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         Taylor, John, 1580-1653.
      
       
         
           1638
        
      
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             Taylors feast contayning twenty-seaven dishes of meate, without bread, drinke, meate, fruite, flesh, fish, sawce, sallats, or sweet-meats, only a good stomacke, &c. Being full of variety and witty mirth. By John Taylor.
             Taylor, John, 1580-1653.
          
           [6], 103, [1] p.
           
             Printed by J. Okes dwelling in little St. Bartholmews,
             London :
             Anno. 1638.
          
           
             The first leaf is blank.
             Error in pagination: page 7 is incorrectly labeled p. 9.
             Reproduction of the original in the Henry E. Huntington Library and Art Gallery.
          
        
      
    
     
       
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         eng
      
       
         
           Food -- England -- Humor -- Early works to 1800.
        
      
    
     
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           Taylors
           Feast
           :
           Contayning
           Twenty-seaven
           Dishes
           of
           meate
           ,
           Without
           Bread
           ,
           Drinke
           ,
           Meate
           ,
           Fruite
           ,
           Flesh
           ,
           Fish
           ,
           Sawce
           ,
           Sallats
           ,
           or
           sweet-meats
           ,
           only
           a
           good
           stomacke
           ,
           &c.
           
        
         
           
             Being
             full
             of
             variety
             and
             witty
             mirth
             .
          
        
         
           By
           JOHN
           TAYLOR
           .
        
         
           LONDON
           :
           Printed
           by
           J.
           Okes
           dwelling
           in
           little
           St.
           Bartholmews
           .
        
         
           Anno.
           1638.
           
        
      
       
         
         
         
           The
           Names
           of
           the
           severall
           Dishes
           served
           in
           at
           this
           Feast
           .
        
         
           
             1.
             
             THE
             Invitation
             .
          
           
             2.
             
             Bread
             and
             Salt.
             
          
           
             3.
             
             Great
             and
             small
             Oysters
             .
          
           
             4.
             
             Brawne
             and
             Mustard
             .
          
           
             5.
             
             Powderd
             Beefe
             and
             Cabbadge
             .
          
           
             6.
             
             A
             Chine
             of
             roast
             Beefe
             .
          
           
             7.
             
             Strong
             Beere
             .
          
           
             8.
             
             Venison
             .
          
           
             9.
             
             Wine
             Clarret
             .
          
           
             10.
             
             Puddings
             and
             sawsadges
             .
          
           
             11.
             
             Two
             Pigges
             ,
             one
             raw
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             roasted
             in
             a
             Cloak-bag
             .
          
           
             12.
             
             A
             Goose.
             
          
           
             13.
             
             A
             Cup
             of
             Sacke
             .
          
           
             14.
             
             A
             couple
             of
             fat
             Ducks
             roasted
             .
          
           
             15.
             
             A
             cup
             of
             small
             Beere
             .
          
           
             16.
             
             Twelve
             Woodcocks
             in
             a
             dish
             .
          
           
             17.
             
             A
             Loyne
             of
             Veale
             .
          
           
             
             18.
             
             A
             Custard
             .
          
           
             19.
             
             A
             whole
             Sturgeon
             like
             an
             old
             Colt.
             
          
           
             20.
             
             A
             fresh
             Salmon
             .
          
           
             21.
             
             Sixe
             six-penny
             Mutton
             pyes
             to
             make
             up
             the
             Feast
             .
          
           
             22.
             
             A
             Pudding-pye
             .
          
           
             23.
             
             A
             Foole.
             
          
           
             24.
             
             Cheese
             .
          
           
             25.
             
             A
             Posset
             .
          
           
             26.
             
             Musicke
             .
          
           
             27.
             
             One
             hundred
             Faggots
             to
             warme
             the
             Guests
             ,
             and
             dresse
             the
             meate
             .
          
        
      
    
     
       
         
         
           Taylors
           Feast
           ,
           Contayning
           Twenty
           seaven
           Dishes
           ,
           without
           Bread
           ,
           Drinke
           ,
           Meate
           ,
           Fruite
           ,
           Flesh
           ,
           Fish
           ,
           Sawce
           ,
           Sallats
           ,
           or
           Sweet-meates
           .
        
         
           
             The
             Invitation
             .
          
           
             FIrst
             I
             would
             have
             my
             Guests
             understand
             this
             point
             of
             Modesty
             ,
             not
             to
             presume
             to
             come
             unto
             my
             Feast
             without
             bidding
             ,
             except
             they
             bring
             stooles
             with
             them
             (
             as
             unbidden
             Guests
             should
             do
             .
          
           
             Secondly
             ,
             I
             observe
             a
             Rule
             of
             the
             Italian
             (
             which
             is
             now
             of
             late
             in
             great
             use
             in
             England
             )
             which
             is
             to
             invite
             a
             man
             most
             earnestly
             to
             Dinner
             or
             Supper
             ,
             hoping
             hee
             or
             
             they
             that
             are
             so
             invited
             ,
             will
             have
             more
             manners
             then
             to
             come
             :
             But
             if
             they
             do
             come
             ,
             then
             the
             Inviters
             doe
             esteeme
             the
             Guests
             unmannerly
             ,
             and
             that
             they
             want
             good
             and
             gentile
             breeding
             .
          
           
             Thirdly
             ,
             I
             would
             have
             none
             but
             such
             as
             have
             the
             gift
             of
             Abstinence
             and
             Fasting
             to
             come
             to
             my
             Feast
             ,
             for
             my
             House
             stands
             (
             as
             other
             Gentlemens
             houses
             do
             )
             in
             a
             very
             wholesome
             and
             hungry
             Ayre
             ,
             that
             shall
             not
             take
             away
             any
             mans
             Appetite
             ,
             but
             allowing
             every
             man
             to
             depart
             with
             a
             good
             stomacke
             to
             his
             meate
             ,
             (
             when
             he
             hath
             it
             )
             which
             is
             an
             apparant
             and
             infallible
             signe
             of
             health
             .
          
           
             Lastly
             ,
             as
             many
             as
             please
             to
             come
             over
             my
             House
             any
             Morning
             ,
             shall
             be
             very
             welcome
             to
             breake
             their
             Faces
             before
             they
             goe
             :
             Or
             if
             the
             greatest
             enemy
             I
             
             have
             doe
             ride
             within
             a
             Mile
             or
             two
             of
             my
             Dwelling
             ,
             let
             him
             or
             they
             make
             bold
             to
             stay
             there
             a
             Moneth
             (
             if
             they
             please
             )
             and
             take
             such
             as
             they
             finde
             and
             welcome
             ,
             for
             I
             will
             be
             but
             at
             ordinary
             or
             small
             charge
             in
             providing
             .
          
           
             Now
             Gentlemen
             Readers
             ,
             or
             all
             of
             what
             degree
             so
             ever
             ,
             that
             doe
             read
             this
             ,
             I
             pray
             you
             all
             to
             take
             notice
             that
             you
             are
             my
             Guests
             ,
             for
             the
             entertainement
             and
             Dyet
             you
             are
             like
             to
             have
             ,
             I
             pray
             takeit
             in
             good
             part
             ,
             washing
             is
             costly
             ,
             and
             Soape
             is
             deare
             ,
             therefore
             I
             will
             not
             have
             any
             Table-cloath
             ,
             or
             Napkin
             fould
             ,
             for
             you
             shall
             have
             no
             occasion
             to
             wash
             your
             hands
             ,
             licke
             your
             lipps
             or
             fingers
             ,
             nor
             shall
             you
             neede
             to
             make
             use
             of
             a
             Tooth-picke
             ,
             you
             shall
             have
             no
             cause
             to
             draw
             Knives
             ,
             neither
             shall
             here
             be
             any
             carving
             of
             either
             the
             wing
             
             of
             a
             Coney
             ,
             or
             the
             fore-legge
             of
             a
             Capon
             :
             heere
             is
             no
             troublesome
             shifting
             of
             Trenchers
             or
             Platters
             ,
             nor
             exception
             for
             the
             highest
             place
             at
             the
             Board
             ,
             for
             the
             Dyet
             is
             a
             like
             in
             all
             places
             of
             the
             Table
             ,
             (
             and
             to
             avoyde
             Pride
             and
             emulation
             )
             I
             have
             caused
             it
             to
             be
             made
             and
             fram'd
             ,
             neither
             long
             or
             short
             ,
             or
             middle
             size
             ,
             square
             ,
             round
             ,
             or
             ovall
             ;
             and
             so
             you
             are
             all
             welcome
             unto
             my
             Tantalian
             Feast
             ,
             which
             is
             drest
             without
             Kettle
             ,
             Pot
             ,
             or
             Spit
             ,
             Dripping-pan
             ,
             Frying-pan
             ,
             Ladle
             ,
             Scummer
             ,
             Cooke
             ,
             Scullion
             ,
             Jacke
             ,
             or
             Turne-broach
             :
             So
             now
             at
             the
             first
             sight
             you
             may
             perceive
             bread
             and
             salt
             ,
             which
             is
             first
             placed
             upon
             every
             mans
             table
             ,
             and
             so
             likewise
             at
             my
             Feast
             ,
             and
             so
             in
             good
             order
             you
             shall
             finde
             the
             rest
             of
             the
             Feast
             follow
             in
             their
             due
             course
             and
             order
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             2.
             
             Bread
             and
             Salt.
             
          
           
             BRead
             and
             Salt
             are
             the
             first
             Ushers
             to
             the
             Feast
             .
             The
             Anagram
             of
             Bread
             ,
             is
             Beard
             or
             Bared
             ,
             and
             though
             Salt
             come
             in
             with
             the
             first
             ,
             yet
             Salt
             Anagrammatiz'd
             is
             Last
             ;
             which
             signifies
             that
             Bread
             and
             Salt
             should
             be
             the
             first
             broght
             in
             to
             a
             Table
             ,
             and
             last
             Bared
             and
             carried
             away
             .
             But
             my
             Bread
             is
             not
             for
             every
             mans
             tooth
             ,
             it
             not
             being
             made
             of
             Wheate
             ,
             Rie
             ,
             Barley
             ,
             Oates
             ,
             Mescellin
             ,
             Beanes
             ,
             Pease
             ,
             or
             any
             Graine
             ,
             Pulse
             ,
             or
             Roote
             whatsoever
             .
             It
             is
             neither
             dough
             Baked
             ,
             Baked
             dough
             ,
             or
             burnt
             in
             the
             Oven
             ,
             neither
             leavened
             or
             unleavened
             ,
             nor
             any
             yeast
             ,
             
             Barme
             ,
             or
             Rising
             put
             into
             it
             ,
             (
             for
             it
             might
             fill
             my
             Guests
             with
             wind
             in
             stead
             of
             puffing
             them
             up
             with
             vaine
             glory
             .
             )
             It
             hath
             neyther
             Crust
             or
             Crum
             ,
             nor
             is
             it
             chip'd
             or
             unchip'd
             ;
             for
             the
             colour
             and
             finenesse
             of
             it
             is
             neyther
             White
             ,
             Wheaten
             ,
             Raunged
             ,
             or
             Browne
             :
             it
             is
             neither
             in
             the
             shape
             of
             Loafe
             ,
             Rowle
             ,
             Cake
             ,
             bunne
             ,
             Wig
             ,
             Manchet
             ,
             Ruske
             ,
             Bannock
             ,
             Jannock
             ,
             Symnell
             ,
             or
             bread-pye
             ,
             nor
             is
             it
             Cheat-bread
             ,
             for
             it
             shall
             satisfie
             every
             man
             as
             much
             as
             hee
             lookes
             for
             :
             if
             it
             bee
             distastfull
             unto
             any
             ,
             let
             him
             dippe
             it
             in
             the
             Salt
             ,
             and
             it
             will
             be
             savoury
             presently
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             3.
             
             Great
             and
             small
             Oysters
             .
          
           
             MY
             
               Bawdy
               Boy
            
             ,
             having
             thus
             procur'd
             Faggots
             ,
             yet
             hee
             'l
             not
             be
             idle
             ,
             but
             for
             your
             better
             content
             ,
             the
             same
             Tyde
             hee
             will
             fit
             you
             with
             two
             Bushels
             of
             great
             and
             small
             Oysters
             ;
             for
             before
             hee
             had
             rowed
             foure
             miles
             ,
             he
             overtooke
             a
             Katch
             that
             was
             swiming
             up
             towards
             London
             loaden
             with
             Oysters
             .
             Well
             overtaken
             Katch-man
             sayes
             one
             ,
             Gramercy
             Water-man
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             wilt
             thou
             buy
             100.
             of
             Faggots
             ,
             said
             
               Bawdy
               Boy
            
             ?
             I
             know
             not
             what
             to
             doe
             with
             them
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             but
             yet
             I
             care
             not
             if
             I
             give
             thee
             a
             Crowne
             for
             them
             :
             
               Bawdy
               boy
            
             reply'd
             ,
             I
             was
             glad
             (
             quoth
             hee
             )
             to
             take
             them
             for
             part
             of
             a
             desperate
             Debt
             ,
             for
             where
             I
             had
             them
             ,
             I
             could
             get
             no
             money
             ,
             and
             my
             
             house
             is
             little
             ,
             so
             that
             I
             want
             roome
             to
             lay
             them
             in
             ,
             which
             is
             the
             cause
             that
             makes
             me
             to
             sell
             them
             to
             thee
             at
             so
             cheape
             a
             rate
             .
             The
             match
             being
             thus
             made
             ,
             the
             Faggots
             were
             delivered
             into
             the
             Katch
             ,
             and
             the
             five
             shillings
             was
             paid
             to
             the
             Water-man
             ,
             who
             presently
             demanded
             of
             the
             Katch-man
             if
             his
             Oysters
             were
             good
             ?
             who
             answer'd
             ,
             that
             his
             great
             ones
             were
             at
             sixe
             shillings
             the
             Bushell
             ,
             (
             water-measure
             )
             and
             his
             small
             ones
             at
             two
             shillings
             the
             Bushell
             :
             
               Bawdy
               Boy
            
             said
             ,
             thou
             hast
             bestowed
             thy
             money
             with
             me
             for
             Faggots
             ,
             and
             I
             will
             leave
             it
             againe
             with
             thee
             for
             Oysters
             ;
             I
             will
             give
             thee
             a
             Crowne
             for
             a
             Bushell
             of
             the
             great
             ,
             and
             two
             shillings
             for
             the
             small
             :
             all
             parties
             being
             agreed
             ,
             the
             Oysters
             were
             measur'd
             ,
             and
             throwne
             into
             the
             Boate
             :
             I
             pray
             thee
             Katch-man
             
             said
             
               Bawdy
               Boy
            
             ,
             give
             me
             one
             great
             Oyster
             or
             two
             into
             the
             bargaine
             ,
             which
             whil'st
             the
             Katch-man
             was
             reaching
             ,
             the
             other
             put
             off
             his
             Boate
             ,
             and
             rowed
             away
             :
             The
             one
             call'd
             ho
             Water-man
             ,
             thou
             hast
             not
             payd
             me
             for
             my
             Oysters
             ,
             the
             other
             said
             ,
             you
             lye
             Katchman
             ,
             you
             have
             Faggots
             for
             your
             Oysters
             ;
             the
             other
             reply'd
             ,
             thou
             hast
             money
             for
             thy
             Faggots
             ,
             the
             other
             answer'd
             ,
             thou
             hast
             Faggots
             for
             thy
             Oysters
             ,
             and
             for
             thy
             money
             both
             ,
             and
             thou
             art
             an
             ignorant
             fellow
             ,
             that
             know'st
             not
             how
             to
             reckon
             right
             :
             So
             away
             rowed
             he
             ,
             and
             I
             pray
             Gentlemen
             fall
             to
             your
             Oysters
             .
          
        
         
         
           
             4.
             
             A
             Coller
             of
             Brawne
             .
          
           
             
               WIll
               Baxted
            
             ,
             a
             late
             well
             knowne
             fine
             Comedian
             ,
             went
             in
             a
             Morning
             ,
             on
             one
             of
             the
             Twenlve
             dayes
             in
             Christmas
             time
             ,
             upon
             occasion
             of
             businesse
             to
             speake
             with
             an
             old
             rich
             miserable
             House-keeper
             ,
             and
             having
             done
             what
             he
             came
             for
             ,
             hee
             tooke
             his
             leave
             ,
             leaving
             the
             old
             man
             in
             his
             Chamber
             :
             but
             as
             hee
             was
             going
             out
             of
             the
             doores
             ,
             he
             said
             to
             the
             Fellow
             that
             let
             him
             out
             ,
             My
             Friend
             ,
             is
             not
             this
             Christmas
             time
             ?
             Yes
             that
             it
             is
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             
             then
             sayd
             Baxted
             ,
             will
             not
             your
             Master
             bee
             angry
             if
             I
             doe
             goe
             away
             and
             not
             drinke
             ?
             the
             Fellow
             said
             ,
             no
             sure
             ,
             I
             thinke
             he
             will
             not
             be
             offended
             at
             all
             for
             such
             a
             small
             fault
             :
             O
             but
             (
             quot
             Baxted
             )
             it
             is
             good
             to
             be
             sure
             ,
             and
             I
             am
             loth
             you
             should
             have
             any
             ill
             will
             for
             my
             sake
             ,
             therefore
             I
             pray
             you
             ,
             aske
             your
             Master
             if
             he
             will
             not
             be
             angry
             with
             you
             ,
             if
             I
             doe
             goe
             away
             before
             I
             drinke
             :
             Sir
             sayd
             the
             fellow
             ,
             I
             will
             not
             aske
             him
             such
             a
             question
             ,
             but
             I
             will
             make
             you
             drinke
             without
             his
             knowledge
             .
             So
             into
             a
             Celler
             they
             went
             ,
             and
             strong
             Beere
             was
             drawne
             in
             a
             Horne-cup
             ,
             and
             as
             Baxted
             was
             drinking
             ,
             the
             Master
             of
             the
             house
             knockt
             ,
             and
             call'd
             ,
             and
             whistl'd
             for
             his
             man
             as
             if
             hee
             had
             beene
             mad
             ,
             so
             that
             the
             fellow
             was
             faine
             to
             leave
             Baxted
             in
             the
             Celler
             ,
             and
             run
             upstaires
             in
             haste
             to
             his
             Master
             ,
             
             who
             angryly
             said
             ,
             (
             Sirrha
             )
             where
             have
             you
             beene
             ?
             and
             what
             is
             the
             reason
             that
             I
             have
             knock't
             ,
             and
             bounc'd
             so
             long
             for
             you
             ?
             Sir
             (
             sayd
             the
             servant
             )
             I
             was
             giving
             a
             cup
             of
             Beere
             in
             the
             Celler
             to
             the
             Player
             that
             was
             with
             you
             :
             How
             ,
             said
             the
             Master
             ,
             thou
             idle
             wastfull
             knave
             ,
             doe
             I
             keepe
             a
             Tap-house
             or
             Ordinary
             for
             every
             companion
             to
             tipple
             in
             ?
             I
             'le
             make
             thee
             know
             it
             is
             not
             my
             Disposition
             ,
             nor
             is
             it
             for
             my
             Reputation
             or
             profit
             :
             Truely
             Sir
             ,
             said
             the
             Fellow
             ,
             I
             could
             not
             chuse
             but
             make
             him
             drinke
             for
             shame
             ,
             hee
             spake
             such
             words
             that
             mov'd
             me
             so
             ;
             and
             with
             that
             he
             told
             his
             Master
             what
             Baxted
             said
             ,
             and
             that
             he
             had
             left
             him
             in
             the
             Celler
             alone
             :
             A
             Rope
             on
             him
             said
             the
             Old
             man
             ,
             I
             will
             goe
             to
             him
             ,
             and
             bid
             him
             welcome
             ,
             (
             though
             but
             with
             an
             ill
             will
             )
             the
             mad
             knave
             will
             jeere
             
             me
             else
             .
             So
             he
             went
             to
             the
             Celler
             ,
             where
             finding
             Baxted
             ,
             hee
             said
             ,
             you
             are
             welcome
             ,
             and
             I
             thanke
             my
             man
             for
             having
             so
             much
             manners
             as
             to
             entertaine
             you
             ;
             for
             my
             head
             was
             full
             of
             businesse
             ,
             and
             so
             I
             drinke
             to
             you
             good
             Mr.
             Baxted
             ,
             and
             I
             pray
             you
             what
             say
             you
             to
             a
             slice
             of
             a
             Coller
             of
             Brawne
             and
             Mustard
             this
             Morning
             ?
             O
             sir
             ,
             sayd
             hee
             ,
             I
             would
             not
             say
             any
             thing
             at
             all
             to
             it
             ,
             but
             I
             would
             doe
             somewhat
             to
             it
             if
             I
             had
             it
             ;
             truely
             Mr.
             Baxted
             (
             said
             he
             )
             and
             you
             shall
             have
             it
             ;
             so
             with
             an
             ill
             will
             he
             sent
             his
             man
             for
             it
             ,
             who
             brought
             into
             the
             Celler
             a
             goodly
             Coller
             of
             Brawne
             ,
             whole
             and
             uncut
             ,
             Baxted
             knowing
             the
             Riches
             of
             the
             man
             ,
             and
             the
             miserable
             poverty
             of
             his
             minde
             ,
             drew
             forth
             his
             knife
             ,
             with
             a
             full
             resolution
             to
             take
             the
             Coller
             lower
             ,
             though
             the
             anger
             were
             raysed
             
             the
             higher
             ,
             so
             with
             a
             desperate
             acute
             stomacke
             hee
             cut
             out
             a
             peece
             as
             bigge
             as
             a
             Penny-loafe
             on
             the
             top
             of
             the
             Brawne
             ,
             which
             he
             presently
             consumed
             ,
             and
             more
             for
             roagery
             than
             hunger
             :
             in
             the
             meane
             space
             the
             sight
             of
             the
             Brawnes
             demollishing
             vext
             the
             Old
             man
             :
             But
             Baxted
             persisting
             twixt
             Jeast
             and
             Coller
             ,
             gave
             it
             the
             second
             cut
             in
             the
             other
             side
             on
             the
             top
             ,
             so
             that
             it
             look'd
             forked
             like
             the
             Signe
             of
             the
             Myter
             ;
             at
             which
             the
             Old
             man
             could
             no
             longer
             hold
             ,
             or
             contayne
             himselfe
             from
             speaking
             ,
             saying
             ,
             Master
             Baxted
             ,
             are
             you
             marryed
             sir
             ?
             No
             sir
             quoth
             he
             ,
             I
             am
             single
             ,
             and
             I
             keepe
             no
             house
             ;
             the
             other
             said
             ,
             I
             thought
             so
             by
             your
             cutting
             of
             Brawne
             ,
             for
             I
             doe
             thinke
             you
             doe
             neither
             know
             the
             price
             of
             such
             a
             Coller
             ,
             or
             what
             belongs
             〈◊〉
             it
             .
             Baxted
             answered
             him
             ,
             
             Sir
             ,
             indeed
             for
             the
             price
             I
             neither
             know
             ,
             nor
             care
             for
             ,
             but
             yet
             I
             doe
             know
             what
             belongs
             to
             it
             ,
             which
             is
             a
             cup
             of
             Muskadell
             ,
             if
             I
             could
             get
             it
             .
             So
             the
             old
             Mizer
             was
             faine
             to
             send
             his
             man
             to
             the
             Taverne
             for
             halfe
             a
             Pinte
             of
             Muskadell
             ,
             to
             wash
             downe
             Baxteds
             Brawne
             ,
             who
             was
             no
             sooner
             gone
             ,
             but
             the
             old
             man
             in
             a
             rage
             gave
             his
             man
             warning
             to
             provide
             him
             another
             Master
             ,
             for
             hee
             would
             keepe
             no
             such
             riotting
             knaves
             that
             would
             entertaine
             such
             bold
             Guests
             .
          
        
         
           
             5.
             
             Powderd
             Beefe
             and
             Cabbage
             ,
             and
             a
             messe
             of
             Mustard
             .
          
           
             A
             Water-man
             (
             now
             living
             )
             named
             Gilford
             ,
             dwelt
             on
             the
             Bank-side
             ,
             and
             comming
             home
             to
             his
             Dinner
             ,
             which
             was
             Beefe
             and
             Cabbage
             ,
             of
             which
             hee
             had
             
             made
             pottage
             ,
             hee
             prayed
             his
             wife
             to
             make
             haste
             ,
             and
             take
             it
             off
             the
             Fire
             ,
             that
             hee
             might
             quickly
             dine
             ,
             and
             bee
             gone
             ;
             and
             whilst
             the
             woman
             was
             reaching
             a
             Porrenger
             and
             Platter
             ,
             a
             Cur-dog
             came
             into
             the
             house
             ,
             lifted
             up
             his
             legge
             ,
             and
             pist
             in
             the
             Porridge-pot
             amongst
             the
             meare
             and
             Cabbage
             ,
             which
             the
             man
             perceiving
             told
             his
             Wife
             ,
             and
             catch'd
             the
             dogge
             ,
             and
             almost
             beate
             him
             to
             death
             :
             but
             the
             woman
             intreated
             her
             Husband
             to
             eate
             his
             Dinner
             ,
             for
             it
             should
             bee
             never
             the
             worse
             ,
             when
             shee
             had
             strayned
             the
             Pottage
             through
             a
             cleane
             cloath
             ,
             but
             all
             her
             perswasions
             could
             not
             make
             him
             eate
             .
          
           
             
               Mustard
               .
            
             
               THree
               Gentlemen
               of
               the
               ancient
               race
               of
               Redshanks
               ,
               (
               now
               called
               Highland-men
               ,
               because
               
               they
               inhabite
               in
               the
               Mountaynous
               parts
               of
               the
               North
               of
               Scotland
               )
               these
               three
               having
               occasions
               to
               come
               into
               England
               ,
               being
               at
               their
               Inne
               ,
               had
               to
               their
               Dinner
               a
               peece
               of
               powdered
               Beefe
               and
               Mustard
               :
               now
               neither
               of
               them
               had
               never
               seene
               Mustard
               before
               ,
               wherefore
               one
               of
               them
               demanded
               what
               Deele
               it
               was
               ?
               the
               Host
               answered
               ,
               that
               it
               was
               good
               sawce
               for
               their
               meate
               ;
               Sawce
               said
               the
               other
               ?
               it
               hath
               an
               ill
               looke
               ,
               I
               pray
               let
               me
               see
               you
               eat
               some
               first
               ;
               then
               the
               Host
               took
               a
               bit
               of
               Beefe
               ,
               and
               dipt
               it
               in
               the
               Mustard
               ,
               &
               did
               eate
               it
               :
               the
               Highland-man
               presently
               tooke
               his
               meat
               and
               rowl'd
               it
               in
               the
               Mustard
               ,
               and
               began
               to
               chaw
               ,
               but
               it
               was
               so
               strong
               ,
               that
               it
               was
               no
               sooner
               in
               his
               mouth
               ,
               but
               it
               set
               him
               a
               snuffing
               and
               neesing
               ,
               that
               he
               told
               his
               Friends
               ,
               (
               Ducan
               and
               Donald
               )
               that
               hee
               was
               slaine
               
               with
               the
               grey
               Grewell
               in
               the
               wee-dish
               ;
               he
               bid
               them
               draw
               their
               Whineards
               ,
               and
               sticke
               the
               false
               Lowne
               ,
               (
               their
               Host
               )
               hee
               pray'd
               them
               to
               remember
               his
               last
               love
               to
               his
               wife
               and
               Barnes
               ,
               and
               withall
               to
               have
               a
               care
               to
               beware
               of
               the
               grey
               grewell
               ,
               for
               the
               Deele
               was
               in
               't
               .
               But
               after
               the
               force
               of
               the
               Mustard
               was
               spent
               ,
               the
               Gentleman
               left
               neesing
               ,
               all
               was
               pacified
               ,
               mine
               Host
               was
               pardoned
               ,
               and
               Mustard
               was
               good
               sawce
               for
               powderd
               Beefe
               .
            
          
        
         
           
             6.
             
             A
             Chyne
             of
             Beefe
             roasted
             .
          
           
             AFaire
             Chyne
             of
             Beefe
             was
             once
             given
             to
             Mr.
             
               Iohn
               Fletcher
            
             ,
             (
             the
             Poet
             )
             he
             pray'd
             his
             Hostesse
             ,
             (
             being
             an
             old
             woman
             neere
             the
             Bank-side
             ,
             where
             he
             lodged
             )
             to
             salt
             it
             well
             seven
             or
             eight
             daies
             ,
             
             and
             he
             would
             invite
             some
             friends
             to
             the
             eating
             of
             it
             :
             the
             day
             being
             come
             ,
             and
             the
             Chine
             at
             the
             Fire
             ,
             the
             Woman
             had
             not
             playd
             the
             Huswife
             so
             well
             in
             salting
             of
             it
             ,
             but
             that
             it
             had
             taken
             Ayre
             ,
             and
             entertain'd
             more
             Tenants
             than
             were
             welcome
             :
             but
             after
             it
             had
             beene
             three
             houres
             at
             the
             fire
             ,
             Master
             Fletcher
             had
             a
             minde
             to
             have
             a
             slice
             hot
             from
             the
             spit
             ,
             and
             for
             that
             purpose
             came
             downe
             from
             his
             Chamber
             ,
             drew
             his
             Knife
             ,
             and
             cut
             ;
             and
             as
             hee
             cut
             ,
             hee
             espyed
             Maggots
             drop
             out
             ,
             at
             which
             hee
             was
             angry
             ,
             but
             suffering
             the
             Spit
             to
             goe
             about
             ,
             hee
             cut
             on
             the
             other
             side
             ,
             and
             found
             it
             worse
             :
             Whereupon
             Fletcher
             being
             alone
             ,
             (
             for
             the
             Woman
             was
             gone
             forth
             ,
             and
             left
             the
             Jacke
             to
             looke
             to
             the
             Spit
             )
             
             was
             so
             enraged
             ,
             that
             hee
             tooke
             the
             spit
             up
             ,
             and
             setting
             his
             foot
             against
             the
             meate
             ,
             footed
             it
             off
             ,
             and
             threw
             it
             into
             a
             muddy
             ditch
             on
             the
             other
             side
             of
             the
             way
             ,
             and
             putting
             the
             Spit
             into
             the
             Jackerope
             againe
             ,
             went
             up
             to
             his
             Chamber
             againe
             in
             a
             chafe
             :
             the
             old
             woman
             suddainly
             comming
             in
             ,
             and
             seeing
             the
             meate
             gone
             ,
             was
             amazed
             ,
             and
             stept
             into
             the
             streete
             ,
             and
             asked
             some
             of
             her
             neighbours
             ,
             if
             they
             saw
             any
             body
             goe
             into
             her
             house
             ?
             one
             made
             answer
             ,
             that
             Mr.
             Fletcher
             went
             over
             to
             the
             Ditch
             ,
             and
             backe
             againe
             ,
             but
             he
             saw
             no
             body
             else
             ;
             then
             the
             woman
             went
             to
             see
             ,
             and
             shee
             perceived
             the
             mudde
             was
             newly
             inclosed
             over
             something
             that
             had
             beene
             cast
             there
             in
             lately
             :
             so
             she
             fetcht
             a
             Rake
             ,
             and
             raked
             the
             Beefe
             out
             of
             the
             ditch
             ,
             put
             it
             under
             a
             Pumpe
             ,
             and
             with
             a
             
             wispe
             ,
             ashes
             ,
             and
             sand
             ,
             wash'd
             and
             scower'd
             it
             ,
             so
             that
             all
             the
             Gentiles
             in
             it
             were
             confounded
             ,
             then
             to
             the
             Spit
             shee
             put
             it
             againe
             ,
             winds
             up
             the
             Jacke
             ,
             which
             made
             a
             noise
             in
             his
             language
             
               whir
               ,
               whir
            
             ;
             which
             Mr.
             Fletcher
             hearing
             ,
             mused
             what
             was
             provided
             for
             Dinner
             for
             his
             Guests
             and
             himselfe
             ;
             the
             old
             woman
             being
             gone
             into
             her
             back-side
             ,
             Fletcher
             stole
             softly
             downe
             the
             stayres
             ,
             and
             peeping
             towards
             the
             fire
             ,
             saw
             the
             Chine
             a
             roasting
             the
             second
             time
             ,
             at
             which
             amazement
             hee
             biest
             himselfe
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               Art
               thou
               crawl'd
               thither
               againe
               ,
               thou
               shalt
               never
               be
               remov'd
               for
               me
               againe
               :
            
             so
             it
             was
             roasted
             ,
             and
             gave
             good
             content
             to
             the
             Guests
             ,
             but
             some
             of
             them
             said
             ,
             it
             had
             taken
             winde
             .
          
           
             Gentlemen
             ,
             I
             doubt
             you
             have
             sate
             too
             long
             over
             your
             Beefe
             ,
             and
             therefore
             a
             cup
             of
             Beere
             is
             not
             amisse
             ,
             
             and
             then
             you
             shall
             be
             furnish'd
             with
             some
             other
             Viands
             .
          
        
         
           
             7.
             
             Strong
             Beere
             .
          
           
             TWo
             Souldiers
             of
             old
             acquaintance
             ,
             having
             beene
             long
             asunder
             ,
             chanced
             to
             meete
             ,
             and
             after
             salutations
             they
             agree'd
             to
             enter
             an
             Ale-house
             ,
             where
             a
             formall
             fashionable
             Tapster
             fill'd
             them
             as
             much
             nicke
             and
             froath
             with
             Petars
             of
             Tobacco
             ,
             as
             made
             them
             (
             in
             his
             estimation
             )
             to
             bee
             reckoned
             at
             two
             shillings
             ;
             they
             fell
             to
             the
             discourse
             of
             their
             severall
             Fortunes
             and
             Services
             ,
             the
             one
             of
             Russia
             and
             Poland
             ,
             the
             other
             of
             Germany
             and
             Sweaden
             ;
             they
             talk't
             of
             hunger
             and
             thirst
             ,
             cold
             ,
             and
             nakednesse
             ,
             sieges
             ,
             and
             assaults
             ,
             Artillery
             ,
             Ammunition
             ,
             Guns
             ,
             and
             Drummes
             ,
             wounds
             ,
             scarres
             ,
             
             death
             ,
             and
             all
             the
             perils
             incident
             to
             men
             of
             the
             Sword.
             
          
           
             The
             Tapster
             over-hearing
             them
             ,
             said
             ,
             that
             they
             were
             the
             better
             welcome
             for
             being
             Souldiers
             ,
             and
             that
             hee
             had
             beene
             one
             of
             that
             Martiall
             Traine
             himselfe
             in
             the
             Low-countries
             ,
             where
             (
             hee
             thank'd
             God
             )
             hee
             neither
             did
             harme
             ,
             nor
             tooke
             any
             ;
             the
             best
             was
             ,
             that
             hee
             had
             learn'd
             so
             much
             wit
             that
             no
             man
             could
             couzen
             him
             :
             the
             Souldiers
             answer'd
             him
             ,
             that
             his
             labour
             was
             worth
             his
             travell
             ,
             in
             learning
             so
             much
             cunning
             ,
             and
             so
             they
             paid
             their
             reckoning
             ,
             and
             departed
             .
             They
             had
             not
             gone
             farre
             ,
             but
             they
             met
             with
             another
             of
             their
             old
             acquaintance
             ,
             (
             a
             cunning
             shark
             )
             to
             whom
             they
             told
             the
             bragging
             confidence
             of
             the
             Tapster
             :
             How
             said
             he
             ,
             will
             he
             not
             be
             couzned
             ?
             Tell
             mee
             where
             hee
             dwells
             ,
             
             and
             goe
             you
             two
             and
             stay
             at
             a
             Taverne
             that
             's
             next
             him
             ;
             and
             I
             will
             first
             be
             with
             him
             ,
             and
             then
             come
             quickly
             to
             you
             .
          
           
             The
             place
             being
             told
             ,
             and
             the
             Taverne
             appointed
             ,
             the
             witty
             Soldier
             went
             to
             the
             Tapster
             ,
             and
             call'd
             for
             two
             Gunnes
             of
             Beere
             ;
             Guns
             quoth
             the
             Tapster
             ?
             Canns
             you
             would
             say
             ;
             the
             other
             reply'd
             ,
             I
             doe
             meane
             Cannes
             ,
             but
             I
             have
             beene
             so
             us'd
             to
             Cunnes
             in
             the
             Warres
             ,
             that
             I
             forget
             my selfe
             ,
             and
             call
             every
             thing
             a
             Gunne
             :
             So
             the
             Beere
             was
             fill'd
             in
             ,
             and
             drank
             ,
             and
             the
             Tapster
             fill'd
             his
             Gunnes
             or
             Cannes
             by
             couples
             ,
             which
             they
             dranke
             betweene
             them
             ;
             then
             the
             Souldier
             said
             that
             hee
             saw
             a
             Tapster
             winne
             a
             Wager
             lately
             beyond
             beleefe
             ;
             for
             he
             brought
             sixe
             Cannes
             of
             Beere
             from
             the
             Tap
             all
             full
             ,
             in
             one
             hand
             ,
             and
             set
             them
             on
             the
             Table
             ,
             not
             spilling
             one
             drop
             ;
             
             Sir
             ,
             said
             the
             Tapster
             ,
             I
             dare
             to
             lay
             a
             Crowne
             that
             I
             can
             doe
             that
             ,
             I
             will
             lay
             as
             much
             that
             you
             doe
             it
             not
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             so
             the
             Wager
             was
             layd
             on
             the
             Boord
             ,
             but
             whilst
             the
             Tapster
             was
             filling
             the
             Cannes
             ,
             the
             Souldier
             ran
             away
             with
             the
             money
             ,
             and
             straight
             perceived
             for
             all
             his
             wit
             and
             cunning
             ,
             yet
             was
             able
             to
             be
             couzned
             .
          
        
         
           
             8.
             
             Venison
             and
             Wine
             .
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             dwelt
             two
             miles
             from
             a
             Market-towne
             ,
             where
             (
             at
             a
             Taverne
             )
             hee
             caused
             some
             bottles
             of
             Wine
             to
             be
             fill'd
             to
             carry
             home
             ,
             because
             he
             had
             invited
             some
             friends
             to
             his
             house
             to
             eate
             a
             Venison
             Pasty
             with
             him
             the
             next
             day
             :
             but
             his
             man
             and
             himselfe
             dranke
             so
             hard
             ,
             that
             they
             forgot
             their
             Liquor
             ,
             (
             I
             meane
             the
             Bottles
             .
             )
             The
             next
             day
             being
             
             come
             ,
             and
             Dinner
             ready
             to
             bee
             laid
             on
             the
             Table
             ,
             they
             remembred
             the
             Wine
             ;
             so
             the
             Gentleman
             commanded
             his
             man
             to
             take
             a
             Horse
             ,
             (
             which
             was
             sadled
             in
             the
             Stable
             )
             and
             to
             ride
             for
             the
             Wine
             with
             all
             speed
             .
             Well
             ,
             to
             Dinner
             they
             went
             ,
             and
             the
             Serving-man
             to
             the
             Stable
             ,
             the
             Pafry
             was
             opened
             ,
             and
             to
             't
             they
             fell
             ,
             and
             after
             an
             Houres
             time
             expecting
             the
             Wine
             ,
             now
             sayd
             the
             Gentleman
             ,
             methinks
             my
             man
             is
             riding
             hither
             in
             post
             ,
             I
             heare
             the
             Horse
             dash
             ;
             at
             which
             words
             the
             fellow
             entred
             :
             Hah
             well
             said
             ,
             art
             thou
             come
             said
             the
             Master
             ?
             we
             have
             stay'd
             long
             ,
             and
             thou
             hast
             made
             but
             slow
             speed
             ;
             a
             poxe
             on
             't
             said
             the
             Fellow
             ,
             if
             I
             should
             bee
             hang'd
             I
             cannot
             finde
             the
             bridle
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             10.
             
             Puddings
             and
             Sawsadges
             .
          
           
             THe
             Pudding
             and
             the
             Sawsages
             will
             bee
             cold
             Gentlemen
             ,
             if
             you
             doe
             not
             fall
             to
             ,
             and
             then
             they
             will
             not
             be
             worth
             a
             sir-reverence
             ;
             and
             methinks
             it
             is
             an
             easie
             peece
             of
             Logick
             ,
             to
             prove
             a
             Pudding
             to
             bee
             a
             perpetuall
             motion
             ,
             for
             it
             is
             alwayes
             moving
             .
          
           
             
               And
               as
               an
               Arrow
               ,
               flies
               from
               Butt
               to
               Butt
               ,
            
             
               So
               doth
               a
               Pudding
               poste
               ,
               from
               gut
               to
               gut
               .
            
          
           
             
               SImon
               Wadle
            
             ,
             a
             Vintner
             ,
             (
             that
             once
             kept
             the
             Taverne
             neere
             the
             Temple-barre
             ,
             at
             the
             Signe
             of
             
               Saint
               Dunstane
            
             )
             with
             some
             other
             Vintners
             ,
             had
             beene
             to
             taste
             and
             buy
             Wines
             at
             the
             Merchants
             ,
             and
             having
             done
             their
             occasions
             ,
             happened
             
             into
             the
             three
             Tunnes
             at
             Garlike-●ithe
             ,
             where
             all
             the
             meate
             they
             could
             have
             on
             the
             suddaine
             ,
             was
             a
             pound
             of
             Sawsadges
             ;
             Wadlo
             being
             hungry
             ,
             had
             no
             great
             stomacke
             to
             have
             so
             many
             partners
             in
             so
             small
             a
             dish
             ,
             and
             having
             an
             old
             rotten
             Tooth
             in
             his
             pocket
             ,
             (
             which
             a
             Barbar
             in
             Fleet-streete
             had
             drawne
             from
             him
             the
             day
             before
             )
             hee
             secretly
             convey'd
             ,
             and
             thrust
             the
             said
             Tooth
             into
             one
             of
             the
             Sawsages
             ,
             which
             he
             himselfe
             first
             tooke
             into
             his
             hand
             ;
             and
             after
             his
             associates
             had
             each
             one
             tasted
             a
             little
             ,
             and
             began
             to
             bee
             quicke
             and
             nimble
             ,
             Wadlo
             snap'd
             his
             old
             tooth
             in
             his
             chaps
             ,
             and
             pulling
             it
             forth
             ,
             shewed
             it
             to
             the
             company
             ;
             upon
             the
             sight
             whereof
             they
             were
             all
             struck
             with
             feare
             and
             amazement
             ,
             beleeving
             by
             the
             Tooth
             ,
             that
             the
             Sawsages
             had
             beene
             made
             of
             
             Mans
             flesh
             :
             so
             they
             call'd
             for
             Sacke
             and
             Sallet-oyle
             ,
             supposing
             they
             had
             beene
             poysoned
             ;
             but
             Wadlo
             fell
             to
             with
             a
             good
             stomacke
             ,
             saying
             that
             hee
             could
             be
             no
             worse
             poysoned
             with
             them
             than
             hee
             was
             :
             The
             man
             of
             the
             house
             vowed
             that
             the
             murderous
             Jade
             that
             made
             the
             Sawsages
             ,
             should
             be
             burnt
             .
             But
             after
             Wadlo
             had
             eaten
             up
             all
             ,
             hee
             sent
             for
             the
             Barbar
             that
             drew
             the
             Tooth
             ,
             and
             every
             man
             was
             presently
             cured
             ,
             and
             the
             Sawsagewoman
             escaped
             burning
             .
          
        
         
           
             11.
             
             A
             Pigge
             .
          
           
             A
             Collier
             ,
             neere
             Croyden
             ,
             having
             loaden
             his
             Cart
             with
             Coales
             for
             London
             ,
             a
             woman
             that
             dwelt
             neare
             him
             that
             was
             Nurse
             to
             a
             Marchants
             child
             of
             the
             City
             ,
             desired
             the
             Collier
             to
             remember
             
             her
             humble
             service
             to
             her
             Maister
             and
             Mistresse
             ,
             and
             to
             tell
             them
             (
             God
             be
             thanked
             )
             their
             Childe
             was
             well
             ;
             and
             withall
             she
             intreated
             the
             Collier
             to
             carry
             them
             a
             live
             Pigge
             ,
             (
             which
             she
             had
             put
             in
             a
             bag
             before
             the
             Colliers
             face
             :
             )
             the
             Collier
             tooke
             the
             bagge
             and
             made
             it
             fast
             upon
             the
             top
             of
             his
             Cart
             ,
             and
             away
             came
             he
             .
             When
             hee
             came
             into
             London
             where
             hee
             should
             deliver
             his
             Coales
             ,
             hee
             tooke
             the
             bagge
             with
             the
             Pigge
             ,
             and
             tyed
             it
             under
             the
             Cart
             to
             one
             of
             the
             spoakes
             of
             the
             Wheele
             ,
             and
             when
             hee
             had
             almost
             unloaden
             ,
             a
             couple
             of
             Porters
             stood
             and
             perceived
             something
             moove
             in
             the
             bagge
             ,
             did
             suppose
             it
             was
             a
             Pigge
             or
             a
             Goose
             ,
             or
             some
             such
             creature
             ,
             which
             they
             had
             borrowed
             upon
             some
             Common
             or
             high
             way
             ,
             as
             they
             came
             by
             night
             :
             And
             whilst
             the
             Colliers
             
             were
             busied
             ,
             &
             absent
             in
             carriage
             ,
             and
             empting
             their
             Sackes
             ,
             the
             Porters
             stole
             the
             Pigge
             out
             of
             the
             bagge
             ,
             and
             put
             in
             a
             little
             cur
             dogge
             of
             their
             owne
             ,
             making
             it
             fast
             as
             they
             found
             it
             ,
             and
             away
             go
             they
             :
             The
             dogge
             impatient
             of
             his
             bondage
             ,
             began
             to
             frig
             and
             fling
             ,
             as
             he
             had
             bin
             mad
             ,
             that
             the
             Colliers
             said
             ,
             the
             Divell
             was
             newly
             entred
             into
             the
             Pigge
             ;
             or
             else
             the
             Pig
             did
             presage
             that
             hee
             was
             neare
             his
             owne
             death
             .
             Wel
             ,
             the
             Cart
             being
             empty
             ,
             the
             Collier
             takes
             the
             dog-pigge
             ,
             and
             carried
             it
             to
             the
             Marchant
             ,
             delivering
             his
             Message
             (
             which
             was
             welcome
             )
             saying
             that
             he
             must
             carry
             the
             bag
             backe
             agen
             ;
             so
             hee
             went
             to
             a
             side
             Table
             ,
             and
             opened
             it
             ,
             and
             putting
             in
             his
             hand
             for
             a
             Pigge
             ,
             the
             dogge
             bit
             him
             by
             the
             fingers
             ;
             a
             pox
             on
             yee
             dee
             bite
             ,
             quoth
             he
             :
             what
             doth
             he
             bite
             :
             quoth
             the
             Marchant
             ,
             it
             
             can
             not
             be
             ,
             I
             will
             take
             him
             out
             my selfe
             ,
             then
             the
             Marchant
             put
             his
             hand
             into
             the
             bag
             ,
             and
             the
             dogge
             snapt
             him
             so
             currishly
             that
             hee
             fetcht
             blood
             of
             his
             fingers
             ,
             at
             which
             hee
             was
             angry
             ,
             and
             bid
             the
             Divell
             take
             the
             Collier
             and
             the
             Pigge
             both
             .
             At
             which
             the
             Marchants
             wife
             laughed
             ,
             and
             cald
             them
             both
             fooles
             ,
             and
             with
             that
             she
             tooke
             the
             bagge
             by
             the
             bottome
             ,
             and
             shooke
             out
             the
             dogge
             :
             the
             dogge
             being
             amazed
             ,
             (
             not
             knowing
             where
             hee
             was
             )
             turn'd
             round
             twice
             or
             thrice
             ,
             and
             leapt
             over
             a
             Hatch
             ,
             and
             away
             ran
             he
             home
             to
             pick
             the
             bones
             of
             the
             Pigge
             :
             the
             Collier
             hang'd
             down
             his
             Head
             all
             ashamed
             to
             looke
             upon
             the
             Marchant
             .
             The
             Marchant
             (
             standing
             with
             his
             fingers
             bleeding
             )
             very
             angerly
             asked
             the
             Collier
             that
             if
             hee
             had
             no
             body
             but
             hee
             to
             abuse
             ,
             and
             play
             the
             
             knave
             withall
             ,
             to
             bring
             him
             a
             dog
             instead
             of
             a
             Pigge
             :
             to
             whom
             the
             Collier
             replyd
             ,
             and
             also
             affirm'd
             with
             an
             oath
             ,
             that
             his
             intent
             was
             free
             from
             abusing
             him
             or
             any
             man
             else
             ,
             and
             that
             it
             was
             a
             Pig
             in
             the
             morning
             .
             The
             Marchant
             swore
             it
             was
             a
             dogge
             ,
             the
             Collier
             swore
             it
             was
             a
             Pig
             ;
             and
             so
             much
             good
             may
             it
             doe
             you
             with
             your
             Pig.
             
          
           
             
               A
               Pig
               miraculously
               roasted
               .
            
             
               BUt
               a
               raw
               Pig
               is
               no
               mans
               meat
               ,
               and
               therefore
               now
               you
               shall
               have
               one
               roasted
               ,
               and
               strangely
               over-roasted
               .
               A
               Gentleman
               that
               dwelt
               about
               Enfield
               ten
               miles
               from
               London
               ,
               had
               a
               Buffe
               ,
               tough
               suite
               in
               Law
               ,
               that
               had
               lasted
               him
               ten
               yeares
               ,
               and
               every
               Terme
               hee
               sent
               his
               Counsellor
               a
               Pig
               ,
               scalded
               and
               ready
               drest
               for
               the
               Spit
               :
               It
               fell
               so
               that
               at
               the
               beginning
               of
               a
               Mid-summer
               Terme
               :
               Richard
               the
               
               Serving-man
               had
               the
               Pigge
               in
               a
               cloak-bag
               a
               Horse-backe
               behind
               him
               ,
               and
               as
               he
               was
               riding
               by
               Totnam-high-crosse
               ,
               other
               Serving-men
               were
               there
               drinking
               at
               the
               signe
               of
               the
               Swan
               ,
               who
               espied
               Richard
               ,
               they
               cald
               him
               to
               make
               him
               drinke
               .
               Richard
               was
               glad
               to
               see
               his
               old
               acquaintance
               ,
               and
               alighted
               ,
               put
               his
               Horse
               in
               the
               Stable
               ,
               tooke
               off
               his
               cloak-bag
               ,
               and
               layd
               it
               on
               the
               board
               ,
               telling
               his
               friends
               of
               the
               Pigge
               ,
               and
               that
               it
               was
               the
               fortieth
               Pig
               that
               he
               had
               carried
               in
               ten
               yeares
               from
               his
               master
               to
               a
               Lawyer
               .
               The
               company
               gave
               Richard
               the
               hearing
               ,
               and
               with
               all
               one
               of
               them
               cunningly
               stole
               the
               Pig
               out
               of
               the
               cloakbag
               ,
               and
               carried
               it
               into
               the
               Kitching
               ,
               cōmanding
               it
               to
               be
               speedily
               roasted
               :
               in
               the
               meane
               time
               they
               plied
               Richard
               with
               cup
               after
               cup
               ,
               that
               they
               were
               al
               merry
               :
               the
               Pig
               being
               
               roasted
               ,
               they
               wrapt
               it
               close
               in
               the
               napkin
               again
               ,
               that
               no
               heat
               should
               come
               from
               it
               ,
               and
               put
               it
               into
               the
               cloak-bag
               :
               so
               they
               took
               suddain
               leave
               of
               Richard
               ,
               who
               was
               quickly
               mounted
               with
               his
               piping
               hot
               pig
               behind
               him
               .
               So
               that
               he
               being
               well
               lined
               with
               Sack
               ,
               with
               the
               hot
               Pig
               at
               his
               back-side
               ,
               and
               the
               Sunne
               in
               his
               face
               ,
               &
               exceeding
               hot
               ,
               so
               that
               poore
               Richard
               did
               ride
               ,
               as
               it
               were
               betweene
               two
               fires
               ,
               besides
               the
               Horse
               trotted
               terrible
               ,
               which
               made
               the
               cloak-bag
               skip
               ,
               and
               the
               Pig
               was
               tost
               as
               in
               a
               blanket
               :
               In
               these
               occurrences
               ,
               Richard
               was
               halfe
               stewed
               ,
               so
               that
               the
               sweate
               distil'd
               from
               his
               body
               ,
               and
               lyquored
               his
               bootes
               .
               In
               this
               bloated
               case
               he
               came
               to
               London
               ,
               and
               set
               up
               his
               Horse
               ,
               tooke
               off
               his
               cloak-bag
               ,
               which
               carrying
               under
               his
               arme
               ,
               it
               was
               so
               hot
               that
               his
               side
               seem'd
               to
               scald
               ,
               and
               hee
               
               thought
               he
               had
               gotten
               a
               Plewrisie
               ,
               or
               a
               burning
               Feaver
               .
               Being
               come
               to
               the
               Councellours
               chamber
               ,
               hee
               remembred
               his
               Masters
               and
               Mistresses
               loves
               to
               him
               ,
               and
               that
               they
               had
               (
               acording
               to
               custome
               )
               sent
               him
               a
               Pigge
               ,
               and
               withall
               complained
               of
               the
               soultrinesse
               of
               the
               weather
               ,
               and
               the
               extreame
               heate
               he
               was
               in
               .
               Then
               he
               puts
               his
               hand
               into
               the
               Cloak-bagge
               to
               take
               out
               hte
               PIg
               ,
               which
               was
               so
               hot
               ,
               that
               he
               said
               there
               was
               fire
               in
               it
               ;
               at
               last
               hee
               drew
               it
               out
               ,
               and
               when
               hee
               opened
               it
               ,
               that
               it
               had
               gotten
               aire
               ,
               it
               reak'd
               and
               smoak'd
               in
               such
               manner
               ,
               that
               Richard
               said
               ,
               there
               was
               one
               of
               the
               Wonders
               of
               the
               World
               ;
               for
               betweene
               the
               heate
               of
               the
               Sun
               ,
               and
               the
               hard
               trotting
               of
               his
               Horse
               ,
               there
               was
               a
               Pigge
               roasted
               all
               to
               pieces
               in
               the
               Cloake-bagge
               .
            
          
        
         
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             loved
             the
             sole
             of
             a
             Goose
             more
             than
             any
             part
             else
             ,
             but
             his
             Cooke
             having
             a
             Wench
             that
             long'd
             for
             it
             ,
             hee
             adventred
             to
             give
             it
             her
             :
             when
             the
             Goose
             was
             carved
             ,
             and
             brought
             to
             the
             Table
             ,
             the
             Gentleman
             mist
             the
             sole
             ,
             and
             demanded
             the
             Cooke
             for
             it
             ;
             the
             Cooke
             made
             answer
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             this
             was
             no
             Goose
             ,
             it
             was
             a
             Gander
             ,
             and
             and
             he
             lost
             his
             sole
             with
             treading
             his
             Sister
             .
             This
             Goose
             deserves
             some
             sawce
             ,
             but
             I
             can
             swimme
             no
             more
             than
             a
             Goose
             ,
             therefore
             I
             'le
             wade
             no
             further
             :
             much
             good
             may
             it
             doe
             you
             Gentlemen
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             13.
             
             A
             cup
             of
             Sacke
             .
          
           
             NOw
             it
             is
             but
             folly
             to
             offer
             a
             little
             Sacke
             to
             my
             Readers
             ,
             for
             it
             is
             not
             a
             little
             or
             small
             Sack
             that
             can
             hold
             them
             ;
             yet
             for
             all
             that
             they
             may
             hold
             or
             contayne
             a
             little
             Sacke
             ,
             (
             when
             they
             have
             it
             .
             )
             A
             roaring
             Gallant
             having
             dranke
             so
             much
             Sacke
             ,
             that
             his
             head
             and
             belly
             were
             full
             ,
             and
             empty
             of
             Ebriety
             and
             Sobriety
             ,
             and
             his
             purse
             and
             brayne
             discharg'd
             of
             Wit
             and
             Money
             ,
             was
             inforced
             to
             cast
             up
             his
             Sacke
             with
             more
             haste
             than
             he
             receiv'd
             it
             ,
             which
             being
             done
             ,
             and
             his
             stomacke
             somewhat
             eas'd
             ,
             hee
             threw
             the
             Pottle-pot
             downe
             the
             staires
             ,
             saying
             ,
             Drawers
             ,
             you
             Rogues
             ,
             bring
             more
             Sacke
             ,
             for
             all
             this
             is
             gone
             .
          
           
             
             
               A
               Spitch-cocke
               ,
               or
               roasted
               Eele
               turn'd
               to
               a
               Bull.
               
            
             
               THere
               was
               a
               great
               Dispute
               held
               amongst
               good
               fellows
               once
               ,
               of
               what
               thing
               in
               the
               world
               would
               live
               longest
               after
               exquisite
               and
               extreame
               Torments
               :
               the
               Judgement
               was
               generall
               ,
               that
               it
               was
               an
               Eele
               ,
               for
               first
               hee
               would
               live
               after
               his
               head
               was
               off
               ;
               after
               he
               was
               flay'd
               ,
               after
               hee
               had
               his
               entrailes
               and
               heart
               taken
               out
               ,
               after
               he
               was
               cut
               in
               peeces
               ,
               yet
               every
               peece
               would
               have
               life
               in
               it
               ,
               after
               it
               was
               laid
               on
               the
               Gridyron
               :
               Then
               one
               of
               the
               company
               said
               ,
               I
               doe
               approove
               of
               your
               opinions
               ;
               for
               an
               Eele
               doth
               live
               longer
               after
               hee
               is
               dead
               ,
               than
               any
               other
               thing
               that
               everliv'd
               on
               the
               earth
               .
            
          
        
         
           
           
             14.
             
             A
             couple
             of
             fat
             Ducks
             roasted
             .
          
           
             NEere
             the
             Citty
             of
             Gaunt
             in
             Flanders
             ,
             in
             a
             small
             Village
             there
             was
             lately
             a
             Priest
             that
             preached
             ,
             or
             rayled
             most
             bitterly
             against
             the
             Protestants
             ,
             calling
             them
             Reprobates
             ,
             Cast-awayes
             ,
             Hugonats
             ,
             and
             Hereticks
             ,
             good
             for
             nothing
             but
             to
             feed
             fire
             ,
             flame
             ,
             and
             faggots
             ;
             for
             which
             constant
             way
             of
             invective
             talking
             the
             Priest
             was
             mightily
             followed
             by
             abundance
             of
             ignorant
             people
             ,
             (
             the
             most
             part
             women
             )
             as
             the
             like
             troupes
             doe
             into
             many
             places
             haunt
             Schismaticall
             Seperatists
             ,
             that
             willingly
             would
             dislocate
             the
             Conformity
             and
             Unity
             of
             the
             Church
             .
             Amongst
             the
             rest
             of
             this
             Priests
             Auditorie
             ,
             there
             was
             one
             man
             and
             his
             wife
             that
             seldome
             failed
             to
             heare
             him
             ;
             
             but
             it
             hapned
             that
             the
             Woman
             was
             to
             give
             her
             mayd-servant
             leave
             to
             goe
             to
             a
             Wedding
             at
             Gaunt
             ,
             (
             where
             she
             had
             a
             kinswoman
             to
             bee
             married
             )
             so
             that
             her
             Mistris
             was
             forc'd
             to
             stay
             at
             home
             that
             Sunday
             ,
             and
             dresse
             Dinner
             for
             her
             Husband
             and
             family
             .
             The
             Sermon
             being
             done
             ,
             the
             Goodman
             came
             home
             ,
             and
             told
             his
             Wife
             that
             their
             Priest
             had
             made
             an
             extraordinary
             piece
             of
             worke
             ,
             that
             the
             like
             was
             never
             spoken
             ,
             and
             that
             hee
             thought
             all
             the
             Protestants
             were
             knock'd
             downe
             with
             his
             words
             ,
             and
             that
             he
             was
             griev'd
             at
             the
             heart
             shee
             was
             not
             at
             Church
             to
             heare
             him
             .
          
           
             At
             which
             report
             the
             woman
             was
             so
             full
             of
             griefe
             ,
             (
             for
             her
             being
             absent
             from
             so
             rare
             a
             matter
             )
             that
             shee
             could
             eate
             no
             meate
             to
             Dinner
             ,
             but
             fed
             upon
             sorrow
             ;
             her
             Husband
             began
             to
             comfort
             
             her
             ,
             and
             told
             her
             ,
             that
             if
             shee
             would
             bee
             merry
             ,
             and
             eate
             her
             meate
             ,
             hee
             would
             procure
             the
             Priest
             to
             come
             to
             their
             house
             on
             the
             Wednesday
             following
             ,
             and
             there
             ,
             (
             in
             their
             Parlour
             )
             he
             should
             repeate
             the
             same
             Sermon
             to
             them
             privately
             .
             The
             woman
             was
             well
             contented
             with
             the
             motion
             ,
             and
             said
             ,
             that
             shee
             would
             bestow
             a
             couple
             of
             as
             good
             Ducks
             roafted
             on
             him
             as
             ever
             hee
             eate
             in
             his
             life
             .
             (
             Now
             you
             must
             understand
             ,
             that
             the
             Woman
             was
             hard
             and
             miserable
             ,
             and
             did
             seldome
             use
             to
             feede
             her
             Husband
             ,
             or
             any
             other
             with
             Ducks
             :
             and
             the
             Priest
             on
             the
             other
             side
             ,
             did
             love
             a
             Ducke
             so
             well
             ,
             that
             hee
             would
             run
             over
             the
             Parish
             after
             them
             .
             )
             Well
             ,
             the
             Wednesday
             was
             come
             ,
             the
             Priest
             came
             ,
             the
             Ducks
             were
             on
             the
             Spit
             roasted
             ,
             the
             Sermon
             was
             repeated
             ,
             and
             Dinner
             was
             expected
             :
             
             The
             Woman
             arising
             from
             her
             seate
             ,
             made
             a
             low
             courtesie
             to
             the
             Priest
             ,
             saying
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             I
             will
             goe
             into
             the
             Kitchin
             ,
             and
             make
             haste
             with
             your
             meate
             ,
             the
             while
             I
             will
             leave
             you
             with
             my
             Husband
             to
             discourse
             .
             in
             the
             Parlour
             :
             So
             the
             good
             wife
             went
             to
             her
             Maid
             ,
             saying
             ,
             In
             faith
             Wench
             our
             Priest
             hath
             made
             a
             good
             Declaration
             ,
             but
             I
             would
             my
             Ducks
             were
             alive
             againe
             ,
             for
             it
             grieves
             me
             to
             remember
             how
             the
             pretty
             fooles
             would
             quacke
             ,
             quacke
             ,
             about
             the
             backsides
             ;
             but
             troubles
             my
             mind
             more
             ,
             to
             thinke
             how
             ,
             like
             Wolves
             ,
             the
             Priest
             and
             thy
             Master
             will
             devoure
             them
             .
             The
             Maid
             answer'd
             her
             Dame
             ,
             that
             if
             she
             pleased
             ,
             that
             we
             two
             here
             will
             eate
             up
             the
             Ducks
             in
             the
             Kitchin
             ,
             the
             whilst
             the
             Priest
             and
             hee
             are
             prating
             in
             the
             Parlour
             .
             The
             woman
             reply'd
             ,
             that
             she
             could
             finde
             
             in
             her
             heart
             to
             doe
             it
             ,
             but
             shee
             could
             not
             answer
             the
             matter
             with
             credit
             .
             Then
             said
             the
             Maide
             ,
             Dame
             ,
             let
             us
             eate
             the
             Ducks
             ,
             and
             I
             will
             lay
             my
             Quarters
             wages
             against
             them
             ,
             that
             wee
             will
             come
             off
             with
             fame
             and
             credit
             .
          
           
             The
             match
             was
             agreed
             upon
             ,
             the
             Ducks
             were
             taken
             from
             the
             Spit
             ,
             and
             betwixt
             them
             one
             was
             eaten
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             dismember'd
             ,
             and
             spoil'd
             :
             What
             must
             be
             done
             now
             said
             the
             Dame
             ?
             I
             pray
             you
             (
             quoth
             the
             Maid
             )
             to
             lay
             the
             cloath
             ,
             with
             Bread
             ,
             and
             Salt
             ,
             and
             Trenchers
             ;
             which
             she
             did
             ,
             (
             her
             Husband
             bidding
             her
             make
             haste
             with
             Dinner
             )
             then
             shee
             came
             to
             her
             Maid
             againe
             ,
             and
             asked
             what
             must
             further
             be
             done
             ?
             Then
             said
             the
             Maid
             ,
             you
             see
             our
             Knives
             are
             foule
             and
             blunt
             ,
             I
             pray
             you
             whifper
             our
             Master
             in
             the
             eare
             ,
             and
             tell
             him
             you
             will
             turne
             the
             grindstone
             
             whilst
             hee
             doth
             sharpen
             them
             :
             Then
             the
             woman
             did
             as
             her
             Maid
             bid
             her
             ,
             and
             as
             her
             husband
             and
             shee
             were
             grinding
             in
             the
             back-side
             ,
             the
             Maid
             went
             into
             the
             Parlour
             to
             the
             Priest
             ,
             and
             told
             him
             that
             he
             was
             in
             great
             and
             suddaine
             danger
             ,
             for
             her
             Master
             and
             Dame
             were
             much
             defam'd
             by
             reason
             of
             too
             much
             familiarity
             which
             was
             suspected
             betweene
             her
             Dame
             and
             his
             good
             father-hood
             ,
             and
             therefore
             they
             had
             sent
             for
             him
             ,
             with
             a
             trick
             to
             abuse
             him
             ,
             to
             make
             him
             relate
             a
             Sermon
             ,
             (
             which
             they
             regard
             not
             :
             )
             and
             as
             for
             the
             Ducks
             which
             he
             expected
             ,
             shee
             swore
             truely
             there
             was
             not
             a
             Ducke
             in
             the
             house
             :
             The
             maine
             plot
             was
             ,
             that
             they
             did
             purpose
             to
             gueld
             him
             ,
             and
             therefore
             were
             sharpning
             their
             Knives
             ;
             which
             if
             hee
             pleas'd
             but
             to
             looke
             out
             at
             the
             
             Hall-window
             ,
             he
             might
             plainely
             see
             .
             The
             Priest
             was
             all
             amazed
             at
             this
             newes
             ,
             and
             looking
             ,
             (
             as
             the
             Maid
             said
             )
             hee
             spied
             the
             man
             and
             his
             wise
             grinding
             and
             turning
             ,
             at
             which
             sight
             he
             took
             his
             heeles
             ,
             and
             ran
             away
             as
             if
             hee
             had
             beene
             two
             stone
             lighter
             than
             hee
             was
             .
             Then
             the
             Maid
             went
             to
             her
             Master
             ,
             and
             said
             ,
             that
             shee
             thought
             the
             Priest
             was
             mad
             ,
             or
             the
             Devill
             was
             in
             him
             ;
             for
             he
             came
             suddainly
             into
             the
             Kitchin
             ,
             and
             was
             run
             away
             with
             both
             the
             Ducks
             .
             Whereat
             the
             hungry
             man
             was
             angry
             ,
             and
             in
             haste
             (
             with
             one
             of
             the
             naked
             Knives
             in
             his
             hand
             )
             he
             ran
             after
             the
             Priest
             ;
             so
             they
             both
             ran
             ,
             the
             one
             for
             feare
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             for
             hunger
             :
             the
             man
             calling
             to
             the
             Priest
             ,
             bad
             him
             for
             shame
             not
             to
             carry
             them
             both
             away
             ,
             but
             to
             let
             his
             wife
             have
             one
             of
             them
             :
             the
             Priest
             made
             answer
             
             (
             as
             he
             ran
             )
             that
             thy
             wife
             and
             thee
             are
             a
             couple
             of
             Rogues
             ,
             and
             they
             should
             both
             bee
             hang'd
             before
             they
             had
             one
             of
             them
             ,
             and
             that
             he
             would
             keepe
             them
             both
             whilst
             he
             had
             them
             .
             Thus
             the
             Sermon
             was
             said
             ,
             the
             Priest
             was
             affraid
             ,
             his
             hunger
             unstay'd
             ,
             the
             Jest
             well
             laid
             ,
             the
             Wages
             paid
             ,
             Gramercy
             Maid
             .
          
        
         
           
             15.
             
             A
             cup
             of
             small
             Beere
             .
          
           
             MY
             Reader
             perhaps
             may
             bee
             thirsty
             or
             dry
             with
             relating
             this
             long
             Tale
             of
             the
             Ducks
             ,
             therefore
             it
             cannot
             be
             amisse
             to
             give
             him
             a
             Bowle
             of
             small
             Beere
             for
             a
             cooler
             .
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             that
             dwelt
             tenne
             miles
             from
             London
             ,
             sent
             his
             Footman
             in
             all
             haste
             to
             the
             Citty
             ,
             to
             tell
             a
             Merchant
             welcome
             newes
             of
             a
             rich
             Unkle
             of
             his
             lately
             dead
             ,
             
             that
             had
             left
             him
             somewhat
             to
             make
             him
             merry
             for
             his
             Death
             ,
             with
             an
             out-side
             mourning
             in
             Blacke
             ,
             and
             an
             in-side
             laughing
             with
             Sacke
             .
             The
             Foot-man
             having
             his
             Message
             ,
             with
             a
             Letter
             ,
             made
             as
             much
             speed
             as
             hee
             could
             ,
             in
             hope
             of
             Reward
             for
             his
             good
             tidings
             ,
             so
             that
             he
             seem'd
             by
             his
             pace
             to
             have
             wings
             on
             his
             heeles
             ,
             and
             by
             the
             fogge
             or
             sweate
             hee
             was
             in
             ,
             you
             would
             have
             suppos'd
             him
             to
             have
             beene
             bloated
             or
             stewed
             body
             and
             bones
             .
          
           
             Being
             come
             to
             the
             Merchant
             ,
             hee
             deliver'd
             the
             Letter
             ,
             which
             after
             he
             had
             halfe
             read
             ,
             the
             Contents
             contented
             him
             so
             ,
             that
             hee
             call'd
             his
             Maid
             ,
             commanding
             her
             to
             fill
             a
             Bowle
             of
             Beere
             ,
             and
             give
             it
             to
             the
             Foot-man
             ,
             (
             who
             stood
             dropping
             with
             sweate
             as
             if
             he
             had
             newly
             beene
             duck'd
             )
             but
             hee
             setting
             it
             to
             his
             mouth
             ,
             swallowed
             
             it
             with
             extreame
             eagernesse
             ,
             and
             finding
             by
             the
             taste
             that
             it
             was
             a
             poore
             mortified
             Liquor
             ,
             having
             no
             vivacity
             left
             in
             it
             ,
             but
             meerely
             cold
             ,
             comfortlesse
             ,
             and
             at
             the
             best
             ,
             a
             poore
             decayed
             single-soal'd
             drinke
             ,
             although
             it
             were
             dead
             ,
             and
             a
             deceased
             remnant
             of
             humidious
             Aquacity
             ,
             nay
             though
             it
             had
             not
             upou
             the
             death
             or
             departure
             from
             its
             Cinnicall
             or
             Diogenicall
             habitation
             given
             so
             much
             as
             a
             good
             rellish
             ,
             a
             smacke
             ,
             or
             a
             taste
             to
             the
             poore
             Foot-man
             ,
             that
             ever
             any
             Malt
             had
             beene
             drown'd
             ,
             drench'd
             ,
             or
             imbrew'd
             into
             it
             ,
             yet
             hee
             (
             as
             a
             man
             of
             a
             milde
             temper
             )
             amidst
             his
             heate
             ,
             unwilling
             to
             speake
             ill
             of
             the
             dead
             ,
             did
             plainely
             tell
             the
             Merchant
             thus
             :
             Sir
             ,
             I
             doe
             thinke
             that
             your
             Beere
             hath
             ran
             as
             fast
             as
             I
             have
             ran
             ,
             and
             faster
             .
             Why
             sayst
             thou
             so
             ?
             (
             quoth
             the
             Merchant
             )
             
             because
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             it
             sweates
             more
             then
             I
             do
             :
             it
             cannot
             be
             said
             the
             Marchant
             :
             the
             foote-man
             replied
             that
             if
             it
             did
             not
             sweate
             ,
             he
             was
             much
             deceived
             ,
             for
             hee
             was
             sure
             it
             was
             in
             a
             cold
             sweate
             ,
             or
             all
             of
             a
             water
             .
          
           
             
               Another
               piece
               of
               Beefe
               ,
               and
               then
               how
               the
               Beefe
               was
               purchased
               ,
               &c.
               
            
             
               THough
               Beefe
               be
               accounted
               a
               grosse
               dish
               at
               most
               of
               our
               late
               Sardanapolitan
               feasts
               and
               Banquests
               ,
               yet
               I
               doubt
               not
               but
               many
               of
               my
               Guests
               (
               or
               Readers
               )
               wil
               be
               well
               pleased
               to
               eat
               Beefe
               (
               when
               they
               have
               it
               )
               but
               I
               being
               reasonably
               well
               stored
               ,
               will
               tell
               them
               how
               I
               came
               by
               it
               ,
               and
               then
               (
               as
               they
               like
               it
               )
               let
               them
               fall
               too
               and
               welcome
               .
            
          
           
             
             
               Now
               how
               the
               Beefe
               was
               purchased
               .
            
             
               A
               Brace
               or
               couple
               of
               monilesse
               Gallants
               ,
               who
               had
               met
               with
               some
               believing
               or
               credulous
               Mercer
               and
               Taylor
               ,
               and
               sworne
               (
               and
               lied
               themselves
               into
               compleate
               suites
               of
               praeter-plu-perfect-plush
               ,
               or
               well
               deserving
               beaten
               Uelvet
               :
               these
               two
               had
               long
               time
               shared
               equall
               fortunes
               ,
               and
               did
               purpose
               to
               live
               and
               dye
               in
               a
               brotherly
               conjunction
               ;
               and
               indeed
               it
               was
               pitty
               to
               part
               them
               .
            
             
               It
               befel
               that
               upon
               an
               Ash-wensday
               ,
               they
               chanced
               to
               read
               a
               Proclamation
               for
               the
               strict
               observing
               and
               keeping
               of
               Lent
               ;
               at
               which
               they
               were
               both
               exceedingly
               grieved
               ,
               so
               that
               the
               one
               said
               to
               the
               other
               ,
               I
               cannot
               live
               according
               as
               is
               here
               commanded
               ,
               for
               I
               will
               eate
               no
               fish
               ,
               and
               therefore
               must
               have
               flesh
               :
               The
               other
               then
               replied
               I
               
               I
               thinke
               neither
               of
               us
               have
               friends
               ,
               money
               ,
               or
               credit
               ,
               to
               purchase
               flesh
               or
               fish
               ;
               but
               if
               thou
               canst
               borrow
               a
               Porters
               habite
               ,
               as
               a
               Frock
               ,
               Cap
               ,
               Basket
               ,
               Rope
               ,
               or
               Halter
               ;
               stockins
               ,
               shooes
               ,
               and
               the
               like
               ,
               then
               I
               will
               assure
               thee
               ,
               I
               will
               load
               thy
               backe
               with
               good
               Beefe
               ;
               my
               wit
               shall
               get
               it
               ,
               and
               thy
               backe
               shall
               beare
               it
               ,
               and
               our
               old
               Hostesse
               where
               we
               lodge
               ,
               will
               powder
               it
               ,
               and
               wee
               all
               will
               bee
               merry
               ,
               and
               eate
               it
               .
            
             
               To
               be
               short
               ,
               the
               out-side
               of
               a
               Porter
               was
               borrowed
               ,
               and
               on
               the
               Thursday
               after
               Ash-wednesday
               ,
               to
               the
               Butchers
               went
               this
               Gentleman-porter
               ,
               and
               his
               consort
               the
               Kater
               .
               (
               Now
               there
               was
               an
               old
               Doctor
               of
               Physicke
               ,
               which
               for
               some
               Reasons
               shall
               not
               be
               named
               :
               Hee
               dwelt
               in
               London
               ,
               of
               good
               repute
               ,
               and
               great
               estate
               ,
               but
               so
               lame
               of
               the
               Gout
               ,
               that
               he
               
               seldome
               went
               out
               of
               his
               House
               ,
               but
               sate
               in
               a
               Chaire
               ,
               and
               gave
               his
               opinion
               of
               Urins
               and
               Diseases
               ,
               and
               Directions
               ,
               and
               Bills
               to
               Patients
               and
               Apothecaries
               .
               )
               This
               Doctor
               was
               the
               stake
               or
               ayme
               that
               the
               Master
               Cheater
               did
               purpose
               to
               make
               the
               Buckler
               for
               his
               knavery
               :
               For
               comming
               to
               a
               Butcher
               ,
               hee
               bargained
               with
               him
               at
               the
               best
               rate
               for
               so
               many
               Stone
               of
               the
               chiefest
               Beefe
               ,
               with
               a
               legge
               and
               shoulder
               of
               Mutton
               ,
               and
               loyne
               of
               Veale
               ,
               which
               came
               to
               fifty
               shillings
               and
               odde
               money
               ;
               which
               being
               cut
               in
               peeces
               ,
               and
               joynted
               ,
               and
               laid
               in
               the
               Basket
               ,
               he
               asked
               the
               Butcher
               if
               hee
               knew
               such
               a
               Doctor
               of
               Physicke
               ?
               (
               as
               afore-said
               )
               the
               Butcher
               said
               that
               he
               knew
               him
               well
               ,
               that
               hee
               was
               an
               honest
               Gentleman
               ,
               and
               that
               one
               of
               his
               men
               did
               buy
               meate
               often
               of
               him
               at
               his
               shop
               ;
               the
               Cheater
               
               reply'd
               ,
               that
               hee
               was
               also
               one
               of
               the
               Doctors
               men
               ,
               and
               that
               hee
               that
               was
               wont
               to
               buy
               meat
               of
               him
               ,
               was
               his
               Fellow
               ,
               but
               he
               was
               gone
               into
               the
               Countrey
               about
               some
               occasions
               ,
               and
               that
               himselfe
               for
               his
               part
               had
               laid
               out
               all
               his
               money
               in
               the
               Citty
               uppon
               other
               things
               for
               his
               Master
               ,
               therefore
               hee
               intreated
               the
               Butcher
               to
               let
               one
               of
               his
               servants
               to
               goe
               home
               with
               him
               ,
               and
               take
               his
               due
               for
               his
               meate
               :
               The
               Butcher
               said
               it
               was
               a
               busie
               time
               ,
               and
               had
               my
               customers
               to
               serve
               ,
               yet
               hee
               commanded
               one
               of
               his
               men
               ,
               (
               calling
               him
               Richard
               )
               to
               goe
               with
               the
               Gentleman
               ,
               to
               bring
               52.
               shillings
               and
               10.
               pence
               ,
               and
               to
               make
               haste
               backe
               againe
               .
            
             
               Away
               went
               the
               Butcher
               ,
               the
               Porter
               ,
               and
               the
               Gentleman
               ,
               who
               asked
               the
               Butcher
               his
               name
               ,
               and
               of
               what
               Country
               he
               was
               ?
               he
               said
               
               his
               name
               was
               
                 Richard
                 Snelling
              
               ,
               of
               such
               a
               Parish
               in
               Northamptonshire
               ;
               the
               Cheater
               straite
               began
               to
               call
               Richard
               Cousin
               ,
               and
               told
               him
               ,
               that
               himselfe
               was
               a
               Snelling
               by
               the
               Mothers
               side
               ,
               and
               that
               hee
               would
               doe
               more
               for
               him
               than
               hee
               was
               aware
               of
               .
               When
               they
               came
               into
               a
               Lane
               neere
               
                 London
                 wall
              
               ,
               (
               called
               PhilipLane
               )
               where
               the
               old
               Doctor
               dwelt
               ,
               the
               Cheater
               said
               Richard
               ,
               I
               will
               goe
               before
               ,
               and
               have
               the
               gate
               or
               doore
               open
               ,
               because
               the
               Porter
               is
               loaden
               ;
               so
               running
               apace
               to
               the
               gate
               ,
               hee
               knock'd
               ,
               which
               straite
               a
               Maide
               opened
               ,
               to
               whom
               he
               said
               ,
               yonder
               comes
               a
               Butcher
               with
               a
               Porter
               ,
               I
               pray
               you
               let
               them
               rest
               here
               in
               the
               Hall
               whilst
               I
               doe
               speake
               a
               word
               with
               your
               Master
               in
               the
               Parlour
               :
               as
               hee
               requested
               ,
               it
               was
               done
               ,
               and
               the
               Cheater
               went
               to
               the
               
               Doctor
               ,
               and
               told
               him
               that
               hee
               was
               a
               Gentleman
               famous
               for
               Learning
               and
               Experience
               ,
               and
               that
               though
               hee
               were
               lame
               in
               his
               legges
               ,
               yet
               hee
               was
               sound
               in
               his
               Art
               and
               profession
               ,
               which
               had
               moved
               him
               to
               bring
               to
               him
               a
               Patient
               ,
               (
               his
               Kinsman
               )
               who
               was
               of
               Gentle
               Birth
               ,
               but
               in
               his
               wild
               youth
               ran
               from
               his
               Parents
               ,
               and
               bound
               himselfe
               Apprentise
               to
               a
               Butcher
               ,
               and
               now
               within
               two
               dayes
               he
               was
               halfe
               franticke
               ,
               and
               talk'd
               of
               nothing
               but
               money
               ,
               which
               he
               thought
               was
               some
               distemperature
               in
               the
               Brayne
               ,
               through
               want
               of
               sleepe
               ,
               which
               surely
               Sir
               (
               said
               he
               to
               the
               Doctor
               )
               I
               am
               perswaded
               that
               you
               can
               effect
               in
               one
               night
               ,
               and
               you
               shall
               have
               ten
               pound
               for
               the
               Cure
               :
               He
               is
               very
               milde
               and
               tractable
               ,
               his
               fault
               is
               onely
               talking
               of
               Money
               ,
               and
               he
               staies
               without
               in
               your
               Hal.
               
               I
               pray
               you
               call
               him
               in
               said
               the
               Doctor
               ,
               which
               the
               Cheater
               did
               ,
               saying
               ,
               Richard
               ,
               goe
               into
               the
               Parlour
               ,
               my
               Master
               will
               pay
               you
               :
               so
               in
               went
               the
               Butcher
               to
               the
               Physitian
               ,
               the
               whilst
               the
               two
               Cheaters
               went
               away
               with
               the
               meate
               .
               Then
               Richard
               entred
               with
               his
               Cap
               off
               ,
               and
               made
               many
               scraping
               legges
               to
               the
               Doctor
               ,
               who
               bade
               him
               put
               on
               his
               Cap
               ,
               and
               take
               a
               stoole
               ,
               and
               sit
               downe
               by
               him
               ;
               but
               Richard
               said
               ,
               hee
               had
               more
               manners
               than
               so
               ,
               desiring
               his
               Worship
               to
               helpe
               him
               to
               his
               money
               :
               Alas
               good
               fellow
               sayd
               the
               Doctor
               ,
               I
               would
               not
               have
               thee
               to
               set
               thy
               heart
               upon
               mony
               ,
               for
               they
               that
               doe
               love
               money
               ,
               are
               bewitch'd
               with
               this
               World
               ,
               and
               have
               little
               thought
               or
               hope
               of
               a
               better
               ;
               that
               money
               was
               like
               fire
               and
               water
               ,
               very
               necessary
               for
               the
               use
               of
               Man
               ,
               (
               so
               long
               as
               they
               are
               
               servants
               ,
               and
               kept
               under
               )
               but
               where
               they
               get
               the
               maistry
               ,
               they
               will
               doe
               a
               man
               a
               world
               of
               mischiefe
               .
            
             
               Richard
               reply'd
               ,
               (
               Sir
               )
               I
               care
               not
               for
               money
               ,
               but
               I
               must
               have
               money
               of
               you
               for
               my
               Master
               Beefe
               :
               to
               whom
               the
               Doctor
               said
               ,
               Richard
               ,
               thou
               art
               farre
               gone
               ,
               how
               long
               hast
               thou
               beene
               in
               this
               case
               ,
               to
               talke
               thus
               idly
               of
               Money
               ?
               I
               pray
               thee
               canst
               thou
               say
               thy
               prayers
               ,
               or
               Creed
               ?
               Then
               straite
               the
               Butcher
               began
               to
               waxe
               hot
               ,
               and
               said
               ,
               that
               he
               was
               not
               farre
               gone
               ,
               nor
               would
               goe
               without
               his
               Money
               ;
               and
               for
               the
               case
               hee
               was
               in
               ,
               it
               is
               the
               same
               hee
               will
               be
               in
               ,
               till
               he
               have
               his
               Money
               :
               And
               as
               for
               prayers
               ,
               hee
               came
               not
               thither
               to
               pray
               ;
               and
               therefore
               I
               pray
               Sir
               ,
               to
               leave
               jesting
               ,
               and
               give
               me
               my
               Money
               ,
               for
               my
               Master
               and
               Mistris
               are
               hastie
               folkes
               ;
               and
               will
               
               bee
               very
               angry
               with
               me
               for
               my
               long
               stay
               ,
               and
               therefore
               give
               me
               my
               money
               .
            
             
               The
               Doctor
               perceiving
               that
               he
               could
               not
               put
               Richard
               out
               of
               talking
               of
               Money
               ,
               did
               suppose
               he
               was
               stark
               mad
               ,
               and
               therefore
               he
               quickly
               called
               for
               his
               men
               ,
               (
               William
               and
               Thomas
               )
               and
               commanded
               them
               to
               take
               Richard
               ,
               and
               put
               him
               into
               a
               close
               Chamber
               ,
               and
               to
               draw
               curtaines
               ,
               and
               shut
               up
               the
               windows
               ,
               whereby
               hee
               might
               be
               kept
               darke
               ,
               (
               for
               the
               better
               settling
               of
               his
               braines
               )
               saying
               that
               Richard
               came
               of
               good
               friends
               ,
               and
               that
               a
               worthy
               Gentleman
               (
               his
               Unkle
               )
               was
               with
               him
               but
               now
               ,
               and
               further
               ,
               that
               hee
               had
               a
               good
               hope
               to
               cure
               him
               in
               short
               time
               .
            
             
               The
               Serving-men
               (
               as
               their
               Master
               bad
               them
               )
               tooke
               hold
               of
               Richard
               ,
               who
               would
               not
               goe
               
               with
               them
               ;
               then
               they
               began
               to
               pull
               ,
               hale
               ,
               and
               tugge
               him
               ,
               so
               that
               Richard
               in
               anger
               ,
               asked
               if
               they
               would
               make
               him
               mad
               :
               Then
               they
               fell
               by
               the
               ears
               ,
               and
               cuffe
               ,
               and
               buffetted
               till
               they
               were
               bloody-nos'd
               ,
               and
               their
               Bands
               torne
               ;
               the
               Doctor
               still
               crying
               to
               his
               men
               ,
               Away
               with
               him
               ,
               I
               will
               tame
               him
               before
               I
               have
               done
               ,
               that
               he
               shall
               set
               his
               minde
               no
               more
               upon
               Money
               .
            
             
               Richard
               (
               being
               weake
               )
               was
               dragg'd
               perforce
               to
               the
               Chamber
               ,
               when
               presently
               the
               Butcher
               (
               Richards
               Master
               )
               came
               to
               the
               doore
               ,
               and
               knock'd
               ,
               demanding
               whether
               hee
               had
               not
               a
               servant
               in
               the
               House
               ?
               one
               of
               the
               men
               said
               ,
               there
               was
               a
               young
               fellow
               in
               the
               House
               that
               was
               stark
               mad
               ,
               and
               that
               they
               would
               hhe
               had
               beene
               hang'd
               before
               they
               saw
               him
               ,
               hee
               had
               beaten
               and
               torne
               them
               so
               :
               
               what
               ,
               is
               he
               mad
               ,
               (
               quoth
               the
               Butcher
               ?
               )
               yes
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               hee
               talkes
               of
               Money
               ,
               and
               would
               have
               it
               of
               my
               Master
               ;
               but
               feare
               not
               (
               honest
               man
               )
               my
               Master
               will
               cure
               him
               .
            
             
               What
               ,
               is
               my
               man
               mad
               said
               the
               Butcher
               ?
               yea
               quot
               the
               other
               ,
               hee
               would
               have
               Money
               ,
               I
               told
               you
               :
               Money
               ,
               why
               should
               hee
               not
               have
               Money
               said
               the
               Butcher
               ?
               He
               must
               ,
               and
               shall
               have
               Money
               ,
               and
               so
               will
               I
               :
               Are
               you
               as
               mad
               as
               your
               man
               said
               the
               Serving-man
               ?
               then
               we
               must
               be
               troubled
               to
               have
               another
               darke
               Chamber
               for
               you
               too
               ;
               and
               (
               growing
               to
               high
               words
               one
               with
               another
               )
               at
               last
               the
               Butchers
               wife
               came
               ,
               (
               flinging
               her
               Armes
               as
               if
               she
               had
               beene
               swimming
               )
               using
               the
               volubility
               of
               her
               Tongue
               to
               a
               shrill
               and
               lofty
               straine
               ,
               (
               a
               principall
               vertue
               in
               too
               many
               women
               )
               that
               the
               
               House
               rang
               with
               the
               clamour
               ,
               (
               as
               if
               it
               had
               beene
               a
               Cock-pit
               )
               asking
               her
               Husband
               why
               hee
               staid
               there
               ,
               and
               where
               the
               idle
               rogue
               her
               man
               was
               ,
               that
               hee
               brought
               not
               away
               the
               Money
               .
            
             
               The
               old
               lame
               Doctor
               ,
               hearing
               such
               a
               noise
               ,
               asked
               one
               of
               his
               servants
               what
               the
               matter
               was
               :
               who
               told
               him
               that
               the
               Butcher
               and
               his
               wife
               both
               were
               come
               for
               money
               :
               Hoy-day
               ,
               said
               the
               Doctor
               ,
               I
               thinke
               all
               the
               World
               is
               made
               for
               Money
               ;
               goe
               and
               tell
               the
               Butcher
               and
               his
               Wife
               ,
               that
               I
               have
               not
               darke
               roomes
               enow
               in
               my
               House
               for
               them
               :
               so
               after
               a
               little
               conference
               together
               ,
               the
               Doctors
               maid
               affirm'd
               that
               a
               Porter
               rested
               his
               meate
               in
               their
               Hall
               ,
               whilst
               the
               other
               Gentleman
               spake
               with
               him
               in
               the
               Parlour
               ,
               and
               that
               they
               both
               went
               away
               when
               the
               Butchers
               man
               went
               in
               :
               thus
               the
               truth
               
               was
               cleared
               ,
               the
               Cheaters
               were
               victual'd
               ,
               the
               Doctor
               was
               gull'd
               ,
               the
               Butcher
               was
               couzned
               ,
               and
               Richard
               was
               released
               .
            
          
        
         
           
             16.
             
             Twelve
             Woodcockes
             in
             a
             Dish
             .
          
           
             ABout
             sixe
             or
             seaven
             new
             molded
             Gallants
             ,
             (
             whose
             outsides
             were
             silke
             and
             slashes
             ,
             and
             their
             insides
             jeeres
             and
             flashes
             )
             were
             invited
             to
             a
             worthy
             Cittizens
             House
             to
             dinner
             ,
             where
             amongst
             a
             great
             deale
             of
             other
             good
             cheare
             ,
             there
             was
             brought
             to
             the
             Board
             a
             Jury
             of
             Woodcockes
             in
             one
             Dish
             ,
             laid
             Head
             to
             Head
             in
             the
             center
             of
             the
             platter
             ,
             as
             fantastick
             Travailers
             and
             their
             Wives
             doe
             lie
             feete
             to
             feet
             in
             the
             great
             Bed
             of
             Ware
             ,
             sometimes
             by
             dozens
             .
             These
             Guests
             (
             beeing
             loath
             to
             conceale
             their
             small
             Tallents
             
             of
             wit
             )
             had
             an
             especiall
             Art
             to
             breake
             ten
             good
             jeasts
             of
             other
             mens
             ,
             before
             they
             were
             able
             to
             make
             one
             good
             one
             of
             their
             own
             :
             they
             began
             to
             jybe
             at
             the
             Woodcockes
             ,
             and
             said
             they
             were
             a
             Jury
             Empanell'd
             ;
             another
             sayd
             ,
             it
             was
             hard
             to
             judge
             whether
             they
             were
             a
             petty
             ,
             or
             a
             Grand-Jury
             :
             a
             third
             said
             ,
             that
             he
             thought
             that
             those
             twelve
             were
             an
             Embleme
             of
             the
             twelve
             Companies
             .
             The
             Citizen
             (
             being
             a
             Gentleman
             of
             place
             and
             eminence
             )
             not
             thinking
             their
             eering
             worthy
             of
             his
             anger
             ,
             would
             not
             set
             his
             gravity
             against
             their
             foppery
             ;
             yet
             thus
             mildly
             he
             answered
             them
             .
             You
             are
             welcome
             Gentlemen
             ,
             and
             I
             do
             wish
             that
             my
             entertainment
             were
             better
             for
             you
             :
             I
             see
             there
             is
             one
             dish
             that
             distastes
             you
             ,
             but
             it
             shall
             be
             taken
             away
             ;
             for
             I
             do
             assure
             you
             ,
             that
             I
             never
             had
             so
             many
             Woodcockes
             
             at
             my
             Table
             at
             one
             time
             in
             all
             my
             life
             ;
             but
             I
             thinke
             the
             fault
             is
             not
             in
             my
             Cater
             ,
             for
             here
             are
             at
             least
             halfe
             a
             dozen
             more
             then
             he
             provided
             .
             So
             hee
             commaunded
             one
             that
             waited
             on
             ,
             to
             take
             away
             the
             roasted
             Woodcockes
             from
             the
             rest
             .
          
        
         
           
             17.
             
             A
             Loyne
             of
             Veale
             .
          
           
             ALthough
             the
             bodies
             of
             men
             are
             all
             (
             or
             the
             greatest
             number
             )
             of
             one
             forme
             or
             a
             like
             frame
             ,
             all
             compacted
             and
             composed
             of
             the
             foure
             Elements
             and
             Humors
             :
             yet
             those
             Elementary
             Humours
             are
             so
             variously
             mixed
             in
             men
             ,
             that
             it
             makes
             them
             different
             in
             their
             Appetites
             ,
             Affections
             ,
             Inclinations
             ,
             Constitutions
             and
             Actions
             :
             For
             example
             ,
             some
             wil
             gape
             and
             make
             water
             at
             the
             sight
             of
             a
             hot
             roasted
             pigge
             ;
             some
             wil
             run
             
             from
             an
             Eele
             ;
             some
             dce
             hate
             Cheese
             so
             ,
             that
             they
             will
             not
             handle
             a
             knife
             that
             hath
             cut
             it
             :
             some
             will
             sweat
             at
             the
             sight
             of
             a
             messe
             of
             Musrard
             .
             Mr.
             
               Anthony
               Munday
            
             (
             sometimes
             a
             Writer
             to
             the
             City
             of
             London
             )
             would
             run
             from
             the
             Table
             at
             the
             sight
             of
             a
             fore-quarter
             of
             Lambe
             roasted
             :
             And
             a
             reverend
             grave
             Judge
             of
             this
             Kingdome
             ,
             did
             abhorre
             a
             Ducke
             as
             it
             had
             bin
             a
             Divell
             .
             Another
             Gentleman
             did
             love
             Salt
             ,
             but
             by
             no
             meanes
             could
             indure
             to
             see
             it
             about
             the
             sides
             of
             a
             dish
             ,
             but
             would
             swound
             at
             the
             sight
             of
             it
             .
             A
             Schoole-master
             in
             this
             Citty
             cannot
             indure
             to
             smell
             Apples
             .
             Amongst
             all
             these
             ,
             I
             my selfe
             did
             know
             one
             
               Thomas
               Vincent
            
             that
             was
             a
             Book-keeper
             or
             prompter
             at
             the
             Globe
             play-house
             neere
             the
             Banck-end
             in
             Maid-lane
             :
             As
             also
             I
             did
             know
             
               Iohn
               Singer
            
             ,
             who
             
             playd
             the
             Clownes
             part
             at
             the
             Fortune-play-house
             in
             Golding-Lane
             ,
             these
             two
             men
             had
             such
             strange
             and
             different
             humours
             ,
             that
             Vincent
             could
             not
             endure
             the
             sight
             or
             scent
             of
             a
             hot
             Loyne
             of
             Veale
             ,
             and
             Singer
             did
             abhorre
             the
             smell
             of
             Aquavitae
             :
             But
             it
             hapned
             that
             both
             these
             were
             invited
             to
             Dinner
             by
             a
             Widdow
             ,
             (
             that
             did
             not
             well
             know
             their
             dyets
             )
             and
             as
             they
             sate
             at
             the
             Boord
             ,
             a
             hot
             Loyne
             of
             Veale
             was
             set
             before
             Vincent
             ,
             who
             presently
             began
             to
             change
             colour
             ,
             and
             looke
             pale
             ,
             and
             in
             a
             trembling
             manner
             hee
             drop'd
             in
             a
             swowne
             under
             the
             Table
             ;
             the
             Widdow
             (
             being
             in
             a
             great
             amazement
             )
             made
             haste
             for
             an
             Aquavitae
             bottle
             to
             revive
             him
             ,
             which
             was
             no
             sooner
             opened
             ,
             but
             the
             very
             scent
             sent
             Singer
             after
             Vincent
             in
             the
             like
             foolish
             traunce
             .
             But
             when
             
             the
             Veale
             and
             
               Aqua
               vitae
            
             were
             taken
             away
             ,
             after
             a
             little
             time
             the
             men
             recover'd
             :
             Vincent
             went
             into
             another
             Roome
             ,
             and
             dranke
             ,
             and
             Singer
             call'd
             for
             the
             Veale
             ,
             and
             din'd
             well
             with
             it
             .
          
        
         
           
             18.
             
             A
             Custard
             .
          
           
             A
             Prating
             fellow
             ,
             that
             dwelt
             in
             a
             Citty
             that
             had
             in
             former
             times
             beene
             governe
             by
             Bayliffes
             ,
             and
             was
             newly
             made
             a
             Majoralty
             ,
             did
             brag
             that
             their
             first
             Majors
             feast
             was
             most
             sumptuous
             ,
             and
             in
             price
             and
             value
             beyond
             the
             Lord
             Majors
             of
             York
             or
             London
             ,
             for
             besides
             other
             Dishes
             and
             provision
             ,
             there
             was
             sent
             in
             by
             the
             Gentlemen
             of
             the
             Countrey
             ,
             Fourteene
             brace
             of
             Bucks
             ;
             I
             demanded
             of
             him
             at
             what
             time
             of
             the
             Yeere
             their
             Major
             was
             chosen
             ?
             He
             answer'd
             
             me
             ,
             that
             about
             the
             Twentieth
             of
             October
             hee
             tokee
             his
             Oath
             ,
             and
             kept
             his
             Feast
             :
             I
             reply'd
             ,
             that
             I
             thought
             hee
             was
             mistaken
             ,
             for
             the
             Season
             for
             Buckes
             doth
             not
             hold
             or
             continue
             till
             the
             Moneth
             of
             October
             ;
             then
             hee
             said
             ,
             that
             if
             they
             were
             not
             Bucks
             ,
             they
             were
             Does
             :
             To
             which
             I
             seemed
             to
             grant
             ;
             but
             withall
             I
             told
             him
             ,
             that
             if
             they
             had
             beene
             Bucks
             ,
             all
             had
             beene
             too
             short
             of
             our
             London
             Feast
             ;
             for
             wee
             were
             able
             on
             that
             day
             to
             drowne
             such
             a
             towne
             as
             theirs
             with
             sixteene
             Tunne
             of
             Custard
             .
          
        
         
           
             19.
             
             A
             Sturgeon
             like
             an
             old
             Colt.
             
          
           
             THere
             is
             a
             Market-town
             (
             which
             I
             will
             not
             name
             in
             Print
             )
             in
             the
             roade
             betwixt
             London
             and
             Yorke
             ,
             which
             hath
             a
             
             pretty
             River
             or
             Brooke
             rnnnes
             by
             it
             ,
             up
             which
             Brooke
             it
             did
             chance
             that
             a
             Sturgeon
             did
             swim
             or
             shoote
             ,
             (
             somewhat
             neere
             the
             Towne
             )
             the
             which
             a
             Gentleman
             that
             dwelt
             neere
             ,
             espied
             ,
             and
             caused
             a
             small
             Rope
             to
             bee
             put
             through
             the
             gills
             of
             the
             Fish
             ,
             and
             fastened
             it
             to
             a
             stumpe
             of
             a
             Willow
             ,
             intending
             to
             take
             it
             as
             a
             wafte
             or
             stray
             ,
             that
             fell
             into
             the
             limits
             of
             his
             owne
             Bounds
             or
             Royalty
             :
             but
             as
             hee
             was
             gone
             to
             make
             provision
             for
             the
             carriage
             of
             it
             ,
             and
             to
             call
             his
             servants
             for
             that
             purpose
             ,
             the
             newes
             of
             the
             Sturgeon
             was
             brought
             to
             the
             Towne
             ,
             and
             the
             Recorder
             told
             the
             Major
             ,
             that
             it
             was
             taken
             in
             their
             Liberty
             ,
             and
             that
             they
             were
             better
             to
             spend
             or
             give
             an
             Hundred
             pound
             ,
             than
             to
             lose
             or
             hazard
             the
             losse
             of
             so
             much
             ground
             as
             the
             Sturgeon
             was
             within
             their
             
             Liberty
             and
             Lordship
             :
             and
             therfore
             it
             were
             their
             best
             course
             to
             goe
             speedily
             and
             fetch
             it
             away
             into
             the
             Towne
             perforce
             .
          
           
             This
             counsell
             was
             lik'd
             and
             approv'd
             ,
             and
             so
             with
             one
             consent
             ,
             the
             Major
             with
             his
             Brethren
             ,
             the
             Recorder
             ,
             and
             Officers
             ,
             with
             the
             whole
             Drove
             or
             Heard
             of
             the
             Townsmen
             ,
             went
             out
             to
             bring
             in
             the
             Sturgeon
             .
             And
             as
             they
             went
             ,
             Master
             Major
             said
             ,
             that
             he
             had
             eaten
             part
             of
             such
             a
             Fish
             many
             times
             ,
             but
             in
             all
             his
             life
             hee
             had
             never
             seene
             a
             whole
             Sturgeon
             ,
             and
             therfore
             he
             did
             not
             know
             of
             what
             shape
             or
             proportion
             it
             was
             :
             to
             whom
             one
             of
             the
             Aldermen
             said
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             in
             my
             youth
             I
             did
             use
             to
             goe
             to
             Sea
             ,
             and
             then
             I
             did
             now
             and
             then
             see
             one
             ,
             and
             I
             can
             compare
             or
             liken
             him
             to
             nothing
             more
             than
             to
             an
             old
             ragged
             Colt
             ;
             't
             is
             like
             enough
             to
             bee
             so
             (
             quoth
             
             the
             Major
             )
             and
             for
             any
             thing
             I
             know
             he
             may
             be
             like
             a
             Goose
             ,
             a
             Cocke
             ,
             or
             a
             Bull
             :
             Thus
             as
             they
             walk'd
             and
             talk'd
             many
             words
             to
             small
             purpose
             ,
             they
             espy'd
             a
             fellow
             leading
             a
             young
             Colt
             with
             aslip
             from
             the
             Brooke
             thwart
             over
             the
             field
             ,
             which
             caused
             one
             of
             the
             Aldermen
             to
             say
             to
             the
             Major
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             yonder
             man
             (
             be
             like
             )
             hath
             had
             some
             warning
             of
             our
             comming
             ,
             and
             you
             may
             see
             he
             is
             about
             to
             prevent
             us
             ,
             for
             he
             is
             leading
             away
             the
             Sturgeon
             from
             us
             ;
             with
             that
             the
             Major
             called
             aloud
             ,
             saying
             ,
             Hallow
             ,
             thou
             fellow
             ,
             I
             charge
             and
             command
             thee
             ,
             that
             thou
             bring
             hither
             our
             Sturgeon
             before
             me
             :
             The
             fellow
             (
             wondring
             )
             answer'd
             ,
             what
             zay
             Zur
             ?
             Marry
             I
             say
             Sir
             ,
             I
             charge
             thee
             bring
             hither
             our
             Sturgeon
             ;
             What
             doe
             you
             meane
             ,
             my
             Colt
             said
             hee
             ?
             Sirrah
             ,
             sirrah
             ,
             said
             the
             
             Major
             ,
             doe
             not
             you
             offer
             to
             put
             your
             knavish
             Colts
             tricks
             upon
             me
             ,
             for
             if
             you
             doe
             ,
             I
             'le
             lay
             you
             by
             the
             Heeles
             :
             Do'st
             thou
             thinke
             that
             I
             am
             such
             an
             Asse
             that
             I
             doe
             not
             know
             a
             Colt
             from
             a
             Sturgeon
             ?
             Yfaith
             quoth
             the
             fellow
             ,
             you
             are
             a
             merry
             Gentleman
             ,
             and
             with
             that
             hee
             led
             the
             Colt
             away
             .
             Then
             the
             Major
             commanded
             men
             to
             pursue
             him
             ,
             and
             take
             away
             the
             Sturgeon
             :
             Well
             ,
             the
             fellow
             ran
             ,
             the
             Townsmen
             ran
             ,
             the
             Colt
             slip'd
             his
             Halter
             ,
             and
             was
             encompast
             round
             ,
             and
             hunting
             him
             into
             the
             Towne
             ,
             was
             met
             by
             men
             ,
             women
             ,
             and
             children
             ,
             as
             a
             rare
             and
             admirable
             sight
             ,
             and
             had
             like
             to
             have
             beene
             kill'd
             ,
             and
             cut
             out
             into
             Jolles
             and
             Rands
             ,
             and
             made
             up
             into
             Keggs
             in
             pickle
             ,
             but
             that
             a
             knowing
             understanding
             Shooe-maker
             most
             luckily
             prevented
             it
             .
          
           
           
             In
             the
             meane
             time
             ,
             the
             Gentleman
             that
             first
             found
             the
             Sturgeon
             ,
             caused
             it
             to
             be
             taken
             up
             out
             of
             the
             Brooke
             ,
             and
             carried
             Home
             unto
             his
             House
             and
             there
             it
             was
             drest
             as
             was
             fitting
             .
             The
             Major
             perceiving
             his
             errour
             ,
             let
             the
             man
             have
             his
             Colt
             againe
             ,
             with
             a
             full
             determination
             that
             at
             the
             common
             charge
             with
             the
             Towne-purse
             to
             trie
             an
             Action
             with
             the
             Gentleman
             for
             the
             Sturgeon
             .
          
        
         
           
             20.
             
             A
             fresh
             Salmon
             .
          
           
             THe
             good
             ,
             old
             ,
             and
             truely
             right
             Honourable
             Charles
             Earle
             of
             Nottingham
             ,
             Lord
             High
             Admirall
             of
             England
             ,
             whose
             renowned
             memory
             shall
             never
             bee
             forgotten
             untill
             his
             bounteous
             Houskeeping
             bee
             generally
             imitated
             .
             He
             being
             at
             his
             House
             at
             Chelsey
             ,
             and
             looking
             upon
             certaine
             
             Fishermen
             that
             were
             fishing
             in
             the
             Thames
             with
             their
             SalmonNet
             ,
             his
             Lordship
             call'd
             to
             them
             ,
             and
             said
             ,
             My
             friends
             ,
             if
             you
             take
             a
             Salmon
             ,
             and
             bring
             him
             a
             shoare
             living
             ,
             that
             I
             may
             see
             it
             move
             ,
             and
             live
             ,
             I
             will
             give
             you
             your
             price
             for
             it
             :
             The
             Fisherman
             answer'd
             ,
             (
             My
             good
             Lord
             )
             I
             hope
             wee
             shall
             bee
             able
             to
             present
             your
             Honour
             with
             such
             a
             Fish
             as
             you
             desire
             ;
             so
             they
             drew
             their
             Net
             to
             Land
             ,
             and
             caught
             a
             very
             faire
             Salmon
             .
             (
             My
             Lord
             standing
             on
             the
             Land
             looking
             on
             them
             )
             To
             whom
             the
             Fisherman
             said
             ,
             my
             Lord
             ,
             I
             have
             him
             ,
             and
             you
             shall
             have
             him
             straite
             :
             So
             the
             poore
             man
             tooke
             off
             his
             leather-girdle
             ,
             which
             had
             fastned
             to
             it
             a
             little
             Pouch
             ,
             with
             ten
             pence
             in
             money
             in
             it
             ,
             and
             as
             he
             had
             put
             the
             girdle
             through
             the
             gill
             of
             the
             Salmon
             to
             hold
             it
             the
             faster
             ,
             the
             Fish
             being
             
             a
             strong
             lively
             fish
             ,
             gave
             a
             suddaine
             flirt
             or
             spring
             out
             of
             the
             mans
             armes
             into
             the
             River
             againe
             with
             the
             girdle
             in
             the
             gill
             ,
             and
             the
             Pouch
             with
             ten-pence
             ;
             which
             Salmon
             did
             shoote
             up
             the
             River
             the
             same
             Tide
             ,
             from
             Chelsey
             to
             Hammersmith
             ,
             and
             there
             it
             was
             taken
             by
             another
             Fisherman
             ,
             and
             the
             Girdle
             with
             the
             pouch
             with
             it
             ,
             which
             was
             restor'd
             to
             the
             right
             owner
             ,
             and
             the
             Fisherman
             contentedly
             rewarded
             for
             the
             same
             by
             the
             bounteous
             Nobleman
             afore-named
             .
          
        
         
           
             21.
             
             Sixe
             six
             penny
             Mutton-pyes
             to
             make
             up
             the
             Feast
             .
          
           
             MEthinks
             a
             Feast
             is
             not
             well
             set
             forth
             if
             there
             bee
             no
             Pies
             or
             bak'd
             meates
             ,
             and
             instead
             of
             Deere
             ,
             I
             pray
             Gentlemen
             take
             in
             good
             part
             such
             Venison
             as
             Smithpenns
             
             affoord
             .
             There
             was
             a
             Chyrurgian
             ,
             or
             corruptly
             a
             Surgeon
             ,
             whose
             name
             was
             well
             knowne
             to
             me
             ,
             and
             many
             more
             by
             Land
             ,
             but
             especially
             and
             truly
             by
             Walter
             ,
             and
             by
             shortning
             it
             an
             L
             ,
             by
             Water
             ,
             or
             briefly
             ,
             Wat
             ;
             (
             the
             helpe
             of
             a
             Priest
             would
             declare
             the
             rest
             )
             This
             Walters
             stomacke
             did
             water
             for
             a
             Six-penny
             Mutton-pye
             ,
             at
             a
             Cookes
             named
             T.
             S.
             at
             Westminster
             ,
             almost
             over
             against
             the
             3.
             
             Tunnes
             Taverne
             ,
             and
             having
             eaten
             one
             Pie
             ,
             he
             lik'd
             the
             rellish
             so
             well
             ,
             that
             hee
             call'd
             for
             five
             pies
             more
             of
             the
             same
             price
             ,
             and
             valiantly
             consum'd
             them
             both
             crust
             and
             meate
             ,
             outsides
             and
             linings
             :
             Which
             being
             done
             ,
             he
             heard
             Westminster
             clock
             strike
             ,
             and
             demanding
             of
             one
             of
             the
             Cookes
             servants
             what
             time
             of
             day
             it
             was
             ?
             who
             answer'd
             him
             ,
             that
             the
             Clocke
             strooke
             Eleaven
             ;
             
             Oh
             (
             quoth
             he
             )
             I
             pray
             you
             bring
             me
             a
             reckoning
             quickly
             ,
             or
             else
             I
             shall
             lose
             my
             Dinner
             at
             my
             Lord
             Maynards
             .
          
        
         
           
             22.
             
             A
             Pudding-pye
             .
          
           
             AN
             old
             rich
             Tanner
             ,
             with
             a
             beggerly
             minde
             ,
             did
             use
             Hartfourd
             Market
             constantly
             every
             Weeke
             ,
             for
             the
             time
             of
             28.
             
             Yeeres
             ,
             to
             buy
             and
             sell
             Hides
             ;
             in
             all
             which
             space
             hee
             never
             changed
             his
             Inne
             or
             Hosresse
             ,
             nor
             altered
             his
             price
             for
             diet
             or
             expences
             ,
             either
             for
             his
             Horse
             or
             himselfe
             ;
             whose
             Horse-meate
             was
             to
             be
             tied
             up
             to
             an
             empty
             Racke
             ,
             for
             which
             one
             pennie
             paid
             for
             his
             
             standing
             ,
             and
             another
             penny
             the
             Tanner
             spent
             upon
             himselfe
             in
             a
             Pinte
             of
             Beere
             ,
             and
             a
             halfe-penny
             loafe
             ;
             so
             two
             pence
             in
             the
             Totall
             was
             his
             constant
             expences
             every
             Market-day
             for
             so
             long
             a
             time
             :
             till
             at
             last
             as
             hee
             passed
             alongst
             the
             Streete
             ,
             he
             espied
             a
             Wench
             that
             sold
             hot
             Pudding-pies
             ,
             and
             presently
             his
             chapps
             began
             to
             water
             ,
             so
             that
             his
             quicke
             Eye
             and
             liquorish
             Tooth
             made
             him
             turne
             prodigall
             so
             farre
             as
             to
             waste
             a
             pennie
             upon
             himselfe
             for
             a
             Pudding-pie
             ,
             which
             he
             put
             in
             his
             Handkerchiefe
             ,
             and
             carried
             to
             his
             Inne
             ,
             with
             a
             purpose
             to
             feast
             his
             carkasse
             .
             So
             being
             set
             alone
             in
             a
             Roome
             ,
             hee
             call'd
             for
             a
             whole
             pot
             of
             Beere
             ,
             which
             the
             Maide
             drew
             ,
             and
             was
             carrying
             it
             to
             him
             :
             but
             meeting
             her
             Dame
             or
             Mistris
             by
             the
             way
             ,
             shee
             asked
             her
             to
             whom
             that
             Beere
             was
             
             fill'd
             ?
             for
             the
             old
             Tanner
             said
             the
             Maide
             ,
             whereat
             the
             Mistris
             call'd
             her
             forgetfull
             Baggage
             ,
             that
             had
             forgotten
             his
             usuall
             Diet
             ,
             to
             bee
             but
             a
             pinte
             of
             Beere
             ,
             and
             a
             Halfe-pennie
             loafe
             :
             The
             Maide
             reply'd
             ,
             that
             hee
             had
             bought
             a
             Pudding-pie
             ,
             and
             would
             make
             that
             serve
             instead
             of
             Bread
             ,
             and
             therefore
             hee
             would
             spend
             a
             whole
             pennie
             in
             Drinke
             .
             So
             it
             was
             carried
             to
             the
             Tanner
             ,
             who
             sate
             (
             repentingly
             )
             looking
             upon
             his
             Pie
             ;
             the
             whilst
             the
             Hostesse
             went
             into
             another
             roome
             ,
             where
             there
             were
             some
             merry
             fellows
             drinking
             ,
             to
             whom
             shee
             told
             how
             the
             Tanner
             had
             altered
             his
             custome
             and
             diet
             ,
             and
             that
             hee
             was
             in
             such
             a
             Roome
             alone
             with
             his
             Pot
             and
             his
             Pudding-pie
             before
             him
             :
             whereat
             one
             of
             the
             fellows
             start
             up
             ,
             and
             swore
             ,
             the
             old
             miserable
             Hound
             should
             
             have
             small
             joy
             of
             it
             ;
             so
             away
             went
             he
             to
             the
             Tanner
             ,
             (
             who
             as
             yet
             had
             neither
             touch'd
             Pie
             or
             Pot
             )
             to
             whom
             hee
             said
             ,
             by
             your
             leave
             Father
             ,
             I
             am
             bold
             to
             looke
             into
             your
             Roome
             ,
             for
             my selfe
             with
             some
             friends
             are
             basely
             us'd
             in
             this
             House
             ,
             for
             they
             fill
             us
             such
             scurvy
             dead
             drinke
             ,
             as
             a
             man
             would
             bee
             asham'd
             to
             wash
             his
             Boots
             with
             it
             :
             Now
             you
             being
             an
             old
             Guest
             of
             the
             House
             ,
             I
             would
             taste
             if
             your
             Beere
             bee
             better
             ,
             and
             with
             that
             hee
             tooke
             up
             the
             Pot
             ,
             and
             dranke
             all
             off
             ,
             set
             it
             on
             the
             Boord
             againe
             ,
             saying
             ,
             I
             thought
             (
             old
             man
             )
             that
             you
             were
             in
             favour
             with
             mine
             Hostesse
             ,
             and
             I
             perceive
             it
             now
             by
             the
             goodnesse
             of
             the
             Liquor
             :
             Oh
             but
             said
             the
             Tanner
             ,
             you
             have
             drunk
             up
             all
             ,
             then
             call
             for
             more
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             but
             who
             shall
             pay
             (
             quoth
             the
             Tanner
             ?
             )
             hee
             that
             's
             
             best
             able
             quoth
             the
             fellow
             ;
             Thou
             art
             a
             sawcy
             fellow
             (
             said
             the
             Tanner
             )
             and
             little
             better
             than
             a
             Cheater
             ,
             to
             come
             into
             my
             roome
             and
             drinke
             up
             my
             drinke
             thus
             basely
             ,
             and
             therefore
             tell
             me
             thy
             Name
             :
             The
             fellow
             told
             him
             ,
             his
             Name
             was
             
               Gurley
               ;
               Gurley
            
             said
             the
             Tanner
             ?
             there
             was
             a
             Rascall
             of
             thy
             Name
             that
             stole
             a
             Mare
             from
             me
             three
             yeere
             agoe
             ,
             that
             I
             could
             have
             hang'd
             him
             for
             it
             if
             I
             would
             :
             With
             that
             the
             fellow
             clap'd
             his
             hand
             on
             the
             boord
             ,
             and
             said
             ,
             Old
             man
             ,
             that
             Gurley
             was
             my
             Cousin
             ,
             and
             hee
             was
             the
             most
             desperate
             Fellow
             that
             England
             bred
             ,
             and
             did
             care
             no
             more
             for
             stealing
             your
             Mare
             ,
             than
             I
             doe
             at
             this
             time
             for
             eating
             your
             Pudding-pie
             ,
             and
             with
             those
             words
             hee
             suddainly
             snach'd
             up
             the
             Old
             Tanners
             Pie
             ,
             and
             
             greedily
             (
             knavishly
             )
             devoured
             it
             at
             two
             or
             three
             mouthfulls
             ,
             leaving
             the
             miserable
             Tanner
             in
             a
             mad
             ,
             hungry
             ,
             and
             thirsty
             anger
             ,
             without
             either
             Beere
             or
             Pudding-pie
             for
             his
             two-pence
             .
             So
             Gentlemen
             ,
             much
             good
             may
             it
             doe
             you
             with
             your
             Pudding-pie
             :
             Now
             there
             remaines
             behind
             onely
             some
             light
             meate
             for
             the
             closure
             of
             the
             stomack
             ,
             which
             I
             pray
             fall
             to
             ,
             and
             welcome
             ;
             and
             that
             is
             a
             Foole
             ,
             being
             made
             like
             a
             Custard
             ,
             and
             when
             that
             is
             done
             ,
             pray
             give
             eare
             to
             the
             Musick
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             23.
             
             A
             Foole.
             
          
           
             TO
             furnish
             a
             Feast
             compleatly
             ,
             there
             must
             be
             Tarts
             ,
             Custards
             ,
             Flawnes
             ,
             Flap-jackes
             ,
             and
             by
             al
             meanes
             a
             Foole
             or
             two
             :
             and
             at
             a
             Feast
             it
             so
             hapned
             ,
             that
             a
             Counsellour
             at
             Law
             (
             or
             of
             Law
             )
             being
             at
             the
             table
             ,
             amongst
             other
             dishes
             that
             stood
             before
             him
             ,
             hee
             fell
             to
             feeding
             most
             heartily
             upon
             a
             Foole
             ,
             and
             lovingly
             likeing
             it
             so
             well
             ,
             demaunded
             of
             the
             Mistresse
             of
             the
             House
             ,
             what
             good
             name
             that
             most
             excellent
             dish
             of
             meate
             had
             :
             shee
             answered
             him
             ,
             that
             the
             name
             of
             it
             was
             a
             Foole.
             The
             Lawyer
             replied
             ,
             hat
             hee
             had
             often
             tasted
             the
             goodnesse
             of
             a
             
             Terme
             Foole
             ,
             but
             for
             a
             Table
             Foole
             hee
             never
             smatch'd
             one
             that
             pleas'd
             his
             pallate
             better
             ,
             and
             therefore
             hee
             desired
             her
             to
             let
             him
             have
             a
             note
             of
             the
             ingredients
             that
             appertained
             to
             the
             making
             of
             such
             a
             composition
             ,
             that
             his
             Wife
             might
             put
             it
             in
             her
             booke
             of
             Cookery
             .
             To
             which
             request
             of
             his
             ,
             the
             Gentle-woman
             condescended
             :
             so
             after
             Supper
             was
             ended
             ,
             the
             Counsellors
             man
             drew
             his
             pen
             and
             inke
             ,
             and
             as
             the
             Gentle-woman
             directed
             him
             ,
             hee
             wrot
             .
             Item
             ,
             so
             much
             clouted
             Creame
             ,
             so
             much
             Sugar
             ,
             so
             much
             Rose-water
             ,
             so
             many
             Egges
             ,
             such
             and
             such
             Spices
             ,
             with
             other
             Simples
             that
             are
             pertinent
             to
             Foole-making
             ,
             which
             I
             am
             not
             perfit
             in
             :
             But
             after
             hee
             had
             written
             all
             ,
             he
             knew
             that
             his
             Mistresse
             would
             insert
             it
             into
             her
             Booke
             ,
             and
             therefore
             he
             thought
             
             it
             fit
             to
             give
             it
             a
             title
             or
             directions
             above
             it
             ,
             to
             distinguish
             it
             from
             other
             receites
             ,
             wherefore
             thus
             he
             intituled
             it
             :
             A
             receite
             to
             shew
             my
             Mistresse
             ,
             how
             to
             make
             my
             Master
             a
             Foole.
             
          
           
             
               A
               Tale
               of
               a
               Foole.
               
            
             
               A
               Young
               Gentleman
               (
               being
               a
               rich
               Heire
               )
               came
               a
               woing
               to
               a
               proper
               Gentle-woman
               ,
               whose
               sharpe
               wit
               quickly
               found
               him
               to
               be
               a
               Foole
               ,
               by
               his
               playing
               the
               Coxcombe
               ,
               and
               by
               his
               outward
               gesture
               ;
               and
               so
               shee
               gave
               him
               frumps
               for
               his
               folly
               ,
               and
               flours
               for
               his
               foppery
               ,
               parting
               as
               wisely
               as
               they
               met
               :
               which
               her
               mother
               perceiving
               ,
               beganne
               to
               chide
               her
               ,
               
               saying
               that
               shee
               was
               a
               squeamish
               proud
               Baggage
               to
               give
               no
               more
               contentfull
               respect
               to
               a
               Gentleman
               of
               his
               worth
               and
               rich
               hopes
               ,
               and
               that
               she
               had
               best
               to
               be
               more
               tractable
               to
               him
               hereafter
               ,
               for
               ,
               (
               quoth
               she
               )
               your
               Father
               and
               I
               ,
               and
               his
               parents
               are
               minded
               and
               agreed
               that
               hee
               shal
               be
               your
               Husband
               .
               Now
               ,
               God
               blesse
               me
               ,
               said
               the
               maide
               ,
               for
               I
               cannot
               love
               him
               :
               why
               canst
               thou
               not
               love
               him
               ?
               (
               quoth
               the
               mother
               ,
               )
               I
               know
               he
               is
               very
               rich
               :
               rich
               ,
               said
               the
               maide
               ?
               I
               know
               hee
               is
               rich
               ,
               (
               But
               ,
               —
               .
               )
               But
               quoth
               the
               mother
               ,
               what
               But
               :
               you
               idle
               slut
               ,
               you
               would
               say
               he
               is
               But
               a
               Foole
               :
               you
               say
               true
               mother
               ,
               said
               she
               ,
               it
               is
               for
               that
               onely
               that
               I
               cannot
               affect
               him
               :
               the
               mother
               reply'd
               ,
               that
               for
               his
               being
               a
               Foole
               ,
               it
               was
               her
               wisest
               part
               to
               take
               him
               ;
               for
               it
               was
               better
               for
               her
               to
               be
               married
               
               to
               one
               that
               is
               a
               Foole
               already
               made
               to
               her
               Hand
               ,
               then
               after
               marriage
               to
               take
               the
               paines
               to
               make
               him
               one
               :
               saying
               further
               ,
               who
               loves
               theirwives
               better
               then
               Fooles
               ?
               who
               lets
               them
               Eate
               ,
               Drinke
               ,
               weare
               ,
               say
               ,
               or
               doe
               what
               they
               please
               ,
               but
               Fooles
               ?
               I
               tell
               thee
               that
               I
               was
               foure
               yeares
               married
               to
               thy
               Father
               ,
               and
               hee
               he
               curb'd
               me
               ,
               and
               restrain'd
               me
               of
               my
               will
               so
               much
               ,
               that
               hee
               almost
               broake
               my
               Heart
               ,
               till
               at
               the
               last
               (
               with
               a
               great
               deale
               of
               cost
               and
               counsell
               from
               my
               good
               neighbours
               and
               Cossips
               ,
               )
               and
               aboundance
               of
               care
               and
               paines
               taking
               ,
               I
               made
               him
               a
               Foole
               ,
               (
               and
               so
               he
               happily
               continues
               :
               )
               since
               which
               time
               ,
               I
               have
               liv'd
               a
               Ladies
               life
               ,
               full
               of
               content
               and
               pleasure
               :
               and
               therefore
               Huswife
               ,
               no
               more
               a
               doe
               ,
               but
               take
               my
               counsell
               ,
               and
               marry
               a
               Foole
               ,
               if
               
               you
               meane
               to
               live
               a
               merry
               and
               pleasant
               life
               .
            
          
        
         
           
             24.
             
             Cheese
             .
          
           
             ONe
             brag'd
             and
             boasted
             that
             when
             he
             was
             married
             ,
             that
             he
             had
             at
             the
             least
             two
             hundred
             Cookes
             to
             dresse
             his
             Wedding
             Dinner
             :
             Another
             answered
             him
             that
             hee
             believed
             him
             not
             ,
             because
             he
             knew
             that
             he
             had
             not
             so
             much
             as
             a
             House
             to
             put
             his
             Head
             in
             ,
             but
             lodged
             in
             a
             Garret
             ,
             and
             therefore
             he
             could
             not
             have
             use
             or
             roome
             for
             so
             many
             Cookes
             :
             He
             replied
             ,
             that
             as
             hee
             with
             his
             friends
             came
             from
             Church
             ,
             they
             went
             to
             a
             drie
             Hedge
             ,
             and
             set
             it
             on
             fire
             ,
             (
             every
             man
             having
             a
             
             piece
             of
             Cheese
             in
             his
             pocket
             ,
             )
             and
             dividing
             themselves
             ,
             the
             one
             halfe
             halfe
             of
             them
             on
             one
             side
             of
             the
             Hedge
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             halfe
             on
             the
             other
             ,
             and
             so
             toasting
             their
             Cheese
             ,
             being
             two
             hundred
             in
             number
             ,
             they
             were
             all
             Cookes
             ,
             and
             drest
             the
             Wedding
             dinner
             .
          
        
         
           
             25.
             
             A
             Posset
             .
          
           
             THe
             Kings-Head
             Taverne
             in
             Fleet-streete
             ,
             at
             Chancery-lane
             end
             ,
             hath
             a
             long
             time
             bin
             a
             contenting
             well-custom'd
             House
             ,
             and
             if
             the
             Travailes
             of
             some
             of
             the
             Drawers
             up
             and
             downe
             the
             staires
             could
             be
             measured
             ,
             
             it
             may
             be
             reckoned
             a
             dayly
             journey
             of
             Forty
             miles
             a
             day
             in
             a
             Terme-time
             .
          
           
             About
             30.
             
             Yeeres
             since
             there
             was
             a
             man
             that
             kept
             the
             said
             Taverne
             ,
             whose
             Name
             was
             Gent
             ,
             who
             was
             an
             honest
             fat
             man
             ,
             (
             as
             most
             fat
             men
             be
             )
             who
             being
             in
             bed
             ,
             about
             mid-night
             the
             Drawers
             and
             the
             Maids
             were
             up
             merry
             in
             the
             Kitchin
             ,
             to
             have
             a
             little
             recreation
             after
             their
             long
             dayes
             toyle
             :
             for
             which
             purpose
             the
             Maides
             had
             made
             a
             great
             and
             a
             good
             Posset
             ,
             which
             exceeding
             hot
             ,
             and
             well
             sack'd
             ,
             sugar'd
             ,
             and
             spic'd
             ,
             was
             put
             into
             a
             broad-brim'd
             pewter
             Bason
             :
             Mr.
             Gent
             being
             suddainly
             taken
             with
             an
             occasion
             to
             rise
             ,
             (
             for
             the
             keeping
             of
             his
             bed
             cleane
             )
             put
             on
             his
             slippers
             ,
             and
             as
             he
             was
             comming
             downe
             the
             staires
             ,
             his
             servants
             hearing
             him
             ,
             were
             in
             doubt
             they
             
             were
             discovered
             by
             their
             Master
             ,
             whom
             to
             prevent
             ,
             they
             put
             out
             the
             light
             ,
             and
             one
             of
             them
             took
             the
             Bason
             with
             the
             hot
             Posset
             ,
             and
             (
             to
             hide
             it
             )
             laid
             it
             upon
             the
             seat
             in
             the
             House
             of
             office
             ,
             Master
             Gent
             suspecting
             no
             harme
             ,
             went
             thither
             in
             the
             darke
             ,
             and
             set
             himselfe
             in
             the
             Posset
             ,
             which
             hee
             found
             so
             scalding
             ,
             that
             hee
             cried
             out
             Helpe
             ,
             helpe
             ,
             the
             devil
             's
             in
             the
             Privie
             :
             thus
             was
             the
             Servants
             deceiv'd
             ,
             the
             Good-man
             scar'd
             and
             scalded
             ,
             and
             the
             Posset
             most
             unluckily
             spoyl'd
             and
             defil'd
             .
          
        
         
           
             26.
             
             Musicke
             .
          
           
             THree
             or
             foure
             Gentlemen
             being
             merry
             with
             drinke
             and
             
             discourse
             in
             a
             Taverne
             ,
             a
             Musitian
             proffer'd
             them
             Musicke
             ,
             which
             was
             deny'd
             ;
             within
             a
             little
             time
             after
             another
             ask'd
             the
             same
             question
             ,
             Gentlemen
             ,
             will
             you
             have
             any
             Muficke
             ?
             The
             Gentlemen
             began
             to
             bee
             angry
             ,
             saying
             ,
             they
             were
             Musick
             to
             themselves
             ,
             and
             of
             themselves
             ,
             and
             bad
             the
             Fidler
             get
             him
             gone
             ;
             but
             it
             was
             not
             long
             before
             the
             third
             Fidler
             opened
             their
             doore
             ,
             and
             peep'd
             into
             the
             Roome
             ,
             with
             the
             old
             note
             ,
             Gentlemen
             ,
             will
             you
             have
             any
             Musicke
             ,
             a
             new
             Song
             ,
             or
             a
             fine
             Lesson
             ?
             The
             Gentlemen
             perceiving
             that
             no
             deniall
             would
             satisfie
             their
             intruding
             importunacy
             ,
             said
             ,
             do'st
             thou
             heare
             fellow
             ,
             how
             many
             are
             you
             ?
             Wee
             are
             foure
             said
             the
             Musitian
             ;
             Can
             you
             dance
             said
             the
             Gentlemen
             ?
             Yes
             sir
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             tha●'s
             well
             quoth
             the
             Gentlemen
             :
             so
             without
             
             any
             more
             bidding
             ,
             the
             Musitians
             entred
             ,
             and
             two
             of
             them
             plaid
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             two
             danc'd
             foure
             or
             five
             Dances
             ;
             in
             conclusion
             the
             Gentlemen
             call'd
             for
             a
             Reckoning
             ,
             and
             paid
             it
             ;
             but
             as
             they
             were
             going
             away
             ,
             one
             of
             the
             Fidlers
             said
             ,
             Gentlemen
             ,
             I
             pray
             you
             to
             remember
             the
             Musick
             ,
             you
             have
             given
             us
             nothing
             yet
             ;
             to
             whom
             one
             of
             the
             Gentlemen
             answer'd
             ,
             nor
             will
             we
             give
             you
             any
             thing
             ,
             for
             we
             never
             knew
             any
             Reason
             to
             the
             contrary
             ,
             
               But
               alwayes
               those
               that
               dance
               must
               pay
               the
               Musicke
               .
            
          
        
         
           
             27.
             
             One
             hundred
             of
             Faggots
             .
          
           
             GEntlemen
             ,
             the
             aire
             is
             raw
             and
             cold
             ,
             therefore
             't
             is
             not
             amisse
             to
             have
             some
             Faggots
             ,
             as
             
             well
             to
             warme
             you
             ,
             as
             to
             dresse
             your
             meate
             ;
             and
             first
             how
             the
             Faggots
             were
             gotten
             .
          
           
             There
             dwelt
             a
             Water-man
             at
             Greenewitch
             ,
             who
             for
             his
             meritorious
             and
             notorious
             Vertues
             ,
             had
             justly
             purchas'd
             the
             Nicke-name
             of
             Bawdy-boy
             ,
             by
             which
             name
             hee
             was
             generally
             knowne
             ,
             and
             called
             ,
             and
             will
             thereby
             bee
             many
             yeeres
             to
             come
             ,
             had
             in
             remembrance
             .
             It
             happened
             that
             this
             Fellow
             (
             working
             with
             Oares
             )
             had
             a
             Gentleman
             at
             London
             in
             his
             Boate
             ,
             whom
             hee
             carried
             to
             Gravesend
             ;
             it
             being
             in
             a
             Winter-night
             ,
             and
             Eleaven
             of
             the
             Clocke
             at
             the
             time
             of
             their
             landing
             ,
             the
             Moone
             shining
             in
             her
             full
             brightnesse
             ,
             and
             so
             calme
             and
             still
             was
             the
             winde
             ,
             that
             it
             would
             not
             move
             the
             smoake
             of
             a
             Chimney
             ,
             or
             flame
             of
             a
             Candle
             .
             When
             Bawdy-boy
             had
             landed
             the
             
             Gentleman
             ,
             and
             tooke
             his
             fare
             ,
             (
             which
             was
             sixe
             shillings
             )
             hee
             told
             his
             fellow
             what
             hee
             had
             receiv'd
             ,
             and
             withall
             the
             Tide
             being
             an
             houre
             flood
             ,
             and
             no
             passengers
             left
             ,
             hee
             thought
             it
             best
             to
             swim
             up
             emptie-boated
             with
             the
             streame
             from
             Gravesend
             to
             Greenewich
             ,
             rather
             than
             to
             stay
             there
             ,
             and
             spend
             their
             money
             ;
             and
             that
             hee
             doubted
             not
             ,
             but
             to
             make
             some
             profitable
             purchase
             on
             the
             river
             before
             he
             gat
             home
             :
             In
             which
             resolve
             they
             put
             off
             their
             Boate
             ,
             and
             after
             one
             houres
             Rowing
             ,
             betweene
             Greene-hithe
             and
             Purfleete
             they
             overtooke
             an
             Hoy
             ,
             or
             great
             Boate
             ,
             loaden
             with
             as
             good
             Kentish
             faggots
             as
             Christendome
             could
             yeeld
             :
             the
             Hoy-man
             driving
             and
             whistling
             up
             in
             the
             calme
             streame
             ,
             and
             the
             light
             Moone-shine
             ,
             to
             whom
             Bawdy-boy
             call'd
             ,
             and
             ask'd
             him
             if
             hee
             
             would
             sell
             him
             one
             Hundred
             of
             Faggots
             ?
             The
             Hoy-man
             answer'd
             ,
             saying
             ,
             they
             are
             not
             mine
             to
             sell
             ,
             I
             am
             but
             hired
             to
             bring
             them
             to
             London
             for
             a
             Woodmonger
             that
             dwells
             there
             .
             My
             Friend
             (
             quoth
             Bawdy-boy
             )
             what
             though
             they
             are
             none
             of
             thine
             to
             sell
             ,
             yet
             thou
             may'st
             let
             me
             have
             one
             Hundred
             of
             them
             ,
             and
             make
             thy
             Master
             beleeve
             they
             were
             mis-told
             to
             thee
             ;
             or
             else
             thou
             may'st
             mis-tell
             one
             Hundred
             in
             the
             delivery
             of
             them
             ;
             't
             is
             twenty
             to
             one
             they
             will
             never
             bee
             mist
             amongst
             so
             many
             .
          
           
             This
             gentle
             and
             grave
             counsell
             began
             to
             worke
             upon
             the
             tender
             conscience
             of
             the
             Faggot-man
             ,
             insomuch
             that
             the
             bargaine
             was
             strooke
             ,
             that
             for
             Five
             Shillings
             Bawdy-boy
             should
             have
             one
             Hundred
             of
             Faggots
             .
             In
             briefe
             ,
             the
             Faggots
             were
             taken
             into
             the
             
             Wherrie
             ,
             and
             the
             Faggot-seller
             expected
             Five
             shillings
             ;
             to
             whom
             Bawdy-boy
             said
             ,
             (
             Friend
             )
             I
             doe
             see
             a
             Faggot
             with
             a
             crooked
             stick
             in
             it
             ,
             which
             sticke
             will
             be
             to
             me
             of
             more
             worth
             than
             three
             Faggots
             ,
             for
             a
             use
             that
             I
             would
             put
             it
             to
             :
             I
             pray
             thee
             let
             me
             have
             it
             ,
             and
             I
             wil
             give
             thee
             one
             of
             my
             faggots
             backe
             againe
             for
             it
             ;
             the
             other
             reply'd
             ,
             that
             he
             would
             doe
             him
             that
             kindnesse
             ,
             though
             it
             were
             troublesome
             to
             him
             to
             remove
             a
             dozen
             or
             twenty
             Faggots
             that
             lay
             about
             it
             :
             So
             whilst
             the
             fellow
             was
             busie
             to
             get
             the
             crooked-stickefaggot
             ,
             Bawdy-boy
             thrust
             himselfe
             off
             with
             his
             Boate
             and
             one
             Hundred
             of
             Faggots
             :
             At
             the
             last
             the
             Hoy-man
             came
             to
             the
             Hoyes
             side
             ,
             and
             perceiving
             his
             Merchant
             to
             be
             gone
             ,
             hee
             called
             to
             him
             ,
             saying
             ,
             Hoe
             friend
             ,
             com●
             hither
             ,
             here
             is
             the
             Faggot
             with
             
             the
             crooked
             sticke
             :
             To
             whom
             Bawdy-boy
             reply'd
             ,
             saying
             ,
             it
             is
             no
             matter
             ,
             I
             have
             better
             bethought
             my selfe
             ,
             I
             will
             make
             a
             shift
             without
             it
             :
             the
             other
             call'd
             againe
             ,
             and
             said
             ,
             thou
             hast
             nor
             paid
             me
             for
             my
             Faggots
             ,
             I
             know
             it
             well
             quoth
             the
             other
             ,
             nor
             will
             I
             pay
             thee
             any
             thing
             ;
             thou
             art
             a
             Theefe
             ,
             and
             a
             notable
             Rogue
             ,
             and
             I
             will
             pay
             thy
             Master
             ,
             who
             is
             an
             honest
             Gentleman
             ,
             and
             hee
             shall
             know
             what
             a
             Rogue
             you
             are
             ,
             and
             so
             I
             leave
             you
             .
          
           
             Courteous
             Reader
             ,
             I
             would
             intreate
             you
             to
             read
             this
             pleasant
             discourse
             of
             
               One
               hundred
               of
               Faggots
            
             ,
             before
             that
             of
             
               Great
               and
               small
               Oysters
            
             ,
             for
             so
             it
             should
             be
             placed
             .
          
           
             Thus
             Gentlemen
             ,
             you
             have
             seene
             your
             Cheere
             ,
             and
             you
             
             know
             you
             are
             welcome
             ;
             I
             am
             perswaded
             that
             you
             could
             not
             have
             had
             so
             good
             diet
             (
             as
             is
             before
             related
             )
             at
             any
             six-penny
             Ordinary
             ,
             though
             it
             were
             in
             the
             North
             ,
             where
             Victuals
             are
             cheapest
             :
             Heere
             hath
             beene
             variety
             without
             Ebriety
             ,
             I
             promis'd
             you
             at
             first
             ,
             that
             I
             would
             not
             take
             your
             stomacks
             from
             you
             ,
             and
             that
             you
             should
             goe
             away
             as
             sober
             as
             you
             came
             ,
             wherein
             I
             hope
             I
             have
             kept
             my
             word
             ,
             and
             so
             you
             are
             welcome
             Gentlemen
             :
             Onely
             here
             is
             a
             Bill
             of
             Fare
             to
             satisfie
             your
             mindes
             ,
             or
             to
             bee
             a
             President
             fo
             you
             ,
             when
             you
             have
             occasion
             to
             make
             a
             Feast
             ,
             and
             how
             to
             provide
             for
             every
             mans
             Palate
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             A
             Bill
             of
             Fare
             ,
             invented
             by
             the
             choisest
             Pallats
             of
             our
             time
             ,
             both
             for
             Worth
             and
             Wit
             ,
             wherein
             are
             appointed
             such
             Rare
             and
             Admirable
             Dishes
             ,
             as
             are
             not
             to
             bee
             had
             every
             where
             ;
             and
             may
             be
             expected
             dayly
             at
             the
             Five
             pound
             Ordinary
             :
             as
             it
             came
             to
             my
             hands
             I
             give
             it
             you
             freely
             (
             Gentlemen
             )
             with
             some
             Addition
             of
             Dishes
             of
             mine
             owne
             .
          
           
             
               FOure
               Phantasmaes
               ,
               two
               boil'd
               and
               two
               roasted
               .
            
             
               One
               Dish
               of
               Cadulsets
               .
            
             
               A
               stew'd
               Torpedo
               .
            
             
               One
               Dish
               of
               Andovians
               .
            
             
               One
               Phoenix
               in
               white
               Broath
               .
            
             
               One
               fore-legge
               of
               a
               Greene
               Dragon
               bak'd
               .
            
             
               Foure
               Pellican
               Chickens
               .
            
             
               Two
               Dottrells
               broyl'd
               .
            
             
               
               A
               Dish
               of
               Elephants
               Pettitoes
               .
            
             
               A
               Rhinorsceros
               boyld
               in
               Allecant
               .
            
             
               A
               Calves
               Head
               roast
               with
               a
               Pudding
               in
               the
               belly
               .
            
             
               A
               sowst
               Owle
               .
            
             
               A
               Dish
               of
               Irish
               Harts
               Horne
               boil'd
               into
               Jelly
               ,
               with
               a
               golden
               Horse-shooe
               dissolv'd
               in
               it
               .
            
             
               One
               Lobster
               fry'd
               in
               steaks
               .
            
             
               Nine
               Soales
               of
               a
               Goose.
               
            
             
               Three
               Ells
               of
               a
               Jackanapes
               taile
               .
            
             
               Two
               Cockatrices
               .
            
             
               Two
               dryed
               Sallamanders
               .
            
             
               One
               boild
               Ele-pie
               .
            
             
               A
               Dish
               of
               Quishquillions
               .
            
             
               A
               Dish
               of
               Modicums
               boild
               with
               Bonum
               .
            
             
               A
               Dish
               of
               Bounties
               with
               Sorrellsoppes
               .
            
             
               A
               Gull
               pickled
               .
            
             
               A
               Tantablin
               with
               an
               Onion
               .
            
             
               A
               Sallet
               of
               Goose-grease
               and
               Chickweed-fruite
               .
            
             
               
               A
               West-India
               Cheese
               .
            
             
               One
               Hundred
               of
               CoakerNuts
               .
            
             
               Fifty
               Pine-apples
               .
            
             
               Twelve
               Palmitaes
               .
            
          
        
      
       
         FINIS
         .
      
    
     
  

