beyond bedlam by wyman guin illustrated by david stone [transcriber's note: this etext was produced from galaxy science fiction august 1951. extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the u.s. copyright on this publication was renewed.] however fantastic it may seem, the society so elaborately described in this story has its seeds in ours. just check the data.... the opening afternoon class for mary walden's ego-shift was almost over, and mary was practically certain the teacher would not call on her to recite her assignment, when carl blair got it into his mind to try to pass her a dirty note. mary knew it would be a screamingly funny ego-shifting room limerick and was about to reach for the note when mrs. harris's voice crackled through the room. "carl blair! i believe you have an important message. surely you will want the whole class to hear it. come forward, please." as he made his way before the class, the boy's blush-covered freckles reappeared against his growing pallor. haltingly and in an agonized monotone, he recited from the note: "there was a young hyper named phil, who kept a third head for a thrill. said he, 'it's all right, i enjoy my plight. i shift my third out when it's chill.'" the class didn't dare laugh. their eyes burned down at their laps in shame. mary managed to throw carl blair a compassionate glance as he returned to his seat, but she instantly regretted ever having been kind to him. "mary walden, you seemed uncommonly interested in reading something just now. perhaps you wouldn't mind reading your assignment to the class." there it was, and just when the class was almost over. mary could have scratched carl blair. she clutched her paper grimly and strode to the front. "today's assignment in pharmacy history is, 'schizophrenia since the ancient pre-pharmacy days.'" mary took enough breath to get into the first paragraph. "schizophrenia is where two or more personalities live in the same brain. the ancients of the 20th century actually looked upon schizophrenia as a disease! everyone felt it was very shameful to have a schizophrenic person in the family, and, since children lived right with the same parents who had borne them, it was very bad. if you were a schizophrenic child in the 20th century, you would be locked up behind bars and people would call you--" mary blushed and stumbled over the daring word--"crazy." "the ancients locked up strong ego groups right along with weak ones. today we would lock up those ancient people." * * * * * the class agreed silently. "but there were more and more schizophrenics to lock up. by 1950 the _prisons_ and hospitals were so full of schizophrenic people that the ancients did not have room left to lock up any more. they were beginning to see that soon everyone would be schizophrenic. "of course, in the 20th century, the schizophrenic people were almost as helpless and 'crazy' as the ancient modern men. naturally they did not fight wars and lead the silly life of the moderns, but without proper drugs they couldn't control their ego-shiftability. the personalities in a brain would always be fighting each other. one personality would cut the body or hurt it or make it filthy, so that when the other personality took over the body, it would have to suffer. no, the schizophrenic people of the 20th century were almost as 'crazy' as the ancient moderns. "but then the drugs were invented one by one and the schizophrenic people of the 20th century were freed of their troubles. with the drugs the personalities of each body were able to live side by side in harmony at last. it turned out that many schizophrenic people, called overendowed personalities, simply had so many talents and viewpoints that it took two or more personalities to handle everything. "the drugs worked so well that the ancients had to let millions of schizophrenic people out from behind the bars of 'crazy' houses. that was the great emancipation of the 1990s. from then on, schizophrenic people had trouble only when they criminally didn't take their drugs. usually, there are two egos in a schizophrenic person--the hyperalter, or prime ego, and the hypoalter, the alternate ego. there often were more than two, but the medicorps makes us take our drugs so that won't happen to us. "at last someone realized that if everyone took the new drugs, the great wars would stop. at the world congress of 1997, laws were passed to make everyone take the drugs. there were many fights over this because some people wanted to stay modern and fight wars. the medicorps was organized and told to kill anyone who wouldn't take their drugs as prescribed. now the laws are enforced and everybody takes the drugs and the hyperalter and hypoalter are each allowed to have the body for an ego-shift of five days...." mary walden faltered. she looked up at the faces of her classmates, started to turn to mrs. harris and felt the sickness growing in her head. six great waves of crescendo silence washed through her. the silence swept away everything but the terror, which stood in her frail body like a shrieking rock. mary heard mrs. harris hurry to the shining dispensary along one wall of the classroom and return to stand before her with a swab of antiseptic and a disposable syringe. mrs. harris helped her to a chair. a few minutes after the expert injection, mary's mind struggled back from its core of silence. "mary, dear, i'm sorry. i haven't been watching you closely enough." "oh, mrs. harris...." mary's chin trembled. "i hope it never happens again." "now, child, we all have to go through these things when we're young. you're just a little slower than the others in acclimatizing to the drugs. you'll be fourteen soon and the medicop assures me you'll be over this sort of thing just as the others are." mrs. harris dismissed the class and when they had all filed from the room, she turned to mary. "i think, dear, we should visit the clinic together, don't you?" "yes, mrs. harris." mary was not frightened now. she was just ashamed to be such a difficult child and so slow to acclimatize to the drugs. as she and the teacher walked down the long corridor to the clinic, mary made up her mind to tell the medicop what she thought was wrong. it was not herself. it was her hypoalter, that nasty little susan shorrs. sometimes, when susan had the body, the things susan was doing and thinking came to mary like what the ancients had called _dreams_, and mary had never liked this secondary ego whom she could never really know. whatever was wrong, it was susan's doing. the filthy creature never took care of her hair, it was always so messy when susan shifted the body to her. mrs. harris waited while mary went into the clinic. mary was glad to find captain thiel, the nice medicop, on duty. but she was silent while the x-rays were being taken, and, of course, while he got the blood samples, she concentrated on being brave. later, while captain thiel looked in her eyes with the bright little light, mary said calmly, "do you know my hypoalter, susan shorrs?" the medicop drew back and made some notes on a pad before answering. "why, yes. she's in here quite often too." "does she look like me?" "not much. she's a very nice little girl...." he hesitated, visibly fumbling. mary blurted, "tell me truly, what's she like?" captain thiel gave her his nice smile. "well, i'll tell you a secret if you keep it to yourself." "oh, i promise." he leaned over and whispered in her ear and she liked the clean odor of him. "she's not nearly as pretty as you are." mary wanted very badly to put her arms around him and hug him. instead, wondering if mrs. harris, waiting outside, had heard, she drew back self-consciously and said, "susan is the cause of all this trouble, the nasty little thing." "oh now!" the medicop exclaimed. "i don't think so, mary. she's in trouble, too, you know." "she still eats sauerkraut." mary was defiant. "but what's wrong with that?" "you told her not to last year because it makes me sick on my shift. but it agrees in buckets with a little pig like her." the medicop took this seriously. he made a note on the pad. "mary, you should have complained sooner." "do you think my father might not like me because susan shorrs is my hypoalter?" she asked abruptly. "i hardly think so, mary. after all, he doesn't even know her. he's never on her ego shift." "a little bit," mary said, and was immediately frightened. captain thiel glanced at her sharply. "what do you mean by that, child?" "oh, nothing," mary said hastily. "i just thought maybe he was." "let me see your pharmacase," he said rather severely. mary slipped the pharmacase off the belt at her waist and handed it to him. captain thiel extracted the prescription card from the back and threw it away. he slipped a new card in the taping machine on his desk and punched out a new prescription, which he reinserted in the pharmacase. in the space on the front, he wrote directions for mary to take the drugs numbered from left to right. mary watched his serious face and remembered that he had complimented her about being prettier than susan. "captain thiel, is your hypoalter as handsome as you are?" the young medicop emptied the remains of the old prescription from the pharmacase and took it to the dispensary in the corner, where he slid it into the filling slot. he seemed unmoved by her question and simply muttered, "much handsomer." the machine automatically filled the case from the punched card on its back and he returned it to mary. "are you taking your drugs exactly as prescribed? you know there are very strict laws about that, and as soon as you are fourteen, you will be held to them." mary nodded solemnly. great straitjackets, who didn't know there were laws about taking your drugs? there was a long pause and mary knew she was supposed to leave. she wanted, though, to stay with captain thiel and talk with him. she wondered how it would be if he were appointed her father. mary was not hurt that her shy compliment to him had gone unnoticed. she had only wanted something to talk about. finally she said desperately, "captain thiel, how is it possible for a body to change as much from one ego shift to another as it does between susan and me?" "there isn't all the change you imagine," he said. "have you had your first physiology?" "yes. i was very good...." mary saw from his smile that her inadvertent little conceit had trapped her. "then, miss mary walden, how do _you_ think it is possible?" why did teachers and medicops have to be this way? when all you wanted was to have them talk to you, they turned everything around and made you think. she quoted unhappily from her schoolbook, "the main things in an ego shift are the two vegetative nervous systems that translate the conditions of either personality to the blood and other organs right from the brain. the vegetative nervous systems change the rate at which the liver burns or stores sugar and the rate at which the kidneys excrete...." through the closed door to the other room, mrs. harris's voice raised at the visiophone said distinctly, "_but, mr. walden...._" "reabsorb," corrected captain thiel. "what?" she didn't know what to listen to--the medicop or the distant voice of mrs. harris. "it's better to think of the kidneys as reabsorbing salts and nutrients from the filtrated blood." "oh." "_but, mr. walden, we can overdo a good thing. the proper amount of neglect is definitely required for full development of some personality types and mary certainly is one of those...._" "what about the pituitary gland that's attached to the brain and controls all the other glands during the shift of egos?" pressed captain thiel distractingly. "_but, mr. walden, too much neglect at this critical point may cause another personality to split off and we can't have that. adequate personalities are congenital. a new one now would only rob the present personalities. you are the appointed parent of this child and the board of education will enforce your compliance with our diagnosis...._" mary's mind leaped to a page in one of her childhood storybooks. it was an illustration of a little girl resting beneath a great tree that overhung a brook. there were friendly little wild animals about. mary could see the page clearly and she thought about it very hard instead of crying. "aren't you interested any more, mary?" captain thiel was looking at her strangely. the agitation in her voice was a surprise. "i have to get home. i have a lot of things to do." outside, when mrs. harris seemed suddenly to realize that something was wrong, and delicately probed to find out whether her angry voice had been overheard, mary said calmly and as if it didn't matter, "was my father home when you called him before?" "why--yes, mary. but you mustn't pay any attention to conversations like that, darling." _you can't force him to like me_, she thought to herself, and she was angry with mrs. harris because now her father would only dislike her more. neither her father nor her mother was home when mary walked into the evening-darkened apartment. it was the first day of the family shift, and on that day, for many periods now, they had not been home until late. mary walked through the empty rooms, turning on lights. she passed up the electrically heated dinner her father had set out for her. presently she found herself at the storage room door. she opened it slowly. after hesitating a while she went in and began an exhausting search for the old storybook with the picture in it. finally she knew she could not find it. she stood in the middle of the junk-filled room and began to cry. * * * * * the day which ended for mary walden in lonely weeping should have been, for conrad manz, a pleasant rest day with an hour of rocket racing in the middle of it. instead, he awakened with a shock to hear his wife actually _talking_ while she was _asleep_. he stood over her bed and made certain that she was asleep. it was as though her mind thought it was somewhere else, doing something else. vaguely he remembered that the ancients did something called _dreaming_ while they slept and the thought made him shiver. clara manz was saying, "oh, bill, they'll catch us. we can't pretend any more unless we have drugs. haven't we any drugs, bill?" then she was silent and lay still. her breathing was shallow and even in the dawn light her cheeks were deeply flushed against the blonde hair. having just awakened, conrad was on a very low drug level and the incident was unpleasantly disturbing. he picked up his pharmacase from beside his bed and made his way to the bathroom. he took his hypothalamic block and the integration enzymes and returned to the bedroom. clara was still sleeping. she had been behaving oddly for some time, but there had never been anything as disturbing as this. he felt that he should call a medicop, but, of course, he didn't want to do anything that extreme. it was probably something with a simple explanation. clara was a little scatterbrained at times. maybe she had forgotten to take her sleeping compound and that was what caused _dreaming_. the very word made his powerful body chill. but if she was neglecting to take any of her drugs and he called in a medicop, it would be serious. conrad went into the library and found the _family pharmacy_. he switched on a light in the dawn-shrunken room and let his heavy frame into a chair. _a guide to better understanding of your family prescriptions. official edition, 2831._ the book was mostly medicorps propaganda and almost never gave a practical suggestion. if something went wrong, you called a medicop. conrad hunted through the book for the section on sleeping compound. it was funny, too, about that name bill. conrad went over all the men of their acquaintance with whom clara had occasional affairs or with whom she was friendly and he couldn't remember a single bill. in fact, the only man with that name whom he could think of was his own hyperalter, bill walden. but that was naturally impossible. maybe dreaming was always about imaginary people. sleeping compound: an official mixture of soporific and hypnotic alkaloids and synthetics. a critical drug; an essential feature in every prescription. slight deviations in following prescription are unallowable because of the subtle manner in which behavior may be altered over months or years. the first sleeping compound was announced by thomas marshall in 1986. the formula has been modified only twice since then. there followed a tightly packed description of the chemistry and pharmacology of the various ingredients. conrad skipped through this. the importance of sleeping compound in the life of every individual and to society is best appreciated when we recall marshall's words announcing its initial development: "it is during so-called _normal_ sleep that the vicious unconscious mind responsible for wars and other symptoms of unhappiness develops its resources and its hold on our conscious lives. "in this _normal_ sleep the critical faculties of the cortex are paralyzed. meanwhile, the infantile unconscious mind expands misinterpreted experience into the toxic patterns of neurosis and psychosis. the conscious mind takes over at morning, unaware that these infantile motivations have been cleverly woven into its very structure. "sleeping compound will stop this. there is no unconscious activity after taking this harmless drug. we believe the medicorps should at once initiate measures to acclimatize every child to its use. in these children, as the years go by, infantile patterns unable to work during sleep will fight a losing battle during waking hours with conscious patterns accumulating in the direction of adulthood." that was all there was--mostly the medicorps patting its own back for saving humanity. but if you were in trouble and called a medicop, you'd risk getting into real trouble. conrad became aware of clara standing in the doorway. the flush of her disturbed emotions and the pallor of her fatigue mixed in ragged banners on her cheeks. conrad waved the _family pharmacy_ with a foolish gesture of embarrassment. "young lady, have you been neglecting to take your sleeping compound?" clara turned utterly pale. "i--i don't understand." "you were talking in your sleep." "i--was?" she came forward so unsteadily that he helped her to a seat. she stared at him. he asked jovially, "who is this 'bill' you were so desperately involved with? have you been having an affair i don't know about? aren't my friends good enough for you?" the result of this banter was that she alarmingly began to cry, clutching her robe about her and dropping her blonde head on her knees and sobbing. * * * * * children cried before they were acclimatized to the drugs, but conrad manz had never in his life seen an adult cry. though he had taken his morning drugs and certain disrupting emotions were already impossible, nevertheless this sight was completely unnerving. in gasps between her sobs, clara was saying, "oh, i can't go back to taking them? but i can't keep this up! i just can't!" "clara, darling, i don't know what to say or do. i think we ought to call the medicorps." intensely frightened, she rose and clung to him, begging, "oh, no, conrad, that isn't necessary! it isn't necessary at all. i've only neglected to take my sleeping compound and it won't happen again. all i need is a sleeping compound. please get my pharmacase for me and it will be all right." she was so desperate to convince him that conrad got the pharmacase and a glass of water for her only to appease the white face of fright. within a few minutes of taking the sleeping compound, she was calm. as he put her back to bed, she laughed with a lazy indolence. "oh, conrad, you take it so seriously. i only needed a sleeping compound very badly and now i feel fine. i'll sleep all day. it's a rest day, isn't it? now go race a rocket and stop worrying and thinking about calling the medicops." but conrad did not go rocket racing as he had planned. clara had been asleep only a few minutes when there was a call on the visiophone; they wanted him at the office. the city of santa fe would be completely out of balance within twelve shifts if revised plans were not put into operation immediately. they were to start during the next five days while he would be out of shift. in order to carry on the first day of their next shift, he and the other three traffic managers he worked with would have to come down today and familiarize themselves with the new operations. there was no getting out of it. his rest day was spoiled. conrad resented it all the more because santa fe was clear out on the edge of their traffic district and could have been revised out of the mexican offices just as well. but those boys down there rested all five days of their shift. conrad looked in on clara before he left and found her asleep in the total suspension of proper drug level. the unpleasant memory of her behavior made him squirm, but now that the episode was over, it no longer worried him. it was typical of him that, things having been set straight in the proper manner, he did not think of her again until late in the afternoon. * * * * * as early as 1950, the pioneer communications engineer norbert wiener had pointed out that there might be a close parallel between disassociation of personalities and the disruption of a communication system. wiener referred back specifically to the first clear description, by morton prince, of multiple personalities existing, together in the same human body. prince had described only individual cases and his observations were not altogether acceptable in wiener's time. nevertheless, in the schizophrenic society of the 29th century, a major managerial problem was that of balancing the communicating and non-communicating populations in a city. as far as conrad and the other traffic men present at the conference were concerned, santa fe was a resort and retirement area of 100,000 human bodies, alive and consuming more than they produced every day of the year. whatever the representatives of the medicorps and communications board worked out, it would mean only slight changes in the types of foodstuffs, entertainment and so forth moving into santa fe, and conrad could have grasped the entire traffic change in ten minutes after the real problem had been settled. but, as usual, he and the other traffic men had to sit through two hours while small wheels from the medicorps and communications acted big about rebalancing a city. for them, conrad had to admit, santa fe was a great deal more complex than 100,000 consuming, moderately producing human bodies. it was 200,000 human personalities, two to each body. conrad wondered sometimes what they would have done if the three and four personality cases so common back in the 20th and 21st centuries had been allowed to reproduce. the 200,000 personalities in santa fe were difficult enough. like all cities, santa fe operated in five shifts, a, b, c, d, and e. just as it was supposed to be for conrad in his city, today was rest day for the 20,000 hypoalters on d-shift in santa fe. tonight at around 6:00 p.m. they would all go to shifting rooms and be replaced by their hyperalters, who had different tastes in food and pleasure and took different drugs. tomorrow would be rest day for the hyperalters on e-shift and in the evening they would turn things over to their hyperalters. the next day it would be rest for the a-shift hyperalters and three days after that the d-shift hyperalters, including bill walden, would rest till evening, when conrad and the d-shift hypoalters everywhere would again have their five day use of their bodies. right now the trouble with santa fe's retired population, which worked only for its own maintenance, was that too many elderly people on the d-shift and e-shift had been dying off. this point was brought out by a dapper young department head from communications. conrad groaned when, as he knew would happen, a medicorps officer promptly set out on an exhaustive demonstration that medicorps predictions of deaths for santa fe had indicated clearly that communications should have been moving people from d-shift and e-shift into the area. actually, it appeared that someone from communications had blundered and had overloaded the quota of people on a-shift and b-shift moving to santa fe. thus on one rest day there weren't enough people working to keep things going, and later in the week there were so many available workers that they were clogging the city. none of this was heated exchange or in any way emotional. it was just interminably, exhaustively logical and boring. conrad fidgeted through two hours of it, seeing his chance for a rocket race dissolving. when at last the problem of balanced shift-populations for santa fe was worked out, it took him and the other traffic men only a few minutes to apply their tables and reschedule traffic to coordinate with the population changes. disgusted, conrad walked over to the tennis club and had lunch. there were still two hours of his rest day left when conrad manz realized that bill walden was again forcing an early shift. conrad was in the middle of a volley-tennis game and he didn't like having the shift forced so soon. people generally shifted at their appointed regular hour every five days, and a hyperalter was not supposed to use his power to force shift. it was such an unthinkable thing nowadays that there was occasional talk of abolishing the terms hyperalter and hypoalter because they were somewhat disparaging to the hypoalter, and really designated only the antisocial power of the hyperalter to force the shift. bill walden had been cheating two to four hours on conrad every shift for several periods back. conrad could have reported it to the medicorps, but he himself was guilty of a constant misdemeanor about which bill had not yet complained. unlike the sedentary walden, conrad manz enjoyed exercise. he overindulged in violent sports and put off sleep, letting bill walden make up the fatigue on his shift. that was undoubtedly why the poor old sucker had started cheating a few hours on conrad's rest day. conrad laughed to himself, remembering the time bill walden had registered a long list of sports which he wished conrad to be restrained from--rocket racing, deepsea exploration, jet-skiing. it had only given conrad some ideas he hadn't had before. the medicorps had refused to enforce the list on the basis that danger and violent exercise were a necessary outlet for conrad's constitution. then poor old bill had written conrad a note threatening to sue him for any injury resulting from such sports. as if he had a chance against the medicorps ruling! conrad knew it was no use trying to finish the volley-tennis game. he lost interest and couldn't concentrate on what he was doing when bill started forcing the shift. conrad shot the ball back at his opponent in a blistering curve impossible to intercept. "so long," he yelled at the man. "i've got some things to do before my shift ends." he lounged into the locker rooms and showered, put his clothes and belongings, including his pharmacase, in a shipping carton, addressed them to his own home and dropped them in the mail chute. he stepped with languid nakedness across the hall, pressed his identifying wristband to a lock-face and dialed his clothing sizes. in this way he procured a neatly wrapped, clean shifting costume from the slot. he put it on without bothering to return to his shower room. he shouted a loud good-bye to no one in particular among the several men and women in the baths and stepped out onto the street. conrad felt too good even to be sorry that his shift was over. after all, nothing happened except you came to, five days later, on your next shift. the important thing was the rest day. he had always said the last day of the shift should be a work day; then you would be glad it was over. he guessed the idea was to rest the body before another personality took over. well, poor old bill walden never got a rested body. he probably slept off the first twelve hours. walking unhurriedly through the street crowds, conrad entered a public shifting station and found an empty room. as he started to open the door, a girl came out of the adjoining booth and conrad hastily averted his glance. she was still rearranging her hair. there were so many rude people nowadays who didn't seem to care at all about the etiquette of shifting, women particularly. they were always redoing their hair or makeup where a person couldn't help seeing them. conrad pressed his identifying wristband to the lock and entered the booth he had picked. the act automatically sent the time and his shift number to medicorps headquarters. once inside the shifting room, conrad went to the lavatory and turned on the faucet of makeup solvent. in spite of losing two hours of his rest day, he decided to be decent to old bill, though he was half tempted to leave his makeup on. it was a pretty foul joke, of course, especially on a humorless fellow like poor walden. conrad creamed his face thoroughly and then washed in water and used the automatic dryer. he looked at his strong-lined features in the mirror. they displayed a less distinct expression of his own personality with the makeup gone. he turned away from the mirror and it was only then that he remembered he hadn't spoken to his wife before shifting. well, he couldn't decently call up and let her see him without makeup. he stepped across to the visiophone and set the machine to deliver his spoken message in type: "hello, clara. sorry i forgot to call you before. bill walden is forcing me to shift early again. i hope you're not still upset about that business this morning. be a good girl and smile at me on the next shift. i love you. conrad." * * * * * for a moment, when the shift came, the body of conrad manz stood moronically uninhabited. then, rapidly, out of the gyri of its brain, the personality of bill walden emerged, replacing the slackly powerful attitude of conrad by the slightly prim preciseness of bill's bearing. the face, just now relaxed with readiness for action, was abruptly pulled into an intellectualized mask of tension by habitual patterns of conflict in the muscles. there were also acute momentary signs of clash between the vegetative nervous activity characteristic of bill walden and the internal homeostasis conrad manz had left behind him. the face paled as hypersensitive vascular beds closed down under new vegetative volleys. bill walden grasped sight and sound, and the sharp odor of makeup solvent stung his nostrils. he was conscious of only one clamoring, terrifying thought: _they will catch us. it cannot go on much longer without helen guessing about clara. she is already angry about clara delaying the shift, and if she learns from mary that i am cheating on conrad's shift.... any time now, perhaps this time, when the shift is over, i will be looking into the face of a medicop who is pulling a needle from my arm, and then it'll all be over._ so far, at least, there was no medicop. still feeling unreal but anxious not to lose precious moments, bill took an individualized kit from the wall dispenser and made himself up. he was sparing and subtle in his use of the makeup, unlike the horrible makeup jobs conrad manz occasionally left on. bill rearranged his hair. conrad always wore it too short for his taste, but you couldn't complain about everything. bill sat in a chair to await some of the slower aspects of the shift. he knew that an hour after he left the booth, his basal metabolic rate would be ten points higher. his blood sugar would go down steadily. in the next five days he would lose six to eight pounds, which conrad later would promptly regain. just as bill was about to leave the booth, he remembered to pick up a news summary. he put his wristband to the switch on the telephoto and a freshly printed summary of the last five days in the world fell into the rack. his wristband, of course, called forth one edited for hyperalters on the d-shift. it did not mention by name any hypoalter on the d-shift. should one of them have done something that it was necessary for bill or other d-shift hyperalters to know about, it would appear in news summaries called forth by their wristbands--but told in such fashion that the personality involved seemed namelessly incidental, while names and pictures of hyperalters and hypoalters on any of the other four shifts naturally were freely used. the purpose was to keep conrad manz and all other hypoalters on the d-shift, one-tenth of the total population, non-existent as far as their hyperalters were concerned. this convention made it necessary for photoprint summaries to be on light-sensitive paper that blackened illegibly before six hours were up, so that a man might never stumble on news about his hypoalter. bill did not even glance at the news summary. he had picked it up only for appearances. the summaries were essential if you were going to start where you left off on your last shift and have any knowledge of the five intervening days. a man just didn't walk out of a shifting room without one. it was failure to do little things like that that would start them wondering about him. bill opened the door of the booth by applying his wristband to the lock and stepped out into the street. late afternoon crowds pressed about him. across the boulevard, a helicopter landing swarmed with clouds of rising commuters. bill had some trouble figuring out the part of the city conrad had left him in and walked two blocks before he understood where he was. then he got into an idle two-place cab, started the motor with his wristband and hurried the little three-wheeler recklessly through the traffic. clara was probably already waiting and he first had to go home and get dressed. the thought of clara waiting for him in the park near her home was a sharp reminder of his strange situation. he was in a left you with shame, and a fear that the other fellow would tell people you seemed to have a pathological interest in your alter and must need a change in your prescription. but the most flagrant abuser of such morbid little exchanges would have been horrified to learn that right here, in the middle of the daylight traffic, was a man who was using his antisocial shifting power to meet in secret the wife of his own hypoalter! bill did not have to wonder what the medicorps would think. relations between hyperalters world was literally not supposed to exist for him, for it was the world of his own hypoalter, conrad manz. undoubtedly, there were people in the traffic up ahead who knew both him and conrad, people from the other shifts who never mentioned the one to the other except in those guarded, snickering little confidences they couldn't resist telling and you couldn't resist listening to. after all, the most important person in the world was your alter. if he got sick, injured or killed, so would you. thus, in moments of intimacy or joviality, an undercover exchange went on ... _i'll tell you about your hyperalter if you'll tell me about my hypoalter._ it was orthodox bad manners that and hypoalters of opposite sex were punishable--drastically punishable. * * * * * when he arrived at the apartment, bill remembered to order a dinner for his daughter mary. his order, dialed from the day's menu, was delivered to the apartment pneumatically and he set it out over electric warmers. he wanted to write a note to the child, but he started two and threw both in the basket. he couldn't think of anything to say to her. staring at the lonely table he was leaving for mary, bill felt his guilt overwhelming him. he could stop the behavior which led to the guilt by taking his drugs as prescribed. they would return him immediately to the sane and ordered conformity of the world. he would no longer have to carry the fear that the medicorps would discover he was not taking his drugs. he would no longer neglect his appointed child. he would no longer endanger the very life of conrad's wife clara and, of course, his own. when you took your drugs as prescribed, it was impossible to experience such ancient and primitive emotions as guilt. even should you miscalculate and do something wrong, the drugs would not allow any such emotional reaction. to be free to experience his guilt over the lonely child who needed him was, for these reasons, a precious thing to bill. in all the world, this night, he was undoubtedly the only man who could and did feel one of the ancient emotions. people felt shame, not guilt; conceit, not pride; pleasure, not desire. now that he had stopped taking his drugs as prescribed, bill realized that the drugs allowed only an impoverished segment of a vivid emotional spectrum. but however exciting it was to live them, the ancient emotions did not seem to act as deterrents to bad behavior. bill's sense of guilt did not keep him from continuing to neglect mary. his fear of being caught did not restrain him from breaking every rule of inter-alter law and loving clara, his own hypoalter's wife. * * * * * bill got dressed as rapidly as possible. he tossed the discarded shifting costume into the return chute. he retouched his makeup, trying to eliminate some of the heavy, inexpressive planes of muscularity which were more typical of conrad than of himself. the act reminded him of the shame which his wife helen had felt when she learned, a few years ago, that her own hypoalter, clara, and his hypoalter, conrad, had obtained from the medicorps a special release to marry. such rare marriages in which the same bodies lived together on both halves of a shift were something to snicker about. they verged on the antisocial, but could be arranged if the batteries of medicorps tests could be satisfied. perhaps it had been the very intensity of helen's shame on learning of this marriage, the nauseous display of conformity so typical of his wife, that had first given bill the idea of seeking out clara, who had dared convention to make such a peculiar marriage. over the years, helen had continued blaming all their troubles on the fact that both egos of himself were living with, and intimate with, both egos of herself. so bill had started cutting down on his drugs, the curiosity having become an obsession. what was this other part of helen like, this clara who was unconventional enough to want to marry only bill's own hypoalter, in spite of almost certain public shame? he had first seen clara's face when it formed on a visiophone, the first time he had forced conrad to shift prematurely. it was softer than helen's. the delicate contours were less purposefully, set, gayer. "clara manz?" bill had sat there staring at the visiophone for several seconds, unable to continue. his great fear that she would immediately report him must have been naked on his face. he had watched an impish suspicion grow in the tender curve of her lips and her oblique glance from the visiophone. she did not speak. "mrs. manz," he finally said, "i would like to meet you in the park across from your home." to this awkward opening he owed the first time he had heard clara laugh. her warm, clear laughter, teasing him, tumbled forth like a cloud of gay butterflies. "are you afraid to see me here at home because my husband might _walk in on us_?" bill had been put completely at ease by this bantering indication that clara knew who he was and welcomed him as an intriguing diversion. quite literally, the one person who could not _walk in on them_, as the ancients thought of it, was his own hypoalter, conrad manz. * * * * * bill finished retouching his makeup and hurried to leave the apartment. but this time, as he passed the table where mary's dinner was set out, he decided to write a few words to the child, no matter how empty they sounded to himself. the note he left explained that he had some early work to do at the microfilm library where he worked. just as bill was leaving the apartment, the visiophone buzzed. in his hurry bill flipped the switch before he thought. too late, his hand froze and the implications of this call, an hour before anyone would normally be home, shot a shaft of terror through him. but it was not the image of a medicop that formed on the screen. the woman introduced herself as mrs. harris, one of mary's teachers. it was strange that she should have thought he might be home. the shift for children was half a day earlier than that for adults, so the parents could have half their rest day free. this afternoon would be for mary the first classes of her shift, but the teacher must have guessed something was wrong with the shifting schedules in mary's family. or had the child told her? mrs. harris explained rather dramatically that mary was being neglected. what could he say; to her? that he was a criminal breaking drug regulations in the most flagrant manner? that nothing, not even the child appointed to him, meant more to him than his wife's own hypoalter? bill finally ended the hopeless and possibly dangerous conversation by turning off the receiver and leaving the apartment. bill realized that now, for both him and clara, the greatest joy had been those first few times together. the enormous threat of a medicorps retaliation took the pleasure from their contact and they came together desperately because, having tasted this fantastic non-conformity and the new undrugged intimacy, there was no other way for them. even now as he drove through the traffic toward where she would be waiting, he was not so much concerned with meeting clara in their fear-poisoned present as with the vivid, aching remembrance of what those meetings once had really been like. he recalled an evening they had spent lying on the summer lawn of the park, looking out at the haze-dimmed stars. it had been shortly after clara joined him in cutting down on the drugs, and the clear memory of their quiet laughter so captured his mind now that bill almost tangled his car in the traffic. in memory he kissed her again and, as it had then, the newly cut grass mixed with the exciting fragrance of her skin. after the kiss they continued a mock discussion of the ancient word "sin." bill pretended to be trying to explain the meaning of the word to her, sometimes with definitions that kept them laughing and sometimes with demonstrational kisses that stopped their laughter. he could remember clara's face turned to him in the evening light with an outrageous parody of interest. he could hear himself saying, "you see, the ancients would say we are not _sinning_ because they would disagree with the medicops that you and helen are two completely different people, or that conrad and i are not the same person." clara kissed him with an air of tentative experimentation. "mmm, no. i can't say i care for that interpretation." "you'd rather be sinning?" "definitely." "well, if the ancients did agree with the medicops that we are distinct from our alters, helen and conrad, then they would say we are sinning--but not for the same reasons the medicorps would give." "that," asserted clara, "is where i get lost. if this sinning business is going to be worth anything at all, it has to be something you can identify." bill cut his car out of the main stream of traffic and toward the park, without interrupting his memory. "well, darling, i don't want to confuse you, but the medicops would say we are sinning only because you are my wife's hypoalter, and i am your husband's hyperalter--in other words, for the very reason the ancients would say we are _not_ sinning. furthermore, if either of us were with anyone else, the medicops would think it was perfectly all right, and so would conrad and helen. provided, of course, i took a hyperalter and you took a hypoalter only." "of course," clara said, and bill hurried over the gloomy fact. "the ancients, on the other hand, would say we are sinning because we are making love to someone we are not married to." "but what's the matter with that? everybody does it." "the ancient moderns didn't. or, that is, they often did, but...." clara brought her full lips hungrily to his. "darling, i think the ancient moderns had the right idea, though i don't see how they ever arrived at it." bill grinned. "it was just an invention of theirs, along with the wheel and atomic energy." that evening was long gone by as bill stopped the little taxi beside the park and left it there for the next user. he walked across the lawns toward the statue where he and clara always met. the very thought of entering one's own hypoalter's house was so unnerving that bill brought himself to do it only by first meeting clara near the statue. as he walked between the trees, bill could not again capture the spirit of that evening he had been remembering. the medicorps was too close. it was impossible to laugh that way now. bill arrived at the statue, but clara was not there. he waited impatiently while a livid sunset coagulated between the branches of the great trees. clara should have been there first. it was easier for her, because she was leaving her shift, and without doing it prematurely. the park was like a quiet backwater in the eddying rush of the evening city. bill felt conspicuous and vulnerable in the gloaming light. above all, he felt a new loneliness, and he knew that now clara felt it, too. they needed each other as each had been, before fear had bleached their feeling to white bones of desperation. they were not taking their drugs as prescribed, and for that they would be horribly punished. that was the only unforgivable _sin_ in their world. by committing it, he and clara had found out what life could be, in the same act that would surely take life from them. their powerful emotions they had found in abundance simply by refusing to take the drugs, and by being together briefly each fifth day in a dangerous breach of all convention. the closer their discovery and the greater their terror, the more desperately they needed even their terror, and the more impossible became the delight of their first meetings. telegraphing bright beads of sound, a night bird skimmed the sunset lawns to the looming statue and skewed around its monolithic base. the bird's piping doubled and then choked off as it veered frantically from bill. after a while, far off through the park, it released a fading protest of song. above bill, the towering statue of the great alfred morris blackened against the sunset. the hollowed granite eyes bore down on him out of an undecipherable dark ... the ancient, implacable face of the medicorps. as if to pronounce a sentence on his present crimes by a magical disclosure of the weight of centuries, a pool of sulfurous light and leaf shadows danced on the painted plaque at the base of the statue. on this spot in the gregorian year 1996, alfred morris announced to an assembly of war survivors the hypothalamic block. his stirring words were, "this new drug selectively halts at the thalamic brain the upward flow of unconscious stimuli and the downward flow of unconscious motivations. it acts as a screen between the cerebrum and the psychosomatic discharge system. using hypothalamic block, we will not act emotively, we will initiate acts only from the logical demands of situations." this announcement and the subsequent wholehearted action of the war-weary people made the taking of hypothalamic block obligatory. this put an end to the powerful play of unconscious mind in the public and private affairs of the ancient world. it ended the great paranoid wars and saved mankind. in the strange evening light, the letters seemed alive, a centuries-old condemnation of any who might try to go back to the ancient pre-pharmacy days. of course, it was not really possible to go back. without drugs, everybody and all society would fall apart. the ancients had first learned to keep endocrine deviates such as the diabetic alive with drugs. later they learned with other drugs to "cure" the far more prevalent disease, schizophrenia, that was jamming their hospitals. the big change came when the ancients used these same drugs on everyone to control the private and public irrationality of their time and stop the wars. in this new, drugged world, the schizophrene thrived better than any, and the world became patterned on him. but, just as the diabetic was still diabetic, the schizophrene was still himself, plus the drugs. meanwhile, everyone had forgotten what it was the drugs did to you--that the emotions experienced were blurred emotions, that insight was at an isolated level of rationality because the drugs kept true feelings from ever emerging. how inconceivable it would be to helen and the other people of his world to live on as little drug as possible ... to experience the conflicting emotions, the interplay of passion and logic that almost tore you apart! sober, the ancients called it, and they lived that way most of the time, with only the occasional crude and clublike effects of alcohol or narcotics to relieve their chronic anxiety. by taking as little hypothalamic block as possible, he and clara were able to desire their fantastic attachment, to delight in an absolutely illogical situation unheard of in their society. but the society would judge their refusal to take hypothalamic block in only one sense. the weight of this judgment stood before him in the smoldering words, "_it ended the great paranoid wars and saved mankind_." when clara did appear, she was searching myopically in the wrong vicinity of the statue. he did not call to her at once, letting the sight of her smooth out the tensions in him, convert all the conflicts into this one intense longing to be with her. her halting search for him was deeply touching, like that of a tragic little puppet in a darkening dumbshow. he saw suddenly how like puppets the two of them were. they were moved by the strengthening wires of a new life of feeling to batter clumsily at an implacable stage setting that would finally leave them as bits of wood and paper. then suddenly in his arms clara was at the same time hungrily moving and tense with fear of discovery. little sounds of love and fear choked each other in her throat. her blonde head pressed tightly into his shoulder and she clung to him with desperation. she said, "conrad was disturbed by my tension this morning and made me take a sleeping compound. i've just awakened." they walked to her home in silence and even in the darkened apartment they used only the primitive monosyllables of apprehensive need. beyond these mere sounds of compassion, they had long ago said all that could be said. because bill was the hyperalter, he had no fear that conrad could force a shift on him. when later they lay in darkness, he allowed himself to drift into a brief slumber. without the sleeping compound, distorted events came and went without reason. dreaming, the ancients had called it. it was one of the most frightening things that had begun to happen when he first cut down on the drugs. now, in the few seconds that he dozed, a thousand fragments of incidental knowledge, historical reading and emotional need melded and, in a strange contrast to their present tranquility, he was dreaming a frightful moment in the 20th century. _these are the great paranoid wars_, he thought. and it was so because he had thought it. he searched frantically through the glove compartment of an ancient automobile. "wait," he pleaded. "i tell you we have sulfonamide-14. we've been taking it regularly as directed. we took a double dose back in paterson because there were soft-bombs all through that part of jersey and we didn't know what would be declared plague area next." now bill threw things out of his satchel onto the floor and seat of the car, fumbling deeper by the flashlight clara held. his heart beat thickly with terror. then he remembered his pharmacase. oh, why hadn't they remembered sooner about their pharmacases. bill tore at the belt about his waist. the medicorps captain stepped back from the door of their car. he jerked his head at the dark form of the corporal standing in the roadway. "shoot them. run the car off the embankment before you burn it." bill screamed metallically through the speaker of his radiation mask. "wait. i've found it." he thrust the pharmacase out the door of the car. "this is a pharmacase," he explained. "we keep our drugs in one of these and it's belted to our waist so we are never without them." the captain of the medicorps came back. he inspected the pharmacase and the drugs and returned it. "from now on, keep your drugs handy. take them without fail according to radio instructions. do you understand?" clara's head pressed heavily against bill's shoulder, and he could hear the tinny sound of her sobbing through the speaker of her mask. the captain stepped into the road again. "we'll have to burn your car. you passed through a plague area and it can't be sterilized on this route. about a mile up this road you'll come to a sterilization unit. stop and have your person and belongings rayed. after that, keep walking, but stick to the road. you'll be shot if you're caught off it." the road was crowded with fleeing people. their way was lighted by piles of cadavers writhing in gasoline flames. the medicorps was everywhere. those who stumbled, those who coughed, the delirious and their helping partners ... these were taken to the side of the road, shot and burned. and there was bombing again to the south. bill stopped in the middle of the road and looked back. clara clung to him. "there is a plague here we haven't any drug for," he said, and realized he was crying. "we are all mad." clara was crying too. "darling, what have you done? where are the drugs?" the water of the hudson hung as it had in the late afternoon, ice crystals in the stratosphere. the high, high sheet flashed and glowed in the new bombing to the south, where multicolored pillars of flame boiled into the sky. but the muffled crash of the distant bombing was suddenly the steady click of the urgent signal on a bedside visiophone, and bill was abruptly awake. clara was throwing on her robe and moving toward the machine on terror-rigid limbs. with a scrambling motion, bill got out of the possible view of the machine and crouched at the end of the room. distinctly, he could hear the machine say, "clara manz?" "yes." clara's voice was a thin treble that could have been a shriek had it continued. "this is medicorps headquarters. a routine check discloses you have delayed your shift two hours. to maintain the statistical record of deviations, please give us a full explanation." "i ..." clara had to swallow before she could talk. "i must have taken too much sleeping compound." "mrs. manz, our records indicate that you have been delaying your shift consistently for several periods now. we made a check of this as a routine follow up on any such deviation, but the discovery is quite serious." there was a harsh silence, a silence that demanded a logical answer. but how could there be a logical answer? "my hyperalter hasn't complained and i--well, i have just let a bad habit develop. i'll see that it--doesn't happen again." the machine voiced several platitudes about the responsibilities of one personality to another and the duty of all to society before clara was able to shut it off. both of them sat as they were for a long, long time while the tide of terror subsided. when at last they looked at each other across the dim and silent room, both of them knew there could be at least one more time together before they were caught. * * * * * five days later, on the last day of her shift, mary walden wrote the address of her appointed father's hypoalter, conrad manz, with an indelible pencil on the skin just below her armpit. during the morning, her father and mother had spoiled the family rest day by quarreling. it was about helen's hypoalter delaying so many shifts. bill did not think it very important, but her mother was angry and threatened to complain to the medicorps. the lunch was eaten in silence, except that at one point bill said, "it seems to me conrad and clara manz are guilty of a peculiar marriage, not us. yet they seem perfectly happy with it and you're the one who is made unhappy. the woman has probably just developed a habit of taking too much sleeping compound for her rest day naps. why don't you drop her a note?" helen made only one remark. it was said through her teeth and very softly. "bill, i would just as soon the child did not realize her relationship to this sordid situation." mary cringed over the way helen disregarded her hearing, the possibility that she might be capable of understanding, or her feelings about being shut out of their mutual world. after the lunch mary cleared the table, throwing the remains of the meal and the plastiplates into the flash trash disposer. her father had retreated to the library room and helen was getting ready to attend a citizen's meeting. mary heard her mother enter the room to say good-bye while she was wiping the dining table. she knew that helen was standing, well-dressed and a little impatient, just behind her, but she pretended she did not know. "darling, i'm leaving now for the citizen's meeting." "oh ... yes." "be a good girl and don't be late for your shift. you only have an hour now." helen's patrician face smiled. "i won't be late." "don't pay any attention to the things bill and i discussed this morning, will you?" "no." and she was gone. she did not say good-bye to bill. mary was very conscious of her father in the house. he continued to sit in the library. she walked by the door and she could see him sitting in a chair, staring at the floor. mary stood in the sun room for a long while. if he had risen from his chair, if he had rustled a page, if he had sighed, she would have heard him. it grew closer and closer to the time she would have to leave if susan shorrs was to catch the first school hours of her shift. why did children have to shift half a day before adults? finally, mary thought of something to say. she could let him know she was old enough to understand what the quarrel had been about if only it were explained to her. mary went into the library and hesitantly sat on the edge, of a couch near him. he did not look at her and his face seemed gray in the midday light. then she knew that he was lonely, too. but a great feeling of tenderness for him went through her. "sometimes i think you and clara manz must be the only people in the world," she said abruptly, "who aren't so silly about shifting right on the dot. why, i don't _care_ if susan shorrs _is_ an hour late for classes!" those first moments when he seized her in his arms, it seemed her heart would shake loose. it was as though she had uttered some magic formula, one that had abruptly opened the doors to his love. it was only after he had explained to her why he was always late on the first day of the family shift that she knew something was wrong. he _did_ tell her, over and over, that he knew she was unhappy and that it was his fault. but he was at the same time soothing her, petting her, as if _he was afraid of her_. he talked on and on. gradually, mary understood in his trembling body, in his perspiring palms, in his pleading eyes, that he was afraid of dying, that he was afraid _she_ would kill him with the merest thing she said, with her very presence. this was not painful to mary, because, suddenly, something came with ponderous enormity to stand before her: _i would just as soon the child did not realize her relationship to this sordid situation._ her relationship. it was some kind of relationship to conrad and clara manz, because those were the people they had been talking about. the moment her father left the apartment, she went to his desk and took out the file of family records. after she found the address of conrad manz, the idea occurred to her to write it on her body. mary was certain that susan shorrs never bathed and she thought this a clever idea. sometime on susan's rest day, five days from now, she would try to force the shift and go to see conrad and clara manz. her plan was simple in execution, but totally vague as to goal. mary was already late when she hurried to the children's section of a public shifting station. a children's transfer bus was waiting, and mary registered on it for susan shorrs to be taken to school. after that she found a shifting room and opened it with her wristband. she changed into a shifting costume and sent her own clothes and belongings home. children her age did not wear makeup, but mary always stood at the mirror during the shift. she always tried as hard as she could to see what susan shorrs looked like. she giggled over a verse that was scrawled beside the mirror ... rouge your hair and comb your face; many a third head is lost in this place. ... and then the shift came, doubly frightening because of what she knew she was going to do. * * * * * especially if you were a hyperalter like mary, you were supposed to have some sense of the passage of time while you were out of shift. of course, you did not know what was going on, but it was as though a more or less accurate chronometer kept running when you went out of shift. apparently mary's was highly inaccurate, because, to her horror, she found herself sitting bolt upright in one of mrs. harris's classes, not out on the playgrounds, where she had expected susan shorrs to be. mary was terrified, and the ugly school dress susan had been wearing accented, by its strangeness, the seriousness of her premature shift. children weren't supposed to show much difference from hyperalter to hypoalter, but when she raised her eyes, her fright grew. children did change. she hardly recognized anyone in the room, though most of them must be the alters of her own classmates. mrs. harris was a b-shift and overlapped both mary and susan, but otherwise mary recognized only carl blair's hypoalter because of his freckles. mary knew she had to get out of there or mrs. harris would eventually recognize her. if she left the room quietly, mrs. harris would not question her unless she recognized her. it was no use trying to guess how susan would walk. mary stood and went toward the door, glad that it turned her back to mrs. harris. it seemed to her that she could feel the teacher's eyes stabbing through her back. but she walked safely from the room. she dashed down the school corridor and out into the street. so great was her fear of what she was doing that her hypoalter's world actually seemed like a different one. it was a long way for mary to walk across town, and when she rang the bell, conrad manz was already home from work. he smiled at her and she loved him at once. "well, what do you want, young lady?" he asked. mary couldn't answer him. she just smiled back. "what's your name, eh?" mary went right on smiling, but suddenly he blurred in front of her. "here, here! there's nothing to cry about. come on in and let's see if we can help you. clara! we have a visitor, a very sentimental visitor." mary let him put his big arm around her shoulder and draw her, crying, into the apartment. then she saw clara swimming before her, looking like her mother, but ... no, not at all like her mother. "now, see here, chicken, what is it you've come for?" conrad asked when her crying stopped. mary had to stare hard at the floor to be able to say it. "i want to live with you." clara was twisting and untwisting a handkerchief. "but, child, we have already had our first baby appointed to us. he'll be with us next shift, and after that i have to bear a baby for someone else to keep. we wouldn't be allowed to take care of you." "i thought maybe i was your real child." mary said it helplessly, knowing in advance what the answer would be. "darling," clara soothed, "children don't live with their natural parents. it's neither practical nor civilized. i have had a child conceived and borne on my shift, and this baby is my exchange, so you see that you are much too old to be my conception. whoever your natural parents may be, it is just something on record with the medicorps genetic division and isn't important." "but you're a special case," mary pressed. "i thought because it was a special arrangement that you were my real parents." she looked up and she saw that clara had turned white. and now conrad manz was agitated, too. "what do you mean, we're a special case?" he was staring hard at her. "because...." and now for the first time mary realized how special this case was, how sensitive they would be about it. he grasped her by the shoulders and turned her so she faced his unblinking eyes. "i said, what do you mean, we're a special case? clara, what in thirty heads does this kid mean?" his grip hurt her and she began to cry again. she broke away. "you're the hypoalters of my appointed father and mother. i thought maybe when it was like that, i might be your real child ... and you might want me. i don't want to be where i am. i want somebody...." clara was calm now, her sudden fear gone. "but, darling, if you're unhappy where you are, only the medicorps can reappoint you. besides, maybe your appointed parents are just having some personal problems right now. maybe if you tried to understand them, you would see that they really love you." conrad's face showed that he did not understand. he spoke with a stiff, quiet voice and without taking his eyes from mary. "what are you doing here? my own hyperalter's kid in my house, throwing it up to me that i'm married to his wife's hypoalter!" they did not feel the earth move, as she fearfully did. they sat there, staring at her, as though they might sit forever while she backed away, out of the apartment, and ran into her collapsing world. * * * * * conrad manz's rest day fell the day after bill walden's kid showed up at his apartment. it was ten days since that strait jacket of a conference on santa fe had lost him a chance to blast off a rocket racer. this time, on the practical knowledge that emergency business conferences were seldom called after lunch, conrad had placed his reservation for a racer in the afternoon. the visit from mary walden had upset him every time he thought of it. since it was his rest day, he had no intention of thinking about it and conrad's scrupulously drugged mind was capable of just that. so now, in the lavish coolness of the lounge at the rocket club, conrad sipped his drink contentedly and made no contribution to the gloomy conversation going on around him. "look at it this way," the melancholy face of alberts, a pilot from england, morosely emphasized his tone. "it takes about 10,000 economic units to jack a forty ton ship up to satellite level and snap it around the course six times. that's just practice for us. on the other hand, an intellectual fellow who spends his spare time at a microfilm library doesn't use up 1,000 units in a year. in fact, his spare time activity may turn up as units gained. the economic board doesn't argue that all pastime should be gainful. they just say rocket racing wastes more economic units than most pilots make on their work days. i tell you the day is almost here when they ban the rockets." "that's just it," another pilot put in. "there was a time when you could show that rocket races were necessary for better spaceship design. design has gone way beyond that. from their point of view we just burn up units as fast as other people create them. and it's no use trying to argue for the television shows. the board can prove people would rather see a jet-skiing meet at a cost of about one-hundredth that of a rocket race." conrad manz grinned into his drink. he had been aware for several minutes that pert little angela, alberts' soft-eyed, husky-voiced wife, was trying to catch his eye. but stranded as she was in the buzzing traffic of rockets, she was trying to hail the wrong rescuer. he had about fifteen minutes till the ramp boys would have a ship ready for him. much as he liked angela, he wasn't going to miss that race. still, he let his grin broaden and, looking up at her, he lied maliciously by nodding. she interpreted this signal as he knew she would. well, at least he would afford her a graceful exit from the boring conversation. he got up and went over and took her hand. her full lips parted a little and she kissed him on the mouth. conrad turned to alberts and interrupted him. "angela and i would like to spend a little time together. do you mind?" alberts was annoyed at having his train of thought broken and rather snapped out the usual courtesy. "of course not. i'm glad for both of you." conrad looked the group over with a bland stare. "have you lads ever tried jet-skiing? there's more genuine excitement in ten minutes of it than an hour of rocket racing. personally, i don't care if the board does ban the rockets soon. i'll just hop out to the rocky mountains on rest days." * * * * * conrad knew perfectly well that if he had made this assertion before asking alberts for his wife, the man would have found some excuse to have her remain. all the faces present displayed the _aficionado's_ disdain for one who has just demonstrated he doesn't _belong_. what the straitjacket did they think they were--some ancient order of noblemen? conrad took angela's yielding arm and led her serenely away before alberts could think of anything to detain her. on the way out of the lounge, she stroked his arm with frank admiration. "i'm so glad you were agreeable. honestly, harold could talk rockets till i died." conrad bent and kissed her. "angela, i'm sorry, but this isn't going to be what you think. i have a ship to take off in just a few minutes." she flared and dug into his arm now. "oh, conrad manz! you ... you made me believe...." he laughed and grabbed her wrists. "now, now. i'm neglecting you to _fly_ a rocket, not just to talk about them. i won't let you die." at that she could not suppress her husky musical laugh. "i found that out the last time you and i were together. clara and i had a drink the other day at the citizen's club. i don't often use dirty language, but i told clara she must be keeping you in a _straitjacket_ at home." conrad frowned, wishing she hadn't brought up the subject. it worried him off and on that something was wrong with clara, something even worse than that awful _dreaming_ business ten days ago. for several shifts now she had been cold, nor was it just a temporary lack of interest in himself, for she was also cold to the men of their acquaintance of whom she was usually quite fond. as for himself, he had had to depend on casual contacts such as angela. not that they weren't pleasant, but a man and wife were supposed to maintain a healthy love life between themselves, and it usually meant trouble with the medicorps when this broke down. angela glanced at him. "i didn't think clara laughed well at my remark. is something wrong between you?" "oh, no," he declared hastily. "clara is sometimes that way ... doesn't catch a joke right off." a page boy approached them where they stood in the rotunda and advised conrad that his ship was ready. "honestly, angela, i'll make it up, i promise." "i know you will, darling. and at least i'm grateful you saved me from all those rocket jets in there." angela raised her lips for a kiss and afterward, as she pushed him toward the door, her slightly vacant face smiled at him. * * * * * out on the ramp, conrad found another pilot ready to take off. they made two wagers--first to reach the racing course, and winner in a six-lap heat around the six-hundred-mile hexagonal course. they fired together and conrad blasted his ship up on a thunderous column of flame that squeezed him into his seat. he was good at this and he knew he would win the lift to the course. on the course, though, if his opponent was any good at all, conrad would probably lose because he enjoyed slamming the ship around the course in his wasteful, swashbuckling style much more than merely winning the heat. conrad kept his drive on till the last possible second and then shot out his nose jets. the ship shuddered up through another hundred miles and came to a lolling halt near the starting buoys. the other pilot gasped when conrad shouted at him over the intership, "the winner by all thirty heads!" it was generally assumed that a race up to the course consisted of cutting all jets when you had enough lift, and using the nose brakes only to correct any over-shot. "what did you do, just keep your power on and flip the ship around?" the other racer coasted up to conrad's level and steadied with a brief forward burst. they got the automatic signal from the starting buoy and went for the first turn, nose and nose, about half a mile apart. conrad lost 5000 yards on the first turn by shoving his power too hard against the starboard steering jets. it made a pretty picture when a racer hammered its way around a turn that way with a fan of outside jets holding it in place. the other fellow made his turns cleanly, using mostly the driving jets for steering. but that didn't look like much to those who happened to flip on their television while this little heat was in progress. on every turn, conrad lost a little in space, but not in the eye of the automatic televisor on the buoy marking the turn. as usual, he cut closer to the buoys than regulations allowed, to give the folks a show. without the slightest regret, conrad lost the heat by a full two sides of the hexagon. he congratulated his opponent and watched the fellow let his ship down carefully toward earth on its tail jets. for a while conrad lolled his ship around near the starting buoy and its probably watching eye, flipping through a series of complicated maneuvers with the steering jets. conrad did not like the grim countenance of outer space. the lifeless, gemlike blaze of cloud upon cloud of stars in the perspectiveless black repelled him. he liked rocket racing only because of the neat timing necessary, and possibly because the knowledge that he indulged in it scared poor old bill walden half to death. today the bleak aspect of the galaxy harried his mind back upon its own problems. a particularly nasty association of clara with bill walden and his sniveling kid kept dogging conrad's mind and, as soon as stunting had exhausted his excess of fuel, he turned the ship to earth and sent it in with a short, spectacular burst. now that he stopped to consider it, clara's strange behavior had begun at about the same time that bill walden started cheating on the shifts. that kid mary must have known something was going on, or she would not have done such a disgusting thing as to come to their apartment. conrad had let the rocket fall nose-down, until now it was screaming into the upper ionosphere. with no time to spare, he swiveled the ship on its guiding jets and opened the drive blast at the up-rushing earth. he had just completed this wrenching maneuver when two appalling things happened together. conrad suddenly knew, whether as a momentary leak from bill's mind to his, or as a rapid calculation of his own, that bill walden and clara shared a secret. at the same moment, something tore through his mind like fingers of chill wind. with seven gravities mashing him into the bucket-seat, he grunted curses past thin-stretched lips. "great blue psychiatrists! what in thirty straitjackets is that three-headed fool trying to do, kill us both?" conrad just managed to raise his leaden hand and set the plummeting racer for automatic pilot before bill walden forced him out of the shift. in his last moment of consciousness, and in the shock of his overwhelming shame, conrad felt the bitter irony that he could not cut the power and kill bill walden. * * * * * when bill walden became conscious of the thunderous clamor of the braking ship and the awful weight of deceleration into which he had shifted, the core of him froze. he was so terrified that he could not have thought of reshifting even had there been time. his head rolled on the pad in spite of its weight, and he saw the earth coming at him like a monstrous swatter aimed at a fly. between his fright and the inhuman gravity, he lost consciousness without ever seeing on the control panel the red warning that saved him: _automatic pilot_. the ship settled itself on the ramp in a mushroom of fire. bill regained awareness several seconds later. he was too shaken to do anything but sit there for a long time. when at last he felt capable of moving, he struggled with the door till he found how to open it, and climbed down to the still-hot ramp he had landed on. it was at least a mile to the rocket club across the barren flat of the field, and he set out on foot. shortly, however, a truck came speeding across to him. the driver leaned out. "hey, conrad, what's the matter? why didn't you pull the ship over to the hangars?" with conrad's makeup on, bill felt he could probably get by. "controls aren't working," he offered noncommittally. at the club, a place he had never been to before in his life, bill found an unused helicopter and started it with his wristband. he flew the machine into town to the landing station nearest his home. he was doomed, he knew. conrad certainly would report him for this. he had not intended to force the shift so early or so violently. perhaps he had not intended to force it at all this time. but there was something in him more powerful than himself ... a need to break the shift and be with clara that now acted almost independently of him and certainly without regard for his safety. bill flew his craft carefully through the city traffic, working his way between the widely spaced towers with the uncertain hand of one to whom machines are not an extension of the body. he put the helicopter down at the landing station with some difficulty. clara would not be expecting him so early. from his apartment, as soon as he had changed makeup, he visiophoned her. it was strange how long and how carefully they needed to look at each other and how few words they could say. afterward, he seemed calmer and went about getting ready with more efficiency. but when he found himself addressing the package of conrad's clothes to his home, he chuckled bitterly. it was when he went back to drop the package in the mail chute that he noticed the storage room door ajar. he disposed of the package and went over to the door. then he stood still, listening. he had to stop his own breathing to hear clearly. bill tightened himself and opened the door. he flipped on the light and saw mary. the child sat on the floor in the corner with her knees drawn up against her chest. between the knees and the chest, the frail wrists were crossed, the hands closed limply like--like those of a fetus. the forehead rested on the knees so that, should the closed eyes stray open, they would be looking at the placid hands. the sickening sight of the child squeezed down on his heart till the color drained from his face. he went forward and knelt before her. his dry throat hammered with the words, _what have i done to you_, but he could not speak. the question of how long she might have been here, he could not bear to think. he put out his hand, but he did not touch her. a shudder of revulsion shook him and he scrambled to his feet. he hurried back into the apartment with only one thought. he must get someone to help her. only the medicorps could take care of a situation like this. as he stood at the visiophone, he knew that this involuntary act of panic had betrayed all that he had ever thought and done. he had to call the medicorps. he could not face the result of his own behavior without them. like a ghostly after-image, he saw clara's face on the screen. she was lost, cut off, with only himself to depend on. a part of him, a place where there were no voices and a great tragedy, had been abruptly shut off. he stood stupidly confused and disturbed about something he couldn't recall. the emotion in his body suddenly had no referent. he stood like a badly frightened animal while his heart slowed and blood seeped again into whitened parenchymas, while tides of epinephrine burned lower. remembering he must hurry, bill left the apartment. it was an apartment with its storage room door closed, an apartment without a storage room. from the moment that he walked in and took clara in his arms, he was not worried about being caught. he felt only the great need for her. there seemed only one difference from the first time and it was a good difference, because now clara was so tense and apprehensive. he felt a new tenderness for her, as one might feel for a child. it seemed to him that there was no end to the well of gentleness and compassion that was suddenly in him. he was mystified by the depth of this feeling. he kissed her again and again and petted her as one might a disturbed child. clara said, "oh, bill, we're doing wrong! mary was here yesterday!" whoever she meant, it had no meaning for him. he said, "it's all right. you mustn't worry." "she needs you, bill, and i take you away from her." whatever it was she was talking about was utterly unimportant beside the fact that she was not happy herself. he soothed her. "darling, you mustn't worry about it. let's be happy the way we used to be." he led her to a couch and they sat together, her head resting on his shoulder. "conrad is worried about me. he knows something is wrong. oh, bill, if he knew, he'd demand the worst penalty for you." bill felt the stone of fear come back in his chest. he thought, too, of helen, of how intense her shame would be. medicorps action would be machinelike, logical as a set of equation; they were very likely to take more drastic steps where the complaints would be so strong and no request for leniency forthcoming. conrad knew now, of course. bill had felt his hate. it was nearing the end. death would come to bill with electronic fingers. a ghostly probing in his mind and suddenly.... clara's great unhappiness and the way she turned her head into his shoulder to cry forced him to calm the rising panic in himself, and again to caress the fear from her. even later, when they lay where the moonlight thrust into the room an impalpable shaft of alabaster, he loved her only as a succor. carefully, slowly, smoothing out her mind, drawing it away from all the other things, drawing it down into this one thing. gathering all her mind into her senses and holding it there. then quickly taking it away from her in a moaning spasm so that now she was murmuring, murmuring, palely drifting. sleeping like a loved child. for a long, long time he watched the white moon cut its arc across their window. he listened with a deep pleasure to her evenly breathing sleep. but slowly he realized that her breath had changed, that the body so close to his was tensing. his heart gave a great bound and tiny moths of horror fluttered along his back. he raised himself and saw that the eyes were open in the silver light. even through the makeup he saw that they were helen's eyes. he did the only thing left for him. he shifted. but in that terrible instant he understood something he had not anticipated. in helen's eyes there was not only intense shame over shifting into her hypoalter's home; there was not only the disgust with himself for breaking communication codes. he saw that, as a woman of the 20th century might have felt, helen hated clara as a sexual rival. she hated clara doubly because he had turned not to some other woman, but to the other part of herself whom she could never know. as he shifted, bill knew that the next light he saw would be on the adamant face of the medicorps. * * * * * major paul grey, with two other medicorps officers, entered the walden apartment about two hours after bill left it to meet clara. major grey was angry with himself. important information on a case of communication-breaks and drug-refusal could be learned by letting it run its course under observation. but he had not intended conrad manz's life to be endangered, and certainly he would not have taken the slightest chance on what they found in the walden apartment if he had expected it this early. major grey blamed himself for what had happened to mary walden. he should have had the machines watching susan and mary at the same time that they were relaying all wristband data for bill and conrad and for helen and clara to his office. he had not done this because it was susan's shift and he had not expected mary to break it. now he knew that helen and bill walden had been quarreling over the fact that clara was cheating on helen's shifts, and their conversations had directed the unhappy child's attention to the manz couple. she had broken shift to meet them ... looking for a loving father, of course. still--things would not have turned out so badly if captain thiel, mary's school officer, had not attributed susan shorrs' disappearance only to poor drug acclimatization. captain thiel had naturally known that major grey was in town to prosecute bill walden, because the major had called on him to discuss the case. yet it had not occurred to him, until 18 hours after susan's disappearance, that mary might have forced the shift for some reason associated with her aberrant father. by the time the captain advised him, major grey already knew that bill had forced the shift on conrad under desperate circumstances and he had decided to close in. he fully expected to find the father and daughter at the apartment, and now ... it sickened him to see the child's demented condition and realize that bill had left her there. major grey could see at a glance that mary walden would not be accessible for days even with the best treatment. he left it to the other two officers to hospitalize the child and set out for the manz apartment. he used his master wristband to open the door there, and found a woman standing in the middle of the room, wrapped in a sheet. he knew that this must be helen walden. it was odd how ill-fitting clara manz's softly sensual makeup seemed, even to a stranger, on the more rigidly composed face before him. he guessed that helen would wear color higher on her cheeks and the mouth would be done in severe lines. certainly the present haughty face struggled with its incongruous makeup as well as the indignity of her dress. she pulled the sheet tighter about her and said icily, "i will not wear that woman's clothes." major grey introduced himself and asked, "where is bill walden?" "he shifted! he left me with.... oh, i'm so ashamed!" major grey shared her loathing. there was no way to escape the conditioning of childhood--sex relations between hyperalter and hypoalter were more than outlawed, they were in themselves disgusting. if they were allowed, they could destroy this civilization. those idealists--they were almost all hypoalters, of course--who wanted the old terminology changed didn't take that into account. next thing they'd want children to live with their actual parents! major grey stepped into the bedroom. through the bathroom door beyond, he could see conrad manz changing his makeup. conrad turned and eyed him bluntly. "would you mind staying out of here till i'm finished? i've had about all i can take." major grey shut the door and returned to helen walden. he took a hypothalamic block from his own pharmacase and handed it to her. "here, you're probably on very low drug levels. you'd better take this." he poured her a glass of pop from a decanter and, while they waited for conrad, he dialed the nearest shifting station on the visiophone and ordered up an emergency shifting costume for her. when at last they were both dressed, made up to their satisfaction and drugged to his satisfaction, he had them sit on a couch together across from him. they sat at opposite ends of it, stiff with resentment at each other's presence. major grey said calmly, "you realize that this matter is coming to a medicorps trial. it will be serious." major grey watched their faces. on hers he saw grim determination. on conrad's face he saw the heavy movement of alarm. the man loved his wife. that was going to help. "it is necessary in a case such as this for the medicorps to weigh your decisions along with the scientific evidence we will accumulate. unfortunately, the number of laymen directly involved in this case--and not on trial--is only two, due to your peculiar marriage. if the hypoalters, clara and conrad, were married to other partners, we might call on as many as six involved persons and obtain a more equitable lay judgment. as it stands, the entire responsibility rests on the two of you." helen walden was primly confident. "i don't see how we can fail to treat the matter with perfect logic. after all, it is not _we_ who neglect our drug levels.... they _were_ refusing to take their drugs, weren't they?" she asked, hoping for the worst and certain she was right. "yes, this is drug refusal." major grey paused while she relished the answer. "but i must correct you in one impression. your proper drug levels do not assure that you will act logically in this matter. the drugged mind _is_ logical. however, its fundamental datum is that the drugs and drugged minds must be protected before everything else." he watched conrad's face while he added, "because of this, it is possible for you to arrive logically at a conclusion that ... death is the required solution." he paused, looking at their white lips. then he said, "actually, other, more suitable solutions may be possible." "but they _were_ refusing their drugs," she said. "you talk as if you are defending them. aren't you a medicorps prosecutor?" "i do not prosecute _people_ in the ancient 20th century sense, mrs. walden. i prosecute the _acts_ of drug refusal and communication breaks. there is quite a difference." "well!" she said almost explosively. "i always knew bill would get into trouble sooner or later with his wild, antisocial ideas. i never _dreamed_ the medicorps would take _his_ side." major grey held his breath, almost certain now that she would walk into the trap. if she did, he could save clara manz before the trial. "after all, they have broken every communication code. they have refused the drugs, a defiance aimed at our very lives. they--" "shut up!" it was the first time conrad manz had spoken since he sat down. "the medicorps spent weeks gathering evidence and preparing their recommendations. you haven't seen any of that and you've already made up your mind. how logical is that? it sounds as if you _want_ your husband dead. maybe the poor devil had some reason, after all, for what he did." on the man's face there was the nearest approach to hate that the drugs would allow. major grey let his breath out softly. they were split permanently. she would have to trade him a mild decision on clara in order to save bill. and even there, if the subsequent evidence gave any slight hope, major grey believed now that he could work on conrad to hang the lay judgment and let the medicorps' scientific recommendation go through unmodified. he let them stew in their cross-purposed silence for a while and then nailed home a disconcerting fact. "i think i should remind you that there are few advantages to having your alter extinguished in the _mnemonic eraser_. a man whose hyperalter has been extinguished must report on his regular shift days to a hospital and be placed for five days in suspended animation. this is not very healthy for the body, but necessary. otherwise, everyone's natural distaste for his own alter and the understandable wish to spend twice as much time living would generate schemes to have one's alter sucked out by the eraser. that happened extensively back in the 21st century before the five day suspension was required. it was also used as a 'cure' for schizophrenia, but it was, of course, only the brutal murder of innocent personalities." major grey smiled grimly to himself. "now i will have to ask you both to accompany me to the hospital. i will want you, mrs. walden, to shift at once to mrs. manz. mr. manz, you will have to remain under the close observation of an officer until bill walden tries to shift back. we have to catch him with an injection to keep him in shift." * * * * * the young medicop put the syringe aside and laid his hand on bill walden's forehead. he pushed the hair back out of bill's eyes. "there, mr. walden, you don't have to struggle now." bill let his breath out in a long sigh. "you've caught me. i can't shift any more, can i?" "that's right, mr. walden. not unless we want you to." the young man picked up his medical equipment and stepped aside. bill noticed then the medicorps officer standing in the background. the man was watching as though he contemplated some melancholy distance. "i am major grey, bill. i'm handling your case." bill did not answer. he lay staring at the hospital ceiling. then he felt his mouth open in a slow grin. "what's funny?" major grey asked mildly. "leaving my hypoalter with my wife," bill answered candidly. it had already ceased to be funny to him, but he saw major grey smile in spite of himself. "they were quite upset when i found them. it must have been some scramble before that." major grey came over and sat in the chair vacated by the young man who had just injected bill. "you know, bill, we will need a complete analysis of you. we want to do everything we can to save you, but it will require your cooperation." bill nodded, feeling his chest tighten. here it came. right to the end, they would be tearing him apart to find out what made him work. major grey must have sensed bill's bitter will to resist. his resonant voice was soft, his face kindly. "we must have your sincere desire to help. we can't force you to do anything." "except die," bill said. "maybe helping us get the information that might save your life at the trial isn't worth the trouble to you. but your aberration has seriously disturbed the lives of several people. don't you think you owe it to them to help us prevent this sort of thing in the future?" major grey ran his hand through his whitening hair. "i thought you would like to know mary will come through all right. we will begin shortly to acclimatize her to her new appointed parents, who will be visiting her each day. that will accelerate her recovery a great deal. of course, right now she is still inaccessible." the brutally clear picture of mary alone in the storage room crashed back into bill's mind. after a while, in such slow stages that the beginning was hardly noticeable, he began to cry. the young medicop injected him with a sleeping compound, but not before bill knew he would do whatever the medicorps wanted. * * * * * the next day was crowded with battery after battery of tests. the interviews were endless. he was subjected to a hundred artificial situations and every reaction from his blood sugar to the frequency ranges of his voice was measured. they gave him only small amounts of drugs in order to test his reaction to them. late in the evening, major grey came by and interrupted an officer who was taking an electroencephalogram for the sixth time after injection of a drug. "all right, bill, you have really given us cooperation. but after you've had your dinner, i hope you won't mind if i come to your room and talk with you for a little while." when bill finished eating, he waited impatiently in his room for the medicorps officer. major grey came soon after. he shook his head at the mute question bill shot at him. "no, bill. we will not have the results of your tests evaluated until late tomorrow morning. i can't tell you a thing until the trial in any case." "when will that be?" "as soon as the evaluation of your tests is in." major grey ran his hand over his smooth chin and seemed to sigh. "tell me, bill, how do you feel about your case? how did you get into this situation and what do you think about it now?" the officer sat in the room's only chair and motioned bill to the cot. bill was astonished at his sudden desire to talk about his problem. he had to laugh to cover it up. "i guess i feel as if i am being condemned for trying to stay sober." bill used the ancient word with a mock tone of righteousness that he knew the major would understand. major grey smiled. "how do you feel when you're sober?" bill searched his face. "the way the ancient moderns did, i guess. i feel what happens to me the _way_ it happens to me, not the artificial way the drugs let it happen. i think there is a way for us to live without the drugs and really enjoy life. have you ever cut down on your drugs. major?" the officer shook his head. bill smiled at him dreamily. "you ought to try it. it's as though a new life has suddenly opened up. everything looks different to you. "look, with an average life span of 100 years, each of us only lives 50 years and our alter lives the other 50. yet even on half-time we experience only about half the living we'd do if we didn't take the drugs. we would be able to feel the loves and hatreds and desires of life. no matter how many mistakes we made, we would be able occasionally to live those intense moments that made the ancients great." major grey said tonelessly, "the ancients were great at killing, cheating and debasing one another. and they were worse sober than _drunk_." this time he did not smile at the word. bill understood the implacable logic before him. the logic that had saved man from himself by smothering his spirit. the carefully achieved logic of the drugs that had seized upon the disassociated personality, and engineered it into a smoothly running machine, where there was no unhappiness because there was no great happiness, where there was no crime except failure to take the drugs or cross the alter sex line. without drugs, he was capable of fury and he felt it now. "you should see how foolish these communication codes look when you are undrugged. this stupid hide-and-seek of shifting! these two-headed monsters simpering, about their artificial morals and their endless prescriptions! they belong in _crazy_ houses! what use is there in such a world? if we are all this sick, we should die...." bill stopped and there was suddenly a ringing silence in the barren little room. finally major grey said, "i think you can see, bill, that your desire to live without drugs is incompatable with this society. it would be impossible for us to maintain in you an artificial need for the drugs that would be healthy. only if we can clearly demonstrate that this aberration is not an inherent part of your personality can we do something medically or psycho-surgically about it." bill did not at first see the implication in this. when he did, he thought of clara rather than of himself, and his voice was shaken. "is it a localized aberration in clara?" major grey looked at him levelly. "i have arranged for you to be with clara manz a little while in the morning." he stood up and said good night and was gone. slowly, as if it hurt him to move, bill turned off the light and lay on the cot in the semi-dark. after a while he could feel his heart begin to take hold and he started feeling better. it was as though a man who had thought himself permanently expatriated had been told, "tomorrow, you walk just over that hill and you will be home." all through the night he lay awake, alternating between panic and desperate longing in a cycle with which finally he became familiar. at last, as a rusty light of dawn reddened his silent room, he fell into a troubled sleep. he started awake in broad daylight. an orderly was at the door with his breakfast tray. he could not eat, of course. after the orderly left, he hastily changed to a new hospital uniform and washed himself. he redid his makeup with a trembling hand, straightened the bedclothes and then he sat on the edge of the cot. no one came for him. the young medicop who had given him the injection that caught him in shift finally entered, and was standing near him before bill was aware of his presence. "good morning, mr. walden. how are you feeling?" bill's wildly oscillating tensions froze at the point where he could only move helplessly with events and suffer a constant, unchangeable longing. it was as if in a dream that they moved in silence together down the long corridors of the hospital and took the elevator to an upper floor. the medicop opened the door to a room and let bill enter. bill heard the door close behind him. clara did not turn from where she stood looking out the window. bill did not care that the walls of the chill little room were almost certainly recording every sight and sound. all his hunger was focused on the back of the girl at the window. the room seemed to ring with his racing blood. but he was slowly aware that something was wrong, and when at last he called her name, his voice broke. still without turning, she said in a strained monotone, "i want you to understand that i have consented to this meeting only because major grey has assured me it is necessary." it was a long time before he could speak. "clara, i need you." she spun on him. "have you no shame? you are married to my hyperalter--don't you understand that?" her face was suddenly wet with tears and the intensity of her shame flamed at him from her cheeks. "how can conrad ever forgive me for being with his hyperalter and talking about him? oh, how can i have been so _mad_?" "they have done something to you," he said, shaking with tension. her chin raised at this. she was defiant, he saw, though not toward himself--he no longer existed for her--but toward that part of herself which once had needed him and now no longer existed. "they have cured me," she declared. "they have cured me of everything but my shame, and they will help me get rid of that as soon as you leave this room." bill stared at her before leaving. out in the corridor, the young medicop did not look him in the face. they went back to bill's room and the officer left without a word. bill lay down on his cot. presently major grey entered the room. he came over to the cot. "i'm sorry it had to be this way, bill." bill's words came tonelessly from his dry throat. "was it necessary to be cruel?" "it was necessary to test the result of her psycho-surgery. also, it will help her over her shame. she might otherwise have retained a seed of fear that she still loved you." bill did not feel anything any more. staring at the ceiling, he knew there was no place left for him in this world and no one in it who needed him. the only person who had really needed him had been mary, and he could not bear to think of how he had treated her. now the medicorps was efficiently curing the child of the hurt he had done her. they had already erased from clara any need for him she had ever felt. this seemed funny and he began to laugh. "everyone is being cured of me." "yes, bill. that is necessary." when bill went on laughing major grey's voice turned quite sharp. "come with me. it's time for your trial." * * * * * the enormous room in which they held the trial was utterly barren. at the great oaken table around which they all sat, there were three medicorps officers in addition to major grey. helen did not speak to bill when they brought him in. he was placed on the same side of the table with an officer between them. two orderlies stood behind bill's chair. other than these people, there was no one in the room. the great windows were high above the floor and displayed only the blissful sky. now and then bill saw a flock of pigeons waft aloft on silver-turning wings. everyone at the table except himself had a copy of his case report and they discussed it with clipped sentences. between the stone floor and the vaulted ceiling, a subtle echolalia babbled about bill's problem behind their human talk. the discussion of the report lulled when major grey rapped on the table. he glanced unsmiling from face to face, and his voice hurried the ritualized words: "this is a court of medicine, co-joining the results of medical science and considered lay judgment to arrive at a decision in the case of patient bill walden. the patient is hospitalized for a history of drug refusal and communication breaks. we have before us the medical case record of patient walden. has everyone present studied this record?" all at the table nodded. "do all present feel competent to pass judgment in this case?" again there came the agreement. major grey continued, "it is my duty to advise you, in the presence of the patient, of the profound difference between a trial for simple drug refusal and one in which that aberration is compounded with communication breaks. "it is true that no other aberration is possible when the drugs are taken as prescribed. after all, the drugs _are_ the basis for our schizophrenic society. nevertheless, simple drug refusal often is a mere matter of physiology, which is easy enough to remedy. "a far more profound threat to our society is the break in communication. this generally is more deeply motivated in the patient, and is often inaccessible to therapy. such a patient is driven to emotive explorations which place the various ancient passions, and the infamous art of _historical gesture_, such as 'give me liberty or give me death,' above the welfare of society." * * * * * bill watched the birds flash down the sky, a handful of heavenly coin. never had it seemed to him so good to look at the sky. _if they hospitalize me_, he thought, _i will be content forever to sit and look from windows._ "our schizophrenic society," major grey was saying, "holds together and runs smoothly because, in each individual, the personality conflicts have been compartmentalized between hyperalter and hypoalter. on the social level, conflicting personalities are kept on opposite shifts and never contact each other. or they are kept on shifts where contact is possible no more than one or two days out of ten. bill walden's break of shift is the type of behavior designed to reactivate these conflicts, and to generate the destructive passions on which an undrugged mind feeds. already illness and disrupted lives have resulted." major grey paused and looked directly at bill. "exhaustive tests have demonstrated that your entire personality is involved. i might also say that the aberration to live without the drugs and to break communication codes _is_ your personality. all these medicorps officers are agreed on that diagnosis. it remains now for us of the medicorps to sit with the laymen intimately involved and decide on the action to be taken. the only possible alternatives after that diagnosis are permanent hospitalization or ... total removal of the personality by mnemonic erasure." bill could not speak. he saw major grey nod to one of the orderlies and felt the man pushing up his sleeve and injecting his nerveless arm. they were forcing him to shift, he knew, so that conrad manz could sit on the trial and participate. helplessly, he watched the great sky blacken and the room dim and disappear. * * * * * major grey did not avert his face, as did the others, while the shift was in progress. helen walden, he saw, was dramatizing her shame at being present during a shift, but the medicorps officers simply stared at the table. major grey watched the face of conrad manz take form while the man who was going to be tried faded. bill walden had been without makeup, and as soon as he was sure manz could hear him, major grey apologized. "i hope you won't object to this brief interlude in public without makeup. you are present at the trial of bill walden." conrad manz nodded and major grey waited another full minute for the shift to complete itself before he continued. "mr. manz, during the two days you waited in the hospital for us to catch walden in shift, i discussed this case quite thoroughly with you, especially as it applied to the case of clara manz, on which we were already working. "you will recall that in the case of your wife, the medicorps diagnosis was one of a clearly localized aberration. it was quite simple to apply the mnemonic eraser to that small section without disturbing in any way her basic personality. medicorps agreement was for this procedure and the case did not come to trial, but simply went to operation, because lay agreement was obtained. first yourself and eventually--" major grey paused and let the memory of helen's stubborn insistence that clara die stir in conrad's mind--"mrs. walden agreed with the medicorps." major grey let the room wait in silence for a while. "the case of bill walden is quite different. the aberration involves the whole personality, and the alternative actions to be taken are permanent hospitalization or total erasure. in this case, i believe that medicorps opinion will be divided as to proper action and--" major grey paused again and looked levelly at conrad manz--"this may be true, also, of the lay opinion." "how's that, major?" demanded the highest ranking medicorps officer present, a colonel named hart, a tall, handsome man on whom the military air was a becoming skin. "what do you mean about medicorps opinion being divided?" major grey answered quietly, "i'm holding out for hospitalization." colonel hart's face reddened. he thrust it forward and straightened his back. "that's preposterous! this is a clear-cut case of a dangerous threat to our society, and we, let me remind you, are _sworn_ to protect that society." major grey felt very tired. it was, after all, difficult to understand why he always fought so hard against erasure of these aberrant cases. but he began with quiet determination. "the threat to society is effectively removed by either of the alternatives, hospitalization or total erasure. i think you can all see from bill walden's medical record that his is a well rounded personality with a remarkable mind. in the environment of the 20th century, he would have been an outstanding citizen, and possibly, if there had been more like him, our present society would have been better for it. "our history has been one of weeding out all personalities that did not fit easily into our drugged society. today there are so few left that i have handled only 136 in my entire career...." major grey saw that helen walden was tensing in her chair. he realized suddenly that she sensed better than he the effect he was having on the other men. "we should not forget that each time we erase one of these personalities," he pressed on relentlessly, "society loses irrevocably a certain capacity for change. if we eliminate all personalities who do not fit, we may find ourselves without any minds capable of meeting future change. our direct ancestors were largely the inmates of mental hospitals ... we are fortunate _they_ were not erased. conrad manz," he asked abruptly, "what is your opinion on the case of bill walden?" helen walden started, but conrad manz shrugged his muscular shoulders. "oh, hospitalize the three-headed monster!" major grey snapped his eyes directly past colonel hart and fastened them on the medicorps captain. "your opinion, captain?" but helen walden was too quick. before he could rap the table for order, she had her thin words hanging in the echoing room. "having been mr. walden's wife for 15 years, my sentiments naturally incline me to ask for hospitalization. that is why i may safely say, if major grey will pardon me, that the logic of the drugs does not entirely fail us in a situation like this." helen waited while all present got the idea that major grey had accused them of being illogical. "bill's aberration has led to our daughter's illness. and think how quickly it contaminated clara manz! i cannot ask that society any longer expose itself, even to the extent of keeping bill in the isolation of the hospital, for my purely sentimental reasons. "as for major grey's closing remarks, i cannot see how it is fair to bring my husband to trial as a threat to society, if some future chance is expected, in which a man of his behavior would benefit society. surely such a change could only be one that would ruin our present world, or bill would hardly fit it. i would not want to save bill or anyone else for such a future." she did not have to say anything further. both of the other medicorps officers were now fully roused to their duty. colonel hart, of course, "humphed" at the opinions of a woman and cast his with major grey. but the fate of bill walden was sealed. major grey sat, weary and uneasy, as the creeping little doubts began. in the end, he would be left with the one big stone-heavy doubt ... could he have gone through with this if he had not been drugged, and how would the logic of the trial look without drugs? he became aware of the restiveness in the room. they were waiting for him, now that the decision was irrevocable. without the drugs, he reflected, they might be feeling--what was the ancient word, _guilt_? no, that was what the criminal felt. _remorse?_ that would be what they should be feeling. major grey wished helen walden could be forced to witness the erasure. people did not realize what it was like. what was it bill had said? "you should see how foolish these communication codes took when you are undrugged. this stupid hide-and-seek of shifting...." well, wasn't that a charge to be _inspected_ seriously, if you were taking it seriously enough to kill the man for it? as soon as this case was completed, he would have to return to his city and blot himself out so that his own hyperalter, ralph singer, a painter of bad pictures and a useless fool, could waste five more days. to that man he lost half his possible living days. what earthly good was singer? major grey roused himself and motioned the orderly to inject conrad manz, so that bill walden would be forced back into shift. "as soon as i have advised the patient of our decision, you will all be dismissed. naturally, i anticipated this decision and have arranged for immediate erasure. after the erasure, mr. manz, you will be instructed to appear regularly for suspended animation." * * * * * for some reason, the first thing bill walden did when he became conscious of his surroundings was to look out the great window for the flock of birds. but they were gone. bill looked at major grey and said, "what are you going to do?" the officer ran his hand back through his whitening hair, but he looked at bill without wavering. "you will be erased." bill began to shake his head. "there is something wrong," he said. "bill...." the major began. "there is something wrong," bill repeated hopelessly. "why must we be split so there is always something missing in each of us? why must we be stupefied with drugs that keep us from knowing what we should feel? i was trying to live a better life. i did not want to hurt anyone." "but you _did_ hurt others," major grey said bluntly. "you would do so again if allowed to function in your own way in this society. yet it would be insufferable to you to be hospitalized. you would be shut off forever from searching for another clara manz. and--there is no one else for you, is there?" bill looked up, his eyes cringing as though they stared at death. "no one else?" he asked vacantly. "no one?" the two orderlies lifted him up by his arms, almost carrying him into the operating room. his feet dragged helplessly. he made no resistance as they lifted him onto the operating table and strapped him down. beside him was the great panel of the mnemonic eraser with its thousand unblinking eyes. the helmetlike prober cabled to this calculator was fastened about his skull, and he could no longer see the professor who was lecturing in the amphitheater above. but along his body he could see the group of medical students. they were looking at him with great interest, too young not to let the human drama interfere with their technical education. the professor, however, droned in a purely objective voice. "the mnemonic eraser can selectively shunt from the brain any identifiable category of memory, and erase the synaptic patterns associated with its translation into action. circulating memory is disregarded. the machine only locates and shunts out those energies present as permanent memory. these are there in part as permanently echoing frequencies in closed cytoplasmic systems. these systems are in contact with the rest of the nervous system only during the phenomenon of remembrance. remembrance occurs when, at all the synapses in a given network 'y,' the permanently echoing frequencies are duplicated as transient circulating frequencies. "the objective in a total operation of the sort before us is to distinguish all the stored permanent frequencies, typical of the personality you wish to extinguish, from the frequencies typical of the other personality present in the brain." major grey's face, very tired, but still wearing a mask of adamant reassurance, came into bill's vision. "there will be a few moments of drug-induced terror, bill. that is necessary for the operation. i hope knowing it beforehand will help you ride with it. it will not be for long." he squeezed bill's shoulder and was gone. "the trick was learned early in our history, when this type of total operation was more often necessary," the professor continued. "it is really quite simple to extinguish one personality while leaving the other undisturbed. the other personality in the case before us has been drug-immobilized to keep this one from shifting. at the last moment, this personality before us will be drug-stimulated to bring it to the highest possible pitch of total activity. this produces utterly disorganized activity, every involved neuron and synapse being activated simultaneously by the drug. it is then a simple matter for the mnemonic eraser to locate all permanently echoing frequencies involved in this personality and suck them into its receiver." bill was suddenly aware that a needle had been thrust into his arm. then it was as though all the terror, panic and traumatic incidents of his whole life leaped into his mind. all the pleasant experiences and feelings he had ever known were there, too, but were transformed into terror. a bell was ringing with regular strokes. across the panel of the mnemonic eraser, the tiny counting lights were alive with movement. there was in bill a fright, a demand for survival so great that it could not be felt. it was actually from an island of complete calm that part of him saw the medical students rising dismayed and white-faced from their seats. it was apart from himself that his body strained to lift some mountain and filled the operating amphitheater with shrieking echoes. and all the time the thousand eyes of the mnemonic eraser flickered in swift patterns, a silent measure of the cells and circuits of his mind. abruptly the tiny red counting lights went off, a red beam glowed with a burr of warning. someone said, "now!" the mind of bill walden flashed along a wire as electrical energy and, converted on the control panel into mechanical energy, it spun a small ratchet counter. "please sit down," the professor said to the shaken students. "the drug that has kept the other personality immobilized is being counteracted by this next injection. now that the sickly personality has been dissipated, the healthy one can be brought back rapidly. "as you are aware, the synapse operates on the binary 'yes-no' choice system of an electronic calculator. all synapses which were involved in the diseased personality have now been reduced to an atypical, uniform threshold. thus they can be re-educated in new patterns by the healthy personality remaining.... there, you see the countenance of the healthy personality appearing." * * * * * it was conrad manz who looked up at them with a wry grin. he rotated his shoulders to loosen them. "how many of you pushed old bill walden around? he left me with some sore muscles. well, i did that often enough to him...." major grey stood over him, face sick and white with the horror of what he had seen. "according to law, mr. manz, you and your wife are entitled to five rest days on your next shift. when they are over, you will, of course, report for suspended animation for what would have been your hyperalter's shift." conrad manz's grin shrank and vanished. "_would_ have been? bill is--gone?" "yes." "i never thought i'd miss him." conrad looked as sick as major grey felt. "it makes me feel--i don't know if i can explain it--sort of _amputated_. as though something's wrong with me because everybody else has an alter and i don't. did the poor son of a straitjacket suffer much?" "i'm afraid he did." conrad manz lay still for a moment with his eyes closed and his mouth thin with pity and remorse. "what will happen to helen?" "she'll be all right," major grey said. "there will be bill's insurance, naturally, and she won't have much trouble finding another husband. that kind never seems to." "five rest days?" conrad repeated. "is that what you said?" he sat up and swung his legs off the table, and he was grinning again. "i'll get in a whole shift of jet-skiing! no, wait--i've got a date with the wife of a friend of mine out at the rocket grounds. i'll take clara out there; she'll like some of the men." major grey nodded abstractedly. "good idea." he shook hands with conrad manz, wished him fun on his rest shift, and left. taking a helicopter back to his city, major grey thought of his own hyperalter, ralph singer. he'd often wished that the silly fool could be erased. now he wondered how it would be to have only one personality, and, wondering, realized that conrad manz had been right--it _would_ be like amputation, the shameful distinction of living in a schizophrenic society with no alter. no, bill walden had been wrong, completely wrong, both about drugs and being split into two personalities. what one made up in pleasure through not taking drugs was more than lost in the suffering of conflict, frustration and hostility. and having an alter--any kind, even one as useless as singer--meant, actually, _not being alone_. major grey parked the helicopter and found a shifting station. he took off his makeup, addressed and mailed his clothes, and waited for the shift to come. it was a pretty wonderful society he lived in, he realized. he wouldn't trade it for the kind bill walden had wanted. nobody in his right mind would. [editor's note: it has been called to our attention that project gutenberg ebook #43 which is the same title as this, is much easier to read than file #42 which you have presently opened.] strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde by robert louis stevenson 1) story of the door mr. utterson the lawyer was a man of a rugged countenance, that was never lighted by a smile; cold, scanty and embarrassed in discourse; backward in sentiment; lean, long, dusty, dreary, and yet somehow lovable. at friendly meetings, and when the wine was to his taste, something eminently human beaconed from his eye; something indeed which never found its way into his talk, but which spoke not only in these silent symbols of the after-dinner face, but more often and loudly in the acts of his life. he was austere with himself; drank gin when he was alone, to mortify a taste for vintages; and though he enjoyed the theatre, had not crossed the doors of one for twenty years. but he had an approved tolerance for others; sometimes wondering, almost with envy, at the high pressure of spirits involved in their misdeeds; and in any extremity inclined to help rather than to reprove. 2) "i incline to cain's heresy," he used to say quaintly: "i let my brother go to the devil in his own way." in this character, it was frequently his fortune to be the last reputable acquaintance and the last good influence in the lives of down-going men. and to such as these, so long as they came about his chambers, he never marked a shade of change in his demeanour. no doubt the feat was easy to mr. utterson; for he was undemonstrative at the best, and even his friendship seemed to be founded in a similar catholicity of good-nature. it is the mark of a modest man to accept his friendly circle ready-made from the hands of opportunity; and that was the lawyer's way. his friends were those of his own blood or those whom he had known the longest; his affections, like ivy, were the growth of time, they implied no aptness in the object. hence, no doubt, the bond that united him to mr. richard enfield, his distant kinsman, the well-known man about town. it was a nut to crack for many, what these two could see in each other, or what subject they could find in common. it was reported by those who encountered them in their sunday walks, that they said nothing, looked singularly dull, and would hail with obvious relief the appearance of a friend. for all that, the two men put the greatest store by these excursions, counted them the chief jewel of each week, and not only set aside occasions of pleasure, but even resisted the calls 3) of business, that they might enjoy them uninterrupted. it chanced on one of these rambles that their way led them down a by-street in a busy quarter of london. the street was small and what is called quiet, but it drove a thriving trade on the week-days. the inhabitants were all doing well, it seemed, and all emulously hoping to do better still, and laying out the surplus of their gains in coquetry; so that the shop fronts stood along that thoroughfare with an air of invitation, like rows of smiling saleswomen. even on sunday, when it veiled its more florid charms and lay comparatively empty of passage, the street shone out in contrast to its dingy neighbourhood, like a fire in a forest; and with its freshly painted shutters, well-polished brasses, and general cleanliness and gaiety of note, instantly caught and pleased the eye of the passenger. two doors from one corner, on the left hand going east, the line was broken by the entry of a court; and just at that point, a certain sinister block of building thrust forward its gable on the street. it was two stories high; showed no window, nothing but a door on the lower story and a blind forehead of discoloured wall on the upper; and bore in every feature, the marks of prolonged and sordid negligence. the door, which was equipped with neither bell nor knocker, was blistered and distained. tramps slouched into the recess and struck matches on 4) the panels; children kept shop upon the steps; the schoolboy had tried his knife on the mouldings; and for close on a generation, no one had appeared to drive away these random visitors or to repair their ravages. mr. enfield and the lawyer were on the other side of the by-street; but when they came abreast of the entry, the former lifted up his cane and pointed. "did you ever remark that door?" he asked; and when his companion had replied in the affirmative, "it is connected in my mind," added he, "with a very odd story." "indeed?" said mr. utterson, with a slight change of voice, "and what was that?" "well, it was this way," returned mr. enfield: "i was coming home from some place at the end of the world, about three o'clock of a black winter morning, and my way lay through a part of town where there was literally nothing to be seen but lamps. street after street, and all the folks asleep--street after street, all lighted up as if for a procession and all as empty as a church--till at last i got into that state of mind when a man listens and listens and begins to long for the sight of a policeman. all at once, i saw two figures: one a little man who was stumping along eastward at a good walk, and the other a girl of maybe eight or ten who was running as hard as she was able down a cross street. well, sir, the two ran into one another naturally enough at the 5) corner; and then came the horrible part of the thing; for the man trampled calmly over the child's body and left her screaming on the ground. it sounds nothing to hear, but it was hellish to see. it wasn't like a man; it was like some damned juggernaut. i gave a view-halloa, took to my heels, collared my gentleman, and brought him back to where there was already quite a group about the screaming child. he was perfectly cool and made no resistance, but gave me one look, so ugly that it brought out the sweat on me like running. the people who had turned out were the girl's own family; and pretty soon, the doctor, for whom she had been sent, put in his appearance. well, the child was not much the worse, more frightened, according to the sawbones; and there you might have supposed would be an end to it. but there was one curious circumstance. i had taken a loathing to my gentleman at first sight. so had the child's family, which was only natural. but the doctor's case was what struck me. he was the usual cut-and-dry apothecary, of no particular age and colour, with a strong edinburgh accent, and about as emotional as a bagpipe. well, sir, he was like the rest of us; every time he looked at my prisoner, i saw that sawbones turn sick and white with the desire to kill him. i knew what was in his mind, just as he knew what was in mine; and killing being out of the question, we did the next best. we told the man we could 6) and would make such a scandal out of this, as should make his name stink from one end of london to the other. if he had any friends or any credit, we undertook that he should lose them. and all the time, as we were pitching it in red hot, we were keeping the women off him as best we could, for they were as wild as harpies. i never saw a circle of such hateful faces; and there was the man in the middle, with a kind of black, sneering coolness--frightened too, i could see that--but carrying it off, sir, really like satan. 'if you choose to make capital out of this accident,' said he, 'i am naturally helpless. no gentleman but wishes to avoid a scene,' says he. 'name your figure.' well, we screwed him up to a hundred pounds for the child's family; he would have clearly liked to stick out; but there was something about the lot of us that meant mischief, and at last he struck. the next thing was to get the money; and where do you think he carried us but to that place with the door?-whipped out a key, went in, and presently came back with the matter of ten pounds in gold and a cheque for the balance on coutts's, drawn payable to bearer and signed with a name that i can't mention, though it's one of the points of my story, but it was a name at least very well known and often printed. the figure was stiff; but the signature was good for more than that, if it was only genuine. i took the liberty of pointing out to my gentleman that the whole 7) business looked apocryphal, and that a man does not, in real life, walk into a cellar door at four in the morning and come out of it with another man's cheque for close upon a hundred pounds. but he was quite easy and sneering. 'set your mind at rest,' says he, 'i will stay with you till the banks open and cash the cheque myself.' so we all set off, the doctor, and the child's father, and our friend and myself, and passed the rest of the night in my chambers; and next day, when we had breakfasted, went in a body to the bank. i gave in the check myself, and said i had every reason to believe it was a forgery. not a bit of it. the cheque was genuine." "tut-tut," said mr. utterson. "i see you feel as i do," said mr. enfield. "yes, it's a bad story. for my man was a fellow that nobody could have to do with, a really damnable man; and the person that drew the cheque is the very pink of the proprieties, celebrated too, and (what makes it worse) one of your fellows who do what they call good. black-mail, i suppose; an honest man paying through the nose for some of the capers of his youth. black-mail house is what i call that place with the door, in consequence. though even that, you know, is far from explaining all," he added, and with the words fell into a vein of musing. from this he was recalled by mr. utterson asking rather suddenly: "and you don't know if the drawer of the cheque lives there?" 8) "a likely place, isn't it?" returned mr. enfield. "but i happen to have noticed his address; he lives in some square or other." "and you never asked about the--place with the door?" said mr. utterson. "no, sir: i had a delicacy," was the reply. "i feel very strongly about putting questions; it partakes too much of the style of the day of judgment. you start a question, and it's like starting a stone. you sit quietly on the top of a hill; and away the stone goes, starting others; and presently some bland old bird (the last you would have thought of) is knocked on the head in his own back-garden and the family have to change their name. no, sir, i make it a rule of mine: the more it looks like queer street, the less i ask." "a very good rule, too," said the lawyer. "but i have studied the place for myself," continued mr. enfield. "it seems scarcely a house. there is no other door, and nobody goes in or out of that one but, once in a great while, the gentleman of my adventure. there are three windows looking on the court on the first floor; none below; the windows are always shut but they're clean. and then there is a chimney which is generally smoking; so somebody must live there. and yet it's not so sure; for the buildings are so packed together about that court, that it's hard to say where one ends and another begins." 9) the pair walked on again for a while in silence; and then, "enfield," said mr. utterson, "that's a good rule of yours." "yes, i think it is," returned enfield. "but for all that," continued the lawyer, "there's one point i want to ask: i want to ask the name of that man who walked over the child." "well," said mr. enfield, "i can't see what harm it would do. it was a man of the name of hyde." "h'm," said mr. utterson. "what sort of a man is he to see?" "he is not easy to describe. there is something wrong with his appearance; something displeasing, something downright detestable. i never saw a man i so disliked, and yet i scarce know why. he must be deformed somewhere; he gives a strong feeling of deformity, although i couldn't specify the point. he's an extraordinary-looking man, and yet i really can name nothing out of the way. no, sir; i can make no hand of it; i can't describe him. and it's not want of memory; for i declare i can see him this moment." mr. utterson again walked some way in silence and obviously under a weight of consideration. "you are sure he used a key?" he inquired at last. "my dear sir..." began enfield, surprised out of himself. 10) "yes, i know," said utterson; "i know it must seem strange. the fact is, if i do not ask you the name of the other party, it is because i know it already. you see, richard, your tale has gone home. if you have been inexact in any point, you had better correct it." "i think you might have warned me," returned the other, with a touch of sullenness. "but i have been pedantically exact, as you call it. the fellow had a key; and what's more, he has it still. i saw him use it, not a week ago." mr. utterson sighed deeply but said never a word; and the young man presently resumed. "here is another lesson to say nothing," said he. "i am ashamed of my long tongue. let us make a bargain never to refer to this again." "with all my heart," said the lawyer. "i shake hands on that, richard." 11) search for mr. hyde that evening mr. utterson came home to his bachelor house in sombre spirits and sat down to dinner without relish. it was his custom of a sunday, when this meal was over, to sit close by the fire, a volume of some dry divinity on his reading-desk, until the clock of the neighbouring church rang out the hour of twelve, when he would go soberly and gratefully to bed. on this night, however, as soon as the cloth was taken away, he took up a candle and went into his business-room. there he opened his safe, took from the most private part of it a document endorsed on the envelope as dr. jekyll's will, and sat down with a clouded brow to study its contents. the will was holograph, for mr. utterson, though he took charge of it now that it was made, had refused to lend the least assistance in the making of it; it provided not only that, in case of the decease of henry jekyll, m.d., d.c.l., l.l.d., f.r.s., etc., all his possessions were to pass into the hands of his "friend and benefactor edward hyde," but that in case of 12) dr. jekyll's "disappearance or unexplained absence for any period exceeding three calendar months," the said edward hyde should step into the said henry jekyll's shoes without further delay and free from any burthen or obligation, beyond the payment of a few small sums to the members of the doctor's household. this document had long been the lawyer's eyesore. it offended him both as a lawyer and as a lover of the sane and customary sides of life, to whom the fanciful was the immodest. and hitherto it was his ignorance of mr. hyde that had swelled his indignation; now, by a sudden turn, it was his knowledge. it was already bad enough when the name was but a name of which he could learn no more. it was worse when it began to be clothed upon with detestable attributes; and out of the shifting, insubstantial mists that had so long baffled his eye, there leaped up the sudden, definite presentment of a fiend. "i thought it was madness," he said, as he replaced the obnoxious paper in the safe, "and now i begin to fear it is disgrace." with that he blew out his candle, put on a great-coat, and set forth in the direction of cavendish square, that citadel of medicine, where his friend, the great dr. lanyon, had his house and received his crowding patients. "if any one knows, it will be lanyon," he had thought. the solemn butler knew and welcomed him; 13) he was subjected to no stage of delay, but ushered direct from the door to the dining-room where dr. lanyon sat alone over his wine. this was a hearty, healthy, dapper, red-faced gentleman, with a shock of hair prematurely white, and a boisterous and decided manner. at sight of mr. utterson, he sprang up from his chair and welcomed him with both hands. the geniality, as was the way of the man, was somewhat theatrical to the eye; but it reposed on genuine feeling. for these two were old friends, old mates both at school and college, both thorough respecters of themselves and of each other, and, what does not always follow, men who thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. after a little rambling talk, the lawyer led up to the subject which so disagreeably pre-occupied his mind. "i suppose, lanyon," said he "you and i must be the two oldest friends that henry jekyll has?" "i wish the friends were younger," chuckled dr. lanyon. "but i suppose we are. and what of that? i see little of him now." "indeed?" said utterson. "i thought you had a bond of common interest." "we had," was the reply. "but it is more than ten years since henry jekyll became too fanciful for me. he began to go wrong, wrong in mind; and though of course i continue to take an interest in him for old sake's sake, as they say, 14) i see and i have seen devilish little of the man. such unscientific balderdash," added the doctor, flushing suddenly purple, "would have estranged damon and pythias." this little spirit of temper was somewhat of a relief to mr. utterson. "they have only differed on some point of science," he thought; and being a man of no scientific passions (except in the matter of conveyancing), he even added: "it is nothing worse than that!" he gave his friend a few seconds to recover his composure, and then approached the question he had come to put. "did you ever come across a protege of his--one hyde?" he asked. "hyde?" repeated lanyon. "no. never heard of him. since my time." that was the amount of information that the lawyer carried back with him to the great, dark bed on which he tossed to and fro, until the small hours of the morning began to grow large. it was a night of little ease to his toiling mind, toiling in mere darkness and besieged by questions. six o'clock struck on the bells of the church that was so conveniently near to mr. utterson's dwelling, and still he was digging at the problem. hitherto it had touched him on the intellectual side alone; but now his imagination also was engaged, or rather enslaved; and as he lay and tossed in the gross darkness of the night and the curtained room, mr. enfield's tale went by 15) before his mind in a scroll of lighted pictures. he would be aware of the great field of lamps of a nocturnal city; then of the figure of a man walking swiftly; then of a child running from the doctor's; and then these met, and that human juggernaut trod the child down and passed on regardless of her screams. or else he would see a room in a rich house, where his friend lay asleep, dreaming and smiling at his dreams; and then the door of that room would be opened, the curtains of the bed plucked apart, the sleeper recalled, and lo! there would stand by his side a figure to whom power was given, and even at that dead hour, he must rise and do its bidding. the figure in these two phases haunted the lawyer all night; and if at any time he dozed over, it was but to see it glide more stealthily through sleeping houses, or move the more swiftly and still the more swiftly, even to dizziness, through wider labyrinths of lamplighted city, and at every street-corner crush a child and leave her screaming. and still the figure had no face by which he might know it; even in his dreams, it had no face, or one that baffled him and melted before his eyes; and thus it was that there sprang up and grew apace in the lawyer's mind a singularly strong, almost an inordinate, curiosity to behold the features of the real mr. hyde. if he could but once set eyes on him, he thought the mystery would lighten and perhaps roll altogether away, as was the habit of mysterious 16) things when well examined. he might see a reason for his friend's strange preference or bondage (call it which you please) and even for the startling clause of the will. at least it would be a face worth seeing: the face of a man who was without bowels of mercy: a face which had but to show itself to raise up, in the mind of the unimpressionable enfield, a spirit of enduring hatred. from that time forward, mr. utterson began to haunt the door in the by-street of shops. in the morning before office hours, at noon when business was plenty, and time scarce, at night under the face of the fogged city moon, by all lights and at all hours of solitude or concourse, the lawyer was to be found on his chosen post. "if he be mr. hyde," he had thought, "i shall be mr. seek." and at last his patience was rewarded. it was a fine dry night; frost in the air; the streets as clean as a ballroom floor; the lamps, unshaken, by any wind, drawing a regular pattern of light and shadow. by ten o'clock, when the shops were closed, the by-street was very solitary and, in spite of the low growl of london from all round, very silent. small sounds carried far; domestic sounds out of the houses were clearly audible on either side of the roadway; and the rumour of the approach of any passenger preceded him by a long time. mr. utterson had been some minutes at his post, when he was 17) aware of an odd, light footstep drawing near. in the course of his nightly patrols, he had long grown accustomed to the quaint effect with which the footfalls of a single person, while he is still a great way off, suddenly spring out distinct from the vast hum and clatter of the city. yet his attention had never before been so sharply and decisively arrested; and it was with a strong, superstitious prevision of success that he withdrew into the entry of the court. the steps drew swiftly nearer, and swelled out suddenly louder as they turned the end of the street. the lawyer, looking forth from the entry, could soon see what manner of man he had to deal with. he was small and very plainly dressed, and the look of him, even at that distance, went somehow strongly against the watcher's inclination. but he made straight for the door, crossing the roadway to save time; and as he came, he drew a key from his pocket like one approaching home. mr. utterson stepped out and touched him on the shoulder as he passed. "mr. hyde, i think?" mr. hyde shrank back with a hissing intake of the breath. but his fear was only momentary; and though he did not look the lawyer in the face, he answered coolly enough: "that is my name. what do you want?" "i see you are going in," returned the lawyer. "i am an old friend of dr. jekyll's--mr. utter18) son of gaunt street--you must have heard my name; and meeting you so conveniently, i thought you might admit me." "you will not find dr. jekyll; he is from home," replied mr. hyde, blowing in the key. and then suddenly, but still without looking up, "how did you know me?" he asked. "on your side," said mr. utterson, "will you do me a favour?" "with pleasure," replied the other. "what shall it be?" "will you let me see your face?" asked the lawyer. mr. hyde appeared to hesitate, and then, as if upon some sudden reflection, fronted about with an air of defiance; and the pair stared at each other pretty fixedly for a few seconds. "now i shall know you again," said mr. utterson. "it may be useful." "yes," returned mr. hyde, "it is as well we have, met; and a propos, you should have my address." and he gave a number of a street in soho. "good god!" thought mr. utterson, "can he, too, have been thinking of the will?" but he kept his feelings to himself and only grunted in acknowledgment of the address. "and now," said the other, "how did you know me?" "by description," was the reply. "whose description?" 19) "we have common friends," said mr. utterson. "common friends?" echoed mr. hyde, a little hoarsely. "who are they?" "jekyll, for instance," said the lawyer. "he never told you," cried mr. hyde, with a flush of anger. "i did not think you would have lied." "come," said mr. utterson, "that is not fitting language." the other snarled aloud into a savage laugh; and the next moment, with extraordinary quickness, he had unlocked the door and disappeared into the house. the lawyer stood awhile when mr. hyde had left him, the picture of disquietude. then he began slowly to mount the street, pausing every step or two and putting his hand to his brow like a man in mental perplexity. the problem he was thus debating as he walked, was one of a class that is rarely solved. mr. hyde was pale and dwarfish, he gave an impression of deformity without any nameable malformation, he had a displeasing smile, he had borne himself to the lawyer with a sort of murderous mixture of timidity and boldness, and he spoke with a husky, whispering and somewhat broken voice; all these were points against him, but not all of these together could explain the hitherto unknown disgust, loathing, and fear with which mr. utterson regarded him. "there must be some20) thing else," said the perplexed gentleman. "there is something more, if i could find a name for it. god bless me, the man seems hardly human! something troglodytic, shall we say? or can it be the old story of dr. fell? or is it the mere radiance of a foul soul that thus transpires through, and transfigures, its clay continent? the last, i think; for, o my poor old harry jekyll, if ever i read satan's signature upon a face, it is on that of your new friend." round the corner from the by-street, there was a square of ancient, handsome houses, now for the most part decayed from their high estate and let in flats and chambers to all sorts and conditions of men: map-engravers, architects, shady lawyers, and the agents of obscure enterprises. one house, however, second from the corner, was still occupied entire; and at the door of this, which wore a great air of wealth and comfort, though it was now plunged in darkness except for the fan-light, mr. utterson stopped and knocked. a well-dressed, elderly servant opened the door. "is dr. jekyll at home, poole?" asked the lawyer. "i will see, mr. utterson," said poole, admitting the visitor, as he spoke, into a large, low-roofed, comfortable hall, paved with flags, warmed (after the fashion of a country house) by a bright, open fire, and furnished with costly cabinets of oak. "will you wait here by the 21) fire, sir? or shall i give you a light in the dining room?" "here, thank you," said the lawyer, and he drew near and leaned on the tall fender. this hall, in which he was now left alone, was a pet fancy of his friend the doctor's; and utterson himself was wont to speak of it as the pleasantest room in london. but to-night there was a shudder in his blood; the face of hyde sat heavy on his memory; he felt (what was rare with him) a nausea and distaste of life; and in the gloom of his spirits, he seemed to read a menace in the flickering of the firelight on the polished cabinets and the uneasy starting of the shadow on the roof. he was ashamed of his relief, when poole presently returned to announce that dr. jekyll was gone out. "i saw mr. hyde go in by the old dissecting-room door, poole," he said. "is that right, when dr. jekyll is from home?" "quite right, mr. utterson, sir," replied the servant. "mr. hyde has a key." "your master seems to repose a great deal of trust in that young man, poole," resumed the other musingly. "yes, sir, he do indeed," said poole. "we have all orders to obey him." "i do not think i ever met mr. hyde?" asked utterson. "o, dear no, sir. he never dines here," replied the butler. "indeed we see very little of 22) him on this side of the house; he mostly comes and goes by the laboratory." "well, good-night, poole." "good-night, mr. utterson." and the lawyer set out homeward with a very heavy heart. "poor harry jekyll," he thought, "my mind misgives me he is in deep waters! he was wild when he was young; a long while ago to be sure; but in the law of god, there is no statute of limitations. ay, it must be that; the ghost of some old sin, the cancer of some concealed disgrace: punishment coming, pede claudo, years after memory has forgotten and self-love condoned the fault." and the lawyer, scared by the thought, brooded a while on his own past, groping in all the corners of memory, lest by chance some jack-in-the-box of an old iniquity should leap to light there. his past was fairly blameless; few men could read the rolls of their life with less apprehension; yet he was humbled to the dust by the many ill things he had done, and raised up again into a sober and fearful gratitude by the many that he had come so near to doing, yet avoided. and then by a return on his former subject, he conceived a spark of hope. "this master hyde, if he were studied," thought he, "must have secrets of his own; black secrets, by the look of him; secrets compared to which poor jekyll's worst would be like sunshine. things cannot continue as they are. it turns me cold to think of this creature stealing like a 23) thief to harry's bedside; poor harry, what a wakening! and the danger of it; for if this hyde suspects the existence of the will, he may grow impatient to inherit. ay, i must put my shoulder to the wheel if jekyll will but let me," he added, "if jekyll will only let me." for once more he saw before his mind's eye, as clear as a transparency, the strange clauses of the will. 24) dr. jekyll was quite at ease a fortnight later, by excellent good fortune, the doctor gave one of his pleasant dinners to some five or six old cronies, all intelligent, reputable men and all judges of good wine; and mr. utterson so contrived that he remained behind after the others had departed. this was no new arrangement, but a thing that had befallen many scores of times. where utterson was liked, he was liked well. hosts loved to detain the dry lawyer, when the light-hearted and the loose-tongued had already their foot on the threshold; they liked to sit a while in his unobtrusive company, practising for solitude, sobering their minds in the man's rich silence after the expense and strain of gaiety. to this rule, dr. jekyll was no exception; and as he now sat on the opposite side of the fire--a large, well-made, smooth-faced man of fifty, with something of a slyish cast perhaps, but every mark of capacity and kindness--you could see by his looks that he cherished for mr. utterson a sincere and warm affection. 25) "i have been wanting to speak to you, jekyll," began the latter. "you know that will of yours?" a close observer might have gathered that the topic was distasteful; but the doctor carried it off gaily. "my poor utterson," said he, "you are unfortunate in such a client. i never saw a man so distressed as you were by my will; unless it were that hide-bound pedant, lanyon, at what he called my scientific heresies. oh, i know he's a good fellow--you needn't frown--an excellent fellow, and i always mean to see more of him; but a hide-bound pedant for all that; an ignorant, blatant pedant. i was never more disappointed in any man than lanyon." "you know i never approved of it," pursued utterson, ruthlessly disregarding the fresh topic. "my will? yes, certainly, i know that," said the doctor, a trifle sharply. "you have told me so." "well, i tell you so again," continued the lawyer. "i have been learning something of young hyde." the large handsome face of dr. jekyll grew pale to the very lips, and there came a blackness about his eyes. "i do not care to hear more," said he. "this is a matter i thought we had agreed to drop." "what i heard was abominable," said utterson. "it can make no change. you do not under26) stand my position," returned the doctor, with a certain incoherency of manner. "i am painfully situated, utterson; my position is a very strange--a very strange one. it is one of those affairs that cannot be mended by talking." "jekyll," said utterson, "you know me: i am a man to be trusted. make a clean breast of this in confidence; and i make no doubt i can get you out of it." "my good utterson," said the doctor, "this is very good of you, this is downright good of you, and i cannot find words to thank you in. i believe you fully; i would trust you before any man alive, ay, before myself, if i could make the choice; but indeed it isn't what you fancy; it is not so bad as that; and just to put your good heart at rest, i will tell you one thing: the moment i choose, i can be rid of mr. hyde. i give you my hand upon that; and i thank you again and again; and i will just add one little word, utterson, that i'm sure you'll take in good part: this is a private matter, and i beg of you to let it sleep." utterson reflected a little, looking in the fire. "i have no doubt you are perfectly right," he said at last, getting to his feet. "well, but since we have touched upon this business, and for the last time i hope," continued the doctor, "there is one point i should like you to understand. i have really a very great interest in poor hyde. i know you have seen 27) him; he told me so; and i fear he was rude. but, i do sincerely take a great, a very great interest in that young man; and if i am taken away, utterson, i wish you to promise me that you will bear with him and get his rights for him. i think you would, if you knew all; and it would be a weight off my mind if you would promise." "i can't pretend that i shall ever like him," said the lawyer. "i don't ask that," pleaded jekyll, laying his hand upon the other's arm; "i only ask for justice; i only ask you to help him for my sake, when i am no longer here." utterson heaved an irrepressible sigh. "well," said he, "i promise." 28) the carew murder case nearly a year later, in the month of october, 18---, london was startled by a crime of singular ferocity and rendered all the more notable by the high position of the victim. the details were few and startling. a maid servant living alone in a house not far from the river, had gone up-stairs to bed about eleven. although a fog rolled over the city in the small hours, the early part of the night was cloudless, and the lane, which the maid's window overlooked, was brilliantly lit by the full moon. it seems she was romantically given, for she sat down upon her box, which stood immediately under the window, and fell into a dream of musing. never (she used to say, with streaming tears, when she narrated that experience), never had she felt more at peace with all men or thought more kindly of the world. and as she so sat she became aware of an aged and beautiful gentleman with white hair, drawing near along the lane; and advancing to meet him, another and very small gentleman, to whom at first she 29) paid less attention. when they had come within speech (which was just under the maid's eyes) the older man bowed and accosted the other with a very pretty manner of politeness. it did not seem as if the subject of his address were of great importance; indeed, from his pointing, it sometimes appeared as if he were only inquiring his way; but the moon shone on his face as he spoke, and the girl was pleased to watch it, it seemed to breathe such an innocent and old-world kindness of disposition, yet with something high too, as of a well-founded self-content. presently her eye wandered to the other, and she was surprised to recognise in him a certain mr. hyde, who had once visited her master and for whom she had conceived a dislike. he had in his hand a heavy cane, with which he was trifling; but he answered never a word, and seemed to listen with an ill-contained impatience. and then all of a sudden he broke out in a great flame of anger, stamping with his foot, brandishing the cane, and carrying on (as the maid described it) like a madman. the old gentleman took a step back, with the air of one very much surprised and a trifle hurt; and at that mr. hyde broke out of all bounds and clubbed him to the earth. and next moment, with ape-like fury, he was trampling his victim under foot and hailing down a storm of blows, under which the bones were audibly shattered and the body jumped upon the roadway. at the horror of these sights and sounds, the maid fainted. 30) it was two o'clock when she came to herself and called for the police. the murderer was gone long ago; but there lay his victim in the middle of the lane, incredibly mangled. the stick with which the deed had been done, although it was of some rare and very tough and heavy wood, had broken in the middle under the stress of this insensate cruelty; and one splintered half had rolled in the neighbouring gutter--the other, without doubt, had been carried away by the murderer. a purse and a gold watch were found upon the victim: but no cards or papers, except a sealed and stamped envelope, which he had been probably carrying to the post, and which bore the name and address of mr. utterson. this was brought to the lawyer the next morning, before he was out of bed; and he had no sooner seen it, and been told the circumstances, than he shot out a solemn lip. "i shall say nothing till i have seen the body," said he; "this may be very serious. have the kindness to wait while i dress." and with the same grave countenance he hurried through his breakfast and drove to the police station, whither the body had been carried. as soon as he came into the cell, he nodded. "yes," said he, "i recognise him. i am sorry to say that this is sir danvers carew." "good god, sir," exclaimed the officer, "is it possible?" and the next moment his eye 31) lighted up with professional ambition. "this will make a deal of noise," he said. "and perhaps you can help us to the man." and he briefly narrated what the maid had seen, and showed the broken stick. mr. utterson had already quailed at the name of hyde; but when the stick was laid before him, he could doubt no longer; broken and battered as it was, he recognised it for one that he had himself presented many years before to henry jekyll. "is this mr. hyde a person of small stature?" he inquired. "particularly small and particularly wicked-looking, is what the maid calls him," said the officer. mr. utterson reflected; and then, raising his head, "if you will come with me in my cab," he said, "i think i can take you to his house." it was by this time about nine in the morning, and the first fog of the season. a great chocolate-coloured pall lowered over heaven, but the wind was continually charging and routing these embattled vapours; so that as the cab crawled from street to street, mr. utterson beheld a marvellous number of degrees and hues of twilight; for here it would be dark like the back-end of evening; and there would be a glow of a rich, lurid brown, like the light of some strange conflagration; and here, for a moment, the fog would be quite broken up, and a haggard shaft 32) of daylight would glance in between the swirling wreaths. the dismal quarter of soho seen under these changing glimpses, with its muddy ways, and slatternly passengers, and its lamps, which had never been extinguished or had been kindled afresh to combat this mournful re-invasion of darkness, seemed, in the lawyer's eyes, like a district of some city in a nightmare. the thoughts of his mind, besides, were of the gloomiest dye; and when he glanced at the companion of his drive, he was conscious of some touch of that terror of the law and the law's officers, which may at times assail the most honest. as the cab drew up before the address indicated, the fog lifted a little and showed him a dingy street, a gin palace, a low french eating-house, a shop for the retail of penny numbers and twopenny salads, many ragged children huddled in the doorways, and many women of different nationalities passing out, key in hand, to have a morning glass; and the next moment the fog settled down again upon that part, as brown as umber, and cut him off from his blackguardly surroundings. this was the home of henry jekyll's favourite; of a man who was heir to a quarter of a million sterling. an ivory-faced and silvery-haired old woman opened the door. she had an evil face, smoothed by hypocrisy; but her manners were excellent. yes, she said, this was mr. hyde's, but he was not at home; he had been in that night very late, 33) but had gone away again in less than an hour; there was nothing strange in that; his habits were very irregular, and he was often absent; for instance, it was nearly two months since she had seen him till yesterday. "very well, then, we wish to see his rooms," said the lawyer; and when the woman began to declare it was impossible, "i had better tell you who this person is," he added. "this is inspector newcomen of scotland yard." a flash of odious joy appeared upon the woman's face. "ah!" said she, "he is in trouble! what has he done?" mr. utterson and the inspector exchanged glances. "he don't seem a very popular character," observed the latter. "and now, my good woman, just let me and this gentleman have a look about us." in the whole extent of the house, which but for the old woman remained otherwise empty, mr. hyde had only used a couple of rooms; but these were furnished with luxury and good taste. a closet was filled with wine; the plate was of silver, the napery elegant; a good picture hung upon the walls, a gift (as utterson supposed) from henry jekyll, who was much of a connoisseur; and the carpets were of many plies and agreeable in colour. at this moment, however, the rooms bore every mark of having been recently and hurriedly ransacked; clothes lay about the floor, with their pockets inside out; 34) lock-fast drawers stood open; and on the hearth there lay a pile of grey ashes, as though many papers had been burned. from these embers the inspector disinterred the butt-end of a green cheque-book, which had resisted the action of the fire; the other half of the stick was found behind the door; and as this clinched his suspicions, the officer declared himself delighted. a visit to the bank, where several thousand pounds were found to be lying to the murderer's credit, completed his gratification. "you may depend upon it, sir," he told mr. utterson: "i have him in my hand. he must have lost his head, or he never would have left the stick or, above all, burned the cheque-book. why, money's life to the man. we have nothing to do but wait for him at the bank, and get out the handbills." this last, however, was not so easy of accomplishment; for mr. hyde had numbered few familiars--even the master of the servant-maid had only seen him twice; his family could nowhere be traced; he had never been photographed; and the few who could describe him differed widely, as common observers will. only on one point, were they agreed; and that was the haunting sense of unexpressed deformity with which the fugitive impressed his beholders. 35) incident of the letter it was late in the afternoon, when mr. utterson found his way to dr. jekyll's door, where he was at once admitted by poole, and carried down by the kitchen offices and across a yard which had once been a garden, to the building which was indifferently known as the laboratory or the dissecting-rooms. the doctor had bought the house from the heirs of a celebrated surgeon; and his own tastes being rather chemical than anatomical, had changed the destination of the block at the bottom of the garden. it was the first time that the lawyer had been received in that part of his friend's quarters; and he eyed the dingy, windowless structure with curiosity, and gazed round with a distasteful sense of strangeness as he crossed the theatre, once crowded with eager students and now lying gaunt and silent, the tables laden with chemical apparatus, the floor strewn with crates and littered with packing straw, and the light falling dimly through the foggy cupola. at the further end, a flight of stairs mounted to a door covered with red baize; 36) and through this, mr. utterson was at last received into the doctor's cabinet. it was a large room, fitted round with glass presses, furnished, among other things, with a cheval-glass and a business table, and looking out upon the court by three dusty windows barred with iron. a fire burned in the grate; a lamp was set lighted on the chimney shelf, for even in the houses the fog began to lie thickly; and there, close up to the warmth, sat dr. jekyll, looking deadly sick. he did not rise to meet his visitor, but held out a cold hand and bade him welcome in a changed voice. "and now," said mr. utterson, as soon as poole had left them, "you have heard the news?" the doctor shuddered. "they were crying it in the square," he said. "i heard them in my dining-room." "one word," said the lawyer. "carew was my client, but so are you, and i want to know what i am doing. you have not been mad enough to hide this fellow?" "utterson, i swear to god," cried the doctor, "i swear to god i will never set eyes on him again. i bind my honour to you that i am done with him in this world. it is all at an end. and indeed he does not want my help; you do not know him as i do; he is safe, he is quite safe; mark my words, he will never more be heard of." the lawyer listened gloomily; he did not like his friend's feverish manner. "you seem pretty 37) sure of him," said he; "and for your sake, i hope you may be right. if it came to a trial, your name might appear." "i am quite sure of him," replied jekyll; "i have grounds for certainty that i cannot share with any one. but there is one thing on which you may advise me. i have--i have received a letter; and i am at a loss whether i should show it to the police. i should like to leave it in your hands, utterson; you would judge wisely, i am sure; i have so great a trust in you." "you fear, i suppose, that it might lead to his detection?" asked the lawyer. "no," said the other. "i cannot say that i care what becomes of hyde; i am quite done with him. i was thinking of my own character, which this hateful business has rather exposed." utterson ruminated a while; he was surprised at his friend's selfishness, and yet relieved by it. "well," said he, at last, "let me see the letter." the letter was written in an odd, upright hand and signed "edward hyde": and it signified, briefly enough, that the writer's benefactor, dr. jekyll, whom he had long so unworthily repaid for a thousand generosities, need labour under no alarm for his safety, as he had means of escape on which he placed a sure dependence. the lawyer liked this letter well enough; it put a better colour on the intimacy than he had looked for; and he blamed himself for some of his past suspicions. 38) "have you the envelope?" he asked. "i burned it," replied jekyll, "before i thought what i was about. but it bore no postmark. the note was handed in." "shall i keep this and sleep upon it?" asked utterson. "i wish you to judge for me entirely," was the reply. "i have lost confidence in myself." "well, i shall consider," returned the lawyer. "and now one word more: it was hyde who dictated the terms in your will about that disappearance?" the doctor seemed seized with a qualm of faintness: he shut his mouth tight and nodded. "i knew it," said utterson. "he meant to murder you. you have had a fine escape." "i have had what is far more to the purpose," returned the doctor solemnly: "i have had a lesson--o god, utterson, what a lesson i have had!" and he covered his face for a moment with his hands. on his way out, the lawyer stopped and had a word or two with poole. "by the by," said he, "there was a letter handed in to-day: what was the messenger like?" but poole was positive nothing had come except by post; "and only circulars by that," he added. this news sent off the visitor with his fears renewed. plainly the letter had come by the laboratory door; possibly, indeed, it had been 39) written in the cabinet; and if that were so, it must be differently judged, and handled with the more caution. the newsboys, as he went, were crying themselves hoarse along the footways: "special edition. shocking murder of an m. p." that was the funeral oration of one friend and client; and he could not help a certain apprehension lest the good name of another should be sucked down in the eddy of the scandal. it was, at least, a ticklish decision that he had to make; and self-reliant as he was by habit, he began to cherish a longing for advice. it was not to be had directly; but perhaps, he thought, it might be fished for. presently after, he sat on one side of his own hearth, with mr. guest, his head clerk, upon the other, and midway between, at a nicely calculated distance from the fire, a bottle of a particular old wine that had long dwelt unsunned in the foundations of his house. the fog still slept on the wing above the drowned city, where the lamps glimmered like carbuncles; and through the muffle and smother of these fallen clouds, the procession of the town's life was still rolling in through the great arteries with a sound as of a mighty wind. but the room was gay with firelight. in the bottle the acids were long ago resolved; the imperial dye had softened with time, as the colour grows richer in stained windows; and the glow of hot autumn afternoons on hillside vineyards was ready to be set free 40) and to disperse the fogs of london. insensibly the lawyer melted. there was no man from whom he kept fewer secrets than mr. guest; and he was not always sure that he kept as many as he meant. guest had often been on business to the doctor's; he knew poole; he could scarce have failed to hear of mr. hyde's familiarity about the house; he might draw conclusions: was it not as well, then, that he should see a letter which put that mystery to rights? and above all since guest, being a great student and critic of handwriting, would consider the step natural and obliging? the clerk, besides, was a man of counsel; he would scarce read so strange a document without dropping a remark; and by that remark mr. utterson might shape his future course. "this is a sad business about sir danvers," he said. "yes, sir, indeed. it has elicited a great deal of public feeling," returned guest. "the man, of course, was mad." "i should like to hear your views on that," replied utterson. "i have a document here in his handwriting; it is between ourselves, for i scarce know what to do about it; it is an ugly business at the best. but there it is; quite in your way a murderer's autograph." guest's eyes brightened, and he sat down at once and studied it with passion. "no, sir," he said: "not mad; but it is an odd hand." 41) "and by all accounts a very odd writer," added the lawyer. just then the servant entered with a note. "is that from dr. jekyll, sir?" inquired the clerk. "i thought i knew the writing. anything private, mr. utterson?" "only an invitation to dinner. why? do you want to see it?" "one moment. i thank you, sir"; and the clerk laid the two sheets of paper alongside and sedulously compared their contents. "thank you, sir," he said at last, returning both; "it's a very interesting autograph." there was a pause, during which mr. utterson struggled with himself. "why did you compare them, guest?" he inquired suddenly. "well, sir," returned the clerk, "there's a rather singular resemblance; the two hands are in many points identical: only differently sloped." "rather quaint," said utterson. "it is, as you say, rather quaint," returned guest. "i wouldn't speak of this note, you know," said the master. "no, sir," said the clerk. "i understand." but no sooner was mr. utterson alone that night than he locked the note into his safe, where it reposed from that time forward. "what!" he thought. "henry jekyll forge for a murderer!" and his blood ran cold in his veins. 42) remarkable incident of dr. lanyon time ran on; thousands of pounds were offered in reward, for the death of sir danvers was resented as a public injury; but mr. hyde had disappeared out of the ken of the police as though he had never existed. much of his past was unearthed, indeed, and all disreputable: tales came out of the man's cruelty, at once so callous and violent; of his vile life, of his strange associates, of the hatred that seemed to have surrounded his career; but of his present whereabouts, not a whisper. from the time he had left the house in soho on the morning of the murder, he was simply blotted out; and gradually, as time drew on, mr. utterson began to recover from the hotness of his alarm, and to grow more at quiet with himself. the death of sir danvers was, to his way of thinking, more than paid for by the disappearance of mr. hyde. now that that evil influence had been withdrawn, a new life began for dr. jekyll. he came out of his seclusion, renewed relations with his friends, became once more their familiar guest 43) and entertainer; and whilst he had always been known for charities, he was now no less distinguished for religion. he was busy, he was much in the open air, he did good; his face seemed to open and brighten, as if with an inward consciousness of service; and for more than two months, the doctor was at peace. on the 8th of january utterson had dined at the doctor's with a small party; lanyon had been there; and the face of the host had looked from one to the other as in the old days when the trio were inseparable friends. on the 12th, and again on the 14th, the door was shut against the lawyer. "the doctor was confined to the house," poole said, "and saw no one." on the 15th, he tried again, and was again refused; and having now been used for the last two months to see his friend almost daily, he found this return of solitude to weigh upon his spirits. the fifth night he had in guest to dine with him; and the sixth he betook himself to dr. lanyon's. there at least he was not denied admittance; but when he came in, he was shocked at the change which had taken place in the doctor's appearance. he had his death-warrant written legibly upon his face. the rosy man had grown pale; his flesh had fallen away; he was visibly balder and older; and yet it was not so much, these tokens of a swift physical decay that arrested the lawyer's notice, as a look in the eye and quality of manner that seemed to testify to 44) some deep-seated terror of the mind. it was unlikely that the doctor should fear death; and yet that was what utterson was tempted to suspect. "yes," he thought; "he is a doctor, he must know his own state and that his days are counted; and the knowledge is more than he can bear." and yet when utterson remarked on his ill-looks, it was with an air of greatness that lanyon declared himself a doomed man. "i have had a shock," he said, "and i shall never recover. it is a question of weeks. well, life has been pleasant; i liked it; yes, sir, i used to like it. i sometimes think if we knew all, we should be more glad to get away." "jekyll is ill, too," observed utterson. "have you seen him?" but lanyon's face changed, and he held up a trembling hand. "i wish to see or hear no more of dr. jekyll," he said in a loud, unsteady voice. "i am quite done with that person; and i beg that you will spare me any allusion to one whom i regard as dead." "tut-tut," said mr. utterson; and then after a considerable pause, "can't i do anything?" he inquired. "we are three very old friends, lanyon; we shall not live to make others." "nothing can be done," returned lanyon; "ask himself." "he will not see me," said the lawyer. "i am not surprised at that," was the reply. "some day, utterson, after i am dead, you may 45) perhaps come to learn the right and wrong of this. i cannot tell you. and in the meantime, if you can sit and talk with me of other things, for god's sake, stay and do so; but if you cannot keep clear of this accursed topic, then, in god's name, go, for i cannot bear it." as soon as he got home, utterson sat down and wrote to jekyll, complaining of his exclusion from the house, and asking the cause of this unhappy break with lanyon; and the next day brought him a long answer, often very pathetically worded, and sometimes darkly mysterious in drift. the quarrel with lanyon was incurable. "i do not blame our old friend," jekyll wrote, "but i share his view that we must never meet. i mean from henceforth to lead a life of extreme seclusion; you must not be surprised, nor must you doubt my friendship, if my door is often shut even to you. you must suffer me to go my own dark way. i have brought on myself a punishment and a danger that i cannot name. if i am the chief of sinners, i am the chief of sufferers also. i could not think that this earth contained a place for sufferings and terrors so unmanning; and you can do but one thing, utterson, to lighten this destiny, and that is to respect my silence." utterson was amazed; the dark influence of hyde had been withdrawn, the doctor had returned to his old tasks and amities; a week ago, the prospect had smiled with every promise of a cheerful and an honoured age; 46) and now in a moment, friendship, and peace of mind, and the whole tenor of his life were wrecked. so great and unprepared a change pointed to madness; but in view of lanyon's manner and words, there must lie for it some deeper ground. a week afterwards dr. lanyon took to his bed, and in something less than a fortnight he was dead. the night after the funeral, at which he had been sadly affected, utterson locked the door of his business room, and sitting there by the light of a melancholy candle, drew out and set before him an envelope addressed by the hand and sealed with the seal of his dead friend. "private: for the hands of g. j. utterson alone and in case of his predecease to be destroyed unread," so it was emphatically superscribed; and the lawyer dreaded to behold the contents. "i have buried one friend to-day," he thought: "what if this should cost me another?" and then he condemned the fear as a disloyalty, and broke the seal. within there was another enclosure, likewise sealed, and marked upon the cover as "not to be opened till the death or disappearance of dr. henry jekyll." utterson could not trust his eyes. yes, it was disappearance; here again, as in the mad will which he had long ago restored to its author, here again were the idea of a disappearance and the name of henry jekyll bracketed. but in the will, that idea had sprung from the sinister suggestion of 47) the man hyde; it was set there with a purpose all too plain and horrible. written by the hand of lanyon, what should it mean? a great curiosity came on the trustee, to disregard the prohibition and dive at once to the bottom of these mysteries; but professional honour and faith to his dead friend were stringent obligations; and the packet slept in the inmost corner of his private safe. it is one thing to mortify curiosity, another to conquer it; and it may be doubted if, from that day forth, utterson desired the society of his surviving friend with the same eagerness. he thought of him kindly; but his thoughts were disquieted and fearful. he went to call indeed; but he was perhaps relieved to be denied admittance; perhaps, in his heart, he preferred to speak with poole upon the doorstep and surrounded by the air and sounds of the open city, rather than to be admitted into that house of voluntary bondage, and to sit and speak with its inscrutable recluse. poole had, indeed, no very pleasant news to communicate. the doctor, it appeared, now more than ever confined himself to the cabinet over the laboratory, where he would sometimes even sleep; he was out of spirits, he had grown very silent, he did not read; it seemed as if he had something on his mind. utterson became so used to the unvarying character of these reports, that he fell off little by little in the frequency of his visits. 48) incident at the window it chanced on sunday, when mr. utterson was on his usual walk with mr. enfield, that their way lay once again through the by-street; and that when they came in front of the door, both stopped to gaze on it. "well," said enfield, "that story's at an end at least. we shall never see more of mr. hyde." "i hope not," said utterson. "did i ever tell you that i once saw him, and shared your feeling of repulsion?" "it was impossible to do the one without the other," returned enfield. "and by the way, what an ass you must have thought me, not to know that this was a back way to dr. jekyll's! it was partly your own fault that i found it out, even when i did." "so you found it out, did you?" said utterson. "but if that be so, we may step into the court and take a look at the windows. to tell you the truth, i am uneasy about poor jekyll; and even outside, i feel as if the presence of a friend might do him good." 49) the court was very cool and a little damp, and full of premature twilight, although the sky, high up overhead, was still bright with sunset. the middle one of the three windows was half-way open; and sitting close beside it, taking the air with an infinite sadness of mien, like some disconsolate prisoner, utterson saw dr. jekyll. "what! jekyll!" he cried. "i trust you are better." "i am very low, utterson," replied the doctor, drearily, "very low. it will not last long, thank god." "you stay too much indoors," said the lawyer. "you should be out, whipping up the circulation like mr. enfield and me. (this is my cousin--mr. enfield--dr. jekyll.) come, now; get your hat and take a quick turn with us." "you are very good," sighed the other. "i should like to very much; but no, no, no, it is quite impossible; i dare not. but indeed, utterson, i am very glad to see you; this is really a great pleasure; i would ask you and mr. enfield up, but the place is really not fit." "why then," said the lawyer, good-naturedly, "the best thing we can do is to stay down here and speak with you from where we are." "that is just what i was about to venture to propose," returned the doctor with a smile. but the words were hardly uttered, before the smile was struck out of his face and succeeded 50) by an expression of such abject terror and despair, as froze the very blood of the two gentlemen below. they saw it but for a glimpse, for the window was instantly thrust down; but that glimpse had been sufficient, and they turned and left the court without a word. in silence, too, they traversed the by-street; and it was not until they had come into a neighbouring thoroughfare, where even upon a sunday there were still some stirrings of life, that mr. utterson at last turned and looked at his companion. they were both pale; and there was an answering horror in their eyes. "god forgive us, god forgive us," said mr. utterson. but mr. enfield only nodded his head very seriously and walked on once more in silence. 51) the last night mr. utterson was sitting by his fireside one evening after dinner, when he was surprised to receive a visit from poole. "bless me, poole, what brings you here?" he cried; and then taking a second look at him, "what ails you?" he added; "is the doctor ill?" "mr. utterson," said the man, "there is something wrong." "take a seat, and here is a glass of wine for you," said the lawyer. "now, take your time, and tell me plainly what you want." "you know the doctor's ways, sir," replied poole, "and how he shuts himself up. well, he's shut up again in the cabinet; and i don't like it, sir--i wish i may die if i like it. mr. utterson, sir, i'm afraid." "now, my good man," said the lawyer, "be explicit. what are you afraid of?" "i've been afraid for about a week," returned poole, doggedly disregarding the question, "and i can bear it no more." the man's appearance amply bore out his 52) words; his manner was altered for the worse; and except for the moment when he had first announced his terror, he had not once looked the lawyer in the face. even now, he sat with the glass of wine untasted on his knee, and his eyes directed to a corner of the floor. "i can bear it no more," he repeated. "come," said the lawyer, "i see you have some good reason, poole; i see there is something seriously amiss. try to tell me what it is." "i think there's been foul play," said poole, hoarsely. "foul play!" cried the lawyer, a good deal frightened and rather inclined to be irritated in consequence. "what foul play? what does the man mean?" "i daren't say, sir," was the answer; "but will you come along with me and see for yourself?" mr. utterson's only answer was to rise and get his hat and great-coat; but he observed with wonder the greatness of the relief that appeared upon the butler's face, and perhaps with no less, that the wine was still untasted when he set it down to follow. it was a wild, cold, seasonable night of march, with a pale moon, lying on her back as though the wind had tilted her, and a flying wrack of the most diaphanous and lawny texture. the wind made talking difficult, and flecked the blood into the face. it seemed to have swept the 53) streets unusually bare of passengers, besides; for mr. utterson thought he had never seen that part of london so deserted. he could have wished it otherwise; never in his life had he been conscious of so sharp a wish to see and touch his fellow-creatures; for struggle as he might, there was borne in upon his mind a crushing anticipation of calamity. the square, when they got there, was all full of wind and dust, and the thin trees in the garden were lashing themselves along the railing. poole, who had kept all the way a pace or two ahead, now pulled up in the middle of the pavement, and in spite of the biting weather, took off his hat and mopped his brow with a red pocket-handkerchief. but for all the hurry of his coming, these were not the dews of exertion that he wiped away, but the moisture of some strangling anguish; for his face was white and his voice, when he spoke, harsh and broken. "well, sir," he said, "here we are, and god grant there be nothing wrong." "amen, poole," said the lawyer. thereupon the servant knocked in a very guarded manner; the door was opened on the chain; and a voice asked from within, "is that you, poole?" "it's all right," said poole. "open the door." the hall, when they entered it, was brightly lighted up; the fire was built high; and about the hearth the whole of the servants, men and 54) women, stood huddled together like a flock of sheep. at the sight of mr. utterson, the housemaid broke into hysterical whimpering; and the cook, crying out, "bless god! it's mr. utterson," ran forward as if to take him in her arms. "what, what? are you all here?" said the lawyer peevishly. "very irregular, very unseemly; your master would be far from pleased." "they're all afraid," said poole. blank silence followed, no one protesting; only the maid lifted up her voice and now wept loudly. "hold your tongue!" poole said to her, with a ferocity of accent that testified to his own jangled nerves; and indeed, when the girl had so suddenly raised the note of her lamentation, they had all started and turned toward the inner door with faces of dreadful expectation. "and now," continued the butler, addressing the knife-boy, "reach me a candle, and we'll get this through hands at once." and then he begged mr. utterson to follow him, and led the way to the back-garden. "now, sir," said he, "you come as gently as you can. i want you to hear, and i don't want you to be heard. and see here, sir, if by any chance he was to ask you in, don't go." mr. utterson's nerves, at this unlooked-for termination, gave a jerk that nearly threw him from his balance; but he re-collected his courage 55) and followed the butler into the laboratory building and through the surgical theatre, with its lumber of crates and bottles, to the foot of the stair. here poole motioned him to stand on one side and listen; while he himself, setting down the candle and making a great and obvious call on his resolution, mounted the steps and knocked with a somewhat uncertain hand on the red baize of the cabinet door. "mr. utterson, sir, asking to see you," he called; and even as he did so, once more violently signed to the lawyer to give ear. a voice answered from within: "tell him i cannot see any one," it said complainingly. "thank you, sir," said poole, with a note of something like triumph in his voice; and taking up his candle, he led mr. utterson back across the yard and into the great kitchen, where the fire was out and the beetles were leaping on the floor. "sir," he said, looking mr. utterson in the eyes, "was that my master's voice?" "it seems much changed," replied the lawyer, very pale, but giving look for look. "changed? well, yes, i think so," said the butler. "have i been twenty years in this man's house, to be deceived about his voice? no, sir; master's made away with; he was made, away with eight days ago, when we heard him cry out upon the name of god; and who's in there instead of him, and why it stays there, is a thing that cries to heaven, mr. utterson!" 56) "this is a very strange tale, poole; this is rather a wild tale, my man," said mr. utterson, biting his finger. "suppose it were as you suppose, supposing dr. jekyll to have been--well, murdered, what could induce the murderer to stay? that won't hold water; it doesn't commend itself to reason." "well, mr. utterson, you are a hard man to satisfy, but i'll do it yet," said poole. "all this last week (you must know) him, or it, or whatever it is that lives in that cabinet, has been crying night and day for some sort of medicine and cannot get it to his mind. it was sometimes his way--the master's, that is--to write his orders on a sheet of paper and throw it on the stair. we've had nothing else this week back; nothing but papers, and a closed door, and the very meals left there to be smuggled in when nobody was looking. well, sir, every day, ay, and twice and thrice in the same day, there have been orders and complaints, and i have been sent flying to all the wholesale chemists in town. every time i brought the stuff back, there would be another paper telling me to return it, because it was not pure, and another order to a different firm. this drug is wanted bitter bad, sir, whatever for." "have you any of these papers?" asked mr. utterson. poole felt in his pocket and handed out a crumpled note, which the lawyer, bending nearer 57) to the candle, carefully examined. its contents ran thus: "dr. jekyll presents his compliments to messrs. maw. he assures them that their last sample is impure and quite useless for his present purpose. in the year 18---, dr. j. purchased a somewhat large quantity from messrs. m. he now begs them to search with the most sedulous care, and should any of the same quality be left, to forward it to him at once. expense is no consideration. the importance of this to dr. j. can hardly be exaggerated." so far the letter had run composedly enough, but here with a sudden splutter of the pen, the writer's emotion had broken loose. "for god's sake," he had added, "find me some of the old." "this is a strange note," said mr. utterson; and then sharply, "how do you come to have it open?" "the man at maw's was main angry, sir, and he threw it back to me like so much dirt," returned poole. "this is unquestionably the doctor's hand, do you know?" resumed the lawyer. "i thought it looked like it," said the servant rather sulkily; and then, with another voice, "but what matters hand-of-write?" he said. "i've seen him!" "seen him?" repeated mr. utterson. "well?" "that's it!" said poole. "it was this way. i came suddenly into the theatre from the 58) garden. it seems he had slipped out to look for this drug or whatever it is; for the cabinet door was open, and there he was at the far end of the room digging among the crates. he looked up when i came in, gave a kind of cry, and whipped up-stairs into the cabinet. it was but for one minute that i saw him, but the hair stood upon my head like quills. sir, if that was my master, why had he a mask upon his face? if it was my master, why did he cry out like a rat, and run from me? i have served him long enough. and then..." the man paused and passed his hand over his face. "these are all very strange circumstances," said mr. utterson, "but i think i begin to see daylight. your master, poole, is plainly seized with one of those maladies that both torture and deform the sufferer; hence, for aught i know, the alteration of his voice; hence the mask and the avoidance of his friends; hence his eagerness to find this drug, by means of which the poor soul retains some hope of ultimate recovery--god grant that he be not deceived! there is my explanation; it is sad enough, poole, ay, and appalling to consider; but it is plain and natural, hangs well together, and delivers us from all exorbitant alarms." "sir," said the butler, turning to a sort of mottled pallor, "that thing was not my master, and there's the truth. my master" here he looked round him and began to whisper--"is 59) a tall, fine build of a man, and this was more of a dwarf." utterson attempted to protest. "o, sir," cried poole, "do you think i do not know my master after twenty years? do you think i do not know where his head comes to in the cabinet door, where i saw him every morning of my life? no, sir, that thing in the mask was never dr. jekyll--god knows what it was, but it was never dr. jekyll; and it is the belief of my heart that there was murder done." "poole," replied the lawyer, "if you say that, it will become my duty to make certain. much as i desire to spare your master's feelings, much as i am puzzled by this note which seems to prove him to be still alive, i shall consider it my duty to break in that door." "ah mr. utterson, that's talking!" cried the butler. "and now comes the second question," resumed utterson: "who is going to do it?" "why, you and me," was the undaunted reply. "that's very well said," returned the lawyer; "and whatever comes of it, i shall make it my business to see you are no loser." "there is an axe in the theatre," continued poole; "and you might take the kitchen poker for yourself." the lawyer took that rude but weighty instrument into his hand, and balanced it. "do you know, poole," he said, looking up, "that 60) you and i are about to place ourselves in a position of some peril?" "you may say so, sir, indeed," returned the butler. "it is well, then, that we should be frank," said the other. "we both think more than we have said; let us make a clean breast. this masked figure that you saw, did you recognise it?" "well, sir, it went so quick, and the creature was so doubled up, that i could hardly swear to that," was the answer. "but if you mean, was it mr. hyde?--why, yes, i think it was! you see, it was much of the same bigness; and it had the same quick, light way with it; and then who else could have got in by the laboratory door? you have not forgot, sir that at the time of the murder he had still the key with him? but that's not all. i don't know, mr. utterson, if ever you met this mr. hyde?" "yes," said the lawyer, "i once spoke with him." "then you must know as well as the rest of us that there was something queer about that gentleman--something that gave a man a turn--i don't know rightly how to say it, sir, beyond this: that you felt it in your marrow kind of cold and thin." "i own i felt something of what you describe," said mr. utterson. "quite so, sir," returned poole. "well, when 61) that masked thing like a monkey jumped from among the chemicals and whipped into the cabinet, it went down my spine like ice. oh, i know it's not evidence, mr. utterson. i'm book-learned enough for that; but a man has his feelings, and i give you my bible-word it was mr. hyde!" "ay, ay," said the lawyer. "my fears incline to the same point. evil, i fear, founded--evil was sure to come--of that connection. ay, truly, i believe you; i believe poor harry is killed; and i believe his murderer (for what purpose, god alone can tell) is still lurking in his victim's room. well, let our name be vengeance. call bradshaw." the footman came at the summons, very white and nervous. "pull yourself together, bradshaw," said the lawyer. "this suspense, i know, is telling upon all of you; but it is now our intention to make an end of it. poole, here, and i are going to force our way into the cabinet. if all is well, my shoulders are broad enough to bear the blame. meanwhile, lest anything should really be amiss, or any malefactor seek to escape by the back, you and the boy must go round the corner with a pair of good sticks and take your post at the laboratory door. we give you ten minutes to get to your stations." as bradshaw left, the lawyer looked at his watch. "and now, poole, let us get to ours," 62) he said; and taking the poker under his arm, led the way into the yard. the scud had banked over the moon, and it was now quite dark. the wind, which only broke in puffs and draughts into that deep well of building, tossed the light of the candle to and fro about their steps, until they came into the shelter of the theatre, where they sat down silently to wait. london hummed solemnly all around; but nearer at hand, the stillness was only broken by the sounds of a footfall moving to and fro along the cabinet floor. "so it will walk all day, sir," whispered poole; "ay, and the better part of the night. only when a new sample comes from the chemist, there's a bit of a break. ah, it's an ill conscience that's such an enemy to rest! ah, sir, there's blood foully shed in every step of it! but hark again, a little closer--put your heart in your ears, mr. utterson, and tell me, is that the doctor's foot?" the steps fell lightly and oddly, with a certain swing, for all they went so slowly; it was different indeed from the heavy creaking tread of henry jekyll. utterson sighed. "is there never anything else?" he asked. poole nodded. "once," he said. "once i heard it weeping!" "weeping? how that?" said the lawyer, conscious of a sudden chill of horror. "weeping like a woman or a lost soul," said 63) the butler. "i came away with that upon my heart, that i could have wept too." but now the ten minutes drew to an end. poole disinterred the axe from under a stack of packing straw; the candle was set upon the nearest table to light them to the attack; and they drew near with bated breath to where that patient foot was still going up and down, up and down, in the quiet of the night. "jekyll," cried utterson, with a loud voice, "i demand to see you." he paused a moment, but there came no reply. "i give you fair warning, our suspicions are aroused, and i must and shall see you," he resumed; "if not by fair means, then by foul! if not of your consent, then by brute force!" "utterson," said the voice, "for god's sake, have mercy!" "ah, that's not jekyll's voice--it's hyde's!" cried utterson. "down with the door, poole!" poole swung the axe over his shoulder; the blow shook the building, and the red baize door leaped against the lock and hinges. a dismal screech, as of mere animal terror, rang from the cabinet. up went the axe again, and again the panels crashed and the frame bounded; four times the blow fell; but the wood was tough and the fittings were of excellent workmanship; and it was not until the fifth, that the lock burst in sunder and the wreck of the door fell inwards on the carpet. 64) the besiegers, appalled by their own riot and the stillness that had succeeded, stood back a little and peered in. there lay the cabinet before their eyes in the quiet lamplight, a good fire glowing and chattering on the hearth, the kettle singing its thin strain, a drawer or two open, papers neatly set forth on the business-table, and nearer the fire, the things laid out for tea: the quietest room, you would have said, and, but for the glazed presses full of chemicals, the most commonplace that night in london. right in the midst there lay the body of a man sorely contorted and still twitching. they drew near on tiptoe, turned it on its back and beheld the face of edward hyde. he was dressed in clothes far too large for him, clothes of the doctor's bigness; the cords of his face still moved with a semblance of life, but life was quite gone; and by the crushed phial in the hand and the strong smell of kernels that hung upon the air, utterson knew that he was looking on the body of a self-destroyer. "we have come too late," he said sternly, "whether to save or punish. hyde is gone to his account; and it only remains for us to find the body of your master." the far greater proportion of the building was occupied by the theatre, which filled almost the whole ground story and was lighted from above, and by the cabinet, which formed an upper story at one end and looked upon the 65) court. a corridor joined the theatre to the door on the by-street; and with this the cabinet communicated separately by a second flight of stairs. there were besides a few dark closets and a spacious cellar. all these they now thoroughly examined. each closet needed but a glance, for all were empty, and all, by the dust that fell from their doors, had stood long unopened. the cellar, indeed, was filled with crazy lumber, mostly dating from the times of the surgeon who was jekyll's predecessor; but even as they opened the door they were advertised of the uselessness of further search, by the fall of a perfect mat of cobweb which had for years sealed up the entrance. nowhere was there any trace of henry jekyll, dead or alive. poole stamped on the flags of the corridor. "he must be buried here," he said, hearkening to the sound. "or he may have fled," said utterson, and he turned to examine the door in the by-street. it was locked; and lying near by on the flags, they found the key, already stained with rust. "this does not look like use," observed the lawyer. "use!" echoed poole. "do you not see, sir, it is broken? much as if a man had stamped on it." "ay," continued utterson, "and the fractures, too, are rusty." the two men looked at each other with a scare. "this is beyond me, 66) poole," said the lawyer. "let us go back to the cabinet." they mounted the stair in silence, and still with an occasional awe-struck glance at the dead body, proceeded more thoroughly to examine the contents of the cabinet. at one table, there were traces of chemical work, various measured heaps of some white salt being laid on glass saucers, as though for an experiment in which the unhappy man had been prevented. "that is the same drug that i was always bringing him," said poole; and even as he spoke, the kettle with a startling noise boiled over. this brought them to the fireside, where the easy-chair was drawn cosily up, and the tea-things stood ready to the sitter's elbow, the very sugar in the cup. there were several books on a shelf; one lay beside the tea-things open, and utterson was amazed to find it a copy of a pious work, for which jekyll had several times expressed a great esteem, annotated, in his own hand, with startling blasphemies. next, in the course of their review of the chamber, the searchers came to the cheval glass, into whose depths they looked with an involuntary horror. but it was so turned as to show them nothing but the rosy glow playing on the roof, the fire sparkling in a hundred repetitions along the glazed front of the presses, and their own pale and fearful countenances stooping to look in. 67) "this glass have seen some strange things, sir," whispered poole. "and surely none stranger than itself," echoed the lawyer in the same tones. "for what did jekyll"--he caught himself up at the word with a start, and then conquering the weakness--"what could jekyll want with it?" he said. "you may say that!" said poole. next they turned to the business-table. on the desk among the neat array of papers, a large envelope was uppermost, and bore, in the doctor's hand, the name of mr. utterson. the lawyer unsealed it, and several enclosures fell to the floor. the first was a will, drawn in the same eccentric terms as the one which he had returned six months before, to serve as a testament in case of death and as a deed of gift in case of disappearance; but, in place of the name of edward hyde, the lawyer, with indescribable amazement, read the name of gabriel john utterson. he looked at poole, and then back at the paper, and last of all at the dead malefactor stretched upon the carpet. "my head goes round," he said. "he has been all these days in possession; he had no cause to like me; he must have raged to see himself displaced; and he has not destroyed this document." he caught up the next paper; it was a brief note in the doctor's hand and dated at the top. 68) "o poole!" the lawyer cried, "he was alive and here this day. he cannot have been disposed of in so short a space, he must be still alive, he must have fled! and then, why fled? and how? and in that case, can we venture to declare this suicide? oh, we must be careful. i foresee that we may yet involve your master in some dire catastrophe." "why don't you read it, sir?" asked poole. "because i fear," replied the lawyer solemnly. "god grant i have no cause for it!" and with that he brought the paper to his eyes and read as follows: "my dear utterson,--when this shall fall into your hands, i shall have disappeared, under what circumstances i have not the penetration to foresee, but my instinct and all the circumstances of my nameless situation tell me that the end is sure and must be early. go then, and first read the narrative which lanyon warned me he was to place in your hands; and if you care to hear more, turn to the confession of "your unworthy and unhappy friend, "henry jekyll." "there was a third enclosure?" asked utterson. "here, sir," said poole, and gave into his hands a considerable packet sealed in several places. 69) the lawyer put it in his pocket. "i would say nothing of this paper. if your master has fled or is dead, we may at least save his credit. it is now ten; i must go home and read these documents in quiet; but i shall be back before midnight, when we shall send for the police." they went out, locking the door of the theatre behind them; and utterson, once more leaving the servants gathered about the fire in the hall, trudged back to his office to read the two narratives in which this mystery was now to be explained. 70) dr. lanyon's narrative on the ninth of january, now four days ago, i received by the evening delivery a registered envelope, addressed in the hand of my colleague and old school-companion, henry jekyll. i was a good deal surprised by this; for we were by no means in the habit of correspondence; i had seen the man, dined with him, indeed, the night before; and i could imagine nothing in our intercourse that should justify formality of registration. the contents increased my wonder; for this is how the letter ran: "10th december, 18--"dear lanyon, you are one of my oldest friends; and although we may have differed at times on scientific questions, i cannot remember, at least on my side, any break in our affection. there was never a day when, if you had said to me, 'jekyll, my life, my honour, my reason, depend upon you,' i would not have sacrificed my left hand to help you. lanyon, my life, my honour my reason, are all at your mercy; 71) if you fail me to-night i am lost. you might suppose, after this preface, that i am going to ask you for something dishonourable to grant. judge for yourself. "i want you to postpone all other engagements for to-night--ay, even if you were summoned to the bedside of an emperor; to take a cab, unless your carriage should be actually at the door; and with this letter in your hand for consultation, to drive straight to my house. poole, my butler, has his orders; you will find, him waiting your arrival with a locksmith. the door of my cabinet is then to be forced: and you are to go in alone; to open the glazed press (letter e) on the left hand, breaking the lock if it be shut; and to draw out, with all its contents as they stand, the fourth drawer from the top or (which is the same thing) the third from the bottom. in my extreme distress of wind, i have a morbid fear of misdirecting you; but even if i am in error, you may know the right drawer by its contents: some powders, a phial and a paper book. this drawer i beg of you to carry back with you to cavendish square exactly as it stands. "that is the first part of the service: now for the second. you should be back, if you set out at once on the receipt of this, long before midnight; but i will leave you that amount of margin, not only in the fear of one of those obstacles that can neither be prevented nor fore72) seen, but because an hour when your servants are in bed is to be preferred for what will then remain to do. at midnight, then, i have to ask you to be alone in your consulting-room, to admit with your own hand into the house a man who will present himself in my name, and to place in his hands the drawer that you will have brought with you from my cabinet. then you will have played your part and earned my gratitude completely. five minutes afterwards, if you insist upon an explanation, you will have understood that these arrangements are of capital importance; and that by the neglect of one of them, fantastic as they must appear, you might have charged your conscience with my death or the shipwreck of my reason. "confident as i am that you will not trifle with this appeal, my heart sinks and my hand trembles at the bare thought of such a possibility. think of me at this hour, in a strange place, labouring under a blackness of distress that no fancy can exaggerate, and yet well aware that, if you will but punctually serve me, my troubles will roll away like a story that is told. serve me, my dear lanyon, and save "your friend, "h. j. "p. s. i had already sealed this up when a fresh terror struck upon my soul. it is possible that the postoffice may fail me, and this letter 73) not come into your hands until to-morrow morning. in that case, dear lanyon, do my errand when it shall be most convenient for you in the course of the day; and once more expect my messenger at midnight. it may then already be too late; and if that night passes without event, you will know that you have seen the last of henry jekyll." upon the reading of this letter, i made sure my colleague was insane; but till that was proved beyond the possibility of doubt, i felt bound to do as he requested. the less i understood of this farrago, the less i was in a position to judge of its importance; and an appeal so worded could not be set aside without a grave responsibility. i rose accordingly from table, got into a hansom, and drove straight to jekyll's house. the butler was awaiting my arrival; he had received by the same post as mine a registered letter of instruction, and had sent at once for a locksmith and a carpenter. the tradesmen came while we were yet speaking; and we moved in a body to old dr. denman's surgical theatre, from which (as you are doubtless aware) jekyll's private cabinet is most conveniently entered. the door was very strong, the lock excellent; the carpenter avowed he would have great trouble and have to do much damage, if force were to be used; and the locksmith was near despair. but this last was a handy fellow, 74) and after two hours' work, the door stood open. the press marked e was unlocked; and i took out the drawer, had it filled up with straw and tied in a sheet, and returned with it to cavendish square. here i proceeded to examine its contents. the powders were neatly enough made up, but not with the nicety of the dispensing chemist; so that it was plain they were of jekyll's private manufacture; and when i opened one of the wrappers i found what seemed to me a simple crystalline salt of a white colour. the phial, to which i next turned my attention, might have been about half-full of a blood-red liquor, which was highly pungent to the sense of smell and seemed to me to contain phosphorus and some volatile ether. at the other ingredients i could make no guess. the book was an ordinary version-book and contained little but a series of dates. these covered a period of many years, but i observed that the entries ceased nearly a year ago and quite abruptly. here and there a brief remark was appended to a date, usually no more than a single word: "double" occurring perhaps six times in a total of several hundred entries; and once very early in the list and followed by several marks of exclamation, "total failure!!!" all this, though it whetted my curiosity, told me little that was definite. here were a phial of some tincture, a paper of some salt, and the record of a series of experi75) ments that had led (like too many of jekyll's investigations) to no end of practical usefulness. how could the presence of these articles in my house affect either the honour, the sanity, or the life of my flighty colleague? if his messenger could go to one place, why could he not go to another? and even granting some impediment, why was this gentleman to be received by me in secret? the more i reflected the more convinced i grew that i was dealing with a case of cerebral disease: and though i dismissed my servants to bed, i loaded an old revolver, that i might be found in some posture of self-defence. twelve o'clock had scarce rung out over london, ere the knocker sounded very gently on the door. i went myself at the summons, and found a small man crouching against the pillars of the portico. "are you come from dr. jekyll?" i asked. he told me "yes" by a constrained gesture; and when i had bidden him enter, he did not obey me without a searching backward glance into the darkness of the square. there was a policeman not far off, advancing with his bull's eye open; and at the sight, i thought my visitor started and made greater haste. these particulars struck me, i confess, disagreeably; and as i followed him into the bright light of the consulting-room, i kept my hand ready on my weapon. here, at last, i had a 76) chance of clearly seeing him. i had never set eyes on him before, so much was certain. he was small, as i have said; i was struck besides with the shocking expression of his face, with his remarkable combination of great muscular activity and great apparent debility of constitution, and--last but not least-with the odd, subjective disturbance caused by his neighbourhood. this bore some resemblance to incipient rigour, and was accompanied by a marked sinking of the pulse. at the time, i set it down to some idiosyncratic, personal distaste, and merely wondered at the acuteness of the symptoms; but i have since had reason to believe the cause to lie much deeper in the nature of man, and to turn on some nobler hinge than the principle of hatred. this person (who had thus, from the first moment of his entrance, struck in me what i can only describe as a disgustful curiosity) was dressed in a fashion that would have made an ordinary person laughable; his clothes, that is to say, although they were of rich and sober fabric, were enormously too large for him in every measurement--the trousers hanging on his legs and rolled up to keep them from the ground, the waist of the coat below his haunches, and the collar sprawling wide upon his shoulders. strange to relate, this ludicrous accoutrement was far from moving me to laughter. rather, as there was something abnormal and misbe77) gotten in the very essence of the creature that now faced me-something seizing, surprising, and revolting--this fresh disparity seemed but to fit in with and to reinforce it; so that to my interest in the man's nature and character, there was added a curiosity as to his origin, his life, his fortune and status in the world. these observations, though they have taken so great a space to be set down in, were yet the work of a few seconds. my visitor was, indeed, on fire with sombre excitement. "have you got it?" he cried. "have you got it?" and so lively was his impatience that he even laid his hand upon my arm and sought to shake me. i put him back, conscious at his touch of a certain icy pang along my blood. "come, sir," said i. "you forget that i have not yet the pleasure of your acquaintance. be seated, if you please." and i showed him an example, and sat down myself in my customary seat and with as fair an imitation of my ordinary manner to a patient, as the lateness of the hour, the nature of my pre-occupations, and the horror i had of my visitor, would suffer me to muster. "i beg your pardon, dr. lanyon," he replied civilly enough. "what you say is very well founded; and my impatience has shown its heels to my politeness. i come here at the instance of your colleague, dr. henry jekyll, on a piece of business of some moment; and i under78) stood..." he paused and put his hand to his throat, and i could see, in spite of his collected manner, that he was wrestling against the approaches of the hysteria--"i understood, a drawer..." but here i took pity on my visitor's suspense, and some perhaps on my own growing curiosity. "there it is, sir," said i, pointing to the drawer, where it lay on the floor behind a table and still covered with the sheet. he sprang to it, and then paused, and laid his hand upon his heart: i could hear his teeth grate with the convulsive action of his jaws; and his face was so ghastly to see that i grew alarmed both for his life and reason. "compose yourself," said i. he turned a dreadful smile to me, and as if with the decision of despair, plucked away the sheet. at sight of the contents, he uttered one loud sob of such immense relief that i sat petrified. and the next moment, in a voice that was already fairly well under control, "have you a graduated glass?" he asked. i rose from my place with something of an effort and gave him what he asked. he thanked me with a smiling nod, measured out a few minims of the red tincture and added one of the powders. the mixture, which was at first of a reddish hue, began, in proportion as the crystals melted, to brighten in colour, to effervesce audibly, and to throw off small 79) fumes of vapour. suddenly and at the same moment, the ebullition ceased and the compound changed to a dark purple, which faded again more slowly to a watery green. my visitor, who had watched these metamorphoses with a keen eye, smiled, set down the glass upon the table, and then turned and looked upon me with an air of scrutiny. "and now," said he, "to settle what remains. will you be wise? will you be guided? will you suffer me to take this glass in my hand and to go forth from your house without further parley? or has the greed of curiosity too much command of you? think before you answer, for it shall be done as you decide. as you decide, you shall be left as you were before, and neither richer nor wiser, unless the sense of service rendered to a man in mortal distress may be counted as a kind of riches of the soul. or, if you shall so prefer to choose, a new province of knowledge and new avenues to fame and power shall be laid open to you, here, in this room, upon the instant; and your sight shall be blasted by a prodigy to stagger the unbelief of satan." "sir," said i, affecting a coolness that i was far from truly possessing, "you speak enigmas, and you will perhaps not wonder that i hear you with no very strong impression of belief. but i have gone too far in the way of inexplicable services to pause before i see the end." "it is well," replied my visitor. "lanyon, 80) you remember your vows: what follows is under the seal of our profession. and now, you who have so long been bound to the most narrow and material views, you who have denied the virtue of transcendental medicine, you who have derided your superiors-behold!" he put the glass to his lips and drank at one gulp. a cry followed; he reeled, staggered, clutched at the table and held on, staring with injected eyes, gasping with open mouth; and as i looked there came, i thought, a change--he seemed to swell-his face became suddenly black and the features seemed to melt and alter--and the next moment, i had sprung to my feet and leaped back against the wall, my arm raised to shield me from that prodigy, my mind submerged in terror. "o god!" i screamed, and "o god!" again and again; for there before my eyes--pale and shaken, and half-fainting, and groping before him with his hands, like a man restored from death-there stood henry jekyll! what he told me in the next hour, i cannot bring my mind to set on paper. i saw what i saw, i heard what i heard, and my soul sickened at it; and yet now when that sight has faded from my eyes, i ask myself if i believe it, and i cannot answer. my life is shaken to its roots; sleep has left me; the deadliest terror sits by me at all hours of the day and night; i feel that my days are numbered, and that i 81) must die; and yet i shall die incredulous. as for the moral turpitude that man unveiled to me, even with tears of penitence, i cannot, even in memory, dwell on it without a start of horror. i will say but one thing, utterson, and that (if you can bring your mind to credit it) will be more than enough. the creature who crept into my house that night was, on jekyll's own confession, known by the name of hyde and hunted for in every corner of the land as the murderer of carew. hastie lanyon 82) henry jekyll's full statement of the case i was born in the year 18--to a large fortune, endowed besides with excellent parts, inclined by nature to industry, fond of the respect of the wise and good among my fellow-men, and thus, as might have been supposed, with every guarantee of an honourable and distinguished future. and indeed the worst of my faults was a certain impatient gaiety of disposition, such as has made the happiness of many, but such as i found it hard to reconcile with my imperious desire to carry my head high, and wear a more than commonly grave countenance before the public. hence it came about that i concealed my pleasures; and that when i reached years of reflection, and began to look round me and take stock of my progress and position in the world, i stood already committed to a profound duplicity of life. many a man would have even blazoned such irregularities as i was guilty of; but from the high views that i had set before me, i regarded and hid them with an almost morbid sense of shame. it was thus rather the exacting 83) nature of my aspirations than any particular degradation in my faults, that made me what i was and, with even a deeper trench than in the majority of men, severed in me those provinces of good and ill which divide and compound man's dual nature. in this case, i was driven to reflect deeply and inveterately on that hard law of life, which lies at the root of religion and is one of the most plentiful springs of distress. though so profound a double-dealer, i was in no sense a hypocrite; both sides of me were in dead earnest; i was no more myself when i laid aside restraint and plunged in shame, than when i laboured, in the eye of day, at the furtherance of knowledge or the relief of sorrow and suffering. and it chanced that the direction of my scientific studies, which led wholly toward the mystic and the transcendental, re-acted and shed a strong light on this consciousness of the perennial war among my members. with every day, and from both sides of my intelligence, the moral and the intellectual, i thus drew steadily nearer to that truth, by whose partial discovery i have been doomed to such a dreadful shipwreck: that man is not truly one, but truly two. i say two, because the state of my own knowledge does not pass beyond that point. others will follow, others will outstrip me on the same lines; and i hazard the guess that man will be ultimately known for a mere polity of multifarious, incongruous, and independent denizens. i, for my 84) part, from the nature of my life, advanced infallibly in one direction and in one direction only. it was on the moral side, and in my own person, that i learned to recognise the thorough and primitive duality of man; i saw that, of the two natures that contended in the field of my consciousness, even if i could rightly be said to be either, it was only because i was radically both; and from an early date, even before the course of my scientific discoveries had begun to suggest the most naked possibility of such a miracle, i had learned to dwell with pleasure, as a beloved day-dream, on the thought of the separation of these elements. if each, i told myself, could but be housed in separate identities, life would be relieved of all that was unbearable; the unjust delivered from the aspirations might go his way, and remorse of his more upright twin; and the just could walk steadfastly and securely on his upward path, doing the good things in which he found his pleasure, and no longer exposed to disgrace and penitence by the hands of this extraneous evil. it was the curse of mankind that these incongruous fagots were thus bound together that in the agonised womb of consciousness, these polar twins should be continuously struggling. how, then, were they dissociated? i was so far in my reflections when, as i have said, a side-light began to shine upon the subject from the laboratory table. i began to perceive 85) more deeply than it has ever yet been stated, the trembling immateriality, the mist-like transience of this seemingly so solid body in which we walk attired. certain agents i found to have the power to shake and to pluck back that fleshly vestment, even as a wind might toss the curtains of a pavilion. for two good reasons, i will not enter deeply into this scientific branch of my confession. first, because i have been made to learn that the doom and burthen of our life is bound for ever on man's shoulders, and when the attempt is made to cast it off, it but returns upon us with more unfamiliar and more awful pressure. second, because, as my narrative will make, alas! too evident, my discoveries were incomplete. enough, then, that i not only recognised my natural body for the mere aura and effulgence of certain of the powers that made up my spirit, but managed to compound a drug by which these powers should be dethroned from their supremacy, and a second form and countenance substituted, none the less natural to me because they were the expression, and bore the stamp, of lower elements in my soul. i hesitated long before i put this theory to the test of practice. i knew well that i risked death; for any drug that so potently controlled and shook the very fortress of identity, might by the least scruple of an overdose or at the least inopportunity in the moment of exhibition, utterly blot out that immaterial tabernacle which i 86) looked to it to change. but the temptation of a discovery so singular and profound, at last overcame the suggestions of alarm. i had long since prepared my tincture; i purchased at once, from a firm of wholesale chemists, a large quantity of a particular salt which i knew, from my experiments, to be the last ingredient required; and late one accursed night, i compounded the elements, watched them boil and smoke together in the glass, and when the ebullition had subsided, with a strong glow of courage, drank off the potion. the most racking pangs succeeded: a grinding in the bones, deadly nausea, and a horror of the spirit that cannot be exceeded at the hour of birth or death. then these agonies began swiftly to subside, and i came to myself as if out of a great sickness. there was something strange in my sensations, something indescribably new and, from its very novelty, incredibly sweet. i felt younger, lighter, happier in body; within i was conscious of a heady recklessness, a current of disordered sensual images running like a mill-race in my fancy, a solution of the bonds of obligation, an unknown but not an innocent freedom of the soul. i knew myself, at the first breath of this new life, to be more wicked, tenfold more wicked, sold a slave to my original evil; and the thought, in that moment, braced and delighted me like wine. i stretched out my hands, exulting in the freshness of these 87) sensations; and in the act, i was suddenly aware that i had lost in stature. there was no mirror, at that date, in my room; that which stands beside me as i write, was brought there later on and for the very purpose of these transformations. the night, however, was far gone into the morning--the morning, black as it was, was nearly ripe for the conception of the day--the inmates of my house were locked in the most rigorous hours of slumber; and i determined, flushed as i was with hope and triumph, to venture in my new shape as far as to my bedroom. i crossed the yard, wherein the constellations looked down upon me, i could have thought, with wonder, the first creature of that sort that their unsleeping vigilance had yet disclosed to them; i stole through the corridors, a stranger in my own house; and coming to my room, i saw for the first time the appearance of edward hyde. i must here speak by theory alone, saying not that which i know, but that which i suppose to be most probable. the evil side of my nature, to which i had now transferred the stamping efficacy, was less robust and less developed than the good which i had just deposed. again, in the course of my life, which had been, after all, nine-tenths a life of effort, virtue, and control, it had been much less exercised and much less exhausted. and hence, as i think, it came about that edward hyde was so much smaller, 88) slighter, and younger than henry jekyll. even as good shone upon the countenance of the one, evil was written broadly and plainly on the face of the other. evil besides (which i must still believe to be the lethal side of man) had left on that body an imprint of deformity and decay. and yet when i looked upon that ugly idol in the glass, i was conscious of no repugnance, rather of a leap of welcome. this, too, was myself. it seemed natural and human. in my eyes it bore a livelier image of the spirit, it seemed more express and single, than the imperfect and divided countenance i had been hitherto accustomed to call mine. and in so far i was doubtless right. i have observed that when i wore the semblance of edward hyde, none could come near to me at first without a visible misgiving of the flesh. this, as i take it, was because all human beings, as we meet them, are commingled out of good and evil: and edward hyde, alone in the ranks of mankind, was pure evil. i lingered but a moment at the mirror: the second and conclusive experiment had yet to be attempted; it yet remained to be seen if i had lost my identity beyond redemption and must flee before daylight from a house that was no longer mine; and hurrying back to my cabinet, i once more prepared and drank the cup, once more suffered the pangs of dissolution, and came to myself once more with the character, the stature, and the face of henry jekyll. 89) that night i had come to the fatal cross-roads. had i approached my discovery in a more noble spirit, had i risked the experiment while under the empire of generous or pious aspirations, all must have been otherwise, and from these agonies of death and birth, i had come forth an angel instead of a fiend. the drug had no discriminating action; it was neither diabolical nor divine; it but shook the doors of the prison-house of my disposition; and like the captives of philippi, that which stood within ran forth. at that time my virtue slumbered; my evil, kept awake by ambition, was alert and swift to seize the occasion; and the thing that was projected was edward hyde. hence, although i had now two characters as well as two appearances, one was wholly evil, and the other was still the old henry jekyll, that incongruous compound of whose reformation and improvement i had already learned to despair. the movement was thus wholly toward the worse. even at that time, i had not yet conquered my aversion to the dryness of a life of study. i would still be merrily disposed at times; and as my pleasures were (to say the least) undignified, and i was not only well known and highly considered, but growing toward the elderly man, this incoherency of my life was daily growing more unwelcome. it was on this side that my new power tempted me until i fell in slavery. i had but to drink the cup, to doff at once the body 90) of the noted professor, and to assume, like a thick cloak, that of edward hyde. i smiled at the notion; it seemed to me at the time to be humorous; and i made my preparations with the most studious care. i took and furnished that house in soho, to which hyde was tracked by the police; and engaged as housekeeper a creature whom i well knew to be silent and unscrupulous. on the other side, i announced to my servants that a mr. hyde (whom i described) was to have full liberty and power about my house in the square; and to parry mishaps, i even called and made myself a familiar object, in my second character. i next drew up that will to which you so much objected; so that if anything befell me in the person of dr. jekyll, i could enter on that of edward hyde without pecuniary loss. and thus fortified, as i supposed, on every side, i began to profit by the strange immunities of my position. men have before hired bravos to transact their crimes, while their own person and reputation sat under shelter. i was the first that ever did so for his pleasures. i was the first that could thus plod in the public eye with a load of genial respectability, and in a moment, like a schoolboy, strip off these lendings and spring headlong into the sea of liberty. but for me, in my impenetrable mantle, the safety was complete. think of it--i did not even exist! let me but escape into my laboratory door, give me but a second or 91) two to mix and swallow the draught that i had always standing ready; and whatever he had done, edward hyde would pass away like the stain of breath upon a mirror; and there in his stead, quietly at home, trimming the midnight lamp in his study, a man who could afford to laugh at suspicion, would be henry jekyll. the pleasures which i made haste to seek in my disguise were, as i have said, undignified; i would scarce use a harder term. but in the hands of edward hyde, they soon began to turn toward the monstrous. when i would come back from these excursions, i was often plunged into a kind of wonder at my vicarious depravity. this familiar that i called out of my own soul, and sent forth alone to do his good pleasure, was a being inherently malign and villainous; his every act and thought centred on self; drinking pleasure with bestial avidity from any degree of torture to another; relentless like a man of stone. henry jekyll stood at times aghast before the acts of edward hyde; but the situation was apart from ordinary laws, and insidiously relaxed the grasp of conscience. it was hyde, after all, and hyde alone, that was guilty. jekyll was no worse; he woke again to his good qualities seemingly unimpaired; he would even make haste, where it was possible, to undo the evil done by hyde. and thus his conscience slumbered. into the details of the infamy at which i thus 92) connived (for even now i can scarce grant that i committed it) i have no design of entering; i mean but to point out the warnings and the successive steps with which my chastisement approached. i met with one accident which, as it brought on no consequence, i shall no more than mention. an act of cruelty to a child aroused against me the anger of a passer-by, whom i recognised the other day in the person of your kinsman; the doctor and the child's family joined him; there were moments when i feared for my life; and at last, in order to pacify their too just resentment, edward hyde had to bring them to the door, and pay them in a cheque drawn in the name of henry jekyll. but this danger was easily eliminated from the future, by opening an account at another bank in the name of edward hyde himself; and when, by sloping my own hand backward, i had supplied my double with a signature, i thought i sat beyond the reach of fate. some two months before the murder of sir danvers, i had been out for one of my adventures, had returned at a late hour, and woke the next day in bed with somewhat odd sensations. it was in vain i looked about me; in vain i saw the decent furniture and tall proportions of my room in the square; in vain that i recognised the pattern of the bed-curtains and the design of the mahogany frame; something still kept insisting that i was not where i was, 93) that i had not wakened where i seemed to be, but in the little room in soho where i was accustomed to sleep in the body of edward hyde. i smiled to myself, and, in my psychological way began lazily to inquire into the elements of this illusion, occasionally, even as i did so, dropping back into a comfortable morning doze. i was still so engaged when, in one of my more wakeful moments, my eyes fell upon my hand. now the hand of henry jekyll (as you have often remarked) was professional in shape and size: it was large, firm, white, and comely. but the hand which i now saw, clearly enough, in the yellow light of a mid-london morning, lying half shut on the bed-clothes, was lean, corded, knuckly, of a dusky pallor and thickly shaded with a swart growth of hair. it was the hand of edward hyde. i must have stared upon it for near half a minute, sunk as i was in the mere stupidity of wonder, before terror woke up in my breast as sudden and startling as the crash of cymbals; and bounding from my bed, i rushed to the mirror. at the sight that met my eyes, my blood was changed into something exquisitely thin and icy. yes, i had gone to bed henry jekyll, i had awakened edward hyde. how was this to be explained? i asked myself, and then, with another bound of terror--how was it to be remedied? it was well on in the morning; the servants were up; all my drugs were in the 94) cabinet--a long journey down two pairs of stairs, through the back passage, across the open court and through the anatomical theatre, from where i was then standing horror-struck. it might indeed be possible to cover my face; but of what use was that, when i was unable to conceal the alteration in my stature? and then with an overpowering sweetness of relief, it came back upon my mind that the servants were already used to the coming and going of my second self. i had soon dressed, as well as i was able, in clothes of my own size: had soon passed through the house, where bradshaw stared and drew back at seeing mr. hyde at such an hour and in such a strange array; and ten minutes later, dr. jekyll had returned to his own shape and was sitting down, with a darkened brow, to make a feint of breakfasting. small indeed was my appetite. this inexplicable incident, this reversal of my previous experience, seemed, like the babylonian finger on the wall, to be spelling out the letters of my judgment; and i began to reflect more seriously than ever before on the issues and possibilities of my double existence. that part of me which i had the power of projecting, had lately been much exercised and nourished; it had seemed to me of late as though the body of edward hyde had grown in stature, as though (when i wore that form) i were conscious of a more generous tide of blood; and i began to spy a danger that, 95) if this were much prolonged, the balance of my nature might be permanently overthrown, the power of voluntary change be forfeited, and the character of edward hyde become irrevocably mine. the power of the drug had not been always equally displayed. once, very early in my career, it had totally failed me; since then i had been obliged on more than one occasion to double, and once, with infinite risk of death, to treble the amount; and these rare uncertainties had cast hitherto the sole shadow on my contentment. now, however, and in the light of that morning's accident, i was led to remark that whereas, in the beginning, the difficulty had been to throw off the body of jekyll, it had of late gradually but decidedly transferred itself to the other side. all things therefore seemed to point to this: that i was slowly losing hold of my original and better self, and becoming slowly incorporated with my second and worse. between these two, i now felt i had to choose. my two natures had memory in common, but all other faculties were most unequally shared between them. jekyll (who was composite) now with the most sensitive apprehensions, now with a greedy gusto, projected and shared in the pleasures and adventures of hyde; but hyde was indifferent to jekyll, or but remembered him as the mountain bandit remembers the cavern in which he conceals himself from pursuit. jekyll had more than a father's interest; hyde 96) had more than a son's indifference. to cast in my lot with jekyll, was to die to those appetites which i had long secretly indulged and had of late begun to pamper. to cast it in with hyde, was to die to a thousand interests and aspirations, and to become, at a blow and for ever, despised and friendless. the bargain might appear unequal; but there was still another consideration in the scales; for while jekyll would suffer smartingly in the fires of abstinence, hyde would be not even conscious of all that he had lost. strange as my circumstances were, the terms of this debate are as old and commonplace as man; much the same inducements and alarms cast the die for any tempted and trembling sinner; and it fell out with me, as it falls with so vast a majority of my fellows, that i chose the better part and was found wanting in the strength to keep to it. yes, i preferred the elderly and discontented doctor, surrounded by friends and cherishing honest hopes; and bade a resolute farewell to the liberty, the comparative youth, the light step, leaping impulses and secret pleasures, that i had enjoyed in the disguise of hyde. i made this choice perhaps with some unconscious reservation, for i neither gave up the house in soho, nor destroyed the clothes of edward hyde, which still lay ready in my cabinet. for two months, however, i was true to my determination; for two months i led a life of such 97) severity as i had never before attained to, and enjoyed the compensations of an approving conscience. but time began at last to obliterate the freshness of my alarm; the praises of conscience began to grow into a thing of course; i began to be tortured with throes and longings, as of hyde struggling after freedom; and at last, in an hour of moral weakness, i once again compounded and swallowed the transforming draught. i do not suppose that, when a drunkard reasons with himself upon his vice, he is once out of five hundred times affected by the dangers that he runs through his brutish, physical insensibility; neither had i, long as i had considered my position, made enough allowance for the complete moral insensibility and insensate readiness to evil, which were the leading characters of edward hyde. yet it was by these that i was punished. my devil had been long caged, he came out roaring. i was conscious, even when i took the draught, of a more unbridled, a more furious propensity to ill. it must have been this, i suppose, that stirred in my soul that tempest of impatience with which i listened to the civilities of my unhappy victim; i declare, at least, before god, no man morally sane could have been guilty of that crime upon so pitiful a provocation; and that i struck in no more reasonable spirit than that in which a sick child may break a plaything. but i had voluntarily stripped myself of all those balancing instincts 98) by which even the worst of us continues to walk with some degree of steadiness among temptations; and in my case, to be tempted, however slightly, was to fall. instantly the spirit of hell awoke in me and raged. with a transport of glee, i mauled the unresisting body, tasting delight from every blow; and it was not till weariness had begun to succeed, that i was suddenly, in the top fit of my delirium, struck through the heart by a cold thrill of terror. a mist dispersed; i saw my life to be forfeit; and fled from the scene of these excesses, at once glorying and trembling, my lust of evil gratified and stimulated, my love of life screwed to the topmost peg. i ran to the house in soho, and (to make assurance doubly sure) destroyed my papers; thence i set out through the lamplit streets, in the same divided ecstasy of mind, gloating on my crime, light-headedly devising others in the future, and yet still hastening and still hearkening in my wake for the steps of the avenger. hyde had a song upon his lips as he compounded the draught, and as he drank it, pledged the dead man. the pangs of transformation had not done tearing him, before henry jekyll, with streaming tears of gratitude and remorse, had fallen upon his knees and lifted his clasped hands to god. the veil of self-indulgence was rent from head to foot, i saw my life as a whole: i followed it up from the days of childhood, when i had walked 99) with my father's hand, and through the self-denying toils of my professional life, to arrive again and again, with the same sense of unreality, at the damned horrors of the evening. i could have screamed aloud; i sought with tears and prayers to smother down the crowd of hideous images and sounds with which my memory swarmed against me; and still, between the petitions, the ugly face of my iniquity stared into my soul. as the acuteness of this remorse began to die away, it was succeeded by a sense of joy. the problem of my conduct was solved. hyde was thenceforth impossible; whether i would or not, i was now confined to the better part of my existence; and oh, how i rejoiced to think it! with what willing humility, i embraced anew the restrictions of natural life! with what sincere renunciation, i locked the door by which i had so often gone and come, and ground the key under my heel! the next day, came the news that the murder had been overlooked, that the guilt of hyde was patent to the world, and that the victim was a man high in public estimation. it was not only a crime, it had been a tragic folly. i think i was glad to know it; i think i was glad to have my better impulses thus buttressed and guarded by the terrors of the scaffold. jekyll was now my city of refuge; let but hyde peep out an instant, and the hands of all men would be raised to take and slay him. 100) i resolved in my future conduct to redeem the past; and i can say with honesty that my resolve was fruitful of some good. you know yourself how earnestly in the last months of last year, i laboured to relieve suffering; you know that much was done for others, and that the days passed quietly, almost happily for myself. nor can i truly say that i wearied of this beneficent and innocent life; i think instead that i daily enjoyed it more completely; but i was still cursed with my duality of purpose; and as the first edge of my penitence wore off, the lower side of me, so long indulged, so recently chained down, began to growl for licence. not that i dreamed of resuscitating hyde; the bare idea of that would startle me to frenzy: no, it was in my own person, that i was once more tempted to trifle with my conscience; and it was as an ordinary secret sinner, that i at last fell before the assaults of temptation. there comes an end to all things; the most capacious measure is filled at last; and this brief condescension to evil finally destroyed the balance of my soul. and yet i was not alarmed; the fall seemed natural, like a return to the old days before i had made discovery. it was a fine, clear, january day, wet under foot where the frost had melted, but cloudless overhead; and the regent's park was full of winter chirrupings and sweet with spring odours. i sat in the sun on a bench; the animal within me licking the 101) chops of memory; the spiritual side a little drowsed, promising subsequent penitence, but not yet moved to begin. after all, i reflected, i was like my neighbours; and then i smiled, comparing myself with other men, comparing my active goodwill with the lazy cruelty of their neglect. and at the very moment of that vain-glorious thought, a qualm came over me, a horrid nausea and the most deadly shuddering. these passed away, and left me faint; and then as in its turn the faintness subsided, i began to be aware of a change in the temper of my thoughts, a greater boldness, a contempt of danger, a solution of the bonds of obligation. i looked down; my clothes hung formlessly on my shrunken limbs; the hand that lay on my knee was corded and hairy. i was once more edward hyde. a moment before i had been safe of all men's respect, wealthy, beloved--the cloth laying for me in the dining-room at home; and now i was the common quarry of mankind, hunted, houseless, a known murderer, thrall to the gallows. my reason wavered, but it did not fail me utterly. i have more than once observed that, in my second character, my faculties seemed sharpened to a point and my spirits more tensely elastic; thus it came about that, where jekyll perhaps might have succumbed, hyde rose to the importance of the moment. my drugs were in one of the presses of my cabinet; how was i 102) to reach them? that was the problem that (crushing my temples in my hands) i set myself to solve. the laboratory door i had closed. if i sought to enter by the house, my own servants would consign me to the gallows. i saw i must employ another hand, and thought of lanyon. how was he to be reached? how persuaded? supposing that i escaped capture in the streets, how was i to make my way into his presence? and how should i, an unknown and displeasing visitor, prevail on the famous physician to rifle the study of his colleague, dr. jekyll? then i remembered that of my original character, one part remained to me: i could write my own hand; and once i had conceived that kindling spark, the way that i must follow became lighted up from end to end. thereupon, i arranged my clothes as best i could, and summoning a passing hansom, drove to an hotel in portland street, the name of which i chanced to remember. at my appearance (which was indeed comical enough, however tragic a fate these garments covered) the driver could not conceal his mirth. i gnashed my teeth upon him with a gust of devilish fury; and the smile withered from his face--happily for him--yet more happily for myself, for in another instant i had certainly dragged him from his perch. at the inn, as i entered, i looked about me with so black a countenance as made the attendants tremble; not a look did they exchange in my 103) presence; but obsequiously took my orders, led me to a private room, and brought me wherewithal to write. hyde in danger of his life was a creature new to me; shaken with inordinate anger, strung to the pitch of murder, lusting to inflict pain. yet the creature was astute; mastered his fury with a great effort of the will; composed his two important letters, one to lanyon and one to poole; and that he might receive actual evidence of their being posted, sent them out with directions that they should be registered. thenceforward, he sat all day over the fire in the private room, gnawing his nails; there he dined, sitting alone with his fears, the waiter visibly quailing before his eye; and thence, when the night was fully come, he set forth in the corner of a closed cab, and was driven to and fro about the streets of the city. he, i say--i cannot say, i. that child of hell had nothing human; nothing lived in him but fear and hatred. and when at last, thinking the driver had begun to grow suspicious, he discharged the cab and ventured on foot, attired in his misfitting clothes, an object marked out for observation, into the midst of the nocturnal passengers, these two base passions raged within him like a tempest. he walked fast, hunted by his fears, chattering to himself, skulking through the less-frequented thoroughfares, counting the minutes that still divided him from midnight. once a 104) woman spoke to him, offering, i think, a box of lights. he smote her in the face, and she fled. when i came to myself at lanyon's, the horror of my old friend perhaps affected me somewhat: i do not know; it was at least but a drop in the sea to the abhorrence with which i looked back upon these hours. a change had come over me. it was no longer the fear of the gallows, it was the horror of being hyde that racked me. i received lanyon's condemnation partly in a dream; it was partly in a dream that i came home to my own house and got into bed. i slept after the prostration of the day, with a stringent and profound slumber which not even the nightmares that wrung me could avail to break. i awoke in the morning shaken, weakened, but refreshed. i still hated and feared the thought of the brute that slept within me, and i had not of course forgotten the appalling dangers of the day before; but i was once more at home, in my own house and close to my drugs; and gratitude for my escape shone so strong in my soul that it almost rivalled the brightness of hope. i was stepping leisurely across the court after breakfast, drinking the chill of the air with pleasure, when i was seized again with those indescribable sensations that heralded the change; and i had but the time to gain the shelter of my cabinet, before i was once again raging and freezing with the passions of hyde. it took on this occasion a double dose to recall me to 105) myself; and alas! six hours after, as i sat looking sadly in the fire, the pangs returned, and the drug had to be re-administered. in short, from that day forth it seemed only by a great effort as of gymnastics, and only under the immediate stimulation of the drug, that i was able to wear the countenance of jekyll. at all hours of the day and night, i would be taken with the premonitory shudder; above all, if i slept, or even dozed for a moment in my chair, it was always as hyde that i awakened. under the strain of this continually-impending doom and by the sleeplessness to which i now condemned myself, ay, even beyond what i had thought possible to man, i became, in my own person, a creature eaten up and emptied by fever, languidly weak both in body and mind, and solely occupied by one thought: the horror of my other self. but when i slept, or when the virtue of the medicine wore off, i would leap almost without transition (for the pangs of transformation grew daily less marked) into the possession of a fancy brimming with images of terror, a soul boiling with causeless hatreds, and a body that seemed not strong enough to contain the raging energies of life. the powers of hyde seemed to have grown with the sickliness of jekyll. and certainly the hate that now divided them was equal on each side. with jekyll, it was a thing of vital instinct. he had now seen the full deformity of that creature that shared with him some of the phenomena of 106) consciousness, and was co-heir with him to death: and beyond these links of community, which in themselves made the most poignant part of his distress, he thought of hyde, for all his energy of life, as of something not only hellish but inorganic. this was the shocking thing; that the slime of the pit seemed to utter cries and voices; that the amorphous dust gesticulated and sinned; that what was dead, and had no shape, should usurp the offices of life. and this again, that that insurgent horror was knit to him closer than a wife, closer than an eye; lay caged in his flesh, where he heard it mutter and felt it struggle to be born; and at every hour of weakness, and in the confidence of slumber, prevailed against him and deposed him out of life. the hatred of hyde for jekyll, was of a different order. his terror of the gallows drove him continually to commit temporary suicide, and return to his subordinate station of a part instead of a person; but he loathed the necessity, he loathed the despondency into which jekyll was now fallen, and he resented the dislike with which he was himself regarded. hence the ape-like tricks that he would play me, scrawling in my own hand blasphemies on the pages of my books, burning the letters and destroying the portrait of my father; and indeed, had it not been for his fear of death, he would long ago have ruined himself in order to involve me in the ruin. but his love of life is wonderful; i go further: i, who sicken 107) and freeze at the mere thought of him, when i recall the abjection and passion of this attachment, and when i know how he fears my power to cut him off by suicide, i find it in my heart to pity him. it is useless, and the time awfully fails me, to prolong this description; no one has ever suffered such torments, let that suffice; and yet even to these, habit brought--no, not alleviation--but a certain callousness of soul, a certain acquiescence of despair; and my punishment might have gone on for years, but for the last calamity which has now fallen, and which has finally severed me from my own face and nature. my provision of the salt, which had never been renewed since the date of the first experiment, began to run low. i sent out for a fresh supply, and mixed the draught; the ebullition followed, and the first change of colour, not the second; i drank it and it was without efficiency. you will learn from poole how i have had london ransacked; it was in vain; and i am now persuaded that my first supply was impure, and that it was that unknown impurity which lent efficacy to the draught. about a week has passed, and i am now finishing this statement under the influence of the last of the old powders. this, then, is the last time, short of a miracle, that henry jekyll can think his own thoughts or see his own face (now how sadly altered!) in the glass. nor must i delay 108) too long to bring my writing to an end; for if my narrative has hitherto escaped destruction, it has been by a combination of great prudence and great good luck. should the throes of change take me in the act of writing it, hyde will tear it in pieces; but if some time shall have elapsed after i have laid it by, his wonderful selfishness and circumscription to the moment will probably save it once again from the action of his ape-like spite. and indeed the doom that is closing on us both, has already changed and crushed him. half an hour from now, when i shall again and for ever re-indue that hated personality, i know how i shall sit shuddering and weeping in my chair, or continue, with the most strained and fear-struck ecstasy of listening, to pace up and down this room (my last earthly refuge) and give ear to every sound of menace. will hyde die upon the scaffold? or will he find courage to release himself at the last moment? god knows; i am careless; this is my true hour of death, and what is to follow concerns another than myself. here then, as i lay down the pen and proceed to seal up my confession, i bring the life of that unhappy henry jekyll to an end. the dark other by stanley g. weinbaum _fantasy publishing co., inc._ los angeles 1950 copyright 1950 by fantasy publishing co., inc. manufactured in u. s. a. [transcriber's note: extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the u.s. copyright on this publication was renewed.] _other books by stanley g. weinbaum_ dawn of flame the new adam the black flame a martian odyssey contents chapter page 1. pure horror 9 2. science of mind 17 3. psychiatrics of genius 25 4. the transfiguration 33 5. a fantasy of fear 42 6. a question of science 50 7. the red eyes return 58 8. gateway to evil 65 9. descent into avernus 73 10. rescue from abaddon 81 11. wreckage 89 12. letter from lucifer 96 13. indecision 104 14. too bizarre 112 15. a modern mr. hyde 119 16. possessed 127 17. witch-doctor 135 18. vanished 142 19. man or monster? 149 20. the assignation 156 21. a question of synapses 164 22. doctor and devil 172 23. werewolf 180 24. the dark other 186 25. the demon lover 194 26. the depths 201 27. two in hell 209 28. lunar omen 217 29. scopolamine for satan 225 30. the demon free 233 31. "not humanly possible" 242 32. revelation 250 the dark other 1 pure horror "that isn't what i mean," said nicholas devine, turning his eyes on his companion. "i mean pure horror in the sense of horror detached from experience, apart from reality. not just a formless fear, which implies either fear of something that _might_ happen, or fear of unknown dangers. do you see what i mean?" "of course," said pat, letting her eyes wander over the black expanse of night-dark lake michigan. "certainly i see what you mean but i don't quite understand how you'd do it. it sounds--well, difficult." she gazed at his lean profile, clear-cut against the distant light. he had turned, staring thoughtfully over the lake, idly fingering the levers on the steering wheel before him. the girl wondered a little at her feeling of contentment; she, patricia lane, satisfied to spend an evening in nothing more exciting than conversation! and they must have parked here a full two hours now. there was something about nick--she didn't understand exactly what; sensitivity, charm, personality. those were meaningless cliches, handles to hold the unexplainable nuances of character. "it _is_ difficult," resumed nick. "baudelaire tried it, poe tried it. and in painting, hogarth, goya, dore. poe came closest, i think; he caught the essence of horror in an occasional poem or story. don't you think so?" "i don't know," said pat. "i've forgotten most of my poe." "remember that story of his--'the black cat'?" "dimly. the man murdered his wife." "yes. that isn't the part i mean. i mean the cat itself--the second cat. you know a cat, used rightly, can be a symbol of horror." "indeed yes!" the girl shuddered. "i don't like the treacherous beasts!" "and this cat of poe's," continued nick, warming to his subject. "just think of it--in the first place, it's black; element of horror. then, it's gigantic, unnaturally, abnormally large. and then it's not all black--that would be inartistically perfect--but has a formless white mark on its breast, a mark that little by little assumes a fantastic form--do you remember what?" "no." "the form of a gallows!" "oh!" said the girl. "ugh!" "and then--climax of genius--the eyes! blind in one eye, the other a baleful yellow orb! do you feel it? a black cat, an enormous black cat marked with a gallows, and lacking one eye, to make the other even more terrible! literary tricks, of course, but they work, and _that's_ genius! isn't it?" "genius! yes, if you call it that. the perverse genius of the devil!" "that's what i want to write--what i will write some day." he watched the play of lights on the restless surface of the waters. "pure horror, the epitome of the horrible. it could be written, but it hasn't been yet; not even by poe." "that little analysis of yours was bad enough, nick! why should you want to improve on his treatment of the theme?" "because i like to write, and because i'm interested in the horrible. two good reasons." "two excuses, you mean. of course, even if you'd succeed, you couldn't force anyone to read it." "if i succeed, there'd be no need to force people. success would mean that the thing would be great literature, and even today, in these times, there are still people to read that. and besides--" he paused. "besides what?" "everybody's interested in the horrible. even you are, whether or not you deny it." "i certainly do deny it!" "but you are, pat. it's natural to be." "it isn't!" "then what is?" "interest in people, and life, and gay times, and pretty things, and--and one's self and one's own feelings. and the feelings of the people one loves." "yes. it comes to exactly the point i've been stressing. people are sordid, life is hopeless, gay times are stupid, beauty is sensual, one's own feelings are selfish. and love is carnal. that's the array of horrors that holds your interest!" the girl laughed in exasperation. "nick, you could out-argue your name-sake, the devil himself! do you really believe that indictment of the normal viewpoint?" "i do--often!" "now?" "now," he said, turning his gaze on pat, "i have no feeling of it at all. now, right now, i don't believe it." "why not?" she queried, smiling ingenuously at him. "you, obviously." "gracious! i had no idea my logic was as convincing as that." "your logic isn't. the rest of you is." "that sounds like a compliment," observed pat. "if it is," she continued in a bantering tone, "it's the only one i can recall obtaining from you." "that's because i seldom call attention to the obvious." "and that's another," laughed the girl. "i'll have to mark this date in red on my calendar. it's entirely unique in our--let's see--nearly a month's acquaintance." "is it really so short a time? i know you so well that it must have taken years. every detail!" he closed his eyes. "hair like black silk, and oddly dark blue eyes--if i were writing a poem at the moment, i'd call them violet. tiny lips, the sort the elizabethan called bee-stung. straight nose, and a figure that is a sort of vest-pocket copy of diana. right?" he opened his eyes. "nice, but exaggerated. and even if you were correct, that isn't pat lane, the real pat lane. a camera could do better on a tenth of a second's acquaintance!" "check!" he closed his eyes again. "personality, piquant. character, loyal, naturally happy, intelligent, but not serious. an intellectual butterfly; a dilettante. poised, cool, self-possessed, yet inherently affectionate. a being untouched by reality, as yet, living in chicago and in a make-believe world at the same time." he paused, "how old are you, pat?" "twenty-two. why?" "i wondered how long one could manage to stay in the world of make-believe. i'm twenty-six, and i'm long exiled." "i don't think you know what you mean by a make-believe world. i'm sure i don't." "of course you don't. you can't know and still remain there. it's like being happy; once you realize it, it's no longer perfect." "then don't explain!" "wouldn't make any difference if i did, pat. it's a queer world, like the sardoodledom of sardou and the afternoon-tea school of playwrights. all stage-settings and pretense, but it looks real while you're watching, especially if you're one of the characters." the girl laughed. "you're a deliciously solemn sort, nick. how would you like to hear my analysis of you?" "i wouldn't!" "you inflicted yours on me, and i'm entitled to revenge. and so--you're intelligent, lazy, dreamy, and with a fine perception of artistic values. you're very alert to impressions of the senses--i mean you're sensuous without being sensual. you're delightfully serious without being somber, except sometimes. sometimes i feel a hint, just a thrilling hint, in your character, of something dangerously darker--" "don't!" said nick sharply. pat shot him a quick glance. "and you're frightened to death of falling in love," she concluded imperturbably. "oh! do you think so?" "i do." "then you're wrong! i can't be afraid of it, since i've known for the better part of a month that i've been in love." "with me," said the girl. "yes, with you!" "well!" said pat. "it never before took me a month to extract that admission from a man. is twenty-two getting old?" "you're a tantalizing imp!" "and so?" she pursed her lips, assuming an air of disappointment. "what am i to do about it--scream for help? you haven't given me anything to scream about." the kiss, pat admitted to herself, was quite satisfactory. she yielded herself to the pleasure of it; it was decidedly the best kiss she had, in her somewhat limited experience, encountered. she pushed herself away finally, with a little gasp, gazing bright-eyed at her companion. he was staring down at her with serious eyes; there was a tense twist to his mouth, and a curiously unexpected attitude of unhappiness. "nick!" she murmured. "was it as bad as all that?" "bad! pat, does it mean you--care for me? a little, anyway?" "a little," she admitted. "maybe more. is that what makes you look so forlorn?" he drew her closer to him. "how could i look forlorn, honey, when something like this has happened to me? that was just my way of looking happy." she nestled as closely as the steering wheel permitted, drawing his arm about her shoulders. "i hope you mean that, nick." "then _you_ mean it? you really do?" "i really do." "i'm glad," he said huskily. the girl thought she detected a strange dubious note in his voice. she glanced at his face; his eyes were gazing into the dim remoteness of the night horizon. "nick," she said, "why were you so--well, so reluctant about admitting this? you must have known i--like you. i showed you that deliberately in so many ways." "i--i wasn't quite sure." "you were! that isn't it, nick. i had to practically browbeat you into confessing you cared for me. why?" he stepped on the starter; the motor ground into sudden life. the car backed into the road, turning toward chicago, that glared like a false dawn in the southern sky. "i hope you never find out," he said. 2 science of mind "she's out," said pat as the massive form of dr. carl horker loomed in the doorway. "your treatments must be successful; mother's out playing bridge." the doctor gave his deep, rumbling chuckle. "so much the better, pat. i don't feel professional anyway." he moved into the living room, depositing his bulk on a groaning davenport. "and how's yourself?" "too well to be a patient of yours," retorted the girl. "psychiatry! the new religion! just between friends, it's all applesauce, isn't it?" "if i weren't trying to act in place of your father, i'd resent that, young lady," said the doctor placidly. "psychiatry is a definite science, and a pretty important one. applied psychology, the science of the human mind." "if said mind exists," added the girl, swinging her slim legs over the arm of a chair. "correct," agreed the doctor. "in my practice i find occasional evidence that it does. or did; your generation seems to have found substitutes." "which appears to work just as well!" laughed pat. "all our troubles are more or less inherited from your generation." "touche!" admitted dr. horker. "but my generation also bequeathed you some solid values which you don't know how to use." "they've been weighed and found wanting," said pat airily. "we're busy replacing them with our own values." "which are certainly no better." "maybe not, doc, but at least they're ours." "yours and tom paine's. i can't see that you young moderns have brought any new ideas to the social scheme." "new or not, we're the first ones to give 'em a try-out. your crowd took it out in talk." "that's an insult," observed the doctor cheerfully. "if i weren't acting _in loco parentis_--" "i know! you'd give me a few licks in the spot popularly supposed to do the most good! well, that's part of a parent's privilege, isn't it?" "you've grown beyond the spanking age, my dear. physically, if not mentally--though i don't say the process would hurt me as much as you. i'd doubtless enjoy it." "then you might try sending me to bed without my dinner," the girl laughed. "that's a doctor's prerogative, pat. i've even done that to your mother." "in other words, you're a complete flop as a parent. all the responsibilities, and none of the privileges." "that expresses it." "well, you elected yourself, doc. it's not my fault you happened to live next door." "no. it's my misfortune." "and i notice," remarked pat wickedly, "that you're not too thoroughly _in loco_ to neglect sending mother a bill for services rendered!" "my dear girl, that's part of the treatment!" "so? and how?" "i furnish a bill just steep enough to keep your mother from indulging too frequently in medical services. without that little practical check on her inclinations, she'd be a confirmed neurotic. one of those sweet, resigned, professional invalids, you know." "then why not send her a bill tall enough to cure her altogether?" "she might change to psychoanalysis or new thought," chuckled the doctor. "besides, your father wanted me to look after her, and besides that, i like having the run of the house." "well, i'm sure i don't mind," observed pat. "we've a dog and a canary bird, too." "you're in fine fettle this afternoon!" laughed her companion. "must've been a successful date last night." "it was." her eyes turned suddenly dreamy. "you're in love again, pat!" he accused. "again? why the 'again'?" "well, there was billy, and that paul--" "oh, those!" her tone was contemptuous. "merely passing fancies, doc. just whims, dreams of the moment--in other words, puppy love." "and this? i suppose this is different--a grand passion?" "i don't know," she said, frowning abruptly. "he's nice, but--odd. attractive as--well, as the devil." "odd? how?" "oh, he's one of those minds you think we moderns lack." "intellectual, eh? new variety for you; out of the usual run of your dancing collegiates. i've often suspected that you picked your swains by the length and lowness of their cars." "maybe i did. that was one of the chief differences between them." "how'd you meet this mental paragon?" "billy fields dragged him around to one of those literary evenings he affects--where they read oscar wilde and eugene o'neil aloud. bill met him at the library." "and he out-shone all the local lights, i perceive." "he surely did!" retorted pat. "and he hardly said a word the whole evening." "he wouldn't have to, if they're all like billy! what's this prodigy's specialty?" "he writes. i think--laugh if you want to!--i think perhaps he's a genius." "well," said doctor horker, "even that's possible. it's been known to occur, but rarely, to my knowledge, in your generation." "oh, we're just dimmed by the glare of brilliance from yours." she swung her legs to the floor, facing the doctor. "do you psychiatrists actually _know_ anything about love?" she queried. "we're supposed to." "what is it, then?" "just a device of nature's for perpetuating the species. some organisms manage without it, and do pretty well." "yes. i've heard references to the poor fish!" "then they're inaccurate; fish have primitive symptoms of eroticism. but below the vertebrates, notably in the amoeba, i don't recall any amorous habits." "then your definition doesn't explain a thing, does it?" "not to one of the victims, perhaps." "anyway," said pat decisively, "i've heard of the old biological urge before your kind analysis. it doesn't begin to explain why one should be attracted to this person and repelled by that one. does it?" "no, but freud does. the famous oedipus complex." "that's the love of son for mother, or daughter for father, isn't it? and i don't see how that clears up anything; for example, i can just barely remember my father." "that's plenty. it could be some little trait in these swains of yours, some unimportant mannerism that recalls that memory. or there's that portrait of him in the hall--the one under the mellow red light. it might happen that you'd see one of these chaps under a similar light in some attitude that brings the picture to mind--or a hundred other possibilities." "doesn't sound entirely convincing," objected pat with a thoughtful frown. "well, submit to the proper treatments, and i'll tell you exactly what caused each and every one of your little passing fancies. you can't expect me to hit it first guess." "thanks, no! that's one of these courses where you tell the doctor all your secrets, and i prefer to keep what few i have." "good judgment, pat. by the way, you said this chap was odd. does that mean merely that he writes? i've known perfectly normal people who wrote." "no," she said, "it isn't that. it's--he's so sweet and gentle and manageable most of the time, but sometimes he has such a thrilling spark of mastery that it almost scares me. it's puzzling but fascinating, if you grasp my import." "huh! he's probably a naturally selfish fellow who's putting on a good show of gentleness for your benefit. those flashes of tyranny are probably his real character in moment of forgetfulness." "you doctors can explain anything, can't you?" "that's our business. it's what we're paid for." "well, you're wrong this time. i know nick well enough to know if he's acting. his personality is just what i said--gentle, sensitive, and yet--it's perplexing, and that's a good part of his charm." "then it's not such a serious case you've got," mocked the doctor. "when you're cool enough to analyze your own feelings, and dissect the elements of the chap's attraction, you're not in any danger." "danger! i can look out for myself, thanks. that's one thing we mindless moderns learn young, and don't let me catch you puttering around in my romances! _in loco parentis_ or just plain loco, you'll get the licking instead of me!" "believe me, pat, if i wanted to experiment with affairs of the heart, i'd not pick a spit-fire like you as the subject." "well, doctor carl, you're warned!" "this nick," observed the doctor, "must be quite a fellow to get the princess of the north side so het up. what's the rest of his cognomen?" "nicholas devine. romantic, isn't it?" "devine," muttered horker. "i don't know any devines. who are his people?" "hasn't any." "how does he live? by his writing?" "don't know. i gathered that he lives on some income left by his parents. what's the difference, anyway?" "none. none at all." the other wrinkled his brows thoughtfully. "there was a colleague of mine, a dr. devine; died a good many years ago. reputation wasn't anything to brag about; was a little off balance mentally." "well, nick isn't!" snapped pat with some asperity. "i'd like to meet him." "he's coming over tonight." "so'm i. i want to see your mother." he rose ponderously. "if she's not playing bridge again!" "well, look him over," retorted pat. "and i think your knowledge of love is a decided flop. i think you're woefully ignorant on the subject." "why's that?" "if you'd known anything about it, you could have married mother some time during the last seventeen years. lord knows you've tried, and all you've attained is the state of _in loco parentis_ instead of _parens_." 3 psychiatrics of genius "how do you charge--by the hour?" asked pat, as doctor horker returned from the hall. the sound of her mother's departing footsteps pattered on the porch. "of course, young one; like a plumber." "then your rates per minute must be colossal! the only time you ever see mother is a moment or so between bridge games." "i add on the time i waste with you, my dear. such as now, waiting to look over that odd swain of yours. didn't you say he'd be over this evening?" "yes, but it's not worth your rates to have him psychoanalyzed. i can do as well myself." "all right, pat. i'll give you a sample analysis free," chuckled the doctor, distributing his bulk comfortably on the davenport. "i don't like free trials," she retorted. "i sent for a beauty-culture book once, on free trial. i was twelve years only, and returned it in seven days, but i'm still getting sales letters in the mails. i must be on every sucker list in the country." "so that's the secret of your charm." "what is?" "you must have read the book, i mean. if you remember the title, i might try it myself. think it'd help?" "dr. carl," laughed the girl, "you don't need a book on beauty culture--you need one on bridge! it's that atrocious game you play that's bothering mother." "indeed? i shouldn't be surprised if you were right; i've suspected that." "save your surprise for when i'm wrong, doc. you'll suffer much less from shock." "confident little brat! you're apt to get that knocked out of you some day, though i hope you never do." "i can take it," grinned pat. "no doubt you can, but you're an adept at handing it out. where's this chap of yours?" "he'll be along. no one's ever stood me up on a date yet." "i can understand that, you imp! is that the famous nick?" he queried as a car purred to a stop beyond the windows. "no one else!" said the girl, glancing out. "the big thrill in person." she darted to the door. horker turned casually to watch her as she opened it, surveying nicholas devine with professional nonchalance. he entered, tall, slender, with his thin sensitive features sharply outlined in the light of the hall. he cast a quick glance toward the doctor; the latter noted the curious amber-green eyes of the lad, set wide in the lean face, deep, speculative, the eyes of a dreamer. "evening, nick," pat was bubbling. the newcomer gave her a hasty smile, with another glance at the doctor. "don't mind dr. carl," she continued. "aren't you going to kiss me? it irks the medico, and i never miss a chance." nicholas flushed in embarrassment; he gestured hesitantly, then placed a hasty peck of a kiss on the girl's forehead. he reddened again at the doctor's rumble of "young imp of satan!" "not very good," said pat reflectively, obviously enjoying the situation. "i've known you to do better." she pulled him toward the arch of the living room. "come meet dr. horker. dr. carl, this is the aforesaid nicholas devine." "dr. horker," repeated the lad, smiling diffidently. "you're the psychiatrist and brain specialist, aren't you, sir?" "so my patients believe," rumbled the massive doctor, rising at the introduction, and grasping the youth's hand. "and you're the genius patricia has been raving about. i'm glad to have the chance of looking you over." nick gave the girl a harassed glance, shifting uncomfortably, and patently at a loss for a reply. she grinned mischievously. "sit down, both of you," she suggested helpfully. she seized his hat from the reluctant hands of nick, sailing it carelessly to a chair. "so!" boomed the doctor, lowering his great bulk again to the davenport. he eyed the youth sitting nervously before him. "devine, did you say?" "yes, sir." "i knew a devine once. colleague of mine." "a doctor? my father was a doctor." "dr. stuart devine?" "yes, sir." he paused. "did you say you knew him, dr. horker?" "slightly," rumbled the other. "only slightly." "i don't remember him at all, of course, i was very young when he--and my mother too--died." "you must have been. patricia claims you write." "i try." "what sort of material?" "why--any sort. prose or poetry; what i feel like writing." "whatever inspires you, i suppose?" "yes, sir." the lad flushed again. "ever have anything published?" "yes, sir. in _nation's poetry_." "never heard of it." "it has a large circulation," said nick apologetically. "humph! well, that's something. whom do you like?" "whom do i like?" the youth's tone was puzzled. "what authors--writers?" "oh." he cast another uncomfortable glance at pat. "why--i like baudelaire, and poe, and swinburne, and villon, and--" "decadents, all of them!" sniffed the doctor. "what prose writers?" "well--" he hesitated--"poe again, and stern, and rabelais--" "rabelais!" horker's voice boomed. "well! your taste can't be as bad as i thought, then. there's one we agree on, anyway. and i notice you name no moderns, which is another good point." "i haven't read many moderns, sir." "that's in your favor." "cut it!" put in pat with assumed sharpness. "you've taken enough whacks at my generation for one day." "i'm glad to find one of your generation who agrees with me," chuckled the doctor. "at least to the extent of not reading its works." "i'll teach him," grinned pat. "i'll have him writing vess libre, and maybe even dadaism, in a week." "maybe it won't be much loss," grunted horker. "i haven't seen any of his work yet." "we'll bring some around sooner or later. we will, won't we, nick?" "of course, if you want to. but--" "he's going to say something modest," interrupted the girl. "he's in the retiring mood now, but he's apt to change any moment, and snap your surly head off." "humph! i'd like to see it." "so'd i," retorted pat. "you've had it coming all day; maybe i'll do it myself." "you have, my dear, innumerable times. but i'm like the hydra, except that i grow only one head to replace the one you snap off." he turned again to nicholas. "do you work?" "yes, sir. at my writing." "i mean how do you live?" "why," said the youth, reddening again in embarrassment, "my parents--" "listen!" said pat. "that's enough of dr. carl's cross examination. you'd think he was a victorian father who had just been approached for his daughter's hand. we haven't whispered any news of an engagement to you, have we, doc?" "no, but i'm acting--" "sure. _in loco parentis._ we know that." "you're incorrigible, pat! i wash my hands of you. run along, if you're going out." "you'll be telling me never to darken my own door again in the next breath!" she stretched forth a diminutive foot at the extremity of a superlatively attractive ankle, caught nick's hat on her toe, and kicked it expertly to his lap. "come on, nick. there's a moon." "there is not!" objected the doctor huffily. "it rises at four, as you ought to know. you didn't see it last night, did you?" "i didn't notice," said the girl. "come on, nick, and we'll watch it rise tonight. we'll check up on the doctor's astronomy, or is it chronology?" "you do and i'll know it! i can hear you come home, you imp!" "nice neighbor," observed pat airily, as she stepped to the door. "i'll bet you peek out of the window, too." she ignored the doctor's irritated rumble as she passed into the hall, where nick, after a diffident murmur of farewell to horker, followed. she caught up a light cape, which he draped about her shoulders. "nick," she said, "suppose you run out to the car and wait. i think i've stepped too hard on dr. carl's corns, and i want to give him a little cheering up. will you?" "of course, pat." she darted back into the living room, perching on the arm of the davenport beside the doctor. "well?" she said, running her hand through his grizzled hair. "what's the verdict?" "seems like a nice kid," grumbled horker reluctantly. "nice enough, but introverted, repressed, and i shouldn't be surprised to find him anti-social. doesn't adjust easily to his environment; takes refuge in a dream world of his own." "that's what he accuses me of doing," grinned pat. "that all you've got against him?" "that's all, but where's that streak of mastery you mentioned? you lead him around on a leash!" "it didn't show up tonight. that's the thrill--the unexpectedness of it." "bah! you must've dreamed it. there's no more aggressiveness in that lad than in koko, your canary." "don't you believe it, dr. carl! the trouble is that he's a genius, and that's where your psychology falls flat." "genius," said the doctor oracularly, "is a sublimation of qualities--" "i'll tell you tomorrow how sublime the qualities are," called pat as she skipped out of the door. 4 the transfiguration the car slid smoothly along a straight white road that stretched ahead into the darkness like an earth-bound milky way. in the dim distance before them, red as antares, glowed the tail-light of some automobile; except for this lone evidence of humanity, reflected pat, they might have been flashing through the cosmic depths of interstellar space, instead of following a highway in the very shadow of chicago. the colossal city of the lake-shore was invisible behind them, and the clustering suburbs with it. "queer, isn't it?" said pat, after a silence, "how contented we can be with none of the purchased amusement people crave--shows, movies, dancing, and all that." "it doesn't seem queer to me," answered nick. "not when i look at you here beside me." "nice of you!" retorted pat. "but it's never happened to me before." she paused, then continued, "how do you like the doctor?" "how does he like me? that's considerably more to the point, isn't it?" "he thinks you're nice, but--let's see--introverted, repressed, and ill-adjusted to your environment. i think those were the points." "well, _i_ liked _him_, in spite of your manoeuvers, and in spite of his being a doctor." "what's wrong with being a doctor?" "did you ever read 'tristram shandy'?" was nick's irrelevant response. "no, but i read the newspapers!" "what's the connection, pat?" "just as much connection as there is between the evils of being a doctor and reading 'tristram shandy'. i know that much about the book, at least." "you're nearly right," laughed nick. "i was just referring to one of tristram's remarks on doctors and lawyers. it fits my attitude." "what's the remark?" "well, he had the choice of professions, and it occurred to him that medicine and law were the vulture professions, since lawyers live by men's quarrels and doctors by men's misfortunes. so--he became a writer." "and what do writers live by?" queried pat mischievously. "by men's stupidity!" "you're precious, pat!" nick chuckled delightedly. "if i'd created you to order, i couldn't have planned you more to taste--pepper, tabasco sauce, vinegar, spice, and honey!" "and to be taken with a grain of salt," retorted the girl, puckering her piquant, impish features. she edged closer to him, locking her arm through his where it rested on the steering wheel. "nick," she said, her tones suddenly gentle, "i think i'm pretty crazy about you. heaven knows why i should be, but it's a fact." "pat, dear!" "i'm crazy about you in this meek, sensitive pose of yours, and i'm fascinated by those masterful moments you flash occasionally. really, nick, i almost wish you flamed out oftener." "don't!" he said sharply. "why not?" "let's not talk about me, pat. it--embarrasses me." "all right, mr. modesty! let's talk about me, then. i'll promise we won't succeed in embarrassing me." "and it's quite the most interesting subject in the world, pat." "well, then?" "what?" "why don't you start talking? the topic is all attention." he chuckled. "how many men have told you you were beautiful, pat?" "i never kept account." "and in many different ways?" "why? have you, perchance, discovered a new way, nick?" "not at all. the oldest way of any, the way of sappho and pindar." "o-ooh!" she clapped her hands in mock delight. "poetry!" "the only medium that could possibly express how lovely you are," said nick. "nicholas, have you gone and composed a poem to me?" "composed? no. it isn't necessary, with you here beside me." "what's that? some very subtle compliment?" "not subtle, pat. you're the poem yourself; all i need do is look at you, listen to you, and translate." "neat!" applauded the girl. "do i hear the translation?" "you certainly do." he turned his odd amber-green eyes on her, then bent forward to the road. he began to speak in a low voice. "in no far country's silent ways shall i forget one little thing- the soft intentness of your gaze, the sweetness of your murmuring your generously tender praise, the words just hinted by a breath- in no far country's silent way, unless that country's name be death--" he paused abruptly, and drove silently onward. "oh," breathed pat. "why don't you go on, nick? please." "no. it isn't the mood for this night, dear. not this night, alone with you." "what is, then?" "nothing sentimental. something lighter, something--oh, elizabethan. that's it." "and what's stopping you?" "lack of an available idea. or--wait. listen a moment." he began, this time in a tone of banter. "when mornings, you attire yourself for riding in the city, you're such a lovely little elf, extravagantly pretty! and when at noon you deign to wear the habit of the town, i cannot call to mind as fair a symphony in brown. "then evenings, you blithely don a daintiness of white, to flash a very paragon of lightsomeness--and light! but when the rounds of pleasure cease, and you retire at night, the godling on your mantelpiece must know a fairer sight!" "sweet!" laughed pat. "but personal. and anyway, how do you know i've a godling on my mantel? don't you credit me with any modesty?" "if you haven't, you should have! the vision i mentioned ought to enliven even a statue." "well," said the girl, "i have one--a jade buddha, and with all the charms i flash before him nightly, he's never batted an eyelash. explain that!" "easily. he's green with envy, and frozen with admiration, and struck dumb by wonder." "heavens! i suppose i ought to be thankful you didn't say he was petrified with fright!" pat laughed. "oh nick," she continued, in a voice gone suddenly dreamy, "this _is_ marvelous, isn't it? i mean our enjoying ourselves so completely, and our being satisfied to be so alone. why, we've never even danced together." "so we haven't. that's a subterfuge we haven't needed, isn't it?" "it is," replied the girl, dropping her glossy gleaming black head against his shoulder. "and besides, it's much more satisfactory to be held in your arms in private, instead of in the midst of a crowd, and sitting down, instead of standing up. but i should like to dance with you, nick," she concluded. "we'll go dancing, then, whenever you like." "you're delightfully complaisant, nick. but--you're puzzling." she glanced up at him. "you're so--so reluctant. here we've been driving an hour, and you haven't tried to kiss me a single time, and yet i'm quite positive you care for me." "lord, pat!" he muttered. "you never need doubt that." "then what is it? are you so spiritual and ethereal, or is my attraction for you just sort of intellectual? or--are you afraid?" as he made no reply, she continued, "or are those poems you spout about my physical charms just--poetic license?" "they're not, and you know it!" he snapped. "you've a mirror, haven't you? and other fellows than i have taken you around, haven't they?" "oh, i've been taken around! that's what perplexes me about you, nick. i'd think you were actually afraid of kissing me if it weren't--" her voice trailed into silence, and she stared speculatively ahead at the ribbon of road that rolled steadily into the headlights' glare. she broke the interval of wordlessness. "what is it, nick?" she resumed almost pleadingly. "you've hinted at something now and then. please--you don't have to hesitate to tell me; i'm modern enough to forgive things past, entanglements, affairs, disgraces, or anything like that. don't you think i should know?" "you'd know," he said huskily, "if i could tell you." "then there is something, nick!" she pressed his arm against her. "tell me, isn't there?" "i don't know." there was the suggestion of a groan in his voice. "you don't know! i can't understand." "i can't either. please, pat, let's not spoil tonight; if i could tell you, i would. why, pat, i love you--i'm terribly, deeply, solemnly in love with you." "and i with you, nick." she gazed ahead, where the road rose over the arch of a narrow bridge. the speeding car lifted to the rise like a zooming plane. and suddenly, squarely in the center of the road, another car, until now concealed by the arch of the bridge, appeared almost upon them. there was a heart-stopping moment when a collision seemed inevitable, and pat felt the arm against her tighten convulsively into a bar of steel. she heard her own sobbing gasp, and then, somehow, they had slipped unscathed between the other car and the rail of the bridge. "oh!" she gasped faintly, then with a return of breath, "that was nice, nick!" beyond the bridge, the road widened once more; she felt the car slowing, edging toward the broad shoulder of the road. "there was danger," said her companion in tones as emotionless as the rasping of metal. "i came to save it." "save what?" queried pat as the car slid to a halt on the turf. "your body." the tones were still cold, like grinding wheels. "the beauty of your body!" he reached a thin hand toward her, suddenly seized her skirt and snatched it above the silken roundness of her knees. "there," he rasped. "that is what i mean." "nick!" pat half-screamed in appalled astonishment. "how--" she paused, shocked into abrupt silence, for the face turned toward her was but a remote, evil caricature of nicholas devine's. it leered at her out of blood-shot eyes, as if behind the mask of nick's face peered a red-eyed demon. 5 a fantasy of fear the satyr beside pat was leaning toward her; the arm about her was tightening with a brutal ruthlessness, and while still staring in fascination at the incredible eyes, she realized that another arm and a white hand was moving relentlessly, exploratively, toward her body. it was the cold touch of this hand as it slipped over her silk-sheathed legs that broke the chilling spell of her fascination. "nick!" she screamed. "nick!" she had a curious sensation of calling him back from far distances, the while she strove with both hands and all her strength to press him back from her. but the ruthless force of his arms was overcoming her resistance; she saw the red eyes a hand's breadth from her own. "nick!" she sobbed in terror. there was a change. abruptly, she was looking into nick's eyes, blood-shot, frightened, puzzled, but indubitably nick's eyes. the flaming orbs of the demon were no more; it was as if they had receded into nick's head. the arm about her body relaxed, and they were staring at each other in a medley of consternation, amazement and unbelief. the youth drew back, huddled in his corner of the car, and pat, breathing in sobs, smoothed out her rumpled apparel with a convulsive movement. "pat!" he gasped. "oh, my god! he couldn't have--" he paused abruptly. the girl gazed at him without reply. "pat, dear," he spoke in a low, tense murmur, "i'm--sorry. i don't know--i don't understand how--" "never mind," she said, regaining a vestige of her customary composure. "it's--all right, nick." "but--oh, pat--!" "it was that near accident," she said. "that upset you--both of us, i mean." "yes!" he said eagerly. "that's what it was, pat. it must have been that, but dear, can you forgive? do you want to forgive me?" "it's all right," she repeated. "after all, you just complimented my legs, and i guess i can stand that. it's happened before, only not quite so--convincingly!" "you're sweet, pat!" "no; i just love you nick." she felt a sudden pity for the misery in his face. "kiss me, nick--only gently." he pressed his lips to hers, very lightly, almost timidly. she lay back against the seat for a moment, her eyes closed. "that's you again," she murmured. "this other--wasn't." "please, pat! don't refer to it,--not ever." "but it wasn't you, nick. it was just the strain of that narrow escape. i don't hold it against you." "you're--lord, pat, i don't deserve you. but you know that i--i myself--could never touch you except in tenderness, even in reverence. you're too dainty, too lovely, too spirited, to be hurt, or to be held roughly, against your will. you know i feel that way about you, don't you?" "of course. it was nothing, nick. forget it." "if i can," he said somberly. he switched on the engine, backed out upon the pavement, and turned the car toward the glow that marked chicago. neither of them spoke as the machine hummed over the arching bridge and down the slope, where, so few minutes before, the threat of accident had thrust itself at them. "we won't see a moon tonight," said pat in a small voice, after an interval. "we'll never check up on dr. carl's astronomy." "you don't want to tonight, pat, do you?" "i guess perhaps we'd better not," she replied. "we're both upset, and there'll be other nights." again they were silent. pat felt strained, shaken; there was something uncanny about the occurrence that puzzled her. the red eyes that had glared out of nick's face perplexed her, and the curious rasping voice he had used still sounded inhumanly in her memory. out of recollection rose still another mystery. "nick," she said, "what did you mean--then--when you said there was danger and you came to save me?" "nothing," he said sharply. "and then, afterwards, you started to say something about 'he couldn't have--'. who's 'he'?" "it meant nothing, i tell you. i was frantic to think you might have been hurt. that's all." "i believe you, honey," she said, wondering whether she really did. the thing was beginning to grow hazy; already it was assuming merely the proportions of an upheaval of youthful fervor. such occurrences were not unheard of, though never before had it happened to patricia lane! still, even that was conceivable, far more conceivable than the dark, unformed, inchoate suspicions she had been harboring. they hadn't even been definite enough to be called suspicions; indefinite apprehensions came closer. and yet--that strange, wild face that had formed itself of nick's fine features, and the terrible red eyes! were they elements in a picture conjured out of her own imagination? they must be, of course. she had been frightened by that hairbreadth escape, and had seen things that didn't exist. and the rest of it--well, that might be natural enough. still, there was something--she knew that; nick had admitted it. horker's words concerning nick's father rose in her mind. suspected of being crazy! was that it? was that the cause of nick's curious reluctance where she was concerned? was the face that had glared at her the visage of a maniac? it couldn't be. it couldn't be, she told herself fiercely. not her fine, tender, sensitive nick! and besides, that face, if she hadn't imagined it, had been the face, not of a lunatic, but of a devil. she shook her head, as if to deny her thoughts, and placed her hand impulsively on nick's. "i don't care," she said. "i love you, nick." "and i you," he murmured. "pat, i'm sorry about spoiling this evening. i'm sorry and ashamed." "never mind, honey. there'll be others." "tomorrow?" "no," she said. "mother and i are going out to dinner. and friday we're having company." "really, pat? you're not just trying to turn me off gently." "really, nick. try asking me for saturday evening and see!" "you're asked, then." "and it's a date." then, with a return of her usual insouciance, she added. "if you're on good behavior." "i will be. i promise." "i hope so," said pat. an inexplicable sense of foreboding had come over her; despite her self-given assurances, something unnameable troubled her. she gave a mental shrug, and deliberately relegated the unpleasant cogitations to oblivion. the car turned into dempster road; the lights of the teeming roadhouses, dance halls, road-side hamburger and barbecue stands flashed by. there were many cars here; there was no longer any impression of solitude now, in the overflow from the vast city in whose shadow they moved. the incessant flow of traffic gave the girl a feeling of security; these were tangible things about her, and once more the memory of that disturbing occurrence became dim and dreamlike. this was nick beside her, gentle, intelligent, kind; had he ever been otherwise? it seemed highly unreasonable, a fantasy of fear and the hysteria of the moment. "hungry?" asked nick unexpectedly. "i could use a barbecue, i guess. beef." the car veered to the graveled area before a brightly lit stand. nick gave the order to an attendant. he chuckled as pat, with the digestive disregard of youth attacked the greasy combination. "that's like a humming bird eating hay!" he said. "or better, like a leprechaun eating that horse-meat they can for dogs." "you might as well discover that i don't live on honey and rose-petals," said pat. "not even on caviar and terrapin--at least, not exclusively. i leave the dainty palate for mother to indulge." "which is just as well. hamburger and barbecue are more easily budgeted." "nicholas," said the girl, tossing the paper napkin out of the car window, "is that an indirect and very evasive proposal of marriage?" "you know it could be, if you wished it!" "and do i?" she said, assuming a pensive air. "i wonder. suppose we say i'll let you know later." "and meanwhile?" "oh, meanwhile we can be sort of engaged. just the way we've been." "you're sweet, pat," he murmured, as the car edged into the line of traffic. "i don't know just how to convey my appreciation, but it's there!" the buildings drew more closely together; the road was suddenly a lighted street, and then, almost without realizing it, they were before pat's home. nick walked beside her to the door; he stood facing her hesitantly. "good night, pat," he said huskily. he leaned down, kissing her very gently, turned, and departed. the girl watched him from the open doorway, following the lights of his car until they vanished down the street. dear, sweet nick! then the disturbing memory of that occurrence of the evening returned; she frowned in perplexity as the thought rose. that was all of a piece with the puzzling character of him, and the curious veiled references he'd made. references to what? she didn't know, couldn't imagine. nick had said he didn't know either, which added still another quirk to the maze. she thought of dr. horker's words. with the thought, she glanced at his house, adjacent to her own home. a light gleamed in the library; he was still awake. she closed the door behind her, and darted across the narrow strip of lawn to his porch. she rang the bell. "good evening, dr. carl," she said as the massive form of horker appeared. she puckered her lips impudently at him as she slipped by him into the house. 6 a question of science "not that i'm displeased at this visit, pat," rumbled the doctor, seating himself in one of the great chairs by the fireplace, "but i'm curious. i thought you were dating your ideal tonight, yet here you are, back alone a little after eleven. how come?" "oh," said the girl nonchalantly, dropping crosswise in the other chair, "we decided we needed our beauty sleep." "then why are you here, you young imp?" "thought you might be lonesome." "i'll bet you did! but seriously, pat, what is it? any trouble?" "no-o," she said dubiously. "no trouble. i just wanted to ask you a few hypothetical questions. about science." "go to it, then, and quickly. i was ready to turn in." "well," said pat, "about nick's father. he was a doctor, you said, and supposed to be cracked. was he really?" "humph! that's curious. i just looked up a brochure of his tonight in the american medical journal, after our conversation of this afternoon. why do you ask that?" "because i'm interested, of course." "well, here's what i remember about him, pat. he was an m.d., all right, but i see by his paper there--the one i was reading--that he was on the staff of northern u. he did some work at the cook county asylum, some research work, and there was a bit of talk about his maltreating the patients. then, on top of that, he published a paper that medical men considered crazy, and that started talk of his sanity. that's all i know." "then nick--." "i thought so! so it's come to the point where you're investigating his antecedents, eh? with an eye to marriage, or what?" "or what!" snapped pat. "i was curious to know, naturally." "naturally." the doctor gave her a keen glance from his shrewd eyes. "did you think you detected incipient dementia in your ideal?" "no," said the girl thoughtfully. "dr. carl, is there any sort of craziness that could take an ordinarily shy person and make a passionate devil of him? i don't mean passionate, either," she added. "rather cold, ruthless, domineering." "none that i know of," said horker, watching her closely. "did this nick of yours have one of his masterful moments?" "worse than that," admitted pat reluctantly. "we had a near accident, and it startled both of us, and then suddenly, he was looking at me like a devil, and then--" she paused. "it frightened me a little." "what'd he do?" demanded horker sharply. "nothing." she lied with no hesitation. "were there any signs of satyromania?" "i don't know. i never heard of that." "i mean, in plain americanese, did he make a pass at you?" "he--no, he didn't." "well, what _did_ he do?" "he just looked at me." somehow a feeling of disloyalty was rising in her; she felt a reluctance to betray nick further. "what did he say, then? and don't lie this time." "he just said--he just looked at my legs and said something about their being beautiful, and that was all. after that, the look on his face faded into the old nick." "old nick is right--the impudent scoundrel!" horker's voice rumbled angrily. "well, they're nice legs," said pat defiantly, swinging them as evidence. "you've said it yourself. why shouldn't _he_ say it? what's to keep him from it?" "the code of a gentleman, for one thing!" "oh, who cares for your victorian codes! anyway, i came here for information, not to be cross-examined. i want to ask the questions myself." "pat, you're a reckless little spit-fire, and you're going to get burned some day, and deserve it," the doctor rumbled ominously. "ask your fool questions, and then i'll ask mine." "all right," said the girl, still defiant. "i don't guarantee to answer yours, however." "well, ask yours, you imp!" "first, then--is that satyro-stuff you mentioned intermittent or continuous?" "it's necessarily intermittent, you numb-skull! the male organism can't function continuously!" "i mean, does the mania lie dormant for weeks or months, and then flare up?" "not at all. it's a permanent mania, like any other psychopathic sex condition." "oh," said pat thoughtfully, with a sense of relief. "well, go on. what next?" "what are these dual personalities you read about in the papers?" "they're aphasias. an individual forgets his name, and he picks, or is given, another, if he happens to wander among strangers. he forgets much of his past experience; the second personality is merely what's left of the first--sort of a vestige of his normal character. there isn't any such thing as a dual personality in the sense of two distinct characters living in one body." "isn't there?" queried the girl musingly. "could the second personality have qualities that the first one lacked?" "not any more than it could have an extra finger! the second is merely a split off the first, a forgetfulness, a loss of memory. it couldn't have _more_ qualities than the whole, or normal, character; it _must_ have fewer." "isn't that just too interesting!" said pat in a bantering tone. "all right, dr. carl. it's your turn." "then what's the reason for all this curiosity about perversions and aphasias? what's happened to your genius now?" "oh, i'm thinking of taking up the study of psychiatry," replied the girl cheerfully. "aren't you going to answer me seriously?" "no." "then what's the use of my asking questions?" "i know the right answer to that one. none!" "pat," said horker in a low voice, "you're an impudent little hoyden, and too clever for your own good, but you and your mother are very precious to me. you know that." "of course i do, dr. carl," said the girl, relenting. "you're a dear, and i'm crazy about you, and you know that, too." "what i'm trying to say," proceeded the other, "is simply that i'm trying to help you. i want to help you, if you need help. do you?" "i guess i don't, dr. carl, but you're sweet." "are you in love with this nicholas devine?" "i think perhaps i am," she admitted softly. "and is he in love with you?" "frankly, could he help being?" "then there's something about him that worries you. that's it, isn't it?" "i thought there was, dr. carl. i was a little startled by the change in him right after we had that narrow escape, but i'm sure it was nothing--just imagination. honestly, that's all that troubled me." "i believe you, pat," said the doctor, his eyes fixed on hers. "but guard yourself, my dear. be sure he's what you think he is; be sure you know him rightly." "he's clean and fine," murmured the girl. "i _am_ sure." "but this puzzling yourself about his character, pat--i don't like it. make doubly sure before you permit your feelings to become too deeply involved. that's only common sense, child, not psychiatry or magic." "i'm sure," repeated pat. "i'm not puzzled or troubled any more. and thanks, dr. carl. you run along to bed and i'll do likewise." he rose, accompanying her to the door, his face unusually grave. "patricia," he said, "i want you to think over what i've said. be sure, be doubly sure, before you expose yourself to the possibility of suffering. remember that, won't you?" "i'll try to. don't fret yourself about it, dr. carl; i'm a hard-boiled young modern, and it takes a diamond to even scratch me." "i hope so," he said soberly. "run along; i'll watch until you're inside." pat darted across the strip of grass, turned at her door to blow a goodnight kiss to the doctor, and slipped in. she tiptoed quietly to her room, slipped off her dress, and surveyed her long, slim legs in the mirror. "why shouldn't he say they were beautiful?" she queried of the image. "i can't see any reason to get excited over a simple compliment like that." she made a face over her shoulder at the green buddha above the fireplace. "and as for you, fat boy," she murmured, "i expect to see you wink at me tonight. and every night hereafter!" she prepared herself for slumber, slipped into the great bed. she had hardly closed her lids before the image of a leering face with terrible bloody eyes flamed out of memory and set her trembling and shuddering. 7 the red eyes return "i suppose i really ought to meet your friends, patricia," said mrs. lane, peering out of the window, "but they all seem to call when i'm not at home." "i'll have some of them call in february," said pat. "you're not out as often in february." "why do you say i'm not out as often in february?" demanded her mother. "i don't see what earthly difference the month makes." "there are fewer days in february," retorted pat airily. "facetious brat!" "so i've been told. you needn't worry, though, mother; i'm sober, steady, and reliable, and if i weren't, dr. carl would see to it that my associates were." "yes; carl is a gem," observed her mother. "by the way, who's this nicholas you're so enthusiastic about?" "he's a boy i met." "what's he like?" "well, he speaks english and wears a hat." "imp! is he nice?" "that means is his family acceptable, doesn't it? he hasn't any family." mrs. lane shrugged her attractive shoulders. "you're a self-reliant sort, patricia, and cool as iced lettuce, like your father. i don't doubt that you can manage your own affairs, and here comes claude with the car." she gave the girl a hasty kiss. "good-bye, and have a good time, as i'm sure i shan't with bret cutter in the game." pat watched her mother's trim, amazingly youthful figure as she entered the car. more like a companion than a parent, she mused; she liked the independence her mother's attitude permitted her. "better than being watched like a prize-winning puppy," she thought. "maybe dr. carl as a father would have a detriment or two along with the advantages. he's a dear, and i'm mad about him, but he does lean to the nineteenth century as far as parental duties are concerned." she saw nick's car draw to the curb; as he emerged she waved from the window and skipped into the hall. she caught up her wrap and bounded out to meet him just ascending the steps. "let's go!" she greeted him. she cast an apprehensive glance at his features, but there was nothing disturbing about him. he gave her a diffident smile, the shy, gentle smile that had taken her in that first moment of meeting. this was certainly no one but her own nick, with no trace of the unsettling personality of their last encounter. he helped her into the car, seating himself at her side. he leaned over her, kissing her very tenderly; suddenly she was clinging to him, her face against the thrilling warmth of his cheek. "nick!" she murmured. "nick! you're just safely you, aren't you? i've been imagining things that i knew couldn't be so!" he slipped his arm caressingly about her, and the pressure of it was like the security of encircling battlements. the world was outside the circle of his arms; she was within, safe, inviolable. it was some moments before she stirred, lifting her pert face with tear-bright eyes from the obscurity of his shoulder. "so!" she exclaimed, patting the black glow of her hair into composure. "i feel better, nick, and i hope you didn't mind." "mind!" he ejaculated. "if you mean that as a joke, honey, it's far too subtle for me." "well, i didn't think you'd mind," said pat demurely, settling herself beside him. "let's be moving, then; dr. carl is nearly popping his eyes out in the window there." the car hummed into motion; she waved a derisive arm at the doctor's window by way of indicating her knowledge of his surveillance. "ought to teach him a lesson some time," she thought. "one of these fine evenings i'll give him a real shock." "where'll we go?" queried nick, veering skilfully into the swift traffic of sheridan road. "anywhere!" she said blithely. "who cares as long as we go together?" "dancing?" "why not? know a good place?" "no." he frowned in thought. "i haven't indulged much." "the picador?" she suggested. "the music's good, and it's not too expensive. but it's 'most across town, and besides, saturday nights we'd be sure to run into some of the crowd." "what of it?" "i want to dance with you, nick--all evening. i want to be without distractions." "pat, dear! i could kiss you for that." "you will," she murmured softly. they moved aimlessly south with the traffic, pausing momentarily at the light-controlled intersections, then whirring again to rapid motion. the girl leaned against his arm silently, contentedly; block after block dropped behind. "why so pensive, honey?" he asked after an interval. "i've never known you so quiet before." "i'm enjoying my happiness, nick." "aren't you usually happy?" "of course, only these last two or three days, ever since our last date, i've been making myself miserable. i've been telling myself foolish things, impossible things, and it's only now that i've thrown off the blues. i'm happy, dear!" "i'm glad you are," he said. his voice was strangely husky, and he stared fixedly at the street rushing toward them. "i'm glad you are," he repeated, a curious tensity in his tones. "so'm i." "i'll never do anything to make you unhappy, pat--never. not--if i can help it." "you can help it, nick. you're the one making me happy; please keep doing it." "i--hope to." there was a queer catch in his voice. it was almost as if he feared something. "selah!" said pat conclusively. she was thinking, "wrong of me to refer to that accident. after all it was harmless; just a natural burst of passion. might happen to anyone." "where'll we go?" asked nick as they swung into the tree-shadowed road of lincoln park. "we haven't decided that." "anywhere," said the girl dreamily. "just drive; we'll find a place." "you must know lots of them." "we'll find a new place; we'll discover it for ourselves. it'll mean more, doing that, than if we just go to one of the old places where i've been with every boy that ever dated me. you don't want me dancing with a crowd of memories, do you?" "i shouldn't mind as long as they stayed merely memories." "well, i should! this evening's to be ours--exclusively ours." "as if it could ever be otherwise!" "indeed?" said pat. "and how do you know what memories i might choose to carry along? are you capable of inspecting my mental baggage?" "we'll check it at the door. you're traveling light tonight, aren't you?" "pest!" she said, giving his cheek an impudent vicious pinch. "nice, pleasurable pest!" he made no answer. the car was idling rather slowly along michigan boulevard; half a block ahead glowed the green of a traffic light. faster traffic flowed around them, passing them like water eddying about a slow floating branch. suddenly the car lurched forward. the amber flame of the warning light had flared out; they flashed across the intersection a split second before the metallic click of the red light, and a scant few feet before the converging lines of traffic from the side street swept in with protesting horns. "nick!" the girl gasped. "you'll rate yourself a traffic ticket! why'd you cut the light like that?" "to lose your guardian angel," he muttered in tones so low she barely understood his words. pat glanced back; the lights of a dozen cars showed beyond the barrier of the red signal. "do you mean one of those cars was following us? what on earth makes you think that, and why should it, anyway?" the other made no answer; he swerved the car abruptly off the avenue, into one of the nondescript side streets. he drove swiftly to the corner, turned south again, and turned again on some street pat failed to identify--south superior or grand, she thought. they were scarcely a block from the magnificence of michigan avenue and its skyscrapers, its brilliant lights, and its teeming night traffic, yet here they moved down a deserted dark thoroughfare, a street lined with ramshackle wooden houses intermingled with mean little shops. "nick!" pat exclaimed. "where are we going?" the low voice sounded. "dancing," he said. he brought the car to the curb; in the silence as the motor died, the faint strains of a mechanical piano sounded. he opened the car door, stepped around to the sidewalk. "we're here," he said. something metallic in his tone drew pat's eyes to his face. the eyes that returned her stare were the bloody orbs of the demon of last wednesday night! 8 gateway to evil pat stared curiously at the apparition but made no move to alight from the vehicle. she was conscious of no fear, only a sense of wonder and perplexity. after all, this was merely nick, her own harmless, adoring nick, in some sort of mysterious masquerade, and she felt full confidence in her ability to handle him under any circumstances. "where's here?" she said, remaining motionless in her place. "a place to dance," came the toneless reply. pat eyed him; a street car rumbled past, and the brief glow from its lighted windows swept over his face. suddenly the visage was that of nick; the crimson glare of the eyes was imperceptible, and the features were the well-known appurtenances of nicholas devine, but queerly tensed and strained. "a trick of the light," she thought, as the street car lumbered away, and again a faint gleam of crimson appeared. she gazed curiously at the youth, who stood impassively returning her survey as he held the door of the car. but the face was the face of nick, she perceived, probably in one of his grim moods. she transferred her glance to the building opposite which they had stopped. the strains of the mechanical piano had ceased; blank, shaded windows faced them, around whose edges glowed a subdued light from within. a drab, battered, paintless shack, she thought, dismal and unpleasant; while she gazed, the sound of the discordant music recommenced, adding, it seemed, the last unprepossessing item. "it doesn't look very attractive, nick," she observed dubiously. "i find it so, however." "then you've been here?" "yes." "but i thought you said you didn't know any place to go." "this one hadn't occurred to me--then." "well," she said crisply, "i could have done as well as this with my eyes closed. it doesn't appeal to me at all, nick." "nevertheless, here's where we'll go. you're apt to find it--interesting." "look here, nicholas devine!" pat snapped, "what makes you think you can bully me? no one has ever succeeded yet!" "i said you'd find it interesting." his voice was unchanged; she stared at him in complete bafflement. "oh, nick!" she exclaimed in suddenly softer tones. "what difference does it make? didn't i say anywhere would do, so we went together?" she smiled at him. "this will do if you wish, though really, honey, i'd prefer not." "i do wish it," the other said. "all right, honey," said pat the faintest trace of reluctance in her voice as she slipped from the car. "i stick to my bargains." she winced at the intensity of his grip as he took her arm to assist her. his fingers were like taunt wires biting into her flesh. "nick!" she cried. "you're hurting me! you're bruising my arm!" he released her; she rubbed the spot ruefully, then followed him to the door of the mysterious establishment. the unharmonious jangle of the piano dinned abruptly louder as he swung the door open. pat entered and glanced around her at the room revealed. dull, smoky, dismal--not the least exciting or interesting as yet, she thought. a short bar paralleled one wall, behind which lounged a little, thin, nondescript individual with a small mustache. half a dozen tables filled the remainder of the room; four or five occupied by the clientele of the place, as unsavory a group as the girl could recall having encountered on the hither side of the motion picture screen. two women tittered as nick entered; then with one accord, the eyes of the entire group fixed on pat, where she stood drawing her wrap more closely about her, standing uncomfortably behind her escort. and the piano tinkled its discords in the far corner. "same place," said nick shortly to the bartender, ignoring the glances of the others. pat followed him across the room to a door, into a hall, thence into a smaller room furnished merely with a table and four chairs. the nondescript man stood waiting in the doorway as nick took her wrap and seated her in one of the chairs. "quart," he said laconically, and the bartender disappeared. pat stared intently, studiously, into the face of her companion. nick's face, certainly; here in full light there was no trace of the red-eyed horror she had fancied out there in the semi-darkness of the street. or was there? now--when he turned, when the light struck his eyes at an angle, was that a glint of crimson? still, the features were nick's, only a certain grim intensity foreign to him lurked about the set of his mouth, the narrowed eye-lids. "well!" she said. "so this is paris! what are you trying to do--teach me capital l--life? and where do we dance?" "in here." "and what kind of quart was that you ordered? you know how little i drink, and i'm darned particular about even that little." "you'll like this." "i doubt it." "i said you'll like it," he reiterated in flat tones. "i heard you say it." she regarded him with a puzzled frown. "nick," she said suddenly, "i've decided i like you better in your gentle pose; this masterful attitude isn't becoming, and you can forget what i said about wishing you'd display it oftener." "you'll like that, too." "again i doubt it. nick, dear, don't spoil another evening like that last one!" "this one won't be like the last one!" "but honey--" she paused at the entrance of the bartender bearing a tray, an opened bottle of ginger ale, two glasses of ice, and a flask of oily amber liquid. he deposited the assortment on the red-checked table cloth. "two dollars," he said, pocketed the money and silently retired. "nicholas," said the girl tartly, "there's enough of that poison for a regiment." "i don't think so." "well, i won't drink it, and i won't let you drink it! so now what?" "i think you'll do both." "i don't!" she snapped. "and i don't like this, nick--the place, or the liquor, or your attitude, or anything. we're going to leave!" instead of answering, he pulled the cork from the bottle, pouring a quantity of the amber fluid into each of the tumblers. to one he added an equal quantity of ginger ale, and set it deliberately squarely in front of pat. she frowned at it distastefully, and shook her head. "no," she said. "not i. i'm leaving." she made no move, however; her eyes met those of her companion, gazing at her with a cold intentness in their curious amber depths. and again--was that a flash of red? impulsively she reached out her hand, touched his. "oh, nick!" she said in soft, almost pleading tones. "please, honey--i don't understand you. don't you know i love you, nick? you can hear me say it: i love you. don't you believe that?" he continued his cold, intense stare; the grim set of his mouth was as unrelaxing as marble. pat felt a shiver of apprehension run through her, and an almost hypnotic desire to yield herself to the demands of the inexplicable eyes. she tore her glance away, looking down at the red checks of the table cloth. "nick, dear," she said. "i can't understand this. will you tell me what you--will you tell me why we're here?" "it is out of your grasp." "but--i know it has something to do with wednesday night, something to do with that reluctance of yours, the thing you said you didn't understand. hasn't it?" "do you think so?" "yes," she said. "i do! and nick, honey--didn't i tell you i could forgive you anything? i don't care what's happened in the past; all i care for is now, now and the future. don't you understand me? i've told you i loved you, honey! don't you love me?" "yes," said the other, staring at her with no change in the fixity of his gaze. "then how can you--act like this to me?" "this is my conception of love." "i don't understand!" the girl said helplessly. "i'm completely puzzled--it's all topsy-turvy." "yes," he said in impassive agreement. "but what is this, nick? please, please--what is this? are you mad?" she had almost added, "like your father." "no," he said, still in those cold tones. "this is an experiment." "an experiment!" "yes. an experiment in evil." "i don't understand," she repeated. "i said you wouldn't." "do you mean," she asked, struck by a sudden thought, "that discussion of ours about pure horror? what you said that night last week?" "that!" his voice was icy and contemptuous. "that was the drivel of a weakling. no; i mean evil, not horror--the living evil that can be so beautiful that one walks deliberately, with open eyes, into hell only to prevent its loss. that is the experiment." "oh," said pat, her own voice suddenly cool. "is that what you wish to do--experiment on me?" "yes." "and what am i supposed to do?" "first you are to drink with me." "i see," she said slowly. "i see--dimly. i am a subject, a reagent, a guinea pig, to provide you material for your writing. you propose to use me in this experiment of yours--this experiment in evil. all right!" she picked up the tumbler; impulsively she drained it. the liquor, diluted as it was, was raw and strong enough to bring tears smarting to her eyes. or _was_ it the liquor? "all right!" she cried. "i'll drink it all--the whole bottle!" she seized the flask, filling her tumbler to the brim, while her companion watched her with impassive gaze. "you'll have your experiment! and then, nicholas devine, we're through! do you hear me? through!" she caught up the tumbler, raised it to her lips, and drained the searing liquid until she could see her companion's cold eyes regarding her through the glass of its bottom. 9 descent into avernus pat slammed the empty tumbler down on the checked table cloth and buried her face in her hands, choking and gasping from the effects of the fiery liquor. her throat burned, her mouth was parched by the acrid taste, and a conflagration seemed to be raging somewhere within her. then she steadied, raised her eyes, and stared straight into the strange eyes of nicholas devine. "well?" she said fiercely. "is that enough?" he was watching her coldly as an image or a painting; the intensity of his gaze was more cat-like than human. she moved her head aside; his eyes, without apparent shift, were still on hers, like the eyes of a pictured face. a resurgence of anger shook her at his immobility; his aloofness seemed to imply that nothing she could do would disturb him. "wasn't it enough?" she screamed. "wasn't it? then look!" she seized the bottle, poured another stream of the oily liquid into her glass, and raised it to her lips. again the burning fluid excoriated her tongue and throat, and then suddenly, the tumbler was struck from her hand, spilling the rest of its contents on the table. "that is enough," said the icy voice of her companion. "oh, it is? we'll see!" she snatched at the bottle, still more than half full. the thin hand of nicholas devine wrenched it violently away. "give me that!" she cried. "you wanted what you're getting!" the warmth within her had reached the surface now; she felt flushed, excited, reckless, and desperately angry. the other set the bottle deliberately on the floor; he rose, circled the table, and stood glaring down at her with that same inexplicable expression. suddenly he raised his hand; twisting her black hair in his fist, he dealt her a stinging blow across the lips half-opened to scream, then flung her away so violently that she nearly sprawled from her chair. the scream died in her throat; dazed by the blow, she dropped her head to the table, while sobs of pain and fear shook her. coherent thought had departed, and she knew only that her lips stung, that her clear, active little mind was caught in a mesh of befuddlement. she couldn't think; she could only sob in the haze of dizziness that encompassed her. after a long interval, she raised her head, opened her eyes upon a swaying, unsteady world, and faced her companion, who had silently resumed his seat. "nicholas devine," she said slowly, speaking as if each word were an effort, "i hate you!" "ah!" he said and was again silent. she forced her eyes to focus on his face, while his features danced vaguely as if smoke flowed between the two of them. it was as if there were smoke in her mind as well; she made a great effort to rise above the clouds that bemused her thoughts. "take me home," she said. "nicholas, i want to go home." "why should i?" he asked impassively. "the experiment is hardly begun." "experiment?" she echoed dully. "oh, yes--experiment. i'm an experiment." "an experiment in evil," he said. "yes--in evil. and i hate you! that's evil enough, isn't it?" he reached down, lifted the bottle to the table, and methodically poured himself a drink of the liquor. he raised it, watching the oily swirls in the light, then tipped the fluid to his lips while the girl gazed at him with a sullen set to her own lips. a tiny crimson spot had appeared in the corner of her mouth; at its sting, she raised her hand and brushed it away. she stared as if in unbelief at the small red smear it left on her fingers. "nicholas," she said pleadingly, "won't you take me home? please, nicholas, i want to leave here." "do you hate me?" he asked, a queer twisting smile appearing on his lips. "if you'll take me home i won't," said pat, snatching through the rising clouds of dizziness at a straw of logic. "you're going to take me home, aren't you?" "let me hear you say you hate me!" he demanded, rising again. the girl cringed away with a little whimper as he approached. "you hate me, don't you?" he twisted his hand again in her ebony hair, drawing her face back so that he stared down at it. "there's blood on your lips," he said as if gloating. "blood on your lips!" he clutched her hair more tightly; abruptly he bent over her, pressing his mouth to hers. her bruised lips burned with pain at the fierce pressure of his; she felt a sharp anguish at the impingement of his teeth. yet the cloudy pall of dizziness about her was unbroken; she was too frightened and bewildered for resistance. "blood on your lips!" he repeated exultingly. "now is the beauty of evil!" "nicholas," she said wearily, clinging desperately to a remnant of logic, "what do you want of me? tell me what you want and then let me go home." "i want to show you the face of evil," he said. "i want you to know the glory of evil, the loveliness of supreme evil!" he dragged his chair around the table, placing it beside her. seated, he drew her into his arms, where she lay passive, too limp and befuddled to resist. with a sudden movement, he turned her so that her back rested across his knees, her face gazing up into his. he stared intently down at her, and the light, shining at an angle into his eyes, suddenly struck out the red glow that lingered in them. "i want you to know the power of evil," he murmured. "the irresistible, incomprehensible fascination of it, and the unspeakable pleasures of indulgence in it." pat scarcely heard him; she was struggling now in vain against the overwhelming fumes of the alcohol she had consumed. the room was wavering around her, and behind her despair and terror, a curious elation was thrusting itself into her consciousness. "evil," she echoed vaguely. "blood on your lips!" he muttered, peering down at her. "taste the unutterable pleasure of kisses on bloody lips; drain the sweet anguish of pain, the fierce delight of suffering!" he bent down; again his lips pressed upon hers, but this time she felt herself responding. some still sane portion of her brain rebelled, but the intoxication of sense and alcohol was dominant. suddenly she was clinging to him, returning his kisses, glorying in the pain of her lacerated lips. a red mist suffused her; she had no consciousness of anything save the exquisite pain of the kiss, that somehow contrived to transform itself into an ecstacy of delight. she lay gasping as the other withdrew his lips. "you see!" he gloated. "you understand! evil is open to us, and all the unutterable pleasures of the damned, who cry out in transports of joy at the bite of the flames of hell. do you see?" the girl made no answer, sobbing in a chaotic mingling of pain and excruciating pleasure. she was incapable of speech or connected thought; the alcohol beat against her brain with a persistence that defied resistance. after a moment, she stirred, struggling erect to a sitting posture. "evil!" she said dizzily. "evil and good--what's difference? all in a lifetime!" she felt a surge of tipsy elation, and then the muffled music of the mechanical piano, drifting through the closed door, penetrated her befuddled consciousness. "i want to dance!" she cried. "i'm drunk and i want to dance! am i drunk?" she appealed to her companion. "yes," he said. "i am not! i just want to dance, only it's hot in here. dance with me, nicholas--show me an evil dance! i want to dance with the devil, and i will! you're the devil, name and all! i want to dance with old nick himself!" she rose unsteadily from her chair; instantly the room reeled crazily about her and she fell sprawling. she felt the grasp of arms beneath her shoulders, raising her erect; she leaned against the wall and heard herself laughing wildly. "funny room!" she said. "evil room--on pivots!" "you're still to learn," came the toneless voice of nicholas devine. "do you want to see the face of evil?" "sure!" she said. "got a good memory for faces!" she realized that he was fumbling with the catch of her dress on her left shoulder; again some remnant, some vestige of sanity deep in her brain warned her. "mustn't," she said vaguely. then suddenly the catch was open; the dress dropped away around her, crumpling to a shapeless blob of cloth about her diminutive feet. she covered her face with her hands, fighting to hold that last, vanishing vestige of sobriety, while she stood swaying drunkenly against the wall. then nicholas devine's arms were about her again; she felt the sharp sting of his kisses on her throat. he swung her about, bent her backwards across the low table; she was conscious of a bewildered sensation of helplessness and of little else. "now the supreme glory of evil!" he was muttering in her ear. she felt his hands on her bare shoulders as he pressed her backward. then, abruptly, he paused, releasing her. she sat dizzily erect, following the direction of his gaze. in the half open door stood the nondescript bartender leering in at them. 10 rescue from abaddon pat slid dizzily from her perch on the table and sank heavily to a chair. the interruption of the mustached keeper of this den of contradictions struck her as extremely humorous; she giggled hysterically as her wavering gaze perceived the consternation in his sharp little face. some forlorn shred of modesty asserted itself, and she dragged a corner of the red-checked table cloth across her knees. "get out!" said nicholas devine in that voice of rasping metal. "get out!" he repeated in unchanging tones. the other made no move to leave. "yeah?" he said. "listen, bud--this place is respectable, see? you want to pull something like this, you go upstairs, see? and pay for your room." "get out!" there was no variation in the voice. "_you_ get out! the both of you, see?" nicholas devine stepped slowly toward him; his back, as he advanced upon the bartender, was toward pat, yet through the haze of intoxication, she had an impression of evil red eyes in a chill, impassive face. "get out!" the other had no stomach for such an adversary. he backed out of the door, closing it as he vanished. his voice floated in from the hall. "i'm telling you!" he called. "clear out!" nicholas devine turned back toward the girl. he surveyed her sitting in her chair; she had dropped her chin to her hand to steady the whirling of her head. "we'll go," he said. "come on." "i just want to sit here," she said. "just let me sit here. i'm tired." "come on," he repeated. "why?" she muttered petulantly. "i'm tired." "i want no interruptions. we'll go elsewhere." "must dress!" she murmured dazedly, "can't go on street without dress." nicholas devine swept her frock from its place in the corner, gathered her wrap from the chair, and flung them over his arm. he grasped her wrist, tugging her to an unsteady standing position. "come on," he said. "dress!" he snatched the red checked table cloth from its place, precipitating bottles, ash-tray, and glasses into an indiscriminate pile, and threw the stained and odorous fabric across her shoulders. she gathered it about her like a toga; it hung at most points barely below her waist, but it satisfied the urge of her muddled mind for a covering of some sort. "we'll go through the rear," her companion said. "into the alley. i want no trouble with that rat in the bar--yet!" he still held pat's wrist; she stumbled after him as he dragged her into the darkness of the hall. they moved through it blindly to a door at the far end; nicholas swung it open upon a dim corridor flanked by buildings on either side, with a strip of star-sprinkled sky above. pat's legs were somehow incapable of their usual lithe grace; she failed to negotiate the single step, and crashed heavily to the concrete paving. the shock and the cooler air of the open steadied her momentarily; she felt no pain from her bruised knees, but a temporary rift in the fog that bound her mind. she gathered the red-checked cloth more closely about her shoulders as her companion, still clutching her wrist, jerked her violently to her feet. they moved into the gulch of the alley, and here she found difficulty in following. her tiny high-heeled pumps slipped at every step on the uneven cobbles of the paving, and the unsteady footing made her lurch and stumble until the dusty stretch of the alley was a writhing panorama of shadows and lighted windows and stars. nicholas devine turned an impatient glare on her, and here in the semi-darkness, his face was again the face of the red-eyed demon. she dragged him to a halt, laughing strangely. "there it is!" she cried, pointing at him with her free hand. he turned again, staring at her with grim features. "what?" "there! your face--the face of evil!" again she laughed hysterically. the other stepped to her side; the disturbing eyes were inches from her own. he raised his hand as she laughed, slapped her sharply, so that her head reeled. he seized her shoulders, shaking her until the checkered cloth billowed like a flag in a wind. "now come!" he muttered. but the girl, laughing no longer, leaned pale and weak against a low board fence. her limbs seemed paralyzed, and movement was quite impossible. she was conscious of neither the blow nor the shaking, but only of a devastating nausea and an all-encompassing weakness. she bent over the fence; she was violently ill. then the nausea had vanished, and a weariness, a strange lassitude, was all that remained. nicholas devine stood over her; suddenly he pressed her body to him in a convulsive embrace, so that her head dropped back, and his face loomed above her, obliterating the stars. "ah!" he said. he seemed about to kiss her when a sound--voices--filtered out of somewhere in the maze of dark courts and littered yards along the alley. he released her, seized her wrist, and once more she was stumbling wretchedly behind him over the uneven surface of the cobblestones. a numbness had come over her; consciousness burned very low as she wavered doggedly along through the darkness. she perceived dimly that they were approaching the end of the alley; the brighter glow of the street loomed before them, and a passing motor car cut momentary parallel shafts of luminescence across the opening. nicholas devine slowed his pace, still clutching her wrist in a cold grip; he paused, moving cautiously toward the corner of the building. he peered around the edge of the structure, surveying the now deserted street, while pat stood dully behind him, incapable alike of thought or voluntary movement, clutching desperately at the dirty cloth that hung about her shoulders. her companion finished his survey; apparently satisfied that progress was safe, he dragged her after him, turning toward the corner beyond which his car was parked. the girl staggered behind him with diminishing vigor; consciousness was very nearly at the point of disappearance, and her steps were wavering unsteadily, and doggedly slow. she dragged heavily on his arm; he gave a gesture of impatience at her weakness. "come on!" he growled. "we're just going to the corner." his voice rose slightly in pitch, still sounding harsh as rasping metals. "there still remains the ultimate evil!" he said. "there is still a depth of beauty unplumbed, a pain whose exquisite pleasure is yet to find!" they approached the corner; abruptly nicholas devine drew back as two figures came unexpectedly into view from beyond it. he turned back toward the alley-way, dragging the girl in a dizzy circle. he took a few rapid steps. but pat was through, exhausted. at his first step she stumbled and sprawled, dragging prone behind him. he released her hand and turned defiantly to face the approaching men, while the girl lying on the pavement struggled to a sitting posture with her back against the wall. she turned dull, indifferent eyes on the scene, then was roused to a somewhat higher pitch of interest by the sound of a familiar voice. "there he is! i told you it was his car." dr. horker! she struggled for clarity of thought; she realized dimly that she ought to feel relief, happiness--but all she could summon was a faint quickening of interest, or rather, a diminution of the lassitude that held her. she drew the rag of a table cloth about her and huddled against the wall, watching. the doctor and some strange man, burly and massive in the darkness, dashed upon them, while nicholas devine waited, his red-orbed face a demoniac picture of cold contempt. then the doctor glanced at her huddled, bedraggled figure; she saw his face aghast, incredulous, as he perceived the condition of her clothing. "pat! my god, girl! what's happened? where've you been?" she found a hidden reserve somewhere within her. her voice rose, shrill and hysterical. "we've been in hell!" she said. "you came to take me back, didn't you? orpheus and eurydice!" she laughed. "dr. orpheus horker!" the doctor flashed her another incredulous glance and a grim and very terrible expression flamed in his face. he turned toward nicholas devine, his hands clenching, his mouth twisting without utterance, with no sound save a half-audible snarl. then he spoke, a low, grating phrase flung at his thick-set companion. "bring the car," was all he said. the man lumbered away toward the corner, and he turned again toward nicholas devine, who faced him impassively. suddenly his fist shot out; he struck the youth or demon squarely between the red eyes, sending him reeling back against the building. then the doctor turned, bending over pat; she felt the pressure of his arms beneath knees and shoulders. he was carrying her toward a car that drew up at the curb; he was placing her gently in the back seat. then, without a glance at the figure still leaning against the building, he swept from the sidewalk the dark mass that was pat's dress and her wrap, and re-entered the car beside her. "shall i turn him in?" asked the man in the front seat. "we can't afford the publicity," said the doctor, adding grimly, "i'll settle with him later." pat's head lurched as the car started; she was losing consciousness, and realized it vaguely, but she retained one impression as the vehicle swung into motion. she perceived that the face of the lone figure leaning against the building, a face staring at her with horror and unbelief, was no longer the visage of the demon of the evening, but that of her own nick. 11 wreckage pat opened her eyes reluctantly, with the impression that something unpleasant awaited her return to full consciousness. something, as yet she could not recall just what, had happened to her; she was not even sure where she was awakening. however, her eyes surveyed her own familiar room; there opposite the bed grinned the jade buddha on his stand on the mantel--the one that nick had--nick! a mass of troubled, terrible recollections thrust themselves suddenly into consciousness. she visioned a medley of disturbing pictures, as yet disconnected, unassorted, but waiting only the return of complete wakefulness. and she realized abruptly that her head ached miserably, that her mouth was parched, that twinges of pain were making themselves evident in various portions of her anatomy. she turned her head and caught a glimpse of a figure at the bed-side; her startled glance revealed dr. horker, sitting quietly watching her. "hello, doctor," she said, wincing as her smile brought a sharp pain from her lips. "or should i say, good morning, judge?" "pat!" he rumbled, his growling tones oddly gentle. "little pat! how do you feel, child?" "fair," she said. "just fair. dr. carl, what happened to me last night? i can't seem to remember--oh!" a flash of recollection pierced the obscure muddle. she remembered now--not all of the events of that ghastly evening, but enough. too much! "oh!" she murmured faintly. "oh, dr. carl!" "yes," he nodded. "'oh!'--and would you mind very much telling me what that 'oh' of yours implies?" "why--". she paused shuddering, as one by one the events of that sequence of horrors reassembled themselves. "yes, i'd mind very much," she continued. "it was nothing--" she turned to him abruptly. "oh, it was, though, dr. carl! it was horrible, unspeakable, incomprehensible!--but i can't talk about it! i can't!" "perhaps you're right," said the doctor mildly. "don't you really want to discuss it?" "i do want to," admitted the girl after a moment's reflection. "i want to--but i can't. i'm afraid to think of all of it." "but what in heaven's name did you do?" "we just started out to go dancing," she said hesitatingly. "then, on the way to town, nick--changed. he said someone was following us." "some one was," said horker. "_i_ was, with mueller. that nick of yours has the devil's own cleverness!" "yes," the girl echoed soberly. "the devil's own!--who's mueller, dr. carl?" "he's a plain-clothes man, friend of mine. i treated him once. what do you mean by changed?" "his eyes," she said. "and his mouth. his eyes got reddish and terrible, and his mouth got straight and grim. and his voice turned sort of--harsh." "ever happen before, that you know of?" "once. when--" she paused. "yes. last wednesday night, when you came over to ask those questions about pure science. what happened then?" "we went to a place to dance." "and that's the reason, i suppose," rumbled the doctor sardonically, "that i found you wandering about the streets in a table cloth, step-ins, and a pair of hose! that's why i found you on the verge of passing out from rotten liquor, and looking like the loser of a battle with an airplane propellor! what happened to your face?" "my face? what's wrong with it?" the doctor rose from his chair and seized the hand-mirror from her dressing table. "look at it!" he commanded, passing her the glass. pat gazed incredulously at the reflection the surface presented; a dark bruise colored her cheek, her lips were swollen and discolored, and her chin bore a jagged scratch. she stared at the injuries in horror. "your knees are skinned, too," said horker. "both of them." pat slipped one pajamaed limb from the covers, drawing the pants-leg up for inspection. she gasped in startled fright at the great red stain on her knee. "that's mercurochrome," said the doctor. "i put it there." "_you_ put it there. how did i get home last night, dr. carl? how did i get to bed?" "i'm responsible for that, too. i put you to bed." he leaned forward. "listen, child--your mother knows nothing about this as yet. she wasn't home when i brought you in, and she's not awake yet this morning. we'll tell her you had an automobile accident; explain away those bruises.--and now, how did you get them?" "i fell, i guess. two or three times." "that bruise on your cheek isn't from falling." the girl shuddered. now in the calm light of morning, the events of last night seemed doubly horrible; she doubted her ability to believe them, so incredible did they seem. she was at a loss to explain even her own actions, and those of nicholas devine were simply beyond comprehension, a chapter from some dark and blasphemous book of ancient times--the kabbala or the necronomicon. "what happened, pat?" queried the doctor gently. "tell me," he urged her. "i--can't explain it," she said doubtfully. "he took me to that place, but drinking the liquor was my own fault. i did it out of spite because i saw he didn't--care for me. and then--" she fell silent. "yes? and then?" "well--he began to talk about the beauty of evil, the delights of evil, and his eyes glared at me, and--i don't understand it at all, dr. carl, but all of a sudden i was--yielding. do you see?" "i see," he said gently, soberly. "suddenly i seemed to comprehend what he meant--all that about the supreme pleasure of evil. and i was sort of--swept away. the dress--was his fault, but i--somehow i'd lost the power to resist. i guess i was drunk." "and the bruises? and your cut lips?" queried the doctor grimly. "yes," she said in a low voice. "he--struck me. after a while i didn't care. he could have--would have done other things, only we were interrupted, and had to leave. and that's all, dr. carl." "isn't that enough?" he groaned. "pat, i should have killed the fiend there!" "i'm glad you didn't." "do you mean to say you'd care?" "i--don't know." "are you intimating that you still love him?" "no," she said thoughtfully. "no, i don't love him, but--dr. carl, there's something inexplicable about this. there's something i don't understand, but i'm certain of one thing!" "what's that?" "that it wasn't nick--not _my_ nick--who did those things to me last night. it wasn't, dr. carl!" "pat, you're being a fool!" "i know it. but i'm sure of it, dr. carl. i _know_ nick; i loved him, and i know he couldn't have done--that. not the same gentle nick that i had to beg to kiss me!" "pat," said the doctor gently, "i'm a psychiatrist; it's my business to know all the rottenness that can hide in a human being. my office is the scene of a parade of misfits, failures, potential criminals, lunatics, and mental incompetents. it's a nasty, bitter side i see of life, but i know that side--and i tell you this fellow is dangerous!" "do you understand this, dr. carl?" he reached over, taking her hand in his great palm with its long, curious delicate fingers. "i have my theory, pat. the man's a sadist, a lover of cruelty, and there's enough masochism in any woman to make him terribly dangerous. i want your promise." "about what?" "i want you to promise never to see him again." the girl turned serious eyes on his face; he noted with a shock of sympathy that they were filled with tears. "you warned me i'd get burned playing with fire," she said. "you did, didn't you?" "i'm an old fool, honey. if i'd believed my own advice, i'd have seen that this never happened to you." he patted her hand. "have i your promise?" she averted her eyes. "yes," she murmured. he winced as he perceived that the tears were on her cheeks. "so!" he said, rising. "the patient can get out of bed when she feels like it--and don't forget that little fib we've arranged for your mother's peace of mind." she stared up at him, still clinging to his hand. "dr. carl," she said, "are you sure--quite sure--you're right about him? couldn't there be a chance that you're mistaken--that it's something your psychiatry has overlooked or never heard of?" "small chance, pat dear." "but a chance?" "well, neither i nor any reputable medic claims to know everything, and the human mind's a subtle sort of thing." 12 letter from lucifer "i'm glad!" pat told herself. "i'm glad it's over, and i'm glad i promised dr. carl--i guess i was mighty close to the brink of disaster that time." she examined the injuries on her face, carefully powdered to conceal the worst effects from her mother. the trick had worked, too; mrs. lane had delivered herself of an excited lecture on the dangers of the gasoline age, and then thanked heaven it was no worse. well, pat reflected, she had good old dr. carl to thank for the success of the subterfuge; he had broken the news very skillfully, set the stage for her appearance, and calmed her mother's apprehensions of scars. and pat, surveying her image in the glass above her dressing-table, could see for herself the minor nature of the hurts. "scars--pooh!" she observed. "a bruised cheek, a split lip, a skinned chin. all i need is a black eye, and i guess i'd have had that in five minutes more, and perhaps a cauliflower ear into the bargain." but her mood was anything but flippant; she was fighting off the time when her thoughts had of necessity to face the unpleasant, disturbing facts of the affair. she didn't want to think of the thing at all; she wanted to laugh it off and forget it, yet she knew that for an impossibility. the very desire to forget she recognized as a coward's wish, and she resented the idea that she was cowardly. "forget the wise-cracks," she advised her image. "face the thing and argue it out; that's the only way to be satisfied." she rose with a little grimace of pain at the twinge from her bruised knees, and crossed to the chaise lounge beside the far window. she settled herself in it and resumed her cogitations. she was feeling more or less herself again; the headache of the morning had nearly vanished, and aside from the various aches and a listless fagged-out sensation, she approximated her normal self. physically, that is; the shadow of that other catastrophe, the one she hesitated to face, was another matter. "i'm lucky to get off this easily," she assured herself, "after going on a bust like that one, like a lumberjack with his pay in his pocket." she shook her head in mournful amazement. "and i'm patricia lane, the girl whom billy dubbed 'pat the impeccable'! impeccable! wandering through alleys in step-ins and a table cloth--getting beaten up in a drunken brawl--passing out on rot-gut liquor--being carried home and put to bed! not impeccable; incapable's the word! i belong to dr. carl's parade of incompetents." she continued her rueful reflections. "well, item one is, i don't love nick any more. i couldn't now!" she flung at the smiling green buddha on the mantel. "that's over; i've promised." somehow there was not satisfaction in the memory of that promise. it was logical, of course; there wasn't anything else to do now, but still-"that _wasn't_ nick!" she told herself. "that wasn't _my_ nick. i guess dr. carl is right, and he's a depressed what-ever-it-was; but if he's crazy, so am i! he had me convinced last night; i understood what he meant, and i felt what he wanted me to feel. if he's crazy, i am too; a fine couple we are!" she continued. "but it wasn't nick! i saw his face when we drove off, and it had changed again, and that was nick's face, not the other. and he was sorry; i could see he was sorry, and the other could never have regretted it--not ever! the other isn't--quite human, but nick is." she paused, considering the idea. "of course," she resumed, "i might have imagined that change at the end. i was hazy and quavery, and it's the last thing i _do_ remember; that must have been just before i passed out." and then, replying to her own objection, "but i _didn't_ imagine it! i saw it happen once before, that other night when--well, what difference does it make, anyway? it's over, and i've given my promise." but she was unable to dismiss the matter as easily as that. there was some uncanny, elusive element in it that fascinated her. cruel, terrible, demoniac, he might have been; he had also been kind, lovable, and gentle. yet dr. carl had told her that split personalities could contain no characteristics that were not present in the original, normal character. was cruelty, then, a part of kindness? was cruelty merely the lack of kindness, or, cynical thought, was kindness but the lack of cruelty? which qualities were positive in the antagonistic phases of nicholas devine's individuality, and which negative? was the gentle, lovable, but indubitably weaker character the split, and the demon of last evening his normal self? or vice-versa? or were both of these fragmentary entities, portions of some greater personality as yet unapparent to her? the whole matter was a mystery; she shrugged in helpless perplexity. "i don't think dr. carl knows as much about it as he says," she mused. "i don't think psychiatry or any other science knows that much about the human soul. dr. carl doesn't even believe in a soul; how could he know anything about it, then?" she frowned in puzzlement and gave up the attempt to solve the mystery. the hours she had spent in her room, at her mother's insistence, began to pall; she didn't feel particularly ill--it was more of a languor, a depressed, worn-out feeling. her mother, of course, was out somewhere; she felt a desire for human companionship, and wondered if the doctor might by some chance drop in. it seemed improbable; he had his regular sunday afternoon routine of golf at the club, and it took a real catastrophe to keep him away from that. she sighed, stretched her legs, rose from her position on the chaise lounge, and wandered toward the kitchen where magda was doubtless to be found. it was in the dusk of the rear hall that the first sense of her loss came over her. heretofore her renunciation of nicholas devine was a rational thing, a promise given but not felt; but now it was suddenly a poignant reality. nick was gone, she realized; he was out of her world, irrevocably sundered from her. she paused at the top of the rear flight of stairs, considering the matter. "he's gone! i won't see him ever again." the thought was appalling; she felt already a premonition of loneliness to come, of an emptiness in her world, a lack that nothing could replace. "i shouldn't have promised dr. carl," she mused, knowing that even without that promise her course must still have been the same. "i shouldn't have, not until i'd talked to nick--my own nick." and still, she reflected forlornly, what difference did it make? she had to give him up; she couldn't continue to see him not knowing at what instant that terrible caricature of him might appear to torment her. but he might have explained, she argued miserably, answering her own objection at once--he's said he couldn't explain, didn't understand. the thing was at an impasse. she shook her shining black head despondently, and descended the dusky well of the stairs to the kitchen. magda was there clattering among her pots and pans; pat entered quietly and perched on the high stool by the long table. old magda, who had warmed her babyhood milk and measured out her formula, gave her a single glance and continued her work. "sorry about the accident, i was," she said without looking up. "thanks," responded the girl. "i'm all right again." "you don't look it." "i feel all right." she watched the mysterious, alchemistic mixing of a pastry, and thought of the vast array of them that had come from magda's hands. as far back as she could remember she had perched on this stool observing the same mystic culinary rites. suddenly another memory rose out of the grave of forgetfulness and went gibbering across her world. she remembered the stories magda used to tell her, frightening stories of witchcraft and the evil eye, tales out of an older region and a more credulous age. "magda," she asked, "did you ever see a devil?" "not i, but i've talked with them that had." "didn't you ever see one?" "no." the woman slid a pan into the oven. "i saw a man once, when i was a tot, possessed by a devil." "you did? how did he look?" "he screamed terrible, then he said queer things. then he fell down and foam came out of his mouth." "like a fit?" "the priest, he said it was a devil. he came and prayed over him, and after a while he was real quiet, and then he was all right." "possessed by a devil," said pat thoughtfully. "what happened to him?" "dunno." "what queer things did he say?" "wicked things, the priest said. i couldn't tell! i was a tot." "possessed by a devil!" pat repeated musingly. she sat immersed in thoughts on the high stool while magda clattered busily about. the woman paused finally, turning her face to the girl. "what you so quiet about, miss pat?" "i was just thinking." "you get your letter?" "letter? what letter? today's sunday." "special delivery. the girl, she put it in the hall." "i didn't know anything about it. who'd write me a special?" she slipped off the high stool and proceeded to the front hall. the letter was there, solitary on the salver that always held the mail. she picked it up, examining the envelope in sudden startled amazement and more than a trace of illogical exultation. for the letter, post-marked that same morning, was addressed in the irregular script of nicholas devine! 13 indecision pat turned the envelope dubiously in her hands, while a maze of chaotic thoughts assailed her. she felt almost a sensation of guilt as if she were in some manner violating the promise given to dr. horker; she felt a tinge of indignation that nicholas devine should dare communicate with her at all, and she felt too that queer exultation, an inexplicable pleasure, a feeling of secret triumph. she slipped the letter in the pocket of her robe and padded quietly up the stairs to her own room. strangely, her loneliness had vanished. the great house, empty now save for herself and magda in the distant kitchen, was no longer a place of solitude; the discovery of the letter, whatever its contents, had changed the deserted rooms into chambers teeming with her own excitements, trepidations, doubts, and hopes. even hopes, she admitted to herself, though hopes of what nature she was quite unable to say. what _could_ nick write that had the power to change things? apologies? pleas? promises? none of these could alter the naked, horrible facts of the predicament. nevertheless, she was almost a-tremble with expectation as she skipped hastily into her own room, carefully closed the door, and settled herself by the west windows. she drew the letter from her pocket, and then, with a tightening of her throat, tore open the envelope, slipping out the several pages of scrawled paper. avidly she began to read. "i don't know whether you'll ever see this"--the missive began without salutation--"and i'll not blame you, pat dear, if you do return it unopened. there's nothing you can do that wouldn't be justified, nor can you think worse of me than i do of myself. and that's a statement so meaningless that even as i wrote it, i could anticipate its effect on you. "pat--how am i going to convince you that i'm sincere? will you believe me when i write that i love you? can you believe that i love you tenderly, worshipfully--reverently? "you can't; i know you can't after that catastrophe of last night. but it's true, pat, though the logic of a spinoza might fail to convince you of it. "i don't know how to write you this. i don't know whether you want to hear what i could say, but i know that i must try to say it. not apologies, pat--i shouldn't dare approach you for so poor a reason as that--but a sort of explanation. you more than any one in the world are entitled to that explanation, if you want to hear it. "i can't write it to you, pat; it's something i can only make you believe by telling you--something dark and rather terrible. but please, dear, believe that i mean you no harm, and that i plan no subterfuge, when i suggest that you see me. it will be, i think, for the last time. "tonight, and tomorrow night, and as many nights to follow as i can, i'll sit on a bench in the park near the place where i kissed you that first time. there will be people passing there, and cars driving by; you need fear nothing from me. i choose the place to bridle my own actions, pat; nothing can happen while we sit there in the view of the world. "to write you more than this is futile. if you come, i'll be there; if you don't, i'll understand. "i love you." the letter was signed merely "nick." she stared at the signature with feelings so confused that she forebore any attempt to analyze them. "but i can't go," she mused soberly. "i've promised dr. carl. or at least, i can't go without telling him." that last thought, she realized, was a concession. heretofore she hadn't let herself consider the possibility of seeing nicholas devine again, and now suddenly she was weakening, arguing with herself about the ethics of seeing him. she shook her head decisively. "won't do, patricia lane!" she told herself. "next thing, you'll be slipping away without a word to anybody, and coming home with two black eyes and a broken nose. won't do at all!" she dropped her eyes to the letter. "explanations," she reflected. "i guess dr. carl would give up a hole-in-one to hear that explanation. and i'd give more than that." she shook her head regretfully. "nothing to do about it, though. i promised." the sun was slanting through the west windows; she sat watching the shadows lengthen in the room, and tried to turn her thoughts into more profitable channels. this was the first sunday in many months that she had spent alone in the house; it was a custom for herself and her mother to spend the afternoon at the club. the evening too, as a rule; there was invariably bridge for mrs. lane, and pat was always the center of a circle of the younger members. she wondered dreamily what the crowd thought of her non-appearance, reflecting that her mother had doubtless enlarged on dr. carl's story of an accident. dr. carl wouldn't say much, simply that he'd ordered her to stay at home. but sooner or later, nick would hear the accident story; she wondered what he'd think of it. she caught herself up sharply. "my ideas wander in circles," she thought petulantly. "no matter where i start, they curve around back to nick. it won't do; i've got to stop it." nearly time for the evening meal, she mused, watching the sun as it dropped behind dr. horker's house. she didn't feel much like eating; there was still a remnant of the exhausted, dragged-out sensation, though the headache that had accompanied her awakening this morning had disappeared. "i know what the morning after feels like, anyway," she reflected with a wry little smile. "everybody ought to experience it once, i suppose. i wonder how nick--" she broke off abruptly, with a shrug of disgust. she slipped the letter back into its envelope, rose and deposited it in the drawer of the night-table. she glanced at the clock ticking on its shiny top. "six o'clock," she murmured. nick would be sitting in the park in another two hours or so. she had a twinge of sympathy at the thought of his lone vigil; she could visualize the harried expression on his face when the hours passed without her arrival. "can't be helped," she told herself. "he's no right to ask for anything of me after last night. he knows that; he said so in his letter." she suppressed an impulse to re-read that letter, and trotted deliberately out of the room and down the stairs. magda had set the table in the breakfast room; it was far cozier than the great dining room, especially without her mother's company. and the maid was away; the breakfast room simplified serving, as well. she tried valorously to eat what magda supplied, but the food failed to tempt her. it wasn't so much her physical condition, either; it was--she clenched her jaws firmly; was the memory of nicholas devine to haunt her forever? "pat lane," she said in admonition, "you're a crack-brained fool! just because a man kicks you all over the place is no reason to let him become an obsession." she drank her coffee, feeling the sting of its heat on her injured lips. she left the table, tramped firmly to her room, and began defiantly to read. the effort was useless; half a dozen times she forced her attention to the page only to find herself staring vaguely into space a moment or two later. she closed the book finally with an irritable bang, and vented her restlessness in pacing back and forth. "this house is unbearable!" she snapped. "i'm not going to stay shut up here like a jail-bird in solitary confinement. a walk in the open is what i need, and that's what i'll have." she glanced at the clock; seven-thirty. she tore off her robe pettishly, flung out of her pajamas, and began to dress with angry determination. she refused to think of a lonely figure that might even now be sitting disconsolately on a bench in the near-by park. she disguised her bruised cheek as best she could, dabbed a little powder on the abrasion on her chin, and tramped militantly down the stairs. she caught up her wrap, still lying where the doctor had tossed it last night, and moved toward the door, opening it and nearly colliding with the massive figure of dr. horker! "well!" boomed the doctor as she started back in surprise. "you're pretty spry for a patient. think you were going out?" "yes," said pat defiantly. "not tonight, child! i left the club early to take a look at you." "i am perfectly all right. i want to go for a walk." "no walk. doctor's orders." "i'm of legal age!" she snapped. "i want to go for a walk. do i go?" "you do not." the doctor placed his great form squarely in the doorway. "not unless you can lick me, my girl, and i'm pretty tough. i put you to bed last night, and i can do as much tonight. shall i?" pat backed into the hall. "you don't have to," she said sullenly. "i'm going there myself." she flung her wrap angrily to a chair and stalked up the stairs. "good night, spit-fire," he called after her. "i'll read down here until your mother comes home." the girl stormed into her room in anger that she knew to be illogical. "i won't be watched like a problem child!" she told herself viciously. "i know damn well what he thought--and i wasn't going to meet nick! i wasn't at all!" she calmed suddenly, sat on the edge of her bed and kicked off her pumps. it had occurred to her that nick had written his intention to wait for her in the park tomorrow night as well, and dr. horker's interference had confirmed her in a determination to meet him. 14 bizarre explanation "i won't be bullied!" pat told herself, examining her features in the mirror. the two day interval had faded the discoloration of her cheek to negligible proportions, and all that remained as evidence of the violence of saturday night was the diminishing mark on her chin. of course, her knees--but they were covered; most of the time, at least. she gave herself a final inspection, and somewhere below a clock boomed. "eight o'clock," she remarked to her image; "time to be leaving, and it serves dr. carl right for his high-handed actions last night. i won't be bullied by anybody." she checked herself as her mind had almost added, "except nick." true or not, she didn't relish the thought; the recent recollections it roused were too disturbing. she tossed a stray wisp of black hair from her forehead and turned to the door. she heard her mother's voice as she descended the stairs. "are you going out, patricia? do you think it wise?" "i am perfectly all right. i want to go for a walk." "i know, dear; it was largely your appearance i meant." she surveyed the girl with a critical eye. "nice enough, except for that little spot on your chin, and will you never learn to keep your hair away from that side of your forehead? one can never do a bob right; why don't you let it grow out like the other girls?" "makes me individual," replied pat, moving toward the outer door. "i won't be late at all," she added. on the porch she cast a cautious glance at dr. horker's windows, but his great figure was nowhere evident. only a light burning in the library evinced his presence. she gave a sigh of relief, and tiptoed down the steps to the sidewalk, and moved hastily away from the range of his watchful eyes. no sooner had she sighted the park than doubts began to torment her. suppose this were some trick of nicholas devine's, to trap her into some such situation as that of saturday night. even suppose that she found him the sweet personality that she had loved, might that also be a trick? mightn't he be trusting to his ability to win her over, to the charm she had confessed to him that he held for her? couldn't he be putting his faith in his own amorous skill, planning some specious explanation to win her forgiveness only to use her once more as the material for some horrible experiment? and if he were, would she be able to prevent herself from yielding? "forewarned is fore-armed," she told herself. "i'll not put up such a feeble resistance this time, knowing what i now know. and it's only fair of me to listen to his explanation, if he really has one." she was reassured by the sight of the crowded park; groups strolled along the walks, and an endless procession of car-headlights marked the course of the roadway. nothing could happen in such an environment; they'd be fortunate even to have an opportunity for confidential talk. she waited for the traffic lights, straining her eyes to locate nicholas devine; at the click of the signal she darted across the street. she moved toward the lake; here was the spot, she was sure. she glanced about with eagerness unexpected even to herself, peering through the shadow-shot dusk. he wasn't there, she concluded, with a curious sense of disappointment; her failure to appear last night had disheartened him; he had abandoned his attempt. then she saw him. he sat on a bench isolated from the rest in a treeless area overlooking the lake. she saw his disconsolate figure, his chin on his hand, staring moodily over the waters. a tremor ran through her, she halted deliberately, waiting until every trace of emotion had vanished, then she advanced, standing coolly beside him. for a moment he was unaware of her presence; he sat maintaining his dejected attitude without glancing at her. suddenly some slight movement, the flutter of her skirt, drew his attention; he turned sharply, gazing directly into her face. "pat!" he sprang to his feet. "pat! is it you--truly you? or are you one of these visions that have been plaguing me for hours?" "i'm real," she said, returning his gaze with a studied coolness in her face. she made no other move; her cold composure disconcerted him, and he winced, flushed, and moved nervously aside as she seated herself. he dropped beside her; he made no attempt to touch her, but sat watching her in silence for so long a time that she felt her composure ebbing. there was a hungry, defeated look about him; there was a wistfulness, a frustration, in his eyes that seemed about to tug tears from her own eyes. abruptly she dropped her gaze from his face. "well?" she said finally in a small voice, and as he made no reply, "i'm here." "are you really, pat? are you truly here?" he murmured, still watching her avidly. "i--i still don't believe it. i waited here for hours and hours last night, and i'd given up hope for tonight, or any night. but i would have come again and again." she started as he bent suddenly toward her, but he was merely examining her face. she saw the gleam of horror in his expression as his eyes surveyed the faintly visible bruise on her cheek, the red mark on her chin. "oh my god, pat!" his words were barely audible. "oh my god!" he repeated, drawing away from her and resuming the attitude of desolation in which her arrival had found him. "i've hoped it wasn't true!" "what wasn't?" she was keeping her voice carefully casual; this miserable contrition of nick's was tugging at her rather too powerfully for complete safety. "what i remembered. what i saw just now." "you hoped it wasn't true?" she queried in surprise. "but you did it." "_i_ did it, pat? do you think _i_ could have done it?" "but you did!" her voice had taken on a chill inflection; the memory of those indignities came to steel her against him. "pat, do you think i could assault your daintiness, or maltreat the beauty i worship? didn't anything occur to you? didn't anything seem queer about--about that ghastly evening?" "queer!" she echoed. "that's certainly a mild word to use, isn't it?" "but i mean--hadn't you any idea of what had happened? didn't you think anything of it except that i had suddenly gone mad? or that i'd grown to hate you?" "what was i to think?" she countered, trying to control the tremor that had crept into her voice. "but did you think that?" "no," the girl confessed after a pause. "at first, when you started with that drink, i thought you were looking for material for your work. that's what you said--an experiment. didn't you?" "i guess so," he groaned. "but after that, after i'd swallowed that horrible stuff, but before everything went hazy, i--thought differently." "but what, pat? what did you think?" "why, then i realized that it wasn't you--not the real you. i could feel the--well, the presence of the person i knew; this presence that was tormenting me was another person, a terrible, cold, inhuman stranger." "pat!" there was a note almost of relief in his voice. "did you really feel that?" "yes. does it help matters, my sensing that? i can't see how." his eyes, which had been fixed on hers, dropped suddenly. "no," he muttered, all the relief gone out of his tones, "no, it doesn't help, does it? except that it's a meager consolation to me to know that you felt it." pat struggled to suppress an impulse to reach out her hand, to stroke his hair. she caught herself sharply; this was the very danger against which she had warned herself--this was the very attitude she had anticipated in nicholas devine, the lure which might bait a trap. yet he looked so forlorn, so wistful! it was an effort to forbear from touching him; her fingers fairly ached to brush his cheek. "only a fool walks twice into the same trap," she told herself. aloud she said, "you promised me an explanation. if you've any excuse, i'd like to hear it." her voice had resumed its coolness. "i haven't any excuse," he responded gloomily, "and the explanation is perhaps too bizarre, too fantastic for belief. _i_ don't believe it entirely; i suppose _you_ couldn't believe it at all." "you promised," she repeated. the carefully assumed composure of her voice threatened to crack; this wistfulness of his was a powerful weapon against her defense. "oh, i'll give you the explanation," he said miserably. "i just wanted to warn you you'd not believe me." he gave her a despondent glance. "pat, as i love you i swear that what i tell you is the truth. do you think you can believe me?" "yes," she murmured. the tremor had reappeared in her voice despite her efforts. nicholas devine turned his eyes toward the lake and began to speak. 15 a modern mr. hyde "i don't remember when i first noticed it," began nick in a low voice, "but i'm two people. i'm me, the person who's talking to you now, and i'm--another." pat, looking very pale and serious in the dusky light, said nothing at all. she simply gazed at him silently, without the slightest trace of surprise in her wide dark eyes. "this is the real me," proceeded nick miserably. "the other is an outsider, that has somehow contrived to grow into me. he is different; cold, cruel, utterly selfish, and not exactly--human. do you understand?" "y--yes," said the girl, fighting to control her voice. "sort of." "this is a struggle that has continued for a long time," he pursued. "there were times in childhood when i remember punishments for offenses i never committed, for nasty little meannesses _he_ perpetrated. my mother, and after her death, my tutoress, thought i was lying when i tried to explain; they thought i was trying to evade responsibility. after a while i learned not to explain; i learned to accept my punishments doggedly, and to fight this other when he sought dominance." "and could you?" asked pat, her voice frankly quavery. "could you fight him?" "i was the stronger; i could win--usually. he slipped into consciousness as wilful, mean little impulses, nasty moods, unreasoning hates and such unpleasant things. but i was always the stronger: i learned to drive him into the background." "you said you _were_ the stronger," she mused. "what does that mean, nick?" "i've always been the stronger; i am now. but recently, pat--i think it's since i fell in love with you--the struggle has been on evener terms. i've weakened or he's gained. i have to guard against him constantly; in any moment of weakness he may slip in, as on our ride last week, when we had that near accident. and again saturday." he turned appealing eyes on the girl. "pat, do you believe me?" "i guess i'll have to," she said unhappily. "it--makes things rather hopeless, doesn't it?" he nodded dejectedly. "yes. i've always felt that sooner or later i'd win, and drive him away permanently. i've felt on the verge of complete victory more than once, but now--" he shook his head doubtfully. "he had never dominated me so entirely until saturday night--pat, you don't know what hell is like until you're forced as i was to watch the violation of the being you worship, to stand helpless while a desecration is committed. i'd rather die than suffer it again!" "oh!" said the girl faintly. she was thinking of the sorry picture she must have presented as she reeled half-clothed through the alley. "can you see what--_he_ sees?" "of course, and think his thoughts. but only when he's dominant. i don't know what evil he's planning now, else i could forestall him, i would have warned you if i could have known." "where is he now?" "here," said nick somberly. "here listening to us, knowing what i'm thinking and feeling, laughing at my unhappiness." "oh!" gasped pat again. she watched her companion doubtfully. then the memory of dr. horker's diagnosis came to her, and set her wondering. was this story the figment of an unsettled mind? was this irrational tale of a fiendish intruder merely evidence that the doctor was right in his opinion? she was in a maze of uncertainty. "nick," she said, "did you ever try medical help? did you ever go to a doctor about it?" "of course, pat! two years ago i went to a famous psychiatrist in new york--you'd know the name if i mentioned it--and told him about the--the case. and he studied me, and he treated me, and psychoanalyzed me, and the net result was just nothing. and finally he dismissed me with the opinion that 'the whole thing is just a fixed delusion, fortunately harmless!' harmless! bah! but it wasn't i that did those things, pat; i had to stand by in horror and watch. it was enough to _drive_ me crazy, but it didn't--quite." "but--oh, nick, what is it? what is this--this outsider? can't we fight it somehow?" "how can anyone except me fight it?" "oh, i don't know!" she wailed miserably. "there must be a way. doctors claim to know pretty nearly everything; there must be _something_ to do." "but there isn't," he retorted gloomily. "i don't know any more than you what that thing is, but it's beyond your doctors. i've got to fight it out alone." "nick--" her voice was suddenly tense. "are you sure it isn't some kind of madness? something tangible like that could perhaps be treated." "it's no kind your doctors can treat, pat. did you ever hear of a madman who stood aside and rationally watched the working of his own insanity? and that's what i'm forced to do. and yet--this other isn't insane either. were its actions insane?" pat shuddered. "i--don't know," she said in low tones. "i guess not." "no. horrible, cruel, bestial, devilishly cunning, evil--but not insane. i don't know what it is, pat. i know that the fight has to be made by me alone. there's nothing, nobody in the world, that can help." "nick!" she wailed. "i'm sorry, pat dear. you understand now why i was so reluctant to fall in love with you. i was afraid to love you; now i know i was right." "nick!" she cried, then paused hopelessly. after a moment she continued, "yesterday i was determined to forget you, and now--now i don't care if this whole tale of yours is a mesh of fantastic lies, i love you! i'd love you even if your real self were that--that other creature, and even if i knew that this was just a trap. i'd love you anyway." "pat," he said seriously, "don't you believe me? why should i offer to give you up if this were--what you said? wouldn't i be pleading for another chance, making promises, finding excuses?" "oh, i believe you, nick! it isn't that; i was just thinking how strange it is that i could hate you so two nights past and love you so tonight." "oh god, pat! even you can't know how much i love you; and to win you and then be forced to give you up--" he groaned. the girl reached out her hand and covered his; it was the first time during the evening that she had touched him, and the feel of his flesh sent a tingle through her. she was miserably distraught. "honey," she murmured brokenly. "nick, honey." he looked at her. "do you suppose there's a chance to beat the thing?" he asked. "i'd not ask you to wait, pat, but if i only glimpsed a chance--" "i'll wait. i don't think i could do anything else but wait for you." "if i only knew what i had to fight!" he whispered. "if i only knew that!" a sudden memory leaped into pat's mind. "nick," she said huskily, "i think i know." "what do you mean, pat?" "it's something magda--the cook--said to me. it's foolish, superstitious, but nick, what else can it be?" "tell me!" "well, she was talking to me yesterday, and she said that when she was a child in the old country, she had seen a man once--" she hesitated--"a man who was possessed by a devil. nick, i think you're possessed by a devil!" he stared at her. "pat," he said hoarsely, "that's--an impossibility!" "i know, but what else can it be?" "out of the dark ages," he muttered. "an echo of the black mass and witchcraft, but--" "what did they do," asked the girl, "to people they thought were possessed?" "exorcism!" he whispered. "and how did they--exorcise?" "i don't know," he said in a low voice. "pat, that's an impossible idea, but--i don't know!" he ended. "we'll try," she murmured, still covering his hand with her own. "what else can we do, nick?" "what's done i'll do alone, pat." "but i want to help!" "i'll not let you, dear. i won't have you exposed to a repetition of those indignities, or perhaps worse!" "i'm not afraid." "then i am, pat! i won't have it!" "but what'll you do?" "i'll go away. i'll battle the thing through once for all, and i'll either come back free of it or--" he paused and the girl did not question him further, but sat staring at him with troubled eyes. "i won't write you, pat," he continued. "if you should receive a letter from me, burn it--don't read it. it might be from--the other, a trap or a lure of some sort. promise me! you'll promise that, won't you?" she nodded; there was a glint of tears in her eyes. "and i don't want you to wait, pat," he proceeded. "i don't want you to feel that you have any obligations to me--god knows you've nothing to thank me for! when--if i come back and you haven't changed, then we'll try again." "nick," she said in a small voice, "how do you know the--the other won't come back here? how can you promise for--it?" "i'm still master!" he said grimly. "i won't be dominated long enough at any time for that to happen. i'll fight it down." "then--it's good-bye?" he nodded. "but not for always--i hope." "nick," she murmured, "will you kiss me?" she felt a tear on her cheek. "i'll stand losing you a little better if i can have a--last kiss--to remember." her voice was faltering. his arms were about her. she yielded herself completely to his caress; the park, the crowd passing a few yards away, the people on near-by benches, were all forgotten, and once more she felt herself alone with nicholas devine in a vast empty cosmos. an insistent voice penetrated her consciousness; she realized that it had been calling her name for some seconds. "miss lane," she heard, and again, "miss lane." a hand tapped her shoulder; with a sudden start, she tore her lips away, and looked up into a face unrecognized for a moment. then she placed it. it was the visage of mueller, dr. horker's companion on that disastrous saturday night. 16 possessed pat stared at the intruder in a mingling of embarrassment, perplexity, and indignation. she felt her cheeks reddening as the latter emotion gained the dominance of her mood. "well!" she snapped. "what do you want?" "i thought i'd walk home with you," mueller said amiably. "walk home with me! please explain that!" she grasped the arm of nicholas devine, who had risen angrily at the interruption. "sit down, nick, i know the fellow." "so should he," said mueller. "sure; i'll explain. i'm on a job for dr. horker." "spying on me for him, i suppose!" taunted the girl. "no. not on you." "he means on me," said nick soberly. "you can't blame him, pat. and perhaps you had better go home; we've finished here. there's nothing more we can do or say." "very well," she said, her voice suddenly softer. "in a moment, nick." she turned to mueller. "would you mind telling me why you waited until now to interfere? we've been here two hours, you know." "sure i'll tell you. i got no orders to interfere, that's why." "then why did you?" queried pat tartly. "i didn't until i saw him there"--he nodded at nick--"put his arms around you. then i figured, having no orders, it was time to use my own judgment." "if any!" sniffed the girl. she turned again to nick; her face softened, became very tender. "honey," she murmured huskily, "i guess it's good-bye now. i'll be fighting with you; you know that." "i know that," he echoed, looking down into her eyes. "i'm almost happy, pat." "when'll you go?" she whispered in tones inaudible to mueller. "i don't know," he answered, his voice unchanged. "i'll have to make some sort of preparations--and i don't want you to know." she nodded. she gazed at him a moment longer with tear-bright eyes. "good-bye, nick," she whispered. she rose on tiptoe, and kissed him very lightly on his lips, then turned and walked quickly away, with mueller following behind. she walked on, ignoring him until he halted beside her at the crossing of the drive. then she gave him a cold glance. "why is dr. carl having him watched?" she asked. mueller shrugged. "the ins and outs of this case are too much for me," he said. "i do what i'm paid to do." "you're not watching him now." "nope. seemed like the doctor would think it was more important to get you home." "you're wasting your time," she said irritably as the lights changed and they stepped into the street. "i was going home anyway." "well, now you got company all the way." mueller's voice was placid. the girl sniffed contemptuously, and strode silently along. the other's presence irritated her; she wanted time and solitude to consider the amazing story nicholas devine had given her. she wanted to analyze her own feelings, and most of all she wanted just a place of privacy to cry out her misery. for now the loss of nicholas devine had changed from a fortunate escape to a tragedy, and liar, madman, or devil, she wanted him terribly, with all the power of her tense little heart. so she moved as swiftly as she could, ignoring the silent companionship of mueller. they reached her home; the light in the living room window was evidence that the bridge game was still in progress. she mounted the steps, mueller watching her silently from the walk; she fumbled for her key. suddenly she snapped her hand-bag shut; she couldn't face her mother and the two spinster brocks and elderly, inquisitive carter henderson. they'd suggest that she cut into the game, and they'd argue if she refused, and she couldn't play bridge now! she glanced at the impassive mueller, turned and crossed the strip of lawn to dr. horker's residence, where the light still glowed in the library, and rang the bell. she saw the figure on the sidewalk move away as the shadow of the doctor appeared on the lighted square of the door. "hello," boomed the doctor amiably. "come in." pat stalked into the library and threw herself angrily into dr. horker's particular chair. the other grinned, and chose another place. "well," he said, "what touched off the fuse this time?" "why are you spying on my friends?" snapped the girl. "by what right?" "so he's spotted mueller, eh? that lad's diabolically clever, pat--and i mean diabolic." "that's no answer!" "so it isn't," agreed the doctor. "say it's because i'm acting _in loco parentis_." "and _in loco_ is as far as you'll get, dr. carl, if you're going to spy on me!" "on you?" he said mildly. "who's spying on you?" "on us, then!" "or on us?" queried the doctor. "i set mueller to watch the devine lad. have you by some mischance broken your promise to me?" pat flushed. she had forgotten that broken promise; the recollection of it suddenly took the wind from her sails, placed her on the defensive. "all right," she said defiantly. "i did; i admit it. does that excuse you?" "perhaps it helps to explain my actions, pat. don't you understand that i'm trying to protect you? do you think i hired mueller out of morbid curiosity, or professional interest in the case? times aren't so good that i can throw money away on such whims." "i don't need any protection. i can take care of myself!" "so i noticed," said the doctor dryly. "you gave convincing evidence of it night before last." "oh!" said the girl in exasperation. "you would say that!" "it's true, isn't it?" "suppose it is! i don't have to learn the same lesson twice." "well, apparently once wasn't enough," observed the other amiably. "you walked into the same danger tonight." "i wasn't in any danger tonight!" suddenly her mood changed as she recalled the circumstances of her parting with nicholas devine. "dr. carl," she said, her voice dropping, "i'm terribly unhappy." "lord!" he exclaimed staring at her. "pat, your moods are as changeable as my golf game! you're as mercurial as your devine lad! a moment ago you were snapping at me, and now i'm suddenly acceptable again." he perceived the misery in her face. "all right, child; i'm listening." "he's going away," she said mournfully. "don't you think that's best for everybody concerned? i commend his judgment." "but i don't want him to!" "you do, pat. you can't continue seeing him, and his absence will make it easier for you." "it'll never be easier for me, dr. carl." she felt her eyes fill. "i guess i'm--just a fool about him." "you still feel that way, after the experience you went through?" "yes. yes, i do." "then you _are_ a fool about him, pat. he's not worth such devotion." "how do you know what he's worth? i'm the only one to judge that." "i have eyes," said the doctor. "what happened tonight to change your attitude so suddenly? you were amenable to reason yesterday." "i didn't know yesterday what i know now." "so he told a story, eh?" the doctor watched her serious, troubled features. "would you mind telling me, honey? i'm interested in the defense mechanisms these psychopathic cases erect to explain their own impulses to themselves." "no, i won't tell you!" snapped pat indignantly. "psychopathic cases! we're all just cases to you. i'm a case and he's another, and all you want is our symptoms!" doctor horker smiled placatingly into her face. "pat dear," he said earnestly, "don't you see i'd give my eyes to help you? don't take my flippancies too seriously, honey; look once in a while at the intentions behind them." he continued his earnest gaze. the girl returned his look; her face softened. "i'm sorry," she said contritely. "i never doubted it, dr. carl--it's only that i'm so--so torn to pieces by all this that i get snappy and irritable." she paused. "of course i'll tell you." "i'd like to hear it." "well," she began hesitantly, "he said he was two personalities--one the character i knew, and one the character that we saw saturday night. and the first one is--well, dominant, and fights the other one. he says the other has been growing stronger; until lately he could suppress it. and he says--oh, it sounds ridiculous, the way i tell it, but it's true! i'm sure it's true!" she leaned toward the doctor. "did you ever hear of anything like it? did you, dr. carl?" "no." he shook his head, still watching her seriously. "not exactly like that, honey. don't you think he might possibly have lied to you, pat? to excuse himself for the responsibility of saturday night, for instance?" "no, i don't," she said defiantly. "then you have an idea yourself what the trouble is? i judge you have." "yes," she said in low tones. "i have an idea." "what is it?" "i think he's possessed by a devil!" said the girl flatly. a quizzical expression came into the doctor's face. "well, of all the queer ideas that harum-scarum mind of yours has _ever_ produced, that's the queerest!" he broke into a chuckle. "queer, is it?" flared pat. "i don't think you and your mind-doctors know as much as a swahili medicine-man with a mask!" she leaped angrily to her feet, stamped viciously into the hall. "devil and all," she repeated, "i love him!" "pat!" called the doctor anxiously. "pat! where are you going, child?" "where do devils live?" her voice floated tauntingly back from the front door. "hell, of course!" 17 witch-doctor pat had no intentions, however, of following the famous highway that evening. she stamped angrily down the doctor's steps, swished her way through the break in the hedge with small regard to the safety of her sheer hose, and mounted to her own porch. she found her key, opened the door and entered. as she ascended the stairs, her fit of temper at the doctor passed, and she felt lonely, weary, and unutterably miserable. she sank to a seat on the topmost step and gave herself over to bitter reflections. nick was gone! the realization came poignantly at last; there would be no more evening rides, no more conversations whose range was limited only by the scope of the universe, no more breath-taking kisses, the sweeter for his reluctance. she sat mournfully silent, and considered the miserable situation in which she found herself. in love with a madman! or worse--in love with a demon! with a being half of whose nature worshiped her while the other half was bent on her destruction! was any one, she asked herself--was any one, anywhere, ever in a more hopeless predicament? what could she do? nothing, she realized, save sit helplessly aside while nick battled the thing to a finish. or possibly--the only alternative--take him as he was, chance the vicissitudes of his unstable nature, lay herself open to the horrors she had glimpsed so recently, and pray for her fortunes to point the way of salvation. and in the mood in which she now found herself, that seemed infinitely the preferable solution. yet rationally she knew it was impossible; she shook her head despondently, and leaned against the wall in abject misery. then, thin and sharp sounded the shrill summons of the door bell, and a moment later, the patter of the maid's footsteps in the hall below. she listened idly to distract herself from the chain of despondency that was her thoughts, and was mildly startled to recognize the booming drums of dr. horker's voice. she heard his greeting and the muffled reply from the group, and then a phrase understandable because of his sonorous tones. "where's pat?" the words drifted up the well of the stairs, followed by a scarcely audible reply from her mother. heavy footfalls on the carpeted steps, and then his figure bulked on the landing below her. she cupped her chin on her hands, and stared down at him while he ascended to her side, sprawling his great figure beside her. "pat, honey," he rumbled, "you're beginning to get me worried!" "am i?" her voice was weary, dull. "i've had myself like that for a long time." "poor kid! are you really so miserable over this nick problem of yours?" "i love him." "yes." he looked at her with sympathy and calculation mingling in his expression. "i believe you do. i'm sorry, honey; i didn't realize until now what he means to you." "you don't realize now," she murmured, still with the weary intonation. "perhaps not, pat, but i'm learning. if you're in this thing as deeply at all that, i'm in too--to the finish. want me?" she reached out her hand, plucking at his coatsleeve. abruptly she leaned toward him, burying her face against the rough tweed of his suit; she sobbed a little, while he patted her gently with his great, delicately fingered hand. "i'm sorry, honey," he rumbled. "i'm sorry." the girl drew herself erect and leaned back against the wall, shaking her head to drive the tears from her eyes. she gave the doctor a wan little smile. "well?" she asked. "i'll return your compliment of the other night," said horker briskly. "i'll ask a few questions--purely professional, of course." "fire away, dr. carl." "good. now, when our friend has one of these--uh--attacks, is he rational? do his utterances seem to follow a logical thought sequence?" "i--think so." "in what way does he differ from his normal self?" "oh, every way," she said with a tremor. "nick's kind and gentle and sensitive and--and naive, and this--other--is cruel, harsh, gross, crafty, and horrible. you can't imagine a greater difference." "um. is the difference recognizable instantly? could you ever be in doubt as to which phase you were encountering?" "oh, no! i can--well, sort of dominate nick, but the other--lord!" she shuddered again. "i felt like a terrified child in the presence of some powerful, evil god." "humph! perhaps the god's name was priapus. well, we'll discount your feelings, pat, because you weren't exactly in the best condition for--let's say _sober_ judgment. now about this story of his. what happens to his own personality when this other phase is dominant? did he say?" "yes. he said his own self was compelled to sort of stand by while the--the intruder used his voice and body. he knew the thoughts of the other, but only when it was dominant. the rest of the time he couldn't tell its thoughts." "and how long has he suffered from these--intrusions?" "as long as he can remember. as a child he was blamed for the other's mischief, and when he tried to explain, people thought he was lying to escape punishment." "well," observed the doctor, "i can see how they might think that." "don't you believe it?" "i don't exactly disbelieve it, honey. the human mind plays queer tricks sometimes, and this may be one of its little jokes. it's a psychiatrist's business to investigate such things, and to painlessly remove the point of the joke." "oh, if you only can, dr. carl! if you only can!" "we'll see." he patted her hand comfortingly. "now, you say the kind, gentle, and all that, phase is the normal one. is that usually dominant?" "yes. nick can master the other, or could until recently. he says this last--attack--is the worst he's ever had; the other has been gaining strength." "strange!" mused the doctor. "well," he said with a smile of encouragement, "i'll have a look at him." "do you think you can help?" pat asked anxiously. "have you any idea what it is?" "it isn't a devil, at any rate," he smiled. "but have you any idea?" "naturally i have, but i can't diagnose at second hand. i'll have to talk to him." "but what do you think it is?" she persisted. "i think it's a fixation of an idea gained in childhood, honey. i had a patient once--" he smiled at the reminiscence--"who had a fixed delusion of that sort. he was perfectly rational on every point save one--he believed that a pig with a pink ribbon was following him everywhere! down town, into elevators and offices, home to bed--everywhere he went this pink-ribboned prize porker pursued him!" "and did you cure him?" "well, he recovered," said the doctor non-committally. "we got rid of the pig. and it might be something of that nature that's troubling your boy friend. your description doesn't sound like a praecox or a manic depressive, as i thought originally." "oh," said pat abruptly. "i forgot. he went to a doctor in new york, a very great doctor." "muenster?" "he didn't say whom. but this doctor studied him a long time, and finally came out with this fixed idea theory of yours. only he couldn't cure him." "um." horker grunted thoughtfully. "do fixed ideas do things like that to people?" queried the girl. "things like the pig and what happened to nick?" "they might." "then they're devils!" she announced with an air of finality. "they're just your scientific jargon for exactly what magda means when she says a person's possessed by a devil. so i'm right anyway!" "that's good orthodox theology, pat," chuckled the doctor. "we'll try a little exorcism on your devil, then." he rose to his feet. "bring your boy friend around, will you?" "oh, dr. carl!" she cried. "he's leaving! i'll have to call him tonight!" "not tonight, honey. mueller would let me know if anything of that sort were happening. tomorrow's time enough." the girl stood erect, mounting to the top step to bring her head level with the doctor's. she threw her arms about him, burying her face in his massive shoulder. "dr. carl," she murmured, "i'm a nasty, ill-tempered, vicious little shrew, and i'm sorry, and i apologize. you know i'm crazy about you, and," she whispered in his ear, "so's mother!" 18 vanished "he doesn't answer! i'm too late," thought pat disconsolately as she replaced the telephone. the cheerfulness with which she had awakened vanished like a patch of april sunshine. now, with the failure of her third attempt in as many hours to communicate with nicholas devine, she was ready to confess defeat. she had waited too long. despite dr. horker's confidence in mueller, she should have called last night--at once. "he's gone!" she murmured distractedly. she realized now the impossibility of finding him. his solitary habits, his dearth of friends, his lonely existence, left her without the least idea of how to commence a search. she knew, actually, so little about him--not even the source of the apparently sufficient income on which he subsisted. she felt herself completely at a loss, puzzled, lonesome, and disheartened. the futile buzzing of the telephone signal symbolized her frustration. perhaps, she thought, dr. horker might suggest something to do; perhaps, even, mueller had reported nick's whereabouts. she seized the hope eagerly. a glance at her wrist-watch revealed the time as ten-thirty; squarely in the midst of the doctor's morning office hours, but no matter. if he were busy she could wait. she rose, bounding hastily down the stairs. she glimpsed her mother opening mail in the library, and paused momentarily at the door. mrs. lane glanced up as she appeared. "hello," said the mother. "you've been on the telephone all morning, and what did carl want of you last night?" "argument," responded pat briefly. "carl's a gem! he's been of inestimable assistance in developing you into a very charming and clever daughter, and heaven knows what i'd have raised without him!" "cain, probably," suggested pat. she passed into the hall and out the door, blinking in the brilliant august sunshine. she crossed the strip of turf, picked her way through the break in the hedge, and approached the doctor's door. it was open; it often was in summer time, especially during his brief office hours. she entered and went into the chamber used as waiting room. his office door was closed; the faint hum of his voice sounded. she sat impatiently in a chair and forced herself to wait. fortunately, the delay was nominal; it was but a few minutes when the door opened and an opulent, middle-aged lady swept past her and away. pat recognized her as mrs. lowry, some sort of cousin of the brock pair. "good morning!" boomed the doctor. "professional call, i take it, since you're here during office hours." he settled his great form in a chair beside her. "he's gone!" said pat plaintively. "i can't reach him." "humph!" grunted horker helpfully. "i've tried all morning--he's always home in the morning." "listen, you little scatter-brain!" rumbled the doctor. "why didn't you tell me mueller brought you home last night? i thought he was on the job." "i didn't think of it," she wailed. "nick said he'd have to make some preparations, and i never dreamed he'd skip away like this." "he must have gone home directly after you left him, and skipped out immediately," said the doctor ruminatively. "mueller never caught up with him." "but what'll we do?" she cried desperately. "he can't have gone far with no more preparation than this," soothed horker. "he'll write you in a day or two." "he won't! he said he wouldn't. he doesn't want me to know where he is!" she was on the verge of tears. "now, now," said the doctor still in his soothing tones. "it isn't as bad as all that." "take off your bed-side manner!" she snapped, blinking to keep back the tears. "it's worse! what ever can we do? dr. carl," she changed to a pleading tone, "can't you think of something?" "of course, pat! i can think of several things to do if you'll quiet down for a moment or so." "i'm sorry, dr. carl--but what _can_ we do?" "first, perhaps mueller can trace him. that's his business, you know." "but suppose he can't--what then?" "well, i'd suggest you write him a letter." "but i don't know where to write!" she wailed. "i don't know his address!" "be still a moment, scatter-brain! address it to his last residence; you know that, don't you? of course you do. now, don't you suppose he'll leave a forwarding address? he must receive some sort of mail about his income, or estate, or whatever he lives on. your letter'll find him, honey; don't you doubt it." "oh, do you think so?" she asked, suddenly hopeful. "do you really think so?" "i really think so. you would too if you didn't fly into a panic every time some little difficulty confronts you. sometimes even my psychiatry is puzzled to explain how you can be so clever and so stupid, so self-reliant and so dependent, so capable and so helpless--all at one and the same time. your nick can't be as much of a paradox as you are!" "i wonder if a letter _will_ reach him," she said eagerly, ignoring the doctor's remarks. "i'll try. i'll try immediately." "i sort of had a feeling you would," said horker amiably. "i hope you succeed; and not only for your sake, pat, because god knows how this thing will work out. but i'm anxious to examine this youngster of yours on my own account; he must be a remarkable specimen to account for all the perturbation he's managed to cause you. and this jekyll-and-hyde angle sounds interesting, too." "jekyll and hyde!" echoed pat. "dr. carl, is that possible?" "not literally," chuckled the other, "though in a sense, stevenson anticipated freud in his thesis that liberating the evil serves also to release the good." "but--it was a drug that caused that change in the story, wasn't it?" "well? do you suspect your friend of being addicted to some mysterious drug? is that the latest hypothesis?" "_is_ there such a drug? one that could change a person's character?" "_all_ alkaloids do that, honey. some of them stimulate, some depress, some breed frenzies, and some give visions of delight--but all of them influence one's mental and emotional organization, which you call character. so for that matter, does a square meal, or a cup of coffee, or even a rainy day." "but isn't there a drug that can separate good qualities from evil, like the story?" "emphatically not, pat! that's not the trouble with this pesky boy friend of yours." "well," said the girl doubtfully, "i only wish i had as much faith in your psychologies as you have. if you brain-doctors know it all, why do you switch theories every year?" "we _don't_ know it all. on the other hand, there are a few things to be said in our favor." "what are they?" "for one," replied the doctor, "we do cure people occasionally. you'll admit that." "sure," said pat. "so did the salem witches--occasionally." she gave him a suddenly worried look. "oh, dr. carl, don't think i'm not grateful! you know how much i'm hoping from your help, but i'm miserably anxious over all this." "never mind, honey. you're not the first one to point out the shortcomings of the medical profession. that's a game played by plenty of physicians too." he paused at the sound of footsteps on the porch, followed by the buzz of the doorbell. "run along and write your letter, dear--here comes that tuesday hypochondriac of mine, and he's rich enough for my careful attention." pat flashed him a quick smile of farewell and slipped quietly into the hall. at the door she passed the doctor's patient--a lean, elderly gentleman of woe-begone visage--and returned to her own home. her spirits, mercurial to a degree, had risen again. she was suddenly positive that the doctor's scheme would bring results, and she darted into the house almost buoyantly. her mother had abandoned the desk, and she ensconced herself before it, finding paper and pen, and staring thoughtfully at the blank sheet. finally she wrote. "dear nick- "something has happened, favorable, i think, to us. i believe i have found the help we need. "will you come if you can, or if that's not possible, break that self-given promise of yours, and communicate with me? "i love you." she signed it simply "pat", placed it in an envelope, addressed it hastily, and hurried out to post it. on her return she spied the doctor's hypochondriac in the act of leaving. he walked past her with his lean, worry-smitten face like a study of hogarth, and she heard him mumbling to himself. the elation went out of her; she mounted the steps very soberly, and went miserably inside. 19 man or monster? pat suffered wednesday through somehow, knowing that any such early response to her letter was impossible. still, that impossibility did not deter her from starting at the sound of the telephone, and sorting through the mail with an eagerness that drew a casual attention from her mother. "good heavens, patricia! you're like a child watching for an answer to his note to santa claus!" "that's what i am, i guess," responded the girl ruefully. "maybe i expect too much from santa claus." late in the afternoon she drifted over to dr. horker's residence, to be informed that he was out. for distraction, she went in anyway, and spent a while browsing among the books in the library. she blundered into kraft-ebing, and read a few pages in growing indignation. "i'm ashamed to be human!" she muttered disgustedly to herself, slamming shut the _psychopathia sexualis_. "i wouldn't be a doctor, or have a child of mine become one, if i were positively certain he'd turn into lord lister himself! nick was right when he said doctors live on people's troubles." she wondered how dr. horker could remain so human, so kindly and understanding, when as he said himself his world was a parade of misfits, incompetents, and all the nastiness of mortals. _he_ was nice; she felt no embarrassment in confiding in him even when she might hesitate to bare her feelings to her own mother. or was it simply the natural thing to do to tell one's troubles to a doctor? not, of course, that the situation reflected any discredit on her mother. mrs. lane was a very precious sort of parent, she mused, young as pat in spirit, appreciative and enthusiastically fond of her daughter. that she trusted pat, that she permitted her to do entirely as she pleased, was exactly as the girl would have it; it argued no lack of affection that each of them had their separate interests, and if the girl occasionally found herself in unpleasantness such as this, that too was her own fault. and yet, she reflected, it was a bitter thing to have no one to whom to turn. if it weren't for dr. carl and his jovial willingness to commit any sin up to malpractice to help her, she might have felt differently. but there always _was_ dr. carl, and that, she concluded, was that. she wandered back to her own side of the hedge, missing for the first time in many weeks the companionship of the old crowd. there hadn't been many idle afternoons heretofore during the summer; there'd always been some of the collegiate vacationing in town, and pat had never needed other lure than her own piquant vivacity to assure herself of ample attention. now, of course, it was different; she had so definitely tagged herself with the same nicholas devine that even the most ardent of the group had taken the warning. "and i don't regret it either!" she told herself as she entered the house. "trouble, mystery, suffering and all--i don't regret it! i've had my compensations too." she sighed and trudged upstairs to prepare for dinner. * * * * * morning found pat in a fair frenzy of trepidation. she kept repeating to herself that two days wasn't enough, that more time might be required, that even had nicholas devine received her letter, he might not have answered at once. yet she was quivering as she darted into the hall to examine the mail. it was there! she spied a fragment of the irregular handwriting and seized the envelope from beneath a clutter of notes, bills, and advertisements. she glanced at the post-mark. chicago! he hadn't left the city, trusting perhaps to the anonymity conferred by its colossal swarm of humanity. indeed, she thought as she stared at the missive, he might have moved around the corner, and save for the chance of a fortuitous meeting she'd never know it. she tore open the envelope and scanned the several scrawled lines. no heading, no salutation, not even a signature. just, "thursday evening at our place in the park." no more; she studied the few words intently, as if she could read into their bald phrasing the moods and hidden emotions of the writer. a single phrase, but sufficient. the day was suddenly brighter, and the hope which had glowed so dimly yesterday was abruptly almost more than a hope--a certainty. all her doubts of dr. horker's abilities were forgotten; already the solution of this uncanny mystery seemed assured, and the restoration of romance imminent. she carried the letter to her own room and tucked it carefully by the other in the drawer of the night-table. thursday evening--this evening! many hours intervened between now and a reasonable time for the meeting, but they loomed no longer drab, dull, and hopeless. she lay on her bed and dreamed. she could meet nick as early as possible; perhaps at eight-thirty, and bring him directly to the doctor's residence. no use wasting a moment, she mused; the sooner some light could be thrown on the affliction, the sooner they could lay the devil--exorcise it. demon, fixed idea, mental aberration, or whatever dr. carl chose to call it, it had to be met and vanquished once and forever. and it _could_ be vanquished; in her present mood she didn't doubt it. then--after that--there was the prospect of her own nick regained, and the sweet vistas opened by that reflection. she lunched in an abstracted manner. in the afternoon, when the phone rang, she jumped in a startled manner, then relaxed with a shrug. but this time it _was_ for her. she darted into the hall to take the call on the lower phone; she was hardly surprised but thoroughly excited to recognize the voice of nicholas devine. "pat?" "nick! oh, nick, honey! what is it?" "my note to you." even across the wire she sensed the strain in his tense tones. "you've read it?" "of course, nick! i'll be there." "no." his voice was trembling. "you won't come, pat. promise you won't!" "but why? why not, nick? oh, it's terribly important that i see you!" "you're not to come, pat!" "but--" an idea was struggling to her consciousness. "nick, was it--?" "yes. you know now." "but, honey, what difference does it make? _you_ come. you must, nick!" "i won't meet you, i tell you!" she could hear his voice rising excitedly in pitch, she could feel the intensity of the struggle across unknown miles of lifeless copper wire. "nick," she said, "i'm going to be there, and you're going to meet me." there was silence at the other end. "nick!" she cried anxiously. "do you hear me? i'll be there. will you?" his voice sounded again, now flat and toneless. "yes," he said. "i'll be there." the receiver clicked at the far end of the wire; there was only a futile buzzing in pat's ears. she replaced the instrument and sat staring dubiously at it. had that been nick, really her nick, or--? suppose she went to that meeting and found--the other? was she willing to face another evening of indignities and terrors like those still fresh in her memory? still, she argued, what harm could come to her on that bench, exposed as it was to the gaze of thousands who wandered through the park on summer evenings? suppose it _were_ the other who met her; there was no way to force her into a situation such as that of saturday night. nick himself had chosen that very spot for their other meeting, and for that very reason. "there's no risk in it," she told herself, "nothing can possibly happen. i'll simply go there and bring nick back to dr. carl's, along a lighted, busy street, the whole two blocks. what's there to be afraid of?" nothing at all, she answered herself. but suppose--she shuddered and deliberately abandoned her chain of thought as she rose and rejoined her mother. 20 the assignation pat was by no means as buoyant as she had been in the morning. she approached the appointed meeting place with a feeling of trepidation that all her arguments could not subdue. she surveyed the crowded walks of the park with relief; she felt confirmed in her assumption that nothing unpleasant could occur with so many on-lookers. so she approached the bench with somewhat greater self-assurance than when she had left the house. she saw the seat with its lone occupant, and hastened her steps. nicholas devine was sitting exactly as he had on that other occasion, chin cupped on his hands, eyes turned moodily toward the vast lake that coruscated now with the reflection of stars and many lights. as before, she moved close to his side before he looked up, but here the similarity of the two occasions vanished. her fears were realized; she was looking into the red-gleaming eyes and expressionless features of his other self--the demon of saturday evening! "sit down!" he said as a sardonic half-smile twisted his lips. "aren't you pleased? aren't you thrilled to the very core of your being?" pat stood irresolute; she controlled an impulse to break into sudden, abandoned flight. the imminence of the crowded walks again reassured her, and she seated herself gingerly on the extreme edge of the bench, staring at her companion with coolly inimical eyes. he returned her gaze with features as immobile as carven stone; only his red eyes gave evidence of the obscene, uncanny life behind the mask. "well?" said pat in as frigid a voice as she could muster. "yes," said the other surveying her. "you are quite as i recalled you. very pretty, almost beautiful, save for a certain irregularity in your features. not unpleasant, however." his eyes traveled over her body; automatically she drew back, shrinking away from him. "you have a seductive body," he continued. "a most seductive body; i regret that circumstances prevented our full enjoyment of it. but that will come. yes, that will come!" "oh!" said pat faintly. it took all her determination to remain seated by the side of the horror. "you were extremely attractive as i attired you saturday," the other proceeded. his lips took on a curious sensual leer. "i could have done better with more time; i would have stripped you somewhat more completely. everything, i think, except your legs; i am pleased by the sight of long, straight, silk-clad legs, and should perhaps have received some pleasure by running these hands along them--scratching at proper intervals for the aesthetic effect of blood. but that too will come." the girl sprang erect, gasping and speechless in outraged anger. she turned abruptly; nothing remained of her determination now. she felt only an urge to escape from the sneering tormentor who had lost in her mind all connection with her own nicholas devine. she took a sudden step. "sit down!" she heard the tones of the entity behind her, flat, unchanged. "sit down, else i'll drag you here!" she paused in sheer surprise, turning a startled face on the other. "you wouldn't dare!" she said, amazed at the bald effrontery of the threat. "you don't dare touch me here!" the other laughed. "don't i? what have i to risk? _he_'ll suffer for any deed of mine! you'll call for aid against me and only loose the hounds on _him_." pat stared blankly at the evil face. she had no answer; for once her ready tongue found no retort. "sit down!" reiterated the other, and she dropped dazedly to her position on the bench. she turned dark questioning eyes on him. "do you see," he sneered, "how weakening an influence is this love of yours? to protect him you are obeying me; this is my authority over you--this body i share with him!" she made no reply; she was making a desperate effort to lash her mind into activity, to formulate some means of combating the being who tortured her. "it has weakened him, too," the other proceeded. "this disturbed love of his has taken away the mastery which birth gave him, and his enfeeblement has given that mastery to me. he knows now the reason for his weakness; i tell it to him too late to harm me." pat struggled for composure. the very presence of the cold demon tore at the roots of her self-control, and she suppressed a fierce desire to break into hysterical laughter. ridiculous, hopeless, incomprehensible situation! she forced her quivering throat to husky speech. "what--what are you?" she stammered. "synapse! i'm a question of synapses," jeered the other. "simple! very simple! ask your friend the doctor!" "i think," said the girl, a measure of control returning to her voice, "that you're a devil. you're some sort of a fiend that has managed to attach itself to nick, and you're not human. that's what i think!" "think what you please," said the other. "we're wasting time here," he said abruptly. "come." "where?" pat was startled; she felt a recurrence of fright. "no matter where. come." "i won't! why do you want me?" "to complete the business of saturday night," he said. "your lips have healed; they bleed no longer, but that is easy to remedy. come." "i won't!" exclaimed the girl in sudden panic. "i won't!" she moved as if to rise. "you forget," intoned the being beside her. "you forget the authority vested in me by virtue of this love of yours. let me convince you." he stretched forth a thin hand. "move and you condemn your sweetheart to the punishment you threaten me." he seized her arm, pinching the flesh brutally, his nails breaking the smooth skin. pat felt her face turn ashy pale; she closed her eyes and bit her nearly-healed lips at the excruciating pain, but she made not the slightest sound nor the faintest movement. she simply sat and suffered. "you see!" sneered the other, releasing her. "thank my kindly nature that i marked your arm instead of your face. shall we go?" a scarcely audible whimper of pain came from the girl's lips. she sat palled and unmoving, with her eyes still closed. "no," she murmured faintly at last. "no. i won't go with you." "shall i drag you?" "yes. drag me if you dare." his hand closed on her wrist; she felt herself jerked violently to her feet, so roughly that it wrenched her shoulder. a startled, frightened little cry broke from her lips, and then she closed them firmly at the sight of several by-passers turning curious eyes on them. "i'll come," she murmured. the glimmering of an idea had risen in her chaotic mind. she followed him in grim, bitter silence across the clipped turf to the limit of the park. she recognized nick's modest automobile standing in the line of cars along the street; her companion, or captor, moved directly towards it, opened the door and clambered in without a single backward glance. he turned about and watched her as she paused with one diminutive foot on the running board, and rubbed her hand over her aching arm. "get in!" he ordered coldly. she made no move. "i want to know where you intend to take me." "it doesn't matter. to a place where we can complete that unfinished experiment of ours. aren't you happy at the prospect?" "do you think," she said unsteadily, "that i'd consent to that even to save nick from disgrace and punishment? do you think i'm fool enough for that?" "we'll soon see." he extended his hand. "scream--fight--struggle!" he jeered. "call them down on your sweetheart!" he had closed his hand on her wrist; she jerked it convulsively from his grasp. "i'll bargain with you!" she gasped. she needed a moment's respite to clarify a thought that had been growing in her mind. "bargain? what have you to offer?" "as much as you!" "ah, but i have a threat--the threat to your sweetheart! and i'm offering too the lure of that evil whose face so charmed you recently. have you forgotten how nearly i won you to the worship of that principle? have you forgotten the ecstasy of that pain?" his terrible, blood-shot eyes were approaching her face; and strangely, the girl felt a curious recurrence of that illogical desire to yield that had swept over her on that disastrous night of saturday. there _had_ been an ecstasy; there _had_ been a wild, ungodly, unhallowed pleasure in his blows, in the searing pain of his kisses on her lacerated lips. she realized vaguely that she was staring blankly, dazedly, into the red eyes, and that somewhere within her, some insane brain-cells were urging her to clamber to the seat beside him. she tore her eyes away. she rubbed her bruised shoulder, and the pain of her own touch restored her vanishing logical faculties. she returned her gaze to the face of the other, meeting his gaze now coolly. "nick!" she said earnestly, as if calling him from a distance. "nick!" there was, she fancied, the faintest gleam of concern apparent in the features opposite her. she continued. "nick!" she repeated. "you can hear me, honey. come to the house as soon as you are able. come tonight, or any time; i'll wait until you do. you'll come, honey; you must!" she backed away from the car; the other made no move to halt her. she circled the vehicle and dashed recklessly across the street. from the safety of the opposite walk she glanced back; the red-eyed visage was regarding her steadily through the glass of the window. 21 a question of synapses pat almost ran the few blocks to her home. she hastened along in a near panic, regardless of the glances of pedestrians she chanced to pass. with the disappearance of the immediate urge, the composure for which she had struggled had deserted her, and she felt shaken, terrified, and weak. her arm ached miserably, and her wrenched shoulder pained at each movement. it was not until she attained her own door-step that she paused, panting and quivering, to consider the events of the evening. "i can't stand any more of this!" she muttered wretchedly to herself. "i'll just have to give up, i guess; i can't pit myself another time against--that thing." she leaned wearily against the railing of the porch, rubbing her injured arm. "dr. carl was right," she thought. "nick was right; it's dangerous. there was a moment there at the end when he--or it--almost had me. i'm frightened," she admitted. "lord only knows what might have happened had i been a little weaker. if the lord _does_ know," she added. she found her latch-key and entered the house. only a dim light burned in the hall; her mother, of course, was at the club, and the maid and magda were far away in their chambers on the third floor. she tossed her wrap on a chair, switched on a brighter light, and examined the painful spot on her arm, a red mark already beginning to turn a nasty blue, with two tiny specks of drying blood. she shuddered, and trudged wearily up the stairs to her room. the empty silence of the house oppressed her. she wanted human companionship--safe, trustworthy, friendly company, anyone to distract her thoughts from the eerie, disturbing direction they were taking. she was still in somewhat of a panic, and suppressed with difficulty a desire to peep fearfully under the bed. "coward!" she chided herself. "you knew what to expect." suddenly the recollection of her parting words recurred to her. she had told nick--if nick had indeed heard--to come to the house, to come at once, tonight, if he could. a tremor of apprehension ran through her. suppose he came; suppose he came as her own nick, and she admitted him, and then--or suppose that other came, and managed by some trick to enter, or suppose that unholy fascination of his prevailed on her--she shivered, and brushed her hand distractedly across her eyes. "i can't stand it!" she moaned. "i'll have to give up, even if it means never seeing nick again. i'll have to!" she shook her head miserably as if to deny the picture that had risen in her mind of herself and that horror alone in the house. "i won't stay here!" she decided. she peeped out of the west windows at the doctor's residence, and felt a surge of relief at the sight of his iron-gray hair framed in the library window below. he was reading; she could see the book on his knees. there was her refuge; she ran hastily down the stairs and out of the door. with an apprehensive glance along the street she crossed to his door and rang the bell. she waited nervously for his coming, and, with a sudden impulse, pulled her vanity-case from her bag and dabbed a film of powder over the mark on her arm. then his ponderous footsteps sounded and the door opened. "hello," he said genially. "these late evening visits of yours are becoming quite customary--and see if i care!" "may i come in a while?" asked pat meekly. "have i ever turned you away?" he followed her into the library, pushed a chair forward for her, and dropped quickly into his own with an air of having snatched it from her just in time. "i didn't want your old arm-chair," she remarked, occupying the other. "and what's the trouble tonight?" he queried. "i--well, i was just nervous. i didn't want to stay in the house alone." "you?" his tone was skeptical. "you were nervous? that hardly sounds reasonable, coming from an independent little spit-fire like you." "i was, though. i was scared." "and of what--or whom?" "of haunts and devils." "oh." he nodded. "i see you've had results from your letter-writing." "well, sort of." "i'm used to your circumlocutions, pat. suppose you come directly to the point for once. what happened?" "why, i wrote nick to get in touch with me, and i got a reply. he said to meet him in the park at a place we knew. this evening." "and you did, of course." "yes, but before that, this afternoon, he called up and told me not to, but i insisted and we did." "told you not to, eh? and was his warning justified?" "yes. oh, yes! when i came to the place, it was--the other." "so! well, he could hardly manhandle you in a public park." pat thought of her wrenched shoulder and bruised arm. she shuddered. "he's horrible!" she said. "inhuman! he kept referring to saturday night, and he threatened that if i moved or made a disturbance he'd let nick suffer the consequences. so i kept still while he insulted me." "you nit-wit!" there was more than a trace of anger in the doctor's voice. "i want to see that pup of yours! we'll soon find out what this thing is--a mania or simply lack of a good licking!" "what it is?" echoed pat. "oh--it told me! dr. carl, what's a synopsis?" "a synopsis! you know perfectly well." "i mean applied to physiology or psychology or something. it--he told me he was a question of synopsis." "this devil of yours said that?" "yes." "hum!" the doctor's voice was musing. he frowned perplexedly, then looked up abruptly. "was it--did he by any chance say synapses? not synopsis--synapses?" "that's it!" exclaimed the girl. "he said he was a question of synapses. does that explain him? do you know what he is?" "doesn't explain a damn thing!" snapped horker. "a synapse is a juncture, or the meeting of two nerves. it's why you can develop automatic motions and habits, like playing piano, or dancing. when you form a habit, the synapses of the nerves involved are sort of worn thin, so the nerves themselves are, in a sense, short-circuited. you go through motions without the need of your brain intervening, which is all a habit amounts to. understand?" "not very well," confessed pat. "humph! it doesn't matter anyway. i can't see that it helps to analyze your devil." "i don't care if it's never analyzed," said pat with a return of despondency. "dr. carl, i can't face that evil thing again. i can't do it, not even if it means never seeing nick!" "sensible," said the doctor approvingly. "i'd like to have a chance at him, but not enough to keep you in this state of jitters. although," he added, "a lot of this mystery is the product of your own harum-scarum mind. you can be sure of that, honey." "you _would_ say so," responded the girl wearily. "you've never seen that--change. if it's my imagination, then i'm the one that needs your treatments, not nick." "it isn't _all_ imagination, most likely," said horker defensively. "i know these introverted types with their hysterias, megalomanias, and defense mechanisms! they've paraded through my office there for a good many years, pat; they've provided the lion's share of my practice. but this young psychopathic of yours seems to have it bad--abnormally so, and that's why i'm so interested, apart from helping you, of course." "i don't care," said pat apathetically, repressing a desire to rub her injured arm. "i'm through. i'm scared out of the affair. another week like this last one and i _would_ be one of your patients." "best drop it, then," said horker, eyeing her seriously. "nothing's worth upsetting yourself like this, pat." "nick's worth it," she murmured. "he's worth it--only i just haven't the strength. i haven't the courage. i can't do it!" "never mind, honey," the doctor muttered, regarding her with an expression of concern. "you're probably well out of the mess. i know damn well you haven't told me everything about this affair--notably, how you acquired that ugly mark on your arm that's so carefully powdered over. so, all in all, i guess you're well out of it." "i suppose i am." her voice was still weary. suddenly the glare of headlights drew her attention to the window; a car was stopping before her home. "there's mother," she said. "i'll go on back now, dr. carl, and thanks for entertaining a lonesome and depressed lady." she rose with a casual glance through the window, then halted in frozen astonishment and a trace of terror. "oh!" she gasped. the car was the modest coupe of nicholas devine. she peered through the window; the doctor rose and stared over her shoulder. "i told him to come," she whispered. "i told him to come when he was able. he heard me, he or--the other." a figure alighted from the vehicle. even in the dusk she could perceive the exhaustion, the weariness in its movements. she pressed her face to the pane, surveying the form with fascinated intentness. it turned, supporting itself against the car and gazing steadily at her own door. with the movement the radiance of a street-light illuminated its features. "it's nick!" she cried with such eagerness that the doctor was startled. "it's _my_ nick!" 22 doctor and devil pat rushed to the door, out upon the porch, and down to the street. dr. horker followed her to the entrance and stood watching her as she darted toward the dejected figure beside the car. "nick!" she cried. "i'm here, honey. you heard me, didn't you?" she flung herself into his arms; he held her eagerly, pressing a hasty, tender kiss on her lips. "you heard me!" she murmured. "yes." his voice was husky, strained. "what is it, pat? tell me quickly--god knows how much time we have!" "it's dr. carl. he'll help us, nick." "help us! no one can help us, dear. no one!" "he'll try. it can't do any harm, honey. come in with me. now!" "it's useless, i tell you!" "but come," she pleaded. "come anyway!" "pat, i tell you this battle has to be fought out by me alone. i'm the only one who can do anything at all and," he lowered his voice, "pat, i'm losing!" "nick!" "that's why i came tonight. i was too cowardly to make our last meeting--monday evening in the park--a definite farewell. i wanted to, but i weakened. so tonight, pat, it's a final good-bye, and you thank heaven for it!" "oh, nick dear!" "it was touch and go whether i came at all tonight. it was a struggle, pat; _he_ is as strong as i am now. or stronger." the girl gazed searchingly into his worn, weary face. he looked miserably ill, she thought; he seemed as exhausted as one who had been engaged in a physical battle. "nick," she said insistently, "i don't care what you say, you're coming in with me. only for a little while." she tugged at his hand, dragging him reluctantly after her. he followed her to the porch where the open door still framed the great figure of the doctor. "you know dr. carl," she said. "come inside," growled horker. pat noticed the gruffness of his voice, his lack of any cordiality, but she said nothing as she pulled her reluctant companion through the door and into the library. the doctor drew up another chair, and pat, more accustomed to his devices, observed that he placed it in such position that the lamp cast a stream of radiance on nick's face. she sank into her own chair and waited silently for developments. "well," said horker, turning his shrewd old eyes on nick's countenance, "let's get down to cases. pat's told me what she knows; we can take that much for granted. is there anything more you might want to tell?" "no, sir," responded the youth wearily. "i've told pat all i know." "humph! maybe i can ask some leading questions, then. will you answer them?" "of course, any that i can." "all right. now," the doctor's voice took on a cool professional edge, "you've had these--uh--attacks as long as you can remember. is that right?" "yes." "but they've been more severe of late?" "much worse, sir!" "since when?" "since--about as long as i've known pat. four or five weeks." "m--m," droned the doctor. "you've no idea of the cause for this increase in the malignancy of the attacks?" "no sir," said nick, after a barely perceptible hesitation. "you don't think the cause could be in any way connected with, let us say, the emotional disturbances attending your acquaintance with pat here?" "no, sir," said the youth flatly. "all right," said horker. "let that angle go for the present. are there any after effects from these spells?" "yes. there's always a splitting headache." he closed his eyes. "i have one of them now." "localized?" "sir?" "is the pain in any particular region? forehead, temples, eyes, or so forth?" "no. just a nasty headache." "but no other after-effects?" "i can't think of any others. except, perhaps, a feeling of exhaustion after i've gone through what i've just finished." he closed his eyes as if to shut out the recollection. "well," mused the doctor, "we'll forget the physical symptoms. what happens to your individuality, your own consciousness, while you're suffering an attack?" "nothing happens to it," said nick with a suppressed shudder. "i watch and hear, but what _he_ does is beyond my control. it's terrifying--horrible!" he burst out suddenly. "doubtless," responded horker smoothly. "what about the other? does that one stand by while you're in the saddle?" "i don't know," muttered nick dully. "of course he does!" he added abruptly. "i can feel his presence at all times--even now. he's always lurking, waiting to spring forth, as soon as i relax!" "humph!" ejaculated the doctor. "how do you manage to sleep?" "by waiting for exhaustion," said nick wearily. "by waiting until i can stay awake no longer." "and can you bring this other personality into dominance? can you change controls, so to speak, at will?" "why--yes," the youth answered, hesitating as if puzzled. "yes, i suppose i could." "let's see you, then." "but--" horror was in his voice. "no, dr. carl!" pat interjected in fright. "i won't let him!" "i thought you declared yourself out of this," said horker with a shrewd glance at the girl. "then i'm back in it! i won't let him do what you want--anyway, not that!" "pat," said the doctor with an air of patience, "you want me to treat this affliction, don't you? isn't that what both of you want?" the girl murmured a scarcely audible assent. "very well, then," he proceeded. "do you expect me to treat the thing blindly--in the dark? do you think i can guess at the cause without observing the effect?" "no," said pat faintly. "so! now then," he turned to nick, "let's see this transformation." "must i?" asked the youth reluctantly. "if you want my help." "all right," he agreed with another tremor. he sat passively staring at the doctor; a moment passed. horker heard pat's nervous breathing; other than that, the room was in silence. nicholas devine closed his eyes, brushed his hand across his forehead. a moment more and he opened them to gaze perplexedly at the doctor. "he won't!" he muttered in astonishment. "he won't do it!" "humph!" snapped horker, ignoring pat's murmur of relief. "finicky devil, isn't he? likes to pick company he can bully!" "i don't understand it!" nick's face was blank. "he's been tormenting me until just now!" he looked at the doctor. "you don't think i'm lying about it, do you, dr. horker?" "not consciously," replied the other coolly. "if i thought you were responsible for a few of the indignities perpetrated on pat here, i'd waste no time in questions, young man. i'd be relieving myself of certain violent impulses instead." "i _couldn't_ harm pat!" "you gave a passable imitation of it, then! however, that's beside the point; as i say, i don't hold you responsible for aberrations which i believe are beyond your control. the main thing is a diagnosis." "do you know what it is?" cut in pat eagerly. "not yet--at least, not for certain. there's only one real method available; these questions will get us nowhere. we'll have to psychoanalyze you, young man." "i don't care what you do, if you can offer any hope!" he declared vehemently. "let's get it over!" "not as easy as all that!" rumbled horker. "it takes time; and besides, it can't be successful with the subject in a hectic mood such as yours." he glanced at his watch. "moreover, it's after midnight." he turned to nicholas devine. "we'll make it saturday evening," he said. "meanwhile, young man, you're not to see pat. not at all--understand? you can see her here when you come." "that's infinitely more than i'd planned for myself," said the youth in a low voice. "i'd abandoned the hope of seeing her." he rose and moved toward the door, and the others followed. at the entrance he paused; he leaned down to plant a brief, tender kiss on the girl's lips, and moved wordlessly out of the door. pat watched him enter his car, and followed the vehicle with her eyes until it disappeared. then she turned to horker. "do you really know anything about it?" she queried. "have you any theory at all?" "he's not lying," said the doctor thoughtfully. "i watched him closely; he believes he's telling the truth." "he is. i know what i saw!" "he hasn't the signs of praecox or depressive," mused the doctor. "it's puzzling; it's one of those functional aberrations, or a fixed delusion of some kind. we'll find out just what it is." "it's the devil," declared pat positively. "i don't care what sort of scientific tag you give it--that's what it is. you doctors can hide a lot of ignorance under a long name." horker paid no attention to her remarks. "we'll see what the psychoanalysis brings out," he said. "i shouldn't be surprised if the whole thing were the result of a defense mechanism erected by a timid child in an effort to evade responsibility. that's what it sounds like." "it's a devil!" reiterated pat. "well," said the doctor, "if it is, it has one thing in common with every spook or devil i ever heard of." "what's that?" "it refuses to appear under any conditions where one has a chance to examine it. it's like one of these temperamental mediums trying to perform under a spot-light." 23 werewolf pat awoke in rather better spirits. somehow, the actual entrance of dr. horker into the case gave her a feeling of security, and her natural optimistic nature rode the pendulum back from despair to hope. even the painful black-and-blue mark on her arm, as she examined it ruefully, failed to shake her buoyant mood. her mood held most of the day; it was only at evening that a recurrence of doubt assailed her. she sat in the dim living room waiting the arrival of her mother's guests, and wondered whether, after all, the predicament was as easily solvable as she had assumed. she watched the play of lights and shadows across the ceiling, patterns cast through the windows by moving headlights in the street, and wondered anew whether her faith in dr. carl's abilities was justified. science! she had the faith of her generation in its omnipotence, but here in the dusk, the outworn superstitions of childhood became appalling realities, and some of magda's stories, forgotten now for years, rose out of their graves and went squeaking and maundering like sheeted ghosts in a ghastly parade across the universe of her mind. the meaningless taunts she habitually flung at dr. carl's science became suddenly pregnant with truth; his patient, hard-learned science seemed in fact no more than the frenzies of a witch-doctor dancing in the heart of a rhodesian swamp. what was it worth--this array of medical facts--if it failed to cure? was medicine falling into the state of chinese science--a vast collection of good rules for which the reasons were either unknown or long forgotten? she sighed; it was with a feeling of profound relief that she heard the voices of the brocks outside; she played miserable bridge the whole evening, but it was less of an affliction than the solitude of her own thoughts. saturday morning, cloudy and threatening though it was, found the pendulum once more at the other end of the arc. she found herself, if not buoyantly cheerful, at least no longer prey to the inchoate doubts and fears of the preceding evening. she couldn't even recall their nature; they had been apart from the cool, day-time logic that preached a common-sense reliance on accepted practices. they had been, she concluded, no more than childish nightmares induced by darkness and the play of shadows. she dressed and ate a late breakfast; her mother was already en route to the club for her bridge-luncheon. thereafter, she wandered into the kitchen for the company of magda, whom she found with massive arms immersed in dish water. pat perched on her particular stool beside the kitchen table and watched her at her work. "magda," she said finally. "i'm listening, miss pat." "do you remember a story you told me a long time ago? oh, years and years ago, about a man in your town who could change into something--some fierce animal. a wolf, or something like that." "oh, him!" said magda, knitting her heavy brows. "you mean the werewolf." "that's it! the werewolf. i remember it now--how frightened i was after i went to bed. i wasn't more than eight years old, was i?" "i couldn't remember. it was years ago, though, for sure." "what was the story?" queried pat. "do you remember that?" "why, it was the time the sheep were being missed," said the woman, punctuating her words with the clatter of dishes on the drainboard. "then there was a child gone, and another, and then tales of this great wolf about the country. i didn't see him; us little ones stayed under roof by darkness after that." "that wasn't all of it," said pat. "you told me more than that." "well," continued magda, "there was my uncle, who was best hand with a rifle in the village. he and others went after the creature, and my uncle, he came back telling how he'd seen it plain against the sky, and how he'd fired at it. he couldn't miss, he was that close, but the wolf gave him a look and ran away." "and then what?" "then the priest came, and he said it wasn't a natural wolf. he melted up a silver coin and cast a bullet, and he gave it to my uncle, he being the best shot in the village. and the next night he went out once more." "did he get it?" asked pat. "i don't remember." "he did. he came upon it by the pasture, and he aimed his gun. the creature looked straight at him with its evil red eyes, and he shot it. when he came to it, there wasn't a wolf at all, but this man--his name i forget--with a hole in his head. and then the priest, he said he was a werewolf, and only a silver bullet could kill him. but my uncle, _he_ said those evil red eyes kept staring at him for many nights." "evil red eyes!" said pat suddenly. "magda," she asked in a faint voice, "could he change any time he wanted to?" "only by night, the priest said. by sunrise he had to be back." "only by night!" mused the girl. another idea was forming in her active little mind, another conception, disturbing, impossible to phrase. "is that worse than being possessed by a devil, magda?" "sure it's worse! the priest, he could cast out the devil, but i never heard no cure for being a werewolf." pat said nothing further, but slid from her high perch to the floor and went soberly out of the kitchen. the fears of last night had come to life again, and now the over-cast skies outside seemed a fitting symbol to her mood. she stared thoughtfully out of the living room windows, and the sudden splash of raindrops against the pane lent a final touch to the whole desolate ensemble. "i'm just a superstitious little idiot!" she told herself. "i laugh at mother because she always likes to play north and south, and here i'm letting myself worry over superstitions that were discarded before there was any such thing as a game called contract bridge." but her arguments failed to carry conviction. the memory of the terrible eyes of that _other_ had clicked too aptly to magda's phrase. she couldn't subdue the picture that haunted her, and she couldn't cast off the apprehensiveness of her mood. she recalled gloomily that dr. horker was at the club--wouldn't be home before evening, else she'd have gladly availed herself of his solid, matter-of-fact company. she thought of nick's appointment with the doctor for that evening. suppose his psychoanalysis brought to light some such horror as these fears of hers--that would forever destroy any possibility of happiness for her and nick. even though the doctor refused to recognize it, called it by some polysyllabic scientific name, the thing would be there to sever them. she wandered restlessly into the hall. the morning mail, unexamined, lay in its brazen receptacle, she moved over, fingering it idly. abruptly she paused in astonishment--a letter in familiar script had flashed at her. she pulled it out; it was! it was a letter from nicholas devine! she tore it open nervously, wondering whether he had reverted to his original refusal of dr. horker's aid, whether he was unable to come, whether _that_ had happened. but only a single unfolded sheet slipped from the envelope, inscribed with a few brief lines of poetry. "the grief that is too faint for tears, and scarcely breathes of pain, may linger on a hundred years ere it creep forth again. but i, who love you now too well to suffer your disdain, must try tonight that love to quell- and try in vain!" 24 the dark other it was early in the evening, not yet eight o'clock, when pat saw the car of nicholas devine draw up before the house. she had already been watching half an hour, sitting cross-legged in the deep window seat, like her jade buddha. that equivocal poem of his had disturbed her, lent an added strength to the moods and doubts already implanted by magda's mystical tale, and it was with a feeling of trepidation that she watched him emerge wearily from his vehicle and stare in indecision first at her window and then at the horker residence. the waning daylight was still sufficient to delineate his worn features; she could see them, pale, harried, but indubitably the mild features of her own nick. while he hesitated, she darted to the door and out upon the porch. he gave her a wan smile of greeting, advanced to the foot of the steps, and halted there. "the doctor's not home yet," she called to him. he stood motionless below her. "come up on the porch," she invited, as he made no move. she uttered the words with a curious feeling of apprehension; for even as she ached for his presence, the uncertain state of affairs was frightening. she thought fearfully that what had happened before might happen again. still, there on the open porch, in practically full daylight, and for so brief a time--dr. carl would be coming very shortly, she reasoned. "i can't," said nick, staring wistfully at her. "you know i can't." "why not?" "i promised. you remember--i promised dr. horker i'd not see you except in his presence." "so you did," said pat doubtfully. the promise offered escape from a distressing situation, she thought, and yet--somehow, seeing nick standing pathetically there, she couldn't imagine anything harmful emanating from him. there had been many and many evenings in his company that had passed delightfully, enjoyably, safely. she felt a wave of pity for him; after all, the affliction was his, most of the suffering was his. "we needn't take it so literally," she said almost reluctantly. "he'll be home very soon now." "i know," said nick soberly, "but it was a promise, and besides, i'm afraid." "never mind, honey," she said, after a momentary hesitation. "come up and sit here on the steps, then--here beside me. we can talk just as well as there on the settee." he climbed the steps and seated himself, watching pat with longing eyes. he made no move to touch her, nor did she suggest a kiss. "i read your poem, honey," she said finally. "it worried me." "i'm sorry, pat. i couldn't sleep. i kept wandering around the house, and at last i wrote it and took it out and mailed it. it was a vent, a relief from the things i'd been thinking." "what things, honey?" "a way, mostly," he answered gloomily, "of removing myself from your life. a permanent way." "nick!" "i didn't, as you see, pat. i was too cowardly, i suppose. or perhaps it was because of this forlorn hope of ours. there's always hope, pat; even the condemned man with his foot on the step to the gallows feels it." "nick dear!" she cried, her voice quavering in pity. "nick, you mustn't think of those things! it might weaken you--make it easier for _him_!" "it can't. if it frightens _him_, i'm glad." "honey," she said soothingly, "we'll give dr. carl a chance. promise me you'll let him try, won't you?" "of course i will. is there anything i'd refuse to promise you, pat? even," he added bitterly, "when reason tells me it's a futile promise." "don't say it!" she urged fiercely. "we've got to help him. we've got to believe--there he comes!" she finished with sudden relief. the doctor's car turned up the driveway beyond his residence. pat saw his face regarding them as he disappeared behind the building. "come on, honey," she said. "let's get at the business." they moved slowly over to the doctor's door, waiting there until his ponderous footsteps sounded. a light flashed in the hall, and his broad shadow filled the door for a moment before it opened. "come in," he rumbled jovially. "fine evening we're spoiling, isn't it?" "it could be," said pat as they followed him into the library, "only it'll probably rain some more." "hah!" snorted the doctor, frowning at the mention of rain. "the course was soft. couldn't get any distance, and it added six strokes to my score. at least six!" pat chuckled commiseratingly. "you ought to lay out a course in greenland," she suggested. "they say anyone can drive a ball a quarter of a mile on smooth ice." "humph!" the doctor waved toward a great, low chair. "suppose you sit over there, young man, and we'll get about our business. and don't look so woe-begone about it." nick settled himself nervously in the designated chair; the doctor seated himself at a little distance to the side, and pat sat tensely in her usual place beside the hearth. she waited in strained impatience for the black magic of psychoanalysis to commence. "now," said horker, "i want you to keep quiet, pat--if possible. and you, young man, are to relax, compose yourself, get yourself into as passive a state as possible. do you understand?" "yes, sir," the youth leaned back in the great chair, closing his eyes. "so! now, think back to your childhood, your earliest memories. let your thoughts wander at random, and speak whatever comes to your mind." nick sat a moment in silence. "that's hard to do, sir," he said finally. "yes. it will take practice, weeks of it, perhaps. you'll have to acquire the knack of it, but to do that, we'll have to start." "yes, sir." he sat with closed eyes. "my mother," he murmured, "was kind. i remember her a little, just a little. she was very gentle, not apt to blame me. she could understand. made excuses to my father. he was hard, not cruel--strict. couldn't understand. blamed me when i wasn't to blame. other did it. i wasn't mischievous, but got the blame. couldn't explain, he wouldn't believe me." he paused uncertainly. "go on," said horker quietly, while pat strained her ears to listen. "mrs. stevens," he continued. "governess after mother died. strict like father, got punished when i wasn't to blame. just as bad after father died. always blamed. couldn't explain, nobody believed me. other threw cat in window, i had to go to bed. put salt in bird seed, broke leg of chair to make it fall. punished--i couldn't explain." his voice droned into silence; he opened his eyes. "that all," he said nervously. "good enough for the first time," said the doctor briskly. "wait a few weeks; we'll have your life's history out of you. it takes practice." "is that all?" queried pat in astonishment. "all for the first time. later we'll let him talk half an hour at a stretch, but it takes practice, as i've mentioned. you run along home now," he said to nick. "but it's early!" objected pat. "early or not," said the doctor, "i'm tired, and you two aren't to see each other except here. you remember that." nick rose from his seat in the depths of the great chair. "thank you, sir," he said. "i don't know why, but i feel easier in your presence. the--the struggle disappears while i'm here." "well," said horker with a smile, "i like patients with confidence in me. good night." at the door nick paused, turning wistful eyes on pat. "good night," he said, leaning to give her a light kiss. a rush of some emotion twisted his features; he stared strangely at the girl. "i'd better go," he said abruptly, and vanished through the door. "well?" said pat questioningly, turning to the doctor. "did you learn anything from that?" "not much," the other admitted, yawning. "however, the results bear out my theory." "how?" "did you notice how he harped on the undeserved punishment theme? he was punished for another's mischief?" "yes. what of that?" "well, picture him as a timid, sensitive child, rather afraid of being punished. afraid, say, of being locked up in a dark closet. now, when he inadvertently commits a mischief, as all children do, he tries desperately to divert the blame from himself. but there's no one else to blame! so what does he do?" "what?" "he invents this _other_, the mischievous one, and blames him. and now the other has grown to the proportions of a delusion, haunting him, driving him to commit acts apart from his normal inclinations. understand? because i'm off to bed whether you do or not." "i understand all right," murmured pat uncertainly as she moved to the door. "but somehow, it doesn't sound reasonable." "it will," said the doctor. "good night." pat wandered slowly down the steps and through the break in the hedge, musing over doctor horker's expression of opinion. then, according to him, the devil was nothing more than an invention of nick's mind, the trick of a cowardly child to evade just punishment. she shook her head; it didn't sound like nick at all. for all his gentleness and sensitivity, he wasn't the one to hide behind a fabrication. he wasn't a coward; she was certain of that. and she was as sure as she could ever be that he hated, feared, loathed this personality that afflicted him; he _couldn't_ have created it. she sighed, mounted the steps, and fumbled for her key. the sound of a movement behind her brought a faint gasp of astonishment. she turned to see a figure materializing from the shadows of the porch. the light from the hall fell across its features, and she drew back as she recognized nicholas devine--not the being she had just kissed good night, but in the guise of her tormentor, the red-eyed demon! 25 the demon lover pat drew back, leaning against the door, and her key tinkled on the concrete of the porch. she was startled, shocked, but not as completely terrified as she might have expected. after all, she thought rapidly, they were standing in full view of a public street, and dr. carl's residence was but a few feet distant. she could summon his help by screaming. "well!" she exclaimed, eyeing the figure inimically. "your appearances and disappearances are beginning to remind me of the cheshire cat." "except for the grin," said the other in his cold tones. "what do you want?" snapped pat. "you know what i want." "you'll not get it," said the girl angrily. "you--you're doomed to extinction, anyway! go away!" "suppose," said the other with a strange, cold, twisted smile, "it were _he_ that's doomed to extinction--what then?" "it isn't!" cried pat. "it isn't!" she repeated, while a quiver of uncertainty shook her. "he's the stronger," she said defiantly. "then where is he now?" "dr. carl will help us!" "doctor!" sneered the other. "he and his clever theory! am i an illusion?" he queried sardonically, thrusting his red-glinting eyes toward her. "am i the product of his puerile, vacillating nature? bah! i gave you the clue, and your doctor hasn't the intelligence to follow it!" "go away!" murmured pat faintly. the approach of his face had unnerved her, and she felt terror beginning to stir within her. "go away!" she said again. "why do you have to torment me? any one would serve your purpose--any woman!" "you have an aesthetic appeal, as i've told you before," replied the other in that toneless voice of his. "there is a pleasure in the defacement of black hair and pale skin, and your body is seductive, most seductive. another might afford me less enjoyment, and besides, you hate me. don't you hate me?" he peered evilly at her. "oh, god--yes!" the girl was shuddering. "say it, then! say you hate me!" "i hate you!" the girl cried vehemently. "will you go away now?" "with you!" "i'll scream if you come any closer. you don't dare touch me; i'll call dr. horker." "you'll only damage _him_--your lover." "then i'll do it! he'll understand." "yes," said the other reflectively. "he's fool enough to forgive you. he'll forgive you anything--the weakling!" "go away! get away from here!" the other stared at her out of blood-shot eyes. "very well," he said in his flat tones. "this time the victory is yours." he backed slowly toward the steps. pat watched him as he moved, feeling a surge of profound relief. as his shadow shifted, her key gleamed silver at her feet, and she stooped to retrieve it. there was a rush of motion as her eyes left the form of her antagonist. a hand was clamped violently over her mouth, an arm passed with steel-like rigidity about her body. nicholas devine was dragging her toward the steps; she was half-way down before she recovered her wits enough to struggle. she writhed and twisted in his grasp. she drove her elbow into his body with all her power, and kicked with the strength of desperation at his legs. she bit into the palm across her mouth--and suddenly, with a subdued grunt of pain, he released her so abruptly that her own struggles sent her spinning blindly into the bushes of the hedge. she turned gasping, unable for the moment to summon sufficient breath to scream. the other stood facing her with his eyes gleaming terribly into her own; then they ranged slowly from her diminutive feet to the rumpled ebony of her hair that she was brushing back with her hands from her pallid, frightened face. "obstinate," he observed, rubbing his injured palm. "obstinate and unbroken--but worth the trouble. well worth it!" he reached out a swift hand, seizing her wrist as she backed against the bushes. pat twisted around, gazing frantically at doctor horker's house, where a light had only now flashed on in the upper windows. her breath flowed back into her lungs with a strengthening rush. "dr. carl!" she screamed. "dr. carl! help me!" the other spun her violently about. she had a momentary glimpse of a horribly evil countenance, then he drew back his arm and shot a clenched fist to her chin. the world reeled into a blaze of spinning lights that faded quickly to darkness. she felt her knees buckling beneath her, and realized that she was crumpling forward toward the figure before her. then for a moment she was aware of nothing. she didn't quite lose consciousness, or at least for no more than a moment. she was suddenly aware that she was gazing down at a moving pavement, at her own arms dangling helplessly toward it. she perceived that she was lying limply across nicholas devine's shoulder with his arms clenched about her knees. and then, still unable to make the slightest resistance, she was bundled roughly into the seat of his coupe; he was beside her, and the car was purring into motion. she summoned what remained of her strength. she drew herself erect, fumbling at the handle of the door with a frantic idea of casting herself out of the car to the street. the creature beside her jerked her violently back; as she reeled into the seat, he struck her again with the side of his fist. it was a random blow, delivered with scarcely a glance at her; it caught her on the forehead, snapping her head with an audible thump against the wall of the vehicle. she swayed for a moment with closing eyes, then collapsed limply against him, this time in complete unconsciousness. that lapse too must have been brief. she opened dazed eyes on a vista of moving street lights; they were still in the car, passing now along some unrecognized thoroughfare lined with dark old homes. she lay for some moments uncomprehending; she was completely unaware of her situation. it dawned on her slowly. she moaned, struggled away from the shoulder against which she had been leaning, and huddled miserably in the far corner of the seat. nicholas devine gave her a single glance with his unpleasant eyes, and turned them again on the street. the girl was helpless, unable to put forth the strength even for another attempt to open the door. she was still only half aware of her position, and realized only that something appalling was occurring to her. she lay in passive misery against the cushions of the seat as the other turned suddenly up a dark driveway and into the open door of a small garage. he snapped off the engine, extinguished the headlights, and left them in a horrible, smothering, silent darkness. she heard him open the door on his side; after an apparently interminable interval, she heard the creak of the hinges on her own side. she huddled terrified, voiceless, and immobile. he reached in, fumbling against her in the darkness. he found her arm, and dragged her from the car. again, as on that other occasion, she found herself reeling helplessly behind him through the dark as he tugged at her wrist. he paused at a door in the building adjacent to the garage, searching in his pocket with his free hand. "i won't go in there!" she muttered dazedly. the other made no reply, but inserted a key in the lock, turned it, and swung open the door. he stepped through it, dragging her after him. with a sudden access of desperate strength, she caught the frame of the door, jerked violently on her prisoned wrist, and was unexpectedly free. she reeled away, turned toward the street, and took a few faltering steps down the driveway. almost instantly her tormentor was upon her, and his hand closed again on her arm. pat had no further strength; she sank to the pavement and crouched there, disregarding the insistent tugging on her arm. "come on," he growled. "you only delay the inevitable. must i drag you?" she made no reply. he tugged violently at her wrist, dragging her a few inches along the pavement. then he stooped over her, raised her in his arms, and bore her toward the dark opening of the door. he crowded her roughly through it, disregarding the painful bumping of her shoulders and knees. she heard the slam of the door as he kicked it closed, and she realized that they were mounting a flight of stairs, moving somewhere into the oppressive threatening darkness. then they were moving along a level floor, and her arm was bruised against another door. there was a moment of stillness, and then she was released, dropped indifferently to the surface of a bed or couch. a moment later a light flashed on. the girl was conscious at first only of the gaze of the red eyes. they held her own in a fascinating, unbreakable, trance-like spell. then, in a wave of dizziness, she closed her own eyes. "where are we?" she murmured. "in hell?" "you should call it heaven," came the sardonic voice. "it's the home of your sweetheart. his home--and mine!" 26 the depths "heaven and hell always were the same place," said nicholas devine, his red eyes glaring down at the girl. "we'll demonstrate the fact." pat shifted wearily, and sat erect, passing her hand dazedly across her face. she brushed the tangled strands of black hair from before her eyes, and stared dully at the room in which she found herself. it had some of the aspects of a study, and some of a laboratory, or perhaps a doctor's office. there was a case of dusty books on the wall opposite, and another crystal-fronted cabinet containing glassware, bottles, little round boxes suggestive of drugs or pharmaceuticals. there was a paper-littered table too; she gave a convulsive shudder at the sight of a bald, varnished death's head, its lower jar articulated, that reposed on a pile of papers and grinned at her. "where--" she began faintly. "this was the room of your sweetheart's father," said the other. "his and my mutual father. he was an experimenter, a researcher, and so, in another sense, am i!" he leered evilly at her. "he used this chamber to further his experiments, and i for mine--the carrying on of a noble family tradition!" the girl scarcely heard his words; the expressionless tone carried no meaning to the chaos which was her mind. she felt only an inchoate horror and a vague but all-encompassing fear, and her head was aching from the blows he had dealt her. "what do you want?" she asked dully. "why, there is an unfinished experiment. you must remember our interrupted proceedings of a week ago! have you already forgotten the early steps of our experiment in evil?" pat cringed at the cold, sardonic tones of the other. "let me go," she whimpered. "please!" she appealed. "let me go!" "in due time," he responded. "you lack gratitude," he continued. "last time, out of the kindness that is my soul, i permitted you to dull your senses with alcohol, but you failed, apparently, to appreciate my indulgence. but this time"--his eyes lit up queerly--"this time you approach the consummation of our experiment with undimmed mind!" he approached her. she drew her knees up, huddling back on the couch, and summoned the final vestiges of her strength. "i'll kick you!" she muttered desperately. "keep back from me!" he paused just beyond her reach. "i had hoped," he said ironically, "if not for your cooperation, at least for no further active resistance. it's quite useless; i told you days ago that this time would come." he advanced cautiously; pat thrust out her foot, driving it with all her power. instantly he drew back, catching her ankle in his hand. he jerked her leg sharply upwards, and she was precipitated violently to the couch. again he advanced. the girl writhed away from him. she slipped from the foot of the couch and darted in a circle around him, turning in an attempt to gain the room's single exit--the door by which they had entered. he moved quickly to intercept her; he closed the door as she backed despairingly away, retreating to the far end of the room. once more he faced her, his malicious eyes gleaming, and moved deliberately toward her. she drew back until the table halted her; she pressed herself against it as if to force her way still further. the other moved at unaltered pace. suddenly her hand pressed over some smooth, round, hard object; she grasped it and flung the grinning skull at the more terrible face that approached her. he dodged; there was a crash of glass as the gruesome missile shattered the pane of the cabinet of drugs. and inexorably, nicholas devine approached once more. she moved along the edge of the table, squeezed herself between it and the wall. behind her was one of the room's two windows, curtainless, with drawn shades. she found the cord, jerked it, and let the blind coil upward with an abrupt snap. "i'll throw myself through the window!" she announced with a sort of desperate calm. "don't dare move a step closer!" the demon paused once more in his deliberate advance. "you will, of course," he said as if considering. "given the opportunity. your body torn and broken, spotted with blood--that might be a pleasure second only to that i plan." "you'll suffer for it!" said the girl hysterically. "i'll be glad to do it, knowing you'll suffer!" "not i--your sweetheart." "i don't care! i can't stand it!" the other smiled his demoniac smile, and resumed his advance. she watched him in terror that had now reached the ultimate degree; her mind could bear no more. she turned suddenly, raised her arm, and beat her fist against the pane of the window. with the surprising resistance glass sometimes displays, it shook at her blow but did not shatter. she drew back for a second attempt, and her upraised arm was caught in a rigid grip, and she was dragged backward to the center of the room, thrown heavily to the floor. she sat dazedly looking up at the form standing over her. "must i render you helpless again?" queried the flat voice of the other. "are you not yet broken, convinced of the uselessness of this struggle?" she made no answer, staring dully at his immobile features. "are you going to fight me further?" as she was still silent, he repeated, "are you?" she shook her head vaguely. "no," she muttered. she had reached the point of utter indifference; nothing at all was important enough now to struggle for. "stand up!" ordered the being above her. she pulled herself wearily to her feet, leaning against the wall. she closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them dully as the other moved. "what--are you--are you going to do?" she murmured. "first," said the demon coldly, "i shall disrobe you somewhat more completely than on our other occasion. thereafter we will proceed to the consummation of our experiment." she watched him indifferently, uncomprehendingly, as he crooked a thin finger in the neck of her frock. she felt the pressure as he pulled, heard the rip of the fabric, and the pop of buttons, but she was conscious of no particular sensation as the garment cascaded into a black and red pool at her feet. she stood passive as he hooked his finger in the strap of her vest, and that too joined the little mound of cloth. she shivered slightly as she stood bared to the waist, but gave no other sign. again the thin hand moved toward her; from somewhere in her tormented spirit a final shred of resistance arose, and she pushed the questing member feebly to one side. she heard a low, sardonic laugh from her oppressor. "look at me!" he commanded. she raised her eyes wearily; she drew her arm about her in a forlorn gesture of concealment. her eyes met the strange orbs of the other, and a faint thrill of horror stirred; other than this, she felt nothing. then his eyes were approaching her; she was conscious of the illusion that they were expanding, filling all the space in front of her. their weird glow filled the world, dominated everything. "will you yield?" he queried. the eyes commanded. "yes," she said dully. she felt his hands icy cold on her bare shoulders. they traveled like a shudder about her body, and suddenly she was pressed close to him. "are you mine?" he demanded. for the first time there was a tinge of expression in the toneless voice, a trace of eagerness. she made no answer; her eyes, held by his, stared like the eyes of a person in a trance, unwinking, fascinated. "are you mine?" he repeated, his breath hissing on her cheek. "yes." she heard her own voice in automatic reply to his question. "mine--for the delights of evil?" "yours!" she murmured. the eyes had blotted out everything. "and do you hate me?" "no." the arms about her tightened into crushing bands. the pressure stopped her breath; her very bones seemed to give under their fierce compression. "do you hate me?" he muttered. "yes!" she gasped. "yes! i hate you!" "ah!" he twisted his hand in her black hair, wrenching it roughly back. "are you ready now for the consummation? to look upon the face of evil?" she made no reply. her eyes, as glassy as those of a sleep-walker, stared into his. "are you ready?" "yes," she said. he pressed his mouth to hers. the fierceness of the kiss bruised her lips, the pull of his hand in her hair was a searing pain, the pressure of his arm about her body was a suffocation. yet--somehow--there was again the dawning of that unholy pleasure--the same degraded delight that had risen in her on that other occasion, in the room of the red-checked table cloth. through some hellish alchemy, the leaden pain was transmuting itself into the garish gold of a horrible, abnormal pleasure. she found her crushed lips attempting a feeble, painful response. at her movement, she felt herself swung abruptly from her feet. with his lips still crushing hers, he raised her in his arms; she felt herself borne across the room. he paused; there was a sudden release, and she crashed to the hard surface of the couch, whose rough covering scratched the bare flesh of her back. nicholas devine bent over her; she saw his hand stretch toward her single remaining garment. and again, from somewhere in her harassed soul, a spark of resistance flashed. "nick!" she moaned. "oh, nick! help me!" "call him!" said the other, a sneer on his face. "call him! he hears; it adds to his torment!" she covered her eyes with her hands. she felt his hand slip coldly between her skin and the elastic about her waist. "nick!" she moaned again. "nick! oh, my god! nick!" 27 two in hell the cold hand against pat was still; she felt it rigid and stiff on her flesh. she lay passive with closed eyes; having voiced her final appeal, she was through. the words torn from her misery represented the final iota of spirit remaining to her; and her bruised body and battered mind had nothing further to give. the hand quivered and withdrew. for a moment more she lay motionless with her arms clutched about her, then she opened her eyes, gazing dully, hopelessly at the demon standing over her. he was watching her with a curious abstracted frown; as she stirred, the scowl intensified, and he drew back a step. his face contorted suddenly in a spasm of some unguessable emotion. his fists clenched; a low unintelligible mutter broke from his lips. "strange!" she heard him say, and after a moment, "i'm still master here!" he _was_ master; in a moment the emotion vanished, and he was again standing over her, his face the same impassive demoniac mask. she watched him in a dull stupor of despair that was too deep for even a whimper of pain as he wrenched at the elastic about her waist, and it cut into her flesh and parted. he tore the garment away, and the red eyes bored down with a wild elation in their depths. "mine!" the being muttered, a new hoarseness in his voice. "are you mine?" pat made no answer; his voice croaked in more insistent tones. "are you mine?" she could not reply. she felt his fingers bite into the flesh of her shoulder. she was shaken roughly, violently, and the question came again, fiercely. the eyes flamed in command, and she felt through her languor and weakness, the stirring of that strange and unholy fascination that he held over her. "answer!" he croaked. "are you mine?" the torture of his searing grip on her shoulder wrung an answer from her. "yes," she murmured faintly. "yours." she closed her eyes again in helpless resignation. she felt the hand withdrawn, and she lay passive, waiting, on the verge of unconsciousness, numb, spirit-broken, and beaten. nothing happened. after a long interval she opened her eyes, and saw the other standing again with clenched fists and contorted countenance. his features were writhing in the intensity of his struggle; a strange low snarl came from his lips. he backed away from her, step by step; he leaned against the book-shelves, and beads of perspiration formed on his scowling face. he was no longer master! she saw the change; imperceptibly the evil vanished from his features, and suddenly they were no longer his, but the weary, horror-stricken visage of her nick! the red eyes were no longer satanic, but only the blood-shot, troubled, gentle eyes of her sweetheart, and the lips had lost their grimness, and gasped and quivered and trembled. he reeled against the wall, staggered to the chair at the table, and sank weakly into it. pat was far too exhausted, far too dazed, to feel anything but the faintest sensation of relief. she realized only dimly that tears were welling from her eyes, and that sharp sobs were shaking her. she was for the moment unable to stir, and it was not long until the being at the table turned stricken eyes on her that she moved. then she drew her knees up before her, as if to hide her body behind their slim, chiffon-clad grace. nick rose from the table, approaching her with weary, hesitant tread. he seized a cover of some sort that was folded over the foot of the couch, shook it out and cast it over her. she clutched it about her body, sat erect and leaned back against the wall in utter exhaustion. many minutes passed with no word from either of the occupants of the unholy chamber. it was nick who broke the long silence. "pat," he murmured in low tones. "pat--dear. are you--all right?" she stared at him dazedly without answer. "honey!" he said. "honey! tell me you're all right!" "all right?" she repeated uncomprehendingly. "yes. i guess i'm all right." "then go, pat! get away from here before he--before anything happens! put your clothes on and hurry away!" "i can't!" she said, faintly. "i--can't!" "you must, honey!" "i'm just--not able to. i will soon, nick--honest. when i--when i get my breath back." "pat!" there was anguish in the cry. "oh, god--pat! we mustn't ever be together again--not ever!" "no," she said. a bit of sanity was returning to her; comprehension of her position sent a shudder through her. "no, we mustn't." "i couldn't bear another night like this--watching! i'd go mad!" "oh!" she choked, tears starting. "if you hadn't come back, nick!" "i conquered him," he said. "i don't think i could do it again. it was your call that gave me the strength, pat." he shook his head as if bewildered. "he thought it was being in love with you that weakened me, but in the end it was that which gave me the strength to subdue him." "i'm scared!" said the girl suddenly. "oh, nick! i'm frightened!" "you'd better go. you'd better dress and leave at once, honey. here." he gathered her clothes from the floor, depositing them beside her on the couch. "there are pins in the tray on the table, pat. fix yourself up as well as you can, dear--and hurry out of here!" he turned toward the door as if to leave, and a shock of terror shook her. "nick!" she cried. "don't go away! i'm more afraid when i can't see you--afraid that _he_--" she broke off sobbing. "all right, honey. i'll turn my back." she slipped out from under the blanket, found the pins, and repaired her ruined costume. the frock was torn, crushed and bedraggled; she pinned it together at the throat, though her trembling fingers made the task difficult. she pulled it on and took a tentative step toward the door. "nick!" she called as a wave of dizziness sent her swaying against the wall. "what's the matter, honey?" he turned anxiously at her cry. "i'm dizzy," she moaned. "my head aches, and--i'm scared!" "pat, darling! you can't go out alone like this--and," he added miserably, "i can't take you!" he slipped his arm around her tenderly, supporting her to the couch. "honey, what'll we do?" "i'll be--all right," she murmured. "i'll go in a moment." the dizziness was leaving her; strength was returning. "you must!" he said dolefully. "what a parting, pat! never to see you again, and then having this to remember as farewell!" "i know, nick. you see, i love you too." she turned her dark, troubled eyes on him. "honey, kiss me good-bye! we'll have that to remember, anyway!" tears were again on her cheeks. "do i dare?" he asked despondently. "after the things these lips of mine have said, and what these arms have done to you?" "but you didn't, nick! could i blame you for--that _other_?" "god! you're kind, pat! honey, if ever i win out in this battle, if ever i know i'm the final victor, i'll--no," he said his tones dropping abruptly. "i'll never come back to you, pat. it's far too dangerous, and--can i ever be certain? can i?" "i don't know, nick. can you?" "i can't be, pat! i'll never be sure that _he_ isn't just dormant, as he was before, waiting for my weakness to betray me! i'll never be certain, honey! it _has_ to be good-bye!" "then kiss me!" she clung to him; the room that had been so recently a chamber of horrors was transformed. as she held him, as her lips were pressed to his, she thought suddenly of the words of the demon, that heaven and hell were always the same place. they had taken on a new meaning, those words; she drew away from nick and turned her tear-bright eyes tenderly on his. "honey," she murmured, "i don't want you to leave me. i don't want you to go!" "nor do i want to, pat! but i must." "you mustn't! you're to stay, and we'll fight it out together--be married, or any way that permits us to fight it through together." "pat! do you think i'd consent to that?" "nick," she said. "nick darling--it's worth it to me! i'm realizing it now; i thought it wasn't--but it is! i can't lose you, nick--anything, even that _other_, is better than losing you." "you're sweet, pat! you know i'd trade my very soul for that, but--no. i can't do it! and don't honey, torture me by suggesting it again." "but i will, nick!" she was speaking softly, earnestly. "you're worth anything to me! if _he_ should kill me, you'd still be worth it!" she gazed tenderly at him. "i'd want to die anyway without you!" "no more than i without you," he muttered brokenly. "but i won't do it, pat! i won't do that to you!" "i love you, nick!" she said in a low voice. "i don't want to live without you. do you understand me, dear? i don't want to live without you!" he stared at her somberly. "i've thought of that too," he said. "pat--if i only believed that we'd be together after, together _anywhere_, i'd say yes. if only i believed there _were_ an afterwards!" "doesn't he prove that by his very existence?" "your doctor would deny that." "doctor carl never saw _him_, nick. and anyway, even oblivion together would be better than being separated, and far better than this!" he gazed at her silently. she spoke again. "that doesn't frighten me, nick. it's only losing you that frightens me, especially the fear of losing you to _him_." he continued his silent gaze. suddenly he drew her close to him, held her in a tight, tender embrace. 28 lunar omen after a considerable interval, during which nick held the girl tightly and silently in his arms, he released her, sat with his head resting on his cupped palms in an attitude of deep study. pat, beside him, fell mechanically to repinning the throat of her frock, which had opened during the moments of the embrace. he rose to his feet, pacing nervously before her. "it isn't a thing to do on the impulse of a moment, pat," he muttered, pausing at her side. "you must see that." "it isn't the impulse of a moment." "but one doesn't abandon everything, the whole world, so easily, honey. one doesn't cast away a last hope, however forlorn a hope it may be!" "is there a hope, nick?" she asked gently. "is there a chance left to us?" "i don't know!" his voice held an increasing tenseness. "before god--i--don't know!" "if there's a chance, the very slightest shadow of the specter of a chance, we'll take it, won't we? because the other way is always open to us, nick." "yes. it's always open." "but we won't take that chance," she continued defiantly, "if it involves my losing you, honey. i meant what i said, nick: i don't want to live without you!" "what chance have we?" he queried somberly. "those are our alternatives--life apart, death together." "then you know my choice!" she cried desperately. "nick, honey--don't let's draw it out in futile talking! i can't stand it!" he moved his hand in a gesture of bewilderment and frustration, and turned away, striding nervously toward the window whose blind she had raised. he leaned his hands on the table, peering dejectedly out upon the street below. "what time," he asked irrelevantly in a queer voice, "did the doctor say the moon rose? do you remember?" "no," she said tensely. "oh, honey! please--don't stand there with your back to me now, when i'm half crazy!" "i'm thinking," he responded. "it rises a little earlier each night--or is it later? no matter; come here, pat." she rose wearily and joined him; he slipped his arm about her, and drew her against him. "look there," he said, indicating the night-dark vista beyond the window. she looked out upon a dim-lit street or court, at the blind end of which the house was apparently situated. far off at the open end, across a distant highway where even at this hour passed a constant stream of traffic, flashed a narrow strip of lake; and above it, rising gigantic from the coruscating moon-path, lifted the satellite. she watched the remote flickering of the waves as they tossed back the broken bits of the light strewn along the path. then she turned puzzled eyes on her companion. "that's heaven," he said pointing a finger at the great flowing lunar disk. "there's a world that never caught the planet-cancer called life, or if it ever suffered, it's cured. it's clean--burned clean by the sun and scoured clean by the airless zero of space. a dead world, and therefore not an unhappy one." the girl stared at him without comprehension. she murmured, "i don't understand, nick." "don't you, pat?" he pointed again at the moon. "that's heaven, the dead world, and this is hell, the living one. heaven and hell swinging forever about their common center!" he gestured toward the sparkling moon-path on the water. "look, pat! the dead world strews flowers on the grave of the living one!" some of his bitter ecstasy caught the girl; she felt his somber mood of exaltation. "i love you, nick!" she whispered, pressing closely to him. "what difference does it make--our actions?" he queried. "there's the omen, that lifeless globe in the sky. where we go, all humanity now living will follow before a century, and in a million years, the human race as well! what if we go a year or a million years before the rest? will it make any difference in the end?" he looked down at her. "all we've been valuing here is hope. to the devil with hope! let's have peace instead!" "i'm not afraid, nick." "nor i. and if we go, _he_ goes, and he's mortally afraid of death!" "can he--prevent you?" "not now! i'm the stronger now. for this time, i'm master." he turned again to stare at the glowing satellite as it rose imperceptibly from the horizon. "there's nothing to regret," he murmured, "except one thing--the loss of beauty. beauty like that--and like you, pat. that's bitterly hard to foreswear!" he leaned forward toward the remote disk of the moon; he spoke as if addressing it, in tones so low that the girl, pressed close to him, had to quiet the sound of her own breath to listen. he said: "long miles above cloud-bank and blast, and many miles above the sea, i watch you rise majestically feeling your chilly light at last- cold beauty in the way you cast split silver fragments on the waves, as if this planet's life were past, and all men peaceful in their graves." pat was silent for a moment as he paused, then she murmured a low phrase. "oh, i love you, nick!" she said. "and i you, dear," he responded. "have we decided anything? are we--going through with it?" "i've not faltered," she said soberly. "i meant it, nick. without you, life would be as empty as that airless void you speak of. i'm not afraid. what's there to be afraid of?" "only the transition, pat. that and the unknown--but no situation could possibly be more terrible than our present one. it _couldn't_ be! oblivion, annihilation--they're preferable, aren't they?" "oh, yes! nothing i can imagine could be other than a change for the better." "then let's face it!" his voice took on a note of determination. "i've thought to face it a dozen times before this, and each time i've hesitated. the hesitation of a coward, pat." "you're no coward, dear. it was that illusion of hope; that always weakens one. no one's strong who hasn't given up hope." "then," he repeated, "let's face it!" "how, nick?" "my father has left us the means. there in the cabinet are a hundred deaths--swift ones, lingering ones, painful, and easy! i don't know one from the other; our choice must be blind." he strode over to the case, sending slivers of glass from the shattered front glistening along the floor. "i'd choose an easy one, dear, if i knew, for your sake. euthanasia!" he stared hesitantly at the files of mysterious drugs with their incomprehensible labels. suddenly the scene appeared humorous to the girl, queerly funny, in some unnatural horrible fashion. her nerves, overstrained for hours, were on the verge of breaking; without realization of it, she had come to the border of hysteria. "shopping for death!" she choked, trying to suppress the wild laughter that beat in her throat. "which one's most suitable? which one's most becoming? which one"--an hysterical laughing sob shook her--"will wear the longest?" he turned, gazing at her with an illogical concern in his face. "what's the difference?" she cried wildly. "i don't care--painful or pleasant, it all ends in the same grave! close your eyes and choose!" suddenly he was holding her in his arms again, and she was sobbing, clinging to him frantically. she was miserably unstrung; her body shook under the impact of her gasping breath. then gradually, she quieted, and was silent against him. "we've been mad!" he murmured. "it's been an insane idea--for me to inflict this on you, pat. do you think i could consider the destruction of your beauty, dear? i've been lying to myself, stifling my judgment with poetic imagery, when all the while it was just that i'm afraid to face the thing alone!" "no," she murmured, burying her face against his shoulder. "i'm the coward, nick. i'm the one that's frightened, and i'm the one that broke down! it's just been--too much, this evening; i'm all right now." "but we'll not go through with _this_, pat!" "but we will! it's better than life without you, dear. we've argued and argued, and at last forgotten the one truth, the one thing i'll never retract: i can't face living without you, nick! i can't!" he brushed his hand wearily before his eyes. "back at the starting point," he muttered. "all right, honey. so be it!" he strode again to the cabinet. "corrosive sublimate," he murmured. "cyanide of potassium. they're both deadly, but i think the second is rapid, and therefore less painful. cyanide let it be!" he extracted two small beakers from the glassware on the shelf. he filled them with water from a carafe on the table, and, while the girl watched him with fascinated eyes, he deliberately tilted a spoonful or so of white crystals into each of them. the mixture swirled a moment, then settled clear and colorless, and the crystals began to shrink as they passed swiftly into solution. "there it is," he announced grimly. "there's peace, oblivion, forgetfulness, and annihilation for you, for me, and--for _him_! beyond all doubt, the logical course for us, isn't it? do we take it?" "please," she said faintly. "kiss me first, honey. isn't that the proper course for lovers in this situation?" she felt a faint touch of astonishment at her own irony; the circumstances had ceased to have any reality to her, and had become merely a dramatic sequence like the happenings in a play. he gathered her again into his arms and pressed his lips to hers. it was a long, tender, wistful kiss; when at last it ended, pat found her eyes again filled with tears, but not this time the tears of hysteria. "nick!" she murmured. "nick, darling!" he gave her a deep, somber, but very tender smile, and reached for one of the deadly beakers, "to another meeting!" he said as his fingers closed on it. suddenly, amazingly, the strident ring of a doorbell sounded, the more surprising since they had all but forgotten the existence of a world about them. interruption! it meant only the going through once more of all that they had just passed. "drink it!" exclaimed pat impulsively, seizing the remaining beaker. 29 scopolamine for satan the glass was struck from pat's hand, and the water-clear contents streamed into pools and darkening blots over the table and its litter of papers. she stared unseeingly at the mess, without realizing that it was nick who had dashed the draught from her very lips. she felt neither anger nor relief, but only a numbness, and a sense of anti-climax. somewhere below the bell was ringing again, and a door was resounding to violent blows, but she only continued her bewildered, questioning gaze. "i can't let you, pat!" he muttered, answering her unspoken query. "but nick--why?" "there's somebody at the door, isn't there? mustn't we find out who?" "what difference can it make?" she asked wearily. "i don't know. i want to find out." "it's that illusion of hope again," she murmured. "that's all it is, nick--and it means now that it's all to do over again! the whole thing, from the beginning--and we were so near--the end!" "i know," he said miserably. "i know all that, but--" he paused as the insistent racket below was redoubled. "i'm going to answer that bell," he ended. he moved away from her, vanishing through the room's single door. she watched his disappearance without moving, but no sooner had he passed from sight than a curious feeling of fear oppressed her. she cast off the numbness and languor, and darted after him into the darkness of the hall. "nick!" she called. somewhere ahead a light flashed on; she saw the well of a stair-case, and heard his footsteps descending. she followed in frantic haste, gaining the top step just as the pounding below ceased. she heard the click of the door, and paused suddenly at the sound of a familiar voice. "where's pat?" the words drifted up in low, rumbling, ominous tones. "dr. carl!" she shrieked. she ran swiftly down the stairs to nick's side, where he stood facing the great figure of the doctor. "dr. carl! how'd you find me?" the newcomer gave her a long, narrow-eyed, speculative survey. "i spent nearly the whole night doing it," he growled at last. "it took me hours to locate mueller and get this address from him." he stepped forward, taking the girl's arm. "come on!" he said gruffly, without a glance at nick standing silently beside her. "i'm taking you home!" she held back. "but why?" "why? because i don't like the company you keep. is that reason enough?" she still resisted his insistent tug. "nick hasn't done anything," she said defiantly, with a side glance at the youth's flushed, unhappy features. "he hasn't? look at yourself, girl! look at your clothes, and your forehead! what's more, i saw enough from my window; i saw him bundle you into that car!" his eyes were flashing angrily, and his grip on her arm tightened, while his free hand clenched into an enormous fist. "that wasn't nick!" "no. it was your devil, i suppose!" said horker sarcastically. "anyway, pat, you're coming with me before i do violence to what remains of your devil!" nick spoke for the first time since the doctor's entrance. "please do, pat," he said softly. "please go with him." "i won't!" she snapped. the sudden shifts of situation during the long hours of that terrible evening were irritating her. she had alternated so rapidly between horror and hope and despair that her frayed nerves had seized now at the same reality of anger. her mind, so long overstrained, was now deliberately forgetting her swing from the pit of terror to the verge of death. "you come up like a hero to the rescue!" she taunted the doctor. "hairbreadth horker!" "you little fool!" growled the doctor. "a fine reception, after losing a night's sleep! i'll drag you home, if i have to!" he moved ponderously toward the door; she gave a violent wrench and freed her arm from his grasp. "if you can, you mean!" she jeered. she looked at his exasperated face, and suddenly, with one of her abrupt changes of mood, she softened. "dr. carl, honey," she said in apologetic tones, "i'm sorry. you're very sweet, and i'm really grateful, but i can't leave nick now." her eyes turned troubled. "not now." "why, pat?" mollified by the change in her mien, his voice rumbled in sympathetic notes. "i can't," she repeated. "it's--it's getting worse." "bah!" "so it's 'bah'!" she flared. "well, if you're so contemptuous of the thing, why don't you cure it? what good did your psychoanalysis do? you don't even know what it is!" "what do you expect?" roared the doctor. "can i diagnose it by absent treatment? i haven't had a chance to see the condition active yet!" "all right!" said pat, her strained nerves driving her to impatience. "you're here and nick's here! go on with your diagnosis; get it over with, and let's see what you can do. _you_ ought at least to be able to name the condition--the outstanding authority in the middle west on neural and mental pathology!" her tone was sardonic. "listen, pat," said horker with exaggerated patience, in the manner of one addressing a stupid child, "i've explained before that i can't get at the root of a mental aberration when the subject's as unstrung as your young man here seems to be. psychoanalysis just won't work unless the subject is calm, composed, and not in a nervous state. can you comprehend that?" "just dimly!" she snapped. "you ought to know another way--you, the outstanding authority--" "be still!" he interrupted gruffly. "of course i know another way, if i wanted to drag all of us back to my office, where i have the equipment!--which i won't do tonight," he finished grimly. "then do it here." "i haven't what i need." "there's everything upstairs," said pat. "it's all there, all nick's father's equipment." "not tonight! that's final." the girl's manner changed again. she turned troubled, imploring eyes on horker. "dr. carl," she said plaintively, "i can't leave nick now." she seized the arm of the silent, dejected youth, who had been standing passively by. "i can't leave him, really. i'd not be sure of seeing him again, ever. please, dr. carl!" "if these frenzies of yours," rumbled horker, "are so violent and malicious, you ought to be confined. do you know that, young man?" "yes, sir," mumbled nick wretchedly. "and i've thought of it," continued the doctor. "i've thought of it!" "please!" cried pat imploringly. "won't you try, dr. carl?" "the devil!" he growled. "all right, then." he followed the girl up the stairs, while nick trailed disconsolately behind. she led him back into the chamber they had quitted, where a curious odor of peach pits seemed to scent the air. horker sniffed suspiciously, then seized the remaining beaker, raising it cautiously to his nostrils. "damnation!" he exploded. "prussic acid--or cyanide! what in--" he caught sight of pat's tragic eyes, and suddenly replaced the container. "pat!" he groaned. "pat, honey!" he drew her into the circle of his great arm. "i'll help you, dear! all i can, with all my heart, since it means that much to you!" he groaned again under his breath. "oh, my god!" he held her a moment, patting her tousled black head with his massive, delicate fingered hand. then he released her, turning to nick. "this the stuff?" he asked, brusquely, indicating the cabinet of bottles, with its splintered front. nick nodded. pat sank to the chair beside the table and watched horker as he scanned the array of containers. he pulled out a tiny wooden case and snapped it open to reveal a number of steel needles that glinted brightly in the yellow light. he grunted in satisfaction and continued his inspection. "atropine," he muttered, reading the labeled boxes. "cocaine, daturine, hyoscine, hyoscyamine--won't do!" "what do you need?" the girl queried faintly. "a mild hypnotic," said the doctor abstractedly, still searching. "pretty good substitutes for psychoanalysis--certain drugs. dulls the conscious mind, but not to complete unconsciousness. good means of getting at the subconscious. see?" "sort of," said pat. "if it only works!" "oh, it'll work if we can find--ah!" he seized a tiny cardboard box. "scopolamine! this'll do the work." he extracted a tiny glassy something from one or other of the boxes he held, and frowned down at it. he seized the carafe of water, plunged something pointed and shiny into it. "antiseptic," he muttered thoughtfully. he seized a brown bottle from the case, held it toward the light, and shook it. "peroxide's gone flat," he growled. "nothing but water." he pulled a silver cigar-lighter from his pocket and snapped a yellow flame to it. he passed the point of the hypodermic rapidly back and forth through the little spear of fire. finally he turned to nick. "take off your coat," he ordered. "roll up your shirt sleeve--the left one. and sit over there." he indicated the couch along the wall. the youth obeyed without a word. the only indication of emotion was a long, miserable, wistful look at pat as he seated himself impassively on the spot that the girl had so recently occupied. "now!" said the doctor briskly, approaching the youth. "this will make you drowsy, sleepy. that's all it'll do. don't fight the effect. just relax, let the thing take its course, and i'll see what i can get out of you." pat gasped and nick winced as he drove the needle into the bared arm. "so!" he said. "now relax. lean back and close your eyes." he stepped to the door, dragged in a battered chair from the hall, and occupied it. he sat beside pat, watching the pale features of the youth, who sat quietly with closed eyes, breathing slowly, heavily. "long enough," muttered horker. he raised his voice. "can you hear me?" he called to the motionless figure on the couch. there was no response, but pat fancied she saw a slight change in nick's expression. "can you hear me?" repeated horker in louder tones. "yes, i can hear you," came in icy tones from the figure on the couch. pat started violently as the voice sounded. the eyes opened, and she saw in sudden terror the ruddy orbs of the demon! 30 the demon free pat emitted a small, startled shriek, and heard it echoed by a surprised grunt from dr. horker. "queer!" he muttered. "the stuff must be mislabeled. scopolamine doesn't act like this; it's a narcotic." "he's--the other!" gasped pat, while the being on the couch grinned sardonically. "eh? an attack? can't be!" the doctor shook his head emphatically. "it's not nick!" cried the girl in panic. "you're not, are you?" she appealed to the grim entity. "not your sweetheart?" queried the creature, still with his mocking leer. "a few hours ago you were lying here all but naked, confessing you were mine. have you forgotten?" she shuddered at the reference, and shrank back in her chair. she heard the doctor's ominous, angry rumble, and the evil tittering chuckle of the other. "pathological or not," snapped horker, "i can resent your remarks! i've considered several times varying my treatment with another solid cut to the jaw!" he rose from his chair, stamping viciously toward the other. "a moment," said nicholas devine. "do you know what you've done? have you any idea what you've done?" he turned cool, mocking, red-glinting eyes on the doctor. "huh?" horker paused as if puzzled. "what _i've_ done? what do you mean?" "you don't know, then." the other gave a satyric smile. "you're stupid; i gave you the clue, yet you hadn't the intelligence to follow it. do you know what i am?" he leaned forward, his eyes leering evilly into the doctor's. "i'll tell you. i'm a question of synapses. that's all--merely a question of synapses!" he tittered again, horribly. "it still means nothing to you, doesn't it, doctor?" "i'll show you what it means!" horker clenched a massive fist and strode toward the figure, whose eyes stared, steadily, unwinkingly into his own. "back!" the being snapped as the great form bent over him. the doctor paused as if struck rigid, his arm and heavy fist drawn back like the conventional fighting pose of a boxer. "go back!" repeated the other, rising. pat whimpered in abject terror as she heard horker's surprised grunt, and saw him recede slowly, and finally sink into his chair. his bewildered eyes were still fixed on those of nicholas devine. "i'll tell you what you've done!" said the strange being. "you've freed me! there was nothing wrong with your scopolamine. it worked!" he chuckled. "you drugged _him_ and freed me!" horker managed a questioning grunt. "i'm free!" exulted the other. "for the first time i haven't _him_ to fight! he's here, but helpless to oppose me--he's feeble--feeble!" he gave again the horrible tittering chuckle. "see how weak the two of you are against my unopposed powers!" he jeered. "weaklings--food for my pleasures!" he turned his eyes, luminous and avid, on pat. "this time," he said, "there'll be no interruptions. a witness to our experiment will add a delicate touch of pleasure--" he broke off at the doctor's sudden movement. horker had snatched a glistening blue revolver from his pocket, held it leveled at the lust-filled eyes. "huh!" growled the doctor triumphantly. "do you think i come trailing a maniac without some protection? especially a vicious one like you?" nicholas devine turned his eyes on his opponent. he stared long and intently. "drop it!" he commanded at length. pat felt a surge of chaotic terror as the weapon clattered to the floor. she turned a frightened glance on horker's face, and her fright redoubled at the sight of his straining jaw, the perspiration-beaded forehead, and his bewildered eyes. the demon kicked the gun carelessly aside. "puerile!" he said contemptuously. he backed away from them, re-seating himself on the couch whence he had risen. he surveyed the pair in sardonic mirth. "pat!" muttered the doctor huskily. "get out of here, honey! he's got some hellish trick of fascination that's paralyzed me. get out and get help!" the girl moved as if to rise. nicholas devine shifted his eyes for the barest instant to her face; she felt the strength drain out of her body, and she sank weakly to her chair. "it's useless," she murmured hopelessly to the doctor. "he's--he's just what i told you--a devil!" "i guess you were right," mumbled horker dazedly. there was a burst of demonic mirth from the being on the couch. "merely a matter of synapses," he rasped, chuckling. his face changed, took on the familiar coldness, the stony expression pat had observed there before. "this palls!" he snapped. "i've better amusement--after we've rendered your friend merely an interested on-looker." he narrowed his red eyes as if in thought. "take off a stocking," he ordered. "tie his hands to the back of the chair." "i won't!" said the girl. the eyes shifted to her face. "i won't!" she repeated tremulously as she kicked off a diminutive pump. she shuddered at the gleam in the evil eyes as she stripped the long silken sheath from a white, rounded limb. she slipped a bare foot into the pump and moved reluctantly behind the chair that held the groaning horker. she took one of the clenched, straining hands, and drew it back, fumbling with shaking fingers as she twisted the strip of thin chiffon. the demon moved closer, standing over her. "loose knots!" he snarled abruptly. he knocked her violently away with a stinging slap across her cheek, and seized the strip in his own hands. he drew the binding tight, twisting it about the lowest rung of the chair's ladder back. horker was forced to lean awkwardly to the rear; in this unbalanced position it was quite impossible to rise. nicholas devine turned away from the straining, perspiring doctor, and advanced toward pat, who cowered against the shattered cabinet. "now!" he muttered. "the experiment!" he chuckled raspingly. "what delicacy of degradation! your lover and your guardian angel--both helpless watchers! excellent! oh, very excellent!" he grasped her wrist, drawing her after him to the center of the room, into the full view of the horrified, staring eyes of horker. "always before," continued her tormentor, "these hands have prepared you for the rites--the ceremony that failed on two other occasions to transpire. would it add a poignancy to the torture if i made you strip this body of yours with your own hands? or will they suffer more watching me? which do you think?" pat closed her eyes in helpless resignation to her fate. "nick!" she moaned. "oh, nick dearest!" "not this time!" sneered the other. "your friend and protector, the doctor, has thoughtfully eliminated your sweetheart as a factor. he struggles too feebly for me to feel." "nick!" she murmured again. "dr. carl!" but the doctor, now pulling painfully at his bonds, could only groan in distraction, and curse the unsuspected strength of sheer chiffon. he writhed miserably at the chafing of his wrists; his strange paralysis had departed, but he was quite helpless to assist pat. "i think," said the cold tones of nicholas devine, "that the more delicate torture lies in your willingness. let us see." he drew her into his arms. he twisted a hand in her hair, jerked her head violently backward, and pressed avid lips to hers. she struggled a little, but hopelessly, automatically. at last she lay quite passive, quite motionless, supported by his arms, and making not the slightest response to his kiss. "are you mine?" he queried fiercely, releasing her lips. "are you mine now?" she shook her head without opening her eyes. "no," she said dully. "not now, or ever." again he crushed her, while the doctor looked on in helpless, bewildered, voiceless anger. this time his kiss was painful, burning, searing. again that unholy fascination and unnatural delight in her own pain stirred her, and it took what little effort she was able to make to keep from responding. after a long interval, his lips again withdrew. "are you mine?" he repeated. she made no answer; she was gasping, and tears glistened under her closed eye-lids, from the pain of her crushed lips. again he kissed her, and again the wild abandonment to evil suffused her. she was suddenly responding to his agonizing caress; she was clinging fiercely to his torturing lips, feeling an unholy exaltation in the pain of his tearing fingers in the flesh of her back. "yours!" she murmured in response to his query. she heard her voice repeat madly, "yours! yours! yours!" "do you yield willingly?" came the icy tones of the demon. "yes--yes--yes! willingly!" "take off your clothes!" sounded the terrible, overpowering voice. he thrust her from him, so that she staggered dizzily backward. she stood swaying; the voice repeated its command. the girl's eyes widened wildly; she had the appearance of one in an ecstasy, a religious fervor. she raised her hand with a jerky impulsive gesture to the neck of her frock, still pinned together in the makeshift repairs of the evening. there came a strange interruption. the doctor, helpless on-looker, had at length evolved an idea out of the bewilderment in his mind. he opened his mouth and emitted a tremendous, deep, ear-shattering bellow! nicholas devine sent the girl spinning to the floor with a vicious shove, and turned his blazing eyes on horker, who was drawing in his breath for a repetition of his roar. "quiet!" he rasped, his red orbs boring down at the other. "quiet, or i'll muffle you!" closing his eyes, the doctor repeated his mighty shout. the demon snatched the blanket from the couch, tossing it over the figure of the doctor, where it became a billowing, writhing heap of brown wool. he turned his gaze on pat, who was just struggling to her feet, and moved as if to advance toward her. he paused. she had retrieved the doctor's revolver from the floor, and now faced him with the madness gone out of her eyes, supporting the weapon with both hands, the muzzle wavering toward his face. "drop it!" he commanded. she felt a recurrence of fascination, and an impulse to obey. out of the corner of her eye, she saw the doctor's head emerging from the blanket as he shook it off. "drop it!" repeated nicholas devine. she closed her eyes, shutting out the vision of his dominant visage. with a surge of terror, she squeezed the trigger, staggering back to the couch at the roar and the recoil. she opened her eyes. nicholas devine lay in the center of the room on his face; a crimson spot was matting the hair on the back of his head. she saw the doctor raise a free hand; he was working clear of his bonds. "pat!" he said softly. he looked at her pale, sickened features. "honey," he said, "sit down till i get free. sit down, pat; you look faint." "never faint!" murmured the girl, and pitched backward to the couch, with one clad and one bare leg hanging in curious limpness over the edge. 31 "not humanly possible" pat opened weary eyes and gazed at a blank, uninformative ceiling. it was some moments before she realized that she was lying on the couch in the room of nicholas devine. somebody had placed her there, presumably, since she was quite unaware of the circumstances of her awakening. then recollection began to form--dr. carl, the _other_, the roar of a shot. after that, nothing save a turmoil ending in blankness. a sound of movement beside her drew her attention. she turned her head and perceived dr. horker kneeling over a form on the floor, fingering a white bandage about the head of the figure. her recollections took instant form; she remembered the catastrophes of the evening--last night, rather, since dawn glowed dully in the window. she had shot nick! she gave a little moan and pushed herself to a sitting position. the doctor glanced at her with a sick, shaky smile. "hello," he said. "come to, have you? sorry i couldn't give you any attention." he gave the bandage a final touch. "here's a job i had no heart for," he muttered. "better for everyone to let things happen without interference." the girl, returning to full awareness, noticed now that the bandage consisted of strips of the doctor's shirt. she glanced fearfully at the still features of nicholas devine; she saw pale cheeks and closed eyes, but indubitably not the grim mien of the demon. "dr. carl!" she whispered. "he isn't--he isn't--" "not yet." "but will he--?" "i don't know. that's a bad spot, a wound in the base of the brain. you'd best know it now, pat, but also realize that nothing can happen to you. i'll see to that!" "to me!" she said dully. "what difference does that make? it's nick i want saved." "i'll do my best for you, honey," said horker with almost a hint of reluctance. "i've phoned briggs general for an ambulance. your faint lasted a full quarter hour," he added. "what can we tell them?" asked the girl. "what can we say?" "don't you say anything, pat. i'm not on the board for nothing." he rose from his knees, glancing out of the window into the cool dawn. "queer neighborhood!" he said. "all that yelling and a shot, and still no sign of interest from the neighbors. that's chicago, though," he mused. "lucky for us, pat; we can handle the thing quietly now." but the girl was staring dully at the still figure on the floor. "oh god!" she said huskily. "help him, dr. carl!" "i'll do my best," responded horker gloomily. "i was a good surgeon before i specialized in psychiatry. brain surgery, too; it led right into my present field." pat said nothing, but dropped her head on her hands and stared vacantly before her. "better for you, and for him too, if i fail," muttered the doctor. his words brought a reply. "you won't fail," she said tensely. "you won't!" "not voluntarily, i'm afraid," he growled morosely. "i've still a little respect for medical ethics, but if ever a case--" his voice trailed into silence as from somewhere in the dawn sounded the wail of a siren. "there's the ambulance," he finished. pat sat unmoving as the sounds from outdoors detailed the stopping of the vehicle before the house. she heard the doctor descending the steps, and the creak of the door. though it took place before her eyes, she scarcely saw the white-coated youths as they lifted the form of nicholas devine and bore it from the room on a stretcher, treading with carefully broken steps to prevent the swaying of the support. dr. horker's order to follow made no impression on her; she sat dully on the couch as the chamber emptied. why, she wondered, had the thought of nick's death disturbed her so? wasn't it but a short time since they had both contemplated it? what had occurred to alter that determination? nick was dying, she thought mournfully; all that remained was for her to follow. there on the floor lay the revolver, and on the table, glistening in the wan light, reposed the untouched lethal draft. that was the preferable way, she mused, staring fixedly at its glowing contour. but suppose nick weren't to die--she'd have abandoned him to his terrible doom, left him to face a situation far more ominous than any unknown terrors beyond death. she shook her head distractedly, and looked up to meet the eyes of dr. horker, who was watching her gravely in the doorway. "come on, pat," he said gently. she rose, followed him down the stairs and out into the morning light. the driver of the ambulance stared curiously at her dishevelled, bedraggled figure, but she was so weary and forlorn that even the effort of brushing away the black strands of hair that clouded her smoke-dark eyes was beyond her. she slumped into the seat of the doctor's car and sighed in utter exhaustion. "rush it!" horker called to the driver ahead. "i'll follow you." the car swept into motion, and the swift cool morning air beating against her face from the open window restored some clarity to her mind. she fixed her eyes on the rear of the speeding vehicle they followed. "is there any hope at all?" she queried despondently. "i don't know, pat. i can't tell yet. when you closed your eyes, he half turned, dodged; the bullet entered his skull near the base, near the cerebellum. if it had pierced the cerebellum, his heart and breathing must have stopped instantly. they didn't, however, and that's a mildly hopeful sign. very mildly hopeful, though." "do you know now what that devil--what the attack was?" "no, pat," horker admitted. "i don't. call it a devil if you like; i can't name it any better." his voice changed to a tone of wonder. "pat, i can't understand that paralyzing fascination the thing exerted. i--any medical man--would say that mental dominance of that sort doesn't exist." "hypnotism," the girl suggested. "bah! every psychiatrist uses hypnotism in his business; it's part of some treatments. there's nothing of fascination about it; no dominance of one will over another, despite the popular view. that's natural and understandable; this was like--well, like the exploded claims of mesmerism. i tell you, it's not humanly possible--and yet i felt it!" "not _humanly_ possible," murmured pat. "that's the answer, then, dr. carl. maybe now you'll believe in my devil." "i'm tempted to." "you'll have to! can't you see it, dr. carl? even his name, nick--that's a colloquialism for the devil, isn't it?" "and devine, i suppose," said horker, "refers to his angelic ancestry. devils are only fallen angels, aren't they?" "all right," said pat wearily. "make fun of it. you'll see!" "i'm not making fun of your theory, honey. i can't offer a better one myself. i never saw nor heard of anything similar, and i'm not in position to ridicule any theory." "but you don't believe me." "of course i don't, pat. you're weaving an intricate fairy tale about a pathological condition and a fortuitous suggestiveness in names. whatever the condition is--and i confess i don't understand it--it's something rational, and those things can be treated." "treated by exorcism," said the girl. "that's the only way anyone ever succeeded in casting out a devil." the doctor made no answer. the wailing vehicle ahead of them swung rapidly out of sight into an alley, and horker halted his car before the gray facade of briggs general. "come in here," he said, helping pat to alight. "you'll want to wait, won't you?" "how long," she queried listlessly, "before--before you'll know?" "perhaps immediately. the only chance is to get that bullet out at once--if there's still time for it." she followed him into the building, past a desk where a white-clad girl regarded her curiously, and up an elevator. he led her into a small office. "sit here," he said gently, and disappeared. she sat dully in the chair he had indicated, and minutes passed. she made no attempt to think; the long, cataclysmic night had exhausted her powers. she simply sat and suffered; the deep scratches of fingernails burned in the flesh of her back, her cheek pained from the violent slap, and her head and jaw ached from that first blow, the one that had knocked her unconscious last evening. but these twinges were minor; they were merely physical, and the hurts of the demon had struck far deeper than any physical injury. the damage to her spirit was by all odds the more painful; it numbed her mind and dulled her thoughts, and she simply sat idle and stared at the blank wall. she had no conception of the interval before dr. horker returned. he entered quietly, and began rinsing his hands at a basin in the corner. "is it over?" she asked listlessly. "not even begun," he responded. "however, it isn't too late. he'll be ready in a moment or so." "i wish it were over," she murmured. "one way or the other." "i too!" said the doctor. "with all my heart, i wish it were over! if there were anyone within call who could handle it, i'd turn it to him gladly. but there isn't!" he moved again toward the door, leaning out and glancing down the hall. "you stay here," he admonished her. "don't try to find us; i want no interruptions, no matter what enters that mind of yours!" "you needn't worry," she said soberly. "i'm not fool enough for that." she leaned wearily back in the chair, closing her eyes. a long interval passed; she was vaguely surprised to see the doctor still standing in the doorway when she opened her eyes. she had fancied him already in the midst of his labor. "what will you do?" she asked. "about what?" "i mean what sort of operation will it need? probing or what?" "oh," he said. "i'll have to trephine him. must get that bullet." "what's that--trephine?" he glanced down the hall. "they're ready," he said, and turned to go. at the door he paused. "trephining is to open a little door in the skull. if your devil is in his head, we'll have it out along with the bullet." his footsteps receded down the hall. revelation "is it over now?" queried pat tremulously as the doctor finally reappeared. the interminable waiting had left her even more worn, and her pallid features bore the marks of strain. "twenty minutes ago," said horker. his face too bore evidence of tension; moreover, there was a puzzled, dubious expression in his eyes that frightened pat. she was too apprehensive to risk a question as to the outcome, and simply stared at him with wide, fearful, questioning eyes. "i called up your home," he said irrelevantly. "i told them you left with me early this morning. your mother's still in bed, although it's after ten." he paused. "slip in without anyone seeing you, will you, honey? and rumple up your bed." "if i haven't lost my key," she said, still with the question in her eyes. "it's in the mail-box. magda found it on the porch this morning. i talked to her." she could bear the uncertainty no longer. "tell me!" she demanded. "it's all right, i think." "you mean--he'll live?" the doctor nodded. "i think so." he turned his puzzled eyes on her. "oh!" breathed pat. "thank god!" "you wanted him back, honey, didn't you?" horker's tone was gentle. "oh, yes!" "devil and all?" "yes--devil and all!" she echoed. suddenly she sensed something strange in the other's manner. she perceived the uncertainty in his visage, and felt a rising trepidation. "what's the matter?" she queried anxiously. "you're not telling me everything! tell me, dr. carl!" "there's something else," he said. "i'm not sure, pat, but i think--i hope--you've got him back without the devil!" "he's cured?" her voice was incredulous; she did not dare accept the doctor's meaning. "i hope so. at least i located the cause." "what was it?" she demanded, an unexpected vigor livening her tired body. "what was that devil? tell me! i want to know, dr. carl!" "i think the best name for it is a tumor," he said slowly. "i told them in there it was a tumor. i wish i knew myself." "a tumor! i don't understand!" "i don't either, pat--not fully. it's something on or beyond the border of medical knowledge. i don't think any living authority could classify it definitely." "but tell me!" she cried fiercely. "tell me!" "well, honey--i'll try." he paused thoughtfully. "cancers and tumors--sarcomas--are curious things, dear. doctors aren't at all sure just what they are. and one of their peculiarities is that they sometimes seem to be trying to develop into separate entities, trying to become human by feeding like parasites on their hosts. do you understand?" "no," said the girl. "i'm sorry, dr. carl, but i don't." "i mean," he continued, "that sometimes these growths seem to be trying to develop into--into organisms. i've seen them, for instance--every surgeon has--with bones developing. i've seen one with a rather perfect jaw-bone, and little teeth, and hair. as if," he added, "it were making a sort of attempt to become human, in a primitive, disorganized fashion. now do you see what i mean?" "yes," said the girl, with a violent shudder. "dr. carl, that's horrible!" "life sometimes is," he agreed. "well," he continued slowly, "i opened up our patient's skull at the point where the fluoroscope indicated the bullet. i trephined it, and there, pierced by the shot, was this--" he hesitated, "--this tumor." "did you--remove it?" "of course. but it wasn't a natural sort of brain tumor, honey. it was a little cerebrum, apparently joined to a y-shaped branch of the spinal cord. a little brain, pat--no larger than your small fist, but deeply convoluted, and with the pre-rolandic area highly developed." "what's pre-rolandic, dr. carl?" asked pat, shivering. "the seat of the motor nerves. the home, you might say, of the will. this brain was practically all will--and i wonder," he said musingly, "if that explains the ungodly, evil fascination the creature could command. a brain that was nothing but pure will-power, relieved by its parasitic nature of all the distractions of a directing body! i wonder--" he fell silent. "tell me the rest!" she said frantically. "that's all, honey. i removed it, and i guess i'm the only surgeon in the world who ever removed a brain from a human skull without killing the patient! luckily, he had two of them!" "oh god!" murmured the girl faintly. she turned to horker. "but he will live?" "i think so. your shot killed the devil, it seems." he frowned. "i said it was a tumor; i told them it was a tumor, but i'm not sure. perhaps, just as some people are born with six fingers or toes on each member, he was born with two brains. it's possible; one developed normally, humanly, and the other--into that creature we faced last night. i don't know!" "it's what i said," asserted pat. "it's a devil, and what you've just told me about tumors proves it. they're devils, that's all, and some day some student is going to cut one loose and raise it to maturity outside a human body, and you'll see what a devil is really like! and go ahead and laugh!" "i'm not laughing, pat. i'd be the last one to laugh at your theory, after facing that thing last night. it had satanic powers, all right--that paralyzing fascination! you felt it too; it wasn't just a mental lapse on my part, was it?" "i felt it, dr. carl! i'd felt it before that; i was always helpless in the presence of it." "could it," he asked, "have imposed its will actively on yours? i mean, could it have made you actually do what it asked there at the end, just before i recovered enough sense to let out that bellow?" "to take off--my dress?" she shivered. "i don't know, dr. carl.--i'm afraid so." she looked at him appealingly. "why did i yield to it so?" she cried. "what made me find such a fierce pleasure in its kisses--in its blows and scratches, and the pain it inflicted on me? why was that, dr. carl?" "why," he countered, "do gangsters' girls and apache women enjoy the cruelties perpetrated on them by their men? there's a little masochism in most women, and that--creature was sadistic, perverted, abnormal, and somehow dominating. it took an unfair advantage of you, pat; don't blame yourself." "it was--utterly evil!" she muttered. "it was the ultimate in everything unholy." "it was an aberrant brain," said horker. "you can't judge it by human standards, since it wasn't actually human. it was, i suppose, just what you said--a devil. i didn't even keep it," he added grimly. "i destroyed it." "do you know what it meant by saying it was a question of synapses?" she asked. "that was queer!" the doctor's voice was puzzled. "that remark implies that the thing itself knew what it was. how? it must have possessed knowledge that the normal brain lacked." "was it a question of synapses?" "in a sense it was. the nerves from the two rival brains must have met in a synaptic juncture. the oftener the aberrant brain gained control, the easier it became for it to repeat the process, as the synapse, so to speak, wore thin. that's why the attacks intensified so horribly toward the end; the habit was being formed." "last night was the very worst!" "of course. as the thing itself pointed out, i made the mistake of drugging the normal brain and giving the other complete control of the body. at other times, there'd always been the rivalry to weaken whichever was dominant." "does that mean," asked pat anxiously, "that nick's character will be changed now?" "i think so. i think you'll find him less meek, less gentle, than heretofore. more spirited, perhaps, since his energies won't be drained so constantly by the struggle." "i don't care!" she said. "i'd like that, and anyway, it doesn't make a bit of difference to me as long as he's just--_my_ nick." the doctor gave her a tender smile. "let's go home," he said, pinching her cheek in his great hand. "can you leave him?" "i'll run back after a while, honey. i think he'll do." he took her hand, drawing her after him. "don't forget to slip in unseen, pat, and rumple up your bed." "rumple it!" she gave him a weary smile. "i'll be _in_ it!" "good idea. you look a bit worn out, honey, and we can't have you getting sick now, or even pull a temporary faint like that one last night." "i didn't faint!" "maybe not," grinned horker. "perhaps the proceedings grew a little boring, and you just lay down on the couch for a nap. it _was_ a dull evening." note: project gutenberg also has an html version of this file which includes the original illustrations. see 19451-h.htm or 19451-h.zip: (http://www.gutenberg.net/dirs/1/9/4/5/19451/19451-h/19451-h.htm) or (http://www.gutenberg.net/dirs/1/9/4/5/19451/19451-h.zip) double trouble or, every hero his own villain by herbert quick author of aladdin & co., in the fairyland of america with illustrations by orson lowell [frontispiece: instantly he was aware of the descent upon him of a fiery comet of femininity] pervasive woman! in our hours of ease, our cloud-dispeller, tempering storm to breeze! but when our dual selves the pot sets bubbling, our cares providing, and our doubles troubling! --_secret ritual of the a.o.c.m._ indianapolis the bobbs-merrill company publishers copyright 1906 the bobbs-merrill company january contents chapter i a sleep and a forgetting ii the riddle of raiment and dates iii any port in a storm iv an adventure in benares v subliminal engineering vi the jones plane of mentality vii enter the legal mind viii poising for the plunge ix in darkest pennsylvania x the wrong house xi the first battle, and defeat xii on the firm ground of business xiii the martyrdom of mr. stevens xiv the treason of isegrim the wolf xv the turpitude of brassfield xvi the office goes in quest of the max xvii the honor nears its quarry xviii a glorious victory xix the entrapping of mr. brassfield xx the strawberry blonde xxi some alternations in the current xxii a revival of belshazzar xxiii the moving finger writes illustrations instantly he was aware of the descent upon him of a fiery comet of femininity . . . . . . _frontispiece_ she seemed to emanate from the tiger-skin as a butterfly from the chrysalis a new thrill ran through the man and a new light came into his eyes. vast and complete was the system of notes built up by the professor and the judge there she sits so attentive to her book that his entrance has not attracted her notice soon their heads were close together over plans "those red ones," said the judge, "are the very devil for showing on black!" "i am taking miss waldron home," said mr. amidon _the persons of the story_: florian amidon, a respectable young banker of literary and artistic tastes. eugene brassfield, for a description of whose peculiarities the reader is referred to the text. elizabeth waldron, a young woman just out of school. judge blodgett, an elderly lawyer. madame le claire, a professional occultist. professor blatherwick, her father, a german scientist. daisy scarlett, a young woman of fervid complexion and a character to match. edgington and cox, lawyers. alvord, a man about a small town. aaron, a sudanese serving-man. mrs. pumphrey, ) miss smith, ) doctor julia brown, ) members of the elite of bellevale. mrs. alvord, ) mrs. meyer, ) mrs. hunter, of hazelhurst. mr. slater, ) mr. bulliwinkle, ) prominent male residents of bellevale. mr. stevens, ) mr. knaggs, ) sheehan, ) labor leaders. zalinsky, ) conlon, a contractor. clerks, stenographers, servants, politicians, waiters, members of the a. o. c. m., porters, and citizens on foot and in carriages. scene: in hazelhurst, wisconsin; new york city, and bellevale, pennsylvania. [n. b.--it might be anywhere else in these states, east or west.] time: from june, 1896, to march, 1901--but this is not insisted upon. double trouble i a sleep and a forgetting deep in the well where blushing hides the shrinking and naked truth, i have dived, and dared to fetch ensnared this fragment of tested sooth; and one of the purblind race of men peered with a curious eye over the curb as i fetched it forth, and besought me to drop that lie: but all ye who long for certitude, and who yearn for the ultimate fact, who know the truth and in spite of ruth tear piecemeal the inexact, come list to my lay that i sing to-day, and choose betwixt him and me, and choosing show that ye always know the lie from the veritee! --_the rime of the sheeted spoorn_. "baggs," said mr. amidon, "take things entirely into your own hands. i'm off." "all right," said baggs. "it's only a day's run to canada; but in case i should prove honest, and need to hear from you, you'll leave your address?" mr. amidon[1] frowned and made a gesture expressive of nervousness. "no," said he, in a high-pitched and querulous tone. "no! i want to see if this business owns me, or if i own it. why should you need to communicate with me? whenever i'm off a day you always sign everything; and i shall be gone but a day on any given date this time; so it's only the usual thing, after all. i shall not leave any address; and don't look for me until i step in at that door! good-by." and he walked out of the bank, went home, and began looking over for the last time his cameras, films, tripods and the other paraphernalia of his fad. "this habit of running off alone, florian," said mrs. baggs, his sister, housekeeper, general manager, and the wife of baggs--his confidential clerk and silent partner--"gives me an uneasy feeling. if you had only done as i wanted you to do, you'd have had some one----" "now, jennie," said he, "we have settled that question a dozen times, and we can't go over it again if i am to catch the 4:48 train. keep your eye on the men, and keep baggs up in the collar, and see that wilkes and ranger get their just dues. i must have rest, jennie; and as for the wife, why, there'll be more some day for this purely speculative family of yours if we--- by the way, there's the whistle at anderson's crossing. good-by, my dear!" on the 4:48 train, at least until it had aged into the 7:30 or 8:00, mr. florian amidon, banker, and most attractive unmarried man of hazelhurst, was not permitted to forget that his going away was an important event. the fact that he was rich, from the viewpoint of the little mid-western town, unmarried and attractive, easily made his doings important, had nothing remarkable followed. but he had exceptional points as a person of consequence, aside from these. his father had been a scholar, and his mother so much of a _grande dame_ as to have old worm-eaten silks and laces with histories. the daughters of the american revolution always went to the amidons for ancient toggery for their eighteenth-century costumes--and checks for their deficits. the family even had a printed genealogy. moreover, florian had been at the head of his class in the high school, had gone through the family _alma mater_ in new england, and been finished in germany. hazelhurst, therefore, looked on him as a possession, and thought it knew him. we, however, may confide to the world that hazelhurst knew only his outer husk, and that mr. amidon was inwardly proud of his psychological hinterland whereof his townsmen knew nothing. to hazelhurst his celibacy was the banker's caution, waiting for something of value in the matrimonial market: to him it was a bashful and palpitant--almost maidenly--expectancy of the approach of some radiant companion of his soul, like those which spoke to him from the pages of his favorite poets. this was silly in a mere business man! if found out it would have justified a run on the bank. to hazelhurst he was a fixed and integral part of their society: to himself he was a galley-slave chained to the sweep of percentages, interest-tables, cash-balances, and lines of credit, to whom there came daily the vision of a native arcadia of art, letters and travel. it was good business to allow hazelhurst to harbor its illusions; it was excellent pastime and good spiritual nourishment for amidon to harbor his; and one can see how it may have been with some quixotic sense of seeking adventure that he boarded the train. what followed was so extraordinary that everything he said or did was remembered, and the record is tolerably complete. he talked with simeon woolaver, one of his tenants, about the delinquent rent, and gave simeon a note to baggs relative to taking some steers in settlement. this was before 5:17, at which time mr. woolaver got off at duxbury. "he was entirely normal," said simeon during the course of his examination--"more normal than i ever seen him; an' figgered the shrink on them steers most correct from his standp'int, on a business card with a indelible pencil. he done me out of about eight dollars an' a half. he was exceedin'ly normal--up to 5:17!" mr. amidon also encountered mrs. hunter and miss hunter in the parlor-car, immediately after leaving duxbury. miss hunter was on her way to the maine summer resorts with the senator fowlers, to whom mrs. hunter was taking her. mrs. hunter noticed nothing peculiar in his behavior, except the pointed manner in which he passed the chair by minnie's side, and took the one by herself. this seemed abnormal to mrs. hunter, whose egotism had its center in her daughter; but those who remembered the respectful terror with which he regarded women between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five failed to see exceptional conduct in this. his lawyer, judge blodgett, with whom he went into the buffet at about seven, found him in conversation with these two ladies. "he seemed embarrassed," said the judge, "and was blushing. mrs. hunter was explaining the new style in ladies' figures, and asking him if he didn't think minnie was getting much plumper. as soon as he saw me he yelled: 'hello, blodgett! come into the buffet! i want to see you about some legal matters.' he excused himself to the ladies, and we went into the buffet." "what legal matters did he place before you?" said his interlocutor. "two bottles of beer," said the judge, "and a box of cigars. then he talked browning to me until 9:03, when he got off at elm springs junction, to take the limited north. he was wrong on browning, but otherwise all right." it was, therefore, at 9:03, or 9:05 (for the engineer's report showed the train two minutes late out of elm springs junction), that florian amidon became the sole occupant of this remote country railway platform. he sat on a trunkful of photographer's supplies, with a suit-case and a leather bag at his back. it was the evening of june twenty-seventh, 1896. all about the lonely station the trees crowded down to the right of way, and rustled in a gentle evening breeze. somewhere off in the wood, his ear discerned the faint hoot of an owl. across the track in a pool under the shadow of the semaphore, he heard the full orchestra of the frogs, and saw reflected in the water the last exquisite glories of expiring day lamped by one bright star. leaning back, he partly closed his eyelids, and wondered why so many rays came from the star--with the vague wonder of drowsiness, which comes because it has been in the habit of coming from one's earliest childhood. the star divided into two, and all its beams swam about while his gaze remained fixed, and nothing seemed quite in the focus of his vision. putting out his hand, presently, he touched a window, damp with vapor and very cold. on the other side he felt a coarse curtain, and where the semaphore stood, appeared a perpendicular bar of dim light. a vibratory sound somewhere near made him think that the owls and frogs had begun snoring. he heard horrible hissings and the distant clangor of a bell; and then all the platform heaved and quaked under him as if it were being dragged off into the woods. he sprang upward, received a blow upon his head, rolled off to the floor, and---stood in the middle of a sleeping-car, clad only in pajamas; and a scholarly-looking negro porter looked down in his face, laying gentle hands upon him, and addressing him in soothing tones. "huht yo' haid, mr. brassfield? kind o' dreamin', wasn't yo', suh?" said the porter. "bettah tuhn in again, suh. i'll wake yo' fo' n'yohk. yo' kin sleep late on account of the snow holdin' us back. jes' lay down, mr. brassfield; it's only 3:35." a lady's eye peeped forth from the curtain of a near-by berth, and vanished instantly. mr. amidon, seeing it, plunged back into the shelter from which he had tumbled, and lay there trembling--trembling, forsooth, because, instead of summer, it seemed winter; for elm springs junction, it appeared to be a moving train on some unknown road, going god knew where; and for florian amidon, in his outing suit, it had the appearance of a somnambulistic wretch in his night-clothes, who was addressed by the unfamiliar porter as mr. brassfield! [1] editorial note: as reflecting light on the personal characteristics of mr. florian amidon, whose remarkable history is the turning-point of this narrative, we append a brief note by his college classmate and lifelong acquaintance, the well-known doctor j. galen urquhart, of hazelhurst, wisconsin. the note follows: "at the time when the following story opens, mr. florian amidon was about thirty years of age. height, five feet ten and three-quarters inches; weight, one hundred and seventy-eight pounds. for general constitutional and pathological facts, see sheets 2 to 7, inclusive, attached hereto. subject well educated, having achieved distinction in linguistic, philological and literary studies in his university. (see sheet 1, attached.) neurologically considered, family history of subject (see sheets 8 and 10) shows nothing abnormal, except that his father, a chemist, wrote an essay opposing the atomic theory, and a cousin is an epileptic. i regard these facts as significant. volitional and inhibitory faculties largely developed; may be said to be a man of strong will-power end self-control. the following facts may be noted as possibly symptomatic of neurasthenia; fondness for the poetry of whitman and browning (see nordau); tendency to dabble in irregular systems of medical practice; pronounced nervous and emotional irritability during adolescence; aversion to young women in society; stubborn clinging to celibacy. in posture, gait and general movements, the following may be noted: vivacious in conversation; possessed of great mobility of facial expression; anteroposterior sway marked and occasionally anterosinistral, and greatly augmented so as to approach romberg symptom on closure of eyes, but no ataxic evidences in locomotion. taking the external malleolus as the datum, the vertical and lateral pedal oscillation----" the editor regrets to say that space forbids any further incorporation of doctor urquhart's very illuminating note at this place. it may appear at some time as a separate essay or volume. ii the riddle of raiment and dates from his eyne did the glamour of faerie pass and the rymour lay on eildon grass. he lay in the heather on eildon hill; he gazed on the dour scots sky his fill. his staff beside him was brash with rot; the weed grew rank in his unthatch'd cot: "syne gloaming yestreen, my shepherd kind, what hath happ'd this cot we ruin'd find?" "syne gloaming yestreen, and years twice three, hath wind and rain therein made free; ye sure will a stranger to eildon be, and ye know not the rymour's in faerie!" --_the trewe tale of trewe thomas_. as mr. amidon sensed the forward movement of the train in which he so strangely found himself, he had fits of impulse to leap out and take the next train back. but, back where? he had the assurance of his colored friend and brother that forward was new york. backward was the void conjectural. slowly the dawn whitened at the window. he raised the curtain and saw the rocks and fences and snow of a winter's landscape--saw them with a shock which, lying prone as he was, gave him the sensation of staggering. it was true, then: the thing he had still suspected as a nightmare was true. where were all the weeks of summer and autumn? and (question of some pertinency!) where was florian amidon? he groped about for his clothes. they were strange in color and texture, but, in such judgment as he could form while dressing in his berth, they fitted. he never could bear to go half-dressed to the toilet-room as most men do, and stepped out of his berth fully appareled--in a natty business sack-suit of scots-gray, a high turn-down collar, fine enamel shoes and a rather noticeable tie. florian amidon had always worn a decent buttoned-up frock and a polka-dot cravat of modest blue, which his haberdasher kept in stock especially for him. he felt as if, in getting lost, he had got into the clothes of some other man--and that other one of much less quiet and old-fashioned tastes in dress. it made him feel as if it were he who had made the run to canada with the bank's funds--furtive, disguised, slinking. he looked in the pockets of the coat like an amateur pickpocket, and found some letters. he gazed at them askance, turning them over and over, wondering if he ought to peep at their contents. then he put them back, and went into the smoking-room, where, finding himself alone, he turned up his vest as if it had been worn by somebody else whom he was afraid of disturbing, and looked at the initials on the shirt-front. they were not "f. a.," as they ought to have been, but "e. b."! he wondered which of the bags were his. pressing the button, he summoned the porter. "george," said he, "bring my luggage in here." and then he wondered at his addressing the porter in that drummer-like way--he was already acting up to the smart suit--or down; he was in doubt as to which it was. the bags, when produced, showed those metal slides, sometimes seen, concealing the owner's name. sweat stood on florian's brow as he slipped the plate back and found the name of eugene brassfield, bellevale, pennsylvania! a card-case, his pocketbook, all his linen and his hat--all articles of expensive and gentlemanly quality, but strange to him--disclosed the same name or initials, none of them his own. in the valise he found some business letterheads, finely engraved, of the brassfield oil company, and eugene brassfield's name was there set forth as president and general manager. "great heaven!" exclaimed florian, "am i insane? am i a robber and a murderer? during this time which has dropped out of my life, have i destroyed and despoiled this gentleman, and--and run off in his clothes? i must denounce myself!" the porter came, and, by way of denouncing himself, mr. amidon clapped his waistcoat shut and buttoned it, snapped the catches of the bags, and pretended to busy himself with the letters in his pockets; and in doing so, he found in an inside vest-pocket a long thin pocket-book filled with hundred-dollar bills, and a dainty-looking letter. it was addressed to mr. eugene brassfield, was unstamped, and marked, "to be read en route." there was invitation, there was allurement, in the very superscription. clearly, it seemed, he ought to open and examine these letters. they might serve to clear up this mystery. he would begin with this. "my darling!" it began, without any other form of address--and was not this enough, beloved?-"my own darling! i write this so that you may have something of me, which you can see and touch and kiss as you are borne farther and farther from me. distance unbridged is such a terrible thing--any long distance; and more than our hands may reach and clasp across is interstellar space to me. you said last night that all beauty, all sweetness, all things delectable and enticing and fair, all things which allure and enrapture, are so bound up in little me, that surely the very giants of steam and steel would be drawn back to me, instead of bearing you away. ah, my eugene! you wondered why i put my hands behind me, and would not see your out-stretched arms! now that you are gone, and will not return for so long--until so near the day when i may be all that i am capable of becoming to you, let me tell you--i was afraid! "not of you, dearest, not of you--for with all your ardor of wooing (and no girl ever had a more perfect lover--i shall always thank god for that mixture of lancelot and sir galahad in you which makes every moment in your presence a delight), i always knew that you could leave me like a sensible boy, and, while longing for me, stay away. but i--whom you have sometimes complained of a little for my coldness--had i not looked above your eyes, and put my hands behind me, i should have clung to you, dear, i was afraid, and never have allowed you to go as you are now going, and made you feel that i am not the perfect woman that you describe to me, as me. even now, i fear that this letter will do me harm in your heart; but all the lover in me--and girls inherit from their fathers as well as from their mothers--cries out in me to woo you; and you must forget this, only at such times of tenderness as you will sometimes have while you are gone, when one embrace would be worth a world. then read or remember this, as my return-clasp for such thoughts. "besides, may i not, now that you are away from me, give you a glimpse of that side of my soul which a girl is taught to hide? this was the 'swan's nest among the reeds' which little ellie meant to show to that lover who, maybe, never came. ah, mrs. browning was a woman, and knew! (mind, dear, it's mrs. browning i speak of!) "sometimes, when the knight has come, and the wife wishes to show the glories of her soul, 'the wild swan has deserted, and a rat has gnawed the reed.' let the wild and flowery little pool of womanhood which is yours--yours, dearest--grow somewhat less strange to you than it would have been--last evening--so that when you see me again you will see it as a part of me, and, without a word or look from me, know me, even more than you now do, "yours, "elizabeth." florian read it again and again. sometimes he blushed--not with shame, but with the embarrassment of a girl--at the fervid eloquence. and then he would feel a twinge of envy for this eugene brassfield who could be to such a girl "a perfect lover." "from one soon to be a bride," said he to himself, "to the man she loves: it's the sweetest letter ever written. i wonder how long ago she wrote it! here's the date: 7th january, 1901. odd, that she should mistake the year! but it was the 7th, no doubt. by the way, i don't know the day of the week or month, or what month it is! here, boy! is that the morning paper?" he seized the paper feverishly, held it crushed in his hand until the boy left him, and then spread it out, looking for the date. it was january the 8th, 1901! the letter had been written the preceding evening. whatever had happened to this man brassfield, had occurred within the past sixteen hours. and, great god! where had florian amidon been since june, 1896? all was dark; and, in sympathy with it, blackness came over his eyes, and he rode into new york in a dead faint. iii any port in a storm _cosimo_: join us, ludovico! our plans are ripe, our enterprise as fairly lamped with promise as yon steep headland, based, 'tis true, with cliff, but crowned with waving palms, and holding high its beaconing light, as holds its jewel up, your lady's tolling finger! come, the stage is set, your cue is spoke. _ludovico_: and all the lines are stranger to my lips, and alien quite to car and eye and mind. i tell thee, cosimo, this play of thine is one in which no man should swagger on, trusting the prompter's voice; for mountains tipped with fire back up the scene, out of the coppice roars the tiger's voice: the lightning's touch is death; the thunder rends the very rocks whereon its anger lights, the paths are mined with gins; and giants wait to slay me should i speak with faltering tongue their crafty shibboleth! most dearest coz, this part you offer bids me play with death! i'll none of it. --_vision of cosimo_. "comin' round all right, now, suh?" said the learned-looking porter. "will you go to the calumet house, as usual, suh? ca'iage waitin', if you feel well enough to move, suh." "i'm quite well," said mr. amidon, though he did not look it, "and will go to the--what hotel did you say?" "calumet, suh; i know you make it yo' headquahtahs thah." "quite right," said mr. amidon; "of course. where's the carriage and my grips?" he had never heard of the calumet; but he wanted, more than anything else then, privacy in which he might collect his faculties and get himself in hand, for his whole being was in something like chaos. on the way, he stopped the cab several times to buy papers. all showed the fatal date. he arrived at the palatial hotel in a cab filled with papers, from which his bewildered countenance peered forth like that of a canary-bird in the nesting-season. he was scarcely within the door, when obsequious servants seized his luggage, and vied with one another for the privilege of waiting on him. "why, how do you do?" said the clerk, in a manner eloquent of delighted recognition. "your old room, i suppose?" "yes, i think so," said mr. amidon. the clerk whirled the register around, and pointing with his pen, said: "right there, mr. brassfield." mr. amidon's pen stopped midway in the downward stroke of a capital f. "i think," said he, "that i'll not register at present. let me have checks for my luggage, please--i may not stay more than an hour or so." "as you please," said the clerk. "but the room is entirely at your service, always, you know. here are some telegrams, sir. came this morning." he took and eyed the yellow envelopes with "e. brassfield" scrawled on them, as if they had been infernal machines; but he made no movement toward opening them. something in the clerk's look admonished him that his own was extraordinary. he felt that he must seek solitude. to be called by this new and strange name; to have thrust on him the acting of a part in which he knew none of the lines and dared not refuse the character; and all these circumstances made dark and sinister by the mysterious maladjustment of time and place; the possession of another man's property; the haunting fear that in it somewhere were crime and peril--these things, he thought, would drive him out of his senses, unless he could be alone. "i think i'll take the room," said he. "if any one calls?" queried the clerk. "i'm not in," said amidon, gathering up the telegrams. "i do not wish to be disturbed on any account." five years! what did it mean? there must be some mistake. but the break in the endless chain of time, the change from summer to winter, and from the dropping to sleep at elm springs junction to the awakening in the car--there could be no mistake about these. he sat in the room to which he had been shown, buried in the immense pile in the strange city, as quiet as a heron in a pool, perhaps the most solitary man on earth, these thoughts running in a bewildering circle through his mind. the dates of the papers--might they not have been changed by some silly trick of new journalism, some straining for effect, like the agreement of all the people in the world (as fancied by doctor holmes) to say "boo!" all at once to the moon? he ran his eyes over the news columns and found them full of matter which was real news, indeed, to him. president kruger was reported as about to visit president mckinley for the purpose of securing mediation in some south african war; and senator lodge had made a speech asking for an army of one hundred thousand men in, of all places, the philippine islands. the twentieth century, and with it some wonderful events, had stolen on him as he slept--if, indeed, he had slept--there could be no doubt of that. he found his hands trembling again, and, fearing another collapse, threw himself upon the bed. then, as drowsiness stole on him, he thought of the five years gone since last he had yielded to that feeling, and started up, afraid to sleep. he saw lying on the table the unopened telegrams, and tore them open. some referred to sales of oil, and other business transactions; one was to inform brassfield that a man named alvord would not meet him in new york as promised, and one was in cipher, and signed "stevens." he took from his pocket the letters of brassfield, and read them. one or two were invitations to social functions in bellevale. one was a bill for dues in a boating-club; another contained the tabulated pedigree of a horse owned in kentucky. a very brief one was in the same handwriting as the missive he had first read, was signed "e. w.," and merely said that she would be at home in the evening. but most of them related to the business of the brassfield oil company, and referred to transactions in oil. he lay back on the bed again, and thought, thought, thought, beginning with the furthest stretch of memory, and coming down carefully and consecutively--to the yawning chasm which had opened in his life and swallowed up five years. time and again, he worked down to this abyss, and was forced to stop. he had heard of loss of memory from illness, but this was nothing of the sort. he had been tired and nervous that night at elm springs junction, but not ill; and now he was in robust health. perhaps some great fit of passion had torn that obliterating furrow through his mind. perhaps in those five years he had become changed from the man of strict integrity who had so well managed the hazelhurst bank, into the monster who had robbed eugene brassfield of--his clothes, his property, the most dearly personal of his possessions--these, certainly (for amidon knew the rule of evidence which brands as a thief the possessor of stolen goods); and who could tell of what else? letters, bags, purses, money--these any vulgar criminal might have, and bear no deeper guilt than that of theft; but, the clothes! mr. amidon shuddered as his logic carried him on from deduction to reduction--to murder, and the ghastly putting away of murder's fruit. imagination threw its limelight over the horrid scene--the deep pool or tarn sending up oilily its bubbles of accusation; the shadowy wood with its bulging mound of earth and leaves swept by revealing rains and winds; the moldy vat of corrosive liquid eating away the damning evidence; the box with its accursed stains, shipped anywhere away from the fatal spot, by boat or ship, to be relentlessly traced back--and he shivered in fearful wonder as to how the crime had been committed. in some way, he felt sure, eugene brassfield's body must have been removed from those natty clothes of his, before florian amidon could have put them on, and with them donned the personality of their former owner. and here entered a mystery deeper still--the strange deception he seemed to impose on the dead man's acquaintances. and this filled him, somehow, with the most abject dread and fear. brassfield seemed to have been a well-known man; for porters and clerks in new york do not call the obscure countryman by name. to step out on the street was, perhaps, to run into the very arms of some one who would penetrate the disguise. yet he could not long remain in this room; his very retirement--any extraordinary behavior (and how did he know brassfield's ordinary courses?)--would soon advertise his presence. amidon walked to the window and peered down into the street. his eyes traveled to the opposite windows, and finally in the blind stare of absent-mindedness became fixed on a gold-and-black sign which he began stupidly spelling out, over and over. "madame le claire," it read, "clairvoyant and occultist." not an idea was associated in his mind with the sign until the word "mystery," "mystery," began sounding in his ears--naturally enough, one would say, in the circumstances. then the letters of the word floated before his eyes; and finally he consciously saw the full sign stretching across two windows: "madame le claire, clairvoyant and occultist. all mysteries solved." florian stared at this sign, until he became conscious of deep weariness at so long standing on his feet. then he saw, blossoming, the multiplying lights of an early winter's dusk--so numbly had the time slipped by. and in the gruesome close of this dreadful day, the desperate and perplexed man stole timidly down the stairways--avoiding the elevator--and across the street to the place of the occultist. iv an adventure in benares the silly world shrieks madly after fact, thinking, forsooth, to find therein the truth; but we, my love, will leave our brains unracked, and glean our learning from these dreams of youth: should any charge us with a childish act and bid us track out knowledge like a sleuth, we'll lightly laugh to scorn the wraiths of history, and, hand in hand, seek certitude in mystery. --_when the halcyon broods_. the house of the occultist was one of a long row, all alike, which reminds the observer of an exercise in perspective, as one glances down the stretch of balustraded piazzas. amidon walked straight across the street from the hotel, and counted the flights of stairs up to the fourth floor. there was no elevator. the denizens of the place gave him a vague impression of being engaged in the fine arts. a glimpse of an interior hung with navajo blankets, pueblo pottery, dakota beadwork, and barbaric arms; the sound of a soprano practising marchesi exercises; an easel seen through an open door and flanked by a grand rapids folding-bed with a plaster bust atop; and a pervasive scent of cigarettes, accounted for, and may or may not have justified, the impression. on the fourth floor the scent shaded off toward sandalwood, the sounds toward silence, bohemia toward benares. he walked in twilight, on inch-deep nap, to a door on which glowed in soft, purple, self-emitted radiance, the words: madame le claire enter the invitation was plain, and he opened the door. as he did so, the deep, mellow note of a gong filled the place with a gentle alarum. it was sound with noise eliminated, and matched, to the ear, the velvet of the carpet. the room into which he looked was dark, save for light reflected from a marble ball set in a high recess in the ceiling. none of the lamps, whose rays illuminated the ball, could be seen, and the white globe itself was hung so high in the recess that none of its direct rays reached the corners of the apartment. a persian rug lay in the center, and took the fullest light. there were no sharp edges of shadow, but instead there was a softly graduated penumbra, deepening into murk. straight across was a doorway with a portiã¨re, beyond was another, and still farther, a third, all made visible in silhouette by the light in a fourth room, seen as at the end of a tunnel. across this gossamer-barred arch of light, a black figure was projected, and swelled as it neared in silent approach. it came through the last portiã¨re, on into the circle of light, and stood, a turbaned negro, bowing low toward the visitor. "madame le claire," said amidon feebly, "may i speak with her?" there was no reply, unless a respectful scrutiny might be taken for one. then the dumb sudanese, carrying with him the atmosphere of a bedouin tent, disappeared, lingered, reappeared, and beckoned amidon to follow. as they passed the first portiã¨re, that mellow and gentle gong-note welled softly again from some remote distance. at the second archway, it sounded nearer, if not louder. at the third, as amidon stepped into the lighted room, it filled the air with a golden vibrancy. it was as if invisible ministers had gone before to announce him. amidon took one long look at the scene in the fourth room, and a great wave of unbelief rolled across his mind. through this long day of shocks and surprises, he had reached that stage of amazedness where the evidential value of sensory impressions is destroyed. he covered his eyes with his hands, expecting that the phantasms before him might pass with vision, and that with vision's return might come the dear, familiar commonplaces of his commonplace life. the room seemed to have no windows, and the roar of the new york street outside was gone, or faint as the hum of a hive. the walls were hung with fabrics of wool or silk, in dull greens and reds, and the floor was spread with rugs. with mouth redly ravening at him, and eyes emitting opalescent gleams, lay a great tiger-skin rug, upon which, on a kind of dais, sat a woman--a woman whose eyes sought his in a steady regard which flashed a thrill through his whole body as he gazed. for she seemed to emanate from the tiger-skin, as a butterfly from the chrysalis. [illustration: she seemed to emanate from the tiger-skin, as a butterfly from the chrysalis.] her dress was of some combination of black and yellow which carried upward the tones of the great rug. her bare arms--long, and tapering to lithe wrists and hands--were clasped by dull-gold bracelets of twisted serpents. over shapely shoulders, the flesh of which looked white and young, there was thrown a wrap like feathery snow, from under which drooped down over the girlish bosom a necklace that seemed of pearl. the face was fair, its pallor tinged with red at lips, and rose on cheeks. the eyes, luminous and steady, shone out through heavy dark lashes, from under brows of black, and seemed, at that first glance, of oriental darkness. a great mass of dark-brown hair encircled the rather small face, and even in his first look, he noted at the temples twin strands of golden-blond which, carried out like rays in the fluffy halo about her brow, reappeared in all the twistings and turnings of the involved pile which crowned the graceful head. the yellow-and-black of the tiger appeared thus, from head to foot. it was afterward that he found out something of the secret of the peculiar fascination in the great dark eyes. one of them was gray, with that greenish tinge which has been regarded as the token of genius. the other was of a mottled golden-brown, with lights like those in the tiger's eye. in both, in any but strong light, the velvet-black pupils spread out, and pushed the iris back to a thin margin; and thus they varied, from gray or brown, to that liquid night, which amidon now saw in them, as he stepped within the doorway, and looked so long on her, as she sat like a model for the queen of the jungle, that under other circumstances the gaze would have seemed rude. some sense of this, breaking through his bewilderment, made him bow. "madame le claire?" said he. "the same," said she. "how can i serve you, sir?" the voice, a soft contralto, was the complement of the steady regard of the eyes. as she spoke, she rose and stepped toward him, down from the little dais to the rug. she rose, not with the effort which marks the act in most, but lightly, as a flower rises from the touch of a breeze. she was tall and lithe, and all the curves of her figure were long and low--once more suggesting the soft strength of the tigress. but when speech parted the lips, the smile which overspread her face won him. "how can i serve you, my friend?" she repeated. "i am in great trouble," said he. "yes," she purred. "i saw your sign," he went on. "and i want you to tell me where i have been since june, 1896--and who is eugene brassfield? did i kill him--or only rob him? and who is elizabeth?" she had stepped close to him now, as if to catch the scent of some disturbing influence which might account for such incoherence; but amidon's breath was innocent of taint. "yes!" said she, "i think we shall be able to tell you all. but, are you well?" "i have had no breakfast," said he. "when i found that i had lost five years--i forgot. and--once--i fainted. i'm not quite--well, i'm afraid!" madame le claire stepped to the wall and pushed a button. the turbaned sudanese reappeared at once. "aaron," said she, "tell professor blatherwick that mr.--mr.----" "amidon," said florian hastily--"amidon is my name." "--amidon will dine with us," madame le clair continued smoothly. "he has some very interesting things for us to look into. and have dinner served at once." aaron! and dinner! and blatherwick! the delicious vulgarity of the names was sweet music. for be it remembered that florian was a banker, and a man of position; and sandalwood, sudanese, bedouins and illusions were ill for the green wound of his mystery--which, in all conscience, was bad enough in and of itself! some confidence in the realities of things returned to him, but he followed madame le claire like a faithful hound. v subliminal engineering now, red-neck johnson's right hand never knew his left hand's game; and most diverse were the meanings of the gestures of the same. for, benedictions to send forth, his left hand seemed to strive, while his right hand rested lightly on his ready forty-five. "mr. chairman and committee," mr. johnson said, said he, "it is true, i'm tangled up some with this person's property; it is true that growin' out therefrom and therewith to arrive, was some most egregious shootin' with this harmless forty-five: but list to my defense, and weep for my disease," said he; "i am double," half-sobbed red-neck, "in my personality!" --_the affliction of red-neck johnson_. madame le claire led mr. amidon to the next room, turned him over to aaron (now wonderfully healed of his dumbness) with a gesture of dismissal; and he was ushered by the negro into a most modern-looking chamber, in which was a brass bedstead with a snowy counterpane. "dinner will be suhved in ten minutes, suh," said aaron. they were waiting for him in the little dining-room, when he was wafted through the door by aaron's obsequious bow. the tigrine le claire advanced from a bay-window, bringing a slender man with stooped shoulders. "papa," she said, "this is mr. amidon, whom i have induced to dine with us; mr. amidon, professor blatherwick." professor blatherwick was bent, and much bleached, faded and wrinkled. his eyes seemed both enormous in size and sunk almost to his occiput, by reason of being seen through the thickest of glasses. his lank, grayish hair, of no particular color, but resembling autumnal roadside grasses, hung thinly from a high and asymmetrical head, and straggled dejectedly down into a wisp of beard on chin and lip--a beard which any absent-minded man might well be supposed to have failed to observe, and therefore to have neglected to shave. when madame le claire stopped in leading him forward, he halted, and feeling blindly forward into the air as if for amidon's hand, though quite ten feet from him, he murmured: "i am bleaced to meet you, sir." "evidently german," thought amidon. "i understandt," said the professor, opening the conversation, as madame le claire poured the tea, "that you haf hadt some interesding experiences in te realm of te supliminal." amidon's tension of mind, which had left him under the compulsion of the woman's mastery of him, returned at the professor's remark. "i have been dead," said he, "since the twenty-seventh of june, 1896!" madame le claire stared at him in unconcealed amazement. the professor calmly dipped toast in his tea. "so!" said he. "fife years. goot! dis case vill estaplish some important brinciples. vill you be so kindt as to dell us te saircumstances?" "oh, papa!" broke in the lady. "you must wait until after dinner. i saw mr. amidon was weak and disturbed, and, i thought--hungry. so i asked him to stay." "i have eaten nothing but this," said mr. amidon, "since june twenty-seventh, 1896----" "so," said the professor calmly. "dis vill brofe an important case." "i saw the sign," said amidon, "'all mysteries solved,' and i came here----" "de sign," said the professor, "iss our goncession to te spirit of gommercialism, and te gompetitife system. it vas clara's itea. but some mysteries ve do not attempt. in te realm of te supliminal, howefer, ve go up against almost any broposition. i am cheneral superintendent of supliminal enchineering; clara is te executant. i make blance, and clara does as she bleaces aboudt following dem. you vill, at your gonfenience, dell us all you can of your case. i vill analyze, glassify, and tiagnose; she vill unrafel." it was late in the evening when the professor was through with his diagnosis. he made copious notes of amidon's story. several times his daughter called him away from some book in which he had lost himself while on an excursion in search of parallel cases. at last he paused, his face expressing the triumph of a naturalist at the discovery of a new beetle. "you are not in te least insane!" said he, with the air of telling florian something hard to believe; "ant you haf none of te stigmata of techeneration. i vould say that you are not a griminal--not much of a griminal anyhow, ant bropaply not at all!" "thank you! oh, thank you!" fervently exclaimed amidon. "it iss a case," went on the professor, "of dual pairsonality. for fife years you haf bropaply been absent from hazelhurst. you haf been someveres!" "where, where?" cried amidon. "do not fear," said madame le claire, laying her hand on his arm. "if it is a case of dual personality, we shall soon find out all about it. you have mysteriously disappeared. many men do. there was lieutenant rogers, of the navy; and ansel burns, of ohio, who woke up in kentucky in his own store, under the name of brooks--brooks' store, you know." "and ellis, of bergen," said the professor, "who vas lost for a year, ant tiscofered himself in te pairson of a cook in a lumber-gamp in minnesota, unter te name of chamison. oh, dere are many such! te supchectife mind, te operations of vich are normally below te threshold of gonsciousness, suddenly dakes gontrol. pouf! you are anodder man! you haf been smidt; you are now chones. as chones you remember notting of smidt. you go on, guided by instinct, ant te preacquired semi-intellichence of auto-hypnotismus----" "oh, papa!" said the tiger-lady, "those are awful words--for a sick man!" "vell," resumed blatherwick, dropping into what he regarded as the vernacular, "you go on as chones, all right all right. some day, someveres--in dis case in a sleeping-car--you vake as smidt again. you now do not remember chones or te chones life. you are all vorked up--vat you call it--flabbergasted. you come to madame le claire. vat does she do? she calls te supchectife mind up abofe te threshold of gonsciousness, ant you are restored to te chones blane of mentality. hypnotismus, hypnotismus: that is vat does it!" "and shall i stay--jones?" "no, no!" said madame le claire. "i will restore you. but while you are--jones--i shall find out all you want to know about the--jones--life, and i will tell you when you become yourself again. you will learn all about bellevale, and brassfield, and----" "and elizabeth?" asked amidon. madame le claire paused. "yes," said she, with much less cordiality, "i suppose so, if you want to know--about elizabeth." vi the jones plane of mentality my lady's eyes ensphere the skies, abound in lovely mysteries: behind their bars are pent the stars, warm venus' glow, the shafts of mars. once, murky night shut in my sight: one glance revealed the source of light! now, to be wise or gay, i rise, by gazing in my lady's eyes! --_song from the oculist_. the process of bringing the "jones plane of mentality" uppermost in mr. amidon would not have been regarded by the masculine reader of the unregenerate sort (though to such far be it from me to appeal!) as an operation at all painful. but mr. amidon, i must declare, was not of the unregenerate sort. "now," said madame le claire, "sit down in the arm-chair, and in a few minutes you will feel a sensation of drowsiness. soon you will sleep. think with all your power that you are to sleep." she was sitting in a very high chair, he in a low one, so that her eyes were above his. the professor was blent with the shadows of some corner, in silent self-effacement, with a note-book in his hand. amidon tried to think with all his power that he was to sleep; but the lights and shadows and depths of the woman's eyes drew all thoughts to them. uncle toby, looking for the mote in the eye of the widow wadman, must have felt as did our wandering florian. never before had he noted for more than a fleeting glance the light that lies in woman's eyes. now those limpid orbs met his in a regard, kindly, steady, eloquent of unutterable things. he noted the dark, arched, ebon sweep of the eyebrow, the long dark lashes curved daintily upward, the shining whiteness in the corners, and the wondrous irises. the one which was gray was dark like a moonlit sky; the other, like the same sky necked with clouds, and filled with the golden smoke of some far-off conflagration; and at the inner margin of both, the black of the dilated pupils seemed to spread out into the iris in rays of feathery blackness. they seemed to him like twin worlds--great, capacious, mysterious, alluring, absorbing. behind the feathery curtains of those irises lay all the lovely things of which he had ever thought or dreamed--the things which sculptors and poets and painters see, and seek to express. and without changing his gaze, he saw below the eyes the downy cheek, and the red lips so sweetly curved. a new thrill ran through the man, and a new light came into his eyes. madame le claire blushed. [illustration: a new thrill ran through the man and a new light came into his eyes] "are you thinking of going to sleep?" "i beg your pardon," said he; "i was thinking--i am afraid i was not!" "try again," said she; "and please control your thoughts. think that you--are--going--to sleep. to sleep----sleep! sleep!---slee--ee--eep!" now amidon's eyes sought hers again, and held there; and the twin worlds, sphered in some slowly-turning orbit, seemed swinging in their native space. now the cheeks and hair and mouth came out in their places, returning to distinctness like features of a face on a screen. now the eyes became twin stars again, casting on him once more the effulgence of their binary glow. and now eyes and face and hair, and madame le claire--all passed away; and florian amidon became as naught, and the tigrine lady and the faded professor played with the thing which had been he, as upon a machine. the pillar of hazelhurst society, the banker now five years lost, the bewildered wretch of the sleeping-car, was now, by his own act, given over as passively as some inert instrument, body and soul, to the guidance and manipulation of this shady occultist, not four hours known to him--while outside droned the muffled roar of the human cyclone which sweeps and whirls and eddies through manhattan. so stripped of stability was the pillar, that he was now a mere feather of humanity, self-abandoned to the clasp of the storm of the modern babylon. madame le claire questioned, amidon answered (or something answered for him), and professor blatherwick wrote in his book--wrote the data, of "te chones blane of mentality." "dis iss enough," said the professor, "for vunce. pring him to!" madame le claire leaned back, gave her subject a long look, and then, walking to him, took his head tenderly in her hands. with the left, she held his forehead; the fingers of the right crept insinuatingly among the curls resting on his neck, swept thence over to his brow, and down across his eyelids, closing them; and amidon sat, senseless as a statue, and almost as still. "right!" said madame le claire sharply. "wake!" amidon opened his eyes wearily. "when are you going to begin?" said he. "ve are t'rough," said the professor. "ve know it all." "and brassfield? did i----?" "you have done him notting," said the professor. "you are all recht. you need not fear----" "and the lady--elizabeth?" suggested amidon, as passing to the thing of next importance. "it is near morning," said madame le claire, "and you are prostrated. we are all very tired. aaron must take you to your hotel. you must sleep. never fear, no harm is coming to you. when you wake, come to me, and i will tell you all about it--'all mysteries solved,' you know. good night. you will sleep late in the morning." vii enter the legal mind the need of lucre never looms so large as when 'tis gotten in some devious way: it mitigates the blackness of the charge that every nether level yielded pay. the man who dares e'en to the prison's marge should bring back what he went for--or should stay! the need of lucre never looms so large as when 'tis gotten in some devious way. men can o'erlook the stain upon the targe, if from its boss the jewel shoots its ray; or blood upon the pirate's sable barge covered by silks' and satins' bright array- the need of lucre never looms so large as when 'tis gotten in some devious way. --_rondels of the curb_. morning passed to noon, and the day aged into afternoon, before amidon rose from the deep sleep which (according to le claire's prediction) followed his evening with her and the professor. with that odd sense of bewilderment which the early riser feels at this violation of habit, he went into the cafã© for his belated breakfast. impatient to finish the meal so that he might haste to the promised interview, he studied the menu, and with his eye scouted the room for a waiter--failing to bestow even the slightest glance on a man seated opposite. this fact, however, did not prevent the stranger from scrutinizing amidon's face, his dress, and even his hands, as if each minutest detail were vitally important. he even dropped his napkin so as to make an excuse for looking under the table, and thus getting a good view of florian's boots. finally he spoke, as if continuing a broken-off conversation. "as i said a while ago," he remarked, "browning falls short of being a poet, just as a marble-cutter falls short of being a sculptor. you were quoting _love among the ruins_, as the train stopped at elm springs junction; or was it _evelyn_----" amidon's eyes, during this apparently aimless disquisition, had been drawn from his meal to the speaker. he saw an elderly gentleman, clothed in the black frock-coat and black tie of the rural lawyer of the old school. his eyes shot keen and kindly glances from the deep ambush of great white brows, and his mouth was hidden under a snowy mustache. his features made up for a somewhat marked poverty of shape by a luxuriance of ruddy color, the culminating point of which was to be found in the broad and fleshy nose. his voice, soft and gentle when he began, swelled out, as he spoke, into something of the orator's orotund. when amidon looked at him, the speaker returned the gaze in full measure, and leaning across the table, pointed his finger at his auditor, and slowly uttered the words, "--as--the train--stopped--at--elm springs junction!" "why, judge blodgett!" exclaimed amidon, "can this be you?" "can it be i?" exclaimed the judge. "can it be me! no difficulty about that. never mind the handshaking just yet--after a while, maybe. when it comes to the can-it-be part, how about you? how about the past five years, and jennie baggs keeping a place for you every meal for all this time, up to the present hour? i tell you, florian, letting me down in that case of amidon versus cattermole, without a scrap of evidence, and getting me licked by a young practitioner who studied in my office, was bad--was damnable; but an only sister, florian! and not one word in five years!" "she's well, then, jennie is?" "she's as well, florian, as a woman with the sorrow you've brought to her, and the mother of two infants, can be. but why do you ask?--why do you ask?--why is it necessary to go through the work of surplusage of asking?" "children, eh?" said florian. "good for jennie! and how's baggs?" "oh, baggs, yes--why, baggs has come through it all with his health about unimpaired, baggs has! but no baggs court of inquiry is going to switch me off the examination i'm now conducting; and i tell you, mr. amidon, you can't dodge me. what double life took you away from home, and property, and everything?" "judge blodgett," said mr. amidon, in that low voice which, with the english language as the medium of communication, is known as the danger-signal the world over, "the term 'double life' has a meaning which is insulting. don't use it again." "well, well, florian," said the judge, evidently pleased, "sustaining the motion to strike that out, the question remains. you aren't obliged to answer, you know; but you know, too, what not answering it means." "judge," said amidon, after a long pause, "to say that i don't know where i have been, or what i have been doing, since june twenty-seventh, 1896, until yesterday morning when i came to my senses in a moving sleeping-car, won't satisfy you; but it's the truth." the judge looked off toward the ceiling in the manner of a jurist considering some complex argument, but was silent. "now i have found a way," said amidon, "of having all this explained. come with me, and let's find out. there may be complications; i may need your help. you are the one man in all the world that i was just wishing for." "complications, eh?" said the judge. "well, well! let us see!" and now he dropped into the old manner so well known to his companion as his office style. piece by piece, he drew from amidon his story. he dropped back to previous parts of the narrative, and elicited repetitions. he slurred over crucial points as if he did not see their bearing, and then artfully assumed minute variations of the tale, but was always corrected. "the prosecution is obliged to rest its case," said he, at last. "you're not crazy, or all my studies in diseases of the mind have done me no good. your story hangs together as no fiction could. to believe you, brands us both as lunatics. come on and let's see what your mesmerist frauds have to say. as a specialist in facts, i'm a drowning man catching at a straw. come on: mesmerism, or astrology, or moqui snake-dance, it's all one to me!" up the stairs again, this time with judge blodgett, warily snuffing the air, and shy of both bohemia and benares. into the presence of madame le claire, now gowned appropriately for the morning, and looking--extraordinary, it is true, with her party-colored hair and luminous eyes--but not so jungly as when she greeted the despairing sight of amidon the night before. "madame, and sir," said the judge, "as mr. amidon's friend and legal adviser, i am here to protect his interests." "so! goot!" said the professor. "bud te matter under gonsideration is psychical, nod beguniary. howefer, if you are interested in te realm of te supliminal, if you care for mental science----" "sir," said the judge, "i may almost claim to be a specialist (so far as a country practitioner is permitted to specialize) in senile and paretic dementia, since i had the honor to represent the proponents in the will case of snoke versus snoke. but it's only fair to say that i regard hypnotism as humbug--only fair." "goot, goot!" said the professor delightedly. "to temonstrate to an honest ant indellichent skeptic, is te rarest of brifileches. ve vill now broceed to temonstrate. here is our friendt herr amidon avokened in a car after fife years of lostness; he has anodder man's dotes, anodder man's dicket, letters--unt all. he gomes to madame le claire ant blatherwick. he is hypnotized out of te amidon blane of being, ant into anodder. he is mate to gife himself avay. now ve vill broceed to dell aboudt his life since he vas lost--is it a dest, no?" "huh!" snorted the judge. "go on," cried amidon; "tell me the story!" "vell," said the professor, "for four veeks after you left elm springs chunction, you vandered--not, clara?" "wandered," said clara, "and to so many places that i can't remember them. then you found oil, or traces of it--i can't get that very plainly--on a farm at bunn's ferry, pennsylvania; and bought an option on the farm. then you opened an office in bellevale, and have been there in the oil business ever since. "how's he been doin' financially?" interjected the judge. "he has made a fortune," said clara. "i believe him to be one of the principal men of the town, socially and in a business way. he didn't tell me this, but we think the circumstances seem to indicate it." "te saircumstances," said the professor, filling a pause, "show it." "how is it," said the judge, "that no one has ever heard of his bellevale career out in hazelhurst, if he's so prominent? we read, out there, and once in a while one of us goes outside the corporation." "his name," said madame le claire, "in bellevale is not florian amidon." "what is it?" cried amidon. "tell it to me!" madame le claire restrained him with a calm glance. "it is eugene brassfield," said she. "it is your own dotes," cried the professor gleefully, "your own dicket, your own gorrespondence!" amidon was feeling in his breast-pocket for something. he withdrew his hand, holding in it a letter, and looked from it to madame le claire questioningly. "oh, yes!" said she, not quite in her usual manner, "it's yours. it's from miss elizabeth waldron, of bellevale, your affianced wife." "aha!" said the judge. "now will you get mad when i speak of a double life? engaged, hey?" "i never saw the--the lady in my life," was the reply; "so how can i be--can i be--engaged to her?" "in te amidon blane of gonsciousness," said the professor, "you are stranchers. in te brassfield pairsonality, you are:--_gott im himmel_, you are stuck on her, stuck on her--not, clara? vas he not gracey? only clara cut it short in te temonstration; but as a luffer, in te brassfield blane, you are vot you call hot stuff." "you had better read the gentlemen your notes," said madame le claire coldly. "and please excuse me. i hope to see you both again." and with a sinuous bow, she swept from the room. blodgett, keenly analytical, lost no word of the professor's notes. florian sat with the letter from miss waldron in his hand, lost in thought. sometimes his face burned with blushes, sometimes it paled with anxiety. his eyes ran over the letter full of sweet ardors; and when he thought of replying to them--or leaving them unanswered--his brow went moist and his heart sick. what should he do? what could he do? when they returned to the hotel, the judge was in a fever of excitement. "i tell you, florian," said he, "i believe the professor is right about this. it seems that there are precedents, you know--cases on all-fours with yours. when i went to the telephone, up there, i called up stacy and stacy's and asked 'em to get me dun's and bradstreet's report on your bellevale business. it ought to be up here pretty soon. there may be something down there worth looking after, and needing attention." "perhaps," groaned amidon. "do you know that i'm engaged----" "one of the things i referred to," said the judge. "--to a lady, down there, whom i shouldn't know if i were to meet her out in the hall? if i go back to hazelhurst, she is put under a cloud as a deserted woman--to say nothing of her feelings. and if i go back to bellevale--my god, judge, how can i go back, and take my place in a society where every one knows me, and i know nobody; and be a lover to a girl who may be--anything, you know; but who has the highest sort of claims on me, and a nature, i'm sure, capable of the keenest suffering or pleasure--how can i?" "message, sir, from stacy and stacy," said a messenger boy at the door. judge blodgett tore open the envelope, and read the telegraphic reports. "m--m--m----y--e--es," said he. "it'll take diplomacy, florian, diplomacy. but, if these reports are to be trusted, and i guess they are, you've got about ten times as much at bellevale as you have at hazelhurst. and, as you say, the lady has claims. as an honorable man--an engaged man, who has received the plighted troth of a pure young heart--and a good financier, this bellevale life demands resumption at your hands. prepare, fellow citizen, to meet the difficulties of the situation." viii poising for the plunge yea, all her words are sweet and fair, and so, mayhap, is she; but words are naught but molded air, and air and molds are free. belike, the youth in charmã¨d hall some fardels sore might miss, scanning his beauty's household all, or ere he gave the kiss! --_the knyghte's discourse to his page_. now it happened that at bellevale, the young woman whom we--with the sweet familiarity of art--have had the joy to know as elizabeth, moved about in unconsciousness, mostly blissful, of the annihilation of eugene brassfield. the mails might take to mrs. baggs at hazelhurst vague letters from judge blodgett hinting at clues and traces of florian, preparatory to the restoration of the lost brother; but brassfield, never anything but a wraith from the mysterious caves of the subconsciousness, was non-existent for evermore, except through the magic of le claire. but elizabeth waldron, just home from college, full of the wise unwisdom of smith and twenty-three, and palpitating with the shock which had broken the cables by which she had so long, long ago moored herself in the safe and deep waters of the harbor of a literary and intellectual celibacy, still dreamed of the bubble personality which had vanished, although at times waves of anxious unrest swept across her bosom. for one thing, that epistle of hers, made for his reading on the train--how could she have written it! elizabeth's cheeks burned when she remembered it. then she thought of the weeks of chaste dalliance between her acceptance of him and his departure, and of the _ã©lan_ with which he had entered that safe harbor of hers, and swept her from those moorings; and the letter seemed slight return for the rites of adoration he had performed before her. but (and now the cheeks burned once more) why, why had he not written to her as soon as he reached new york? was he one with whom it was out of sight, out of mind? or was he one of those business men who can not place anything more delicate than price-quotations on paper? or--and here the cheeks paled--was he suddenly ill? she wished, after all, that she had not written it! and one day, when a special-delivery letter came and surprised her, she ran out in the winter sun to the summer-house where she had sat so much with him, and read it in quiet. whereupon the unrest increased, because the letter seemed as unlike eugene as if he had copied it from some _complete letter writer_. florian had agonized over this letter--had even tried the experiment of writing one while in the "chones blane" under the influence of madame le claire; but it was too incoherent for any use--and he had done the best he could. professor blatherwick and judge blodgett were working out a code of behavior for mr. amidon when he should return to bellevale. they kept him in the brassfield personality for hours every day; but such a matter as this letter to elizabeth, he could not intrust to them. every day, though, he looked into the varicolored eyes of clara and willed to sleep; and every day the operation grew less and less painful to him. vast and complex was the system of notes built up by the professor and the judge. they told him all about his various properties and holdings of stock; they listed the clubs and social organizations to which he belonged, and the offices he held in each. they made a directory of names mentioned by him in his abnormal state, and compiled facts about each person. it must have been very much like the copious information that we think we have about historical characters--elaborate, and the best thing possible in the absence of the real facts; but only the reflection of these people in the mind of some one else, after all. finally the judge brought the whole to his friend, neatly typewritten, paragraphs numbered, facts tabulated, and all provided with a splendid index and system of elaborate cross-references. [illustration: vast and complete was the system of notes built up by the professor and the judge] "you see, my boy," said judge blodgett, "all any one really needs to know of his surroundings is actually very little. otherwise, most people never could get along at all. neander couldn't find his way to market--the greatest philosopher of his time. now these notes tell you more--actually more--of your bellevale life, than some folks ever find out about themselves--with a little filling in, on the spot, you know, why, they'll do first rate. for instance, under 's' we have a man named stevens, 'old stevens' you playfully call him. i figure him out to be an elderly man in some position of authority--he seems to sort of govern things, even you. the professor thinks he's your banker, but his intellectual domination leads me to the conclusion that he's your lawyer. there is a miss strong, evidently an important person. i venture the assertion that she's a literary woman, as you speak about asking her to 'look at her notes.' i shouldn't wonder if she's a rival of miss waldron's, eh, professor?" "well," said amidon impatiently, "who else?" "oh, lots of 'em," answered the judge. "here's 'a' for instance, and under it a man named alvord--a close friend of yours----" "the one this telegram is from," said amidon. "and i suppose this one in cipher is from stevens, the lawyer or banker. it must be important." "i shouldn't wonder," said judge blodgett; "and this mr. alvord i take to be a minister, for you connect him with some topic relating to 'christian martyrs' and 'rituals.' he must be a close friend, for you sometimes call him 'jim,' in strict privacy, i presume. oh, there's a regular directory of 'em here. i've even discovered that you have a little friend, a child of say seven or eight years--tell by the tone, you know--that you call 'daisy' and 'daise' and sometimes 'strawberry.' these fondnesses for children and clergymen prove to me, florian, that an amidon is good goods on any confounded plane of consciousness you can throw 'em into--conservative, respectable, and all that, you know." amidon looked suspiciously at the notes, unappeased by this flattery. what justification there was for suspicion we shall be better able to say when we meet these bellevale acquaintances of his. "is this the guide by which i am to regulate my conduct in bellevale?" asked he, after looking it over. "well," said the judge, "it may not be quite like remembering all about things; but anyhow it will help some, won't it?" "i suppose i'm to carry it with me, and when an acquaintance accosts me on the street, i'm to look him up in the index and find out who he is, before i decide whether to shake hands with him or cut him, am i?" "not exactly that way," said the judge; "that wouldn't be practicable, you know; but it's ten to one you'll find his name there. i tell you, that compilation----" "te tifision into gategories," broke in the professor, "according to te brinciples of lotchik was te chutche's itea. a vonderfully inchenious blan. it vill enaple you----" "has it any plan of reference," interrupted amidon, "by which i shall be enabled to find out about a man when i don't know who he is?" "n--no." "or, in such a case, to give me knowledge of my past relations with him, or whether i like him or hate him?" "of course," said the judge, "we only try to do the possible. the law requires no man to do more." "does this thing," said amidon, shaking it in evident disgust, "tell where i live in bellevale, whether in lodgings or at a hotel, or in my own house? could i take it and find my home?" "damn it, florian!" said the judge, "i'm not here to be jumped on, am i? no one can remember everything all the time. we'll get those things and put them into a supplement, you know." "not for me," said florian. "i've made up my mind definitely about this. i'll not depend on it. if i go back to bellevale, i must have at hand at all times the means of connecting things as i find them with the life of this brassfield. i must take with me the bridge which spans the chasm between brassfield and amidon--i mean our friend clara. without her, i shall never go back. i haven't the nerve. i should soon find myself in a tangle of mistakes from which i could never extricate myself--i've thought it all out. the cretan labyrinth would be like going home from school, in comparison." "pshaw!" said the judge, looking lovingly at blodgett's _notes on the compiled statements of brassfield_, "you could feel your way along very well--with these." "would you go into the trial of a case," said florian, "no matter how simple, in which not only your own future, but the happiness of others, might be involved, without even a speaking acquaintance with any of the parties, or one of the witnesses? i tell you, judge, we must have madame le claire." the judge rolled up the notes and snapped a rubber band about the roll. he said no more until evening. "then," said he, as if he had only just made up his mind to concede the point, "let's see if it can be arranged at once. come over to the blatherwicks' with me." "i think," said amidon slowly, "that i'll see her alone." "alone, yes--yes!" said the judge, changing an interjection into an assent. "by all means; by all means. only don't you think there may be things down there needing attention, florian--money matters--and--and other things, you know, my boy--and that we ought to be moving in the matter? i would respectfully urge," he concluded, using his orator's chest-tones to drown amidon's protest against his joking, "that no time be lost in deciding on our course." the judge had noted the increasing dependence of his client on the fair hypnotist, and the growing interest that she seemed to feel in him, and therefore showed some coolness toward the proposal to take her to bellevale. the eyes inured to the perusal of dusty commentaries and reports were still sharp enough to see the mutual tenderness exchanged in the unwavering, eye-to-eye encounters whereby amidon was converted into brassfield, and to note the softness of the feline strokings by which florian's catalepsy was induced or dispelled. he rather favored dropping the blatherwick acquaintance: but he could not answer amidon's arguments as to their need for its continuance. so it was that, about the time when elizabeth waldron sat in the summer-house at bellevale, with tears of disappointment in her pretty eyes, holding poor florian's best-he-could-do but ineffective letter all crumpled up in her hand, the tigrine le claire rested her elbows upon a window-ledge in the attitude of gazing into the street (it was all attitude, for she saw nothing), and was disturbed by aaron, who brought in mr. florian amidon's penciled card. she gave a few pokes to her hair, of course, turned once or twice about before her mirror, and went into the parlor. "the judge and your father," said amidon, "have got up a wonderful guide from notes of this man brassfield's talk." "yes," said she with a smile; "they are wonderful." "and perfectly useless," he continued, "so far as my steering by them in bellevale is concerned." "as useless," she admitted, "as can be." "you knew that?" he inquired. "then why did you let them go on with it?" "that's good," said she. "i like that! i was nicely situated to mention it, wasn't i?" "the fact is, clara," said he, "as you can see, that i've got to have you at bellevale. i shall not go down there without you. i can't do it. i've thought it all out----" "so have i," said she. "i knew that you'd have to have me--for a little while; knew it all the time. i was just thinking about it as you came up." "then can you--will you go?" "can i stay, florian?" she inquired steadily. "can i leave you like a just-cured blind and deaf man, and my work for you only begun? i must go! we were just talking about our going to bellevale, as you came in, papa. mr. amidon will need us for a while when he first gets there." "surely, surely," said the professor. "te most inderesting phaces of dis case vill arise in bellevale. i grave te brifiletche of geeping you unter my opsairfation until--until to last dog is hunk! let us despatch chutche blotchett to spy out te landt. in a day or two he can tiscofer vere dis man brassfield lifes, vere te fair fraulein elizabeth resides, and chenerally get on to te logal skitivation. he vill meet up with us at te train, and see that ve don't put our foots in it. ve vill dus be safed te mortification of hafing alderman brassfield, chairman of te street committee, asking te boliceman te vay to his lotchings; or te fiancã© of miss valdering bassing her on te street vit a coldt, coldt stare of unrecognition or embracing her young laty friendt py mistake. goot! let te chutche dake his tebarture fortwith. clara and i vill be charmed and habby, my friendt, to aggompany you. supliminally gonsidered, it vill be great stuff!" ix in darkest pennsylvania the good god gave hands, left and right, to deal with divers foes in fight; and eyes he gave all sights to hold; and limbs for pacings manifold; gave tongue to taste both sour and sweet, gave gust for salad, fish and meat; but, christian sir, whoe'er thou art, trust not thy many-chambered heart! give not one bow'r to blonde, and yet retain a room for the brunette: whoever gave each other part, the devil planned and built the heart! --_in a double locket_. clara, amidon and blatherwick were on their way to bellevale. the professor was in the smoking-car, his daughter and florian in the parlor-car. amidon, his nerves strained to the point of agony, sat dreading the end of the journey, as one falling from an air-ship might shrink from the termination of his. madame le claire brooded over him maternally. "of course," said amidon, "this brassfield must have adopted some course of behavior toward miss waldron, when----" "you must call her elizabeth," said madame le claire, "and----" "and what?" he inquired, as she failed to break the pause. "have you found out--much--about it--from him?" "not so very much," she replied, "only she'll expect such things as 'dearest' and 'darling' at times. and occasionally 'pet' and 'sweetheart'--and 'dearie.' i can't give them all; you must extemporize a little, can't you?" "merciful heaven!" groaned amidon; "i can't do it!" "you have," said madame le claire; "and more--a good deal more." "it was that scoundrel brassfield," said he, in perfect seriousness. "more? what do you mean by 'more'?" "well, sometimes you----" "he, not i!" "you, i think we had better say--sometimes, when you were alone, your arm went about her waist; her head was drawn down upon your bosom; and with your hand, you turned her face to yours, and----" "clara, stop!" amidon's bashful being was wrung to the sweating-point as he uttered the cry. "i never could have done it! and do you mean to say i must now act up to a record of that kind--and with a strange woman? she--she won't permit it--- oh, you must be mistaken! how do you know this?" madame le claire blushed, and seemed to want words for a reply. amidon repeated the question. "i want to know if you are sure," said he. "to make a mistake in that direction would be worse than the other, you know." "ah, would it?" said clara; "i didn't know that!" "oh! i think we may take that for granted." "you really don't get a grain of good from your brassfield experience," said she, "or you'd know better." here ensued a long silence, during which amidon appeared to be pondering on her extraordinary remark. "but, as to the fact," urged he at last, "how can you guess out any such state of things as you describe?" "can't _you_ guess a little bit more once in a while? i know about it, from mr. brassfield's treatment--of--of me--when i made him think--that i--was elizabeth! oh, don't you see that i had to do it, so as to know, and tell you? oh, i wish i had never, never begun this! i do, i do!" a parlor-car has no conveniences whatever for heroics, hysterics or weeping, so miserably are our american railways managed; and clara winked back into her eyes the tears which filled them, and amidon looked at her tenderly. "did i, really," said he confusedly--"to you?" "m'h'm," said madame le claire, nodding affirmatively; "i couldn't stop you!" "it must have been dreadful--for you," said amidon. "awful," said she; "but the work had to be done, you know." "oh, if it were you, now," said he, laying his hand on hers, "i could do it, if you didn't mind. i--i should like to, you know." "now see here," said clara; "if you're just practising this, as a sort of rehearsal, you must go further and faster than a public place like this allows, or you'll seem cold by comparison with what has passed. if you mean what you say, let me remind you that you're engaged!" mr. amidon swore softly, but sincerely. somehow, the pitiful case of the girl who had written that letter with which he had fallen in love, had less and less of appeal to him as the days drifted by. and now, while the duty of which he had assured himself still impelled him to her side, he confessed that this other girl with the variegated hair and eyes, and the power to annihilate and restore him, the occultist with the thrilling gaze and the strong, supple figure, was calling more and more to the aboriginal man within him. so, while he took elizabeth's letters from his pocket and read them, to get, if possible, some new light on her character, it was clara's face that his eyes sought, as he glanced over the top of the sheet. ah, florian, with one girl's love-letter in your hands, and the face of another held in that avid gaze, can you be the bashful banker-bachelor who could not discuss the new style of ladies' figures with mrs. hunter! and as we thus moralize, the train sweeps on and on, and into bellevale, where judge blodgett waits upon the platform for our arrival. the judge stood by the steps to seize upon amidon as he alighted. that gentleman and madame le claire, however, perversely got off at the other end of the car. as they walked down the platform, florian met his first test, in the salutation of a young woman in a tailor-made gown, who nodded and smiled to him from a smart trap at a short distance from the station, where she seemed to be waiting for some one. "any baggage, mr. brassfield?" said a drayman. "yes," said amidon; "take the checks." "do these go to the hotel, or----" the man waited for directions. "i don't--that is," said the poor fellow, "i really--- just wait a minute! judge," this in a whisper to his friend, who had reached his side, "this is terrible! where do i want to go?--and for the love of heaven, where does this hound take my luggage?" "your lodgings at the bellevale house!" returned the judge. "to my lodgings at the bellevale house," announced amidon. "and say," said the judge, "don't look that way; but the young woman in the one-horse trap across the way is your intended." "no!" said amidon. "i lifted my hat to her--she nodded to me, you know!" "the devil!" said the judge; "i'll bet you didn't put any more warmth than a clam into your manner. well, you'll have to go over, and she'll take you up-town, i suppose. don't stay with her long, if you can help it, and come to me at the hotel as soon as you can. she's been driving over to see who got off every new york train ever since i came. go to her, and may the lord be merciful to you! here are these notes, if you think they'll help you any--i've added some to 'em since i got down here." amidon waved a contemptuous rejection of the notes, and, casting a despairing glance at madame le claire, walked over toward his fate. he could have envied the lot of the bull-fighter advancing into the fearful radius of action of a pair of gory horns. he would gladly have changed places with the gladiator who hears the gnashing of bared teeth behind the slowly-opening cage doors. to walk up to the mouths of a battery of hostile gatlings would have seemed easy, as compared with this present act of his, which was nothing more than stepping to the side of a carriage in which sat a girl, for a place near whom any unattached young man in bellevale would willingly have placed his eternal welfare in jeopardy. point by point, the girl's outward seeming met amidon's eyes as he neared her. from the platform, it was an impressionistic view of a well-kept trap and horse, and a young woman wearing a picture-hat with a sweeping plume, habited in a gown of modish tailoring, and holding the reins in well-gauntleted hands. as he reached the middle of the street-crossing, the face, surmounted by dark hair, began to show its salient features--great dark eyes, strongly-marked brows, and a strong, sweet mouth with vivid lips. then came the impression of a form held erect, with the strong shoulders and arms which come from athletics, and the roundnesses which denote that superb animal, the well-developed woman. but it was only as he stood by the side of the carriage that he saw and felt the mingled dignity and frankness, the sureness and lightness of touch, with which she acted or refrained from acting; the lack of haste, the temperateness of gesture and intonation, which bespoke in a moment that type of woman which is society's finished product. her lips were parted in a half-smile; the great dark eyes sought his in the calling glance which seeks its companion; and in the face and voice there was something tremulous, vibrant and pleadingly anxious. yet she did and said only commonplaces. she gave him her hand, and threw over the lap-robe as an invitation for him to take the seat beside her. "i am glad to see you back, dear," said she, "and a little surprised." "i hardly expected to come on this train," he answered, "until the very hour of starting. i can--hardly say--how glad i am--to be here." she was silent, as she drove among the drays and omnibuses, out into the open street. he looked searchingly, though furtively, at her, and blushed as if he had been detected in staring at a girl in the street as she suddenly looked him straight in the face. "have you been ill, eugene?" said she. "you look so worn and tired." "i have had a very hard time of it since i left," said he; "and have been far from well." she patted him lightly with her glove. "you must be careful of yourself," said she, and paused as if to let him supply her reasons for so saying. "i hope your trouble is over, dear." "thank you," said he. "i am sure that after a few hours in my rooms, i shall be quite refreshed. will you please put me down at the bellevale house? i shall beg the privilege of calling soon." "why!" she looked swiftly at him, looked at the horse, and again at him. "soon?" she went on, as if astonished. "i shall be alone this evening--if you care about it!" "oh, yes!" said he confusedly, "this evening, yes! i meant sooner--in a few minutes, you know!" "no," said she, in that tone which surely denotes the raising of the drawbridge of pique; "you must rest until this evening. who is the old gentleman who has been waiting two or three days to see you?" "judge blodgett, an old friend," said he, relieved to find some matter with reference to which he could tell the truth. "and the queer-looking lady--do you know her?" "oh, yes!" said amidon; "she is a good friend, too." "ah!" the girl answered, in a tone which said almost anything, but was not by any means without significance. "and who is she?" "her professional name is madame le claire; in private life, she is miss blatherwick." "i didn't see the rest of the troupe," said miss waldron icily; "or perhaps she's an elocutionist." "no," said amidon, "she's an occultist--a sort of--well, a hypnotist." there was a long pause here, during which they drew near to the big brick building on the side of which amidon saw the sign of the bellevale house. "also an old friend?" inquired miss waldron. "oh, no!" said florian; "i met her only a week or two ago." "she must be very charming," said elizabeth, "to have inspired so much friendship in so short a time. here we are at the hotel. do you really think you'll call this evening? _au revoir_, then." even the unsophisticated amidon could perceive, now, that the drawbridge was up, the portcullis down, and all the bars and shutters of the castle in place. moreover, in the outer darkness in which he moved, he imagined there roamed lions and wolves and ravening beasts--and he with no guide but judge blodgett, who stands there in the lobby, so wildly beckoning to him. x the wrong house when adam strayed in eden's bow'rs, one little maid amused his hours. he fell! but, friend, i leave to you where he'd have dropped had there been two! --_paradise rehypothecated_. "now, florian," said judge blodgett, as they sat in amidon's rooms, "search yourself, and see if you don't feel a dreamy sense of familiarity here in these rooms--the feeling that the long-lost heir has when he crawls down the chimney as a sweep and finds himself in his ancestral halls, you know." "never saw a thing here before," said amidon, "and have no feeling except surprise at the elegance about me, and a sneaking fear that brassfield may come in at any time and eject us. the fellow had taste, anyhow!" "didn't you recognize anything," went on the judge, "in the streets or buildings or the general landscape?" "nothing." "nor in the young lady? wasn't there a sort of--of music in her voice, like long-forgotten melodies, you understand--like what the said heir notices in after years when his mother blunders on to him?" "well," said florian, "her voice is musical, if that's what you mean--musical and low, and reminds one of the sounds made by a great master playing his heart out in the lowest notes of the flute; but it is so far from being familiar to me that i'm quite sure i never heard a voice like it before." the judge strode up and down the room perturbedly. "why," said he, "it's enough to make a man's hair stand!" "it does," said amidon. "what can i say to her?" "you haven't a piece of property here," said the judge, going on with the matters uppermost in his mind, "that you could successfully maintain replevin for, if anybody converted it. they'd ask you on cross-examination if it was yours, and you'd have to say you didn't know! and there's a world of property, i find. they could take it all away from you without your knowing it, if they only knew. have you any course mapped out--any plans?" "to a certain extent, yes," said florian. "i shall call on her this evening." "for help, yes," said the judge. "she must bring brassfield up, so that we can find out about some property matters." "i don't mean that," said amidon. "i must call on miss waldron--elizabeth." "and neglect----" began the judge. "everything," said florian firmly. "this is something that concerns my honor as a gentleman. while it remains in its present state, i can't bother with these property matters. have i an office?" "have you!" said the judge. "well, just wait until you see them." "and an office force?" "confidential manager named stevens, as per the notes,"; said judge blodgett. "bookkeeper, assistant bookkeeper and stenographer. tried to pump 'em and got frozen out. yes, you've got an office force." "well, then," said amidon, "we'll go down there in the morning, and i'll tell this man stevens--is that what you call him?--to show you all through the books and things--going to buy or take a partnership, or something. then we can go through the business together. we can do it that way, without being suspected, can't we?" "maybe," meditatively, "maybe we can. take a sort of invoice, hey? but don't you think we'd better have brassfield on the witness-stand for a while this evening? a sort of cramming--coaching--review, on the eve of trial, you know?" "no, no!" answered florian. "no more of that, if it can be avoided." the judge stroked his mustache in silence for a time. "see here," asked he finally, "what did we bring madame and the professor down here for, anyway, i'd like to know?" "i know," said amidon, "but, somehow, i feel like getting along without it if i can. as little of her--of their--services as possible, judge, from now on." "oh!" said the judge, in a tone of one who suddenly sees the situation; "all right, florian, all right. maybe it's best, maybe it's best. abnormal condition, as the professor says, and all that; effect on the mind, and one thing and another. yes--yes--yes!" "if i have any duties to perform here, judge, you must help me to keep straight. i've never had much tendency to go wrong, you know, but that was for lack of temptation, don't you think, blodgett?" "well, well, florian, i can't say as to that; can't say. yes--and say! you'll want to go over to the waldron residence this evening. i'll take you out and show you the house. by george! it must seem extraordinarily odd to walk about among things you are supposed to know like a book, and to be, in fact, a perfect stranger. dante could have used that idea, if it had occurred to him." "an idea for dante, indeed!" thought amidon, as he walked toward the house, which, from afar, the judge had pointed out to him. "for the _inferno_: a soul thrown into a realm full of its friends and enemies, its loves and hates, shorn of memory, of all sense of familiarity, of all its habits, stripped of all the protection of habitude. for the _inferno_, indeed!--now this must be the house, with the white columns running up to the top of the second story; crossing the ravine and losing sight of it for a few minutes makes even the house look different. outside, i can get accustomed to it, in this five-minute inspection. but, inside--oh, to be invisible while i get used to it! well, here goes!" "ding-a-ling-ting-ting!" rang the bell somewhere back in the recesses of the house, and the footsteps of a man approached the door. amidon was frightened. he had expected either elizabeth herself, or a maid to take his card, and was prepared for such an encounter only. a little dark, bright-eyed man opened the door and seized his hand. "why, brassfield, how are you?" he exclaimed. "heard you'd got back. sorry i couldn't meet you in new york. got my telegram, i suppose?" "i just called," said amidon, "to see miss waldron." "oh, yes!" said the little man; "nothing but her, now. but she isn't here. hasn't been for over a week. nobody here but me. can't you stay a while? say, 'gene, we put slater through the lodge while you were gone, and he knows he's in, all right enough. bulliwinkle took that part of yours in the catacombs scene, and you ought to have heard the bones of the early christians rattle when he bellered out the lecture. 'here, among the eternal shades of the deep caves of death, walked once the great exemplars of our ancient order!' why, it would raise the hair on a bronze statue. and when, in the second, they condemned him to the tarpeian rock, and swung him off into space in the chest of the clanking chains, he howled so that the sovereign pontiff made 'em saw off on it, and take him out--and he could hardly stand to receive the grand and awful secret. limp as a rag! but impressed? well, he said it was the greatest piece of ritualistic work he ever saw, and he's seen most of 'em. go to any lodges in new york?" "no," said amidon, who had never joined a secret order in his life, "and do you think we ought to talk these things out here?" "no, maybe not," said the joiner; "but nobody's about, you know. come in, can't you?" "no, i must really go, thank you. by the way," said florian, "where does miss--er--i must go, at once, i think!" "oh, i know how it is," went on his unknown intimate; "nothing but bess, now. might as well bid you good-by, and give you a dimit from all the clubs and lodges, until six months after the wedding. you'll be back by that time, thirstier than ever. by the way, that reminds me: the gang's going to give you a blow-out at the club. kind of an _auld lang syne_ business, 'champagny-vather an' cracked ice,' chimes at midnight, won't go home till morning, all good fellows and the rest of it. edgington spoke to you about it, i s'pose?" "only in a general way," replied amidon, wondering who and what edgington would turn out to be. "i don't know yet how my engagements will be----" "oh, nothing must stand in the way of that, you know," the little man went on. "why, gad! the tenderest feelings of brotherly--- oh, you don't mean it! but i mustn't keep you. bessie told me that the plans for your house have come. she's got 'em over there, now. i say, old man, i envy you your evening. like two birds arranging the nest. sorry you can't come in; but, good night. and, say! your little strawberry blonde is in town! wouldn't that jar you?" "heavens!" ejaculated amidon. "how am i ever to get through with this?" the genuine agony in florian's tones fixed the attention of the little man, and seemed to arouse some terrible suspicion. "why, 'gene," said he, "you don't mean that there's anything in this blonde matter, do you, that will--- by george! and she's a sister of one of the most prominent a. o. c. m.'s of pittsburg--and you remember our solemn obligation!" "no," said amidon, "i don't!" "what! you don't!" "no!" said florian. "i've forgotten it!" "forgotten it!" said his questioner, recoiling as if in horror. "forgotten it! and with the sister of the past sovereign pontiff of pittsburg lodge no. 863! i tell you, brassfield, i don't believe it. i prefer to think you're bughouse! cracked! out of your head! but, 'gene," added his unknown brother, in a stage-whisper, "if there has been anything between you and anything comes up, you know, jim alvord, for one, knowing and understanding your temptations--for the strawberry blondes are the very devil--will stand by you until the frost gathers six inches deep on the very hinges of--- say, mary's coming in at the side door. good night! keep a stiff upper lip; stay by bess, and i'll stay by you, obligation or no obligation. 'f. d. and b.', you know: death, perhaps, but no desertion! so long! see you to-morrow." and amidon walked from the house of his unfamiliar chum, knowing that his sweetheart but once seen was waiting in her unknown home for him to come to her, and had as a basis for conversation the plans for their house. he could imagine her with the blue-prints unrolled, examining them with all a woman's interest in such things, and himself discussing with her this house in which she expected him to place her as mistress. and the position she thought she held in his heart--vacant, or--- he leaned against a fence, in bewilderment approaching despair. his mind dwelt with horror on the woman whom he could think of only under the coarse appellation of the strawberry blonde. was there a real crime here to take the place of the imagined putting away of brassfield? brassfield! the very name sickened him. "strawberry blondes, indeed!" thought florian; and "brassfield, the perjured villain!" certain names used by the little man in the wrong house came to him as having been mentioned in the notes of the professor and the judge. alvord, the slangy little chap who took so familiar an attitude toward him--this was the judge's "ministerial" friend! yet, had there not been mention of "ritualistic work" and "early christians" in his conversation? and this woman of whom he spoke,--it took no great keenness of perception to see that the "strawberry blonde" must be the "child of six or eight years" whom he had called "daisy," and sometimes "strawberry!" here was confirmation of alvord's suspicion, if his allusion to the violation of an "obligation" expressed suspicion. here was a situation from which every fiber of amidon's nature revolted, seen from any angle, whether the viewpoint of the careful banker and pillar of society, or that of the poetic dreamer waiting for his predestined mate. in a paroxysm of dread, he started for the hotel. then he walked down the street toward the railway station, with the thought of boarding the first train out of town. this resolve, however, he changed, and i am glad to say that it was not the thought of the fortune of which judge blodgett had spoken that altered his resolution, but that of the letter which greeted his return to consciousness as florian amidon, and the image of the dark-eyed girl with the low voice and the strong figure, who had written it, and who waited for him, somewhere, with the roll of plans. so he began searching again for the house with the white columns; and found it on the next corner beyond the one he had first tried. elizabeth sat in a fit of depression at the strangeness of mr. brassfield's conduct--a depression which deepened as the evening wore on with no visit from him. she sprang to her feet and pressed both hands to her bosom, at the ring of the door-bell, ran lightly to the door and listened as the servant greeted mr. brassfield, and then hurried back to her seat by the grate, and became so absorbed in her book that she was oblivious of his being shown into the room, until the maid had retired, leaving him standing at gaze, his brow beaded with sweat, his face pale and his hands unsteady. the early christian had entered on his martyrdom. xi the first battle, and defeat from camelot to cameliard the way by bright pavilions starred, in arms and armor all unmarred, to guinevere rode lancelot to claim for arthur his reward. down from her window look't the maid to see her bridegroom, half afraid- in him saw kingliness arrayed: and summoned by the herald love to yield, her woman's heart obeyed. from cameliard to camelot rode guinevere and lancelot- ye bright pavilions, babble not! the king she took, she keeps for king, in spite of shame, in spite of blot! --_from cameliard to camelot_. it is a disagreeable duty (one, however, which you and i, madam, discharge with a conscientiousness which the unthinking are sometimes unable to distinguish from zeal) to criticize one's friends. the task is doubly hard when the animadversion is committed to paper, with a more or less definite idea of ultimate publication. i trust, beloved, that we may call mr. florian amidon a friend. he is an honest fellow as the world goes, in spite of the testimony of simeon woolaver regarding the steers; and he wishes to do the right thing. in a matter of business, now, or on any question of films, plates or lenses, we should find him full of decision, just and prompt in action. but (and the disagreeable duty of censure comes in here) there he stands like a stoughton-bottle in a most abject state of woe, because, forsooth, he possesses the love of that budding juno over there by the grate, and knows not what to do with it! what if he _doesn't_ feel as if he had the slightest personal acquaintance with her? what if the image of another, and the thought----? but look with me, for a moment, at the situation. there she sits, so attentive to her book (is it the _rubaiyat_? yes!) that his entrance has not attracted her notice--not at all! one shapely patent-leather is stretched out to the fender, and the creamy silk of the gown happens to be drawn back so as to show the slender ankle, and a glimpse of black above the leather. the desire for exactness alone compels a reference to the fact that the boundary lines of this silhouetted black area diverge perceptibly as they recede from the shoe. it is only a detail, but even florian notices it, and thinks about it afterward. her face is turned toward the shadows up there by the window, her eyes looking at space, as if in quest of iram and his rose, or jamshyd and his sev'n-ring'd cup, or the solution of the master-knot of human fate. the unconscious pose showing the incurved spine, and the arms and shoulders glimpsing through falls of lace at sleeve and corsage, would make the fortune of the photographer-in-ordinary to a professional beauty. and yet that man amidon stands there like a graven image, and fears to rush in where an angel has folded her wings for him and rests! [illustration: there she sits so attentive to her book that his entrance has not attracted her notice] he knows that he is expected to claim some of the privileges of the long-absent lover. he has some information as to their nature. his eyes ought to apprise him (as they do us, my boy!) of their preciousness. he is not without knowledge concerning past conduct of that type which, beginning in hard-won privileges, ripens into priceless duties, not to discharge which is insult all the more bitter because it is not to be mentioned. it is not to be denied that the tableau appeals to him; and because another woman has lately touched him in a similar way, he stands there and condemns himself for that! there is small excuse for him, i admit, sir. her first token of his presence should have been a kiss on the snowy shoulder. you suggest the hair? well, the hair, then, though for my part, i have always felt--- but never mind! had it been you or i in his place---yes, my dear, this digression is becoming tedious. let us proceed with the story. elizabeth rose with a little start of surprise, a little flutter of the bosom, and came forward with extended hands. he took them with a trembling grasp which might well have passed as evidence of fervor. "ah, eugene," said she, holding him away, "it has seemed an age!" "yes," said he truthfully, "an eternity, almost." "sit down by the fire," said she, in that low voice which means so much. "you are cold." "i am a little cold," he replied. "i must have remained outside too long." "y-e-s?" she returned; and after a long pause: "it doesn't seem to take long--sometimes. and the wind is in the east." now, when a bride-elect begins to deal in double meanings of this sort with her fiancã©, the course of true love is likely to be entering on a piece of rough road-bed. "how did you find estelle when you called?" estelle? estelle? estelle! nothing in blodgett and blatherwick's notes about estelle. "a whole directory of names," as judge blodgett had said, but no estelle. the world full of useless people--a billion and a half of them--and not an estelle at poor amidon's call in this time of need. hence this long hiatus in the conversation. "really, miss--er--a--my dear, i haven't had time to call on any one." "it will be a little hard to explain," said she after a silence, "to my prospective bridesmaid and dearest friend, that you were so long in new york and could not call. it is not quite like you, eugene." he was sitting where he could see her well, and because she looked into the fire a good deal, he found himself gazing fixedly at her. her manifold perfections filled him with the same feeling of astonishment experienced by that beggar who awoke in the prince's chamber, clothed in splendor, and with a royal domain in fee. (personally, i regard the domain which spread itself before amidon, as imperial.) as she pronounced her gentle reproof, her eyes turned to his, and he started guiltily. "no," he confessed, "it was not the right thing. you must forgive me, won't you?" "i hope," said she, smiling, "i may be able to do more than that: maybe i shall be so fortunate as to get you estelle's forgiveness." "thank you," he said; and then seeking for safer ground: "haven't you something for us to look over--some plans or something?" "'or something'!" she repeated with a ripple of laughter. it was the first time he had heard this laugh; and marot's lines ran through his mind: "good god! 'twould make the very streets and ways through which she passes, burst into a pleasure! * * * * * * no spell were wanting from the dead to raise me, but only that sweet laugh wherewith she slays me!" "'or something!'" she repeated, i say; "it might just as well be the profiles of a new pipe-line survey, for all the interest you take in it. i oughtn't to look at them with you; but come, they're over here on the table." somehow, this lady's air required the deferential offer of his arm; and somehow, the deference seemed to please her. so he felt that the tension was lessened as she turned over the blue-prints. moreover, in matters of architecture he felt at home--if he could only steer clear of any discussion of the grounds. he had no idea of the location of these. soon their heads were close together over the plans. a dozen times her hair brushed his lips, two or three times his fingers touched the satin skin of her arms and shoulders, and all the time he felt himself within the magic atmosphere which enwraps so divine a maiden, as odorous breezes clothe the shores of ceylon. her breath, the faint sweet perfume in her hair, the soft frou-frou of her skirts, the appealing lowness of her voice--all these wrought strongly on florian; and when she leaned lightly upon him as she reached past him for one of the sheets, he felt (i record it to his credit) as if he must take her to his arms, and complete the embrace she had involuntarily half begun. but the feeling that she was, after all, a strange young girl, and was revealing herself to him altogether under a mistake as to his identity, restrained him. [illustration: soon their heads were close together over the plans] she did not lean against him any more. there were some little improvements in the plans which had occurred to elizabeth, especially in the arrangement of kitchen, pantry and laundry. "i'll have the architect come and see you about these," said amidon. "what!" said she, in apparent astonishment--"from boston?" "ah--well," he stammered, "i didn't know--that is--- yes, from boston! we want these matters as you want them, you know, if it were from paris or calcutta. and i think there should be some provision for prism-glass to light up the library. it could be cut in right there on that north exposure; don't you think so?" "oh, yes, and what an improvement it will be!" she replied. "and may i have all the editions of browning i want, even if i couldn't explain what _childe roland to the dark tower came_ means?" "oh, does that point puzzle you?" exclaimed florian, greeting the allusion to browning as the war-horse welcomes the battle. "then you have never chanced to run across the first edition of child's _scottish ballads_. you get the story there, of childe roland following up the quest for his sister, shut up by enchantment in the dark tower, in searching for which his brothers--cuthbert and giles, you remember, and the rest of 'the band'--had been lost. he must blow a certain horn before it, in a certain way--you know how it goes, 'dauntless the slug-horn to my lips i set!' it's quite obvious when you know the story, and not a bit of an enigma. the line in _lear_ shows that the verses must have been commonly sung in shakespeare's time----" the girl was looking at him with something like amazement; but her answer referred to the matter of his discourse. "yes," said she, "i can see now how the 'dark tower' lightens up. i must read it again in the light of this explanation of yours. shall we read it together, soon?" "oh, by all means!" said he. "only i warn you i never tire when i find any one who will study browning with me. i tried to read _the ring and the book_ with a dear friend once, and reading my favorite part, 'giuseppe caponsacchi,' as i raised my eyes after that heartbreaking finale, 'o, great, just, good god! miserable me!' i saw she was dozing. since then, i read browning with his lovers only----" "yes, you are right in that. but, eugene," she exclaimed, "you said to me many times that his verse was rot, that nordau ought to have included him in his gallery of degenerates, that he is muddy, and that there isn't a line of poetry in his works so far as you have been able to dig into them. and you cited _childe roland_ as proof of all of this! and you never would listen to any of browning, even when we almost quarreled about it! now, if that was because--- why, it was----!" she paused as if afraid she might say too much. florian, who had rallied in his literary enthusiasm, collapsed into his chronic state of terror. even in so impersonal a thing as browning, the man who does not know what his habits are takes every step at his peril. "oh, _that_ that i said!" he stammered. "yes--yes. well, there _are_ obscurities, you know. even mr. birrell admits that. but on the whole, don't you agree with me?" "quite," said she dryly; "if i understand you." there was an implied doubt as to her understanding of his position, and the only thing made clear was that the drawbridge was up again. so florian began talking of the plans. he grew eloquent on ventilators, bath-rooms, and plumbing. he drew fine and learned distinctions between styles. "the colonial," said he, "is not good unless indulged in in great moderation. now, what i like about this is the way in which ultra-colonialism is held in check, and modified in the direction of the greek ideal. those columns, supporting the broad portico, hark back to the parthenon, don't they? i like that taste and flavor of the classic." she listened in much the same wondering way in which she had regarded him at the beginning of his outburst on browning. was it possible that, after all, this lover of hers, whose antecedents were so little known, but whose five years of successful life in bellevale had won for him that confidence of his townsmen in which she had partaken, was, after all, possessed of some of those tastes in art and literature, the absence of which had been the one thing lacking in his character, as it appeared to her? it would seem so. and yet, why had he concealed these things from her, who so passionately longed for intellectual companionship? somehow, resentment crept into her heart as she looked at him, and there was something in his attitude which was not frank and bold, as she liked to see a man--but this would not do. he was so lovely in his provision for the future, and surely his conversation disclosed that he had those tastes and that knowledge! "i think the moon must be letting me look at its other side to-night," said she. "have you been saving up the artist and poet in you, to show them to me now?" "oh, no," said he, "not at all--why, any one knows these little things. now let's go through the arrangement of the chambers; shall we?" "not to-night, if you please. let us sit by the fire again. it will be a grand house, dear. sometimes i think, too grand for bellevale; and quite often i feel, too grand, too elegant--for me." "who then," answered florian, who saw his conversational duty, a dead-sure thing, and went for it there and then, "who then could have such a house, or ought to have it, if not you?" the girl looked questioningly, pathetically at him, as if she missed something of the convincing in his words. "to deny that you feel so--felt so about it when you gave orders for the building, would be foolish," said she at last. "and it was very dear of you to do it. but once a man, having a little gem which he thought of perfect water, placed it in a setting so large and so cunningly wrought that nobody ever saw the little stone, unless it was pointed out to them." "he saw it," said florian, "whenever he wanted to--and no setting can be too beautiful for a moon-stone." he felt that he was rallying nobly. "really," he thought, "i am getting quite ardent. and under different circumstances, i could be so in the utmost good faith; for i know she's as good and true as she is queenly and beautiful. but after all, it is duty, only, and----" "in such a house," she went on, "people may live a little closer than acquaintances, or not quite so close, as the case may be, with their lives diluted by their many possessions." "yes?" said he expectantly. "before it comes to that," she burst forth, her eyes wide and her hands clasped in her lap, "i want to die! i could gather the fagots for the fire, and cuddle down by it on a heap of straw by the roadside, with the man i love; and if i knew he loved me, he might beat me, and i would bear it, and be happy in his strength--far happier than in those chambers you spoke of a moment ago, with an acquaintance who merely happened to be called a husband! i would rather walk the streets than that!" now, a lovers' quarrel requires lovers on both sides. had amidon really been one, this crisis would have passed naturally on to protestation, counter-protestation, tears, kisses, embraces, reconciliation. but all these things take place through the interplay of instincts, none of which was awakened in florian. so he sat forlorn, and said nothing. "i am going to let you go home, now," said she, rising. "i gave out the date of the wedding, as you requested, the day after you went away. if it were not for that, i should ask you to wait a while--until the house is finished--or even longer. as it is, you mustn't be surprised if i say something surprising to you soon." "i--i assure you----" began amidon. "good night, my----" he had schooled himself for this farewell, and remembering what madame le claire had told him, had decided on a course of action. the two had walked out into the hall and he had put on his top-coat. now he went bravely up to her and stooped to kiss her. she raised her face to his, and again the feeling that this man was only a mere acquaintance passed into her being, as she looked into his eyes. she turned her lips away. but florian, as the feeling of strangeness impressed her, lost it himself in the contemplation, brief but irresistible, of the upturned lips with their momentary invitation so soon withdrawn. the primal man in him awoke. his arm tightened about the lissome waist; the divine form in the creamy silk, on which he had only now almost feared to look, he drew to him so tightly as almost to crush her; and with one palm he raised the averted face to his, and made deliberate conquest of the lips of vivid red. once, twice, three times--and then she put her hands against his shoulders and pushed him away. her face flamed. "eugene!" she exclaimed, "how----" "good night!" he answered, "my dearest, my darling, good night!" and he ran down the street, in such a conflict of emotions that he hardly knew whither he went. xii on the firm ground of business o merry it was in the good greenwood when the goblin and sprite ranged free, when the kelpie haunted the shadowed flood, and the dryad dwelt in the tree; but merrier far is the trolley-car as it routs the witch from the wold, and the din of the hammer and the cartridges' clamor as they banish the swart kobold! o, a sovran cure for psychic dizziness is a breath of the air of the world of business! --_idyls of a sky-scraper_. it is recorded in the last chapter that mr. amidon ran from miss waldron's presence in such a state of agitation that he hardly knew whither he went. to the reader who wonders why he was agitated, i have only to hint that he was wretchedly inexperienced. and as it was, he soon got his bearings and walked briskly toward his hotel; still, however, in a state of mind entirely new to him. gradually he lessened his gait, absorbed in mental reconstructions of his parting with elizabeth. the pet lion which, while affectionately licking the hand which caresses it, brings the blood, and at the taste reverts instantly to its normal savagery, is acted on by impulses much like those of amidon. his thoughts were successions of moving pictures of the splendid girl whom he had held in his arms and kissed. he saw her sitting by the fire as he entered. his mind's eye dwelt on the image of the strong, full figure and the lovely head and wondrous eyes. he felt her lean against him as they stood by the table, and his arms fairly ached with the thrill of that parting embrace. his lips throbbed still with the half-ravished kisses, and he stopped with an insane impulse to return and repeat the tender robbery. then, wondering at the turbulence of his thoughts, he walked on. during this pause, he was dimly conscious that a person whom he had seen approaching had neared the point of meeting, and after a moment's halt, had passed on. as he resumed his walk, he heard rapid steps behind him, and was passed by a man who strongly resembled the passenger whom he had just met. this figure turned a corner a few rods in advance of florian, and almost immediately reã«merged; having turned, apparently, for the purpose of encountering amidon once more. this time, he walked up, and halted, facing amidon. "you'll be at the office in the morning, i suppose, mr. brassfield?" said the man. "at the office?" said amidon. "my office? yes." "well," this new acquaintance proceeded, in tones which indicated a profound sense of personal injury, "you'd better come prepared to fill my place in the establishment as soon as possible." this statement was followed by a pause of the sort usually adopted for the purpose of noting the effect of some startling utterance. amidon was feeling in his pocket for elizabeth's first-found letter, and the affairs of the brassfield oil company had little interest for him. yet he dimly realized that some one was resigning something. "let me see," said he musingly; "what--what do you do?" the man gave a sort of hop, of the kind we have been taught to expect of the stag when the bullet strikes him. "do?" he snorted. "what do i _do_? what do _i_ do? do you mean to--- i'll tell what i do! i get together options for you and send you cipher telegrams about 'em, and don't get any answers! i attend stock-holders' meetings and get whipsawed by minorities because you are dead to the world off there in new york, or the lord knows where, and don't furnish me with proxies! i stay here and try to protect your interests when you desert 'em, and you send some white-headed old reprobate of a pinkerton man to shadow me for a week and try to pry into my work! and when you get home you never show up at the counting-room, though you know what a pickle things are in; and when i meet you on the street, i get cut dead: that's what i do! and i stand it, do i? ha, ha, ha! not if j. b. stevens knows himself, i don't! good night, mr. brassfield. come round in the morning, and i'll _show_ you what i do!" after the speaker had rushed away, which he incontinently did following this outburst, amidon's mind reverted to elizabeth; and not until he had reached his room did his thoughts return to his encounter in the street; and then it was only to wonder if this man stevens was really of any importance, and if a breach with him was a matter of any consequence. his mind soon drifted off from this, however, and he got out of bed to turn on the lights and read the above-mentioned letter. and as he read it, he grew ashamed. that embrace, those kisses, now seemed an outrage to him. was this his return for the sweet confidences, the revelations of hidden things, with which she had honored him? "you must forget this," she had written, "only at such times of tenderness as you will sometimes have when you are gone," and: "when you see me again, . . . without a word or look from me, know me, even more than you now do, yours." and after this, he had permitted her allurement to fly to his brain, and had given her reason to think that because she had lowered her guard, he had struck her a dastard's blow. his eyes grew soft with pity, and they moistened, as he repeated to himself, "poor little girl! poor little girl!" oh, yes! doubtless it was silly of him; but please to remember that he was quite as far from being blasã© as--as we used to be; and that he was just now becoming really in love with elizabeth. and love is much nearer kin to pity than pity is to love. so he lay there and pitied elizabeth, and wondered when the wedding was to be. he must have clara find this out from brassfield. and he thought regretfully of madame le claire. his reflections thus touched on the two most unhappy women in bellevale. to the hypnotist he had become so much more than a "case," merely, that a revulsion of feeling was setting in against bringing him here to be turned over to a woman for whom he cared nothing. it was a shame, she thought. it was something which no one had a right to expect of any girl. and elizabeth waldron still sat by the dying fire, her heart full of a fighting which would not let her sleep. she felt humbled and insulted, and her face burned as did her heart. but all the time she felt angry with herself for her inconsistency. she had longed for eugene's letters, and when they came, so few and cold, she was grieved. she had expected a dozen little caresses, even before he left her carriage; and she was saddened because she missed them. she had thought of his coming in on her in a manner quite different from that in which he had actually crept into her presence--and when he had only pressed her hands, she had felt defrauded and robbed. and when at parting he had done (somewhat forcibly, it is true) what she had many times allowed, and what she had all the time wanted of him, she felt outraged and offended! these thoughts kept her long by the fire, and accompanied her to her chamber. "elizabeth waldron," said she to her mirror, "you are going insane! aren't you ashamed that now, when he has shown his love and understanding of the things you love and try to understand, and surprised you by the possession of the very qualities you have felt secretly regretful on account of his not having--that you feel--that way? what ails you, that you begin to feel toward the dearest man in all the world as if he were a stranger?--ah, but you do, you do! and you'll never be happy with him, nor even make him happy!--and, oh, that letter, that letter! that awful letter for him to read on the cars! if you had never written that!" "what's my manager's name--stevens?" asked mr. amidon of judge blodgett. "yes? well, i'm going to have trouble with him! i won't be bullied by my clerks. and who is the next man?" "alderson," said the judge. "it's all in the notes, you know." "and very convenient, too," said amidon. "and who is the stenographer?" "miss strong," answered the judge. "strong, strong," said amidon musingly. "the author, i believe, by the notes?" "i never said she was!" protested the judge. "not positively, but only----" "well, let's go down--or perhaps i had better go alone," said florian. "please come down in an hour or so, won't you?" the judge noted for the first time the decision of returning confidence in amidon's manner. two things contributed to this: the first was the sense of something tangible and intelligible in this going down to business in the morning like an ordinary american; and the other was rising anger at the attack made on him by this man stevens in the street last night. what sort of discipline can there be in the business, thought he, when an employee dares use such language toward his employer? a good towering passion is a great steadier of the nerves, sometimes. he walked into the counting-room, saw his name and the word "private" on the glass of a certain door, went boldly beyond it, and was followed by a young woman with a note-book and pencil. presently, in came mr. stevens without knocking. "here's another pretty how-de-do!" he exclaimed, without any greeting except an angry snort. "you promised to sign that contract for the output of the bunn's ferry wells while you were in new york, and didn't! the papers are back with a notice that the deal is off except at a lower price. how'm i to make anything of this business, i'd like to know, if you----" amidon was surprised that stevens was ignoring his threat to resign; but he was firm in his resolution to enforce discipline. the fact that he himself had been so long in a state of fear and under control, made the luxury of assuming the attitude of command an irresistible temptation. "mr. stevens," said he sternly, "have the kindness to read what is painted on that door!" though he had no need, mr. stevens gazed in astonishment at the word "private." "kindly ask mr. alderson to step here a moment," went on mr. amidon. stevens stood mute, but alderson overheard and came. "you may draw mr. stevens a salary check to date, and a month in advance, in lieu of notice," said mr. amidon. "mr. stevens, you are no longer in the employ of this concern. mr. alderson, you may take charge until a successor to mr. stevens is found. i should now regard it as a favor if i might have my private office to myself and my stenographer!" alderson took the paralyzed stevens by the shoulders and walked him out into the main office. amidon's spirits rose, as he waited for the check to come in for his signature. he stabbed his letters with the paper-knife, and felt in a blissful state of general insurrection. the subjection of the past fortnight seemed to fall from him. after he had signed the check, he turned to miss strong. "if you please," said he, in a voice of tense stridency, "i will give you a few letters." the stenographer, who seemed to regard the events of the past few minutes as nothing short of a cataclysm, flutteringly leafed over her book, and just as amidon began wondering what he could think of to put into a letter, she burst into tears. amidon closed his desk with a bang, and giving alderson orders covering his absence, walked out into the streets, full of the joy of gratified destructiveness. he met alvord, and temerariously agreed to go with him to the lodge that evening. he finally found blodgett, and informed him of what had been the result of his first morning in the office. "well, it's your business, florian," said he, "but you'll need somebody who knows something about your affairs. and if you go on attending lodge meetings where you don't know the passwords, and nosing into houses where you don't intend to go, and discharging all the trusted men in your employ, you'll soon have more things to attend to than a couple of mesmerists and an elderly lawyer can take care of! but it's your affair; i've known you too long to try to turn you when you get one of your tantrums on. the smash-up ought to be worth seeing, anyhow!" xiii the martyrdom of mr. stevens _pietro_: th' offense, it seemeth me, is one that by mercy's extremest stretch might be o'erpassed. _cosimo_: never, pietro, never! the brotherhood's honour untouchable is touch'd thereby. we build our labyrinth of sacred words and potent spells, and all the deep-involvã¨d horrors of our craft- its entrance hedg'd about with dreadful oaths, and every step in thridding it made dank by dripping terror and out-seeping awe. shall it be said that e'en ludovico may break our faith and live? never, say i! --_vision of cosimo_. the bellevale lodge of the ancient order of christian martyrs held its meetings in the upper story of a tall building. mr. alvord called for amidon at eight, and took him up, all his boldness in the world of business replaced by wariness in the atmosphere of mystery. as he and his companion went into an anteroom and were given broad collars from which were suspended metal badges called "jewels," he felt a good deal like a spy. they walked into the lodgeroom where twenty-five or thirty men with similar "jewels" sat smoking and chatting. all seemed to know him, but (much to his relief) before he could be included in the conversation, the gavel fell; certain ones with more elaborate "jewels" and more ornate collars than the rest took higher-backed and more highly upholstered chairs at the four sides of the room, another stood at the door; and still another, in complete uniform, with sword and belt, began hustling the members to seats. "the deacon militant," said the wielder of the gavel, "will report if all present are known and tested members of our dread and mystic conclave." "all, most sovereign pontiff," responded the deacon militant, who proved to be the man in the uniform, "save certain strangers who appear within the confines of our sacred basilica." "let them be tested," commanded the sovereign pontiff, "and, if brethren, welcomed; if spies, executed!" amidon started, and looked about for aid or avenue of escape. seeing none, he warily watched the deacon militant. that officer, walking in the military fashion which, as patristic literature teaches, was adopted by the early christians, and turning square corners as was the habit of st. paul and the apostles, received whispered passwords from the two or three strangers, and, with a military salute, announced that all present had been put to the test and welcomed. then, for the first time remembering that he was not among the strangers, so far as known to the lodge, amidon breathed freely, and rather regretted the absence of executions. "bring forth the mystic symbols of the order!" was the next command. the mystic symbols were placed on a stand in the middle of the room, and turned out to be a gilt fish about the size of a four-pound bass, a jar of human bones, and a rolled-up scroll said to contain the gospels. the fish, as explained by the deacon militant, typified a great many things connected with early christianity, and served always as a reminder of the password of the order. the relics in the jar were the bones of martyrs. the scroll was the book of the law. amidon was becoming impressed: the solemn and ornate ritual and the dreadful symbols sent shivers down his inexperienced and unfraternal spine. breaking in with uninitiated eyes, as he had done, now seemed more and more a crime. there was an "opening ode" which was so badly sung as to mitigate the awe; and an "order of business" solemnly gone through. under the head "good of the order" the visiting brethren spoke as if it were a class-meeting and they giving "testimony," one of them very volubly reminding the assembly of the great principles of the order, and the mighty work it had already accomplished in ameliorating the condition of a lost and wandering world. amidon felt that he must have been very blind in failing to note this work until it was thus forced on his notice; but he made a mental apology. "by the way, brassfield," said mr. slater during a recess preceding the initiation of candidates, "you want to give stevens the best you've got in the catacombs scene. will you make it just straight ritual, or throw in some of those specialties of yours?" "stevens! catacombs!" gasped amidon, "specialties! i----" "i wish you could have been here when i was put through," went on mr. slater. "i don't see how any one but a professional actor, or a person with your dramatic gifts, can do that part at all--it's so sort of ripping and--and intense, you know. i look forward to your rendition of it with a good deal of pleasurable anticipation." "you don't expect me to do it, do you?" asked amidon. "why, who else?" was the counter-question. "we can't be expected to play on the bench the best man in pennsylvania in that part, can we?" "come, brassfield," said the sovereign pontiff, "get on your regalia for the catacombs. we are about to begin." "oh, say, now!" said amidon, trying to be off-hand about it, "you must get somebody else." "what's that! some one else? very likely we shall! very likely!" thus the sovereign pontiff with fine scorn. "come, the regalia, and no nonsense!" "i--i may be called out at any moment," urged amidon, amidst an outcry that seemed to indicate a breach with the martyrs then and there. "there are reasons why----" edgington took him aside. "is there any truth in this story," said he, "that you have had some trouble with stevens, and discharged him?" "oh, that stevens!" gasped amidon, as if the whole discussion had hinged on picking out the right one among an army of stevenses. "yes, it's true, and i can't help confer this----" edgington whispered to the sovereign pontiff; and the announcement was made that in the catacombs scene brother brassfield would be excused and brother bulliwinkle substituted. "i know i never, in any plane of consciousness, saw any of this, or knew any of these things," thought florian. "it is incredible!" conviction, however, was forced on him by the fact that he was now made to don a black domino and mask, and to march, carrying a tin-headed spear, with a file of similar figures to examine the candidate, who turned out to be the discharged stevens, sitting in an anteroom, foolish and apprehensive, and looking withal much as he had done in the counting-room. he was now asked by the leader of the file, in a sepulchral tone, several formal questions, among others whether he believed in a supreme being. stevens gulped, and said "yes." he was then asked if he was prepared to endure any ordeal to which he might be subjected, and warned that unless he possessed nerves of steel, he had better turn back--for which measure there was yet time. stevens, in a faint voice, indicated that he was ready for the worst, and desired to go on. then all (except amidon) in awesome accents intoned, "be brave and obedient, and all may yet be well!" and they passed back into the lodge-room. amidon was now thoroughly impressed, and wondered whether stevens would be able to endure the terrible trials hinted at. clad in a white robe "typifying innocence," and marching to minor music played upon a piano, stevens was escorted several times around the darkened room, stopping from time to time at the station of some officer, to receive highly improving lectures. every time he was asked if he were willing to do anything, or believed anything, he said "yes." finally, with the scroll of the law in one hand, and with the other resting on the bones of martyrs, surrounded by the brethren whose drawn swords and leveled spears threatened death, he repeated an obligation which bound him not to do a great many things, and to keep the secrets of the order. to amidon it seemed really awful--albeit somewhat florid in style; and when alvord nudged him at one passage in the obligation, he resented it as an irreverence. then he noted that it was a pledge to maintain the sanctity of the family circle of brother martyrs, and alvord's reference of the night before to the obligation as affecting his association with the "strawberry blonde" took on new and fearful meaning. stevens seemed to be vibrating between fright and a tendency to laugh, as the voice of some well-known fellow citizen rumbled out from behind a deadly weapon. he was marched out, to the same minor music, and the first act was ended. the really esoteric part of it, amidon felt, was to come, as he could see no reason for making a secret of these very solemn and edifying matters. stevens felt very much the same way about it, and was full of expectancy when informed that the next degree would test his obedience. he highly resolved to obey to the letter. the next act disclosed stevens hoodwinked, and the room light. he was informed that he was in the catacombs, familiar to the early christians, and must make his way alone and in darkness, following the clue of faith which was placed in his hands. this clue was a white cord similar to the sort used by masons (in the building-trades). he groped his way along by it to the station of the next officer, who warned him of the deadly consequences of disobedience. thence he made his way onward, holding to the clue of faith--until he touched a trigger of some sort, which let down upon him an avalanche of tinware and such light and noisy articles, which frightened him so that he started to run, and was dexterously tripped by the deacon militant and a spearman, and caught in a net held by two others. a titter ran about the room. "obey," thundered the vice-pontiff, "and all will be well!" stevens resumed the clue. at the station of the next officer to whom it brought him, the nature of faith was explained to him, and he was given the password, "ichthus," whispered so that all in that part of the room could hear the interdicted syllables. but he was adjured never, never to utter it, unless to the guardian of the portal on entering the lodge, to the deacon militant on the opening thereof, or to a member, when he, stevens, should become sovereign pontiff. then he was faced toward the vice-pontiff, and told to answer loudly and distinctly the questions asked him. "what is the lesson inculcated in this degree?" asked the vice-pontiff from the other end of the room. "obedience!" shouted stevens in reply. "what is the password of this degree?" "ichthus!" responded stevens. a roll of stage-thunder sounded deafeningly over his head. the piano was swept by a storm of bass passion; and deep cries of "treason! treason!" echoed from every side. poor stevens tottered, and fell into a chair placed by the deacon militant. he saw the enormity of the deed of shame he had committed. he had told the password! "you have all heard this treason," said the sovereign pontiff, in the deepest of chest-tones--"a treason unknown in all the centuries of the past! what is the will of the conclave?" "i would imprecate on the traitor's head," said a voice from one of the high-backed chairs, "the ancient doom of the law!" "doom, doom!" said all in unison, holding the "oo" in a most blood-curdling way. "pronounce doom!" "one fate, and one alone," pronounced the sovereign pontiff, "can be yours. brethren, let him forthwith be encased in the chest of the clanking chains, and hurled from the tarpeian rock, to be dashed in fragments at its stony base!" amidon's horror was modified by the evidences of repressed glee with which this sentence was received. yet he felt a good deal of concern as they brought out a great chest, threw the struggling stevens into it, slammed down the ponderous lid and locked it. stevens kicked at the lid, but said nothing. the members leaped with joy. a great chain was brought and wrapped clankingly about the chest. "let me out," now yelled the christian martyr. "let me out, damn you!" "doom, do-o-o-oom!" roared the voices; and said the sovereign pontiff in impressive tones, "proceed with the execution!" now the chest was slung up to a hook in the ceiling, and gradually drawn back by a pulley until it was far above the heads of the men, the chains meanwhile clanking continually against the receptacle, from which came forth a stream of smothered profanity. "hurl him down to the traitor's death!" shouted the sovereign pontiff. the chest was loosed, and swung like a pendulum lengthwise of the room, down almost to the floor and up nearly to the ceiling. the profanity now turned into a yell of terror. the martyrs slapped one another's backs and grew blue in the face with laughter. at a signal, a light box was placed where the chest would crush it (which it did with a sound like a small railway collision); the chest was stopped and the lid raised. "let the body receive christian burial," said the sovereign pontiff. "our vengeance ceases with death." this truly christian sentiment was received with universal approval. death seemed to all a good place at which to stop. "brethren," said the deacon militant, as he struggled with the resurgent stevens, "there seems some life here! methinks the heart beats, and----" the remainder of the passage from the ritual was lost to amidon by reason of the fact that stevens had placed one foot against the deacon's stomach and hurled that august officer violently to the floor. "let every test of life be applied," said the sovereign pontiff. "perchance some higher will than ours decrees his preservation. take the body hence for a time; if possible, restore him to life, and we will consider his fate." the recess which followed was clearly necessary to afford an opportunity for the calming of the risibilities of the martyrs. the stage, too, had to be reset. amidon's ethnological studies had not equaled his reading in _belles-lettres_, and he was unable to see the deep significance of these rites from an historical standpoint, and that here was a survival of those orgies to which our painted and skin-clad ancestors devoted themselves in spasms of religious frenzy, gazed at by the cave-bear and the mammoth. the uninstructed amidon regarded them as inconceivable horse-play. while thus he mused, stevens, who was still hoodwinked and being greatly belectured on the virtue of faith and the duty of obedience, reã«ntered on his ordeal. he was now informed by the officer at the other end of the room, that every man must ascend into the mountains of temptation and be tested, before he could be pronounced fit for companionship with martyrs. therefore, a weary climb heavenward was before him, and a great trial of his fidelity. on his patience, daring and fortitude depended all his future in the order. he was marched to a ladder and bidden to ascend. "i," said the deacon militant, "upon this companion stair will accompany you." but there was no other ladder and the deacon militant had to stand upon a chair. up the ladder labored stevens, but, though he climbed manfully, he remained less than a foot above the floor. the ladder went down like a treadmill, as stevens climbed--it was an endless ladder rolled down on stevens' side and up on the other. the deacon militant, from his perch on the chair, encouraged stevens to climb faster so as not to be out-stripped. with labored breath and straining muscles he climbed, the martyrs rolling on the floor in merriment all the more violent because silent. amidon himself laughed to see this strenuous climb, so strikingly like human endeavor, which puts the climber out of breath, and raises him not a whit--except in temperature. at the end of perhaps five minutes, when stevens might well have believed himself a hundred feet above the roof, he had achieved a dizzy height of perhaps six feet, on the summit of a stage-property mountain, where he stood beside the deacon militant, his view of the surrounding plain cut off by papier-mã¢chã© clouds, and facing a foul fiend to whom the deacon militant confided that here was a candidate to be tested and qualified. whereupon the foul fiend remarked "ha, ha!" and bade them bind him to the plutonian thunderbolt and hurl him down to the nether world. the thunderbolt was a sort of toboggan on rollers, for which there was a slide running down presumably to the nether world, above mentioned. the hoodwink was removed, and stevens looked about him, treading warily, like one on the top of a tower; the great height of the mountain made him giddy. obediently he lay face downward on the thunderbolt, and yielded up his wrists and ankles to fastenings provided for them. "they're not going to lower him with those cords, are they?" it was a stage-whisper from the darkness which spake thus. "oh, i guess it's safe enough!" said another, in the same sort of agitated whisper. "safe!" was the reply. "i tell you, it's sure to break! some one stop 'em----" to the heart of the martyred stevens these words struck panic. but as he opened his mouth to protest, the catastrophe occurred. there was a snap, and the toboggan shot downward. bound as he was, the victim could see below him a brick wall right across the path of his descent. he was helpless to move; it was useless to cry out. for all that, as he felt in imagination the crushing shock of his head driven like a battering-ram against this wall, he uttered a roar such as from achilles might have roused armed nations to battle. and even as he did so, his head touched the wall, there was a crash, and stevens lay safe on a mattress after his ten-foot slide, surrounded by fragments of red-and-white paper which had lately been a wall. he was pale and agitated, and generally done for; but tremendously relieved when he had assured himself of the integrity of his cranium. this he did by repeatedly feeling of his head, and looking at his fingers for sanguinary results. as amidon looked at him, he repented of what he had done to this thoroughly maltreated fellow man. after the catacombs scene, which was supposed to be impressive, and some more of the "secret" work, everybody crowded about stevens, now invested with the collar and "jewel" of martyrhood, and laughed, and congratulated him as on some great achievement, while he looked half-pleased and half-bored. amidon with the rest greeted him, and told him that after his vacation was over, he hoped to see him back at the office. "that was a fine exemplification of the principles of the order," said alvord as they went home. "what was?" asked amidon. "hiring old stevens back," answered alvord. "you've got to live your principles, or they don't amount to much." "suppose some fellow should get into a lodge," asked amidon, "who had never been initiated?" "well," said alvord, "there isn't much chance of that. i shouldn't dare to say. you can't tell what the fellows would do when such sacred things were profaned, you know. you couldn't tell what they might do!" xiv the treason of isegrim the wolf then up and spake reynard, the fox, king leo's throne before: "my clients, haled before you, sire, deserve not frown nor roar! these flocks and herds and sties, dread lord, should thanks give for our care- the care of isegrim the wolf, and bruin strong, the bear! its usefulness, its innocence, our syndicate protests. we crave the court's support for our legitimate interests!" --_an appeal to king leo_. the sifting of st. peter seems quite credible to me, when i see what's done to absentees at our society! --_annals of sorosis_. any business man will be able to appreciate the difficulties which beset the president of the brassfield oil company, on the discharge of mr. stevens. on the morning after the lodge meeting, behold mr. amidon at his desk, contemplating a rising pile of unanswered letters. his countenance expresses defeat, despair and aversion. his politeness toward miss strong is never-failing; but that he is not himself grows more and more apparent to that clear-headed young woman. "here's the third letter from the bayonne refinery," she said. "an immediate reply is demanded." "oh, yes," said amidon; "certainly; that has gone too long! we must get at that matter at once: let me see the contracts and correspondence." "that is the business," said miss strong, "which they claim to have arranged with you in a conversation over the long-distance 'phone. that's what seems to be the matter with them--they want to make a record of it." "i don't remember--- well," said amidon, "lay that by for a moment. and this piece of business with the a. b. & c. railway. who knows anything about this claim for demurrage?" "mr. stevens," said miss strong, "had that in hand, and said he told you all about it before you went away, and that you were going to see about it in----" "in new york, i suppose!" exclaimed amidon. "well, i didn't. can't you and mr. alderson take up this pile of letters and bring 'em to me with the correspondence, and--and papers--and things? i've been too lax in the past, in not referring to the records. i must have the records, miss strong, in every case." "yes, sir," said miss strong; "but since we adopted that new system of filing, i don't see how the records can be made any fuller, or how you can be more fully acquainted with them than you now are----" "not at all," asseverated mr. amidon. "i find myself uncertain as to a great many things. let's have the records constantly." "yes, sir, but these are cases where there isn't anything. nobody but you and mr. stevens knows anything about them." "well, i can't answer them now," protested mr. amidon. "i've a headache! my--my mind isn't clear--is confused on some of these things; and they'll all have to wait a while. who's that tapping? oh, it's you, is it, mr. alderson--you startled me so that i--- mr. edgington here? well, why don't you show him in? after luncheon, miss strong, you may come in again." mr. edgington had a tightly-curled mustache, a pink flush on his cheeks, wore an obviously new sack suit, had a carnation in his buttonhole, came in with an air of marked hurry, and carried a roll of papers. "i thought i must have a talk with you," said he, "on the evidence in that bunn's ferry land case. the time for taking evidence is rapidly passing, and the court warned us that it wouldn't be extended again. that proof you must furnish, or we shall be beaten." "yes--yes, i see," said amidon, who knew absolutely nothing about the matter. "we should feel really annoyed by such a termination!" "annoyed!" exclaimed the lawyer. "say, brassfield, that reminds me of artemus ward's statement that he was 'ashamed' when some one died! you'd lose the best wells you've got. and it would involve those transfers to the waldrons, and might carry them down." "the waldrons!" exclaimed florian. "why, i mean miss bessie and her aunt," said edgington. "i mean bankruptcy--- but we've gone all over that before." amidon nodded, with an air of knowing all about the matter. "lots of times," said he. "and this evidence is----? please give me the exact requirements--er, again." "the exact requirements," said edgington, "as i have frequently shown you, and without its doing much good, are to prove that some time in march, 1896, you did not make a partnership agreement with this man corkery by which you were to share with him the proceeds of your oil-prospecting, and under which he went into possession of this tract of land. he has a line of testimony which shows that you did. proving a negative is rather unusual, but about the only thing which will save you is an alibi. now you must pardon the expression, but you've always evaded my questions as to your whereabouts prior to june of that year. you've never flatly denied corkery's story, but if it weren't for the inherent improbability of it, i'd have given up the fight long ago, for you have not helped as a client should. you haven't confided----" "but i will!" said amidon energetically. "the man's a perjurer, and i'll prove it! all that time i was in wisconsin. i was--i'll prove where i was----" "good!" cried edgington, noting a tendency to falter. "and now for the names and addresses of a few witnesses, and we'll go after them!" "witnesses--yes, yes--we shall need witnesses, won't we?" faltered amidon. "say, mr. edgington, i'll tell you what i'll do: i'll turn you over to blodgett." "the old gentleman at the hotel?" "the same," replied amidon. "he was my lawyer, years ago. i'll send him to you directly this afternoon." edgington made some notes in a book. "very well," said he. "i'm glad that puzzle is in process of solution. and now one thing further, and i am done. this is a question of local politics. you know the talks we've had with the fellows about this trolley franchise, and the advisability of making you mayor. we all agree that your interests and mine and those of all our crowd demand your election to the place----" "me mayor!" shouted amidon. "me run for office! why, mr. edgington, you must be crazy!" "well, this--certainly--is refreshing!" expostulated edgington, in apparent amazement. "when can anything be supposed to be settled, between gentlemen, if that isn't? why, confound it, didn't we make up the complete slate, including control of the common council? and aren't we to have an exclusive franchise on all the streets, with your signature as mayor? of course, you're joking now. why, we're right on the eve of the caucuses, and with conlon in line everything will go as it ought. i mean barney conlon, the labor leader. since you've come back from this trip of yours, everything seems to be going in unexpected ways--and somehow you've given offense to conlon. do you know what it was?" "no," answered amidon, with some heat. "i don't know what it was! i don't know conlon, and i don't know anything about this business except this: that if you think i'm going to sneak into office for the purpose of stealing the streets of this town, you don't know florian amidon, that's all!" "don't know what? don't know whom?" "don't know flo--ah--me! me!" "then you won't see barney conlon?" "i won't foul my hands with the dirty mess! i won't----" "dirty mess, indeed!" retorted edgington, "when the best business men--- oh, well, if that's the way you feel--- why didn't you say so, instead of--- i think we'd best not discuss the thing any further, mr. brassfield; and returning to legal matters, where we are happily at one, let me remind you that you are to send judge blodgett up to see me regarding the corkery case this afternoon. good day, mr. brassfield!" mr. edgington went forth from amidon's presence in a state of mind which can be appreciated by no one but some "good" citizen who has perfected all the preliminaries for securing a particularly fat financial prize by the cheap and simple device of a popular vote, and finds the man on whom he relies going off into a fanciful ism induced by some maggot of so-called conscientiousness. any one ought to be able to see that there is nothing wrong in accepting gifts from those able to give: and who is more able than the public? everybody would be better off for the arrangement contemplated, and no one the worse. so reasoned mr. edgington as he saw with chagrin the bellevale franchise slipping away, and with it the core of their ambitious project of interurban lines connecting half a dozen cities. bellevale, with its water-power, was the hub of it; and to lose here by such a sudden exhibition of so-called "civic patriotism"--edgington knew the patter of these reformers--was disgusting, and all the more so from the fact that the one to blame was brassfield, whose ethical attitude had always been so "safe and sane" in business matters. he must find some way of re-forming the lines, and adjusting the action of the machine--now engaged in grinding out brassfield's nomination--so as to produce other grist just as good, if that were possible. it was ticklish business, but it must be done. the time was short, but before the caucuses met a new candidate must be found, and the word passed down the line that the dear people had changed their minds over night on the subject of the next mayor. to decide, with mr. edgington (who fancied that he resembled the first napoleon), was to act, and almost instantly, his forces, hastily mobilized, began an enveloping movement for the purpose of surrounding and bringing into camp a proper candidate for the local chief magistracy. mr. amidon was flushed after this encounter. mr. edgington's cool manner of approaching him with this questionable and shady political job had generated some heat in florian--a man always possessed of strong convictions concerning civic purity. he was offended; yet he knew that it was to the turpitude of brassfield that he owed this, rather than to any fault of edgington's. "how could such a fellow as brassfield reap such success!" was amidon's mental ejaculation. "ready to rob the community, he enjoys the confidence of all; full of the propensities of don juan, he wins the respect and love of elizabeth waldron! shameful commentary upon society, and--- yes, miss strong, who is there? judge blodgett: send him right in. . . . judge, i'm glad you came in. i'm very glad! i need your advice and aid." "all right," said the judge, biting a cigar. "what's up, florian?" "you've seen a mr. edgington?" "your lawyer," replied the judge. "the _notes_ tell all about him." "well," resumed amidon, "he's been here, and i learn that there is some very important litigation pending, which we've got to win, because it involves others--miss waldron and her aunt--and this man brassfield never could give edgington the evidence he needed in order to win." "why couldn't he?" "because," said amidon, with the air of a man uttering something of the deepest significance, "it involves matters happening before june, 1896, and brassfield was not in existence until the twenty-seventh of june! i've promised edgington that you will get him the evidence he wants." "what's the nub of the case?" asked the judge. "a man claims i gave him some rights--or that brassfield did--you understand?--" "i see." "--in march, 1896." "h'm!" exclaimed the judge contemptuously. "march, eh? why, we can subpoena the whole town of hazelhurst, and show that you were at that time acting as a pillar of society there, every day in that year, up to june twenty-seventh!" "but don't you see," said amidon, "that proving this makes my whole story public?" judge blodgett thoughtfully gazed into space. "yes, it would appear that way," said he, at last; "but is it necessarily so? you can testify that you were in hazelhurst at that time, and legally, that's the same thing as saying that brassfield was--i guess; and i'll swear to it, too; and if they aren't too searching on cross-examination, we may slide through--but there'll be some ticklish spots. i'll see mr. edgington, and find out just how strong a fabric of perjury we've got to go against. we may have to get more witnesses--and that'll be thin ice, too. i'll look in again this afternoon." "please do so," replied mr. amidon. "look at these letters! do you suppose your _notes_ would shed any light on what they're driving at?" the judge looked them over. "i don't remember anything in the _notes_," said he, "regarding these matters. but you could take 'em up to the hotel, and madame le claire could put you to sleep and talk it out of you in five minutes." "i'll do it!" said amidon. "i'll get brassfield's views on them, confound him. i'll do this while you're with edgington. good-by until after luncheon." madame le claire was examining mr. brassfield with reference to the unanswered letters. professor blatherwick was engaged in taking down his answers. in a disastrous moment, mr. alderson knocked at the door, and, following his knocking, delivered a breathless message to brassfield that an important telegram demanded instant attention. "all right," replied mr. brassfield cheerily, "i'll toddle right down to the office with you, my boy. excuse me, madame; you may rely on my seeking a resumption of this pleasant interview at the earliest possible moment. _au revoir_!" madame le claire was perplexed. should she allow him to go out in this hypnotic state? could she exercise her art in alderson's presence? while she debated, mr. brassfield airily bowed himself out, and was gone! brassfield was gone, that was clear: but no system of subliminal engineering had any rule for calculating the results of his escape back into the world from which he had for a fortnight or so been absent. what would he be, and what would he do? would he return the same hard-headed man of business who had won riches in five short years? or would he be changed by the return to the normal--his equilibrium made unstable by the tendency to revert to his older self? how would he adjust himself to the things done by amidon? how would the change affect his relations with miss waldron and this bright-haired inamorata so balefully nearing the foreground, like an approaching comet? how would the professor and judge blodgett stand with this new factor in the problem? would he continue to care for her, his rescuer? owing to some things which had taken place in the brassfield intervals, her heart fluttered at the thought of a possibly permanent eugene. for be it remembered, that many things had taken place in these days of bellevale life. the situation had, of course, been changing daily by subsurface mutations which the intelligent student of this history will not need to have explained to him. for instance (and herein the explanation of that fluttering of madame le claire's heart) such things as these: bellevale is not so large a place that neighbors' affairs are not observed of neighbor. prior to the elaboration of the law of thought-transference, there was no way of accounting for the universality of knowledge of other people's affairs which certain bellevale circles enjoyed. the good gossiping housewives along the highways leading into the town are often able to tell the exact contents of the packages brought home by their neighbors, under the seats of their buggies and farm-wagons and late at night; but this is a phenomenon not at all unusual. neither is it in the least strange that, in town or country, john and sarah could not sit out an evening together in the parlor or settin'-room without all that occurred being talked over, with perfect certainty as to facts, in the next day's meeting of the missionary society or the monday club. but what phyllis thought, what were the plans of thestylis, and how jane felt when william jilted her, and why william did it--all of which difficult circumstances were canvassed with equal certitude--are things, the knowledge of which, as i said above, was not to be accounted for on any theory at all consistent with respect for the people possessing it, until thought-transference came into fashion. now all is clear, and our debt to science is increased by another large item. mr. brassfield and his affairs were as a city set upon a hill, and could not be hid. there was a maid in elizabeth's home, and a maiden aunt who had confidential friends. a stenographer and bookkeepers were employed in the counting-room of the brassfield oil company, and the stenographer had a friend in the milliner's shop, and an admirer who was a clerk in one of the banks. there were clubs and other organizations, social, religious and literary; and the people in all of them had tongues wherewith to talk, and ears for hearing. hence: at the meeting of the society for ethical research, mrs. meyer read an essay on "what _parsifal_ has taught me," during the reading of which mrs. alvord described miss waldron's trousseau to miss finch and doctor julia brown. because of the conversation among these three, the president asked doctor brown, first of all, to discuss the paper. and doctor julia, who talked bass and had coquettish fluffy blond bangs and a greatly overtaxed corsage, said that she fully agreed with the many and deeply beautiful thoughts expressed in the paper. "i'm sincerely glad _parsifal_ taught her something!" said the fair m.d. to her companions, as she resumed her seat. mrs. meyer was the only woman in the town who had ever been to bayreuth, she added short-windedly in explanation of her remarks, and had lobbied herself into a place on the program on the strength of that fact. "does bess know," asked miss finch, "about this mesmerist person?" "oh, there isn't anything there," said doctor brown, "i feel sure. though his inti--ah, friendship with this le claire woman is, just at this time, in bad taste. but all men are natural polygamists, you know." "they say," said the voice of a member from across the room, "that it will be quite a palace--throw everything else in bellevale in the shade--entirely so." "they are all talking of it," said mrs. alvord. "jim says it seems odd to have this mr. blodgett looking into the brassfield business. but everything is odd, now--the hypnotist and mr. blodgett, and daisy scarlett; she's still here." "o----o!" said doctor brown, in a sinuous barytone circumflex. "really," said miss finch, who wore her dress high about the neck, and whose form was a symphony in angles, "such promiscuous associations may be shocking, but as to surprise--who knows anything of his life before he came here?" "judge blodgett," said doctor brown, "told a friend of mine that he had known brassfield from infancy." "the first light bellevale has ever received on a dark past," said miss finch, "if it is light. and how strangely he acts! everybody notices it. always so chatty and almost voluble before, and now--why, he's dreadfully boorish. you know how he treated you, miss brown!" "yes, and he knows how i treated him for it!" said doctor brown. "i propose to call people down when they act so with me!" "quite right," said mrs. alvord, "quite correct, doctor. oh, what a change! and who has changed for the worse lately more than bessie waldron? pale, silent and clearly unhappy. i can't attach any importance to that affair of the strange woman with the striped hair; but that miss scarlett matter--that's quite different. jim and i saw the beginning of that up in the mountains last summer. daisy scarlett is a queer girl, so wild and hoidenish--but the people who know her in allentown just think the world of her, the same as do the people in bellevale--and her appearance here right after the announcement of the engagement means something. poor bess! hush! there she comes. oh, bessie, it's so sweet of you to come, even if you are late! everybody has been saying such sweet things of you!" "how kind of them!" said elizabeth. "has _parsifal_ received any attention?" at the club, of course, no such gossip as that uttered at the meeting of the society for ethical research was heard. men are above such things. to be sure alvord and slater and edgington and the rest of the "the gang" did exchange views on some matters involving the welfare of the club--and in the course of duty. "i tell you," said slater, "brass has been practising that french doctrine about hunting for the woman--a little too industriously. they're getting to be something--something----" "fierce," suggested alvord. "well, that isn't quite what i meant to say," said slater, "but pretty near. 'terrible as an army with banners,' you know, and condemned near as numerous." "it's changed brassfield like a coat of paint, this engagement," said edgington. "i saw something last week that showed me more than you could print in a book as big as the annual digest. you see, he went sort of gravitating down by where the sewer gang was at work, like a man in a strange country full of hostiles, and although he must have been conscious of the fact that he's slated for mayor in the spring, he never showed that he knew of the presence of a human being, to say nothing of a voter, in the whole gang, and barney conlon's gang, too. why, he'd better have done anything than ignore 'em! he'd better a darn sight have stood and sung _drill, ye tarriers, drill!_ as a political move. now that shows a revolution in his nature. it's uncanny, and it'll play the very deuce with the slate if it goes on." "well, you all know what took place at his counting-room," asked slater, "the day after he got back from new york? old stevens resigned, on the street the night before, and brass didn't seem to know any more than to accept his resignation. hired him back since, i've heard, but he ought not to have noticed it. he certainly has gone off badly." "i knew a fellow once," said edgington, "who went sort of crazy on the girl question--batty. d'ye s'pose this engagement----" "they change to their lady friends," said slater, "sometimes. but he--why, he passed me a dozen times with a cold stare!" "me, too," said edgington, "and he didn't seem to know flossie smith when he met her, and doctor julia brown gave him a calling-down on the street--a public lecture on etiquette. colonel mccorkle claims to have been insulted by him, and won't serve any longer on the same committees with him in the commercial association. and he stays at the hotel all the time, and seems afraid to leave this old judge, and collogues with the german professor and the occultist--and, let me say, i've seen cripples in the hospital that were worse-looking than she is!--and what in thunder it means beats me." "he wants the judge and the professor at our supper next week," added slater. "i've sent 'em invitations," said alvord. "anything to please the patient. i could tell you a good deal about this, fellows; but 'gene and i are brothers and closer than brothers; and f. d. and b. goes with me; but it won't hurt anything for you to know that he's got carloads of trouble, and you haven't any of you come within a mile of the mark. he told me all about it the night he got back from new york. i think it will blow over if things can be kept from blowing up instead, for a few days--slumbering volcano--woman scorned--hell's fury, you know; don't ask me any more. but this hiding out won't do." "well, i should think not," said slater. "we've got to get him going about as usual or there'll be questions asked and publicity--those red-headed women are pretty vivacious conversationalists when they get mad, and you can't tell what may be pulled off, even if he acts as natural as life." "this supper ought to help some," said edgington. "it will," said alvord. "we must make it a hum-dinger. and we must see that he shows himself of tenor at the club and lodge meetings and hops. why, it's shameful, the way we've let him drop out." and men being above gossip, at this point the meeting dissolved. at the hotel, conference after conference had taken place in the parlor of professor blatherwick, and blodgett and blatherwick's _notes_ had been studied out most assiduously. judge blodgett and florian amidon had spent their days at the counting-house, and an increased force of clerks worked ceaselessly in making up statements and balances showing the condition of the business. amidon could now draw checks in the name of brassfield with no more than a dim sense of committing forgery. the banks, however, refused to honor them at first, and the tellers noted the fact that after his return from new york mr. brassfield adopted a new style of signature, and wondered at it. some noticed a change in all his handwriting, but in these days of the typewriter such a thing makes little difference. his abstention from bowling (to the playing of which brassfield had been devoted), and his absolute failure at billiards, were discussed in sporting circles, and accounted for on the theory that he had "gone stale" since this love-affair had become the absorbing business of his life. no one understood, however, his sudden interest in photography, and his marvelous skill in it. he seemed to be altogether a transformed man. "i am beginning to see through this," said amidon, referring to the business. "yes," said the judge, "this side of the affair is assuming a pretty satisfactory aspect. but your reputation is suffering by the sort of constraint you've been under. these things are important. a man's behavior is worth money to him. many a man gets credit at the bank on the strength of the safe and conservative vices he practises. business requires you to act more like brassfield. a man who uses a good deal of money must be like other people who use a good deal of money. he mustn't have isms, and he mustn't be for any reforms except impractical ones, and he mustn't have the reputation of being 'queer.' isn't that so, professor?" "kvite uncontrofertible," said the professor. "you must minkle up vit more beople." "and in other matters besides business," said the judge; "boxes of flowers every few minutes are all right, but some things require personal attention." amidon blushed. "you see," said he, "if every one were not so strange; if part of the people were as familiar to me as i am to them, it wouldn't be so trying. i suppose these receptions, and other functions to follow, i must attend alone. but you two are going to that banquet with me?" "oh, certainly," said the judge. "i want to see just what sort of a gang you've been forgathering with here. the folks at hazelhurst----" "must never know, judge! and you, professor?" "i shall be more tan bleaced. supliminally gonsidered, i rekard it as te shance of a lifetime." "well," said amidon, "you are very good, and i am glad that's settled. now i want you to grant me another favor--or clara, rather. i should be more than glad if she would ask brassfield about some things that there's no need for you people to hear. it's nothing about the business. won't you see if she will give me a--a--demonstration?" the judge and the professor disappeared, and soon word came that madame le claire would give him audience. amidon's heart beat stiflingly as he came into her presence. for this man's conscience was a most insubordinate conscience, and held as wrong the things felt and thought, as well as things said and done; and his remorse was as that of an abandoned but repentant jilt. but when he saw how cheerfully she smiled, he grew easier in his mind. the women always have such a matter fully under control--i mean the other party's mind. "well?" said she interrogatively--"at last? i have been wondering why i was brought down here?" "it must have been very dull and lonesome----" "oh, no!" she answered. "i am a business woman, you know, and i haven't been idle. and now, there is something you need, my friend? let us begin at once." there were definite repudiation of claims to tenderness, clear denial of resentment, in her tone. amidon brightened and reddened. he stammered like a boy teased by reference to his first love-affair. "you are wonderfully kind," he said. "i wanted to ask you to have this brassfield tell you all he will about the wedding--the date, and everything you can get out of the fellow. and have him act as naturally as you can, so as to see more clearly how he carries himself. you see what i want, don't you?" "i think so," she returned. "conversation must be a little difficult, isn't it? you remembered some of the things i told you about?" "difficult?" he exclaimed. "oh, clara, it's impossible! it's so much so, that i hardly dare go back any more. i'm sending flowers and notes and doing the best i can; but it won't do at all: i must call oftener--must! and i'm afraid i have spoiled everything." "then you find the lady quite--quite endurable?" "she's adorable," went on florian, with the gush which comes at the first opportunity to discuss the dear one with a sympathetic third party. "she's perfectly exquisite! i have thought of nothing, dreamed of nothing, since i left her, except, except----" "ah!" said clara, "the situation must be perfectly lovely--for you--both--- and i'm sure you got along nicely." "no, no! i spoiled everything, i know i did. but bring this fellow up and ask him those things, please; and also about a miss scarlett---no, leave that out. just about the wedding, and about--i was going to ask about our house; but the judge found that out, where it is, and all. just about the--the things between her and me, a little more, you know!" the hypnotic subject yields to control more and more readily by repeated surrender. so there was little of gazing into the party-colored eyes now. "you will soon sleep," said madame le claire, in that dominating way of hers; "and when you wake you will be eugene brassfield just as he used to be, and the room and all the surroundings, and myself--all will seem familiar, and you will be quite at home with me. sleep, sleep!" her hand swept down and closed his eyes, and he lay back in his chair entranced. madame le claire sat long and looked at him yearningly. she smoothed back the hair from his brow with many soft touches, and stooped and softly kissed his forehead. then she lightly tapped his wrist, and sharply said, "wake!" eugene brassfield opened his eyes with a smile. there was something still faintly suggestive of tenderness in the look with which madame le claire regarded him, and he returned it with the air of a man to whom such looks are neither unusual nor repugnant. "we were just talking," said she, with the air of reminding him of a topic from which he had wandered, "about your wedding. when is it to be?" "the appointed date," said he, "is april the fifth; but, of course, i shall move for an earlier one if possible." "i should think," remarked madame le claire, "that the date fixed would give miss waldron all too short a time for preparation." "from a woman's standpoint," said mr. brassfield, "it probably seems so. but you and i can surely find matters of more mutual interest to talk about, can't we?" "perhaps," said the girl, "but i don't think of anything just now. do you?" "well, for one thing," said he, "i have just found out what makes your eyes so beautiful." "wouldn't it be just as well to cease discovering things of that kind? it's so short a time to the fifth of april, you know." "i've made all my money," said brassfield, "by never quitting discovering. i like it. and this last find especially." "i think there are other lines of investigation," said she, "which demand your time and attention." "oh, pshaw!" said he. "don't be so prudish. you know that your eyes are beautiful, and you are not really offended when i tell you so. such eyes are the books in which i like to read--i can understand them better than browning, or the old persian soak. it's not unpleasant to get a volume you understand--at times." "why, mr. amidon--brassfield, i mean--aren't you ashamed of yourself!" "a little," said he; "not much, though. and who is this 'mr. amman,' or whatever the name is, that is so much in your mind that you call me by his name when you speak without thinking?" "a dear friend of mine!" "well, now, if you should happen to see something agreeable in me, and should let me know about it, i shouldn't throw your mr. amden, or amidon, at your head. why not forget about the rest of the world for a while? we can be in only one place at a time, and so, really, our whole world just now has only us two. you oughtn't to repel the only person in the wide, wide world; you won't, will you?" "don't be foolish!" "don't be wasteful! this may be the only world of this kind we shall be allowed to have. come over and sit by me and be nice to me, won't you?" "i certainly shall do nothing of the kind!" "no? ah, how wasteful of opportunity! well, then, i shall have to come to you!" oh, the depravity of society in these days, and oh, the unpleasantness of setting these things down! but, on the other hand, what a comfort it is to think that men as base as brassfield are so rare that you and i, my boy, have probably never met a specimen. and if you ever find, my love, that any person in whom you have any tender interest has ever behaved in a way similar to the conduct of brassfield, you should give the prisoner the benefit of every doubt, and accord full weight to the precedent contained in this history, and to the fact that it was brassfield and not amidon who did this. a man can not be blamed for lapsing into the brassfield state. a man should be acquitted--eh? defending some one? why, certainly not! and how long this paragraph is growing! yes, i feel sure clara blatherwick repulsed these advances as she should, and that brassfield, being fully under "control," did not--why, of course not, as you say! but i am going no further with the matter now; except to say that in something like an hour mr. amidon departed much perturbed by the prospect of the nearness of his happiness, fully convinced of his unworthiness, and quakingly uncertain as to many things, but most of all, just then, as to his clothes! "this man brassfield," said he to himself, "seems to have been a good deal of a dude, and elizabeth--the darling!--will expect me to be fully up to vogue in this regard--as she will be in all things. and i don't believe a thing has been done about clothes." meantime, madame le claire walked up and down in a locked chamber, struggling with her grief. "oh, it is hopeless, hopeless!" said the poor girl to herself, over and over again. "florian, my darling florian, whom i found blind and wandering in the wilderness, and took by the hand and guided to the light--florian has gone from me! she has taken him, just as she took him before. but the man she thinks loves her--her eugene--i'm sure he's coming to love me; and to be tired of her! and i could keep him brassfield, if i chose--if i chose! i wonder--i wonder if it would be wrong? what would she do if she had my power? twice i had to try, before i could restore him. i could! i could!" small wonder, therefore, that madame le claire sat wild-eyed and excited, and flew fearfully to judge blodgett and the professor, when mr. brassfield went free, with alderson at heel. and all the time, as the crew of a ship carry on the routine of drill while the torpedo is speeding for her hull, these social amenities went on all unconscious of the explosion now imminent. xv the turpitude of brassfield man to black misfortune beckons when upon himself he reckons, marshals faith among his assets, blinks his nature's many facets. this dull gem is an ascetic, bloodless, pulseless, apathetic: shift the light--a trifling matter- fra anselmo turns a satyr! --_the kaleidoscope_. airily, mr. brassfield preceded his clerk down the stairway, and out into the street. there, something in the air--the balm of advancing spring; a faint chill, the parthian shot of retreating winter; some psychic apprehension of the rising sap; the slight northing of the sun; or some subconscious clutch at knowledge of minute alterations in the landscape--apprised mr. brassfield's strangely circumscribed mind of the maladjustment with time resulting from the reign of amidon. but however bewildered florian's mentality might become at such things, it was different with brassfield. the plane of consciousness in which he had so long moved, with a memory running back five years and there ending in a blank wall of nescience, had made him cunning and shifty--necessarily so. the struggle for existence had had its inevitable effect--the faculty paralyzed had been compensated for by the development of others. so he was not at all at a loss now, when this little hiatus in time struck on his mind in the form of a suspicion. he turned to alderson with a smile. "do you remember what date this is, my boy?" he inquired. alderson named the date. brassfield nodded, as if he were pleased to find alderson correct in his exercises. "of course you know what we've arranged for to-day, don't you?" he went on. "the deferred annual meeting of the construction company?" asked alderson. "if that's it, it's all attended to. i took the proxies to mr. smith yesterday." "good!" was brassfield's hearty response. "you'll do for an animated 'office tickler' if you continue to improve. you used to forget all these things." they had now come to a certain turning, down which brassfield gazed, to a place where the highway was torn up and excavated. a center line of bowed backs, fringed by flying dirt. indicated that the work was still in progress. "you may go on to the office," said brassfield, "and i'll be up immediately. i'm going down to see barney conlon a moment." he walked down among the men, nodding to the busy ones, and stopping for a handshake or a joke with others. "hello, barney," he shouted to the man who seemed to be in charge. "how long are you going to keep people jumping sideways to prevent themselves from being buried alive? you old fenian!" conlon looked at him for a moment with an air of distinct disfavor. "look out there!" he shouted to a teamster who was unloading pipe. "d'ye want to kill the min in the trinch? ah, is thot you, mr. brassfield?" "what's left of me," replied brassfield, quickly aware of the coolness of the reception--the politician's sensitiveness to danger. "by the way, conlon, can't you come up to the office soon? i've got some specifications i want you to see. pipe-line. can you do that sort of work?" "do it!" gushed conlon, thawing. "do it! ah, mr. brassfield, d'ye ask me thot, whin ye mind 'twas me thot done the rogers job!" "oh, yes, i remember now, you did have that," said brassfield. "well, that was fairly well done. come up and figure with me, and i believe we can make a deal." "thank ye kindly, mr. brassfield," said conlon, all his obsequiousness returning. "thank ye! annything new in politics, mr. brassfield?" "i don't know a thing," said brassfield. "i'm so busy with other things, you know----" "it'll be a great honor," said conlon, "or so i should take it, to be the mare of the city, an' the master of the fine new house an' all that'll be in it, all this same spring!" "yes, conlon, yes--but as to the office--i don't know about that." "they can't bate you," asseverated conlon promptly. "oh, i don't know," demurred brassfield. "you can't always tell." "we're wid ye, to a man," asserted conlon unhesitatingly, growing warmer. "the common people are wid ye!" "i'm glad to hear that," said brassfield, "very glad. but business first; and this pipe-line is business. of course, if the people demand it----" "they will!" "--why, i may--- i'll see, conlon. anyhow, i appreciate your friendship. come up and see me." and the candidate for mayor walked away, wondering how he could have offended conlon, and rejoiced that he had "fixed" him in time. "where's the telegram?" he asked, as he entered his private office. "why, stevens might have attended to this. where's mr. stevens? miss strong, send mr. stevens in!" "mr. stevens!" gasped miss strong. "mr. stevens--why----" "oh, i mean where does he live now? i heard he was moving. and by sending him in, i mean, if you happen to meet him," hastily amended mr. brassfield, noting some error. "i want to see him. and show me his account, please; and kindly ring for a boy to take this message." the books showed the discharge of mr. stevens, and the closing of his account. brassfield frowned over it, but resumed his smile at miss strong's re-entrance. "let's see," said he. "what have we for this afternoon? these unanswered--why, miss strong, these must be attended to at once! please take some letters for me." he had dropped into his rut. for an hour or more miss strong's fingers flew as she noted down his dictation, and at the end of that time the letters were answered, and the communications which had so perplexed amidon were filed away among other things done. the office force breathed freely once more, with the freedom of returning efficiency in management. the man who had brought this relief to his employees now looked at his watch, rose, went out, and walking briskly down the main street, nodding to an acquaintance here, and speaking to another there, made his way out among the homes of the town. here his brisk walk gradually slowed down to a saunter. he was strolling toward the house with the white columns. suddenly coming into view, as she turned a corner and walked on before him, appeared a young lady. not much ability in the detective line would be necessary for the recognition of her by any of this girl's acquaintances, within any ordinary range of vision. if there were no certain revelation in the short, smartly-attired, quick-moving figure, there could be no mistake concerning the vividly brilliant hair, which glowed under the saucily-turned fabric of felt, feathers and velvet which crowned it, like a brilliant cloud display over a red sunset. mr. brassfield seemed to recognize her, for he quickened his pace so as to overtake her before she could come to a gateway, into which her glance and movements indicated that she was about to turn. he walked up by her side, and manifested to her his presence by falling into step and lightly pinching her shapely elbow. "how-de-do, daisy-daise!" said he, with the utmost assurance. "when did you bring the town the blessing of your presence?" the lady gave a little scream. "'gene brassfield!" she ejaculated; and then, with a little quivering emphasis, "you! how you frightened me!" "i know, i know!" replied brassfield, peeping under the big hat into her eyes. "almost scared to death, as is quite proper. but, to my question: how long, how long hast been here?" "oh, several days--before you came back. aunty wanted me to be here when her sister, my aunt hunter from hazelhurst--that's up in wisconsin--visits her. there's to be a reception. of course you'll be there, and----" "of course," responded brassfield. "did i ever absent myself from any social affair in which your charming aunt, mrs. pumphrey, is interested? nay, nay; but don't dodge. why this throw-down? why didn't you let me know----" "'gene," said the girl, "you can't deceive me. i'm ashamed that i wrote the note, and your telling a fib about getting it won't make it any better. but it was wicked of you not to answer. i only wanted you to come to me and--and talk it all over, and say good-by for ever. it wasn't necessary to----" "i have never received any note," said brassfield, totally unconscious of the missive which amidon had promptly waste-basketed. "what was it?" "really? didn't you?" she queried, pouting her red lips most kissably. "a little note, unsigned, with some--some verses? no? then i'll forgive you--for that. but--go on, 'gene, up to the house yonder--go on!" "you oughtn't to be permitted to run at large," said he, "with that hat, and those lips. i wonder if any one's looking?" "you mustn't talk that way," she said, "nor look at me like that! go on, or i shall cry--or something quite as bad! or, maybe you'll come in? billy cox is in there waiting for me, and watching, i dare say." "some other time," replied brassfield, "i shall be delighted. but miss waldron has just been driven out into the street, and if she comes this way, i must exhibit myself to her, and maybe she'll pick me up. she's turning this way--- billy, eh? happy billy; nice boy, too, since he stopped drinking. by-by, daisy-daise!" elizabeth came driving down the road, and walking up it came aaron, sable messenger of the anxious madame le claire, who had enlisted aaron in her service to bring brassfield again within her magic realm. he reached the object of his search before the carriage passed, and delivered a note. "tell madame le claire," said brassfield, whose ideas with reference to that person must have been very hazy, "that such an invitation is a command. i'll be with her immediately." he stood smiling, hat in hand, at the crossing, as elizabeth drove by. she halted, and looked questioningly at him. this smile, this confident aspect--all these were so different from his recent bearing that she was surprised, and not more than half pleased. the element of assurance in his attitude toward the other girl was not seen in his treatment of elizabeth, to whom it would have been offensive. perhaps the cunning of the consciously abnormal intellect was the cause of this; or it may have been some emanation of dignity from the woman herself acting on a mind in a state chronically hypnotic. be the cause what it may, to elizabeth, with all his confidence and ardor, he was most deferential and correct in manners, and, to her, these manners had undergone no change. confidently, as if no shadow had ever come over their relations, he put his foot upon the step of the carriage. "won't you give me a lift," said he, "and put me down at my home?" she made room for him with scarcely more than a word. "to the bellevale house," said she to the coachman. brassfield looked at her, so grave, so _distinguã©e_, so coolly sweet, and forgot apparently that there was any one else in the world. he slipped his hand under the lap-robe, and gave hers a gentle pressure. "dearest!" he half-whispered, caring very little whether he was overheard or not. she returned the caress by the slightest possible compression, and put her hand outside the robe. whether the one action was incited by a desire to avoid complete unresponsiveness, and from a sense of duty only, the other left undecided. the circumscribed mind of brassfield which, with the intensity of observation rendered necessary and inevitable by its narrow field, had noted, as he stepped out in the street, the intangible shifting of relations in his surroundings incident to the mere passage of time in the few days of his obliteration, now felt, as a blind man feels the mountain in his approach, or as the steersman in a newfoundland fog apprehends the nearing of the iceberg, some subtle alteration in the attitude toward him of the young woman by his side. instantly he was on guard and keenly alert. "this is a case," said he, "of the prophet coming to the mountain. i was on my way to you, and lo, i met you coming my way--let me hope coming to me--after seeing me!" "the mountain is at liberty to draw his own conclusions," said miss waldron. "one may be reasonably charged with the design of meeting every one in bellevale when one goes out." "the mountain, then," said he, "must be content with its place as a portion of the landscape--happy if it pleases the prophet's eye." "the prophet did not foresee--but let's have mercy on the poor hunted figure. i was about to say that your occupation--or preoccupation--as i drove down the street brought to my attention a new phase of our scenery--a brilliant one. is this the girl i used to know as daisy scarlett?" "it must be," said brassfield, "and it surprises me that you speak of knowing her as of the past. how does it happen?" "the exile of school," she answered, "and the fact that her visits to bellevale have not been during such vacations as the girls would let me spend with auntie. it's my loss--i have lived too tame a life." "i, too; let's take the trail for sensations." "let me begin with a mild one," said elizabeth. "estelle writes me that she has been away from new york for the past month. so you are not a convicted criminal, at least." brassfield scanned her face to get the revelation of every turn of expression, as an aid to this mysterious reference to estelle as related to his visit to new york. "that's good," said he promptly, and with marvelous luck, "even a verdict of 'not proven' is a glad surprise on returning from new york. by the way, bessie dear, won't you drive over by that gang of men? the foreman seems to want to speak to me." entirely oblivious of this dexterous turn, miss waldron complied, and drew up to the place where barney conlon's gang still labored in the trench. "what is it, conlon?" asked brassfield. "i was wonderin', sir," said conlon, hat in hand, "if i could see you at your office in a half-hour or so. i'd not ask it, sir, if it wasn't important. it's about the business you was speakin' to me about this marnin'." "ah, yes: the pipe-line," said brassfield. "be at the office in half an hour, conlon. drive to the top of the hill, william. so goes our search for new thrills--road runs slap into pipe-lines and business, dearie." "well, we mustn't find fault with it for that," said she. "i've wanted to say to you--since the other evening--that i can see widening vistas showing oceans of good things i never reckoned on in the least. and when i get unreasonable and generally brutal and abusive, i am not really and fundamentally so any more than i am now!" "i know, dearest; i know, bessie. and, now, don't give yourself a minute's uneasiness about anything that took place. i apologize for everything out of the proper which i said----" "which you _said_?" "yes--yes! you were quite right, and i never loved you more than then--except now. let's not allude to it again, but just go on as before." "not quite as before," said she. "i'll not ask you why you kept back so many of your--your _my_--qualities from me--_must_ you get down here at this old counting-room?--and i'll only ask you two questions--cramp the carriage a little more, william! one is, where can i get a copy of the first edition of child's _scottish ballads_--wasn't that the name of the 'dark tower' book?" "you may search me, bessie," said he, standing by the curb in front of his office. "don't think i ever heard of it." "oh, eugene!" cried elizabeth, "don't take that attitude again! but bring it up to me when you come to begin our readings in _pippa passes_!" "ah! now you are joking! good-by, bess. unless i'm run over between now and eight-thirty, you may look for me. by-by!" not quite so fortunate, this last five minutes of conversation. but all unaware of that fact, brassfield went back into the private office, and found conlon awaiting him. brassfield opened a drawer and drew out a roll of drawings and typewritten specifications. "now as to this contract, conlon----" he began. "ixcuse me, misther brassfield," interrupted conlon, "but the contract may wait: some things won't. what's the matther with edgington?" "edgington? the matter? what do you mean?" conlon leaned over the shelf of the roll-top desk, and pressed upon a paper-weight with his knobby thumb. "thin ye don't know," said he impressively, "that he's out pluggin' up a dale to bate you an' nominate mccorkle!" brassfield faced him smilingly. "oh, that notion of edgington's!" said he. "that amounts to nothing! if you and my other strong friends stay by me, there's nothing to fear. i'm glad you know of that little whim of edgington's. but about this contract. now, i usually look after these things myself, and do them by days' work. but if i am forced to take this office of mayor, i sha'n't be able to do this--won't have the time; and i'll want you to do it. perhaps i'd better give you a check on account now--say on the terms of the rogers' job? all right, there's five hundred. that settles the contract. now with that off our minds, let's talk of the political situation. you can see that, being forced into this, i don't want to be skinned. now, what can you do, conlon?" "do?" said conlon. "ask anny of the byes that've got things in the past! wait till the carkuses an' ye'll see. but mind, misther brassfield, don't be too unconscious. edgington an' mccorkle, startin' in on the run the day of carkuses, may have good cards. watch thim!" xvi the office goes in quest of the man victory brings peace without; amity conquers within. how can my thought hide a doubt? doubt in the mighty is sin! yet, as i watch from my height, rearing his spears like a wood, on swarms the dun muscovite- slavish, inebriate, rude! dim-seen, within the profound, shapeless, insensate, malign, fold within dragon-fold wound, opes the dread mongol his eyne! _one waking, one in the field- foe after foe still i see. last of them all, half-revealed prophecy's eye rests on--me!_ --_a racial reverie_. mr. brassfield sat alone, listening to barney conlon's retreating footsteps. a few years ago i could have described the solitude of the deserted counting-house, and made a really effective scene of it. now, however, telephones exist to deny us the boon. no sooner do we find ourselves a moment alone, than we think of some one to whom we imagine we have something to say, and call him up over the wire; or, conversely, he thinks of us with like results. conlon's back was scarcely turned before brassfield took down the receiver and asked for alvord's residence. "jim," said he, "i've just found out that sheol is popping about town. . . . yes, it's edgington. conlon tells me he's out for mccorkle and against me. . . . well, maybe not, but conlon generally knows. you must go out and run it down. we can't have mccorkle nominated--you can see why. . . . all right. i'll wait for you somewhere out of sight. . . . in the turkish room at tony's? . . . very well: i had another engagement, but i must call that off. thanks, old man. i shall rely on you! good-by!" up went the receiver, and then, almost at once was lifted to brassfield's ear again as he sent in a call for miss waldron's residence. "is this 758? is miss waldron at home? . . . yes, if you please. . . . this you, bess? well, i'm in the hardest of hard luck. things have come up which will keep me cooped up all the evening. . . . you're awfully good to say so! good night, dearest!" the lock clicked behind him, and he was out on the street once more. came into view a figure which was clearly that of a stranger to bellevale, and yet had an oddly familiar air to brassfield, as it moved uncertainly along the darkening highway. it came to the point of meeting and halted, facing brassfield squarely. "i peg bardon," it said, "but haf i the honor of attressing herr brassfield, or herr amidon?" "my name is brassfield," was the reply. "what can i do for you?" "i am stopping at the bellevale house," said the professor. "blatherwick is my name. i hat hoped that you might rekonice me, as----" "i am sorry to dispel your hope," said brassfield. "what do you want with me?" "i should pe klad to haf you aggompany me to my rooms," said the professor, "vere i shouldt esdeem it a brifiliche to bresent you to my daughter, and show you some dests in occult phenomena. as the shief citizen of the city----" "my good man," said brassfield, "whatever would be my attitude ordinarily toward your very kind, if rather unlooked-for, invitation, permit me now to decline on account of pressure of business. ordinarily i should be curious to know just what kind of game you've got, as i haven't enough in my pockets to be worth your while to flimflam me. pardon me, if i seem abrupt." and he hurried down the street, leaving the professor drifting aimlessly in his wake, vibrating between anger and perplexity. "i wonder where i've seen that man?" thought brassfield. dim reminiscences of such a figure sitting in shadowy background, while a glorious tigrine woman ruled over some realm only half-cognized, vexed the crepuscular and terror-breeding reaches of his mind. he met a policeman, who respectfully saluted him. brassfield stopped as if for a chat with the officer. "a fine evening, mallory," said he. "fine, indeed, sir," said the officer. "who is the old gentleman whom you just passed?" asked brassfield. "the one with the glasses." "that?" asked the policeman. "why, didn't you recognize him? that's your friend the hypnotist, up at the hotel--professor blatherwick." "oh," said brassfield as he walked on, "i didn't know him in the dusk. we'll have to have better street lighting, eh, mallory?" "no bad idea!" said mallory. "well, it'll be for you to say, i'm thinking." "you don't think there's anything in this new movement, do you?" asked brassfield. "oh, no, sir," said the officer. "and yet, in politics you never know. but i feel sure it'll be all right. they can't do much this evening and to-morrow. time's too short." brassfield hurried on with an air of anxiety. the policeman's words were not reassuring. he turned down a side street and entered a restaurant, the proprietor of which at once placed himself and his establishment at mr. brassfield's command. "give me the turkish room, tony," said brassfield. "yes, sir, the turkish room: and charles to wait?" "yes," said brassfield. "cook me a tenderloin; and don't let any one come into the room." "certainly, mr. brassfield! the turkish room, and a steak, and no one admitted----" "except such people as mr. alvord may bring. we shall want some good cigars, and a few bottles of that blue seal." "yes, sir," said tony. "will you speak to this gentleman before you go up, sir?" brassfield turned and confronted an elderly man of florid countenance, whose white mustache and frock-coat presented a most respectable appearance. mr. brassfield bent on him a piercing look, and strove mentally to account for the impression that he had met this man before, wondering again at that hazy association with the mystical, dreamy region of the woman in yellow and black. it was as if he saw everything that evening through some medium capable of imparting this mystic coloring. the stranger faced him steadily. "i presume you remember me, mr. brassfield," said he. "blodgett of hazelhurst." "of course it's unpardonable in me," said brassfield, "but i don't remember you, and i fear i've never heard of the place." "well," said judge blodgett, "it's entirely immaterial. i merely wanted to say that i've some matters of very great importance to communicate to you, if you'll just step up to my rooms at the bellevale house." "i can hardly conceive of anything you may have to say," said brassfield guardedly, "which can not be as well said here. we are quite alone." "i--the fact is," said the judge, floundering, "what i have to say must be communicated in the presence of a person who is there, a person----" "may i ask whom?" "a lady--madame--miss blatherwick." the cunning of mental limitation again served brassfield. he recognized the name as the one mentioned by the professor on the street. why this conspiracy to bring him to this strange woman at the hotel? was it a plot? was it blackmail or political trickery, or what? "i am very much engaged to-night," said he. "whatever you have to say, say here, and at once." the judge felt like seizing his man forcibly, and taking him to madame le claire for restoration. the brassfield cunning was an impenetrable defense. bellevale's chief business man seemed to be himself again, a keen, cool man of affairs, to whom judge blodgett, professor blatherwick and clara were, except for the brief and troubled intervals during which the amidon personality had been brought uppermost, strangers,--until she could once more bring him within the magic ring of her occult power. brought within it he must be, but how? the judge felt beaten and baffled. yet he would try one more device. "the matter can hardly be discussed here," said he, "but i may say that it relates to the evidence you lack in the bunn's ferry well cases. i happen to know of your desire for proof of certain facts in the spring of 1896, and----" mr. brassfield started and changed color. "you know--this woman knows," he said, "something to my advantage in the matter?" judge blodgett nodded. brassfield looked at his watch, paced back and forth, and made as if to follow blodgett to the door. blodgett's heart beat stiflingly. "you are coming?" said he. something in the tone betrayed his anxiety. again suspicion rose to dominance in the mind of brassfield; and entering at the door came jim alvord, and one or two hulking, mustachioed citizens of the ward-heeler type. he turned on the judge. "no," said he, "it is impossible for me to go now. but i am much interested in what you say, and to-morrow--- no, not to-morrow, for i shall be very busy; but the day after we will take it up with you, if quite convenient to you. in the meantime, if you will be so kind as to call on my lawyer, mr. edgington, i shall be very glad. he is authorized to make terms--anything reasonable, you know. good night, mr. blodgett. i hope we shall meet again!" "your old friend blodgett seems agitated to-night," said alvord, as they sat alone in the turkish room. "he's got to be quite a fellow here on the strength of your friendship. wish he was a voter. we could use him. maybe he can help in a quiet, way. anything wrong with him? seemed worked up." smilingly, as if alvord's remarks had been as plain to him as they were charged with mystery, brassfield replied that so far as he knew blodgett was all right, and that he might be of use further along in the campaign. "and now," said he, "tell me what on earth has sent edgington off on this tangent. he's the man who first suggested to me that i ought to run. it was his scheme. he's my lawyer and my friend. what does it mean?" "well, i saw edge, and he's got a list of reasons longer'n an anaconda's dream. he says that since your return from your new york trip you've seemed different. i don't mind saying that there's others say the same thing." "different?" said brassfield, in an anxiety rendered painful by the missing time and these strangers whom he was accused of knowing, but who behaved as strangers to him. "how?" "well," said alvord, "kind of not the same in manner--offish with the gang, an' sort of addicted to the professor and the hypnotist--no kick from me, old chap, you understand, but i'm filing a kind of bill of exceptions, an' these things go in." "i see," said brassfield. "go on!" "then you'll have to own you've done some funny stunts," continued alvord. "you've fired old stevens, and you've been going over your books with this man blodgett, and talking of selling him an interest----" "talking of what?" exclaimed brassfield. "oh, it's your own business, you know, but a sort of shock to the feelings and finances of the community all the same. not that it affects me, or that many know of it, but the inner circle is disturbed--and, mind, i'm leading up to edgington's flop." "i see," said brassfield. "go on!" "well," said alvord, "the mystery comes in right here. he says he went up to see you and you flew up and took a high moral attitude and said it was a dirty mess, and you wouldn't touch it. he thought it was some of bess's isms that she brought home from college--civic purity, and all that impractical rot that these intellectual women get, and he says he began hunting for some one to run in to fill the vacancy caused by the declination of e. brassfield. he was knocked numb when he found out that you were out for the place. you must have said _something_ to him, you know. now what in the name of dodd was it?" brassfield walked up and down the room for a few moments, wringing his hands and alternately hardening and relaxing the muscles of his arms as if engaged in some physical culture exercise, but saying never a word. this blank cimmeria of his past, into which he had stared vainly for five years, seemed about to deliver up its secret, or a part of it. already, it was clear, it had disgorged this man blodgett, and these other questionable characters at the inn. but they would find him ready for them. this man that was looking over his books would discover that what eugene brassfield wanted he took, and what he took he held. they were after his money, no doubt. well, he would see. and in the meantime, edgington's defection should not be allowed to disarrange matters. the business interests involved were too great. when he turned to answer alvord, he was pale as death, but calm as ever. "oh, edgington misconstrued entirely what i said," he answered. "i can't just repeat it--we had some talk along the lines he mentioned, but i never said anything that he ought to have understood in that way. is he on the square, do you think?" "on the dead square," said alvord. "i'll stake my life on that." "well, what has he done?" "he's got mccorkle out for the nomination." "to stay?" asked brassfield. "can't we give mac something else, later?" "no, edgington says not: you see, the colonel has wanted to be mayor a long time. edgington can't pull him off, and as long as he sticks, edge's got to stick by him. edgington's for you as hard as ever after the caucuses--if you win." "yes," said brassfield, "most everybody will be. you've run your eye over the line-up: can we win?" "it depends," said alvord, "on the two men down in the restaurant--sheehan and zalinsky. you know their following, and what they want. our crowd stands in with the better element. mccorkle can't hold more than half his own church, and we're as strong as horseradish with the other gospel plants. the a. o. c. m. gang edgington won't try to split, but will leave to us, and through them we'll get the liberal element in line--the saloons, and the seamy side generally, i mean, of course. the labor vote we need help with, and i've brought in sheehan and zalinsky to sort of arrange a line of policy that'll round 'em up. with their help we'll control the caucuses. after the caucuses, it's plain sailing." brassfield made a few figures on a card, and handed it to alvord, who looked at it attentively and nodded approvingly. "that ought to be an elegant sufficiency," said he. "all right," said brassfield, "you handle that end of it, and i'll discuss the interests of labor. we'll show colonel mccorkle what a fight without interests means in this town. are the wine and cigars here? then go down and bring the patriots up, jim." xvii the honor nears its quarry and every man, and woman, too, was forged at birmingham, and mounted all in batteries, each on a separate cam; and when one showed, in love or war or politics or fever, a sign of maladjustment, why you just pulled on his lever, and upside down and inside out and front side back he stood; and the inspector saw which one was evil, which was good. chorus: on the other side! on the other side! oh, you must somehow see the other side! if you'd repair or clean this delicate old machine, you must have a way to see the other side! --_the inventor's song in, "bedlam."_ messrs. sheehan and zalinsky, before being ushered into the turkish room where mr. brassfield sat awaiting them, were told by mr. alvord that, should mr. brassfield's position on the labor question be found satisfactory to them, he would like to have their good offices in the matter of getting a fair attendance at the caucuses the next evening. as this is always an expensive thing for the patriot who engages to do it, he, mr. alvord, would beg to place at their disposal funds in an amount named by him, for use in the transportation of distant and enfeebled voters and for such refreshment as might be thought necessary. "weh-ull," said sheehan, "fr th' carkuses only it may do. what say, zalinsky?" mr. zalinsky, his eyes gleaming with gratification, thought the sum named might possibly suffice. "good!" said alvord. "and now come up and see the next mayor." "what's de use?" asked zalinsky. "don't we know him all right? ain't it all fixed? i want to git busy wit me end of deliverin' de goods." "mr. brassfield's views on labor----" began alvord, but sheehan interrupted him. "your word goes wid us!" said he. "ye've convinced us brassfield's the laborin' man's frind. what say, zalinsky?" "so!" said zalinsky. "ve better git to work over in de fourt' ward." "they didn't come up," said alvord, returning to the turkish room. "the figures on that card seemed to convince 'em. now for the saloons and their end of the vote." "what do _they_ want?" asked brassfield. "why," said alvord, "it's the policy of the office more'n anything else they want assurances on. i've sent for fatty pierson and his fellow members of the retail liquor dealers' association, and they'll be here by the time we dispose of this steak. i must be counted in on the dinner--i forgot mine." while alvord, greatly rejoiced at the sudden restoration of his friend to the possession of those qualities which made him so useful and reliable in all business projects, and promised so well for the future of bellevale under his wise, conservative and liberal administration as mayor, was cozily discussing the dinner in the turkish room at tony's, awaiting the arrival of mr. fatty pierson and his committee, there was a council of the hypnotic board of strategy at the bellevale house. the board consisted of judge blodgett, professor blatherwick, and madame le claire. the matter under consideration was how to return brassfield to his much-to-be-desired nihility: how to recover amidon from his relapse into occultation. "i can never forgive myself for allowing it!" cried madame le claire. "and yet, how could i help it? his clerk came running in with a telegram, or something of the sort, and mr. amidon rushed away with him. what would this man have thought and said, if i had subjected his employer to the treatment necessary to restore him--put him into the cataleptic state, and then into the normal, by passes and manipulations!" "just now," answered the judge, "when he seems to be doing the meteor act in local politics, such an occurrence in public might be misconstrued in non-hypnotic circles, and commented on. passes and manipulations are not thoroughly understood in politics--except in a different sense! i guess you had to let him go. how to get him back, is the question. he's certainly off the map as amidon: turned me down when i tried to get him up here, with the air of a bank president dealing with a check-raiser; and yet, the way he rose to the lure of getting evidence in this lawsuit of his shows that he's as sharp as ever in business. what's likely to be the result if he's allowed to go in this way, professor?" "nopody gan say," said the professor. "he may go on as brassfield for anodder fife years or more. he may vake up as amidon to-morrow morning. propoply he vill geep on intefinitely, aggumulating spondulix, and smashing hearts, unless ve gan pinch him some vay." "oh, we must get him back!" said madame le claire. "we _must_!" "in te interests off science," said the professor, "id vould pe tesiraple to allow him to go on as brassfield ant note results. ve haf alreaty optained some faluaple data in the fact of his attempt to buy the destimony of our frient the chutche, and his gontemptuous treatment of me as a con man. he didn't seem to remember us at all. should ve not allow de gase to go on a vile? supliminally gonsidered, it vill be great stuff!" "no!" exclaimed the judge. "it ain't safe. he'll be running for mayor, and doing a lot of things to make him trouble when he does come to. we've got to surround him somehow; and he's a wary bird." "anyway," said the professor, "i should like to opsairve the result of a meeting with clara. in his short brassfield states he saw her, ant her only. vill he remember her clearly, or how? how vill dis mind of his coordinate te tisgonnected views of her, with te rest of his vorld? it ought to pe vorked out." "well," said the judge, "i don't owe science much. i'm against any experiments. can't some one suggest something to do? is it feasible to kidnap him?" "let me suggest something," said madame le claire hesitatingly. "in his brassfield state he seemed to--to like me very much. in affairs concerning--that is, affairs relating to women--he seems less wary, to use judge blodgett's word, than he is on other lines. maybe i could--could induce him to come. it seems a sort of--of questionable thing to do; but----" "questionable!" cried the judge, "questionable! why, not at all. we must try it. i'll risk it!" "if ve are to gif up te itea of vorking out the gase," acquiesced the professor, "vy i agree vith the chutche." "that is," said the girl, "like the judge, you'll 'risk it.' very brave of you both to 'risk' so much! as for me, i must ask for time to think over my own proposal, before i undertake to entrap this prominent business man at my apartments. i'm not so sure that i'll 'risk' it. and yet it seems the only way!" speaking of traps: the emissaries of the retail liquor dealers' association were engaged in a trapping enterprise of their own in the turkish room at tony's, at this very crucial moment. fatty pierson, and two fellow retailers, gentlemen of smooth-shaven face, ample girth, and that peculiar physiognomy which seems fitted to no artistic setting except a background of mirrors and glasses, and a plain foreground of polished wood, were arranging for a police policy to their liking, during the brassfield administration. "colonel mccorkle," said fatty, "is a mighty good man, and, while a church member, seems to be liberal. on the other hand, you're well known to be broad in your views, and you do things"--here fatty's arm took in the bottles and the cigars with a sweeping gesture--"that he don't. you've got property rented for saloon purposes. we know you're a good man, mr. brassfield, but in such matters we saloon men have learned to be careful. a police force can make our business profitable or put us all dead losers, just as they're steered by the mayor. now, what would be your policy?" "i should expect," said mr. brassfield, "to give the city a good, conservative, business administration, and to make my oath of office my guide." "good!" said fatty. "but we've all heard that before. colonel mccorkle, or the reverend absalom mccosh, would say _that_." "well," said brassfield, "now, definitely, what do you want? anything reasonable and not contrary to law, you have only to ask for." i wonder if burglars, in arranging their business, stipulate that nothing "contrary to law" is to be done! "exactly," replied fatty. "but now as to reasonableness: when the hour for closing comes, our customers bein' gathered for social purposes, it seems abrupt to fire 'em all out when the clock strikes. now, when a policeman comes along after hours an' finds one of us with a roomful of customers discussin' public questions, we don't want to turn up in court next morning. see?" "i see," said brassfield. "my view of the function of the saloon is that it is a sort of club for those too poor to belong to the more exclusive organizations. as long as they are performing these functions in an orderly way, why inquire as to the hour?" "that seems reasonable," said fatty. "and about how long ought a man to have to slow up an' stop performin' functions, do you think?" "well," said mr. brassfield, "there isn't much doing in the way of business, say from two to five a. m., is there?" "no," said mr. pierson, "not much. but on special occasions----?" "i shall do the right thing," said brassfield. "an' you wouldn't feel obliged," queried pierson, "to start any detectives out spyin' upon the uses we put our second stories to, or the kind of tenants we have?" "not at all," said brassfield. "i shan't disturb things. alvord can tell you that. what i want is the policy that is best for the property owners; and things as they are are good enough for me. is that satisfactory?" "well, i should smile!" said mr. pierson. "and now, gentlemen, before we go an' begin work for the caucuses to-morrow, in the interests of our friend here, i propose a toast to mr. eugene brassfield, who will be the best mayor bellevale ever had!" "you've got to give me a bed to-night," said brassfield, as the last of the delegations alvord had brought to the turkish room retired in apparent satisfaction. "i don't care to go to my rooms--there are too many folks up there at the hotel who seem anxious to see me. and i want to be where i can talk the situation over with you." "glad to have you," said alvord. "come on, and we'll turn in. as for the situation, how can you improve it? if conlon and sheehan and zalinsky can't control these caucuses, i'm mistaken. put them along with the saloons and the others that depend on police permission for existence, and you've got a dead open-and-shut." as they walked along the street they noticed a motley crowd emerging from a public house and moving in a body to another, seemingly under the leadership of a little man with jewish features. alvord took brassfield's arm and hurried him on. "you see what edgington's up to?" asked brassfield. "he's got abe meyer out taking the crowd down the line in mccorkle's interest. i wonder if they won't turn things over somewhat." "turn nothing!" said alvord. "they'll make the noise to-night; we'll have the votes to-morrow night. the boys'll rake in mccorkle's money now, and in the morning the word will be passed that the best interests of the town require every one to boost for you. they won't know what hit 'em!" "i hope you're right," answered brassfield, "but edgington's no fool. i wouldn't have him for my lawyer if he was." "of course he's no fool," was alvord's reply, "but he's handicapped by the personality of his man. edge's doing pretty well, considering. he probably is wise to the situation. he didn't expect anything like a contest, you know, owing to that confounded blunder one of you two made. now he's doing the best he can; but his man's been too strong in the god-and-morality way in years gone by to wipe out the stain by one evening of free booze. on the other hand, your life has been perfect--always careful and sound in business, no isms or reform sentiments on any line, a free spender, a paying attendant of the richest church, but not a member, and no wife full of wild ideas for the uplifting of folks that don't want to be uplifted. why, mrs. mccorkle's advanced ideas alone are enough to make him lose out." "i don't know about that," said brassfield. "mccorkle and his wife are not the same in these affairs." "well, don't you fall down and forget it," said alvord, "that the fellows on the seamy side won't see it your way. they've got good imaginations, and they can see the colonel on one side of the table and his wife, the president of the social purity league, pouring tea on the other, and they can see the position it would put the mayor in to do the right thing along liberal lines--and he sort of strict in habits himself. no, sir, my boy, you go to bed and sleep sweetly. you are about to reap the reward of living the right kind of a life." and sweetly mr. brassfield slept, with none of the anxiety felt by judge blodgett as to whether he would awake as brassfield or amidon. xviii a glorious victory narcissus saw his image, and fell in love with it, but jilted pretty echo, who wailed and never quit. this beauteous youth was far less kind than i, my friend, or you: for we adore our own good looks and love our echoes, too. --_adventures in egoism_. i really shrink from giving an account of the result of the bellevale caucuses next evening, for fear of imparting to the general reader--who is, of course, a violent patriot--the idea that i am narrating facts showing an exceptionally bad condition in municipal affairs, in the triumph of one or the other of two bad men. this impression i should be loath to give. colonel mccorkle, whom we know by hearsay only, seems to be so good a citizen that his belated attempt to be "broad" and "liberal" excites laughter in some quarters. as for mr. brassfield, there are at least nine chances in ten that he is the man who would have received the support of the gentle reader had it been his own city's campaign. in fact, mr. brassfield is psychologically incapable of deviating much from the course marked out by the average ethics of his surroundings. this subconscious mind which--as professor blatherwick so clearly explained to us--normally operates below the plane of consciousness, happens, in his case, to be abnormally acting consciously; but it is still controlled by suggestion. the money-making mania being in all minds, he becomes a money-maker. the usual attitude of society toward all things--including, let us say, women, poetry, politics and public duty--is the one into which the brassfield mind inevitably fell. the men on whom any age bestows the accolade of greatness, are those who embody the qualities--virtues and vices--of that age. your popular statesman and hero is merely the incarnate now. every president is to his supporters "fit to rank with washington and lincoln." future ages may accord to him only respectable mediocrity; but the generation which sees itself reflected in him, sees beauty and greatness in the reflection. bellevale was psychically reflected in brassfield. therefore bellevale raised him on the shield of popularity. one may see this reflected in the conversation of major pumphrey, one of bellevale's solid citizens, with mr. smith, who owned the department store, on the morning after the caucuses. "rather lively times, i hear," said major pumphrey, catching step with mr. smith on their walk down town. "rather lively times at the caucuses last evening." "really," answered mr. smith, "i don't know. i never attend caucuses. every one has his friends, you know, and by not taking sides one saves many enmities." "i don't agree with you," said the major. "every one should attend his party primaries, as a matter of duty." "you were out last night?" said the merchant interrogatively. "why, no," said the major, "not last night. the fact is, colonel mccorkle and i served in the same regiment, and belong to the post here, and he expected me to support him. at the same time, the nomination of mr. brassfield appeared to be the only right thing from the standpoint of party expediency or business wisdom. brassfield can be elected. he is strong in business circles. his integrity is unquestioned, and there'll be no graft or shady deals under him. he stands well in society, too. i just saw doctor bulkon, who expressed himself as thoroughly delighted with the nomination of so good a man as brassfield, and intends to preach next sunday on 'the christian's vote,' handling the subject in such a way as to point to brassfield as the right man. i couldn't consistently oppose brassfield, and so i stayed at home." "oh, you're quite right!" exclaimed mr. smith. "my attendance would not have made any difference in the result. colonel mccorkle is a good man, but after mr. brassfield made us a present of the money to pay off our church debt recently none of us could decently have gone out and worked against him even for the colonel. they say that mccorkle is a good deal chagrined by the small showing he made--claims that the saloons and the lower classes ran the caucuses, and that the decent element stayed away altogether." "pooh!" scoffed mr. pumphrey. "a little sore is all--soon get over it. i only hope brassfield will be able to get us that trolley line he promises. that would bring bellevale abreast of the times." "that's certainly true," was mr. smith's answer. "mr. brassfield is an enterprising citizen, broad and liberal, safe and sane, and fully in touch with the great business interests of the country. his nomination will reflect credit on bellevale." inasmuch as such citizens as conlon, pierson, sheehan and zalinsky were equally well contented, no one, it would seem, ought to have been dissatisfied. the fact that mr. brassfield's success meant the giving away of bellevale's streets to brassfield's interurban trolley line must be considered in connection with the fact that bellevale seemed only too anxious to give them away. one must look at such things from all sides, if one is to come to a satisfactory conclusion. miss waldron, having a keenly personal interest in the matter, and being a member of the cultured and leisure class, endeavored to do this. her conclusions, both personal and political, seem to be fully set forth in a letter which she wrote to her friend estelle in new york. "you know i always was a queer little beast," said this letter, after a few pages in which such words as "chiffon," "corsage," "lingerie," "full ritual," and similar expressions occur with some frequency, but the contents of which are quite obscure in their bearing on the course of this history--"and was ever finding happiness where others saw misery, and _vice versa_. well, i am doing something of the same sort now in turning over and over in my mind the question as to whether i should ever marry any one or not. i know perfectly well that no one can ever be the one for me if eugene is not--but is there a one? don't say that i am a little--goose, but listen and ponder. "you remember the sort of literary friendship i had with george l----? well, of course george was a veritable miss nancy, and perfectly absurd, but there was something basically likeable about him. now, i always have thought that if one could grind george and eugene to a pulp and mix them, the compromise would be my ideal. i like men who do things, and eugene is the most forceful man i ever knew. owing to your absence when he was in new york you missed seeing him, but his pictures must have shown you how handsome and strong and masterly he is. well, this phase of a man must please any girl. "is it possible for such qualities to subsist in the same personality with those i loved (there's no use denying it--in a platonic sense) in george? in other words, can one reasonably expect to find a man who can win battles in the world's life of this twentieth century, who will not stare at one in utter lack of comprehension when he finds one dropping tears on the pages of _charmides_, or _mcandrew's prayer_, or omar, and perhaps try to comfort one--at the moment when the divine despair wrought by poignant beauty fills one with divine happiness? it's horribly clumsy as i put it; but you'll know. "he's just as good and kind and considerate as a man can be, and as little spoiled by the fierce battles which he has fought--_and won!_--as could possibly be expected--in fact, not at all spoiled. even this suspicion of a lack of the gift of seeing that the violet 'neath a mossy stone is a good deal more than that--the chief good quality george had--around which i have been writing in these pages, seems to be more a suspicion than a reality; for recently he has once or twice ventured on discussions of such matters with a confidence and an insight which put me--me, who have plumed myself on my mental st. simeon's tower, like a detestable intellectual cockatoo (you must untwist the metaphors!)--at his feet in the attitude of a humble learner. it took some of the conceit out of me; and yet, with true elizabethan inconsistency i turned this new view of his character against him, and because he--well, it doesn't matter what--i gave him a pre-nuptial instalment of 'cruel and inhuman treatment.' "then he became timid and over-respectful, and not at all like himself, and i all the time just longing to make up to him all the arrears of kindness which were due. it seemed as if i had a new lover, one who needed encouragement, one who made a goddess of me, in the place of the almost too bold gallant who had been mine; and lo! when he suddenly comes on me with all his pristine assurance and seeming contempt for the weepful things i mentioned above, i don't like it at all. i feel as if two men in the same mask are courting me, and i without discernment enough to tell one from the other. "now, if i am so shilly-shallying as this before marriage, what shall i be after? can i go on with so much of doubt in my own mind? "oh, if i could only be sure of the eugene i think i sometimes see, strong to do, tender to feel, and with the uplift of insight---"to show how thoroughly insane my state of mind is, i have only to say to you that by the exercise of the most tremendous pressure on the part of our very best men, eugene, much against his will, has been put in nomination for mayor. he will purify the civic life of our town, and, i am assured, will, if he will enter public life to that extent, be sent to washington. "i have always thought that i'd like washington society----" here elizabeth's letter came to an end. she read it over carefully, tore it up, threw the fragments in the grate, and wrote her friend another and maybe a wiser one. then she wrote to mr. brassfield a note which mr. amidon found in his room when he returned to being. one can easily see from that which has gone before, what happened to colonel mccorkle. edgington and alvord and brassfield talked it over in the turkish room at tony's after the caucuses. "of course you've made an ass of yourself, edgington," said mr. brassfield, "but you've gone through with it consistently, and it's all right. i could have explained all that idiotic talk of mine about not running--but why go over that now? fill your glasses, and let's forget it!" "that's the talk!" said alvord. "forget it and all pull together in this campaign you've made me the manager of." "well, as for forgetting it and pulling together," said edgington, "i, as the originator of the brassfield idea, am not likely to hang back in the harness. so, here's to success! but----" "there's no 'but' in this," said alvord. "the 'buts' are postponed until after election." "there's nothing to the election," said edgington. "you have things lined up----" "_we_ have things lined up----" suggested alvord. "yes, that's right," acquiesced edgington. "it's '_we_,' with all my heart since the decision. i was saying that the way you have the different interests working together is perfectly ideal, the wets and the drys, the wide-opens and the closed-lids, the saloons and the dives and the churches--all shouting for brassfield; and each class thinks he's for its policy. the other man has about as much show--well, the next is on me. would you mind pressing the button, jim?" the waiter came, bringing a penciled note to mr. brassfield. "one of your constituents," it read, "would like a moment's conversation with you in the lobby." brassfield drew the waiter aside. "who is this, george?" asked he, tapping the note. "a woman?" "a young lady, suh," was the answer. "a mahty hahnsome young lady, suh." "bright auburn hair?" asked brassfield, "and short?" "er--no, suh," answered the waiter, "sutn'y not that kin' o' haiah; an' tall, suh." "make mine the same," said brassfield, "and excuse me a moment, boys. i'll be right back." the note had said in the lobby, but the waiter guided him to a private room. brassfield, cautious as usual, by a gesture commanded the waiter to precede him into the room, and himself halted at the entrance, looking about the room for the young woman. she sat near the window, and rose to greet him as he entered--a tall and graceful girl with wonderful eyes and variegated hair. "i could not wait to give you my congratulations," said she, offering him her hand, "until you came home. we at the hotel are wondering why we have lost you. let me rejoice with you in your great triumph." brassfield's eyes sought hers. his soul recognized this as the queen of those hazy recollections which he could scarcely believe more than dreams, and felt her dominance. "thank you, ever so much," said he. "i was just coming up to see you." "how nice of you," said she. "and in that case, why not go up with me and join me at my supper, which will be served in ten minutes?" "why not, indeed!" said brassfield. "george, tell mr. alvord and mr. edgington that i'll see them in the morning!" xix the entrapping of mr. brassfield ol' mistah wolf is a smaht ol' man, an' a raght smaht man is he; he take all the meat fum the trap an' he eat not a mossel dat poisoned be! he laff at the snaiah, an' he nevah caiah when de niggah wake fum his nap; _but he foller the trail o' little miss wolf raght inter the jaws o' the trap! but he foller the scent o' little miss wolf kerslap in the deadfall trap!_ --_"hidin'-out" songs_. from a room adjoining that in which madame le claire had won her seeming victory over mr. brassfield's caution, emerged hastily that young woman's accomplices--her father and judge blodgett--who had shamelessly listened to the whole conversation. with more of haste than seemliness they sped before le claire and her captive, and by vigorous expletives put the patient aaron into unwonted motion in the procuring of the "little supper" which they had heard clara promise to the candidate for mayor. then, in a chamber farthest from the door, and well sheltered by draperies, they sat them down and waited for their prey. "he's hooked!" said the judge, "hooked well; and i'll gamble she lands him. she's a brick, professor." "so!" answered the other. "ant now, if she vill only--what you call: reel him, blay him--until ve can get the data ve vant----" "to blazes with the data!" exclaimed the judge. "i'm for getting him back into the amidon state and respectability, data or no data, before some one else tolls him off into the poisonous swamp of popularity. why, i tell you, professor--hark! there they come! lay low, now!" the professor grasped his note-book, the judge the arms of his chair, as the door opened, and in the front room they heard madame le claire's voice joining in companionable chat with that of brassfield. "oh, how slow aaron is!" she said. "and i'm so hungry. aren't you?" "not so much so as i was," said he. "sweets take away the appetite. i'd rather call the supper off, and exclude abraham--or whatever his name is: much rather." "selfish!" she reproved very severely. "and i just in from a two hours' walk. _i_ haven't eaten any sweets----" "nor i," said he. "may i have just a little taste?" "mr. brassfield! don't make me sorry i invited you here! aaron's likely to come in at any moment. do you know when you were here last?" brassfield's brow wrinkled, as he looked about him. "ye-e-es," said he slowly, as if in doubt; and then in his ordinary manner: "well, i should think i did. the day that donkey, alderson, came with the telegram. my faith, and so much has happened in the two or three days since! but to suggest that i could forget!" "why not?" said she, slipping close to him as he sat in a broad-armed easy chair. "i'll wager anything you say you can't remember half the times you've been in my presence. come now, the first time!" "pshaw!" said he, "i'm not going into ancient history, further than to say it was in a room with hangings like these, and a roar of traffic in the street below. come, dear, let's not talk of that----" her hand, straying near his hair, he took in his, and, crushing it to his lips, kissed it passionately. she sank down on the side of his chair, and his arm crept insinuatingly about her waist. her arms went round his neck, and she drew his head to her breast, softly, tenderly, and her lips met his--so many times that for years she blushed when the memory returned to her. "darling!" he whispered, "do you love me?" "love you?" said she. "look in my eyes and see!" slowly, with her left hand in the curls on his neck, she drew her face from his, and, as if fascinated, his eyes sought hers in a long, long, hungry look. "you do!" he began gaspingly. "yes----" the slender fingers moved upward over his head, the commanding eyes held his, the other hand, as if for a caress, swept his eyes shut, and he lay back in the chair, inert as a corpse. madame le claire untwined his arms from her waist, and knelt on the floor before him, her hands clasped on his knees, her head pillowed in his senseless lap. their unseen auditors heard no more conversation, and the judge moved softly out to a place where he could see. clara was sobbing as she groveled at the feet of the man she had obliterated, rescued and restored, and as she sobbed she pressed his hands to her lips. judge blodgett went back to the window, lifted it noisily and lowered it with a crash. then he walked into the front room, and found madame le claire sitting in a chair across the room from her subject, smilingly and triumphantly regarding the result of the exercise of her mystic power. "is he all right?" queried the judge, looking at the inert form. madame waved her hand at their prisoner, in answer. "cataleptic," said the professor, peering at him through his glasses. "bulse feeble, preath imberceptible. yes, he is reeled in." "well, give him the gaff," said blodgett. "in other words, fetch him to." madame le claire stretched vibrant hands toward the entranced man, and again uttered the sharp command, "awake!" amidon smilingly opened his eyes, and looked about him. "where are the letters?" said he, looking about for those vexing communications, to find the meaning of which had been the object of the inquiry from which alderson had drawn him with the telegram. "did you note on them the information we wanted? why, is it night? how long have you had me under the influence? is anything the matter, clara?" "not now," said le claire. "now eferyding is recht," added the professor. "but you have given us the devil's own chase," said the judge. "it is nearly midnight," said mr. amidon. "have i been out all the afternoon?" "all the afternoon!" exclaimed blodgett. "yes, and all day, and all yesterday, and the day before, and other days! you've been raising merry ned, florian, in your brassfield capacity. do you want to know what you've done?" "_do_ i?" he cried. "tell me all at once!" "well, for one thing," said the old lawyer, "edgington's long-incubated scheme has hatched, and you've been through a strenuous mayoralty contest with colonel mccorkle, and have swept the board. your friends insisted on it, you know, and you couldn't decline." "friends!" sneered amidon. "i tell you, the whole thing is hypocrisy and graft. that villain brassfield has a scheme for stealing the streets. i told edgington i wouldn't----" "yes," said the judge, "and he took you at your word and trotted mccorkle out, and you trimmed them up. but it's all made up with him, now, and you and he and alvord are as thick as thieves. you've got a jewel of a campaign manager in that man alvord----" "judge," cried amidon, "i want you to get up a letter of withdrawal--you have watched the miserable business, and know more of it than i do--one that will make me as little ridiculous as possible, you know. i don't care for the people in general, but there are some whose good opinion i prize----" "i know, florian," said the judge. "i know. but you can't expect to cut a very good figure, you know." "well, manage it as well as you can, and--i suppose you've watched me?" he continued. "why did you let me go this way! have i been up to miss waldron's?" "once or twice for a few minutes," answered madame le claire. "you have been very busy indeed; and yesterday miss waldron went out of town." "i think," said judge blodgett, "that you will find a letter from her in your room. alderson brought it up from the counting-house." "well, you must excuse me," said mr. amidon. "i want to talk this all over with you early in the morning; but i must go to my room now. no, thank you, clara, i really can not stay to your supper. to-morrow you must tell me how you kidnapped me--i never can repay you for your faithful service to me. good night!" the discerning reader has already anticipated that mr. amidon went straight to the letter and opened it. "dearest eugene," it said, "i want to give you a word to say that i am proud of the love and confidence which every one has for you, and to say that i do not regard the place to which you are to be elected as unimportant, or one which you should decline. of all men you are best able to protect our town against corruption, and to lift its civic life to a higher plane. i wish i might help your fellow townsmen to confer _you_ upon _it_. maybe i can help in cheering you along the way after this is done. "i have all sorts of pride in and ambition for you. hitherto, you have confined yourself too closely to the practical and productively utilitarian. i shall watch with all the interest you can desire me to feel, this new career of yours, beginning so modestly and so much against your will; but reaching, i feel sure, to the state and national capitals. "do you know, i have always imagined myself capable of founding primrose leagues, and becoming a real political force? spend the afternoon with me sunday, and we'll talk it over--come early. "yours in loving partizanship, "elizabeth." florian sat for a long time pondering over this letter. it was the thing about which his thought centered the next morning. when the judge said that he was at work on the letter of withdrawal, amidon remarked that there was no hurry, as he should not use the letter until after a conference with miss waldron. then he went to spend his sunday afternoon with his fiancã©e, according to her invitation. the "dear eugene," and the tone of co-proprietorship in this new "career" of his which seemed so deliciously intimate in her letter, faded from his memory as he faced her in her home, so stately, so kind, so far from fond. her rebellion from those mad kisses of his on his first visit had thoroughly intimidated him. he felt, now, that he must win his way to such blisses by slow degrees, as if the brassfield life had never been for her more than for him. so they talked over the cool and sensible things they might have discussed had she been his grandmother; among others, the campaign. she had tremendously good ideas as to city government. amidon had long entertained similar notions, and that their unity of sentiment might appear, each wrote answers to a list of questions which they made up, and amidon was hugely delighted to find that they agreed precisely. "why not make it your platform?" she asked. "you mean, a public manifesto?" he queried. "surely," said she. "the people ought to know what we represent. print it, so all may be well informed." "but that would be an acceptance of the nomination," said he. "hardly," she replied. "we have already accepted, and that's settled. but it will raise the contest to one of principle. the best elements of society are with you--doctor bulkon might as well have mentioned your name as he described the ideal candidate to-day--and such a noble declaration from you will fill them with joy. oh, don't you think so?" "elizabeth," said he, "if i take this office, it will be for your sake. i shall withdraw, or run on your platform." "oh, you can't withdraw," she asseverated. "not now!" the adoring glances, in which she constantly surprised him, mitigated somewhat the pique which his ceremoniously respectful parting raised in her heart. she stood looking at the hand he had kissed, and wondering if this was the eugene of days gone by, but was not quite able to think him cold to her. this was true at all events, she thought, the offensiveness--half-reserve, half-familiarity--the curious impression of strangeness which so nearly caused a breach between them on his return from new york--that was gone, at least. this new attitude of his--well, that was to be considered. in some respects, the change had its element of piquancy--like a love affair with an innocent boy where the wiles of experience had been expected. in the meantime, mr. alvord was happy. he had opened "brassfield headquarters," over which he presided with a force of clerks who were busy with poll-books and other clerkly-looking properties. "but," said he to slater, who called to see him about funds for putting in order the links of the bellevale golf and boating club against the coming of spring, "there's nothing to it. with the preachers exhorting for us and the wet-goods push and sports plugging enthusiastically, and not a drop of water spilling from either shoulder, the outlook couldn't be better. of course, we have to go through the form of a contest, but there's no real fight in it." "i don't see how there can be," said mr. slater. "but what's all this work for?" "well," said alvord, "we've got to keep up the organization, and so we poll the town. it gives some men employment for a few days that would be sore if they didn't get it. then we have to send out the _piã¨ce de resistance_ for keg parties of evenings. the way the petitions come in for kegs is surprising. a man calls and says his name's pat burke, or karl schmidt, and that they've organized a club for the study of public questions, meeting every night at jones' coke ovens or webber's chicken house, and they expect to have up the mayoralty question for debate to-night--only he generally calls it the 'morality' question--and could we send them a barrel of beer? we know that there's only a corporal's guard, mostly aliens, but we send 'em a pony. another puts up a spiel that he's been spending his own money electioneering for brassfield--he never had over fifty cents in the world, but he's spent forty dollars--and he can't stand the financial strain any longer. he's palpitating with love for brassfield. he knows where there's twenty-five votes he can get, if he can have say ten dollars for booze--he'll leave it entirely to us. we know he's a fake, of course, but we give him a v. we've got to spend brass's roll somehow." "where's he keeping himself?" asked slater. "i haven't seen him since saturday. isn't he out shaking hands?" "no," was the answer. "he'd rather buy what he wants, and not do any canvassing. it isn't necessary, anyhow. that supper we arranged for before he was put up will bring him into contact with some of the strongest lines of influence, and will finish the reconciliation with edgington. then mrs. pumphrey's reception and some other affairs will be all the publicity we'll need. no noise for ours, anyhow. the gum-shoe is our emblem, and we don't let our right hand know what our left wing is driving at. 'gene leaves it all to me, and don't ever show up here. that girl business--the strawberry blonde, you know--seems all lost sight of, and there ain't a cloud in the sky." a clerk entered and informed alvord that a man named amidon wanted to speak to him at the telephone. "another debating society wants irrigating, i s'pose," said he. "hello! this is headquarters. . . yes, it's alvord speaking to you. . . . oh, is it you, brass? they said it was a man named amidon. wire's crossed, i s'pose. worst telephone service i ever saw. all right, go ahead." here followed a long pause broken occasionally by "yes," and "i know," and "no," from alvord. at last, in tones of amazement, he broke forth in a storm of protest. "what! publish a platform?" he shouted. "are you crazy? no, i most emphatically don't think so. why--now listen a moment, 'gene,--i've got the best still hunt framed up you ever saw. we're winning in a walk. . . . well, if you want to make your position clear, i know i can trust you to make your manifesto the right thing. but mind, i advise against it! . . . yes, sure, as many things as you want to talk about, old man. . . . yes, i've heard about the idea; but never saw it indorsed by any practical people. . . . yes. . . . no. no! . . . _no!_ . . . i tell you no! . . . why, you know we've spent sums that we couldn't possibly publish. what have you been drinking, 'gene? here, damn you, this is all a josh! come down here and i'll buy. . . . what's that? you really want to publish a schedule of your election expenses? well, i'll keep the schedule, and you can print 'em if you want to. come up to headquarters, and i'll show 'em to you. good-by!" alvord hung up the receiver, and went back to his inner office. "by george, slater," said he, "brassfield is absolutely the most deceptive josher i ever saw. he had me going just now by pretending that he was about to publish a platform of principles, and a statement of campaign disbursements. so blooming solemn it gave me the shivers for a minute. list of disbursements: think of it, slater! and a platform, in our kind of politics!" xx the strawberry blonde the year will all be summer weather when speech and action go together; when aucassin's sage words are met in all his deeds with nicolette; and though fair daphne's words be free, look not too soon her swain to be: the year will all be summer weather, when speech and action go together. --_song from the monarch of nil_. the reader of this history may have been conscious, from time to time, of a mysterious glow--now baleful, now rather cheerful, like the light from the tap-room of an inn--which has illuminated the horizon of the narrative. it appeared in certain allusions found in mr. alvord's conversation with mr. amidon during the episode of the wrong house, and so terrified him as to give him thoughts of flight from bellevale. it glared more brightly in the chat at the club. it flamed concretely on our sight when mr. brassfield met its source on the street that day he made his fatal escape. mr. alvord slangily called it "the strawberry blonde." mr. brassfield very improperly pinched its elbow, and called it "daise." it is high time that we put on our smoked glasses and look it in the face in such a formal introduction as will enable us to do it tardy justice--for we may have been guilty of misjudgment! miss daisy scarlett, sitting on a piano-stool, with one foot curled up under her, was entertaining doctor julia brown and miss flossie smith, who had called on her at the home of major pumphrey, her uncle. miss scarlett was well and shiveringly known in bellevale, where she visited often, and was generally esteemed for her many good qualities of heart and mind, and for the infinite variety of her contributions to the sensations of a not over-turbulent social swim. her entertainment in this instance consisted in readings from a certain book which must be regarded as an early literary imprudence of a most estimable and industrious, as well as improving writer--_poems of passion_. the particular selection rendered by miss scarlett was the one (unknown, i presume, to my readers--no, my dear, we haven't it) which informs us what the first person singular feminine, being invited into paradise, would do if the third person singular masculine, down in the regions infernal, should open his beautiful arms and smile. miss scarlett read ill sentiments very well, and miss smith laid violent hands on herself and looked shocked. "oh, daisy!" she exclaimed, "don't, please don't!" "oh, flossie!" said miss daisy imitatively, "don't pretend! that poem is simply great!" doctor brown laughed, quite in the manner of the bass villain in the comic opera. "the dissecting table," said she, "brings all these beautiful arms and brows to the same dead level of tissue--unpoetical, but real." miss scarlett liberated her foot, spun about, and dashed into a stormy prelude, modulating into the accompaniment to the refrain of sullivan's _once again_, which she sang with much fervor. she was about the height of a well-grown girl of twelve or thirteen, and had appealing eyes of delf blue, and a round face of peachy softness. her hair was undeniably red, of a shade which put to shame such verbal mitigations as "auburn" or "golden," and was of tropic luxuriance and anarchistic disposition. it curled and uncurled and strayed all about her brow and neck like an explosion of spun lava. for the rest, had she really been a little girl of twelve, one would feel free to describe her as fat and roly-poly; but in the case of a young spinster of somewhere in her third decade, well-gowned and stayed and otherwise in physical subjection to the modiste, and singing of love like a diva, what can one say? no more than this, perhaps, that the fortunate man who carries her off the field a prize, will realize before he has got very far that he has captured something. "love, once again, meet me once again! old love is waking; shall it wake in vain!" thus sang miss scarlett, ending with a fervid trill. then she turned about, sitting with her feet very wide apart, and faced doctor brown. "dissecting table, indeed!" she burst forth. "i tell you, it's blasphemy to speak of making such use of a nice man! but, if i could pick 'em out, so as to be sure the right ones were dissected, i don't know but i'd agree." flossie smith said that some of them ought to be put to _some_ use; and doctor brown, having reminded the company of her profession, merely laughed again. "here i am down from allentown," miss scarlett proceeded, "on purpose to be stayed with flagons and comforted with apples, as i have been here in the past. i wanted to have a good sort of lackadaisical time with the nice boys here, and i've had to stay--i don't know how long--on a famine diet of women and girls, with ella wheeler for sauce. it makes me swearing mad!" "i like that now!" said flossie. "i really like that!" "well, i don't," miss scarlett went on. "i'm not used to it. to be left alone--oh, of course billy cox has been trying to butt in, but what good is he? my hercules, my roman antony, who won my trusting heart last summer, at a time when i had just got it back from what i had thought a final and total loss--i find him away, and when he gets back, because, forsooth, he happens to be newly engaged, he's so wrapped up in a little thing like that, that he might as well have stayed in new york. he doesn't respond when i ring up his office on the telephone; he doesn't see me on the street---or, at least, only once--he seems scared. i've a good mind to give him something to _be_ scared about!" "your condition," said the doctor, "is verging on the pathological." "i don't know what path it's verging on," was the reply, "but it isn't the primrose path of dalliance. there's some mystery in it." "go to madame what's-her-name down at the hotel," said flossie. "she has solved almost all the mysteries we used to have--for a consideration. and she is said to have superior facilities for observing this great brassfield mystery of yours." "i must!" replied miss scarlett, looking out of the window. "there's billy cox just going into his house! what a pity for a bachelor to have such a big house all to himself--it has filled me with sighs for the past week, that thought! oh, girls, i've an idea! let's call him over and have him take us down to her! central! give me 432, please. is that you, billy? this is daisy. don't you want to do something for me?--oh, you behave, now! we want you to take us somewhere down town, so don't take off your coat. we'll explain when you come over. good-by!" "well, of all things!" exclaimed flossie. "_i_ don't care about mr. cox, nor his big house! and the doctor and i have just started----" "oh, we can't go," said the doctor, "but that won't break daisy's heart; she didn't expect we would, did you?" "well, i shall be sorry not to have you go, of course," said miss scarlett. "but if you must go, how would it do for you to slip away before billy, comes in, so as to leave him to me? i may be able to make something of billy, if i'm allowed to have my way with him. _must_ you go? so glad you called. of course, we shall meet at our reception? good-by!" madame le claire looked amusedly down on miss scarlett. the bright-haired one was questioning her concerning her mystic art. could she see into the future? sometimes, when the conditions were right. could she read thoughts? let the lady judge, on the statement that two men, one with brown and the other with gray eyes, had been much in the lady's thoughts lately. marvelous! and could she tell what her thoughts in that connection had been? well, never mind about that! did she know about palmistry? and could she _really_ put people under her influence so that they must do as she willed? how nice that must be! and would she and the professor come up to the pumphreys' reception and arrange to give a program of occult feats for the entertainment of the guests? surely; they should be very glad; that was a part of their profession. during these negotiations mr. cox waited outside, and florian amidon, meeting him in the lobby and being accosted as 'gene, stopped for a talk, fearing to slight some dear but unknown friend. the word "'gene" was becoming a sort of round shot across the bows in his bellevale cruises. the parley (concerning wells and tanks) he cut as short as possible, and, passing on, started up the stairway. half-way up there was a broad landing, and as florian turned on this, he saw at the head of the flight the blast-furnace of hair, the striking hat and the pleasantly rounded figure of clara's visitor--a person to him quite unknown. fate, however, seemed to have in store for him an extraordinary introduction, for instantly he was aware of the descent upon him of a fiery comet of femininity. the lady seemed to be falling down stairs. with a little cry she descended, partly flying, partly falling, partly sliding flown the baluster--a whirl of superheated hair, swirling skirts, and wide, appealing eyes of delf blue. amidon caught her in his arms, and sought to place her gently on her feet: but in the pure chance and accident of the encounter, her arms had fallen about his neck, and she hung upon him in something like a hug. "oh! oh!" said she, "the idea of your flying to me like that! but it's nice of you!" amidon bowed distantly, and in evident embarrassment. miss scarlett drew herself up, as at an undeserved rebuke. "i am very glad," said he, "to have been of any service, even at the risk of seeming familiarity, in saving you from a fall. i hope you will pardon me, a stranger, for so far----" "a stranger!" she ejaculated; "oh, heavens! leave me, 'gene! go away!" the "go away" was pronounced as mr. cox appeared at the foot of the stairs. amidon passed on, now fully aware of having committed a _faux pas_. looking back, he saw miss scarlett leaning against a newel-post as if in agitation; saw mr. cox come up and lead her down; and as she disappeared, leaning weakly on her escort's arm, the mop of rumpled hair faded from his sight like a receding fire-ship. who could she be? suddenly alvord's whispered caution flashed on his mind, and he knew that he had encountered, embraced and repudiated the strawberry blonde. he paused for a moment to think over the situation--considerations of policy were coming more and more to appeal to him as guides, and he found himself feeling vulpine and furtive. but here, thought he, would it not really have been best to temporize with the situation, and not to have terminated all relations with miss scarlett in this public way? would it not---then rolled over his heart the consciousness of the manifold glories of his elizabeth's womanhood. temporize with another woman? the very thought repelled him. he involuntarily brushed his coat where it had supported and encircled miss scarlett. he felt a sense of unworthiness in having, even of necessity and for a proper purpose, embraced this other girl. looking up, he saw judge blodgett regarding him like a portly accusing angel from the head of the stairway. he made a feint at assisting amidon in brushing his coat. "those red ones," said he, "are the very devil for showing on black! i'd carry a whisk-broom, if i were you!" [illustration: "those red ones," said the judge, "are the very devil for showing on black!"] "blodgett," said amidon, "i don't care to be chaffed about an accident of that sort." "oh, certainly not!" said the judge. "but pick off the ringlets all the same. and say, florian, of course i don't count, but there was another fellow at the foot of the stairs, the junior in the firm of fuller and cox, my fellow practitioners; and in accidents of this sort one sometimes does as much damage as a regular cloud of witnesses. and remember, if you won't use the letter of withdrawal, you're to be a good deal in the public eye, now." amidon moved on in disgust. and the poor faithful fellow, that his spiritual tone might be restored, sat down and read once more his bible--the letter superscribed in the large, scrawly hand, "to be read en route." xxi some alternations in the current one made himself a name for skill to trace to its last hiding-place, each secret mother earth engaged to save, of jungle, sea or cave. no path so devious but he mastered it; and, bit by bit, from off the face of mystery, he tore the veil she wore; then, turning inward all his skill in seeing, to solve the knot of being, in the deep crypts of self fordone he lay, quite cast away. --_adventures in egoism_. every morning, now, a box of flowers went up to elizabeth, at the house with the white columns; and every evening mr. amidon bravely followed. the terror he felt of women was overpowered by the greater terror of losing this woman, and the fortitude and resolution he possessed in all other fields of action were returning to him. his violets and carnations she always wore for him, and all the roses except the red ones, which she put in vases and kept near her, but did not wear. she was ineffably kind and sweet, in a high and pure and far-off way fit for olympus, but all the intimate little coquetries and tricks of charm with which she had at first received and disconcerted him were gone. she talked to him in that low voice of hers, but oftener she sat silent, and seemed to desire him to talk to her. since that first night, he could not bring himself to act a part, further than to assume the name and place of eugene brassfield. he stood afar off, looked at his divinity and worshiped. he read to her her favorite books, and ventured somewhat, out of his exceptional knowledge, to expound them--whereat she looked away and listened with something of the astonishment with which she had received his disquisitions on poetry and art on that first unlucky evening. for the most part, however, he, too, was inclined to silences, in which he looked at elizabeth in the happiness of a lover's wretchedness. the love she had given to brassfield seemed to him based on the deceitful pretensions of that wretch, and in any case it was not his, and he felt repelled from accepting it. he yearned to show her the soul of florian amidon, purified, adorned, and dedicated to her. once or twice she had hinted at something fateful which she wanted to say to him; but he had begged her to wait. after a few days of this slavish devotion of his, she seemed less aloof, not quite so much the unattainable goddess. she gave him her hand, as usual, one evening at parting. "i shall not expect to see you to-morrow," said she, "until we meet at the pumphreys' reception. until then, good-by." "i thought," said he, "that if you would permit, i should like to call in the afternoon--say at three or four. may i?" he looked so pleadingly at her, holding the little hand in both of his, that it is no wonder her color rose. it was like the worshipful inception of a new courtship. "i shall be invisible," said she, "all day--so you must wait. you haven't any time to bother with me, anyhow. haven't you your platform to complete? a public man must attend to public matters first, and, anyhow, i shall be denied to all my friends, and you must wait with the rest!" "it is hard to wait," he answered, "when you are so near." "i shall try to make amends," said she, "by endeavoring to be as beautiful as--as you used to describe me--at the reception. good night! good night!" he once more violated the brassfield traditions; he simply raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. to do more, he felt, would spoil all. she went in, more nearly happy than at any time since his return, but sorely puzzled. "i shall never understand him," she thought. mrs. major pumphrey, standing in line with miss scarlett and mrs. pumphrey's sister from wisconsin; a procession of people coming in by twos and threes, and steered by attendants into rooms for doffing wraps; a chain of de-wrapped human beings circulating past the receiving line and listening to mrs. pumphrey's assurances that she was delighted to welcome them that she might have the pleasure of introducing them to her sister--and of course they knew miss scarlett; an italian harper who played ceaselessly among palms; a punch-bowl presided over by flossie smith and mrs. alvord; a mã©lange of black coats, pretty frocks and white arms and shoulders; a glare of lights; a hum like a hive's--in short, a reception. such was the function to which florian made his way, waiting until he could arrive concomitantly with the waldron carriage so that he might hand the ladies therefrom, and receive from his divinity a little, uncertain pressure of the hand. then came his respects to mrs. pumphrey. amidon started as he recognized in the bright-haired second person in line his fairy of the balustrade. "so delighted to see you here, mr. brassfield!" said mrs. pumphrey. "it gives me the opportunity of presenting you to--why, daisy, where's your auntie gone? she was here just now!" "she was called away for a few moments," said miss scarlett. "yes, i believe mr. brassfield and i have met"--this with an icy bow--"and please, mr. cox, don't go, until i have told you the end of the story!" and she went on vivaciously chatting to billy cox, who had moored himself as close to her as the tide of guests sweeping by her would permit. which current swept mr. amidon onward as he was in the act of assuring his hostess of his sense of loss in her sister's absence--until an eddy left him in a quiet corner, where he found absorbing occupation in trying to imagine again as vividly as possible that pressure of the hand. was it meant as an evidence of affection?--or did her foot slip, so that she clung to his hand to prevent a fall? this question seemed of the most transcendent importance to him, and he debated it mentally all the evening, as he talked the set conversation of such an occasion. he knew no one; but every one knew him; yet he had no difficulty in getting on, because there was no sense in any of the conversation. he could answer all the remarks regarding his new role of political leader without committing himself to anything serious. bright eyes flashed meaning and soulful glances into his, as sweet lips said things which he could answer quite as well as if the context of the conversation had been as familiar to him as it was supposed to be. platitudes, generalities, inanities; and inanities, platitudes and generalities in reply. amidon looked the part of brassfield perfectly, and on occasions of this sort, to look the part is quite enough. he found elizabeth again, surrounded by a circle of admirers--men and women--an oasis of intelligence, it seemed to him as he listened, in a desert of twaddle. she smiled at him with her eyes, as he looked at her through the press, and just as he had won to a place by her side, the tide was sent flooding into a large room where, it was announced, professor blatherwick and madame le claire were doing feats of occultism. "laties ant shentlemen,"--it was the professor who spoke, "you are at liperty, of gourse, to adopt any t'eory vich seems to you goot to eggsblain dese phenomena. madame le claire offers none. ven she hass broduced te phenomena, she iss--she iss all in! if dey seem to you to be de vork of tisempodied spirits, fery well--goot! somedimes it seems so to her. if you rekard letchertemain as a sufficient vorking hypot'esis, vy, letchertemain goes, and upon dat hypot'esis ve vill gontinue to vork de miracles ant de public. id iss kvite de same to madame le claire. it iss only fair to say, howefer, dat she hass nefer yet detected herself in any fraut. bud she offers no eggsblanation; she chust gifes dese tests for your gonsiteration." a ripple of laughter and a buzz of interested comment ran through the room. "but how was it possible for her to get her hands loose?" said one. "i assure you," said mrs. meyer, she of the _parsifal_ impressions, and the wife of the hebrew leader of the gentile mob who went "down the line" for mccorkle the night before the caucuses, "i assure you that what she told me was unknown not only to every one else, but to me also; but it turned out true. it's uncanny!" "it's humbug," said the bass voice of doctor brown, "and until you show me the source of this 'occult' energy, i shall so contend. animal magnetism and sleight-of-hand! what do you think, mrs. hunter?" amidon looked across and saw--mrs. hunter, of hazelhurst! it was she and her daughter from whom he had bashfully flown to the buffet, just before he alighted from the train at elm springs junction. as he looked at her all the old life returned to him! he saw himself sitting with her and minnie in the car, as she talked fashions to him and chattered her anticipations of the lovely time minnie was to have with the family of senator fowler on the maine coast. he saw blodgett come in, and himself seize the opportunity to escape with his lawyer to the buffet. then he saw the rural railway platform, the fading glory of the west--and then the waking in the sleeping-car! could it all be possible? "do you know the lady talking with doctor brown?" he asked of miss waldron. "mrs. hunter?" said elizabeth questioningly. "why, didn't you meet her when you came in? she is mrs. pumphrey's sister, of hazelhurst, wisconsin. she receives with mrs. pumphrey to-night." "i thought it was mrs. hunter, as soon as i saw her," answered amidon; "she is an old acquaintance of mine." and it was some little time, so far had he forgotten his peculiar position, before the baleful possibilities of this innocent and truthful remark occurred to him. when he thought of it, any observing friend might well have inquired after his health, so gray with pallor and moist with sweat had his face become. not that he felt hanging over him any such danger as he had feared when he found himself in the shoes of another man, with that other man unaccounted for. he really cared very little about _that_, now. the people of bellevale, and hazelhurst, too, might think what they pleased about this mystery of disappearance and reappearance: he was independent of them all, and those he really cared about would understand. but elizabeth! everything now revolved about her. now that she had grown so dear--that she had come to smile on him in his new character--how could he let her know that this eugene brassfield whom she so admired and loved, was no more for ever; and that florian amidon had never seen her, never loved her, never wooed her until these past few days! would she ever see him again? could she regard him as anything else than an interloper and an impostor? his right to brassfield's clothes and brassfield's fortune might be as clear as judge blodgett said; but would not elizabeth feel that as to her he had attempted the very deed of which he had first suspected himself--fraud and robbery? and her "perfect lover," whom amidon habitually thought of as "that fellow brassfield"--all the perfections which elizabeth had learned to attribute to him, would no longer be credited to amidon. it was tragic! as a matter of fact, beloved, any man would have been a perfect lover, or none at all, to elizabeth. a perfect lover is the noblest work of woman. "te autience," went on the professor, "vill haf te eggstreme gourtesy to assist in a temonstration of madame le claire's power as a hypnotist. not effery vun gan pe hypnoticed te fairst dime; bud ve vill try. vill te autience bleace suchest te name of a laty or shentleman as a supchect?" "doctor brown!" said many voices. "alvord!" said others, but most of the votes appeared to be for brassfield--a name which the professor hailed joyfully as insuring against failure. it is not often that the audience will hit on the only practised sensitive in the room. madame le claire started, as there was thus presented to her the thought of bringing her power to bear on amidon. the serious results of her last exercise of it came vividly to her mind. yet, here she was openly hypnotizing him. here she could keep him under control. she could limit his brassfield state as to time, or she could keep him in a state of automatism. "mr. brassfield vill greatly obliche by goming forvart," said the professor; and, as he had learned to do, amidon obeyed his request. elizabeth, standing near mrs. hunter, heard an agitated exclamation from that lady as mr. amidon went forward. "for heaven's sake," said she, "it's florian amidon!" "who?" inquired mrs. pumphrey, "that? why, that's our chief citizen, soon to be our chief magistrate, mr. eugene brassfield." elizabeth heard no more, but in spite of perplexity at what she regarded as mrs. hunter's recognition of her lover's face and forgetfulness of his name, she could not help noticing her excited talk to her sister, and the meaning glances finally directed toward her, elizabeth. whereat, to hide a little rosy flush, miss waldron turned more completely toward the place of the hypnotist. madame le claire stood in the little curtained alcove, empty save for the great tiger-skin rug, the dais, and a chair or two. she was gowned once more in the yellow and black, and stood in tigrine splendor cap-a-pie. amidon felt her old power over him, as he approached her and looked into those mysterious eyes, and knew that he should do her bidding. she looked at his troubled countenance, and pitied him for his long evening of mental strain. she had seen his devotion to elizabeth, and, be it confessed, was jealous in spite of herself. pity and jealousy inspired the resolution which now formed in her mind: she would for an interval--an interval definitely limited--restore eugene brassfield to this company in which he was so completely at home, and lay the troubled ghost, amidon. he would appear to better advantage altogether and do himself more credit; he would, in fact, be more convincingly bellevale's "chief citizen." she bowed deeply and waved him to the chair. then she performed the charm of "woven paces and of waving arms," and he slept, "lost to life and use and name and fame." "when he opens his eyes," said she, "he will know nothing, think nothing, do nothing, except what i suggest." "make him dance with the broom," suggested cox. "let's have his inaugural address," petitioned edgington. "give him this," said alvord, offering a coin, "and make him think it's hot. people in this neighborhood would go farther to see brassfield drop a piece of money, than to interview a live dinosaur!" the laughter at this sally was lost on madame le claire. she was looking down on the unconscious amidon, and wondering how any one could think of making him the instrument of buffoonery. "i will perform only one simple, yet very difficult, lest," said she. "this gentleman will soon wake as mr. brassfield, and will be his old and usual self among you until a certain hour, which i will write on this card, and seal up in this envelope, so that no one will know, and inform mr. brassfield by suggestion. when that particular moment arrives, wherever he may be, whatever he may be doing, he will enter the cataleptic state. the test is regarded as a severe and perfect one. the card will remain in the possession of major pumphrey until it succeeds or fails, and the envelope will then be opened." kneeling on the dais, she seemed whispering in the subject's ear. then, tapping his wrist, she said, decisively, "wake!" it was eugene brassfield who opened his eyes on a circle of his friends, associates and cronies. he rose lightly and confidently, and laughed at the chaffing of his friends. he bowed to madame le claire, and moved across the room to elizabeth's side, with an air of incipient proprietorship. "no true lover of carnations," he confided to her, "could wish you to wear them as you do to-night." "really? i suppose i ought to ask why?" "it isn't fair to the flowers," said he. "flowers have rights, you know, and to be outdone in sweetness--- ah, jim! go away, and don't bother me! don't you see i'm very busy?" "old man," said alvord, answering to the name of "jim," "it's good to see you as you are to-night--your old self. you'll make a hit, my boy. this will make it more than ever a cinch!" self-possessed, masterful, mr. brassfield moved through the assembly like a conqueror. those who, a short time ago, found him dull and moody, rejoiced now in his confident persiflage pitched safely in the restful key of mediocrity, but possessed withal of a species of brilliancy, like the skilful playing of scales. elizabeth noted the return of that dash and abandon which she had lately so missed--but for the first time the brassfield music had a hollow ring in her ears. the subtler melody of last night--after all, it was best! madame le claire, immensely popular, gave readings in palmistry. miss smith was to have a husband with dark eyes. mr. brassfield offered to cross her palm with any gold coin she might name, if she would promise him a sweetheart with party-colored eyes, who would meet him for a long talk next day. madame le claire blushed and dropped the hand. mr. brassfield adroitly overtook miss scarlett, who seemed endeavoring to retreat. he stood by her, chatting lightly, using two voices, a distinct and conversational tone, and one so low as to be for her ear alone. "oh, isn't it a crush?" said he. "(_daise, what's the matter?_) a perfect evening, though. (_are you running away from me?_) and such delightful people! (_the east room in ten minutes; is it yes?_)" miss scarlett nodded, and brassfield moved on. mrs. pumphrey, mrs. hunter and elizabeth waldron were sipping punch. "may i have some?" said he. "and, please, mrs. pumphrey, may i be presented to the guest of the evening?" mrs. hunter received the introduction with a gasp. "is it possible," said she, "that you don't know me? can the possessor of that voice and face be any one but florian amidon?" "amidon, amidon?" he repeated. "pardon me, but some one else spoke that name to me lately, and i was trying to recall the circumstances. it is in every way on my part to be regretted, as the fact has deprived me of the happiness of knowing you, that i am not mr. amidon. am i so like him?" "oh, it isn't a matter of resemblance, but of identity!" replied mrs. hunter. "were you never in hazelhurst, wisconsin?" "never," said mr. brassfield; "but i am beginning to see its beauties as a place of residence. and i hope to know more of this other dromio before the evening is past." mrs. hunter bowed in acknowledgment of the compliment, and mr. brassfield took himself gracefully from their presence. in the fashion of one pressed for time, he moved on. elizabeth had grown suddenly very grave. what did this conduct of her lover mean? a little while ago he had recognized mrs. hunter, at a distance, as an old acquaintance. now he had audaciously outfaced her, and denied that he ever knew her. could this be the man she had trusted with her all? again her doubts and fears and scruples rose--rose instantly in full strength. the new impressions she had lately received of him vanished, and all the subtle suggestions of sordid lightness which the diplomacy of brassfield, even, had not entirely kept from her mind, came back with multiplied distinctness. these transformations of character, these curious duplicities, and now this lie. she must think it over: it impressed her, and she must act. "auntie," said she, "let us go." as down the stairway they came, robed for departure, they were conscious of a hum of excitement running through the assembly. "where is he? the envelope has been opened and the time is up! where is he?" were the cries. "it's eleven: it's a minute past eleven! where's mr. brassfield?" at this moment, a scream, a soprano scream, high, long-drawn and piercing, the scream of a woman in terror, came echoing from the deserted east room. a body of guests rushed through the portiã¨res, madame le claire, pale with fright, at their head, and elizabeth borne with them, all looking to see what violence had provoked that scream. they saw mr. brassfield, seated on a sofa in a shadowy corner, holding both miss scarlett's hands in his; saw the girl frantically, but in vain, trying to take them from his grasp. he sat like a statue, with his eyes set wide and unwinking like a corpse's, every limb and muscle rigid, his body tense and immovable as a stone image. the sight was terrible. it was as if the living man had been transformed in an instant into a ghastly trap, to catch those soft, warm, pretty hands! she ceased her efforts to break away, but stood white and almost fainting, and begging hysterically for help. madame le claire leaped forward like a tigress, so light was her step, and passed her hand over his eyes, so as to close them. then, bending her gaze one moment piercingly on his face, she sharply tapped his wrist and uttered the single word, "wake!" florian amidon opened his eyes. he saw that something extraordinary was taking place, for, in the act of opening his eyes, he had seen miss scarlett fall back into the arms of mr. cox, and knew that she was being conveyed rapidly away. "it iss now," said the professor, "vun minute past eleven. te test, you vill atmit, hass peen a gomplete success. dis sairgumsdance vill pe noted as exdablishing to a sairtain eggstent an important brinciple, ant hass peen in effery vay bleasant ant a success: not?" a laugh or two was heard, then more laughter, then a little hum of reviving talk, and one could observe that the affair was to be passed off as one of the mysteries of occultism. "well," said mr. amidon, "if i have contributed my share to the gaiety of the occasion, i shall beg now to be permitted to depart." the waldrons were waiting for their carriage as he came down. "there will be plenty of assistance," said the aunty "and we shall not need to detain you." "oh, auntie, auntie!" wept elizabeth, when they were safely alone, "there was a spell upon him, as you say, there in the east room, but the spell that took him there was none of the hypnotist's working! i am shamed, and humiliated, and robbed of all i have to live for! he went there, auntie, of his own accord, _and left me_!" mr. alvord passed the thing off more lightly. "confound it!" said he, "i wish they were in hades with their mesmeric stunts! i shan't tell brass what happened, for it won't do any good; and the less notice there's taken of it the better. but carrying things before him as he was--it was hard luck to have that occur. puts him in an undignified position, to say the least. i wish i could think there was nothing more to it!" xxii a revival of belshazzar we are but sitters at the table, guests, where each drinks more, the more that he protests, sees, one by one, his fellows slip from sight, and then himself beneath the table rests. * * * * * * some walk the sinuous crack for test, and some judge by the throbbing fullness of the thumb- but lo! the fool continues till the guests are changed to pairs of twins as in they come! --_imitations of immorality_. barring the somewhat equivocal episode of the east room at major pumphrey's, everything had gone to mr. alvord's liking since mr. brassfield had placed the campaign in his hands. and, as a matter of fact, that affair was so susceptible of plausible explanation, and so fenced about by the sanctities of private hospitality, that alvord was reassured after a day or two had passed with no public scandal. amidon stayed away from headquarters, and alvord, acting under the unlimited authority granted by brassfield, took all responsibility and proceeded most effectively in his own way. amidon's instructions by telephone, to prepare a statement of disbursements to be made public, he regarded as one of brassfield's jokes. his suggestion that he meant to stand on a platform of principles seemed equally humorous. to propose such ridiculous things in a perfectly serious way, and laugh at the victim's credulity in "biting" on the hoax, was quite in harmony with the relations among the members of the set to which they belonged, where practical jokes, merciless chaffing and perpetual efforts to get the best of one another had given the group a more than local celebrity. having, therefore, no suspicion that his candidate's platform of principles was in the hands of the reporters, and would appear in the next morning's papers, alvord took his way to the annual supper of the a. o. c. m. feeling that all was well in the world, and that here, at least, his candidate would acquit himself well. messrs. bulliwinkle and cox were absent when the time came for sitting down to supper, and mr. simpson, the master of the revels, decreed that no one was to be waited for. so the chairs of the absentees were shoved up, and reminded mr. slater, who was quite high in spirits, of _the vacant chair_, which he sang to the bass of judge blodgett, and a humming accompaniment by alvord and edgington. professor blatherwick listened with rapt attention and was much affected. "dis iss heidelberg unt stutent tays," said he. "strong and luffing hearts, ant veak hets ant stomachs! oh, te svorts ant steins ant songs ant scraps! it iss brotuctife of tears ant schmiles!" "especially smiles," said mr. simpson; "and right in that connection, these cocktails are supposed to go in ahead of the refection. gentlemen, a good time to all!" now, after some courses of soup and fish and _entrã©es_, mr. alvord noted the cocktails and the unconsumed glasses of wine at the plates of bulliwinkle and cox, and with a sense of equity truly anglo-saxon, he raised the point that it was an injustice to those who had been prompt, to have these two fresh competitors come in late and entirely sober in the middle of the feast. "point seems to be well taken," said judge blodgett. "i move, your honor, that the wet goods apportionable to our absent friends be set aside for them." "sustained!" roared simpson. "let the booze of bulliwinkle and cox be filed away for future reference, in the sideboard!" so their glasses stood in two rows, lengthening course by course, awaiting the coming of the absentees. and thus it was that when mr. bulliwinkle, fat, bald, and rubicund, made his appearance, the proceedings were suspended until he had imbibed his share, glass by glass, beginning with the cocktails and ending temporarily with madeira. then mr. bulliwinkle suddenly became profoundly grave, and was soon detected by alvord in the act of stealthily endeavoring to place his finger accurately upon certain small round spots in the table-cloth. whereupon, mr. bulliwinkle, to show how entirely he had himself in hand, proposed a toast in verse beginning, "now here's to the girl with the auburn hair, and the shoulders whiter than snow," and drank it off in a bumper. all seemed to forget bulliwinkle at this and transferred their attention to amidon, and pounded on the table and called for a response from him. blodgett nodded for him to yield, and in order that he might be fully in character, florian began by saying that they, who knew him so well were quite well aware that he could respond to a toast in honor of the girl with the auburn hair---"or any other old color!" shouted edgington. "or all colors at once!" roared a nameless wight at the foot of the table. at which gaucherie, the nameless wight was the recipient of nudges and scowls in the direction of the professor (who was probably unaware of the color of the hair on his own head, to say nothing of his daughter's) and edgington filled the gap caused by the unexpected collapse of amidon's response by charging that cox was absent because of his having recently taken passage upon the water-wagon, and was traitorously staying away. alvord proposed that a messenger be sent for him, and when the a. d. t. boy came, a written summons was penned on a menu card, on which progress to date was checked, and instructions given that the document be presented to cox at his home every twenty minutes until he came--cox to pay the charges; and the messenger to return between trips to report, and to have the menu checked up so that cox might note the forward movement of events, and see how far he was behind. when mr. simpson rose to make a few general observations ushering in that part of the program usually devoted to speech-making, mr. bulliwinkle, whose vision was slightly impaired, took him for the tardy cox and some friend whom cox had brought, and greeted them with a strident "how-de-do!" after this blunder, of course, mr. bulliwinkle was logically bound to show that the exclamation was uttered by virtue of a deliberate plan, and so he repeated it from time to time all the evening, until the ordeal of mixed drinks, to which his late arrival had subjected him, proved too much for his endurance and robbed him of speech. but this is anticipating. a dozen matches were burning and a dozen havanas sending forth their first cloudlets of blue over the sparkling glasses of champagne, as mr. simpson began his remarks. "to most of those present," he said, "i don't need to say that this is a sort of annual affair. to our new friends i will explain that this club is an institution of bellevale lodge, number 689, of the ancient order of christian martyrs, of which noble fraternity we are all devoted members. present company are members, ex or incumbent, of the board of control, and a system of fines for absence at board meetings accumulates a fund which has to be spent, and we are now engaged in spending it. beyond the logic of the situation, which points unerringly to the blowing-in of this fund, the impending happy event in the life of our treasurer, brother brassfield, together with the public honors already and about to be conferred on him, render it fitting that this banquet be in his honor. what the devil is that racket? oh, the boy----! let the wandering caitiff enter! what says the recreant invader of our mystic circle?" "he said he'd hev' me 'rested 'f i came there any more, an' the whole bunch pulled," said the boy. "an' he chucked the paper out o' the winder." "let another scroll be prepared," roared simpson, "and go back to him as per schedule." "but," said the boy, "he said----" "we hold the police force in the hollow of our hands!" shouted simpson. "we will protect you." "i should say we would!" "you trust us!" "to the death!" chorused the roisterers. "i'll collect damages from him for your death!" said judge blodgett. "whom do you want 'em paid to?" "d'vide the boodle," said the boy, "among my grandchildren--ekally. do i go back?" "you do," said simpson, "as soon as another exhibit a is prepared." "it's ready, most noble potentate," said edgington ritualistically. "then let the messenger depart. where's that menu i had? hang it, you've used it for the kid, and it had my remarks on it. as i was saying, this is brassfield's night. everybody tells a story, sings a song or dances." edgington told a story which, he said, was "on brassfield," and showed what regular devil that gentleman had been. it seemed that he and "brass" were at one time fly-fishing in the mountains, and eugene had so wrought on the fancy of the schoolmistress that she had let school out at three, and gone to learn casting of brassfield. "and when they came to the house at suppertime," he went on, "the whole family were laying for them. 'ketch anything?' said the old lady, 'anythin' more'n a bullhead?' 'i c'n see,' said the hired man, 'that she's been castin' purty hard, by the way her dress is kinder pressed around the waist. it allers fixes mine that way!'" and so on, to the narration of the outbreak of hostilities with the hired man, and the flight of brassfield and edgington. at every point amidon winced, as he got views of brassfield's character which hypnotism could not yield, and the assembly roared the louder at his embarrassment. the messenger boy returned again by this time, still unsuccessful, and was provided with a bunch of cannon fire-crackers to be exploded in cox's front yard so that the invitation to the banquet might not be overlooked. then slater told of mr. brassfield's adventures at the mardi gras, the story consisting mostly of the account of eugene's wonderful series of winnings at the race course, where he adopted the system of always finding what horse was given the longest odds, and playing him. "our friend," said slater, "on that last day, was too full of mint-juleps and enthusiasm to tell the field from the judges' stand. said he never saw the judges' stand run with the horses before (laughter); thought it was a good idea--judges could always tell whether the riding was fair (cheers); and put his money on azim at about one hundred to one; and when azim romped in a winner, they stuffed all his pockets full of money, and the reporters came with cameras to get shots at the northern millionaire who had such a thundering run of luck, and you ought to have seen 'gene when he saw the papers in the morning! had to take him to pass christian next day. it was too strenuous for your humble servant at new orleans. all the sports knew him by this time, and wanted to run into him so as to touch him for luck, and 'gene wanted to fight every guy that touched him, and about half the time was getting accommodated and taking second money in every fight!" (great laughter and applause.) amidon was unable to tell as to the absolute truth of these tales, but they had such verisimilitude that they impressed and shocked him. he was doubly astounded at the evident enjoyment with which they were received by his friends, and especially at the fact of the hearty and unrestrained manner in which blodgett and even blatherwick joined in the applause. every shot from the quiver of horse-play (except those aimed at the luckless cox) seemed directed at him, amidon the dignified. here, it seemed, he was known to have been guilty of gambling, drunkenness and libertinism--the three vices that he most detested. his face burned with shame. how had elizabeth ever cared for such a man as that villain brassfield? where was the sir galahad, or lancelot either, in this life? he must somehow, some time, find a way to tell her that it was brassfield, not amidon, who had done these things, and that he, amidon, reared by a doting mother and cared for by a solicitous sister, and all his life the model of the moral town of hazelhurst, was as innocent of these things as she was. these thoughts so filled his mind that he heard very little of judge blodgett's dialect story. professor blatherwick began a german song full of trilled r's, achs and hochs; but became offended at bulliwinkle's strident "how-de-do!" at the end of the first stanza, and quit. whereupon bulliwinkle, for the first time sensing the fact that something was wrong, in the goodness of his heart began singing, _dot's how poor yacob found it oudt_, in seeming compliment to the nationality of the professor; but, owing to the subtlety of the reasoning, the professor failed to take it as such. he took mortal umbrage instead, and hurled his card down on the table with a bang, at which bulliwinkle slipped under the mahogany, "gently as a skylark settles down upon the clustered treasures of her nest." meantime, mr. simpson had called on mr. knaggs to do a dance, as he alleged himself unable to do anything else. mr. knaggs responded, and did pretty well considering the lateness of the hour, but insisted that he ought to have a better surface than the carpet. amidon dimly resented as an impropriety mr. knaggs' brilliant proof of the correctness of his position regarding the carpet, by a tumultuously successful clog-dance on the table. by this time, it being past the hour for retiring, according to the habit of most, several of the guests were asleep, and most of the rest were indulging in monologues under the impression that they were conversing with their neighbors. edgington was on his feet proposing a series of interrogatories in strictly legal form requiring amidon to say how he got the support of barney conlon, what there was in his labor record to win the support of sheehan and zalinsky, and various other matters. at alvord's request, judge blodgett was moving that these be "struck out," while slater insisted that it ought to be a "base on balls." it was a new experience for amidon. he was surprised to find a something in it which he enjoyed. the very hubbub was interesting. no wonder, such being the conditions, that the a. d. t. boy rapped long and was not heard. no wonder that the ultimate opening of the door was unnoted by those present, or that no one observed the tall man with whisker extensions to a mustache naturally too large, who came in after the messenger. observed or not, however, he entered and walked heavily down the banqueting-hall. "brassfield, a summons for you," said he fiercely. "here's the copy; this is the 'rig'nal. waive the readin', i s'pose? sorry to interrupt. so long." amidon looked at the stiff document as if it had been a gila monster on toast. he saw such words as "state of pennsylvania, county of rockoil, ss," and "default will be taken against you, and judgment rendered thereon," and sundry dates and figures. instinctively he turned to judge blodgett, saying: "what's this, blodgett?" a tremor of panic seized on amidon, and a wave of sobriety passed over the guests. much the same thing must have marked the breaking up of the feast of belshazzar. the roisterers gazed at the paper, or began their preparations for departure. "what is it?" asked amidon. "i don't know enough about the practice here," said the judge slowly, "to be able to say whether it's good or not--seems to have been hastily and rather slovenly gotten up----" "but what is the damned thing?" shouted alvord; "cut it short and tell us." "seems perfectly regular, though," went on the judge deliberately. "it's a summons in the case of daisy scarlett versus eugene brassfield in a suit for twenty-five thousand dollars for breach of promise of marriage." amidon sank back in a collapse which was almost a faint. the little nervous alvord rose to command. "now," said he, standing in his place, "i want to say a few words before a man leaves this room. i know something of this case, and i want you to take my word that there's no more foundation for it than there would be if it were brought against any one of us. and furthermore, there must be nothing said about this. these papers are not on record yet, and i believe something can be done. why, confound it, something shall be done! every man must pledge me his word that he won't breathe a word of this, and will deny it if asked about it." "we promise!" came the unanimous shout. alvord walked toward the guest of honor, tripping over the legs of bulliwinkle as he went, and offered his hand to amidon. "i say, old man, i warned you that you were carrying on a little strong; and now here's a--" "how-de-do!" said bulliwinkle. _in vino veritas_! truly, most bibulous bulliwinkle, thou hast supplied the very word to convey the meaning for which we at this moment desire expression! here's a how-de-do indeed! just as our friend amidon has made a successful lodgment in the outworks of port waldron--a citadel which he had taken by stratagem, abandoned for conscience' sake, and re-invested on lines of fairer warfare, to say nothing of the investment of the mayoralty--the hope of victory is swallowed up in a sea of disasters. the meeting on the stairway, the repudiation of mrs. hunter, the arrested flirtation in the east room: all these--any of these--were enough: but what hope for us remains, after this sensational summons, served in the small hours of a bacchanalian revel, in a breach-of-promise action at the suit of the dreadful "strawberry blonde"? verily, bulliwinkle, here is indeed a how-de-do! "old man," said mr. alvord, in private communication to mr. amidon at parting, "we're none of us in condition to discuss this calmly now; but don't give up. it's a blow, but with our pull with the press, and our personal relations with cox, can be squelched, i believe. until after election----" "until when?" asked amidon dazedly. "after election," answered alvord. "after that, while it will be a blow, of course, it won't wreck things quite so completely, you know. and even if it does sort of leak out, it's one of those mix-ups that lots of voters'll rather admire you for, you know. it may react in your favor, if we can----" "mr. alvord," said amidon, "please to understand that i don't care a rush, one way or the other, about this election!" "now, now, don't say that!" said alvord soothingly. "i can see how you feel, 'gene--pride, and affection, and bessie, and the wedding coming on--but, pshaw, we lots of us have things kind of tangle up on us coming in on the home stretch of a pretty swift heat! go home, and don't worry too much. i'm with you, and we'll win. f. d. and b., you know. keep the other strings pulling right--it's only a day or so now. good night, old man, and brace up! see you to-morrow." one rather likes the optimistic fighter--purely as a fighter--of the alvord stripe. he was so occupied with plans for the next day's battle that the dubious features of the contest were already clearing up in his mind with the forming of plans for attacking the situation. a few hours of sleep, and he was up and at them. his telephone called up the editors of the town with the morning star. long before the enemy could have known of the breach in his works, his trusty troops were busy filling it up. he was almost happy again, when edgington rushed into his presence with a newspaper crushed in his clenched fist, and all sorts of disaster depicted in his expression. "jim," he cried, "have you seen this?" "no," answered alvord. "it ain't that scarlett business? i thought i'd got that----" "no, no! it isn't that!" groaned edgington. "but we're done, all the same! done to a finish! you might as well close the headquarters and go home, for if we win, on this platform, we lose, and all the money we've put in is lost! i tell you, jim, 'gene brassfield is either insane--and i believe it's that--or he's the damnedest traitor and sneak and two-faced hound that ever stepped, and i'll have it out with him! some way, if i wait ten years, i'll have it out with him, if i have to do it with a gun! his business leaves my office at once. why, there aren't words fit for me to use, to describe the miserable, false, lying----" "see here, edge!" said alvord. "we may be done, as you say, but eugene brassfield has made you, and he's my friend, and you'd better not go on like that, here! let me see that paper!" edgington threw it to him. in heavy type he saw the fateful platform summarized in a black-bordered panel on the first page: brassfield's platform 1. strict enforcement of early closing regulations for saloons. 2. no franchises except on public bidding, and ample provision for subsequent acquisition by the city. 3. gambling laws to be strictly enforced. 4. segregation of vice. 5. vote of the people on all important measures. 6. appointments non-partizan on the merit system. 7. publication of all items of campaign expenses. alvord fell back in utter dismay. then he read in full the manifesto which amidon and elizabeth had prepared; and, folding up the paper, he stuck it in a drawer, which he locked, as if thereby to seal up the direful news. for a moment he felt betrayed and utterly defeated. then he straightened himself for a resumption of the battle. "see here, edge," he said insinuatingly, "this is pretty bad, i admit. i think, myself, that brass is off his head. he 'phoned me once about this, but he's such a josher, and it was such wild-eyed lunacy that i thought he was kidding. you'd have thought so, too, in my place. but we can pull through yet. we can convince the sports that this high-moral business is only for the church people, and the civic purity push. why, brassfield himself couldn't make fatty pierson believe he stands for this stuff. it's so out of reason,--the safe and sane life he's lived. and i'll undertake to keep the god-and-morality folks lined up, because these are really the things they say they want. this ain't going to be so very bad, after all, edge!" "bad!" ejaculated edgington. "why, alvord, you're so wrapped up in brassfield that you're ready to go crazy with him!" "well, i want to say right here," shouted alvord, "that if you think i'm going to quit on a man i've eaten with and slept with and sworn to stay by--by gad, i won't!" "well, stay by him, then!" cried edgington. "go on and butt your brains out on this stone wall of ism, and see where you come out. you're already beaten. the other side knew about this last night, and you'll be blown out of water before to-morrow morning. doctor bulkon and his crowd are already lined up against you: the doctor will take the position that brassfield's proposal to segregate vice is a compromise with sin, and that that's the paramount issue. why, pumphrey and johnson and the williams set are all among his best-paying parishioners, and they've put the screws to bulkon--who doesn't see the point, anyhow. i tell you that there are too many pillars of the church with downtown property to rent, for you to keep either them or their pastors in line. they'll find moral issues to fight the ten commandments on, if they have to. you ought to know this, jim." "well," said alvord, "let the pharisees oppose us! i'll appeal to the liberal element. i'll convince 'em that brassfield don't mean this stuff. they like him, and they'll stick!" "stick!" sneered edgington. "like him! you make me tired, jim! how long will they 'stick' against the influence of their landlords and bankers? why, they've all read this platform, and the story has gone down the line that brassfield is so infatuated with miss waldron that he's allowing her to write his platform, and that she'll be the mayor. don't you think that that won't cut the ground from under you, either! a saloon man or gambler fears a good woman's influence as a wolf fears fire. why, jim, when this 'advanced thought' platform of yours comes to be voted on, there won't be any one for it except thick-and-thin party men who 'never scratch.' now i'm not going down with any such sinking scow. i shall make terms for my financial interests with the other side." "go, then!" shouted alvord, "and find you've hopped out of the frying pan into the fire! by george, i tell you we've got the money to buy this election!" "oh!" said edgington, "_have_ you! and how about your publishing an itemized account of campaign expenses?" alvord, his last card played, fell back beaten, every vestige of optimistic pugnacity gone from his face. edgington laid his hand on the other's shoulder, in sympathy. "i tell you, jim," said he, as he departed, "this is no place nor time to run a reform campaign. brassfield isn't the candidate for it, and you're not the manager. you're simply fish trying to fly. come with me and we'll get into our natural element." "not by a good deal," said alvord stubbornly. "i don't know anything in this but brassfield, and to him i'll stick!" "as you please," said edgington. "but keep the lid on the scarlett business!" alvord made no reply. but when edgington was gone he took up his work with a groan of real distress. xxiii the moving finger writes to the queen came the guard full of zeal: haled in bonds the pretender: "shall it be noose or knout, rack or wheel?" but her proud face grew tender. down she stepped from her throne--made him free; "love," she said, with a sigh, "what is rank? you are you, we are we, i am i!" --_the cheating of zenobia_. i should like to write, just here, a little disquisition on crises. i should show how all nature moves ever on and on toward certain cataclysmic events, each of which marks a point of departure for new ascents in progression. i should begin, of course, with the nebular hypothesis, its crash of suns, followed by the evolution of the star and its system of planets, its life, cooling, death, and a fresh crisis forming a new nebula. i should end with either revolutions or malaria, depending on whether i should last consider the subject in its relation to sociology or to pathology; but in any case, somewhere along in the latter third of the work, i should treat of love and marriage, and therein of the crisis and catastrophe in romance. i have a good mind to do it! but, no; crises in general must wait, seeing that our particular one stands clamoring for solution. the concrete bids away with the abstraction. none of our friends of this history could be brought just now, for a single moment, to seek solace in philosophy, unless it might be professor blatherwick--and he is entirely oblivious of the fact of the crisis having made its appearance. not so, for instance, with the professor's extraordinary daughter, whose feelings were so lacerated by the culminating proof of the fickleness of brassfield at the pumphreys' reception that she wondered how she could ever have thought of keeping him in that perfidious plane of consciousness in the hope that therein he would cleave to her only. better a good friend in amidon, said she, than a false lover in brassfield. howbeit, she isolated herself and mourned, thinking much of the wrong her deed of the reception had done to amidon, and wondering how it might be remedied. nor with mr. amidon, who, while ignorant of the full extent of his misfortune in the eyes of elizabeth, yet knew that he was deep, deep in disgrace with her, and found so many plausible reasons for it that the episode at the reception seemed the least of them. he knew enough of brassfield to believe him guilty on any charge which might be brought against him. the only doubt he allowed himself was as to how far he, florian amidon, was morally responsible for brassfield's wrong-doings. he had no doubt that miss scarlett had a real grievance against brassfield, and, in an extremity of woe, made up his mind that amidon must hold himself to the sorry trade of answering a debt he never contracted. he knew from a brief interview with alvord that the political situation was bad, but for this he had scarcely a thought since the tragic breaking-up of their little belshazzar's feast. it was his relations with miss waldron and miss scarlett which placed him beyond the reach of philosophy. so also is judge blodgett, who has been busy since the banquet, some of the time with a towel about his brow, searching through edgington's library, to which his connection with the bunn's ferry well case gave him the _entrã©e_, for the law of breach of promise of marriage as defined by the pennsylvania decisions. edgington himself was apparently always from his office. blodgett's call on fuller and cox was most unsatisfactory, mr. fuller with some acerbity disclaiming all knowledge of any such case as scarlett versus brassfield, and mr. cox being invisible. "they act," said he to florian, "like people who are out for revenge, or a vindication, or something besides money. i don't consider their attitude favorable to a compromise." "well," said amidon, "that does not surprise me at all." "it doesn't, eh?" went on the judge. "well, i can't say that anything surprises me; though i was a little taken off my feet by a rumor that something took place between you and the plaintiff at that party the other night. how was that?" "there may have been something," said amidon calmly, "but you must get particulars from some one else--clara, perhaps. you see, she was giving tests, and put me into that--brassfield state, (why, i can't understand)--and i don't know what occurred; but there was something." "i'd like to know about that," said the judge contemplatively, "i'd like to know. that stairway episode--that collision, you remember--may not count for much on the trial; but with a few corroborative circumstances, eh, my boy? farmer jury; pretty girl; blighted affection; damned villain, you know. but say! she's got something to prove if she wins, under the authorities here, and there are more cases in this state than there ought to be in the whole world; but a summer-resort engagement, girl of mature years, a little bit swift down the quarter-stretch and all that--cheer up, florian, we'll win, or we'll make it a great case----" "blodgett," answered amidon, who heard with horror the lawyer's forecast of the trial, "she may not have to prove anything. there may not be any trial. i must know these facts! i may owe her reparation. i may--anything! i must know; and no one but madame le claire can help us, and she must act through that accursed scoundrel who has got us into all this--brassfield! go to her, blodgett, and tell her that she must see us. i have asked for an interview a dozen times since that reception but she won't see any one. get an interview for this afternoon; and you must be present and hear her bring out of him a full confession; not as my attorney, but as my friend, as a gentleman. if you find out the worst, as i believe, i shall offer----" judge blodgett gave amidon's hand a warm grasp. "that's like you, florian," he exclaimed, "and it's the part of a man! but i'd see her in halifax first! why, you may be called to give up--have you considered--miss wald----" "no no!" said amidon, "that--_she_ is no longer a factor in the case. it's all over with her anyhow, if--- i can't talk of that; but can't you see that this other matter must be cleared up--before i can even come into her presence? can't you see----" "i'll see the madame," said the judge. "yes--i'll see her! i'll see her at once. i guess you're right about it, florian." madame le claire was keenly conscious of the converging lines of fate, the meeting of which was so rich in baleful promise. she was prostrated at the result of her work at the reception. she had seen florian in a position of utter humiliation. she had observed the gray pallor in elizabeth's face as she walked from the room, and felt on her conscience the murder of their happiness. she had seen--and this hurt her more than she would to herself admit--she had seen brassfield walk from a whispered conversation with herself--an amorous, wooing conversation--to a secret meeting with daisy scarlett; so that she felt despoiled of the hold she had had on the affections of even amidon's false second self, brassfield. for all this she blamed herself because of the little jealous spite, to gratify which she had made brassfield walk his disastrous hour on the stage. what should she do? what could she do? she secluded herself and pondered. on this second day, she made her resolve: she would see miss waldron, and if possible explain as much of the mystery as might serve to satisfy her with reference to the affair of the east room. accordingly, a note went up to the house with the white columns, asking for a meeting. and as the messenger departed, the card of judge blodgett came in. "no!" said madame le claire, to his request, "no, i must be excused! i can not conscientiously put him in that state again. if you could have seen him when last----" "exactly!" said the judge, filling in the pause. "and as i didn't see that reception affair, you must tell me about it. it's important for me to know." when he had been told, the judge walked back and forth in evident perturbation, fingering over the leaves of a little square book which he took from his pocket. "did you ever," said he at last, "happen to hear what was the rule laid down in the breach of promise case of hall versus maguire?" "breach of promise!" ejaculated the young woman, inferring a volume from the words. "what do you mean?" "these facts of which you inform me," said he, "bring mr. amidon's case within the rule in hall versus maguire, square as a die! oh, i forgot to tell you! mr. amidon, doing business under the name and style of eugene brassfield, has been sued by miss daisy scarlett, for breach of promise. no publicity, as yet, but----" "oh, it must be stopped!" exclaimed the occultist; "it shall be stopped! he is not guilty. he was irresponsible--ask papa about it; he will tell you so. this girl is coming to see me here to-day: i'll tell her how wrong----" "no, no, my dear!" said the judge in a fatherly manner. "that would never do, never! you may have given a hint as to this matter of irresponsibility, worth considering. promise of marriage--civil contract; abnormal state--irresponsibility: it looks pretty well! you should have been a lawyer. but this thing of having dealings with miss scarlett except in the presence of and through her legal advisers, messrs. fuller and cox--not for a moment to be thought of by an honorable practitioner: not for a moment!" madame le claire regarded him with a lofty scorn meant for these antiquated scruples of his; but before she could find words, the knock of the bell-boy called her attention to the door. "miss waldron is below!" said she. "judge, you may bring mr. amidon up in half an hour. i shall then be at liberty, and may grant his request. please leave me, now; i have asked miss waldron to be shown up, and must see her alone." elizabeth waldron, in this plexus of disasters, found nowhere a gleam of comfort. her fine chagrin at the thought of such things as she feared might be censurable as overfree self-revelation to her lover in such things as letters and the sweet concessions of the new betrothal--all this was past, now. tragedy has this of comfort in it: its fateful lightnings burn out of the atmosphere of life all the noisome littlenesses which have seemed worthy of concern. so it was with elizabeth, as she now faced the very annihilation of all for which she had lived--centered in that "perfect lover," who was now worse than annihilated in this descent to a plane which made every act of homage to her so mean and common that she would have felt his status uplifted by some proof of great guilt on his part. and she could see no way of acquitting him. there was mystery in it, but no exculpation. mystery---with the idea of mystery came in the image of the strange girl with the fascinating glance and the party-colored hair. could it be possible that the occult power possessed by her might somehow furnish an explanation of her lover's strangely base behavior? more and more did this fixed thought engross her mind. she felt that she must know--must see this woman and her colorless father. desire grew to resolve; resolve bred inquiry as to ways of compassing an interview; and in the midst of the inquiry, came madame le claire's messenger. her answer was the putting on of her cloak for a visit to the occultist's parlors. the two women faced each other like hostile champions in a truce. elizabeth's first aversion to the other had been swept away in the flood of righteous jealousy created by the scarlett episode. madame le claire's unreasoning feeling of injury had been mitigated by the same baleful affair, and her sense of justice fought for elizabeth; but no two women loving the same man ever met without antagonism. "i thank you," said miss waldron, "for this invitation. i think you owe me the benefit of such light as you can give on some--some things--which are dark to me." a little angry flush rose to madame le claire's cheek at the tone in which the first part of this speech was uttered. it passed away, and was replaced by a gentler expression at the doleful and faltering conclusion. "i owe you," she answered, "more in the way of knowledge than you imagine. i expect other visitors. will you step into this little rear room? i may be called away from you for a while, but i shall return." "i need not tell you," said elizabeth, "how vitally important it is to me to know whether there was anything in your mesmeric influence over--mr. brassfield--which would cause him to do--things unworthy of him--as he did. did you impose any such thing on him by your power?--could you have been so cruel?" "before i answer that," replied clara, "there are many things to tell. when did you first meet mr. amidon.--brassfield, i mean?" "why do you call him by that name?" cried elizabeth. "that is what mrs. hunter called him! one moment he told me he knew her; the next, he denied it to her face. what is there in this matter of names?" madame le claire looked with a fixed and unwavering calmness at miss waldron, and answered in a tone of perfect reassurance. "there is nothing in it which can't be easily explained. you have known mr. brassfield a long time?" "since i was seventeen. he did my aunt and me a great favor, which lifted us out of poverty--about some land we had, and oil discoveries--i went away soon after this, but he has always been very kind and good--until--until this----" elizabeth walked to the window and looked out for a long time, during which madame le claire regarded her fixedly and tried not to hate her. "did he tell you much of his past?" "no, he said it was a very ordinary past, and that he would tell us all about it some time; and then the subject never came up again. i never really cared!" "let me tell it to you," said madame le claire. "he was, all his life, a man of wealth and standing. he was a scholar and a student of the fine arts and letters. he was the pride of his town and his university. then, all at once, nearly six years ago, came on him one of those strange experiences of which i, through my profession, am able to speak to you as one having knowledge. he became another man. his mind had drawn across it a dead line cutting off everything back of a certain date. he did not tell you of his life, _because he did not remember it himself_." elizabeth gasped, and turned pale. "this life of his----" she began. "--was a life which was in every way better--which will add to your pride in him. but you must be prepared for some strange and unexpected things. now, for instance, a name--a name seems important; but what is it? this loss of personality--of self-consciousness relating to the past--it was loss of name, of mode of life, of all memory, except certain blind, unconscious reflexes, in which the brain had no part. how the name of brassfield was suggested to this new-born personality of his, no one can tell, he least of all. but----" "then his name--his name is--is not----" now here was a situation for a diplomat. to say that brassfield was an assumed name, an alias, was to shock the girl's womanish conservatism to its very base. madame le claire proved herself a diplomat. "why," said she, as if the matter were, after all, of no importance, "the name of brassfield is his, legally, judge blodgett says, and morally. these business names, as distinguished from others, are quite common now, i am told--take mine, for instance. eugene brassfield was not his name until five years ago, when this happened. he is really florian amidon, son of the chemist wilford amidon, of whom, i have no doubt, you have read." the fact that the name of wilford amidon had never reached her ears, did not occur to elizabeth. madame le claire's choice of expression sounded like the announcement that florian was a prince just throwing off his incognito. the subtle sophistry of this way of putting it found grateful harborage in elizabeth's hungry soul. for a moment she felt comforted. then came back the thought that, after all, she had found out nothing of the matters she had come to search out. "it is very strange," said she, "but, after all, it only adds to the mystery. why did he do those things? did you make him do them? and why did he say that he knew mrs. hunter, and then deny it? and if he knew about his past when he said he knew her, did he not know it as well afterward? i can not be blinded to these matters by a statement of things merely mysterious and strange. i must have----" "my friend," said madame le claire, "all these things will be explained, trust me. the person tapping at the outer door is judge blodgett with mr. am----with your future husband. things will occur of which you should know, and which can not take place if they know you are here. it will be most honorable for you to stay. remain here and note well what happens, and you will get much light on your troubles, and on his--of some of which you do not yet know, which i do not understand, but which will be cleared up. you will say nothing, but watch and listen." before miss waldron could protest, the other woman was gone. florian and judge blodgett were brought into the middle room, and seated with their faces from the portiã¨re, behind which elizabeth waited, wondering what she should do, feeling that she had the right to know, and obedient to the mesmerist's commands. mr. amidon began _in medias res_, too full of grim determination for any circumlocution. "madame le claire," said he, "recently, as i sat at supper, i was notified that this miss scarlett has begun suit against me for breach of promise." "yes," said madame le claire, "i have heard of it. it is most unjust." elizabeth, astounded at amidon's statement, heard her new friend's reply as some far-off note of succor in doubtful and deadly battle. she sat close, now, and listened. "ever since i came to myself," went on amidon, "and through your wonderful power found out about this life of mine here in bellevale, the name of miss scarlett has come up from time to time as connected with it. i have always shrunk from having you find out just what our--relations--have been, and the whole thing has been dark to me--dark and forbidding. what wrong i--this man brassfield--may have done her, i can not know without your aid. i must know this, now. if she has been wronged, she shall have reparation, as full as i can give." "what do you mean," said madame le claire--and elizabeth held her breath--"by full reparation?" "first let us know the wrong! if that exists, the reparation will be for miss scarlett and her advisers to name." "but they may name the keeping of the promise they say you have made!" "i have thought that all over." "but your engagement to----" "the lady you are about to mention," said amidon, "must have ceased to care much for me, after what i am told took place the other night; and when she learns of this other disgrace, as she must before she sees me again--if she ever does--it will be all over--for ever--except the wrong to her--for which reparation can never be made. i----" "oh, it is too dreadful!" cried madame le claire. "and for that worst thing--the other night--i only am to blame! i put into you the character in which you have become weak and drawn aside by suggestions not natural to your own character. can you ever forgive me?" "i have never thought of blaming you!" he protested. "you? why, no one ever had so good a friend; all the chance i have had to win happiness here, you gave me. i have lost that--by misfortune. now help me to make things as near right as i can. put me back into the world of brassfield, and let me know the worst that i--he--has done." "coom een!" said the voice of the professor in the corridor. "coom een! clara iss not here now: den she must be someveres. pe bleaced to sit vile i look. anyhow, she vill soon return. ach, herr cox, ve missed you creatly at our supper--eatings of reasons and sdreams of souls! ach! here iss our friendt te chutche, ant herr amidon--brassfield, i mean!" madame le claire appeared in the archway. "ah, miss scarlett," said she, "you are early. may i ask you to return, in----" "no!" it was the voice of miss scarlett which replied. "no, i'm not going! and if 'gene brassfield is in there, billy cox has something to say to him. here, mr. alvord, you come in, too; he's out there hunting for 'gene. billy, do your duty now!" "pardon me," said mr. cox, advancing into the next room, followed by miss scarlett. "pardon me, judge blodgett, i have a few words for you and your client. miss scarlett has made me agree to apologize to mr. brassfield about that summons; and if 'gene brassfield thinks i owe him any apology for putting it on to him a little before his out-of-town friends, i'll make it. but here are the facts, and he knows it: for four years he's been rawhiding me at every chance with his practical jokes. he had me arrested and detained for a whole day on fake telegrams at wilkesbarre, only last fall; and just before that he got everybody at the springs to thinking i was tascott, and induced a rural constable to take me into custody. why, alvord here in his worst estate hasn't been as bad as he's been. if he's lost any opportunity, i don't remember it; and, of course, i've got back once in a while, and may be about even. but everything has been good-natured and brotherly, as ought to be between members of the gang. _and_, of course, when the cannon-crackers began to go off that night, i knew he was doing it. i was over in major pumphrey's parlor, where daisy had invited me, during the eruption, and i told her about these things, and wished for some way of getting even, and--and some one spoke of this breach of promise suit, and we--that is, i--got up the summons, and i told ed tootle to serve it on you at your orgy--you had no business to expect me to enter any free-for-all inebriates' competition--you know that, 'gene! it may have been a little extreme as a joke; but if you'd laughed it off as you always do, nobody would have thought anything of it except to chaff you about it. but what do you do? you make as serious a thing of it as if you hadn't been trotting with our crowd for five years or so. you set this old--my learned friend from the west--briefing it up, and you make a fool of me. worse than that, you place daisy in a most objectionable position; and, by george, 'gene, i claim the apology is due from you, to me and daisy!" that he, florian amidon, had ever been guilty of playing such pranks as the ones described by mr. cox, seemed incredible; but his sense of relief at the way his burden rolled away in the light of cox's indignant apology overcame all other sensations. he sprang forward to offer his hand cordially to mr. cox. "i agree with you!" said he. "i do owe you an apology, and i freely offer it. as for the offense i have given miss scarlett, i can only say that i have had a very strange mental experience lately, of which my friends here can tell you, or i should never have--never have taken the matter--as i did. i beg you both to forgive me!" "'gene," said miss scarlett, offering her hand, "i'm too game a sport to go mourning because i lost out, and you ought to have known--i declare, i believe you've been crazy! i told billy--billy and i are engaged, now, and are really going to be married--i told billy how, when we were at the watering-place, i insisted that it seemed a shame not to be engaged, and how we fixed it to be engaged for a week, and it made him furious! but as good a fellow as i've been, the way you took our joke was shabby. you people may know some good excuse, but----" madame le claire was not only a diplomat: she was a strategist. now, she saw, was the supreme moment in which to complete for florian the good work she had begun. "please excuse mr. brassfield," said sha. "he is wanted in the back parlor; come, mr. brassfield, give me your arm!" through the portiã¨re she swept, bearing amidon as on wings. there sat elizabeth, her face bowed down upon her arms, on the back of a sofa. she rose as they entered. "elizabeth!" cried florian. "my darling!" he stretched out his hands pleadingly, and walked toward her. she shrank back; and madame le claire retreated, knowing that the struggle of amidon's life was before him. yet, gentle reader, why should not amidon win? to us, a thousand things might seem to need explanation; but to elizabeth, all this separation of amidon from brassfield was so new, so little realized, that her love bridged the chasm, and nothing was required except the clearing up of a week or two of curious happenings, most of which had already been so glozed over by madame le claire's generous plea, that what girl in love would require any greater price in humble wooing than florian yearned to pay? why, mesmerism alone covers all sorts of odd and suspicious doings. the case, for instance, of--- but that is beside the point. the point is, that with half of brassfield's skill, amidon will win handsomely. some scenes ought not to be painted--in this plain and flippant prose. let us wait, therefore, until the arrival of the voices of florian and elizabeth at the pitch of ordinary conversation admonishes us that the prose writer's psychological moment has arrived. then we may take and transcribe some notes. "of course," florian said, "he must have had some redeeming traits--superficially, or you would never have cared for him----" "oh, don't say such things!" she protested. "your real, real self came uppermost, i am sure, in your behavior to me. you were perfectly lovely, even if you didn't understand me as i wanted you to do--as you do now." "dearest!" he whispered. "you never loved him as you do me, did you?" that little laugh that first charmed him filled the pause. "don't say 'him!'" she commanded. "think of the original absurdity of being jealous of a rival, and that rival yourself! and remember that 'he' was my sweetheart, and for my own sake, don't abuse him. why, it was you all the time; and i always felt, even at the worst, that hidden in the brassfield personality was the one man for me in all the world. it was this woman's instinct, that men never believe in, and the girl's eyesight. i look at you, and i know you are the same. don't slander yourself as you appeared in your other mental clothes. i won't have it--but don't change back, dear!" "but really," said elizabeth, "is it necessary for us to live in bellevale?" "would you go away--with me?" there was a silence here, during which something seemed to take place which removed the necessity of answer; for surely, elizabeth would not have allowed this question to go unanswered otherwise. "oh," said she, "there are more places i want to go, and more things i want to see and study--you never would believe it! it will take years and years." "well, why not?" answered florian. "'whether in naishapur or babylon', i want to go to every one of those places myself--and always have. we won't build that house. we'll have blodgett stay and look after the closing up of the business here by stevens. we'll run out home so i can say hail and farewell to jennie and greet my new nephews and nieces there, and then, ho! for japan and india and the east, on our way to those high places where you want to erect your idolatrous altars. elizabeth! do you realize what a paradise we're planning?" "there!" she said quaveringly. "i knew it was too perfect to be true, and that we'd find some obstacle, and i've found it! that miserable office you'll have to fill!" chillingly the wet blanket descended on their fervid joy, and they looked at each other in consternation. this public call on mr. brassfield now became an incubus to mr. amidon, pinning him to earth as he essayed to rise and fly. gradually, as he looked fondly in his lady-love's face, the hope dawned in his heart that perhaps her desire that he should have a "career" might not be much greater than his. "dear," said he at last, "would you feel very sorely disappointed if we were to give it up--the state and national capital life, and all that?" "i disappointed!" exclaimed she. "why, could you bring yourself to give them up? i hate to say it--but--i just detest the whole thing!" "so do i!" said amidon. they wondered in the next room what could have excited so much hilarity. "what a beginning!" said elizabeth. "to start out in our life with such a mutual deception! but i wanted to have a part in your life, whatever it might be; and i could organize primrose leagues, and succeed in them, if it were necessary to help in any ambition of yours. so there! oh, it was silly to write in that way--but you really seemed at that time----" "i never did, my dear! it was that brassfield; and when i was caught and restored by madame le claire, i should have declined if it hadn't been for the--the washington career, you know----" "oh, please don't say any more----" "and i had blodgett get up a letter of withdrawal----" "do you suppose he has it yet?" she cried. "'letter of withdrawal!' it sounds so sort of parliamentary and correct and comforting!" "it does," agreed amidon, "especially in view of the fact that i believe i'm beaten anyhow. judge blodgett thinks i am, and mr. alvord----" "poor jim alvord!" interposed elizabeth. "his wife says he would desert his family for you." "for brassfield, she means," said amidon. "it is really not the same thing, dear. but i was saying that even he half confesses defeat. i've made an awful mess of this thing, elizabeth, on account of not really knowing anything of the people or their opinions or desires. even that platform of ours couldn't pull us through. no wisdom--and i haven't much--could keep a man from making blunders when he went out to do things for himself, knowing nothing of the situation except what he got from his inner consciousness, and from what he was told. a political situation is too delicately balanced for that. if i had done nothing, i should have remained undeservedly popular and reaped the reward of brassfield's cunning and hypocrisy--don't stop me, please! but you and i tried to impose righteousness on the people from the outside and above. it never comes in that way, but always from the inside and below, like lilies from the mud. i'm really a most unpopular man, opposed by most of the 'good citizens' and all of the bad except a few who still believe me dishonest, and will desert me as soon as their fellows can convince them that i'm sincere--isn't it a pretty plot! facing defeat because of my advocacy of principles everybody concedes to be right, because i'm suspected of an actual intention to act according to my platform pledge; when that man brassfield, who was preparing to carry out a policy of selfish spoliation, could have carried every precinct!" "it does me so much good," she said, "to see you in such a glow of indignation, that i allowed you to go on with that unjust condemnation of my eugene. well, then, it seems my noble platform actually ruined you. how nasty of the people! can't we elope--run away--and never come back, or look at a paper or think of it again? or shall we use judge blodgett's letter of withdrawal--bless him!" something--perhaps it was the elopement proposal--induced eventualities which delayed the conversation again for some minutes. "let's go out," said she, "and ask him to--to do whatever they do with letters of withdrawal--at once!" the room into which amidon led the shy elizabeth had been a clearing-house of confused ideas during their long tãªte-ã -tãªte. madame le claire had explained the mystery of dual personality as well as it can be explained, with some comment on the fact that such things happen to people occasionally, no one knows why. alvord and judge blodgett agreed that the candidate for mayor should be withdrawn. alvord even raised the question as to whether, the nomination papers being issued to brassfield, amidon could be legally elected. judge blodgett said it raised the finest legal question he ever had encountered, and if carried up would be a case of first impression in the world's jurisprudence. alvord assented to this without argument. then le claire told them of amidon's life in his old home as she had learned of it, of his bewildered application to her in new york, and how he had been helped. she was a long time telling it, and all the while she was thinking of the tender things happening in the next room. she heard the murmuring of their voices, as full of meaning as the flutings of mating birds. and she faltered and stopped. "papa, papa!" she cried, "help me out! tell them the rest." "you vill vonder, berhaps," said the professor, "at sairtain egsentricities of gonduct of our friendt, in his later brassfield phace, in vitch he has shown de kvality of sportiness--or sportif--vat iss de vort?" "sportiness," said miss scarlett, "is the word." "t'anks!" said the professor. "vell, de egsblanation is dus: te brassfield state vas vun of gontinuous self-hypnotismus. it iss apnormal. its shief garacteristic is suchestibility. now, if ve find dat te supchect hass been frown into de society of people of--vat you gall?--sporty tendencies, he vould gradually yield to te suchestion of dese tendencies. he vould----" "i am glad i heard that," said elizabeth. "we must not allow you to return to this abnormal state!" "mr. cox," said judge blodgett, "do we need a detective to run this sporty influence down? or shall we look among the christian martyrs?" "it will relieve me," said miss scarlett, hugging mr. cox's arm, "if you won't look. i'm afraid to be searched!" elizabeth and florian appeared in the archway. her eyes were shining with the soft radiance which, like the flush of dawn, comes only once in the day's journey, and never returns. his sought her face in a worship that she would never have seen had eugene brassfield looked out from them. "i am taking miss waldron home," said mr. amidon. "matters have just taken such a turn that i shall leave soon for my former home in wisconsin, where i have large interests, and i may not be able to return. such being the case, we do not feel that it would be just to the people of this city to continue in the position of a candidate for public office, and--pshaw! why not be honest? we're beaten, and we don't want the office, anyhow. judge, have you that letter of withdrawal convenient?" [illustration: "i am taking miss waldron home," said mr. amidon.] "i have," said the judge. "i figured all the time that you'd need it." "thanks!" said amidon. "take it, mr. alvord, and give it to the world at large. you understand, do you not, the peculiar change of personality which makes it improper----?" "sure," said alvord. "the man who put out that platform of ours can't afford to be caught short-changing the public by switching candidates on them on the eve of election. and right here let me say, that be it amidon or brassfield, the ties of brotherhood still hold with jim alvord, in f. d. and b., and i hate to use this letter. i believe still we could pull through, with proper management from now on, and, confound it! i'd rather be licked with you than to win with any other man on earth!" "in all phases of my life," said amidon, grasping the little man's hand warmly, "i'm going to take the liberty of holding you as my friend. i know faithfulness and unselfishness when i see it, no matter if i don't quite fall in with its methods." alvord's eyes filled, as his emotions rose with the parting. yet he could not allow his methods to be questioned even by implication. "well, now, as to methods," he began, "theoretically you may be right about publicity and that platform, but practically--well, let's forget it! but, 'gene--or whatever your damned name is!--don't forget me! good-by!" the judge, the professor, miss scarlett, and all the rest had gone on their various ways, and madame le claire was in one of the inner rooms attended by aaron, whom she had summoned. "i'm not going to adopt poor jim's language yet," said elizabeth, when she and florian were again left alone. "'florian, florian!'--i like that name. but think how hard it was to learn to call you 'eugene.' do you remember where we were when i first called you that?" "don't you realize, dearie," said he, "that i know nothing of all that? and except for your sweet letter, i knew nothing of you before that day when i came from new york?" "o----h!" she cried. "and all the lovely things you did to win me---oh, dear, i never thought of that. and you remember nothing--nothing at all? oh, it is dreadful, dreadful! no wonder i almost hated you that night!" he put his arm about her and kissed her lingeringly. "dearest! sweetheart!" he said. "the loss is all mine! and to make up for it, you must let me do them all over again--every one, a thousand times. come, let us go!" at the door, she stopped and turned back. "i must see madame le claire," said she. already the rooms were filled with the disorder of packing, and aaron was busy preparing for one of their arab-like flittings. madame le claire stood looking down into the street. "are you leaving bellevale?" said miss waldron. "on the next train," answered the hypnotist. "our tour has been a long time delayed." "i hope," said elizabeth, "that we shall see you again some time." "it is quite probable," said clara. "we are wanderers, and public characters. almost everybody sees us from time to time--if they desire." "i'm not going to leave you this way," said elizabeth, with hurried obscurity of expression. "you have done for me more--much more--than--than i can say; but you know, you know!" "i know you would do as much for me!" "no, no!" exclaimed elizabeth. "i never would. i'm not good enough. i'm going away now, to be very, very happy, and i want you to see--to know--how i feel toward you--oh, oh, i can't say what i mean! but some time, when you get settled down from the agitations we've had, after a long time, write and tell me that you're happy, won't you?" she had put her arm around the slender waist, and faced madame le claire, gazing at her intently. le claire kissed her forehead, and looked long, with the varicolored eyes, into those of elizabeth. she seemed to speak in that way, as an easier mode of communication at this time than by the words which would not come in any adequate form. so the two girls stood as professor blatherwick came in and noticed the labors of aaron. "packing, clara?" said he. "vell, vere shall ve vork te hypot'esis ant te bublic next? i shall pe glad vunce more to hit te pike. dis gase, vile supliminally great stuff, is pretty vell vorked out: not?" "quite worked out," said clara, "to the end; indeed, indeed, it is completely worked out!" elizabeth's arm tightened about her waist, and elizabeth's breath was caught in a quick little sigh. madame le claire replied to these inarticulate expressions of sympathy as if they had been words. "don't think that!" said she, looking elizabeth again steadily in the face. "don't let that haunt your mind in this new life of yours; for it will not be so. let us be friends though we never meet. yes, i will write to you; but it will not be necessary. whenever you think of me, this is what you will think, because i command it: 'she is busy with her wandering life. new things are dimming the memory of me--and mine. she has found the love her soul covets. she is happy!'" the invader a novel by margaret l. woods new york and london harper & brothers publishers 1907 copyright, 1907, by harper & brothers. published may, 1907. * * * * * to hilda greaves and the dumb companions of tan-yr-allt this book is dedicated by their grateful and affectionate friend * * * * * the invader chapter i dinner was over and the ladies had just risen, when the professor had begged to introduce them to the new-comer on his walls. the invader, it might almost have been called, this full-length, life-size portrait, which, in the illumination of a lamp turned full upon it, seemed to take possession of the small room, to dominate at the end of the polished-oak table, where the light of shaded candles fell on old blue plates, old venetian glass, a bit of old italian brocade, and chrysanthemums in a china bowl coveted by collectors. every detail spoke of the connoisseurship, the refined and personal taste characteristic of oxford in the eighties. the authority on art put up his eye-glasses and fingered his tiny forked beard uneasily. "there's no doubt it's a good thing, fletcher," he said, presently--"really quite good. but it's too like romney to be raeburn, and too like raeburn to be romney. you ought to be able to find out the painter, if, as you say, it's a portrait of your own great-grandmother--" "he did say so!" broke in sanderson, exultantly. "he said it was an ancestress. fletcher, you're a vulgar fraud. you've got no ancestress. you bought her. there's a sale-ticket still on the frame under the projection at the right-hand lower corner. i saw it." sanderson was a small man and walked about perpetually, except when taking food: sometimes then. he was a licensed insulter of his friends, and now stood before the picture in a belligerent attitude. the professor stroked his amber beard and smiled down on sanderson. "true, o sanderson; and at the same time untrue. i did buy the picture, and the lady was my great-grandmother once, but she did not like the position and soon gave it up. this picture must have been done after she had given it up." "is this a conundrum or blather, invented to hide your ignominy in a cloud of words?" asked sanderson. "it's a _hors d'oeuvre_ before the story," interposed ian stewart, throwing back his tall dark head and looking up at the picture through his eye-glasses, his handsome face alive with interest. "'tak' awa' the kickshaws,' fletcher, 'and bring us the cauf.'" the professor gathered his full beard in one hand and smiled deprecatingly. "i don't know how the ladies will like my ex-great-grandmother's story. it was a bit of a scandal at the time." "never mind, mr. fletcher," cried a young married woman, with a face like a seraph, "we're all educated now, and scandal about a lady with her waist under her arms becomes simply classical." "not so bad as that, mrs. shaw, i assure you," returned the professor; "but i dare say you all know as much as i do about my great-grandmother, for she was the well-known lady hammerton." there were sounds of interest and surprise, for most of the party knew her name, and were curious to learn how she came to be professor fletcher's great-grandmother. mr. fletcher explained: "my great-grandfather was a distinguished professor in edinburgh a hundred years ago. when he was a widower of forty with a family, he was silly enough to fall in love with a little miss of sixteen. he taught her latin and greek--which was all very well--and married her, which was distinctly unwise. she had one son--my grandfather--and then ran away with an actor from london. after that she made a certain sensation on the stage, but i suspect she was clever enough to see that her real successes were personal ones; at all events, she made a good marriage as soon as ever she got the chance. the hammerton family naturally objected. you'll find all about it in those papers which have come out lately. i believe, ladies, they were almost as much scandalized by her learning as by her morals." "she told sydney smith years after, i think," observed stewart, "that she had to be a wit lest people should find out she was a blue. there's a good deal about her in the englefield _memoirs_. she travelled extraordinarily for a woman in those days, and most of the real treasures at hammerton house come from her collections." "i thought they were nearly all burned in a great fire, and she was burned trying to save them," said mrs. shaw. "a good many were saved," returned fletcher; "she had rushed back to fetch a favorite bronze, was seen hurling it out of the window--and was never seen again." "she must have been a very remarkable woman," commented stewart, meditatively, his eyes still fixed on the picture. "know nothing about her myself," remarked sanderson; "stewart knows something about everybody. it's sickening the way he spends his time reading gossip and calling it history." "gossip's like many common things, interesting when fossilized," squeaked a little, white-haired, pink-faced old gentleman, like an elderly cherub in dress-clothes. he had remained at the other end of the room because he did not care for pictures. now he toddled a little nearer and every one made way for him with a peculiar respect, for he was the master of durham, whose name was great in oxford and also in the world outside it. he looked up first at the pictured face and then at milly flaxman, a young cousin of fletcher's and a scholar of ascham hall, who had taken her first in mods, and was hoping to get one in greats. the master liked young girls, but they had to be clever as well as pleasing in appearance to attract his attention. "it's very like miss flaxman," he squeaked. every one turned their eyes from the picture to milly, whose pale cheeks blushed a bright pink. the blush emphasized her resemblance to her ancestress, whose brilliant complexion, however, hinted at rouge. milly's soft hair was amber-colored, like that of the lady in the picture, but it was strained back from her face and twisted in a minute knot on the nape of her neck. that was the way in which her aunt lady thomson, whose example she desired to follow in all things, did her hair. the long, clearly drawn eyebrows, dark in comparison with the amber hair, the turquoise blue eyes, the mouth of the pictured lady were curiously reproduced in milly flaxman. possibly her figure may have been designed by nature to be as slight and supple, yet rounded, as that of the white-robed, gray-scarfed lady above there. but something or some one had intervened, and milly looked stiff and shapeless in a green velveteen frock, scooped out vaguely around her white young throat and gathered in clumsy folds under a liberty silk sash. mrs. shaw cried out enraptured at the interesting resemblance which had escaped them all, to be instantly caught by the elderly cherub in the background, who did not care about art, while the professor explained that both milly's parents were, like himself, great-grandchildren of lady hammerton. the seraph now fell upon milly, too shy to resist, had out her hair-pins in a trice and fingered the fluffy hair till it made an aureole around her face. then by some conjuring trick producing a gauzy white scarf, mrs. shaw twisted it about the girl's head, in imitation of the lady on the wall, who had just such a scarf, but with a tiny embroidered border of scarlet, twisted turban-wise and floating behind. "there!" she cried, pushing the feebly protesting milly into the full light of the lamp the professor was holding, "allow me to present to you the new lady hammerton!" there was a moment of wondering silence. milly's pulses beat, for she felt ian stewart's eyes upon her. neither he nor any one else there had ever quite realized before what capacities for beauty lay hid in the subdued young face of milly flaxman. she had nothing indeed of the charm, at once subtle and challenging, of the lady above there. she, with one hand on the gold head of a tall cane, looking back, seemed to dare unseen adorers to follow her into a magic, perhaps a fatal fairyland of mountain and waterfall and cloud; a land whose dim mists and silver gleams seemed to echo the gray and the white of her floating garments, its autumn leaves to catch a faint reflection from her hair, while far off its sky showed a thin line of sunset, red like the border of her veil. milly's soft cheeks and lips were flushed, her eyes bright with a mixture of very innocent emotions, as she stood with every one's eyes, including ian stewart's, upon her. but in a minute the master took up mrs. shaw's remark. "no," he said, emphatically; "not a new lady hammerton; only a rather new miss flaxman; and that, i assure you, is something very preferable." "i'm quite sure the master knows something dreadful about your great-grandmother, mr. fletcher," laughed mrs. shaw. "i think we'd better go before he tells it," interposed mrs. fletcher, who saw that milly was feeling shy. when the ladies had left, the men reseated themselves at the table and there was a pause. everyone waited for the master, who seemed meditating speech. "my mother," he said--and somehow they all felt startled to learn the fact that the master had had a mother--"my mother knew lady hammerton in the twenties. she was often at bath." the thin, staccato voice broke off abruptly, and three out of the five other men present being the master's pupils, remained silent, knowing he had not finished. but mr. toovey, a young don overflowing with mild intelligence, exclaimed, deferentially: "really, master! really! how extremely interesting! now do please tell us a great deal about lady hammerton." the master took no notice whatever of toovey. he sat about a minute longer in his familiar posture, looking before him, his little round hands on his little round knees. then he said: "she was a raddled woman." and his pupils knew he had finished speaking. what he had said was disappointingly little, but uttered in that strange high voice of his, it contained an infinite deal more than appeared on the face of it. a whole discreditable past seemed to emerge from that one word "raddled." ian stewart, to whose imagination the woman in the picture made a strange appeal, now broke a lance with the master on her account. "she may have been raddled, master," he said, "but she must have been very remarkable and charming too. hammerton himself was no fool, yet he adored her to the last." the master seemed to hope some one else would speak; but finding that no one did, he uttered again: "men often adore bad wives. that does not make them good ones." stewart tossed a rebel lock of raven black hair back from his forehead. "pardon me, master, it does make them good wives for those men." "oh, surely not good for their higher natures!" protested toovey, fervently. the master took three deliberate sips of port wine. "i think, stewart, we are discussing matters we know very little about," he said, in a particularly high, dry voice; and every one felt that the discussion was closed. then he turned to sanderson and made some remark about a house which sanderson's college, of which he was junior bursar, was selling to durham. fletcher, the only married man present, mourned inwardly over his own masculine stupidity. he felt sure that if his wife had been there she would have gently led stewart's mind through these paradoxical matrimonial fancies, to dwell on another picture; a picture of marriage with a nice girl almost as pretty as lady hammerton, a good girl who shared his tastes, and, above all, who adored him. david fletcher felt himself pitiably unequal to the task, although he was as anxious as his wife was that stewart should marry milly. did not all their friends wish it? it seemed to them that there could not be a more suitable couple. if milly was working so terribly hard to get her first in greats, it was largely because mr. stewart was one of her tutors and she knew he thought a good deal of success in the schools. there could be no doubt about milly flaxman's goodness; in fact, some of the girls at ascham complained that it "slopped over." her clothes were made on hygienic principles which she treated as a branch of morals, and she often refused to offer the small change of polite society because it weighed somewhat light in the scales of truth. but these were foibles that the young people's friends were sure ian stewart would never notice. as to him, although only four and thirty, he was already a distinguished man. a scholar, a philosopher, and an archæologist, he had also imagination and a sense of style. he had written a brilliant book on greek life at a particular period, which had brought him a reputation among the learned and also found readers in the educated public. his disposition was sweet, his character unusually high, judged even by the standard of the academic world, which has a higher standard than most. obviously he would make an excellent husband; and equally obviously, as he had no near relations and his health was delicate, it would be a capital thing for him to have a home of his own and a devoted wife to look after him. their income would be small, but not smaller than that of most young couples in oxford, who contrived, nevertheless, to live refined and pleasant lives and to be well-considered in a society where money positively did not count. but if fletcher did not succeed in forwarding this matrimonial scheme in the dining-room, his wife succeeded no better when the gentlemen came into the drawing-room. she rose from a sofa in the corner, leaving milly seated there; but mr. toovey made his way straight to miss flaxman, without a glance to right or left, and bending over her before he seated himself at her side, fixed upon her a patronizing, a possessive smile which would have made some girls long for a barbarous freedom in the matter of face-slapping. but milly flaxman was meek. she took archibald toovey's seriousness for depth, and as his attentions had become unmistakable, had several times lain awake at night tormenting herself as to whether her behavior towards him was or was not right. accordingly she submitted to being monopolized by mr. toovey, while ian stewart turned away and made himself pleasant to an unattractive lady-visitor of the fletchers', who looked shy and left-alone. when mrs. fletcher tried to effect a change of partners, ian explained that he found himself unexpectedly obliged to attend a college meeting at ten o'clock. in a place where there are no offices to close and business engagements are liable to crop up at any time in the evening, there was no need for extravagance of apology for this early departure. he changed his shoes in the narrow hall and put on his seedy-looking dark overcoat, quite unconscious that mrs. fletcher had had the collar mended since he had taken it off. then he went out into the damp november night, unlit by moon or star. but to stewart the darkness of night, on whatever corner of earth he might chance to find it descended, remained always a romantic, mysterious thing, setting his imagination free among visionary possibilities, without form, but not for that void. the road between the railing of the parks and the row of old lopped elms, was ill-lighted by the meagre flame of a few gas-lamps and hardly cheered by the smothered glow of the small prison-like windows of keble, glimmering through the bare trees. there was not a sound near, except the occasional drip of slow-collecting dews from the branches of the old elms. afar, too, many would have said there was not a sound; but there was, and ian's ear was attuned to catch it. the immense inarticulate whisper of night came to him. it came to him from the deserted parks, from the distant cherwell flowing through its willow-roots and osier-islands, from the flat meadow-country beyond, stretching away to the coppices of the low boundary hills. it was a voice made up of many whispers, each imperceptible, or almost imperceptible in itself; whisper of water and dry reeds, of broken twigs and dry leaves fluttering to the ground, of heaped dead leaves or coarse winter grass, stirring in some slight movement of the air. it seemed to his imagination as though under the darkness, in the loneliness of night, the man-mastered world must be secretly transformed, returned to its primal freedom; and that could he go forth into it alone, he would find it quite different from anything familiar to him, and might meet with something, he knew not what, secret, strange, and perhaps terrible. such fancies, though less crystallized than they must needs be by words, floated in the penumbra of his mind, coming to him perhaps with the blood of remote highland ancestors, children of mountains and mist. his reasonable self was perfectly aware that should he go, he would find nothing in the open fields at that hour except a sleeping cow or two, and would return wet as to the legs, and developing a severe cold for the morning. but he heard these far-off whisperings of the night playing, as it were, a mysterious "ground" to his thoughts of milly flaxman. the least fatuous of men, he had yet been obliged to see that his friends in general and the fletchers in particular, wished him to marry milly, and that the girl herself hung upon his words with a tremulous sensitivity even greater than the enthusiastic female student usually exhibits towards those of her lecturer. in the abstract he intended to marry; for he did not desire to be left an old bachelor in college. he had been waiting for the great experience of falling in love, and somehow it had never come to him. there were probably numbers of people to whom it never did come. should he now give up all hope of it, and make a marriage of reason and of obligingness, such as his marriage with miss flaxman would assuredly be? thank heaven! as her tutor he could not possibly propose to her till she had got through the schools, so there were more than six months in which to consider the question. and while he communed thus with himself, the mysterious whispers of the night came nearer to him, in the blackness of garden trees, ancient trees of college gardens brooding alone, whispering alone through the dark hours, of that current of young life which is still flowing past them; how for hundreds of years it has always been flowing, and always passing, passing, passing so quickly to the great silent sea of death and oblivion, to the dark night whose silence is only sometimes stirred by vague whispers, anxious yet faint, dying upon the ear before the sense can seize them. chapter ii parties in oxford always break up early, and milly had a good excuse for carrying her aching, disappointed heart back to ascham at ten o'clock, for every one knew she was working hard. too hard, mr. fletcher said, looking concernedly at her heavy eyes, mottled complexion, and the little crumples which were beginning to come in her low white forehead. her cousins, however, had more than a suspicion that these marks of care and woe were not altogether due to her work, but that ian stewart was accountable for most of them. the professor escorted her to the gates of the ladies' college; but she walked down the dark drive alone, mindful of familiar puddles, and hearing nothing of those mysterious whispers of night which in ian stewart's ears had breathed a "ground" to his troubled thoughts of her. she mounted the stairs to her room at the top of the house. it was an extremely neat room, and by day, when the bed was disguised as a sofa, and the washstand closed, there was nothing to reveal that it served as a bedroom, although a tarnished old mirror hung in a dark corner. the oak table and pair of brass candlesticks upon it were kept in shining order by milly's own zealous hands. milly found her books open at the right place and her writing materials ready to hand. in a very few minutes her outer garments and simple ornaments were put away, and clothed in a clean but shrunk and faded blue dressing-gown, she sat down to work. the work was aristotle's _ethics_, and she was going through it for the second time, amplifying her notes. but this second time the greek seemed more difficult, the philosophic argument more intricate than ever. she had had very little sleep for weeks, and her head ached in a queer way as though something inside it were strained very tight. it was plain that she had come to the end of her powers of work for the present--and she had calculated that only by not wasting a day, except for a week's holiday at easter, could she get through all that had to be done before the schools! she put aristotle away and opened mommsen, but even to that she could not give her attention. her thoughts returned to the bitter disappointment which the evening had brought. ian stewart had been next her at dinner, but even then he had talked to her rather less than to mrs. shaw. afterwards--well, perhaps it was only what she deserved for not making it plain to poor mr. toovey that she could never return his feelings. and now the first, which she had looked to as a thing that would set her nearer the level of her idol, was dropping below the horizon of the possible. aunt beatrice always said--and she was right--that tears were not, as people pretended, a help and solace in trouble. they merely took the starch out of you and left you a poor soaked, limp creature, unfit to face the hard facts of life. but sometimes tears will lie heavy and scalding as molten lead in the brain, until at length they force their way through to the light. and milly after blowing her nose a good deal, as she mechanically turned the pages of mommsen, at length laid her arms on the book and transferred her handkerchief to her eyes. but she tried to look as though she were reading when flora timson came in. "at it again, m.! you know you're simply working yourself stupid." thus speaking, miss timson, known to her intimates at ascham as "tims," wagged sagely her very peculiar head. a crimson silk handkerchief was tied around it, turban-wise, and no vestige of hair escaped from beneath. there was in fact none to escape. tims's sallow, comic little face had neither eyebrows nor eyelashes on it, and her small figure was not of a quality to triumph over the obvious disadvantages of a tight black cloth dress with bright buttons, reminiscent of a page's suit. milly pushed the candles farther away and looked up. "i was wanting to see you, tims. do tell me whether you managed to get out of miss walker what mr. stewart said about my chances of a first." tims pushed her silk turban still higher up on her forehead. "i can always humbug miss walker and make her say lots of indiscreet things," tims returned, with labored diplomacy. "but i don't repeat them--at least, not invariably." there was a further argument on the point, which ended by milly shedding tears and imploring to be told the worst. tims yielded. "stewart said your scholarship was a 1, but he was afraid you wouldn't get your first in greats. he said you had a lot of difficulty in expressing yourself and didn't seem to get the lead of their philosophy and stuff--and--and generally wanted cleverness." "he said that?" asked milly, in a low, sombre voice, speaking as though to herself. "well, i suppose it's better for me to know--not to go on hoping, and hoping, and hoping. it means less misery in the end, no doubt." there was such a depth of despair in her face and voice that tims was appalled at the consequence of her own revelation. she paced the room in agitation, alternately uttering incoherent abuse of her friend's folly and suggesting that she should at once abandon the ungrateful school of _literæ humaniores_ and devote herself like tims, to the joys of experimental chemistry and the pleasures of practical anatomy. meantime, milly sat silent, one hand supporting her chin, the other playing with a pencil. at length tims, taking hold of milly under the arms, advised her to "go to bed and sleep it off." milly rose dully and sat on the edge of her bed, while tims awkwardly removed the hair-pins which mrs. shaw had so deftly put in. but as she was laying them on the little dressing-table, milly suddenly flung herself down on the bed and lay there a twisted heap of blue flannel, her face buried in the pillows, her whole body shaken by a paroxysm of sobs. tims supposed that this might be a good thing for milly; but for herself it created an awkward situation. her soothing remarks fell flat, while to go away and leave her friend in this condition would seem brutal. she sat down to "wait till the clouds rolled by," as she phrased it. but twenty minutes passed and still the clouds did not roll by. "look here, m." she said, argumentatively, standing by the bed. "you're in hysterics. that's what's the matter with you." "i know i am," came in tones of muffled despair from the pillow. "well!" tims was very stern and accented her words heavily, "then--pull--yourself--together--dear girl. sit up!" milly sat up, pressed her handkerchief over her face, and held her breath. for a minute all was quiet; then another violent sob forced a passage. "it's no use, tims," she gasped. "i cannot--cannot--stop. oh, what would--!" she was going to say, "what would aunt beatrice think of me if she knew how i was giving way!" but a fresh flood of tears suppressed her speech. "my head's so bad! such a splitting headache!" tims tried scolding, slapping, a cold sponge, every remedy inexperience could suggest, but the hysterical weeping could not be checked. "look here, old girl," she said at length, "i know how i can stop you, but i don't believe you'll let me do it." "no, not that, tims! you know miss burt doesn't--" "doesn't approve. of course not. perhaps you think old b. would approve of the way you're going on now. ha! would she!" the sarcasm caused a new and alarming outburst. but finally, past all respect for miss burt, and even for lady thomson herself, milly consented to submit to any remedy that tims might choose to try. she was assisted hurriedly to undress and put to bed. tims knew the whereabouts of the prize-medal which milly had won at school, and placing the bright silver disk in her hand, directed her to fix her eyes upon it. seated on her heels on the patient's bed, her crimson turban low on her forehead, her face screwed into intent wrinkles, tims began passing her slight hands slowly before milly's face. the long slender fingers played about the girl's fair head, sometimes pressed lightly upon her forehead, sometimes passed through her fluffy hair, as it lay spread on the pillow about her like an amber cloud. "don't cry, m.," tims began repeating in a soft, monotonous voice. "you've got nothing to cry about; your head doesn't ache now. don't cry." at first it was only by a strong effort that milly could keep her tear-blinded eyes fixed on the bright medal before her; but soon they became chained to it, as by some attractive force. the shining disk seemed to grow smaller, brighter, to recede imperceptibly till it was a point of light somewhere a long way off, and with it all the sorrows and agitations of her mind seemed also to recede into a dim distance, where she was still aware of them, yet as though they were some one else's sorrows and agitations, hardly at all concerning her. the aching tension of her brain was relaxed and she felt as though she were drowning without pain or struggle, gently floating down, down through a green abyss of water, always seeing that distant light, showing as the sun might show, seen from the depths of the sea. before a quarter of an hour had passed, her sobs ceased in sighing breaths, the breaths became regular and normal, the whole face slackened and smoothed itself out. tims changed the burden of her song. "go to sleep, milly. what you want is a good long sleep. go to sleep, milly." milly was sinking down upon the pillow, breathing the calm breath of deep, refreshing slumber. tims still crouched upon the bed, chanting her monotonous song and contemplating her work. at length she slipped off, conscious of pins-and-needles in her legs, and as she withdrew, milly with a sudden motion stretched her body out in the white bed, as straight and still almost as that of the dead. the movement was mechanical, but it gave a momentary check to tims's triumph. she leaned over her patient and began once more the crooning song. "go to sleep, m.! what you want is a good long sleep. go to sleep, milly!" but presently she ceased her song, for it was evident that milly flaxman had indeed gone very sound asleep. chapter iii tims was proud of the combined style and economy of her dress. she was constantly discovering and revealing to an unappreciative world the existence of superb tailors who made amazingly cheap dresses. for two years she had been vainly advising her friends to go to the man who had made her the frock she still wore for morning; a skirt and coat of tweed with a large green check in it, a green waistcoat with gilt buttons, and green gaiters to match. in this costume and coiffed with a man's wig, of the vague color peculiar to such articles, tims came down at her usual hour, prepared to ask milly what she thought of hypnotism now. but there was no milly over whom to enjoy this petty triumph. she climbed to the top story as soon as breakfast was over, and entering milly's room, found her patient still sleeping soundly, low and straight in the bed, just as she had been the preceding night. she was breathing regularly and her face looked peaceful, although her eyes were still stained with tears. the servant came in as tims was looking at her. "i've tried to wake miss flaxman, miss," she said. "she's always very particular as i should wake her, but she was that sound asleep this morning, i 'adn't the 'eart to go on talking. poor young lady! i expect she's pretty well wore out, working away at her books, early and late, the way she does." "better leave her alone, emma," agreed tims. "i'll let miss burt know about it." miss burt was glad to hear milly flaxman was oversleeping herself. she had not been satisfied with the girl's appearance of late, and feared milly worked too hard and had bad nights. tims had to go out at ten o'clock and did not return until luncheon-time. she went up to milly's room and knocked at the door. as before, there was no answer. she went in and saw the girl still sound asleep, straight and motionless in the bed. her appearance was so healthy and natural that it was absurd to feel uneasy at the length of her slumber, yet remembering the triumph of hypnotism, tims did feel a little uneasy. she spoke to miss burt again about milly's prolonged sleep, but miss burt was not inclined to be anxious. she had strictly forbidden tims to hypnotize--or as she called it, mesmerize--any one in the house, so that tims said no more on the subject. she was working at the museum in the early part of the afternoon, only leaving it when the light began to fail. but after work she went straight back to ascham. milly was still asleep, but she had slightly shifted her position, and altogether there was something about her aspect which suggested a slumber less profound than before. tims leaned over her and spoke softly: "wake up, m., wake up! you've been asleep quite long enough." milly's body twitched a little. a responsive flicker which was almost a convulsion, passed over her face; but she did not awake. it was evident, however, that her spirit was gradually floating up to the surface from the depths of oblivion in which it had been submerged. tims took off her tam-o'-shanter and ulster, and revealed in the simple elegance of the tweed frock with green waistcoat and gaiters, put the kettle on the fire. then she went down-stairs to fetch some bread and butter and an egg, wherewith to feed the patient when she awoke. she had not long left the room when the slumberer's eyes opened gradually and stared with the fixity of semi-consciousness at a stem of blossoming jessamine in the wall-paper. then she slowly stretched her arms above her head until some inches of wrist, slight and round and white, emerged from the strictly plain night-gown sleeve. so she lay, till suddenly, almost with a start, she pulled herself up and looked about her. the gaze of her wide-open eyes travelled questioningly around the quiet-toned room which two windows at right angles to each other still kept light with the reflection of a yellow winter sunset. she pushed the bedclothes down, dropped first one bare white foot, then the other to the ground and looked doubtfully at a pair of worn felt slippers which were placed beside the bed, before slipping her feet into them. with the same air as of one assuming garments which do not belong to her, she put on the faded blue flannel dressing-gown. then she walked to the southern window. none of the glories of oxford were visible from it; only the bare branches of trees through which appeared a huddle of somewhat sordid looking roofs and the unimposing spire of st. aloysius. with the same air, questioning yet as in a dream, she turned to the western window, which was open. below, in its wintry dulness, lay the garden of the college, bounded by an old gray wall which divided it from the straggling street; beyond that, a mass of slate roofs. but a certain glory was on the slate roofs and all the garden that was not in shadow. for away over wytham, where the blue vapor floated in the folds of the hills, blending imperceptibly with the deep brown of the leafless woods, sunset had lifted a wide curtain of cloud and showed between the gloom of heaven and earth, a long straight pool of yellow light. she leaned out of the window. a mild fresh air which seemed to be pouring over the earth through that rift in heaven which the sunset had made, breathed freshly on her face and the yellow light shone on her amber hair, which lay on her shoulders about the length of the hair of an angel in some old florentine picture. miss burt in galoshes and with a wrap over her head was coming up the garden. she caught sight of that vision of gold and pale blue in the window and smiled and waved her hand to milly flaxman. the vision withdrew, trembling slightly as though with cold, and closed the window. tims came in, carrying a boiled egg and a plate of bread and butter. tims put down the egg-cup and the plate on the table before she relaxed the wrinkle of carefulness and grinned triumphantly at her patient. "well, old girl," she asked; "what do you say to hypnotism now? put _you_ to sleep, right enough, anyhow. know what time it is?" the awakened sleeper made a few steps forward, leaned her hands on the table, on the other side of which tims stood, and gazed upon her with startling intentness. then she began to speak in a rapid, urgent voice. her words were in themselves ordinary and distinct, yet what she said was entirely incomprehensible, a nightmare of speech, as though some talking-machine had gone wrong and was pouring out a miscellaneous stock of verbs, nouns, adjectives and the rest without meaning or cohesion. certain words reappeared with frequency, but tims had a feeling that the speaker did not attach their usual meaning to them. this travesty of language went on for what appeared to the transfixed and terrified listener quite a long time. at length the serious, almost tragic, babbler, meeting with no response save the staring horror of tims's too expressive countenance, ended with a supplicating smile and a glance which contrived to be charged at once with pathos and coquetry. this smile, this look, were so totally unlike any expression which tims had ever seen on milly's countenance that they heightened her feeling of nightmare. but she pulled herself together and determined to show presence of mind. she had already placed a basket-chair by the fire ready for her patient, and now gently but firmly led milly to it. "sit down, milly," she said--and the use of her friend's proper name showed that she felt the occasion to be serious--"and don't speak again till you've had some tea. your head will be clearer presently, it's a bit confused now, you know." the stranger milly, still so unlike the milly of tims's intimacy, far from exerting the unnatural strength of a maniac, passively permitted herself to be placed in the chair and listened to what tims was saying with the puzzled intentness of a child or a foreigner, trying to understand. she laid her head back in its little cloud of amber hair, and looked up at tims, who, frowning portentously, once more with lifted finger enjoined silence. tims then concealing her agitation behind a cupboard-door, reached down the tea-things. by some strange accident the methodical milly's teapot was absent from its place; a phenomenon for which tims was thankful, as it imposed upon her the necessity of leaving her patient for a few minutes. shaking her finger again at milly still more emphatically, she went out, and locked the door behind her. after a moment's thought, she reluctantly decided to report the matter to miss burt. but miss burt was closeted with the treasurer and an architect from london, and was on no account to be disturbed. so tims went up to her own room and rapidly revolved the situation. she was certain that milly was not physically ill; on the contrary, she looked much better than she had looked on the previous day. this curious affection of the speech-memory might be hysterical, as her sobbing the night before had been, or it might be connected with some little failure of circulation in the brain; an explanation, perhaps, pointed to by the extraordinary length of her sleep. anyhow, tims felt sceptical as to a doctor being of any use. she went to her cupboard to take out her own teapot, and her eye fell upon a small medicine bottle marked "brandy." milly was a convinced teetotaller; all the more reason, thought tims, why a dose of alcohol should give her nerves and circulation a fillip, only she must not know of it, or she would certainly refuse the remedy. pocketing the bottle and flourishing the teapot, tims mounted again to milly's room. her patient, who had spent the time wandering about the room and examining everything in it, as well as she could in the fast-falling twilight, resumed her position in the chair as soon as she heard a step in the passage, and greeted her returning keeper with an attractive smile. tims uttering words of commendation, slyly poured some brandy into one of the large teacups before lighting the candles. "now, my girl," she said, when she had made the tea, "drink this, and you'll feel better." milly leaned forward, her round chin on her hand, and looked intently at the tea-service and at the proffered cup. then she suddenly raised her head, clapped her hands softly, and cried in a tone of delighted discovery, "tea!" "excuse me," she added, taking the cup with a little bow; and in two seconds had helped herself to three lumps of sugar. tims was surprised, for milly never took sugar in her tea. "that's right, m., you're going along well!" cried tims, standing on the hearth-rug, with one hand under her short coat-tails, while she gulped her own tea, and ate two pieces of bread and butter put together. milly ate hers and drank her tea daintily, looking meanwhile at her companion with wonder which gradually gave way to amusement. at length leaning forward with a dimpling smile, she interrogated very politely and quite lucidly. "pardon me, sir, you are--? ah, the doctor, no doubt! my poor head, you see!" and she drew her fingers across her forehead. tims started, and grabbed her wig, as was her wont in moments of agitation. she stood transfixed, the teacup at a dangerous angle in her extended hand. "good god!" she ejaculated. "you are mad and no mistake, my poor old girl." the "old girl" made a supreme effort to contain herself, and then burst into a pretty, rippling laugh in which there was nothing familiar to tims's ear. she rose from her chair vivaciously and took the cup from tims's hand, to deposit it in safety on the chimney piece. "how silly i was!" she cried, regarding tims sparklingly. "do you know i was not quite sure whether you were a man or a woman. of course i see now, and i'm so glad. i do like men, you know, so much better than women." "milly," retorted tims, sternly, settling her wig. "you are mad, you need not be bad as well. but it's my own fault for giving you that brandy. you know as well as i do that i hate men--nasty, selfish, guzzling, conceited, guffawing brutes! i never wanted to speak to a man in my life, except in the way of business." milly waved her amber head gracefully for a moment as though at a loss, then returned playfully, "that must be because the women spoil you so." tims smiled sardonically; but regaining her sense of the situation, out of which she had been momentarily shocked, applied herself to the problem of calling back poor milly's wandering mind. "sit down, my girl," she said, abruptly, putting her arm around milly's body, so soft and slender in the scanty folds of the blue dressing-gown. milly obeyed precipitately. then drawing a small chair close to her, tims said in gentle tones which could hardly have been recognized as hers: "m., darling, do you know where you are?" milly turned on her a face from which the unnatural vivacity had fallen like a mask; the appealing face of a poor lost child. "am i--am i--in a _maison de santé_?" she asked tremulously, fixing her blue eyes on tims, full of piteous anxiety. "a lunatic asylum? certainly not," replied tims. "now don't begin crying again, old girl. that's how the trouble began." "was it?" asked milly, dreamily. "i thought it was--" she paused, frowning before her in the air, as though trying to pursue with her bodily vision some recollection which had flickered across her consciousness only to disappear. "well, never mind that now," said tims, hastily; "get your bearings right first. you're in ascham college." "a college!" repeated milly vaguely, but in a moment her face brightened, "i know. a place of learning where they have professors and things. are you a professor?" "no, i'm a student. so are you." milly looked fixedly at tims, then smiled a melancholy smile. "i see," she said, "we're both studying--medicine--medicine for the mind." she stood up, locked her hands behind her head in her soft hair and wailed miserably. "oh, why won't some kind person come and tell me where i am, and what i was before i came here?" tears of wounded feelings sprang to tims's eyes. "milly, my beauty!" she cried despairingly, "i'm trying to be kind to you and tell you everything you want to know. your name is mildred flaxman and you used to live in oxford here, but now all your people have gone to australia because your father's got a deanery there." "have they left me here, mad and by myself?" asked milly; "have i no one to look after me, no one to give me a home?" "i suppose lady thomson or the fletchers would," returned tims, "but you haven't wanted one. you've been quite happy at ascham. do try and remember. can't you remember getting your first in mods. and how you've been working to get one in greats? your brain's been right enough until to-day, old girl, and it will be again. i expect it's a case of collapse of memory from overwork. things will come back to you soon and i'll help you all i can. do try and recollect me--tims." there was an unmistakable choke in tims's voice. "we have been such chums. the others are all pretty nasty to me sometimes--they seem to think i'm a grinning, wooden aunt sally, stuck up for them to shy jokes at. but you've never once been nasty to me, m., and there's precious few things i wouldn't do to help you. so don't go talking to me as though there weren't any one in the world who cared a brass farthing about you." "i'm sure i'm most thankful to find i have got some one here who cares about me," returned milly, meekly, passing her hand across her eyes for lack of a handkerchief. "you see, it's dreadful for me to be like this. i seem to know what things are, and yet i don't know. a little while ago it seemed to me i was just going to remember something--something different from what you've told me. but now it's all gone again. oh, please give me a handkerchief!" tims opened one of milly's tidy drawers and sought for a handkerchief. when she had found it, milly was standing before the high chimney-piece, over which hung a long, low mirror about a foot wide and divided into three parts by miniature pilasters of tarnished gilt. the mirror, too, was tarnished here and there, but it had been a good glass and showed undistorted the blue delft jars on the mantel-shelf, glimpses of flickering firelight in the room, amber hair and the tear-bedewed roses of a flushed young face. suddenly milly thrust the jars aside, seized the candle from the table, and, holding it near her face, looked intently, anxiously in the glass. the anxiety vanished in a moment, but not the intentness. she went on looking. tims had always perceived milly's beauty--which had an odd way of slipping through the world unobserved--but had never seen her look so lovely as now, her eyes wide and brilliant, and her upper lip curved rosily over a shining glimpse of her white teeth. beauty had an extraordinary fascination for tims, poor step-child of nature! now she stood looking at the reflection of milly without noticing how in the background her own strange, wizened face peered dim and grotesque from the tarnished mirror, like the picture of a witch or a goblin behind the fair semblance of some princess in a fairy tale. "i do remember myself partly," said milly, doubtfully; "and yet--somehow not quite. i suppose i shall remember you and this queer place soon, if they don't put me into a mad-house at once." "they sha'n't," said tims, decisively. "trust to me, m., and i'll see you through. but i'm afraid you'll have to give up all thought of your first." "my what," asked milly, turning round inquiringly. "your first class, your place, you know, in the final honors school, lit. hum., the biggest examination of the lot." "do i want it very much, my first?" "want it? i should just think you do want it!" milly stared at the fire for a minute, warming one foot before she spoke again. then: "how funny of me!" she observed, meditatively. chapter iv tims's programme happened to be full on the following day, so that it was half-past twelve before she knocked at milly's door and was admitted. milly stood in the middle of the room in an attitude of energy, with her small wardrobe lying about her on the floor in ignominious heaps. "tell me, tims," said milly, after the first inquiries, "are those positively all the clothes i possess?" "of course they are, m. what do you want with more?" "are they in the fashion?" asked milly, anxiously. tims stared. "fashion! good lord, m.! what does it matter whether you look the same as every fool in the street or not?" "oh, tims!" cried milly, laughing that pretty rippling laugh so strange in tims's ears. "i was quite right when i made a mistake, you're just like a man. all the better. but you can't expect me not to care a bit about my clothes like you, you really can't." tims drew herself up. "you're wrong, my girl, i'm a deal fonder of frocks than you are. i always think," she added, looking before her dreamily, "that i was meant to be a very good dresser, only i was brought up too economical." generally speaking, when tims had uttered one of her deepest and truest feelings, she would glance around, suddenly alert and suspicious to surprise the twinkle in her auditor's eye. but in the clear blue of milly flaxman's quiet eyes, she had ceased to look for that tormenting twinkle, that spark which seemed destined to dance about her from the cradle to the grave. presently she found herself hanging up milly's clothes while milly paid no attention; for she alternately stood before the glass in the dark corner, and kneeled on the hearth-rug, curling-tongs in hand. and the hair, the silky soft amber hair, which could be twisted into a tiny ball or fluffed into a golden fleece at will, was being tossed up and pulled down, combed here and brushed there, altogether handled with a zeal and patience to which it had been a stranger since the days when it had been the pride of the nursery. tims the untidy, as one in a dream, went on tidying the room she was accustomed to see so immaculate. "there!" cried milly, turning, "that's how i wear it, isn't it?" "good lord, no!" exclaimed tims, contemplating the transformed milly. "it suits you, m., in a way, but it looks queer too. the others will all be hooting if you go down-stairs like that." milly plumped into a chair irritably. "how ever am i to know how i did my hair if i can't remember? please do it for me." tims smiled sardonically. "i'll lend you my hair," she said; "the second best. but _do_ your hair! you really are as mad as a hatter." milly shrugged her shoulders. "you can't? then i keep it like this," she said. an argument ensued. tims left the room to try and find a photograph of milly as she had been. when she returned she found her friend standing in absorbed contemplation of a book in her hand. "this is greek, isn't it?" she asked, holding it up. her face wore a little frown as of strained attention. "right you are," shrieked tims in accents of relief. "greek it is. can you read it?" "not yet," replied milly, flushing with excitement, "but i shall soon, i know i shall. last night i couldn't make head or tail of the books. now i understand right enough what they are, and i know some are in greek and some in english. i can't read either yet, but it's all coming back gradually, like the daylight coming in at the window this morning." "hooray! hooray!" shouted tims. "you'll be reading as hard as ever in a week if i don't look after you. but see here, my girl, you've given me a nasty jar, and i'm not going to let you break your heart or crack your brain in a wild-goose chase. you can't get that first, you know; you're on a fairly good second class level, and you'd better make up your mind to stay there." "a fairly good second class level!" repeated milly, still turning the leaves of the book. "that doesn't sound very exhilarating--and i rather think i shall do as i like about staying there." tims began to heat. "well, that's what stewart said about you. i don't believe i told you half plain enough what stewart did say, for fear of hurting your feelings. he said you are a good scholar, but barring that, you weren't at all clever." milly looked up from her book; but she was not tearful. there was a curl in her lip and the light of battle in her eye. "stewart said that, did he? now if i were a gentleman i should say--'damn his impudence'--and 'who the devil is stewart'; but then i'm not. you can say it." tims stared. "oh, come, i say!" she exclaimed. "i don't swear, i only quote. but my goodness, when you remember who stewart is, you'll be--well, pained to think of the language you're using about him." "why?" asked milly, her head riding disdainfully on her slender neck. "because he's your tutor and lecturer--and a regular tiptop man at greek and all that--and you--you respect him most awfully." "do i?" cried milly--"did perhaps in my salad days. i've no respect whatever for professors now, my good tims. i know what they're like. here's stewart for you." she took up a pen and a scrap of paper and dashed off a clever ludicrous sketch of a man with long hair, an immense brow, and spectacles. "nonsense!" said tims; "that's not a bit like him." she held the paper in her hand and looked fixedly at it. milly had been wont seriously to grieve over her hopeless lack of artistic talent and she had never attempted to caricature. tims was thinking of a young fellow of a college who had lately died of brain disease. in the earlier stages of his insanity, it had been remarked that he had an originality which had not been his when in a normal state. what if her friend were developing the same terrible disease? if it were so, it was no use fussing, since there was no remedy. still, she felt a desperate need to take some sort of precaution. "if i were you, m.," she said, "i'd go to bed and keep very quiet for a day or two. you're so--so odd, and excited, they'd notice it if you went down-stairs." "would they?" asked milly, suddenly sobered. "would they say i was mad?" an expression of fear came into her face, and its strangely luminous eyes travelled around the room with a look as of some trapped creature seeking escape. there was an awkward pause. "i'm not mad," affirmed milly, swallowing with a dry throat. "i'm perfectly sensible, but any one would be odd and excited too who was--was as i am--with a number of words and ideas floating in my mind without my having the least idea where they spring from. please, tims dear, tell me how i am to behave. i should so hate to be thought queer, wanting in any way." tims considered. "for one thing, you mustn't talk such a lot. you never have been one for chattering; and lately, of course, with your overwork, you've been particularly quiet. don't talk, m., that's my advice." "very well," replied milly, gloomily. tims hesitated and went on: "but i don't see how you're going to hide up this business about your memory. i wish you'd let me tell old b., anyhow." "i won't have any one told," cried milly. "not a creature. if only you'll help me, dear, dear tims--you will help me, won't you?--i shall soon be all right, and no one except you will ever know. no one will be able to shrug their shoulders and say, whatever i do, 'of course she's crazy.' i should hate it so! i know i can get on if i try. i'm much cleverer than you and that silly old stewart think. promise me, promise me, darling tims, you won't betray me!" tims was not weak-minded, but she was very tender-hearted and exceedingly susceptible to personal charms. she ought not, she knew she ought not, to have yielded, but she did. she promised. yet in her friend's own interest, she contended that milly must confess to a certain failure of memory from over-fatigue, if only as a pretext for dropping her work for a while. it was agreed that milly should remain in bed for several days, and she did so; less bored than might have been expected, because she had the constant excitement of this or that bit of knowledge filtering back into her mind. but this knowledge was purely intellectual. with tims's help she had recovered her reading powers, and although she felt at first only a vague recognition of something familiar in the sense of what she read, it was evident that she was fast regaining the use of the treasures stored in her brain by years of dogged and methodical work. but the facts and personalities which had made her own life seemed to have vanished, leaving "not a wrack behind." tims, having primed her well beforehand, brought in the more important girls to see her, and by dint of a cautious reserve she passed very well with them, as with miss burt and miss walker. tims seemed to feel much more nervous than milly herself did when she joined the other students as usual. there were moments when tims gasped with the certainty that the revelation of her friend's blank ignorance of the place and people was about to be made. then mildred--for so, despising the soft diminutive, she now desired to be called--by some extraordinary exertion of tact and ingenuity, would evade the inevitable and appear on the other side of it, a little elated, but otherwise serene. it was generally marked that miss flaxman was a different creature since she had given up worrying about her schools, and that no one would have believed how much prettier she could make herself by doing her hair a different way. miss burt, however, was somewhat puzzled and uneasy. although milly was looking unusually well, it was evident that all was not quite right with her, for she complained of a failure of memory, a mental fatigue which made it impossible for her to go to lectures, and she seemed to have lost all interest in the schools, which had so lately been for her the "be-all" as well as the "end-all here." miss burt knew milly's only near relation in england, lady thomson, intimately; and for that reason hesitated to write to her. she knew that beatrice thomson had no patience with the talk--often silly enough--about girls overworking their brains. she herself had never been laid up in her life, except when her leg was broken, and her views on the subject of ill-health were marked. she regarded the catching of scarlet-fever or influenza as an act of cowardice, consumption or any organic disease as scarcely, if at all, less disgraceful than drunkenness or fraud, while the countless little ailments to which feminine flesh seems more particularly heir she condemned as the most deplorable of female failings, except the love of dress. eventually miss burt did write to lady thomson, cautiously. lady thomson replied that she was coming up to town on thursday, and could so arrange her journey as to have an hour and a half in oxford. she would be at ascham at three-thirty. mildred rushed to tims with the agitating news and both were greatly upset by it. however, aunt beatrice had got to be faced sometime or other and mildred's spirit rose to the encounter. she had by this time provided herself with another dress, encouraged to do so by the money in hand left by the frugal milly the first. she had got a plain tailor-made coat and skirt, in a becoming shade of brown; and with the unbecoming hard collar _de rigueur_ in those days, she wore a turquoise blue tie, which seemed to reflect the color of her eyes. and in spite of tims's dissuasions, she put on the new dress on thursday, and declined to screw her hair up in the old way, as advised. accordingly on thursday at twenty-five minutes to four, mildred appeared, in answer to a summons, in the quiet-colored, pleasant drawing-room at ascham, with its french windows giving on to the lawn, where some of the girls were playing hockey, not without cries. her first view of aunt beatrice was a pleasant surprise. a tall, upstanding figure, draped in a long, soft cloak trimmed with fur, a handsome face with marked features, marked eyebrows, a fine complexion and bright brown eyes under a wide-brimmed felt hat. having exchanged the customary peck, she waited in silence till mildred had seated herself. then surveying her niece with satisfaction: "come, milly," said she, in a full, pleasant voice; "i don't see much signs of the nervous invalid about you. really, polly," turning to miss burt, "she has not looked so well for a long time." "she's been much better since she dropped her work," replied miss burt. "taking plenty of fresh air and exercise, i suppose"--aunt beatrice smiled kindly on her niece--"i'm afraid i've kept you from your hockey this afternoon, milly." "oh no, aunt beatrice, certainly not," replied milly, with the extreme courtesy of nervousness. "i never play hockey now." lady thomson turned to the head with a shade of triumph in her satisfaction. "there, polly! what did i tell you? i was sure there was something else at the bottom of it. steady work, methodically done, never hurt anybody. but of course if she's given up exercise, her liver or something was bound to get out of order." "no, really, i take lots of exercise," interposed milly; "only i don't care for hockey, it's such a horrid, rough, dirty game; don't you think so? and miss walker got a front tooth broken last winter." lady thomson looked at her in a surprised way. "well, if you've not been playing hockey, what exercise have you been taking?" "walks," replied milly, feebly, feeling herself on the wrong track; "i go walks with ti--with flora timson when she has time." aunt beatrice looked at the matter judicially. "of course, games are best for the physique. look at men. still, walking will do, if one takes proper walks. i hope flora timson takes you good long walks." "indeed she does!" cried milly. "immense! she walks a dreadful pace, and we get over stiles and things." "immense is a little vague. how far do you go on an average?" mildred's notions of distance were vague. "quite two miles, i'm sure," she responded, cheerfully. aunt beatrice made no comment. she looked steadily and scrutinizingly at her niece, and in a kind but deepened voice told her to go up to her room, whither she, lady thomson, would follow in a few minutes, just to see how the mantegnas looked now they were framed. as soon as the door had closed behind mildred, she turned to miss burt. "you're right, in a way, polly, after all. there is something odd about milly, but i think it's affectation. did you hear her answer? two miles! when to my knowledge she can easily walk ten." meantime, mildred mounted slowly to her room. she had tidied it under tims's instructions and had nothing to do but to sit down and think until lady thomson's masculine step was heard outside her door. aunt beatrice came in and laid aside her hat and cloak, showing a dress of rough gray tweed, and short--so far a tribute to the practical--but otherwise made on some awkward artistic or hygienic principle. her glossy brown hair was brushed back and twisted tight, as milly's used to be, but with different effect, because of its heaviness and length. "why have you crammed up one of your windows with a dressing-glass?" asked aunt beatrice, putting a picture straight. "because i can't see myself in that dark corner," returned mildred, demurely meek, but waiting her opportunity. "see yourself! my dear child, you hardly ever want to see yourself, if you are habitually neat and dressed sensibly. i see you've adopted the mannish style. that's a phase of vanity. you'll come back to the beautiful and natural before long." mildred leaned back in her chair and clasped her hands behind her head. "i don't think so, aunt beatrice. i've settled the dress question once and for all. i've found a clean, tidy, convenient style of dress and i can't waste time thinking about altering it again." "you don't seem to mind wasting it on doing your hair," returned aunt beatrice, smiling, but not grimly, for she enjoyed logical fencing, even to her opponent's fair hits. "if i had beautiful hair like yours, i shouldn't need to," replied mildred. "but you know how endy and untidy mine always was." aunt beatrice, embarrassed by the compliment, looked at her watch. "it seems as if we women can't escape our fate," she said. "here we are gabbling about dress when we've plenty of important things to talk over. miss burt wrote to me that you were overworked, run down, nerves out of order, and all the usual nonsense. i'm thankful to find you looking remarkably well. i should like to know what this humbug about not being able to work means." "it means that--well, i simply can't," returned mildred, earnestly this time. "i can't remember things." "you must be able to remember; unless your brain's diseased, which is most improbable. but i ought to take you to a brain specialist, i suppose." milly changed color. "please, oh please, aunt beatrice, don't do that!" lady thomson, in fact, hardly meant it; for her niece's appearance was unmistakably healthy. however, the threat told. "i shall if you don't improve. i can't understand you. either you're hysterical or you've got one of those abominable fits of frivolity which come on women like drink on men, and destroy their careers. i thought we had both set our hearts on your getting another first." "but, aunt beatrice, they say i can't. they say i'm not clever enough." "oh, that's what they say, is it?" lady thomson smiled in calm but deep contempt. "how do they explain the idiots who have got firsts? archibald toovey, for instance?" her eyes met her niece's, and both smiled. "ah, yes! mr. toovey," returned milly, who had met archibald toovey at the fletchers', and converted his patronizing courtship into imbecile raptures. "but that quite explains your losing an interest in your work. just for once, i should like to take you away before the end of term. we would go straight to rome next monday. we shall meet the breretons there, and go fully over the new excavations and discoveries, besides the old things, which will be new, of course, to you. then we will go on to naples, do the galleries and pompeii, and come back by florence and paris before christmas. by that time you will be ready to settle down to your work steadily again and forget all this nonsense." mildred's face had lighted up momentarily at the word "rome." then she sucked her under lip and looked at the fire. when lady thomson's programme was ended, she made a pause before she said, slowly: "thank you so much, dear aunt beatrice. i should love to go, but--i don't think--no, i don't think i'd better. you see, there's the expense." "of course i don't expect you to pay for yourself. i take you." "how very kind and sweet of you! but--well, do you know, you've encouraged me so about that. first, i feel now as though i could sit down and get it straight away. i will get it, aunt beatrice, if only to make that old professor look foolish." lady thomson, though disappointed in a way, felt that milly flaxman was doing credit to her principles, showing a spirit worthy of her family. she did not urge the roman plan; but content with a victory over "nerves and the usual nonsense," withdrew triumphant to the railway station. tims came in when she was gone and heard about the roman offer. "you refused, when aunt beatrice was going to plank down the dollars? m., you are a fool!" "no, tims," mildred answered, deliberately; "you see, i don't feel sure yet whether i can manage aunt beatrice." chapter v oxford is beautiful at all times, beautiful even now, in spite of the cruel disfigurement inflicted upon her by the march of modern vulgarity, but she has three high festivals which clothe her with a special glory and crown her with their several crowns. one is the festival of may, when her hoary walls and ancient enclosures overflow with emerald and white, rose-color and purple and gold, a foam of leafage and blossom, breaking spray-like over edges of stone, gray as sea-worn rocks. and all about the city the green meadows and groves burn with many tones of color, brilliant as enamels or as precious stones, yet of a texture softer and richer, more full of delicate shadows than any velvet mantle that ever was woven for a queen. another festival comes with that strayed bacchanal october, who hangs her scarlet and wine-colored garlands on cloister and pinnacle, on wall and tower. and gradually the foliage of grove and garden, turns through shade of bluish metallic green, to the mingled splendor of pale gold and beaten bronze and deepest copper, half glowing and half drowned in the low, mellow sunlight, and purple mist of autumn. last comes the festival of mid-winter, the festival of the frost. the rime comes, or the snow, and the long lines of the buildings, the fret-work of stone, the battlements, carved pinnacles and images of saints or devils, stand up with clear glittering outlines, or clustered about and overhung with fantasies of ice and snow. behind, the deep-blue sky itself seems to glitter too. the frozen floods glitter in the meadows, and every little twig on the bare trees. there is no color in the earth, but the atmosphere of the river valley clothes distant hills and trees and hedges with ultramarine vapor. towards evening the mist climbs, faintly veiling the tall groves of elms and the piled masses of the city itself. the sunset begins to burn red behind magdalen tower, all the towers and aery pinnacles rise blue yet distinct against it. and this festival is not only one of nature. the glittering ice is spread over the meadows, and, everywhere from morning till moonlight, the rhythmical ring of the skate and the sound of voices sonorous with the joy of living, travel far on the frosty air. sometimes the very rivers are frozen, and the broad, bare highway of the thames and the tree-sheltered path of the cherwell are alive with black figures, heel-winged like mercury, flying swiftly on no errand, but for the mere delight of flying. it was early on such a shining festival morning that mildred, a willowy, brown-clad figure, came down to a piece of ice in an outlying meadow. her shadow moved beside her in the sunshine, blue on the whiteness of the snow, which crunched crisp and thin under her feet. she carried a black bag in her hand--sign of the serious skater, and her face was serious, even apprehensive. she saw with relief that except the sweepers there was no one on the ice. a row of shivering men, buttoned up to the chin in seedy coats, rose from the chairs where they awaited their appointed prey, and all yelled to her at once. she crowned the hopes of one by occupying his seat, but the important task of putting on the bladed boots she could depute to none. tims, whom no appeal of friendship could induce to shiver on the ice, had told her that milly was an expert skater. she was, in fact, correct and accomplished, but there was a stiffness and sense of effort about her style, a want of that appearance of free and daring abandonment to the stroke of the blade once launched, that makes the beauty of skating. mildred knew only that she had to live up to the reputation of a mighty skater, and was not sure whether she could even stand on these knifelike edges. she laced one boot, happy in the belief that at any rate there would be no witness to her voyage of discovery. but a renewed yelling among the men made her lift her head, and there, striding swiftly over the crisp snow, came a tall, handsome young man, with a pointed, silky black beard and fine, short-sighted black eyes, aglow with the pleasure of the frosty sun. it was ian stewart. the young lady whom he discovered to be miss flaxman just as he reached the chairs, was much more annoyed than he at the encounter. here was an acquaintance, it seemed, and one provided with the bag and orange which tims had warned her was the mark of the serious skater. they exchanged remarks on the weather and she went on lacing her other boot in great trepidation. the moment was come. she did not recoil from the insult of being seized under her elbows by two men and carefully planted on her feet as though she were most likely to tumble down. so far as she knew, she was likely to. but, lo! no sooner was she up than muscles and nerves, recking nothing of the brain's blind denial, asserted their own acquaintance with the art of balance and motion. wondering, and for a few minutes still apprehensive, but presently lost in the pleasure of the thing, mildred began to fly over the ice. and the dark, handsome man who had taken off his cap to her became supremely unimportant. unluckily the piece of flood-ice was not endless and she had to come back. he was circling around an orange, and she, throwing herself instinctively on to the outside edge, came down towards him in great, sweeping curves, absorbed in the delight of this motion, so new yet so perfectly under her control. ian stewart, perceiving that the girl was absolutely unconscious of his presence, blushed in his soul to think that he had been induced to believe himself to be of importance in her eyes. "miss flaxman," he said, skating up to her, "i see you have no orange. can't we skate a figure together around mine?" "i've forgotten all about figures," replied mildred, with truth. "try some simple turns," he urged. "there are plenty here," and he held up a book in his hand like the one she had found in her own black bag. but it had "ian stewart, durham college," written clearly on the outside. "so that's stewart!" thought milly; and she could not help laughing at her own thoughts, which had created him in a different image. stewart did not know why she laughed, but he found the sound and sight of the laugh new and charming. "it's awfully kind of you to undertake my education in another branch, mr. stewart," she answered, pouting, "in spite of having found out that i'm not at all clever." she smiled at him mutinously, sweeping towards the orange with head thrown back over her left shoulder. momentarily the poise of her head recalled the attitude of the portrait of lady hammerton, beckoning her unseen companions to that far-off mysterious mountain country, where the torrents shine so whitely through the mist and the red line of sunset speaks of coming night. stewart colored, slightly confused. this brutal statement did not seem to him to represent the just and candid account he had given miss walker of miss flaxman's abilities. "some one's been misreporting me, i see," he returned. "but anyhow, on the ice, miss flaxman, it's you who are the professor; i who am the pupil. so i offer you a fair revenge." accordingly, mildred soon found herself placed at a due distance from the orange, with stewart equally distant from it on the other side. after a few minutes of extreme uneasiness, she discovered that although she had to halt at each fresh call, she had a kind of mechanical familiarity with the simple figures which he gave her. stewart, though learned, was human; and to sweep now at the opposite pole to his companion, now with a swing of clasping hands at the centre of their delightful dance, his eyes always perforce on his charming partner, and her eyes on him, undeniably raised the pleasure of skating to a higher power than if he had circled the orange in company with mere man. so they fleeted the too-short time in the sparkling blue and white world, drinking the air like celestial wine. the festival of the frost had fallen in the christmas vacation, and oxford society in vacation is essentially different from that of term-time, when it is overflowed by men who are but birds of passage, coming no one inquires whence, and flitting few know whither. the party that picnicked, played hockey, danced and figured on their skates through the weeks of the frost, was in those days almost like a family party. so it happened that ian stewart met the new miss flaxman in an atmosphere of friendly ease that years of term-time society would not have afforded him. how new she was he did not guess, but supposed the change to be in his own eyes. other people, however, saw it. her very skating was different. it had gained in grace and vigor, but she was seldom seen wooing the serious and lonely orange around which milly had acquired the skill that mildred now enjoyed. on the contrary, she initiated an epidemic of frivolity on the ice in the shape of waltzing and hand-in-hand figures in general. ian stewart, too, neglected the orange and went in for hand-in-hand figures that season. other things, too, he neglected; work, which he had never before allowed to suffer measurably from causes within his control; and far from blushing for his idleness, he rejoiced in it, as the surest sign of all that for him the festival of spring had come in the time of nature's frost. it was not only the crisp air, the frequent sun, the joyous flights over the ringing ice that made his blood run faster through his veins and laughter come more easily to his lips; that aroused him in the morning with a strange sense of delight, as though some spirit had awakened him with a glad reveille at the window of his soul. he, too, was in arcady. that in itself should be sufficient joy; he knew he must restrain his impatience for more. not till the summer, when the lady of his heart had ceased to be also his pupil, must he make avowal of his love. mildred on her part found stewart the most attractive of the men with whom she was acquainted. as yet in this new existence of hers, she had not moved outside the oxford circle--a circle exceptional in england, because in it intellectual eminence, not always recognized, when recognized receives as much honor as is accorded to a great fortune or a great name in ordinary society. stewart's abilities were of a kind to be recognized by the academic world. he was already known in the universities of the continent and america. oxford was proud of him; and although mildred had no desire to marry as yet, it gratified her taste and her vanity to win him for a lover. chapter vi mildred had had no desire to spend her vacations with lady thomson, and on the ground of her reading for the schools, had been allowed to spend them in oxford. tims, who had no relations, remained with her. she had for mildred a sentiment almost like that of a parent, besides an admiration for which she was slightly ashamed, feeling it to be something of a slur on the memory of milly, her first and kindest friend. mildred had recovered her memory for most things, but the facts of her former life were still a blank to her. she had begun to work for her first in order to evade aunt beatrice; but the fever of it grew upon her, either from the ambient air of the university or from a native passion to excel in all she did. her teachers were bewildered by the mental change in miss flaxman. the qualities of intellectual swiftness, vigor, pliancy, whose absence they had once noted in her, became, on the contrary, conspicuously hers. once initiated into the tricks of the "great essay" style, she could use it with a dexterity strangely in contrast with the flat and fumbling manner in which poor milly had been wont to express her ideas. but in the region of actual knowledge, she now and again perpetrated some immense and childish blunder, which made the teachers, who nursed and trained her like a jockey or a race-horse, tremble for the results of the greats examination. all too swiftly the date of the schools loomed on the horizon; drew near; was come. the june weather was glorious on the river, but in the town, above all in the examination schools, it was very hot. the sun glared pitilessly in through the great windows of the big t-shaped room, till the temperature was that of a greenhouse. the young men in their black coats and white ties looked enviously at the girl candidate, the only one, in her white waist and light skirt. they envied her, too, her apparent indifference to a crisis that paled the masculine cheek. in fact, mildred was nervous, but her nerves were strung up to so high a pitch that she was sensitive neither to temperature nor to fatigue, nor to want of sleep. and at the service of her quick intelligence and ready pen lay all the stored knowledge of milly the first. on the last day, when the last paper was over, tims came and found her in the big hall, planting the pins in her hat with an almost feverish energy. although it was five o'clock, she said she wanted air, not tea. the last men had trooped listlessly down the steps of the schools and the two girls stood there while mildred drew on her gloves. the sun wearing to the northwest, shone down that curve of the high street which all europe cannot match. the slanting gold illumined the gray face of the university and the wide pavement, where the black-gowned victims of the schools threaded their sombre way through groups of joyous youths in flannels and ladies in summer attire. on the opposite side cool shadows were beginning to invade the sunshine, to slant across the old houses, straight-roofed or gabled, the paladian pile of queen's, the mediæval front of all souls, with its single and perfect green tree, leading up to the consummation of the great spire of st. mary's. already, from the tall bulk of the nave, a shadow fell broad across the pavement. but still the heat of the day reverberated from the stones about them. they turned down to the botanical gardens and paced that gray enclosure, full of the pride of branches and the glory of flowers and overhung by the soaring vision of magdalen tower. mildred was walking fast and talking volubly about the examination and everything else. "look here, old girl," said tims at last, when they reached for the second time the seat under the willow trellis, "i'm going to sit down here, unless you'll come to tea at boffin's." "i don't want to sit down," returned mildred, seating herself; "or to have tea or anything. i want to be just going, going, going. i feel as though if i stop for a minute something horrid will happen." tims wrinkled her whole face anxiously. "don't do that, tims," cried mildred, sharply. "you look hideous." tims colored, rose and walked away. she suddenly thought, with tears in her eyes, of the old milly who would never have spoken to her like that. by the time she had reached the little basin in the middle of the garden, where the irises grew, mildred had caught her up. "tims, dear old tims! what a wretch i am! i couldn't help letting off steam on something--you don't know what i feel like." tims allowed herself to be pacified, but in her heart there remained a yearning for her earlier and gentler friend--that milly flaxman who was certainly not dead, yet as certainly gone out of existence. it was towards the end of the last week of term, and the gayeties of commemoration had already begun. mildred threw herself into them with feverish enjoyment. she seemed to grudge even the hours that must be lost in the unconsciousness of sleep. the iretons, cousins from india, who had never known the former milly, took a house in oxford for a week. she went with them to three college balls and a masonic, and spent the days in a carnival of luncheon and boating-parties. she attracted plenty of admiration, and enjoyed herself wildly, yet also purposefully; because she was trying to get rid of that haunting feeling that if she stopped a minute "something horrid would happen." stewart meantime was finding love not so entirely beautiful and delightful a thing as he had at first imagined it. in his dreamy way he had overlooked the fact of commemoration, and planned when term was over to find mildred constantly at the fletchers' and to be able to arrange quiet days on the river. but if he found her there, she was always in company, and though she made herself as charming to him as usual, she showed no disposition to forsake all others and cleave only to him. he was not a dancing man, and suffered cruelly on the evenings when he knew her to be at balls, and fancied all her partners in love with her. but on the thursday after commemoration, the fletchers gave a strawberry tea at wytham, as a farewell festivity to their cousins. and ian stewart was there. with mrs. fletcher's connivance, he took mildred home alone in a canoe, by the deep and devious stream which runs under wytham woods. she went on talking with a vivacious gayety which was almost foolish. he saw that it was unreal and that her nerves were at high tension. his own were also. he did not intend to propose to her that day; but he could no longer restrain himself, and he began to speak to her of his love. "hush!" she cried, with a vehement gesture. "not to-day! oh, not to-day! i can't bear it!" she put her head on her knee and moaned again, "not to-day, i'm too tired, i really am. i can't bear it." this was all the answer he could get, and her manner left him in complete uncertainty as to whether she meant to accept or to refuse him. tims had been at the strawberry tea too, and came into mildred's room in the evening, curious to know what had happened. she found mildred without a light, sitting, or rather lying in a wicker chair. when the candle was lighted she saw that mildred was very pale and shivering. "you're overtired, my girl," she said. "that's what's the matter with you." "oh, tims," moaned mildred. "i feel so ill and so frightened. i know something horrid's going to happen--i know it is." "don't be a donkey," returned tims. "i'll help you undress and then you turn in. you'll be as jolly as a sandboy to-morrow." but mildred was crying tremulously. "oh, tims, how dreadful it would be to die!" "idiot!" cried tims, and shook mildred with all her might. mildred's tiny sobs turned into a shriek of laughter. "my goodness!" ejaculated tims; "you're in hysterics!" "i know i am," gasped mildred. "i was laughing to think of what aunt beatrice would say." and she giggled amid her tears. tims insisted on her rising from the chair, undressing, and getting into bed. then she sat by her in the half-dark, waiting for the miserable tears to leave off. "don't cry, old girl, don't cry. go to sleep and forget all about it," she kept repeating, almost mechanically. at length leaning over the bed she saw that mildred was asleep, lying straight on her bed with her feet crossed and her hands laid on her bosom. chapter vii about noon on friday milly flaxman awoke. she lay very quiet, sleepy and comfortable, her eyes fixed idly on a curve in the jessamine-pattern paper opposite her bed. the windows were wide open, the blinds down and every now and again flapping softly, as a capricious little breeze went by, whispering through the leafy trees outside. there seemed nothing unusual in that; she always slept with her windows open. but as her senses emerged from those mists which lie on the surface of the river of sleep, she was conscious of a balmy warmth in the room, of an impression of bright sunshine behind the dark blinds, and of noises from the streets reaching her with a kind of sharpness associated with sunshine. she sat up, looked at her watch, and was shocked to find how late she had slept. she must have missed a lecture. then the recollection of the dinner-party at the fletchers', the verdict of mr. stewart on her chance of a first, and her own hysterical outburst returned to her, overpowering all outward impressions. she felt calm and well now, but unhappy and ashamed of herself. she put her feet out of bed and looked round mechanically for her dressing-gown and slippers. their absence was unimportant, for no sense of chill struck through her thin night-gown to her warm body, and going to the window, she drew up the blind. the high june sun struck full upon her, hot and dazzling, but not so dazzling that she could not see the row of garden trees through whose bare branches she had yesterday descried the squalid roofs of the town. they were spreading now in a thick screen of fresh green leaves. she leaned out, as though further investigation might explain the phenomenon, and saw a red standard rose in full flower under her window. the thing was exactly like a dream, and she tried to wake up but could not. she was panic-stricken and trembling. had she been very, very ill? was it possible to be unconscious for six months? she looked at herself in a dressing-glass near the window, which she had never placed there, and saw that she was pale and had dark marks under her eyes, but not more so than had been the case in that yesterday so strangely and mysteriously removed in time. her slender white arms and throat were as rounded as usual. and if she had been ill, why was she left alone like this? she found a dressing-gown not her own, and went on a voyage of discovery. but the other rooms on her floor were dismantled and tenantless. the girls were gone and the servants were "cleaning" in a distant part of the college. she felt incapable of getting into bed again and waiting for some one to come, so she began dressing herself with trembling hands. every detail increased the sense of strangeness. there were a number of strange clothes, ball-dresses and others, hanging in her cupboard, strange odds and ends thrust confusedly into her bureau. she found at length a blue cotton frock of her own, which seemed just home from the wash. she had twisted up her hair and was putting on the blue frock, when she heard a step on the stairs, and paused with beating heart. who was coming? how would the mystery be resolved? the door opened and tims came in--the old tims, wrinkled face, wig, and old straw hat on one side as usual. "tims!" cried milly, flying towards her and speaking with pale lips. "please, please tell me--what has happened? have i been very ill?" and she stared in tims's face with a tragic mask of terror and anxiety. "now take it easy--take it easy, m., my girl!" cried tims, giving her a great squeeze and a clap on the shoulder. "i'm jolly glad to see you back. but don't let's have any more of your hysterics. no, never no more!" "have i been away?" asked milly, her lips still trembling. "i should think you had!" exclaimed tims. "but nobody knows it except me. don't forget that. here's a note for you from old b. read it first or we shall both forget all about it. she had to go away early this morning." milly opened the note and read: "dear milly,--i am sorry not to say good-bye, but glad you are sleeping off your fatigue. i want to tell you, between ourselves, not to go on worrying about the results of the schools, as i think you are doing, in spite of your pretences to the contrary. i hear you have done at least one brilliant paper, and although i, of course, know nothing certain, i believe you and the college will have reason to rejoice when the list comes out. "yours affectionately, "mary burt." "what does it mean?--oh, what can it mean?" faltered milly, holding out the missive to tims. "it means you've been in for greats, my girl, and done first-rate. but the strain's been a bit too much for you, and you've had another collapse of memory. you had one in the end of november. you've been uncommonly well ever since, and worked like a trojan, but you've not been quite your usual self, and i'm glad you've come right again, old girl. let me tell you the whole business." tims did so. she wanted social tact, but she had the tact of the heart which made her hide from milly how very different, how much more brilliant and attractive milly the second had been than her normal self. she only made her friend feel that the curious episode had entailed no disgrace, but that somehow in her abnormal condition she had done well in the schools, and probably touched the top of her ambition. "but i don't feel as though it had been quite straightforward to hide it up so," said milly. "i shall write and tell miss burt and aunt beatrice, and tell the fletchers when i go to them." "you'll do nothing of the kind, you stupid," snapped tims. "you'll be simply giving me away if you do. what is the good? it won't happen again unless you're idiot enough to overwork yourself again. very likely not then; for, as an open-minded, scientific woman, i believe it to have been a case of hypnotism, and in france and the united states they'd have thought it a very interesting one. but in england people are so prejudiced they'd say you'd simply been out of your mind; although that wouldn't prevent them from blaming me for hypnotizing you." while tims spoke thus, there was a knocking without, and a maid delivered a note for miss flaxman. milly held it in her hands and studied it musingly before opening the envelope. her pale, troubled face colored and grew more serious. tims had not mentioned ian stewart, but milly had not forgotten him or his handwriting. tims knew it too. she restrained her excitement while milly turned her back and stood by the window reading the note. she must have read them several times over, the two sides of the sheet inscribed with stewart's small, scholarly handwriting, before she turned her transfigured face towards the anxiously expectant tims. "tims, dear," she said at length, smiling tremulously, and laying tremulous hands on tims's two thin shoulders--"dear old tims, why didn't you tell me?" "tell you what?" asked tims, grinning delightedly. milly threw her arms round her friend's neck and hid her happy tears and blushes between tims's ear and shoulder. "mr. stewart--it seems too good to be true--he loves me, he really does. he wants me to be his wife." most girls would have hugged and kissed milly, and tims did hug her, but instead of kissing her, she banged and slapped her back and shoulders hard all over, shaking the while with deep internal chuckles. it hurt, but milly did not mind, for it was sympathy. presently she drew herself away, and wiping her damp eyes, said, smiling shyly: "he's never guessed how much i care about him. i'm so glad. he says he doesn't wonder at my hesitation and talks about others more worthy to love me. but you know there isn't any one except mr. toovey. poor mr. toovey! i do hope i haven't behaved very badly to him." "never mind toovey," chuckled tims. "anyhow, milly, i've got a good load off my mind. i didn't half like having put that other girl into your boots. however, you've come back, and everything's going to be all right." "all right!" breathed milly. "why, tims, darling, i never thought any one in the world could be half so happy as i am." and tims left milly to write the answer for which ian stewart was so anxiously waiting. * * * * * the engagement proceeded after the manner of engagements. no one was surprised at it and every one was pleased. the little whirlpool of talk that it created prevented milly's ignorance of the events of the past six or seven months from coming to the surface. she lay awake at night, devising means of telling ian about this strange blank in her life. but she shrank from saying things that might make him suspect her of an unsound mind. she had plainly been sane enough in her abnormal state, and there was no doubt of her sanity now. she told him she had had since the autumn, and still had, strange collapses of memory; and he said that quite explained some peculiarities of her work. she tried to talk to him about french experiments in hypnotism, and how it was said sometimes to bring to light unsuspected sides of a personality. but he laughed at hypnotism as a mixture of fraud and hysteria. so with many searchings of heart, she dropped the subject. she was staying at the fletchers' and saw ian every day. he was all that she could wish as a lover, and it never occurred to her to ask whether he felt all that he himself could have wished as such. he was very fond of milly and quite content with her, but not perfectly content with himself. he supposed he must at bottom be one of those ordinary and rather contemptible men who care more for the excitement of the chase than for the object of it. but he felt sure he was really a very lucky fellow, and determined not to give way to the self-analysis which is always said to be the worst enemy of happiness. miss flaxman had been the only woman in for greats, and as a favor she was taken first in _viva voce_. the questions were directed to probing her actual knowledge in places where she had made one or two amazing blunders. but she emerged triumphant, and went in good spirits to clewes, aunt beatrice's country home in the north, whither ian stewart shortly followed her. beyond the fact that she wore perforce and with shame, not having money to buy others, frocks which lady thomson disapproved, she was once more the adoring niece to whom her aunt was accustomed. and lady thomson liked ian. she never expected men to share her fads. in due time came the announcement of the first, bringing almost as many congratulatory letters as the engagement. and on august 2d milly sailed for australia, where she was to spend two or three months with her family. in october the newspapers announced that the marriage of miss mildred beatrice flaxman, eldest daughter of the dean of stirling, south australia, with mr. ian stewart, fellow of durham college, oxford, would take place at oxford in the second week in december. chapter viii "madame dort toujours!" the dark-eyed, cherry cheeked, white-capped chamber-maid of the hôtel du chalet made the statement to the manager, who occupied a glass case in the hall. "she must have been very tired yesterday, pauvre petite!" the manager answered phlegmatically in french with a german accent: "so much the better if she sleeps. she does not eat. when the gentleman went out he wanted sanveeches to put in his pocket. one does not want sanveeches when one sleeps." "all the same, i wish she would wake up. it's so odd to see her sleeping like that," returned the cherry-cheeked one; and passed about her duties. the _déjeuner_ was over, and those guests who had not already gone out for the day, were tramping about the bare, wooden passages and staircase, putting on knitted gloves and shouting for their companions and toboggans. but it was not till all had gone out and their voices had died away on the clear, cold air, that the sleeper in no. 19 awoke. for a while she lay with open eyes as still as though she were yet sleeping. but suddenly she started up in bed and looked around her with frowning, startled attention. she was in a rather large, bare bedroom with varnished green wood-work and furniture and a green pottery stove. there was an odd, thick paper on the wall, of no particular color, and a painted geometrical pattern in the centre of the ceiling. it was a neat room, on the whole, but on the bed beside her own a man's waistcoat had been thrown, and in the middle of the floor a pair of long, shabby slippers lay a yard apart from each other and upside down. there were other little signs of masculine occupation. a startled movement brought her sitting up on the bedside. "married!" she whispered to herself. "how perfectly awful!" a fiery wave of anger that was almost hate swept through her veins, anger against the unknown husband and against that other one who had the power thus to dispose of her destiny, while she lay helpless in some unfathomed deep between life and death. swifter than light her thoughts flew back to the last hours of consciousness which had preceded that strange and terrible engulfment of her being. she remembered that mr. stewart had tried to propose to her on the river and that she had not allowed him to do so. probably he had taken this as a refusal. she knew nothing of any love of milly's for him; only was sure that he had not been in love with her, mildred, when she first knew him; therefore had not cared for her other personality. who else was possible? with an audible cry she sprang to her feet. "toovey! archibald toovey!" the idea was monstrous, it was also grotesque; and even while she plunged despairing fingers in her hair, she laughed so loud that she might have been heard in the corridor. "mrs. archibald toovey! good heavens! but that girl was perfectly capable of it." then she became more than serious and buried her face in her hands, thinking. "if it is mr. toovey," she thought, "i must go away at once, wherever i am. i can't have been married long. i am sure to have some money somewhere. i'll go to tims. oh, that brute! that idiot!"--she was thinking of milly--"how i should like to strangle her!" she clinched her hands till the nails hurt her palms. two photographs, propped up on the top of a chest of drawers, caught her eye. she snatched them. one was a wedding group, but there was no bridegroom; only six bridesmaids. it was as bad as such things always are, and it was evident that the dresses were ill-fitting, the hats absurd. tims was prominent among the bridesmaids, looking particularly ugly. the other photograph might have seemed pretty to a less prejudiced eye. it was that of a slight, innocent-looking girl in a white satin gown, "ungirt from throat to hem," and holding a sheaf of lilies in her hand. her hair was loose upon her shoulders, crowned with a fragile garland and covered with a veil of fine lace. "what a judy!" commented mildred, throwing the photograph fiercely away from her. "fancy my being married in a dressing-gown and having tims for a bridesmaid! sickening!" but her anxiety with regard to the bridegroom dominated even this just indignation. somehow, after seeing the photographs, she was convinced he must be archibald toovey. she determined to fly at once. the question was, where was she? not in england, she fancied. the stove had been thrice-heated by the benevolent cherry-cheeked one, and the atmosphere of the room was stifling. this, together with the cold outside, had combined to throw a gray veil across the window-panes. she hastily put on a blue pyrenean wool dressing-gown, flung open a casement and leaned out into the wide sunshine, the iced-champagne air. the window was only on the first floor, and she saw just beneath a narrow, snowy strip of ground, on either side and below it snow-sprinkled pinewoods falling, falling steeply, as it were, into space. but far below the blue air deepened into a sapphire that must be a lake, and beyond that gray cliffs, remote yet fairly clear in the sunshine, rose streaked with the blue shadows of their own buttresses. above the cliffs, white and sharp and fantastic in their outline, snowy mountain summits showed clear against the deep blue sky. between them, imperceptibly moving on its secular way, hung the glacier, a track of vivid ultramarine and green, looking like a giant pathway to the stars. mildred guessed she was in switzerland. she knew that it should be easy to get back to england, yet for her with her peculiar inexperience of life, it would not be easy. at any rate, she would dash herself down some gray-precipice into that lake below rather than remain here as the bride of archibald toovey. just as she was registering a desperate vow to that effect a man came climbing up the woodland way to the left, a long-legged man in a knickerbocker suit and gaiters. he stepped briskly out of the pinewood on to the snowy platform below, and seeing her at the window, looked up, smiling, and waved his cap, with a cry of "hullo, milly!" and it was not archibald toovey. mildred, relieved from the worst of fears, leaned from the window towards him. a slanting ray caught the floating cloud of her amber hair, her face glowed rosily, her eyes beamed on the new-comer, and she broke into such an enchanting ripple of laughter as he had never heard from those soft lips since it had been his privilege to kiss them. then something happened within him. upon his lonely walk he had been overcome by a depression against which he had every day been struggling. he had been disappointed in his marriage, now some weeks old--disappointed, that is, with himself, because of his own incapacity for rapturous happiness. yet a year ago on the ice at oxford, six months ago in the falling summer twilight on the river, under wytham woods, he had thought himself as capable as any man of feeling the joys and pains of love. in the sequel it had seemed that he was not; and just as he had lost all hope of finding once again that buried treasure of his heart, it had returned to him in one delightful moment, when he stood as it were on the top of the world in the crisp, joyous alpine air, and his eyes met the eyes of his young wife, who leaned towards him into the sunshine and laughed. he could not possibly have told how long the golden vision endured; only that suddenly, precipitately, it withdrew. a "spirit in his feet" sent him bounding up the bare, shallow hotel stairs, two steps at a time, dropping on every step a cake of snow from his boots, to melt and make pools on the polished wood. the manager, who respected none of his guests except those who bullied him, called out a reprimand, but received no apology. stewart strode with echoing tread down the corridor towards no. 19, eager to hold that slender, girlish wife of his in his arms and to press kisses on the lips that had laughed at him so sweetly from above. the walls of the hotel were thin, and as he approached the door he heard a quick, soft scurry across the room on the other side, and in his swift thought saw milly flying to meet him, just relieved from one absurd anxiety about his safety and indulging another on the subject of his wet feet. a smile of tender amusement visited his lips as he took hold of the door-handle. exactly as he touched it, the key on the other side turned. the lock had been stiff, but it had shot out in the nick of time, and he found himself brought up short in his impulsive career and hurtling against a solid barrier. he knocked, but no one answered. he could have fancied he heard panting breaths on the other side of the ill-fitting door. "mayn't i come in, darling?" he asked, gently, but with a shade of reproach in his voice. "no, you can't," returned milly's voice; hers, but with an accent of coldness and decision in it which struck strangely on his ear. he paused, bewildered. then he remembered how often he had read that women were capricious, unaccountable creatures. milly had made him forget that. her attitude towards him had been one of unvarying gentleness and devotion. vaguely he felt that there was a kind of feminine charm in this sudden burst of coldness, almost indifference. "is anything the matter, dear?" he asked. "aren't you well?" "quite well, thank you," came the curt voice through the door. then after a minute's hesitation: "what do you want?" ian smiled to himself as he answered: "my feet are wet. i want to change." he was a delicate man, and if he had a foible which milly could be said to execrate, it was that of "sitting in wet feet." he expected the door to fly open; but it did nothing of the kind. there was not a trace of anxiety in the grudging voice which replied, after a pause: "i suppose you want dry shoes and stockings. i'll give them to you if you'll wait." he stood bewildered, a little pained, not noticing the noisy opening and shutting of several ill-fitting drawers in the room. yet milly always put away his things for him and should have known where to find them. the door opened a chink and the shoes and stockings came flying through on to the passage floor. he had a natural impulse to use his masculine strength, to push the door open before she could lock it again, but fortunately he restrained it. he went down-stairs slowly, shoes and stockings in hand; threw them down behind the big green stove in the smoking-room and lighted a meditative pipe. it was evidently a fact that women were difficult to understand; even milly was. he had been uniformly kind and tender to her, and so far she had seemed more than content with him as a husband. but beneath this apparent happiness of hers had some instinct, incomprehensible to him, been whispering to her that he did not love her as many men, perhaps most, loved their young wives? that he had felt for her no ardor, no worship? if so, then the crisis had come at the right moment; at the moment when, by one of those tricks of nature which make us half acquiesce in the belief that our personality is an illusion, that we are but cosmic automata, the power of love had been granted to him again. yet for all that--very fortunately, seeing that the crisis was more acute than he was aware--he did not fancy that his way lay plain before him. he began to perceive that the cementing of a close union between a man and woman, two beings with so abundant a capacity for misunderstanding each other, is a complex and delicate affair. that to marry is to be a kind of odysseus advancing into the palace of a circe, nobler and more humane than the enchantress of old, yet capable also of working strange and terrible transformations. that many go in there carrying in their hands blossoms which they believe to be moly; but the true moly is not easy to distinguish. and he hoped that he and milly, in their different ways, had found and were both wearing the milk-white flower. yet he knew that this was a matter which must be left to the arbitrament of time. chapter ix on their return to oxford the young couple were fêted beyond the common. people who had known milly flaxman in earlier days were surprised to think how little they had noticed her beauty or guessed what a fund of humor, what an extraordinary charm, had lurked beneath the surface of her former quiet, grave manner. the master of durham alone refused to be surprised. he merely affirmed in his short squeak that he had always admired mrs. stewart very much. she was now frequently to be found in the place of honor at those dinners of his, where distinguished visitors from london brought the stir and color of the great world into the austere groves, the rarefied atmosphere of academe. wherever she appeared, the vivid personality of mrs. stewart made a kind of effervescence which that indescribable entity, a vivid personality, is sure to keep fizzing about it. she was devoutly admired, fiercely criticised, and asked everywhere. it is true she had quite given up her music, but she drew caricatures which were irresistibly funny, and was a tremendous success in charades. everything was still very new to her, everything interesting and amusing. she was enchanted with her house, although milly and lady thomson had chosen it, preferring to a villa in the parks an old gray house of the kind that are every day recklessly destroyed by the march of modern vulgarity. she approved of the few and good pieces of old furniture with which they had provided it; although lady thomson could not entirely approve of the frivolity and extravagance of the chintzes with which she helped the sunshine to brighten the low, panelled rooms. but aunt beatrice, girt with principles major and minor, armed with so procrustean a measure for most of her acquaintance, accepted mildred's deviations with an astonishing ease. the secret of personal magnetism is not yet discovered. it may be that the _aura_ surrounding each of us is no mystic vision of the neo-buddhists, but a physical fact; that mildred's personality acted by a power not moral but physical on the nerves of those who approached her, exciting those of some, of the majority, pleasurably, filling others with a nameless uneasiness, to account for which they must accuse her manners or her character. to ian stewart the old panelled house with the walled garden behind, where snowdrops and crocuses pushed up under budding orchard boughs, was a paradise beyond any he had imagined. he found mildred the most adorable of wives, the most interesting of companions. her defects as a housekeeper, which aunt beatrice noted in silence but with surprise, were nothing to him. he could not help pausing sometimes even in the midst of his work, to wonder at his own good fortune and to reflect that whatever the future might have in store, he would have no right to complain, since it had been given to him to know the taste of perfect happiness. since his marriage he had been obliged to take more routine work, and the long vacation had become more valuable to him than ever. as soon as he had finished an examination he had undertaken, he meant to devote the time to the preparation of a new book which he had in his mind. mildred, seemingly as eager as himself that the book should be done, had at first agreed. then some of her numerous friends had described the pleasures of dieppe, and she was seized with the idea that they too might go there. ian, she said, could work as well at dieppe as at oxford or in the country. ian knew better; besides, his funds were low and dieppe would cost too much. for the first time he opposed mildred's wishes, and to her surprise she found him perfectly firm. there was no quarrel, but although she was silent he felt that she did not yield her opinion and was displeased with him. late at night as he sat over examination papers, his sensitive imagination framed the accusations of selfishness, pedantry, scrupulosity, which his wife might be bringing against him in the "sessions of silent thought;" although it was clearly to her advantage as much as to his own that he should keep out of money difficulties and do work which counted. she had no fixed habits, and he flung down pipe and pen, hoping to find her still awake. but she was already sound asleep. the room was dark, but he saw her by the illumination of distant lightning, playing on the edge of a dark and sultry world. his appointed task was not yet done and he returned to the study, a long, low, dark-panelled room, looking on the garden. the windows were wide open on the hushed, warm, almost sulphurous darkness, from which frail white-winged moths came floating in towards the shaded lamp on his writing-table. he sat down to his papers and by an effort of will concentrated his mind upon them. habit had made such concentration easy to him as a rule, but to-night, after half an hour of steady work, he was mastered by an invading restlessness of mind and body. the cause was not far to seek; he could hear all the time he worked the dull, almost continuous, roar of distant thunder. all else was very still, it was long past midnight and the town was asleep. he got up and paced the room once or twice, grasping his extinguished pipe absently in his hand. suddenly a blast seemed to spring out of nowhere and rush madly round the enclosed garden, tossing the gnarled and leafy branches of the old orchard trees and dragging at the long trails of creepers on wall and trellis. it blew in at the windows, hot as from the heart of the thunder-cloud, and waved the curtains before it. it rushed into the very midst of the old house with its cavernous chimneys, deep cellars, and enormous unexplored walls, filling it with strange, whispering sounds, as of half articulate voices, here menacing, there struggling to reveal some sinister and vital secret. the blast died away, but it seemed to have left those voices still muttering and sighing through the walls that had sheltered so many generations, such various lives of men. ian was used to the creaking and groaning of the wood-work; he knew how on the staircase the rising of the boards, which had been pressed down in the day, simulated ghostly footsteps in the night. he was in his mental self the most rational of mortals, but at times the highland strain in his blood, call it sensitive or superstitious, spoke faintly to his nerves--never before so strongly, so over-masteringly as to-night. a blue blaze of crooked lightning zigzagged down the outer darkness and seemed to strike the earth but a little beyond the garden wall. following on its heels a tremendous clap of thunder burst, as it were, on the very chimneys. the solid house shook to its foundations. but the tide of horrible, irrational fear which swept over ian's whole being was not caused by this mere exaggerated commonplace of nature. he could give no guess what it was that caused it; he only knew that it was agony. he knew what it meant to feel the hair lift on his head; he knew what the psalmist meant when he said, "my bones are turned to water." and as he stood unable to move, afraid to turn his head, abject and ashamed of his abjectness, he was listening, listening for he knew not what. at length it came. he heard the stairs creak and a soft padding footstep coming slowly down them; with it the brush of a light garment and intermittently a faint human sound between a sigh and a sob. he did not reflect that he could not really have heard such slight sounds through a thick stone wall and a closed door. he heard them. the steps stopped at the door; a hand seemed feeling to open it, and again there was a painful sigh. the physical terror had not passed from him, but the sudden though that it was his wife and that she was frightened or ill, made him able to master it. he seized the lamp, because he knew the light in the hall was extinguished, rushed to the door, opened it and looked out. there was no one there. he made a hasty but sufficient search and returned to the study. the extremity of his fear was now passed, but an unpleasantly eery feeling still lingered about him and he had a very definite desire to find himself in some warm, human neighborhood. he had left the door open and was arranging the papers on his writing-table, when once again he heard those soft padding feet on the stairs; but this time they were much heavier, more hurried, and stumbled a little. he stood bent over the table, a bundle of papers in his hand, no longer overcome by mortal terror, yet somehow reluctant once more to look out and to see once more--nothing. there was a sound outside the door, louder, hoarser than the faint sob or sigh which he had heard before, and he seized the lamp and turned towards it. before he had made a step forward, the door was pushed violently back and his wife came in, leaning upon it as though she needed support. she was barefooted and dressed only in a long night-gown, white, yet hardly whiter than her face. her eyes did not turn towards him, they stared in front of her, not with the fixed gaze of an ordinary sleep-walker, but with purpose and intensity. she seemed to see something, to pursue something, with starting eyes and out-stretched arms; something she hated even more than she feared it, for her lips were blanched and tightened over her teeth as though with fury, and her smooth white forehead gathered in a frown. again she uttered that low, fierce sound, like that he had heard outside the door. then, loosing the handle on which she had leaned, she half sprung, half staggered, with uplifted hand, towards an open window, beyond which the rush of the thunder shower was just visible, sloping pallidly across the darkness. she leaned out into it and uttered to the night a hoarse, confused voice, words inchoate, incomprehensible, yet with a terrible accent of rage, of malediction. this transformation of his wife, so refined, so self-contained, into a creature possessed by an almost animal fury, struck ian with horror, although he accepted it as a phenomenon of somnambulism. he approached but did not touch her, for he had heard that it was dangerous to awaken a somnambulist. her voice sank rapidly to a loud whisper and he heard her articulate--"my husband! mine! mine!"--but in no tone of tenderness, rather pronouncing the words as a passionate claim to his possession. then suddenly she drooped, half kneeling on the deep window-seat, half fallen across the sill. he sprang to catch her, but not before her forehead had come down sharply on the stone edge of the outer window. he kneeled upon the window-seat and gathered her gently in his arms, where she lay quiet, but moaning and shuddering. "my husband!" she wailed, no longer furious now but despairing. "ian! my love! ian! my life!--my life! my own husband!" even in this moment it thrilled him to hear such words from her lips. he had not thought she loved him so passionately. he lifted her on to a deep old sofa at the end of the room, wrapped her in a warm oriental coverlet which hung there, and held her to his heart, murmuring love and comfort in her cold little ear. it seemed gradually to soothe her, although he did not think she really awoke. then he put her down, lighted the lamp outside, and, not without difficulty, carried her up to bed. her eyes were half closed when he laid her down and drew the bedclothes over her; and a minute or two later, when he looked in from his dressing-room, she was evidently asleep. when he got into bed she did not stir, and while he lay awake for another hour, she remained motionless and breathing regularly. he assured himself that the whole curious occurrence could be explained by the electrical state of the atmosphere, which had affected his own nerves in a way he would never humiliate himself by confessing to any one. those mysterious footsteps on the stairs which he had heard, footsteps like his wife's yet not hers; that hand upon the door, that voice of sighs, were the creation of his own excited brain. in time he would doubtless come to believe his own assurances on the point, but that night at the bottom of his heart he did not believe them. chapter x next morning, if ian himself slept late, milly slept later still. the strained and troubled look which he had seen upon her face even in sleep the night before, had passed away in the morning, but she lay almost alarmingly still and white. he was reassured by remembering that once when they were in switzerland she had slept about sixteen hours and awakened in perfect health. he remained in the house watching over her, and about four o'clock she woke up. but she was very pale and very quiet; exhausted, he thought, by her strange mental and physical exertions of the night before. she came down to tea with her pretty hair unbecomingly twisted up, and dressed in a brownish-yellow tea-gown, which he fancied he remembered hearing her denounce as only fit to be turned into a table-cloth. he did not precisely criticise these details, but they helped in the impression of lifelessness and gloom that hung about her. it was a faint, gleamy afternoon, and such sun as there was did not shine into the study. the dark panelling looked darker than usual, and as she sat silent and listless in a corner of the old sofa, her hair and face stood out against it almost startling in their blondness and whiteness. she was strangely unlike herself, but stewart comforted himself by remembering that she had been odd in her manner and behavior, though in a different way, after her long sleep in switzerland. after he had given her tea, he suggested that they should walk in the garden, as the rain was over. "not yet, ian," she said. "i want to try and tell you something. i can do it better here." her mouth quivered. he sat down by her on the sofa. "must you tell me now?" he asked, smiling. "do you really think it matters?" "yes--it does matter," she answered, tremulously, pressing her folded hands against her breast. "it's something i ought to have told you before you married me--but indeed, indeed i didn't know how dreadful it was--i didn't think it would happen again." he was puzzled a moment, then spoke, still smiling: "i suppose you mean the sleep-walking. well, darling, it is a bit creepy, i admit, but i shall get used to it, if you won't do it too often." "did i really walk?" she asked--and a look of horror was growing on her face. "ah! i wasn't sure. no--it's not that--it is--oh, don't think me mad, ian!" "tell me, dearest. i promise i won't." "i've not been here at all since you've been living in this house. i've not seen you, my own precious husband, since i went to sleep in switzerland, at the hôtel du chalet--don't you remember--when we had been that long walk up to the glacier and i was so tired?" stewart was exceedingly startled. he paused, and then said, very gently but very firmly: "that's nonsense, dearest. you have been here, you've been with me all the time." "ah! you think so, but it was not _i_--no, don't interrupt me--i mean to tell you, i must, but i can't if you interrupt me. it was awfully wrong of me not to tell you before; but i tried to, and then i saw you wouldn't believe me. do you remember a dinner-party at the fletchers', the autumn before we were engaged--when cousin david had just bought that picture?" "that portrait of lady hammerton, which is so like you? yes, i remember it perfectly." "you know i wanted my first so much and i had been working too hard, and then i was told that evening that you had said i couldn't get it--" "silly me!" "and i felt certain you didn't love me--" "silly you!" "don't interrupt me, please. and i wasn't well, and i cried and cried and i couldn't leave off, and then i allowed tims to hypnotize me. we both knew she had no business to do it, it was wrong of us, of course, but we couldn't possibly guess what would happen. i went to sleep, and so far as i knew i never woke again for more than six months, not till the schools were over." "but, my darling, i skated with you constantly in the christmas vacation, and took your work through the term. i assure you that you were quite awake then." "i remember nothing about it. all i know is that some one got my first for me." "but, mildred--" "why do you call me mildred? that's what they called me when i woke up last time; but my own name's milly." stewart rose and paced the room, then came back. "it's simply a case of collapse of memory, dear. it's very trying, but don't let's be fanciful about it." "i thought it was only that--i told you, didn't i, something of that sort? but i didn't know then, nobody told me, that i wasn't like myself at all those months i couldn't remember. last night in my sleep i knew--i knew that some one else, something else--i can't describe it, it's impossible--was struggling hard with me in my own brain, my own body, trying to hold me down, to push me back again into the place, whatever it was, i came out of. but i got stronger and stronger till i was quite myself and the thing couldn't really stop me. i dare say it only lasted a few seconds, then i felt quite free--free from the struggle, the pressure; and i saw myself standing in the room, with some kind of white floating stuff over my head and about me, and i saw myself open the door and go out of the room. i wasn't a bit surprised, but i just lay there quiet and peaceful. then suddenly it came to me that i couldn't have seen myself, that the person, the figure i had seen go out of the door was the other one, the creature i had been struggling with, who had stolen my shape; and it came to me that she was gone to steal you--to steal your heart from me and take you away; and you wouldn't know, you would think it was i, and you would follow her and love her and never know it was not your own wife you were loving. and i was mad with anger; i never knew before what it meant, ian, to be as angry as that. i struggled hard to get up, and at last i managed it, and i came down-stairs after her, but i couldn't find her, and i was sure that she had gone and had taken you away with her. and you say i really did come down-stairs." "yes, darling, and if you had been awake instead of asleep, as you obviously were, you would have seen that this nightmare of yours was nothing but a nightmare. you would have seen that i was alone here, quietly arranging my papers before going to bed. you gave me a fright coming down as you did, for there was a tremendous thunderstorm going on, and i am ashamed to say how queer my own nerves were. the electrical state of the atmosphere and a very loud clap of thunder just overhead, account for the whole business, which probably lasted only a few seconds from beginning to end. be reasonable, little woman, you are generally the most reasonable person i know--except when you talk about going to dieppe." milly gave him a strange look. "why am i not reasonable when i talk about going to dieppe?" he drew her to him and kissed her hair. "never mind why. we aren't going to excite ourselves to-day or do anything but make love and forget nightmares and everything disagreeable." she drew herself away a little and looked with frightened eyes in his. "but i can't forget, ian, that i don't remember anything that has happened since we were on our honeymoon in switzerland. and now we are in oxford, and i can see it's quite late in the summer. how can i forget that somehow i am being robbed of myself--robbed of my life with you?" "wait till to-morrow and you'll remember everything right enough." but milly was not to be convinced. she was willing to submit on the question of last night's experiences, but she assured him that tims would bear her out in the assertion that she had never recovered her recollection of the months preceding her engagement. ian ceased trying to convince her that she was mistaken on this point; but he argued that the memory was of all functions of the brain the most uncertain, that there was no limit to its vagaries, which were mere matters of nerves and circulation, and that dr. norton-smith, the nerve and brain specialist to whom he would take her, would probably turn out to have a dozen patients subject to the same affliction as herself. one never hears of half the ills that flesh is heir to until the inheritance falls to one's own lot. milly was a common-sense young woman, and his explanation, especially as it was his, pacified her for the time. the clouds had been rolling away while they talked, the space of deep blue sky overhead growing larger, the sunshine fuller. there was a busy twittering and shaking of little wings in the tall pear-tree near the house, where the tomtits in their varied liveries loved to congregate. july was not far advanced and the sun had still some hours in which to shine. ian and milly went out and walked in the parks. the tennis-club lawns were almost deserted, but they met a few acquaintances taking their constitutional, like themselves, and an exchange of ordinary remarks with people who took her normality for granted, helped milly to believe in it herself. so long as the blank in her memory continued, she could not be free from care; but she went to sleep that night in ian's arms, feeling herself protected by them not only from bodily harm, but from all those dreadful fears and evil fantasies that "do assault and hurt the soul." chapter xi ian had been so busy persuading milly to view her own case as a simple one, and so busy comforting her with an almost feminine intuition of what would really afford her comfort, that it was only in the watches of the night that certain disquieting recollections forced their way into his mind. it was of course now part of his creed that he had loved milly flaxman from the first--only he had never known her well till that christmas vacation when they had skated so much together. later on, such disturbing events as engagement and marriage had seemed to him enough to explain any changes he had observed in her. later still, he had been too much in love to think about her at all, in the true sense of the word. she had been to him "all a wonder and a wild desire." now, taking the dates of her collapses of memory, he made, despite himself, certain notes on those changes. it is to be feared he did not often want to see miss timson; but on the day after milly's return to the world, he cycled out to visit her friend. tims was spending the summer on the wild and beautiful ridge which has since become a suburb of oxford. it was doubtful whether he would find her in, as she was herself a mighty cyclist, making most of her journeys on the wheel, happy in the belief that she was saving money at the expense of the railway companies. the time of flowers, the freshness of trees, and the glory of gorse and broom was over. it was the season of full summer when the midlands, clothed with their rich but sheenless mantle of green, wear a self-satisfied air, as of dull people conscious of deserved prosperity. but just as the sea or a mountain or an adventurous soul will always lend an element of the surprising and romantic to the commonest corner of earth, so the sky will perpetually transfigure large spaces of level country, valley or plain, laid open to its capricious influences. boars hill looks over the wide valley of the narrow og to the downs, and up to where that merges into the valley of the upper thames. by the sandy track which ian followed, the tree still stood, though no longer alone, whence the poet of _thyrsis_ looking northward, saw the "fair city with her dreaming spires"; less fair indeed to-day than when he looked upon it, but still "lovely all times," in all its fleeting shades, whether blond and sharp-cut in the sunshine or dimly gray among its veiling trees. the blue waving line of the downs, crowned here and there by clumps of trees, ran far along the southwestern horizon, melting vaporously in the distance above "the vale, the three lone weirs, the youthful thames." over the downs and over the wide valley of ripening cornfields, of indigo hedgerow-elms and greener willow and woodland, of red-roofed homesteads and towered churches, moved slowly the broad shadows of rolling clouds that journeyed through the intense blue above. some shadows were like veils of pale gray gauze, through which the world showed a delicately softened face; others were dark, with a rich, indefinable hue of their own, and as they moved, the earth seemed to burst into a deeper glow of color behind them. close by, the broken hill-side was set here and there with oak and thorn, was everywhere deep in bracken, on whose large fronds lay the bluish bloom of their maturity. it all gained a definiteness of form, an air of meaning by its detachment from the wide background floating behind. following steep and circuitous lanes, ian arrived at the lodging-house and found tims on the porch preparing to start on her bicycle. but flattered and surprised by his visit, she ordered tea in the bright little sitting-room she was inhabiting. he was shy of approaching the real object of his visit. they marked time awhile till the thunderstorm became their theme. then he told something of milly's sleep-walking, her collapse of memory; and watched tims meantime, hoping to see in her face merely surprise and concern. but there was no surprise, hardly concern in the queer little face. there was excitement, and at last a flash of positive pleasure. "good old m.!" she observed. "i'm glad she has got back; though i'm a bit proud of the other one too. i expect you feel much the same, old boy, don't you?" the speech was the reverse of soothing, even to its detail of "old boy." he looked at his teacup and drew his black brows together. "i'm afraid i don't understand, miss timson. i suppose you think it a joke, but to me it seems rather a serious matter." "of course it is; uncommon serious," returned tims, too much interested in her subject to consider the husband's feelings. "bless you! _i_ don't want to be responsible for it. at first i thought it was a simple case of a personality evolved by hypnotism; but if so it would have depended on the hypnotist, and you see it didn't after the first." "i don't think we need bother about hypnotism"--there was a note of impatience in ian's voice--"it's just a case of collapse of memory. but as you were with her the first time it happened, i want to know exactly how far the collapse went. there were signs of it every now and then in her work, but on the whole it improved." "you never can tell what will happen in these cases," said tims. "she remembered her book-learning pretty well, but she forgot her own name, and as to people and things that had happened, she was like a new-born babe. if i hadn't nursed her through she'd have been sent to a lunatic asylum. but it wasn't that, after all, that made it so exciting. it was the difference between milly's two personalities. you don't mean to say, old chap, you've lived with her for seven months and can't see the difference?" tims looked at him. she held strong theoretical views as to the stupidity of the male, but circumstances had seldom before allowed her to put them to the test. behold them more than justified; for ian was far above the average in intelligence. he, for a fraction of a minute, paused, deliberately closing the shutter of his mind against an unpleasant search-light that shot back on the experiences of his courtship and marriage. "well, i suppose i'm not imaginative," he returned, with a dry laugh. "i only see certain facts about her memory and want more of them, to tell norton-smith when i take her up to see him." "norton-smith!" exclaimed tims. "what is the good? englishmen are all right when it's a question of filling up the map of africa, but they're no good on the dark continent of ourselves. they're cowards. that's what's the matter with them. don't go to norton-smith." stewart made an effectual effort to overcome his irritation. he ought to have known better than to turn to an oddity like tims for advice and sympathy. "whom ought i to go to, then?" he asked, good-humoredly, and looking particularly long as he rose from the depths of the low wicker chair. "a medicine-man with horns and a rattle?" "well," returned tims with deliberation, pulling on a pair of thread gloves, "i dare say he could teach norton-smith a thing or two. mind you, i'm not talking spiritualistic rot; i'm talking scientific facts, which every one knows except the english scientific men, who keep on clapping their glass to the blind eye like a lot of clock-work nelsons. the effects of hypnotism are as much facts as the effects of a bottle of whiskey. but milly's case is different. in my opinion she's developed an independent double personality. it's an inconvenient state of things, but i don't suppose it'll last forever. one or the other will get stronger and 'hold the fort.' but it's rather a bad business anyhow." tims paused and sighed, drawing on the other glove. "i'm--i'm fond of them both myself, and i expect you'll feel the same, when you see the difference." ian laughed awkwardly, his brown eyes fixed scrutinizingly upon her. "so long as the fort holds somebody, i sha'n't worry," he said, lightly. they went out, and as he led his own bicycle towards the upper track, tims spun down the steep drive, and, turning into the lane, kissed her hand to him in farewell from under the brim of her perennially crooked hat. "that timson girl's more than queer," he mused to himself, going on. "there's a streak of real insanity in her. i'm afraid it's not been good for a highly strung creature like mildred to see so much of her; and why on earth did she?" he tried to clear his mind of tims's fantastic suggestions; of everything, indeed, except the freshness of the air rushing past him, the beauty of the wide view, steeped in the romance of distance. but memory, that strange, recalcitrant, mechanical slave of ours, kept diving, without connivance of his, into the recesses of the past twenty months of his life, and presenting to him unsolicited, circumstances, experiences, which he had thrust away unclassified--his own surprise, almost perplexity, when mildred had brought him work for the first time after her illness that autumn term before last; his disappointment and even boredom in his engagement and the first three weeks of his marriage; then the change in his own feelings after her long sleep at the hôtel du chalet; besides a score of disquieting trifles which meant nothing till they were strung on a thread. he felt himself beginning to be infected with flora timson's mania against his will, against his sober judgment; and he spun down bagley hill at a runaway speed, only saved by a miracle from collision with a cart which emerged from hincksey lane at the jolting pace with which the rustic pursues his undeviating course. chapter xii milly, too, had not been without a sharp reminder that the leaves in her life so blank to her, had been fully inscribed by another. she hardly yet felt mistress of the house, but it was pleasant to rest and read in the low, white-panelled drawing-room, which lowered awnings kept cool, although the afternoon sun struck a golden shaft across the flowering window-boxes of its large and deeply recessed bow-window. the whole room was lighter and more feminine than milly would have made it, but at bottom the taste that reigned there was more severe than her own. the only pictures on the panels were a few eighteenth century colored prints, already charming, soon to be valuable, and one or two framed pieces of needlework which harmonized with them. presently the door-bell rang and a mr. fitzroy was announced by the parlor-maid, in a tone which implied that she was accustomed to his name. he looked about the age of an undergraduate and was extraordinarily well-groomed, in spite of, or perhaps because of, being in a riding-dress. his sleek dark hair was neatly parted in the middle and he was clean shaven, when to be so smacked of the stage; but his manners and expression smacked of nothing of the kind. "i'm awfully glad to find you at home, mrs. stewart," he said. "i've been lunching at the morrisons', and, you know, i'm afraid there's going to be a row." the morrisons? they lived outside oxford, and milly knew them by sight, that was all. "what about?" she asked, kindly, thinking the young man had come for help, or at least sympathy, in some embarrassment of his own. "why, about your acting galatea. jim morrison's been a regular fool about it. he'd no business to take it for granted that that was the part i wanted mrs. shaw for. now it appears she's telling every one that she's been asked to play the lead at the besselsfield theatricals; and, by jove, he says she is to, too!" milly went rather pale and then quite pink. "then of course i couldn't think of taking the part," she said, gasping with relief at this providential escape. mr. fitzroy in his turn flushed. he had an obstinate chin and the cares of stage-management had already traced a line right across his smooth forehead. it deepened to a furrow as he leaned forward out of his low wicker chair, clutching the pair of dogskin gloves which he held in his hand. "oh, come, i say now, mrs. stewart!" and his voice and eye were surprisingly stern for one so young. "that's not playing fair. you promised me you'd see me through this show, and you know as well as i do, mrs. shaw can no more act than those fire-irons." "but i--" milly was about to say "i've never acted in my life"--when she remembered that she knew less than any one in her acquaintance what she had or had not done in that recent life which was not hers. "i shouldn't act galatea at all well," she substituted lamely; "and i shouldn't look the part nearly as well as mrs. shaw will." "excuse me, mrs. stewart, but i'm certain you're simply cut out for it all round, and you told me the other day you were particularly anxious to play it. you promised you'd stick to me through thick and thin and not care a twopenny--i mean a straw--what jim morrison and mrs. shaw--" in the stress of conversation they had neither of them noticed the tinkle of the front-door bell. now the door of the room, narrow and in the thickness of an enormous wall, was thrown open and mrs. shaw was announced. fitzroy, forgetful of manners in his excitement, stooped forward and gripping milly's arm almost hissed: "remember! you've promised me." the words filled milly with misery. that any one should be able to accuse her of breaking a promise, however unreal her responsibility for it, was horrible to her. mrs. shaw entered, no longer the seraph of twenty months ago. she had latterly put off the æsthetic raiment she had worn with such peculiar grace, and her dress and coiffure were quite in the fashion of the hour. the transformation somewhat shocked milly, who could never help feeling a slight austere prejudice against fashionably dressed woman. then, considering how little she knew mrs. shaw, it was embarrassing to be kissed by her. "it's odd i should find you here, mr. fitzroy," said mrs. shaw, settling her rustling skirts on a chintzy chair. "i've just come to talk to mrs. stewart about the acting. i'm so sorry there's been a misunderstanding about it." her tone was civil but determined, and there was a fighting look in her eye. "so am i, mrs. shaw, most uncommonly sorry," returned fitzroy, patting his sleek hair and feeling that his will was adamant, however pretty mrs. shaw might be. "of course, i shouldn't have thought of taking the part away from mrs. stewart," she resumed, glancing at milly, not without meaning, "but mr. morrison asked me to take it quite a fortnight ago. i've learned most of it and rehearsed two scenes already with him. he says they go capitally, and we both think it seems rather a pity to waste all that labor and change the part now." fitzroy cast a look at mrs. stewart which was meant to call up reinforcements from that quarter; but as she sat there quite silent, he cleared his throat and begun: "it's an awful bore, of course, but i fancy it's about three weeks or a month since i first asked mrs. stewart to play the lead--isn't it, mrs. stewart?" milly muttered assent, horribly suspecting a lie. a flash of indignant scorn from mrs. shaw confirmed the suspicion. "mrs. stewart said something quite different when i spoke to her about it at tennis on friday. didn't you, mildred?" she asked. milly crimsoned. "did i?" she stammered. "i'm afraid i've got a dreadfully bad memory--for--for dates of that kind." mrs. shaw smiled coldly. mr. fitzroy felt himself deceived in mrs. stewart as an ally. he had counted on her promised support, on her wit and spirit to carry him through, and her conduct was simply cowardly. "the fact is, mrs. shaw," he said, "jim morrison's not bossing this show at all. that's where the mistake has come in. my aunt, lady wolvercote, is a bit of an autocrat, don't you know, and she doesn't like us fellows to arrange things on our own account. if she knew you i'm sure she'd see what a splendid galatea you'd make, but as it is she's set her heart on getting mrs. stewart from the very first." had he stopped here his position would have been good, but an indignant instinct, urging him to push the reluctant mrs. stewart into the proper place of woman--that natural shield of man against all the social disagreeables he brings on himself--made fitzroy rush into the fatal detail. "my aunt told you so at the masonic; didn't she, mrs. stewart?" milly, under the young man's imperious eye, assented feebly, but mrs. shaw laughed. she perfectly remembered mildred having mentioned on that very occasion that she did not know lady wolvercote by sight. "i'm afraid i've come just a few minutes too soon," she said, dryly. "you and mr. fitzroy don't seem to have talked things over quite enough." the saying was dark and yet too clear. milly, the meticulously truthful, saw herself convicted of some horrible falsehood. she blushed violently, gasped, and rolled her handkerchief into a tight ball. mr. fitzroy ignoring the insinuation, changed his line. "the part we really wanted you to take, mrs. shaw, was that of a nymph in an elizabethan masque which lumley has written, with music by stephen bampton. it's to be played in the rose garden and there's a chorus of nymphs who sing and dance. we want them to look perfectly lovely, don't you know, and as there can't be any make-up to speak of, it's awfully difficult to find the right people." mrs. shaw disdained the lure and mentally condemned his anxiously civil manner as "soapy." "i shall ask mr. morrison to go to lady wolvercote at once," she said, "and see whether she really wishes me to give up the part. time's getting on, and he says he won't be able to have many more rehearsals." there was a sound as of a carriage stopping in the street below, the jingling of bits, and a high female voice giving an order. fitzroy, inwardly exasperated by mrs. shaw's resistance and the abject conduct of his ally, sprang to his feet. "i believe that's my aunt!" he exclaimed. "she wants me to call at blenheim on the way home, and i suppose the morrisons told her where i was." he managed to slip his head out between the edge of an awning and the mignonette and geraniums of a window-box. "it's my aunt, right enough. may i fetch her up, mrs. stewart?" he was down the stairs in a moment and voluble in low-voiced colloquy with the lady in the barouche. lady wolvercote was organizing the great fancy fair for the benefit of the county cottage hospitals, and had left the dramatic part of the programme to her nephew to arrange. she was a tall, slight woman, of the usual age for aunts, and pleasant to every one; but she took it for granted that every one would do as she wished--naturally, since they always did in her neighborhood. as she stumbled up the stairs after charlie fitzroy--it was a dark staircase and narrow in proportion to its massive oak balusters--she felt faintly annoyed with him for dragging her into the quarrels of his middle-class friends, but confident that she could manage them without the least trouble. milly was relieved at the return of mr. fitzroy with his aunt. she had had an unhappy five minutes with mrs. shaw, who had been saying cryptic but unpleasant things and calling her "mildred"; whereas she did not so much as know mrs. shaw's christian name. seeing mrs. shaw, beautiful, animated, well-dressed, and milly neatly clothed, since her clothes were not of her own choosing, but with her hair unbecomingly knotted, the brightness of her eyes, complexion, and expression in eclipse, lady wolvercote wondered at her nephew's choice. but that was his affair. she began to talk in a rather high-pitched voice and continuously, like one whose business it is to talk; so that it was difficult to interrupt without rudeness. "so you're going to be kind enough to act galatea for us at our fancy fair, mrs. stewart? we want it to be a great success, and lord wolvercote and i have heard so much about your acting. my nephew said the part of galatea would suit you exactly; didn't you, charlie?" "down to the ground," interpolated, or rather accompanied, fitzroy. "we shall have the placards out on wednesday, and people are looking forward already to seeing mrs. stewart. there'll be a splendid audience." "every one has promised to fill their houses for the fair," lady wolvercote was continuing, "and the duke thinks he may be able to get down ----," she mentioned a royalty. "you're going to help us too, aren't you, mrs. shaw? it's so very kind of you. we've got such a pretty part for you in a musical affair which lenny lumley wrote with somebody or other for the duchess of ulster's elizabethan bazaar. there's a chorus of fairies--nymphs, charlie? yes, nymphs, and we want them all to be very pretty and able to sing, and there's a charming dance for them. i'm afraid that silly boy, jim morrison, made some mistake about it, and told you we wanted you to act galatea. but of course we couldn't possibly do without you in the other thing, and mrs. stewart seems quite pointed out for that galatea part. jim's such a dear, isn't he? and such a splendid actor, every one says he really ought to go on the stage. but we none of us pay the least attention to anything the dear boy says, for he always does manage to get things wrong." mrs. shaw had been making little movements preparatory to going. she had no gift for the stage except beauty, but that produces an illusion of success, and she took her acting with the seriousness of a duse. "i'm sorry i didn't know mr. morrison's habits better," she replied. "i've been studying the part of galatea a good deal and rehearsing it with him as well. of course, i don't for a moment wish to prevent mrs. stewart from taking it, but i've spent a good deal of time upon it and i'm afraid i can't undertake anything else. of course, it's very inconvenient stopping in oxford in august, and i shouldn't care to do it except for the sake of a part which i felt gave me a real opportunity--" "but it's a very pretty part we've got for you," resumed lady wolvercote, perplexed. "and we were hoping to see you over at besselsfield a good deal for rehearsals--" it seemed to her a "part of nature's holy plan" that the prospect of besselsfield should prove irresistibly attractive to the wives of professional men. "thanks, so much, but i'm sure you and mr. fitzroy must know plenty of girls who would do for that sort of part," returned mrs. shaw. milly here broke in eagerly: "please, lady wolvercote, do persuade mrs. shaw to take galatea; i'm sure i sha'n't be able to do it a bit; and i would try and take the nymph. i should love the music, and i know i could do the singing, anyhow." she rose because mrs. shaw had risen and was looking for her parasol and shaking out her plumes. but why did mr. fitzroy and mrs. shaw both stare at her in an unvarnished surprise, touched with ridicule on the lady's side? "no, no, mrs. stewart, that won't do!" cried he, in obvious dismay. at the same moment mrs. shaw ejaculated, ironically: "that's very brave of you mildred! i thought you hated music and were never going to try to sing again." she and fitzroy had both been present on an occasion when mildred, urged on by milly's musical reputation, had committed herself to an experiment in song which had not been successful. "thank you very much," mrs. shaw went on, "for offering to change, but of course lady wolvercote must arrange things as she likes; and, to speak frankly, i'm not particularly sorry to give the acting up, as my husband was rather upset at my not being able to go to switzerland with him on the 28th. no, please don't trouble; i can let myself out. good-bye, lady wolvercote; i hope the fair and the theatricals will be a great success. good-bye, mr. fitzroy, good-bye." lady wolvercote's faint remonstrances were drowned in the adieus, and mrs. shaw sailed out with flying colors, while milly sank back abjectly into the seat from which she had risen. every minute she was realizing with a more awful clearness that she, whose one appearance on the stage had been short and disastrous, was cast to play the leading part in a public play before a large and brilliant audience. she hardly heard fitzroy's bitter remarks on mrs. shaw--not forgetting jim morrison--or lady wolvercote exclaiming in a voice almost dreamy with amazement: "really it's too extraordinary!" "i'm very sorry mrs. shaw won't take the part," said milly, clasping and unclasping her slender fingers, "for i know i can't do it myself." fitzroy was protesting, but she forced herself to continue: "you don't know what i'm like when i'm nervous. when we had _tableaux vivants_ at ascham i was supposed to be charlotte putting a wreath on werther's urn, and i trembled so much that i knocked the urn down. it was only card-board, so it didn't break, but every one laughed and the tableau was spoiled." fitzroy and his aunt cried out that that was nothing, a first appearance; any one could see she had got over that now. pale, with terrified eyes, she looked from one to the other of her tormentors, who continued to sing the praises of her past prowess on the boards and to foretell the unprecedented harvest of laurels she would reap at besselsfield. the higher their enthusiasm rose, the more profound became her dejection. there seemed no loop-hole for escape, unless the earth would open and swallow her, which however much to be desired was hardly to be expected. the ting of a bicycle-bell below did not seem to promise assistance, for cyclists affected the quiet street. but it happened that this bicycle bore ian to the door. he did not notice the coronet on the carriage which stood before it, and assumed it to belong to one of the three or four ladies in oxford who kept such equipages. yet in the blank state of milly's memory, he was sorry she had not denied herself to visitors, which mildred had already learned to do with a freedom only possible to women who are assured social success. commonly the sight of a carriage would have sent him tiptoeing past the drawing-room, but now, vaguely uneasy, he came straight in. he looked particularly tall in the frame of the doorway, so low that his black hair almost touched the lintel; particularly handsome in the shaded, white-panelled room, into which the dark glow of his sunburned skin and brown eyes, bright with exercise, seemed to bring the light and warmth of the summer earth and sky. milly sprang to meet him. lady wolvercote was surprised to learn that this was mrs. stewart's husband. she had no idea a don could be so young and good-looking. judging of dons solely by the slight and slighting references of her undergraduate relatives, she had imagined them to be weird-looking men, within various measurable distances of the grave. "lady wolvercote and mr. fitzroy want me to act galatea at the besselsfield theatricals," said milly, clinging to his sleeve and looking up at him with appealing eyes. "please tell them i can't possibly do it. i'm--i'm not well enough--am i?" "we're within three weeks of the performance, sir," put in fitzroy. "mrs. stewart promised she'd do it, and we shall be in a regular fix now if she gives it up. mrs. shaw's chucked us already." "yes, and every one says how splendidly mrs. stewart acts," pleaded lady wolvercote. stewart had half forgotten the matter; but now he remembered that mildred had been keen to have the part only a week ago, and a little pettish because he had advised her to leave it alone, on account of mrs. shaw. now she was hanging on him with desperate eyes and that worried brow which he had not seen once since he had married her. "i'm extremely sorry, lady wolvercote," he said, "but my wife's had a nervous break-down lately and i can't allow her to act. she's not fit for it." "ah, i see--i quite understand!" returned lady wolvercote. "but we'd take great care of her, mr. stewart. she could come and stay at besselsfield." fitzroy's gloom lifted. his aunt was a trump. surely an invitation to besselsfield must do the job. but stewart, though apologetic, was inflexible. he had forbidden his wife to act and there was an end of it. the perception of the differences between the two personalities of milly which had been thrust to-day on his unwilling mind, made him grasp the meaning of her frantic appeals for protection. he relieved her of all responsibility for her refusal to act. lady wolvercote observed, as she and her nephew went sadly on their way, that mr. stewart seemed a very, very odd man in spite of his presentable manners and appearance; and fitzroy replied gloomily that of course he was a beast. dons always were beasts. chapter xiii the diplomatic incident of the theatricals was not the only minor trouble which milly found awaiting her. the cook's nerves were upset by a development of rigid economy on the part of her mistress, and she gave notice; the house parlor-maid followed suit. no one seemed to have kept ian's desk tidy, his papers in order, or his clothes properly mended. it was a joy to her to put everything belonging to him right. when all was arranged to her satisfaction: "ian," she said, sitting on his knee with her head on his shoulder, "i can't bear to think how wretched you must have been all the time i was away." ian was silent a minute. "but you haven't been away, and i don't like you to talk as though you had." wretched? it would have been absurd to think of himself as wretched now; yet compared with the wonderful happiness that had been his for more than half a year, what was this "house swept and garnished"? an empty thing. words of tims's which he had thought irritating and absurd at the time, haunted him now. "_you don't mean to say you haven't seen the difference?_" he might not have seen it, but he had felt it. he felt it now. there was at any rate no longer any question of dieppe. they took lodgings at sheringham and he made good progress with his book. yet not quite so good as he had hoped. milly was indefatigable in looking up points and references, in preventing him from slipping into the small inaccuracies to which he was prone; but he missed the stimulus of mildred's alert mind, so quick to hit a blot in logic or in taste, so vivid in appreciation. milly meantime guessed nothing of his dissatisfaction. she adored her husband more every day, and her happiness would have been perfect had it not been for the haunting horror of the possible "change" which might be lurking for her round the corner of any night--that "change," which other people might call what they liked, but which meant for her the robbery of her life, her young happy life with ian. he had taken her twice to norton-smith before the great man went for his holiday. norton-smith had pronounced it a peculiar but not unprecedented case of collapse of memory, caused by overwork; and had spent most of the consultation time in condemning the higher education of women. time, rest, and the fulfilment of woman's proper function of maternity would, he affirmed, bring all right, since there was no sign of disease in mrs. stewart, who appeared to him, on the contrary, a perfectly healthy young woman. when ian, alone with him, began tentatively to bring to the doctor's notice the changes in character and intelligence that had accompanied the losses of memory, he found his remarks set aside like the chatter of a foolish child. if maternity would indeed exorcise the invader, milly had lost no time in beginning the exorcism. and she did believe that somehow it would; not because the doctor said so, but because she could not believe god would let a child's mother be changed in that way, at any rate while she was bearing it. to do so would be to make it more motherless than any little living thing on earth. milly had always been quietly but deeply religious, and she struggled hard against the feeling of peculiar injustice in this strange affliction that had been sent to her. she prayed earnestly to god every night to help and protect her and her child, and the period of six or seven months, at which the "change" had come before, passed without a sign of it. in april a little boy was born. they called him antonio, after a learned italian, a friend and teacher of ian's. the advent of the child did something to explain the comparative seclusion into which mrs. stewart had retired, and the curious dulling of that brilliant personality of hers. the master of durham was among the few of mrs. stewart's admirers who declined to recognize the change in her. he had been attracted by the girl milly flaxman, by her gentle, shy manners and pretty face, combined with her reputation for scholarship; the brilliant invader had continued to attract him in another way. the difference between the two, if faced, would have been disagreeably mysterious. he preferred to say and think that there was none; mrs. stewart was probably not very well. milly's shyness made it peculiarly awkward for her to find herself in possession of a number of friends whom she would not have chosen herself, and of whose doings and belongings she was in complete ignorance. however, if she gave offence she was unconscious of it, and it came very naturally to her to shrink back into the shadow of her household gods. ian and the baby were almost sufficient in themselves to fill her life. there was just room on the outskirts of it for a few relations and old friends, and aunt beatrice still held her honored place. but it was through aunt beatrice that she was first to learn the feel of a certain dull heartache which was destined to grow upon her like some fell disease, a thing of ceaseless pain. she was especially anxious to get aunt beatrice, who had been in america all the summer vacation, to stay with them in the autumn term as lady thomson had been with them in may, and milly did not like to think of the number of things, all wrong, which she was sure to have noticed in the house. besides, what with theatricals and other engagements, it was evident that a good many people had been "in and out" in the summer term--a condition of life which lady thomson always denounced. milly was anxious for her to see that that phase was past and that her favorite niece had settled down into the quiet, well-ordered existence of which she approved. aunt beatrice came; but oh, disappointment! if it had been possible to say of lady thomson, whose moods were under almost perfect control, that she was out of temper, milly would have said it. she volunteered no opinion, but when asked, she compared milly's new cook unfavorably with her former one. when her praise was anxiously sought, she observed that it was undesirable to be careless in one's housekeeping, but less disagreeable than to be fussy and house-proud. she added that milly--whom she called mildred--must be on her guard against relaxing into domestic dulness, when she could be so extremely clever and charming if she liked. milly was bewildered and distressed. she felt sure that she had passed through a phase of which aunt beatrice ought to have disapproved. she had evidently been frivolous and neglectful of her duties; yet it seemed as though her aunt had been better pleased with her when she was like that. what could have made aunt beatrice, of all women, unkind and unjust? in this way more than a year went by. the baby grew and was short-coated; the october term came round once more, and still milly remained the same milly. to have wished it otherwise would have seemed like wishing for her death. but at times a great longing for another, quite another, came over ian. it was like a longing for the beloved dead. of course it was mad--mad! he struggled against the feeling, and generally succeeded in getting back to the point of view that the change had been more in himself, in his own emotional moods, than in milly. october, the golden month, passed by and november came in, soft and dim; a merry month for the hunting men beside the coverts, where the red-brown leaves still hung on the oak-trees and brushwood, and among the grassy lanes, the wide fresh fields and open hill-sides. no ill month either for those who love to light the lamp early and open their books beside a cheerful fire. but then the rain came, a persistent, soaking rain. milly always went to her district on tuesdays, no matter what the weather, and this time she caught a cold. ian urged her to stop in bed next morning. he himself had to be in college early, and could not come home till the afternoon. it was still raining and the early falling twilight was murky and brown. the dull yellow glare of the street-lamps was faintly reflected in the muddy wetness of pavements and streets. he was carrying a great armful of books and papers under his dripping mackintosh and umbrella. as he walked homeward as fast as his inconvenient load allowed, he became acutely conscious of a depression of spirits which had been growing upon him all day. it was the weather, he argued, affecting his nerves or digestion. the vision of a warm, cosey house, a devoted wife awaiting him, ought to have cheered him, but it did not. he hoped he would not feel irritable when milly rushed into the hall as soon as his key was heard in the front door, to feel him all over and take every damp thread tragically. poor dear milly! what a discontented brute of a husband she had got! the fault was no doubt with himself, and he would not really be happy even if some miracle did set him down on a sunny mediterranean shore, with enough money to live upon and nothing to think of but his book. mildred used to say that she always went to a big dinner at durham in the unquenchable hope of meeting and fascinating some millionaire who had sense enough to see how much better it would be to endow writers of good books than readers of silly ones. with the recollection there rang in the ears of his mind the sound of a laugh which he had not heard for seventeen months. something seemed to tighten about his heart. yes, he could be quite happy without the millionaire, without the sunny skies, without even the pretty, comfortable home at whose door he stood, if somewhere, anywhere, he could hope to hear that laugh again, to hold again in his arms the strange bright bride who had melted from them like snow in spring-time--but that way madness lay. he thrust the involuntary longing from him almost with horror, and turned the latch-key in his door. the hall lamp was burning low and the house seemed very chilly and quiet. he put his books down on the oak table, threw his streaming mackintosh upon the large chest, and went up to his dressing-room, to change whatever was still damp about him before seeking milly, who presumably was nursing her cold before the study fire. when he had thrown off his shoes, he noticed that the door leading to his wife's room was ajar and a faint red glow of firelight showed invitingly through the chink. a fire! it was irresistible. he went in quickly and stirred the coals to a roaring blaze. the dancing flames lit up the long, low room with its few pieces of furniture, its high white wainscoting, and paper patterned with birds and trellised leaves. they lit up the low white bed and the white figure of his sleeping wife. till then he had thought the room was empty. she lay there so deathly still and straight that he was smitten with a sudden fear; but leaning over her he heard her quiet, regular breathing and saw that if somewhat pale, she was normal in color. he touched her hand. it was withdrawn by a mechanical movement, but not before he had felt that it was warm. a wild excitement thrilled him; it would have been truer to say a wild joy, only that it held a pang of remorse for itself. so she had lain at the hôtel du chalet when he had left her for that long walk over the crisp mountain snow. and when he had returned, she--what she? no, his brain did not reel on the verge of madness; it merely accepted under the compulsion of knowledge a truth of those truths that are too profound to admit of mere external proof. for our reason plays at the edge of the universe as a little child plays at the edge of the sea, gathering from its fringes the flotsam and jetsam of its mighty life. but miles and miles beyond the ken of the eager eye, beyond the reach of the alert hand, lies the whole great secret life of the sea. and if it were all laid bare and spread at the child's feet, how could the little hand suffice to gather its vast treasures, the inexperienced eye to perceive and classify them? alone in the firelit, silent room, with this tranced form before him, ian stewart knew that the woman who would arise from that bed would be a different woman from the one who had lain down upon it. by what mysterious alchemy of nature transmuted he could not understand, any more than he could understand the greater part of the workings of that cosmic energy which he was compelled to recognize, although he might be cheated with words into believing that he understood them. another woman would arise and she his love. she had been gone so long; his heart had hungered for her so long, in silence even to himself. she had been dead and now she was about to be raised from the dead. he lighted the candles, locked the doors, and paced softly up and down, stopping to look at the figure on the bed from time to time. far around him, close about him, life was moving at its usual jog-trot pace. people were going back to their college rooms or domestic hearths, grumbling about the weather or their digestions or their colds, thinking of their work for the evening or of their dinner engagements--and suddenly a door had shut between him and all that outside world. he was no longer moving in the driven herd. he was alone, above them in an upper chamber, awaiting the miracle of resurrection. in the visions that passed before his mind's eye the face of milly, pale, with pleading eyes, was not absent; but with a strange hardness which he had never felt before, he thrust the sighing phantom from him. she had had her turn of happiness, a long one; it was only fair that now they two, he and that other, should have their chance, should put their lips to the full cup of life. the figure on the bed stirred, turned on one side, and slipped a hand under the pure curve of the young cheek. he was by the bed in a moment; but it still slept, though less profoundly, without that tranced look, as though the flame of life itself burned low within. how would she first greet him? last time she had leaned into the clear sunshine and laughed to him from the cloud of her amber hair; and a spirit in his blood had leaped to the music of her laugh, even while the rational self knew not it was the lady of his love. but however she came back it would be she, the beloved. he felt exultantly how little, after all, the frame mattered. last time he had found her, his love had been set in the sunshine and the splendor of the alpine snows, with nothing to jar, nothing to distract it from itself. and that was good. to-day, it was opening, a sudden and wonderful bloom, in the midst of the murky discomfort of an english november, the droning hum of the machinery of his daily work. and this, too, was good. yes, it was better because of the contrast between the wonder and its environment, better because he himself was more conscious of his joy. he sat on the bed a while watching her impatiently. in his eyes she was already filled with a new loveliness, but he wanted her hair, her amber hair. it was brushed back and imprisoned tightly in a little plait tied with a white ribbon--milly's way. with fingers clumsy, yet gentle, he took off the ribbon and cautiously undid the plait. then he took a comb and spread out the silk-soft hair more as he liked to see it, pleased with his own skill in the unaccustomed task. she stirred again, but still she did not wake. he was pacing up and down the room when she raised herself a little on her pillow and looked fixedly at the opposite wall. ian held his breath. he stood perfectly still and watched her. presently she sat up and looked about her, looked at him with a faint, vague smile, like that of a baby. he sat down at the foot of the bed and took her hand. she smiled at him again, this time with more definite meaning. "do you know who it is, sweetheart?" he said in a low voice. she nodded slightly and went on smiling, as though quietly happy. "ian," she breathed, at length. "yes, darling." "i've been away a long, long time. how long?" he told her. she uttered a little "ah!" and frowned; lay quiet awhile, then drew her hand from ian's and sat up still more. "i sha'n't lie here any longer," she said, in a stronger voice. "it's just waste of time." she pushed back the clothes and swung her feet out of bed. "oh, how glad i am to be back again! are you glad i'm back, ian? say you are, do say you are!" and ian on his knees before her, said that he was. chapter xiv ian was leaning against the high mantel-piece of his study. above it, let into the panelling, was an eighteenth-century painting of the bridge and castle of st. angelo, browned by time. he was wondering how to tell mildred about the child, and whether she would resent its presence. she, too, was meditating, chin on hand. at length she looked up with a sudden smile. "what about the baby, ian? don't you take any notice of it yet?" he was surprised. "how do you know about him?" she frowned thoughtfully. "i seem to know things that have happened in a kind of way--rather as though i had seen them in a dream. but they haven't happened to me, you know." "was it the same last time?" "no; but the first time i came, and especially just at first, i seemed to remember all kinds of things--" she paused as though trying in vain to revive her impressions--"odd things, not a bit like anything in oxford. i can't recall them now, but sometimes in london i fancy i've seen places before." "of course you have, dear." "and the first time i saw that old picture there i knew it was rome, and i had a notion that i'd been there and seen just that view." "you've been seeing pictures and reading books and hearing talk all your life, and in the peculiar state of your memory, i suppose you can't distinguish between the impressions made on it by facts and by ideas." mildred was silent; but it was not the silence of conviction. then she jumped up. "i'm going to see baby. you needn't come if you don't want." he hesitated. "i'm afraid it's too late. milly doesn't like--" he broke off with a wild laugh. "what am i talking about!" "i suppose you were going to say, milly doesn't like people taking a candle into the room when baby is shut up for the night. i don't care what milly likes. he's my baby now, and he's sure to look a duck when he's asleep. come along!" she put her arm through his and together they climbed the steep staircase to the nursery. mildred had returned to the world in such excellent spirits at merely being there, that she took those awkward situations which milly had inevitably bequeathed to her, as capital jokes. the partial and external acquaintance with milly's doings and points of view which she had brought back with her, made everything easier than before; but her derisive dislike of her absent rival was intensified. it pained ian if she dropped a hint of it. tims was the only person to whom she could have the comfort of expressing herself; and even tims made faces and groaned faintly, as though she did not enjoy mildred's wit when milly was the subject of it. she gave milly's cook notice at once, but most things she found in a satisfactory state--particularly the family finances. more negatively satisfactory was the state of her wardrobe, since so little had been bought. mildred still shuddered at the recollection of the trousseau frocks. once more mrs. stewart, whose social career had been like that of the proverbial rocket shot up into the zenith. but a life of mere amusement was not the fashion in the circle in which she lived, and her active brain and easily aroused sympathies made her quick to take up more serious interests. it seemed wiser, too, to make no sudden break with milly's habits. still, emma, the nurse, opined that baby got on all the better since mrs. stewart had become "more used to him like"--wasn't always changing his food, taking his temperature, wanting him to have bandages and medicine, forbidding him to be talked to or sung to, and pulling his little, curling-up limbs straight when he was going to sleep. he was a healthy little fellow and already pretty, with his soft dark hair--softer than anything in the world except a baby's hair--his delicate eyebrows and bright dark eyes. mildred loved playing with him. sometimes when ian heard the tiny shrieks of baby laughter, he used to think with a smile and yet with a pang of pity, how shocked poor milly would have been at this titillation of the infant brain. but he did not want thoughts of milly--so far as he could he shut the door of his mind against them. she would come back, no doubt, sooner or later; and her coming back would mean that mildred would be robbed of her life, his own life robbed of its joy. at the end of term the master of durham sent a note to bid the stewarts to dine with him and meet sir henry milwood, the rich australian, and maxwell davison, the traveller and orientalist. ian remarked that davison was a cousin, although they had not met since he was a boy. maxwell davison had gone to the east originally as agent for some big firm, and had spent there nearly twenty years. he was an accomplished persian and arabic scholar, and gossip related that he had run off with a fair persian from a constantinople harem and lived with her in persia until her death. but that was years ago. when the stewarts entered the master's bare bachelor drawing-room, they found besides the milwoods, only familiar faces. maxwell davison was still awaited, and with interest. he came, and that interest did not appear to be mutual, judging from the oriental impassivity of his long, brown face, with its narrow, inscrutable eyes. he was tall, slight, sinewy as a bedouin, his age uncertain, since his dry leanness and the dash of silver at his temples might be the effect of burning desert suns. mildred was delighted at first at being sent into dinner with him, but she found him disappointingly taciturn. in truth, he had acquired oriental habits and views with regard to women. if a foolish occidental custom demanded that they should sit at meat with the lords of creation, he, maxwell davison, would not pretend to acquiesce in it. mildred, to whom it was unthinkable that any man should not wish to talk to her, merely pitied his shyness and determined to break it down; but davison's attitude was unbending. after dinner the master, his mortar-board cap on his head, opened the drawing-room door and invited them to come across to the college library to see some bronzes and a few other things that mr. davison had temporarily deposited there. he had divined that maxwell davison would be willing to sell, and in his guileful soul the little master may have had schemes of persuading his wealthy friend milwood to purchase any bronzes that might be of value to the college or the university. of the ladies, only mildred and miss moore, the archæologist, braved the chill of the mediæval library to inspect the collection. davison professed to no artistic or antiquarian knowledge of the bronzes. they had come to him in the way of trade and had all been dug up in asia minor--no, not all, for one he had picked up in england. nevertheless he had succeeded in getting a pretty clear notion of the relative value of his bronzes--the oriental curios with them it was his business to understand. he could not help observing the sure instinct with which mrs. stewart selected what was best among all these different objects. she had the _flair_ of the born collector. the learned archæologists present leaned over the collection discussing and disputing, and took no notice of her remarks as she rapidly handled each article. but davison did, and when at length she took up a small figure of augustus--the bronze that had not come from asia minor--and looked at it with a peculiar doubtful intentness, he began to feel uncomfortable. "anything wrong with that?" he asked, in spite of himself. she laughed nervously. "oh, mr. davison, please ask some one who knows! i don't. only i--i seem to have seen something like it before, that's all." sanderson, roaming around the professed archæologists, took the bronze from her hands. "i'll tell you where you've seen it, mrs. stewart. it's engraved in egerton's _private collections of great britain_. i picked that up the other day--first edition, 1818. i dare say the book's here. we'll see." sanderson took a candle and went glimmering away down the long, dark room. "what can this be?" asked mildred, taking up what looked like a glass ball. "please stand over here and look into it for five minutes," returned davison, evasively. "perhaps you'll see what it is then." he somehow wanted to get rid of mildred's appraisal of his goods. "mr. davison, your glass ball has gone quite cloudy!" she exclaimed, in a minute or two. "that's all right. go on looking and you'll see something more," he returned. presently she said: "it's so curious. i see the whole room reflected in the glass now, but it's much lighter than it really is, and the windows seem larger. it all looks so different. there is some one down there in white." sanderson came up the room carrying a large quarto, open. "here's your bronze, right enough," he said, putting the book down on the table. "it's under the heading, _hammerton collection_." he pointed to a small engraving inscribed, "bronze statuette of augustus. _very rare._" "but some fellow's been scribbling something here," continued sanderson, turning the book around to read a note written along the margin. he read out: "'a forgery. sold by lady hammerton to mr. solomons, 1819. see case solomons _versus_ hammerton, 1820.'" the turning of the book showed mildred a full-page engraving entitled, "the gallery, hammerton house." it represented a long room somewhat like the one in which they stood, but still more like the room she had seen in the crystal; and in the middle distance there was a slightly sketched figure of a woman in a light dress. half incredulous, half frightened, she pored over the engraving which reproduced so strangely the image she had seen in maxwell davison's mysterious ball. "how funny!" she almost whispered. "you may call it funny, of course, that lady hammerton succeeded in cheating a jew, which is what it looks like," rejoined sanderson, bent on hunting down his quarry; "but it was pretty discreditable to her too." "not at all," maxwell davison's harsh voice broke in. "that was solomons's look out. i sha'n't bring a lawsuit against the fellow who sold me that augustus, if it is a forgery. a man's a fool to deal in things he doesn't understand." "what is this glass ball, mr. davison?" asked miss moore, in her turn taking up the uncanny thing mildred had laid down. "it's a divining-crystal. in the east certain people, mostly boys, look in these crystals and see all sorts of things, present, past, and to come." miss moore laughed. "or pretend they do!" "who knows? it isn't of any interest, really. the things that have happened have happened, and the things that are to happen will happen just as surely, whether we foresee them or not." miss moore turned to the master. "look, master--this is a divining-crystal, and mr. davison's trying to persuade me that in the east people really see visions in it." the master smiled. "mr. davison has a poor opinion of ladies' intelligence, i'm afraid. he thinks they are children, who will believe any fairy tale." davison had drawn near to mildred as the master spoke; his eyes met hers and the impassive face wore a faint, ironical smile. "the wisdom of the west speaks!" he exclaimed, in a low voice. "i'd almost forgotten the sound of it." then scrutinizing her pale face: "i'm afraid you've had a scare. what did you see?" "i saw--well, i fancy i saw the gallery at hammerton house and my ancestress, lady hammerton. it was burned, you know, and she was burned with it, trying to save her collections. i expect she condescended to give me a glimpse of them because i've inherited her mania. i'd be a collector, too, if i had the money." she laughed nervously. "you should take ian to the east," returned davison. "you could make money there and learn things--the wisdom of the east, for instance." mildred, recovering her equanimity, smiled at him. "no, never! the wisdom of the west engrosses us; but you'll come and tell us about the other, won't you?" chapter xv maxwell davison settled in oxford for six months, in order to see his great book on persian literature through the press. his advent had been looked forward to as promising a welcome variety, bringing a splash of vivid color into a somewhat quiet-hued, monotonous world. but there was doomed to be some disappointment. mr. davison went rather freely to college dinners but seldom into general society. it came to be understood that he disliked meeting women; mrs. stewart, however, he appeared to except from his condemnation or rule. ian was his cousin, which made a pretext at first for going to the stewarts' house; but he went because he found the couple interesting in their respective ways. some dons, unable to believe that a man without a university education could teach them anything, would lecture him out of their little pocketful of knowledge about oriental life and literature. ian, on the contrary, was an admirable producer of all that was interesting in others; and in davison that all was much. at first he had tried to keep mrs. stewart in what he conceived to be her proper place; but as time went on he found himself dropping in at the old house with surprising frequency, and often when he knew ian to be in college or too busy to attend to him. he had brought horses with him and offered to give mildred a mount whenever she liked. milly had learned the rudiments of the art, but she was too timid to care for riding. mildred, on the other hand, delighted in the swift motion through the air, the sensation of the strong bounding life almost incorporated with her own, and if she had moments of terror she had more of ecstatic daring. she and davison ended by riding together once or twice a week. interesting as mildred found maxwell davison's companionship, it did not altogether conduce to her happiness. she who had been so content to be merely alive, began now to chafe at the narrow limits of her existence. he opened the wide horizons of the world before her, and her soul seemed native to them. one april afternoon they rode to wytham together. the woods of wytham clothe a long ridge of hill around which the young thames sweeps in a strong curve and through them a grass ride runs unbroken for a mile and a half. now side by side, now passing and repassing each other, they had "kept the great pace" along the track, the horses slackening their speed somewhat as they went down the dip, only to spring forward with fresh impetus, lifting their hind-quarters gallantly to the rise; then given their heads for the last burst along the straight bit to the drop of the hill, away they went in passionate competition, foam-flecked and sending the clods flying from their hurrying hoofs. a mile and a half of galloping only serves to whet the appetite of a well-girt horse, and the foaming rivals hardly allowed themselves to be pulled up at the edge of a steep grassy slope, where already here and there a yellow cowslip bud was beginning to break its pale silken sheath. at length their impatient dancing was over, and they stood quiet, resigned to the will of the incomprehensible beings who controlled them. but mildred's blood was dancing still and she abandoned herself to the pleasure of it, undistracted by speech. beyond the shining thames, wide-curving through its broad green meadows, and the gray bridge and tower of eynsham, that great landscape, undulating, clothed in the mystery of moving cloud-shadows, gave her an agreeable impression of being a view into a strange country, hundreds of miles away from oxford and the beaten track. but maxwell's eyes were fixed upon her. the wood about them was just breaking into the various beauty of spring foliage, emerald and gold and red; a few trees still holding up naked gray branches among it; here and there a white cloud of cherry blossom, shining in a clearing or floating mistily amid bursting tree-tops below them. they turned to the right, down a narrow ride, mossy and winding, where perforce they trod on flowers as they went; for the path and the wood about it were carpeted with blue dog-violets and the pale soft blossoms of primroses, opening in clusters amid their thick fresh foliage and the brown of last year's fallen leaves. the sky above wore the intense blue in which dark clouds are seen floating, and as the gleams of travelling sunshine passed over the wooded hill, its colors also glowed with a peculiar intensity. the horses, no longer excited by a vista of turf, were walking side by side. but the beauty of earth and sky were nothing to maxwell, whose whole being was intent on the beauty of the woman in the saddle beside him; the rose and the gold of cheek and hair, the lithe grace of the body, lightly moving to the motion of her horse. she turned to him with a sudden bright smile. "how perfectly delightful riding is! i owe all the pleasure of it to you." "do you?" he asked, smiling too, but slightly and gravely, narrowing on her his inscrutable eyes. "well, then, will you do what i want?" "i thought you were a fatalist and never wanted anything. but if you condescend to want me to do something, your slave obeys. you see i'm learning the proper way for a woman to talk." "i want you to remove the preposterous black pot with which you've covered up your hair. i'll carry it for you." "oh, max! what would people think if they met me riding without my hat? fancy miss cayley! what she'd say! and the warden of canterbury! what he'd feel!" she laughed delightedly. "they never ride this way. it's the 'primrose path,' you see, and they're afraid of the 'everlasting bonfire.' i'm not; you're not. you're not afraid of anything." "i am. i'm afraid of old maids and--most butlers." maxwell laughed, but his laugh was a harsh one. "humbug! if you really wanted to do anything you'd do it. i know you better than you know yourself. if you won't take your hat off it's because you don't really want to do what i want; and when you say pretty things to me about your gratitude for the pleasure i'm giving you, you're only telling the same old lies women tell all the world over." "there! catch my reins!" cried mildred, leaning over and holding them out to him. "how do you suppose i can take my hat off if you don't?" he obeyed and drew up to her, stooping near, a hand on the mane of her horse. the horses nosed together and fidgeted, while she balanced herself in the saddle with lifted arms, busy with hat-pins. the task accomplished, she handed the hat to him and they cantered on. presently she turned towards him, brightening. "you were quite right about the hat, max. it's ever so much nicer without it; one feels freer, and what i love about riding is the free feeling. it's as though one had got out of a cage; as though one could jump over all the barriers of life; as though there were nobody and nothing to hinder one from galloping right out into the sky if one chose. but i can't explain what i mean." "of course you don't mean the sky," he answered. "what you really mean is the desert. there's space, there's color, glorious, infinite, with an air purer than earthly. such a life, mildred! the utter freedom of it! none of this weary, dreary slavery you call civilization. that would be the life for you." it was true that mildred's was an essentially nomadic and adventurous soul. whether the desert was precisely the most suitable sphere for her wanderings was open to doubt, but for the moment as typifying freedom, travel, and motion--all that really was as the breath of life to her--it fascinated her imagination. maxwell, closely watching that sunshine-gilded head, saw her eyes widen, her whole expression at once excited and meditative, as though she beheld a vision. but in a moment she had turned to him with a challenging smile. "i thought slavery was the only proper thing for women." "so it is--for ordinary women. it makes them happier and less mischievous. but i don't fall into the mistake--which causes such a deal of unnecessary misery and waste in the world--the mistake of supposing that you can ever make a rule which it's good for every one to obey. you've got to make your rule for the average person. therefore it's bound not to fit the man or woman who is not average, and it's folly to wish them to distort themselves to fit it." "and i'm not average? i needn't be a slave? oh, thank you, max! i am so glad." "confound it, mildred, i'm not joking. you are a born queen and you oughtn't to be a slave; but you are one, all the same. you're a slave to the 'daily round, the common task,' which were never meant for such as you; you're a slave to the conventional idiocy of your neighbors. you daren't even take your hat off till i make you; and now you see how nice it is to ride with your hat off." they had been slowly descending the steep, stony road which leads to wytham village, but as he spoke they were turning off into a large field to the right, across which a turfy track led gradually up to the woods from which they had come. the track lay smooth before them, and the horses began to sidle and dance directly their hoofs touched it. mildred did not answer his remarks, except by a reference to the hat. "don't lose it, that's all!" she shouted, looking back and laughing, as she shot up the track ahead of him. he fancied she was trying to show him that she could run away from him if she chose; and with a quiet smile on his lips and a firm hand on his tugging horse, he kept behind her until she was a good way up the field. then he gave his horse its head and it sprang forward. she heard the eager thud of the heavy hoofs drawing up behind, and in a few seconds he was level with her. for a minute they galloped neck and neck, though at a little distance from each other. then she saw him ahead, riding with a seat looser than most englishmen's, yet with an assurance, a grace of its own, the hind-quarters of his big horse lifting powerfully under him, as it sped with great bounds over the flying turf. her own mare saw it, too, and vented her annoyance in a series of kicks, which, it must be confessed, seriously disturbed mildred's equilibrium. then settling to business, she sprang after her companion. maxwell heard her following him up the long grass slope towards the gate which opens into the main ride by which they had started. he fancied he had the improvised race well in hand, but suddenly the hoofs behind him hurried their beat; mildred flew past him at top speed and flung her mare back on its haunches at the gate. "i've won! hurrah! i've won!" she shouted, breathlessly, and waved her whip at him. maxwell was swearing beneath his breath, in a spasm of anger and anxiety. "don't play the fool!" he cried, savagely, as he drew rein close to her. "you might have thrown the mare down or mixed her in with the gate, pulling her up short like that. it's a wonder you didn't come off yourself, for though you're a devil to go, you know as well as i do you're a poor horse-woman." he was violently angry, partly at mildred's ignorant rashness, partly because, after all, she had beaten him. she, taking her hat from his hand and fastening it on again, uttered apologies, but from the lips only; for she had never seen a man furious before, and she was keenly interested in the spectacle. maxwell's eyes were not inscrutable now; they glittered with manifest rage. his harsh voice was still harsher, his hard jaw clinched, the muscles of his lean face, which was as pale as its brownness allowed it to be, stood out like cords, and the hand that grasped her reins shook. mildred felt somewhat as she imagined a lion-tamer might feel; just the least bit alarmed, but mistress of the brute, on the whole, and enjoying the contact with anything so natural and fierce and primitive. the feeling had not had time to pall on her, when going through the gate, they were joined by two other members of the little clan of wytham riders, and all rode back to oxford together, through flying scuds of rain. chapter xvi there is a proverbial rule against playing with fire, but it is one which, as davison would have said, was evidently made by average people, who would in fact rather play with something else. there are others to whom fire is the only really amusing plaything; and though the by-stander may hold his breath, nine times out of ten they will come out of the game as unscathed as the professional fire-eater. this was not precisely true of mildred, who had still a wide taste in playthings; but in the absence of anything new and exciting in her environment, she found an immense fascination in playing with the fiery elements in maxwell davison's nature, in amusing her imagination with visions of a free wandering life, led under a burning oriental sky, which he constantly suggested to her. yet dangerously alluring as these visions might appear, appealing to all the hidden nomad heart of her, her good sense was never really silenced. it told her that freedom from the shackles of civilization might become wearisome in time, besides involving heavier, more intolerable forms of bondage; although she did not perceive that maxwell davison's dislike to her being a slave was only a dislike to her being somebody else's slave. he was a despot at heart and had accustomed himself to a frank despotism over women. mildred's power over him, the uncertainty of his power over her, maddened him. but mildred did not know what love meant. at one time she had fancied her affection for ian might be love; now she wondered whether her strange interest in the society of a man for whom she had no affection, could be that. she did not feel towards ian as an ordinary wife might have done, yet his feelings and interests weighed much with her. milly, too, she must necessarily consider, but she did that in a different, an almost vengeful spirit. one evening ian, looking up from his work, asked her what she was smiling at so quietly to herself. and she could not tell him, because it was at a horrible practical joke suggested to her by an impish spirit within. what if she should prepare a little surprise for the returning milly? let her find herself planted in araby the blest with maxwell davison? mildred chuckled, wondering to herself which would be in the biggest rage, milly or max; for however tims might affirm the contrary, mildred had a fixed impression that milly could be in a rage. the fire-game was hastening to its close; but before mildred could prove herself a real mistress of the dangerous element, the sleep fell upon her. except a sensation of fatigue, for which it was easy to find a reason, there was no warning of the coming change. but ian had dreams in the night and opened his eyes in the morning with a feeling of uneasiness and depression. mildred could never sleep late without causing him anxiety, and on this morning his first glance at her filled him with a dread certainty. she was sleeping what was to her in a measure the sleep of death. he had a violent impulse to awaken her forcibly; but he feared it would be dangerous. with his arm around her and his head close to hers on the pillow, he whispered her name over and over again. the calmness of her face gradually gave way to an expression of struggle approaching convulsion, and he dared not continue. he could only await the inevitable in a misery which from its very nature could find no expression and no comforter. milly, unlike mildred, did not return to the world in a rapture of satisfaction with it. the realization of the terrible robbery of life of which she had again been the victim, was in itself enough to account for a certain sadness even in her love for ian and for her child. the hygiene of the nursery had been neglected according to her ideas, yet baby was bonny enough to delight any mother's heart, however heavy it might be. ian, she said, wanted feeding up and taking care of; and he submitted to the process with a gentle, melancholy smile. just one request he made; that she would not spoil her pretty hair by screwing it up in her usual unbecoming manner. she understood, studying a certain photograph in a drawer--what drawer was safe from milly's tidyings?--and dressed her hair as like it as she knew how, with a secret bitterness of heart. mildred had found a diary, methodically kept by milly, of great use to her, and although incapable herself of keeping one regularly, she had continued it in a desultory manner, noting down whatever she thought might be useful for milly's guidance. for whatever the feelings of the two personalities towards each other, there was a terrible closeness of union between them. their indivisibility in the eyes of the world made their external interests inevitably one. new friends and acquaintances mildred had noted down, with useful remarks upon them. she was not confidential on the subject of maxwell davison, but she gave the bare necessary information. it was now late in the summer term and her bedroom chimney-piece was richly decorated with invitation cards. among others there was an invitation to a garden-party at lady margaret hall. milly put on a fresh flowered muslin dress, apparently unworn, that she found hanging in one of the deep wall-cupboards of the old house, and a coarse burnt-straw hat, trimmed with roses and black ribbon, which became her marvellously well. all the scruples of an apostle of hygienic dress, all the uneasiness of an economist at the prospect of unpaid bills, disappeared before the pleasure of a young woman face to face with an extremely pretty reflection in a pier-glass. that glass, an oval in a light mahogany frame, of the regency period, if not earlier, was one of mildred's finds in the slums of st. ebbes. she walked across the parks, where the cricket match of the season was drawing a crowd, meaning to come out by a gate below lady margaret hall, the gardens and buildings of which did not then extend to the cherwell. in their place were a few tennis-grounds and a path leading to a boat-house, shared by a score or more of persons. while she was still coming across the grass of the parks, a man in flannels, very white in the sun, came towards her from the gate for which she was making. he must have recognized her from a long way off. he was a striking-looking man of middle age, walking with a free yet indolent stride that carried him along much faster than it appeared to do. milly had no idea who the stranger was, but he greeted her with: "here you are at last, mildred! do you know how much behind time you are?"--he took out his watch--"exactly thirty-five minutes. i should have given you up if i hadn't known that breaking your promise is not among your numerous vices, and unpunctuality is." who on earth was he? and why did he call her by her christian name? milly went a beautiful pink with embarrassment. "i'm so sorry. i thought the party would have just begun," she replied. "you don't mean to say you want to keep me kicking my heels while you go to a confounded party? i thought you knew i was off to paris to-night, after that firdusi manuscript, and i think of taking the continental express to constantinople next week. i don't know when i shall be back. surely, mildred, it's not a great deal to ask you to spare half an hour from a wretched party to come on the river with me before i go?" it struck maxwell as he ended that he was falling into the whining of the occidental lover. he was determined that he would clear the situation this afternoon; the more determined because he was conscious of a feeling odiously resembling fear which had before now held him back from plain dealing with mildred. afraid of a woman? it was too ridiculous. milly, meanwhile, felt herself on firmer ground. this must be ian's cousin, maxwell davison, the orientalist. but there was nothing nomadic in her heart to thrill to the idea of being on the cherwell this afternoon, in london this evening, in paris next morning, in constantinople next week. "of course i'll come on the river with you," she said. "i'm sorry i'm late. i'm afraid i--i'd forgotten." forgotten! how simply she said it! yet it was surely the veriest impudence of coquetry. he looked at her slowly from the hat downward, as he lounged leisurely at her side. "war-paint, i see!" he remarked. "armed from head to heel with all the true and tried female weapons. they're just the same all the world over--'plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose,'--though no doubt you fancy they're different. who's the frock put on for, mildred? for the party, or--for me?" milly was conscious of such an extreme absence of intention so far as maxwell was concerned, that it would have been rude to express it. she went very pink again, and lifting forget-me-not blue eyes to his inscrutable ones, articulated slowly: "i'm sure i don't know." her eyes were like a child's and a shy smile curved her pink lips adorably as she spoke. such mere simplicity would not in itself have cast a spell over maxwell, but it came to him as a new, surprising phase of the eternal feminine in her; and it had the additional charm that it caused that subjugated feeling resembling fear, with which mildred could inspire him, to disappear entirely. he was once more in the proper dominant attitude of man. he felt the courage now to make her do what he believed she wished to do in her heart; the courage, too, to punish her for the humiliation she had inflicted upon him. six months ago he would have had nothing but a hearty contempt for the man who could beat thirty yards of gravel-path for half an hour, watch in hand, in a misery of impatience, waiting on the good pleasure of a capricious woman. meantime he laughed good-humoredly at milly's answer and began to talk of neutral matters. if her tongue did not move as nimbly as usual, he flattered himself it was because she knew that the hour of her surrender was at hand. milly knew the boat-house well, the pleasant dimness of it on hot summer days; how the varnished boats lay side by side all down its length, and how the light canoes rested against the walls as it were on shelves. how, when the big doors were opened on to the raft and the slowly moving river without, bright circles of sunlight, reflected from the running water, would fly in and dance on wall and roof. she stood there in the dimness, while maxwell lifted down a large canoe and, opening one of the barred doors, took it out to the water. mildred would have felt a half-conscious æsthetic pleasure in watching his movements, superficially indolent but instinct with strength. milly had not the same æsthetic sensibilities, and she was still disagreeably embarrassed at finding herself on such a familiar footing with a man whom she had never seen before. then, although she followed aunt beatrice's golden rule of never allowing a question of feminine dress to interfere with masculine plans, she could not but feel anxious as to the fate of her fresh muslin and ribbons packed into a canoe. maxwell, however, had learned canoeing years ago on the canadian lakes, and did not splash. his lean, muscular brown arms and supple wrists took the canoe rapidly through the water, with little apparent effort. it was the prime of june and the winding willow-shaded cherwell was in its beauty. white water-lilies were only just beginning to open silver buds, floating serenely on their broad green and red pads; but prodigal masses of wild roses, delicately rich in scent and various in color, overhung the river in brave arching bowers or starred bushes and hedgerows so closely that the green briers were hardly visible. beds of the large blue water forget-me-not floated beside the banks, and above them creamy meadow-sweet lifted its tall plumes among the reeds and grasses. small water-rats swam busily from bank to bank or played on the roots of the willows, and bright wings of birds and insects fluttered and skimmed over the shining stream. the cherwell, though not then the crowded waterway it has since become, was usually popular with boaters on such an afternoon. but there must have been strong counter-attractions elsewhere, for milly and davison passed only one, a party of children working very independent oars, on their way to the little gray house above the ferry, where an old frenchman dispensed tea in arbors. there was a kind of hypnotic charm in the gliding motion of the canoe and the water running by. milly was further dazed by maxwell's talk. it was full of mysterious references and couched in the masterful tone of a person who had rights over her--a tone which before he had been more willing than able to adopt; but now the bit was between his teeth. perhaps absorbed in his own intent, he hardly noticed how little she answered; but he did notice every point of her beauty as she leaned back on the cushions in the light shade of her parasol, from the soft brightness of her hair to the glimpse of delicate white skin which showed through the open-work stocking on her slender foot. when they were in the straight watery avenue between green willow walls, which leads up to the ferry, he slackened the pace. "and what are you going to do next week?" he asked, as one of a series of ironical questions. "a great deal; much more than i care to do. i'm going up to town to see the new savoy opera, and i'm going to a dance, and to several garden-parties, and to dine with the master of durham." "quite enough for some people; but not for you, mildred. think of it--year after year, always the same old run. october term, lent term, summer term! a little change in vacations, say a month abroad, when you can afford it. you aren't meant for it, you know you're not, any more than a swallow's meant for the little hopping, pecketing life of a london sparrow." "indeed, i don't see the likeness either way. i'm quite happy as i am." he smiled mockingly. "quite happy! as it's very proper you should be, of course. come, mildred, no humbug! think how you'd feel if you knew that instead of going to all those idiotic parties next week you were going to constantinople." "isn't it dreadfully hot at this time of year?" "i like it hot. but at any rate one can always find some cool place in the hottest weather. how would you like to go in a caravan from cairo to damascus next autumn?" "i dare say it would be delightful, if the country one passed through were not too wild and dangerous. but ian would never be able to leave his work for an expedition like that." maxwell smiled grimly. "i'd no idea you'd want him. i shouldn't. do be serious. if you fancy i'm the sort of man you can go on playing with forever, you're most confoundedly mistaken." milly was both offended and alarmed. was this strange man mad? and she alone with him on the river! "i don't know what you mean," she said, coldly. "don't you?" he returned, and he still wore his ironic smile--"well, i know what you mean all the time. you say i only know oriental women, but, by allah, there's not a pin to choose between the lot of you, except that there's less humbug about them, and over here you're a set of trained, accomplished hypocrites!" indignation overcame fear in milly's bosom. "we are nothing of the kind," she said. "how can you talk such nonsense?" "nonsense? i suppose being a woman you can't really be logical, although you generally pretend to be so. why have you pranked yourself out, spent an hour i dare say in making yourself pretty to-day? for what possible reason except to attract the eyes of a crowd of men, young fools or doddering old ones--" milly uttered an expression of vehement denial, but he continued: "or else to whet my appetite for forbidden fruit. but there's no 'or' about it, is there? most likely you had both of those desirable objects in view." milly was not a coward when her indignation was aroused. she took hold of the sides of the canoe and began raising herself. "i don't know whether you mean to be insulting," she said; "but i don't wish to hear any more of this sort of thing. i'd rather you put me out, please." "sit down," he said, with authority--the canoe was rocking violently--"unless you're anxious to be drowned. i warn you i'm a very poor swimmer, and if we upset there's not a ghost of a chance of my being able to save you." milly was a poor swimmer, too, and felt by no means competent to save herself; neither was she anxious to be drowned. so she sat down again. "put me out at the ferry, please," she repeated, haughtily. they were reaching the end of the willow avenue, just where the wire rope crosses the river. on the right was a small wooden landing-stage, and high above it the green, steep river-bank, with the gray house and the arbors on the top. the old frenchman stood before the house in his shirt-sleeves, watching sadly for his accustomed prey, which for some inexplicable reason did not come. he took off his cap expectantly to maxwell davison, whom he knew; but the canoe glided swiftly under the rope and on. "no, i sha'n't put you out, mildred," maxwell answered with decision, after a pause. "i'm sorry if i've offended you. i've forgotten my manners, no doubt, and must seem a bit of a brute to you. i didn't bring you here just to quarrel, or to play a practical joke upon you, and send you on a field-walk in that smart frock and shoes--" he smiled at her, and this time she was obliged to feel a certain fascination in his smile--"nor yet to go on with the game you've been playing with me all these months. you forget; i've been used to nature for so many years that i find it hard to realize how natural the most artificial conditions of life appear to you. i'll try to remember; but you must remember, too, that the most civilized beings on earth have got to come right up against the hard facts of nature sometimes. they've got to be stripped of their top layer and see it stripped off other people, and to recognize the fact that every one has got a core of primitive man or of primitive woman in them; a perfectly unalterable, indestructible core. and the people who refuse to recognize that aren't elevated and refined, but simply stupid and obstinate and no good." milly, if she would have no compromise with principles, was always quick to accept an apology. she did not follow the line of maxwell's argument, but she remembered it was noted in a certain deplorably irregular diary, that he had lived for many years in the east and was quite orientalized in many of his ways and ideas. with gentle dignity she signified that in her opinion civilized european manners and views were to be commended in opposition to barbarous and oriental ones. maxwell, his face bent towards the turning paddle, hardly heard what she was saying. he was paddling fast and considering many things. they came to where the river ran under a narrow grass field, rising in a steep bank and shut off from the world by a tall hedge and a row of elms, that threw long shadows down the grass and were reflected in the water. a path led through it, but it was little frequented. on the other side was a wide, green meadow, where the long grass was ripening under rose-blossoming hedges, and far beyond was the blueness of distant hills and woods. maxwell ran the bow of the canoe into a thick bed of forget-me-nots, growing not far from the bank. he laid the dripping paddle aside, and, resting his elbows on his knees, held his head in his hands for a minute or more. when he turned his face towards her it was charged with passion, but most of all with a grave masterfulness. he had been sitting on a low seat, but now he kneeled so as to come nearer to her, and, stretching out his long arms, laid a hand, brown, long-fingered, smooth, on her two slight, gray-gloved ones. "mildred," he said, and his voice seemed to have lost its harshness, "i've brought you here to make you decide what you are going to do with me and with yourself. i want you--you know i want you, but i don't come begging for you as an alms. i say, just compare the life, the free, glorious life i can give you, and the wretched, petty round of existence here. come with me, won't you? don't be afraid i shall treat you like a slave; i follow nature, and nature made you a queen. come with me to-night, come to paris, to constantinople, to all the east! never mind about love yet, we won't talk about that, for i don't really flatter myself you love me; i'm only sure you don't love ian--" milly had listened to him so far, drawing herself back to the farthest end of the canoe, half petrified with amazement, half dominated by his powerful personality. at these words her pallor gave way to a scarlet flush. "how dare you!" she cried, in a voice tremulous with indignation. "how dare you talk to me like this? how dare you name my husband? you brought me out here on purpose to say such things to me? oh, it's abominable, it's disgraceful!" there was no room for doubt as to the sincerity of her indignation. maxwell drew back and his face changed. there were patches of dull red on his cheeks, almost as though he had been struck, and his narrow eyes glittered. looking at him, milly felt physical fear; she thought once more of insanity. there was a silence; then she spoke again. "put me on to the bank here, please. i'll walk back." "i shall let you go when i choose," returned he, in a grating voice. "i have something to say to you first." he paused and his frown darkened upon her. "you asked me how i 'dared.' dare! do you take me for a dog, to be chained up and tantalized with nice bits, and hardly allowed to whine for them? i say, how dare you entice me with your beauty--it's decked out now for me--entice me with all your beguiling ways, your pretence of longing to go away and to live the free life in the east as i live it? now, when you've made me want you--what else have you been aiming at? you pretend to be surprised, you pretend even to yourself, to be dreadfully shocked. what damned humbug! with us only the dancing-girls venture to play such tricks as you do, and they daren't go too far, because the men are men and wear knives. but here you proper women, with your weakness unnaturally protected, you go about pretending you don't know there's such a thing in the world as desire--oh, of course not!--and all the while you're deliberately exciting it and playing upon it." mildred had been right in saying that the gentle milly could be in a rage; though it was a thing that had happened to her only once or twice before since her childhood. it happened now. anger, burning anger, extinguished the fear that had held her silent while he was speaking. "it's false!" she cried, with burning face and blazing eyes. "it's disgraceful of you to say such things--it's degrading for me to have to hear them. i will get away from you, if i have to jump into the river." she started forward, but maxwell, with his tall, lithe body and long arms, had a great reach. he leaned forward and his iron hands were upon her shoulders, forcing her back. "don't be a fool," he said, still fierce in eye and voice. her lips trembled with fury so that she could hardly speak. "do you consider yourself a gentleman?" he laughed scornfully. "i don't consider the question at all. i am a man; you are a woman, and you have presumed to make a plaything of me. you thought you could do it with impunity because we are civilized, because you are a lady; for bar-maids and servant-girls do get their throats cut sometimes still. don't be frightened, i'm not going to kill you, but i mean to make you understand for once that these privileges of weakness are humbug, that they're not in nature. i mean to teach you that a man is a better animal--" he suddenly withdrew his hands from her with a sharp exclamation. milly's teeth were pearly white and rather small, but they were pointed, and they had met in the flesh of the right hand which rested so firmly on her shoulder. he fell back and put his hand to his mouth. a boat-hook lay within her reach, and her end of the canoe had drifted near enough to the river-bank for her to be able to catch hold with the hook and to pull it farther in. braced to the uttermost by rage and fear, she bounded to her feet without upsetting the canoe. it lurched violently, but righted itself, swinging out once more into the stream. maxwell looked up and saw her standing on the river-bank above him. she did not stay to parley, but with lifted skirt hurried up the steep meadow, through the sun-flecked shadows of the elm-trees, towards the path. when she was half-way up a harsh, sardonic laugh sounded behind her, and instinctively she looked back. maxwell held up his wounded hand: "primitive woman at last, mildred!" he shouted. "don't apologize, i sha'n't." chapter xvii ian only came home just in time to scramble into his evening dress-suit for a dinner at the fletchers'. he needed not to fear delay either from that shirt-button at the back, refractory or on the last thread, or from any other and more insidious trap for the hurrying male. milly looked after him in a way which, if the makers of traditions concerning wives were not up to their necks in falsehood, must have inspired devotion in the heart of any husband alive. she had already observed that he had been allowed to lose most of the pocket-handkerchiefs she had marked for him in linen thread. that trifles such as this should cause bitterness will seem as absurd to sensible persons as it would to be told that our lives are made up of mere to-morrows--if shakespeare had not happened to put that in his own memorable way. for it takes a vast deal of imagination to embrace the ordinary facts of life and human nature. but even the most sensible will understand that it was annoying for milly regularly to find her own and the family purse reduced to a state that demanded rigid economy. the invader, stirring in that limbo where she lay, might have answered that rigid economy was milly's forte and real delight, and that it was well she should have nothing to spend in ridiculously disguising the fair body they were condemned to share. mildred certainly left behind her social advantages which both ian and milly enjoyed without exactly realizing their source, while her bric-à-brac purchases, from an eighteenth-century print to a chinese ivory, were always sure to be rising investments. but all such minor miseries as her invasion might multiply for milly, were forgotten in the horror of the abyss that had now opened under her feet. for long after that second return of hers, on the night of the thunderstorm, a shadow, a dreadful haunting thought, had hovered in the back of her mind. gradually it had faded with the fading of a memory; but to-night the colors of that memory revived, the thought startled into a more vivid existence. in the press and hurry of life, not less in oxford than in other modern towns, the stewarts and fletchers did not meet so often and intimately as to make inevitable the discovery of mildred stewart's dual personality by her cousins. they said she had developed moods; but with the conservatism of relations, saw nothing in her that they had not seen in her nursery days. ian and milly walked home from dinner, according to oxford custom, but a durham man walked with them, talking over a college question with ian, and they did not find themselves alone until they were within the wainscoted walls of the old house. milly had looked so pale all the evening that ian expected her to go to bed at once; but she followed him into the study, where the lamp was shedding its circle of light on the heaped books and papers of his writing-table. making some perfunctory remarks which she barely answered, he sat down to work at an address which he was to deliver at the meeting of a learned society in london. milly threw off her white shawl and seated herself on the old, high-backed sofa. her dress was of some gauzy material of indeterminate tone, interwoven with gold tinsel, and a scarf of gauze embroidered with gold disguised what had seemed to her an over-liberal display of dazzling shoulders. ian, absorbed in his work, hardly noticed his wife sitting in the penumbra, chin on hand, staring before her into nothingness, like some cassandra of the hearth, who listens to the inevitable approaching footsteps of a tragic destiny. at last she said: "i've got something awful to tell you." ian startled, dropped his pen and swung himself around in his pivot chair. "what about? tony?"--for it was to this diminutive that mildred had reduced the flowing syllables of antonio. "no, your cousin, maxwell davison." now, ian liked his cousin well enough, but by no means as well as he liked tony. "about max!" he exclaimed, relieved. "what's happened to him?" "nothing--but oh, ian! i--hate even to speak of such a thing--" "never mind. just tell me what it is." "i was on the river with him this afternoon, and he--he made love to me." the lines of ian's face suddenly hardened. "did he?" he returned, significantly, playing with a paper-knife. then, after a pause: "i'm awfully sorry, milly. i'd no idea he was such a cad." "he--he wanted me to run away with him." ian's face became of an almost inhuman severity. "i shall let maxwell davison know my opinion of him," he said. "but it's worse--it's even more horrible than that. he was expecting me. i--_i_ of course knew nothing about it; i only knew about the garden-party at lady margaret. but he said i'd promised to come; he said all kinds of shocking, horrid things about my having dressed myself up for him--" "please don't tell me what he said, milly," ian interrupted, still coldly, but with a slight expression of disgust. "i'd rather you didn't. i suppose i ought to have taken better care of you, my poor little girl, but really here in oxford one never thinks of anything so outrageous happening." "i must tell you one thing," she resumed, almost obstinately. "he said he knew i didn't love you--that _i_ didn't love _you_, my own darling husband. some one, some one--must be responsible for his thinking that. how do i know what happens when--when i'm away. my poor ian! left with a creature who doesn't love you!" ian rose. his face was cold and hard still, but there was a faint flush on his cheek, the mark of a frown between his black brows. he walked to a window and looked out into the moonlit garden, where the gnarled apple-trees threw weird black shadows on grass and wall, like shapes of grotesque animals, or half-hidden spectres, lurking, listening, waiting. "we're getting on to a dangerous subject," he answered, at length. "don't give me pain by imagining evil about--about yourself. you could never, under any aspect, be anything but innocent and loyal and all that a man could wish his wife to be." he smoothed his brow with an effort, went up to her, and taking her soft face between his hands kissed her forehead. "there!" he exclaimed, with a forced smile. "don't let's talk about it any more, darling. go to bed and forget all about it. it won't seem so bad to-morrow morning." but milly did not respond. when he released her head she threw it back against her own clasped hands, closing her eyes. she was ghastly pale. "no," she moaned, "i can't bear it by myself. it's too, too awful. it's not me; it's something that takes my place. i saw it once. it's an evil spirit. o god, what have i done that such a thing should happen to me! i've always tried to be good." there was a clash of pity and anger in ian's breast. pity for milly's case, anger on account of her whom his inmost being recognized as another, whatever his rational self might say to the matter. he sat down beside his wife and uttered soothing nothings. but she turned upon him eyes of wild despair, the more tragic because it broke through a nature fitted only for the quietest commonplaces of life. she flung herself upon him, clutching him tight, hiding her face upon him. "what have i done?" she moaned again. "you know i always believed in god, in god's love. i wouldn't have disbelieved even if he'd taken you away from me. but now i can't believe in anything. there must be wicked spirits, but there can't be a good god if he allows them to take possession of a poor girl like me, who's never done any one any harm. o ian, i've tried to pray, and i can't. i don't believe in anything now." ian was deeply perplexed. he himself believed neither in a god nor in evil spirits, and he knew not how to approach milly's mind. at length he said, quietly: "i should have expected you, dear, to have reasoned about this a little more. what's the use of being educated if we give way to superstition, like savages, directly something happens that we don't quite understand? some day an eclipse of conscious personality, like yours, will come to be understood as well as an eclipse of the moon. don't let's make it worse by conjuring up superstitious terrors." "at first i thought it was like that--an eclipse of memory. but now i feel more and more it's a different person that's here, it's not i. to-night cousin david said that sometimes when he met me he expected to find when he got home that his lady hammerton had walked away out of the frame. and, ian, i looked up at that portrait, and suddenly i was reminded of--that fearful night when i came back and saw--something. i am descended from that woman, and you know how wicked she was." again the strange irritation stirred in the midst of ian's pity. "wicked, darling! that's an absurd word to use." "she left her husband. and it's awful that i, who can't understand how any woman could be so wicked as to do that, should be so terribly like her. i feel as though it had something to do with this appalling thing happening to me. perhaps her sins are being visited on me." she held the lapels of his coat and looked tenderly, yearningly, in his face. "and i could bear it better if--but oh, my ian! i can't bear to think of you left with something wicked, with some one who doesn't love you, who deceives you, and--" "milly," he broke in, "i won't have you say things like that. they are absolutely untrue, and i won't have them said." there was a note of sternness in his voice that milly had never heard before, and she saw a hard look come into his averted face which was new to her. when she spoke it was in a gasp. "you love her? you love that wicked, bad woman so much you won't let me tell you what she is?" he drew himself away from her with a gesture, and in a minute answered with cold deliberation: "i cannot cease to love my own wife because--because she's not always exactly the same." they sat silent beside each other. at length milly rose from the sofa. the tinselled scarf, that other woman's delicate finery, had slipped from the white beauty of her shoulders. she drew it around her again slowly, and slowly with bowed head left the room. chapter xviii between noon and one o'clock on a bright june morning there is no place in the world quite so full of sunshine and summer as the quadrangle of an oxford college. not age but youth of centuries smiles from gray walls and aery pinnacles upon the joyous children of to-day. youth, in a bright-haired, black-winged-butterfly swarm, streams out of every dark doorway, from the austere shade of study, to disport itself, two by two, or in larger eddying groups, upon the worn gravel, even venturously flits across the sacred green of the turf. there is an effervescence of life in the clear air, and the sun-steeped walls of stone are resonant with the cheerful noise of young voices. here and there men already in flannels pass towards the gate; dons draped in the black folds of the stately gown, stand chatting with their books under their arms; and since the season of festivity has begun, scouts hurry cautiously to and fro from buttery and kitchen, bearing brimming silver cups crowned with blue borage and floating straws, or trays of decorated viands. the scouts are grave and careworn, but from every one else a kind of physical joy and contentment seems to breathe as perfume breathes from blossoms and even leaves, in the good season of the year. ian stewart did not quite resist this atmosphere of physical contentment. he stood in the sunshine exchanging a few words with passing pupils; yet at the back of his mind there was a deep distress. he had been brought up in the moral refinement, the honorable strictness of principle with regard to moral law, common to his academic class, and, besides, he had an innate delicacy and sensibility of feeling. if his intelligence perceived that there are qualities, individualities which claim exemption from ordinary rules, he had no desire to claim any such exemption for himself. yet he found himself occupying the position of a man torn on the rack between a jealous wife for whom he has affection and esteem, and a mistress who compels his love. only here was not alone a struggle but a mystery, and the knot admitted of no severance. he looked around upon his pupils, upon the distant figures of his fellow dons, robed in the same garb, seemingly living the same life as himself. where was fact, where was reality? in yonder phantasmagoric procession of oxford life, forever repeating itself, or in this strange tragi-comedy of souls, one in two and two in one, passing behind the thick walls of that old house in the street nearby? there he stood among the rest, part and parcel apparently of an existence as ordinary, as peaceful, as monotonous as the victorian era could produce. yet if he were to tell any one within sight the plain truth concerning his life, it would be regarded as a fairy tale, the fantastic invention of an overwrought brain. there is something in college life which fosters a reticence that is almost secretiveness; and this becomes a code, a religion; yet stewart found himself seized with an intense longing to confide in someone. and at that moment, from under the wide archway leading into the quadrangle, appeared the master of durham. the master was in cap and gown, and carried some large papers under his arm; he walked slowly, as he had taken to walking of late, his odd, trotting gait transformed almost to a hobble. meditative, he looked straight before him with unseeing eyes. no artist was ever able to seize the inner and the outer verity of that round, pink baby face, filled with the power of a weighty personality and a penetrating mind. stewart marked him in that minute, sagacity and benevolence, as it were, silently radiating from him; and the younger man in his need turned to the wise master, the paternal friend whose counsels had done so much to set his young feet in the way of success. when stewart found himself in the master's study, the study so familiar to his youth, with its windows looking out on the garden quadrangle, and saw the great little man himself seated before him at the writing-table, he marvelled at the temerity that had brought him there to speak on such a theme. but the cup was poured and had to be drunk. the master left him to begin. he sat with a plump hand on each plump knee, and regarded his old pupil with silent benevolence. "i've come to see you, master," said stewart, "because i feel very bewildered, very helpless, in a matter which touches my wife even more than myself. you were so kind about my marriage, and you have always been good to her as well as to me." "miss flaxman was a nice young lady," squeaked the master. "i knew you married wisely." "something happened shortly before we were engaged which she--we didn't quite grasp--its importance, i mean," stewart began. he then spoke of those periodical lapses of memory in his wife which he had come to see involved real and extraordinary variations in her character--a change, in fact, of personality. he mentioned their futile visits to norton-smith, the brain and nerve specialist. the master heard him without either moving or interrupting. when he had done there was a silence. at length the master said: "i suspect we don't understand women." "perhaps not. but, master, haven't you yourself noticed a great difference in my wife at various times?" "not more than i feel in myself--not of another character, that is. we live among men; we live among men who, generally speaking, know nothing about women. that's why women appear to us strange and unnatural. your wife's quite normal, really." "but the memory alone, surely--" "that's made you nervous; but i've known cases not far different. you remember meeting sir henry milwood here? when i knew him he was a young clergyman. he had an illness; forgot all about his clerical life, and went sheep-farming in australia, where he made his fortune." "but his personality?" asked stewart, with anxiety. "was that changed?" "certainly. a colonial sheep-farmer is a different person from a young don just in orders." "i don't mean that, master. i mean did he rise from his bed with ideas, with feelings quite opposite to those which had possessed him when he lay down upon it? did he ever have a return of the clerical phase, during which he forgot how he became a sheep-farmer and wished to take up his old work again?" "no--no." there was a pause. the master played with his gold spectacles and sucked his under lip. then: "take a good holiday, stewart," he said. stewart's clear-cut face hardened and flushed momentarily. "these are not fancies of my own, master. cases occur in which two, sometimes more than two, entirely different personalities alternate in the same individual. the spontaneous cases are rare, of course, but hypnotism seems to develop them pretty freely. the facts are there, but english scientists prefer to say nothing about them." the master rose and trotted restlessly about. "they're quite right," he returned, at length. "such ideas can lead to nothing but mischief." "surely that is the orthodox theologian's usual objection to scientific fact." the master lifted his head and looked at his rebel disciple. for although he was an officiating clergyman, he and the orthodox theologians were at daggers drawn. "views, statements of this kind are not knowledge," he said, after a while, and continued moving uneasily about without looking at stewart. stewart did not reply; it seemed useless to go on talking. he recognized that the master's attitude was what his own had been before the iron of fact had entered into his flesh and spirit. yet somehow he had hoped that his master's large and keen perception of human things, his judicial mind, would have lifted him above the prejudices of reason. he sat there cheerless, his college cap between his knees; and was seeking the moment to say good-bye when the master suddenly sat down beside him. to any one looking in at the window, the two seated side by side on the hard sofa would have seemed an oddly assorted pair. stewart's length of frame, the raven black of his hair and beard, the marble pallor of his delicate features, made the little master look smaller, pinker, plumper than usual; but his face, radiating wisdom and affection, was more than beautiful in the eyes of his old disciple. "i took a great interest in your marriage, stewart," he said. "i always think of you and your wife as two very dear young friends. you must let me speak to you now as a father might--and probably wouldn't." stewart assented with affectionate reverence. "you are young, but your wife is much younger. a man marries a girl many years younger than himself and has not the same feeling of responsibility towards her as he would have towards a young man of the same age. he seldom considers her youth. yet his responsibility is much greater towards her than towards a pupil of the same age; she needs more help, she will accept more in forming her mind and character. now you have married a young lady who is very intelligent, very pleasing; but she has a delicate nervous system, and it has been overstrained. she lets this peculiar weakness of her memory get on her nerves. you have nerves yourself, you have imagination, and you let your mind give way to hers. that's not wise; it's not right. let her feel that these moods do not affect you; be sure that they do not. what matters mainly is that your mutual love should remain unchanged. when your wife finds that her happiness, her real happiness, is quite untouched by these changes of mood, she will leave off attributing an exaggerated importance to them. so will you, stewart. you will see them in their right proportion; you will see the great evil and danger of giving way to imagination, of accepting perverse psychological hypotheses as guides in life. reason and religion are the only true guides." the master did not utter these sayings continuously. there were pauses which stewart might have filled, but he did not offer to do so. the spell of his old teacher's mind and aspect was upon him. his spirit was, as it were, bowed before his master in a kind of humility. he walked home with a lightened heart, feeling somewhat as a devout sinner might feel to whom his confessor had given absolution. for about twenty-four hours this mood lasted. then he confronted the fact that the beloved master's advice had been largely, though not altogether, futile, because it had not dealt with actuality. and ian stewart saw himself to be moving in the plain, ordinary world of men as solitary as a ghost which vainly endeavors to make its presence and its needs recognized. chapter xix tims had ceased to be an inhabitant of oxford. she was studying physiology in london and luxuriating in the extraordinary cheapness of life in cranham chambers. not that she had any special need of cheapness; but the spinster aunt who brought her up had, together with a comfortable competence, left her the habit of parsimony. if, however, she did not know how to enjoy her own income, she allowed many women poorer than herself to benefit by it. she was no correspondent; and an examination, followed by the serious illness of her next-door neighbor--mr. fitzalan, a solitary man with a small post in the british museum--had prevented her from visiting oxford during mildred's last invasion. she had imagined milly stewart to have been leading for two undisturbed years the busily tranquil life proper to her; adoring ian and the baby, managing her house, and going sometimes to church and sometimes to committees, without wholly neglecting the cultivation of the mind. a letter from milly, in which she scented trouble, made her call herself sternly to account for her long neglect of her friend. it was now the long vacation, but miss burt was still at ascham and lady thomson was spending a week with her. she had stayed with the stewarts in the spring, and resolutely keeping a blind eye turned towards whatever she ought to have disapproved in mildred, had lauded her return to bodily vigor, and also to good sense, in ceasing to fuss about the health of ian and the baby. aunt beatrice would have blushed to own a husband and child whose health required care. this time when she dined with the stewarts she had found milly reprehensibly pale and dispirited. one day shortly afterwards she came in to tea. the nurse happened to be out, and tony, now a beautiful child of fifteen months, was sitting on the drawing-room floor. the two women were discussing plans for raising money to build a gymnasium at ascham, but tony was not interested in the subject. he kept working his way along the floor to his mother, partly on an elbow and a knee, but mostly on his stomach. arrived at his goal he would pull her skirt, indicate as well as he could a little box lying by his neglected picture-book, and grunt with much expression. a monkey lived inside the box, and tony, whose memory was retentive, persevered in expecting to hear that monkey summoned by wild tattoos and subterranean growls until it jumped up with a bang--a splendidly terrible thing of white bristles, and scarlet snout--to dance the fandango to a lively if unmusical tune. then tony, be sure, would laugh until he rolled from side to side. mummy never responded to his wishes now, but daddy had pleaded for the jack-in-the-box to be spared, and sometimes when quite alone with tony, would play the monkey-game in his inferior paternal style, pleased with such modified appreciation as the young critic might bestow upon him. "i'm sorry baby's so troublesome," apologized the distressed milly, for the third time lifting tony up and replacing him in a sitting posture, with his picture-book. "i'm trying to teach him to sit quiet, but i'm afraid he's been played with a great deal more than he should have been." "to tell the truth, i thought so the last time i was here," replied aunt beatrice. "but he's still young enough to be properly trained. it's such waste of a reasonable person's time to spend it making idiotic noises at a small baby. and it's a thousand times better for the child's brain and nerves for it to be left entirely to itself." tony said nothing, but his face began to work in a threatening manner. "i perfectly agree with you, aunt beatrice," responded milly, eagerly. lady thomson continued: "children should be spoken to as little as possible until they are from two to two and a half years old; then they should be taught to speak correctly." milly chimed in: "yes, that's always been my own view. i do feel it so important that their very first impressions should be the right ones, that the first pictures they see should be good, that they should never be sung to out of tune and in general--" apparently this programme for babies did not commend itself to tony; certainly the first item, enjoining silent development, did not. his face had by this time worked the right number of minutes to produce a roar, and it came. milly picked him up, but the wounds of his spirit were not to be immediately healed, and the roar continued. finally he had to be handed over to the parlor-maid, and so came to great happiness in the kitchen, where there were no rules against infantile conversation. milly was flushed and disturbed. "baby has not been properly brought up," she said. "he's been allowed his own way too much." "since you say so, milly, i must confess i noticed in the spring that you seemed to be bringing the child up in an easy-going, old-fashioned way i should hardly have expected of you. i hope you will begin now to study the theory of education. a mother should take her vocation seriously. i own i don't altogether understand the taste for frivolities which you have developed since you married. it's harmless, no doubt, but it doesn't seem quite natural in a young woman who has taken a first in greats." milly's hands grasped the arms of her chair convulsively. she looked at her aunt with desolation in her dark-ringed eyes. the last thing she had ever intended was to mention the mysterious and disastrous fate that had befallen her; yet she did it. "the person you saw here last spring wasn't i. oh, aunt beatrice! can't you see the difference?" lady thomson looked at her in surprise: "what do you mean? i was speaking of my visit to you in march." "and don't you see the difference? oh, how hateful you must have found me!" "really, mildred, i saw nothing hateful about you. on the contrary, if you want the plain truth, i greatly prefer you in a cheerful, common-sense mood, as you were then, even if your high spirits do lead you into a little too much frivolity. i think it a more wholesome, and therefore ultimately a more useful, frame of mind than this causeless depression, which leads you to take such a morbid, exaggerated view of things." every word pierced milly's heart with a double pang. "you liked her better than me?" she asked, piteously. "yet i've always tried to be just what you wanted me to be, aunt beatrice, to do everything you thought right, and she--oh, it's too awful!" "what do you mean, mildred?" "i mean that the person you prefer to me as i am now, the person who was here in march, wasn't i at all." the fine healthy carnation of lady thomson's cheek paled. in her calm, rapid way she at once found the explanation of milly's unhealthy, depressed appearance and manner. poor mildred stewart was insane. beyond the paling of her cheek, however, lady thomson allowed no sign of shock to be visible in her. "that's an exaggerated way of talking," she replied. "i suppose you mean your mood was different." milly was looking straight in front of her with haggard eyes. "no; it simply wasn't i at all. you believe in the bible, don't you?" "not in verbal inspiration, of course, but in a general way, yes," returned lady thomson, puzzled but guarded. "do you believe in the demoniacs? in possession by evil spirits?" milly was not looking at vacancy now. her desperate hands clutched the arms of her chair, as she leaned forward and fixed her aunt with hollow eyes, awaiting her reply. "certainly not! most certainly not! they were obviously cases of epilepsy and insanity, misinterpreted by an ignorant age." "no--it's all true, quite literally true. three times, and for six months or more each time, i have been possessed by a spirit that cannot be good. i know it's not. it takes my body, it takes the love of people i care for, away from me--" milly's voice broke and she pressed her handkerchief over her face. "you all think her--but she's bad, and some day she'll do something wicked--something that will break my heart, and you'll all insist it was i who did it, and you'll believe i'm a wicked woman." lady thomson looked very grave. "mildred, dear," she said, "try and collect yourself. it is really wicked of you to give way to such terrible fancies. would god permit such a thing to happen to one of his children? we feel sure he would not." milly shook her head, but the struggle with her hysterical sobs kept her silent. lady thomson walked to the window, feeling more "upset" than she had ever felt in her life. the window was open, but an awning shut out the view of the street. from the window-boxes, filled with pink geraniums and white stocks, a sweet, warm scent floated into the room, and the rattle of the milkman's cart, the chink of his cans, fell upon lady thomson's unheeding ears. so did voices in colloquy, but she did not particularly note a female one of a thin, chirpy quality, addressing the parlor-maid with a familiarity probably little appreciated by that elegantly decorous damsel. milly had scarcely mastered her tears and lady thomson had just begun to address her in quiet, firm tones, when tims burst unannounced into the room. her hat was incredibly on one side, and her sallow face almost crimson with heat, but bright with pleasure at finding herself once more in oxford. "hullo, old girl!" she cried, blind to the serious scene into which she was precipitated. "how are you? now don't kiss me"--throwing herself into an attitude of violent defence against an embrace not yet offered--"i'm too hot. carried my bag myself all the way from the station and saved the omnibus." lady thomson fixed tims with a look of more than usually cold disapproval. milly proffered a constrained greeting. "anything gone wrong?" asked tims, after a minute, peering at milly's tear-stained eyes with her own short-sighted ones. milly answered with a forced self-restraint which appeared like cold deliberation. "aunt beatrice thinks i'm mad because i say i'm not the same person she found in my place last march. i want you to tell her that it's not just my fancy, but that you know that sometimes a quite different person takes my place, and i'm not responsible for anything she says or does." "yes, that's a solemn gospel fact, right enough," affirmed tims. lady thomson could hardly control her indignation, but she did, although she spoke sternly to tims. "do i understand you to say, miss timson, that it's a 'solemn gospel fact'--gospel! good heavens--that milly is possessed by a devil?" tims plumped down on the sofa and stared at lady thomson. "possessed by a devil? good lord, no! what do you mean?" "mildred believes herself to be possessed by an evil spirit." tims turned to milly in consternation. "milly, old girl! come! poor old milly! i never thought you were so superstitious as all that. besides, i know more about it than you do, and i tell you straight, you mayn't be quite such a good sort when you're in your other phase, but as to there being a devil in it--well, devil's all nonsense, but if that were so, i should like to have a devil myself, and the more the merrier." milly turned on her a face pale with horror and indignation. her eyes flashed and she raised a remonstrating hand. "hush!" she cried. "hush! you don't know what dreadful things you're saying. i don't know exactly what this spirit is that robs me of my life; i'm only sure it's not me and it's not good." "whatever may be the matter with you, mildred," said lady thomson, "it can't possibly be that. i suppose you have suffered from loss of memory again and it's upset your nerves. why will people have nerves? i should advise you to go to norton-smith at once." milly's tears were flowing again but she managed to reply: "i've been to dr. norton-smith, aunt beatrice. he doesn't seem to understand." "he doesn't want to," interjected tims, scornfully. "you don't suppose a respectable english nerve-doctor wants to know anything about psychology? they'd be interested in the case in france, or in the united states, but they wouldn't be able to keep down milly number two." "then what use would they be to me?" asked milly, despairingly. "i can only trust in god; and he seems to have forsaken me." "no, no, my dear child!" cried lady thomson. "don't talk in this painful way. i can't imagine what you mean, miss timson. it all sounds dreadfully mad." "i can explain the whole case to you perfectly," stated tims, with eager confidence. "i'd better go away," gasped milly between her convulsive sobs. "i can't bear any more. but aunt beatrice must know now. tell her what you like, only--only it isn't true." milly fled to her bedroom; the long, low room, so perfect in its simplicity, its windows looking away into the sunshine over the pleasant boughs of orchards and garden-plots and the gray shingled roofs of old houses--the room from which on that november evening milly's spirit had been absent while ian, the lover whom she had never known, had watched his beloved, the desire of his soul and sense, returning to him from the unimagined limbo to which she had again withdrawn. chapter xx when ian came back from the bodleian library, where he was working, he heard voices talking in raised tones before he entered the drawing-room. he found no milly there, but lady thomson and miss timson seated at the extreme ends of the same sofa and engaged in a heated discussion. "it can't be true," lady thomson was stating firmly. "if it were, what becomes of personal immortality?" miss timson had just time to convey the fact that personal immortality was not the affair of a woman of science, before she rose to greet ian, which she did effusively. "hullo!" he remarked, cheerfully, when her effusion was over. "no milly and no tea!" "we don't want either just yet," returned lady thomson. "i'm terribly anxious about mildred, ian, and miss timson has not said anything to make me less so. i want a sound, sensible opinion on the state of her--her nerves." ian's brow clouded. "tell me frankly, do you notice so great a difference in her from time to time, as to account for the positively insane delusion she has got into her head?" "what do you mean, aunt beatrice?" asked ian, shortly, sternly eying tims, whom he imagined to have let out the secret. "mildred has made an extraordinary statement to me about not being the same person now as she was in march. of course i see she--well, she is not so full of life as she was then. yes, i do admit she is in a very different mood. but do you know the poor unfortunate child has got it into her head that she is possessed by an evil spirit? i can't think how you could have allowed her to come to that state of--of mental aberration, without doing anything." ian was silent. he looked gaunt and sombrely dark in the low, awning-shaded room, with its heavy beams and floor of wavelike unevenness. "you'll have to put her under care next, if you don't take some steps. send her for a sea-voyage." "i'd take her myself if i thought it would do her any good," said tims. "but i'll lay my bottom dollar it wouldn't." "i'm afraid i think miss timson's view of the matter as insane as milly's," returned lady thomson, tartly. ian lifted his bowed head and addressed tims: "i should like to know exactly what your view of the matter is, miss timson. we need not discuss poor milly's; it's too absurd and also too painful." "it's no doubt a case of disintegration of personality," replied tims, after a pause. "somewhere inside our brains must be a nerve-centre which co-ordinates most of our mental, our sensory and motor processes, in such a manner as to produce consciousness, volition, what we call personality. but after all there are always plenty of activities within us going on independent of it. your heart beats, your stomach digests--even your memory works apart from your consciousness sometimes. now suppose some shock or strain enfeebles your centre of consciousness, so that it ceases to be able to co-ordinate all the mental processes it has been accustomed to superintend. what you call your personality is the outcome of your memory and all your other faculties and tendencies working together, checking and balancing each other. suppose your centre of consciousness so enfeebled; suppose at the same time an enfeeblement of memory, causing you to completely forget external facts: certain of your faculties and tendencies are left working and they are co-ordinated without an important part of the memory, without many other faculties and tendencies which checked and balanced them. naturally you appear to yourself and to every one else a totally different person; but it's not a new personality really, it's only a bit of the old one which goes on its own hook, while the rest is quiescent." "this is the most abominably materialistic theory of the human mind i ever heard," exclaimed lady thomson, indignantly. "the most degrading to our spiritual natures." ian leaned against the high, carved mantel-piece and pushed back the black hair from his forehead. "i'm not concerned with that," he replied, deliberately, discussing this case so vitally near to him with an almost terrible calmness. "but i can't feel that this disintegration theory altogether covers the ground. there is no development of characteristics previously to be found in milly; on the contrary, the qualities of mind and character which she exhibits when--when the change comes over her, are precisely the opposite of those she exhibits in what i presume we ought to call her normal state." "there must be some reason for it, old chap, you know," returned tims; "and it seems to me that's the line you've got to move along, unless you're an idiot and go in for devils or spiritualistic nonsense." "i believe i've followed what you've been saying, miss timson," said lady thomson, in her fullest tones; "and i can assure you i feel under no necessity to become either a materialist or an idiot in consequence." ian spoke again. "i don't profess to be scientific, but i do seem to see another possible line, running parallel with yours, but not quite the same. it's evident we can inherit faculties, characteristics, from our ancestors which never become active in us; but we know they must have been present in us in a quiescent state, because we can transmit them to children in whom they become active. mildred's father and mother, for example, are not scholars, although her grandfather and great-grandfather were; yet in one of her parents at least there must be a germ of the scholar's faculty which has never been developed, because mildred has inherited it. now why can't we develop all the faculties, the germs of which lie within our borders? perhaps because we have each only a certain amount of what i'll call vital current. if the nile could overflow the whole desert it would all be fertilized, and perhaps if we had sufficient vital force we could develop all the faculties whose germs we inherit. suppose by some accident, owing to a shock or strain, as you say, the flow of this vital current of ours is stopped in the direction in which it usually flows most strongly; its course is diverted and it fertilizes tracts of our brain and nervous system which before have been lying quiescent, sterile. if we lose the memory of our former lives, and if at the same time hereditary faculties and tendencies, of the existence of which we were unaware, suddenly become active in us, we are practically new personalities. then say the vital current resumes its old course; we regain our memories, our old faculties, while the newly developed ones sink again into quiescence. we are once more our old selves. no doubt this is all very unscientific, but so far science seems to have nothing to say on the question." "it certainly has not," commented lady thomson, decisively. "i ought to know what science is, considering how often i've met mr. darwin and professor huxley. hypnotism and this kind of unpleasant talk is not science. it's only a new variety of the hocus-pocus that's been imposing on human weakness ever since the world began. i'd sooner believe with poor milly that she's possessed by a devil. it's less silly to accept inherited superstitions than to invent brand-new ones." "but we've got to account somehow for the extraordinary changes which take place in milly," sighed ian, wearily. the light lines across his forehead were showing as furrows, and tims's whole face was corrugated. "no hocus-pocus about them, anyway," she said. "there's a great deal of fancy about them," retorted lady thomson. "a nervous, imaginative man like you, ian, ought to be on your guard against allowing such notions to get hold of you. it's so easy to fancy things are as you're afraid they may be, and then you influence milly and she goes from bad to worse. i think i may claim to understand her if any one does, and all i see is that she gives way to moods. at first i thought it was a steady development of character; but i admit that when she is unwell and out of spirits, she becomes just her old timid, over-conscientious self again. she's always been very easily influenced, very dependent, and now--i hardly like to say such a thing of my own niece--but i fear there's a touch of hysteria about her. i've always heard that hysterical people, even when they've been perfectly frank and truthful before, become deceitful and act parts till it's impossible to tell fact from falsehood with regard to them. i would suggest your letting mildred come to me for a month or two, ian. i feel sure i should send her back to you quite cured of all this nonsense." at this point milly came in. ian stretched out his hand towards her with protective tenderness; but even at the moment when his whole soul was moved by an impulse of compassion so strong that it seemed almost love, a spirit within him arose and mocked at all hypotheses, telling him that this poor stricken wife of his, seemingly one with the lady of his heart, was not she, but another. "aunt beatrice was just saying you ought to get away from domestic cares for a month or two, milly," he said, as cheerfully as he could. lady thomson explained. "what you want is a complete change; though i don't know what people mean when they talk about 'domestic cares.' i should like to have you up at clewes for the rest of the long. ian can look after the baby." milly smiled at her sweetly, but rather as though she were talking nonsense. "it's very kind of you, aunt beatrice, but ian and i have never been parted for a day since we were married; i mean not when--and i don't feel as though i could spare a minute of his company. and poor baby, too! oh no! but of course it's very good of you to think of it." "then you must all come to clewes," decided aunt beatrice, after some remonstrance. "that'll settle it." "but my work!" ejaculated ian in dismay. "how am i to get on at clewes, away from the libraries?" "there are some things in life more important than books, ian," returned lady thomson. "but it won't do a penn'orth of good," broke in tims, argumentatively. "i don't pretend to have more than a working hypothesis, but whoever else may prove to be right, lady thomson's on the wrong line." lady thomson surveyed her in silence; ian took no notice of her remark. he was looking before him with a sadness incomprehensible to the uncreative man--to the man who has never dreamed dreams and seen visions; with the sadness of one who just as the cloudy emanations of his mind are beginning to take form and substance sees them scattered, perhaps never again to reunite, by some cold breath from the relentless outside world of circumstance. he made his renunciation in silence; then, with a quiet smile, he turned to lady thomson and answered her. "you're very kind, aunt beatrice, and quite right. there are things in life much more important than books." chapter xxi so the summer went by; a hot summer, passed brightly enough to all appearance in the spacious rooms and gardens of clewes and in expeditions among the neighboring fells. but to ian it seemed rather an anxious pause in life. his work was at a stand-still, yet whatever the optimistic aunt beatrice might affirm, he could not feel that the shadow was lifting from his wife's mind. to others she appeared cheerful in the quiet, serious way that had always been hers, but he saw that her whole attitude towards life, especially in her wistful, yearning tenderness towards himself and tony, was that of a woman who feels the stamp of death to be set upon her. at night, lying upon his breast, she would sometimes cling to him in an agony of desperate love, adjuring him to tell her the truth as to that other: whether he did not see that she was different from his own milly, whether it were possible that he could love that mysterious being as he loved her, his true, loving wife. ian, who had been wont to hold stern doctrines as to the paramount obligation of truthfulness, perjured himself again and again, and hoped the recording angel dropped the customary tear. but, however deep the perjury, before long he was sure to find himself obliged to renew it. to a man of his sensitive and punctilious nature the situation was almost intolerable. the pity of this tender, innocent life, his care, which seemed like some little inland bird, torn by the tempest from its native fields and tossed out to be the plaything of an immense and terrible ocean whose deeps no man has sounded! the pity of that other life, so winged for shining flight, so armed for triumphant battle, yet held down helpless in those cold ocean depths, and for pity's sake not to be helped by so much as a thought! yet from the thorns of his hidden life he plucked one flower of comfort which to him, the philosopher, the man of abstract thought, was as refreshing as a pious reflection would be to a man of religion. he had once been somewhat shaken by the dicta of the modern philosophers who relegate human love to the plane of an illness or an appetite. but where was the physical difference between the woman he so passionately loved and the one for whom he had never felt more than affection and pity? if from the strange adventure of his marriage he had lost some certainties concerning the human soul, he had gained the certainty that love at least appertains to it. one hot afternoon milly was writing her australian letter under a spreading ilex-tree on the lawn. lady thomson and ian were sitting there also; he reading the latest french novel, she making notes for a speech she had to deliver shortly at the opening of a girls' high school. it is sometimes difficult to find the right news for people who have been for some years out of england, and milly, in the languor of her melancholy, had relaxed the excellent habit formed under aunt beatrice of always keeping her mind to the subject in hand. she sat at the table with one hand propping her chin, gazing dreamily at the bright flower-beds on the lawn and the big, square, homely house, brightened by its striped awnings. at length aunt beatrice looked up from her notes. "mooning, milly!" she exclaimed, in her full, agreeable voice. "now i suppose you'll be telling your father you havn't time to write him a long letter." "milly's not mooning; she's making notes, like you," ian replied, for his wife. milly looked around at him in surprise, and then at her right hand. it held a stylograph and had been resting on some scattered sheets of foolscap that ian had left there in the morning. she had certainly been scrawling on it a little, but she was not aware of having written anything. yet the scrawl, partly on one sheet and partly on another, was writing, very bad and broken, but still with a resemblance to her own handwriting. she pored over it; then looked ian in the eyes, her own eyes large with a bewilderment touched with fear. "i--i don't know what it means," she said, in a low, anxious tone. "what's that?" queried aunt beatrice. "can't read what you've written? you remind me of our old writing-master at school, who used to say tragically that he couldn't understand how it was that when that happened to a man he didn't just take a gun and shoot himself. i recommend you the pond, mildred. it's more feminine." "please don't talk to milly like that," retorted ian, not quite lightly. "she always follows your advice, you know. it--it's only scrabbles." he had left his chair and was leaning over the table, completely puzzled, first by milly's terrified expression, then by what she had written, illegibly enough, across the two sheets of foolscap. he made out: "you are only miserab ..."--the words were interspersed with really illegible scrawls--"... go ... go ... let me ... i want to live, i want to ... mild ..." milly now wrote in her usual clear hand: "who wrote that?" he scribbled with his pencil: "you." she replied in writing: "no. i know nothing about it." lady thomson had taken up the newspaper, a thing she never did except at odd minutes, although she contrived to read everything in it that was really worth reading. folding it up and looking at her watch, she exclaimed: "a quarter of an hour before the carriage is round! now don't go dawdling there, young people, and keep it standing in the sun." milly stood up and gathered her writing-materials together. aunt beatrice's tall figure, its stalwart handsomeness disguised in uncouth garments, passed with its usual vigorous gait across the burning sunlight on the lawn and broad gravel walk, to disappear under the awning of a french window. milly, very pale, had closed her eyes and her hands were clasped. she trembled, but her voice and expression were calm and even resolute. "the evil spirit is trying to get possession of me in another way now," she said. "but with god's help i shall be able to resist it." ian too was pale and disturbed. it was to him as though he had suddenly heard a beloved voice calling faintly for help. "it's only automatic writing, dear," he replied. "you may not have been aware you were writing, but it probably reflects something in your thoughts." "it does not," returned she, firmly. "however miserable i may sometimes be, i could never wish to give up a moment of my life with you, my own husband, or to leave you and our child to the influence of this--this being." she stretched out her arms to him. "please hold me, ian, and will as i do, that i may resist this horrible invasion. i have a feeling that you can help me." he hesitated. "i, darling? but i don't believe--" she approached him, and took hold of him urgently, looking him in the eyes. "won't you do it, husband dear? please, for my sake, even if you don't believe, promise you'll will to keep me here. will it, with all your might!" what madness it was, this fantastic scene upon the well-kept lawn, under the square windows of the sober, opulent north country house! and the maddest part of it all was the horrible reluctance he felt to comply with his wife's wish. he seemed to himself to pause noticeably before answering her with a meaningless half-laugh: "of course i'll promise anything you like, dear." he put his arms around her and rested his face upon her golden head. "will!" she whispered, and the voice was one of command rather than of appeal. "will! you have promised." he willed as she commanded him. the triple madness of it! he did not believe--and yet it seemed to him that the being he loved best in all the world was struggling up from below, calling to him for help from her tomb; and he was helping her enemy to hold down the sepulchral stone above her. he put his hand to his brow, and the sweat stood upon it. aunt beatrice's masculine foot crunched the gravel. she stood there dressed and ready for the drive, beckoning them with her parasol. they came across the lawn holding each other by the hand, and milly's face was calm, even happy. aunt beatrice smiled at them broadly with her large, handsome mouth and bright brown eyes. "what, not had enough of spooning yet, you foolish young people! the carriage will be round in one minute, and milly won't be ready." chapter xxii there is a joy in the return of every season, though the return of spring is felt and celebrated beyond the rest. the gay flame dancing on the hearth where lately all was blackness, the sense of immunity from the "wrongs and arrows" of the skies and their confederate earth, the concentration of the sense upon the intimate charms which four walls can contain, bring to civilized man consolation for the loss of summer's lavish warmth and beauty. children are always sensible of these opening festivals of the seasons, but many mature people enjoy without realizing them. to mildred the world was again new, and she looked upon its most familiar objects with the delighted eyes of a traveller returning to a favorite foreign country. so she did not complain because when she had left the earth it had been hurrying towards the height of june, and she had returned to find the golden boughs of october already stripped by devastating winds. the flames leaped merrily under the great carved mantel-piece in her white-panelled drawing-room, showing the date 1661, and the initials of the man who had put it there, and on its narrow shelf a row of chelsea figures which she had picked up in various corners of oxford. the chintz curtains were drawn around the bay-window and a bright brass _scaldino_ stood in it, filled with the yellows and red-browns, the silvery pinks and mauves of chrysanthemums. the ancient charm, the delicate harmony of the room, in which every piece of furniture, every picture, every ornament, had been chosen with an exactness of taste seldom found in the young, made it more pleasurable to a cultivated eye than the gilded show drawing-rooms into which wealth too commonly crowds a medley of incongruous treasures and costly nullities. it was a free evening for ian, and as it was but the second since the desire of his eyes had returned to him, his gaze followed her movements in a contented silence, as she wandered about the room in her slight grace, the whiteness of her skin showing through the transparency of a black dress, which, although it was old, milly would have thought unsuitable for a domestic evening. when everything was just where it should be, she returned to the fire and sank into a chair thoughtfully. "how i should like some rides," she said; "but i suppose i can't have them, not unless maxwell davison's still in oxford." ian's face clouded. "he's not," he returned, shortly; and knocked the ashes out of his pipe, hesitating as to how he should put what he had to say about maxwell davison. mildred put her hand over her eyes and leaned back in her chair. suddenly the silence was broken by a burst of rippling laughter. ian started; his own thoughts had not been so diverting. "what's the joke, mildred?" "oh, ian, don't you know? max made love to milly and she--she bit him! wasn't it frightfully funny?" she laughed again, with a more inward enjoyment. "i didn't know you bit him, although he richly deserved it; but of course i knew he made love to you. how do you know?" "it came to me just now in a sort of flash. i seemed to see him--to see her, floundering out of the canoe; and both of them in such a towering rage. it really was too funny." ian's face hardened. "i am afraid i can't see the joke of a man making love to my wife." "you old stupid! he'd never have dared to behave like that to me; but milly's such an ass." "milly was frightened, shocked, as any decent woman would be to whom such a thing happened. she certainly didn't encourage maxwell; but she found an appointment already made for her to go on the river with him. no doubt she took an exaggerated view of her--of your--good god, mildred, what am i to say?--well, of your relations with him." mildred had closed her eyes. a strange knowledge of things that had passed during her suppression was coming to her in glimpses. "i know," she returned, in a kind of wonder at her own knowledge. "absurd! but max did behave abominably. i couldn't have believed it of him, even with that silly little baa-lamb. of course she couldn't manage him. she won't be able to manage tony long." "please don't speak of--of your other self in that way, mildred. you're very innocent of the world in both your selves, and you must have been indiscreet or it would never have occurred to maxwell to make love to you." ian was actually frowning, his lips were tight and hard, the clear pallor of his cheek faintly streaked with red. mildred, leaning forward, looked at him, interested, her round chin on her hands. "are you angry, ian? i really believe you are. is it with me?" "no, not with you. but of course i'm angry when i think of a fellow like that, my own cousin, a man who has been a guest in my house over and over again, being cad enough to make love to my wife." mildred was smiling quietly to herself. "how primitive you are, ian!" she said. "i suppose men are primitive when they're angry. i don't mind, but it does seem funny _you_ should be." he looked at her, surprised. "primitive? what do you mean?" "what difference does it make, max being your cousin, you silly old boy? you'd hardly ever seen him till last winter. clans aren't any use to us now, are they? and when a man's got a house of his own, as max had, or even a hotel, why should he be so grateful as all that for a few decent meals? he's not in the desert, depending on you for food and protection. anyhow, it seems curious to expect him to weigh little things like that in the balance against what is always said to be such a very strong feeling as a man's love for a woman." men often deplore that they have failed in their attempts fundamentally to civilize woman. they would use stronger language if woman often made attempts fundamentally to civilize them. "please don't look at me like that," mildred said, tremulously, after a pause. and the tears rushed to her eyes. ian's face softened, as leaning against the tall white mantel-piece he looked down and met the tear-bright gaze of his beloved. "poor sweetheart!" he exclaimed. "you're just a child for all your cleverness, and you don't half understand what you're talking about. but listen to me--" he kneeled before her, bringing their heads almost on a level. "i won't have any more affairs like this of maxwell's. i dare say it was as much my fault as yours, but it mustn't happen again." she dabbed away two tears that hung on her eyelashes, and looked at him with such a bright alluring yet elusive smile as might have flitted across the face of ariel. "how can i help it if milly flirts? i don't believe i can help it if i do myself. but i can tell you this, ian--yes, really--" her soft white arms went about his neck. "i've never seen a man yet who was a patch upon you for cleverness and handsomeness and goodness and altogetherness. no! you really are the very nicest man i ever saw!" chapter xxiii in spite of the deepening dislike between the two egos which struggled for the possession of mildred stewart's bodily personality, they had a common interest in disguising the fact of their dual existence. yet the transformation never occurred without producing its little harvest of inconveniences, and the difficulty of disguising the difference between the two was the greater because of the number of old acquaintances and friends of milly flaxman living in oxford. this was one reason why, when ian was offered the headship of the merchants' guild college in london, mildred encouraged him to take it. the income, too, seemed large in comparison to their oxford one; and the great capital, with its ever-roaring surge of life, drew her with a natural magnetism. the old foundation was being reconstructed, and was ambitious of adorning itself with a name so distinguished as ian stewart's, while at the same time obtaining the services of a man with so many of his best years still before him. stewart, although he could do fairly well in practical administration, if he gave his mind to it, had won distinction as a student and man of letters, and feared that, difficult as it was to combine the real work of his life with bread-and-butter-making in oxford, it would be still more difficult to combine it with steering the ship of the merchants' guild college. but he had the sensitive man's defect of too often deferring to the judgment of others, less informed or less judicious than himself. he found it impossible to believe that the opinion of the master of durham was not better than his own; and his old friend and tutor was strongly in favor of his accepting the headship. his most really happy and successful years had been those later ones in which he had shone as the head of the most brilliant college in oxford, a man of affairs and, in his individual way, a social centre. accordingly he found it impossible to believe that it might be otherwise with ian stewart. the majority of ian's most trusted advisers were of the same opinion as the master, since the number of persons who can understand the conditions necessary to the productiveness of exceptional and creative minds is always few. besides, most people at bottom are in martha's attitude of scepticism towards the immaterial service of the world. lady thomson voiced the general opinion in declaring that a man could always find time to do good work if he really wanted to do it. she rejoiced when ian put aside the serious doubts which beset him and accepted the london offer. mildred also rejoiced, although she regretted much that she must leave behind her, and in particular the old panelled house. this was, however, the one part of oxford that milly did not grieve to have lost, when she awoke once more from long months of sleep, to find herself in a new home. for she had grown to be silently afraid of the old house, with the great chimney-stacks like hollowed towers within it, made, it seemed, for the wind to moan in; its deep embrasures and panelling, that harbored inexplicable sounds; its ancient boards that creaked all night as if with the tread of mysterious feet. awake in the dark hours, she fancied there were really footsteps, really knockings, movements, faint sighs passing outside her door, and that some old wicked life which should long since have passed away through the portals of the grave, clung to those ancient walls with a horrible tenacity, still refusing the great renunciation of death. it was true that in the larger, more hurried world of london it was easier to dissimulate her transformations than it had been in oxford. the comparative retirement in which milly lived was easily explained by her delicate health. it seemed as though in her sojourns--which more and more encroached upon those of the original personality--the strong, intrusive ego consumed in an unfair degree the vitality of their common body, leaving milly with a certain nervous exhaustion, a languor against which she struggled with a pathetic courage. she learned also to cover with a seldom broken silence the deep wound which was ever draining her young heart of its happiness; and for that very reason it grew deeper and more envenomed. that ian should love her evil and mysterious rival as though they two were really one was horrible to her. even her child was not unreservedly her own, to bring up according to her own ideas, to love without fear of that rival. tony was like his father in the sweetness of his disposition, as well as in his dark beauty, and he accented with surprising resignation the innumerable rules and regulations which milly set about his path and about his bed. but although he was healthy, his nerves were highly strung, and it seemed as though her feverish anxiety for his physical, moral, and intellectual welfare reacted upon him and made him, after a few weeks of her influence, less vigorous in appearance, less gay and boylike than he was during her absence. ian dared not hint a preference for the animal spirits that mildred encouraged, with their attendant noise and nonsense, considered by milly so undesirable. but one day tims observed, cryptically, that "a watched boy never boils"; and emma, the nurse, told mrs. stewart bluntly that she thought master tony wasn't near so well and bright when he was always being looked after, as he was when he was let go his own way a bit, like other children. then a miserable fear beset milly lest the boy, too, should notice the change in his mother; lest he should look forward to the disappearance of the woman who loved him so passionately, watched over him with such complete devotion, and in his silent heart regret, invoke, that other. it was at once soothing and bitter to her to be assured by ian and by tims that they had never been able to discover the least sign that tony was aware when the change occurred between the two personalities of his mother. two years passed in london, two years out of which the original owner enjoyed a total share of only nine months; and this, indeed, she could not truly have been said to have enjoyed, since happiness was far from her. death would have been a sad but simple catastrophe, to be met with resignation to the will of god. what resignation could be felt before this gradual strangulation of her being at the hands of a nameless yet surely evil thing? her love for ian was so great that his sufferings were more to her than her own, and in the space of those two years she saw that on him, too, sorrow had set its mark. the glow of his good looks and the brilliancy of his mind were alike dulled. it was not only that his shoulders were bent, his hair thinned and touched with gray, but his whole appearance, once so individual, was growing merely typical; that of the middle-aged academic, absorbed in the cares of his profession. his real work was not merely at a stand-still, but a few more such years and his capacity for it would be destroyed. she felt this vaguely, with the intuition of love. if the partnership had been only between him and her, he surely would have yielded to her prayer to give up the headship of the merchants' guild college after a set term; but he put the question by. evidently that other, who cared for nothing but her own selfish interests and amusements, who spent upon them the money that he ought to be saving, would never allow him to give up his appointment unless something better offered. it was not only her own life, it was the higher and happier part of his that she was struggling to save in those desperate hours when she sought around her for some weapon wherewith to fight that mortal foe. she turned to priests, anglican, roman catholic; but they failed her. both believed her to be suffering under an insane delusion, but the roman catholic priest would have attempted to exorcise the evil spirit if she would have joined his communion. she was too honest to pretend to a belief that was not hers. when she returned from her last vain pilgrimage to the church of the sacred heart and stood before the glass, removing a thick black veil from the pale despair of her face, she was suddenly aware of a strange, unfamiliar smile lifting the drooped lines of her lips--an elfish smile which transformed her face to something different from her own. and immediately those smiling lips uttered words that fell as unexpectedly on her ears as though they had proceeded from the mouth of another person. "never mind," they said, briskly. "it wouldn't have been of the least use." for a minute a wild terror made her brain swim and she fled to the door, instinctively seeking protection; but she stayed herself, remembering that ian, who was sleeping badly at night, was now asleep in his study. weak and timid though she was, she would lay no fresh burden on him, but fight her battle, if battle there was to be, alone. she walked back deliberately to the glass and looked steadily at her own reflection. her brows were frowning, her eyes stern as she had never before seen them, but they were assuredly hers, answering to the mood of her own mind. her lips were cold, and trembled so that although she had meant solemnly to defy the power of evil within her she was unable to articulate. as she looked in the glass and saw herself--her real self--so evidently there, the strange smile, the speech divorced from all volition of hers which had crossed her lips, began to lose reality. still her lips trembled, and at length a convulsion shook them as irresistible as that of a sob. words broke stammeringly out which were not hers: "struggle for life--the stronger wins. i'm stronger. it's no use struggling--no use--no use--no use!" milly pressed her lips hard against her teeth with her hands, stopping this utterance by main force. her heart hammered so loud it seemed as though some one must hear it and come to ask what was the matter. but no one came. she was left alone with the thing within her. it may have been a long while, it may have been only a few seconds that she remained standing at her dressing-table, her hands pressed hard against her convulsed mouth. she had closed her eyes, afraid to look longer in the glass, lest something uncanny should peer out of it. she did not pray--she had prayed so often before--but she fought with her whole strength against the encroaching power of the other. at length she gradually released her lips. they were bruised, but they had ceased to move. it was she herself who spoke, low but clearly and with deliberation: "i shall struggle. i shall never give in. you think you're the stronger. i won't let you be. i'm fighting for my husband's happiness--do you hear?--as well as my own. you're strong, but we shall be stronger, he and i, in the end." there was no answer, the sense of struggle was gone from her; and suddenly she felt how mad it was to be talking to herself like that in an empty room. she took off the little black toque which sat on her bright head with an alien smartness to which she was now accustomed, and forced herself to look in the glass while she pinned up a stray lock of hair. beyond an increased pallor and darker marks under her eyes, she saw nothing unusual in her appearance. it was five o'clock, and ian would probably be awake and wanting his tea. she went softly into the study and leaned over him. sleep had almost smoothed away the lines of effort and worry which had marred the beauty of his face; in the eyes of her love he was always the same handsome ian stewart as in the old oxford days, when he had seemed as a young god, so high above her reach. she went to an oak table behind the sofa, on which the maid had set the tea-things without awakening him, and sat there quietly watching the kettle. the early london twilight began to veil the room. ian stirred on the sofa and sat up, with his back to her, unconscious of her presence. she rose, vaguely supposing herself about to address some gentle word to him. then suddenly she had thrown one soft hand under his chin and one across his eyes, and with a _brusquerie_ quite unnatural to her pulled him backwards, while a ripple of laughter so strange as to be shocking in her own ears burst from her lips, which cried aloud with a defiant gayety: "who, ian? guess!" ian, with a sudden force as strange to her as her own laughter, her own gay cry, pulled her hands away, held them an instant fast; then, kneeling on the sofa, he caught her in his long arms across the back of it, and after the pressure of a kiss upon her lips such as she had never felt before, breathed with a voice of unutterable gladness: "mildred! darling! dearest love!" a hoarse cry, almost a shriek, broke from the lips of milly. the woman he held struggled from his arms and stared at him wildly in the veiling twilight. a strange horror fell upon him, and for several seconds he remained motionless, leaning over the back of the sofa. then, groping towards the wall, he switched on the electric light. he saw it plainly, the white mask of a woman smitten with a mortal blow. "milly," he uttered, stammeringly. "what's the matter? you are ill." she turned on him her heart-broken look, then pressing her hand to her throat, spoke as though with difficulty. "i love you very much--you don't know how much i love you. i've tried so hard to be a good wife to you." ian perceived catastrophe, yet dimly; sought with desperate haste to remember why for a moment he had believed that that other was come back; what irreparable thing he had said or done. meantime he must say something. "milly, dear! what's gone wrong? what have i done, child?" "you've let her take you--" she spoke more freely now, but with a startling fierceness--"you've let her take you from me." "ah, the old trouble! my poor milly! i know it's terrible for you. i can only say that no one else really exists; that you are always you really." "that's not true. you don't believe it yourself. that wicked creature has made you love her--her own wicked way. you want to have her instead of me; you want to destroy your own wife and to get her back again." the cruel, ultimate truth that milly's words laid bare--the truth which he constantly refused to look upon, in mercy to himself and her--paralyzed the husband's tongue. he tried to approach her with vague words and gestures of affection and remonstrance, but she motioned him from her. "no. don't say you love me; i can't believe it, and i hate to hear you say what's not true." for a moment the fierce heart of primitive woman had blazed up within her--that fire which all the waters of baptism fail to quench. but the flame died down as suddenly as it had arisen, and appealing with outspread hands, as to some invisible judge, she wailed, miserably: "oh, what am i to do--what am i to do? i love you so much, and it's all no use." ian was as white as herself. "milly, my poor girl, don't break our hearts." he stretched his arms towards her, but she turned away from him towards the door, made a few steps, then stopped and clutched her throat. he thought her struggling with sobs; but when once more, as though in fear, she turned her face towards him, he saw it strangely convulsed. he moved towards her in an alarmed silence, but before he could reach her and catch her in his arms, her head drooped, she swayed once upon her feet, and fell heavily to the ground. chapter xxiv "now be reasonable tims. you can be if you choose." mildred was perched on a high stool in tims's chambers, breathing spring from a bunch of fresh neapolitan violets, grown by an elderly admirer of hers, and wearing her black, winter toque and dress with that invincible air of smartness which she contrived to impart to the oldest clothes, provided they were of her own choosing. tims, who from her face and attitude might have been taken for a victim of some extreme and secret torture, crouched, balancing herself on the top rail of her fender. she replied only by a horrible groan. "who do you suppose is the happier when milly comes back?" continued mildred. "well--the brat." "tony? he doesn't even know when she's there; but by the time she's done with him he's unnaturally good. he can't like that, can he?" "then there's ian, good old boy!" "that's humbug. you know it is." "but it's milly herself i really care about," cried tims. "you've been a pig to her, mil. she says you're a devil, and if i weren't a scientific woman i swear i should begin to believe there was something in it." "no, tims, dear," returned mildred with earnestness. "i'm neither a pig nor a devil." she paused. "sometimes i think i've lived before, some quite different life from this. but i suppose you'll say that's all nonsense." "of course it is--rot," commented tims, sternly. "you're a physiological freak, that's what you are. you're nothing but milly all the time, and you ought to be decent to her." "i don't want to hurt her anyhow," apologized mildred; "but you see when i'm only half there--well, i am only half there. i'm awfully rudimentary and i can't grasp anything except that i'm being choked, squeezed out of existence, and that i must make a fight for my life. any woman becomes rudimentary who is fighting for her life against another woman; only i've more excuse for it, because as a scientist you must see that i can only be in very partial possession of my brain." tims had pulled her wig down over her eyes and glared at space. "that's all very well for you," she said; "but why should i help you to kill poor old m.?" "do try and understand! every time she comes back she's more and more miserable; and that's not cheerful for ian either, is it? now, through that underhand trick of rudimentary me--you see i don't try to hide my horrid ways--she knows ian adores me and, comparatively speaking, doesn't care two straws about her. that will make her more miserable than she has ever been before. she'll only want to live so that i mayn't." "i don't see how ian's going to get on without her. _you_ don't do much for him, my girl, except spend his money." "of course, that's quite true. i'm not in the least suited to ian or his life or his income; but that's not my fault. how perverse men are! always in love with the wrong women, aren't they?" tims's countenance relaxed and she replied with a slight air of importance: "my opinion of men has been screwed up a peg lately. every now and then you do find one who's got too much sense for any rot of that kind." mildred continued. "ian's perfectly wretched at what happened; can't understand it, of course. he doesn't say much, but i can see he dreads explanations with milly. he's good at reserve, but no good at lies, poor old dear, and just think of all the straight questions she'll ask him! it'll be torture to both of them. poor milly! i've no patience with her. why should she want to live? life's no pleasure to her. she's known a long time that tony's really jollier and better with me, and now she knows ian doesn't want her. how can you pretend to think milly happy, tims? hasn't she said things to you?" "yes," groaned tims. "poor old m.! she's pretty well down on her luck, you bet." "and i enjoy every minute of my life, although i could find plenty to grumble at if i liked. listen to me, tims. how would it be to strike a bargain? let me go on without any upsets from milly until i'm forty. i'm sure i sha'n't care what happens to me at forty. then milly may have everything her own way. what would it matter to her? she likes to take time by the forelock and behaves already as though she were forty. i feel sure you could help me to keep her quiet if only you chose." "if i chose to meddle at all, i should be much more likely to help her to come back," returned tims, getting snappish. "alas! i fear you would, tims, dear, in spite of knowing it would only make her miserable. that shows, doesn't it, how unreasonable even a distinguished scientific woman can be?" this aspersion on tims's reasoning powers had to be resented and the resentment to be soothed. and the soothing was so effectually done that tims owned to herself afterwards there was some excuse for ian's infatuation. but tims had no desire to meddle, and the months passed by without any symptoms of the change appearing. it seemed as if mildred's hold upon life had never been so firm, the power of her personality never so fully developed. she belonged to a large family which in all its branches had a trick of throwing up successful men and brilliant women. but in reaction against scottish clannishness, it held little together, and in the two houses whence mildred was launched on her london career, she had no nursery reputation of milly's with which to contend. one of these houses was that of her cousin, sir cyril meres, a fashionable painter with a considerable gift for art, and more for success--success social and financial. his beautiful house, stored with wonderful collections, had a reputation, and was frequented by every one of distinction in the artistic or intellectual world--by those of the world of wealth and rank who were interested in such matters, and the yet larger number who affected to be interested in them. for those anglo-saxon deities, mammon and snobbery, who have since conquered the whole civilized globe, had temporarily fallen back for a fresh spring, and in the eighties and early nineties culture was reckoned very nearly as _chic_ as motoring in the first years of the new century. several painters of various degrees of talent attempted to fix on canvas the extraordinary charm of mrs. stewart's appearance. not one of them succeeded; but the peculiar shade of her hair, the low forehead and delicate line of the dark eyebrows, the outline of the mask, sometimes admired, sometimes criticised, made her portrait always recognized, whether simpering as a chocolate-box classicality, smiling sadly from the flowery circle of the purgatorio, or breaking out of some rough mass of paint with the provocative leer of a _cocotte_ of the quartier latin. the magnetism of her personality defied analysis, as her essential beauty defied the painter's art. it was a magnetism which surrounded her with an atmosphere of adorations, admirations, enmities--all equally violent and irrational. her wit had little to do with the making of her enemies, because it was never used in offence against friends or even harmless acquaintances; only against her foes she employed it with the efficiency and mercilessness of a red indian wielding the tomahawk. the other family where she found her niche awaiting her was of a different order. it was that of the retired indian judge, sir john ireton, whose wife had chaperoned her through a commemoration the summer she had taken her first in greats. ireton was not only in parliament, but his house was a meeting-place where politicians cemented personal ties and plotted party moves. milly in her brief appearances, had been of use to lady ireton, but mildred proved socially invaluable. there were serious persons who suspected mrs. stewart of approaching politics in a flippant spirit; but on certain days she had revealed a grave and ardent belief in the dogmas of the party and a piety of attitude towards the person of its great apostle, which had convinced them that she was not really cynical or frivolous. lady augusta goring was the most important conquest of the kind milly had made. she was the only child of the marquis of ipswich, and one of those rather stupid people whose energy of mind and character is often mistaken by themselves and others for cleverness. lady augusta was handsome in a dull, massive way, and so conscientious that she had seldom time to smile. her friends said she would smile oftener if her husband caused her less anxiety; but considering who george goring was and how he had been brought up, he might have been much worse. where women were concerned, scandal had never accused him of anything more flagrant than dubious flirtations. it was his political intrigues, constantly threatening unholy _liaisons_ in the most unthinkable directions; his sudden fits of obstinate idleness, often occurring at the very moment when some clever and promising political scheme of his own was ripe for execution, which so unendurably harassed the staid marquis and the earnest lady augusta. they were highly irritating, too, to sir john ireton, who had believed himself at one time able to tame and tutor the tricksy young politician. the late lord ipswich had been a "sport" in the barthop family; a black sheep, but clever, and a well known collector. accidental circumstances had greatly enriched him, and as he detested his brother and successor, he had left his pictures to the nation and all of his fortune which he could dispose of--which happened to be the bulk--to his natural son, george goring. but his will had not been found for some weeks after his death, and while the present marquis had believed himself the inheritor of the whole property, he had treated the nameless and penniless child of his brother with perfect delicacy and generosity. when george goring found himself made rich at the expense of his uncle, he proposed to his cousin lady augusta and was accepted. mildred was partly amused and partly bored to discover herself on so friendly a footing with lady augusta. putting herself into that passive frame of mind in which revelations of milly's past actions were most often vouchsafed to her, she saw herself type-writing in a small, high-ceilinged room looking out on a foggy london park, and lady augusta seated at a neighboring table, surrounded by papers. type-writing was not then so common as it is now, and milly had learned the art in order to give assistance to ian. mildred was annoyed to find herself in danger of having to waste her time in a mechanical occupation which she detested, or else of offending a woman whom her uncle valued as a friend and political ally. it was a slight compensation to receive an invitation to accompany the iretons to a great ball at ipswich house. there was no question of ian accompanying her. he was usually too tired to care for going out in the evening and went only to official dinners and to the houses of old friends, or of people with whom he had educational connections. it did not occur to him that it might be wise to put a strain upon himself sometimes, to lay by his spectacles, straighten his back, have his beard trimmed and appear at mildred's side in the drawing-rooms where she shone, looking what he was--a husband of whom she had reason to be proud. more and more engrossed by his own work and responsibilities, he let her drift into a life quite apart from his, content to see her world from his own fireside, in the sparkling mirror of her talk. ipswich house was a great house, if of little architectural merit, and the ball had all the traditional spectacular splendor common to such festivities. the pillared hall and double staircase, the suites of spacious rooms, were filled with a glittering kaleidoscopic crowd of fair and magnificently bejewelled women and presumably brave, certainly well-groomed and handsome men. the excellence of the music, the masses of flowers, the number of great names and well-advertised society beauties present, would subsequently provide material for long and eulogistic paragraphs in the half-penny press and the ladies' weeklies. mildred enjoyed it as a spectacle rather than as a ball, for she knew few people there, and the young political men whom she had met at her uncle's parties were too much engaged with ladies of more importance, to whom they were related or to whom they owed social attention, to write their names more than once on her programme. one of these, however, asked her if she had noticed how harassed both lord ipswich and lady augusta looked. goring's speech, he said, at the fothering by-election was reported and commented upon in all the papers, and had given tremendous offence to the leaders of his party; while the fact that he had not turned up in time for the ball must be an additional cross to his wife, who made such a firm stand against the social separation of married couples. when mildred returned to her uncle she found him the centre of a group of eminent politicians, all denouncing in more or less subdued tones the outrageous utterances and conduct of goring, and most declaring that only consideration for lord ipswich and lady augusta prevented them from publicly excommunicating the hardened offender. others, however, while admitting the outrage, urged that he was too brilliant a young man to be lightly thrown away, and advised patience, combined with the disciplinary rod. sir john was of the excommunicatory party. later in the evening he disappeared into some remote smoking or card-room, not so much forgetting his niece as taking it for granted that she was, as usual, surrounded by friends and admirers of both sexes. but a detached personality, however brilliant, is apt to be submerged in such a crowd of social eminences, bound together by ties of blood, of interests, and of habit, as filled the salons of ipswich house. mildred walked around the show contentedly enough for a time, receiving a smile here and a pleasant word there from such of her acquaintances as she chanced upon, but practically alone. and being alone, she found herself yielding to a vulgar envy of richer women's clothes and jewels. her dress, with which she had been pleased, looked ordinary beside the creations of great parisian _ateliers_, and the few old paste ornaments which were the only jewels she possessed, charming as they were, seemed dim and scant among the crowns and constellations of diamonds that surrounded her. her pride rebelled against this envy, but could not conquer it. more gnawing pangs, however, assailed her presently, the pangs of hunger; and no one offered to take her in to supper. the idea of taking herself in was revolting; she preferred starvation. but where could uncle john have hidden himself? she sought the elderly truant with all the suppressed annoyance of a chaperon seeking an inconsiderate flirt of a girl. and it happened that a spirit in her feet led her to the door of a small room in which milly and lady augusta had been wont to transact their business. a curious feeling of familiarity, of physical habit, caused her to open the big mahogany door. there was no air of public festivity about the room, which was furnished with a substantial, almost shabby masculine comfort. but oh, tantalizing spectacle! under the illumination of a tall, crimson-shaded, standard lamp, stood a little, white-covered table, reminding her irresistibly of a little table in a fairy story, which the due incantation causes to rise out of the ground. a small silver-gilt tureen of soup smoked upon it and a little pile of delicate rolls lay beside the plate set for one. but alas! she might not, like the favored girl in the fairy story, proceed without ceremony to satisfy her hunger at the mysterious little table. a door immediately opposite that of the small sitting-room opened noiselessly, and a young man entered with a light, quick step. he saw mildred, but for a second or so she did not see him. he was at her side when she looked around and their eyes met. they had never seen each other before, but at that meeting of the eyes a curious feeling, such as two europeans might experience, meeting in the heart of some dark continent, affected them both. there was something picturesque about the young man's appearance, in spite of the impeccable cut and finish of his dress-suit and the waxed ends of his small blond mustache. his hair was of a ruddy nut-brown color, and had a wave in it; his bright hazel eyes seemed exactly to match it. his face had a fine warm pallor, and his under lip, which with his chin was somewhat thrust forward, was redder than the lip of a child. it was perhaps this noticeable coloring and something in his port which made him, in spite of the correct modernity of his dress, suggest some seventeenth-century portrait. "forgive my passing you," he said, at length; "but i'm starving." "so am i," she returned, hardly aware of what she was saying. some strange, almost hypnotic attraction seemed to rivet her whole attention on the mere phenomenon of this man. "by jove! aren't they feeding the multitude down there?" he asked, nodding in the direction of the supper-room. "of course," she answered, with the simple gravity of a child, her blue eyes still fixed upon him. "but i can't ask for supper for myself, can i?" her need was distinctly material; yet the young man confronting her white grace, the strange look in her blue eyes, had a dreamlike feeling, almost as though he had met a dryad or an undine between two of the prosaic, substantial doors of ipswich house. and as in a dream the most extraordinary things seem familiar and expected, so the apparition of the undine and her confidence in him seemed familiar, in fact just what he had been expecting during those hours of fog off the goodwins, when the sirens, wild voices gathering up from all the seas of the world, had been screaming to each other across the hidden waters. that same inner concentration upon the mere phenomenon of a presence, an existence, which had given the childlike note to mildred's speech, froze a compliment upon his lips; and they stood silent, eying each other gravely. a junior footman appeared, carrying a bottle of champagne in a bucket, and the young man addressed him in a vague, distracted tone, very unlike his usual manner. "look here, arthur, here's a lady who can't get any supper." the footman went quite pink at this personal reproach. he happened to have heard some one surmise, on seeing mildred roaming about alone, that she was a newspaper woman. "please sir," he replied, "i don't know how it's happened, for her ladyship told mr. mackintosh to be sure and see as the newspaper ladies and gentlemen were well looked after, and he thought as they'd all had supper." it seemed incredible that mildred should not have heard this reply, uttered so close to her; but though it fell upon her ears it did not penetrate to her mind. "bring up supper for two, arthur," said goring, in his usual decisive tone. "that'll do, won't it?" he added, and turned to mildred, ushering her into the room. "you'll have supper with me, i hope? my name's goring; i'm lord ipswich's son-in-law and i live in his house; so you see it's all right." the corollary was not evident; but the mention of the name brought mildred back to the ordinary world. so this was george goring, the plague of his political party, the fly in the ointment of a respectable marquis and his distinguished daughter. she had not fancied him like this. for one thing, she did not know him to be younger than his wife, and between the careworn solidity of lady augusta and this vivid restless personality, the five actual years of difference seemed stretched to ten. "i'm convinced it's all right, mr. goring," she replied, throwing herself into a chair and smiling at him sparklingly. "it must be all right. i want my supper so much i should have to accept your invitation even if you were a burglar." goring, whose habit it was to keep moving, laughed as he walked about, one hand in his trousers pocket. "why shouldn't i be a burglar? a burglar, with an assistant disguised as a footman, sacking the bedrooms of lord ipswich's house while the ball proceeds? there's copy for you! shall i do it? 'mr. george goring's celebrated black pearls stolen,' would make a capital head-line. perhaps you've heard i'd do anything to keep my name in the newspapers." "it certainly gets there pretty often," returned mildred, politely; "and whenever it's mentioned it has an enlivening effect." the footman had reappeared and they were unfolding their dinner-napkins, sitting opposite each other at the little table. "as how, enlivening?" "like a bit of bread dropped into a glass of flat champagne." "you think my party's like champagne? why, it couldn't exist for a moment if it sparkled." "i was talking of newspapers, not of your party; though there's no doubt you do enliven that." "do i? like what? no odiously inoffensive comparisons, if you please." "well, i have heard people say like--like a blister on the back of the neck." goring laughed. "thanks. that's better." "the patient's using language, but he won't really tear it off, because he knows that would hurt him more, and the blister will do him good in the end, if he bears with it." "but there's the blister's side to it, too. it's infernally tiring for a blister to be sticking on to such a fellow everlastingly. it'll fly off of itself before long, if he doesn't look out. hullo! what am i saying? i suppose you'll have all this out in some confounded paper--'the rebel member returns. a chat with mr. goring'--don't do that; but i'll give you some other copy if you like." "you're very kind in giving me all this copy. what shall i do with it? shall i keep it as a memento?" "no, no. you can sell it; honor bright you can." "can i? shall i get much for it? enough money to buy me a tiara, do you think?" "do you really want to wear the usual fender? now, why? i suppose because you aren't sufficiently aware how--" he paused on the edge of a compliment which seemed suddenly too full-flavored and ordinary to be addressed to this strangely lovely being, with her smile at once so sparkling and so mysterious. he substituted: "how much more distinguished it is to look like an undine than like a peeress." mildred seemed slightly taken aback. "why do you say 'undine?'" she asked, almost sharply. "do i--do i look as if i came out of a trafalgar square fountain with fell designs on lord ipswich?" "of course not. but--i can't exactly define even to myself what i mean, only you do suggest an undine to me. to some one else you might be simply miss--forgive me, i don't know your name." he had not even troubled to glance at her left hand, and when the "mrs." was uttered it affected him oddly. it was one of the peculiar differences between her two personalities that, casually encountered, mildred was as seldom taken for a married woman as milly for an unmarried one. "do i look as if i'd got no soul?" she persisted, leaning a little towards him, an intensity that might almost have been called anxiety in her gaze. he could even have fancied she had grown paler. he, too, became serious. his eyes brightened, meeting hers, and a slight color came into his cheeks. "quite the contrary," he answered. "i should say you had a great deal--in fact, i shall begin to believe in detachable souls again. fancy most people as just souls, without trimmings. it makes one laugh. but your body looks like an emanation from the spirit; as though it might flow away in a white waterfall or go up in a white fire; and as though, if it did, your soul could certainly precipitate another body, which must certainly be like this one, because it would be as this is, the material expression of a spirit." she listened as he spoke, seriously, her eyes on his. but when he had done, she dropped her chin on her hand and laughed delightedly. "you think i should be able to grow a fresh body, like a lobster growing a fresh claw? what fun!" there was a sound without, not of the footman struggling with dishes and plates and the door-handle, but of middle-aged voices. instinctively goring and mildred straightened themselves and looked polite. lord ipswich and sir john ireton, deep in political converse, came slowly in and then stopped short in surprise. mildred lost not a moment in carrying the war into their country. she turned about and addressed her uncle in a playful tone, which yet smacked of reproof. "here you are at last, uncle john! i thought you'd forgotten all about me. i've been walking miles in mad pursuit of you, till i was so tired and hungry i think i should have dropped if mr. goring hadn't taken pity upon me and made me eat his supper." sir john defended himself, and lord ipswich was shocked to think that a lady had been in such distress in his house; although the apparition of goring prevented him from feeling it as acutely as he would otherwise have done. his pleasant pink face took on an expression of severity as he responded to his son-in-law's somewhat too cheerful greeting. "sorry to be so late, but we were held up by a fog at the mouth of the thames." "it must have been very important business to take you all the way to brussels so suddenly." "it certainly wouldn't wait. i heard there was a whole set of beauvais tapestries to be had for a mere song. i couldn't buy them without seeing them you know, and the big london and paris dealers were bound to chip in if i didn't settle the matter pretty quick. i'm precious glad i did, for they're the finest pieces i ever saw and would have fetched five times what i gave for them at christie's." "ah--really!" was all lord ipswich's response, coldly uttered and accompanied by a smile more sarcastic than often visited his neat and kindly lips. sir john ireton and mildred, aware of the delicate situation, partly domestic and partly political, upon which they were intruding, took themselves away and were presently rolling through the empty streets in the gray light of early morning. chapter xxv not long afterwards mildred received a letter the very address of which had an original appearance, looking as if it were written with a stick in a fist rather than with a pen between fingers. it caught her attention at once from half a dozen others. "dear mrs. stewart,--yesterday i was at cochrane's studio and he told me meres was the greatest authority in england on tapestry, and also a cousin of yours. please remember (or forgive) the supper on tuesday, and of your kindness, ask him to let me see his lot and give me his opinion on mine. cochrane had a folly he called a portrait of you in his studio. i turned its face to the wall; and in the end he admitted i was right. "yours sincerely, "george goring." accordingly, on a very hot day early in july, goring met mildred again, at sir cyril meres's house on campden hill. the long room at one end of which stood the small dining-table looked on the greenness of a lawny, lilac-sheltered garden, so that such light as filtered through the green jalousies was green also. there was a great block of ice somewhere in the room, and so cool it was, so greenly dim there, that it seemed almost like a cavern of the sea. mildred wore a white dress, and, as was the fashion of the moment, a large black hat shadowed with ostrich-feathers. once more on seeing her he had a startled impression of looking upon an ethereal creature, a being somehow totally distinct from other beings; and for lack of some more appropriate name, he called her again in his mind "undine." as the talk, which cyril meres had a genius for making general, became more animated, he half lost that impression in one of a very clever, charming woman, with a bright wit sailing lightly over depths of knowledge to which he was unaccustomed in her sex. the party was not intended to number more than eight persons, of whom lady thomson was one, and they sat down seven. when sir cyril observed: "we won't wait any longer for davison," mildred was too much interested in goring's presence to inquire who this davison might be. she sparkled on half through luncheon to the delight of every one but miss ormond the actress, who would have preferred to play the lead herself. then came a pause. a door was opened at the far end of the dim room, and the missing guest appeared. sir cyril rose hastily to greet him. he advanced without any apologetic hurry in his gait; the same impassive maxwell davison as before, but leaner, browner, more silver-headed from three more years of wandering under oriental suns. mildred could hardly have supposed it possible that the advent of any human being could have given her so disagreeable a sensation. sir cyril was unaware that she knew maxwell davison; surprised to hear that he was a cousin of stewart's, between whom and himself there existed a mutual antipathy, expressing itself in terms of avoidance. his own acquaintance with davison was recent and in the way of business. he had had the fancy to build for the accommodation of his hellenic treasures a room in imitation of the court of a græco-roman house which he had helped to excavate in asia minor. he had commissioned davison to buy him hangings for it to harmonize with an old persian carpet in cream color and blue of which he was already possessed. davison had brought these with him and a little collection of other things which he thought meres might care to look at. he did not know the stewarts had moved to london, and it was an unpleasant surprise to find himself seated at the same table with mildred; he had not forgotten, still less forgiven, the lure of her coquetry, the insult of her rebuff. lady thomson was next him and questioned him exhaustively about his book on persian literature and the travels of his lifetime. miss ormond took advantage of mrs. stewart's sudden silence to talk to the table rather cleverly around the central theme of herself. goring conversed apart with mrs. stewart. coffee was served in the shrine which sir cyril had reared for his greek collection, of which the gem was a famous head of aphrodite--an early aphrodite, divine, removed from all possible pains and agitations of human passion. the room was an absurdity on campden hill, said some, but undeniably beautiful in itself. the columns, of singular lightness and grace, were of a fine marble which hovered between creamy white and faint yellow, and the walls and floor were of the same tone, except for a frieze on a greek model, very faintly colored, and the old persian carpet. in fine summer weather the large skylight covering the central space was withdrawn, and such sky as london can show looked down upon it. the new hangings which maxwell davison had brought with him were already displayed on a tall screen, and his miscellaneous collection of antiquities, partly sent from durham college, partly lately acquired, were arranged on a marble bench. "i shouldn't have brought these things, sir cyril," he said; "if i'd known mrs. stewart was here. she's got a way of hinting that my most cherished antiquities are forgeries; and the worst of it is, she makes every one believe her, including myself." mildred protested. "i don't pretend to know anything about antiquities, mr. davison. i'm sure i never suspected you of a forgery, and if i had, i hope i shouldn't have been rude enough to tell you so." maxwell davison laughed his harsh laugh. "do you want me to believe you can't be rude, mrs. stewart?" "i'm almost afraid she can't be," interposed lady thomson's full voice. "people who make a superstition of politeness infallibly lose the higher courtesy of truth." here sir cyril meres called davison away to worship at the shrine of the aphrodite, while goring invited mrs. stewart into a neighboring corridor where some tapestries were hanging. the divining crystal was among the objects returned from oxford, and had been included in the collection which davison had brought with him, on the chance that the painter might fancy such curiosities. when goring and mildred returned from their leisurely inspection of the tapestries, miss ormond had it in her hand, and lady thomson was commenting on some remark of hers. "i've no doubt, as you say, it has played a wicked part before now in oriental intrigues. but of course the poor crystal is perfectly innocent of the things read into it by rascals, practising on the ignorant and superstitious." "sometimes, perhaps, lady thomson," returned miss ormond; "but sometimes people do see extraordinary visions in a crystal." lady thomson sniffed. "excitable, imaginative people do, i dare say." "on the contrary, prosaic people are far more likely to see things than highly strung imaginative creatures like myself. i've tried several times and have never seen anything. i believe having a great deal of brain-power and emotion and all that tells against it. i shouldn't be at all surprised now if mrs. stewart, who is--well, i should fancy, just a little cold, very bright and all that on the surface, you know--i shouldn't wonder if she could crystal-gaze very successfully. i should like to know whether she's ever tried." "i'm sure she's not," replied lady thomson, firmly. "my niece, mrs. stewart, is a great deal too sensible and well-educated." "mrs. stewart can't honestly say the same for herself," interposed davison; "she gazed in this very crystal some years ago and certainly saw something in it." miss ormond exclaimed in triumph. mildred froze. she did not desire the rôle of society seer. "what did i see, mr. davison?" she asked. he shrugged his shoulders. "nothing of importance. you saw a woman in a light dress. perhaps it was lady hammerton the collector, originally guilty, you remember, in the matter of the forged augustus." "mildred had only to peep in any glass to see lady hammerton, or some one sufficiently like her," observed meres. "that idea was started when david fletcher picked up the fancy picture which he chose to call a portrait of lady hammerton," cried lady thomson, who was just taking her leave. "such nonsense! i protest against my own niece and a scholar of ascham being likened to that scandalous woman." cyril meres smiled and stroked his soft, silvery beard. "quite right of you to protest, beatrice. still, i'm glad lady hammerton didn't stick heroically to her professor--as mildred here does. we should never have been proud of her as an ancestress if she had." "heroically?" repeated maxwell davison under his breath, and laughed. but the meaning of his laugh was lost on every one except mildred. she flushed hotly at the thought of having to bear the responsibility of that ridiculous scene on the cherwell; it was humiliating, indeed. she took up the crystal to conceal her chagrin. "do please see something, mrs. stewart!" exclaimed miss ormond. "what sort of thing?" "anything! whatever you see, it will be quite thrilling. "please see me, mrs. stewart," petitioned goring, wandering towards the crystal-gazer. "i should so like to thrill miss ormond." "it's no good your trying that way," smiled the lady, playing fine eyes. "it's only shadows that are thrilling in the crystal; shadows of something happening a long way off; or sometimes a coming event casts a shadow before--and that's the most thrilling of all." "a coming event! that's exactly what i am, a tremendous coming political event. you ask them in the house," cried goring, thrusting out his chin and aiming a provocative side-smile at a middle-aged under-secretary of state who discreetly admired miss ormond. "modest creature!" ejaculated the under-secretary playfully with his lips; and in his heart vindictively, "conceited devil!" "please see me, mrs. stewart!" pleaded goring, half kneeling on a chair and leaning over the crystal. "i do," she returned. "i'd rather not. you look so distorted and odd; and so do i, don't i? dreadful! but the crystal's getting cloudy." "then you're going really to see something!" exclaimed miss ormond. "how delightful! come away directly, mr. goring, or you'll spoil everything." sir cyril and davison looked up from some treasure of greek art. the conversation was perfunctory, every one's curiosity waiting on mildred and the crystal. "don't you see anything yet, mrs. stewart?" asked miss ormond at length, impatiently. "no," replied mildred, hesitatingly. "at least, not exactly. i see something like rushing water and foam." "the reflection of clouds overhead," pronounced the under-secretary, dogmatically, glancing upward. "i'm sure it's nothing of the kind," asserted miss ormond. "please go on looking, mrs. stewart, and perhaps you'll see a water-spirit." "why do you want her to see a water-spirit?" asked davison, ironically. "in all countries of the world they are reckoned spiteful, treacherous creatures. i was once bitten by one severely, and i have never wanted to see one since." "oh, mr. davison! are you serious? what do you mean?" questioned miss ormond. mrs. stewart hastily put down the crystal. "i don't want to see one," she said; "i'm afraid it might bring me bad luck, and, besides, i can't wait for it, i've got several calls to make before i go home, and i think there's a storm coming." she shivered. "i'm quite cold." miss ormond said that must be the effect of the crystal, as the afternoon was still oppressively hot. goring caught up with mrs. stewart in the gravel drive outside the house and walked through kensington gardens with her. it seemed to them both quite natural that they should be walking together, and their talk was in the vein of old friends who have met after a long separation rather than in that of new acquaintances. when he left her and turned to walk across hyde park towards westminster, he examined his impressions and perceived that he was in a state of mind foreign to his nature, and therefore the butt of his ridicule; a state in which, if he and mrs. stewart had been unmarried persons, he would have said to himself, "that is the woman i shall marry." it would not have been a passion or an emotion that would have made him say that; it would have been a conviction. as it was, the thing was absurd. cochrane had told him, half in jest, that mrs. stewart was a breaker of hearts, but had not hinted that her own was on the market. her appearance made it surely an interesting question whether she had a heart at all. and for himself? he hated to think of his marriage, because he recognized in it the fatal "little spot" in the yet ungarnered fruit of his life. he was only thirty, but he had been married seven years and had two children, both of them the image of all the barthops that had ever been, except his own father. in moments of depression he saw himself through all the coming years being gradually broken, crushed under a weight of barthops--father-in-law, wife and children--moulded into a thin semblance of a marquis of ipswich, a bastard marquis. no one but himself knew the weakness of his character--explosive, audacious in alarums or excursions, but without the something, call it strength or hardness or stupidity, which enables the man or woman possessing it to resist constant domestic pressure--the unconscious pressure of radically opposed character. the crowd applauds the marriage of such opposites because their side almost always wins; partly by its own weight and partly by their weight behind. but the truth is that two beings opposed in emotional temperament and mental processes are only a few degrees more able to help and understand each other in the close union of marriage than the two personalities of milly stewart in the closer union of her body. from one point of view it was goring's fatal weakness to have a real affection for his father-in-law, who was a pattern of goodness and good-breeding. consequently, that very morning he had promised lord ipswich to walk in the straightest way of the party, for one year at least; and if he must slap faces, to select them on the other side of the house. nevertheless, if he really wished to give sincere gratification to lord ipswich and to dear augusta, he must needs give up his capricious and offensive tactics altogether. these things might give him a temporary notoriety in the house and country, but they were not in the traditions of the ipswich family, which had held a high place in politics for two hundred years. the marquis said that he had always tried to make george feel that he was received as a true son of the family and heir of its best traditions, if not of its name. there had been a great deal of good faith on both sides. yet now a solitary young man, looking well in the frock-coat and tall hat of convention, might have been observed stopping and striking the gravel viciously as he reflected on the political future which his father-in-law was mapping out for him. chapter xxvi sir james carus, the well-known scientist, had for some time been employing miss timson in the capacity of assistant, and spoke highly of her talents. she began to have a reputation in scientific circles, and owing to her duties with carus she could not come to the stewarts' as often as she had formerly done. but she preserved her habit of dismissing the parlor-maid at the door and creeping up to the drawing-room like a thief in the night. on the day following sir cyril meres's luncheon-party she arrived in her usual fashion. the windows were shaded against the afternoon sun, but the sky was now overcast, and such a twilight reigned within that at first she could distinguish little, and the drawing-room seemed to her to be empty. but in a minute she discerned a white figure supine in a large arm-chair--mildred, and asleep. she had a writing-board on her knee, and a hand resting on it still held a stylograph. she must have dozed over her writing; yet she did not stir when her name was uttered. tims noticed a peculiar stillness in her, a something almost inanimate in her attitude and countenance, which suggested that this was no ordinary siesta. the idea that milly might even now be resurgent fluttered tims's pulses with a mixed emotion. "good old milly! poor old girl!" she breathed to the white figure in the arm-chair. "don't be in a hurry! you won't find it all beer and skittles when you're here." it seemed to her that a slight convulsion passed over the sleeper's face. tims seated herself on a low chair, in the attitude of certain gargoyles that crouch under the eaves of old churches, elbows on knees, chin on hands, and fixed her eyes in silence on her silent companion. in spite of her work along the acknowledged lines of science, she had pursued her hypnotic studies furtively, half in scorn and half in fear of her scientific brethren. what would she not have given to be enabled to watch, to comprehend the changes passing within that human form so close to her that she could see its every external detail, could touch it by the out-stretching of a hand! but its inner shrine, its secret place, remained barred against those feeble implements of sense with which nature has provided the explorative human intelligence. its content was more mysterious, more inaccessible than that of the remotest star which yields the secret of its substance to the spectroscope of the astronomer. tims's thoughts had forsaken the personal side of the question, when she was recalled to it by seeing the right hand in which the stylograph had been lying begin to twitch, the fingers to contract. there was no answering movement in the face--even when the sleeper at length firmly grasped the pen and suddenly sat up. tims rose quickly, and then perceived, lying on the writing-board, a directed envelope and a half-finished note to herself. she slipped the note-paper nearer to the twitching hand, and after a few meaningless flourishes, it wrote slowly and tentatively: "tims--milly--cannot get back. help me ... save ian. wicked creature--no conscience--" here the power of the hand began to fail, and the writing was terminated by mere scrawls. the sleeper's eyes were now open, but not wide. they had a strange, glassy look in them, nor did she show any consciousness of tims's presence. she dropped the pen, folded the paper in the same slow and tentative manner in which she had written upon it, and placed it in the directed envelope lying there. then her face contracted, her fingers slackened, and she fell back again to the depths of the chair. "milly!" cried tims, almost involuntarily bending over her. "milly!" again there was a slight contraction of the face and of the whole body. at the moment that tims uttered milly's name, ian was entering the room. his long legs brought him up to the chair in an instant, and he asked, without the usual salutation: "what's the matter? has--has the change happened?" his voice unconsciously spoke dismay. tims looked at him. "no, not exactly," she articulated, slowly; and, after a pause: "poor old milly's trying to come back, that's all." she paused again; then: "you look a bit worried, old man." he tossed back his head with a gesture he had kept from the days when the crest of raven-black hair had been wont to grow too long and encroach on his forehead. it was grizzled now, and much less intrusive. "i'm about tired out," he said, shortly. "look here," she continued, "if you really want milly back, just say so. she's kind of knocking at the door, and i believe i could let her in if i tried." he dropped wearily into a chair. "for heaven's sake, miss timson, don't put the responsibility on me!" "i can't help it," returned tims. "she's managed to get this through to me--" she handed milly's scrawled message to ian. he read it, then read it again and handed it back. "strange, certainly." "does it mean anything in particular?" he shrugged his shoulders almost impatiently and sighed. "oh no! it's the poor child's usual cry when she's here. she's got it into her head that the self she doesn't know is frightfully wicked, and makes me miserable. i've tried over and over again to convince her, but it's all nonsense." he thought to himself: "she is coming back still full of this mortal, heart-rending jealousy, and we shall have more painful scenes." "well, it's your business to say what i'm to do," insisted tims. "i don't think she'd have troubled to write if she'd found she could get back altogether without my help; but the other one's grown a bit too strong for her. do you want milly back?" the remorseless tims forced on ian a plain question which in his own mind he habitually sought to evade. he leaned back and shaded his eyes with his hand. after a silence he spoke, low, as if with effort: "i can't honestly say i want the change to happen just now, miss timson. it means a great deal of agitation, a thorough upheaval of everything. we have an extremely troublesome business on at the merchants' guild--i've just come away from a four hours' meeting; and upon my word i don't think i can stand a--domestic revolution at the same time. it would utterly unfit me for my work." he did not add that he had been looking forward to receiving helpful counsel from mildred, with her clear common-sense, seasoned with wit. tims wagged her head and stared in his face. "poor old m.!" she ejaculated, slowly. miss timson still possessed the rare power of irritating ian stewart. he grew restive. "i suppose i am a selfish brute. men always are, aren't they? but, after all, my wife enjoys life in her present state at least as much as she does in the other." "not for the same reason, dear boy," returned tims. "old m., bless her, just lives for you. you don't imagine, do you, that mildred cares about you like that?" ian flushed slightly, and his face hardened. "one can't very well discuss one's wife's feeling for one's self," he said. "i believe i have every reason to be happy, however things are. and i very much doubt, miss timson, whether you can really effect the change in her in any way. at any rate, i'd rather you didn't try, please. i'll have her moved to her room, where she'll most likely sleep till to-morrow." tims bent over the sleeper. then: "i don't believe she will, somehow. you'd better leave her with me for the present, and i'll let you know if anything happens." he obeyed, and in a minute she heard the front door close after him. tims sat down in the chair which he had vacated. "poor old m.!" she ejaculated again, presently, and added: "what idiots men are! all except old carus and mr. fitzallan. he's sensible enough." her thoughts wandered away, until they were recalled by the door opening a mere chink to let a child slip into the room--a slim, tall child, in a blue smock--tony. his thick, dark hair was cropped boywise now, and the likeness of the beautiful, sensitive child face to ian's was more marked. it was evident that in him there was to be no blending of strains, but an exact reproduction of the paternal type. tims was in his eyes purely a comic character, but the ready grin with which he usually greeted her was replaced to-day by a little, inattentive smile. he went past her and stood by the sofa, looking fixedly at his mother with a grave mouth and a slight frown on his forehead. at length he turned away, and was about to leave the room as quietly as he had come, when tims brought him to a stand-still at her knee. he held up an admonishing finger. "sh! don't you wake my mummy, or daddy 'll be angry with you." "we sha'n't wake her; she's too fast asleep. tell me why you looked so solemnly at her just now, tony?" tony, his hands held fast, wriggled, rubbed his shoulder against his ear, and for all answer laughed in a childish, silly way. such is the depth and secretiveness of children, whom we call transparent. "did you think mummy was dead?" "what's 'dead'?" asked tony, with interest, putting off his mask of inanity. "people are dead when they've gone to sleep and will never wake again," returned tims. tony thought a minute; then his dark eyes grew very large. he whispered slowly, as though with difficulty formulating his ideas: "doesn't they _never_ wake? doesn't they wake up after ever so long, when peoples can't remember everything--and it makes them want to cry, only grown-up people aren't 'lowed?" tims was puzzled. but even in her bewilderment it occurred to her that if poor milly should return, she would be distressed to find in what a slovenly manner tony was allowed to express himself. "i don't know what you mean, tony. say it again and put it more clearly." tims had around her neck a necklace composed of casts of coins in the british museum. she did not usually wear ornaments, because she possessed none, except a hair-bracelet, two brooches, and a large gold cross which had belonged to her late aunt. tony's soft, slender fingers went to the necklace, and ignoring her question, he asked: "why have you got these funny things round your neck, auntie tims?" "they're not funny. they're beautiful--copies of money which the old greeks used to use. a gentleman gave it to me." tims spoke with a grand carelessness. "i dare say if you're a good boy he'll tell you stories about them himself some day. but i want you to explain what it was you meant to say about dead people. dead people don't come back, you know." tony touched her hand, which lay open on her knee, and played with the fingers a minute. then raising his eyes he said, plaintively: "i do so want my tea." once more he had wiped the conversational slate, and the baffled tims dismissed him. he opened the door a little and slipped out; put his dark head in again with an engaging smile, said politely, "i sha'n't be away _very_ long," and closed the door softly behind him. for that soft closing of the door was one of the things poor milly had taught him which the little 'peoples' did contrive to remember. the sleeper now began to stir slightly in her sleep, and before tony's somewhat prolonged tea was over, she sat up and looked about her. "is that tims?" she asked, in a colorless voice. "yes--is it you, milly?" "no. what makes you think so?" "milly's been trying to come back. i suppose she couldn't manage it." "ah!"--there was a deep satisfaction in mildred's tone now; "i thought she couldn't!" chapter xxvii george goring and mildred stewart did not move in the same social set, but their sets had points of contact, and it was at these that goring was now most likely to be found; especially at the pleasant bachelor house on campden hill. mrs. stewart walked in the park every morning at an unfashionable hour, and sometimes, yet not too often for discretion, goring happened to be walking there too. all told, their meetings were not very numerous, nor very private. but every half-hour they spent in each other's company seemed to do the work of a month of intimacy. july hastened to an end, but an autumn session brought goring up to town in november, and three months of absence found him and mildred still at the same point. sir cyril meres was already beginning to plan his wonderful _tableaux-vivants_, which, however, did not come off until february. the extraordinary imitative talent which his artistic career had been one long struggle to disguise, was for once to be allowed full play. the _tableaux_ were to represent paintings by certain fellow-artists and friends; not actual pictures by them, but pictures which they might have painted, and the supposed authors were allowed a right of veto or criticism. a stage of renaissance design, which did not jar with the surrounding architecture, was erected in the depth of the portico at the end of the hellenic room. the human material at meres's command was physically admirable. he had long been the chosen portrait-painter of wealth and fashion, and there was not a beauty in society, with the biggest "s," who was not delighted to lend her charms for his purpose. the young men might grumble for form's sake, but at the bottom of their hearts they were equally sensible to the compliment of being asked to appear. it was when it came to the moulding of the material for artistic purposes, that the trouble began. the english have produced great actors, but in the bulk they have little natural aptitude for the stage; and what they have is discouraged by a social training which strains after the ideal composure, the few movements, the glassy eye of a waxwork. only a small and chosen number, it is true, fully attain that ideal; but when we see them we recognize with a start, almost with a shudder, that it is there, the perfection of our deportment. cyril meres was, however, an admirable stage-manager, exquisite in tact, in temper, and urbane patience. the results of his prolonged training were wonderful; yet again and again he found it impossible to carry out his idea without placing his cousin mrs. stewart at the vital point of his picture. she was certainly not the most physically beautiful woman there, but she was unrivalled by any other in the grace, the variety, the meaning of her gestures, the dramatic transformations of her countenance. she was pandora, she was hope, she was lady hammerton, she was the vampire, and she was the queen of faerie. there is jealousy on the amateur stage as well as on the professional, and ladies of social position, accustomed to see their beauty lauded in the newspapers, saw no reason why mrs. stewart should be thrust to the front of half of the pictures. lady langham, the "smart" socialist, with whom george goring had flirted last season, to lady augusta's real dismay, was the leading rival candidate for mildred's rôles. but lady langham never guessed that mrs. stewart was the cause of george goring's disappearance from the list of her admirers, and she still had hopes of his return. the _tableaux_ were a brilliant success. ian was there on the first evening, so was lady augusta goring. lady langham, peeping through the curtains, saw her, and swept the horizon--that is, the circle of black coats around the walls--in vain for george goring. then lady augusta became audible, saying that in the present state of affairs in the house it was quite impossible for mr. goring to leave it, even for dinner, on that evening or the next. nevertheless, on the next evening, lady langham espied george goring in the act of taking a vacant chair near the front, next to a social _protégée_ of her own. she turned and mentioned the fact to a friend, who smiled meaningly and remarked, "in spite of lady augusta's whip!" mildred, passing, caught the information, the comment, the smile. during the rehearsals for the _tableaux_, she had heard people coupling the names of goring and lady langham, not seriously, yet seriously enough for her. a winged shaft of jealousy pierced at once her heart and her pride. was she allowing her whole inner life to be shaken, dissolved by the passing admiration of a flirt? her intimate self had assurance that it was not so; but sometimes a colder wind, blowing she knew not whence, or the lash of a chance word, threw her into the attitude of a chance observer, one who sees, guesses, does not know. meantime george goring had flung himself down in the only vacant chair he could see, and careless of the brilliant company about him, careless even of the face of aphrodite herself, smiling divinely, unconcerned with human affairs, from a far corner he waited for the curtain to go up. his neighbor spoke. she had met him at the langhams last season. what a pity he had just missed lady langham's great _tableau_, "helen before the elders of troy"! there was no one to be compared to maud langham, so beautiful, so clever! she would have made her fortune if she had gone on the stage. goring gave the necessary assent. the curtain went up, exhibiting a picture called "the vampire." it was smaller than most and shown by a curious pale light. a fair young girl was lying in a deep sleep on a curtained bed, and hovering, crawling over her with a deadly, serpentine grace, was a white figure wrapped in a veiling garment that might have been a shroud. out of white cerements showed a trail of yellow hair and a face alabaster white, save for the lips that were blood red--an intent face with a kind of terrible beauty, yet instinct with cruelty. one slender, bloodless hand was in the girl's hair, and, even without the title, it would have been plain that there was a deadly purpose in that creeping figure. "isn't it horrid?" whispered goring's neighbor. "fancy that mrs. stewart letting herself be made to look so dreadful!" "who?" asked goring, horrified. he had not recognized mildred. "why, the girl on the bed's gertrude waters, and the vampire's a cousin of sir cyril meres. a horrid little woman some people admire, but i shouldn't think any one would after this. i call it disgusting, don't you?" "it's horrible!" gasped george; "it oughtn't to be allowed. what does that fellow meres mean by inventing such deviltries? by jove, i should like to thrash him!" the neighbor stared. it was all very well to be horrified at mrs. stewart, but why this particular form of horror? "please call me when it's over," said goring, putting his head down between his hands. what an eccentric young man he was! but clever people often were eccentric. in due course the _tableau_ was over, and to the relief of one spectator at least, it was not encored. the next was some harmless domestic scene with people in short waists. george goring looked in vain for mildred among them, longing to see her, the real lovely her, and forget the horrible thing she had portrayed. lady langham was there, and his neighbor commended her tediously, convinced of pleasing. there followed a large and very beautiful picture in the manner of a great english pre-raphaelite. this was called "thomas the rhymer, meeting with the faerie queen," but it did not follow the description of the ballad. the faerie queen, a figure of a botticellian grace, was coming, with all her fellowship, out of a wonderful pinewood, while thomas the rhymer, handsome and young and lean and brown, his harp across his back, had just crossed a mountain-stream by a rough bridge. he appeared suddenly to have beheld her, pausing above him before descending the heathery bank that edged the wood; and looking in her face, to have entered at once into the land of faerie. the pose, the figure, the face of the faerie queen were of the most exquisite charm and beauty, touched with a something of romance and mystery that no other woman there except mildred could have lent it. the youth who personated thomas the rhymer was temporarily in love with mrs. stewart and acted his part with intense expression. goring, shading his eyes with his hand, fixed them upon her as long as he dared; then glanced at the rhymer and was angry. he turned to his chattering neighbor and asked: "who's the chap doing thomas? looks as if he wanted a wash." "i don't know. nobody particular, i should think. wasn't it a pity they didn't have lady langham for the faerie queen? i do call it absurd the way sir cyril meres has put that pert, insignificant cousin of his forward in quite half the pictures--and when he might have had maud langham." goring threw himself back in his chair and laughed his quite loud laugh. "'a mad world, my masters,'" he quoted. his neighbor took this for mr. goring's eccentric way of approving her sentiments. but what he really meant was: what a strange masquerade is the world! this neighbor of his, so ordinary, so desirous to please, would have shuddered at the notion of hinting to him the patent fact that lady augusta goring was a tiring woman; while she pressed upon him laudations of a person to whom he was perfectly indifferent, mingled with insulting comments on the only woman in the world for him--the woman who was his world, without whom nothing was; on her whose very name, even on these silly, hostile lips, gave him a strong sensation, whether of pain or pleasure he could hardly tell. after the performance he constrained himself to go the round of the ladies of his acquaintance who had been acting and compliment them cleverly and with good taste. lady langham of course seized the lion's share of his company and his compliments. he seemed to address only a few remarks of the same nature to mrs. stewart, but he had watched his opportunity and was able to say to her: "i must leave in a quarter of an hour at latest. please let me drive you back. you won't say no?" there was a pleading note in the last phrase and his eyes met hers gravely, anxiously. it was evident that she must answer immediately, while their neighbors' attention was distracted from them. she was pale before under her stage make-up, and now she grew still paler. "thanks. i told cousin cyril i was tired and shouldn't stay long. i'll go and change at once." then thomas the rhymer was at her elbow again, bringing her something for which she had sent him. the green-room, in which she resumed the old white lace evening-dress that she had worn to dine with her cousin, was strewn with the delicate underclothing, the sumptuous wraps and costly knick-knacks of wealthy women. she had felt ashamed, as she had undressed there, of her own poor little belongings among these; and ashamed to be so ashamed. as she had seen her garments overswept by the folds of the fair socialist's white velvet mantle, lined with arctic fox and clasped with diamonds, she had smiled ironically at the juxtaposition. since circumstances and her own gifts had drawn her into the stream of the world, she had been more and more conscious, however unwillingly, of a longing for luxuries, for rich settings to her beauty, for some stage upon which her brilliant personality might shine uplifted, secure. for she seemed to herself sometimes like a tumbler at a fair, struggling in the crowd for a space in which to spread his carpet. now--george goring loved her. let the others keep their furs and laces and gewgaws, their great fortunes or great names. yet if it had been possible for her to take george goring's love, he could have given her most of these things as well. wrapped in a gauzy white scarf, she seemed to float rather than walk down the stairs into the hall, where thomas the rhymer was lingering, in the hope of finding an excuse to escort her home. she was pale, with a clear, beautiful pallor, a strange smile was on her lips and her eyes shone like stars. the queen of faerie had looked less lovely, meeting him on the edge of the wood. she nodded him good-night and passed quickly on into the porch. with a boyish pang he saw her vanish, not into the darkness of night, but into the blond interior of a smart brougham. a young man, also smart--her husband, for aught he knew--paused on the step to give orders to the coachman, and followed her in. a moment he saw her dimly, in the glare of carriage-lamps, a white vision, half eclipsed by the black silhouette of the man at her side; then they glided away over the crunching gravel of the drive, into the fiery night of london. "do you really think it went off well?" she asked, as they passed through the gates into the street. george was taking off his hat and putting it down on the little shelf opposite. he leaned back and was silent a few seconds; then starting forward, laid his hand upon her knee. "don't let's waste time like that, mildred," he said--and although he had never called her so before, it seemed natural that he should--"we haven't got much. you know, don't you, why i asked you to drive with me?" she in her turn was silent a moment, then meeting his eyes: "yes," she said, quite simply and courageously. "i thought you could hardly help seeing i loved you, however blind other people might be." her head was turned away again and she looked out of the window, as she answered in a voice that tried to be light: "but it isn't of any consequence, is it? i suppose you're always in love with somebody or other." "is that what people told you about me?"--and it was new and wonderful to her to hear george goring speak with this calmness and gravity--"you've not been long in the world, little girl, or you'd know how much to believe of what's said there." "no," she answered, in turn becoming calm and deliberate. "when i come to think of it, people only say that women generally like you and that you flirt with them. i--i invented the rest." "but, good heavens! why?" there was a note of pain and wonder in his voice. she paused, and his hand moved under her cloak to be laid on the two slender hands clasped on her lap. "i suppose i was jealous," she said. he smiled. "absurd child! but i'm a bit of an ass that way myself. i was jealous of thomas the rhymer this evening." "that brat!" she laughed low, the sweet laugh that was like no one else's. it was past midnight and the streets were comparatively quiet and dark, but at that moment they were whirled into a glare of strong light. they looked in each other's eyes in silence, his hand tightening its hold upon hers. then again they plunged into wavering dimness, and he resumed, gravely and calmly as before, but bending nearer her. "if i weren't anxious to tell you the exact truth, to avoid exaggeration, i should say i fell in love with you the first time i met you. it seems to me now as though it had been so. and the second time--you remember it was one very hot day last july, when we both lunched with meres--i hadn't the least doubt that if i had been free and you also, i should have left no stone unturned to get you for my wife." every word was sweet to her, yet she answered sombrely: "but we are not free." he, disregarding the answer, went on: "you love me, as i love you?" "as you love me, dearest; and from the first." a minute's silence, while the hands held each other fast. then low, triumphantly, he exclaimed: "well?" her slim hands began to flutter a little in his as she answered all that that "well" implied. "it's impossible, dear. it's no use arguing about it. it's just waste of time--and we've only got this little time." "to do what? to make love in? dear, we've got all our lives if we please. we've both made a tremendous mistake, we've both got a chance now of going back on it, of setting our lives right again, making them better indeed than we ever dreamed of their being. we inflict some loss on other people--no loss comparable to our gain--we hurt them chiefly because of their bloated ideas of their claims on us. i know you've weighed things, have no prejudices. rules, systems, are made for types and classes, not for us. you belong to no type, mildred. i belong to no class." she answered low, painfully: "it's true i am unlike other people; that's the very reason, why--i--i'm not good to love." there was a low utterance that was music in her ears, yet she continued: "then, dear friend, think of your career, ruined for me, by me. you might be happy for a while, then you'd regret it." "that's where you're wrong. my career? a rotten little game, these house of commons party politics, when you get into it! the big things go on outside them; there's all the world outside them. anyhow, my career, as i planned it, is ruined already. the ipswich gang have collared me; i can't call my tongue my own, mildred. think of that!" she smiled faintly. "temporary, george! you'll soon have your head up--and your tongue out." "oh, from time to time, i presume, i shall always be the horrid vulgar boy of those poor barthops; i shall kick like a galvanized frog long after i'm dead. but--i wouldn't confess it to any one but you, dear--i'm not strong enough to stand against the everlasting pressure that's brought to bear upon me. you know what i mean, don't you?" "yes. you'll be no good if you let the originality be squeezed out of you. don't allow it." "nothing can prevent it--unless the faerie queen will stretch out her dearest, sweetest hands to me and lead me, poor mortal, right away into the wide world, into some delightful country where there's plenty of love and no politics. i want love so much, mildred; i've never had it, and no one has ever guessed how much i wanted it except you, dear--except you." yes, she had guessed. the queer childhood, so noisy yet so lonely, had been spoken of; the married life spoke for itself. his arm was around her now, their faces drawn close together, and in the pale, faint light they looked each other deep in the eyes. then their lips met in a long kiss. "you see how it is," he whispered; "you can't help it. it's got to be. no one has power to prevent it." but he spoke without knowledge, for there was one who had power to prevent it, one conquered, helpless, less than a ghost, who yet could lay an icy hand on the warm, high-beating heart of her subduer, and say: "love and desire, the pride of life and the freedom of the world, are not for you. i forbid them to you--i--by a power stronger than the laws of god or man. true, you have no husband, you have no child, for those who seem to be yours are mine. you have taken them from me, and now you must keep them, whether you will or no. you have taken my life from me, and my life you must have, that and none other." it was against this unknown and inflexible power that george goring struggled with all the might of his love, and absolutely in vain. between him and mildred there could be no lies, no subterfuges; only that one silence which to him, of all others, she dared not break. she seemed to have been engaged in this struggle, at once so sweet and so bitter, for an eternity before she stood on her own doorstep, latch-key in hand. "good-night, mr. goring. so much obliged for the lift." "delighted, i'm sure. all right now? good-night. drop me at the house, edwards." he lifted his hat, stepped in and closed the carriage-door sharply behind him; and in a minute the brougham with its lights rolling almost noiselessly behind the big fast-trotting bay horse, had disappeared around a neighboring corner. * * * * * the house was cold and dark, except for a candle which burned on an oak dresser in the narrow hall. as mildred dragged herself up the stairs, she had a sensation of physical fatigue, almost bruisedness, as though she had come out of some actual bodily combat. her room, fireless and cold, was solitary, for ian's sleep had to be protected from disturbance. nevertheless, having loosened her wraps, she threw herself on the bed and lay there long, her bare arms under her head. the sensation of chill, her own cold soft flesh against her face, seemed to brace her mind and body, to restore her powers of clear, calm judgment, so unlike the usual short-sighted, emotionalized judgments of youth. she had nothing of the ordinary woman's feeling of guilt towards her husband. the intimate bond between herself and george goring did not seem in any relation the accidental one between her and ian stewart. she had never before faced the question, the possibility of a choice between the two. now she weighed it with characteristic swiftness and decision. she reasoned that ian had enjoyed a period of great happiness in his marriage with her, in spite of the singularity of its conditions; but that now, while milly could never satisfy his fastidious nature, she herself had grown to be a hinderance, a dissonance in his life. could she strike a blow which would sever him from her, he would suffer cruelly, no doubt; but it would send him back again to the student's life, the only life that could bring him honor, and in the long run satisfaction. and that life would not be lonely, because tony, so completely his father's child, would be with him. as for herself and george goring, she had no fear of the future. they two were strong enough to hew and build alone their own palace of delight. her intuitive knowledge of the world informed her that, in the long run, society, if firmly disregarded, admits the claim of certain persons to go their own way--even rapidly admits it, though they be the merest bleating strays from the common fold, should they haply be possessed of rank or fortune. the way lay plain enough before mildred, were it not for that other. but she, the shadowy one, deep down in her limbo, laid a finger on the gate of that earthly paradise and held it, as inflexibly as any armed archangel, against the master key of her enemy's intelligence, the passionate assaults of her heart. mildred, however, was one who found it hard, if not impossible, to acquiesce in defeat. two o'clock boomed from the watching towers of westminster over the great city. she rose from her bed, cold as a marble figure on a monument, and went to the dressing-table to take off her few and simple ornaments. the mirror on it was the same from which that alien smile had peered twelve months ago, filling the sad soul of milly with trembling fear and sinister foreboding. the white face that stole into its shadowy depths to-night, and looked mildred in the eyes, was in a manner new to her also. it had a new seriousness, a new intensity, as of a woman whose vital energies, once spending themselves in mere corruscations, in mere action for action's sake, were now concentrated on one definite thought, one purpose, one emotion, which with an intense yet benign fire blended in perfect harmony the life of the soul and of the body. for a moment the face in its gravity recalled to her the latest photograph of milly, a tragic photograph she did not care to look at because it touched her with a pity, a remorse, which were after all quite useless. but the impression was false and momentary. "no," she said, speaking to the glass, "it's not really like. poor weak woman! i understand better now what you have suffered." then almost repeating the words of her own cruel subconscious self--"but there's all the difference between the weak and the strong. i am the stronger, and the stronger must win; that's written, and it's no use struggling against the law of nature." chapter xxviii george goring was never so confident in himself as when he was fighting an apparently losing game; and the refusal of mildred to come to him, a refusal based, as he supposed, on nothing but an insurmountable prejudice against doing what was not respectable, struck him as a stage in their relations rather than as the end of them. he did not attempt to see her until the close of the easter vacation. people began to couple their names, but lightly, without serious meaning, for goring being popular with women, had a somewhat exaggerated reputation as a flirt. when a faithful cousin hinted things about him and mrs. stewart to lady augusta, she who believed herself to have seen a number of similar temporary enslavers, put the matter by, really glad that a harmless nobody should have succeeded to maud langham with her dangerous opinions. ian stewart on his side was barely acquainted with goring. sir john ireton and the newspapers informed him that george goring was a flashy, untrustworthy politician; and the former added that he was a terrible nuisance to poor lord ipswich and lady augusta. that such a man could attract mildred would never have occurred to him. the fear of milly's return, which she could not altogether banish, still at times checked and restrained mildred. could she but have secured tims's assistance in keeping milly away, she would have felt more confident of success. it was hopeless to appeal directly to the hypnotist, but her daring imagination began to conceive a situation in which mere good sense and humanity must compel tims to forbid the return of milly to a life made impossible for her. she had not seen tims for many weeks, not since the easter vacation, which had already receded into a remote distance; so far had she journeyed since then along the path of her fate. nor had she so much as wondered at not seeing tims. but now her mind was turned to consider the latent power which that strange creature held over her life, her dearest interests; since how might not milly comport herself with george? then it was that she realized how long it had been since tims had crept up the stairs to her drawing-room; pausing probably in the middle of them to wipe away with hasty pocket-handkerchief some real or fancied trace of her foot on a carpet which she condemned as expensive. mildred had written her a note, but it was hardly posted when the door was flung open and miss timson was formally announced by the parlor-maid. tony, who was looking at pictures with his mother, rose from her side, prepared to take a hop, skip, and jump and land with his arms around tims's waist. but he stopped short and contemplated her with round-eyed solemnity. the ginger-colored man's wig had developed into a frizzy fringe and the rest of the coiffure of the hour. a large picture hat surmounted it, and her little person was clothed in a vivid heliotrope dress of the latest mode. it was a handsome dress, a handsome hat, a handsome wig, yet somehow the effect was jarring. tony felt vaguely shocked. "bless thee! thou art translated!" he might have cried with quince; but being a polite child, he said nothing, only put out a small hand sadly. tims, however, unconscious of the slight chill cast by her appearance, kissed him in a perfunctory, patronizing way, as ladies do who are afraid of disarranging their veils. she greeted mildred also with a parade of mundane elegance, and sat down deliberately on the sofa, spreading out her heliotrope skirts. "you can run away just now, little man," she said to tony. "i want to talk to your mother." "how smart you are!" observed mildred, seeing that comment of some kind would be welcome. "been to sir james carus's big party at the museum, i suppose. you're getting a personage, tims." "i dare say i shall look in later, but i shouldn't trouble to dress up for that, my girl. clothes would be quite wasted there. but i think one should always try to look decent, don't you? one's men like it." mildred smiled. "i suppose ian would notice it if i positively wasn't decent. but, tims, dear, does old carus really criticise your frocks?" for indeed the distinguished scientist, miss timson's chief, was the only man she could think of to whom tims could possibly apply the possessive adjective. tims bridled. "of course not; i was thinking of mr. fitzalan." that she had for years been very kind to a lonely little man of that name who lived in the same block of chambers, mildred knew, but--heavens! even mildred's presence of mind failed her, and she stared. meeting her amazed eye, tims's borrowed smile suddenly broke its bounds and became her own familiar grin, only more so: "we're engaged," she said. "my dear tims!" exclaimed mildred, suppressing an inclination to burst out laughing. "what a surprise!" "i quite thought you'd have been prepared for it," returned tims. "a bit stupid of you not to guess it, don't you know, old girl. we've been courting long enough." mildred hastened to congratulate the strange bride and wish her happiness, with all that unusual grace which she knew how to employ in adorning the usual. "i thought i should like you to be the first to know," said tims, sentimentally, after a while; "because i was your bridesmaid, you see. it was the prettiest wedding i ever saw, and i should love to have a wedding like yours--all of us carrying lilies, you know." "i remember there were green stains on my wedding-dress," returned mildred, with forced gayety. tims, temporarily oblivious of all awkward circumstances, continued, still more sentimentally: "then i was there, as i've told you, when ian's pop came to poor old m. poor old girl! she was awfully spifligatingly happy, and i feel just the same now myself." "well, it wasn't i, anyhow, who felt 'awfully spifligatingly happy' on that occasion," replied mildred, with a touch of asperity in her voice. tims, legitimately absorbed in her own feelings, did not notice it. she continued: "i dare say the world will say mr. fitzalan had an eye on my money; and it's true i've done pretty well with my investments. but, bless you! he hadn't a notion of that. you see, i was brought up to be stingy, and i enjoy it. he thought of course i was a pauper, and proposed we should pauper along together. he was quite upset when he found i was an heiress. wasn't it sweet of him?" mildred said it was. "flora fitzalan!" breathed tims, clasping her hands and smiling into space. "isn't it a pretty name? it's always been my dream to have a pretty name." then suddenly, as though in a flash seeing all those personal disadvantages which she usually contrived to ignore: "life's a queer lottery, mil, my girl. we know what we are, we know not what we shall be, as old billy says. who'd ever have thought that a nice, quiet girl like milly, marrying the lad of her heart and all that, would come to such awful grief; while look at me--a queer kind of girl you'd have laid your bottom dollar wouldn't have much luck, prospering like anything, well up in the science business, and now, what's ever so much better, scrumptiously happy with a good sort of her own. upon my word, mil, i've half a mind to fetch old m. back to sympathize with me, for although you've said a peck of nice things, i don't believe you understand what i'm feeling the way the old girl would." mildred went a little pale and spoke quickly. "you won't do that really, tims? you won't be so cruel to--to every one?" "i don't know. i don't see why you're always to be jolly and have everything your own way. oh, lord! when i think how happy old m. was when she was engaged, the same as i am, and then on her wedding-day--just the same as i shall be on mine." mildred straightened out the frill of a muslin cushion cover, her head bent. "just so. she had everything _her_ own way that time. i gave her that happiness, it was all my doing. she's had it and she ought to be content. don't be a fool, tims--" she lifted her face and tims was startled by its expression--"can't you see how hard it is on me never to be allowed the happiness you've got and milly's had? don't you think i might care to know what love is like for myself? don't you think i might happen to want--i tell you i'm a million times more alive than milly--and i want--i want everything a million times more than she does." tims was astonished. "but it's always struck me, don't you know, that ian was a deal more in love with you than he ever was with poor old m." "and you pretend to be in love and think that's enough! it's not enough; you must know it's not. it's like sitting at a barmecide feast, very hungry, only the barmecide's sitting opposite you eating all the time and talking about his food. i tell you it's maddening, perfectly maddening--" there was a fierce vehemence in her face, her voice, the clinch of her slender hands on the muslin frill. that strong vitality which before had seemed to carry her lightly as on wings, over all the rough places of life, had now not failed, but turned itself inwards, burning in an intense flame at once of pain and of rebellion against its own pain. tims in the midst of her happiness, felt vaguely scared. mildred seeing it, recovered herself and plunged into the usual engagement talk. in a few minutes she was her old beguiling self--the self to whose charm tims was as susceptible in her way as thomas the rhymer had been in his. when she had left, and from time to time thereafter, tims felt vaguely uncomfortable, remembering mildred's outburst of vehement bitterness on the subject of love. it was so unlike her usual careless tone, which implied that it was men's business, or weakness, to be in love with women, and that only second-rate women fell in love themselves. mildred seemed altogether more serious than she used to be, and milly herself could not have been more sympathetic over the engagement. even mr. fitzalan, when tims brought him to call on the stewarts was not afraid of her, and found it possible to say a few words in reply to her remarks. tims's ceremonious way of speaking of her betrothed, whom she never mentioned except as mr. fitzalan, made ian reflect with sad humor on the number of offensively familiar forms of address which he himself had endured from her, and on the melancholy certainty that she had never spoken of him in his absence by any name more respectful than the plain unprefixed "stewart." but he hoped that the excitement of her engagement had wiped out of her remembrance that afternoon when poor milly had tried to return. for he did not like to think of that moment of weakness in which he had allowed tims to divine so much of a state of mind which he could not unveil even to himself without a certain shame. chapter xxix the summer was reaching its height. the weather was perfect. night after night hot london drawing-rooms were crowded to suffocation, awnings sprang mushroom-like from every west end pavement; the sound of music and the rolling of carriages made night, if not hideous, at least discordant to the unconsidered minority who went to bed as usual. outside in the country, even in the suburbs, june came in glory, with woods in freshest livery of green, with fragrance of hawthorn and broom and gorse, buttercup meadows and gardens brimmed with roses. it seemed to george goring and mildred as though somehow this warmth, this gayety and richness of life in the earth had never been there before, but that fate and nature, of which their love was part, were leading them on in a great festal train to the inevitable consummation. the flame of life had never burned clearer or more steadily in mildred, and every day she felt a growing confidence in having won so complete a possession of her whole bodily machinery that it would hardly be in the power of milly to dethrone her. the sight of george goring, the touch of his hand, the very touch of his garment, gave her a feeling of unconquerable life. it was impossible that she and george should part. all her sanguine and daring nature cried out to her that were she once his, milly should not, could not, return. tims, too, was there in reserve. not that tims would feel anything but horror at mildred's conduct in leaving ian and tony; but the thing done, she would recognize the impossibility of allowing milly to return to such a situation. ian, whose holidays were usually at the inevitable periods, was by some extraordinary collapse of that bloated thing, the academic conscience, going away for a fortnight in june. he had been deputed to attend a centenary celebration at some german university, and a conference of savants to be held immediately after it, presented irresistible attractions. one sunday tims and mr. fitzalan went to hampton court with the usual crowd of german, italian, and french hair-dressers, waiters, cooks, and restaurant-keepers, besides native cockneys of all classes except the upper. the noble old palace welcomed this mass of very common humanity with such a pageant of beauty as never greeted the eyes of its royal builders. centuries of sunshine seem to have melted into the rich reds and grays and cream-color of its walls, under which runs a quarter of a mile of flower-border, a glowing mass of color, yet as full of delicate and varied detail as the border of an illuminated missal. everywhere this modern wealth and splendor of flowers is arranged, as jewels in a setting, within the architectural plan of the old garden. there the dark yews retain their intended proportion, the silver fountain rises where it was meant to rise, although it sprinkles new, unthought-of lilies. behind it, on either side the stately vista of water, and beside it, in the straight alley, the trees in the freshness and fulness of their leafage, stand tall and green, less trim and solid it may be, but essentially as they were meant to stand when the garden grew long ago in the brain of a man. and out there beyond the terrace the thames flows quietly, silverly on, seeming to shine with the memory of all the loveliness those gliding waters have reflected, since their ripples played with the long, tremulous image of lechlade spire. seen from the cool, deep-windowed rooms of the palace, where now the pictures hang and hundreds of plebeian feet tramp daily, the gardens gave forth a burning yet pleasant glow of heat and color in the full sunshine. tims and mr. fitzalan, having eaten their frugal lunch early under the blossoming chestnut-trees in bushey park, went into the picture gallery in the palace at an hour when it happened to be almost empty. the queer-looking woman not quite young, and the little, bald, narrow-chested, short-sighted man, would not have struck the passers-by as being a pair of lovers. a few sympathetic smiles, however, had been bestowed upon another couple seated in the deep window of one of the smaller rooms; a pretty young woman and an attractive man. the young man had disposed his hat and a newspaper in such a way as not to make it indecently obvious that he was holding her hand. it was she who called attention to the fact by hasty attempts to snatch it away when people came in. "what do you do that for?" asked the young man. "there's not the slightest chance of any one we know coming along." "but george--" "do try and adapt yourself to your _milieu_. these people are probably blaming me for not putting my arm around your waist." "george! what an idiot you are!" she laughed a nervous laugh. by this time the last party of fat, dark young women in rainbow hats, and narrow-shouldered, anæmic young men, had trooped away towards food. goring waited till the sound of their footsteps had ceased. he was holding mildred's hand, but he had drawn it out from under the newspaper now, and the gay audacity of his look had changed to something at once more serious and more masterful. "i don't like your seeming afraid, mildred," he said. "it spoils my idea of you. i like to think of you as a high-spirited creature, conscious enough of your own worth to go your own way and despise the foolish comments of the crowd." to hear herself so praised by him made the clear pink rise to mildred's cheeks. how could she bear to fall below the level of his expectation, although the thing he expected of her had dangers of which he was ignorant? "i'm glad you believe that of me," she said; "although it's not quite true. i cared a good deal about the opinion of the world before--before i knew you; only i was vain enough to think it would never treat me very badly." "it won't," he replied, his audacious smile flashing out for a moment. "it'll come sneaking back to you before long; it can't keep away. besides, i'm cynic enough to know my own advantages, mildred. society doesn't sulk forever with wealthy people, whatever they choose to do." she answered low: "but i shouldn't care if it did, george. i want you--just to go right away with you." a wonderful look of joy and tenderness came over his face. "mildred! can it really be you saying that?" he breathed. "really you, mildred?" they looked each other in the eyes and were silent a minute; but while the hand next the window held hers, the other one stole out farther to clasp her. he was too much absorbed in that gaze to notice anything beyond it; but mildred was suddenly aware of steps and a voice in the adjoining room. tims and mr. fitzalan, in the course of a conscientious survey of all the pictures on the walls, had reached this point in their progress. the window-seat on which goring and mildred were sitting was visible through a doorway, and tims had on her strongest glasses. since her engagement, tims's old-maidish bringing up seemed to be bearing fruit for the first time. "i think we'd better cough or do something," she said. "there's a couple in there going on disgracefully. i do think spooning in public such bad form." "i dare say they think they're alone," returned the charitable mr. fitzalan, unable to see the delinquents because he was trying to put a loose lens back into his eye-glasses. tims came to his assistance, talking loudly; and her voice was of a piercing quality. mildred, leaning forward, saw mr. fitzalan and tims, both struggling with eye-glasses. she slipped from george's encircling arm and stood in the doorway of the farther room, beckoning to him with a scared face. he got up and followed her. "what's the matter?" he asked, more curious than anxious; for an encounter with lady augusta in person could only precipitate a crisis he was ready to welcome. why should one simple, definite step from an old life to a new one, which his reason as much as his passion dictated, be so incredibly difficult to take? mildred hurried him away, explaining that she had seen some one she knew very well. he pointed out that it was of no real consequence. she could not tell him that if tims suspected anything before the decisive step was taken, one of the safeguards under which she took it might fail. they found no exit at the end of the suite of rooms, still less any place of concealment. tims and mr. fitzalan came upon them discussing the genuineness of a picture in the last room but one. when tims saw that it was mildred, she made some of the most dreadful grimaces she had ever made in her life. making them, she approached mildred, who seeing there was no escape, turned around and greeted her with a welcoming smile. "were you--were you sitting on that window-seat?" asked tims, fixing her with eyes that seemed bent on piercing to her very marrow. mildred smiled again, with a broader smile. "i don't know about 'that window-seat.' i've sat on a good many window-seats, naturally, since i set forth on this pilgrimage. is there anything particular about that one? i've never seen hampton court before, mr. fitzalan, so as some people i knew were coming to-day, i thought i'd come too. may i introduce mr. goring?" so perfectly natural and easy was mildred's manner, that tims already half disbelieved her own eyes. they must have played her some trick; yet how could that be? she recalled the figures in the window-seat, as seen with all the peculiar, artificial distinctness conferred by strong glasses. the young man called goring had smiled into the hidden face of his companion in a manner that tims could not approve. she made up her mind that as soon as she had leisure she would call on mildred and question her once more, and more straitly, concerning the mystery of that window-seat. chapter xxx on monday and tuesday an interesting experiment which she was conducting under carus claimed tims's whole attention, except for the evening hours, which were dedicated to mr. fitzalan. but she wrote to say that mildred might expect her to tea on wednesday. on wednesday the post brought her a note from mildred, dated tuesday, midnight. "dear tims,--i am afraid you will not find me to-morrow afternoon, as i am going out of town. but do go to tea with tony, who is just back from the sea and looking bonny. he is such a darling! i always mind leaving him, although of course i am not his mother. oh, dear, i am so sleepy, i hardly know what i am saying. good-bye, tims, dear. i am very glad you are so happy with that nice mr. fitzalan of yours. yours, m. b. s." so far the note, although bearing signs of haste, was in mildred's usual clear handwriting; but there was a postscript scrawled crookedly across the inner sides of the sheet and prefixed by several flourishes: "meet me at paddington 4.30 train to-morrow. meet me. m." another flourish followed. the note found tims at the laboratory, which she had not intended leaving till half-past four. but the perplexing nature of the postscript, conflicting as it did with the body of the letter, made her the more inclined to obey its direction. she arrived at paddington in good time and soon caught sight of mildred, although for the tenth part of a second she hesitated in identifying her; for mildred seldom wore black, although she looked well in it. to-day she was dressed in a long, black silk wrap--which, gathered about her slender figure by a ribbon, concealed her whole dress--and wore a long, black lace veil which might have baffled the eyes of a mere acquaintance. tims could not fail to recognize that willowy figure, with its rare grace of motion, that amber hair, those turquoise-blue eyes that gleamed through the swathing veil with a restless brilliancy unusual even in them. with disordered dress and hat on one side, tims hastened after mildred. "so here you are!" she exclaimed; "that's all right! i managed to come, you see, though it's been a bit of a rush." mildred looked around at her, astonished, possibly dismayed; but the veil acted as a mask. "well, this is a surprise, tims! what on earth brought you here? is anything the matter?" "just what i wanted to know. why are you in black? going to a funeral?" "good heavens, no! the only funeral i mean to go to will be my own. but, tims, i thought you were going to tea with tony. why have you come here?" "didn't you tell me to come in the postscript of your letter?" mildred was evidently puzzled. "i don't remember anything about it," she said. "i was frightfully tired when i wrote to you--in fact, i went to sleep over the letter; but i can't imagine how i came to say that." tims was not altogether surprised. she had had an idea that mildred was not answerable for that postscript, but mildred herself had no clew to the mystery, never having been told of milly's written communication of a year ago. she sickened at the possibility that in some moment of aberration she might have written words meant for another on the note to tims. tims felt sure that milly wished her to do something--but what? "where are you going?" she asked. "what are you going to do?" "i'm going to stay with some friends who have a house on the river, and i'm going to do--what people always do on the river. any other questions to ask, tims?" "yes. i should like to know who your friends are." mildred laughed nervously. "you won't be any the wiser if i tell you." and in the instant she reflected that what she said was true. "i am going to the gorings'." the difference between that and the exact truth was only the difference between the plural and the singular. "don't go, old girl," said tims, earnestly. "come back to tony with me and wait till ian comes home." mildred was very pale behind the heavy black lace of her veil and her heart beat hard; but she spoke with self-possession. "don't be absurd, tims. tony is perfectly well, and there's mr. goring who is to travel down with me. how can i possibly go back? you're worrying about milly, i suppose. well, i'm rather nervous about her myself. i always am when i go away alone. you don't mind my telling them to wire for you if i sleep too long, do you? and you'd come as quick as ever you could? think how awkward it would be for milly and for--for the gorings." "i'd come right enough," returned tims, sombrely. "but if you feel like that, don't go." "i don't feel like that," replied mildred; "i never felt less like it, or i shouldn't go. still, one should be prepared for anything that may happen. all the same, i very much doubt that you will ever see your poor friend milly again, tims. you must try to forgive me. now do make haste and go to darling tony--he's simply longing to have you. i see mr. goring has taken our places in the train, and i shall be left behind if i don't go. good-bye, old tims." mildred kissed tims's heated, care-distorted face, and turned away to where goring stood at the book-stall buying superfluous literature. tims saw him lift his hat gravely to mildred. it relieved her vaguely to notice that there seemed no warmth or familiarity about their greeting. she turned away towards the metropolitan railway, not feeling quite sure whether she had failed in an important mission or merely made a fool of herself. she found tony certainly looking bonny, and no more inclined to break his heart about his mother's departure than any other healthy, happy child under like circumstances. indeed, it may be doubted whether a healthy, happy child, unknowing whence its beatitudes spring, does not in its deepest, most vital moment regard all grown-up people as necessary nuisances. no one came so delightfully near being another child as mildred; but tims was a capital playfellow too, a broad comedian of the kind appreciated on the nursery boards. a rousing game with him and an evening at the theatre with mr. fitzalan, distracted tims's thoughts from her anxieties. but at night she dreamed repeatedly and uneasily of milly and mildred as of two separate persons, and of mr. goring, whose vivid face seen in the full light of the window at hampton court, returned to her in sleep with a distinctness unobtainable in her waking memory. on the following day her work with sir james carus was of absorbing interest, and she came home tired and preoccupied with it. yet her dreams of the night before recurred in forms at once more confused and more poignant. at two o'clock in the morning she awoke, crying aloud: "i must get milly back"; and her pillow was wet with tears. for the two following hours she must have been awake, because she heard all the quarters strike from a neighboring church-tower, yet they appeared like a prolonged nightmare. the emotional impression of some forgotten dream remained, and she passed them in an agony of grief for she knew not what, of remorse for having on a certain summer afternoon denied milly's petition for her assistance, and of intense volition, resembling prayer, for milly's return. chapter xxxi the intense heat of early afternoon quivered on the steep woods which fell to the river opposite the house. the sunlit stream curved under them, moving clear and quiet over depths of brown, tangled water-growths, and along its fringe of gray and green reeds and grasses and creamy plumes of meadow-sweet. the house was not very large. it was square and white; an old wistaria, an old gloire-de-dijon, and a newer carmine cluster-rose contended for possession of its surface. striped awnings were down over all the lower windows and some of the upper. a large lawn, close-shorn and velvety green, as only thames-side lawns can be, stretched from the house to the river. it had no flower-beds on it, but a cedar here, an ilex there, dark and substantial on their own dark shadows, and trellises and pillars overrun by a flood of roses of every shade, from deep crimson to snow white. the lawn was surrounded by shrubberies and plantations, and beyond it there was nothing to be seen except the opposite woods and the river, and sometimes boats passing by with a measured sound of oars in the rowlocks, or the temporary commotion of a little steam-launch. it looked a respectable early victorian house, but it had never been quite that, for it had been built by george goring's father fifty years earlier, and he himself had spent much of his boyhood there. everything and every one seemed asleep, except a young man in flannels with a flapping hat hanging over his eyes, who stood at the end of a punt and pretended to fish. there was no one to look at him or at the house behind him, and if there had been observers, they would not have guessed that they were looking at the garden of eden and that he was adam. only last evening he and that fair eve of his had stood by the river in the moonlight, where the shattering hawthorn-bloom made the air heavy with sweetness, and had spoken to each other of this their exquisite, undreamed-of happiness. there had been a before, there would be an after, when they must stand on their defence against the world, must resist a thousand importunities, heart-breaking prayers, to return to the old, false, fruitless existence. but just for these days they could be utterly alone in their paradise, undisturbed even by the thoughts of others, since no one knew they were there and together. alas! they had been so only forty-eight hours, and already a cold little serpent of anxiety had crept in among their roses. before entrusting herself to him, mildred had told him that, in spite of her apparent good health, she was occasionally subject to long trance-like fits, resembling sleep; should this happen, it would be useless to call an ordinary doctor, but that a miss timson, a well-known scientific woman and a friend of hers, must be summoned at once. he had taken miss timson's address and promised to do so; but mildred had not seemed to look upon the fit as more than a remote contingency. perhaps the excitement, the unconscious strain of the last few days had upset her nerves; for this morning she had lain in what he had taken for a natural sleep, until, finding her still sleeping profoundly at noon, he had remembered her words and telegraphed to miss timson. an answer to his telegram, saying that miss timson would come as soon as possible, lay crumpled up at the bottom of the punt. the serpent was there, but goring did not allow its peeping coils thoroughly to chill his roses. his temperament was too sanguine, he felt too completely steeped in happiness, the weather was too beautiful. most likely mildred would be all right to-morrow. meantime, up there in the shaded room, she who had been mildred began to stir in her sleep. she opened her eyes and gazed through the square window, at the sunlit awning that overhung it, and at the green leaves and pale buds of the gloire-de-dijon rose. there was a hum of bees close by that seemed like the voice of the hot sunshine. it should have been a pleasant awakening, but milly awoke from that long sleep of hers with a brooding sense of misfortune. the remembrance of the afternoon when she had so suddenly been snatched away returned to her, but it was not the revelation of ian's passionate love for her supplanter that came back to her as the thing of most importance. surely she must have known that long before, for now the pain seemed old and dulled from habit. it was the terrible strength with which the evil spirit had possessed her, seizing her channels of speech even while she was still there, hurling her from her seat without waiting for the passivity of sleep. no, her sense of misfortune was not altogether, or even mainly, connected with that last day of hers. unlike mildred, she had up till now been without any consciousness of things that had occurred during her quiescence, and she had now no vision; only a strong impression that something terrible had befallen ian. she looked around the bedroom, and it seemed to her very strange; something like an hotel room, yet at once too sumptuous and too shabby. there was a faded pink flock wall-paper with a gilt pattern upon it, the chairs were gilded and padded and covered with worn pink damask, the bed was gilded and hung with faded pink silk curtains. everywhere there was pink and gilding, and everywhere it was old and faded and rubbed. a few early victorian lithographs hung on the walls, portraits of ballet-dancers and noblemen with waists and whiskers. no one had tidied the room since the night before, and fine underclothing was flung carelessly about on chairs, a fussy petticoat here, the bodice of an evening dress there; everywhere just that touch of mingled daintiness and disorder which by this time milly recognized only too well. the bed was large, and some one else had evidently slept there besides herself, for the sheet and pillow were rumpled and there was a half-burnt candle and a man's watch-chain on the small table beside it. wherever she was then, ian was there too, so that she was at a loss to understand her own sinister foreboding. she pulled at the bell-rope twice. there were only three servants in the house; a housekeeper and two maids, who all dated from the days of mrs. maria idle, ex-mistress of the late lord ipswich, dead herself now some six months. the housekeeper was asleep, the maids out of hearing. she opened the door and found a bathroom opposite her bedroom. it had a window which showed her a strip of lawn with flower-beds upon it, beyond that shrubberies and tall trees which shut out any farther view. a hoarse cuckoo was crying in the distance, and from the greenery came a twittering of birds and sometimes a few liquid pipings; but there was no sound of human life. the place seemed as empty as an enchanted palace in a fairy story. milly's toilet never took her very long. she put on a fresh, simple cotton dress, which seemed to have been worn the day before, and was just hesitating as to whether she should go down or wait for ian to come, when clarkson, the housekeeper, knocked at her door. "i thought if you was awake, madam, you might like a bit of lunch," she said. milly refused, for this horrible feeling of depression and anxiety made her insensible to hunger. she looked at the housekeeper with a certain surprise, for clarkson was as decorated and as much the worse for wear as the furniture of the bedroom. she was a large, fat woman, laced into a brown cashmere dress, with a cameo brooch on her ample bosom; her hair was unnaturally black, curled and dressed high on the top of her head, she had big gold earrings, and a wealth of powder on her large, red face. "can you tell me where i am likely to find mr. stewart?" asked milly, politely. the woman stared, and when she answered there was more than a shade of insolence in her coarse voice and smile. "i'm sure i can't tell, madam. mr. stewart's not our gentleman here." milly, understanding the reply as little as the housekeeper had understood the question, yet felt that some impertinence was intended and turned away. there was nothing for it but to explore on her own account. a staircase of the dull victorian kind led down to a dark, cool hall. the front door was open. she walked to it and stood under a stumpy portico, looking out. the view was much the same as that seen from the bathroom, only that instead of grass and flower-beds there was a gravel sweep, and, just opposite the front door, a circle of grass with a tall monkey-puzzle tree in the centre. except for the faded gorgeousness of the bedroom, the house looked like an ordinary country house, belonging to old people who did not care to move with the times. why should she feel at every step a growing dread of what might meet her there? she turned from the portico and opened, hesitatingly, the door of a room on the opposite side of the hall. it was a drawing-room, with traces of the same shabby gorgeousness that prevailed in the bedroom, but mitigated by a good deal of clean, faded chintz; and at one end was a brilliant full-length millais portrait of mrs. maria idle in blue silk and a crinoline. it was a long room, pleasant in the dim light; for although it had three windows, the farthest a french one and open, all were covered with awnings, coming low down and showing nothing of the outer world but a hand's breadth of turf and wandering bits of creeper. it was sweet with flowers, and on a consol table before a mirror stood a high vase from which waved and twined tall sprays and long streamers of cluster-roses, carmine and white. it was beautiful, yet milly turned away from it almost with a shudder. she recognized the touch of the hand that must have set the roses there. and the nameless horror grew upon her. except for the flowers, there was little sign of occupation in the room. a large round rosewood table was set with blue glass vases on mats and some dozen photograph--albums and gift-books, dating from the sixties. but on a stool in a corner lay a newspaper; and the date on it gave her a shock. she had supposed herself to have been away about four months; she found she had been gone sixteen. there had been plenty of time for a misfortune to happen, and she felt convinced that it had happened. but what? if ian or tony were dead she would surely still be in mourning. then on a little rosewood escritoire, such as ladies were wont to use when they had nothing to write, she spied an old leather writing-case with the initials m. b. f. upon it. it was one aunt beatrice had given her when she first went to ascham, and it seemed to look on her pleasantly, like the face of an old friend. she found a few letters in the pockets, among them one from ian written from berlin a few days before, speaking of his speedy return and of tony's amusing letter from the sea-side. she began to hope her feeling of anxiety and depression might be only the shadow of the fear and anguish which she had suffered on that horrible afternoon sixteen months ago. she must try not to think about it, must try to be bright for ian's sake. some one surely was with her at this queer place, since she was sharing a room with another person--probably a female friend of that other's, who had such a crowd of them. she drew the awning half-way up and stood on the step outside the french window. the lawn, the trees, the opposite hills were unknown to her, but the spirit of the river spoke to her familiarly, and she knew it for the thames. a gardener in shirt-sleeves was filling a water-barrel by the river, under a hawthorn-tree, and the young man in the punt was putting up his fishing-tackle. as she looked, the strangeness of the scene passed away. she could not say where it was, but in some dream or vision she had certainly seen this lawn, that view, before; when the young man turned and came nearer she would know his face. and the dim, horrible thing that was waiting for her somewhere about the quiet house, the quiet garden, seemed to draw a step nearer, to lift its veil a little. who was it that had stood not far from where the gardener was standing now, and seen the moon hanging large and golden over the mystery of the opposite woods? whoever it was, some one's arm had been fast around her and there had been kisses--kisses. it took but a few seconds for these half-revelations to drop into her mind, and before she had had time to reflect upon them, the young man in the punt looked up and saw her standing there on the step. he took off his floppy hat and waved it to her; then he put down his tackle, ran to the near end of the punt and jumped lightly ashore. he came up the green lawn, and her anxiety sent her down to meet him almost as eagerly as love would have done. the hat shaded all the upper part of his face, and at a distance, in the strong sunshine, the audacious chin, the red lower lip, caught her eye first and seemed to extinguish the rest of the face. and suddenly she disliked them. who was the man, and how did she come to know him? but former experiences of strange awakenings had made her cautious, self-controlling, almost capable of hypocrisy. "so you're awake!" shouted george, still a long way down the lawn. "good! how are you? all right?" she nodded "yes," with a constrained smile. in a minute they had met, he had turned her around, and with his arm under hers was leading her towards the house again. "all right? really all right?" he asked very softly, pressing her arm with his hand and stooping his head to bring his mouth on a level with her ear. "very nearly, at any rate," she answered, coldly, trying to draw away from him. "what are you doing that for?" he asked. "afraid of shocking the gardener, eh? what queer little dear little ways you've got! i suppose undines are like that." he drew her closer to him as he threw back his head and laughed a noisy laugh that jarred upon her nerves. milly began to feel indignant. it was just possible that a younger sister in australia might have married and brought this extraordinary young man home to england, but his looks, his tone, were not fraternal; and she had never forgotten the maxwell davison episode. she walked on stiffly. "every one seems to be out," she observed, as calmly as she could. he frowned. "you mean those devils of servants haven't been looking after you?" he asked. "yet i gave clarkson her orders. of course they're baggages, but i haven't had the heart to send them away from the old place, for who on earth would take them? i expect we aren't improving their chances, you and i, at this very moment; in spite of respecting the gardener's prejudices." he chuckled, as at some occult joke of his own. they stooped together under the half-raised awning of the french window, and entered the dim, flower-scented drawing-room side by side. the young man threw off his hat, and she saw the silky ripple of his nut-brown hair, his smooth forehead, his bright-glancing hazel eyes, all the happy pleasantness of his countenance. before she had had time to reconsider her dislike of him, he had caught her in his arms and kissed her hair and face, whispering little words of love between the kisses. for one paralyzed moment milly suffered these dreadful words, these horrible caresses. then exerting the strength of frenzy, she pushed him from her and bounded to the other side of the room, entrenching herself behind the big rosewood table with its smug mats and vases and albums. "you brute! you brute! you hateful cad!" she stammered with trembling lips; "how dare you touch me?" george goring stared at her with startled eyes. "mildred! dearest! good god! what's gone wrong?" "where's my husband?" she asked, in a voice sharp with anger and terror. "i want to go--i must leave this horrid place at once." "your husband?" it was goring's turn to feel himself plunged into the midst of a nightmare, and he grew almost as pale as milly. how in heaven's name was he going to manage her? she looked very ill and must of course be delirious. that would have been alarming in any case, and this particular form of delirium was excruciatingly painful. "yes, my husband--where is he? i shall tell him how you've dared to insult me. i must go. this is your house--i must leave it at once." goring did not attempt to come near her. he spoke very quietly. "try and remember, mildred; stewart is not here. he will not even be in england till to-morrow. you are alone with me. hadn't you better go to bed again and--" he was about to say, "wait until miss timson comes," but as it was possible that the advent of the person she had wished him to summon might now irritate her, he substituted--"and keep quiet? i promise not to come near you if you don't wish to see me." "i am alone here with you?" milly repeated, slowly, and pressed her hand to her forehead. "good god," she moaned to herself, "what can have happened?" "yes. for heaven's sake, go and lie down. i expect the doctor can give you something to soothe your nerves and then perhaps you'll remember." she made a gesture of fierce impatience. "you think i'm mad, but i'm not. i have been mad and i am myself again; only i can't remember anything that's happened since i went out of my mind. i insist upon your telling me. who are you? i never saw you before to my knowledge." her voice, her attitude were almost truculent as she faced him, her right hand dragging at the loose clasp of a big photograph album. every word, every look, was agony to goring, but he controlled himself by an effort. "i am george goring," he said, slowly, and paused with anxious eyes fixed upon her, hoping that the name might yet stir some answering string of tenderness in the broken lyre of her mind. she too paused, as though tracking some far-off association with the name. then: "ah! poor lady augusta's husband," she repeated, yet sterner than before in her anger. "my friend lady augusta's husband! and why am i here alone with you, mr. goring?" "because i am your lover, mildred. because i love you better than any one or any thing in the world; and yesterday you thought you loved me, you thought you could trust all your life to me." she had known the answer already in her heart, but the fact stated plainly by another, became even more dreadful, more intolerable, than before. she uttered a low cry and covered her eyes with her hand. "mildred--dearest!" he breathed imploringly. then she raised her head and looked straight at him with flaming eyes, this fair, fragile creature transformed into a pitiless fury. she forgot that indeed an evil spirit had dwelt within her; george goring might be victim rather than culprit. in this hour of her anguish the identity of that body of hers, which through him was defiled, that honor of hers, yes and of ian stewart's, which through him was dragged in the dust, made her no longer able to keep clearly in mind the separateness of the mildred stewart of yesterday from herself. "i tell you i was mad," she gasped; "and you--you vile, wicked man!--you took advantage of it to ruin my life--to ruin my husband's life! you must know ian stewart, a man whose shoes you are not fit to tie. do you think any woman in her senses would leave him for you? ah!--" she breathed a long, shuddering breath and her hand was clinched so hard upon the loose album clasp that it ran into her palm. "mildred!" cried george, staggered, stricken as though by some fiery rain. "i ought to be sorry for your wife," she went on. "she is a splendid woman, she has done nothing to deserve that you should treat her so scandalously. but i can't--i can't"--a dry sob caught her voice--"be sorry for any one except myself and ian. i always knew i wasn't good enough to be his wife, but i was so proud of it--so proud--and now--oh, it's too horrible! i'm not fit to live." george had sunk upon a chair and hidden his face in his hands. "don't say that," he muttered hoarsely, almost inaudibly. "it was my doing." she broke out again. "of course it was. it's nothing to you, i suppose. you've broken my husband's heart and mine too; you've hopelessly disgraced us both and spoiled our lives; and all for the sake of a little amusement, a little low pleasure. we can't do anything, we can't punish you; but if curses were any use, oh, how i could curse you, mr. goring!" the sobs rising in a storm choked her voice. she rushed from the room, closing the door behind her and leaving george goring there, his head on his hands. he sat motionless, hearing nothing but the humming silence of the hot afternoon. milly, pressing back her tears, flew across the hall and up the stairs. the vague nightmare thing that had lurked for her in the shadows of the house, when she had descended them so quietly, had taken shape at last. she knew now the unspeakable secret of the pink and gold bedroom, the shabbily gorgeous bed, the posturing dancers, the simpering, tailored noblemen. the atmosphere of it, scented and close, despite the open window, seemed to take her by the throat. she dared not stop to think, lest this sick despair, this loathing of herself, should master her. to get home at once was her impulse, and she must do it before any one could interfere. it was a matter of a few seconds to find a hat, gloves, a parasol. she noticed a purse in the pocket of her dress and counted the money in it. there was not much, but enough to take her home, since she felt sure the river shimmering over there was the thames. she did not stay to change her thin shoes, but flitted down the stairs and out under the portico, as silent as a ghost. the drive curved through a shrubbery, and in a minute she was out of sight of the house. she hurried past the lodge, hesitating in which direction to turn, when a tradesman's cart drove past. she asked the young man who was driving it her way to the station, and he told her it was not very far, but that she could not catch the next train to town if she meant to walk. he was going in that direction himself and would give her a lift if she liked. she accepted the young man's offer; but if he made it in order to beguile the tedium of his way, he was disappointed. the road was dusty and sunny, and this gave her a reason for opening her large parasol. she cowered under it, hiding herself from the women who rolled by in shiny carriages with high-stepping horses; not so much because she feared she might meet acquaintances, as from an instinctive desire to hide herself, a thing so shamed and everlastingly wretched, from every human eye. and so it happened that, when she was close to the station, she missed seeing and being seen by tims, who was driving to mr. goring's house in a hired trap which he had sent to meet her. chapter xxxii milly took a ticket for paddington and hurried to the train, which was waiting at the platform, choosing an empty compartment. action had temporarily dulled the passion of her misery, her rage, her shuddering horror at herself. but alone in the train, it all returned upon her, only with a complete realization of circumstance which made it worse. it had been her impulse to rush to her home, to her husband, as for refuge. now she perceived that there was no refuge for her, no comfort in her despair, but rather another ordeal to be faced. she would have to tell her husband the truth, so far as she knew it. good god! why could she not shake off from her soul the degradation, the burning shame of this fair flesh of hers, and return to him with some other body, however homely, which should be hers and hers alone? she remembered that the man she loathed had said that ian would not be back in england until to-morrow. she supposed the evil thing had counted on stealing home in time to meet him, and would have met him with an innocently smiling face. a moment milly triumphed in the thought that it was she herself who would meet ian and reveal to him the treachery of the creature who had supplanted her in his heart. then with a shudder she hid her face, remembering that it was, after all, her own dishonor and his which she must reveal. he would of course take her back, and if that could be the end, they might live down the thing together. but it would not be the end. "i am the stronger," that evil thing had said, and it was the stronger. at first step by step, now with swift advancing strides, it was robbing her of the months, the years, till soon, very soon, while in the world's eyes she seemed to live and thrive, she would be dead; dead, without a monument, without a tear, her very soul not free and in god's hands, but held somewhere in abeyance. and ian? through what degradation, to what public shame would he, the most refined and sensitive of men, be dragged! his child--her child and ian's--would grow up like that poor wretched george goring, breathing corruption, lies, dishonor, from his earliest years. and she, the wife, the mother, would seem to be guilty of all that, while she was really bound, helpless--dead. the passion of her anger and despair stormed through her veins again with yet greater violence, but this time george goring was forgotten and all its waves broke impotently against that adversary whose diabolical power she was so impotent to resist, who might return to-morrow, to-day for aught she knew. she had been moving restlessly about the compartment, making vehement gestures in her desperation, but now a sudden, terrible, yet calming idea struck her to absolute quietness. there was a way, just one, to thwart this adversary; she could destroy the body into which it thought to return. at the same moment there arose in her soul two opposing waves of emotion--one of passionate self-pity to think that she, so weak and timid, should be driven to destroy herself; the other of triumph over her mortal foe delivered into her hands. she felt a kind of triumph too in the instantaneousness with which she was able to make up her mind that this was the only thing to be done--she, usually so full of mental and moral hesitation. let it be done quickly--now, while the spur of excitement pricked her on. the thing seemed to have a knowledge of her experiences which was not reciprocal. how it would laugh if it recollected in its uncanny way, that she had wanted to kill herself and it with her, that she had had it at her mercy and then had been too weak and cowardly to strike! should she buy some poison when she reached paddington? she knew nothing about poisons and their effects, except that carbolic caused terrible agony, and laudanum was not to be trusted unless you knew the dose. the train was slowing up and the lonely river gleamed silverly below. it beckoned to her, the river, upon whose stream she had spent so many young, happy days. she got out at the little station and walked away from it with a quick, light step, as though hastening to keep some pleasurable appointment. after all the years of weak, bewildered subjection, of defeat and humiliation, her turn had come; she had found the answer to the sphinx's riddle, the way to victory. she knew the place where she found herself, for she had several times made one of a party rowing down from oxford to london. but it was not one of the frequented parts of the river, being a quiet reach among solitary meadows. she remembered that there was a shabby little house standing by itself on the bank where boats could be hired, for they had put in there once to replace an oar, having lost one down a weir in the neighborhood. the weir had not been on the main stream, but they had come upon it in exploring a backwater. it could not be far off. she walked quickly along the bank, turning over and over in her mind the same thoughts; the cruel wrong which now for so many years she had suffered, the final disgrace brought upon her and her husband, and she braced her courage to strike the blow that should revenge all. the act to which this fair-haired, once gentle woman was hurrying along the lonely river-bank, was not in its essence suicide; it was revenge, it was murder. when she came to the shabby little house where the boats lay under an unlovely zinc-roofed shed, she wondered whether she might ask for ink and paper and write to some one. she longed to send one little word to ian; but then what could she say? she could not have seen him and concealed the truth from him, but it was one of the advantages of her disappearance that he need never know the dishonor done him. and she knew he considered suicide a cowardly act. he was quite wrong there. it was an act of heroic courage to go out like this to meet death. it was so lonely; even lonelier than death must always be. she had the conviction that she was not doing wrong, but right. hers was no common case. and for the first time she saw that there might be a reason for this doom which had befallen her. men regard one sort of weakness as a sin to be struggled against, another as something harmless, even amiable, to be acquiesced in. but perhaps all weakness acquiesced in was a sin in the eyes of eternal wisdom, was at any rate to be left to the mercy of its own consequences. she looked back upon her life and saw herself never exerting her own judgment, always following in some one else's tracks, never fighting against her physical, mental, moral timidity. it was no doubt this weakness of hers that had laid her open to the mysterious curse which she was now, by a supreme effort of independent judgment and physical courage, resolved to throw off. a stupid-looking man in a dirty cotton shirt got out the small boat she chose; stared a minute in surprise to see the style in which she, an oxford girl born and bred, handled the sculls, and then went in again to continue sleeping off a pint of beer. she pulled on mechanically, with a long, regular stroke, and one by one scenes, happy river-scenes out of past years, came back to her with wonderful vividness. looking about her she saw an osier-bed dividing the stream, and beside it the opening into the willow-shaded backwater which she remembered. she turned the boat's head into it. heavy clouds had rolled up and covered the sky, and there was a kind of twilight between the dark water and the netted boughs overhead. very soon she heard the noise of a weir. once such a sound had been pleasant in her ears; but now it turned her cold with fear. on one side the backwater flowed sluggishly on around the osier-bed; on the other it hurried smoothly, silently away, to broaden suddenly before it swept in white foam over an open weir into a deep pool below. she trembled violently and the oars moved feebly in her hands, chill for all the warmth of the afternoon. her boat was in the stream which led to the weir, but not yet fully caught by the current. a few more strokes and the thing would be done, she would be carried quickly on and over that dancing, sparkling edge into the deep pool below. her courage failed, could not be screwed to the sticking-point; she hung on the oars, and the boat, as if answering to her thought, stopped, swung half around. as she held the boat with the oars and closed her eyes in an anguish of hesitation and terror, a strange convulsion shook her, such as she had felt once before, and a low cry, not her own, broke from her lips. "no--no!" they uttered, hoarsely. the thing was there then, awake to its danger, and in another moment might snatch her from herself, return laughing at her cowardice, to that house by the river. she pressed her lips hard together, and silently, with all the strength of her hate and of her love, bent to the oars. the little boat shot forward into mid-stream, the current seized it and swept it rapidly on towards the dancing edge of water. she dropped the sculls and a hoarse shriek broke from her lips; but it was not she who shrieked, for in her heart was no fear, but triumph--triumph as of one who is at length avenged of her mortal enemy. * * * * * in the darkened drawing-room, the room so full of traces of all that had been exquisite in mildred stewart, ian mourned alone. presently the door opened a little, and a tall, slender, childish figure in a white smock, slipped in and closed it gently behind him. tony stole up to his father and stood between his knees. he looked at ian, silent, pale, large-eyed. that a grown-up person and a man should shed tears was strange, even portentous, to him. "won't mummy come back, not ever?" asked the child at last, piteously, in a half whisper. "no, never, tony; mummy won't ever come back. she's gone--gone for always." the child looked in his father's eyes strangely, penetratingly. "which mummy?" he asked. the end * * * * * 