'em
,
jostled
against
one
of
them
;
whereupon
he
held
up
his
Stick
to
strike
him
;
but
the
Dumb-man
making
some
sign
,
which
the
Person
that
was
with
him
perceiving
,
stop●d
his
Friends
blow
,
asking
him
why
he
would
strike
a
Dumb-man
?
Is
he
Dumb
,
says
the
other
?
Why
did
he
not
tell
me
so
.
16.
One
seapking
to
a
Gentleman
of
the
unkindness
of
his
supposed
Friend
,
said
,
in
a
Passion
,
That
he
had
no
sooner
t●rn'd
his
Back
,
but
the
Rascoal
abused
him
before
his
Face
.
17.
A
Countrey
Fellow
passing
by
the
Exchange
,
saw
the
Picture
of
a
Unicorn
hang
up
;
says
he
to
one
that
stood
by
,
I
have
seen
several
Pictures
of
these
Beasts
with
one
Horn
only
;
pray
are
not
there
some
Vnicorns
with
two
Horns
?
18.
One
asking
a
certain
Person
how
his
Friend
came
off
at
the
Sessions-House
?
he
told
him
he
was
to
be
Burnt
in
the
Hand
;
Pish
,
says
the
other
,
that
's
a
small
matter
;
for
,
for
a
little
Fee
,
the
'll
Burn
him
in
the
Hand
with
a
cold
Iron
.
19.
A
Sea-Captain
was
invited
to
a
Hunting-Match
,
who
when
he
came
home
related
what
sport
he
had
,
after
this
manner
:
Our
Horses
,
says
he
,
being
well
Rigg'd
,
we
man'd
them
;
and
the
Wind
being
at
West-South-West
Fifteen
of
us
in
Company
)
away
we
stood
over
the
Downs
;
in
the
time
of
half
a
Watch
,
we
spied
a
Hare
udner
full
Gale
,
we
Tackt
and
stood
after
her
,
coming
up
close
,
she
Tackt
,
and
we
Tackt
,
upon
which
Tack
I
had
like
to
run
aground
;
but
getting
clear
off
,
I
stood
after
her
again
,
but
as
the
Devil
would
have
it
,
just
as
I
was
going
to
lay
her
aboard
,
bearing
too
much
Wind
,
I
and
my
Horse
over-set
,
and
came
Heel
upward
.
20.
A
silly
old
Fellow
meeting
his
God-son
,
ask'd
whether
he
was
going
?
To
School
,
said
the
Boy
:
That
's
well
,
said
he
,
there
's
a
Penny
for
you
;
Be
a
good
Boy
,
and
mind
your
Book
,
and
I
hope
I
shall
live
to
hear
the
Preach
my
Funeral-Sermon
.
21.
A
foolish
young
Esquire
,
being
newly
come
to
his
Estate
(
taking
after
the
old
Miser
his
Father
,
grew
covetous
.
)
He
hearing
his
Steward
say
,
he
had
killed
him
a
Bullock
against
Christmas
.
What
,
said
he
;
do
you
mean
to
undo
me
by
such
extravagant
Expences
?
I
will
have
but
half
a
one
kil●ed
at
a
time
.
22.
A
Parson
who
had
not
much
Wit
to
spare
,
seeing
his
Son
play
roguish
Tricks
,
Why
Sarrah
,
said
he
,
did
you
ever
see
me
do
so
,
when
I
was
a
Boy
,
as
you
are
.
23.
A
Precise
Fellow
hearing
much
Swearing
in
a
Bowling-Green
,
said
,
For
shame
Gentlemen
forbear
,
it
is
Gods
great
mercy
the
Bowling-Green
doth
not
fall
on
your
Heads
.
24.
One
sitting
at
Supper
,
his
Cat
pa●t
to
and
fro
through
his
Arms
,
brushing
her
Tail
against
his
Mouth
,
which
made
him
so
angry
,
that
he
cut
off
the
tip
of
her
Tail
,
saying
,
I
think
now
,
Mistress
Puss
,
I
have
given
you
an
Ear-mark
:
For
a
little
time
the
Cat
staid
away
,
but
the
next
day
came
again
,
according
to
her
usal
manner
;
whereupon
in
a
rage
,
said
he
,
Why
,
how
now
,
you
troublesome
Bitch
?
Are
you
come
again
?
I
thought
I
had
given
you
your
Break-fast
last
night
.
25.
A
Gentleman
hiring
some
Labourers
to
pull
down
his
old
Wall
,
that
he
might
build
a
new
one
;
as
they
were
doing
it
,
cry'd
out
to
them
to
have
a
care
,
least
the
Foundation
should
tumble
on
their
Heads
.
26.
When
Guiennys
were
first
Coyn'd
,
they
were
a
great
rarity
in
the
Countrey
:
A
young
Fop
coming
from
London
,
more
Gallant
than
Wise
,
seeing
the
People
so
earnest
to
see
them
,
Alas
,
said
he
,
throwing
down
two
or
three
of
them
on
the
Table
,
These
are
so
common
in
London
,
that
you
cannot
receive
Forty
Shillings
,
but
you
must
take
five
or
six
of
them
whether
you
will
or
no.
27.
One
going
by
Water
,
said
to
another
in
the
Boat
that
had
affronted
him
,
Speak
another
word
,
and
I
'll
knock
your
Head
and
the
Wall
together
.
28.
One
that
was
Born
in
the
Parish
of
St.
Gile's
Cripplegate
,
said
When
I
dye
,
I
'll
be
Buried
in
Cripple
-
Church-Yard
,
an
't
please
GOD
I
live
.
29.
The
same
Person
affirming
there
was
two
sorts
of
Fishes
allow'd
to
be
cry'd
on
a
Sunday
;
being
ask'd
what
Fishes
they
were
,
answer'd
,
Milk
and
Mackarel
.
30.
One
saying
,
That
the
Fenny-Countreys
were
very
unhealthy
;
I
am
of
your
mind
,
said
another
,
for
I
liv'd
there
once
,
and
I
believe
if
I
have
liv'd
there
till
this
thime
,
I
had
dy'd
seven
Years
ago
.
Thirteen
Ingenious
Characters
.
Drawn
to
the
Life
.
I.
Of
a
CHARACTER
.
IT
gives
you
the
hint
of
Discourse
,
but
Discourses
not
;
and
is
that
in
Mass
and
Ingo●
,
which
you
may
Coyn
and
Wyer-draw
into
infinite
;
'
is
more
Seneca
than
Cicero
,
and
speaks
rather
the
Language
of
Oracles
than
Orators
:
Every
Lin●'s
a
Sentence
,
and
every
two
a
Period
.
It
says
not
all
,
but
all
it
says
is
good
;
and
like
an
Air
in
Musick
,
is
either
full
of
Closes
,
or
still
driving
towards
a
Close
:
'T
is
no
long
winded
Exercise
of
Spirit
,
but
a
forcible
one
,
and
therefore
soonest
out
of
Breath
;
't
is
all
matter
,
and
to
the
matter
;
and
has
nothing
of
Superfluity
,
nothing
of
.
Circumlocution
.
So
little
comporting
with
Mediocrity
,
as
it
extols
to
Heaven
,
or
depresses
unto
Hell
;
having
no
mid
place
for
Purgatorv
left
.
'T
is
that
in
every
sort
of
Writing
delighteth
most
;
and
though
the
Treatise
be
Gold
,
it
is
the
Jewel
still
,
which
the
Author
of
Characters
,
like
your
Lapidary
,
produces
single
,
whilst
others
,
Goldsmith
like
,
inchase
them
in
their
Works
.
'T
is
a
Portraiture
not
only
of
the
Body
,
but
the
Soul
and
Mind
:
Whence
it
not
only
delights
,
but
teaches
and
moves
withal
,
and
is
a
Sermon
as
well
as
Picture
to
every
one
.
In
fine
,
't
is
a
short
Voyage
;
the
Writer
holds
out
with
equal
force
,
still
coming
fresh
unto
his
Journeys
end
,
whilst
in
long
ones
they
commonly
tire
and
faulter
on
their
way
:
And
to
the
Reader
't
is
a
Garden
,
not
a
Journey
;
or
a
Feast
,
where
,
by
reason
of
the
Subjects
variety
,
he
is
never
cloy'd
;
but
at
each
Character
,
as
at
a
new
Service
,
falls
too
with
fresh
Appetite
.
II.
Of
an
Importunate
Dun.
AN
Importunate
Dun
,
is
the
Quintessence
of
Vexation
;
a
Single
Plague
,
worse
then
all
Egypts
Ten
;
a
kind
of
Substantial
Ghost
,
perpet●ally
haunting
a
Man
,
and
sucking
him
as
eagerly
as
an
Hobg●blin
does
a
Witch
;
an
Horse-leech
that
always
cries
,
Give
,
give
;
or
rather
a
Cuckow
,
that
has
never
but
one
Note
,
Pay
,
Pay
,
Pay
;
Money
,
Money
,
Money
:
A
tr●ublesome
Devil
,
not
to
be
laid
with
Holy
Water
,
and
only
exorcis'd
by
Silver
Crosses
,
an
Evil
Spirit
,
whom
no
Musick
but
the
sweet
Gingling
of
Coin
can
charm
.
Should
we
enquire
his
Pedigree
,
he
seems
one
of
Nimrod's
Bastards
,
for
he
is
a
Tyrant
by
Nature
,
and
a
mighty
Hunter
by
Profession
.
A
Blood-Hound
of
a
notable
Quick
Scent
to
discover
his
Game
,
and
a
deep
Mouth
tu
pursue
it
;
he
takes
upon
him
a
Prerogative
to
get
,
where
even
Kings
themselves
must
lose
their
Rights
;
Nay
,
presumes
to
Ape
Creation
,
by
attempting
to
squeez
something
out
of
nothing
,
and
raise
a
World
of
Cash
,
from
the
bar●en
Womb
of
meer
Vacuities
.
He
would
make
an
excellent
States-man
,
for
●he
has
the
best
inte●ligence
in
the
World
,
and
will
find
out
a
lurking
Acquaintance
in
a
City
crowd
,
or
Countre●
corner
,
sooner
then
a
purblind
Astrologer
,
or
a
limping
Hue
and
Crye
;
Yet
nothing
lights
him
to
you
sooner
,
or
more
exasperates
him
against
you
,
then
a
new
Suit
,
a
good
Dinner
,
or
a
merry
Glas●
;
for
he
holds
it
for
a
Maxim
,
That
whoever
owes
him
any
thing
,
ought
to
be
in
Arrear
likewise
both
to
back
and
belly
.
If
the
Debtor
live
so
remote
,
that
he
cannot
convenie●tly
wait
on
him
every
other
day
,
he
makes
him
pay
Interest
(
even
to
Extortion
)
at
the
Post
Office
;
for
he
is
sure
of
more
Letters
than
a
handsome
Girle
of
Sixteen
,
that
has
a
great
Fortune
at
her
own
Dispose
;
his
Stile
in
these
Familiar
Epistles
,
is
extr●amly
Civil
in
the
Front
,
but
close
and
pressing
in
the
Rear
—
He
would
rather
lose
his
small
concern
,
than
put
you
to
the
least
●nconvenience
—
But
must
needs
have
hi●
Money
next
return
,
or
else
shall
be
forced
to
turn
over
the
Debt
,
or
take
his
Course
,
Yet
he
attributes
your
Non-payment
to
your
unmindfulness
,
and
desires
you
not
to
take
this
one
more
Item
unkindly
;
He
talks
much
in
the
Language
of
Bacon's
Brazen-Head
,
Time's
past
:
and
(
as
if
you
were
a
second
Ioshua
)
blames
you
for
not
keeping
the
day
;
he
Pretends
extraordinary
kindness
for
you
,
but
hates
all
Protections
so
much
,
that
he
dares
not
say
at
the
end
of
his
Letter
,
He
commits
you
to
that
of
Heaven
;
but
always
hoping
to
hear
from
you
speedily
,
and
with
Effect
,
rests
,
Your
humble
Servant
.
At
this
rate
(
as
the
Weapon-s●lve●
heales
)
he
wounds
at
a
dista●ce
;
but
if
you
are
come-at
able
,
(
as
he
calls
it
)
he
will
rack
the
very
Soul
of
you
;
for
he
attends
you
as
duly
as
your
Shadow
,
and
proves
as
constant
a
Tormentor
as
a
Guilty
Con●cience
to
a
Murderer
:
You
can
neither
eat
,
n●r
drink
,
nor
sl●ep
nor
walk
in
quiet
for
him
.
Indeed
the
Tenter-Hooks
he
pu●s
a
Man
upon
,
are
enough
to
stretch
the
tenderest
Conscience
,
and
warp
the
best
Nature
in
the
World
;
for
when
he
will
not
be
satisfied
with
Truth
,
you
are
forced
to
tell
him
what
is
not
so
,
to
g●t
rid
of
him
;
afterwards
by
incessant
Importunities
,
he
provokes
you
to
swear
at
him
;
and
at
last
,
by
degrees
,
hardens
you
into
a
Resolution
,
never
to
pay
him
.
Thus
we
may
call
him
the
Devils
Usher
,
that
temp●s
people
from
Lying
to
Swearing
,
from
that
to
Dishonestly
,
and
so
Improves
them
from
Form
to
Form
,
in
the
School
of
wickedness
,
till
they
are
sitted
for
the
Academy
of
Hell.
Etymologists
think
he
is
called
a
Dunn
,
by
Antip●rasis
,
because
he
will
never
●ave
d●ne
bawling
;
or
(
as
others
write
)
takes
the
Appellation
from
a
quondam
famous
Officer
or
Justice
of
that
name
,
with
whose
Nat●re
he
simpathizes
,
and
worries
a
poor
Man
with
as
little
Remorse
,
as
that
New
gate
Squire
could
a
Traytor
.
His
Faith
is
enough
to
make
one
turn
I●fidel
,
for
he
u●es
none
so
bad
as
those
he
Trusts
:
Nor
can
he
be
counted
a
Christian
,
since
his
Charity
both
begins
and
ends
at
home
.
And
if
ever
he
says
his
Prayers
,
he
skips
over
that
Petition
,
Forgive
us
our
Debts
,
as
we
forgive
our
D●btors
,
in
the
Pater
N●ster
,
as
s●ily
as
a
Phanatick
does
the
Article
of
Believing
in
the
Catholick
Church
,
in
the
Creed
.
He
is
commonly
early
up
,
and
never
the
near
;
for
he
wakes
a
man
in
a
morning
,
before
the
Lark
is
up
to
ch●u●t
her
M●ttins
,
and
a
Guard
of
Switzers
cannot
keep
him
out
of
ones
Chamber
:
Alledging
Business
,
Physick
,
Sleep
or
Sickness
,
cannot
divert
his
Persecutions
:
And
't
is
happy
for
him
that
doors
can't
maintain
Act●ons
of
Asault
and
Battery
.
He
beats
up
your
Quarters
so
often
,
that
they
quickly
learn
to
deny
you
at
home
:
but
if
he
chance
to
find
you
at
any
of
your
Haunts
,
he
makes
you
believe
'
●was
by
the
meerest
Acciden●
,
though
he
have
wai●ed
eight
and
forty
hours
on
purpose
.
However
,
he
it
heartily
glad
to
see
you
,
(
that
's
the
only
Tru●h
you
sha●l
have
of
him
)
and
shaking
you
by
the
hand
,
he
asks
you
,
—
What
News
?
But
before
you
can
answer
,
out
comes
the
little
Money
between
us
.
Then
,
Lord
bless
him
!
Times
are
so
hard
,
and
Money
was
never
so
scarce
since
Adam
wore
Fig
leaved
Breeches
!
His
Creditors
are
so
u●gent
,
they
won't
be
put
off
,
but
he
must
forthwith
make
up
a
Sum
,
and
therefore
if
you
cannot
help
him
to
all
,
spare
him
but
a
little
,
for
five
pound
now
will
do
him
as
much
good
,
as
fifty
another
time
:
Nay
,
't
will
be
as
great
a
favour
,
as
if
vo●
gave
it
him
out
of
your
Purse
,
&c.
With
this
rally
of
Rhetorick
,
the
b●u●hing
Debtor
is
Non-pl●st
,
and
Promises
as
many
Impossibilities
,
as
a
Quack
Doctor
,
or
a
trembling
Cully
,
under
the
Terrors
of
a
●ully
Rampant
,
only
silently
wishes
,
he
had
a
handful
of
Guinnies
to
beat
out
his
Brains
with
:
for
he
is
as
much
afraid
of
him
,
as
a
sawcy
Pre●tice
of
meeting
a
Gentleman
at
White-Hall
,
whom
he
hath
affronted
in
the
City
:
This
makes
him
shun
the
place
where
he
lives
,
as
bad
as
a
Pest-House
:
And
(
if
we
may
credit
an
experienced
Author
)
when
he
is
to
pass
from
Algate
to
Covent-Garden
,
and
the
low
ebb
in
his
Pocket
will
not
suffer
him
to
go
by
Water
,
he
must
first
trot
down
to
Tower
hill
,
thence
strike
up
to
Norton-Falgate
,
then
down
again
to
Queen-hive
,
thence
up
to
Charter
house-yard
,
from
thence
to
S●lisbury
Court
,
and
so
to
Red-Lyon
Fields
,
before
he
can
reach
Drury-Lane
in
Safety
;
and
yet
for
all
this
caution
,
his
head
stands
awry
,
with
continual
looking
about
.
Yet
take
them
both
together
,
they
are
two
of
the
greatest
Hypocrites
in
Nature
;
for
though
behind
one
anothers
backs
they
rail
each
at
other
,
as
bad
as
a
Weaver
against
a
Frenchman
,
yet
when
they
m●et
,
they
are
so
glad
to
see
one
another
!
And
truly
,
I
have
ever
found
you
very
Civil
to
me
,
says
one
,
and
I
can't
in
the
least
question
your
Honesly
,
says
the
other
;
when
the
short
of
it
is
,
't
is
forty
to
one
,
but
one
of
them
will
prove
a
rank
Knave
:
T●e
Creditor
,
if
ever
he
be
paid
;
or
t●e
Debtor
,
if
he
never
pay
.
III.
Of
a
Serjeant
,
or
Baylif
,
and
his
Setting-Cur
.
THe
first
,
is
a
kind
of
Excrescence
of
the
Law
,
like
our
Nails
,
made
only
to
Scratch
and
Claw
;
A
sort
of
Bird-●ime
,
where
he
lays
hold
,
he
hangs
;
a
Raven
that
picks
not
out
mens
Eyes
,
as
others
do
,
but
all
his
spight
is
at
their
Shoulders
;
and
you
had
better
have
the
Night-Mare
ride
you
,
then
this
Incubus
.
He
is
one
of
Deucalion's
By-blows
,
begotten
of
a
Stone
,
and
has
taken
an
Oath
never
to
pitty
Widdow
nor
Orphan
.
His
first
business
is
to
bait
you
for
money
for
his
(
confounded
)
civility
;
next
to
call
for
Drink
as
fast
as
men
for
Buckets
of
Water
in
a
Conflagration
;
After
which
,
becoming
grave
and
serious
,
he
advises
you
in
revenge
to
Arrest
the
Plantiff
,
and
offers
to
do
it
;
with
or
without
cause
;
't
is
all
one
to
him
,
if
he
perceive
you
have
money
.
His
Follower
is
an
Hanger
that
he
wears
by
his
side
;
a
false
Dye
of
the
small
Ball
,
but
not
the
same
Cut
,
for
it
runs
somewhat
higher
,
inflames
the
Reckoning
,
and
so
does
more
michief
.
He
's
a
Tumbler
that
drives
in
all
the
Coneys
;
but
is
yet
but
a
bungler
,
and
knows
not
how
to
Cut
up
a
man
without
Tearing
,
unless
by
a
pattern
.
This
is
the
Hook
that
hangs
under
water
to
choak
the
Fish
,
and
his
Officer
the
Quill
above
,
which
pops
down
as
soon
as
ever
the
Bait
is
swallowed
.
Though
differing
in
degree
,
they
are
both
much
of
a
complexion
,
only
the
Teeth
of
this
latter
are
more
sharp
,
and
he
more
hungary
,
because
he
does
but
snap
,
and
hath
not
his
full
half
share
of
the
booty
.
A
main
part
of
his
Office
is
to
swear
and
bluster
at
their
trembling
Prisoners
,
and
cry
,
Confound
us
!
Why
do
we
wait
?
Let
's
Shop
him
:
Whilst
the
other
replies
,
Iack
be
patient
,
't
is
a
civil
Gentleman
,
and
I
know
will
consider
us
:
Which
spies
of
wheedling
in
Terms
of
their
Art
,
is
called
;
Sweeten
and
Pinch
.
The
Eyes
of
these
Wolves
are
as
quick
in
their
Heads
,
as
a
Cut-purses
in
a
Throng
;
and
as
nimble
are
they
at
their
business
,
as
an
Hang-man
at
an
Execution
.
They
'll
court
a
broken-Pate
,
to
heal
it
with
a
Plaister
of
Green-Wax
,
and
suck
more
Silver
out
of
a
Wound
,
than
a
Chyrurgeon
.
Yet
as
these
Eels
are
generally
bred
out
of
the
mud
of
a
Bankrupt
,
so
they
commonly
dye
with
their
Gut
ript
up
,
or
are
decently
run
through
the
Lungs
;
and
as
they
liv'd
hated
,
die
unpitied
.
We
speak
here
of
those
only
that
abuse
the
intentions
of
the
Law
,
and
act
Oppression
under
the
Colour
of
serving
common
Justice
.
IV.
Of
a
Paun-Broker
.
AN
Unconscionable
Paun-Broke
,
(
for
there
are
conscionable
Dealears
in
that
way
,
that
are
a
Relief
and
Comfort
to
the
Poor
,
and
those
are
not
concern'd
in
this
Character
;
)
An
unconscionable
Paun-broker
,
I
say
,
is
Pluto's
Factor
,
Old
Nick's
Wareho●se-keeper
,
an
English
Jew
,
that
lives
and
grows
fat
on
Fraud
and
Oppression
,
as
Toads
on
filth
and
venom
;
whose
Practice
outvies
Vsury
,
as
much
as
Incest
simple
Fornication
;
and
to
call
him
a
Tradesman
,
must
be
by
the
same
Figure
that
Pickpockets
stile
their
Legerdemain
an
Art
and
Mystery
.
His
Shop
like
Hell-Gates
,
is
always
open
,
where
he
sits
at
the
Receipt
of
Custom
,
like
Cacas
in
his
Den
,
ready
to
devour
all
that
is
brought
him
;
and
having
gotten
your
Spoils
,
hangs
them
up
in
Rank
and
File
,
as
so
many
Trophies
of
Victory
.
Hither
all
sorts
of
Garments
resort
in
Pilgrimage
,
whilst
he
playing
the
Pimp
,
lodges
the
Taby
Petticoat
and
Russet
Breeches
together
in
the
same
Bed
of
Lavender
.
He
is
the
Treasurer
of
the
Thieves
Exchequer
,
the
common
Fender
of
all
Bulkers
and
Shop-lifts
in
the
Town
.
To
this
purpose
he
keeps
a
private
Warehouse
,
and
Ships
away
the
Ill-gotten
goods
by
wholesale
;
dreading
nothing
so
much
,
as
that
a
Convict
should
honestly
confess
how
he
dispos'd
the
Moveables
.
He
is
a
kind
of
Disease
quite
contrary
to
the
Gout
;
for
as
that
haunts
the
Rich
,
so
this
mainly
torments
●he
Poor
,
and
scarce
leaves
them
so
much
as
a
primitive
Fig
leaf
to
cover
their
Nakedness
.
Mistress
Ione
,
when
she
is
minded
to
see
her
sweet-heart
,
and
Gam●er
Blew-Bottle
going
to
a
Christening
,
muster
up
the
Pence
●'th
'
Saturday
Night
,
to
redeem
their
best
Rigging
out
of
Captivity
;
but
on
Monday
Morning
infallibly
bring
them
back
(
like
Thieves
that
had
only
made
an
escape
)
to
the
old
Limbus
;
and
this
so
often
,
till
at
last
they
know
the
way
,
and
can
go
to
Pawn
alone
by
themselves
.
Thus
they
are
forced
to
purchase
the
same
Cloaths
seven
times
over
;
and
for
want
of
a
Chest
to
keep
them
in
at
home
,
it
cost
thrice
as
much
as
they
are
worth
for
their
Lodging
in
his
Custody
.
When
they
come
in
like
other
Prisoners
,
they
first
pay
Garnish
,
the
Two
pence
for
Entrance
money
;
after
this
,
Six-pence
a
Month
,
for
every
Twenty
Shillings
lent
,
(
which
yet
indeed
is
but
19
s.
6
d.
)
that
is
(
according
to
their
Reckoning
of
thirteen
Months
to
the
Year
)
Six
Shillings
and
Six-pence
Interest
for
one
Pound
for
a
Year
;
which
makes
Thirty
three
Pounds
,
Six
Shillings
and
Eight-pence
in
the
hundred
,
viz.
One-third
part
of
the
Principle
,
and
just
27.
l.
6
s.
8
d.
more
than
the
Statue
allows
;
besides
Twelve-pence
for
a
Bill
of
Sale
,
if
the
matter
be
considerable
.
So
that
since
they
never
lend
half
the
value
on
any
thing
that
is
brought
them
;
if
a
Paun-Broker
lay
out
an
Hundred
Pounds
,
he
first
make●
near
Forty
per
Annum
Advantage
certain
,
●as
aforesaid
:
And
then
considering
how
many
Thieves
,
&c.
(
thei●
chiefest
Customers
that
bring
th●
l●mping
Bargains
)
never
intend
t●
redeem
,
and
how
many
Poor
are
not
able
(
especially
since
as
soon
as
the
Year
a●d
Day
expire
,
they
presently
dispose
of
their
Pawns
,
or
pretend
to
do
so
)
we
may
reasonably
conclude
,
that
these
Horse-Leeches
make
Cent
per
Cent
at
least
of
their
Money
in
the
Year
,
And
all
this
by
a
course
tending
only
to
the
encouragement
of
Theives
,
and
Ruine
of
those
that
are
Honest
but
Indigent
.
V.
Of
a
PRISON
.
A
Prison
is
the
Grave
of
the
Living
,
where
they
are
shut
up-from
the
World
and
their
Friends
!
and
the
Worms
that
Gnaw
upon
them
,
are
their
own
Thoughts
and
the
Jaylor
.
T
is
a
House
of
Meagre
looks
,
and
ill
smells
,
for
Lice
,
Drink
and
Tobacco
,
are
the
Compound
;
Pluto's
Court
was
exprest
from
this
fancy
.
And
the
Persons
are
much
about
the
same
Party
that
is
there
.
You
may
ask
as
Manippus
in
Lucan
,
which
is
Nir●us
?
which
Thersities
?
which
the
Begger
?
which
the
Knight
?
For
they
are
all
suited
in
the
same
form
of
a
kind
of
Nasty
Poverty
;
only
to
be
out
at
Elbows
is
in
fashion
here
,
and
t
is
a
great
Indecorum
not
to
be
Thread-bare
.
Every
Man
shews
here
like
so
many
Wrecks
upon
the
Sea
,
here
the
Ribs
of
a
Thousand
Pounds
,
and
here
the
Relick
of
so
many
Mannours
,
is
a
Doublet
without
Buttons
;
and
't
is
a
spectacle
of
more
pity
then
Executions
are
.
The
Company
one
with
another
is
but
a
vying
of
complaints
,
and
the
causes
they
have
to
rail
on
Fortune
,
and
fool
themselves
;
and
there
is
a
great
deal
of
good
fellowship
in
this
.
They
are
commonly
,
next
their
Creditors
,
most
bitter
against
the
Lawyers
,
as
men
that
have
had
a
great
stroke
in
assigning
them
thither
.
Mirth
here
is
stupidity
or
hard
heartedness
,
yet
they
feign
it
sometimes
,
to
shun
Melancholy
,
and
keep
off
themselves
from
themselves
,
and
the
torment
of
thinking
what
they
have
been
.
Men
huddle
up
their
life
here
as
a
thing
of
no
use
,
and
wear
it
out
like
an
old
Suit
,
the
faster
the
better
;
and
he
that
deceives
the
Time
best
,
best
spends
it
.
It
is
the
place
where
new
commers
are
most
welcomed
,
and
next
them
ill
News
,
as
that
which
extends
their
Fellowship
in
Misery
,
and
leaves
few
to
insult
;
and
they
breathe
their
discontents
more
securely
here
,
and
have
their
Tongues
a●
more
liberty
than
their
Bodies
.
Men
see
here
much
Sin
and
Calamity
,
and
when
the
la●t
does
not
mortifie
,
the
other
hardens
;
and
those
that
are
wicked
here
,
are
desperately
wicked
,
as
those
from
whom
the
horrour
of
Sin
is
taken
off
,
and
the
punishment
Familiar
.
And
commonly
a
hard
thought
passes
on
all
that
come
from
this
School
;
Which
though
it
teach
much
Wisdom
,
it
is
too
late
,
and
with
danger
:
And
it
is
better
to
be
a
Fool
,
than
to
come
here
to
learn
it
.
VI.
Of
a
TAVERN
.
A
Tavern
is
a
degree
,
or
(
if
you
will
)
a
pair
of
Stairs
above
an
Ale-house
,
where
men
are
Drunk
with
more
Credit
.
If
the
Vin●ners
Nose
be
at
the
door
,
it
is
a
Sign
sufficient
,
but
the
absence
of
this
is
supplied
by
a
Bush
:
The
Rooms
are
ill
breathed
,
like
the
Drunkards
that
have
been
well
washt
over
Night
,
and
are
smelt
to
fasting
next
morning
,
nor
furnished
with
Beds
apt
to
be
defiled
,
but
more
necessary
Implements
,
Chairs
Tables
,
and
a
Chamber-pot
.
It
is
a
broacher
of
more
News
then
Hogsheads
,
and
more
Jests
than
News
;
which
are
suckt
up
here
by
some
spungy
Brain
,
and
from
thence
squeezed
into
a
Comedy
.
Men
come
here
to
make
merry
,
but
indeed
make
a
Noise
,
and
this
Musick
above
,
is
answered
.
with
t●e
Chat●ing
below
:
The
Drawers
are
the
〈◊〉
●cople
in
it
:
Men
of
good
bringing
up
;
and
howsoever
w●
esteem
o●
th●m
,
none
can
boast
m●re
j●●tly
of
their
High
Calling
.
It
is
t●e
b●●t
Theatre
of
Natures
,
where
they
are
truly
act●d
,
not
plaid
:
and
the
business
,
as
in
the
rest
of
the
World
,
up
and
down
;
that
is
,
from
the
bottom
of
the
Cellar
to
the
Great
Chamber
.
A
Melancholy
man
would
find
matter
to
work
upon
,
to
see
Heads
as
bri●●le
as
Glasses
,
and
as
●ften
broken
.
M●n
come
hither
to
qua●rel
,
and
come
hither
to
be
made
friend●
.
It
is
the
common
Con●u●ption
of
the
Afternoon
,
and
the
Murderer
or
Maker
away
of
a
Rainy
Day
.
It
is
the
Torrid
Zone
that
scorches
the
Face
,
and
T●b●cco
the
Gun
powder
that
blows
it
up
.
A
House
of
Sin
you
may
call
it
,
but
not
a
House
of
Darkness
,
for
the
Cand●es
are
never
out
;
and
it
is
like
those
Cou●●i●s
far
in
the
North
,
where
it
is
as
clear
at
Mid-night
as
at
Mid-day
.
After
a
long
sitting
,
it
becomes
like
a
street
in
a
dashing
shower
,
where
the
Spouts
are
flushing
above
,
and
the
Conduits
ru●ning
below
:
while
the
Jordans
,
like
swelling
Rivers
,
overflow
their
Banks
.
To
give
the
total
reckoning
of
it
,
'T
is
the
busie
mans
Recreation
,
the
Idle
mans
Business
,
the
Melancholy
mans
Sanctuary
,
the
Inns
a
Court-mans
Entertainment
,
the
Schollars
Kindness
,
and
the
Citizens
Courtesie
.
It
is
the
Study
of
Sparkling
Witts
,
and
a
Cup
of
Canary
their
Book
,
where
we
leave
them
.
VII
.
Of
a
SCOLD
.
A
Rank
Scold
is
a
Devil
of
the
Female
Gender
;
a
Serpent
perpe●ually
a
hissing
and
spitting
of
Venom
;
a
Composition
of
Ill-nature
and
Clamour
.
You
may
call
her
animated
Gun
Powder
,
a
walking
Mount
-
AEtna
,
that
is
always
belching
forth
flames
of
Sulphur
.
A
Burr
about
the
Moon
,
is
not
half
so
certain
a
presage
of
a
Tempest
at
S●a
,
as
her
Brow
is
of
a
Storm
on
Land.
And
though
Laurel
,
Hawthorn
,
and
Seal-Skin
,
are
held
preservatives
against
Thunder
,
Magick
has
not
been
able
to
find
out
any
Amulet
so
Soveraign
as
to
still
her
Ragings
;
for
like
Oyl
poured
on
flames
,
good
words
do
but
make
her
rage
the
faster
;
and
when
once
her-Flag
of
Defiance
,
the
Tippet
,
is
unfurled
,
she
cares
not
a
straw
for
Constable
nor
Ducking-stool
.
Her
Tongue
is
the
Clapper
of
the
Devils
Saints-Bell
,
that
rings
all-in
to
Confusion
.
It
runs
round
like
a
Wheel
,
one
Spoke
after
another
,
and
makes
more
Noise
and
Jangling
,
than
Countrey-steeples
on
the
Fifth
of
November
.
If
she
be
of
the
preciser
cast
,
she
abuses
Sacred
Language
in
her
Railing
,
as
Conjurers
do
in
their
Charms
;
calls
her
Neighbours
Heathen
●domites
,
her
Husband
Reprobate
,
or
Son
of
Belial
;
and
will
not
Cudgel
her
Maid
without
a
Text
for'●
.
But
now
I
speak
of
Husband
,
methinks
I
see
the
Creeping
Snail
,
shivering
in
an
Ague-fir
when
he
comes
in
her
presence
.
She
is
worse
then
Cow-itch
in
his
Bed
,
and
as
good
as
a
Chasing-dish
at
Board
;
But
has
either
quite
forgot
his
Name
,
or
else
she
likes
it
not
;
which
makes
her
Rebaptize
him
with
more
noble
Titles
,
as
,
White-liver'd
Raskal
,
Drunken
Sot
,
Sneaking
Nick●●poop
,
or
Pittiful
Lowsey
Tom
Farthing
.
Thus
she
worries
him
out
of
his
Sences
at
home
,
and
then
she
ferrets
his
Haunts
abroad
worse
than
a
Needy
Bawd
does
a
decay'd
Bullies
.
In
a
word
,
A
virulent
Scold
is
her
Neighbours
perpetual
Disquiet
,
her
Families
Evil
Genius
,
her
Husbands
Ruine
,
and
her
own
daily
Tormentor
:
And
that
you
may
the
better
know
her
Pedigree
,
I
'll
give
you
a
serious
Account
of
the
Receipt
or
Method
made
use
of
for
her
Production
into
the
World
,
lately
found
in
a
long-concealed
Manuscript
of
Theophrastus
Bombastas
Paracelsus
;
as
follows
,
viz.
Nature
to
form
a
Scold
,
first
took
of
the
Tongues
and
Galls
of
Bulls
,
Bears
,
Wolves
,
Magpies
,
Parrots
,
Cuckows
,
and
Mightingals
,
of
each
a
like
number
:
The
Tongues
and
Tails
of
Vipers
,
Adders
,
Snakes
and
Lizards
,
seven
a
piece
:
Aurum
Fulminans
,
Aqua-Fortis
,
and
Gu●-Powder
,
of
each
one
Pound
:
The
Clappers
of
Nineteen
Bells
,
and
the
Pestles
of
a
dozen
Apothecaries
Mortars
.
Which
being
all
mixt
,
she
Calcined
in
Mount
Strombello
,
and
dissolv'd
the
Ashes
in
a
Water
distilled
just
under
London-Bridge
at
three
quarters
Flood
,
and
Filtrated
it
through
the
Leaves
of
Calapines
Dictionary
,
to
render
the
Operation
more
verbal
.
After
which
,
she
distilled
it
again
through
a
Speaking-Trumpet
,
and
closed
up
the
remaining
Spirits
in
the
Mouth
of
a
Cannon
.
Then
she
opened
the
Graves
of
all
new-dec●ased
Pettifoggers
,
Mountebanks
,
Barbers
,
Coffee
News-Mongers
,
and
Fish
Wives
;
and
with
the
Skins
of
their
Tongues
made
a
Bladder
,
cover'd
o
er
with
Drum-heads
,
and
filled
with
Storms
,
Tempests
,
Whirle
winds
,
Thunders
.
Lightnings
,
&c
,
These
for
better
I●corporation
,
she
set
seven
years
in
a
Rough-Sea
to
Ferment
,
and
then
mixing
them
with
the
rest
,
rectified
the
whole
three
times
a
day
for
a
Twelve
month
in
a
Baln●a
of
Quicksilver
.
Lastly
,
to
Irradiate
the
whole
Elixir
,
and
make
it
more
Churlish
,
she
cut
a
Vein
under
the
Tongue
of
the
Dog-Star
,
drawing
thence
a
Pound
of
the
most
cholerick
Blood
;
from
which
Sublimating
the
Spirits
,
she
mixt
them
with
the
Foam
of
a
Mad-Dog
;
and
then
putting
all
together
in
the
forementioned
Bladder
,
stitcht
it
up
with
the
Nerves
of
Socrates's
Wife
.
Out
of
this
notable
Preparatory
,
Dame
Nature
composed
a
Shrew
.
VIII
.
Of
a
bad
HVSBAND
.
A
Bad
Husband
,
is
an
inconsiderate
piece
of
Sottish
Extravagance
.
For
though
he
consists
of
several
ill
Ingredients
,
yet
still
good
Fellowship
,
is
the
Causa
fine
qua
non
,
and
gives
him
the
Ho
go
.
He
is
the
Wise
Mans
Scorn
,
the
Shirks
Exchequer
,
and
the
wheedling
Hostesses
Honest
Man
;
the
Moth
of
an
Estate
,
the
Shipwrack
of
a
Family
,
or
a
mischief
Three-story-high
;
for
he
scandalizes
his
Ancestors
,
ruines
himself
,
and
strangles
the
hopes
of
all
his
Posterity
.
He
throws
away
his
Wealth
as
heartily
as
young
Heirs
,
or
old
Philosophers
;
and
is
so
eager
of
a
Goal
,
or
a
Mumpers
Wallet
,
that
he
will
not
wait
Fo●●u●e●
leisure
to
u●doe
him
,
but
Rid●s
Post
to
Beggers-Bush
;
a●d
takes
more
pains
to
spend
money
,
●hen
Day-Labourers
to
g●t
it
;
whil●t
still
his
word
is
,
Let
's
not
pinch
while
we
have
it
,
since
't
is
time
enough
to
w●●t
when
we
have
it
not
.
He
knows
no
difference
between
Prodigality
and
Liberality
,
bu●
is
so
foolishly
free
,
that
he
dries
up
the
Springs
of
Bounty
,
by
cutting
down
the
Banks
,
and
letting
the
Streams
run
at
waste
.
If
he
pretends
to
Gentility
,
he
thinks
he
can
no
way
make
good
that
Title
,
but
by
paying
(
where
ever
he
come●
)
all
the
whole
Reckoning
;
and
ev●ry
Rascal
that
can
bu●
cry
,
My
Noble
M●●t●r
,
is
Master
of
his
whole
Purse
;
which
sucking
Vermine
c●ntinu●lly
fl●tter
about
him
,
as
thick
as
Flies
in
a
Confectioners-shop
.
If
he
go
to
Market
,
't
is
but
to
purchase
a
Fox
,
and
two
days
after
returns
,
having
only
Truckt
away
his
Corn
for
Drink
,
and
put
off
his
Cattle
to
make
him
a
greater
Beast
.
His
first
business
after
Marriage
,
is
to
pay
Ale
House
Scores
with
his
Wives
Portion
;
and
his
next
,
to
pawn
her
Cloa●hes
for
supplies
of
fresh
Debauchery
.
If
he
be
a
Citizen
,
he
counts
his
Shop
a
Prison
,
till
at
last
he
is
Shopped
in
a
Prison
indeed
.
He
pretends
always
extraordinary
business
abroad
,
and
must
needs
go
to
the
Exchange
:
when
he
has
nothing
to
do
there
,
But
change
Shillings
into
Six-pences
,
and
reduce
Guinneys
into
Farthings
.
He
still
cries
,
't
is
too
soon
to
go
home
yet
,
and
will
trudge
a
Mile
about
,
rather
than
come
near
his
own
Door
,
for
fear
he
should
●e
obliged
to
come
in
before
his
hour
,
which
is
mid-night
,
or
past
:
for
if
he
goes
home
before
,
he
says
,
He
can
never
sleep
well
.
He
is
an
Hogshead
set
up
upon
two
stumps
fit
for
nothing
but
to
hold
strong
Drink
:
and
i●
he
be
not
at
the
Pot
,
is
like
a
Fish
out
of
Water
,
that
does
nothing
but
Gape
.
He
thinks
Nature
gave
him
a
Mouth
not
so
much
to
Speak
,
as
to
take
off
his
Liq●or
:
and
his
only
e●quiry
is
,
Where
dw●lls
the
best
Sack
and
Claret
?
He
is
a
passionate
Lover
of
Morning
Draugh●s
,
which
he
generally
co●tinues
till
Dinner-time
:
a
rigid
exact●r
of
Num-Groats
,
and
Collector-General
for
Foy
'
and
Biberidg
:
He
admires
the
Prudence
of
that
Apothegm
,
Let
's
drink
first
:
and
would
rather
sell
20
per
Cent
to
loss
,
than
make
a
drie
Bargain
.
You
shall
infallibly
find
him
and
his
Tribe
about
the
Fag-end
of
the
day
at
Randezvouz
,
like
a
Constellation
fixed
in
the
lower
Region
of
a
known
Tavern
,
where
their
Noses
appear
like
Comets
,
that
evermore
portend
excessive
Draughts
:
They
go
in
upon
Parol
not
to
exceed
Three-pence
,
but
seldom
come
out
under
a
Half
Crown
Club
:
and
their
Noise
(
for
Discourse
you
cannot
call
it
)
is
more
Nonsensical
and
Impertinent
than
a
She
Quakers
Sermon
,
or
the
Tattle
of
an
Up-sitting
.
As
soon
as
they
are
accommodated
with
a
private
Room
,
an
half
Pint
,
for
so
they
modestly
begin
,
some
clean
Pipes
,
and
a
Jordan
;
their
first
Argument
is
the
goodness
of
the
Wine
,
which
being
voted
a
Flower
,
produces
next
a
Bottle
;
and
then
News
is
the
Subject
of
D●bate
,
or
for
want
of
that
,
who
was
most
Drunk
●he
Night
bef●re
,
or
Reeled
home
with
the
greatest
Gravity
and
Decorum
.
Though
they
live
like
Publicans
yet
they
im●tate
Pharisees
in
their
Exactness
of
making
clean
the
inside
of
the
Glass
:
and
their
strict●st
Criticisms
are
,
See
it
go
round
,
and
take
it
off
Sir.
In
this
sweet
Society
,
our
trusty
Trojan
bears
his
part
,
till
he
has
not
discretion
enough
left
to
know
at
which
end
to
light
his
Pipe
:
then
staggering
away
,
if
he
escape
the
Compter
,
't
is
forty
to
one
,
but
he
meets
with
some
little
To●n-Baggage
,
who
picks
his
Pocket
,
and
in
Requital
,
bestows
upon
him
a
swing●ng
Clap.
In
the
mean
time
,
the
good
Woman
at
home
sits
lamenting
till
Twelve
at
Night
,
over
a
piece
of
mouldy
Bread
,
and
a
draught
of
Rot-g●r
:
and
the
Children
are
fain
to
go
to
Bed
without
their
Supper
,
because
the
vile
Milk-woman
is
grown
faithless
.
At
last
,
when
her
precious
Husband
comes
with
a
Breath
that
stinks
with
Canary
and
Tobacco
,
worse
than
Hell
of
Brimstone
:
he
perhaps
picks
a
cause
less
quarrel
,
gives
her
a
remembrance
with
a
Bed-staff
,
that
she
is
forced
to
wear
the
N●rthumberland
Arms
a
week
after
,
which
the
good
natur'd
Soul
must
excuse
,
by
pretending
an
u●lucky
Fall
,
or
blaiming
an
Innocent
Door-latch
for
the
I●jury
.
But
put
Case
he
go
peaceably
to
Bed
,
what
comfort
can
be
expected
from
such
a
Swine
?
IX
.
Of
a
TOWN-FOP
.
THE
Town-Fop
is
one
tha●
plays
Rex
whereever
he
comes
,
and
makes
as
much
hurry
as
R●bin
good-Fellow
of
old
,
amongst
our
Granums
Milk-bowls
;
he
is
a
kind
of
a
Squib
on
a
Rope
,
a
Meteor
composed
of
Self-conceit
and
Noise
,
that
by
blazing
and
cracking
engages
the
wonder
of
the
Ignorant
,
till
on
a
●●ddain
he
vanishes
and
leaves
a
stench
,
if
not
infection
behind
him
;
he
is
too
often
the
stain
of
a
good
Family
,
and
by
his
Debauched
life
blots
the
noble
Coat
of
his
Ancestors
:
A
wild
un●acked
Colt
,
whose
Br●ins
are
not
half
codled
;
i●deb●ed
for
his
Cloathes
to
his
Taylor
,
and
for
his
Wit
,
(
such
as
it
is
)
to
his
Company
.
The
School
had
no
sooner
indued
him
with
a
few
Superficial
besprinklings
,
but
his
Mothers
Indulgence
posted
him
to
Town
for
gente●ler
breeding
,
where
three
or
four
wild
Companion●
,
half
a
dozen
bottles
of
Burgundy
,
two
leaves
of
Leviathan
,
a
brisk
encounter
with
his
Landlords
Glass-Windows
,
the
charms
of
a
little
Miss
,
and
the
sight
of
a
new
Play
,
dub'd
him
at
on●e
bo●h
a
Wi●
and
a
Hero
;
ever
since
he
values
●imself
mainly
for
understanding
the
Town
,
and
indeed
knows
most
thi●gs
in
it
that
are
not
worth
knowing
:
The
two
Poles
wherein
all
his
discourses
●●●n
,
are
Atheism
and
B●wdry
,
bar
him
from
being
prophane
and
obscene
,
and
you
cramp
his
Ingenuity
,
which
forthwith
flags
and
becomes
useless
,
as
a
meere
common
Lawyer
,
when
he
has
crossed
the
Channel
.
He
is
so
refractory
to
Divinity
,
that
Morallity
it self
canno●
hold
him
:
He
affir●s
humane
Nature
knows
no
such
thing
as
Principles
of
good
or
evil
;
and
will
swear
,
all
Women
are
Whores
,
though
his
Mother
and
Sister
stand
by
;
whatsoever
is
Sacred
or
Serious
,
he
seeks
to
render
ridiculous
,
and
thin●s
Government
and
Religion
fit
objects
for
his
idle
and
fantastick
Buffoonty
:
His
humour
is
proud
and
assuming
,
as
if
he
would
Palliate
his
ignorance
by
scoffing
at
what
he
understands
not
;
and
therefore
with
a
pert
and
pragmatick
scorn
,
deprecates
all
things
of
nobler
mom●nt
,
but
most
passionately
affects
pretty
All-a-mode
words
,
and
is
as
covetous
of
a
new
Song
or
Ayr
,
as
an
Antiquary
of
Cato's
Statue
,
with
never
an
Arm
and
but
half
a
Nose
;
these
keep
him
always
imployed
,
and
f●ll
up
the
Grotesco't
of
his
Conversation
,
whilst
with
a
stately
Galantry
,
once
in
every
●alf
hour
he
combs
out
his
Wig
,
Careens
his
Breeches
,
and
new
Marshals
his
Garnit●re
,
to
the
Tu●e
of
,
Methinks
the
poor
Town
has
been
troubled
too
long
.
His
mind
used
to
whistle
up
and
down
in
the
levities
of
Fancy
,
and
effeminated
by
the
childish
Toying
of
a
rampant
imagination
,
finds
it self
indisposed
for
all
solid
imployment
,
especially
the
serious
exercises
of
Piety
and
Vertue
,
which
begets
an
Aversion
to
those
lovely
Beauties
,
and
that
prompts
him
on
all
occasions
to
expose
them
as
rediculous
and
vain
:
Hence
by
degrees
he
comes
to
abuse
Sacred
Scripture
,
makes
a
mock
of
Eternal
Flames
,
joques
on
the
venerable
mysteries
of
Religion
;
and
in
fine
,
scoffs
at
that
All-Glorious
and
Tremendous
Majesty
,
before
whom
his
Brother
Wits
below
tremble
.
'T
is
true
,
He
will
not
confess
himself
Atheist
,
yet
in
his
heart
the
Fool
hath
said
it
,
and
boasts
aloud
,
that
he
holds
his
Gospel
from
the
Apostle
of
Malmsbury
,
though
it
is
more
then
probable
he
never
read
,
at
least
understood
,
Ten
●eaves
of
that
unlucky
Author
.
Talk
of
Witches
and
youtickle
him
;
speak
●f
Spirits
,
and
he
tells
you
he
knows
●one
better
than
those
of
Wine
;
name
but
Immaterial
Essence
,
and
he
shall
●●out
at
you
as
a
dull
Fop
,
incapable
of
Sense
,
and
unfit
for
Conversation
:
Nor
is
he
better
pleased
,
then
when
he
c●n
here
hedge
in
some
Raw
Divine
,
t●
Bull-bait
with
Scurrility
,
and
all
kind
●●
Prophaneness
.
By
means
of
some
small
scraps
of
Learning
,
matcht
with
a
far
greater
stock
of
Confidence
,
a
voluble
Tongu●
and
a
bold
Delivery
,
he
has
t●e
ill
luck
to
be
celebrated
by
the
Vulgar
,
for
a
man
of
parts
;
which
Opinion
gains
credit
to
his
Insolences
,
and
sets
him
on
farther
Extravagancies
to
maintain
his
Title
of
Wit
,
by
continuing
his
practice
of
Fooling
;
whereas
,
all
his
mighty
parts
are
summ'd
up
in
this
Inventory
;
Imprimi●
,
A
Pedling
way
of
Fancy
,
a
lucky
hit
at
Quibling
,
now
and
then
an
odd
Metaphor
,
a
●●nceited
Irony
,
a
ridiculous
Simile
,
a
●●ld
Fetch
,
an
unexpected
I●ference
,
a
Mimick
Gesture
,
a
pleasing
Knack
in
humouring
a
Tale
:
And
lastly
,
an
irresistable
Resolution
of
speaking
last
,
and
never
be
dasht
out
of
Countenance
.
By
these
Arts
,
dexterously
managed
,
he
engrosses
a
vast
Repute
?
The
grave
Citizens
call
him
shrewed
man
,
and
n●table
Head-piece
;
the
Ladies
(
we
〈◊〉
the
things
so
called
of
his
acqua●●tance
)
vote
him
a
most
accomplis●t
Gentleman
,
and
the
Blades
swear
he
is
a
walking
Comedy
,
the
only
Mer●●
Andrew
in
the
Age
,
that
scatters
Wi●
where
ever
he
comes
,
as
Beggars
do
Lice
,
or
Musk-Cats
Perfumes
;
and
〈◊〉
nothing
in
Nature
can
compare
w●●h
him
.
You
would
think
he
had
gotten
the
●●●●ian
Art
,
for
he
speaks
Extempore
on
all
Subjects
,
and
ventures
his
words
without
the
relief
of
Sence
to
second
them
;
his
thoughts
start
from
his
Imaginatiod
,
and
he
never
troubles
himself
to
examine
their
decency
,
or
solidity
by
Iudgment
;
to
discourse
●●m
seriously
,
is
to
read
the
Ethices
to
a
Monkey
,
or
make
an
Oration
●o
Ca●●●●'s
Horse
,
whence
you
can
only
●●●●ct
a
Wee
hee
,
or
Iadish
Spurn
;
after
〈◊〉
most
convincing
Arguments
,
if
he
〈◊〉
but
muster
up
one
plausible
Joque
,
〈◊〉
are
routed
.
For
he
that
under●●ood
n●t
your
Logick
,
apprehends
his
Dr●ll
;
and
though
Syllogisms
may
be
an●wered
,
yet
Iests
and
loud
Laughter
can
never
be
confuted
,
but
have
more
swa●
to
degrade
things
with
the
unthin●ing
Crowd
,
then
Demonstrations
:
●he●●
being
a
Root
of
envy
in
too
many
●●en
,
that
invites
the●
to
applaud
th●●
which
exposes
and
villifies
what
the●
cannot
comprehend
.
He
pretends
great
skill
in
curing
the
Te●ers
and
Ring-worms
of
State
,
but
blows
in
the
sores
till
they
ra●kle
with
his
poysonous
Breath
;
he
shoots
Libels
with
his
forked
Tongue
at
his
Superiours
,
and
abuses
his
dearest
Friends
,
ch●sing
to
forfeit
his
Neck
to
the
Gibbet
,
o●
his
Shoulders
to
the
Battoon
,
rather
t●an
lose
the
driest
of
his
idle
Quibbles
.
In
brief
,
He
is
the
Iack-Pudding
of
Soci●●y
▪
a
Fleering
Bussoon
;
a
better
kind
of
Ape
,
in
the
Judgment
of
all
wise
〈◊〉
but
an
incomparable
Wit
,
in
his
ow●
XI
.
A
Fantastique
Lady
.
HER
Life
is
a
perpetual
Contradirction
,
she
would
,
and
she
would
not
;
and
,
Make
ready
the
Coach
,
yet
let
it
alone
too
;
Drive
to
such
a
place
,
yet
do
not
neither
,
is
her
ordinary
Dialect
:
She
differs
from
the
Irresolute
,
in
●hat
he
is
always
beginning
,
and
she
●●ver
makes
an
end
:
She
writes
and
●lots
out
again
,
whilst
he
deliberates
●hat
to
write
;
th'
one
being
a
Resty
,
●nd
the
other
a
Restless
Pain
:
So
you
●●n
tell
what
to
make
of
t'one's
Nega●ive
,
and
how
two
Negatives
make
〈◊〉
Affirmative
;
but
of
her
I
and
No
●o●ether
,
you
know
not
what
to
make
,
〈◊〉
only
that
she
knows
not
what
to
●●ke
of
it
he
self
.
Her
Head
is
just
〈◊〉
a
Mill
,
or
Squirrels
Cage
,
and
her
●●nd
the
Squirrel
that
turns
and
●●irls
it
round
,
and
her
Imagination
●●●●ers
from
others
,
as
your
Grotesque
●●●ures
do
from
Natural
;
and
from
●●otesque
,
in
that
these
have
some
de●ign
in
them
,
but
her
Imagination
has
none
;
she
never
looking
toward
the
end
,
but
only
the
beginning
of
things
;
or
if
she
does
,
forgets
or
disapproves
it
strait
:
For
she
will
ca●●●n
haste
for
one
,
and
have
nothing
to
●a●
to
him
when
he
is
come
;
and
long
,
●ay
dye
,
for
some
Toy
or
Trifle
,
which
having
once
,
she
grows
weary
of
presently
,
and
throws
away
.
In
fine
,
who
are
of
one
mind
to
day
,
and
another
tomorrow
,
are
constant
,
to
her
;
and
Saturn's
Revolution
,
compar'd
to
the
Moons
:
For
you
know
not
where
to
have
her
a
moment
,
and
whosoever
would
hit
her
Thoughts
,
must
Shoot
flying
;
and
fly
themselves
,
whoever
would
follow
her
.
X.
Of
a
Young
Enamourist
.
HE
's
one
who
as
soon
as
he
quitted
his
School-boys
Toys
,
next
Toy
he
gets
is
a
Mistress
,
when
't
would
make
you
forswear
Love
to
see
how
ridiculous
he
makes
it
;
and
to
hear
him
talk
of
Gods
and
Goddesses
,
you
would
take
him
for
some
Pagan
never
converted
to
Christianity
.
There
is
nothing
so
cold
as
to
hear
him
talk
of
Flames
,
nor
so
dull
as
his
discourse
of
Cupids
darts
;
and
to
hear
him
sigh
like
a
dry
Pump
,
or
broken-winded
Bellows
,
you
would
ne're
wonder
at
Lapland
Witches
affording
winds
so
cheap
.
Of
all
Servants
he
is
the
necessariest
and
easiest
to
content
and
feed
,
for
he
is
his
Mistresses
Squire
,
Dispencer
,
Lacquey
,
or
Messenger
,
but
above
all
,
her
Fool
,
to
which
he
is
bound
by
the
Proverb
;
'T
is
impossible
to
lo●e
and
be
wise
:
Mean
time
you
may
feed
him
cheaper
than
a
Camelion
,
for
a
good
look
serves
him
a
week
at
least
,
and
he
is
prouder
of
holding
his
Mistresses
Busk
or
Fan
,
than
a
School-boy
with
a
Scepter
in
his
hand
,
playing
the
Emperours
part
i'
th'
School
;
to
keep
him
to
which
,
his
Mistress
●ets
him
know
that
't
is
with
Love
as
't
is
with
War
,
which
once
declared
,
you
are
to
expect
nothing
but
Hostility
;
and
knows
her self
,
that
't
is
with
Lovers
as
it
is
with
Anglers
,
who
feed
the
Fish
e're
they
are
caught
;
but
caught
once
,
feed
on
them
:
whence
she
bites
not
greedily
at
the
bait
,
but
craftily
tolls
him
on
with
hopes
,
and
like
a
Rope-maker
goes
backwards
still
,
the
better
to
advance
her
work
,
and
draw
him
on
;
mean
while
he
follows
her
so
long
,
till
either
he
wax
weary
and
ceases
his
pursuit
,
or
catches
her
tripping
,
and
then
falls
down
on
her
,
when
fastning
her
in
the
Marriage
Nooze
,
he
carries
her
away
,
and
either
turns
kind
Cuckold
,
and
keeps
open
house
for
all
;
or
jealous
Coxcomb
,
and
shuts
his
door
against
every
One.
XII
.
Of
an
Honest
Drunken
Cur.
HE
's
a
Pickl'd
Youth
to
be
sure
,
for
he
always
lyes
steep'd
in
his
own
Liquor
;
of
which
,
like
a
Whale
,
he
carries
so
much
about
him
,
that
w●en-ever
he
disgorges
,
he
may
swim
away
in
his
own
Flood
.
Clap
but
a
good
Sucker
into
his
Belly
,
and
he
makes
an
excellent
Parish
Pump
:
And
if
you
add
but
a
Pipe
to
his
Muzzle
,
he
may
pass
for
a
Water-Engine
,
a●●
do
good
service
in
time
of
Fire
.
Yo●
need
not
fear
drawing
him
dry
,
so
long
as
all
the
Alehouses
and
Taver●s
in
Town
,
like
little
Riv●lets
,
●●pply
the
decrease
:
He
contains
about
as
much
as
those
in
Churches
;
b●t
〈◊〉
so
unchouth
a
Trough
,
he
's
twice
as
●●●d
to
be
Gaug'd
:
Yet
by
frequent
ex●●rience
he
can
guess
his
Measure
to
a
〈◊〉
,
especially
if
you
expcept
Leakage
.
His
Veins
are
so
throng'd
,
and
his
Blood
〈◊〉
●a●nted
with
Scurvey
,
Gout
and
Dropsie
,
(
and
a
●●natch
of
the
French
man
too
boot
,
which
he
g●●
when
he
was
Drunk
,
and
does
〈◊〉
know
who
to
lay
it
to
)
〈…〉
fies
the
Intrusion
of
any
other
〈…〉
per
:
wherefore
he
stalks
in
as
〈◊〉
State
through
a
Pestilence
,
as
〈◊〉
Arm'd
Soldier
through
a
Shower
Bullets
:
for
his
forementioned
Dise●●ses
have
taken
such
large
Possession
〈◊〉
his
Body
,
that
there
is
no
room
left
fo●
Infection
.
He
has
drunk
himself
into
a
Jelly
and
is
so
moist
,
that
if
you
squeeze
him
,
he
drops
like
an
Orange
.
His
Body
is
a
perf●ct
Still
,
wh●●●
he
fuels
with
Brandy
instead
of
Char-coal
:
being
throughly
,
heated
,
you
may
discern
t●●●weat●
Distilation
tricle
from
his
face
,
as
from
t●e
Lid
of
a
Limbeck
;
and
if
any
chance
to
drop
on
his
Nose
,
you
may
hear
it
●iz
as
if
it
fell
upon
heated
Bricks
.
In
fine
though
he
always
lives
Joakingly
and
Merry
,
be
hates
nothing
more
than
a
dry
Jest.
Thus
having
acquainted
you
with
his
Constitution
,
I
shall
only
co●sider
him
in
his
Conversation
,
and
●●iendship
,
and
so
leave
him
to
sleep
o●t
his
Nap.
And
first
for
his
Conversation
;
To
t●●e
him
in
the
Morning
(
for
who
can
fi●●
him
all
the
Day
after
?
he
prev●nts
his
Prayers
with
a
Pipe
of
Tob●●co
,
and
Smoaks
at
such
a
Rate
,
as
●f
●e
prefer'd
Sacrifice
to
Devotion
.
A
Tinder-Box
is
as
necessary
to
him
,
as
a
green
Bagg
to
an
Atturney's
Clark
,
with
which
he
seems
as
ravish'd
as
Al●●ander
with
the
Odisses
,
for
he
ca●●ot
sleep
unless
it
lye
under
his
Pillow
▪
In
that
little
night
he
makes
,
he
cannot
so
properly
be
said
to
sleep
,
as
to
Chew
the
Cudd
on
his
Quotidian
Debauchery
;
for
he
often
disturbs
the
repose
of
a
Family
,
with
Muttering
a
R●●e●ion
of
his
Oaths
and
Healths
.
Wh●n
he
awakes
,
he
stares
about
with
●uc●
wild
Curiosity
,
as
one
would
fancy
●dam
did
immediately
after
his
C●e●●ion
;
for
he
generally
makes
him●●lf
so
Drunk
over
Night
,
drowning
h●s
past
Actions
in
Liquor
and
Ob●iv●o●
,
that
he
scarcely
knows
the
the
Morning
from
the
Resurrection
,
and
is
hardly
perswaded
that
ever
he
liv'd
before
.
But
after
he
is
convinced
of
the
affirmative
,
spends
about
a
quarter
of
an
Hour
in
examining
the
Bed-posts
and
Windows
,
before
he
discovers
whether
he
be
in
his
own
Lodging
:
And
afterwards
remains
as
doubtful
how
he
got
thither
.
Then
Bed
staves
and
Slip-shoos
go
to
wrack
,
for
clattering
on
the
Bedstead
,
like
Bows
at
the
Bear-Garden
,
he
calls
up
the
People
as
Countrey
Wenches
do
Swine
,
by
knocking
;
and
after
a
Petition
for
a
Cup
of
Settle-Brain
,
begs
them
to
resolve
his
Quaery
;
whereupon
they
tell
him
the
truth
,
which
indeed
is
,
that
either
he
came
the
old
Porterly
way
,
Cruch'd
with
a
brace
of
Watch-men
;
or
else
the
Modern
and
more
Genteel
way
,
viz.
On
Pick-pack
,
instead
of
a
Sedan
.
Now
although
my
Honest
Drunken
Cur
be
guilty
of
many
Vices
,
which
li●e
Younger
Brothers
hang
on
this
great
one
,
which
has
got
possession
;
Yet
(
Give
the
Devil
his
due
)
I
think
the
World
has
Sully'd
his
Reputation
with
divers
Scandals
of
which
he
is
no
ways
Guilty
:
Wherefore
because
I
only
intend
his
Conversion
,
not
his
Consump●●on
;
Like
an
honest
Histo●ian
(
since
I
write
his
Life
)
I
ought
not
to
sue
him
wrong'd
but
rather
to
rescue
him
from
those
Callumnies
thrown
o●
him
,
by
persons
in
some
respects
●orse
then
himself
.
The
first
imputation
therfore
that
●●●y
impose
on
him
,
is
that
he
is
proud
:
●●d
why
for
sooth
?
but
because
when
〈◊〉
has
a
Drop
in
his
Eye
;
he
brags
〈◊〉
if
he
were
a
better
man
than
his
●eighbours
.
A
stout
reason
indeed
!
〈◊〉
if
a
man
might
not
do
as
much
,
that
●ere
either
Light-headed
,
or
in
a
Fe●er
;
Nay
,
Passion
alone
makes
the
wisest
of
us
Bedlams
.
But
let
us
do
as
we
would
be
done
by
,
and
take
him
when
he
is
himself
,
(
that
is
,
in
a
Morn●ing
)
and
then
I
am
sure
he
is
as
free
●rom
Pride
,
as
a
Quaker
from
good
●anners
or
Ribonds
:
from
would
Cu●●om
admit
,
I
am
confident
he
would
●ather
go
to
the
Ale-house
Naked
,
●●an
undergo
the
hard
Pennance
of
Sobriety
while
he
dresses
himself
.
Secondly
,
They
call
him
an
Idle
fellow
:
a
good
fellow
all
the
World
knows
he
is
,
but
as
for
idleness
,
let
me
dye
if
I
●now
any
one
more
free
from
it
than
he
;
What
would
they
have
of
him
trow
?
he
rises
early
,
sits
up
late
;
and
I
dare
swear
he
grudges
himself
his
very
Sleep
,
because
it
keeps
him
from
his
Business
:
When
he
is
at
it
,
no
Man
more
expeditious
than
he
,
for
as
if
his
Minutes
,
like
his
Estates
,
ran
away
too
fast
,
you
shall
freequently
see
him
with
an
Ale
Glass
in
one
hand
,
and
a
Looking-Glass
in
the
other
,
which
betokens
both
speed
&
frugality
.
The
third
and
most
fallacious
Accusation
is
,
that
they
say
,
He
's
Prodigal
,
and
Pisses
his
Estate
against
the
Wall.
But
I
am
confident
he
Enriches
or
Perfumes
the
Walls
no
more
than
others
;
only
this
I
know
he
does
,
that
whereas
Usurers
use
to
hide
their
Riches
in
Earthen
Pots
,
he
puts
his
Estate
in
a
Pewter
one
,
(
which
one
would
think
were
the
safer
Cabinet
)
so
that
it
is
not
the
Honest
Drunken
Curr
,
but
the
Impudent
Rogues
,
Drawers
and
Tappers
,
that
imbezle
and
make
it
away
.
Much
more
might
be
said
of
him
both
in
his
Vindication
,
and
in
commendation
also
:
For
he
is
one
of
the
quietest
Subjects
his
Majesty
has
,
and
most
submissive
to
Monarchical
Government
.
●e
would
not
●e
without
a
King
,
if
〈◊〉
were
for
no
other
Reason
than
meer●●
Drinking
his
Health
.
He
hates
●offee
,
as
Mahomatizm
;
and
thinks
〈◊〉
a
lesser
sin
to
go
to
Bed
Drunk
,
than
to
Drink
Coffee
to
make
him
Sober
.
He
hates
a
Studious
man
;
as
Caesar
●id
a
lean
one
;
and
for
the
same
Reason
;
for
he
is
so
confident
he
's
hatchi●g
of
Treason
,
that
he
could
find
in
his
Heart
to
impeach
him
at
advent●re
.
As
for
his
Friends
,
he
n●ver
trou●les
his
Head
to
pick
and
cull
them
,
but
takes
them
as
superannuated
Maids
●o
Husbands
,
or
Fish-women
do
Makarel
,
as
they
come
next
to
hand
:
For
,
fixing
himself
in
the
next
Ale-house
or
Tavern
he
comes
at
;
at
first
he
sits
as
sullenly
as
a
degraded
Courtier
,
or
an
●nsurer
upon
Advice
of
a
Loss
.
And
no
less
than
a
Quart
of
Purle-Royal
,
or
Two
Kicks
in
the
Guts
,
can
remove
his
Morosity
.
After
he
has
digested
either
of
them
,
perchance
he
'l
vouchsafe
to
bless
you
with
a
Smile
,
especially
if
you
will
purchase
it
at
the
expence
of
a
Bawdy
Song
;
to
which
you
shall
see
him
turn
head
,
and
listen
●s
heedfully
as
a
Lynnet
to
a
Flaijolet
,
but
infinitely
more
easie
to
be
Taught
.
When
you
have
done
,
't
is
twenty
to
one
but
he
comes
and
hugs
you
;
swearring
you
are
the
best
accomplisht
Gentleman
that
ever
he
met
with
in
his
Life
;
and
tho
he
never
saw
you
before
,
from
that
time
you
may
date
his
Friendship
:
He
makes
Friends
faster
than
Children
do
Babies
;
and
like
them
too
,
he
often
forgets
where
he
has
left
them
.
His
Reason
,
like
a
bad
Shop-keeper
,
is
se●●om
at
home
;
or
rather
,
like
a
Countrey
Gentleman
,
has
left
the
Manour
of
his
own
Body
,
and
is
gone
to
dwell
in
strange
Lodgings
:
So
that
't
is
no
wonder
,
he
's
Hobgoblin'd
by
his
fiery
Nose
to
any
Debauchery
,
or
that
Men
call
him
Beast
;
since
by
giving
Reins
to
●is
Sensuality
,
he
makes
so
perfect
a
Swine
of
himself
,
that
he
Drinks
till
he
can
hardly
Grunt
.
However
,
since
the
Church
allows
him
Christian
Burial
,
I
'll
Hopkins
and
Sternhold
him
with
.
An
●PITAPH
.
Here
lies
Drunken
Tom
,
Whom
Heaven
in
Mercy
save
;
He
Stumbl'd
o're
his
Death
,
And
Reel'd
into
his
Grave
.
XIII
.
Of
a
Natural
Beauty
.
WHether
a
chearful
Air
'
does
rise
,
And
Elevate
her
fairer
Eyes
;
Or
a
Pensive
Heaviness
Her
lovely
Eyelids
does
depress
,
Still
the
same
becoming
Grace
Accompanies
her
Eyes
and
Face
;
Still
you
'd
think
that
Habit
best
,
In
which
her
Count'nance
las●
was
dre●●
.
Poor
Beauties
!
whom
a
Blush
or
Glance
Can
sometimes
make
look
fair
by
chance
;
Or
Curious
Dress
,
or
Artful
Care
,
Can
make
seem
fairer
than
they
are
.
Give
me
the
Eyes
,
give
me
the
Face
,
To
which
no
Art
can
Add
a
Grace
:
Give
me
the
Looks
no
Garb
nor
Dress
Can
ever
make
more
fair
,
or
less
.
FINIS
.
Books
Printed
for
Iohn
Harris
,
at
the
Harrow
,
in
the
Poultrey
.
COme
and
Welcome
to
Iesus
Christ
:
Or
a
plain
and
profitable
Disco●●se
on
Iohn
6.
Verse
37.
Shewing
the
Cause
,
Truth
and
Manner
of
the
Coming
of
a
Sinner
to
Iesus
Christ
,
with
his
Happy
Reception
,
and
Blessed
E●tertainment
,
by
Iohn
Bunnyam
,
Author
of
the
Pilgrims
Progress
.
Price
Bound
one
Shilling
.
[
2.
]
The
Saints
Comfort
,
in
all
,
but
more
especially
in
Evil
Times
.
Drawn
from
Twelve
several
Texts
of
Scripture
;
which
are
briefly
explained
in
this
small
Piece
,
By
T.
G.
Minister
of
the
Gospel
.
Price
Bound
one
Shilling
.
[
3.
]
A
Present
for
Ladies
.
The
Nymphs
of
Diana
;
or
the
Excellencies
of
Women-kind
,
describ'd
as
well
in
their
External
Beauty
,
as
Internal
Virtue
;
being
an
Advocate
for
the
Fair
Sex
;
compriz'd
in
an
Illustrious
History
of
it
.
Represented
not
only
in
Lively
and
Pathetical
Discourses
grounded
upon
Reason
,
but
in
sundry
rare
Examples
of
Virtuous
Love
,
Piety
,
Prudence
,
Modest●
,
Chastity
,
Patience
,
Humility
,
Temperace
,
Conduct
,
Constancy
,
and
Firmness
of
Mind
;
With
what
else
in
the
like
nature
is
necessary
to
the
Accomplishment
of
the
most
Celebrated
Beauties
.
With
other
Examples
of
Woman
skill'd
in
the
most
curious
Arts
and
Sciences
.
To
which
are
Added
,
The
Examples
of
Warlike
Women
,
their
Noble
Exploites
and
Victories
:
With
the
Prophecies
and
Predictions
of
the
Sybils
,
in
Relation
to
our
Saviour
Christ
,
&c.
And
as
an
Apendix
,
the
Character
of
a
Virtuous
Woman
in
all
her
Capacites
,
viz.
Of
a
Virgin
,
of
a
Wife
,
and
of
a
Widow
;
wherein
is
shew'd
,
the
happiness
that
accrues
to
Man
in
the
possession
of
so
great
a
Blessing
,
as
a
Virtuous
Woman
;
with
the
Reasons
why
Man's
happiness
is
not
compleat
on
Earth
,
without
the
Charming
Creatu●e
Woman
.
The
whole
Work
Enri●●●●●nd
Intermix'd
with
Curious
〈◊〉
,
●●d
Delicate
Fancie
,
suitable
●o
●o
C●arming
a
Subject
.
Price
Bound
one
Shilling
.
[
4.
]
The
True
Fortune-Teller
:
Or
,
〈…〉
Knowledge
.
Discovering
the
whol●
Art
of
Chyromancy
,
Physiognomy
,
Metoposcopy
and
Astrology
.
Containing
,
1.
A
discription
of
the
Planets
,
their
power
and
influence
over
the
Bodies
of
Men
,
Women
,
and
Children
.
2.
Of
the
several
Lines
,
Mounts
,
Marks
,
Angels
,
and
sacred
Characters
in
the
Hand
and
Wrist
;
and
by
what
Planets
they
are
governed
as
to
good
or
bad
fortune
.
3.
Of
Physiognomy
.
4.
Observations
on
the
Eyes
,
Eyebrows
,
Nose
,
Chin
,
Neck
,
Hair
,
Beard
and
Face
.
5.
Metoposcopy
,
or
the
signification
of
the
Lines
in
the
Face
.
6.
Of
Moles
,
and
their
significations
.
7.
Of
Dreams
,
and
their
interpretations
.
8.
Of
Nativities
,
and
their
calculation
.
9.
Of
the
Rod
,
by
which
hidden
Treasure
is
fo●nd
.
10.
Of
Marriage
,
and
at
what
time
any
Person
shall
be
Married
.
11.
Rules
to
know
the
danger
of
Death
.
12.
Of
good
and
bad
Days
.
13.
The
manner
of
●esolving
doubtful
Questions
,
as
to
Friends
,
Marriages
,
places
of
Abode
,
Health
,
Prosperity
or
Adversity
,
Love
or
Business
.
14.
Of
Pythagoras
,
his
Wheel
of
Fortune
.
Of
the
good
and
bad
Days
in
each
Month
relating
to
Health
.
To
which
are
Added
,
Aristotles
Observations
on
the
Heavens
,
their
Motion
.
Of
Fiery
Meteors
,
Thunder
,
Lightning
,
Eclipses
,
Comets
,
Eath-quakes
and
Whirl-winds
.
Illustrated
with
several
proper
Figures
.
The
Second
Edition
.
Price
Bound
one
Shilling
.
[
5.
]
A
Short
and
Plain
Account
of
the
Late-found
Balsamick
Wells
at
Hoxon
.
And
of
their
Excellent
Virtues
above
other
Mineral
Waters
;
Which
make
'em
Effectually
Cure
most
Diseases
,
both
Inward
and
Outward
;
With
Directions
how
to
Use
'
em
.
By
T.
Byfield
,
M.
D.
Price
Sticht
6d
.
〈…〉
Physick
.
●●●wing
t●e
method
of
●uring
the
●ost
usual
●is●ases
happening
to
humane
Bodies
.
All
●●●●lated
out
of
the
best
Latin
editions
,
into
En●●●sh
;
and
ca●efully
claused
,
or
divided
into
Ch●pters
,
and
Sections
,
for
the
mor●
pleasant
●●●ding
,
and
easier
understanding
of
those
Au●●ors
.
Together
with
a
singular
Comment
upon
●he
First
Book
of
Hermes
,
the
most
Ancient
of
●●●losophers
.
The
whole
compleated
in
three
●●oks
.
By
William
Salmon
,
Professor
in
Physick
.
Price
Bound
five
Shillings
.
The
Treasury
of
Drugs
unlock'd
.
Or
a
full
●●d
True
Description
of
all
sorts
of
Drugs
,
and
●ymical
Preparations
,
&c.
Very
useful
for
all
Gentlemen
Merchants
,
Druggists
,
Doctors
,
A●othecaries
,
Chirurgeons
,
and
their
Apprentices
:
〈◊〉
also
for
all
Travellers
,
Seamen
,
Customhouse
●●ficers
,
&c.
By
Io.
Iacob
Berlu
of
London
Merchant
in
Drugs
.
Price
Bound
one
Shilling
.
The
Revelation
Unvailed
:
Or
,
and
Essay
towards
the
discovering
I.
When
many
Scripture
Prophesies
had
their
Accomplishment
,
and
turn●●
into
History
.
II.
What
are
now
Fulfilling
.
〈◊〉
.
What
rest
still
to
be
Fulfied
,
with
a
guess
〈◊〉
the
time
of
them
.
With
an
Appendix
,
proving
,
that
Pagan
Rome
was
not
Babylon
,
Rev.
〈◊〉
,
and
that
the
Jews
shall
be
Converted
.
By
●●muel
Petto
,
Minister
of
the
Gospel
at
Sudbury
in
Suffolk
.
Price
Bound
one
Shilling
six
Pence
.
FINIS
.