Some reflections upon marriage occasion'd by the Duke & Dutchess of Mazarine's case, which is also considered.

SOME REFLECTIONS UPON MARRIAGE , Occasion'd by the Duke and Dutchess of Mazarine's CASE ; which is also consider'd .

CUriosity , which is sometimes an occasion of Good , and too frequently of Mischief , by disturbing either our Own , or our Neighbour's Repose , having put me upon reading the Duke and Dutchess of Mazarine 's Case ; I thought an Afternoon wou'd not be quite thrown away in pursuing some Reflections that it occasion'd . The name of Mazarine is considerable enough to draw the Eyes of the curious , and when one remembers what a noise it had made in Europe , what Politick Schemes have been laid , what vast designs brought about by the Cardinal that bore it ; how well his measures were concerted for the Grandeur of that Nation , into which he was transplanted , and that he wanted neither Power nor Inclination to establish his own Family and make it as considerable as any Subjects could possible be , and what Honours and Riches he had heap'd together in order to this , one cannot but enquire how it comes about that he should be so defeated in this last design ; and that those to whom he intrusted his Name and Treasure , should make a figure so very different from what might have been expected from them . And tho' one had not Piety enough to make a Religious Reflection , yet Civil Prudence woul'd almost enforce them to say , that Man being in Honour has no Vnderstanding , but is compar'd unto the Beasts that Perish . He blesseth his Soul , and thinks himself a happy Man , imagining his House will endure for ever , and that he has establish'd his Name and Family . But how wise soever he may be in other respects , in this he acts no better than the Ignorant and Foolish . For as he carries nothing away with him when he dies , so neither will his Pomp and Glory descend as he intended . Generous and Worthy Actions only can secure him from Oblivion , or what is worse , being remembred with Contempt ; so little reason have we to envy any Man's Wealth and Greatness , but much to Emulate his Wisdom and Vertue .

The Dutchess of Mazarine's Name has spread perhaps as far as her Uncle's , and one can't help wishing that so much Wit and Beauty , so much Politeness and Address , had been accompany'd and supported by more valuable and lasting Qualities ; one cannot but desire that her Advocate instead of recriminating had clear'd the imputations laid on her , and that she her self , who says enough in her Memoirs , to shew she was unfortunate , had said more to prove her self discreet . They must be highly ill-natur'd who do not pity her ill fortune at the same time that they must blame her Conduct , and regret that such a Treasure should fall into his hands who was not worthy of it , nor knew how to value and improve it ; that she who was capable of being a great Ornament to her Family and Blessing to the Age she liv'd in , should only serve ( to say no worse ) as an unhappy Shipwrack to point out the dangers of an ill Education and unequal Marriage .

Monsieur Mazarine is not to be justified , nor Madam his Spouse excus'd . It is no question which is most Criminal , the having no sense , or the abuse of a liberal Portion , nor any hard matter to determine who is most to be pity'd , he whom Nature never qualify'd for great things , who therefore can't be very sensible of great Misfortunes ; or she , who being capable of every thing , must therefore suffer more and be the more lamented . To be yoak'd for Life to a disagreeable Person and Temper , to have Folly and Ignorance tyrannize over Wit and Sense ; to be contradicted in every thing one does or says , and bore down not by Reason but Authority ; to be denied ones most innocent desires for no other cause , but the Will and Pleasure of an absolute Lord and Master , whose follies a Woman with all her Prudence cannot hide , and whose Commands she cannot but despise at the same time she obeys them , is a misery none can have a just Idea of , but those who have felt it .

These are great Provocations , but nothing can justify the revenging the Injuries we receive from others , upon our selves : The Italian Proverb shews much better way Vuoi far vendetta del tuo nemico governati bene . If you would be reveng'd of your Enemies , live well . Had Madam Mazarine's Education made a right improvement of her Wit and Sense , we should not have found her seeking Relief by such imprudent , not to say Scandalous Methods , as the running away in Disguise with a spruce Cavalier , and rambling to so many Courts and Places , nor diverting her self with such Childish , Ridiculous or Ill-natur'd Amusements , as the greatest part of the Adventures in her Memoirs are made up of . True wit consists not meerly in doing or saying what is out of the way , but in such surprizing things as are fit and becoming the Person from whom they come . That which stirs us up to Laughter most commonly excites our Contempt : to Please , and to make Merry are two very different Talents . But what Remedies can be administred , what Relief expected , when Devotion , the only true support in Distress , is turn'd into Ridicule ? Unhappy is that Grandeur which makes us too great to be good ; and that Wit which sets us at a distance from true Wisdom . Even Bigotry it self , as contemptible as it is , is preferable to Prophane Wit ; for that only requires our Pity , but this deserves our Abhorrence .

A Woman who seeks Consolation under Domestick troubles from the Gaieties of a Court , from Gaming and Courtship , from Rambling and odd Adventures , and the Amusements mixt Company affords , may Plaister up the Sore , but will never heal it ; nay , which is worse , she makes it Fester beyond a possibility of Cure. She justifies the Injury her Husband has done her , by shewing that whatever other good Qualities she may have , Discretion , one of the Principal , is wanting . She may be Innocent , but she can never prove she is so ; all that Charity can do for her when she 's Censur'd is only to be silent ; it can make no Apologies for suspicious Actions . An ill Husband may deprive a Wife of the comfort and quiet of her Life ; may give her occasion of exercising her Virtue , may try her Patience and Fortitude to the utmost , but that 's all he can do : 't is her self only can accomplish her Ruin. Had Madam Mazarin's Reserve been what it ought to be , Monsieur Herard needed not to have warded off so carefully , the nice Subject of the Lady's Honour , nor her Advocate have strain'd so hard for Colours to excuse such Actions as will hardly bear 'em ; but a Man indeed shews the best side of his Wit , tho' the worst of his Integrity , when he has an ill Cause to manage . Truth is bold and vehement ; she depends upon her own strength , and so she be plac'd in a true Light , thinks it not necessary to use Artifice and Address as a Recommendation ; but the prejudices of Men have made them necessary : their Imagination gets the better of their Understanding , and more judge according to Appearances , than search after the Truth of Things .

What an ill Figure does a Woman make with all the Charms of her Beauty and Sprightliness of her Wit , with all her good Humour and insinuating Address ; tho' she be the best Oeconomist in the World , the most entertaining Conversation ; if she remit her Guard , abate in the Severity of her Caution and Strictness of her Virtue , and neglect those Methods which are necessary to keep her not only from a Crime , but from the very suspicion of one !

Are the being forbid having Comedies in her House , an ill natur'd Jest , dismissing of a Servant , imposing Domesticks , or frequent changing them , sufficient Reasons to Authorize a Woman's leaving her Husband and breaking from the strongest Bands , exposing her self to Temptations and Injuries from the Bad , to the contempt , or at the best to the pity of the Good , and the just Censure of all ? A Woman of sense one would think should take little satisfaction in the Cringes and Courtship of her Adorers , even when she is single ; but it is Criminal in a Wife to admit them , interested Persons may call it Gallantry , but with the modest and discreet it is like to have a harder Name , or else Gallantry will pass for a scandalous thing , not to be allow'd among Vertuous Persons .

But Madam Mazarine is dead , may her Faults die with her ; may there be no more occasion given for the like Adventures , or if there is , may the Ladies be more Wise and Good than to take it ! Let us see then from whence the mischief proceeds , and try if it can be prevented ; certainly Man may be very happy in a Married State ; 't is his own fault if he is at any time otherwise . The wise Institutor of Matrimony never did any thing in vain ; we are the Sots and Fools if what he design'd for our Good , be to us an occasion of falling . For Marriage , notwithstanding all the loose talk of the Town , the Satyrs of Ancient or Modern pretenders to Wit , will never lose its due praise from judicious Persons . Tho' much may be said against this or that Match , tho' the Ridiculousness of some , the Wickedness , of others and Imprudence of too many , too often provoke our wonder or scorn , our indignation or pity , yet Marriage in general is too sacred to be treated with Disrespect , too venerable to be the subject of Raillery and Buffonery . It is the Institution of Heaven , the only Honourable way of continuing Mankind , and far be it from us to think there could have been a better than infinite Wisdom has found out for us .

But upon what are the Saytrs against Marriage grounded ? Not upon the State it self , if they are just , but upon the ill Choice , or foolish Conduct of those who are in it , and what has Marriage , considered in its self , to do with that ? Let every Man bear his own Burden : If through inordinate Passion , Rashness , Humour , Pride , Coveteousness , or any the like Folly , a Man makes an Imprudent Choice , Why should Marriage be exclaim'd against ? Let him blame himself for entering into an unequal Yoke , and making Choice of one who perhaps may prove a Burthen , a Disgrace and Plague , instead of a Help and Comfort to him . Could there be no such thing as an happy Marriage , Arguments against Marriage would hold good , but since the thing is not only possible , but even very probable , provided we take but competent Care , Act like wise Men and Christians , and acquit our selves as we ought , all we have to say against it serves only to shew the levity or impiety of our own Minds , we can only make some flourishes of Wit , tho' scarce without Injustice , and tho' we talk prettily it is but very little to the purpose .

Is it the being ty'd to One that offends us ? Why this ought rather to recommend it to us , and would really do so , were we guided by Reason , and not by Humour or brutish Passion . He who does not make Friendship the chief inducement to his Choice , and prefer it before any other consideration , does not deserve a good Wife , and therefore should not complain if he goes without one . Now we can never grow weary of our Friends ; the longer we have had them the more they are endear'd to us ; and if we have One well assur'd , we need seek no farther , but are sufficiently happy in Her. The love of Variety in this and in other cases , shews only the ill Temper of our own Mind , we seek for settled Happiness in this present World ; where it is not to be found , instead of being Content with a competent share , chearfully enjoying and being thankful for the Good that is afforded us , and patiently bearing with the Inconveniences that attend it .

The Christian Institution of Marriage provides the best that may be for Domestick Quiet and Content , and for the Education of Children ; so that if we were not under the tye of Religion , even the Good of Society and civil Duty would oblige us to what that requires at our Hands . And since the very best of us are but poor frail Creatures , full of Ignorance and Infirmity , so that in Justice we ought to tolerate each other , and exercise that Patience towards our Companions to Day , which we give them occasion to shew towards us to Morrow , the more we are accustom'd to any one's Conversation , the better shall we understand their Humour , be more able to comply with their Weakness and less offended at it : For he who would have every one submit to his Humours and will not in his turn comply with them , tho' we should suppose him always in the Right , whereas a Man of this temper very seldom is so , he 's not fit for a Husband , scarce fit for Society , but ought to be turn'd out of the Herd to live by himself .

There may indeed be inconveniencies in a Married Life ; but is there any Condition without them ? And he who lives single , that he may indulge Licentiousness and give up himself to the conduct of wild and ungovern'd Desires , or indeed out of any other inducement , than the Glory of GOD and the Good of his Soul , through the prospect he has of doing more Good , or because his frame and disposition of Mind are fitted for it , may rail as he pleases against Matrimony , but can never justifie his own Conduct , nor clear it from the imputation of Wickedness and Folly.

But if Marriage be such a blessed State , how comes it , may you say , that there are so few happy Marriages ? Now in answer to this , it is not to be wonder'd that so few succeed , we should rather be surpriz'd to find so many do , considering how imprudently Men engage , the Motives they act by , and the very strange Conduct they observe throughout .

For pray , what do Men propose to themselves in Marriage ? What Qualifications do they look after in a Spouse ? What will she bring is the first enquiry ? How many Acres ? Or how much ready Coin ? Not that this is altogether an unnecessary Question , for Marriage without a Competency , that is not only a bare Subsistence , but even a handsome and plentiful Provision , according to the Quality and Circumstances of the Parties , is no very comfortable Condition . They who Marry for Love as they call it , find time enough to repent their rash Folly , and are not long in being convinc'd , that whatever fine Speeches might be made in the heat of Passion , there could be no real Kindness between those who can agree to make each other miserable . But as an Estate is to be consider'd , so it should not be the Main , much less the Only consideration , for Happiness does not depend on Wealth , that may be wanting , and too often is , where this abounds . He who Marries himself to a Fortune only , must expect no other satisfaction than that can bring him , but let him not say that Marriage , but his own Covetous or Prodigal Temper , has made him unhappy . What Joy has that Man in all his Plenty , who must either run from home to possess it , contrary to all the Rules of Justice , to the Laws of GOD and Man ; nay , even in opposition to Good nature , and Good breeding too , which some Men make more account of than all the rest ; or else be forc'd to share it with a Woman whose Person or Temper is disagreeable , whose presence is sufficient to four all his Enjoyments , and if he have any remains of Religion , or Good manners , he must suffer the uneasiness of a continual watch , to force himself to a constrain'd Civility !

Few Men have so much Goodness as to bring themselves to a liking of what they loath'd , meerly because it is their Duty to like ; on the contrary , when they Marry with an indifferency , to please their Friends or encrease their Fortune , the indifferency proceeds to an aversion , and perhaps even the kindness and complaisance of the poor abus'd Wife shall only serve to encrease it . What follows then ? There is no content at home , so it is sought elsewhere , and the Fortune so unjustly got , is as carelessly squander'd . The Man takes a loose , what shou'd hinder him ? He has all in his hands , and Custom has almost taken off that small Restraint Reputation us'd to lay . The Wife finds too late what was the Idol the Man adored , which her Vanity perhaps , or it may be the Commands and Importunities of Relations , wou'd not let her see before ; and now he has got that into his possession , she must make court to him for a little sorry Alimony out of her own Estate . If Discretion and Piety prevails upon her Passions she sits down quietly , contented with her lot , seeks no Consolation in the Multitude of Adorers , since he whom only she desir'd to please , because it was her duty to do so , will take no delight in her Wit or Beauty : She follows no Diversion to allay her Grief , uses no Cordials to support her Spirit , that may sully her Vertue or bring a Cloud upon her Reputation , she makes no appeals to the mis-judging Croud , hardly mentions her Misfortunes to her most intimate Acquaintance , nor lays a load on her Husband to ease her self , but wou'd if it were possible conceal his Crimes , tho' her Prudence and Vertue give him a thousand reproaches without her Intention or knowledge ; and retiring from the World , she seeks a more solid Comfort than that can give her , taking care to do nothing that Censoriousness or even Malice it self can misconstrue to her prejudice . Now she puts on all her Reserves , and thinks even Innocent Liberties scarce allowable in her Disconsolate State ; she has other Business to mind : Nor does she in her Retirements reflect so much upon the hand that administers this bitter Cup , as consider what is the best use she can make of it . And thus indeed Marriage , however unfortunate in other respects , becomes a very great Blessing to her : She might have been exposed to all the Temptations of a plentiful Fortune , have given up her self to Sloth and Luxury , and gone on at the common rate , even of the better sort , in doing no hurt , and as little good . But now her kind Husband obliges her to Consider , and gives opportunity to exercise her Vertue ; he makes it necessary to withdraw from those Gaities and Pleasures of Life , which do more mischief under the shew of Innocency , than they cou'd if they appear'd attended with a Crime ; discomposing and dissolving the mind , and making it uncapable of any manner of good ; to be sure of any thing Great and Excellent . Silence and Solitude , the being forc'd from the ordinary Entertainments of her Station , may perhaps seem a desolate condition at first , and we may allow her , poor weak Woman ! to be somewhat shock'd at it , since even a wise and courageous Man perhaps would not keep his ground ; we would conceal if we could for the Honour of the Sex , Men's being baffled and dispirited by a smaller Matter , were not the Instances too frequent and too notorious .

But a little time wears off all the uneasiness , and puts her in possession of Pleasures , which till now she has unkindly been kept a stranger to . Affliction , the sincerest Friend , the frankest Monitor , the best Instructer and indeed the only useful School that Women are ever put to , rouses her understanding , opens her Eyes , fixes her Attention , and diffuses such a Light , such a Joy into her Mind , as not only Informs her better , but entertains her more than ever her Ruel did , tho' crouded by the Men of Wit. She now distinguishes between Truth and Appearances , between solid and apparent Good ; has found out the instability of all Earthly Things , and won't any more be deceiv'd by relying on them ; can discern who are the Flatterers of her Fortune , and who the Admirers and Encouragers of her Vertue ; accounting it no little blessing to be rid of those Leeches , who only hung upon her for their own Advantage . Now sober Thoughts succeed to hurry and impertinence , to Forms and Ceremony , she can secure her Time , and knows how to Improve it ; never truly a Happy Woman till she came in the Eye of the World to be reckon'd miserable .

Thus the Husband's Vices may become an occasion of the Wife's Vertues , and his neglect do her a more real Good than his Kindness could . But all injur'd Wives don't behave themselves after this Fashion , nor can their Husbands justly expect it . With what Face can he blame her for following his Example , and being as extravagant on the one Hand , as he is on the other ? Tho' she cannot justifie her Excesses to GOD , to the World , nor to her self , yet surely in respect of him they may admit of an excuse . For to all the rest of his Absurdities , ( for Vice is always unreasonable , ) he adds one more , who expects that Vertue from another which he won't practise himself .

But suppose a Man does not Marry for Money , tho' for one that does not , perhaps there are thousands that do ; let him Marry for Love , and Heroick Action , which makes a mighty noise in the World , partly because of its rarity , and partly in regard of its extravagancy , and what does his Marrying for Love amount to ? There 's no great odds between his Marrying for the Love of Money , or for the Love of Beauty , the Man does not Act according to Reason in either Case ; but is govern'd by irregular Appetites . But he loves her Wit perhaps , and this you 'l say is more Spiritual , more Refin'd ; not at all if you examine it to the Bottom . For what is that which now adays passes under the name of Wit ? A bitter and ill-natur'd Raillery , a pert Repartée , or a confident talking at all , and in such a multitude of Words , it's odds if something or other does not pass that is surprizing , tho' every thing that surprizes does not please ; some things are wonder'd at for their ugliness , as well as others for their Beauty . True Wit , durst one venture to describe it , is quite another thing , it consists in such a Sprightliness of Imagination , such a reach and turn of thought , so properly exprest , as strikes and pleases a judicious Tast . For tho' as one says of Beauty , 't is in no Face but in the Lover's Mind , so it may be said of some sorts of Wit , it is not in him that speaks , but in the Imagination of his hearer , yet doubtless there is a true Standard-Wit , which must be allow'd for such by every one who understands the Terms . I don't say that they shall all equally like it ; and it is this standard-Wit that always pleases , the Spurious does so only for a Season .

Now what is it that strikes a judicious Tast ? Not that to be sure , which injures the absent , or provokes the Company , which poisons the Mind under pretence of entertaining it , proceeding from or giving Countenance to false Ideas , to dangerous and immoral Principles . Wit indeed is distinct from Judgment , but it is not contrary to it ; 't is rather its Handmaid , serving to awaken and fix the Attention , that so we may Judge rightly . Whatever Charms , does so because of its Regularity and Proportion ; otherwise , tho' it is extraordinary and out of the way , it will only be star'd on like a Monster , but can never be lik'd . And tho' a thought is ever so fine and new , ever so well exprest , if it suits not with decorum and good Manners , it is not just and fit , and therefore offends our Reason , and consequently has no Charms , nor should afford us any entertainment .

But it must not be suppos'd that Women's Wit approaches those heights which Men arrive at , or that they indulge those Liberties the other take . Decency lays greater restraints on them , their timorousness does them this one , and perhaps this only piece of Service , it keeps them from breaking thro' these restraints and following their Masters and Guides in many of their daring and masculine Crimes . As the World goes , your Witty Men are usually distinguish'd by the Liberty they take with Religion , good Manners , or their Neighbour's Reputation : But , GOD be thank'd , it is not yet so bad , as that Women should form Cabals to propagate Atheism and Irreligion . A Man then cannot hope to find a Woman whose Wit is of a size with his , but when he doats on Wit it is to be imagin'd he makes choice of that which comes the nearest to his own .

Thus , whether it be Wit or Beauty that a Man 's in Love with , there 's no great hopes of a lasting Happiness ; Beauty with all the helps of Art is of no very lasting date , the more it is help'd the sooner it decays , and he who only or chiefly chose for Beauty , will in a little time find the same reason for another choice . Nor is that sort of Wit which he prefers of a more sure tenure , or allowing it to last , it will not always please . For that which has not a real excellency and value in it self , entertains no longer than that giddy Humour which recommended it to us holds ; and when we can like on no just , or on very little Ground , 't is certain a dislike will arise , as lightly and as unaccountably . And it is not improbable that such a Husband may in a little time by ill usage provoke such a Wife to exercise her Wit , that is , her Spleen on him , and then it is not hard to guess how very agreeable it will be to him .

In a Word , when we have reckon'd up how many look no further than the making of their Fortune , as they call it ; who don 't so much as propose to themselves any satisfaction in the Woman to whom they Plight their Faith , seeking only to be Masters of her Fortune , that so they may have Money enough to indulge all their irregular Appetites ; who think they are as good as can be expected , if they are but according to the fashionable Term , Civil Husbands : When we have taken the number of your giddy Lovers , who are not more violent in their Passion than they are certain to Repent of it : When to these you have added such as Marry without any Thought at all , further than that it is the Custom of the World ; what others have done before them ; that the Family must be kept up , the ancient Race preserv'd , and therefore their kind Parents and Guardians chuse as they think convenient , without ever consulting the Young ones Inclinations , who must be satisfied or pretend so at least , upon pain of their displeasure , and that heavy consequence of it , forfeiture of their Estate : These set aside , I fear there will be but a small remainder to Marry out of better considerations , and even amongst the few that do , not one in a hundred takes care to deserve his Choice .

But do the Women never choose amiss ? Are the Men only in fault ? That is not pretended ; for he who will be just , must be forc'd to acknowledge , that neither Sex is always in the right . A Woman indeed can't properly be said to Choose , all that is allow'd her , is to Refuse or Accept what is offer'd . And when we have made such reasonable allowances as are due to the Sex , perhaps they may not appear so much in fault as one would at first imagine , and a generous Spirit will find more occasion to pity , than to reprove . But sure I transgress — it must not be suppos'd that the Ladies can do amiss , he is but an ill-bred Fellow who pretends that they need amendment ! They are no doubt on 't always in the right , and most of all when they take pity on distressed Lovers ; whatever they say carries an Authority that no Reason can resist , and all that they do must needs be Exemplary ! This is the Modish Language , nor is there a Man of Honour amongst the whole Tribe that would not venture his Life , nay and his Salvation too in their Defence , if any but himself attempts to injure them . But I must ask pardon if I can't come up to these heights , nor flatter them with the having no faults , which is only a malicious way of continuing and encreasing their Mistakes .

Women , it 's true , ought to be treated with Civility ; for since a little Ceremony and out-side Respect is all their Guard , all the privilege that 's allow'd them , it were barbarous to deprive them of it ; and because I would treat them civilly , I would not express my Civility at the usual Rate . I would not under pretence of honouring and paying a mighty Deference to the Ladies , call them fools to their faces ; for what are all the fine Speeches and Submissions that are made , but an abusing them in a well-bred way ? She must be a Fool with a witness , who can believe a Man , Proud and Vain as he is , will lay his boasted Authority , the Dignity and Prerogative of his Sex , one Moment at her Feet , but in prospect of taking it up again to more advantage ; he may call himself her Slave a few days , but it is only in order to make her his all the rest of his Life .

Indeed that mistaken Self-Love that reigns in the most of us , both Men and Women , that over-good Opinion we have of our selves , and desire that others should have of us , makes us swallow every thing that looks like Respect , without examining how wide it is from what it appears to be . For nothing is in truth a greater outrage than Flattery and feign'd Submissions , the plain English of which is this ; I have a very mean Opinion both of your Understanding and Vertue , you are weak enough to be impos'd on , and vain enough to snatch at the Bait I throw ; there 's no danger of your finding out my meaning , or disappointing me of my Ends. I offer you Incense 't is true , but you are like to pay for 't , and to make me a Recompence for your Folly in Imagining I would give my self this trouble , did I not hope , nay were I not sure , to find my own account in it . If for nothing else , you 'll serve at least as an exercise of my Wit , and how much soever you swell with my breath , 't is I deserve the Praise for talking so well on so poor a Subject . We who make the Idols , are the greater Deities ; and as we set you up , so it is in our power to reduce you to your first obscurity , or to somewhat worse , to Contempt ; you are therefore only on your good behaviour , and are like to be no more than what we please to make you . This is the Flatterer's Language aside , this is the true sense of his heart , whatever his Grimace may be before the Company .

Not but that 't is possible , and sometimes matter of Fact , to express our selves beyond the Truth in praise of a Person , and yet not be guilty of Flattery ; but then we must Think what we say , and Mean what we Profess . We may be so blinded by some Passion or other , especially Love , which in Civil and Good-natur'd Persons is apt to exceed , as to believe some Persons more deserving than really they are , and to pay them greater Respect and Kindness than is in strictness due to them . But this is not the present Case ; for our fine Speech-makers doat too much on themselves to have any great passion for another , their Eyes are too much fixt on their own Excellencies , to view another's good Qualities through a Magnifying-Glass , at least if ever they turn that end of the Perspective towards their Neighbours , 't is only in respect and reference to themselves . They are their own Centres , they find a disproportion in every line that does not tend thither , and in the next visit they make you shall hear all the fine things they said repeated to the new Object , and nothing remembred of the former but her Vanity , or something else as Ridiculous , which serves for a foil , or a whet to Discourse . For let there be ever so many Wits in the Company , Conversation would languish , and they would be at a loss , did not a little Censoriousness come in at a need to help them .

Let us then treat the Ladies as Civilly as may be , but let us not do it by Flattering them , but by endeavouring to make them such as may truly deserve our hearty Esteem and Kindness . Men ought really for their own sakes to do what in them lies to make Women wise and Good , and then it might be hoped they themselves would effectually Study and Practice that Wisdom and Vertue they recommend to others . But so long as Men have base and unworthy Ends to serve , it is not to be expected that they should consent to such Methods as would certainly disappoint them . They would have their own Relations do well , that 's their Interest ; but it sometimes happens to be for their turn that another Man's should not , and then their Generosity fails them , and no Man is apter to find fault with another's dishonourable Actions , than he who is ready to do , or perhaps has done the same himself .

And as Men have little reason to expect Happiness when they Marry only for the Love of Money , Wit or Beauty , as has been already shewn , so much less can a Woman expect a tolerable life , when she goes upon these Considerations . Let the business be carried as Prudently as it can be on the Womans side , a reasonable Man can't deny that she has by much the harder bargain . Because she puts her self entirely into her Husband's Power , and if the Matrimonial Yoke be grievous , neither Law nor Custom affords her that redress which a Man obtains . He who has Sovereign Power does not value the Provocations of a Rebellious Subject , but knows how to subdue him with ease , and will make himself obey'd ; but Patience and Submission are the only Comforts that are left to a poor People , who groan under Tyranny , unless they are Strong enough to break the Yoke , to Depose and Abdicate , which I doubt wou'd not be allow'd of here . For whatever may be said against Passive-Obedience in another case , I suppose there 's no Man but likes it very well in this ; how much soever Arbitrary Power may be dislik'd on a Throne , Not Milton himself wou'd cry up Liberty to poor Female Slaves , or plead for the Lawfulness of Resisting a Private Tyranny .

If there be a disagreableness of Humours , which in my mind is harder to be born than greater faults , as being a continual Plague , and for the most part incurable ; other Vices a Man may grow weary of , or may be convinced of the evil of them ; He may forsake them , or they him , but his Humour and Temper are seldom , if ever put off , Ill-nature sticks to him from his Youth to his grey Heirs , and a Boy ●hat's Humorous and Proud , makes a Pee●ish , Positive and Insolent Old Man. Now ●f this be the case , and the Husband be ●ull of himself , obstinately bent on his own way with or without Reason , if he be ●ne who must be always Admir'd , always Humour'd , and yet scarce knows what will please him ; if he has Prosperity e●ough to keep him from considering , and to furnish him with a train of Flatterers and obsequious Admirers ; and Learning and Sense enough to make him a Fop in Perfection ; for a Man can never be a complete Coxcomb , unless he has a considerable share of these to value himself upon ; what can the poor Woman do ? the Husband is too wise to be Advis'd , too good to be Reform'd , she must follow all his Paces , and tread in all his unreasonable steps , or there is no Peace , no Quiet for her , she must obey with the greatest exactness , 't is in vain to expect any manner of Compliance on his side , and the more she complies the more she may ; his fantastical humours grow with her desire to gratifie them , for Age encreases Opiniatry in some , as well as it does Experience in others . Of such sort of folks as these it was that Solomon spake , when he said , Seest thou a Man wise in his own conceit , there is more hope of a Fool than of him ; That is , the profligate Sinner , such a one being always a Fool in Solomon's Language , is in a fairer way of being convinc'd of his folly , and brought to reason , than the Proud Conceited Man. That Man indeed can never be good at heart , who is full of himself and his own Endowments . Not that it is necessary , because it is not possible for one to be totally ignorant of his own good Qualities , I had almost said he ought to have a Modest sense of 'em , otherwise he can't be duly thankful , nor make the use of them that is required , to the glory of God , and the good of Mankind ; but he views them in a wrong light , if he discerns any thing that may exalt him above his Neighbours , make him over-look their Merit , or treat them with Neglect or Contempt . He ought to behold them with fear and trembling , as Talents which he has freely receiv'd , and for which he is highly Accountable , and therefore they shou'd not excite his Pride , but his Care and Industry .

And if Pride and Self-conceit keep a Man who has some good Qualities , and is not so bad as the most of his Neighbours from growing better , it for certain confirms and hardens the Wicked in his Crimes , it sets him up for a Wit , that is , according to Modern acceptation , one who rallies at all that is serious , a contemner of the Priests first , and then of the Deity himself . For Penitence and Self-condemnation are what his Haughtiness cannot bear , and since the Crimes he has been guilty of have brought on him the reproaches of his own Mind , since he will not take the regular way to be rid of them , which is by Humbling himself and making his Peace with Heaven , he bids defiance to it , and wou'd if he could believe there is no future State , no after Retribution , because he knows that a heavy lot is in justice due to him .

If therefore it be a Woman 's hard Fate to meet with a disagreeable Temper , and of all others the Haughty , Imperious and Self-conceited are the most so , she is as unhappy as any thing in the World can make her . When a Wife's Temper does not please , if she makes her Husband uneasie , he can find entertainments abroad , he has a hundred ways of relieving himself , but neither Prudence nor Duty will allow a Woman to fly out , her Business and Entertainment are at home , and tho' he make it ever so uneasie to her she must be content and make her best on 't . She who Elects a Monarch for Life , who gives him an Authority she cannot recall however he misapply it , who puts her Fortune and Person entirely in his Power ; nay even the very desires of her Heart according to some learned Casuists , so as that it is not lawful to Will or Desire any thing but what he approves and allows , had need be very sure that she does not make a Fool her Head , nor a Vicious Man her Guide and Pattern , she had best stay till she can meet with one who has the Government of his own Passions and has duly regulated his own Desires , since he is to have such an absolute Power over hers . But he who doats on a Face , he who makes Money his Idol , he who is Charm'd with vain and empty Wit , gives no such Evidence , either of Wisdom or Goodness , that a Woman of any tolerable Sense shou'd care to venture her self to his Conduct .

Indeed , your fine Gentleman's Actions are now a days such , that did not Custom and the Dignity of his Sex give Weight and Authority to them , a Woman that thinks twice might bless her self , and say , is this the Lord and Master to whom I am to promise Love , Honour and Obedience ? What can be the Object of Love but amiable Qualities , the Image of the Deity impress'd upon a generous and god-like Mind , a Mind that is above this World , to be sure above all the Vices , the Tricks and Baseness of it ; a Mind that is not full of it self , not contracted to little private Interests , but in imitation of that glorious Pattern it endeavours to Copy after , expands and diffuses it self to its utmost capacity in doing Good. But this fine Gentleman is quite of another Strain , he is the reverse of this in every Instance . He is I confess very fond of his own Dear Person , he sees very much in it to admire ; his Air and Mien , his Words and Actions , every Motion he makes declares it ; but they must have a Judgment of his size , every whit as Shallow , and a Partiality as great as his own , who can be of his Mind . How then can I Love ? And if not Love , much less Honour . Love may arise from Pity or a generous Desire to make that Lovely which as yet is not so , when we see any hopes of Success in our Endeavours of improving it ; but Honour supposes some excellent Qualities already , something worth our Esteem , but alas there is nothing more Contemptible then this trifle of a Man , this meer Out-side , whose Mind is as Base and Mean as his external Pomp is Glittering . His Office or Title apart , to which some Ceremonious Observance must be paid for Order's sake , there 's nothing in him that can command our Respect . Strip him of Equipage and Fortune , and such things as only dazle our Eyes and Imaginations , but don't in any measure affect our Reason , or cause a Reverence in our Hearts , and the poor Creature sinks beneath our Notice , because not supported by real Worth. And if a Woman can neither Love nor Honour , she does ill in promising to Obey , since she is like to have a crooked Rule to regulate her Actions .

A meer Obedience , such as is paid only to Authority , and not out of Love and a sense of the Justice and Reasonableness of the Command , will be of an uncertain Tenure . As it can't but be uneasie to the Person who pays it , so he who receives it will be sometimes disappointed when he expects to find it , for that Woman must be endow'd with a Wisdom and Goodness much above what we suppose the Sex capable of , I fear much greater than e're a Man can pretend to , who can so constantly conquer her Passions , and divest her self even of Innocent Self-love , as to give up the Cause when she is in the right , and to submit her enlightned Reason , to the imperious Dictates of a blind Will , and wild Imagination , even when she clearly perceives the ill Consequences of it , the Imprudence , nay Folly and Madness of such a Conduct .

And if a Woman runs such a Risque when she Marrys Prudently , according to the Opinion of the World , that is , when she permits her self to be dispos'd of to a Man equal to her in Birth , Education and Fortune , and as good as the most of his Neighbours , ( for if none were to Marry , but Men of strict Vertue and Honour , I doubt the World would be but thinly Peopled ) if at the very best her Lot is hard , what can she expect who is Sold , or any otherwise betray'd into mercenary Hands , to one who is in all , or most respects unequal to her ? A Lover who comes upon what is call'd equal Terms , makes no very advantageous Proposal to the Lady he Courts , and to whom he seems to be an humble Servant , for under many sounding Complements , Words that have nothing in them , this is his true meaning , He wants one to manage his Family , an House-keeper , an upper Servant , one whose Interest it will be not to wrong him , and in whom therefore he can put greater confidence than in any he can hire for Money . One who may breed his Children , taking all the care and trouble of their Education , to preserve his Name and Family . One whose Beauty , Wit or good Humour and agreeable Conversation will entertain him at Home when he has been contradicted and disappointed abroad ; who will do him that Justice the ill-natur'd World denys him , that is , in any one's Language but his own , sooth his Pride and Flatter his Vanity , by having always so much good Sense as to be on his side , to conclude him in the right , when others are so Ignorant , or so Rude as to deny it . Who will not be Blind to his Merit nor contradict his Will and Pleasure , but make it her Business , her very Ambition to content him : Whose softness and gentle Compliance will calm his Passions , to whom he may safely disclose his troublesome Thoughts , and in her Breast discharge his Cares ; whose Duty , Submission and Observance will heal those Wounds other Peoples opposition or neglect have given him . In a Word , one whom he can intirely Govern and consequently may form her to his will and liking , who must be his for Life , and therefore cannot quit his Service let him treat her how he will.

And if this be what every Man expects , the sum of his violent Love and Courtship , when it is put into Sense and rendred Intelligible , to what a fine pass does she bring her self who purchases a Lord and Master , not only with her Money , but with what is of greater Value , at the price of her Discretion ? Who has not so much as that poor Excuse , Precedent and Example ; or if she has , they are only such as all the World condemns ? She will not find him less a Governor because she was once his Superior , on the contrary the scum of the People are most Tyranical when they get the Power , and treat their Betters with the greatest Insolence . For as the wise Man long since observ'd , a Servant when he Reigns is one of those things for which the Earth is disquieted , and which no Body is able to bear .

It is the hardest thing in the World for a Woman to know that a Man is not Mercenary , that he does not Act on base and ungenerous Principles , even when he is her Equal , because being absolute Master , she and all the Grants he makes her are in his Power , and there have been but too many instances of Husbands that by wheedling or threatning their Wives , by seeming Kindness or cruel Usage , have perswaded or forc'd them out of what has been settled on them . So that the Woman has in truth no security but the Man's Honour and Good-nature , a security that in this present Age no wise Person would venture much upon . A Man enters into Articles very readily before Marriage , and so he may , for he performs no more of them afterwards than he thinks fit . A Wife must never dispute with her Husband , his Reasons are now no doubt on 't better than hers , whatever they were before ; he is sure to perswade her out of her Agreement , and bring her , it must be suppos'd , Willingly , to give up what she did vainly hope to obtain , and what she thought had been made sure to her . And if she shew any Refractoriness , there are ways enough to humble her ; so that by right or wrong the Husband gains his will. For Covenants between Husband and Wife , like Laws in an Arbitrary Government , are of little Force , the Will of the Sovereign is all in all . Thus it is in Matter of Fact , I will not answer for the Right of it ; for if the Woman's Reasons upon which those Agreements are grounded are not Just and Good , why did he consent to them ? Was it because there was no other way to obtain his Suit , and with an intention to Annul them when it shall be in his Power ? Where then is his Sincerity ? But if her Reasons are good , where is his Justice in obliging her to quit them ? He neither way acts like an equitable or honest Man.

But when a Woman Marrys unequally and beneath her self , there is almost Demonstration that the Man is Sordid and Unfair , that instead of Loving her he only Loves himself , trapans and ruines her to serve his own Ends. For if he had not a mighty Opinion of himself , ( which temper is like to make an admirable Husband , ) he cou'd never imagine that his Person and good Qualities cou'd make compensation for all the advantages she quits on his account . If he had a real Esteem for her or valu'd her Reputation , he wou'd not expose it , nor have her Discretion call'd in Question for his sake ; and if he truly Lov'd her he wou'd not reduce her to Straits and a narrow Fortune , nor so much as lessen her way of Living to better his own . For since GOD has plac'd different Ranks in the World , put some in a higher and some in a lower Station , for Order and Beauty's sake , and for many good Reasons ; tho' it is both our Wisdom and Duty not only to submit with Patience , but to be Thankful and well-satisfied when by his Providence we are brought low , yet there is no manner of Reason for us to Degrade our selves ; on the contrary , much why we ought not . The better our Lot is in this World and the more we have of it , the greater is our leisure to prepare for the next ; we have the more opportunity to exercise that God-like Quality , to tast that Divine Pleasure , Doing good to the Bodies and Souls of those beneath us . Is it not then ill Manners to Heaven , and an irreligious contempt of its Favours , for a Woman to slight that nobler Employment , to which it has assign'd her , and thrust her self down to a meaner Drudgery ▪ to what is in a very literal Sense a caring for the things of the World , a caring not only to Please , but to Maintain a Husband ?

And a Husband so chosen will not at all abate of his Authority and right to Govern , whatever fair Promises he might make before . She has made him her Head , and he thinks himself as well qualify'd as the best to Act accordingly , nor has she given him any such Evidence of her Prudence as may dispose him to make an Act of Grace in her Favour . Besides , great Obligations are what Superiors cannot bear , they are more than can be return'd ; to acknowledge were only to reproach themselves with ingratitude , and therefore the readiest way is not to own but overlook them , or rather , as too many do , to repay them with Affronts and Injuries .

What then is to be done ? How must a Man chuse , and what Qualities must encline a Woman to accept , that so our Marry'd couple may be as happy as that State can make them ? This is no hard Question ▪ let the Soul be principally consider'd , and regard had in the first Place to a good Understanding , a Vertuous Mind , and in all other respects let there be as much equality as may be . If they are good Christians and of suitable Tempers all will be well , but I should be shrewdly tempted to suspect their Christianity who Marry after any of those ways we have been speaking of . I dare venture to say , that they don't Act according to the Precepts of the Gospel , they neither shew the Wisdom of the Serpent , nor the Innocency of the Dove , they have neither so much Government of themselves , nor so much Charity for their Neighbours , they neither take such care not to Scandalize others , nor to avoid Temptations themselves , are neither so much above this World , nor so affected with the next , as they wou'd certainly be did the Christian Religion operate in their Hearts , did they rightly understand and sincerely Practise it , or Acted indeed according to the Spirit of the Gospel .

But it is not enough to enter wisely into this State , care must be taken of our Conduct afterwards . A Woman will not want being admonish'd of her Duty , the custom of the World , Oeconomy , every thing almost reminds her of it . Governors do not often suffer their Subjects to forget Obedience through their want of demanding it , perhaps Husbands are but too forward on this occasion , and claim their Right oftner and more Imperiously than either Discretion or good Manners will justifie , and might have both a more chearful and constant Obedience paid them if they were not so rigorous in Exacting it . For there is a mutual Stipulation , and Love , Honour and Worship , by which certainly Civility and Respect at least are meant , is as much the Woman 's due , as Love , Honour and Obedience is the Man's , and being the Woman is said to be the weaker Vessel the Man shou'd be more careful not to grieve or offend her . Since her Reason is suppos'd to be less , and her Passions stronger than his , he shou'd not give occasion to call that supposition in Question by his pettish carriage and needless Provocations . Since he is the Man , by which very Word Custom wou'd have us understand not only greatest strength of Body , but even greatest firmness and force of Mind , he shou'd not play the little Master so much as to expect to be cocker'd , nor run over to that side which the Woman us'd to be rank'd in ; for according to the Wisdom of the Italians , Volete ? si dice a gli ammalati : Will you ? Is spoken to sick Folks .

Indeed Subjection , according to the common Notion of it , is not over easie , none of us whether Men or Women but have so good an Opinion of our own Conduct as to believe we are fit , if not to direct others , at least to govern our selves . Nothing but a sound Understanding , and Grace the best improver of natural Reason , can correct this Opinion , truly humble us , and heartily reconcile us to Obedience . This bitter Cup therefore ought to be sweetned as much as may be ; for Authority may be preserv'd and Government kept inviolable , without that nauseous Ostentation of Power which serves to no end or purpose , but to blow up the Pride and Vanity of those who have it , and to exasperate the Spirits of such as must truckle under it .

Insolence 't is true is never the effect of Power but in weak and cowardly Spirits , who wanting true Merit and Judgment to support themselves in that advantage ground on which they stand , are ever appealing to their Authority , and making a shew of it to maintain their Vanity and Pride . A truly great Mind and such as is fit to Govern , tho' it may stand on its Right with its Equals , and modestly expect what is due to it even from its Superiors , yet it never contends with its Inferiors , nor makes use of its Superiority but to do them Good. So that considering the just Dignity of Man , his great Wisdom so conspicuous on all occasions , the goodness of his Temper and Reasonableness of all his Commands , which makes it a Woman's Interest as well as Duty to be observant and Obedient in all things , that his Prerogative is settled by an undoubled Right and the Prescription of many Ages , it cannot be suppos'd that he should make frequent and insolent Claims of an Authority so well establish'd and us'd with such moderation , nor give an impartial By-stander ( cou'd such an one be found ) any occasion from thence to suspect that he is inwardly conscious of the Badness of his Title ; Usurpers being always most desirous of Recognitions and busie in imposing Oaths , whereas a Lawful Prince contents himself with the usual Methods and Securities .

And since Power does naturally puff up , and he who finds himself exalted , seldom fails to think he ought to be so , it is more suitable to a Man's Wisdom and Generosity to be mindful of his great Obligations than to insist on his Rights and Prerogatives . Sweetness of Temper and an obliging Carriage are so justly due to a Wife , that a Husband who must not be thought to want either Understanding to know what is fit , nor Goodness to perform it , can't be suppos'd not to shew them . For setting aside the hazards of her Person to keep up his Name and Family , with all the Pains and Trouble that attend it , which may well be thought great enough to deserve all the respect and kindness that may be , setting this aside , tho' 't is very considerable , a Woman has so much the disadvantage in most , I was about to say in all things , that she makes a Man the greatest Complement in the World when she condescends to take him for Better for Worse . She puts her self intirely in his Power , leaves all that is dear to her , her Friends and Family , to espouse his Interests and follow his Fortune , and makes it her Business and Duty to please him ! What acknowledgments , what returns can he make ? What Gratitude can be sufficient for such Obligations ? She shews her good Opinion of him by the great Trust she reposes in him , and what a Brute must he be who betrays that Trust , or acts any way unworthy of it ? Ingratitude is one of the basest Vices , and if a Man's Soul is sunk so low as to be guilty of it towards her who has so generously oblig'd him , and who so intirely depends on him , if he can treat her Disrespectfully , who has so fully testify'd her Esteem of him , she must have a stock of Vertue which he shou'd blush to discern , if she can pay him that Obedience of which he is so unworthy .

Superiors indeed are too apt to forget the common Priviledges of Mankind , that their Inferiors share with them the greatest Benefits , and are as capable as themselves of enjoying the supreme Good ; that tho' the Order of the World requires an Outward Respect and Obedience from some to others , yet the Mind is free , nothing but Reason can oblige it , 't is out of the reach of the most absolute Tyrant . Nor will it ever be well either with those who Rule or those in Subjection , even from the Throne to every Private Family , till those in Authority look on themselves as plac'd in that Station for the good and improvement of their Subjects , and not for their own sakes ; not as the reward of their Merit or that they may prosecute their own Desires and fulfil all their Pleasure , but as the Representatives of GOD whom they ought to imitate in the Justice and Equity of their Laws , in doing good and communicating Blessings to all beneath them : By which , and not by following the imperious Dictates of their own will , they become truly Great and Illustrious and Worthily fill their Place . And the Governed for their Part ceasing to envy the Pomp and Name of Authority , shou'd respect their Governours as plac'd in GOD's stead and contribute what they can to ease them of their real Cares , by a chearful and ready compliance with those their endeavours , and by affording them the Pleasure of success in such noble and generous Designs .

For upon a due estimate things are pretty equally divided ; those in Subjection as they have a less Glorious , so they have an easier task and a less account to give , whereas he who Commands has in a great measure the Faults of others to answer for as well as his own . T is true he has the Pleasure of doing more good than a Private Person can , and shall receive the Reward of it when time shall be no more , in compensation for the hazards he runs , the difficulties he at present encounters , and the large Account he is to make hereafter , which Pleasure and Reward are highly desirable and most worthy our pursuit ; but they are Motives which such as usurp on their Governors , and make them uneasie in the due discharge of their Duty , never propose . And for those other little things that move their Envy and Ambition , they are of no Esteem with a just Considerer , nor will such as violently pursue , find their Account in them .

But how can a Man respect his Wife when he has a contemptible Opinion of her and her Sex ? When from his own Elevation he looks down on them as void of Understanding , and full of Ignorance and Passion , so that Folly and a Woman are equivalent Terms with him ? Can he think there is any Gratitude due to her whose utmost services he exacts as strict Duty ? Because she was made to be a Slave to his Will , and has no higher end than to Serve and Obey him ? Perhaps we arrogate too much to our selves when we say this Material World was made for our sakes ; that its Glorious Maker has given us the use of it is certain , but when we suppose that over which we have Dominion to be made purely for our sakes , we draw a false Conclusion , as he who shou'd say the People were made for the Prince who is set over them , wou'd be thought to be out of his Senses as well as his Politicks . Yet even allowing that he who made every thing in Number , Weight and Measure , who never acts but for some great and glorious End , an End agreeable to his Majesty , allowing that he Created such a Number of Rational Spirits merely to serve their fellow Creatures , yet how are these Lords and Masters helpt by the Contempt they shew of their poor humble Vassals ? Is it not rather an hindrance to that Service they expect , as being an undeniable and constant Proof how unworthy they are to receive it ?

None of GOD's Creatures absolutely consider'd are in their own Nature Contemptible ; the meanest Fly , the poorest Insect has its Use and Vertue . Contempt is scarce a Human Passion , one may venture to say it was not in Innocent Man , for till Sin came into the World , there was nothing in it to be Contemn'd . But Pride which makes every thing serve its purposes , wrested this Passion from its only Use , so that instead of being an Antidote against Sin , it is become a grand promoter of it , nothing making us more worthy of that Contempt we shew , than when poor , weak , dependent Creatures as we are ! we look down with Scorn and Disdain on others .

There is not a surer Sign of a noble Mind , a Mind very far advanc'd towards Perfection , than the being able to bear Contempt and an unjust Treatment from ones Superiors evenly and patiently . For inward Worth and real Excellency are the true Ground of Superiority , and one Person is not in reality better than another , but as he is more Wise and Good. But this World being a place of Tryal and govern'd by general Laws , just Retributions being reserv'd for hereafter , Respect and Obedience many times become due for Order's sake to those who don 't otherwise deserve them . Now tho' Humility keeps us from over-valuing our selves or viewing our Merit thro' a false and magnifying Medium , yet it does not put out our Eyes , it does not , it ought not to deprive us of that pleasing sentiment which attends our Acting as we ought to Act , which is as it were a foretast of Heaven , our present Reward for doing what is Just and Fit. And when a Superior does a Mean and unjust Thing , as all Contempt of one's Neighbour is , and yet this does not provoke his Inferiors to refuse that Observance which their Stations in the World require , they cannot but have an inward Sense of their own real Superiority , the other having no pretence to it , at the same time that they pay him an outward Respect and Deference , which is such a flagrant Testimony of the sincerest Love of Order as proves their Souls to be of the highest and noblest Rank .

A Man therefore for his own sake , and to give evidence that he has a Right to those Prerogatives he assumes , shou'd treat Women with a little more Humanity and Regard than is usually paid them . Your whifling Wits may scoff at them , and what then ? It matters not , for they Rally every thing tho' ever so Sacred , and rail at the Women commonly in very good Company . Religion , its Priests , and these its most constant and regular Professors , are the usual Subjects of their manly , mannerly and surprizing Jests . Surprizing indeed ! not for the newness of the Thought , the brightness of the Fancy , or nobleness of Expression , but for the good Assurance with which such thread-bare Jests are again and again repeated . But that your grave Dons , your Learned Men , and which is more your Men of Sense as they wou'd be thought , should stoop so low as to make Invectives against the Women , forget themselves so much as to Jest with their Slaves , who have neither Liberty nor Ingenuity to make Reprizals ! that they shou'd waste their Time and debase their good Sense which fits them for the most weighty Affairs , such as are suitable to their profound Wisdoms and exalted Understandings ! to render those poor Wretches more ridiculous and odious who are already in their Opinion sufficiently contemptible , and find no better exercise of their Wit and Satyr than such as are not worth their Pains , tho' it were possible to Reform them , this , this indeed may justly be wondred at !

I know not whether or no Women are allow'd to have Souls , if they have , perhaps it is not prudent to provoke them too much , least silly as they are , they at last recriminate , and then what polite and well-bred Gentleman , tho' himself is concern'd , can forbear taking that lawful Pleasure which all who understand Raillery must tast , when they find his Jests who insolently began to peck at his Neighbour , return'd with Interest upon his own Head ? And indeed Men are too Humane , too Wise to venture at it did they not hope for this effect , and expect the Pleasure of finding their Wit turn to such account ; for if it be Lawful to reveal a Secret , this is without doubt the whole design of those fine Discourses which have been made against the Women from our great Fore-Fathers to this present Time. Generous Man has too much Bravery , he is too Just and too Good to assault a defenceless Enemy , and if he did inveigh against the Women it was only to do them Service . For since neither his Care of their Education , his hearty endeavours to improve their Minds , his wholesome Precepts , nor great Example cou'd do them good , as his last and kindest Essay he resolv'd to try what Contempt wou'd do , and chose rather to expose himself by a seeming want of Justice , Equity , Ingenuity and Good-nature , than suffer Women to remain such vain and insignificant Creatures as they have hitherto been reckon'd . And truly Women are some degrees beneath what I have thus far thought them , if they do not make the best use of his kindness , improve themselves , and like Christians return it .

Let us see then what is their Part , what must they do to make the Matrimonial Yoke tolerable to themselves as well as Pleasing to their Lords and Masters ? That the World is an empty and deceitful Thing , that those Enjoyments which appear so desirable at a distance , which rais'd our Hopes and Expectations to such a mighty Pitch , which we so passionately coveted and so eagerly pursued , vanish at our first approach , leaving nothing behind them but the Folly of Delusion , and the pain of disappointed Hopes , is a common Out-cry ; and yet as common as it is , tho' we complain of being deceiv'd this Instant , we do not fail of contributing to the Cheat the very next . Tho in reality it is not the World that abuses us , t is we abuse our selves , it is not the emptiness of that , but our own false Judgments , our unreasonable desires and Expectations that Torment us ; for he who exerts his whole strength to lift a Straw , ought not to complain of the Burden but of his own disproportionate endeavour which gives him the pain he feels . The World affords us all that Pleasure a sound Judgment can expect from it , and answers all those Ends and Purposes for which it was design'd , let us expect no more than is reasonable , and then we shall not fail of our Expectations .

It is even so in the Case before us ; a Woman who has been taught to think Marriage her only Preferment , the sum-total of her Endeavours , the completion of all her hopes , that which must settle and make her Happy in this World , and very few , in their Youth especially , carry a Thought steddily to a greater distance ; She who has seen a Lover dying at her Feet , and can't therefore imagine that he who professes to receive all his Happiness from her can have any other Design or Desire than to please her ; whose Eyes have been dazled with all the Glitter and Pomp of a Wedding , and who hears of nothing but Joy and Congratulation ; who is transported with the Pleasure of being out of Pupillage , and Mistress not only of her self but of a Family too : She who is either so simple or so vain , as to take her Lover at his Word either as to the Praises he gave her , or the Promises he made for himself : In sum , she whose Expectation has been rais'd by Court-ship , by all the fine things that her Lover , her Governess and Domestick Flatterers say , will find a terrible disappointment when the hurry is over , and when she comes calmly to consider her Condition , and views it no more under a false Appearance , but as it truly is .

I doubt in such a View it will not appear over-desirable if she regards only the Present State of Things . Hereafter may make amends for what she must be prepar'd to suffer here , then will be her Reward , this is her time of Tryal , the Season of exercising and improving her Vertues . A Woman that is not Mistress of her Passions , that cannot patiently submit even when Reason suffers with her , who does not practice Passive Obedience to the utmost , will never be acceptable to such an absolute Sovereign as a Husband . Wisdom ought to Govern without Contradiction , but Strength however will be obey'd . There are but few of those wise Persons who can be content to be made yet wiser by Contradiction , the most will have their Will , and it is right because it is their's . Such is the vanity of Humane Nature that nothing pleases like an intire Subjection ; what Imperfections won't a Man overlook where this is not wanting ! Tho' we live like Brutes we wou'd have Incense offer'd us , that is only due to Heaven it self , wou'd have an absolute and blind Obedience paid us by all over whom we pretend Authority . We were not made to Idolize one another , yet the whole strain of Courtship is little less than rank Idolatry : But does a Man intend to give , and not receive his share in this Religious Worship ? No such Matter ; Pride and Vanity and Self-love have their Designs , and if the Lover is so condescending as to set a Pattern in the time of his Addresses , he is so Just as to expect his Wife shou'd strictly Copy after it all the rest of her Life .

But how can a Woman scruple intire Subjection , how can she forbear to admire the worth and excellency of the Superior Sex , if she at all considers it ? Have not all the great Actions that have been perform'd in the World been done by them ? Have not they founded Empires and over-turn'd them ? Do not they make Laws and continually repeal and amend them ? Their vast Minds lay Kingdoms wast , no bounds or measures can be prescrib'd to their Desires . War and Peace depend on them , they form Cabals and have the Wisdom and Courage to get over all these Rubs which may lie in the way of their desired Grandeur . What is it they cannot do ? They make Worlds and ruin them , form Systems of universal Nature and dispute eternally about them , their Pen gives worth to the most trifling Controversie , nor can a fray be inconsiderable if they have drawn their Swords in 't . All that the wise Man pronounces is an Oracle , and every Word the Witty speaks a Jest . It is a Woman's Happiness to hear , admire and praise them , especially if a little Ill-nature keeps them at any time from bestowing due applauses on each other . And if she aspires no further she is thought to be in her proper Sphere of Action , she is as wise and as good as can be expected from her .

She then who Marrys ought to lay it down for an indisputable Maxim , that her Husband must govern absolutely and intirely , and that she has nothing else to do but to Please and Obey . She must not attempt to divide his Authority , or so much as dispute it , to struggle with her Yoke will only make it gall the more , but must believe him Wise and Good and in all respects the best , at least he must be so to her . She who can't do this is no way fit to be a Wife , she may set up for that peculiar Coronet the ancient Fathers talk'd of , but is not qualify'd to receive that great reward , which attends the eminent exercise of Humility and Self-denial , Patience and Resignation the Duties that a Wife is call'd to .

But some refractory Woman perhaps will say how can this be ? Is it possible for her to believe him Wise and Good who by a thousand Demonstrations convinces her and all the World of the contrary ? Did the bare Name of Husband confer Sense on a Man , and the mere being in Authority infallibly qualifie him for Government , much might be done . But since a wise Man and a Husband are not Terms convertible , and how loath soever one is to own it , Matter of Fact won't allow us to deny that the Head many times stands in need of the Inferior's Brains to manage it , she must beg leave to be excus'd from such high thoughts of her Sovereign , and if she submits to his Power , it is not so much Reason as Necessity that compells her .

Now of how little force soever this Objection may be in other respects , methinks it is strong enough to prove the necessity of a good Education , and that Men never mistake their true Interest more than when they endeavour to keep Women in Ignorance . Cou'd they indeed deprive them of their Natural good Sense at the same time they deny them the due improvement of it , they might compass their End ; otherwise Natural Sense unassisted may run into a false Track , and serve only to punish him justly , who wou'd not allow it to be useful to himself or others . If Man's Authority be justly establish'd , the more Sense a Woman has the more reason she will find to submit to it ; if according to the Tradition of our Fathers , ( who having had Possession of the Pen , thought they had also the best Right to it , ) Women's Understanding is but small , and Men's Partiality adds no Weight to the Observation , ought not the more care to be taken to improve them ? How it agrees with the Justice of Men we enquire not , but certainly Heaven is abundantly more Equitable than to enjoyn Women the hardest Task and give them the least Strength to perform it . And if Men Learned , Wise and Discreet as they are , who have as is said all the advantages of Nature , and without controversie have , or may have all the assistance of Art , are so far from acquitting themselves as they ought , from living according to that reason and excellent Understanding they so much boast of , can it be expected that a Woman who is reckon'd silly enough in her self , at least comparatively , and whom Men take care to make yet more so , can it be expected that she shou'd constantly perform so difficult a Duty as intire Subjection , to which corrupt Nature is so averse ?

If the Great and Wise Cato , a Man , a Man of no ordinary firmness and strength of Mind , a Man who was esteem'd as an Oracle , and by the Philosophers and great Men of his Nation equal'd even to the Gods themselves ; If he with all his Stoical Principles was not able to bear the sight of a triumphant Conqueror , ( who perhaps wou'd have Insulted and perhaps wou'd not , ) but out of a Cowardly fear of an Insult , ran to Death to secure him from it ; can it be thought that an ignorant weak Woman shou'd have patience to bear a continual outrage and Insolence all the days of her Life ? Unless you will suppose her a very Ass , but then remember what the Italians say , to Quote them once more , since being very Husbands they may be presum'd to have some Authority in this Case , L' asino pur pigro , Stimulato tira quelche calcio ; an Ass tho' slow if provok'd will kick .

We never see or perhaps make sport with the ill Effects of a bad Education , till it come to touch us home in the ill conduct of a Sister , a Daughter , or Wife . Then the Women must be blam'd , their Folly is exclaim'd against , when all this while it was the wise Man's Fault who did not set a better Guard on those who according to him stand in so much need of one . A young Gentleman , as a celebrated Author tells us , ought above all things to be acquainted with the State of the World , the Ways and Humours , the Follies , the Cheats , the Faults of the Age he is fallen into , he should by degrees be inform'd of the Vice in Fashion , and warn'd of the Application and Design of those who will make it their Business to corrupt him , shou'd be told the Arts they use and the Trains they lay , be prepar'd to be Shock'd by some and caress'd by others ; warn'd who are like to oppose , who to mislead ; who to undermine , and who to serve him . He shou'd be instructed how to know and distinguish them , where he shou'd let them see , and when dissemble the Knowledge of them and their Aims and Workings . Our Author is much in the right , and not to disparage any other Accomplishments which are useful in their kind , this will turn to more account than any Language or Philosophy , Art or Science , or any other piece of Good-breeding and fine Education that can be taught him , which are no otherwise excellent than as they contribute to this , as this does above all things to the making him a wise , a vertuous and useful Man.

And it is not less necessary that a young Lady shou'd receive the like Instructions , whether or no her Temptations be fewer , her Reputation and Honour however are to be more nicely preserv'd ; they may be ruin'd by a little Ignorance or Indiscretion , and then tho' she has kept her Innocence , and so is secur'd as to the next World , yet she is in a great measure lost to this . A Woman cannot be too watchful , too apprehensive of her danger , nor keep at too great a distance from it , since Man whose Wisdom and Ingenuity is so much Superior to hers , condescends for his Interest sometimes , and sometimes by way of Diversion , to lay Snares for her . For tho' all Men are Virtuosi , Philosophers and Politicians in comparison of the Ignorant and Illiterare Women , yet they don't all pretend to be Saints , and 't is no great Matter to them if Women who were born to be their Slaves , be now and then ruin'd for their Entertainment .

But according to the rate that young Women are Educated ; according to the way their Time is spent , they are destin'd to Folly and Impertinence , to say no worse , and which is yet more inhuman , they are blam'd for that ill Conduct they are not suffer'd to avoid , and reproach'd for those Faults they are in a manner forc'd into ; so that if Heaven has bestowed any Sense on them , no other use is made of it , than to leave them without Excuse . So much and no more of the World is shewn them , as serves to weaken and corrupt their Minds , to give them wrong Notions , and busie them in mean Pursuits ; to disturb , not to regulate their Passions , to make them timorous and dependant , and in a word , fit for nothing else but to act a Farce for the Diversion of their Governours .

Even Men themselves improve no otherwise than according to the Aim they take , and the End they propose ; and he whose Designs are but little and mean , will be the same himself . Tho' Ambition , as 't is usually understood , is a Foolish , not to say a Base and Pitiful Vice , yet the Aspirings of the Soul after true Glory are so much its Nature , that it seems to have forgot it self and to degenerate , if it can forbear ; and perhaps the great Secret of Education lies in affecting the Soul with a lively Sense of what is truly its Perfection , and exciting the most ardent Desires after it .

But , alas ! what poor Woman is ever taught that she should have a higher Design than to get her a Husband ? Heaven will fall in of course ; and if she make but an Obedient and Dutiful Wife , she cannot miss of it . A Husband indeed is thought by both Sexes so very valuable , that scarce a Man who can keep himself clean and make a Bow , but thinks he is good enough to pretend to any Woman , no matter for the Difference of Birth or Fortune , a Husband is such a Wonder-working Name as to make an Equality , or something more , whenever it is pronounc'd .

And indeed were there no other Proof of Masculine Wisdom , and what a much greater Portion of Ingenuity falls to the Men than to the Women's Share , the Address , the Artifice , and Management of an humble Servant were a sufficient Proof it . What good Conduct does he shew ! what Patience exercise ! what Subtilty leave untry'd ! what Concealment of his Faults ! what Parade of his Vertues ! what Government of his Passions ! How deep is his Policy in laying his Designs at so great a distance , and working them up by such little Accidents ! How indefatigable is his Industry , and how constant his Watchfulness , not to slip any Opportunity that may in the least contribute to his Design ! What a handsome Set of Disguises and Pretences is he always furnish'd with ! How conceal'd does he lie ! how little pretend , till he is sure that his Plot will take ! And at the same time that he nourishes the Hope of being Lord and Master , appears with all the Modesty and Submission of an humble and unpretending Admirer !

Can a Woman then be too much upon her Guard ? Can her Prudence and Foresight , her early Caution be reckon'd unnecessary Suspicion , or ill-bred Reserve by any but those whose Designs they prevent , and whose Interest it is to declaim against them ? it being a certain Maxim with the Men , tho' Policy or Good Breeding allow them not to avow it always , that the Women were made for their Sakes and Service , and are in all respects their Inferiors , especially in Understanding ; so that all the Compliments they make , all the Address and Complaisance they use , all the Kindness they profess , all the Service they pretend to pay , has no other Meaning , no other End , than to get the poor Woman into their Power , to govern her according to their Discretion . This is all pure Kindness indeed , and therefore no Woman has Reason to be offended with it ; for considering how much she is expos'd in her own , and how safe in their Keeping , 't is the wisest thing she can do to put her self under Protection . And then if they have a tolerable Opinion of her Sense , and not their Vanity but some better Principle disposes them to do something out of the way , and to appear more generous than the rest of their Sex , they 'll condescend to dictate to her , and impart some of their Prerogative Books and Learning . 'T is fit indeed that she should entirely depend on their Choice , and walk with the Crutches they are pleas'd to lend her ; and if she is furnished out with some Notions to set her a prating , I should have said to make her entertaining and the Fiddle of the Company , her Tutor's Time was not ill bestowed : And it were a diverting Scene to see her stript like the Jay of her borrowed Feathers , tho' he good Man has not ill Nature enough to take Pleasure in it . You may accuse him perhaps for giving so much Encouragement to a Woman's Vanity , but your Accusation is groundless , Vanity being a Disease the Sex will always be guilty of ; nor is it a Reproach to them , since Men of Learning and Sense are over-run with it .

But there are few Women whose Understandings are worth the Management , their Estates are much more capable of Improvement , No Woman , much less a Woman of Fortune , is ever fit to be her own Mistress , and he who has not the Vanity to think what much finer things he could perform had he the Management of her Fortune ; or so much Partiality and Self-love , as to fansie it can't be better bestow'd than in making his ; will yet be so honest and humble as to think that 't is fit she should take his Assistance , as Steward at least . For the Good Man aspires no further , he would only take the Trouble of her Affairs off her hand ; and the Sense of her Condescension and his great Obligations will for ever secure him against acting like a Lord and Master .

The Steps to Folly as well as Sin are gradual , and almost imperceptible , and when we are once on the Decline , we go down without taking notice on 't ; were it not for this one cou'd not account for those Strange unequal Matches we too often see . For there was a time no doubt , when a Woman could not have bore the very thought of what she has been afterwards betray'd into , it would have appear'd as shocking to her as it always does to other People ; and had a Man been so impolitic as to discover the least intimation of such a Design , he had given her a sufficient Antidote against it . This your Wise Men are well satisfy'd of , and understand their own Interest too well to let their Design go bare-fac'd , for that would effectually put a barr to their Success . So innocent are they that they had not the least thought at first of what their Good Fortune afterwards leads them to ! They would draw upon him , ( if they wear a Sword ) or fly in her Face who should let fall the least hint that they had such Intentions ; and this very Eagerness to avoid the Suspicion , is a shrewd Sign that there is occasion for 't .

But who shall dare to shew the Lady her Danger , when will it be seasonable to give her friendly Notice ? If you do it e're she is resolv'd , tho' with all the Friendship and Tenderness imaginable , she will hardly forgive the Affront , or bear the Provocation ; you offer her an Outrage , by entertaining such a Thought , and 't is ten to one if you are not afterwards accus'd for putting in her Head what otherwise she could ne'er have dream'd of . And when no direct Proof can be offer'd , when matter of Prudence is the only thing in question , every Body has so good an Opinion of their own Understanding as to think their own way the best . And when she has her Innocence and fair Intentions to oppose to your Fears and Surmises , and you cannot pretend to wish her better than she does her self , to be more disinteress'd and diligent in your Watchfulness , or to see farther in what so nearly concerns her , what can be done ? Her ruin is commonly too far advanc'd to be prevented , e're you can in Good-breeding reach out a hand to help her . For if the Train has took , if she is entangled in the snare , if Love , or rather a Blind unreasonable Fondness , which usurps the Name of that noble Passion , has gain'd on her , Reason and Perswasion may as properly be urg'd to the Folks in Bethlem as to her . Tell her of this World , she is got above it , and has no regard to its impertinent Censures ; tell her of the next she laughs at you , and will never be convinc'd that Actions which are not expresly forbid can be Criminal , tho' they proceed from , and must necessarily be reduc'd to ill Principles , tho' they give Offence , are of ill Example , injure our Reputation , which next to our Innocence we are obliged as Christians to take the greatest care of , and in a word do more mischief than we readily imagine . Tell her of her own Good , you appear yet more ridiculous , for who can judge of her Happiness but her self ? And whilst our Hearts are violently set upon any thing , there is no convincing us that we shall ever be of another Mind . Our Passions want no Advocates , they are always furnish'd with plausible Pretences , and those very Prejudices , which gave rise to this unreasonable Passion , will for certain give her Obstinacy enough to justifie and continue in it . Besides , some are so ill advis'd as to think to support one Indiscretion with another , they wou'd not have it thought they have made a false Step , in once giving countenance to that which is not fit to be continued . Or perhaps the Lady might be willing enough to throw off the Intruder at first , but wanted Courage to get above the fear of his Calumnies , and the longer she suffers him to buz about her , she will find it the harder to get rid of his Importunities . By all which it appears that she who really intends to be secure , must keep at the greatest distance from Danger , she must not grant the least indulgence , where such ill uses will be made of it .

And since the case is so , that Woman can never be in safety who allows a Man opportunity to betray her . Frequent Conversation does for certain produce either Aversion or Liking , and when 't is once come to Liking , it depends on the Man's Generosity not to improve it farther , and where can one find an Instance that this is any security ? There are very many indeed which shew it is none . How sensible soever a Woman may appear of anothers Indiscretion , if she will tread in the same Steps , tho' but for a little way , she gives us no assurance that she will not fall into the same Folly , she may perhaps intend very well , but she puts it past her Power to fullfil her good Intentions . Even those who have forfeited their Discretion , the most valuable thing next to their Vertue , and without which Vertue it self is but very weak and faint , 't is like were once as well resolv'd as she , they had the very same Thoughts , they made the same Apologies , and their Resentment wou'd have been every whit as great against those who cou'd have imagin'd they shou'd so far forget themselves .

It were endless to reckon up the divers Stratagems Men use to catch their Prey , their different ways of insinuating which vary with Circumstances , and the Ladies Temper , but how unfairly , how basely soever they proceed , when the Prey is once caught it passes for Lawful Prize , and other Men having the same hopes and projects see nothing to find fault with , but that it was not their own Good Fortune . They may exclaim against it perhaps in a Ladie 's hearing , but it is only to keep themselves from being suspected , and to give the better Colour to their own Designs . Sometimes a Woman is cajol'd , and sometimes Hector'd , she is seduc'd to Love a Man , or aw'd into a Fear of him : He defends her Honour against another , or assumes the Power of blasting it himself ; was willing to pass for one of no Consequence till he cou'd make himself considerable at her cost : He might be admitted at first to be her Jest , but he carries on the humor so far till he makes her his ; he will either entertain or serve her as occasion offers , and some way or other gets himself intrusted with her Fortune , her Fame or her Soul. Allow him but a frequent and free Conversation , and there 's no manner of Question but that his Ingenuity and Application will at one time or other get the Ascendant over her .

And generally the more humble and undesigning a Man appears , the more improbable it looks that he should dare to pretend , the greater Caution shou'd be us'd against him . A bold Address and good Assurance may sometimes , but does not always take . To a Woman of Sense an artificial Modesty and Humility is a thousand times more dangerous , he only draws back to receive the more Encouragement , and she regards not what Advances she makes towards him , who seems to understand himself and the World so well as to be incapable of making an ill use of them . Wou'd it not be unreasonable and a piece of Ill-breeding to be shy of him who has no pretentions , or only such as are Just and Modest ? What hurt in a Visit ? Or what if Visits grow a little more frequent ? The Man has so much discernment , as to relish her Wit and Humour , and can she do less than be Partial to him who is so Just to her ? He strives to please and to render himself agreeable , or necessary perhaps , and whoever will make it his Business may find ways enough to do it . For they know but little of Human Nature , they never consulted their own Hearts , who are not sensible what advances a well-manag'd Flattery makes , especially from a Person of whose Wit and Sense one has a good Opinion . His Wit at first recommends his Flatteries , and these in requital set off his Wit ; and she who has been us'd to this high-season'd Diet , will scarce ever relish another Conversation .

Having got thus far to be sure he is not wanting to his good Fortune , but drives on to an Intimacy , or what they are pleas'd now a-days , tho' very unjustly , to call a Friendship ; all is safe under this sacred Character , which sets them above little Aims and mean Designs . A Character that must be conducted with the nicest Honor , allows the greatest Trusts , leads to the highest Improvements , is attended with the purest Pleasures and most rational Satisfaction . And what if the malicious World , envious of his Happiness , shou'd take Offence at it , since he has taken all due Precautions , such unjust and ill-natur'd Censures are not to be regarded ; for his part the distance that is between them checks all aspiring desires , but her Conversation is what he must not , cannot want , Life is insipid and not to be endur'd without it ; and he is too much the Ladie 's Friend , has too just a Value for her to entertain a Thought to her disadvantage .

Now if once it is come to this , GOD help the poor Woman , for not much Service can be done her by any of her Friends on Earth . That Pretender to be sure will be the Darling , he will worm out every other Person , tho' ever so kind and disinterested . For tho' true Friends will endeavour to please in order to serve , their Complaisance never goes so far as to prove injurious ; the beloved Fault is what they chiefly strike at , and this the Flatterer always sooths ; so that at last he becomes the most acceptable Company , and they who are conscious of their own Integrity are not apt to bear such an unjust Distinction , nor is it by this time to any purpose to remonstrate the Danger of such an Intimacy . When a Man , and for certain much more , when a Woman is fallen into this Toyl , that is , when either have been so unwary and indiscreet as to let another find out by what Artifices he may manage their Self-love , and draw it over to his Party , 't is too late for any one who is really their Friend to break the Snare and disabuse them .

Neither Sex cares to deny themselves that which pleases , especially when they think they may innocently indulge it ; and nothing pleases more than the being admir'd and humour'd . We may be told of the Danger , and shown the Fall of others , but tho' their Misfortunes are ever so often or so lively represented to us , we are all so well assur'd of our own good Conduct , as to believe it will bring us safe off those Rocks on which others have been Shipwrackt . We suppose it in our Power to shorten the Line of our Liberty when ever we think fit , not considering that the farther we run , we shall be the more unwilling to Retreat and unable to judge when a Retreat is necessary . A Woman does not know that she is more than half lost when she admits of these Suggestions ; that those Arguments she brings for continuing a Man's Conversation , prove only that she ought to have quitted it sooner ; that Liking insensibly converts to Love , and that when she admits a Man to be her Friend , 't is his Fault if he does not make himself her Husband .

And if Men even the Modestest and the Best , are only in pursuit of their own Designs , when they pretend to do the Lady Service ; if the Honour they wou'd seem to do her , tends only to lead her into an Imprudent and therefore a dishonourable Action ; and they have all that good Opinion of themselves as to take every thing for Encouragment , so that she who goes beyond a bare Civility tho' she meant no more than Respect , will find it Interpreted a Favour and made ill Use of , ( for Favours how Innocent soever , never turn to a Ladies advantage ; ) what shadow of a Pretence can a Woman have for admitting an intimacy with a Man whose Principles are known to be Loose and his Practices Licentious ? can she expect to be safe with him who has ruin'd others , and by the very same Methods he takes with her ? If an Intimacy with a Man of a fair Character gives Offence , with a Man of an ill One , 't is doubly and trebly Scandalous . And suppose neither her Fortune nor Beauty can Tempt him , he has his ill-natur'd Pleasure in destroying that Vertue he will not Practise , or if that can't be done , in blasting the Reputation of it at least , and in making the World believe he has made a Conquest tho' he has found a Foil .

If the Man be the Woman 's Inferior , besides all the Dangers formerly mention'd , and those just now taken notice of , she gives such a Countenance to his Vices as renders her in great measure partaker in them , and it can scarce be thought in such Circumstances a Woman cou'd Like the Man if she were not reconcil'd to his Faults . Is he her Equal and no unsuitable Match , if his Designs are fair , why don't they Marry , since they are so well pleas'd with each other's Conversation , which only in this State can be frequently and safely allow'd ? Is he her Better , and she hopes by catching him to make her Fortune , alas ! The poor Woman is neither acquainted with the World nor her self , she neither knows her own Weakness nor his Treachery , and tho' he gives ever so much Encouragement to this vain Hope 't is only in order to accomplish her ruin . To be sure the more Freedom she allows , the more she lessens his Esteem , and that 's not likely to encrease a real , tho' it may a pretended kindness ; she ought to fly , if she wou'd have him pursue ; the strictest Vertue and Reserve being the only way to secure him .

Religion and Reputation are so sure a Guard , such a security to poor defenceless Woman , that whenever a Man has ill Designs on her , he is sure to make a Breach into one or both of these , by either endeavouring to corrupt her Principles to make her less strict in Devotion , or to lessen her value of a fair Reputation , and wou'd perswade her that less than she imagines will secure her as to the next World , and that not much regard is to be given to the censures of this : Or if this be too bold at first , and will not pass with her , he has another way to make even her Love to Vertue contribute to it's ruin , by perswading her it never Shines as it ought unless it is expos'd , and that she has no reason to Boast of her Vertue unless she has try'd it . An Opinion of the worst consequence that may be , and the most mischievous , which seems calculated to feed her Vanity , but tends indeed to her utter Ruin. For can it be fit to rush into Temptations when we are taught every day to pray against them ? If the Trials of our Vertue render it Illustrious , 't is such Trials as Heaven is pleas'd to send us , not those of our own seeking . It holds true of both Sexes , that next to the Divine Grace a Modest Distrust of themselves is their best Security , none being so often and so shamefully Foil'd , as those who depend most on their own Strength and Resolution .

As to the Opinion of the World , tho' one cannot say it is always just , yet generally it has a Foundation , great regard is to be paid to it , and very good use to be made of it . Others may be in fault for passing their Censures , but we certainly are so if we give them any the least just occasion . And since Reputation is not only one of the Rewards of Vertue , that which always ought , and generally does attend it , but also a Guard against Evil , an Inducement to Good , and a great Instrument in the Hand of the Wise to promote the common cause of Vertue , the being Prodigal of the one looks as if we set no great value on the other , and she who abandons her good Name is not like to preserve her Innocence .

A Woman therefore can never have too nice a Sense of Honor ; provided she does not prefer it before her Duty ; she can never be too careful to secure her Character not only from the suspicion of a Crime , but even from the shadow of an Indiscretion . 'T is well worth her while to renounce the most Entertaining , and what some perhaps will call the most Improving Company , rather than give the World a just occasion of Suspicion or Censure . For besides the injury that is done Religion , which enjoyns us to avoid the very Appearance of Evil , and to do nothing but what is of good Report , she puts her self too much in a Man's Power who will run such a risque for his Conversation , and expresses such a value for him , as cannot fail of being made use of to do her a mischief .

Preserve your distance then , keep out of the reach of Danger , fly if you wou'd be safe , be sure to be always on the Reserve , not such as is Morose and Affected , but Modest and Discreet , your Caution cannot be too great , nor your Foresight reach too far ; there 's nothing , or what is next to nothing , a little Amusement and entertaining Conversation lost by this , but all is hazarded by the other . A Man understands his own Merit too well to lose his time in a Woman's Company were it not to divert himself at her cost , to turn her into a Jest or something worse . And wherever you see great Assiduities , when a Man insinuates into the Diversions and Humors of the Lady , Liking and Admiring whatever she does , tho' at the same time he seems to keep a due Distance , or rather exceeds in the profoundest Respect , Respect being all he dare at present pretend to , when a more than ordinary deference is paid , when something particular appears in the look and Address , and such an Obsequiousness in every Action , as nothing cou'd engage a Man to , who never forgets the Superiority of his Sex , but a hope to be Observ'd in his turn : Then , whatever the Inequality be , and how sensible soever he seems to be of it , the Man has for certain his Engines a Work , the Mine is ready to spring on the first opportunity , and 't is well if it be not too late to prevent the poor Ladie 's Ruin.

To wind up this Matter , if a Woman were duly Principled and taught to know the World , especially the true Sentiments that Men have of her , and the Traps they lay for her under so many gilded Complements , and such a seemingly great Respect , that disgrace wou'd be prevented which is brought upon too many Families , Women wou'd Marry more discreetly , and demean themselves better in a Married State than some People say they do . The foundation indeed ought to be laid deep and strong , she shou'd be made a good Christian , and understand why she is so , and then she will be every thing else that is Good. Men need keep no Spies on a Woman's Conduct , need have no fear of her Vertue , or so much as of her Prudence and Caution , were but a due sense of true Honor and Vertue awaken'd in her , were her Reason excited and prepar'd to consider the Sophistry of those Temptations which wou'd perswade her from her Duty , and were she put in a way to know that it is both her Wisdom and Interest to observe it . She would then duly examine and weigh all the Circumstances , the Good and Evil of a Married State , and not be surpriz'd with unforeseen Inconveniencies , and either never consent to be a Wife , or make a good one when she does . This would shew her what Human Nature is , as well as what it ought to be , and teach her not only what she may justly expect , but what she must be Content with ; would enable her to cure some Faults , and patiently to suffer what she cannot cure .

Indeed nothing can assure Obedience , and render it what it ought to be , but the Conscience of Duty , the paying it for GOD's sake . Superiors don 't rightly understand their own Interest when they attempt to put out their Subjects Eyes to keep them Obedient . A Blind Obedience is what a Rational Creature shou'd never Pay , nor wou'd such an one receive it did he rightly understand it's Nature . For Human Actions are no otherwise valuable than as they are conformable to Reason , but a blind Obedience is an Obeying without Reason , for ought we know , against it . GOD himself does not require our Obedience at this rate , he lays before us the goodness and reasonableness of his Laws , and were there any thing in them whose Equity we could not readily comprehend , yet we have this clear and sufficient Reason on which to found our Obedience , that nothing but what 's Just and Fit , can be enjoyn'd by a Just , a Wise and Gracious GOD , but this is a Reason will never hold in respect of Men's Commands unless they can prove themselves Infallible , and consequently Impeccable too .

It is therefore very much a Man's Interest that Women should be good Christians , in this as in every other Instance , he who does his Duty finds his own account in it ; Duty and true Interest are one and the same thing , and he who thinks otherwise is to be pitied for being so much in the Wrong ; but what can be more the Duty of the Head , than to Instruct and Improve those who are under Government ? She will freely leave him the quiet Dominion of this World whose Thoughts and Expectations are plac'd on the next . A Prospect of Heaven , and that only will cure that Ambition which all Generous Minds are fill'd with , not by taking it away but by placing it on a right Object . She will discern a time when her Sex shall be no bar to the best Employments , the highest Honor ; a time when that distinction , now so much us'd to her Prejudice , shall be no more , but provided she is not wanting to her self , her Soul shall shine as bright as the greatest Heroe's . This is a true , and indeed the only consolation , this makes her a sufficient compensation for all the neglect and contempt the ill-grounded Customs of the World throw on her , for all the Injuries brutal Power may do her , and is a sufficient Cordial to support her Spirits , be her Lot in this World what it may .

But some sage Persons may perhaps object that were Women allow'd to Improve themselves , and not amongst other discouragments driven back by those wise Jests and Scoffs that are put upon a Woman of Sense or Learning , a Philosophical Lady as she is call'd by way of Ridicule , they would be too Wise and too Good for the Men : I grant it , for vicious and foolish Men. Nor is it to be wonder'd that he is affraid he shou'd not be able to Govern them were their Understandings improv'd , who is resolv'd not to take too much Pains with his own . But these 't is to be hop'd are no very considerable Number , the foolish at least ; and therefore this is so far from being an Argument against their Improvement , that it is a strong one for it , if we do but suppose the Men to be as capable of Improvement as the Women , but much more if according to Tradition we believe they have greater Capacities . This , if any thing , wou'd stir them up to be what they ought , not permit them to wast their Time and abuse their Faculties in the Service of their irregular Appetites and unreasonable Desires , and so let poor contemptible Women who have been their Slaves , excel them in all that is truly Excellent . This wou'd make them Blush at employing an immortal Mind no better than in making Provision for the Flesh to fullfil the Lusts thereof , since Women by a Wiser Conduct have brought themselves to such a reach of Thought , to such exactness of Judgment , such clearness and strength of Reasoning , such purity and elevation of Mind , such Command of their Passions , such regularity of Will and Affection , and in a word to such a pitch of Perfection as the Human Soul is capable of attaining even in this Life by the Grace of GOD , such true Wisdom , such real Greatness , as tho' it does not qualifie them to make a Noise in this World , to found or overturn Empires , yet it qualifies them for what is infinitely better , a Kingdom that cannot be mov'd , an incorruptible Crown of Glory .

Besides , it were ridiculous to suppose that a Woman , were she ever so much improv'd , cou'd come near the topping Genius of the Men , and therefore why shou'd they envy or discourage her ? Strength of Mind goes along with Strength of Body , and 't is only for some odd accidents which Philosophers have not yet thought worth while to enquire into , that the Sturdiest Porter is not the Wisest Man. As therefore the Men have the Power in their Hands , so there 's no dispute of their having the Brains to manage it . There is no such thing as good Judgment and Sense upon Earth , if it is not to be found among them : Do not they generally speaking do all the great Actions and considerable Business of this World , and leave that of the next to the Women ? Their Subtilty in forming Cabals and laying deep Designs , their Courage and Conduct in breaking through all Tyes Sacred and Civil to effect them , not only advances them to the Post of Honor and keeps them securely in it for twenty or thirty Years , but gets them a Name , and conveys it down to Posterity for some Hundreds , and who wou'd look any further ? Justice and Injustice are administred by their Hands , Courts and Schools are fill'd with these Sages ; 't is Men who dispute for Truth as well as Men who argue against it ; Histories are writ by them , they recount each others great Exploits , and have always done so . All famous Arts have their Original from Men , even from the Invention of Guns to the Mystery of good Eating . And to shew that nothing is beneath their Care , any more than above their reach , they have brought Gaming to an Art and Science , and a more Profitable and Honourable one too , than any of those that us'd to be call'd Liberal . Indeed what is it they can't perform , when they attempt it ? The Strength of their Brains shall be every whit as Conspicuous at their Cups as in a Senate-House , and when they please they can make it pass for as sure a mark of Wisdom , to drink deep as to Reason profoundly ; a greater proof of Courage and consequently of Understanding , to dare the Vengeance of Heaven it self , than to stand the rallery of some of the worst of their fellow Creatures !

Again , it may be said , if a Wife's case be as it is here represented , it is not good for a Woman to Marry , and so there 's an end of Human Race . But this is no fair Consequence , for all that can justly be inferr'd from hence , is that a Woman has no mighty Obligations to the Man who makes Love to her , she has no reason to be fond of being a Wife , or to reckon it a peice of Preferment when she is taken to be a Man's Upper-Servant ; it is no advantage to her in this World , if rightly manag'd it may prove one as to the next . For she who Marries purely to do Good , to Educate Souls for Heaven , who can be so truly mortify'd as to lay aside her own Will and Desires , to pay such an intire Submission for Life , to one whom she cannot be sure will always deserve it , does certainly perform a more Heroic Action than all the famous Masculine Heroes can boast of , she suffers a continual Martyrdom to bring Glory to GOD and Benefit to Mankind , which consideration indeed may carry her through all Difficulties , I know not what else can , and engage her to Love him who proves perhaps so much more worse than a Brute , as to make this Condition yet more grievous than it needed to be . She has need of a strong Reason , of a truly Christian and well-temper'd Spirit , of all the Assistance the best Education can give her , and ought to have some good assurance of her own Firmness and Vertue , who ventures on such a Trial ; and for this Reason 't is less to be wonder'd at that Women Marry off in hast , for perhaps . if they took time to consider and reflect upon it , they seldom wou'd .

To conclude , perhaps I 've said more than most Men will thank me for , I cannot help it , for how much soever I may be their Friend and humble Servant , I am more a Friend to Truth . Truth is strong , and sometime or other will prevail , nor is it for their Honor , and therefore one wou'd think not for their Interest , to be Partial to themselves and Unjust to others . They may fancy I have made some discoveries which like Arcana Imperii ought to be kept secret , but in good earnest , I do them more Honor than to suppose their lawful Prerogatives need any mean Arts to support them . If they have Usurpt , I love Justice too much to wish Success and continuance to Usurpations , which tho' submitted to out of Prudence and for Quietness sake , yet leave every Body free to regain their lawful Right whenever they have Power and Opportunity . I don't say that Tyranny ought , but we find in Fact , that it provokes the Oppress'd to throw off even a Lawful Yoke that sits too heavy : And if he who is freely Elected , after all his fair Promises and the fine Hopes he rais'd , proves a Tyrant , the consideration that he was one 's own Choice , will not render more Submissive and Patient , but I fear more Refractory . For tho'it is very unreasonable , yet we see 't is the course of the World , not only to return Injury for Injury , but Crime for Crime ; both Parties indeed are Guilty , but the Aggressors have a double Guilt , they have not only their own , but their Neighbour's ruin to answer for .

As to the Female-Reader , I hope she will allow I 've endeavour'd to do her Justice , nor betray'd her Cause as her Advocates usually do , under pretence of defending it . A Practice too mean for any to be Guilty of who have the least Sense of Honor , and who do any more than meerly pretend to it . I think I have held the Ballance even , and not being conscious of Partiality I ask no Pardon for it . To plead for the Oppress'd and to defend the Weak seem'd to me a generous undertaking ; for tho' it may be secure , 't is not always Honourable to run over to the strongest Party . And if she infers from what has been said that Marriage is a very Happy State for Men , if they think fit to make it so ; that they govern the World , they have Prescription on their side , Women are too weak to dispute it with them , therefore they , as all other Governors , are most , if not only accountable , for what 's amiss . For whether other Governments in their Original , were or were not confer'd according to the Merit of the Person , yet certainly in this case Heaven wou'd not have allotted the Man to Govern , but because he was best Qualify'd for it . So far I agree with him : But if she goes on to infer , that therefore he has not these Qualifications , where is his Right ? If he misemploys , does he not abuse it ? And if he abuses , according to modern Deduction , he forfeits it , I must leave her there . A peaceable Woman indeed will not carry it so far , she will neither question her Husband 's Right nor his Fitness to Govern , but how ? Not as an absolute Lord and Master , with an Arbitrary and Tyrannical sway , but as Reason Governs and Conducts a Man , by proposing what is Just and Fit. And the Man who acts according to that Wisdom he assumes , who wou'd have that Superiority he pretends to , acknowledg'd Just , will receive no injury by any thing that has been offer'd here . A Woman will value him the more who is so Wise and Good , when she discerns how much he excells the rest of his noble Sex ; the less he requires , the more will he Merit that Esteem and Deference , which those who are so forward to exact , seem conscious they don't deserve . So then the Man's Prerogative is not at all infring'd , whilst the Woman's Privileges are secur'd ; and if any Woman think her self Injur'd , she has a Remedy in reserve which few Men will envy or endeavour to Rob her of , the Exercise and Improvement of her Vertue here , and the Reward of it hereafter .

The End.