







 
   
     
       
         Nugæ venales, or, Complaisant companion being new jests, domestick and forreign, bulls, rhodomontados, pleasant novels and miscellanies.
         Head, Richard, 1637?-1686?
      
       
         
           1675
        
      
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         A43170
         Wing H1266
         ESTC R30764
         11467308
         ocm 11467308
         47794
         
           
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             Nugæ venales, or, Complaisant companion being new jests, domestick and forreign, bulls, rhodomontados, pleasant novels and miscellanies.
             Head, Richard, 1637?-1686?
          
           
             The second edition corrected, with many new additions.
          
           [4], 327 p.
           
             Printed by W.D.
             London :
             1675.
          
           
             In ms. on fly leaf: "By Richard Head."
             Illustrated frontispiece.
             Imperfect: pages creased with print show-through and some loss of print.
             Reproduction of original in the Harvard University Library.
          
        
      
    
     
       
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         eng
      
       
         
           Rogues and vagabonds.
        
      
    
     
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               〈◊〉
               Stout
               be
               Mercifull
            
          
        
      
       
         
         
           
             NUGAE
             VENALES
          
           ,
           OR
           ,
           Complaisant
           companion
           :
           BEING
           NEW
           JESTS
           ,
           Domestick
           and
           Forreign
           ,
           BULLS
           ,
           RHODOMONTADO'S
           ,
           PLEASANT
           NOVELS
           ,
           AND
           ,
           MISCELLANIES
           .
        
         
           The
           Second
           Edition
           Corrected
           ,
           with
           many
           New
           Additions
           .
        
         
           
             
               If
               these
               true
               Jests
               don't
               ev'ry
               Humour
               fit
               ,
            
          
           
             
               Let
               Fops
               ,
               like
               me
               ,
               ne're
               nibble
               more
               as
               Wit.
               
            
          
        
         
           London
           ,
           Printed
           by
           
             W.
             D.
          
           and
           sold
           at
           the
           Ship
           in
           St.
           
             Mary
             Axe
          
           ,
           and
           by
           most
           Booksellers
           ,
           1675.
           
        
      
       
         
         
           THE
           EPISTLE
           TO
           THE
           READER
           .
        
         
           
             CErtainly
             before
             the
          
           Mexican
           
             Conquest
             ,
             never
             did
             the
          
           Indian
           
             Mines
             so
             abound
             with
             Gold
             ,
             as
             doth
             this
             over-curious
             Critical
             Age
             with
             Pretenders
             to
             all
             manner
             of
             Wit
             and
             Ingenuity
             :
             the
             Stage
             is
             throng'd
             ,
             the
             Press
             opprest
             ,
             and
             not
             a
             Coffee-House
             but
             what
             is
             unreasonably
             smoakt
             with
             the
             fumes
             of
             hot
             working
             Brains
             ,
             whose
             only
             hopes
             and
             designs
             are
             ,
             either
             to
             prattle
             ,
             or
             scribble
             themselves
             into
             reputation
             :
             nay
             ,
             the
             Bookseller
             is
             become
             a
          
           Demi
           -
           
             Critick
             ,
             who
             knowing
             not
             what
             to
             have
             ,
             will
             be
             sure
             to
             Censure
             〈…〉
             
             at
             ye
             then
             blind
             Harpers
             ;
             you
             who
             look
             on
             true
             Wit
             with
             as
             many
             Grimaces
             ,
             or
             Monkey-faces
             ,
             as
             if
             some
             Barber
             Chirurgeon
             was
             fumbling
             about
             your
             rotten
             Gums
             with
             a
             rusty
             instrument
             to
             find
             out
             the
             stump
             of
             some
             putrified
             and
             corrupted
             tooth
             ,
             which
             out-stinks
             the
             Devils
          
           Scotch
           
             Ordinary
             ,
             and
             House
             of
             Office
             ,
          
           
             
               'T
               is
               not
               the
               
                 Persian
                 Gulph
              
               ,
               or
               Epsoms-Well
               ,
            
             
               Nor
               Westminsters
               sweet
               Plum-broth
               (
               made
               in
               Hell
               )
            
             
               Can
               change
               my
               Resolution
               ,
               I
               have
               vow'd
            
             
               To
               Speak
               with
               silence
               ,
               and
               to
               VVrite
               aloud
               .
            
          
        
         
           
             You
             ignorant
             brisk
             Fops
             ,
             who
             being
             internally
             blind
             ,
             can
             discern
             no
             farther
             than
             you
             can
             see
             ,
             whose
             gaping
             mouthes
             dam'd
             up
             with
             silent
             Non-sense
             speaks
             loudly
             that
             ye
             are
             full
             of
             emptiness
             ;
             and
             so
             she
             bid
             me
             to
             tell
             you
             ;
             Reason
             ,
             and
             you
             are
             as
             neer
             allyed
             as
             the
          
           Artick
           and
           Antartick
           
             Poles
             ,
             for
             which
             Posterity
             hath
             long
             since
             Registred
             you
             Fools
             ,
             and
             former
             Ages
             ,
             for
             
             the
             time
             to
             come
             ,
             shall
             confirm
             it
             .
          
        
         
           But
           now
           though
           in
           Jest
           let
           me
           be
           in
           earnest
           ,
           when
           after
           you
           have
           read
           what
           is
           before
           ,
           and
           in
           the
           middle
           ,
           you
           meet
           with
           the
           Bulls
           ,
           if
           they
           please
           you
           ,
           as
           much
           as
           they
           are
           like
           you
           ,
           then
           assure
           your self
           the
           next
           time
           ,
           my
           Bulls
           Calve
           ,
           you
           shall
           have
           more
           of
           them
           .
           For
           further
           satisfaction
           ,
           at
           which
           time
           you
           shall
           have
           
             Dunsmore
             Cows-milk
          
           to
           make
           Sillebubs
           ;
           I
           know
           you
           must
           like
           them
           ,
           being
           so
           like
           your selves
           ;
           and
           to
           tell
           you
           the
           truth
           ,
           I
           play'd
           the
           Bear
           to
           lick
           them
           into
           a
           form
           ,
           as
           like
           you
           as
           I
           could
           ,
           and
           I
           think
           I
           have
           done
           it
           monstrously
           well
           ,
           if
           I
           am
           not
           deceived
           :
           for
           know
           ,
           though
           I
           will
           give
           place
           ,
           yet
           I
           will
           never
           precedency
           ,
           neither
           to
           
             Merry
             Andrew
          
           ,
           the
           
             VVestminster
             Quibler
             ,
             Pasquin
          
           ,
           or
           any
           other
           Scribler
           famous
           for
           propagating
           Laughter
           by
           Buffonry
           ,
           and
           Non-sense
           ,
           or
           
             infamous
             ,
             and
             detestable
             ,
             causeless
             and
             Villanous
             detraction
             ,
             whom
             interest
             would
             ingage
             to
             stab
             his
             Father
             with
             his
             Pen
             ,
             and
             afterwards
             kill
             his
             Brother
             with
             
             his
             Sword
             in
             vindication
             of
             the
             Fact.
             —
             O
             foul
             offence
             !
             This
             Non-sense
             tasts
             of
             too
             much
             Truth
             and
             Sense
             .
          
        
         
           Now
           if
           I
           must
           have
           your
           detracting
           commendations
           ,
           say
           not
           a
           word
           ,
           by
           which
           〈◊〉
           expressions
           my
           ears
           ,
           and
           consequently
           my
           understanding
           will
           be
           informed
           ,
           that
           according
           to
           the
           
             Proverb
             ,
             Consent
             doth
             give
             silence
          
           ;
           but
           if
           your
           toothless
           Censure
           should
           fasten
           upon
           the
           shoulders
           of
           my
           Reputation
           ,
           and
           my
           Credit
           rankle
           by
           the
           venome
           thereof
           ,
           I
           shall
           only
           for
           the
           present
           say
           ,
           
             Farew●l
             and
             behang'd
          
           ,
           and
           that
           is
           twice
           God-boy
           .
        
         
           One
           word
           more
           I
           beg
           leave
           to
           add
           (
           craving
           pardon
           from
           the
           discreat
           for
           the
           preceding
           Ribaldry
           )
           and
           that
           is
           concerning
           the
           Novels
           that
           are
           contained
           in
           this
           Book
           of
           Jests
           ;
           what
           are
           acted
           in
           our
           own
           Country
           are
           new
           ,
           true
           and
           pleasant
           ,
           as
           to
           what
           are
           translated
           ,
           out
           of
           French
           ;
           if
           their
           Plot
           be
           bad
           ,
           impute
           the
           blame
           to
           the
           sterility
           and
           dullness
           of
           Monsieur's
           fancy
           ,
           and
           not
           of
           him
           ,
           who
           is
           your
           Countrey-man
           .
        
      
    
     
       
         
         
           
             DOMESTICK
             JESTS
             ,
             Witty
             Reparties
             ,
             &c.
             
          
           
             A
             Facetious
             Gentleman
             was
             one
             day
             deeply
             engaged
             in
             discourse
             with
             a
             Witty
             Gentlewoman
             ,
             who
             at
             length
             was
             pleas'd
             to
             condemn
             the
             weakness
             of
             her
             Sex
             ;
             nay
             Madam
             ,
             not
             so
             ,
             for
             if
             I
             mistake
             not
             ,
             it
             is
             easie
             to
             prove
             your
             Sex
             stronger
             than
             ours
             ,
             for
             Sampson
             (
             the
             strongest
             man
             living
             )
             carried
             only
             the
             Gates
             of
             the
             City
             on
             his
             Shoulders
             ,
             and
             now
             adayes
             every
             stripling
             Female
             carries
             a
             Tower
             on
             her
             Forehead
             :
             To
             which
             she
             very
             briskly
             replied
             ,
             
               Surely
               Sir
               ,
               you
               have
               a
               capacious
               and
               very
               strong
               head
               ,
               that
               can
               carry
               up
               and
               down
               so
               many
               Wind-mills
               .
            
          
           
           
             IMmediately
             after
             the
             conversion
             of
             a
             Noblemans
             House
             into
             Shops
             ,
             two
             Gentlemen
             walking
             by
             saw
             written
             over
             the
             Entrance
             ,
             
               The
               Midle
               Exchange
            
             ,
             we
             have
             enough
             of
             these
             already
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             which
             without
             any
             addition
             can
             plentifully
             supply
             what
             necessity
             or
             curiosity
             can
             require
             ,
             and
             therefore
             take
             away
             the
             first
             letter
             M.
             and
             then
             the
             name
             and
             nature
             thereof
             will
             both
             correspond
             ,
             by
             reading
             it
             
               The
               Idle
               Exchange
            
             .
          
           
             ONe
             Gentleman
             meeting
             another
             very
             early
             in
             the
             Morning
             ,
             who
             had
             been
             a
             rambling
             all
             Night
             ,
             askt
             him
             where
             he
             had
             been
             ,
             the
             other
             answered
             he
             had
             been
             a
             Hunting
             :
             where
             quoth
             t'other
             ?
             In
             
               Whetstones
               Park
            
             ,
             he
             replied
             ,
             and
             a
             Pox
             on
             't
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             
               I
               can
               find
               never
               a
               hair
               in
               't
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Lord
             desired
             his
             Chaplain
             to
             write
             a
             Copy
             of
             Verses
             on
             his
             Lady
             ,
             who
             was
             a
             very
             great
             Shrew
             ,
             it
             was
             promised
             but
             not
             performed
             ,
             the
             Lord
             asking
             a
             reason
             of
             his
             delay
             ,
             said
             the
             Chaplain
             ,
             
               What
               need
               you
               my
               Lord
               desire
               a
               Copy
               ,
               when
               you
               have
               the
               Original
               ?
            
             my
             Lady
             hearing
             
             thereof
             ,
             caused
             the
             Chaplain
             to
             be
             discharged
             ,
             and
             so
             he
             paid
             for
             his
             Wit.
             
          
           
             A
             Country
             fellow
             ,
             who
             had
             never
             seen
             London
             ,
             was
             abused
             one
             day
             by
             some
             young
             Clerks
             of
             an
             Inn
             of
             Chancery
             ,
             who
             thereupon
             complained
             to
             the
             Principal
             of
             the
             House
             in
             this
             matter
             ;
             
               I
               have
               been
               much
               abused
               by
               a
               company
               of
               Rascals
               belonging
               to
               this
               house
               ,
               and
               being
               informed
               you
               are
               the
               Principal
               ,
               I
               thought
               good
               to
               acquaint
               you
               therewith
               .
            
          
           
             SOme
             Neighbours
             that
             dwelt
             all
             in
             a
             Row
             on
             one
             side
             of
             the
             Street
             ,
             were
             resolved
             to
             be
             Merry
             with
             their
             Wives
             ,
             said
             one
             ,
             they
             say
             we
             are
             all
             Cuckolds
             who
             live
             on
             this
             side
             ,
             but
             one
             ,
             hereupon
             his
             Wife
             was
             in
             her
             dumps
             ,
             how
             now
             Sweet-heart
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             why
             so
             sad
             ?
             I
             am
             not
             sad
             said
             she
             ,
             
               but
               I
               am
               studying
               who
               that
               one
               of
               our
               Neighbours
               it
               should
               be
               ,
               that
               is
               not
               a
               Cuckold
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Citizen
             being
             made
             a
             Cuckold
             by
             his
             Neighbour
             ,
             brings
             his
             Action
             against
             the
             Party
             ,
             and
             lays
             it
             
               Quod
               Clausum
               fregit
               ,
               &
               domum
               intravit
               ,
               &c.
               
            
             The
             business
             coming
             to
             a
             Tryal
             ,
             the
             Ju●y
             
             brought
             in
             a
             Verdict
             for
             the
             Plantiff
             ,
             and
             a
             Mark
             damages
             ;
             the
             Tryal
             being
             over
             ,
             he
             stept
             to
             the
             Jury
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               you
               see
               I
               am
               contented
               to
               enter
               my self
               a
               Cuckold
               on
               Record
               ,
               you
               might
               have
               considered
               it
               is
               very
               likely
               to
               be
               your
               own
               Case
               ,
               and
               yet
               you
               give
               me
               but
               a
               Mark
               dammage
               :
               well
               ,
               I
               hope
               to
               see
               you
               all
               so
               marked
               for
               your
               pains
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Lady
             sent
             her
             Servant
             to
             the
             Play-house
             to
             know
             what
             was
             Acted
             that
             day
             ,
             The
             fellow
             asking
             the
             question
             ,
             he
             was
             answered
             ,
             Go
             tell
             your
             Lady
             
               'T
               is
               pitty
               She
               is
               a
               Whore
               ,
            
             the
             fellow
             misunderstanding
             ,
             and
             thinking
             this
             was
             spoke
             of
             his
             Lady
             ,
             and
             not
             of
             the
             Play
             ,
             replyed
             ,
             
               'T
               is
               pity
               such
               a
               parcel
               of
               Rogues
               ,
               Rascals
               ,
               and
               idle
               Sons
               of
               Whores
               should
               abuse
               honest
               Women
               after
               this
               manner
               .
            
          
           
             THere
             was
             one
             Mr.
             Herring
             ,
             who
             notwithstanding
             his
             Pious
             Function
             ,
             was
             reputed
             a
             good
             fellow
             ;
             one
             day
             returning
             home
             after
             a
             sound
             Fuddle
             ,
             chanced
             to
             fall
             in
             the
             kennel
             ,
             and
             very
             much
             bedaub'd
             himself
             ,
             a
             Gentleman
             passing
             that
             way
             who
             knew
             him
             ,
             took
             him
             up
             ,
             saying
             ,
             Indeed
             Mr.
             Herring
             
               I
               am
               very
               sorry
               to
               see
               you
               in
               such
               a
               sad
               and
               woful
               Pickle
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             seeing
             in
             a
             Play-Bill
             upon
             a
             Post
             ,
             
               A
               great
               Man
               gull'd
            
             ,
             and
             underneath
             ,
             
               By
               his
               Majesties
               Servants
            
             ,
             Read
             it
             thus
             ,
             
               A
               Great
               Man
               gull'd
               by
               his
               Majesties
               Servants
               ,
            
             adding
             to
             it
             these
             words
             ,
             
               By
               my
               Soul
               as
               true
               a
               thing
               as
               ever
               was
               writ
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Parson
             having
             in
             his
             Sermon
             much
             inveighed
             against
             Usury
             ,
             saying
             it
             was
             a
             sin
             as
             bad
             as
             wilful
             Murder
             ;
             a
             little
             after
             wanting
             mony
             ,
             he
             went
             to
             one
             of
             his
             Parishioners
             ,
             and
             desired
             the
             loan
             of
             Twenty
             pounds
             gratis
             for
             3.
             months
             ,
             the
             Man
             remembering
             the
             Parsons
             Sermon
             ,
             said
             ,
             truly
             Sir
             ,
             
               If
               to
               lend
               Money
               upon
               Use
               be
               in
               your
               Opinion
               as
               great
               a
               sin
               as
               Murder
               ,
               in
               my
               Opinion
               to
               lend
               Mony
            
             gratis
             ,
             
               is
               a
               greater
               sin
               than
               Man-slaughter
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             ancient
             Gentlewoman
             desirous
             to
             be
             believed
             young
             ,
             was
             telling
             some
             company
             one
             day
             that
             she
             was
             but
             nine
             and
             Thirty
             years
             of
             age
             ;
             one
             standing
             by
             whispered
             another
             in
             the
             ear
             ,
             saying
             ,
             surely
             she
             must
             be
             more
             then
             fifty
             ,
             to
             which
             he
             replyed
             ,
             
               you
               may
               believe
               what
               you
               please
               ,
               but
               I
               must
               believe
               what
               she
               saith
               is
               a
               truth
               ,
               she
               having
               told
               me
               so
               this
               Ten
               years
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             whose
             name
             was
             Church
             sitting
             in
             a
             Chimny-corner
             in
             the
             Winter
             time
             drinking
             of
             a
             pot
             of
             Ale
             ,
             askt
             the
             question
             ,
             
               Whether
               any
               of
               the
               Company
               ever
               saw
               a
               Chimny
               in
               a
               Church
               ,
               no
            
             (
             said
             one
             )
             
               but
               I
               now
               see
               a
               Church
               in
               a
               Chimny-corner
               .
            
          
           
             MR.
             Church
             another
             time
             was
             telling
             his
             Friend
             that
             his
             Wife
             was
             with
             Child
             ,
             and
             withal
             ,
             so
             big
             ,
             that
             he
             could
             not
             choose
             but
             wonder
             every
             time
             he
             looke
             upon
             her
             ;
             
               You
               need
               not
               wonder
            
             (
             said
             his
             Friend
             )
             
               do
               you
               not
               know
               your
               Wife
               hath
               a
               Church
               in
               her
               Belly
               ?
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             having
             drank
             very
             hard
             at
             the
             Kings-Head
             Tavern
             ,
             came
             Reeling
             out
             up
             Chancery-Lane
             ,
             and
             and
             chanced
             to
             Reel
             within
             the
             Rails
             of
             the
             Pump
             ,
             and
             kept
             his
             motion
             round
             so
             long
             ,
             that
             he
             was
             tired
             ;
             whereupon
             leaning
             on
             the
             Rail
             ,
             he
             askt
             one
             that
             passed
             by
             where
             he
             was
             ,
             he
             told
             him
             over
             against
             the
             Chancery
             :
             
               I
               thought
               so
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               and
               that
               's
               the
               Reason
               I
               think
               I
               shall
               never
               get
               out
               of
               this
               place
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             had
             kept
             another
             mans
             wife
             company
             so
             long
             till
             he
             began
             to
             be
             tyred
             with
             her
             ,
             and
             the
             sooner
             to
             be
             rid
             of
             her
             ,
             got
             a
             friend
             to
             proffer
             her
             Husband
             three
             hundred
             pound
             to
             take
             her
             again
             ;
             he
             seemed
             averse
             to
             the
             proposition
             ,
             Whereupon
             he
             was
             advised
             to
             take
             her
             ,
             and
             the
             mony
             ;
             and
             then
             
               whereas
               other
               Cuckolds
               wear
               their
               horns
               plain
               ,
               he
               might
               wear
               his
               gilt
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Man
             and
             his
             Wife
             being
             in
             bed
             together
             ,
             towards
             morning
             she
             pretended
             her self
             ill
             at
             ease
             ,
             desiring
             to
             lye
             on
             her
             Husbands
             fide
             ,
             the
             good
             man
             to
             please
             her
             ,
             came
             over
             ,
             making
             some
             short
             stay
             in
             his
             passage
             ;
             she
             had
             not
             laid
             long
             ,
             but
             desired
             to
             lye
             in
             her
             own
             place
             again
             ,
             quoth
             he
             ,
             
               how
               can
               this
               be
               done
            
             ?
             she
             answered
             ,
             come
             over
             me
             again
             :
             
               I
               had
               rather
               said
               he
               go
               half
               a
               mile
               about
               .
            
          
           
             IN
             Chancery
             one
             time
             when
             the
             Councel
             of
             the
             Parties
             set
             forch
             the
             boundary
             of
             the
             Land
             in
             question
             by
             the
             Plot
             ;
             the
             Councel
             of
             the
             one
             part
             said
             ,
             we
             lye
             on
             this
             side
             my
             Lord
             ,
             and
             the
             Council
             of
             the
             other
             side
             said
             ,
             and
             we
             
             lye
             on
             this
             side
             ;
             the
             Lord
             Chancellor
             then
             in
             being
             stood
             up
             saying
             ,
             
               If
               you
               lye
               on
               both
               sides
               ,
               whom
               will
               you
               have
               me
               to
               believe
               ?
            
          
           
             AN
             old
             man
             having
             married
             a
             young
             Maid
             (
             as
             was
             supposed
             )
             seemed
             very
             jolly
             ,
             but
             the
             Bride
             very
             melancholy
             &
             sad
             ;
             one
             of
             the
             guests
             observing
             it
             ,
             bid
             her
             be
             merry
             ;
             and
             for
             her
             better
             comfort
             told
             her
             that
             an
             old
             horse
             would
             hold
             out
             as
             long
             and
             as
             well
             as
             a
             young
             one
             in
             travel
             ,
             to
             which
             she
             replied
             ,
             stroking
             down
             her
             belly
             with
             her
             hands
             ,
             
               but
               not
               in
               this
               rode
            
             .
             (
             supposed
             common
             .
             )
          
           
             TWo
             Actors
             ,
             the
             one
             of
             the
             Kings
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             of
             the
             Dukes
             house
             ,
             talking
             jocosely
             one
             with
             the
             other
             ;
             said
             the
             one
             ,
             in
             troth
             Ned
             thy
             whole
             life
             is
             so
             cramm'd
             with
             merry
             Mimmick
             humors
             ,
             that
             if
             well
             compiled
             ,
             they
             would
             be
             the
             subject
             of
             an
             excellent
             Comedy
             ;
             to
             which
             the
             other
             replyed
             ,
             
               thy
               life
               is
               stuft
               with
               such
               subtile
               damn'd
               plots
               &
               Roguery
               ,
               that
               it
               would
               make
               a
               very
               deep
               Tragedy
               ,
               if
               the
               Poet
               were
               mindful
               of
               making
               thee
               hang
               thy self
               at
               the
               latter
               end
               of
               it
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             of
             the
             Nursery
             in
             Barbican
             had
             borrowed
             a
             Play-book
             of
             a
             Bookseller
             ,
             called
             
               the
               Wits
            
             ,
             and
             was
             by
             agreement
             to
             return
             it
             at
             sucha
             time
             ,
             or
             loose
             the
             money
             he
             left
             in
             ●ue
             thereof
             ;
             laying
             it
             some
             where
             careless
             at
             a
             Rehearsal
             ,
             it
             was
             missing
             ;
             nor
             could
             it
             be
             found
             ,
             which
             made
             our
             Actor
             swear
             and
             damn
             after
             a
             mad
             rate
             ,
             not
             so
             much
             for
             the
             loss
             of
             his
             Book
             I
             guess
             ,
             as
             for
             fear
             he
             should
             loose
             his
             Mortgaged
             shilling
             ,
             (
             a
             considerable
             Sum
             in
             dearth
             of
             mony
             ;
             )
             one
             hearing
             him
             rore
             after
             this
             hellish
             manner
             ,
             askt
             what
             was
             the
             matter
             ;
             
               nothing
               ,
               nothing
            
             ,
             (
             said
             a
             stander
             by
             )
             
               but
               that
               Our
               Brother
               hath
               lost
               his
            
             Wits
             .
          
           
             A
             Mad
             crew
             went
             to
             a
             Tavern
             with
             a
             (
             devilish
             )
             resolution
             to
             be
             damnable
             drunk
             ;
             one
             being
             more
             over-powred
             then
             the
             rest
             ,
             spewed
             perpetually
             ;
             and
             seeing
             that
             ,
             he
             would
             no
             longer
             bear
             them
             company
             ,
             called
             for
             a
             reckoning
             ;
             why
             (
             said
             one
             )
             
               cannot
               you
               tell
               that
               ,
               that
               have
               so
               often
               cast
               up
               what
               you
               drank
               ?
               no
               marry
               I
               cannot
               ,
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               for
               I
               was
               so
               bus●e
               in
               a
               casting
               up
               the
               account
               ,
               that
               I
               did
               not
               mind
               the
               reckoning
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Citizen
             dying
             greatly
             in
             Debt
             ,
             it
             coming
             to
             his
             Creditors
             ears
             ,
             farewel
             said
             one
             ,
             there
             is
             so
             much
             of
             mine
             gone
             with
             him
             ;
             and
             he
             carried
             so
             much
             of
             mine
             said
             another
             ;
             one
             hearing
             them
             make
             their
             several
             complaints
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               well
               ,
               I
               see
               now
               that
               though
               a
               man
               can
               carry
               nothing
               of
               his
               own
               out
               of
               this
               world
               ,
               yet
               he
               may
               carry
               a
               great
               deal
               of
               other
               mens
               .
            
          
           
             IT
             is
             reported
             of
             late
             that
             a
             Gentleman
             dignified
             with
             no
             mean
             title
             ,
             was
             riding
             one
             day
             with
             his
             footman
             attending
             ,
             (
             who
             was
             an
             arch
             Crack
             )
             the
             fellow
             not
             following
             so
             close
             as
             he
             should
             ,
             was
             rebuked
             by
             his
             Master
             ,
             and
             called
             a
             thousand
             strange
             names
             ,
             as
             
               Whoresegg
               ,
               Hounds-foot
               ,
               D●vils
               Spawn
               ,
            
             and
             the
             like
             ;
             this
             so
             nettled
             the
             footman
             ,
             that
             making
             what
             speed
             he
             could
             ,
             got
             up
             within
             the
             reach
             of
             his
             Master
             ,
             and
             taking
             from
             the
             ground
             a
             hard
             clod
             of
             earth
             ,
             flung
             it
             as
             hard
             as
             he
             could
             against
             his
             masters
             back
             ,
             &
             instantly
             thereupon
             stooping
             ,
             he
             scra●ht
             his
             leg
             ;
             his
             master
             turning
             about
             askt
             him
             what
             was
             the
             matter
             ;
             the
             matter
             ,
             quoth
             he
             ,
             pox
             take
             your
             horse
             for
             kicking
             ,
             I
             doubt
             he
             hath
             lamed
             me
             ;
             Prithee
             (
             said
             
             the
             Gentleman
             )
             
               be
               no
               more
               angry
               then
               I
               am
               for
               at
               the
               same
               time
               he
               kickt
               me
               on
               the
               back
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Suit
             of
             Law
             being
             referred
             to
             a
             Gentleman
             ;
             the
             Plaintiff
             who
             had
             the
             equity
             of
             the
             Cause
             on
             his
             side
             ,
             presented
             him
             with
             a
             new
             Coach
             ,
             and
             the
             Defendent
             sent
             him
             a
             couple
             of
             brave
             horses
             ;
             the
             Gentleman
             liking
             the
             horses
             better
             then
             the
             Coach
             ,
             gave
             fentence
             on
             the
             Defendants
             side
             ;
             hereupon
             the
             Plaintiff
             calls
             to
             him
             ,
             and
             asketh
             him
             how
             it
             came
             to
             pass
             the
             Coach
             went
             out
             of
             the
             right
             way
             ;
             he
             replyed
             ,
             he
             could
             not
             help
             it
             ,
             
               for
               the
               H●rses
               had
               drawn
               it
               so
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Young
             Boyish
             finniken
             Mercer
             ,
             after
             he
             had
             sold
             a
             Gentlewoman
             (
             small
             in
             stature
             )
             some
             commodities
             ,
             thinking
             to
             oblige
             her
             another
             time
             by
             his
             pleasant
             discourse
             ,
             sumon'd
             all
             his
             f●culties
             to
             talk
             all
             he
             had
             at
             once
             ,
             at
             length
             fell
             into
             a
             self
             praise
             of
             effeminate
             smooth
             faces
             ,
             alledging
             the
             man-like
             countenance
             was
             designed
             undoubtedly
             for
             the
             Wars
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             for
             Ladyes
             service
             ;
             Pis●
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               give
               me
               the
               face
               that
               looks
               like
               a
               man
               ,
               the
               other
               is
               not
               worth
               a
               hair
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Poor
             Poet
             being
             engaged
             among
             some
             Virtuosi
             in
             a
             Coffee-house
             ,
             talkt
             a
             little
             at
             random
             (
             as
             well
             he
             might
             being
             bare
             without
             ,
             and
             empty
             within
             )
             it
             being
             taken
             notice
             of
             by
             a
             cunning
             Quibbler
             ,
             he
             askt
             him
             where
             his
             wits
             were
             ?
             To
             which
             he
             answered
             ,
             
               That
               if
               they
               were
               not
               in
               Pye-Corner
               ,
               they
               were
               certainly
               in
               Pudding-lane
               ,
               or
               gone
               a
               Wool-gathering
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             indigent
             Gentleman
             was
             perswaded
             to
             marry
             a
             Prostitute
             ,
             for
             no
             other
             reason
             then
             that
             she
             was
             rich
             ,
             and
             perhaps
             might
             turn
             ;
             Turn
             (
             said
             the
             Gentleman
             )
             
               she
               hath
               been
               so
               much
               worn
               ,
               that
               she
               is
               past
               turning
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Very
             wicked
             extravagant
             fellow
             boasting
             of
             his
             travels
             ,
             and
             amongst
             the
             rest
             of
             those
             incredible
             things
             he
             had
             seen
             ,
             said
             ,
             that
             he
             had
             been
             on
             the
             very
             top
             of
             Teneriff
             (
             which
             is
             accounted
             one
             of
             highest
             Hills
             in
             the
             world
             ;
             )
             
               one
               askt
               him
               why
               he
               did
               not
               stay
               there
               ,
               for
               he
               was
               perswaded
               he
               would
               never
               be
               so
               near
               Heaven
               again
               .
            
          
           
           
             AT
             another
             time
             he
             applyed
             himself
             to
             this
             Gentlewoman
             in
             his
             accustomed
             Bumbazeen
             expressions
             ,
             and
             not
             knowing
             what
             to
             say
             ,
             being
             to
             praise
             this
             Gentlewoman
             above
             measure
             ,
             for
             no
             other
             reason
             but
             that
             she
             was
             little
             ;
             
               Nay
               Sir
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               if
               that
               be
               all
               the
               grounds
               for
               your
               commendation
               ,
               I
               shall
               ever
               hereafter
               upon
               the
               same
               grounds
               have
               the
               same
               asteem
               of
               your
               wit
               as
               you
               have
               of
               my
               person
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             seeing
             an
             Answer
             in
             Chancery
             written
             five
             words
             in
             a
             line
             ,
             and
             not
             above
             ten
             lines
             in
             a
             folio
             page
             ,
             askt
             why
             they
             were
             writ
             so
             wide
             ;
             one
             answered
             
               it
               was
               done
               to
               keep
               the
               peace
               ,
               for
               if
               the
               Plaintiff
               should
               be
               in
               one
               line
               ,
               and
               the
               Defendant
               in
               the
               other
               ,
               the
               lines
               being
               too
               near
               ,
               they
               would
               go
               together
               by
               the
               ears
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Pragmatical
             fellow
             having
             a
             mind
             to
             put
             a
             trick
             upon
             a
             man
             that
             was
             talking
             significant
             enough
             ,
             interrupted
             him
             in
             his
             discourse
             ,
             and
             said
             that
             he
             loved
             to
             hear
             a
             man
             talk
             non-sense
             with
             all
             his
             heart
             ;
             it
             seems
             so
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             and
             that
             is
             the
             reason
             
               you
               love
               to
               hear
               your self
               talk
               so
               much
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Handsom
             woman
             ,
             but
             dishonest
             ,
             was
             frequently
             reproved
             by
             a
             Relation
             for
             her
             levity
             and
             disobedience
             ,
             frequently
             inculcating
             ,
             that
             her
             husband
             was
             her
             head
             ,
             and
             therefore
             should
             both
             love
             and
             obey
             him
             :
             in
             a
             little
             time
             she
             undid
             her
             Husband
             ,
             and
             was
             forced
             to
             fly
             for
             it
             ;
             being
             reproved
             again
             by
             the
             same
             party
             for
             her
             extravagant
             lewd
             actions
             ;
             
               Pray
               forbear
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               and
               meddle
               with
               your
               own
               business
               ,
               I
               have
               injured
               none
               but
               my self
               ,
               and
               that
               is
               by
               breaking
               my
               own
               head
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Citizen
             that
             was
             more
             tender
             of
             himself
             then
             his
             wife
             ,
             usully
             in
             cold
             weather
             made
             her
             goe
             to
             bed
             first
             ,
             and
             when
             he
             thought
             her
             plump
             buttocks
             had
             sufficiently
             warmed
             his
             place
             ,
             he
             then
             came
             and
             removed
             her
             out
             of
             it
             ,
             and
             lay
             in
             it
             himself
             ;
             and
             to
             make
             himself
             merry
             ,
             called
             her
             his
             Warming-pan
             ;
             she
             not
             being
             able
             to
             indure
             this
             indignity
             any
             longer
             ,
             one
             night
             (
             Sir
             Reverence
             )
             she
             did
             shit
             a
             Bed
             ;
             he
             leaping
             into
             it
             ,
             and
             finding
             himself
             in
             a
             stinking
             condition
             ,
             cryed
             out
             ,
             O
             wife
             I
             am
             beshit
             ,
             
               no
               Husband
            
             ,
             says
             she
             ,
             
               it
               is
               but
               a
               Coal
               dropt
               out
               of
               your
               Warming-pan
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             of
             the
             Sherriffs
             being
             sick
             ,
             my
             Lord
             was
             forced
             to
             ride
             with
             one
             Sheriff
             ,
             which
             occasioned
             my
             Lord
             to
             say
             ,
             that
             a
             Lord
             Mayor
             riding
             with
             one
             Sherriff
             ,
             was
             like
             a
             Sow
             with
             one
             ear
             ;
             your
             pardon
             my
             Lord
             said
             the
             Sherriff
             ,
             I
             think
             
               it
               is
               more
               like
               a
               Waterman
               with
               one
               skull
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Certain
             person
             lately
             attempted
             the
             violation
             of
             the
             honor
             of
             a
             very
             virtuous
             Gentlewoman
             by
             this
             stratagem
             ;
             as
             they
             wer
             alone
             together
             he
             pretended
             his
             back
             itcht
             ,
             and
             therefore
             desired
             the
             Gentlewoman
             to
             scratch
             it
             ,
             who
             suspecting
             nothing
             ,
             concented
             ,
             in
             the
             mean
             time
             this
             beastly
             fellow
             obscenely
             shewed
             what
             Nature
             would
             ,
             &
             modesty
             must
             hide
             ,
             saying
             ,
             Madam
             look
             whether
             I
             am
             not
             of
             the
             nature
             of
             a
             Cat
             ,
             who
             being
             scratcht
             on
             the
             back
             will
             Play
             with
             her
             tail
             :
             the
             Gentlewoman
             all
             in
             confusion
             ,
             furiously
             flung
             from
             him
             ,
             and
             with
             much
             indignation
             related
             the
             affront
             to
             her
             husband
             ,
             who
             bid
             her
             not
             disquiet
             herself
             ,
             and
             he
             would
             very
             speedily
             find
             out
             a
             way
             to
             be
             revenged
             ,
             and
             thus
             it
             was
             ,
             he
             invited
             him
             one
             day
             to
             dinner
             ,
             
             &
             to
             remove
             all
             suspition
             he
             entertain'd
             him
             very
             liberally
             ,
             having
             dined
             ,
             he
             took
             him
             to
             the
             Balcony
             ,
             where
             having
             discoursed
             him
             a
             while
             ,
             at
             length
             he
             took
             him
             up
             by
             the
             twist
             and
             threw
             him
             over
             ,
             which
             was
             a
             great
             height
             from
             the
             ground
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               If
               you
               have
               the
               nature
               of
               a
               Cat
               ,
               no
               doubt
               you
               will
               pitch
               upon
               your
               leggs
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             amongst
             Company
             was
             relating
             a
             Jest
             of
             a
             Servitor
             in
             the
             University
             ,
             who
             was
             commanded
             by
             his
             Tutor
             to
             goe
             down
             to
             the
             Kitchin
             and
             heat
             some
             meat
             ,
             who
             instead
             thereof
             did
             eat
             it
             ,
             justifying
             the
             act
             by
             saying
             ,
             
               H
               non
               est
               litera
            
             ;
             how
             ,
             said
             the
             stander
             by
             ,
             is
             H
             no
             letter
             ?
             I
             am
             sorry
             for
             that
             ,
             
               for
               my
               name
               being
            
             Hill
             ,
             
               't
               will
               be
               then
            
             Ill.
             
          
           
             AN
             arch
             Young
             wagg
             hearing
             one
             morning
             the
             cry
             of
             Kitchin-stuff
             ,
             called
             the
             woman
             to
             him
             ,
             and
             askt
             her
             what
             she
             cryed
             ?
             Ritching-stuff
             said
             she
             ,
             what
             's
             that
             quoth
             he
             ?
             she
             repli'd
             it
             was
             that
             dropt
             from
             flesh
             :
             say
             you
             so
             said
             he
             ,
             call
             to
             morrow
             and
             I
             will
             furnish
             you
             with
             some
             ,
             the
             next
             morning
             she
             came
             ,
             and
             this
             Wagg
             in
             the
             time
             had
             prepared
             a
             pot
             half
             full
             of
             si●
             reverence
             
             —
             the
             woman
             according
             to
             custom
             put
             her
             arm
             into
             the
             pot
             and
             drawing
             it
             out
             saw
             how
             she
             was
             abused
             ,
             and
             began
             to
             be
             angry
             ;
             nay
             ,
             nay
             ,
             says
             the
             young
             man
             you
             have
             no
             cause
             for
             passion
             ,
             have
             not
             I
             fulfilled
             my
             promise
             in
             furnishing
             you
             with
             what
             drops
             from
             flesh
             ?
             it
             is
             very
             true
             said
             she
             ,
             and
             now
             I
             think
             on
             it
             ,
             
               your
               flesh
               appears
               to
               me
               very
               dry
            
             (
             and
             stroaking
             his
             face
             with
             her
             sh
             —
             hand
             )
             
               wants
               a
               little
               greasing
               ,
               and
               stands
               in
               need
               I
               think
               of
               basting
               too
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             asked
             a
             profuse
             Gallant
             why
             he
             would
             sell
             his
             Land
             ;
             he
             replyed
             ,
             because
             he
             was
             now
             on
             his
             journey
             towards
             Heaven
             ,
             
               where
               he
               could
               not
               arrive
               till
               he
               had
               for
               saken
               the
               Earth
               .
            
          
           
             TWo
             seeing
             a
             handsome
             young
             Wench
             pass
             by
             them
             whome
             they
             knew
             many
             grains
             too
             light
             ,
             but
             very
             poor
             ,
             one
             said
             it
             was
             a
             wonder
             to
             see
             such
             a
             wench
             so
             bare
             :
             it
             is
             no
             wonder
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             for
             she
             is
             common
             .
          
           
             THere
             was
             a
             Gentlewoman
             named
             Cunny
             ,
             who
             was
             of
             a
             free
             jolly
             ,
             yet
             innocent
             disposition
             ;
             a
             Gentleman
             
             chanced
             to
             take
             lodgings
             in
             the
             same
             house
             where
             she
             lay
             ,
             whose
             name
             was
             Parsley
             ;
             being
             askt
             one
             day
             how
             he
             liked
             Mrs.
             Cunney
             ,
             very
             well
             said
             he
             ,
             
               but
               I
               like
               her
               much
               better
               were
               Mrs.
            
             Cunney
             
               stust
               with
            
             Parsley
             .
          
           
             A
             Crooked
             Dwarf
             passing
             along
             the
             streets
             ,
             said
             one
             ,
             look
             yonder
             and
             see
             whether
             there
             goes
             not
             a
             man
             of
             prodigious
             height
             ;
             who
             doe
             you
             mean
             said
             the
             other
             that
             Dwarf
             ?
             I
             that
             Dwarf
             if
             you
             call
             him
             so
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             for
             he
             cannot
             stand
             upright
             in
             the
             highest
             room
             of
             this
             City
             .
          
           
             A
             Lass
             espying
             a
             young
             mans
             testicles
             hang
             out
             of
             his
             breeches
             ,
             that
             were
             broken
             in
             the
             seat
             ,
             askt
             him
             with
             a
             seeming
             or
             real
             ignorance
             what
             it
             was
             ?
             it
             is
             my
             Purse
             quoth
             he
             ,
             
               thy
               Purse
               quoth
               she
               ,
               then
               I
               am
               sure
               my
               Purse
               is
               cut
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             idle
             drunken
             Dyer
             complained
             to
             a
             serious
             pious
             Neighbour
             of
             his
             ,
             that
             whatsoever
             he
             undertook
             to
             dye
             came
             commonly
             by
             a
             mischance
             ;
             to
             which
             the
             other
             replyed
             ,
             that
             the
             only
             way
             to
             have
             this
             amended
             was
             ,
             speedily
             
             to
             mend
             himself
             ,
             
               for
               he
               that
               lived
               ill
               ,
               could
               never
               die
               well
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             asked
             another
             why
             men
             were
             not
             content
             to
             tell
             lyes
             ,
             but
             they
             must
             publish
             them
             in
             print
             ,
             the
             reason
             is
             apparent
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             
               because
               when
               men
               lye
               ,
               they
               most
               desire
               to
               lye
               in
               sheets
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             asked
             what
             should
             be
             the
             reason
             that
             Prentices
             were
             so
             apt
             to
             quarrel
             with
             Gentlemen
             upon
             a
             small
             occasion
             ,
             because
             said
             the
             other
             they
             are
             glad
             any
             occasion
             to
             knock
             them
             ,
             for
             knocking
             their
             Mistresses
             .
          
           
             THree
             young
             conceited
             wits
             sitting
             in
             a
             Tavern
             very
             merry
             ,
             it
             chanced
             that
             a
             grave
             old
             Gentleman
             with
             along
             Gray
             beard
             looked
             into
             the
             room
             ,
             whom
             ,
             as
             soon
             as
             they
             had
             espied
             ,
             to
             show
             their
             wit
             ,
             saluted
             him
             with
             the
             name
             of
             Father
             Abraham
             ,
             the
             other
             with
             Isaac
             ,
             and
             the
             third
             with
             
               Jacob
               ;
               I
               am
               (
               said
               the
               Gentleman
               )
               neither
               Father
            
             Abraham
             ,
             Isaac
             ,
             nor
             Jacob
             ,
             but
             Saul
             
               the
               son
               of
            
             Kish
             ,
             
               who
               went
               out
               to
               seek
               his
               Fathers
               Asses
               ,
               and
               here
               I
               find
               them
               ,
               and
               here
               I
               leave
               them
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Young
             Bucksom
             Gentlewoman
             was
             very
             much
             perswaded
             to
             leave
             a
             Town
             call'd
             Maidenhead
             ,
             and
             go
             into
             the
             country
             ,
             to
             marry
             a
             rich
             man
             ,
             old
             and
             impotent
             ,
             which
             she
             refused
             ;
             being
             asked
             the
             reason
             ,
             said
             she
             ,
             
               I
               am
               resolved
               to
               live
               in
            
             Maidenhead
             
               a
               little
               longer
               ,
               for
               as
               yet
               I
               have
               no
               mind
               to
               go
               to
            
             Graves-end
             .
          
           
             A
             Young
             Maid
             coming
             fresh
             out
             of
             the
             Country
             ,
             was
             courted
             by
             a
             Person
             of
             Quality
             ,
             whom
             she
             understood
             was
             Poxt
             ;
             he
             daily
             wooed
             her
             ,
             and
             promised
             her
             Marriage
             ;
             she
             refused
             ,
             and
             being
             asked
             the
             reason
             ,
             why
             she
             (
             that
             was
             meanly
             born
             )
             would
             not
             marry
             one
             ,
             that
             would
             not
             only
             enrich
             her
             ,
             but
             enoble
             her
             blood
             ?
             
               I
               will
               not
            
             ,
             said
             she
             ,
             
               currupt
               my
               Flesh
               to
               better
               my
               Blood
               for
               any
               Prince
               in
               Christendom
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentlewoman
             cheapning
             of
             a
             Clostool
             ,
             bid
             too
             little
             for
             it
             ;
             the
             Trunk-maker
             to
             perswade
             her
             to
             give
             more
             ,
             desired
             her
             to
             look
             on
             the
             goodness
             of
             the
             Lock
             and
             Key
             ;
             
               as
               for
               that
               quoth
               the
               Gentlewoman
               I
               value
               not
               ,
               for
               I
               purpose
               to
               put
               nothing
               into
               it
               ,
               but
               what
               I
               Care
               not
               who
               steals
               out
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Wit
             at
             Cambridge
             in
             
               King
               James
            
             his
             time
             ,
             was
             ordered
             to
             preach
             at
             St.
             Maries
             before
             the
             Vice-Chancellour
             and
             the
             Heads
             of
             the
             University
             ,
             who
             formerly
             had
             observed
             the
             drowsiness
             of
             the
             Vice-Chancellour
             ,
             and
             thereupon
             took
             this
             place
             of
             scripture
             for
             his
             text
             ,
             
               What
               ?
               Cannot
               ye
               watch
               one
               hour
               ?
            
             At
             every
             devision
             he
             concluded
             with
             his
             Text
             ,
             which
             by
             reason
             of
             the
             Vice-Chancellors
             sitting
             so
             near
             the
             Pulpit
             ,
             often
             awaked
             him
             ;
             this
             was
             so
             noted
             by
             the
             Wits
             ,
             that
             it
             was
             the
             talk
             of
             the
             whole
             University
             ,
             and
             withal
             it
             did
             so
             nettle
             the
             Vice-Chancellour
             ,
             that
             he
             complained
             to
             the
             Arch-Bishop
             of
             Canterbury
             ,
             who
             willing
             to
             redess
             him
             ,
             sent
             for
             this
             Scholar
             up
             to
             London
             to
             defend
             himself
             against
             the
             crime
             laid
             to
             his
             charge
             ,
             where
             coming
             ,
             he
             made
             so
             many
             proofs
             of
             his
             extraordinary
             wit
             ,
             that
             the
             Arch
             Bishop
             enjoined
             him
             to
             preach
             before
             King
             James
             ,
             after
             some
             excuses
             he
             at
             length
             condescended
             ,
             and
             coming
             into
             the
             Pulpit
             ,
             begins
             ,
             
               James
               the
               first
               and
               the
               sixth
               ;
               Waver
               not
            
             ;
             meaning
             the
             first
             King
             of
             England
             ,
             and
             the
             sixth
             of
             Scotland
             ;
             at
             first
             the
             King
             was
             somewhat
             
             amazed
             at
             the
             Text
             ,
             but
             in
             the
             end
             was
             so
             well
             pleased
             with
             his
             sermon
             that
             he
             made
             him
             one
             of
             his
             Chaplains
             in
             ordinary
             ;
             after
             this
             advancement
             ,
             the
             Arch-Bishop
             sent
             him
             down
             to
             Cambrige
             to
             make
             his
             Recantation
             to
             the
             Vice-Chancellor
             ,
             and
             to
             take
             leave
             of
             the
             University
             ;
             which
             he
             accordingly
             did
             ,
             and
             took
             the
             latter
             part
             of
             the
             Verse
             of
             the
             former
             Text
             ,
             
               Sleep
               on
               now
               and
               take
               your
               rest
               ,
            
             Concluding
             his
             Sermon
             ,
             he
             made
             his
             Apology
             to
             the
             Vice-Chancelour
             ,
             Saying
             ,
             whereas
             I
             said
             before
             ,
             (
             which
             gave
             offence
             )
             
               What
               ?
               cannot
               you
               watch
               one
               hour
               ?
               I
               say
               now
               ,
               sleep
               on
               ,
               and
               take
               your
               rest
               ,
            
             and
             so
             lest
             the
             University
             .
          
           
             A
             Learned
             and
             charitable
             Doctor
             having
             made
             (
             for
             the
             benefit
             of
             the
             Country
             wherein
             he
             dwelt
             )
             a
             large
             Causey
             ,
             whilst
             he
             was
             overseeing
             his
             work
             ,
             a
             Nobleman
             of
             his
             acquaintance
             chanced
             to
             ride
             that
             way
             ,
             who
             seeing
             the
             Doctor
             ,
             saluted
             him
             kindly
             ,
             thinking
             to
             jeer
             him
             into
             the
             bargain
             ;
             Dr.
             (
             quoth
             he
             )
             for
             all
             your
             pains
             and
             expences
             ,
             I
             suppose
             this
             is
             not
             the
             High-way
             to
             Heaven
             :
             I
             think
             (
             replyed
             the
             Doctor
             )
             you
             have
             hit
             the
             nail
             on
             the
             
             head
             ,
             for
             if
             it
             had
             ,
             
               I
               should
               have
               wondred
               to
               have
               met
               your
               Lord-ship
               here
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             that
             was
             very
             faint
             hearted
             ,
             fell
             sick
             ,
             whereupon
             his
             friend
             went
             to
             visit
             him
             ,
             and
             found
             him
             so
             shamefully
             afraid
             of
             death
             ,
             that
             he
             had
             not
             patience
             to
             stay
             with
             him
             ,
             for
             all
             his
             words
             were
             ,
             
               ah
               !
               ah
               !
               ha
               !
               what
               shall
               I
               do
               ,
               have
               I
               no
               friend
               in
               the
               world
               that
               will
               dispatch
               me
               from
               this
               grief
               and
               pain
               ?
            
             reiterating
             these
             words
             over
             and
             over
             ;
             hereupon
             his
             friend
             ,
             to
             try
             him
             ,
             drew
             his
             sword
             ,
             and
             clapping
             it
             to
             his
             breast
             said
             ,
             yea
             ,
             you
             have
             me
             your
             friend
             left
             ,
             who
             will
             instantly
             do
             you
             that
             kindness
             ;
             the
             Sick
             person
             startled
             thereat
             ,
             and
             cryed
             out
             ,
             
               hold
               friend
               ,
               hold
               ;
               though
               I
               have
               a
               desire
               to
               be
               rid
               of
               my
               pains
               ,
               yet
               I
               have
               no
               such
               mind
               to
               be
               rid
               of
               my
               life
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Minister
             having
             Preached
             in
             the
             Parish
             of
             
               St.
               Bennets
               Sheerhog
            
             above
             half
             a
             year
             ,
             and
             yet
             received
             nothing
             from
             the
             Church-wardens
             ,
             h●rkned
             out
             for
             another
             Benefice
             ,
             and
             quickly
             found
             one
             vacant
             ;
             now
             to
             the
             intent
             that
             he
             might
             not
             leve
             them
             abruptly
             ,
             he
             civily
             told
             them
             of
             his
             intention
             ,
             and
             that
             he
             
             would
             give
             them
             a
             
               Farewell
               Sermon
            
             ,
             though
             they
             had
             not
             deserved
             it
             from
             him
             ;
             Having
             reproved
             them
             severely
             ,
             for
             their
             enormities
             ,
             at
             the
             conclusion
             ,
             he
             spake
             something
             in
             relation
             to
             the
             Pa●sh
             ,
             and
             Parish
             ●oners
             ,
             in
             words
             to
             this
             effect
             ,
             
               T●e●loved
               ,
               I
               understand
               that
               the
               name
               of
               this
               Parish
               is
            
             Benners-Sheerhog
             ,
             
               and
               I
               presume
               very
               well
               it
               may
               ,
               for
               my
               part
               I
               have
               instructed
               you
               above
               six
               months
               ,
               without
               reward
               ,
               ●d
               therefore
               may
               say
               ,
               Hogs
               I
               found
               you
               ,
               and
               Hogs
               I
               leave
               you
               ,
               but
               the
               Devil
               sheer
               you
               .
            
          
           
             A
             plain
             Country
             fellow
             born
             in
             Essex
             ,
             coming
             to
             London
             (
             which
             place
             he
             never
             saw
             before
             ,
             as
             he
             walkt
             the
             streets
             he
             espied
             a
             rope
             hanging
             at
             a
             Merchants
             door
             with
             a
             handle
             at
             it
             ,
             wonder
             ing
             what
             it
             meant
             ,
             he
             takes
             it
             in
             his
             hand
             and
             played
             with
             it
             to
             and
             fro
             ,
             at
             length
             pulling
             it
             hard
             ,
             he
             heard
             a
             Bell
             ring
             ;
             it
             so
             hap●ed
             that
             the
             Merchant
             being
             near
             the
             door
             ,
             went
             himself
             and
             demanded
             what
             the
             follow
             would
             have
             ;
             nothing
             Sir
             said
             he
             ,
             I
             did
             but
             play
             with
             this
             pretty
             thing
             which
             hangs
             at
             your
             door
             .
             What
             Country
             man
             are
             you
             said
             the
             Merchant
             ?
             An
             Essex
             man
             an
             't
             
             please
             you
             replyed
             the
             other
             .
             I
             thought
             so
             quoth
             the
             Merchant
             ,
             for
             I
             have
             often
             heard
             say
             ,
             that
             if
             a
             man
             beat
             a
             bush
             in
             Essex
             ,
             there
             presently
             comes
             forth
             a
             Calf
             ;
             It
             may
             be
             so
             replyed
             the
             Country
             man
             ;
             
               but
               I
               think
               that
               ●an
               can
               no
               sooner
               ring
               a
               Bell
               in
            
             London
             
               but
               a
               Cuckold
               looks
               out
               presently
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             having
             Sore
             eyes
             ,
             occasioned
             by
             ebriety
             ,
             was
             advised
             by
             his
             Physician
             to
             forbear
             drinking
             of
             wine
             ;
             but
             he
             said
             ,
             he
             neither
             could
             nor
             would
             forbear
             it
             ,
             maintaining
             it
             for
             the
             lesser
             evil
             
               to
               shut
               up
               the
               windows
               of
               his
               body
               ,
               then
               to
               suffer
               the
               house
               to
               fall
               down
               through
               want
               of
               reparation
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Country
             fellow
             was
             much
             troubled
             that
             he
             had
             not
             gone
             ten
             miles
             to
             have
             seen
             the
             Monkeys
             dance
             upon
             the
             ropes
             ;
             why
             said
             his
             Wife
             ,
             it
             is
             too
             far
             to
             go
             and
             come
             a
             foot
             in
             one
             day
             to
             see
             such
             bables
             ;
             O
             quoth
             he
             ,
             I
             could
             have
             gone
             thither
             with
             my
             Neighbour
             Hobson
             on
             foot
             like
             a
             fool
             as
             I
             was
             ,
             and
             Imight
             have
             rid
             back
             upon
             my
             Neighbour
             Jobsons
             Mare
             like
             an
             Ass
             as
             I
             am
             .
          
           
           
             
               Thus
               in
               the
               Preter
               tense
               a
               Fool
               he
               was
               ,
            
          
           
             
               And
               in
               the
               Present
               tense
               he
               is
               an
               Ass
            
             ;
          
           
             
               And
               in
               the
               Future
               Fool
               and
               Ass
               shall
               be
               ,
            
          
           
             
               That
               goes
               or
               rides
               so
               far
               such
               sights
               to
               see
               .
            
          
           
             SOme
             Gentlemen
             being
             in
             a
             Tavern
             as
             they
             were
             in
             the
             height
             of
             their
             jollity
             ,
             in
             came
             a
             freind
             of
             theirs
             whose
             name
             was
             Sampson
             ;
             a
             ha
             !
             said
             one
             we
             may
             be
             now
             securely
             merry
             ,
             searing
             neither
             Serjeant
             or
             Bailiff
             ,
             for
             if
             a
             thousand
             of
             such
             Philitins
             come
             ,
             here
             is
             Sampson
             who
             is
             able
             to
             brain
             them
             all
             ;
             to
             whom
             Sampson
             replyed
             ,
             
               Sir
               ,
               I
               may
               boldly
               venture
               against
               so
               many
               as
               you
               speak
               of
               provided
               you
               will
               lend
               me
               one
               of
               your
               Jaw
               bones
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             seeing
             a
             very
             prety
             made
             with
             her
             Valentin
             pind
             on
             her
             sleeve
             ,
             intending
             to
             play
             the
             Wag
             with
             her
             ,
             
               askt
               ,
               if
               her
               Wastcoat
               was
               to
               be
               let
               ?
               yes
            
             Sir
             said
             she
             to
             be
             let
             alone
             ;
             
               I
               am
               content
               said
               he
               ,
               to
               let
               your
               Wastcoat
               alone
               ,
               but
               not
               your
               Petticoat
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentlewoman
             ,
             to
             be
             in
             the
             fashion
             ,
             must
             needs
             (
             like
             her
             neighbours
             )
             have
             a
             friend
             ,
             or
             Gallant
             befides
             her
             
             husband
             ;
             having
             singled
             out
             one
             day
             one
             (
             whom
             she
             thought
             fit
             for
             her
             purpose
             )
             privately
             she
             told
             him
             ,
             how
             dearly
             she
             loved
             him
             ,
             above
             all
             men
             !
             her
             husband
             chancing
             to
             over-hear
             her
             ;
             
               said
               ,
               Sir
               ,
               believe
               her
               not
               ;
               for
               she
               hath
               told
               me
               the
               same
               many
               times
               this
               seven
               years
               ,
               and
               God
               knows
               how
               many
               more
               besides
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             that
             was
             purblind
             ,
             or
             dim-sighted
             ,
             hapned
             against
             his
             will
             to
             affront
             another
             person
             of
             quality
             ,
             who
             thereupon
             challenged
             him
             the
             Field
             ;
             the
             other
             returned
             him
             this
             answer
             :
             that
             his
             eyes
             were
             weak
             ,
             and
             could
             not
             indure
             the
             light
             ,
             &
             therefore
             he
             should
             have
             a
             great
             disadvantage
             in
             fighting
             him
             in
             the
             open
             Field
             ;
             but
             as
             a
             Gentleman
             he
             desired
             him
             not
             to
             desire
             ods
             ,
             and
             therefore
             invited
             him
             to
             a
             combat
             in
             a
             dark
             Cellar
             ,
             and
             to
             dispatch
             the
             quarrel
             ,
             pitcht
             upon
             no
             other
             weapon
             but
             an
             Hatchet
             ;
             This
             strange
             challenge
             so
             pleased
             the
             Gentleman
             ,
             that
             instead
             of
             fighting
             ,
             they
             became
             very
             good
             friends
             .
          
           
             MR.
             Dunscom
             ,
             and
             one
             Mr.
             Cox
             living
             one
             near
             the
             other
             in
             the
             
             Country
             ,
             fell
             out
             about
             five
             foot
             of
             ground
             ,
             and
             nothing
             must
             serve
             but
             the
             Law
             to
             decide
             the
             controversie
             :
             to
             't
             they
             went
             ,
             and
             sued
             one
             another
             so
             long
             ,
             that
             they
             were
             forced
             at
             last
             to
             prosecute
             the
             Suit
             each
             of
             them
             in
             
               forma
               pauper
               is
            
             ;
             at
             length
             the
             case
             coming
             to
             a
             definitive
             hearing
             ,
             and
             the
             Judge
             understanding
             how
             long
             they
             had
             been
             vexatious
             ,
             to
             the
             utter
             ●uine
             of
             each
             other
             ,
             said
             thus
             ;
             
               Gentlemen
               ,
               there
               hath
               been
               a
               scandal
               cast
               upon
               the
               Law
               for
               its
               tediousness
               in
               mens
               recovering
               their
               rights
               ,
               the
               fault
               is
               not
               in
               the
               Law
               ,
               but
               in
               you
               and
               such
               like
               ,
               who
               delight
               in
               long
               and
               tedious
               Suits
               to
               the
               destruction
               f●
               their
               own
               and
               anothers
               family
               .
            
             But
             to
             the
             business
             in
             hand
             ;
             
               here
               is
               five
               foot
               of
               land
               in
               contr●ve●sie
               between
               you
               ,
            
             and
             both
             of
             you
             have
             
               brought
               equal
               arguments
               to
               prove
               the
               propriety
               ;
               wherefore
               my
               Sentence
               shall
               be
               ,
               that
               the
               five
               foot
               of
               land
               be
               equally
               divided
               ;
               and
               now
               let
               me
               desire
               you
               ,
               Mr.
            
             Dunscomb
             
               to
               permit
               me
               to
               devide
               your
               name
               too
               ,
               take
            
             comb
             
               and
               put
               it
               to
            
             Cox
             ;
             
               then
               your
               name
               will
               be
            
             Dunce
             ,
             
               and
               his
            
             Coxcomb
             ;
             and
             so
             gave
             order
             for
             their
             Names
             to
             be
             registred
             on
             Record
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Tradesman
             having
             servants
             ,
             observed
             〈◊〉
             to
             ramble
             at
             nights
             ;
             and
             watching
             him
             one
             time
             ,
             lockt
             him
             out
             ,
             and
             took
             the
             keyes
             up
             with
             him
             ;
             the
             ramble
             being
             over
             ,
             home
             came
             this
             Apprentice
             and
             knocking
             at
             the
             door
             ,
             could
             get
             no
             〈◊〉
             ;
             whereupon
             he
             earnestly
             beg'd
             his
             follow
             servant
             to
             let
             him
             in
             ;
             Introth
             Tom
             
               I
               cannot
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               my
               master
               hath
               the
               keys
               ,
               and
               I
               dare
               not
               ask
               them
               of
               him
               :
               but
               if
               you
               will
               go
               to
               him
               your self
               't
               is
               ten
               to
               〈◊〉
               he
               will
               let
               you
               in
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentlewoman
             of
             greater
             beauty
             then
             chastity
             ,
             standing
             in
             a
             Balcony
             ,
             was
             gazed
             on
             by
             a
             Fop
             Gallant
             that
             had
             as
             little
             wit
             and
             manners
             ,
             as
             she
             had
             nonesty
             ;
             in
             his
             long
             stairing
             her
             in
             the
             face
             ,
             be
             made
             some
             abusive
             signs
             ,
             which
             forced
             her
             to
             withdraw
             ;
             hereupon
             this
             Gentleman
             ,
             ask●
             her
             whether
             the
             Sun
             offended
             her
             ,
             and
             so
             ,
             drove
             her
             thence
             ,
             yes
             (
             said
             she
             ,
             )
             
               thy
               Mothers
               Son
               ,
               that
               Son
               of
               a
               Whore.
               
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             having
             a
             very
             sore
             nose
             a
             long
             time
             ,
             was
             askt
             by
             his
             friend
             how
             it
             was
             ;
             truly
             said
             he
             ,
             it
             hath
             been
             very
             
             bad
             ,
             but
             now
             it
             is
             pretty
             
               Current
               ;
               I
               think
               so
               too
               says
               the
               other
               ,
               for
               't
               is
               always
               running
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             speaking
             of
             his
             long
             and
             large
             Travels
             ,
             was
             interrupted
             by
             a
             Lady
             ,
             who
             said
             she
             had
             travelled
             farther
             then
             him
             
               if
               so
               Madam
               says
               he
               ,
               as
               Travellers
               we
               may
               lye
               together
               by
               authority
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Journy-man
             Baker
             watcht
             his
             opportunity
             ,
             and
             stole
             a
             Neighbours
             Goose
             ,
             which
             he
             perceiving
             ,
             cryed
             out
             as
             the
             Baker
             was
             runing
             ,
             
               Baker
               ,
               Baker
            
             ;
             I
             will
             ,
             I
             will
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             
               Being
               served
               with
               a
               Warrant
               ,
               he
               told
               the
               Justice
               ,
               his
               Neighbour
               bid
               him
               bake
               her
               ,
               as
               he
               did
               ,
               but
               not
               coming
               to
               eat
               her
               ,
               he
               did
               eat
               her
               himself
               .
            
          
           
             AS
             two
             Doctors
             were
             walking
             ,
             an
             unhappy
             Baggage
             emptied
             a
             chamber-pot
             by
             chance
             on
             their
             heads
             ,
             one
             of
             them
             hereat
             grew
             angry
             ,
             says
             t'other
             we
             are
             Phisitians
             ,
             but
             let
             us
             be
             
               Patients
               ;
               and
               calling
               to
               her
               ;
               said
               ,
               are
               you
               not
               ashamed
               for
               your
               impudence
               ,
               to
               cast
               water
               before
               two
               well
               known
               Doctors
               ,
               when
               it
               is
               none
               of
               your
               Profession
               .
            
          
           
           
             SAys
             a
             Lord
             ,
             my
             friend
             ,
             I
             should
             know
             thee
             ,
             yes
             says
             he
             ,
             I
             am
             one
             of
             your
             Lordships
             Tennants
             ,
             my
             name
             is
             F.
             L.
             O
             says
             the
             Lord
             ,
             I
             remember
             there
             were
             two
             Brothers
             of
             you
             ,
             one
             is
             dead
             ,
             but
             which
             is
             he
             that
             is
             alive
             ?
             
               It
               is
               I
               my
               Lord
               ,
               says
               Wise-acre
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Young
             man
             Married
             a
             cross
             piece
             of
             flesh
             ,
             who
             not
             contented
             though
             her
             husband
             was
             very
             kind
             ,
             made
             continual
             complaints
             to
             her
             Father
             ,
             to
             the
             great
             griefe
             of
             both
             Families
             ;
             the
             husband
             being
             no
             longer
             able
             to
             indure
             this
             Scurvy
             humour
             ,
             banged
             her
             soundly
             :
             hereupon
             she
             complained
             to
             her
             father
             ,
             who
             understanding
             well
             the
             perversness
             of
             her
             humour
             ,
             took
             her
             to
             task
             ,
             and
             laced
             her
             sides
             soundly
             too
             ;
             saying
             ,
             
               go
               and
               commend
               me
               to
               your
               husband
               ,
               and
               tell
               him
               I
               am
               now
               even
               with
               him
               ,
               for
               I
               have
               cudgeled
               his
               Wife
               ,
               as
               he
               hath
               beaten
               my
               Daughter
               .
            
          
           
             IN
             the
             last
             great
             Plague
             time
             ,
             a
             Constable
             heard
             a
             woman
             beating
             of
             her
             Husband
             ;
             whereupon
             he
             ran
             immediately
             and
             set
             a
             Cross
             on
             the
             door
             ,
             and
             a
             
             watchman
             to
             attend
             ,
             being
             askt
             the
             reason
             ;
             he
             said
             ,
             
               a
               greater
               Plague
               under
               Heaven
               could
               not
               befall
               a
               man
               then
               for
               to
               be
               beaten
               by
               his
               wife
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Fellow
             hearing
             one
             say
             according
             to
             the
             Italian
             Proverb
             ,
             
               that
               three
               women
               make
               a
               Marken
               with
               their
               ch●tting
               ,
            
             nay
             then
             said
             he
             ,
             add
             my
             wife
             to
             them
             ,
             and
             they
             will
             make
             a
             Faire
             .
          
           
             Q
             Ne
             askt
             his
             Friend
             what
             such
             a
             one
             was
             that
             was
             the●●
             in
             company
             ,
             the
             other
             replyed
             he
             was
             a
             Proctor
             ,
             and
             had
             done
             some
             business
             of
             his
             Wifes
             ;
             
               you
               mistake
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               he
               doth
               not
               thy
               wifes
               business
               but
               doth
               thy
               business
               on
               thy
               wife
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Red
             nosed
             man
             and
             his
             wife
             being
             invited
             to
             Supper
             ,
             was
             intreated
             going
             home
             to
             take
             a
             light
             with
             him
             being
             very
             da●k
             ,
             
               it
               needs
               not
               said
               the
               man
               ,
               for
               my
               nose
               and
               my
               Wife
               are
               light
               enough
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Taylor
             complained
             in
             the
             hearing
             of
             his
             wife
             that
             she
             brought
             him
             nothing
             :
             
               you
               lye
               like
               a
               Rogue
               said
               she
               ,
               I
               bring
               you
               children
               every
               year
               without
               your
               help
               or
               assistance
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Countryman
             told
             his
             wife
             't
             was
             her
             fault
             that
             his
             Daughter
             played
             the
             whore
             for
             she
             should
             have
             lock-her
             up
             ,
             
               lock
               me
               no
               locks
               says
               she
               ,
               the
               Devil
               take
               that
               key
               that
               cannot
               undo
               that
               lock
               .
            
          
           
             UPon
             the
             christning
             of
             a
             child
             ,
             said
             the
             Husband
             to
             his
             pretendedly
             religious
             Wife
             ,
             my
             Dear
             ,
             who
             dost
             think
             hath
             promised
             to
             be
             Godfather
             ?
             I
             know
             not
             quoth
             she
             ?
             why
             e'ne
             
               Thom.
               Alcock
               ,
               O
               the
               Father
               !
               Will
               he
               be
               here
               ,
               says
               she
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             hired
             a
             Waterman
             to
             land
             him
             at
             Temple-stairs
             ,
             which
             he
             did
             ,
             but
             it
             was
             in
             the
             mud
             ;
             for
             which
             the
             Gentleman
             grew
             angry
             ,
             and
             would
             not
             pay
             him
             a
             farthing
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               my
               bargain
               was
               to
               Land
               me
               at
               Temple-stairs
               ,
               but
               this
               is
               Puddle-deck●
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             having
             a
             very
             handsome
             servant
             ,
             and
             as
             he
             verily
             concluded
             a
             Maid
             ,
             sollicited
             her
             to
             lie
             with
             him
             ;
             but
             she
             refused
             ;
             at
             last
             it
             came
             to
             this
             ,
             that
             all
             she
             feared
             was
             he
             would
             hurt
             her
             ;
             he
             told
             her
             no
             :
             she
             said
             ,
             if
             he
             did
             ,
             she
             would
             cry
             out
             ;
             all
             being
             
             finisht
             ,
             
               la
               you
               there
            
             said
             he
             ,
             
               did
               I
               hurt
               you
               ?
               or
               did
               I
               cry
               out
               ,
               said
               she
               ?
            
             Her
             Mrs.
             not
             long
             after
             perceived
             her
             puking
             ,
             askt
             her
             whether
             she
             was
             not
             with
             child
             ;
             ●charging
             her
             home
             ,
             she
             confest
             ,
             and
             that
             it
             was
             her
             Master
             got
             it
             ,
             where
             said
             she
             ?
             in
             the
             Truckle-bed
             ,
             where
             was
             I
             then
             ?
             in
             the
             High-bed
             forsooth
             a
             sleep
             ,
             O
             you
             Whore
             ,
             why
             did
             you
             not
             
               cry
               out
               ;
               why
               forsooth
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               since
               my
               Master
               did
               not
               hurt
               me
               ,
               why
               should
               I
               cry
               out
               ?
               Had
               you
               been
               in
               my
               condition
               would
               you
               have
               done
               so
               ?
            
          
           
             ONe
             Mr.
             Eaton
             making
             one
             day
             a
             plentifull
             feast
             ,
             amongst
             other
             dishes
             he
             had
             a
             Goose
             ,
             which
             those
             at
             the
             upper
             end
             of
             the
             table
             had
             so
             mangled
             ,
             that
             there
             was
             nothing
             left
             in
             a
             manner
             but
             the
             Skeleton
             ;
             however
             Mr.
             Eaton
             (
             in
             civility
             )
             askt
             some
             at
             the
             lower
             end
             ,
             whether
             they
             would
             eat
             any
             Goose
             ;
             one
             taking
             it
             as
             a
             trick
             put
             upon
             them
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               no
               Sir
               ,
               I
               thank
               you
               ,
               here
               is
               plenty
               of
               other
               food
               to
               feed
               on
               ?
               As
               for
               your
               Goose
               it
               is
               Eaton
               .
            
          
           
             MR
             Buck
             invited
             Mr.
             Cook
             to
             dinner
             ,
             (
             who
             was
             a
             clownish
             Gentleman
             )
             
             to
             a
             Venison
             Pasty
             ;
             at
             dinner
             Mr.
             Cook
             was
             pleased
             (
             though
             uncivily
             )
             to
             say
             ,
             Mr.
             Buck
             ,
             in
             troth
             your
             Buck
             is
             ill
             season'd
             ,
             and
             but
             half
             baked
             ,
             it
             may
             be
             so
             sayd
             he
             ,
             but
             yet
             Buck
             is
             good
             meat
             ;
             but
             what
             says
             the
             Proverb
             ,
             
               God
               sends
               meat
               ,
               but
               the
               Devil
               sends
               Cooks
               .
            
          
           
             TWo
             Gentlemen
             striving
             for
             the
             superiority
             in
             wit
             ,
             one
             had
             much
             the
             better
             on
             't
             ,
             and
             gave
             him
             such
             a
             parting
             blow
             with
             the
             acuteness
             of
             his
             quick
             fancy
             ,
             that
             the
             company
             taking
             notice
             of
             it
             fell
             a
             laughing
             ;
             saying
             ,
             that
             he
             was
             struck
             dead
             at
             a
             blow
             ,
             as
             Sampson
             did
             the
             Philistins
             ;
             to
             which
             the
             other
             briskly
             replyed
             ,
             
               I
               think
               so
               too
               ,
               and
               by
               the
               same
               means
               ,
               for
               I
               received
               that
               blow
               by
               a
               Jaw
               bone
               of
               an
               Ass
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Farmer
             being
             Consumptive
             ,
             came
             with
             his
             wife
             to
             a
             Doctor
             ,
             who
             advised
             him
             to
             drink
             Asses
             milk
             every
             morning
             ;
             saying
             moreover
             ,
             that
             if
             he
             could
             not
             get
             it
             ,
             the
             Farmer
             should
             come
             to
             him
             ;
             why
             Husband
             ,
             said
             the
             Wife
             ,
             
               d●th
               the
               Doctor
               give
               suck
            
             ?
          
           
           
             A
             Gentle
             woman
             sitting
             carelesly
             by
             a
             fire
             side
             ,
             sate
             stradling
             ,
             her
             husband
             in
             a
             pleasant
             humor
             told
             her
             ,
             that
             her
             Cabinet
             stood
             open
             :
             say
             you
             so
             said
             she
             ,
             
               why
               don't
               you
               lock
               it
               then
               ?
               for
               I
               am
               sure
               that
               none
               keeps
               the
               Key
               but
               your self
               ?
            
          
           
             A
             Gentlewoman
             delighting
             in
             plurality
             of
             lovers
             chanced
             to
             admit
             to
             her
             embraces
             two
             Gentlemen
             who
             loved
             one
             another
             entirely
             ,
             but
             were
             unacquainted
             with
             each
             others
             loves
             ;
             one
             of
             them
             having
             layne
             with
             this
             Gentlewoman
             one
             night
             ,
             lost
             his
             ring
             in
             the
             bed
             ,
             which
             the
             other
             found
             the
             next
             night
             after
             ;
             the
             day
             following
             ,
             the
             other
             sees
             it
             on
             his
             friends
             finger
             ;
             after
             a
             great
             many
             arguings
             about
             it
             ,
             they
             came
             to
             understand
             one
             anothers
             amorous
             intrigues
             ;
             the
             Gentleman
             demands
             his
             Ring
             ;
             the
             other
             refuses
             ;
             at
             last
             it
             was
             agreed
             that
             it
             should
             be
             left
             to
             the
             next
             commer
             by
             ,
             who
             should
             have
             the
             Ring
             ;
             it
             chanced
             to
             be
             the
             husband
             of
             this
             woman
             ,
             who
             understanding
             the
             whole
             matter
             ,
             adjudged
             the
             Ring
             should
             belong
             to
             him
             who
             
             own'd
             the
             sheets
             ;
             
               marry
               then
               said
               they
               ,
               for
               your
               excellent
               judgement
               ,
               you
               shall
               have
               the
               ●ing
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Scholar
             in
             a
             Colledg-Hall
             declaming
             ,
             having
             a
             bad
             memory
             ,
             was
             at
             a
             stand
             whereupon
             in
             a
             low
             voice
             he
             desired
             one
             that
             stood
             close
             by
             ,
             to
             help
             him
             out
             ;
             no
             says
             the
             other
             ,
             
               methinks
               you
               are
               out
               enough
               already
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Poor
             harmless
             man
             was
             continually
             ab●sed
             by
             a
             scolding
             wife
             ;
             and
             such
             was
             her
             imp●dence
             that
             she
             would
             call
             him
             Cuckold
             a
             hundred
             times
             together
             ,
             a
             Ninny
             standing
             by
             and
             hearing
             it
             ,
             said
             
               What
               a
               fool
               this
               man
               is
               to
               let
               his
               Wife
               know
               he
               is
               a
               Cuckold
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Country
             Gentleman
             riding
             down
             Corn-Hill
             ,
             his
             Horse
             stumbled
             ,
             and
             threw
             him
             into
             a
             shop
             ;
             the
             Mrs.
             thereof
             being
             a
             pleasant
             woman
             ,
             not
             forbearing
             smiling
             ,
             (
             seeing
             there
             was
             no
             hurt
             done
             )
             askt
             him
             ,
             whether
             his
             horse
             used
             so
             to
             serve
             him
             ,
             yes
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             when
             he
             comes
             just
             against
             a
             Cuckol●s
             door
             ;
             
               Then
               in
               troth
               said
               she
               you
               are
               like
               to
               have
               forty
               falls
               before
               you
               come
               to
               the
               upper
               end
               of
            
             Cheap-side
          
           
           
             A
             Man
             and
             his
             Dog
             (
             named
             Cuckold
             ,
             )
             going
             together
             in
             the
             evening
             returning
             home
             ,
             the
             Dog
             ran
             in
             a
             doors
             first
             ;
             O
             Mother
             says
             the
             boy
             Cuckold
             's
             come
             ;
             
               Nay
               then
               says
               the
               Mother
               your
               Father
               is
               not
               far
               off
               I
               am
               sure
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             said
             ,
             (
             having
             drunk
             small
             Beer
             )
             that
             it
             was
             dead
             ;
             it
             is
             very
             likely
             said
             another
             ,
             
               for
               it
               was
               very
               weak
               when
               I
               was
               here
               last
               .
            
          
           
             WHat
             a
             sad
             condition
             am
             I
             in
             ,
             said
             a
             fellow
             in
             the
             Stocks
             ?
             
               I
               Can
               see
               over
               the
               wood
               ,
               under
               the
               wood
               ,
               and
               through
               the
               wood
               ,
               but
               can't
               get
               out
               of
               the
               Wood.
               
            
          
           
             ONe
             running
             into
             a
             Neighbours
             house
             for
             a
             little
             hot
             water
             for
             one
             that
             was
             ready
             to
             sound
             ;
             alas
             ,
             said
             the
             other
             I
             wish
             you
             had
             com
             a
             little
             sooner
             ;
             
               For
               I
               ju●t
               now
               threw
               away
               a
               whole
               Kittle
               full
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Scriveners
             man
             reading
             a
             Bill
             of
             Sale
             to
             his
             Master
             ;
             (
             according
             to
             forme
             )
             
               I
               do
               demise
               ,
               grant
               ,
               and
               to
               farme
               let
               ,
               and
               sell
               all
               my
               Lands
            
             —
             but
             on
             sudden
             the
             Cough
             took
             him
             ,
             that
             at
             present
             he
             
             could
             not
             read
             a
             word
             more
             ;
             at
             which
             his
             Master
             being
             angry
             ,
             bid
             him
             read
             on
             with
             a
             Pox
             ;
             
               at
               which
               words
               he
               went
               on
               ,
               To
               you
               ,
               your
               Heirs
               ,
               and
               their
               Heirs
               for
               ever
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             ancient
             Gentlewoman
             had
             a
             Nephew
             a
             Scholar
             in
             Katherin-Hall
             in
             Cambridge
             ,
             and
             meeting
             one
             day
             his
             Tutor
             ,
             she
             askt
             him
             how
             her
             Nephew
             behaved
             himself
             ?
             truly
             Madam
             (
             said
             he
             )
             he
             is
             a
             great
             student
             ,
             and
             holds
             close
             to
             Katherin-Hall
             ;
             I
             vow
             (
             said
             she
             )
             I
             feared
             as
             much
             ,
             
               For
               the
               boy
               was
               ever
               given
               to
               wenches
               from
               his
               Infancy
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             Phanatick
             said
             to
             another
             ,
             that
             he
             hoped
             God
             would
             not
             lay
             it
             to
             his
             charge
             that
             he
             had
             fasted
             one
             day
             last
             Lent
             ;
             how
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             I
             hope
             it
             was
             not
             on
             Good-Friday
             ,
             as
             they
             call
             it
             ;
             no
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             but
             it
             was
             on
             Ash-Wednesday
             as
             they
             call
             it
             ,
             why
             that
             's
             as
             bad
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             
               But
               hear
               the
               truth
               Brother
               ,
               I
               did
               eat
               so
               much
               on
            
             Shrove
             Tuesday
             ,
             
               As
               they
               call
               it
               ,
               that
               I
               could
               not
               eat
               a
               bit
               the
               day
               after
               ,
               as
               they
               call
               it
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Seaman
             unaccustomed
             to
             ride
             ,
             was
             mounted
             on
             a
             curvetting
             horse
             ,
             
             which
             reard
             a
             loft
             ;
             hey
             day
             quoth
             he
             ,
             I
             never
             expected
             to
             have
             met
             with
             
               Billows
               here
               to
               be
               thus
               tost
               on
               land
               before
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Fat
             man
             riding
             on
             a
             lean
             Horse
             ,
             was
             askt
             why
             he
             was
             so
             fat
             ,
             and
             his
             Horse
             so
             leane
             ?
             said
             he
             ,
             
               I
               look
               to
               my self
               ,
               but
               my
               man
               to
               my
               Horse
               .
            
          
           
             A
             foolish
             wench
             meerly
             out
             of
             revenge
             complained
             to
             a
             Justice
             ,
             that
             such
             a
             man
             would
             have
             ravisht
             her
             ;
             what
             did
             he
             doe
             says
             he
             ?
             he
             tied
             my
             hands
             so
             fast
             I
             could
             not
             stirr
             them
             ;
             and
             what
             else
             ?
             
               Why
               Sr.
            
             said
             she
             ,
             
               He
               would
               have
               tied
               my
               legs
               too
               ,
               but
               I
               had
               the
               wit
               to
               keep
               them
               far
               enough
               a
               sunder
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Man
             having
             a
             candle
             in
             his
             hand
             ,
             said
             ,
             by
             this
             light
             wife
             I
             dreamed
             last
             night
             thou
             madest
             me
             a
             Cuckold
             :
             she
             having
             a
             piece
             of
             bread
             in
             her
             hand
             ,
             said
             ,
             by
             this
             bread
             Husband
             but
             I
             did
             not
             :
             
               Eat
               the
               bread
               then
               says
               he
               ,
               nay
               (
               sayes
               she
               )
               eat
               you
               the
               candle
               ,
               for
               you
               swore
               first
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             riding
             near
             the
             Forrest
             of
             
               Which-wood
               in
               Oxford-shire
            
             ,
             askt
             a
             fellow
             what
             that
             wood
             was
             cal'd
             ?
             he
             
             said
             ,
             
               Whichwood
               Sir.
            
             Why
             that
             Wood
             (
             said
             the
             Gentleman
             )
             
               Which-wood
               Sir
            
             ,
             Why
             that
             Wood
             I
             tell
             thee
             ;
             he
             still
             said
             Which-wood
             ;
             I
             think
             said
             the
             Gentleman
             thou
             art
             as
             senseless
             as
             the
             Wood
             that
             grows
             there
             ,
             it
             may
             be
             so
             replyed
             the
             other
             ,
             
               But
               you
               know
               not
            
             Which-wood
             .
          
           
             ONe
             Gentleman
             desired
             another
             to
             drink
             more
             then
             he
             could
             bare
             ,
             a●d
             therefore
             he
             refused
             ;
             the
             other
             swore
             if
             he
             did
             not
             drink
             off
             that
             glass
             he
             would
             run
             him
             through
             ,
             nay
             ,
             rather
             then
             that
             ,
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             
               I
               will
               run
               my self
               through
               ,
               and
               pledge
               you
               afterwards
               ,
               and
               so
               running
               through
               the
               door
               down
               stairs
               ,
               left
               the
               other
               to
               pay
               the
               reckoning
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Man
             walking
             with
             a
             Pike-staff
             in
             his
             hand
             ,
             it
             chanced
             that
             a
             Dog
             came
             running
             at
             him
             open
             mouth'd
             ;
             hereupon
             he
             thrust
             the
             sharp
             end
             of
             the
             Pike
             down
             his
             throat
             ,
             and
             killed
             him
             ;
             the
             Dogs
             Master
             askt
             the
             fellow
             ,
             why
             he
             did
             not
             save
             his
             Dog
             by
             striking
             him
             with
             the
             blunt
             end
             of
             the
             staff
             ?
             
               So
               I
               would
               said
               he
               if
               he
               had
               run
               at
               me
               with
               his
               tail
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             askt
             a
             Painter
             how
             he
             could
             draw
             such
             excellent
             Pictures
             ,
             and
             yet
             get
             such
             ugly
             children
             ?
             
               it
               is
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               Because
               I
               make
               the
               one
               in
               the
               night
               ,
               and
               the
               other
               in
               the
               day
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             asked
             his
             friend
             why
             he
             being
             so
             proper
             a
             man
             would
             marry
             a
             woman
             of
             so
             small
             a
             stature
             ?
             O
             friend
             said
             he
             ,
             
               of
               all
               evils
               the
               least
               is
               to
               be
               chosen
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             walking
             early
             in
             the
             morning
             ,
             met
             his
             friend
             coming
             from
             his
             Mistress
             whose
             name
             was
             Field
             ,
             Sr.
             said
             he
             ,
             how
             came
             you
             in
             this
             wet
             pickle
             ?
             In
             troth
             Sr.
             I
             am
             thus
             bedewed
             by
             coming
             over
             yonder
             Field
             ;
             nay
             ,
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             
               I
               rather
               believe
               it
               was
               by
               lying
               all
               night
               in
               yonder
               Field
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             that
             was
             a
             great
             Tavern
             hunter
             ,
             askt
             his
             friend
             to
             go
             with
             him
             and
             drink
             a
             glass
             of
             wine
             ;
             the
             other
             refused
             ,
             saying
             ,
             his
             face
             was
             red
             enough
             already
             ,
             and
             drinking
             wine
             would
             make
             it
             worse
             ,
             
               a
               pox
               on
               that
               face
            
             (
             quoth
             the
             other
             )
             
               that
               makes
               the
               whole
               body
               fare
               the
               worse
               .
            
          
           
           
             Another
             said
             ,
             that
             was
             a
             very
             great
             drinker
             ,
             when
             he
             dyed
             he
             would
             leave
             fifty
             pound
             to
             be
             drank
             in
             wine
             in
             manner
             and
             form
             following
             ,
             at
             these
             Taverns
             ,
             ten
             pound
             at
             the
             Wonder
             in
             Ludgate-street
             ,
             for
             honest
             men
             ,
             and
             no
             Brewers
             ;
             ten
             pound
             at
             the
             Castle
             for
             
               Military
               men
            
             ,
             ten
             pound
             at
             the
             Miter
             for
             
               Clergy
               men
            
             ,
             ten
             pound
             at
             the
             
               Horne
               Tavern
            
             for
             Citizens
             ,
             and
             ten
             pound
             at
             the
             
               Devil
               Tavern
            
             for
             Lawyers
             .
          
           
             ONe
             haveing
             two
             sons
             ,
             one
             legitimate
             and
             the
             other
             illegitimate
             ;
             he
             made
             the
             Bastard
             his
             Heir
             ,
             the
             Father
             dying
             ,
             the
             two
             sons
             falling
             out
             ,
             the
             one
             twitted
             the
             other
             that
             he
             came
             in
             at
             a
             window
             by
             stealth
             ;
             True
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             
               I
               did
               ,
               but
               it
               was
               to
               keep
               you
               out
               of
               the
               house
               .
            
          
           
             Another
             Bastard
             told
             his
             friend
             that
             he
             was
             as
             much
             beholding
             to
             such
             a
             man
             ,
             as
             to
             his
             own
             Father
             ,
             yes
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               But
               I
               believe
               you
               are
               more
               beholding
               to
               your
               Mother
               to
               chuse
               you
               such
               a
               Father
               ,
               then
               to
               your
               Father
               to
               chuse
               you
               such
               a
               Mother
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gamester
             borowed
             five
             pound
             of
             a
             Gentleman
             ,
             and
             lost
             it
             at
             play
             ;
             thereupon
             he
             sent
             to
             borrow
             five
             pound
             more
             by
             this
             token
             ,
             that
             he
             owed
             him
             already
             five
             pound
             ;
             Pray
             (
             said
             the
             Gentleman
             )
             
               Bid
               your
               Master
               send
               me
               the
               token
               ,
               and
               I
               'le
               send
               him
               the
               five
               pound
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gallant
             standing
             in
             a
             maze
             ,
             a
             Lady
             askt
             him
             what
             he
             was
             thinking
             on
             ,
             he
             said
             of
             no
             think
             ;
             what
             do
             you
             think
             on
             (
             said
             she
             )
             when
             you
             think
             on
             nothing
             ?
             faith
             ,
             sayes
             he
             ,
             
               then
               I
               think
               on
               you
               and
               the
               inconstancy
               of
               your
               Sex.
               
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             having
             been
             abroad
             in
             the
             fields
             ,
             came
             hungry
             home
             and
             call'd
             for
             his
             dinner
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             said
             his
             man
             it
             is
             early
             day
             〈◊〉
             ,
             the
             clock
             having
             but
             just
             now
             struck
             ten
             ;
             Pish
             ,
             sayes
             he
             ,
             
               don't
               tell
               me
               of
               ten
               by
               the
               clock
               ,
               when
               it
               hath
               struck
               Twelve
               by
               my
               stomack
               .
            
          
           
             SOme
             Gentlemen
             in
             a
             Tavern
             wanting
             attendance
             ,
             one
             took
             the
             pint
             pot
             ,
             and
             threw
             it
             down
             stairs
             ;
             presently
             up
             came
             a
             quart
             ;
             then
             he
             flung
             the
             quart
             down
             ,
             and
             up
             came
             a
             pottle
             ;
             is
             it
             
             so
             ,
             said
             the
             Gentleman
             ?
             then
             I
             will
             have
             one
             throw
             more
             ,
             and
             so
             flung
             the
             Drawer
             down
             stairs
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               I
               will
               see
               whether
               thou
               wilt
               come
               up
               double
               too
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Handsome
             Wench
             ,
             and
             very
             gentile
             in
             habit
             ,
             was
             brought
             by
             a
             Constable
             before
             a
             Justice
             late
             at
             night
             ;
             the
             Justice
             finding
             no
             matter
             of
             fact
             ,
             onely
             bare
             suspition
             ,
             in
             favour
             of
             her
             ,
             bid
             the
             Constable
             take
             her
             home
             to
             his
             house
             for
             that
             night
             ;
             
               that
               I
               shall
               do
            
             Sir
             ,
             
               says
               he
               ,
               if
               your
               worship
               will
               be
               pleased
               to
               comm●t
               my
               wife
               till
               the
               morning
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Soldier
             being
             quartered
             at
             a
             Gun
             ,
             an
             unhappy
             shot
             came
             in
             at
             the
             Port-hole
             and
             took
             off
             his
             leg
             ;
             as
             he
             lay
             looking
             about
             him
             he
             saw
             his
             leg
             lye
             at
             some
             distance
             from
             him
             ,
             
               Prithee
               Ginner
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               take
               it
               up
               ,
               and
               clap
               it
               into
               the
               Gun
               ,
               and
               send
               it
               among
               those
               roguing
               Dutch
               ,
               that
               it
               may
               kick
               their
               arses
               for
               the
               injury
               they
               have
               done
               its
               master
               .
            
          
           
             THe
             same
             man
             had
             the
             fortune
             to
             loose
             in
             the
             following
             engagment
             ,
             not
             only
             the
             other
             leg
             ,
             but
             both
             his
             armes
             ,
             as
             he
             was
             carying
             down
             to
             the
             Chyrurgeon
             
             he
             called
             to
             his
             Captain
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             
               if
               you
               live
               and
               I
               live
               ,
               pray
               tell
               His
               Majesty
               ;
               that
               he
               hath
               a
               faithful
               subject
               ,
               who
               in
               his
               service
               hath
               lost
               both
               his
               Arms
               and
               Legs
               ,
               so
               that
               he
               is
               incapable
               to
               serve
               him
               further
               ,
               however
               he
               hath
               left
               a
               loyall
               heart
               ,
               which
               shall
               ever
               pray
               for
               the
               welfare
               of
               his
               Majesty
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Tradesman
             one
             Morning
             going
             out
             about
             some
             business
             ,
             wanted
             a
             Pin
             for
             his
             Band
             ,
             the
             indulgent
             Wife
             hearing
             that
             ,
             ran
             to
             him
             very
             officiously
             ,
             and
             joyning
             her
             Belly
             close
             to
             his
             ,
             was
             a
             great
             while
             about
             his
             Collar
             ,
             by
             which
             means
             she
             observed
             some
             erection
             more
             then
             ordinary
             ,
             and
             thereupon
             pulls
             off
             his
             Band
             ,
             and
             takes
             him
             by
             the
             Shoulder
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               you
               are
               in
               a
               fit
               condition
               to
               go
               abroad
               in
               ,
               are
               you
               not
               ?
               Come
               come
               along
               with
               me
               ,
            
             and
             so
             brought
             him
             up
             stairs
             into
             her
             Bed-Chamber
             ,
             where
             having
             staid
             a
             while
             ,
             she
             came
             down
             with
             him
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               you
               may
               now
               Husband
               go
               where
               you
               please
               ,
               you
               need
               not
               be
               ashamed
               ,
               for
               you
               know
               I
               have
               drest
               you
               like
               a
               Civil
               Man.
               
            
          
           
           
             A
             Doctor
             in
             a
             Coffee-house
             talking
             of
             many
             things
             ,
             happened
             at
             last
             to
             averr
             ,
             that
             all
             bitter
             things
             were
             naturally
             hot
             ;
             not
             so
             Mr.
             Doctor
             ,
             said
             a
             stander
             by
             ;
             why
             so
             ,
             said
             the
             Doctor
             ?
             why
             I
             'le
             appeal
             to
             all
             that
             the
             learned
             Phisicall
             Authors
             ,
             ancient
             and
             modern
             ,
             from
             Noahs
             time
             to
             this
             present
             ,
             who
             all
             say
             the
             quallity
             of
             bitter
             things
             is
             hot
             ;
             how
             will
             it
             hold
             with
             this
             then
             Mr.
             Doctor
             said
             the
             other
             ?
             and
             I
             must
             appeal
             to
             experience
             ,
             that
             in
             a
             hard
             frost
             we
             say
             it
             is
             bitter
             sharp
             weather
             ,
             
               from
               whence
               I
               gather
               all
               bitter
               things
               are
               not
               hot
               .
            
          
           
             THe
             same
             man
             a
             little
             time
             after
             ,
             in
             a
             Coffee-house
             hearing
             a
             Mercer
             bounce
             ,
             that
             he
             had
             all
             sorts
             of
             stuff
             what
             ever
             in
             his
             shop
             ;
             nay
             that
             I
             don't
             believe
             said
             this
             Gentleman
             ;
             for
             in
             your
             whole
             shop
             and
             Ware-house
             ,
             
               I
               don't
               think
               you
               can
               show
               me
               a
               pattern
               of
               Kitching
               stuff
               .
            
          
           
             SIrrah
             ,
             said
             a
             Gentleman
             ,
             if
             thou
             drawest
             me
             good
             Wine
             for
             my
             Mony
             ,
             then
             thou
             art
             fitter
             to
             draw
             then
             to
             hang
             ,
             but
             if
             thou
             drawest
             me
             bad
             Wine
             for
             my
             good
             Mony
             ,
             then
             thou
             art
             fitter
             to
             hang
             then
             draw
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Person
             one
             Sa●both
             day
             ,
             and
             that
             very
             lately
             ,
             went
             to
             the
             Queens
             Chappel
             more
             out
             of
             Curiosity
             then
             Devotion
             ,
             who
             having
             tired
             himself
             with
             the
             observation
             of
             Romish
             Ceremonies
             ,
             he
             went
             out
             of
             the
             Chappel
             ,
             and
             seeing
             Bills
             affixed
             to
             the
             Pillars
             ,
             drew
             near
             ,
             and
             as
             he
             was
             reading
             to
             himself
             ,
             a
             Matron
             like
             woman
             in
             very
             good
             Apparel
             came
             to
             him
             ,
             and
             askt
             him
             what
             he
             read
             ,
             Mistress
             said
             he
             ,
             this
             Bill
             signifies
             that
             a
             person
             being
             Sick
             ,
             desires
             to
             be
             pray'd
             for
             by
             such
             as
             come
             hither
             ,
             What
             is
             it
             I
             pray
             ,
             said
             this
             old
             Gentlewoman
             ,
             [
             pretending
             Deafness
             ,
             and
             gathering
             up
             closer
             to
             him
             ]
             it
             is
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             as
             aforesaid
             ,
             speaking
             lowder
             .
             The
             third
             time
             she
             askt
             him
             the
             same
             question
             ,
             saying
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             excuse
             me
             ,
             I
             am
             very
             Deaf
             ,
             pray
             speak
             a
             little
             lowder
             ,
             which
             he
             did
             to
             satisfie
             her
             ,
             by
             this
             time
             she
             pickt
             his
             Pocket
             ,
             and
             having
             so
             done
             ,
             she
             dropt
             him
             a
             low
             Curtsy
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               I
               hear
               you
               now
               Sir
               ,
               I
               give
               you
               many
               thanks
               ,
               for
               you
               have
               given
               me
               good
               satisfaction
               ,
            
             and
             so
             went
             her
             way
             out
             to
             his
             great
             dissatisfaction
             ,
             when
             he
             came
             home
             ,
             he
             could
             not
             find
             one
             cross
             in
             his
             Pocket
             .
          
           
           
             AT
             that
             time
             when
             there
             was
             an
             Act
             that
             Canary
             should
             be
             sold
             for
             eighteen
             pence
             a
             quart
             ,
             a
             Gentleman
             in
             a
             Tavern
             called
             for
             a
             pint
             of
             that
             wine
             ,
             the
             Drawer
             brought
             up
             the
             pint
             not
             full
             by
             one
             fourth
             ;
             what
             mean
             you
             by
             this
             said
             the
             Gentlenman
             ?
             why
             ,
             is
             it
             not
             full
             said
             the
             Drawer
             ?
             no
             said
             the
             other
             not
             by
             one
             fourth
             ,
             
               Sir
               ,
               it
               was
               full
               I
               can
               assure
               you
               when
               I
               was
               in
               the
               Collar
            
             (
             quoth
             the
             drawer
             )
             
               but
               to
               tell
               you
               the
               truth
               ,
               as
               I
               came
               running
               up
               ●stumb●dion
               an
               Act
               of
               Parliament
               ,
               and
               so
               spilt
               what
               you
               see
               is
               wanting
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             being
             desired
             to
             eat
             some
             Oysters
             ,
             refused
             for
             these
             reasons
             ,
             first
             they
             were
             ungodly
             meat
             ,
             because
             they
             were
             ea●en
             without
             saying
             Grace
             ;
             unchristian
             meat
             ,
             because
             they
             were
             eaten
             a
             live
             ;
             uncharitable
             meat
             ,
             because
             they
             left
             no
             off●ll
             to
             the
             poor
             ;
             and
             unprofitable
             meat
             ,
             because
             most
             commonly
             there
             was
             more
             spent
             upon
             them
             then
             they
             cost
             ,
             and
             by
             their
             means
             more
             spent
             otherwise
             ,
             then
             they
             and
             the
             reckoning
             amounted
             too
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Young
             Gentleman
             wanting
             a
             sum
             of
             mony
             ,
             went
             to
             a
             Scrivener
             ,
             desiring
             him
             to
             lend
             him
             an
             hundred
             pound
             privately
             ,
             that
             it
             might
             not
             come
             to
             his
             Fathers
             ear
             ;
             the
             Scrivener
             promised
             all
             the
             secrecy
             imaginable
             ;
             the
             Gentleman
             receiving
             the
             money
             ,
             and
             going
             to
             seal
             the
             Bond
             ,
             read
             the
             first
             line
             ,
             which
             was
             ,
             
               Know
               all
               Men
               by
               these
               presents
               ,
               that
               J.
               F.
               Gent.
               do
               owe
               unto
               ,
            
             &c.
             said
             the
             young
             Gentleman
             ,
             
               are
               not
               you
               a
               damned
               Rogue
               ;
               who
               for
               the
               future
               will
               believe
               you
               ,
            
             since
             you
             promised
             none
             should
             know
             my
             debt
             ?
             and
             yet
             you
             say
             ,
             
               Know
               all
               men
               by
               these
               presents
               ,
            
             &c.
             
          
           
             A
             Carter
             chanced
             to
             overturn
             his
             Cart
             far
             from
             any
             assistance
             ,
             so
             that
             the
             poor
             Fellow
             was
             forced
             to
             stand
             by
             ,
             till
             he
             could
             find
             somebody
             coming
             that
             way
             ,
             that
             might
             help
             him
             ,
             at
             length
             a
             Parson
             came
             ,
             and
             thinking
             to
             put
             a
             joke
             on
             the
             poor
             Carter
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               how
               now
               Carter
               ,
               what
               ,
               I
               see
               thou
               hast
               killed
               the
               Devil
            
             ;
             yes
             
               in
               faith
               master
            
             ,
             quoth
             he
             ,
             
               and
               I
               have
               waited
               two
               hours
               for
               a
               Parson
               to
               bury
               him
               ;
               and
               now
               you
               are
               come
               very
               seasonably
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Lancashire
             man
             passing
             by
             the
             Watch
             at
             Ludgate
             ,
             they
             stopt
             him
             ;
             but
             he
             would
             not
             be
             stopt
             ,
             for
             he
             was
             in
             hast
             :
             they
             still
             detaining
             him
             ,
             he
             askt
             them
             what
             they
             were
             ?
             
               The
               Watch
            
             ,
             said
             they
             ;
             
               the
               Watch
            
             ,
             quoth
             he
             ,
             
               what
               watch
               you
               for
               ?
               the
               King
               ,
            
             said
             they
             (
             meaning
             the
             Kings
             watch
             )
             
               for
               the
               King
            
             ,
             quoth
             he
             ,
             
               then
               by
               my
               troth
               I
               can
               bring
               very
               good
               witness
            
             that
             I
             am
             no
             such
             a
             man
             ;
             
               for
               I'es
               een
            
             Billy
             Noddy's
             
               Son
               of
            
             Lancashire
             .
          
           
             A
             Porter
             coming
             home
             one
             night
             ,
             complained
             of
             the
             many
             burdens
             he
             carried
             that
             day
             ,
             the
             woman
             (
             though
             but
             plain
             ,
             yet
             very
             handsome
             )
             replyed
             ,
             
               well
               husband
               ,
               and
               I
               bear
               my
               share
               of
               burdens
               too
               ,
               though
               not
               so
               heavy
               ;
               le
               ts
               be
               content
               ,
               for
               as
               we
               share
               in
               the
               profit
               ,
               so
               we
               will
               reap
               the
               pleasure
               on
               't
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             being
             newly
             trimmed
             ,
             the
             Barbor
             left
             only
             some
             hairs
             on
             his
             upper
             lip
             ;
             visiting
             a
             Gentlewoman
             she
             innoently
             said
             ,
             
               Sir
               ,
               you
               have
               a
               beard
               above
               ,
               and
               none
               below
               ;
               and
               you
            
             says
             he
             Madam
             ,
             
               have
               a
               beard
               below
               and
               none
               above
               ,
            
             Say
             you
             so
             says
             she
             ,
             
               then
               put
               one
               against
               t'other
            
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Young
             bucksome
             baggage
             with
             a
             Candle
             in
             her
             hand
             ,
             was
             set
             upon
             by
             a
             hot
             spurr
             ,
             who
             by
             all
             means
             must
             have
             about
             with
             her
             ,
             but
             she
             vowed
             if
             he
             medled
             with
             her
             ,
             she
             would
             burn
             him
             ;
             
               Will
               you
               so
            
             (
             sayes
             he
             )
             
               I
               'le
               try
               that
               ,
               and
               thereupon
               blew
               out
               the
               Candle
               ,
               thinking
               himself
               safe
               from
               the
               threat
               ,
               however
               not
               long
               after
               he
               found
               she
               was
               as
               good
               as
               her
               word
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Travellor
             in
             a
             cold
             frosty
             night
             ,
             coming
             to
             his
             Inn
             ,
             he
             stood
             so
             near
             the
             Kitchen
             fire
             ,
             that
             he
             burnt
             his
             boots
             ;
             which
             the
             Turn-spit
             boy
             seeing
             ;
             said
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             you
             will
             burn
             your
             spurs
             presently
             ;
             my
             boots
             thou
             meanest
             Boy
             ;
             
               No
               Sir
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               they
               are
               burned
               already
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             said
             ,
             I
             hear
             your
             wife
             is
             quick
             already
             ,
             yes
             says
             he
             ,
             a
             pox
             on
             her
             she
             is
             very
             nimble
             ,
             for
             I
             have
             been
             married
             to
             her
             but
             a
             month
             ,
             and
             she
             is
             ready
             to
             lye
             down
             :
             well
             ,
             since
             it
             is
             so
             ,
             I
             will
             go
             and
             instead
             of
             buying
             one
             Cradle
             ,
             I
             will
             buy
             half
             a
             score
             ,
             for
             
               I
               can't
               have
               less
               then
               ten
               Children
               in
               a
               twelve
               month
               ,
               if
               she
               holds
               on
               as
               she
               begins
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Shoomaker
             thought
             to
             mock
             a
             Cobler
             being
             black
             ,
             saying
             ,
             what
             news
             from
             Hell
             ?
             How
             fares
             the
             Devil
             ?
             Faith
             ,
             says
             the
             Cobler
             ,
             he
             was
             just
             riding
             forth
             as
             I
             came
             thence
             ,
             
               and
               pulling
               on
               his
               boots
               ,
               he
               complained
               grievously
               that
               he
               was
               in
               the
               Shoomakers
               stocks
               ,
               and
               desired
               me
               to
               send
               him
               a
               Shoomaker
               to
               widen
               his
               boots
               ,
               and
               draw
               them
               on
               for
               him
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             arch
             Country
             fellow
             haveing
             been
             at
             London
             ,
             upon
             his
             return
             was
             askt
             by
             his
             shee
             Neighbour
             ,
             what
             news
             he
             heard
             there
             ,
             news
             (
             quoth
             he
             )
             all
             the
             news
             that
             I
             heard
             was
             ,
             that
             there
             was
             a
             great
             press
             out
             for
             Cuckolds
             ;
             
               Is
               there
               so
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               then
               to
               aviod
               the
               worst
               my
               hu●band
               shall
               not
               stir
               out
               of
               doors
               ,
               till
               the
               press
               be
               over
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Light
             House-wife
             Married
             one
             whose
             Name
             was
             Not
             ,
             whom
             she
             Cuckold
             and
             Buried
             ,
             at
             her
             Death
             these
             Verses
             were
             made
             on
             her
             ,
          
           
             Not
             
               a
               Maid
            
             ,
             Not
             
               a
               Wife
            
             ,
             Not
             
               a
               Widow
            
             ,
          
           
             Not
             
               a
               Wh●re
            
             ,
          
           
             
               She
               was
               Not
               these
               ,
               and
               yet
               she
               was
               all
               four
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             saying
             that
             a
             Married
             woman
             had
             no
             power
             to
             make
             a
             Will
             ,
             in
             troth
             said
             another
             it
             would
             be
             better
             for
             Men
             ,
             if
             they
             had
             the
             Priviledge
             to
             make
             a
             Will
             when
             they
             die
             ,
             then
             for
             them
             to
             Usurp
             a
             Prerogative
             of
             having
             their
             Wills
             all
             the
             days
             of
             their
             life
             .
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             pretending
             to
             have
             a
             a
             great
             desire
             to
             Marry
             ,
             askt
             advice
             of
             a
             Friend
             concerning
             so
             weighty
             a
             Matter
             ;
             a
             mad
             Hec.
             of
             the
             Town
             hearing
             thereof
             ,
             sent
             him
             these
             Lines
             ,
             I
             know
             not
             whether
             designedly
             to
             divert
             him
             from
             Marriage
             ,
             or
             to
             show
             his
             own
             (
             
               A
               la
               Mode
            
             )
             aversion
             to
             it
             .
          
           
             
               
                 Out
                 of
                 ●t●rk
                 Love
                 ,
                 and
                 errant
                 Devotion
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 Of
                 Marriage
                 .
                 I
                 'le
                 give
                 you
                 this
                 Galloping
                 Notion
                 .
              
            
             
               
                 'T
                 is
                 bane
                 of
                 all
                 business
                 ,
                 the
                 end
                 of
                 all
                 Pleasure
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 Consumption
                 of
                 Youth
                 ,
                 Wit
                 ,
                 Virtue
                 ,
                 and
                 Treasure
                 .
              
            
             
               
                 'T
                 is
                 the
                 Rack
                 of
                 our
                 Thoughts
                 ,
                 Night
                 Mare
                 of
                 our
                 Sleeps
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 That
                 calls
                 us
                 to
                 Work
                 before
                 the
                 Day
                 Peeps
              
               ;
            
             
               
                 Commands
                 to
                 make
                 Brick
                 without
                 Stubte
                 or
                 Straw
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 For
                 a
                 C
                 —
                 hath
                 no
                 Sense
                 ,
                 nor
                 Conscience
                 ,
                 or
                 Law
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 If
                 you
                 must
                 be
                 for
                 flesh
                 ,
                 take
                 the
                 way
                 that
                 is
                 Noble
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 In
                 a
                 generous
                 Wench
                 there
                 is
                 nothing
                 of
                 Trouble
                 .
              
            
             
               
                 You
                 come
                 on
                 ,
                 you
                 go
                 off
                 ,
                 say
                 ,
                 do
                 what
                 you
                 please
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 And
                 the
                 worst
                 you
                 can
                 fear
                 is
                 but
                 a
                 Disease
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 And
                 Diseases
                 you
                 know
                 may
                 hope
                 for
                 a
                 Cure
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 But
                 the
                 pain
                 of
                 being
                 Married
                 who
                 can
                 it
                 endure
                 .
              
            
          
           
           
             A
             Married
             man
             of
             good
             note
             got
             a
             Wench
             with
             child
             ,
             and
             was
             told
             by
             the
             Justice
             that
             he
             thought
             a
             man
             of
             his
             repute
             would
             not
             have
             offered
             to
             defile
             his
             Marriage
             bed
             ;
             
               You
               mistake
            
             Sir
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             
               there
               was
               no
               defiling
               of
               the
               bed
               in
               the
               matter
               ,
               for
               it
               was
               done
               in
               the
               field
               .
            
          
           
             Being
             accused
             afterwards
             by
             his
             wife
             for
             going
             into
             his
             Maids
             bed
             ;
             
               you
               mistake
               sweet-hart
            
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             
               t
               is
               no
               such
               matter
               ,
               for
               she
               likes
               the
               sport
               so
               well
               ,
               that
               she
               saves
               me
               that
               labour
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             faln
             to
             decay
             shifted
             where
             he
             could
             ,
             amongst
             the
             rest
             ,
             he
             visited
             an
             old
             acquaintance
             ,
             and
             stayed
             with
             him
             seven
             or
             eight
             days
             ,
             in
             which
             time
             the
             man
             began
             to
             be
             weary
             of
             his
             Guest
             ,
             and
             to
             be
             rid
             of
             him
             feighned
             a
             falling
             out
             with
             his
             wife
             ,
             by
             which
             means
             there
             fare
             was
             very
             slender
             :
             the
             Gentleman
             perceiving
             there
             drift
             ,
             but
             not
             knowing
             whether
             to
             go
             to
             better
             himself
             ,
             
               Told
               them
               he
               had
               been
               there
               seven
               days
               ,
               and
               had
               not
               seen
               any
               falling
               out
               betwixt
               them
               before
               ;
               and
               he
               was
               resolved
               to
               stay
               fourteen
               days
               longer
               but
               he
               would
               see
               them
               friends
               again
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             going
             home
             late
             ,
             met
             with
             the
             watch
             ,
             who
             bade
             him
             come
             before
             the
             Constable
             ,
             approaching
             near
             ;
             which
             is
             the
             Constable
             ,
             said
             he
             ;
             I
             am
             the
             Constable
             said
             Mr.
             Not
             ;
             the
             Gentleman
             knowing
             him
             by
             name
             ,
             (
             though
             little
             otherways
             )
             said
             ,
             you
             are
             Not
             the
             Constable
             Sir
             ,
             but
             I
             am
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             I
             say
             you
             are
             Not
             the
             Constable
             ;
             because
             said
             the
             other
             you
             say
             I
             am
             not
             the
             Constable
             ,
             you
             shall
             find
             I
             have
             power
             to
             commit
             you
             to
             the
             Counter
             ,
             as
             he
             was
             going
             the
             Gentleman
             turned
             back
             ,
             and
             said
             ,
             pray
             Mr.
             Not
             ,
             and
             Not
             the
             Constable
             ,
             let
             me
             go
             home
             to
             my
             Lodging
             ;
             Mr.
             Not
             was
             so
             well
             pleased
             with
             the
             quibble
             ,
             that
             he
             sent
             him
             home
             with
             a
             couple
             of
             watchmen
             .
          
           
             ONe
             having
             let
             a
             Farme
             by
             word
             of
             mouth
             to
             a
             Tennant
             that
             much
             abused
             the
             same
             ,
             it
             so
             nettled
             him
             ,
             that
             he
             vowed
             he
             would
             never
             after
             that
             let
             any
             thing
             again
             without
             a
             writing
             ;
             his
             wife
             over-hearing
             the
             Vow
             ,
             
               Good
               Husband
            
             (
             quoth
             she
             )
             
               recall
               your
               words
               ,
               or
               else
               you
               must
               have
               a
               writing
               for
               every
               Fart
               you
               let
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Physitian
             was
             wont
             to
             say
             when
             he
             met
             any
             friend
             ,
             
               I
               am
               glad
               to
               see
               you
               well
               ,
            
             in
             troth
             Sir
             ,
             said
             one
             ,
             I
             think
             you
             but
             dissemble
             ,
             
               for
               the
               world
               always
               goes
               ill
               with
               you
               ,
               when
               it
               goes
               well
               with
               your
               friends
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Discreet
             staid
             Gentleman
             being
             accidentally
             in
             a
             crowd
             ,
             got
             a
             broken
             pate
             ,
             one
             seeing
             it
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               See
               what
               a
               suddain
               change
               there
               is
               in
               yonder
               Gentleman
               ,
               it
               was
               not
               long
               since
               he
               was
               lookt
               upon
               staid
               ,
               sober
               ,
               and
               discreet
               ,
               and
               now
               he
               hath
               gotten
               a
               running
               head
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             said
             that
             the
             King
             of
             Spain
             was
             the
             greatest
             Potentate
             of
             the
             whole
             Universe
             ,
             for
             he
             Sack●
             more
             Cities
             and
             Countrys
             ,
             then
             all
             other
             Princes
             besides
             .
          
           
             
               
                 We
                 from
                 Spains
                 Monarch
                 ,
                 as
                 all
                 Merchants
                 Know
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 Have
                 our
                 Canary
                 ,
                 and
                 stout
                 Maligo
                 .
              
            
             
               
                 Thus
                 doth
                 he
                 Sack
                 each
                 City
                 ,
                 Town
                 ,
                 and
                 Village
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 For
                 which
                 the
                 Vintners
                 do
                 our
                 Purses
                 pillage
                 .
              
            
          
           
           
             A
             Lawyer
             being
             Sick
             made
             his
             Will
             ,
             and
             gave
             away
             his
             estate
             to
             
               Lunatick
               ,
               Frantick
               ,
               and
               Mad-people
               ,
            
             being
             askt
             why
             he
             did
             so
             ,
             he
             answered
             ,
             
               That
               from
               such
               he
               received
               it
               ,
               and
               to
               such
               he
               would
               give
               it
               again
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Farmer
             growing
             very
             Rich
             ,
             was
             Knighted
             ,
             hereupon
             his
             wife
             made
             her self
             as
             fine
             as
             a
             Lady
             ;
             which
             one
             observing
             ,
             said
             ,
             that
             the
             
               Farmers
               worship
               was
               much
               to
               blame
               in
               spoiling
               a
               Good-wife
               ,
               to
               make
               a
               Mad-dam
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Knight
             having
             three
             Sons
             ,
             and
             not
             so
             great
             an
             estate
             as
             to
             settle
             any
             thing
             on
             his
             younger
             son
             ,
             told
             him
             that
             necessity
             forced
             him
             to
             bind
             him
             Apprentice
             ,
             and
             bid
             him
             choose
             his
             Trade
             ;
             the
             Lad
             being
             ingenious
             told
             his
             Father
             he
             would
             be
             
               a
               Tanner
            
             ;
             why
             that
             nasty
             trade
             says
             he
             ?
             O
             Sir
             replied
             the
             Son
             ,
             considering
             the
             slenderness
             of
             your
             Estate
             it
             is
             most
             suitable
             to
             my
             condition
             ,
             for
             three
             Hides
             will
             set
             me
             up
             :
             what
             Hides
             are
             those
             says
             the
             Father
             ?
             Sir
             (
             says
             he
             )
             
               yours
               and
               my
               two
               elder
               Brothers
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Pretender
             to
             Poetry
             ,
             was
             Rehearsing
             some
             Verses
             to
             one
             ,
             which
             he
             said
             he
             made
             betwixt
             High-Gate
             and
             London
             ,
             as
             he
             was
             Riding
             on
             a
             lame
             Jade
             ,
             truly
             said
             the
             other
             you
             needed
             not
             to
             have
             told
             me
             that
             ,
             
               For
               I
               know
               by
               your
               hobling
               Verses
               what
               disease
               your
               Horse
               was
               troubled
               with
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             one
             night
             very
             late
             ,
             or
             early
             in
             the
             morning
             ,
             and
             half
             ●udled
             ,
             yet
             had
             wit
             enough
             ,
             was
             called
             before
             the
             Constable
             ,
             who
             askt
             him
             where
             he
             was
             going
             ,
             he
             replyed
             he
             could
             not
             tell
             ;
             then
             said
             the
             Constable
             you
             shall
             go
             to
             the
             Counter
             ;
             look
             you
             there
             said
             the
             Gentleman
             ,
             did
             I
             not
             tell
             you
             ,
             I
             could
             not
             tell
             whither
             I
             was
             going
             ,
             
               For
               did
               I
               know
               ,
               whether
               you
               would
               let
               me
               go
               home
               ,
               or
               send
               me
               to
               prison
               ,
            
             for
             which
             conceit
             he
             was
             released
             .
          
           
             ONe
             said
             that
             no
             men
             had
             greater
             confidence
             in
             their
             Country
             then
             Thieves
             ,
             
               Because
               they
               durst
               put
               themselves
               upon
               it
               although
               they
               were
               hanged
               for
               their
               pains
               .
            
          
           
           
             AN
             Apprentice
             being
             a
             servant
             to
             a
             young
             married
             Couple
             ,
             observed
             every
             day
             after
             dinner
             ,
             that
             his
             Master
             and
             Mistris
             went
             up
             into
             their
             Bed-chamber
             ;
             being
             an
             arch
             Rogue
             ,
             he
             imagined
             what
             to
             do
             .
             A
             Gentleman
             coming
             one
             afternoon
             ,
             askt
             where
             his
             Master
             and
             his
             Mistris
             were
             ;
             
               I
               think
            
             (
             said
             the
             boy
             )
             
               My
               Mistris
               is
               abroad
               ,
               but
               I
               suppose
               my
               Master
               is
               at
               home
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Quaker
             coming
             to
             Court
             to
             speake
             with
             the
             King
             about
             the
             lord
             knows
             what
             ,
             past
             through
             the
             Presence
             ,
             and
             Privy-chambers
             with
             his
             hat
             on
             ,
             which
             some
             would
             have
             taken
             off
             ,
             but
             the
             King
             bid
             them
             let
             him
             alone
             ,
             whilst
             he
             was
             telling
             a
             long
             rible
             rable
             story
             ,
             the
             King
             took
             an
             occasion
             to
             take
             off
             his
             own
             hat
             ;
             hereupon
             the
             Quaker
             stopt
             ,
             and
             said
             ,
             
               O
               King
               thou
               maist
               be
               covered
               ,
               if
               thou
               wilt
               .
               Well
            
             (
             says
             the
             King
             )
             
               if
               I
               give
               you
               your
               liberty
               ,
               I
               hope
               you
               will
               allow
               me
               mine
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             seeing
             a
             Lawyer
             riding
             on
             a
             Dun-horse
             ,
             look
             yonder
             (
             says
             he
             )
             
               Is
               the
               Devill
               upon
               Dun.
            
             
          
           
           
             SOme
             Gentlemen
             Travelling
             ,
             and
             coming
             near
             a
             Town
             ,
             Saw
             an
             old
             woman
             spinning
             near
             a
             Duckin-stool
             ;
             one
             to
             make
             the
             company
             merry
             ,
             askt
             the
             good
             woman
             ,
             what
             that
             Chair
             was
             made
             for
             ?
             said
             she
             ,
             you
             know
             what
             it
             is
             ;
             indeed
             ,
             says
             he
             ,
             I
             know
             not
             ,
             unless
             it
             be
             the
             chair
             you
             use
             to
             spin
             in
             sometimes
             ;
             no
             no
             ,
             said
             she
             ,
             you
             know
             it
             to
             be
             otherwise
             :
             
               have
               you
               not
               heard
               that
               it
               is
               the
               Cradle
               your
               good
               Mother
               hath
               often
               lay●
               in
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             was
             perswaded
             to
             adventure
             somthing
             at
             the
             Lottery
             ;
             not
             I
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             for
             none
             has
             luck
             at
             it
             but
             rank
             Cuckolds
             :
             his
             wife
             standing
             by
             ,
             perswaded
             him
             by
             all
             means
             for
             to
             venture
             ;
             for
             said
             she
             ,
             
               I
               am
               certain
               then
               you
               will
               have
               very
               good
               luck
               .
            
          
           
             TWo
             Gentlemen
             had
             all
             their
             life
             time
             been
             implacable
             enemies
             ;
             one
             of
             whom
             lying
             on
             his
             death-bed
             ,
             thought
             of
             a
             way
             to
             be
             eternally
             revenged
             on
             the
             other
             ;
             whereupon
             he
             sent
             for
             him
             ,
             and
             told
             him
             that
             he
             would
             make
             him
             his
             Excecutor
             ;
             why
             me
             (
             says
             
             he
             ,
             )
             since
             you
             ever
             hated
             me
             to
             death
             ?
             so
             I
             do
             still
             says
             t'other
             :
             but
             my
             reason
             is
             ,
             
               Because
               I
               think
               most
               Excecutors
               go
               to
               Hell
               ,
               and
               I
               hope
               that
               thou
               wilt
               not
               be
               one
               of
               those
               that
               shall
               escape
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Quaker
             having
             taken
             a
             room
             in
             an
             Inne
             ,
             a
             Hector
             coming
             after
             ,
             would
             needs
             have
             the
             room
             from
             him
             ,
             swearing
             ,
             damming
             ,
             and
             sinking
             after
             a
             most
             damnable
             rate
             :
             but
             the
             other
             told
             him
             mildly
             it
             was
             his
             room
             ,
             and
             by
             yea
             ,
             and
             nay
             he
             should
             not
             come
             there
             ;
             the
             other
             thereupon
             struck
             him
             ,
             which
             so
             provoked
             the
             old
             man
             in
             this
             stout
             Quaker
             ,
             that
             he
             repayed
             his
             blows
             with
             usury
             ;
             and
             at
             last
             kickt
             him
             down
             stairs
             :
             with
             that
             the
             Master
             of
             the
             house
             sent
             up
             to
             know
             what
             was
             the
             matter
             ;
             nothing
             (
             said
             one
             )
             
               but
               that
               Yea
               and
               Nay
               hath
               kickt
               God
               damme
               down
               stairs
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Citizen
             coming
             into
             Ludgate
             ,
             saw
             an
             old
             acquaintance
             of
             his
             there
             confin'd
             :
             Lord
             ,
             Tom
             ,
             says
             he
             ,
             how
             cam'st
             thou
             hither
             ?
             he
             replyed
             ,
             
               a
               blind
               man
               might
               have
               come
               thither
               as
               well
               as
               he
               ,
               for
               he
               was
               led
               thither
               betwixt
               two
               ,
               who
               would
               not
               suffer
               him
               to
               goe
               any
               other
               way
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Lady
             found
             fault
             with
             a
             Gentleman
             dancing
             ;
             saying
             ,
             that
             he
             stradled
             too
             much
             :
             Madam
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               if
               you
               had
               that
               betwixt
               your
               legs
               that
               I
               have
               betwixt
               mine
               ,
               you
               would
               straddle
               much
               wider
               .
            
          
           
             SOme
             Blades
             being
             merry
             together
             ;
             one
             said
             that
             all
             the
             women
             in
             such
             a
             Town
             were
             accounted
             Whores
             ;
             a
             mad
             fellow
             hereupon
             swore
             he
             believ'd
             so
             ,
             
               For
               his
               Mother
               ,
               and
               his
               three
               Sisters
               were
               born
               there
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Fellow
             going
             in
             the
             dark
             ,
             held
             out
             his
             arms
             to
             defend
             his
             face
             ;
             coming
             against
             the
             door
             which
             stood
             outright
             ,
             he
             run
             his
             nose
             against
             the
             edge
             thereof
             ;
             whereupon
             he
             cryed
             out
             ,
             
               Hey
               day
               ,
               what
               a
               Pox
               is
               the
               matter
               ,
               my
               nose
               was
               short
               enough
               just
               now
               ,
               and
               is
               it
               in
               so
               short
               a
               time
               grown
               longer
               then
               my
               Arms.
               
            
          
           
             ONe
             said
             nothing
             was
             more
             valiant
             then
             the
             Collar
             of
             a
             Taylors
             shirt
             ,
             being
             askt
             the
             reason
             ,
             because
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               Every
               morning
               it
               hath
               a
               Thief
               by
               the
               neck
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             seeing
             a
             Drawer
             drunk
             ,
             said
             ,
             that
             the
             wine
             was
             even
             with
             him
             ;
             
               For
               he
               had
               pierced
               the
               Wines
               Hogs-head
               ,
               and
               the
               Wine
               had
               pierced
               his
               .
            
          
           
             TWo
             Jesuits
             sitting
             in
             a
             Coffee
             house
             ,
             told
             a
             great
             many
             forreign
             storys
             ,
             which
             a
             Gentleman
             ,
             and
             a
             great
             Traveller
             fitting
             by
             ,
             knew
             to
             be
             notorous
             lyes
             ,
             but
             contradicted
             them
             not
             ;
             but
             told
             one
             of
             his
             own
             making
             ,
             which
             was
             ,
             that
             now
             is
             to
             be
             seen
             at
             S.
             Albans
             ,
             a
             Stone
             Trough
             ,
             which
             that
             Saint
             kept
             a
             long
             time
             to
             preserve
             water
             for
             his
             necessary
             use
             ,
             and
             that
             ever
             since
             ,
             if
             Swine
             should
             eat
             any
             thing
             out
             of
             it
             ,
             they
             would
             dye
             instantly
             ;
             the
             Jesuits
             hearing
             this
             ,
             resolved
             the
             next
             day
             to
             ride
             and
             see
             this
             holy
             Relict
             :
             coming
             to
             St.
             Albans
             ,
             they
             found
             no
             such
             matter
             ;
             and
             returning
             home
             ,
             taxt
             the
             Gentleman
             with
             telling
             such
             an
             untruth
             ,
             saying
             ,
             they
             had
             taken
             pains
             to
             ride
             and
             see
             it
             ,
             but
             found
             no
             such
             thing
             :
             Gentlemen
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               I
               thought
               you
               had
               been
               more
               civill
               ;
               you
               told
               me
               the
               other
               night
               a
               hundred
               palpable
               lyes
               ,
               and
               I
               went
               not
               about
               to
               disprove
               you
               ,
               and
               I
               told
               you
               but
               one
               ,
               and
               you
               by
               your
               own
               confession
               ,
               have
               rid
               twenty
               miles
               to
               do
               it
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Landlord
             askt
             his
             Tenant
             how
             many
             children
             she
             had
             ;
             three
             said
             she
             ;
             two
             of
             them
             ,
             Will
             and
             Tom.
             are
             pretty
             Boys
             ,
             but
             Diggory
             is
             a
             great
             loggerheaded
             Lout
             ,
             and
             in
             troth
             Landlord
             ,
             
               methinks
               ,
               he
               looketh
               as
               like
               you
               ,
               as
               if
               he
               was
               spit
               out
               of
               your
               mouth
               .
            
          
           
             SOme
             Thieves
             met
             with
             a
             man
             ,
             and
             robb'd
             him
             of
             all
             he
             had
             ,
             then
             bound
             him
             and
             layd
             him
             in
             a
             wood
             :
             a
             little
             after
             they
             met
             another
             ,
             and
             served
             him
             in
             like
             manner
             ,
             and
             laid
             him
             not
             far
             from
             the
             other
             ;
             the
             first
             cryed
             out
             ,
             
               I
               'me
               undone
               I
               'me
               undone
            
             ;
             the
             other
             hearing
             him
             say
             so
             ,
             
               desired
               him
               to
               come
               and
               undoe
               him
               too
               ,
               since
               he
               was
               undone
               himself
               .
            
          
           
             SAys
             one
             ,
             Dogs
             concurr
             ,
             Steeples
             conspire
             ,
             Wheels
             converse
             ,
             Lawyers
             contend
             ,
             Foxes
             consent
             ,
             Miners
             condiscend
             ,
             Women
             conceive
             ,
             Apple-Mongers
             consider
             ,
             Milstones
             contrive
             ,
             Rope-makers
             concord
             ,
             Scriveners
             condition
             ,
             Faggoters
             combine
             ,
             Jaylors
             confine
             ,
             Sick-men
             consume
             ,
             Drumms
             convene
             ,
             Commanders
             conduct
             ,
             Great
             men
             controul
             ,
             Mourners
             condole
             ,
             Clouds
             condense
             ,
             
             Scholars
             convince
             ,
             Counsellors
             conceal
             ,
             Country
             fellows
             conjobble
             ,
             Judges
             condemn
             ,
             Friars
             confess
             ,
             Victors
             conquer
             ,
             Traitors
             conjoin
             ,
             Friends
             confer
             ,
             Polititians
             consult
             ,
             Cutlers
             connive
             ,
             Proud
             men
             contemn
             ,
             Landlords
             confirm
             ,
             and
             their
             Tenants
             confarm
             ;
             Bells
             convoke
             ;
             and
             thus
             for
             brevity
             I
             conclude
             .
          
           
             A
             Young
             Gentlewoman
             desired
             an
             excellent
             Painter
             to
             draw
             her
             exactly
             as
             she
             was
             ,
             a
             Maid
             ,
             and
             of
             the
             same
             stature
             ,
             which
             he
             did
             according
             to
             her
             desire
             ,
             excepting
             (
             as
             she
             said
             )
             that
             he
             had
             drawn
             her
             less
             then
             she
             was
             ;
             
               Oh
               Madam
            
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             
               Posterity
               would
               never
               believe
               my
               draught
               had
               I
               made
               you
               any
               taller
               ,
               or
               so
               big
               ,
               for
               't
               is
               very
               rare
               in
               this
               age
               ,
               to
               find
               a
               Maid
               so
               big
               ,
               and
               so
               tall
               .
            
          
           
             AMongst
             some
             women
             that
             were
             chatting
             of
             their
             Husbands
             :
             truly
             (
             said
             one
             )
             my
             Husband
             is
             the
             liquorishest
             man
             in
             the
             world
             ,
             
               For
               I
               had
               a
               small
               pot
               of
               Honey
               sent
               me
               out
               of
            
             Hampshire
             
               by
               a
               dear
               friend
               of
               mine
               ,
               and
               I
               can
               no
               sooner
               turn
               my
               breech
               ,
               but
               his
               Nose
               will
               be
               in
               it
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             friend
             complained
             to
             another
             of
             the
             loss
             of
             a
             wife
             by
             death
             ,
             which
             was
             an
             honest
             woman
             ,
             
               Nay
               had
               she
               been
               honest
            
             (
             said
             the
             other
             )
             
               she
               would
               never
               have
               left
               thee
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Lady
             of
             great
             Quality
             had
             a
             Female
             Dwarf
             to
             attend
             on
             her
             ,
             the
             excellency
             of
             whose
             Features
             ,
             and
             acuteness
             of
             Wit
             ,
             so
             engaged
             her
             Ladies
             affection
             to
             her
             ,
             that
             nothing
             could
             plead
             an
             equality
             or
             esteem
             within
             her
             Breast
             ,
             and
             fearing
             that
             Death
             would
             too
             soon
             deprive
             her
             of
             this
             pretty
             little
             Animal
             ,
             one
             day
             she
             proposed
             to
             her
             a
             Marriage
             ,
             that
             thereby
             she
             might
             by
             the
             smalness
             of
             the
             Issue
             ,
             have
             her
             remembrance
             continued
             ;
             but
             all
             the
             Ladies
             trouble
             consisted
             in
             this
             ,
             that
             she
             knew
             not
             where
             to
             get
             an
             Husband
             so
             little
             that
             would
             sit
             her
             ;
             Madam
             ,
             [
             said
             she
             ]
             
               take
               you
               no
               ca●e
               for
               that
               ,
               I
               have
               lately
               been
               in
               your
               Ladiships
               Cellar
               ,
               and
               there
               I
               found
               Casks
               of
               several
               Sizes
               ,
            
             viz.
             
               The
               great
               Bellied
               Hogs-head
               ,
               the
               slender
               ,
               yet
               long
               Pipe
               ,
               the
               little
               Kilterkin
               ,
               and
               the
               lesser
               Ferkin
               ,
               and
               yet
               observing
               their
               Bungholes
               ,
               I
               found
               them
               all
               much
               about
               an
               equal
               wideness
               .
            
          
           
           
             TWo
             Persons
             coming
             from
             Ireland
             ,
             and
             Landing
             at
             Holy-Head
             ,
             the
             one
             of
             which
             was
             a
             Doctor
             of
             hysick
             ,
             very
             much
             Crumpt-back
             ,
             the
             other
             though
             a
             Knight
             ,
             yet
             his
             original
             was
             but
             a
             Post-boy
             ,
             Riding
             on
             the
             Road
             ,
             the
             Doctor
             being
             a
             very
             Facetious
             Man
             ,
             observing
             this
             Knight
             to
             Ride
             a
             little
             too
             hard
             for
             him
             ,
             called
             to
             him
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               Sir
               ,
               not
               so
               fast
               I
               pray
               ,
               you
               forget
               your self
               ,
               for
               you
               are
               not
               Riding
               Post
               at
               this
               time
            
             ;
             The
             Knight
             hereupon
             turning
             back
             ,
             looking
             earnestly
             on
             him
             ,
             replyed
             ,
             
               What
               ever
               I
               have
               done
               ,
               I
               am
               sure
               you
               have
               forgotten
               your self
               ,
               for
            
             [
             pointing
             to
             his
             back
             ]
             
               you
               might
               have
               delivered
               your
               Portmantue
               to
               your
               Man
               ,
               and
               not
               carried
               the
               burthen
               your self
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Country
             Gentleman
             coming
             to
             London
             ,
             and
             having
             never
             seen
             Guild-Hall
             before
             ,
             was
             walking
             in
             it
             ,
             strangely
             admiring
             that
             lofty
             ,
             stately
             Structure
             ,
             adorned
             with
             the
             lively
             Representations
             of
             these
             incomparable
             Persons
             ;
             at
             Jength
             he
             accosts
             one
             ,
             whom
             he
             saw
             walking
             with
             less
             wonder
             ,
             and
             askt
             him
             ,
             what
             the
             Name
             of
             the
             
             place
             was
             ,
             and
             to
             what
             end
             it
             was
             Erected
             ,
             Sir
             [
             said
             he
             ]
             
               this
               Edifice
               is
               vulgarly
               called
            
             Yeeld-Hall
             ,
             
               where
               are
               kept
               three
               Courts
               ,
               the
               one
               at
               this
               end
               is
               a
               Court
               where
               Law
               is
               Practised
               ,
               but
               no
               Conscience
               ;
               within
               there
               is
               a
               Court
               where
               Conscience
               is
               sometimes
               exercised
               ,
               but
               no
               Law
               ;
               and
               at
               the
               other
               end
               ,
               in
               yonder
               Nook
               ,
               there
               is
               a
               Court
               wherein
               is
               Practised
               neither
               Law
               nor
               Conscience
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             having
             drank
             Claret
             exceeding
             hard
             at
             Lambeth
             ,
             and
             crossing
             the
             water
             ,
             nodding
             as
             he
             slept
             ,
             he
             chanced
             to
             tip
             over
             into
             the
             Thames
             ,
             his
             Friends
             at
             the
             sight
             hereof
             were
             much
             concern'd
             ,
             and
             bustled
             to
             get
             him
             up
             ,
             one
             seeing
             the
             bustle
             that
             they
             made
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               Let
               him
               alone
               ,
               let
               him
               alone
               ,
               there
               is
               no
               fear
               of
               his
               drowning
               ,
               for
               he
               is
               too
               full
               of
               Wine
               to
               admit
               any
               Water
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             demanding
             of
             another
             so
             much
             mony
             as
             was
             due
             to
             him
             ,
             told
             him
             thus
             very
             angerly
             ,
             
               Sir
               ,
               I
               protect
               I
               wont
               be
               thus
               baffled
               by
               you
               any
               longer
               ,
               for
               if
               you
               wont
               pay
               me
               my
               Money
               ,
               and
               that
               presently
               ,
               take
               it
               as
               you
               please
               ,
               I
               'le
               tare
               your
               Bond
               before
               your
               Face
               .
            
          
           
           
             THere
             was
             a
             Person
             lately
             ,
             whom
             Necessity
             prompt
             to
             address
             himself
             to
             one
             of
             the
             chief
             Undertakers
             of
             the
             Kings
             Theatre
             ;
             a
             Play
             was
             produced
             ,
             and
             a
             great
             part
             thereof
             offer'd
             to
             this
             Young
             man
             to
             Read
             ,
             who
             represented
             the
             Humour
             so
             well
             ,
             in
             a
             Voice
             so
             tunable
             ,
             and
             with
             words
             so
             well
             Accented
             ,
             that
             this
             ingenious
             Gentleman
             was
             very
             well
             pleas'd
             with
             him
             ,
             but
             viewing
             his
             Face
             ,
             which
             was
             much
             Pock
             broken
             ,
             squint-eyed
             ,
             with
             Features
             altogether
             discordant
             to
             the
             Stage
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               I
               like
               thy
               Voice
               ,
               Action
               ,
               and
               Body
               well
               ,
               but
               what
               shall
               we
               do
               with
               that
               Face
               of
               thine
               ?
            
          
           
             Hearing
             another
             speak
             ill
             after
             long
             instruction
             ,
             he
             Swore
             he
             need
             not
             fear
             Damnation
             ,
             for
             he
             was
             confident
             he
             had
             no
             Soul.
             
          
           
             A
             Chyrurgion
             going
             in
             the
             Street
             with
             more
             speed
             then
             ordinary
             ,
             to
             visit
             a
             rich
             Patient
             who
             had
             a
             dangerous
             swore
             Leg
             ,
             was
             met
             by
             a
             Friend
             ,
             who
             askt
             him
             where
             he
             was
             going
             in
             that
             great
             hast
             ,
             t'other
             made
             answer
             ,
             
               To
               get
               a
               brave
               Gelding
               out
               of
               a
               Gentlemans
               Leg
               that
               was
               his
               Patient
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Soldier
             ,
             who
             had
             lost
             one
             Eye
             in
             the
             Wars
             ,
             Married
             a
             young
             Wench
             ,
             whom
             he
             thought
             to
             find
             a
             Maid
             ,
             but
             found
             out
             on
             the
             Nuptial
             Night
             to
             be
             otherwise
             ,
             being
             very
             angry
             with
             her
             ,
             he
             askt
             her
             why
             she
             had
             so
             served
             him
             ,
             to
             which
             she
             replyed
             ,
             Would
             you
             have
             me
             intire
             to
             you
             ,
             when
             you
             are
             defective
             to
             me
             ;
             pray
             how
             come
             you
             to
             loose
             that
             Eye
             ,
             by
             my
             Foes
             quoth
             he
             ,
             
               Then
               here
               lies
               the
               difference
            
             ,
             [
             said
             she
             ]
             
               I
               lost
               my
               Maiden-head
               by
               a
               Friend
               .
            
          
           
             
               Of
               LOVE
               .
            
             
               
                 Post
                 visum
                 risum
                 ,
                 post
                 risum
                 venit
                 in
                 usum
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 Post
                 risum
                 tactum
                 post
                 tacium
                 venit
                 in
                 actum
                 ,
              
            
             
               
                 Post
                 actum
                 factum
                 ,
                 post
                 factum
                 penitet
                 actum
                 ,
              
            
          
           
             
               Englished
               Thus.
               
            
             
               We
               see
               ,
               we
               laugh
               ,
               and
               then
               to
               feeling
               come
               ,
            
             
               Then
               action
               clubs
               unto
               Loves
               Martyrdome
               .
            
             
               And
               when
               with
               Blood-shed
               we
               the
               Fort
               have
               wone
               ,
            
             
               With
               hanging
               Head
               we
               wish't
               had
               ne're
               been
               done
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             stranger
             passing
             through
             the
             Temple
             early
             ,
             had
             a
             Pispot
             discharged
             on
             his
             head
             ;
             in
             his
             amazement
             ,
             one
             past
             by
             ;
             pray
             Sir
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             what
             place
             do
             you
             call
             this
             ?
             the
             Temple
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             and
             what
             is
             done
             here
             ?
             the
             other
             replyed
             ,
             that
             young
             Gentlemen
             Studdy
             the
             Law
             ,
             
               I
               believe
               rather
               quoth
               he
               ,
               they
               Study
               Physick
               ,
               by
               their
               casting
               so
               much
               water
               ;
               and
               if
               I
               mistake
               not
               ,
               they
               are
               a
               Company
               of
               Mad
               fellows
               too
               ,
               for
               just
               now
               my
               head
               can
               testifie
               they
               threw
               their
               stools
               out
               of
               the
               windows
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             old
             Knight
             requested
             a
             favour
             of
             the
             King
             ,
             but
             was
             denyed
             :
             thinking
             that
             the
             meanness
             of
             his
             habit
             ,
             and
             bushiness
             of
             his
             beard
             was
             the
             cause
             of
             his
             ill
             success
             ;
             he
             went
             home
             ,
             and
             having
             shaved
             all
             off
             ,
             and
             drest
             himself
             a-la-mode
             with
             a
             flaxen
             Perriwigg
             ,
             re-addresed
             himself
             to
             his
             Majesty
             concerning
             the
             same
             business
             ;
             his
             Majesty
             perceiving
             the
             deceit
             ,
             said
             to
             him
             ,
             
               I
               would
               be
               glad
               to
               gratify
               your
               desire
               ,
               but
               it
               is
               not
               long
               since
               I
               denyed
               it
               to
               your
               Father
               ,
               and
               it
               were
               unjust
               to
               grant
               the
               son
               what
               I
               denyed
               him
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Fool
             to
             a
             Nobleman
             having
             taken
             some
             distast
             ,
             resolved
             on
             a
             revenge
             which
             had
             like
             to
             have
             cost
             him
             his
             life
             ;
             for
             he
             hid
             himself
             so
             long
             till
             he
             was
             almost
             starved
             :
             Great
             search
             was
             made
             after
             him
             ,
             but
             none
             could
             find
             him
             ;
             at
             length
             this
             expedient
             was
             thought
             on
             for
             his
             discovery
             ;
             there
             lived
             a
             Fool
             not
             far
             ,
             who
             usally
             came
             to
             visit
             this
             Brother
             of
             his
             ;
             who
             coming
             according
             to
             custom
             ,
             they
             told
             him
             his
             Brother
             was
             lost
             ;
             lost
             quoth
             he
             ,
             I
             'le
             warrant
             you
             I
             'le
             find
             him
             ;
             and
             thereupon
             went
             up
             and
             down
             every
             where
             ,
             crying
             ,
             
               I
               see
               yee
            
             ,
             at
             length
             coming
             to
             a
             Pise
             of
             Faggots
             where
             this
             Fool
             had
             hid
             himself
             ,
             he
             cryed
             again
             ,
             
               I
               see
               yee
            
             ;
             the
             other
             hearing
             him
             ,
             started
             up
             and
             cryed
             ,
             
               No
               but
               you
               don
               't
            
             .
          
           
             A
             Bakers
             boy
             going
             through
             a
             crowd
             of
             people
             with
             a
             peck
             loaf
             on
             his
             head
             ,
             chanced
             to
             hit
             the
             face
             of
             a
             Gentleman
             with
             the
             Corner
             of
             the
             loaf
             :
             
               why
               ,
               how
               now
               said
               the
               Gentleman
               ,
               can't
               you
               see
               you
               rude
               ,
               unmannerly
               Rascall
               ?
               you
               are
               mistaken
            
             (
             said
             the
             boy
             )
             
               don
               't
               you
               see
               I
               am
               as
               well
               bread
               as
               your self
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Very
             witty
             Gentleman
             had
             the
             misfortune
             to
             loose
             his
             Nose
             ,
             I
             know
             not
             by
             what
             means
             ;
             and
             passing
             through
             Fish-street
             ,
             a
             Fishmongers
             boy
             ,
             and
             a
             very
             wagg
             ,
             purposely
             threw
             some
             water
             on
             him
             ,
             pretending
             to
             wash
             his
             fish
             ;
             hereupon
             the
             Gentleman
             grew
             angry
             ,
             and
             going
             into
             the
             shop
             ,
             complains
             to
             the
             Master
             of
             this
             affront
             ;
             the
             Master
             askt
             his
             servant
             the
             reason
             why
             he
             did
             so
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             the
             Gentleman
             blew
             his
             Nose
             on
             the
             Fish
             ,
             and
             I
             only
             endeavoured
             to
             wash
             it
             off
             ;
             
               Judge
               you
               Master
               (
               said
               the
               Gentleman
               )
               whether
               I
               can
               blow
               my
               Nose
               ,
               having
               lost
               the
               handle
               of
               my
               Face
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Meer
             Scholar
             ,
             and
             an
             idle
             fellow
             came
             to
             this
             Gentleman
             to
             know
             whether
             he
             was
             qualified
             to
             be
             a
             Player
             ;
             upon
             tryall
             he
             found
             him
             only
             a
             dull
             lump
             of
             flesh
             stuft
             with
             a
             parcel
             of
             learned
             words
             ,
             without
             the
             ingredients
             of
             common
             sence
             and
             reason
             ;
             
               Well
               young
               man
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               all
               that
               I
               can
               say
               to
               thee
               is
               ,
               that
               thou
               hast
               so
               much
               learning
               whipt
               into
               thee
               ,
               that
               thou
               wilt
               be
               good
               for
               nothing
               till
               it
               is
               whipt
               out
               of
               thee
               again
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             who
             all
             his
             life
             time
             was
             a
             great
             Droll
             ,
             and
             full
             of
             Jokes
             ,
             on
             his
             Death-bed
             ,
             was
             visited
             by
             an
             intimate
             friend
             ,
             and
             a
             Phys●n
             ,
             who
             for
             some
             reasons
             ,
             best
             known
             to
             himself
             ,
             put
             his
             hand
             into
             the
             bed
             to
             feel
             the
             Patients
             feet
             ,
             the
             other
             perceiving
             his
             intent
             drew
             them
             up
             to
             him
             ;
             said
             the
             Doctor
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             where
             are
             your
             feet
             ?
             the
             Patient
             replyed
             ,
             
               Mr.
               Doctor
               ,
               the
               Proverb
               saith
               ,
               after
               forty
               ,
               either
               a
               Fool
               ,
               or
               a
               Physician
               ,
               and
               I
               think
               you
               are
               both
               ,
               I
               pray
               where
               should
               my
               feet
               be
               but
               at
               the
               end
               of
               my
               legs
               ?
            
          
           
             A
             Country
             Bumpkin
             staring
             often
             in
             the
             sky
             in
             the
             night
             time
             ,
             made
             this
             notable
             observation
             ;
             that
             there
             were
             not
             to
             be
             seen
             so
             many
             Stars
             in
             the
             West
             as
             in
             the
             East
             ;
             this
             so
             troubled
             him
             ,
             that
             he
             was
             resolved
             to
             find
             out
             the
             reason
             ;
             in
             order
             thereunto
             he
             frequently
             at
             night
             went
             into
             the
             Fields
             ,
             at
             last
             looking
             wistly
             to
             the
             West
             ,
             he
             saw
             an
             exhalation
             fall
             ;
             by
             and
             by
             another
             ;
             then
             four
             or
             five
             together
             ;
             
               Nay
               ,
               then
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               I
               shall
               cease
               to
               wonder
               that
               there
               be
               fewer
               Stars
               in
               the
               West
               ,
               then
               in
               the
               East
               ,
               since
               so
               many
               fall
               every
               night
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             in
             the
             late
             Rebellious
             times
             ,
             as
             he
             was
             walking
             in
             his
             Chamber
             merrily
             amongst
             his
             friends
             ,
             there
             came
             a
             Musquet
             Bullet
             through
             the
             window
             ,
             and
             glancing
             against
             a
             Marble
             Chimny-piece
             ,
             hit
             him
             on
             the
             head
             without
             any
             detriment
             ,
             and
             fell
             at
             his
             feet
             ,
             whereupon
             stooping
             ,
             and
             turning
             the
             flatted
             bullet
             ,
             he
             said
             ,
             
               Gentlemen
               ,
               those
               formerly
               ,
               who
               had
               a
               mind
               to
               flatter
               ,
               were
               wont
               to
               say
               ,
               that
               I
               had
               a
               Good
               Head-piece
               in
               my
               younger
               days
               :
               but
               if
               I
               do
               not
               flatter
               my self
               ,
               I
               think
               I
               have
               a
               good
               head-piece
               now
               in
               my
               old
               Age
               ,
               for
               you
               see
               it
               is
               Musket
               proof
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             seeing
             a
             bare
             legged
             fellow
             running
             ;
             said
             ,
             do
             you
             hear
             friend
             ?
             when
             those
             stockings
             are
             worn
             out
             I
             will
             give
             you
             a
             new
             pair
             ;
             you
             may
             save
             your self
             the
             charge
             Sir
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             for
             they
             have
             lasted
             me
             this
             thirty
             years
             without
             repair
             ,
             and
             I
             question
             not
             but
             they
             will
             last
             me
             as
             much
             longer
             ;
             
               I
               have
               a
               pair
               of
               Breeches
               likewise
               of
               the
               same
               stuff
               ,
               and
               every
               whit
               as
               old
               ,
               and
               yet
               you
               may
               see
               Sir
               ,
               there
               is
               but
               one
               small
               hole
               in
               them
               .
            
          
           
           
             ANother
             Bumpkin
             coming
             to
             London
             ,
             and
             staring
             about
             him
             ,
             was
             at
             last
             pickt
             up
             by
             a
             Spirit
             or
             Kid-napper
             ,
             and
             conveyed
             aboard
             a
             Virginia
             man
             ;
             being
             out
             at
             See
             ,
             he
             observed
             one
             of
             the
             Mariners
             taking
             the
             height
             of
             a
             Star
             with
             his
             Jacobs-staff
             ;
             hereupon
             he
             stole
             privately
             behind
             him
             ,
             looking
             over
             his
             shoulder
             ,
             thinking
             he
             was
             shooting
             ;
             fixing
             his
             eye
             upon
             the
             staff
             ,
             he
             observed
             the
             end
             of
             it
             pointed
             directly
             against
             a
             Star
             ,
             and
             presently
             thereupon
             a
             Meteor
             fell
             ;
             
               Gramercy
               man
               ,
               faith
            
             (
             quoth
             the
             Country
             fellow
             )
             
               I
               see
               thou
               art
               abrave
               Marks-man
               ,
               for
               I
               saw
               it
               fall
               ,
               but
               I
               wonder
               what
               a
               Devil
               thou
               did●t
               put
               in
               thy
               Gun
               ,
               that
               I
               could
               not
               hear
               when
               it
               went
               off
               .
            
          
           
             TWo
             Passing
             through
             
               Petty-coat
               Lane
            
             ,
             where
             at
             every
             door
             is
             fixt
             a
             large
             pair
             of
             horns
             (
             the
             badge
             of
             their
             occupation
             )
             says
             one
             ,
             I
             wish
             every
             Cuckold
             in
             London
             had
             such
             an
             one
             visible
             on
             his
             forehead
             ,
             on
             condition
             I
             gave
             ten
             pounds
             for
             one
             my self
             ;
             
               I
               wonder
            
             (
             said
             the
             other
             )
             
               you
               are
               so
               profuse
               ,
               to
               give
               so
               much
               for
               that
               you
               are
               already
               so
               plentifully
               stored
               with
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             seeing
             the
             Rump
             in
             Council
             ;
             O
             strange
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             what
             fine
             brave
             men
             are
             these
             !
             I
             could
             willingly
             work
             for
             such
             as
             long
             as
             I
             lived
             :
             what
             Trade
             are
             you
             said
             another
             ?
             
               why
               truly
            
             (
             replyed
             he
             )
             
               I
               am
               a
               Rope-maker
            
             .
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             ,
             none
             of
             the
             wisest
             ,
             seeing
             a
             house
             very
             stately
             built
             ,
             told
             the
             porter
             it
             was
             framed
             
               a-la-mode
               Italian
            
             ,
             and
             asked
             whether
             it
             was
             made
             in
             England
             ,
             the
             Porter
             observing
             his
             folly
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               no
               Sir
               ,
               it
               was
               made
               in
            
             Florence
             ,
             
               and
               brought
               hither
               by
               two
            
             Turky
             Merchants
             .
          
           
             A
             Lord
             travelling
             in
             his
             Coach
             ,
             his
             horses
             Tiring
             ,
             he
             was
             constrain'd
             to
             take
             an
             Inn
             ,
             where
             being
             impatient
             of
             staying
             ,
             his
             Fool
             said
             ,
             
               my
               Lord
               ,
               Let
               us
               go
               before
               in
               the
               Coach
               ,
               and
               let
               the
               Horses
               follow
               after
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             old
             man
             being
             reproved
             for
             swearing
             ,
             well
             says
             he
             ,
             I
             am
             resolved
             against
             it
             ;
             and
             
               since
               I
               never
               swear
               but
               in
               my
               choler
               ,
               I
               am
               resolved
               for
               the
               future
               alwayes
               to
               wear
               a
               Doublet
               without
               one
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Couragious
             Captain
             just
             as
             he
             was
             about
             to
             ingage
             ,
             was
             told
             by
             some
             ,
             who
             had
             rather
             eat
             then
             fight
             ,
             that
             the
             enemy
             was
             five
             times
             their
             number
             ;
             are
             they
             so
             said
             he
             ,
             no
             whit
             dismayed
             ?
             I
             am
             very
             glad
             ,
             
               for
               then
               there
               are
               enough
               to
               be
               killed
               ,
               enough
               to
               be
               taken
               Prisoners
               ,
               and
               enough
               to
               run
               away
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Boy
             untrussing
             a
             point
             by
             an
             Hedge
             side
             ,
             his
             foot
             slipping
             ,
             fell
             down
             ,
             and
             beshit
             his
             breeches
             ,
             Sirrah
             (
             said
             a
             merry
             Gentleman
             riding
             by
             )
             
               are
               you
               not
               ashamed
               to
               make
               a
               Fool
               of
               your
               breeches
               ;
               alas
               Sir
               ,
            
             (
             said
             the
             Boy
             )
             
               you
               make
               a
               worse
               of
               your
               Doublet
               to
               button
               up
               such
               a
               one
               in
               it
               .
            
          
           
             SOme
             comforting
             a
             Fool
             lying
             on
             his
             Death-bed
             ,
             told
             him
             that
             f●ur
             proper
             fellows
             should
             carry
             him
             to
             Church
             ,
             
               I
               but
            
             (
             quoth
             he
             )
             
               I
               had
               rather
               by
               half
               go
               thither
               my self
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Very
             Knave
             deridingly
             askt
             a
             vertous
             Gentleman
             what
             was
             honesty
             ,
             
               what
               is
               that
               to
               you
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               meddle
               with
               those
               things
               which
               concern
               you
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Conceited
             pragmatical
             Londonor
             travelling
             to
             Goatam
             ,
             met
             a
             poor
             fellow
             coming
             from
             thence
             ,
             thinking
             to
             shew
             his
             wit
             ,
             said
             ,
             well
             met
             wiseman
             of
             Goatam
             ;
             how
             far
             to
             the
             place
             of
             thy
             Nativity
             ?
             
               I
               cannot
               deny
            
             (
             said
             the
             poor
             fellow
             )
             
               but
               that
               my
               Country
               is
               a
               shame
               to
               me
               ,
               but
               you
               proud
               Londone●s
               are
               a
               shame
               to
               your
               Country
               .
            
          
           
             MY self
             ,
             and
             another
             play'd
             at
             bowls
             in
             a
             Bowling-Ally
             in
             Bunhil
             fields
             against
             two
             notable
             Gamesters
             ,
             Mr.
             Prick
             and
             Mr.
             Cunny
             ,
             and
             were
             severely
             beaten
             ;
             my
             partner
             seeing
             the
             inequality
             of
             the
             Match
             ,
             cryed
             out
             ,
             Prick
             and
             Cunny
             have
             been
             long
             enough
             together
             ,
             't
             is
             time
             to
             part
             them
             ;
             choosing
             again
             ,
             they
             chanced
             to
             be
             together
             ;
             
               a
               pox
               or
               this
            
             Prick
             and
             Cunny
             (
             quoth
             I
             )
             
               they
               can't
               be
               kept
               asunder
            
             .
          
           
             A
             Lady
             lifting
             her
             coats
             a
             little
             too
             high
             ,
             discovered
             her
             legs
             above
             the
             Calf
             ;
             a
             Gentleman
             observing
             them
             ,
             said
             ,
             Madam
             ,
             you
             have
             a
             verry
             handsome
             pair
             of
             Twins
             ;
             
               you
               are
               mistaken
               Sir
            
             ,
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               for
               I
               have
               had
               own
               between
               them
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Fat
             big
             bellyed
             Gentleman
             ,
             whose
             Panch
             hung
             over
             the
             Pummel
             of
             his
             saddle
             ,
             riding
             through
             a
             lewd
             Town
             ,
             some
             cryed
             to
             him
             he
             was
             mistaken
             in
             carrying
             his
             Port
             mantle
             before
             him
             ;
             to
             which
             he
             replyed
             ,
             
               where
               should
               I
               place
               it
               safer
               ,
               when
               I
               come
               amongst
               Thieves
               ,
               Whores
               and
               Rogues
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             in
             a
             frosty
             morning
             going
             a
             shooting
             ,
             desired
             the
             loan
             of
             some
             money
             from
             his
             friend
             ,
             
               you
               have
               no
               need
               of
               money
            
             (
             said
             the
             other
             merrily
             )
             
               for
               if
               in
               any
               place
               you
               have
               anything
               to
               pay
               ,
               you
               may
               leave
               your
               Gun
               to
               discharge
               the
               shot
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Merry
             facetious
             Doctor
             being
             sent
             for
             to
             visit
             a
             Gentleman
             that
             was
             dangerously
             ill
             ,
             and
             almost
             blind
             to
             boot
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             said
             his
             friend
             ,
             how
             do
             you
             find
             him
             ?
             Pish
             (
             quoth
             the
             Doctor
             )
             
               he
               ,
               nor
               you
               need
               not
               doubt
               of
               his
               recovery
               ,
               he
               is
               already
               well
               enough
               if
               he
               could-see
               it
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             askt
             another
             how
             he
             could
             take
             a
             kick
             of
             the
             Arse
             so
             patiently
             ,
             Prithee
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               because
               an
               Ass
               kickt
               me
               ,
               must
               I
               kick
               the
               Ass
               again
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Simple
             Bumpkin
             yet
             wealthy
             enough
             ,
             coming
             to
             London
             ,
             was
             very
             much
             taken
             at
             the
             sight
             of
             a
             Sedan
             ,
             and
             bargained
             with
             the
             Bearers
             to
             carry
             him
             to
             such
             a
             place
             .
             The
             Sedan-men
             observing
             the
             curiosity
             of
             the
             Clown
             ,
             not
             sutable
             to
             the
             meanness
             of
             his
             habit
             ,
             unhasped
             privately
             the
             bottom
             of
             the
             Sedan
             ,
             and
             then
             put
             him
             in
             ,
             taking
             the
             Sedan
             up
             ,
             the
             Country
             man
             stood
             on
             the
             ground
             with
             his
             legs
             ,
             and
             as
             the
             Bearers
             advanced
             ,
             so
             did
             he
             ;
             and
             to
             make
             the
             better
             sport
             ,
             if
             any
             place
             was
             dirtier
             in
             the
             way
             ,
             then
             the
             rest
             ,
             that
             they
             chose
             to
             go
             through
             .
             This
             man
             not
             knowing
             but
             others
             us'd
             to
             be
             so
             carried
             ,
             or
             rather
             driven
             ,
             coming
             to
             his
             lodging
             gave
             them
             their
             due
             hire
             ,
             Returning
             into
             the
             Country
             ,
             he
             related
             what
             rare
             things
             he
             had
             seen
             in
             London
             ,
             and
             withal
             ,
             that
             he
             had
             been
             carried
             in
             a
             Sedan
             .
             A
             Sedan
             quoth
             one
             !
             what
             is
             that
             ?
             
               Why
               it
               is
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               like
               our
               Watch-house
               ,
               onely
               it
               is
               covered
               with
               leather
               ,
               and
               were
               it
               not
               for
               the
               name
               of
               a
               Sedan
               ,
               one
               had
               as
               good
               go
               on
               foot
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             swallowing
             unawares
             a
             spoonful
             of
             boiling
             hot
             Custard
             ;
             let
             a
             rowsing
             fart
             ;
             to
             hide
             his
             shame
             with
             a
             jest
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             
               I
               commend
               thee
               above
               the
               rest
               of
               thy
               fellows
               thou
               hast
               left
               behind
               for
               flying
               danger
               ,
               for
               hadst
               thou
               staid
               ,
               I
               had
               certainly
               Skalded
               thee
               to
               death
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Tall
             Minister
             told
             a
             short
             one
             scoffingly
             ,
             
               that
               he
               looked
               in
               a
               Pulpit
               ,
               like
               a
               short
               Collar
               of
               Brawn
               in
               a
               d●ep
               dish
               ;
               and
               you
            
             (
             replyed
             the
             other
             )
             
               look
               like
               a
               long
               Pestle
               in
               a
               shallow
               Mortar
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             Gentleman
             observing
             another
             take
             Tobacco
             excessively
             ,
             called
             him
             a
             Foul
             Tobacco
             Pipe
             ;
             the
             other
             readily
             told
             him
             he
             was
             a
             dinted
             Quart
             pot
             ;
             the
             strangeness
             of
             the
             Metaphor
             striking
             in
             his
             mind
             ,
             made
             him
             urgent
             to
             know
             the
             reason
             ,
             because
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               you
               seem
               to
               have
               more
               in
               you
               then
               you
               have
               .
            
          
           
             IF
             I
             were
             unmarried
             said
             one
             ,
             I
             should
             quickly
             marry
             again
             ;
             
               marry
               then
            
             (
             quoth
             the
             other
             )
             
               you
               would
               still
               be
               in
               the
               same
               lock
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Barber
             (
             not
             the
             wisest
             of
             his
             profession
             )
             having
             trimed
             a
             Doctor
             at
             night
             ,
             had
             a
             candle
             put
             in
             his
             hand
             at
             the
             stair
             head
             to
             light
             him
             down
             ;
             haveing
             so
             done
             ,
             he
             brought
             it
             up
             again
             ,
             and
             returning
             thanks
             ,
             went
             a
             way
             in
             the
             dark
             .
          
           
             A
             Tallow
             Chandler
             dying
             ,
             one
             said
             ,
             
               it
               was
               strange
               that
               he
               who
               made
               so
               many
               weeks
               ,
               could
               make
               his
               days
               no
               longer
               .
            
          
           
             A
             West
             country
             Lad
             ,
             better
             Fed
             then
             taught
             ,
             was
             sent
             by
             his
             Father
             with
             a
             groat
             to
             Loo
             ,
             a
             small
             Town
             in
             Cornwell
             ,
             to
             buy
             a
             Hake
             ;
             upon
             his
             return
             ,
             his
             Father
             met
             him
             with
             the
             Fish
             :
             
               how
               now
            
             Jack
             ,
             
               what
               did
               the
               Hake-vish
               cost
               thee
               ?
               guess
               Vather
               ;
               why
               a
               groat
               Zon
               ;
               a
               groat
               quoth
               he
               :
               I
               hil
               tell
               thee
               Vather
               ,
               take
               the
               Grey
               Mare
               and
               Zaddle'un
               and
               ride
               to
            
             Loo
             ,
             
               and
               buy
               zuch
               a
               Hake-vish
               for
               a
               groat
               ,
               I
               hill
               give
               the
               leave
               to
               kiss
               my
               arse
               .
            
          
           
             I
             
               See
               you
               do
               all
               under
               colour
            
             (
             said
             the
             Glazier
             to
             the
             Painter
             seeing
             him
             at
             work
             )
             
               go
               your
               ways
               for
               a
               Rogue
               ,
               replyed
               he
               ,
               you
               are
               alwayes
               picking
               quarrels
               .
            
          
           
           
             THe
             same
             lump
             of
             ill
             manners
             sitting
             by
             the
             fire
             side
             ,
             was
             very
             eager
             with
             his
             Father
             to
             gape
             or
             yawn
             ;
             which
             he
             refused
             ;
             whereupon
             the
             indulgent
             and
             discreet
             mother
             ,
             cryed
             ,
             Prythee
             yawnee
             ,
             since
             the
             child
             will
             have
             thee
             yawnee
             ,
             why
             then
             chill
             yawnee
             quoth
             he
             ;
             the
             Son
             seeing
             that
             ,
             cryed
             out
             ,
             
               Mother
               ,
               Mother
               ,
               look
               yonder
               ;
               is
               not
               that
               a
               vine
               Oven
               to
               bake
               a
               ●urd
               in
               ?
            
          
           
             A
             Farmer
             having
             placed
             his
             Son
             in
             the
             Temple
             to
             study
             the
             Law
             ,
             came
             up
             to
             London
             to
             see
             how
             he
             did
             ;
             coming
             to
             his
             Chamber
             ,
             he
             found
             in
             the
             Key-hole
             of
             the
             door
             ,
             a
             note
             with
             these
             words
             ,
             
               I
               am
               gone
               to
               the
               Devil
               ,
            
             The
             poor
             man
             strangly
             startled
             ,
             cryed
             out
             ,
             
               ah
               my
               dear
               child
               ,
               have
               I
               brought
               thee
               up
               so
               tenderly
               ,
               took
               so
               much
               pains
               for
               thee
               ,
               and
               at
               last
               should
               be
               so
               unhappy
               ,
               as
               to
               cause
               thee
               to
               study
               that
               ,
               which
               sent
               thee
               to
               the
               Devil
               so
               speedily
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             that
             had
             too
             great
             and
             good
             an
             opinion
             of
             himself
             ,
             ●t
             his
             friend
             what
             others
             thought
             of
             him
             ;
             why
             [
             replyed
             he
             ]
             
               you
               appear
               to
               the
               wise
               ,
               foolish
               ,
               to
               fools
               ,
               wise
               ,
               what
               do
               you
               think
               of
               your self
               ?
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             told
             a
             Gentlewoman
             ,
             whorish
             and
             barren
             ,
             that
             she
             was
             very
             Fruitfull
             ;
             how
             can
             that
             be
             Sir
             ,
             [
             said
             she
             ]
             since
             I
             never
             had
             any
             Children
             ?
             
               That
               's
               nothing
            
             ,
             Madam
             ,
             [
             said
             he
             ]
             
               nevertheless
               you
               bear
               many
            
             .
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             being
             a
             great
             distance
             from
             his
             own
             house
             ,
             and
             having
             very
             urgent
             reasons
             for
             his
             speedy
             return
             ,
             rid
             Post
             ,
             having
             Supt
             ,
             and
             being
             in
             Bed
             with
             his
             wife
             ,
             he
             said
             ,
             
               Dearest
               ,
               excuse
               me
               to
               Night
               that
               I
               pay
               not
               that
               tribute
               due
               to
               our
               loves
               ;
               for
               I
               am
               so
               weary
               that
               I
               am
               uncapable
               of
               doing
               any
               thing
               but
               sleep
               :
            
             these
             words
             were
             none
             of
             the
             most
             pleasant
             you
             may
             think
             to
             a
             young
             sanguine
             Gentlewoman
             ,
             after
             a
             long
             absence
             of
             a
             lusty
             ,
             Husband
             .
             Not
             long
             after
             ,
             walking
             in
             his
             back-yard
             with
             his
             wife
             in
             his
             hand
             ,
             he
             chanced
             to
             see
             a
             Cock
             [
             he
             took
             great
             delight
             in
             ]
             siting
             in
             the
             Sun
             asleep
             ,
             rejecting
             the
             society
             of
             his
             fruitful
             Wives
             :
             prythee
             sweet
             heart
             [
             said
             he
             ]
             what
             ails
             my
             Cock
             ,
             that
             he
             thus
             hangs
             the
             head
             ,
             and
             follows
             not
             the
             Hens
             ?
             
               Indeed
               I
               do
               not
               know
               husband
            
             [
             said
             she
             ]
             
               unless
               he
               hath
               lately
               ridden
               post
               .
            
          
           
           
             AN
             ignorant
             Country
             fellow
             ,
             having
             as
             he
             thought
             ,
             bestowed
             some
             learning
             on
             his
             Son
             ,
             would
             needs
             place
             him
             at
             the
             University
             and
             to
             see
             it
             done
             ,
             goes
             with
             him
             ;
             as
             they
             were
             sitting
             in
             the
             Kitchin
             ,
             the
             youth
             espyed
             a
             long
             Kettle
             amongst
             the
             rest
             ,
             
               Pray
               Father
            
             [
             says
             he
             ]
             
               what
               is
               that
               Kettle
               for
               ?
               Introth
               Son
            
             [
             said
             he
             ]
             
               I
               never
               saw
               such
               a
               one
               in
               all
               my
               life
               before
               ;
               but
               I
               suppose
               it
               is
               that
               when
               they
               would
               have
               two
               several
               broths
               ,
               they
               put
               the
               Fish
               in
               one
               end
               ,
               and
               the
               flesh
               in
               the
               other
               :
            
             the
             Boy
             hearing
             this
             ,
             makes
             answer
             ,
             
               O
               the
               Devil
               lye
               you
               Father
               .
            
          
           
             IT
             being
             left
             to
             the
             choice
             of
             a
             Gentlewoman
             ,
             which
             she
             would
             have
             of
             two
             Suiters
             ,
             a
             tall
             man
             ,
             or
             a
             short
             one
             ,
             which
             were
             both
             liked
             of
             her
             Parents
             ;
             Pawsing
             a
             while
             ,
             
               I
               would
               have
            
             [
             said
             she
             ]
             
               that
               Lusty
               long
               man
               ,
               if
               all
               things
               are
               proportionable
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             said
             ,
             
               a
               covetous
               man
               was
               never
               satisfied
               ;
               why
               so
            
             [
             said
             his
             friend
             ]
             Because
             [
             replyed
             he
             ]
             
               he
               thinks
               nothing
               enough
               .
               Why
               then
            
             [
             said
             the
             other
             ]
             
               he
               is
               satisfied
               with
               the
               least
               ,
               if
               nothing
               be
               enough
               for
               him
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Notable
             merry
             Soldier
             finding
             a
             Louse
             one
             day
             on
             his
             sleeve
             ,
             walking
             to
             and
             fro
             for
             the
             benefit
             of
             the
             fresh
             air
             ,
             took
             him
             between
             his
             fingers
             ,
             and
             said
             ,
             
               Sirrah
               ,
               take
               notice
               ,
               if
               I
               ever
               catch
               you
               out
               of
               your
               Quarters
               again
               ,
               you
               shall
               die
               ,
               and
               so
               put
               him
               into
               his
               Coller
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Captain
             in
             the
             last
             expedition
             against
             the
             Hollander
             ,
             having
             lost
             an
             eye
             by
             a
             splinter
             ,
             the
             other
             ever
             after
             was
             distempered
             ,
             and
             continually
             water'd
             ;
             a
             merry
             friend
             of
             his
             askt
             him
             one
             day
             why
             that
             eye
             which
             was
             left
             ,
             wept
             so
             much
             ?
             Alas
             [
             said
             he
             ]
             
               how
               should
               it
               do
               otherwise
               ,
               having
               lately
               lost
               his
               only
               Brother
               and
               constant
               companion
               .
            
          
           
             TWo
             men
             walking
             through
             a
             Church-yard
             ,
             one
             of
             them
             affirmed
             ,
             that
             Hell
             was
             nothing
             else
             but
             a
             Grave
             ,
             for
             Shoal
             in
             the
             Hebrew
             ,
             signifies
             the
             Grave
             ,
             though
             it
             is
             translated
             Hell
             ;
             the
             other
             having
             lately
             buried
             there
             a
             shrewd
             curst
             Wife
             ,
             Pointing
             to
             her
             Grave
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               then
               one
               of
               the
               greatest
               Devils
               in
               Hell
               lies
               there
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             was
             jesting
             with
             his
             Maid-servant
             ,
             who
             was
             passably
             handsom
             ,
             but
             very
             lean
             ;
             saying
             ,
             I
             wonder
             Jane
             thou
             art
             no
             fatter
             ,
             thou
             dost
             eat
             thy
             meat
             heartily
             ,
             but
             dost
             not
             thrive
             upon
             it
             ;
             thy
             Mistress
             eats
             not
             the
             forth
             part
             of
             what
             thou
             dost
             ,
             and
             yet
             you
             see
             how
             plump
             she
             looks
             ;
             to
             which
             she
             replyed
             
               I
               only
               eat
               at
               set
               meals
               ,
               but
               my
               Mistress
               hath
               her
               strong
               broths
               before
               dinner
               ,
               and
               her
               warm
               jellies
               after
               dinner
               ,
               and
               puts
               more
               into
               her
               belly
               then
               you
               or
               I
               ever
               saw
               ,
               or
               heard
               of
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Rich
             Citizen
             had
             a
             profuse
             extravagant
             to
             his
             Son
             ,
             who
             so
             angered
             his
             Father
             ,
             that
             he
             vowed
             he
             would
             give
             all
             he
             had
             to
             the
             poor
             ;
             in
             a
             little
             time
             this
             Son
             ,
             with
             Dice
             and
             Box
             ,
             Whores
             and
             Pox
             ,
             had
             spent
             all
             ;
             whereupon
             he
             told
             his
             Father
             ,
             that
             he
             might
             now
             give
             all
             his
             estate
             to
             him
             ,
             and
             not
             violate
             his
             vow
             ,
             
               for
               he
               could
               not
               give
               it
               to
               one
               poorer
               then
               himself
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Little
             Boy
             sitting
             with
             his
             Grandmother
             ,
             by
             the
             fire
             side
             in
             the
             winter
             time
             ,
             as
             she
             lifted
             up
             her
             coats
             to
             
             warm
             her
             thighs
             ;
             he
             espyed
             somthing
             between
             her
             legs
             ,
             and
             would
             fain
             know
             what
             it
             was
             ;
             
               It
               is
            
             [
             said
             she
             ]
             
               a
               Rabbet-skin
               ,
               that
               your
               Mother
               brought
               me
               from
               Market
               ;
               what
               ,
               and
               have
               you
               burnt
               a
               hole
               in
               't
               Cranny
               ?
            
             [
             says
             he
             ?
             ]
          
           
             AN
             ignorant
             old
             fellow
             hopping
             from
             his
             stall
             into
             the
             Pulpit
             ,
             instead
             of
             saying
             ,
             the
             
               Priest
               offered
               up
               a
               pair
               of
               Doves
               for
               apeace
               offering
               ,
               read
               he
               offered
               up
               a
               pair
               of
               Gloves
               with
               a
               piece
               of
               Fringe
               .
            
          
           
             AT
             another
             time
             he
             took
             his
             Text
             [
             being
             much
             in
             dept
             ,
             ]
             
               Have
               patience
               with
               me
               ,
               and
               I
               will
               pay
               you
               all
            
             ;
             having
             largely
             and
             learnedly
             treated
             of
             the
             vertue
             of
             patience
             ,
             especially
             in
             forbearing
             our
             Deptors
             here
             ;
             
               but
               of
               the
               rest
            
             [
             said
             he
             ]
             
               when
               God
               shall
               enable
               me
            
             .
          
           
             THe
             Reader
             being
             sick
             ,
             he
             was
             forced
             to
             officiate
             in
             his
             place
             ,
             and
             resolving
             to
             give
             some
             of
             the
             Grandees
             a
             rub
             ,
             who
             had
             offended
             him
             ,
             he
             turned
             to
             that
             Psalm
             wherein
             are
             these
             words
             ,
             
               Man
               without
               understanding
               is
               like
               the
               Beast
               that
               perisheth
               ,
               instead
               thereof
               ,
               reads
               man
               without
               understanding
               ,
               is
               like
               the
               best
               of
               the
               Parish
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             reprehended
             a
             Lawyer
             for
             tarrying
             so
             long
             in
             the
             Country
             from
             his
             wife
             ,
             who
             had
             a
             fame
             so
             tempting
             ,
             saying
             ,
             that
             in
             his
             absence
             she
             might
             want
             due
             benevolence
             .
             That
             's
             nothing
             said
             the
             Lawyer
             ,
             I
             will
             give
             her
             use
             at
             my
             return
             for
             her
             forbearance
             :
             besides
             Sir
             ,
             put
             the
             Case
             that
             any
             one
             owed
             you
             fifty
             pounds
             ,
             whether
             would
             you
             have
             it
             altogether
             ,
             or
             shilling
             by
             shilling
             ?
             
               It
               is
               true
            
             [
             said
             the
             other
             ]
             
               one
               would
               rather
               have
               ones
               money
               altogether
               ;
               yet
               it
               would
               vex
               you
               ,
               if
               in
               your
               absence
               your
               Wife
               should
               want
               a
               shilling
               ,
               and
               she
               be
               forced
               to
               borrow
               it
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             that
             was
             bald
             pated
             took
             great
             delight
             in
             Hunting
             ;
             one
             day
             he
             came
             hastily
             into
             his
             friends
             chamber
             ,
             [
             being
             serious
             at
             his
             study
             ]
             and
             askt
             him
             if
             he
             would
             go
             and
             find
             a
             Hare
             :
             Pish
             [
             said
             the
             other
             ]
             
               let
               me
               alone
               ,
               let
               them
               go
               and
               find
               Hairs
               that
               have
               lost
               them
               .
            
          
           
             IN
             the
             Kingdom
             of
             Ireland
             a
             Nobleman
             having
             an
             
               Irish
               man
            
             to
             his
             Footman
             ,
             sent
             him
             four
             or
             five
             miles
             on
             a
             
             message
             ,
             charging
             him
             to
             return
             by
             suh
             an
             hour
             ,
             the
             Footman
             went
             in
             all
             haste
             ;
             but
             in
             his
             return
             his
             Brogue
             wanted
             mending
             ,
             which
             caused
             him
             not
             to
             return
             according
             to
             the
             time
             ;
             his
             Master
             being
             angry
             ,
             demanded
             the
             reason
             of
             his
             tarrying
             ;
             
               By
               my
               soul
            
             [
             quoth
             he
             ]
             
               I
               did
               stay
               but
               while
               I
               had
               a
               heel-piece
               set
               upon
               my
               Toe
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Country
             Woman
             sent
             her
             Daughter
             to
             a
             Lady
             with
             a
             Present
             of
             ripe
             Meddlers
             ,
             Well-bred
             
               said
               that
               her
               Mother
               had
               sent
               her
               worship
               some
               ripe
               Meddlars
               ,
               that
               were
               as
               soft
               as
               Bran
               ,
               but
               if
               she
               did
               not
               eat
               them
               quickly
               ,
               they
               would
               not
               be
               worth
               one
               fart
               ,
               for
               they
               were
               already
               as
               rotten
               as
               a
               Turd
               ,
            
             The
             Lady
             being
             offended
             at
             this
             Wenches
             rude
             behavior
             ,
             resolved
             to
             tell
             her
             Mother
             ,
             meeting
             her
             one
             day
             after
             ,
             and
             having
             Thankt
             her
             for
             her
             Present
             ;
             she
             advised
             to
             teach
             her
             Daughter
             more
             manners
             ;
             Ah
             (
             replyed
             she
             ,
             )
             
               let
               me
               do
               what
               I
               will
               ,
               I
               cannot
               mend
               her
               ;
               and
               notwithstanding
               I
               have
               taught
               her
               from
               time
               to
               time
               ,
               how
               she
               should
               behave
               her self
               ,
               yet
               she
               hath
               no
               more
               manners
               then
               there
               is
               in
               mine
               A●se
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Country
             Parson
             having
             bitterly
             inveyed
             against
             the
             Vices
             of
             his
             Parishioners
             in
             his
             Sermon
             ;
             a
             silly
             Woman
             that
             was
             present
             ,
             went
             to
             his
             Mother
             that
             lived
             hard
             by
             to
             complain
             of
             him
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               that
               her
               Son
               had
               threatned
               them
               all
               with
               Hell
               and
               Damnation
               ,
               if
               they
               did
               not
               speedily
               amend
               ;
               for
               my
               part
               I
               have
               lived
               above
               threescore
               years
               ,
               and
               was
               never
               told
               so
               much
               before
               ,
               neither
               will
               I
               be
               taught
               now
               by
               one
               ,
               and
               I
               am
               old
               enough
               to
               be
               his
               Grandmother
               .
            
             O
             said
             his
             Mother
             he
             was
             a
             Lyer
             from
             his
             Cradle
             ,
             I
             never
             whipt
             him
             but
             for
             telling
             an
             untruth
             ,
             and
             you
             are
             mad
             if
             you
             believe
             him
             now
             .
          
           
             AN
             ignorant
             prating
             Host
             had
             bargained
             with
             a
             humerous
             Painter
             for
             the
             Sign
             of
             St.
             George
             and
             the
             Dragon
             ,
             whilst
             he
             was
             at
             work
             ,
             his
             Host
             being
             Importunate
             with
             the
             Painter
             to
             draw
             St.
             George
             with
             a
             dreadful
             Killing
             countenance
             ,
             repeating
             this
             request
             over
             and
             over
             again
             ,
             which
             so
             madded
             the
             Painter
             ,
             that
             leaving
             his
             work
             said
             ,
             
               Mine
               Host
               ,
               either
               be
               silent
               ,
               and
               leave
               your
               babling
               ,
               or
               the
               Devil
               take
               my
               wife
               ,
               if
               I
               do
               not
               make
               the
               Dragon
               kill
               St.
            
             George
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Welsh-man
             riding
             with
             a
             charge
             of
             mony
             behind
             him
             ,
             was
             set
             upon
             by
             a
             Thief
             ,
             who
             bade
             him
             deliver
             immediately
             ;
             or
             [
             drawing
             a
             Pistol
             ]
             said
             ,
             he
             would
             make
             it
             bounce
             through
             him
             ;
             says
             her
             so
             ,
             said
             the
             Welshman
             ,
             why
             then
             her
             had
             better
             give
             her
             money
             ,
             that
             is
             her
             Masters
             ,
             and
             spare
             her
             Life
             ,
             that
             is
             her
             own
             ,
             and
             there
             upon
             delivered
             .
             Now
             pray
             Sir
             ,
             said
             the
             Welshman
             ,
             
               since
               her
               hath
               her
               money
               ,
               let
               her
               hear
               one
               pounce
               for
               it
            
             ;
             for
             her
             never
             heard
             the
             pounce
             of
             a
             Cun.
             The
             good
             natured
             Thief
             ,
             to
             satisfy
             the
             Curiosity
             of
             the
             Welshman
             ,
             [
             whom
             he
             lookt
             on
             as
             a
             very
             silly
             fellow
             ]
             discharged
             his
             Pistol
             ,
             which
             Ecchoed
             in
             many
             places
             ,
             
               Cuds
               splutter
               nails
            
             [
             said
             the
             Welshman
             ]
             
               it
               was
               a
               gallant
               Pounce
               ,
               and
               there
               was
               many
               little
               pounces
               too
               ;
               good
               her
               Vrship
               let
               her
               have
               one
               pounce
               more
               for
               her
               money
               ,
               and
               her
               will
               be
               satisfied
               :
            
             So
             the
             Thief
             discharged
             the
             other
             ;
             at
             which
             the
             Welshman
             seem'd
             better
             pleased
             then
             before
             ,
             and
             askt
             if
             he
             had
             no
             more
             pounces
             ;
             no
             said
             the
             Thief
             ,
             I
             have
             no
             more
             .
             No
             [
             said
             the
             Welshman
             ]
             
               then
               her
               has
               one
               pounce
               in
               store
               ,
               which
               her
               will
               make
               pounce
               through
               her
               immediately
               
               if
               her
               deliver
               not
               her
               money
               back
               presently
               ,
            
             and
             so
             forced
             the
             Thief
             to
             redeliver
             .
          
           
             AN
             arch
             roguish
             fellow
             one
             day
             got
             together
             a
             parcel
             of
             Rams-Horns
             ,
             and
             putting
             them
             in
             a
             Basket
             ,
             went
             up
             and
             down
             London
             streets
             in
             the
             Month
             of
             March
             ,
             crying
             ,
             
               six
               pence
               a
               pound
               fair
               Cherrys
               ,
               six
               pence
               a
               pound
               fair
               Cherrys
            
             ;
             Many
             called
             to
             him
             ;
             amongst
             the
             rest
             ,
             a
             Hosier
             in
             Cheap-side
             ,
             who
             seeing
             what
             ware
             he
             had
             in
             his
             Basket
             ,
             laught
             at
             him
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               Thou
               fool
               ,
               who
               dost
               think
               will
               buy
               thy
               Horns
               ?
               Oh
               Sir
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               though
               you
               are
               provided
               ,
               yet
               I
               may
               meet
               with
               some
               that
               are
               not
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Drunken
             young
             Heir
             ,
             who
             had
             sold
             all
             his
             Lands
             to
             maintain
             his
             lusts
             ,
             when
             by
             a
             surfeit
             he
             fell
             into
             a
             dangerous
             distemper
             ,
             sent
             for
             a
             Phisician
             ,
             who
             understanding
             his
             Disease
             ,
             caused
             him
             to
             be
             let
             blood
             ;
             sometime
             after
             looking
             on
             the
             blood
             ;
             Sir
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               your
               blood
               is
               very
               green
               :
               alas
               replyed
               the
               young
               Heir
               ,
               how
               can
               it
               be
               otherways
               ,
               I
               have
               drank
               and
               eaten
               all
               my
               Corn-fields
               and
               Meadows
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             Mr.
             Holland
             got
             his
             Landladies
             maid
             with
             Child
             whose
             name
             was
             
               Nell
               Cotton
            
             ;
             whereupon
             one
             wittily
             said
             ,
             
               That
               he
               gave
               her
               a
               yard
               of
            
             Holland
             ,
             
               she
               gave
               him
               an
               ell
               of
               Cotton
               ,
               and
               what
               harm
               was
               there
               in
               all
               this
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Poor
             Cripple
             being
             askt
             by
             a
             Gentleman
             why
             he
             Married
             a
             Blind
             Woman
             ,
             because
             [
             said
             he
             ]
             
               we
               shall
               agree
               the
               better
               ,
               for
               neither
               can
               hit
               each
               other
               in
               the
               teeth
               with
               one
               anothers
               infirmity
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Rich
             farmer
             dying
             intestate
             ,
             his
             Son
             came
             up
             to
             London
             to
             take
             out
             Letters
             of
             Administration
             of
             his
             estate
             ;
             but
             being
             ignorant
             of
             the
             customs
             and
             terms
             belonging
             to
             the
             Spiritual
             Courts
             ,
             he
             went
             first
             to
             an
             acquaintance
             of
             his
             ,
             telling
             him
             ,
             
               that
               his
               Father
               dyed
               detestate
               ,
               leaving
               onely
               him
               ,
               and
               three
               or
               four
               small
               infidels
               ,
               and
               therefore
               he
               was
               devised
               to
               come
               up
               to
            
             London
             
               to
               a
               Councellour
               of
               the
               Law
               ,
               that
               he
               might
               by
               him
               be
               put
               in
               a
               way
               how
               to
               diminish
               the
               estate
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Conceited
             Person
             after
             he
             had
             writ
             several
             verses
             in
             praise
             of
             his
             Mistress
             ,
             beginning
             first
             with
             her
             head
             ,
             and
             so
             proceeding
             upon
             every
             member
             down
             to
             her
             feet
             ,
             missing
             no
             part
             but
             her
             Neck
             ;
             O
             [
             said
             one
             ]
             
               there
               is
               a
               great
               reason
               for
               that
               ,
               he
               reserves
               the
               Neck-verse
               for
               himself
               ;
               knowing
               ●e
               shall
               have
               occasion
               for
               it
               hereafter
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Very
             simple
             fellow
             ,
             walking
             in
             the
             fields
             alone
             ,
             came
             to
             a
             ditch
             ,
             and
             p●using
             a
             while
             ;
             now
             Tom
             [
             said
             the
             ]
             
               what
               dost
               think
            
             ,
             canst
             leap
             over
             this
             ditch
             or
             no
             ,
             troth
             [
             said
             he
             to
             himself
             ]
             
               I
               can't
               tell
               ,
               but
               if
               thou
               wilt
            
             Johnson
             [
             which
             was
             his
             Sur-name
             ]
             
               I
               will
               lay
               the
               five
               shillings
               I
               do
               ;
               a
               match
               ,
            
             and
             presently
             takeing
             a
             good
             run
             ,
             with
             the
             advantage
             of
             the
             banck
             ,
             he
             leaped
             quite
             over
             .
             
               Ah!
               Boys
            
             [
             said
             he
             ]
             
               I
               have
               wou
               ,
               but
               now
            
             Johnson
             ,
             
               wilt
               thon
               lay
               another
               ,
               thou
               canst
               not
               leap
               back
               again
               ?
               Faith
               that
               's
               very
               difficult
               ;
               but
               hang
               it
               I
               have
               won
               a
               Crown
               ,
               and
               I
               will
               venter
               it
               that
               I
               do
               ;
               then
               taking
               a
               run
               as
               before
               ,
               he
               leapt
               just
               in
               the
               middle
               ,
               up
               to
               the
               waste
               in
               mire
               and
               water
               ;
               and
               crawling
               out
               on
               the
               other
               side
               ,
               Hang
               it
               [
               says
               he
               ]
               I
               don't
               much
               care
               ,
               I
               have
               neither
               won
               nor
               lost
               .
            
          
           
           
             AN
             ignorant
             Clown
             ,
             who
             had
             the
             reputation
             of
             being
             a
             great
             Scholar
             in
             the
             Country
             ,
             because
             he
             could
             wright
             and
             read
             ,
             would
             not
             be
             satisfied
             till
             he
             saw
             the
             rarities
             of
             London
             :
             walking
             the
             streets
             ,
             he
             read
             on
             a
             Sign-post
             ,
             here
             are
             Horses
             to
             be
             let
             1674.
             
             Jesu
             [
             quoth
             he
             ]
             
               if
               there
               are
               so
               many
               horses
               in
               one
               Inn
               ,
               how
               many
               are
               there
               then
               in
               all
               this
               City
               ?
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             [
             who
             never
             had
             the
             least
             acquaintance
             with
             wounds
             ]
             in
             a
             Tavern
             Skirmish
             received
             a
             small
             scratch
             with
             a
             sword
             ,
             who
             instantly
             made
             a
             hideous
             noise
             for
             a
             Chyrurgeon
             :
             
               F.
               M.
            
             was
             sent
             for
             ,
             who
             presently
             perceiving
             the
             fright
             was
             greater
             then
             the
             hurt
             ,
             pretended
             notwithstanding
             [
             for
             sports
             sake
             ,
             ]
             great
             danger
             ,
             and
             therefore
             bid
             his
             man
             withall
             possible
             speed
             to
             run
             and
             fetch
             him
             such
             Salve
             ,
             why
             [
             quoth
             the
             Gentleman
             ]
             
               Is
               the
               wound
               so
               dangerous
               ?
               Oyes
               ,
            
             [
             answered
             this
             witty
             Chyrugeon
             ]
             
               For
               if
               he
               returns
               not
               the
               sooner
               ,
               the
               wound
               will
               heal
               of
               it self
               ,
               and
               so
               I
               shall
               lose
               my
               fee.
               
            
          
           
           
             A
             Petulant
             Doctor
             of
             Physick
             lay
             in
             a
             house
             ,
             where
             there
             lived
             a
             Maid
             ignorant
             enough
             ,
             but
             extreamly
             handsome
             ,
             fresh
             out
             of
             the
             Country
             ;
             this
             Doctor
             used
             all
             means
             immaginable
             to
             win
             her
             to
             a
             Venereal
             compliance
             ,
             but
             nothing
             would
             prevail
             ,
             neither
             fair
             words
             ,
             nor
             large
             presents
             ;
             resolving
             to
             accomplish
             his
             design
             some
             way
             or
             other
             ,
             he
             thought
             of
             this
             Stratagem
             ;
             looking
             one
             day
             very
             seriously
             (
             and
             seemingly
             sorrowful
             )
             in
             her
             countenance
             ,
             
               Alas
               poor
            
             Betty
             [
             said
             he
             ]
             
               and
               must
               I
               now
               lose
               thee
               ?
               What
               do
               you
               mean
               Sir
               ,
               said
               she
               ?
            
             I
             will
             tell
             thee
             ,
             replyed
             the
             Doctor
             ,
             before
             it
             go
             too
             far
             :
             thou
             art
             breeding
             of
             Eggs
             :
             How
             can
             that
             be
             quoth
             she
             ,
             very
             easily
             said
             he
             ,
             and
             thereupon
             so
             subtilly
             invaded
             her
             belief
             with
             I
             know
             not
             what
             stuff
             ,
             neatly
             wrapt
             up
             in
             fine
             words
             ,
             that
             she
             verily
             believed
             i●
             ,
             and
             askt
             him
             how
             she
             must
             be
             cured
             ;
             said
             the
             Doctor
             ,
             come
             to
             my
             Chamber
             after
             dinner
             ,
             and
             I
             will
             endeavour
             to
             cure
             thee
             ;
             thanking
             him
             ,
             she
             promised
             she
             would
             ,
             and
             was
             as
             good
             as
             her
             word
             ;
             the
             Doctor
             had
             somthing
             to
             do
             at
             first
             ,
             to
             get
             her
             to
             lie
             down
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
             that
             her
             Eggs
             must
             be
             broken
             ,
             or
             she
             could
             not
             be
             cured
             ;
             but
             at
             length
             she
             yielded
             ,
             and
             with
             his
             natural
             Probe
             he
             searcht
             her
             grief
             three
             or
             four
             times
             ;
             having
             so
             done
             ,
             he
             told
             her
             ,
             that
             though
             he
             had
             broken
             some
             ,
             yet
             there
             were
             more
             to
             break
             ,
             and
             therefore
             bid
             her
             come
             again
             to
             morrow
             ;
             which
             she
             did
             ,
             and
             so
             he
             did
             as
             before
             ;
             she
             now
             liked
             the
             manner
             of
             her
             cure
             so
             well
             ,
             that
             she
             came
             of
             her
             own
             accord
             ,
             till
             the
             Doctor
             growing
             weary
             ,
             told
             her
             that
             her
             Eggs
             were
             now
             all
             broken
             ;
             not
             so
             Mr.
             Doctor
             ,
             I
             am
             sure
             said
             she
             ,
             for
             there
             are
             at
             least
             two
             or
             three
             to
             break
             still
             ;
             well
             says
             the
             Doctor
             ,
             I'●e
             break
             them
             ,
             and
             it
             is
             a
             Cure
             :
             having
             so
             done
             ,
             she
             went
             a
             way
             well
             satisfied
             ;
             a
             little
             while
             after
             her
             Mistress
             seeing
             her
             puke
             up
             and
             down
             in
             every
             place
             ,
             askt
             her
             what
             was
             the
             matter
             ;
             indeed
             Mistress
             said
             she
             I
             know
             not
             ,
             unless
             I
             am
             breeding
             of
             more
             Eggs
             ;
             what
             do'st
             mean
             ,
             quoth
             her
             Mistress
             ?
             
               why
               forsooth
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               a
               little
               while
               a
               goe
               I
               was
               with
               Egg
               ,
               and
               certainly
               I
               had
               dyed
               ,
               if
               our
               good
               Doctor
               had
               not
               cured
               me
               ,
               by
               breaking
               of
               them
               ;
               hey
               day
               ,
               sure
               the
               Wench
               is
               mad
               ,
               quoth
               her
               Mistress
               :
               no
               but
               I
               am
               not
               said
               the
               Maid
               ,
               for
               I
               am
               sure
               on
               't
               for
               when
               he
               broke
               the
               Eggs
               ,
               I
               saw
               the
               whites
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Country
             man
             having
             never
             seen
             a
             Ship
             ,
             came
             to
             the
             Custome-house-key
             ;
             where
             seeing
             so
             many
             wonders
             ,
             he
             chanced
             to
             ask
             a
             Dutchman
             what
             that
             was
             called
             ,
             pointing
             to
             a
             great
             Ship
             ;
             
               ich
               queet
               neet
            
             ;
             and
             what
             do
             you
             call
             that
             ,
             said
             he
             pointing
             to
             a
             less
             :
             
               ich
               queet
               neet
            
             ,
             said
             he
             again
             (
             that
             is
             ,
             I
             understand
             not
             )
             
               hey
               day
            
             (
             said
             the
             Country
             fellow
             )
             
               are
               there
               great
               Queet
               neets
               ,
               and
               little
               Queet
               neets
               too
               ?
            
             Being
             afterwards
             informed
             it
             was
             called
             a
             Ship
             ;
             he
             askt
             how
             old
             it
             was
             ?
             It
             is
             two
             years
             old
             said
             one
             ,
             How
             (
             said
             the
             fellow
             )
             
               and
               so
               bigg
               already
               ?
               Lord
               what
               a
               huge
               Masty
               thing
               it
               will
               be
               by
               that
               time
               it
               is
               as
               old
               as
               I
               am
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             that
             lived
             in
             Ireland
             was
             askt
             by
             another
             that
             had
             never
             seen
             the
             Country
             ,
             what
             kind
             of
             women
             there
             were
             in
             Ireland
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             the
             Women
             are
             generally
             straight
             ,
             clear
             skinned
             ,
             and
             well
             proportioned
             ,
             but
             that
             their
             middles
             are
             a
             little
             to
             bigg
             ,
             for
             want
             of
             Swathing
             when
             young
             ;
             I
             ;
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             and
             I
             have
             heard
             that
             their
             leggs
             are
             monstrously
             bigg
             too
             ,
             
               Pish
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               we
               lay
               them
               aside
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Conceited
             pragmatical
             ,
             coming
             into
             a
             mixt
             company
             ,
             talked
             incessantly
             ;
             and
             to
             show
             his
             wit
             and
             learning
             ,
             singled
             out
             one
             whose
             countenance
             promised
             little
             ,
             yet
             an
             excellent
             Scholar
             ,
             and
             askt
             him
             many
             frivolous
             questions
             ,
             which
             he
             answered
             very
             slightingly
             ,
             or
             replyed
             to
             them
             nor
             at
             all
             ,
             this
             Pragmatico
             grew
             to
             that
             impertinence
             as
             to
             ask
             him
             ,
             whether
             he
             had
             ever
             learned
             his
             Grammer
             ?
             yes
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             I
             have
             read
             Despauters
             ;
             to
             try
             you
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             his
             second
             Rule
             is
             this
             ,
             
               Esto
               faeminium
               recepit
               qu●
               faemina
               tantum
               .
            
             Now
             said
             he
             ,
             
               Mater
               ,
               cujus
               generis
            
             ,
             (
             Mother
             ,
             what
             Gender
             is
             it
             )
             to
             which
             the
             other
             replyed
             ,
             
               Mater
               si
               mea
               sit
               est
               faeminini
               generis
               ,
               si
               tua
               est
               communis
            
             ;
             Mother
             ,
             if
             mine
             is
             the
             feminine
             ,
             if
             thine
             the
             common
             .
          
           
             ONe
             seeing
             on
             a
             Coffee
             sign
             written
             ,
             
               here
               is
            
             Coffee
             and
             Mum
             
               to
               be
               sold
            
             ,
             said
             it
             was
             good
             Ryme
             ;
             how
             can
             that
             be
             said
             the
             other
             ?
             why
             thus
             said
             he
             ,
             
               
                 Here
                 is
                 Coffee
              
               
                 And
                 Mum
                 to
                 be
              
               
                 SOLD
                 .
              
            
          
           
           
             A
             Young
             Gentleman
             being
             much
             addicted
             to
             play
             ,
             was
             sharply
             rebuked
             for
             it
             by
             his
             relations
             ,
             and
             that
             availing
             little
             ,
             a
             Minister
             was
             sent
             to
             him
             ,
             who
             told
             him
             ,
             that
             Play
             ,
             or
             Gameing
             was
             the
             worst
             of
             vices
             ;
             nay
             ,
             there
             you
             are
             out
             ,
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             for
             it
             is
             a
             remedy
             against
             all
             vices
             ;
             and
             particularly
             against
             the
             Seven
             deadly
             Sins
             ;
             for
             how
             can
             you
             call
             him
             a
             covetous
             man
             ,
             that
             can't
             indure
             to
             keep
             his
             money
             in
             his
             pocket
             ?
             or
             how
             can
             you
             call
             him
             a
             luxurious
             ,
             who
             is
             content
             to
             lose
             his
             sleep
             and
             victuals
             ,
             if
             he
             had
             an
             oportunity
             to
             play
             ?
             how
             can
             you
             call
             him
             cholerick
             ,
             when
             he
             is
             the
             patientest
             man
             living
             when
             not
             out-hectored
             ?
             how
             can
             you
             call
             him
             a
             Glutton
             or
             Drunkard
             ?
             when
             he
             shall
             not
             spair
             that
             money
             from
             play
             ,
             that
             will
             purchase
             a
             good
             dinner
             with
             a
             bottle
             of
             wine
             ?
             how
             can
             he
             be
             said
             to
             be
             slothful
             and
             negligent
             ,
             when
             his
             hands
             and
             feet
             are
             alwayes
             inaction
             ?
             the
             one
             beating
             the
             hoof
             through
             the
             whole
             Town
             ,
             to
             get
             employment
             for
             the
             other
             ;
             Lastly
             ,
             how
             can
             he
             be
             said
             to
             be
             a
             proud
             man
             ,
             when
             having
             lost
             five
             pound
             among
             Gentlemen
             ,
             
             he
             will
             condescend
             to
             play
             for
             brass
             farthings
             with
             Apprentices
             .
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             possessed
             with
             an
             extraordinary
             good
             nature
             ,
             lent
             another
             forty
             shillings
             for
             his
             good
             company's
             sake
             ,
             never
             expecting
             a
             return
             ,
             knowing
             his
             inability
             .
             After
             the
             loan
             of
             this
             money
             ,
             this
             Ingrateshun'd
             the
             society
             of
             his
             Creditor
             ;
             and
             if
             he
             saw
             him
             in
             the
             streets
             ,
             straight
             hastned
             another
             way
             ;
             which
             this
             Gentleman
             took
             notice
             of
             ,
             one
             time
             seeing
             him
             ,
             he
             made
             after
             him
             ;
             and
             catching
             him
             by
             the
             arm
             ,
             said
             ;
             
               Why
               shun
               you
               me
               ,
               was
               I
               not
               your
               friend
               ,
               wherein
               have
               I
               disobliged
               you
               ,
               that
               I
               should
               not
               be
               so
               still
               ;
               if
               the
               dept
               hath
               made
               any
               difference
               ,
               I
               forgive
               it
               you
               ,
               and
               assure
               your self
               I
               will
               not
               hazard
               the
               loss
               of
               my
               friends
               in
               like
               manner
               for
               the
               time
               to
               come
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             reading
             a
             Witty
             Preface
             before
             a
             foolish
             book
             ,
             said
             ,
             he
             very
             much
             admired
             ,
             they
             should
             come
             to
             be
             so
             matched
             together
             ,
             
               In
               troth
               Sir
            
             [
             said
             another
             ]
             
               they
               may
               be
               very
               well
               matched
               together
               ,
               for
               they
               are
               nothing
               of
               kin
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Very
             honest
             and
             prudent
             Gentleman
             had
             the
             ill
             fortune
             to
             marry
             a
             Wife
             a
             grain
             too
             light
             ;
             one
             day
             returning
             home
             ,
             he
             went
             up
             the
             stairs
             ,
             and
             found
             his
             Chamber
             door
             open
             ,
             entring
             ,
             he
             caught
             his
             Wife
             and
             the
             Adulterer
             (
             who
             were
             so
             intent
             upon
             their
             sport
             that
             they
             minded
             nothing
             else
             )
             in
             the
             very
             act
             ;
             the
             Gentleman
             seemingly
             unmov'd
             ,
             said
             ,
             Wife
             ,
             Wife
             ,
             
               Indeed
               you
               don't
               do
               well
               to
               expose
               your
               own
               and
               my
               reputation
               thus
               to
               the
               hazard
               of
               being
               lost
               by
               carelessness
               :
               Sure
               in
               a
               business
               ,
               that
               so
               nearly
               concerns
               us
               both
               ,
               you
               might
               have
               shut
               the
               door
               ;
               I
               pray
               consider
               ,
               what
               if
               any
               one
               else
               had
               come
               and
               caught
               you
               in
               this
               posture
            
             ;
             and
             so
             went
             and
             left
             them
             ;
             the
             mildness
             of
             this
             reproof
             so
             effectually
             wrought
             upon
             this
             woman
             ,
             that
             she
             ever
             after
             abhorred
             the
             thought
             of
             enjoying
             any
             other
             man
             but
             her
             husband
             .
          
           
             MR.
             Field
             ,
             that
             was
             but
             an
             under-graduate
             ;
             meeting
             Doctor
             Collins
             ,
             Saluted
             him
             thus
             ,
             
               Salve
               colendissime
               Collins
            
             ,
             to
             which
             he
             replyed
             ,
             
               Salve
               Ager
               tolende
            
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Captain
             (
             whom
             I
             shall
             forbear
             to
             name
             )
             in
             the
             last
             engagment
             against
             the
             Duch
             ,
             had
             his
             Arm
             shot
             off
             within
             three
             inches
             of
             his
             shoulder
             ;
             as
             he
             was
             dressing
             ,
             he
             fell
             a
             laughing
             ;
             one
             standing
             by
             ,
             askt
             him
             the
             reason
             ,
             why
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               I
               can't
               but
               think
               of
               a
               wish
               that
               I
               have
               often
               made
               ,
               viz.
               that
               my
               P
               —
               were
               as
               long
               as
               my
               arm
               ,
               and
               now
               introth
               so
               it
               is
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Frenchman
             that
             spoke
             very
             broken
             English
             ,
             bespoke
             a
             dish
             of
             Fish
             ,
             being
             on
             the
             Table
             &
             seeing
             but
             little
             Pepper
             ,
             by
             the
             corruption
             of
             his
             pronunciation
             ,
             he
             called
             for
             more
             Piss
             instead
             of
             Spice
             ,
             the
             woman
             took
             away
             the
             dish
             ,
             and
             did
             as
             she
             thought
             he
             bid
             her
             ,
             and
             brought
             it
             in
             again
             ;
             I
             say
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             a
             little
             more
             Piss
             ,
             with
             that
             she
             carried
             it
             out
             and
             her
             daughter
             pist
             upon
             it
             ,
             and
             then
             brought
             it
             in
             ;
             but
             he
             still
             cryed
             a
             little
             more
             Piss
             ;
             well
             Sir
             ,
             said
             she
             ,
             I
             will
             warrant
             you
             shal
             have
             enough
             now
             ,
             and
             then
             carried
             it
             to
             her
             Maid
             ,
             a
             straping
             Girle
             ,
             but
             the
             Frenchman
             was
             still
             unsatisfied
             ,
             and
             cryed
             out
             for
             more
             Piss
             ,
             
               Well
               Sir
               ,
               let
               me
               tell
               you
               ,
               I
               ,
               my
               Daughter
               ,
               and
               Maid-servant
               have
               all
               pist
               as
               much
               as
               we
               can
               
               upon
               it
               ,
               and
               if
               that
               will
               not
               satisfy
               you
               ,
               even
               piss
               upon
               it
               your self
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Notable
             Joking
             man
             lying
             sick
             on
             his
             death
             bed
             ,
             left
             out
             his
             Wife
             in
             his
             Will
             ,
             her
             friends
             hearing
             thereof
             ,
             came
             and
             prest
             him
             to
             leave
             his
             wife
             somewhat
             more
             then
             the
             custom
             of
             the
             City
             will
             allow
             her
             ;
             I
             will
             said
             the
             Sick
             man
             ,
             send
             presently
             for
             a
             Scrivener
             ,
             for
             I
             am
             just
             upon
             departing
             ;
             the
             Scrivener
             being
             come
             ,
             he
             said
             ,
             write
             ,
             
               I
               leave
               my
               wife
               ah
               ,
               ah
               ,
               ah
            
             ;
             oh
             he
             is
             dying
             said
             his
             wife
             apace
             ;
             
               I
               do
            
             (
             said
             the
             sick
             )
             
               I
               say
               ,
               I
               leave
               my
               wife
               ,
               alas
               ,
               alas
               ,
               alas
               ,
            
             come
             pray
             Sir
             said
             the
             Scrivener
             ,
             what
             do
             you
             leave
             your
             wife
             ;
             
               Why
               then
               ,
               I
               say
               ,
               I
               leave
               my
               wife
               the
               greatest
            
             C
             
               in
               Christendom
            
             .
          
           
             TWo
             Comedians
             acting
             upon
             the
             Stage
             the
             parts
             of
             Servingmen
             ;
             one
             askt
             the
             other
             to
             go
             drink
             ,
             whither
             shall
             we
             go
             said
             one
             ;
             the
             other
             replyed
             (
             espying
             a
             fellow
             groping
             a
             Wench
             in
             the
             Gallery
             )
             let
             us
             go
             to
             the
             Hand
             in
             Placket
             ;
             thereupon
             the
             fellow
             sneakt
             away
             his
             hand
             ;
             which
             the
             other
             perceiving
             ,
             cryed
             out
             ;
             
               ●ay
               friend
               ,
               if
               you
               remove
               the
               sign
               ,
               we
               shall
               hardly
               find
               the
               house
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Person
             not
             belonging
             to
             the
             Colledge
             ,
             put
             in
             his
             horse
             in
             a
             Field
             thereunto
             appertaining
             ;
             being
             warned
             of
             so
             doing
             ,
             and
             he
             taking
             no
             notice
             thereof
             ,
             the
             Master
             of
             that
             Colledge
             sent
             his
             man
             to
             him
             ,
             bidding
             him
             say
             ,
             if
             he
             continued
             his
             horse
             there
             ,
             he
             would
             cut
             off
             his
             Tail
             :
             say
             you
             so
             said
             this
             Person
             ?
             go
             tell
             your
             Master
             ,
             if
             he
             cuts
             off
             my
             horses
             Tail
             ,
             I
             will
             cut
             off
             his
             ears
             ;
             the
             Servant
             returning
             ,
             told
             his
             Master
             what
             he
             said
             ,
             whereupon
             he
             was
             sent
             back
             to
             bring
             the
             person
             to
             him
             ;
             who
             appearing
             ,
             said
             the
             Master
             ,
             how
             now
             Sir
             ,
             what
             mean
             you
             by
             that
             menace
             you
             sent
             me
             ?
             Sir
             ;
             (
             said
             the
             other
             )
             
               I
               threatned
               you
               not
               ,
               for
               I
               only
               said
               ,
               if
               you
               did
               cut
               off
               my
               horses
               tail
               ,
               I
               would
               cut
               off
               his
               ears
               ,
               not
               yours
               Sir
               ,
               but
               my
               horses
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             having
             got
             the
             drunken
             Hiccock
             by
             drinking
             
               Aqua
               Celestis
               ,
               Rosa
               Solis
               ,
               Aqua
               Angelica
               ,
            
             and
             the
             like
             ,
             
               this
               it
               is
            
             [
             says
             he
             ]
             
               to
               be
               too
               forward
               in
               understanding
               such
               latine
               as
               these
               waters
               are
               call'd
               by
               ,
               that
               a
               man
               must
               afterwards
               be
               put
               to
               declin
               Nouns
               with
               the
               Articles
            
             hic
             ,
             hoc
             ,
             
               when
               he
               hath
               not
               English
               enough
               to
               bring
               himself
               to
               bed
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             seeing
             a
             Scholar
             that
             lookt
             very
             much
             asquint
             ,
             Sure
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               this
               man
               must
               be
               more
               learned
               then
               his
               fellows
               ,
               for
               with
               one
               cast
               of
               his
               eye
               he
               can
               read
               both
               sides
               of
               the
               book
               at
               once
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             that
             had
             a
             very
             great
             head
             like
             a
             Great
             thick
             rin'd
             Orange
             ,
             but
             no
             juice
             within
             it
             ,
             was
             reprehended
             for
             speaking
             〈◊〉
             Well
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               it
               is
               not
               for
               want
               of
               ●gnorance
               that
               〈◊〉
               se●k
               nonsence
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Son
             of
             a
             whore
             ,
             and
             a
             Son
             for
             a
             whore
             ,
             was
             boasting
             one
             day
             in
             company
             what
             a
             brave
             fellow
             he
             was
             ,
             calling
             the
             rest
             Cuckoldly
             Bastards
             ,
             
               I
               am
               sure
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               I
               am
               no
               son
               of
               a
               Cuckold
               ,
               for
               my
               Father
               was
               never
               married
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Monkey
             being
             tyed
             on
             a
             Mastiffs
             back
             ,
             the
             Dog
             run
             away
             ,
             which
             an
             old
             woman
             seeing
             ,
             cryed
             out
             ,
             
               Well
               rid
               I
               protest
               young
               Gentleman
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Young
             man
             askt
             a
             blind
             mans
             counsel
             how
             to
             choose
             a
             wife
             ,
             
               I
               'le
               tell
               you
            
             [
             quoth
             he
             ]
             
               let
               me
               see
               her
               counten●nee
            
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Fidler
             being
             desired
             to
             play
             a
             new
             Tune
             Sir
             ,
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               let
               me
               stand
               bebind
               your
               back
               and
               I
               will
               play
               you
               a
               Tune
               never
               played
               before
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             looking
             on
             a
             Picture
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               this
               must
               needs
               be
               an
               excellent
               Art
               ,
               who
               would
               not
               be
               hanged
               to
               be
               thus
               drawn
               forth
               and
               quartered
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Woman
             lying
             sick
             to
             death
             ,
             desired
             her
             husbands
             leave
             to
             make
             her
             will
             ;
             
               That
               needs
               not
            
             [
             said
             he
             ,
             ]
             
               you
               have
               had
               your
               will
               all
               your
               life
               time
               ,
               and
               would
               you
               have
               your
               will
               when
               you
               are
               dead
               too
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             was
             wont
             to
             say
             ,
             that
             in
             Europe
             there
             were
             neither
             Scholars
             enough
             Gentlemen
             enough
             ,
             nor
             Jews
             enough
             ;
             one
             time
             it
             was
             answered
             him
             ,
             that
             of
             all
             these
             three
             there
             was
             rather
             too
             great
             a
             plenty
             then
             scarcity
             ;
             whereupon
             he
             replyed
             ,
             
               If
               there
               were
               Scholars
               enough
               ,
               so
               many
               would
               not
               be
               double
               or
               trebble
               beneficed
               ;
               if
               Gentlemen
               enough
               ,
               so
               many
               Peasants
               would
               not
               be
               rekoned
               among
               the
               Gentry
               ;
               and
               if
               Jews
               enough
               ,
               so
               many
               Christians
               would
               not
               profess
               Vsury
               .
            
          
           
           
             ONe
             askt
             another
             what
             he
             would
             give
             for
             his
             Sow
             and
             Pigs
             ;
             nothing
             [
             quoth
             he
             ]
             
               For
               the
               Sow
               ,
               and
               less
               for
               the
               Pigs
               ;
               if
               you
               will
               take
               that
               ,
               bring
               'um
               in
               .
            
          
           
             
               GEo.
               Withers
            
             having
             writ
             a
             Poem
             ,
             in
             which
             he
             predicted
             the
             continuance
             of
             a
             free
             State
             ,
             and
             called
             it
             ,
             the
             
               Perpetual
               Parliament
            
             ;
             a
             little
             after
             the
             Parliament
             was
             dissolved
             ,
             and
             a
             Gentleman
             meeting
             the
             said
             Mr.
             Withers
             ,
             told
             him
             
               he
               was
               a
               pitiful
               Prophet
               ,
               and
               a
               pitiful
               Poet
               ,
               otherwise
               he
               had
               not
               wrote
               such
               pitiful
               predictions
               ,
               for
               a
               pitiful
               Parliament
               .
            
          
           
             
               HVgh
               Peters
            
             meeting
             Col.
             Hewson
             ,
             merrily
             said
             to
             him
             ,
             how
             now
             son
             ,
             where
             's
             your
             blessing
             ?
             Hewson
             not
             well
             conceiving
             what
             he
             said
             ,
             askt
             what
             he
             meant
             ,
             why
             (
             quoth
             Hugh
             )
             
               I
               mean
               to
               teach
               you
               your
               duty
               ;
               know
               you
               not
               who
               I
               am
               ,
               I
               am
            
             Hugh
             ,
             
               and
               as
               I
               take
               it
               ,
               you
               are
            
             Hughs
             son
             .
          
           
             ONe
             being
             askt
             when
             was
             the
             best
             time
             to
             take
             a
             journy
             ?
             The
             other
             replyed
             ,
             
               when
               you
               have
               a
               good
               horse
               ,
               mony
               good
               store
               in
               your
               purse
               ,
               and
               good
               company
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Country
             fellow
             seeing
             a
             man
             standing
             in
             the
             Pillory
             for
             forgery
             ,
             with
             his
             fact
             legibly
             written
             before
             him
             ,
             with
             hundreds
             about
             him
             ;
             the
             Clown
             askt
             for
             what
             fault
             that
             fellow
             stood
             there
             ?
             One
             askt
             him
             ,
             whether
             he
             could
             read
             ?
             Not
             I
             in
             faith
             ,
             I
             can
             neither
             read
             ,
             nor
             write
             ,
             said
             he
             ;
             then
             you
             are
             a
             Dunce
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             not
             to
             read
             at
             those
             years
             :
             now
             since
             you
             are
             so
             ignorant
             ,
             I
             'le
             tell
             you
             why
             that
             fellow
             stands
             in
             the
             Pillory
             ,
             it
             is
             for
             counterfe●ing
             mens
             hands
             to
             which
             the
             Country
             fellow
             replyed
             ;
             
               a
               Plague
               on
               you
               for
               a
               company
               of
               proud
               Knaves
               ;
               you
               had
               need
               to
               brag
               so
               much
               of
               your
               learning
               ,
               you
               may
               see
               what
               your
               writing
               and
               your
               reading
               brings
               you
               to
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             askt
             another
             what
             a
             fine
             gawdy
             Whore
             was
             like
             ;
             the
             other
             ,
             who
             much
             delighted
             in
             Similes
             ,
             said
             ,
             she
             was
             like
             a
             Squirel
             ;
             the
             other
             surpriz'd
             at
             the
             strangeness
             of
             the
             comparison
             ,
             askt
             him
             how
             he
             made
             that
             out
             ,
             
               It
               is
               plain
            
             (
             said
             the
             other
             )
             
               for
               she
               covers
               her
               whole
               body
               with
               her
               tail
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Citizen
             askt
             a
             Painter
             what
             excellent
             peices
             he
             had
             drawn
             of
             late
             ;
             only
             one
             estimable
             ,
             which
             is
             the
             picture
             of
             
               Acte
               on
            
             turned
             into
             a
             hart
             ,
             and
             hunted
             by
             his
             Hounds
             ,
             so
             lively
             protrayed
             ,
             that
             every
             one
             who
             saw
             it
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               It
               was
               a
               Citizen
               pursued
               by
               Serjeants
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             Apothecary
             was
             drank
             to
             by
             one
             in
             the
             company
             ,
             who
             said
             ,
             Brother
             ,
             here
             's
             to
             you
             ;
             the
             proud
             Apothecary
             askt
             him
             upon
             what
             account
             he
             called
             him
             Brother
             ?
             quoth
             the
             other
             ,
             
               We
               are
               Brothren
               by
               Trade
               ;
               for
               I
               understand
               you
               are
               an
               Apothecary
               ,
               and
               I
               am
               a
               Slop-seller
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             coming
             to
             his
             friends
             house
             at
             breakfast
             time
             ,
             was
             saluted
             with
             the
             latter
             fragment
             or
             cantel
             of
             a
             cheese
             ,
             which
             looked
             as
             thin
             and
             as
             crooked
             as
             the
             Moon
             in
             her
             last
             quarter
             ;
             the
             Gentle
             man
             encouraged
             his
             friend
             to
             eat
             ,
             by
             saying
             it
             was
             sent
             him
             as
             a
             present
             from
             an
             accomplisht
             Lady
             at
             Windsor
             ;
             I
             thought
             it
             came
             from
             Windsor
             said
             the
             other
             when
             I
             saw
             it
             so
             near
             Eaton
             .
          
           
           
             ONe
             said
             he
             Sung
             as
             well
             as
             most
             men
             in
             Europe
             ,
             and
             thus
             he
             proved
             it
             ,
             
               the
               most
               in
            
             Europe
             
               doe
               not
               sing
               well
               ,
               therefore
               I
               sing
               as
               well
               as
               most
               men
               in
            
             Europe
             .
          
           
             ONe
             of
             the
             Rump-Parliament
             complained
             of
             the
             great
             quantity
             of
             Rain
             that
             fell
             ,
             
               What
               unreasonable
               men
               you
               Parliament
               are
            
             (
             said
             a
             stander
             by
             )
             
               you
               would
               neither
               have
               God
               Rain
               ,
               nor
               the
               King.
               
            
          
           
             ONe
             askt
             another
             which
             was
             the
             best
             way
             to
             run
             from
             a
             Bayliff
             ,
             
               In
               troth
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               I
               think
               the
               best
               way
               is
               to
               run
               him
               through
               .
            
          
           
             TWo
             Barbers
             meeting
             in
             Easter-week
             ,
             the
             one
             askt
             the
             other
             if
             he
             had
             a
             good
             Eve
             on
             't
             ,
             
               In
               troth
            
             ,
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             
               I
               think
               it
               was
               the
               worst
               Eve
               that
               ever
               came
               since
            
             Adam
             .
          
           
             A
             Flat
             nosed
             Fellow
             (
             who
             doubtlesly
             had
             long
             time
             laboured
             under
             a
             Covent-Garden
             distemper
             )
             going
             to
             Old-street
             ,
             snuffling
             ,
             askt
             one
             which
             was
             the
             way
             to
             Rotten-row
             ?
             the
             other
             replyed
             ,
             
               follow
               your
               nose
            
             .
          
           
           
             ONe
             being
             invited
             with
             his
             Wife
             and
             Daughter
             to
             dinner
             on
             a
             Sabbath
             day
             ,
             brought
             along
             with
             him
             two
             little
             Dogs
             ,
             coming
             to
             the
             house
             ,
             he
             thus
             saluted
             the
             Invitor
             with
             this
             complement
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             do
             you
             want
             any
             bold
             guests
             ?
             
               I
               have
               brought
               my
               whole
               family
               with
               me
               ,
               my self
               and
               two
               Bitches
               ,
               my
               Wife
               and
               Daughter
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Very
             merry
             and
             quibbling
             Lady
             cutting
             up
             a
             Pigg
             at
             dinner
             ,
             askt
             a
             Gentleman
             whom
             she
             had
             often
             out-witted
             ,
             whether
             he
             loved
             Pigg
             ,
             and
             whether
             she
             should
             help
             him
             to
             some
             ?
             
               I
               thank
               you
               Madam
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               I
               love
               nothing
               that
               comes
               from
               a
               Sow
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             old
             griping
             Citizen
             dying
             ,
             left
             a
             fair
             Revenue
             to
             his
             Son
             ,
             who
             as
             profusely
             spent
             it
             ,
             as
             his
             Father
             had
             carefully
             raked
             it
             together
             :
             one
             day
             growing
             angry
             with
             his
             Coachman
             for
             driving
             no
             faster
             ,
             called
             to
             him
             ,
             saying
             ,
             drive
             faster
             ,
             or
             I
             'le
             come
             out
             and
             kick
             you
             to
             the
             Devil
             ;
             
               Sir
               ,
               said
               the
               Coachman
               ,
               I
               protest
               if
               you
               do
               ,
               I
               'le
               there
               tell
               your
               Father
               ,
               how
               extravagantly
               you
               now
               spend
               that
               Estate
               he
               left
               you
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             having
             to
             his
             first
             wife
             a
             very
             lovely
             Woman
             ,
             she
             dying
             ,
             he
             Married
             one
             that
             was
             ill
             featured
             ,
             and
             worse
             formed
             ,
             being
             extre●mly
             crooked
             ;
             a
             friend
             of
             his
             taking
             notice
             of
             his
             extravagant
             choice
             ,
             reproved
             him
             ,
             saying
             ,
             I
             wonder
             Sir
             where
             your
             eyes
             were
             when
             you
             made
             this
             choice
             ;
             alas
             ,
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             it
             was
             not
             so
             much
             a
             choice
             of
             mine
             ,
             as
             a
             gift
             ,
             a
             bended
             token
             sent
             me
             by
             providence
             :
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             I
             am
             sorry
             for
             it
             ,
             I
             am
             sure
             your
             former
             wife
             was
             a
             brave
             noble
             woman
             ;
             it
             is
             true
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             and
             now
             you
             may
             see
             how
             time
             makes
             waste
             ,
             
               I
               have
               brought
               that
               Noble
               to
               Nine-pence
               .
            
          
           
             TErm
             being
             ended
             ,
             three
             Country
             Attorneys
             travelling
             homewards
             ,
             overtook
             a
             Carter
             ;
             being
             on
             the
             merry
             pin
             ,
             they
             fell
             a
             jeering
             him
             ,
             asking
             him
             how
             his
             fore
             horse
             became
             so
             fat
             ,
             and
             the
             rest
             so
             lean
             ?
             The
             Carter
             (
             knowing
             them
             to
             be
             Attorneys
             )
             replyed
             ,
             
               my
               fore-horse
               is
               a
               Lawyer
               ,
               and
               the
               rest
               are
               his
               Clients
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Youth
             standing
             by
             whilst
             his
             Father
             was
             at
             play
             ,
             observing
             him
             to
             loose
             a
             great
             deal
             of
             money
             ,
             burst
             out
             into
             tears
             ,
             his
             Father
             askt
             him
             the
             reason
             why
             he
             wept
             :
             
               O
               Sir
               ,
               I
               have
               read
               that
            
             Alexander
             
               the
               great
               wept
               when
               ●e
               heard
               his
               Father
            
             Philip
             
               had
               conquered
               a
               great
               many
               Towns
               ,
               Citys
               ,
               and
               Countryes
               ,
               fearing
               that
               he
               would
               leave
               him
               nothing
               to
               win
               ;
               but
               I
               wept
               the
               contrary
               way
               ,
               fearing
               ,
               if
               you
               continue
               this
               course
               ,
               you
               will
               leave
               me
               nothing
               to
               lose
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             carryed
             his
             friend
             down
             into
             the
             Cellar
             to
             give
             him
             the
             Civility
             thereof
             ;
             his
             friend
             observing
             there
             was
             no
             seat
             there
             for
             him
             to
             sit
             on
             ,
             askt
             what
             was
             his
             reason
             for
             so
             doing
             ?
             Because
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             
               I
               will
               have
               no
               man
               that
               comes
               hither
               ,
               drink
               longer
               then
               he
               can
               stand
               .
            
          
           
             THe
             question
             being
             askt
             ,
             which
             were
             the
             greatest
             wonders
             in
             the
             world
             ;
             it
             was
             answered
             ,
             Womens
             and
             Lawyers
             tongues
             ,
             
               because
               they
               did
               alwayes
               lye
               ,
               yet
               never
               lye
               still
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Fellow
             and
             a
             Wench
             taken
             one
             evening
             suspitiously
             in
             a
             Pownd
             together
             ,
             were
             by
             the
             Constable
             committed
             ,
             and
             the
             next
             morning
             brought
             before
             a
             Justice
             ;
             but
             they
             standing
             both
             obstinately
             in
             their
             innocence
             ,
             the
             Justice
             called
             the
             Wench
             aside
             ,
             and
             promised
             her
             faithfully
             ,
             if
             she
             would
             confess
             the
             fact
             as
             guilty
             ,
             she
             should
             go
             unpunished
             for
             that
             time
             .
             By
             his
             subtle
             insinuation
             she
             confessed
             the
             truth
             ,
             whereupon
             the
             Justice
             commended
             her
             ,
             and
             sent
             the
             fellow
             to
             Prison
             :
             at
             length
             as
             she
             was
             taking
             her
             leave
             (
             thinking
             her self
             at
             liberty
             )
             the
             Justice
             called
             her
             back
             ,
             and
             askt
             her
             what
             the
             fellow
             had
             given
             her
             for
             her
             consent
             ,
             she
             told
             him
             (
             if
             it
             pleased
             his
             worship
             )
             he
             had
             given
             her
             half
             a
             crown
             .
             Truly
             Woman
             ,
             said
             the
             Justice
             ,
             that
             doth
             not
             please
             my
             Worship
             ;
             
               For
               though
               for
               thy
               fornication
               I
               have
               acquitted
               thee
               ,
               yet
               for
               thy
               extortion
               I
               must
               of
               force
               commit
               thee
               ,
               for
               taking
               half
               a
               crown
               in
               the
               Pownd
               :
            
             and
             sent
             her
             to
             the
             house
             of
             correction
             to
             bear
             her
             friend
             company
             .
          
           
           
             ONe
             came
             bragging
             from
             the
             Court
             of
             Aldermen
             that
             he
             was
             promised
             by
             them
             a
             Lease
             of
             the
             next
             house
             that
             fell
             ;
             to
             whom
             another
             replyed
             ,
             
               Had
               it
               been
               my
               case
               ,
               I
               should
               have
               petitioned
               rather
               for
               a
               house
               that
               stood
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             said
             ,
             if
             he
             was
             to
             choose
             his
             Prison
             ,
             it
             should
             be
             Ludgate
             ,
             
               because
               none
               came
               thither
               but
               they
               had
               their
               freedom
               .
            
          
           
             THere
             are
             three
             sorts
             of
             Cuckholds
             ,
             Solifidians
             and
             Nullifidians
             ,
             the
             first
             is
             one
             and
             none
             ,
             and
             he
             wears
             Asses
             ears
             ,
             and
             hath
             this
             Motto
             at
             his
             Coat
             ,
             
               Crede
               quod
               habes
               ,
               &
               habes
               .
            
             The
             second
             is
             none
             and
             one
             ,
             he
             hath
             Goats
             horns
             for
             his
             Coat
             ,
             with
             this
             Motto
             ,
          
           
             
               
                 
                   Non
                   videmus
                   id
                   mantic●e
                   quod
                   in
                   tergo
                   est
                   .
                
              
            
          
           
             The
             third
             is
             one
             and
             one
             ,
             and
             bears
             Rams
             horns
             ,
             with
             this
             Motto
             ,
             
               Non
               nobis
               solem
               nati
               sumus
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             not
             long
             since
             coming
             by
             a
             Goldsmiths
             shop
             ,
             saw
             therein
             a
             delicate
             lovely
             Woman
             ,
             whom
             (
             as
             she
             was
             )
             he
             supposed
             to
             be
             the
             Mistress
             of
             the
             house
             ,
             and
             that
             he
             might
             delight
             his
             eyes
             ,
             with
             a
             less
             suspected
             freedome
             ,
             he
             went
             into
             the
             shop
             ,
             and
             desired
             to
             see
             some
             Jewels
             ,
             Rings
             ,
             Lockets
             ,
             &c.
             but
             having
             satisfied
             his
             fancy
             for
             the
             present
             ,
             by
             inspecting
             that
             charming
             heart
             in
             flaming
             countenance
             ,
             he
             bought
             onely
             a
             trifle
             ,
             and
             went
             his
             way
             ,
             but
             with
             a
             resolution
             to
             return
             .
             Several
             times
             he
             came
             to
             the
             shop
             after
             this
             manner
             ,
             so
             that
             at
             length
             he
             became
             indifferently
             acquainted
             with
             the
             man
             and
             his
             wife
             .
             Having
             thus
             got
             into
             their
             acquaintance
             ,
             he
             one
             day
             came
             to
             the
             Good
             Man
             ,
             and
             showing
             him
             a
             very
             rich
             Jewel
             ,
             he
             desired
             the
             loan
             of
             fifty
             pound
             thereon
             for
             a
             Month
             ,
             it
             was
             granted
             him
             ,
             in
             some
             little
             time
             after
             ,
             he
             watcht
             his
             opportunity
             when
             the
             old
             Gentleman
             was
             abroad
             ,
             and
             went
             to
             the
             house
             ,
             where
             he
             spared
             neither
             for
             cost
             nor
             courtship
             to
             win
             this
             Gentlewoman
             to
             a
             compliance
             to
             his
             desires
             ,
             having
             well
             warm'd
             her
             with
             wine
             he
             attempted
             the
             violation
             of
             her
             chastity
             ,
             
             by
             all
             the
             subtle
             stratagems
             and
             weils
             a
             young
             Italian
             can
             invent
             in
             the
             prosecution
             of
             his
             first
             Amours
             ;
             but
             seeing
             none
             of
             these
             would
             take
             ,
             he
             offered
             her
             the
             fifty
             pound
             he
             had
             receiv'd
             of
             her
             Husband
             ,
             saying
             ,
             that
             he
             would
             freely
             give
             it
             her
             for
             one
             single
             Amorous
             encounter
             ,
             which
             proffer
             ,
             like
             Joves
             Golden
             shower
             on
             Danae
             ,
             wrought
             its
             desired
             effect
             .
             Having
             consummated
             what
             he
             so
             passionately
             desired
             in
             cool
             blood
             ,
             he
             began
             to
             consider
             what
             a
             rash
             act
             he
             had
             done
             ;
             the
             Gentlewoman
             on
             the
             other
             side
             ,
             having
             got
             so
             rich
             a
             Booty
             ,
             with
             a
             deal
             of
             pleasure
             to
             boot
             ,
             fearing
             least
             this
             serious
             consultation
             with
             himself
             ,
             might
             produce
             some
             mischief
             ,
             she
             hastened
             him
             to
             be
             gone
             ,
             fearing
             least
             her
             Husband
             should
             come
             ,
             who
             might
             by
             seeing
             him
             there
             ,
             justly
             suspect
             some
             foul
             Play
             in
             his
             absence
             .
             No
             ,
             no
             ,
             said
             the
             Gentleman
             ,
             (
             having
             studied
             a
             cunning
             Plot
             )
             let
             him
             come
             ,
             I
             have
             bethought
             my self
             of
             a
             way
             that
             shall
             prevent
             all
             suspition
             in
             him
             ,
             he
             had
             no
             sooner
             said
             the
             words
             ,
             but
             the
             Husband
             came
             up
             the
             stairs
             ,
             at
             his
             approach
             this
             Gentleman
             stept
             to
             him
             ,
             saying
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             I
             thank
             you
             for
             your
             late
             
             kindness
             in
             lending
             me
             that
             fifty
             pound
             ;
             I
             have
             received
             moneys
             sooner
             than
             I
             expected
             it
             ,
             wherefore
             I
             have
             brought
             it
             you
             ,
             and
             paid
             it
             to
             your
             Wife
             ,
             therefore
             Sir
             ,
             pray
             let
             me
             have
             my
             Jewel
             ;
             The
             Goldsmith
             askt
             his
             Wife
             if
             it
             were
             so
             ,
             she
             seeing
             it
             was
             but
             a
             folly
             to
             deny
             it
             ,
             (
             she
             having
             then
             the
             mony
             about
             her
             )
             said
             she
             had
             received
             such
             a
             Sum
             of
             the
             Gentleman
             ,
             hereupon
             the
             Jewel
             was
             delivered
             ,
             but
             who
             by
             the
             loan
             and
             use
             of
             the
             mony
             was
             the
             Gaine●
             ,
             I
             will
             leave
             it
             to
             any
             one
             to
             judge
             .
          
           
             A
             Rich
             Citizen
             of
             London
             ,
             in
             his
             Will
             ,
             left
             something
             considerable
             to
             Christ-Church
             Hospital
             ,
             but
             little
             or
             nothing
             to
             one
             of
             his
             extravagant
             sons
             ,
             at
             the
             Funeral
             the
             Blew-coat-boys
             were
             ordered
             (
             in
             acknowledgment
             of
             so
             great
             a
             gift
             )
             to
             Sing
             before
             the
             Corps
             to
             the
             Grave
             ;
             as
             they
             marcht
             through
             Cheap-side
             ,
             this
             extravagant
             Son
             led
             his
             Mother
             ,
             who
             observing
             the
             Boys
             make
             a
             rest
             ,
             he
             opened
             his
             pipes
             in
             that
             manner
             ,
             that
             he
             was
             heard
             almost
             from
             one
             end
             of
             the
             street
             to
             the
             other
             ,
             and
             still
             leading
             his
             Mother
             ,
             
             he
             continued
             thus
             Singing
             ,
             till
             a
             Kinsman
             came
             to
             him
             ,
             and
             stopping
             his
             mouth
             ,
             askt
             him
             his
             reason
             for
             his
             irreverent
             and
             undecent
             carriage
             ,
             
               why
               Goodman
               Couzen
            
             (
             quoth
             this
             ne're
             be
             good
             )
             
               the
               Boys
               there
               at
               my
               Fathers
               Death
               sing
               for
               something
               ,
               and
               wont
               you
               let
               me
               sing
               for
               nothing
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             seeing
             one
             Summer
             a
             great
             Drinker
             walking
             in
             the
             beginning
             of
             the
             Spring
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               One
               Swallow
               doth
               not
               make
               a
               Summer
               :
               But
               I
               know
            
             (
             quoth
             the
             other
             )
             
               one
               Summer
               makes
               a
               great
               many
               Swallows
               .
            
          
           
             WHen
             the
             City
             of
             London
             was
             in
             a
             manner
             Rebuilt
             ,
             a
             Countrey-man
             came
             up
             to
             see
             a
             Friend
             that
             had
             been
             burnt
             out
             ,
             who
             amongst
             other
             discourse
             ,
             made
             a
             grievous
             complaint
             of
             his
             own
             particular
             loss
             ,
             and
             after
             that
             ,
             he
             insisted
             on
             the
             loss
             of
             a
             City
             so
             brave
             and
             glorious
             ;
             
               As
               to
               your
               own
               loss
            
             ,
             (
             said
             the
             Countryman
             )
             
               I
               am
               sorry
               for
               it
               ,
               but
               as
               to
               the
               loss
               of
               your
               City
               ,
               I
               know
               not
               what
               to
               say
               ,
               for
               who
               would
               be
               grieved
               at
               having
               a
               fine
               new
               Suit
               instead
               of
               an
               old
               one
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             of
             the
             Temple
             was
             informed
             that
             his
             Father
             was
             dead
             in
             the
             Country
             ,
             which
             News
             troubled
             him
             very
             much
             ,
             not
             knowing
             how
             he
             had
             left
             his
             Estate
             ,
             a
             friend
             of
             his
             seeing
             him
             in
             this
             sad
             condition
             ,
             bid
             him
             clear
             up
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               If
               your
               Father
               hath
               left
               you
               a
               good
               Estate
               ,
               you
               have
               but
               small
               cause
               to
               grieve
               ;
               and
               if
               he
               hath
               left
               you
               nothing
               ,
               who
               would
               grieve
               for
               such
               a
               Father
               .
            
          
           
             TWo
             discoursing
             immediately
             after
             the
             Fire
             ,
             about
             the
             enlarging
             of
             the
             Streets
             upon
             the
             Rebuilding
             the
             City
             ,
             he
             that
             had
             much
             ground
             said
             ,
             that
             it
             was
             not
             requisite
             the
             Streets
             should
             be
             enlarged
             ,
             fearing
             he
             should
             be
             a
             loser
             thereby
             ,
             Pish
             (
             said
             the
             other
             )
             
               to
               what
               purpose
               was
               the
               City
               Burnt
               ,
               but
               that
               the
               Streets
               might
               be
               made
               larger
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             speaking
             of
             the
             Fire
             ,
             said
             ,
             Canon-street
             Roar'd
             ,
             Milk-street
             was
             burnt
             too
             ,
             Wood-street
             was
             burnt
             to
             Ashes
             ,
             Bread-street
             was
             burnt
             to
             a
             Coal
             ,
             Pudding-Lane
             and
             Pye-Corner
             were
             over-Baked
             ,
             and
             Snow-hill
             was
             melted
             down
             .
          
           
           
             ONe
             who
             had
             a
             damnable
             Scold
             to
             his
             Wife
             ,
             being
             continually
             plagued
             with
             the
             clack
             of
             her
             Tongue
             ,
             wished
             one
             day
             in
             her
             hearing
             ,
             that
             she
             was
             in
             Heaven
             ;
             she
             knowing
             by
             that
             saying
             ,
             that
             he
             was
             desirous
             to
             be
             rid
             of
             her
             ;
             in
             a
             great
             rage
             she
             told
             him
             ,
             
               That
               she
               had
               rather
               see
               him
               hang'd
               first
               .
            
          
           
             MR.
             Sm
             —
             a
             Constable
             ,
             carrying
             a
             Big-belly'd
             Wench
             before
             a
             Justice
             ,
             said
             very
             seriously
             ,
             
               An
               't
               please
               your
               Worship
               ,
               I
               have
               brought
               here
               before
               you
               a
               Maid
               with
               Child
            
             ;
             the
             Wench
             thereupon
             call'd
             him
             Knave
             and
             Fool
             ,
             being
             reprooved
             by
             the
             Justice
             ,
             she
             answered
             thus
             ,
             
               Sir
               ,
               this
               Constable
               must
               needs
               be
               one
               of
               the
               two
               ,
               for
               if
               I
               am
               a
               Maid
               ,
               he
               is
               a
               Fool
               to
               think
               I
               am
               with
               Child
               ;
               and
               if
               I
               am
               not
               with
               Child
               ,
               he
               is
               a
               Knave
               for
               so
               saying
               .
            
          
           
             A
             School-Boy
             being
             to
             Construe
             that
             in
             
               Terence
               ,
               Ventum
               erat
               ad
               Vestae
               ,
            
             rendred
             it
             thus
             ,
             Ventum
             the
             wind
             erat
             was
             Veste
             in
             the
             West
             ,
             at
             which
             the
             School-master
             laughing
             ,
             said
             ,
             it
             was
             then
             high
             time
             to
             hoist
             up
             Sail
             ,
             and
             so
             untrust
             the
             Boy
             ,
             and
             trimm'd
             his
             Pinnace
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Young
             New-Married
             Woman
             in
             the
             heat
             of
             Blood
             ,
             about
             the
             latter
             end
             of
             July
             ,
             after
             Dinner
             ,
             desired
             her
             Husband
             to
             go
             up
             Stairs
             and
             play
             with
             her
             ,
             he
             knowing
             her
             meaning
             ,
             and
             being
             unprepared
             for
             such
             pastime
             ,
             excused
             himself
             ,
             saying
             ,
             that
             the
             Dog-days
             were
             very
             unwholesome
             for
             such
             Recreations
             ;
             At
             Night
             being
             in
             Bed
             with
             him
             ,
             she
             desired
             him
             to
             lie
             closer
             ,
             for
             though
             (
             said
             she
             )
             there
             be
             Dog-days
             ,
             yet
             I
             never
             heard
             of
             Dog-nights
             .
          
           
             A
             Smock-fac'd
             young
             Vintner
             that
             was
             hardly
             Twenty
             ,
             came
             before
             the
             Chamberlain
             of
             London
             to
             be
             made
             Free
             ,
             who
             seeing
             him
             so
             young
             ,
             scrupled
             at
             it
             ,
             asking
             what
             age
             he
             was
             ,
             
               I
               am
               Sir
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               four
               and
               Twenty
               ;
               that
               's
               strange
            
             (
             said
             the
             Chamberlain
             )
             
               I
               have
               seen
               a
               Face
               of
               eighteen
               look
               more
               Elder
               ,
               't
               is
               likely
               so
               Sir
            
             (
             said
             he
             very
             discreetly
             )
             
               he
               that
               made
               him
               look
               so
               old
               ,
               though
               so
               young
               ,
               is
               able
               you
               see
               ,
               to
               make
               me
               look
               so
               young
               ,
               though
               so
               old
               ,
               as
               I
               have
               told
               your
               Worship
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Parrot
             belonging
             to
             a
             Person
             of
             quality
             ,
             whose
             goodly
             Garden
             lay
             contiguous
             to
             the
             Thames
             ,
             had
             learnt
             from
             the
             quarrelling
             of
             the
             Foot-boys
             at
             Play
             in
             the
             Hall
             where
             the
             Cage
             Hung
             ,
             this
             frequent
             Oath
             amongst
             them
             ,
             
               Zouns
               ,
               what
               do
               ye
               mean
            
             ;
             The
             Parrot
             being
             not
             well
             ,
             was
             ordered
             to
             be
             discaged
             ,
             and
             carried
             into
             the
             Garden
             ,
             where
             getting
             into
             a
             Tree
             ,
             he
             was
             not
             at
             quiet
             (
             laughing
             as
             he
             climed
             )
             till
             he
             had
             got
             to
             the
             very
             top
             ,
             as
             he
             stood
             perching
             and
             rejoycing
             ,
             a
             Kite
             soaring
             aloft
             ,
             espied
             him
             ,
             wondering
             of
             what
             Country
             he
             should
             be
             by
             the
             strangeness
             of
             his
             Habit
             ,
             flew
             round
             and
             round
             for
             the
             advantage
             of
             a
             View
             ,
             at
             length
             supposing
             him
             some
             forreign
             Spie
             ,
             sent
             to
             betray
             the
             English
             Commonwealth
             of
             Birds
             ,
             he
             came
             directly
             down
             and
             seized
             him
             in
             his
             pounces
             ,
             and
             without
             further
             delay
             ,
             fell
             a
             taring
             his
             Green
             jerkin
             off
             his
             back
             ;
             the
             Parrot
             suspecting
             not
             any
             danger
             ,
             and
             being
             unaccustomed
             to
             such
             rude
             and
             uncivil
             dealing
             ,
             cryed
             out
             ,
             
               Zouns
               ,
               what
               d'
               ye
               mean
               ?
               Zouns
               ,
               what
               d'
               ye
               mean
               ?
            
             repeating
             the
             words
             often
             with
             a
             Tone
             
             unusual
             ;
             some
             Servants
             took
             the
             Alarme
             ,
             and
             with
             stones
             ,
             chasing
             away
             the
             Kite
             ,
             the
             Parrot
             sh●fted
             for
             his
             safety
             ,
             by
             coming
             down
             immediately
             ,
             by
             which
             means
             was
             preserved
             .
          
           
             A
             Country
             Curate
             coming
             to
             Oxford
             to
             take
             his
             Degree
             of
             Master
             of
             Arts
             ,
             was
             askt
             by
             the
             Head
             of
             the
             house
             (
             whereof
             this
             Parson
             was
             a
             small
             Member
             )
             how
             he
             durst
             ,
             being
             so
             green
             ,
             to
             enter
             himself
             into
             the
             Ministry
             ,
             the
             Curate
             answered
             ,
             
               Because
               the
               Lord
               hath
               need
               of
               me
               ,
            
             the
             other
             replyed
             ,
             
               I
               never
               heard
               the
               Lord
               had
               need
               of
               any
               thing
               but
               an
               Ass
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Young
             Deacon
             being
             to
             be
             made
             Minister
             ,
             the
             Bishop
             in
             his
             examination
             put
             him
             to
             construe
             that
             verse
             of
             Seneca
             the
             Tragaedian
             ,
          
           
             
               Cure
               leves
               Loquuntur
               ,
               ingentes
               stupeat
               .
            
          
           
             He
             did
             it
             thus
             ;
             
               Cura
               leves
            
             little
             Curages
             ,
             Loquuntur
             do
             preach
             ,
             ingentes
             great
             Bishops
             ,
             stupeat
             do
             hold
             their
             peace
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             complain'd
             to
             his
             friend
             ,
             and
             said
             the
             City
             was
             the
             most
             insufferable
             place
             to
             live
             in
             in
             the
             world
             ,
             and
             his
             reason
             was
             ,
             because
             he
             was
             accustomed
             to
             rise
             very
             early
             ,
             at
             which
             time
             he
             could
             find
             never
             a
             fellow
             to
             be
             drunk
             with
             ,
             but
             I
             'le
             remedie
             that
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             (
             that
             being
             his
             word
             )
             by
             going
             to
             Sea
             ,
             where
             I
             shall
             find
             at
             all
             hours
             those
             with
             whom
             I
             was
             drunk
             over
             night
             ,
             and
             was
             as
             good
             as
             his
             word
             ;
             returning
             from
             Sea
             ,
             he
             met
             with
             a
             Wench
             ,
             whom
             he
             carried
             to
             his
             Chamber
             ,
             and
             lay
             with
             her
             all
             night
             ,
             in
             the
             Morning
             this
             impudent
             Prostitute
             demanded
             her
             reward
             for
             quiffing
             ;
             how
             ,
             how
             ,
             Huzzie
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             profit
             and
             pleasure
             too
             ,
             that
             is
             too
             much
             at
             one
             time
             ;
             this
             would
             not
             satisfie
             her
             ,
             but
             she
             told
             him
             plainly
             ,
             if
             he
             did
             not
             give
             her
             something
             ,
             she
             would
             make
             a
             disturbance
             in
             the
             house
             ,
             though
             she
             was
             sent
             to
             Bridewell
             for
             her
             pains
             ;
             say
             you
             so
             (
             said
             he
             )
             I
             'le
             remedy
             that
             ;
             you
             are
             mistaken
             in
             me
             ,
             wherefore
             get
             you
             gone
             ,
             I
             am
             no
             incourager
             of
             Leachery
             ,
             and
             I
             scorne
             Vice
             should
             receive
             a
             reward
             from
             me
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Young
             Gentleman
             (
             lately
             )
             of
             the
             Temple
             ,
             having
             more
             Wit
             than
             Mony
             ,
             and
             minding
             not
             his
             Chamber
             ,
             Study
             ,
             nor
             Commons
             ,
             was
             indebted
             to
             the
             House
             ,
             and
             it
             was
             ordered
             thereupon
             ,
             that
             his
             Chamber
             should
             be
             seized
             ;
             he
             hearing
             thereof
             ,
             cry'd
             ,
             I
             'le
             remedy
             that
             I
             am
             resolv'd
             ,
             and
             so
             presently
             went
             and
             took
             his
             Chamber-door
             off
             the
             Hinges
             ,
             and
             lockt
             it
             up
             in
             his
             Closet
             ;
             the
             Officers
             coming
             to
             fix
             a
             Padlock
             thereon
             ,
             found
             themselves
             disappointed
             ,
             and
             searching
             the
             Room
             ,
             found
             not
             any
             thing
             worth
             the
             seizure
             .
          
           
             IN
             
               Magdalene
               Colledg
            
             in
             Oxford
             ,
             it
             is
             an
             order
             that
             every
             morning
             one
             shall
             go
             about
             to
             every
             Schollers
             door
             ,
             that
             is
             of
             the
             Foundation
             ,
             knocking
             loudly
             ,
             and
             crying
             ,
             
               Pars
               a
               quinta
            
             (
             which
             signifies
             a
             quarter
             after
             five
             a
             Clock
             )
             and
             warns
             them
             all
             to
             prayers
             ,
             one
             hearing
             this
             related
             ,
             said
             ,
             doth
             he
             knock
             at
             every
             door
             ?
             yes
             said
             the
             other
             ;
             then
             replies
             the
             other
             ,
             he
             had
             need
             to
             rise
             at
             three
             of
             the
             clock
             to
             cry
             
               Pars
               a
               quinta
            
             .
          
           
           
             A
             School-master
             asked
             one
             of
             his
             Schollers
             in
             the
             Winter
             time
             what
             was
             Latin
             for
             Cold
             ;
             O
             Sir
             ,
             answered
             the
             Lad
             ,
             
               I
               have
               that
               at
               my
               fingers
               ends
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Scholler
             hearing
             a
             Begging
             Soldier
             complain
             that
             his
             stones
             were
             cut
             out
             at
             the
             Isle
             of
             Rea
             ,
             thus
             bemoan'd
             him
             ;
          
           
             
               Ille
               dolet
               vere
               ,
               qui
               sine
               teste
               dolet
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Traveller
             coming
             into
             a
             Tavern
             ,
             and
             calling
             for
             Grecian
             Wine
             ,
             the
             woman
             brought
             him
             some
             of
             her
             own
             Wine
             ,
             he
             tasting
             it
             ,
             and
             perceiving
             her
             guile
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               he
               would
               have
               none
               of
               that
               wine
               ,
               for
               it
               tasted
               of
               the
               Cask
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             being
             at
             the
             Table
             ,
             where
             was
             a
             very
             sat
             wild
             Duck
             ,
             he
             said
             he
             thought
             
               The
               Duck
               was
               Crambed
            
             ;
             at
             which
             the
             rest
             laughing
             ,
             asked
             him
             who
             should
             Cramb
             it
             ?
             he
             answear'd
             them
             ,
             
               The
               man
               in
               the
               Moon
            
             .
          
        
         
           
           
           
             FORREIGN
             JESTS
             :
             Witty
             Reparties
             ,
             &c.
             
          
           
             HEnry
             the
             Fourth
             ,
             commonly
             called
             
               Henry
               the
               Great
            
             ,
             riding
             one
             day
             near
             Paris
             ,
             espyed
             an
             ancient
             man
             with
             a
             coal
             black
             Beard
             ,
             but
             the
             hair
             of
             his
             Head
             was
             as
             white
             as
             milk
             :
             This
             mighty
             Prince
             having
             a
             mind
             to
             divertise
             himself
             ,
             caused
             this
             old
             fellow
             to
             be
             brought
             before
             him
             ,
             and
             then
             ask'd
             him
             ,
             how
             it
             came
             to
             pass
             ,
             that
             the
             hair
             of
             his
             Head
             seemed
             so
             much
             older
             then
             that
             of
             his
             Beard
             :
             The
             old
             man
             briskly
             replyed
             ,
             
               It
               was
               no
               wonder
               ,
               since
               the
               hair
               of
               his
               Beard
               was
               younger
               than
               that
               of
               his
               Head
               by
               twenty
               yeares
               at
               least
               .
            
          
           
           
             THe
             Deputies
             of
             Rochel
             attending
             one
             day
             to
             speak
             with
             his
             Majesty
             ,
             it
             hapned
             that
             there
             came
             at
             the
             same
             time
             a
             Doctor
             of
             Physick
             of
             the
             same
             place
             ,
             who
             had
             renounced
             the
             Protestant
             Religion
             ,
             to
             embrace
             the
             
               Roman
               Catholick
            
             ;
             for
             which
             cause
             the
             sight
             of
             this
             man
             did
             so
             enrage
             them
             ,
             that
             they
             could
             not
             forbare
             railing
             aloud
             ,
             although
             they
             were
             so
             near
             the
             Presence-Chamber
             :
             His
             Majesty
             hearing
             this
             irreverent
             noise
             ,
             demanded
             what
             was
             the
             matter
             ,
             and
             was
             informed
             ,
             that
             the
             Deputies
             of
             Rochel
             were
             very
             much
             incensed
             against
             one
             of
             their
             Doctors
             ,
             for
             changing
             his
             Religion
             from
             
               Protestancy
               to
               Popery
            
             :
             Is
             that
             all
             said
             his
             Majesty
             ?
             (
             very
             pleasantly
             )
             bring
             them
             before
             me
             ;
             being
             brought
             ,
             how
             now
             said
             the
             King
             ,
             What
             angry
             (
             speaking
             to
             the
             Deputies
             )
             because
             your
             Doctor
             hath
             gain'd
             by
             his
             exchange
             ?
             
               Let
               me
               advise
               you
               ,
               change
               too
               ,
               and
               that
               in
               time
               ,
               for
               it
               is
               a
               dangerous
               sign
               ,
               and
               portends
               your
               Religion
               not
               long
               liv'd
               ,
               when
               her
            
             Physician
             
               hath
               left
               ,
               and
               given
               her
               over
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Gentleman
             having
             never
             been
             at
             Paris
             ,
             got
             ,
             by
             what
             meanes
             I
             know
             not
             ,
             into
             the
             Gallery
             in
             the
             Louvre
             ,
             and
             was
             so
             taken
             with
             the
             curious
             Pictures
             ,
             that
             he
             was
             nothing
             but
             wonder
             and
             amazement
             ;
             in
             the
             mean
             time
             his
             Majesty
             hapned
             to
             pass
             by
             ,
             who
             seeing
             a
             stranger
             ,
             with
             a
             body
             gentilely
             clad
             ,
             gaping
             like
             a
             Bumpkin
             ,
             as
             if
             he
             had
             hardly
             ever
             seen
             a
             Picture
             before
             ,
             approach'd
             him
             ,
             and
             asked
             the
             Gentleman
             whom
             he
             belong'd
             to
             ,
             this
             
               Fop
               Jauntie
            
             ,
             thinking
             himself
             affronted
             ,
             answered
             in
             a
             surly
             manner
             ,
             that
             
               he
               belong'd
               to
               himself
               ;
               you
               had
               a
               fool
               and
               a
               clown
               to
               your
               Master
               then
            
             (
             said
             the
             King
             )
             
               that
               could
               furnish
               you
               with
               no
               better
               manners
               .
            
          
           
             TWo
             Cardinals
             at
             Rome
             hearing
             of
             a
             very
             famous
             Painter
             who
             had
             most
             admirably
             painted
             St.
             Peter
             ,
             with
             some
             other
             of
             the
             Apostles
             ;
             sent
             for
             him
             ,
             with
             orders
             to
             bring
             those
             effigies
             with
             him
             ;
             at
             sight
             thereof
             ,
             these
             Cardinals
             were
             amazed
             at
             his
             stupendious
             Art
             ,
             and
             found
             fault
             with
             nothing
             but
             that
             their
             faces
             were
             too
             red
             and
             sanguine
             ;
             
             your
             pardon
             ,
             may
             it
             please
             your
             Eminences
             (
             said
             he
             in
             a
             submissive
             voice
             )
             
               I
               have
               not
               pictured
               them
               as
               when
               they
               were
               on
               Earth
               ;
               who
               mortifyed
               the
               flesh
               ,
               that
               they
               might
               the
               better
               sow
               the
               seeds
               of
               the
               Gospel
               ;
               but
               I
               have
               depainted
               them
               as
               they
               are
               now
               in
               Heaven
               ,
               ashamed
               ,
               and
               therefore
               blush
               to
               see
               the
               Lives
               of
               their
               Successors
               so
               loose
               and
               so
               licentious
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Franciscan-Frier
             being
             mounted
             one
             day
             on
             a
             very
             good
             Horse
             ,
             was
             rancountred
             by
             a
             serious
             Citizen
             ,
             who
             told
             him
             ,
             that
             being
             of
             the
             Order
             of
             St.
             Francis
             he
             wondred
             to
             see
             him
             on
             Horse-back
             ,
             and
             since
             that
             St.
             Francis
             was
             always
             known
             to
             go
             a
             foot
             ,
             he
             wondred
             he
             durst
             make
             so
             slight
             of
             that
             Sacred
             Oath
             which
             obliged
             him
             and
             his
             Brethren
             to
             follow
             that
             holy
             man
             ,
             
               Well
               said
            
             (
             said
             the
             Franciscan
             )
             
               you
               do
               well
               to
               put
               me
               in
               mind
               of
               my
               duty
               ,
               in
               following
               our
               Patron
               St.
            
             Francis
             ;
             
               and
               that
               I
               might
               not
               be
               slack
               in
               the
               performance
               ,
               I
               am
               therefore
               now
               mounted
               ,
               for
               he
               being
               gone
               so
               long
               before
               ,
               I
               despaired
               of
               ever
               reaching
               him
               a
               foot
               ,
            
             and
             ,
             setting
             Spurs
             to
             his
             Horse
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               That
               unless
               he
               rode
               a
               gollop
               ,
               or
               full
               speed
               ,
               he
               should
               be
               some
               ages
               before
               be
               could
               over-take
               him
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Merry
             Switzer
             going
             one
             day
             into
             the
             Fields
             with
             his
             Master
             ,
             desired
             leave
             of
             his
             Master
             to
             ask
             him
             a
             question
             ;
             the
             Master
             knowing
             him
             to
             be
             a
             Roguish
             witty
             fellow
             ,
             gave
             him
             liberty
             ;
             Why
             then
             Sr.
             said
             he
             ,
             you
             see
             an
             Horse
             and
             Ass
             yonder
             feeding
             together
             ,
             if
             you
             were
             forced
             to
             be
             a
             Beast
             ,
             which
             of
             them
             two
             would
             you
             be
             ?
             you
             fool
             ,
             said
             the
             Master
             ,
             I
             would
             be
             a
             Horse
             ,
             as
             being
             the
             nobler
             and
             more
             generous
             Creature
             ;
             I
             'm
             of
             another
             opinion
             replyed
             the
             Swisse
             ,
             for
             I
             would
             be
             an
             Ass
             ;
             his
             Master
             unable
             to
             forbear
             laughing
             ,
             asked
             him
             the
             reason
             ;
             the
             reason
             said
             he
             is
             ,
             
               I
               have
               often
               seen
               an
            
             Ass
             
               ride
               the
               great
               Horse
               ;
               stalk
               stately
               before
               his
               Company
               upon
               some
               annual
               solemnity
               ;
               be
               chosen
               a
               Justice
               ,
               and
               as
               frequently
               his
               name
               and
               ignorance
               guilded
               with
               the
               splended
               dignity
               of
               Knighthood
               ,
               but
               I
               never
               knew
               an
               Horse
               capable
               of
               these
               preferments
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Walloon
             Serjeant
             walking
             in
             the
             Court
             at
             the
             Hague
             ,
             demanded
             of
             a
             Captain
             in
             that
             place
             ,
             by
             what
             means
             he
             might
             speak
             with
             the
             Prince
             of
             Orange
             ?
             the
             Captain
             told
             him
             ,
             if
             he
             would
             have
             a
             little
             patience
             the
             Prince
             
             would
             not
             be
             long
             e're
             he
             would
             come
             that
             way
             ;
             he
             had
             no
             sooner
             said
             these
             words
             but
             his
             Highness
             appeared
             ,
             whereupon
             this
             Bore
             ,
             the
             Walloon
             ,
             being
             confident
             in
             his
             own
             Eloquence
             and
             Barbarous
             Gaulish
             Dialect
             ,
             addrest
             himself
             in
             these
             words
             :
             Sir
             ,
             
               Your
               Excellency
               must
               know
               ,
               that
               our
               Ensign
               is
               dead
               ,
               now
               I
               being
               the
               eldest
               Serjeant
               ,
               the
               Colours
               belong
               to
               me
               .
            
             The
             Prince
             seeing
             a
             man
             of
             that
             bulk
             ,
             imagin'd
             he
             had
             a
             Soul
             as
             large
             ,
             and
             therefore
             bid
             him
             speak
             on
             boldly
             :
             but
             he
             instead
             of
             enlarging
             himself
             sung
             only
             the
             same
             notes
             over
             again
             .
             The
             Prince
             being
             in
             a
             very
             good
             humour
             at
             that
             time
             ,
             asked
             him
             ,
             how
             long
             he
             had
             served
             the
             
               States
               ?
               let
               me
               see
            
             (
             said
             this
             Walloon
             ,
             and
             thereupon
             drew
             an
             old
             Book
             out
             of
             his
             pocket
             )
             
               I
               —
               let
               me
               see
               —
               I
               now
               I
               have
               it
               ,
               I
               came
               in
               the
               same
               year
               to
               serve
               the
            
             States
             ,
             
               that
               your
               Excellency
               ran
               away
               before
            
             Groll
             .
          
           
             THere
             was
             a
             Gentleman
             in
             France
             was
             very
             much
             conceited
             of
             his
             singing
             (
             although
             he
             had
             neither
             Voice
             nor
             Judgment
             )
             and
             would
             be
             always
             humming
             some
             Religious
             Anthems
             ,
             or
             bawl
             out
             aloud
             ;
             a
             notable
             merry
             
             Woman
             living
             very
             near
             him
             ,
             and
             by
             that
             means
             was
             perpetually
             troubled
             with
             his
             insufferable
             noise
             ,
             there
             being
             no
             remedy
             ,
             she
             was
             contented
             only
             with
             putting
             this
             trick
             upon
             him
             ,
             and
             that
             was
             every
             time
             he
             sang
             ,
             she
             wept
             ,
             and
             the
             lowder
             his
             Voice
             ,
             the
             greater
             abundance
             of
             her
             Tears
             ;
             the
             Gentleman
             observing
             this
             several
             times
             ,
             demanded
             of
             the
             Woman
             ,
             
               why
               she
               wept
               when
               be
               sung
            
             (
             thinking
             to
             himself
             that
             he
             had
             so
             raptured
             her
             with
             his
             harmonical
             voice
             ,
             that
             thereby
             her
             Soul
             was
             wing'd
             for
             an
             immediate
             flight
             to
             Heaven
             :
             )
             to
             this
             question
             the
             Woman
             thus
             replyed
             ,
             
               I
               may
               well
               weep
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               since
               not
               long
               ago
               ,
               I
               lost
               the
               staff
               of
               my
               Life
               ,
               and
               the
               support
               of
               my
               Children
               ;
               in
               short
               Sir
               ,
               My
               great
               loss
               was
               an
            
             Ass
             
               that
               did
               us
               a
               thousand
               kindnesses
               ,
               now
               Sir
               your
               voice
               and
               his
               methinks
               are
               so
               extreamly
               alike
               ,
               that
               I
               never
               hear
               you
               sing
               ,
               but
               it
               puts
               me
               in
               mind
               of
               my
               poor
            
             Ass
             ,
             
               the
               loss
               of
               whom
               I
               shall
               never
               sufficiently
               condole
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Young
             Italian
             Gentleman
             being
             led
             by
             curiosity
             into
             Holland
             ,
             where
             having
             lived
             some
             time
             conversing
             with
             the
             most
             ingenious
             ,
             was
             one
             
             day
             set
             upon
             by
             a
             
               Protestant
               Minister
            
             ,
             who
             would
             needs
             ingage
             him
             in
             a
             controversie
             about
             Religion
             .
             The
             young
             Gentleman
             ,
             knowing
             himself
             too
             weak
             for
             the
             encounter
             ,
             begged
             his
             diversion
             ,
             and
             endeavoured
             to
             wave
             the
             discourse
             ;
             but
             the
             more
             he
             avoided
             it
             ,
             the
             more
             hotly
             was
             he
             prest
             by
             the
             Minister
             ,
             whereupon
             the
             young
             Italian
             in
             a
             very
             great
             passion
             ,
             conjured
             him
             by
             all
             that
             is
             good
             ,
             to
             let
             him
             alone
             in
             peace
             with
             his
             Religion
             ,
             for
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               I
               cannot
               embrace
               yours
               ,
               and
               if
               you
               make
               me
               lose
               my
               own
               ,
               I
               will
               never
               make
               choice
               of
               any
               other
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Countrey
             fellow
             wanting
             mo●y
             ,
             came
             to
             Rome
             ,
             and
             there
             offered
             his
             Ass
             to
             sale
             ;
             he
             quickly
             met
             with
             a
             Chapman
             ,
             who
             (
             having
             agreed
             about
             the
             price
             )
             demanded
             of
             the
             Country-man
             ,
             very
             seriously
             ,
             what
             bad
             ,
             or
             good
             conditions
             the
             Ass
             had
             in
             him
             ,
             
               I
               will
               assure
               you
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               there
               is
               not
               a
               better
            
             Ass
             in
             Italy
             ;
             say
             you
             so
             (
             
               said
               the
               other
            
             )
             
               nay
               then
               I
               le
               promise
               you
               this
               ,
               if
               I
               find
               him
               as
               good
               as
               you
               say
               ,
               I
               will
               be
               not
               only
               a
               friend
               to
               him
               ,
               but
               a
               Brother
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Poor
             pittiful
             Bore
             ,
             in
             process
             of
             time
             became
             a
             rich
             Burgo-master
             ,
             who
             one
             day
             walking
             in
             the
             streets
             was
             accosted
             by
             such
             another
             Tatterdemalion
             as
             himself
             was
             formerly
             ,
             and
             one
             of
             his
             intimate
             acquaintance
             ;
             this
             upstart
             Burgo-master
             walked
             stately
             on
             ,
             taking
             no
             notice
             of
             him
             ;
             this
             made
             my
             Jag-rag
             the
             more
             pressing
             ,
             and
             pulling
             him
             by
             the
             Sleeve
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               Old
               friend
               ,
               what
               don't
               you
               know
               me
               ?
            
             (
             the
             other
             replyed
             hastily
             ,
             and
             with
             an
             austere
             countenance
             )
             
               How
               the
               Devil
               should
               I
               know
               or
               remember
               thee
               ,
               since
               I
               have
               forgot
               my
               own
               self
               ,
               being
               obliged
               by
               my
               grandeur
               to
               take
               no
               cognisance
               of
               the
               vileness
               of
               thy
               condition
               ,
               and
               the
            
             quondam
             
               poverty
               of
               my
               own
            
             .
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             of
             good
             quality
             in
             Paris
             ,
             and
             a
             great
             amorist
             ,
             was
             also
             very
             Phlegmatick
             ,
             (
             t
             is
             strange
             two
             such
             contrary
             Elements
             should
             agree
             in
             one
             body
             :
             )
             I
             say
             this
             Monsieur
             ,
             one
             day
             ,
             being
             in
             the
             Society
             of
             some
             Ladies
             ,
             fixt
             his
             eyes
             upon
             one
             of
             an
             extraordinary
             beauty
             ,
             in
             such
             sort
             ,
             that
             they
             were
             never
             withdrawn
             from
             her
             ,
             but
             when
             he
             returned
             about
             to
             spit
             ,
             by
             reason
             
             of
             the
             continual
             overflowing
             of
             his
             mouth
             :
             this
             Gentlewoman
             frequently
             observing
             the
             watering
             of
             his
             mouth
             ,
             smilingly
             demanded
             of
             him
             the
             cause
             ,
             who
             cunningly
             answered
             her
             ,
             that
             his
             mouth
             watered
             being
             near
             so
             delicate
             and
             choice
             abit
             ,
             yet
             dare
             not
             taste
             thereof
             ;
             
               If
               so
               Sir
            
             ,
             (
             said
             she
             briskly
             )
             
               stand
               further
               off
               ,
               and
               do
               not
               approach
               nearer
               ,
               least
               you
               be
               turned
               into
               that
               watery
               Element
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Countrey
             fellow
             designed
             one
             night
             to
             rob
             a
             Gentlemans
             Orchard
             ,
             and
             being
             just
             got
             up
             into
             a
             Tree
             he
             saw
             two
             approaching
             towards
             him
             (
             which
             were
             the
             Servant-man
             and
             Chamber-maid
             of
             the
             House
             )
             the
             sight
             of
             these
             persons
             made
             him
             lye
             as
             covert
             as
             he
             could
             ,
             whereas
             on
             the
             other
             side
             these
             Amorists
             eagerly
             pursuing
             their
             sport
             ,
             did
             not
             discover
             the
             Fellow
             in
             the
             Tree
             ,
             under
             which
             they
             had
             past
             so
             many
             amorous
             Careers
             ;
             and
             being
             now
             wearied
             ,
             the
             Chamber-maid
             had
             time
             to
             vent
             these
             fears
             her
             resistless
             Appetite
             would
             not
             admit
             into
             her
             thoughts
             before
             ,
             in
             this
             manner
             ,
             
               Dear
               heart
               ,
               you
               have
               had
               your
               will
               against
               my
               will
               ,
               and
               what
               if
               I
               should
               now
               prove
               with
               Child
               ?
               what
               will
               
               become
               of
               it
               ,
               and
               me
               ?
               prythee
               ?
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               Take
               no
               care
               for
               that
               ,
               there
               is
               one
               above
               will
               make
            
             (
             no
             doubt
             )
             
               sufficient
               provision
               for
               you
               both
            
             :
             the
             Fellow
             in
             the
             Tree
             hearing
             this
             ,
             and
             being
             glad
             of
             this
             opportunity
             to
             scare
             them
             away
             ,
             that
             he
             might
             the
             better
             accomplish
             his
             Thieving
             design
             ,
             spoke
             indifferently
             loud
             ;
             saying
             ,
             
               I
               'le
               see
               you
               hang'd
               e're
               I
               'le
               maintain
               any
               Whore
               of
               you
               all
               ,
               and
               if
               I
               do
               keep
               any
               Bastards
               ,
               to
               be
               sure
               they
               shall
               be
               of
               my
               own
               begetting
               .
            
          
           
             JUst
             as
             the
             Sermon
             was
             ended
             in
             a
             Church
             at
             Amsterdam
             ,
             it
             hapned
             that
             two
             
               Roman
               Catholicks
            
             entered
             therein
             ;
             a
             Burgess
             seeing
             them
             ,
             took
             his
             friend
             by
             the
             hand
             ,
             who
             knew
             them
             very
             well
             ;
             look
             there
             said
             he
             ,
             
               as
               the
               Children
               of
               Light
               are
               going
               out
               of
               the
               Church
               ,
               the
               Children
               of
               Darkness
               are
               entering
               in
            
             ;
             one
             of
             these
             Catholicks
             hearing
             this
             ,
             shortly
             and
             sharply
             replyed
             ,
             
               you
               have
               deprived
               us
               of
               our
               Light
               ,
               and
               we
               are
               forced
               to
               seek
               after
               it
               whilst
               we
               are
               in
               Darkness
            
             ;
             intimating
             the
             particular
             restraint
             laid
             on
             
               Roman
               Catholicks
            
             by
             the
             Hollander
             ,
             more
             strict
             then
             on
             any
             other
             Religion
             .
          
           
           
             WIthin
             one
             of
             the
             Provinces
             of
             the
             
               Vnited
               Neatherlands
            
             there
             lived
             a
             Mercenary
             Scribler
             ,
             who
             wrote
             a
             
               Pasquil
               ,
               or
               Defamatory
               Libel
            
             against
             the
             house
             of
             Austria
             ,
             and
             presented
             it
             to
             the
             Governour
             of
             the
             same
             place
             ,
             which
             was
             a
             person
             of
             the
             most
             Ancient
             Family
             of
             Nassaw
             .
          
           
             The
             Governor
             having
             read
             it
             ,
             dissembled
             his
             displeasure
             ,
             but
             with
             a
             kind
             of
             feigned
             smile
             ,
             told
             him
             ,
             that
             his
             Invective
             was
             as
             sharp
             as
             could
             be
             imagined
             .
             Sir
             ,
             
               said
               the
               Author
               ,
               I
               have
               one
               in
               the
               Press
               ,
               as
               sharp
               again
            
             ;
             let
             me
             see
             it
             said
             the
             Governor
             :
             this
             Libellous
             Author
             ,
             thinking
             he
             should
             be
             highly
             rewarded
             ,
             brought
             him
             this
             second
             Copy
             ;
             in
             which
             was
             writ
             ,
             as
             in
             the
             former
             ,
             a
             Thousand
             notorious
             and
             scandalous
             lyes
             ,
             not
             sparing
             the
             bespattering
             of
             the
             then
             vertuous
             Infanta
             with
             lewd
             Reproach
             and
             Obloquy
             ;
             not
             omitting
             the
             King
             ,
             Emperour
             ,
             &c.
             
             The
             Governor
             hardly
             forbearing
             the
             concealment
             of
             his
             great
             indignation
             ,
             bid
             him
             come
             in
             the
             afternoon
             ,
             and
             his
             reward
             should
             be
             ready
             :
             taking
             his
             leave
             of
             his
             Excellency
             ,
             he
             returns
             home
             to
             his
             
             Friends
             ,
             further
             fraught
             with
             joy
             and
             hopes
             ,
             than
             an
             
               East-India
               Ship
            
             with
             Pepper
             ,
             comes
             at
             the
             time
             appointed
             .
             He
             went
             to
             wait
             for
             his
             Reward
             ,
             and
             the
             Governor
             hearing
             of
             the
             coming
             of
             this
             Libeller
             ,
             ordered
             him
             to
             go
             up
             such
             a
             pair
             of
             stairs
             ,
             and
             there
             he
             should
             meet
             with
             a
             person
             should
             give
             him
             his
             due
             ;
             coming
             to
             the
             top
             of
             the
             stairs
             ,
             he
             was
             asked
             ,
             whether
             he
             was
             the
             man
             that
             wrote
             the
             Libel
             ,
             he
             answered
             very
             jollily
             ,
             
               That
               he
               was
               the
               Person
               that
               had
               serv'd
               his
               Countrey
               with
               his
               Pen
               ,
               though
               he
               could
               not
               with
               his
               Sword
               :
               and
               that
               he
               had
            
             (
             he
             thought
             )
             
               painted
               the
               King
               of
            
             Spain
             ,
             and
             Emperor
             
               to
               the
               Life
               ,
               in
               their
               own
               proper
               Colours
               :
            
             pray
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             come
             in
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             I
             have
             order
             to
             give
             you
             double
             recompence
             ;
             where
             presently
             he
             was
             seized
             by
             half
             a
             dozen
             strong
             Fellows
             ,
             and
             being
             strip'd
             they
             gave
             him
             forty
             lashes
             on
             the
             bare
             back
             with
             a
             
               Cat
               of
               nine
               tails
            
             ,
             and
             were
             laid
             on
             by
             remembering
             him
             ,
             that
             the
             first
             was
             for
             the
             Emperour
             :
             The
             second
             for
             the
             King
             of
             Spain
             :
             The
             third
             for
             the
             Infanta
             :
             And
             the
             fourth
             for
             
               Marquis
               Spinola
            
             :
             And
             so
             oven
             with
             them
             again
             ,
             till
             the
             number
             was
             expired
             ;
             at
             which
             time
             the
             Governour
             came
             
             in
             and
             told
             him
             ,
             that
             this
             Punishment
             was
             the
             least
             of
             desert
             ,
             for
             abusing
             so
             Illustrious
             a
             House
             as
             that
             of
             Austria
             ,
             and
             that
             though
             an
             Enemie
             ,
             yet
             should
             not
             be
             abused
             with
             the
             scandalous
             Reproaches
             of
             every
             lying
             Pamphleter
             ,
             
               Let
               all
               such
               ,
               like
               this
               ,
            
             wear
             their
             reward
             
               on
               their
               backs
               ,
               and
               not
               in
               their
               purses
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Certain
             Switzer
             ,
             a
             Soldier
             and
             
               Roman
               Catholick
            
             ,
             being
             in
             France
             ,
             was
             solicited
             by
             some
             French
             Gentleman
             to
             go
             with
             them
             into
             Holland
             to
             serve
             the
             States
             .
             Having
             demanded
             of
             them
             if
             the
             Hollanders
             were
             Catholicks
             ,
             and
             they
             affirming
             to
             him
             they
             were
             ,
             he
             readily
             condescended
             to
             their
             Proposition
             .
             Being
             in
             the
             Army
             of
             the
             Prince
             of
             Orange
             in
             the
             Field
             ,
             and
             seeing
             no
             Priests
             ,
             Monks
             ,
             Altars
             ,
             nor
             Images
             ,
             he
             went
             and
             told
             his
             Captain
             
               that
               he
               was
               meerly
               deluded
               ,
               and
               that
               he
               could
               never
               serve
               the
            
             Hugonots
             
               against
               the
            
             Catholicks
             ,
             
               but
               against
               his
               Conscience
            
             ;
             the
             Captain
             seeing
             him
             refractory
             ,
             and
             would
             not
             march
             ,
             he
             Caned
             him
             sufficiently
             ,
             but
             the
             Swiss
             regarded
             it
             not
             ;
             crying
             out
             ,
             
               that
               he
               had
               rather
               dye
               ,
               then
               bear
               Armes
               against
               his
               Religion
            
             ;
             at
             that
             
             very
             instant
             the
             Prince
             of
             Orange
             came
             by
             ,
             and
             understanding
             the
             matter
             ,
             caused
             the
             Swiss
             to
             be
             brought
             before
             him
             ,
             and
             commanding
             him
             to
             be
             disarmed
             ,
             he
             furnished
             him
             with
             Tabor
             and
             Pipe
             ,
             with
             several
             antick
             baubles
             ;
             saying
             ,
             
               Go
               Soldier
               ,
               since
               thou
               wilt
               not
               bare
               Armes
               against
               the
               Catholicks
               ,
               carry
               these
               pretty
               knacks
               to
               them
               ,
               to
               add
               to
               the
               number
               of
               their
               Religious
               Fopperies
               .
            
          
           
             THere
             was
             a
             pleasant
             Comical
             Dog-whipper
             of
             a
             Church
             ,
             who
             on
             the
             Week-days
             carried
             Turfs
             in
             Amsterdam
             ,
             this
             man
             had
             a
             great
             mind
             to
             see
             Antwerp
             ,
             and
             takeing
             his
             Wife
             along
             with
             him
             ,
             made
             a
             journy
             thither
             ;
             having
             seen
             the
             famous
             Churches
             ,
             the
             Citadel
             ,
             and
             other
             things
             remarkable
             ,
             they
             went
             to
             the
             Tavern
             ,
             intending
             to
             drink
             some
             Wine
             ;
             having
             possest
             themselves
             of
             a
             Room
             ,
             the
             Maid●servant
             (
             well
             bread
             )
             made
             a
             very
             low
             courtsie
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               What
               will
               you
               be
               pleased
               to
               drink
               Seignior
               ?
            
             at
             which
             ,
             this
             
               Turf
               Porter
            
             ,
             confounded
             with
             so
             great
             an
             honour
             ,
             whispered
             his
             Wife
             in
             the
             ear
             ,
             
               How
               comes
               this
               Kate
               ?
               a
            
             Seignior
             at
             Antwerp
             ,
             
               and
               a
            
             Dog-whiper
             in
             Amsterdam
             ;
             
             certainly
             (
             speaking
             still
             low
             )
             
               I
               will
               not
               behave
               my self
               unworthy
               of
               this
               honour
            
             (
             then
             raising
             his
             voice
             )
             
               go
               fetch
               me
               a
               P●ttle
               of
               Wine
            
             ;
             at
             this
             his
             Wife
             cryed
             out
             ,
             why
             John
             ,
             
               what
               mean
               you
            
             John
             ,
             
               we
               have
               not
               money
               enough
               to
               do
               it
               ;
               what
               of
               all
               that
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               it
               is
               but
               ingageing
               my
               honour
               ,
               I
               will
               pay
               it
               next
               time
               I
               come
               to
            
             Antwerp
             ;
             
               in
               the
               mean
               time
               I
               must
               acknowledg
               these
               people
               more
               justly
               civil
               ,
               and
               respectful
               ,
               then
               my
               own
               Country-men
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             day
             some
             witty
             Drolls
             met
             with
             this
             Dog-whipper
             ,
             who
             askt
             whether
             he
             would
             not
             be
             content
             to
             change
             his
             double
             Employment
             ,
             for
             the
             single
             one
             ,
             of
             being
             a
             Secretary
             of
             some
             Town
             in
             Holland
             ;
             at
             which
             question
             he
             fell
             into
             such
             a
             loud
             fit
             of
             laughter
             ,
             that
             the
             Company
             could
             not
             forbear
             laughing
             to
             see
             such
             a
             variety
             of
             Grimaces
             in
             his
             face
             ,
             which
             when
             it
             grew
             a
             little
             calmer
             ,
             Gentlemen
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               my
               shoulders
               are
               broad
               and
               strong
               enough
               to
               bear
               a
               hundred
               maunds
               of
               Truf
               a
               day
               ,
               but
               my
               Head
               ,
               although
               it
               be
               big
               enough
               ,
               or
               as
               some
               say
               ,
               too
               big
               ;
               yet
               is
               it
               to
               weak
               and
               feeble
               to
               carry
               a
               secret
               one
               quarter
               of
               an
               hour
               :
               besides
               ,
               I
               have
               heard
               ,
            
             Secretaries
             
             
               what
               to
               abstain
               from
               ●ine
               ;
               for
               my
               part
               ,
               I
               should
               sell
               all
               the
               secrets
               of
               my
               Noddle
               for
               one
               Poule
               .
            
             That
             man's
             most
             happy
             that
             is
             contented
             with
             his
             own
             ,
             and
             covets
             not
             anothers
             Fortune
             .
          
           
             THere
             is
             a
             Village
             in
             Holland
             at
             the
             end
             whereof
             stands
             a
             Church
             built
             by
             the
             command
             of
             St.
             Villebrord
             .
             One
             day
             some
             of
             the
             foolish
             Paisantry
             of
             the
             Town
             were
             got
             together
             in
             a
             Tavern
             ,
             where
             amongst
             other
             of
             their
             ridiculous
             discourse
             ,
             there
             was
             a
             grand
             consultation
             how
             they
             should
             make
             the
             Church
             stand
             in
             the
             middle
             of
             the
             Town
             ,
             the
             one
             propounded
             this
             way
             ,
             and
             another
             that
             way
             ,
             and
             both
             contradicted
             by
             a
             third
             ,
             as
             a
             thing
             impossible
             ;
             at
             length
             one
             stands
             up
             with
             much
             Gravity
             ,
             Brethren
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               I
               think
               you
               are
               all
               mistaken
               ,
               therefore
               my
               advice
               is
               th●
               ,
               seeing
               the
               Church
               cannot
               be
               removed
               (
               &
               yet
               you
               would
               have
               the
               fulfilling
               of
               your
               desres
               )
               build
               as
               many
               Houses
               beyond
               it
               ,
               as
               there
               are
               on
               this
               side
               thereof
               ,
               and
               then
               you
               will
               find
               the
               Church
               stand
               just
               in
               the
               middle
               of
               the
               Town
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Certain
             Minister
             of
             the
             Reformed
             Religion
             ,
             Preaching
             one
             Sabbath
             day
             in
             Amsterdam
             ,
             took
             an
             occasion
             to
             loose
             his
             Text
             ,
             that
             he
             might
             find
             out
             a
             digressive
             discourse
             on
             the
             Magistrates
             of
             that
             City
             ,
             several
             whereof
             were
             present
             at
             that
             time
             ;
             in
             his
             Sermon
             ,
             he
             first
             proved
             ,
             that
             
               Magistrates
               were
               as
               Gods
               on
               Earth
               ,
               and
               that
               the
               Ministers
               were
               as
               Angels
               ;
               after
               this
               he
               much
               inveighed
               against
               the
               supiness
               and
               carelesness
               of
               the
               former
               ,
               in
               suffering
            
             Popish
             Idolatry
             
               to
               be
               so
               openly
               professed
               ,
               with
               Judaism
               ,
            
             &c.
             
             
               And
               his
               Zeal
               prompted
               him
               to
               say
               ,
               that
               they
               should
               one
               day
               be
               answerable
               for
               their
               negligence
               ,
               reproving
               them
               also
               for
               many
               notorious
               Sins
               ,
               &c
            
             After
             Sermon
             ,
             some
             of
             the
             Magistrates
             sent
             for
             him
             ,
             and
             having
             severely
             checkt
             him
             for
             his
             Insolence
             ,
             and
             seditious
             Eloquence
             ,
             told
             him
             ,
             
               that
               if
               he
               ever
               did
               the
               like
               ,
               that
               though
               be
               made
               them
               Gods
               ,
               they
               would
               make
               a
               Devil
               of
               him
               ,
               and
               throw
               him
               out
               of
               the
               Paradise
               of
               his
               Living
               ,
               into
               the
               Hell
               of
               a
               Dungeon
               ?
            
          
           
           
             THere
             was
             a
             Rodomontado
             in
             Paris
             ,
             who
             huft
             after
             so
             strange
             a
             rate
             ,
             that
             he
             pretended
             ,
             he
             could
             out-do
             all
             the
             wonderful
             exploits
             performed
             by
             the
             chief
             ancient
             Masters
             of
             Knight-errantry
             :
             this
             vaunting
             made
             him
             terrible
             to
             such
             as
             knew
             him
             not
             .
             One
             day
             being
             in
             company
             ,
             he
             was
             strangely
             admired
             by
             all
             ,
             saving
             a
             Picard
             ,
             who
             shewed
             him
             little
             or
             no
             respect
             ,
             not
             so
             much
             out
             of
             design
             ,
             as
             for
             want
             of
             breeding
             .
             This
             Rodomontado
             ,
             observing
             the
             slighting
             of
             the
             Picard
             ,
             began
             to
             swell
             ,
             being
             in
             a
             mighty
             Passion
             ;
             and
             reproach'd
             the
             Picard
             for
             his
             Clownery
             in
             not
             paying
             that
             due
             respect
             to
             his
             person
             ,
             which
             was
             the
             merit
             of
             his
             vertue
             ;
             the
             Picard
             told
             him
             bluntly
             ,
             that
             if
             others
             worshipped
             an
             Ass
             ,
             he
             was
             not
             bound
             to
             do
             the
             like
             .
             How
             said
             the
             Rodomontado
             ,
             darest
             thou
             speak
             to
             me
             without
             trembling
             ?
             Thou
             shalt
             repent
             for
             this
             ;
             to
             which
             the
             other
             replyed
             ,
             
               he
               feared
               him
               not
            
             ;
             nay
             ,
             then
             said
             this
             Rodomontado
             I
             see
             thou
             art
             weary
             of
             thy
             Life
             ;
             meet
             me
             to
             morrow
             ,
             at
             such
             a
             place
             ,
             singly
             ,
             and
             there
             I
             will
             do
             thee
             the
             kindness
             to
             dispatch
             thee
             out
             of
             thy
             pain
             .
             The
             
             Picard
             told
             him
             resolutely
             ,
             
               He
               would
               meet
               him
               with
               his
               Sword
               ;
               and
               accordingly
               ,
               the
               next
               morning
               early
               ,
               he
               went
               into
               the
               Field
               ,
               and
               having
               waited
               there
               about
               two
               hours
               ,
               at
               length
               comes
               the
            
             Rodomontado
             Scare-Crow
             ,
             who
             made
             such
             a
             noise
             as
             he
             came
             ,
             that
             he
             frighted
             all
             the
             Birds
             from
             their
             Nests
             and
             Coverts
             as
             he
             past
             through
             the
             Forrest
             of
             Fontain-bleau
             .
             As
             soon
             as
             he
             saw
             the
             Picard
             he
             made
             a
             thousand
             Grimaces
             ,
             and
             as
             many
             Bravadoes
             ;
             asking
             him
             at
             a
             great
             distance
             whether
             he
             was
             apprehensive
             of
             death
             ,
             or
             whether
             he
             long'd
             to
             dye
             .
             Advance
             nearer
             said
             the
             Picard
             ,
             and
             I
             will
             quickly
             inform
             you
             .
             Hereupon
             the
             Rodomontado
             stood
             still
             ,
             and
             asked
             him
             whether
             he
             had
             a
             Wife
             and
             Children
             ,
             yes
             ,
             yes
             ,
             said
             the
             Picard
             ,
             but
             what
             is
             that
             to
             our
             purpose
             ?
             come
             draw
             ,
             ha
             ,
             (
             
               said
               the
               Rodomontado
            
             )
             I
             am
             sorry
             that
             thy
             Wife
             must
             be
             a
             Widdow
             ,
             and
             thy
             Children
             Orphans
             ;
             for
             I
             am
             invincible
             ,
             and
             have
             al●ready
             slain
             with
             this
             Right
             hand
             above
             ten
             Thousand
             Cavaliers
             :
             Hadst
             thou
             (
             
               said
               the
               Picard
               )
               fought
               the
               Devil
               ,
               and
               kil'd
               his
               Grand-Child
               in
               single
               Combat
               ,
               yet
               would
               I
               fight
               thee
               ,
               therefore
               defend
               thy self
               ,
               or
               thou
               art
               a
               dead
               
               man
               :
            
             at
             this
             our
             bouncing
             Cavalier
             drew
             back
             ,
             crying
             out
             to
             the
             Picard
             to
             have
             a
             little
             patience
             ;
             but
             the
             Picard's
             Passion
             it
             seemes
             had
             no
             ears
             ,
             and
             began
             to
             lay
             about
             him
             stoutly
             ,
             the
             Rodomontado
             seeing
             in
             what
             danger
             he
             was
             in
             ,
             beg'd
             the
             Picard
             to
             hear
             him
             but
             one
             word
             ;
             I
             see
             (
             said
             he
             )
             that
             thou
             art
             a
             brave
             fellow
             ,
             and
             what
             a
             pity
             is
             it
             then
             ,
             that
             thou
             should'st
             fall
             by
             my
             arm
             ;
             come
             ,
             I
             am
             generous
             and
             mercifull
             ,
             beg
             then
             thy
             Life
             ,
             and
             I
             will
             give
             it
             thee
             ;
             
               I
               scorn
               it
               ,
               said
               the
            
             Picard
             ,
             
               therefore
               once
               more
               guard
               thy self
               ,
               or
               I
               'le
               run
               thee
               through
            
             ;
             Nay
             then
             replyed
             the
             
               Rodomontado
               ,
               since
               thou
               wilt
               not
               demand
               thy
               Life
               of
               me
               ,
               I
               'le
               beg
               mine
               of
               thee
               :
            
             which
             last
             words
             so
             tickled
             the
             P●eard
             with
             laughter
             ,
             that
             he
             could
             not
             find
             in
             his
             heart
             to
             do
             him
             any
             further
             mischief
             .
          
           
             TWo
             Gentlemen
             drinking
             at
             a
             Tavern
             at
             the
             Hague
             very
             smartly
             ,
             the
             one
             accus'd
             the
             other
             for
             not
             doing
             him
             reason
             ,
             the
             other
             told
             him
             he
             lyed
             ,
             and
             gave
             him
             a
             box
             on
             the
             ear
             ;
             hereupon
             commenced
             a
             Challenge
             ,
             although
             they
             were
             both
             so
             Drunk
             
             that
             they
             knew
             not
             how
             to
             name
             their
             Weapons
             they
             were
             to
             fight
             with
             .
             The
             next
             morning
             they
             met
             ,
             but
             knew
             not
             upon
             what
             grounds
             they
             were
             to
             fight
             .
             And
             therefore
             instead
             of
             fighting
             fell
             to
             capitulateing
             ,
             both
             protesting
             they
             knew
             not
             the
             cause
             of
             the
             Quarrel
             ;
             a
             Person
             standing
             by
             ,
             who
             was
             concerned
             as
             a
             Second
             ,
             told
             them
             ,
             
               He
               knew
               nothing
               but
               the
               Wine
               which
               bred
               the
               difference
               :
            
             If
             that
             be
             all
             said
             the
             Combatants
             ,
             
               The
               Wine
               that
               made
               us
               fall
               out
               ,
               shall
               make
               us
               fall
               in
               again
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             
               English
               Lord
               ,
               and
               French
               Monsieur
            
             were
             deeply
             engaged
             in
             a
             Controversie
             ,
             which
             was
             the
             best
             Religion
             ;
             many
             arguments
             were
             produced
             pro
             and
             con
             ,
             at
             length
             Monsieur
             appeal'd
             to
             a
             Great
             man
             that
             was
             (
             as
             he
             thought
             )
             of
             his
             own
             perswasion
             ;
             whether
             he
             had
             not
             produced
             invincible
             Arguments
             in
             confirmation
             of
             the
             verity
             of
             his
             Religion
             .
             
               Of
               mine
            
             (
             said
             this
             Noble
             man
             )
             
               you
               mistake
               Sir
               ,
               I
               am
               as
               yet
               of
               none
               at
               all
               ,
               nor
               never
               like
               to
               be
               of
               any
               ,
               till
               our
               Teachers
               ,
               Schoolmen
               ,
               Learned
               Divines
               ,
               Jesuits
               ,
               and
               such
               ,
               who
               for
               sever
               all
               Ages
               have
               disputed
               ,
               are
               agreed
               which
               of
               all
               Religions
               is
               the
               snrest
               Guide
               to
               Heaven
               .
            
          
           
           
             THe
             Vice-Roy
             of
             Naples
             in
             a
             great
             Siege
             ,
             made
             a
             strict
             Order
             ,
             wherein
             it
             was
             adjudged
             death
             for
             any
             man
             above
             ,
             and
             under
             such
             an
             age
             ,
             to
             walk
             in
             any
             part
             of
             the
             City
             without
             a
             Sword
             ,
             one
             day
             as
             himself
             and
             retinue
             were
             Riding
             through
             the
             City
             ,
             to
             see
             how
             well
             this
             Order
             was
             observed
             ,
             he
             saw
             a
             Gentleman
             without
             a
             Sword
             ,
             who
             was
             presently
             brought
             before
             the
             Vice-Roy
             ,
             and
             then
             was
             the
             Order
             read
             ,
             and
             for
             contempt
             thereof
             ,
             was
             Sentenced
             to
             dye
             ;
             and
             because
             he
             was
             a
             Gentleman
             he
             was
             to
             be
             slain
             by
             the
             next
             Gentleman
             that
             past
             that
             way
             ;
             it
             was
             not
             long
             ere
             one
             appear'd
             ,
             exactly
             qualyfied
             for
             the
             business
             to
             outward
             appearance
             ,
             though
             it
             proved
             otherwise
             ,
             for
             this
             Gentleman
             had
             been
             Gaming
             ,
             and
             had
             lost
             not
             only
             all
             his
             money
             ,
             but
             the
             very
             blade
             of
             his
             Sword
             ,
             and
             had
             instead
             thereof
             ,
             fixt
             to
             the
             Hilt
             a
             Wooden
             Blade
             ,
             not
             daring
             to
             go
             home
             without
             the
             resemblance
             of
             a
             Sword
             by
             his
             side
             ;
             this
             Gentleman
             was
             stop'd
             by
             the
             way
             ,
             and
             made
             acquainted
             with
             the
             Vice-Roy's
             
             evere
             sentence
             ,
             who
             hearing
             it
             ,
             &
             know
             sing
             his
             own
             insufficiency
             ,
             was
             extream●y
             startled
             ,
             and
             withall
             ,
             with
             much
             eagerness
             ,
             prest
             the
             Vice-Roy
             to
             excuse
             him
             ,
             alledging
             ,
             that
             should
             he
             be
             made
             an
             Executioner
             ,
             it
             would
             be
             a
             perpetual
             stain
             to
             his
             Family
             ;
             all
             his
             supplications
             availed
             nothing
             ,
             so
             that
             he
             must
             do
             the
             Work
             ;
             in
             order
             thereunto
             he
             stript
             himself
             of
             his
             loose
             Garments
             ,
             and
             after
             this
             devoutly
             kneel'd
             ,
             praying
             that
             God
             would
             forgive
             him
             for
             what
             he
             was
             going
             about
             ,
             &c.
             
             But
             particularly
             prayed
             ,
             
               That
               if
               the
               Gentleman
               ought
               not
               to
               dye
               ,
               that
               his
               Sword
               myraculously
               might
               be
               turn'd
               into
               wood
            
             ;
             having
             ended
             his
             prayer
             ,
             he
             arose
             ,
             and
             whiping
             out
             his
             Sword
             to
             run
             the
             Gentleman
             through
             ;
             (
             who
             stood
             ready
             prepared
             to
             receive
             the
             Thrust
             )
             his
             Sword
             appeared
             a
             shaved
             Lath
             to
             all
             the
             Spectators
             ;
             hereupon
             the
             dying
             Gentleman
             was
             released
             with
             much
             Joy
             ,
             the
             
               Wooden
               Sword
            
             was
             carried
             with
             much
             Solemnity
             ,
             and
             hung
             up
             in
             the
             Cathedral
             Church
             ,
             as
             a
             true
             link
             to
             the
             Chain
             of
             
               Popish
               Miracles
            
             .
          
           
           
             A
             
               Protestant
               and
               Roman
               Catholick
            
             were
             arguing
             at
             Paris
             about
             the
             Popes
             Infallibility
             ;
             the
             Priest
             said
             ,
             that
             the
             Pope
             may
             Erre
             as
             a
             man
             ,
             but
             not
             as
             a
             
               Pope
               ;
               I
               would
               fain
               know
            
             (
             said
             the
             Gentleman
             )
             
               Why
               the
            
             Pope
             
               doth
               not
               instruct
               ,
               or
               reform
               the
               Man
               ,
               or
               wherefore
               the
               Man
               doth
               not
               require
               the
            
             Popes
             Instruction
             .
          
           
             A
             Common
             Strumpet
             got
             a
             Warrant
             for
             a
             man
             ,
             from
             whom
             she
             hoped
             to
             squeese
             some
             mony
             ,
             and
             carried
             him
             before
             a
             Justice
             who
             demanded
             of
             the
             Man
             whether
             he
             was
             guilty
             of
             what
             was
             alledged
             against
             him
             ,
             the
             man
             protesting
             Innocency
             ;
             saying
             further
             ,
             Mr.
             Justice
             ,
             this
             Woman
             hath
             the
             repute
             of
             a
             common
             Whore
             ;
             if
             so
             ,
             suppose
             I
             had
             to
             do
             with
             her
             ,
             how
             can
             she
             say
             that
             I
             am
             the
             proper
             Father
             of
             the
             Bastard
             ,
             since
             she
             deals
             with
             so
             many
             continually
             ;
             thou
             say'st
             well
             (
             said
             the
             Justice
             ,
             and
             speaking
             to
             the
             Woman
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               thou
               mayst
               as
               well
               going
               through
               a
               Thorn
               Hedg
               ,
               tell
               certainly
               which
               Thorn
               pricked
               thee
               ;
               and
               so
               give
               the
               man
               his
               discharge
               .
            
          
           
           
             THe
             Governor
             of
             Maestricht
             had
             a
             great
             love
             for
             a
             young
             Captain
             of
             his
             ,
             which
             had
             never
             been
             tryed
             during
             the
             late
             Siege
             by
             English
             and
             French
             ;
             on
             a
             time
             ,
             he
             was
             Commanded
             with
             a
             party
             to
             make
             a
             
               Mock
               Sally
            
             ,
             but
             as
             soon
             as
             ever
             he
             came
             within
             sight
             of
             the
             Enemy
             ,
             he
             squatted
             behind
             the
             Walls
             of
             some
             old
             Ruins
             ;
             coming
             into
             the
             Garrison
             ,
             he
             was
             not
             only
             publickly
             laughed
             at
             ,
             but
             was
             accused
             for
             a
             Coward
             to
             the
             Governor
             ,
             who
             being
             more
             willing
             to
             bring
             this
             Captain
             off
             with
             Credit
             ,
             then
             he
             brought
             off
             himself
             ,
             told
             them
             thus
             ;
             
               If
               this
               Captain
               went
               upon
               a
            
             Mock
             Sally
             ,
             
               then
               the
               worst
               you
               can
               say
               ,
               he
               is
               but
               a
            
             Mock
             Coward
             ,
             
               and
               if
               he
               had
               not
               so
               plaid
               the
               fool
               and
               Coward
               in
               jest
               ,
               I
               would
               have
               punished
               him
               in
               earnest
               .
            
          
           
             A
             
               Lphonso
               Cartillo
            
             was
             informed
             by
             his
             Steward
             of
             the
             greatness
             of
             his
             expence
             ,
             and
             that
             it
             was
             inconsistent
             with
             his
             Estate
             ,
             but
             particularly
             the
             number
             of
             his
             Servants
             was
             too
             great
             ,
             whereupon
             the
             Bishop
             made
             him
             draw
             up
             a
             note
             of
             such
             as
             were
             necessary
             ,
             and
             such
             as
             were
             not
             ;
             that
             being
             
             done
             ,
             he
             summoned
             all
             his
             Servants
             together
             ,
             and
             reading
             the
             note
             ,
             seperated
             them
             ;
             then
             said
             ,
             
               These
               I
               have
               need
               of
               ,
               and
               therefore
               they
               must
               continue
               ;
               These
               have
               need
               of
               me
               ,
               and
               therefore
               they
               must
               remain
               also
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Thief
             being
             Arraigned
             at
             Bar
             ,
             before
             a
             Lieutenant
             ,
             Criminal
             for
             stealing
             a
             Horse
             ,
             in
             his
             Pleading
             ,
             urged
             many
             things
             in
             his
             own
             behalf
             ,
             but
             particularly
             ,
             he
             insisted
             on
             this
             ,
             
               That
               the
               Horse
               stold
               him
               ,
               and
               not
               he
               the
               Horse
               :
            
             How
             can
             that
             be
             said
             the
             Judge
             ?
             Thus
             ,
             said
             the
             Malefactor
             ,
             
               Passing
               along
               the
               Country
               about
               my
               Lawful
               occasions
               ,
               I
               was
               pursued
               close
               by
               a
               fierce
               Mastive
               ,
               and
               had
               no
               other
               means
               to
               escape
               his
               fury
               but
               by
               leaping
               over
               a
               Hedge
               ,
               which
               I
               easily
               effected
               by
               my
               agility
               of
               body
               ,
               it
               hapned
               ,
               that
               a
               Horse
               stood
               on
               the
               other
               side
               of
               the
               Hedge
               ,
               and
               it
               so
               chanced
               ,
               that
               I
               leaped
               astride
               his
               back
               ,
               who
               being
               startled
               hereat
               ,
               ran
               clear
               away
               with
               me
               ,
               and
               could
               not
               stop
               him
               by
               any
               means
               ,
               until
               he
               came
               to
               the
               next
               Town
               ;
               in
               which
               the
               right
               Owner
               of
               the
               Horse
               lived
               ,
               and
               there
               I
               was
               taken
               ,
               and
               here
               Arraigned
               .
            
          
           
           
             AFter
             that
             horrid
             Massacre
             in
             France
             on
             St.
             
             Bartholomew's
             day
             ,
             the
             Deputies
             of
             the
             Reformed
             Religion
             Treated
             with
             the
             King
             for
             Peace
             ;
             both
             sides
             were
             agreed
             upon
             the
             Articles
             ,
             the
             question
             was
             upon
             the
             Security
             of
             the
             performance
             :
             after
             some
             particulars
             propounded
             and
             rejected
             ,
             the
             
               Queen
               Mother
            
             said
             ,
             
               Why
               is
               not
               the
               Word
               of
               a
               King
               sufficient
               security
               ?
            
             One
             of
             the
             Deputies
             answered
             ,
             
               no
               by
               St.
            
             Bartholonrew
             .
          
           
             A
             Dutch
             Captain
             was
             commanded
             by
             his
             Colonel
             to
             go
             on
             in
             an
             Exploit
             against
             the
             French
             ,
             with
             Forces
             that
             were
             unlikely
             to
             Atchieve
             the
             Enterprize
             ,
             whereupon
             the
             Captain
             advised
             his
             Collonel
             to
             send
             but
             half
             so
             many
             men
             ;
             why
             so
             ,
             said
             the
             Collonel
             ,
             to
             send
             but
             half
             so
             many
             men
             ?
             because
             replyed
             the
             Captain
             ,
             
               they
               were
               enough
               to
               be
               knockt
               on
               the
               head
               ,
               and
               it
               is
               better
               that
               a
               few
               die
               than
               many
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Poor
             Countrey-fellow
             praying
             devoutly
             superstitious
             before
             an
             old
             Image
             of
             
               St.
               Loy
            
             ,
             the
             Image
             being
             rotten
             ,
             suddenly
             fell
             down
             upon
             the
             
             poor
             man
             ,
             and
             so
             grievously
             bruised
             him
             ,
             that
             he
             could
             not
             stir
             out
             in
             a
             Month
             after
             ;
             in
             the
             mean
             time
             ,
             the
             cheating
             Priests
             had
             set
             up
             a
             new
             Image
             in
             the
             room
             thereof
             ;
             the
             Countrey-man
             recovering
             ,
             came
             to
             the
             same
             Church
             and
             kneel'd
             again
             to
             the
             Image
             ,
             but
             at
             a
             great
             distance
             ,
             saying
             after
             this
             manner
             ;
             
               Although
               thou
               smilest
               ,
               and
               lookest
               fair
               upon
               me
               ,
               yet
               thy
               Father
               played
               me
               such
               a
               knavish
               prank
               lately
               ,
               that
               I
               will
               beware
               that
               I
               come
               not
               as
               near
               thee
               ,
               as
               I
               did
               him
               ,
               least
               thou
               shouldst
               have
               any
               of
               thy
               Fathers
               unhappy
               qualities
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Nobleman
             in
             Paris
             ,
             hearing
             of
             a
             Blind
             man
             ,
             that
             could
             play
             very
             well
             on
             the
             Flagellet
             ,
             sent
             for
             him
             ,
             and
             he
             played
             unto
             him
             till
             night
             ,
             having
             done
             ,
             the
             Nobleman
             commanded
             his
             Servant
             to
             light
             the
             Flagellet
             player
             down
             stairs
             ;
             hereupon
             the
             Servant
             replyed
             ,
             
               My
               Lord
               ,
               the
               man
               is
               blind
               :
               thou
               ignorant
               Coxcomb
            
             (
             quoth
             my
             Lord
             )
             
               he
               hath
               the
               more
               need
               of
               Light.
               
            
          
           
             AN
             
               Italian
               Doctor
            
             askt
             a
             Waterman
             ,
             whether
             he
             might
             safely
             go
             by
             water
             over
             the
             River
             Po
             ?
             the
             Fellow
             told
             
             him
             yes
             ;
             but
             the
             Doctor
             coming
             to
             the
             Water-side
             ,
             and
             finding
             it
             very
             rough
             ,
             said
             ,
             You
             Watermen
             are
             the
             veryest
             Knaves
             in
             the
             World
             ,
             for
             to
             gain
             six
             pence
             ,
             you
             care
             not
             to
             cast
             a
             man
             away
             ;
             To
             whom
             the
             Water-man
             replyed
             ;
             
               It
               appears
               Sir
               ,
               we
               are
               men
               of
               a
               cheaper
               F●urrc●ion
               ,
               and
               better
               Conscience
               than
               you
               ,
               for
               you
               sometimes
               will
               not
               cast
               a
               man
               away
               under
               Forty
               ,
               fifty
               ,
               or
               an
               hundred
               Crowns
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentlewoman
             of
             Paris
             (
             who
             was
             a
             grain
             or
             two
             too
             light
             )
             went
             to
             her
             Confessor
             ,
             and
             amongst
             other
             sins
             ,
             confessed
             chiefly
             ,
             that
             she
             was
             too
             much
             addicted
             to
             the
             society
             of
             Men
             ;
             Ah
             ,
             said
             the
             
               Fryer
               ,
               Whoredom
               is
               a
               Sin
               very
               displeasing
               to
               God
               ,
            
             I
             am
             sorry
             for
             that
             (
             quoth
             she
             )
             
               since
               it
               was
               so
               pleasing
               to
               me
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             Italian
             Captain
             haveing
             been
             a
             long
             time
             besieged
             in
             a
             place
             ,
             where
             for
             four
             Moneths
             ,
             he
             did
             eat
             nothing
             but
             Horse-flesh
             ,
             at
             length
             being
             relieved
             ,
             he
             returned
             to
             his
             former
             Mistriss
             ,
             thinking
             to
             have
             the
             same
             dalliances
             as
             formerly
             ;
             she
             understanding
             how
             he
             had
             fared
             ,
             since
             his
             departure
             ;
             hold
             (
             said
             she
             ,
             )
             
               though
               I
               have
               a
               mind
               to
               be
               
               gotten
               with
               Child
               ,
               yet
               I
               am
               resolved
               never
               to
               be
               gotten
               with
               Colt.
               
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             in
             Naples
             being
             affronted
             by
             an
             
               English
               man
            
             ,
             was
             resolved
             to
             be
             revenged
             ;
             and
             therefore
             commanded
             his
             Man
             to
             procure
             him
             a
             couple
             of
             Villains
             ,
             fit
             for
             his
             purpose
             ;
             in
             a
             little
             time
             he
             brought
             his
             Master
             two
             whose
             Faces
             were
             slasht
             and
             cut
             ;
             the
             Gentleman
             seeing
             them
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               I
               will
               have
               none
               of
               you
               ;
               but
               bring
               me
               them
               who
               gave
               you
               those
               Wounds
               ,
               and
               I
               will
               reward
               you
               .
            
          
           
             ONE
             told
             
               Pope
               Alexander
            
             the
             sixth
             ,
             that
             it
             was
             necessary
             to
             Banish
             all
             the
             Physitians
             out
             of
             Rome
             ,
             for
             they
             were
             unnecessary
             and
             dangerous
             ;
             no
             (
             said
             the
             
               Pope
               )
               they
               are
               very
               useful
               ;
               for
               without
               them
               the
               World
               would
               encrease
               so
               fast
               ,
               that
               one
               could
               not
               live
               by
               another
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Ntigonus
             invading
             Parthia
             ,
             was
             told
             that
             the
             Enemies
             had
             such
             volleys
             of
             Arrows
             to
             encounter
             him
             ,
             that
             they
             would
             darken
             the
             
               Sun
               ;
               that
               's
               well
            
             (
             say
             he
             )
             
               for
               then
               we
               shall
               fight
               in
               the
               shade
               this
               hot
               weather
               .
            
          
           
           
             UPon
             the
             departure
             of
             a
             Gentleman
             of
             good
             Note
             at
             Lyons
             in
             France
             ,
             a
             Jesuite
             stood
             by
             prompting
             the
             Gentleman
             to
             give
             to
             that
             Conuent
             he
             belong'd
             to
             ,
             such
             a
             piece
             of
             Ground
             and
             such
             a
             Mannor
             ,
             which
             the
             gentleman
             consented
             to
             ;
             the
             Son
             standing
             by
             ,
             and
             fearing
             all
             would
             be
             given
             from
             him
             ;
             said
             to
             the
             
               Jesuite
               ,
               I
               hope
               you
               will
               not
               have
               the
               Conscience
               to
               keep
               all
               this
               from
               me
            
             ;
             yes
             ,
             yes
             ,
             said
             the
             Jesuit
             ,
             the
             will
             of
             the
             dead
             must
             be
             obeyed
             ;
             say
             you
             so
             ,
             Then
             Father
             shall
             I
             break
             the
             neck
             of
             this
             Jesuit
             down
             stairs
             ?
             Do
             if
             thou
             wilt
             Son
             :
             
               Nay
               then
            
             says
             the
             Son
             ,
             
               the
               will
               of
               the
               dead
               must
               he
               obeyed
               :
            
             the
             Jesuit
             hearing
             this
             ,
             and
             seeing
             him
             in
             good
             earnest
             ,
             made
             but
             one
             step
             from
             the
             top
             of
             the
             Stairs
             to
             the
             bottom
             ,
             to
             avoid
             the
             danger
             ensuing
             .
          
           
             SOcrates
             was
             ask'd
             ,
             why
             he
             suffered
             so
             much
             brawling
             by
             his
             Wife
             ?
             says
             he
             ,
             
               Why
               do
               you
               suffer
               so
               much
               Kackling
               of
               your
               Hens
               ?
            
             because
             they
             lay
             me
             Eggs
             ,
             says
             he
             ,
             
               And
               I
               my
               wife
            
             (
             replyed
             Socrates
             ,
             )
             
               because
               she
               bares
               me
               Children
            
             .
          
           
           
             SOme
             Profane
             Fellows
             and
             Wenches
             were
             resolved
             to
             abuse
             some
             
               〈◊〉
               ers
            
             ;
             for
             ,
             laying
             an
             Hog
             (
             which
             they
             had
             made
             dead
             Drunk
             before
             with
             the
             Lees
             of
             Wine
             )
             under
             the
             Table
             ,
             covered
             with
             a
             black
             cloath
             ,
             they
             sent
             for
             the
             Fryers
             ,
             telling
             them
             ,
             that
             the
             Womans
             Husband
             of
             the
             House
             was
             dead
             ,
             and
             that
             they
             must
             sing
             a
             Dirg
             for
             his
             Soul
             ;
             during
             the
             Service
             the
             woman
             kept
             such
             a
             tittering
             ,
             and
             laughing
             ,
             that
             they
             were
             forced
             to
             avoid
             the
             Room
             ;
             the
             young
             men
             seeing
             that
             ,
             stole
             out
             after
             them
             ,
             that
             they
             might
             have
             the
             greater
             liberty
             to
             laugh
             also
             ;
             one
             of
             the
             Friers
             taking
             notice
             hereof
             ,
             listed
             up
             the
             Cloth
             ,
             and
             seeing
             it
             was
             a
             Hog
             ,
             took
             him
             ,
             and
             to
             be
             revenged
             of
             the
             abuse
             ;
             carried
             him
             away
             ;
             the
             woman
             of
             the
             house
             seeing
             them
             march
             off
             ,
             called
             after
             them
             to
             return
             ;
             no
             ,
             no
             ,
             said
             they
             ,
             
               we
               find
               he
               is
               a
               Brother
               of
               ours
               ,
               and
               must
               be
               buried
               in
               our
               Convent
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             came
             to
             Paris
             to
             be
             Confessed
             ,
             who
             told
             his
             Confessor
             he
             had
             stoln
             a
             Halter
             ,
             to
             steal
             a
             Halter
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             is
             no
             great
             matter
             ;
             I
             but
             said
             the
             
             Fellow
             ,
             there
             was
             a
             Horse
             tied
             at
             the
             end
             on
             't
             ;
             O
             said
             the
             Confessor
             ,
             there
             is
             somthing
             in
             that
             :
             there
             is
             great
             difference
             between
             a
             Horse
             and
             a
             Halter
             ,
             
               you
               must
               therefore
               first
               restore
               the
               Owner
               his
               Horse
               ,
               and
               having
               so
               done
               ,
               come
               to
               me
               ,
               and
               I
               'le
               Absolve
               you
               of
               the
               Halter
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Fellow
             hearing
             the
             Drums
             beat
             up
             for
             Volunteers
             for
             France
             ,
             in
             the
             late
             Expedition
             against
             the
             Dutch
             ,
             imagin'd
             himself
             valliant
             enough
             ,
             and
             thereupon
             Listed
             himself
             :
             returning
             again
             ,
             he
             was
             ask'd
             by
             his
             friends
             ,
             what
             exploits
             he
             had
             done
             there
             ;
             
               He
               said
               ,
               that
               he
               had
               cut
               off
               one
               of
               the
               Enemies
               Leggs
               ,
            
             and
             being
             told
             that
             it
             had
             been
             more
             honourable
             and
             manly
             to
             have
             cut
             off
             his
             head
             ;
             
               O
               said
               he
               ,
               you
               must
               know
               his
               Head
               was
               cut
               off
               before
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Priest
             in
             an
             Abby
             at
             Florence
             ,
             being
             a
             Fisherman's
             Son
             ,
             ordered
             a
             Net
             to
             be
             spread
             on
             the
             Table
             ,
             instead
             of
             a
             Table
             cloth
             ,
             in
             token
             of
             Humility
             ,
             and
             in
             remembrance
             from
             whence
             he
             came
             ;
             the
             Abbot
             dying
             ,
             for
             his
             pretended
             Humility
             sake
             ,
             he
             was
             elected
             Abbot
             dying
             ,
             after
             which
             
             he
             caused
             the
             Net
             to
             be
             used
             no
             more
             ,
             and
             being
             askt
             the
             reason
             ,
             he
             told
             them
             ,
             
               I
               need
               not
               the
               Net
               now
               ,
               having
               caught
               what
               I
               fisht
               for
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             old
             covetous
             Miser
             at
             Burdeaux
             ,
             grudged
             his
             Servants
             their
             Victuals
             ,
             and
             allowed
             them
             but
             a
             fifth
             part
             of
             Wine
             ,
             to
             four
             parts
             of
             water
             ;
             one
             time
             seeing
             one
             of
             his
             servants
             feed
             very
             heartily
             ,
             
               What
               said
               he
               ,
               will
               your
               Grinders
               never
               be
               at
               rest
               ?
               how
               can
               they
            
             (
             said
             the
             Servant
             ,
             )
             
               as
               long
               as
               they
               have
               so
               little
               Wine
               ,
               and
               so
               much
               Water
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Popish
             Bishop
             rising
             up
             in
             Arms
             against
             his
             Prince
             ,
             was
             defeated
             ,
             and
             taken
             as
             he
             was
             clad
             in
             Armor
             ,
             and
             by
             the
             King's
             command
             secured
             .
             The
             Pope
             hearing
             of
             it
             ,
             complained
             of
             the
             King's
             breach
             of
             Church
             Priviledges
             ,
             
               Imprisoning
               one
               of
               the
               Sons
               of
               the
               Church
            
             ;
             hereupon
             the
             King
             sent
             back
             the
             Messenger
             with
             the
             armor
             of
             the
             Bishop
             ,
             desireing
             the
             Pope
             to
             send
             him
             word
             ,
             
               whether
               those
               were
               the
               Garments
               of
               any
               of
               his
               Sons
               .
            
          
           
           
             JVlius
             the
             Third
             ,
             when
             he
             was
             made
             Pope
             ,
             gave
             his
             Hat
             to
             a
             young
             Favorite
             of
             his
             ,
             to
             the
             general
             dissatisfaction
             of
             the
             Conclave
             ;
             whereupon
             a
             Cardinal
             that
             used
             to
             be
             free
             with
             him
             said
             ,
             
               what
               did
               your
               Holiness
               see
               in
               that
               young
               man
               to
               make
               him
               a
            
             Cardinal
             ?
             Julius
             replyed
             ,
             
               what
               did
               you
               see
               in
               me
               ,
               to
               make
               me
               a
               Pope
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Country-man
             coming
             to
             Paris
             with
             his
             Ass
             loaded
             ,
             the
             beast
             stuck
             in
             a
             dirty
             place
             ,
             and
             to
             make
             him
             rise
             from
             thence
             ,
             the
             Peasant
             belaboured
             him
             with
             a
             stick
             lustily
             ,
             a
             Courtier
             Passing
             by
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               How
               now
               Villain
               ,
               art
               thou
               not
               ashamed
               to
               abuse
               thy
               Beast
               so
               ?
               if
               thou
               strikest
               him
               again
               ,
               I
               will
               strike
               thee
               as
               much
            
             ;
             hereupon
             the
             Poor
             Fellow
             desisted
             ,
             till
             the
             Cavilleer
             was
             past
             ,
             and
             then
             sell
             a
             beating
             his
             Beast
             worse
             than
             before
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               How
               now
               goodman
               Ass
               ,
               who
               would
               have
               thought
               that
               thou
               hadst
               Friends
               at
               Court
               ?
            
          
           
             A
             French
             Peasant
             passing
             by
             a
             Ditch
             with
             his
             Cart
             full
             of
             Onions
             ,
             the
             Cart
             overturn'd
             ,
             and
             the
             Onions
             
             fell
             into
             a
             Ditch
             full
             of
             water
             ,
             at
             sight
             whereof
             the
             Peasant
             cryed
             out
             ,
             
               Mort
               bleau
               ,
               here
               wants
               nothing
               but
               a
               little
               Salt
               to
               make
               le
               bon
               Potage
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Dutch-man
             in
             Amsterdam
             having
             heated
             himself
             with
             Wine
             ,
             grew
             angry
             ;
             and
             swearing
             
               Gods
               Sacrament
            
             ,
             he
             would
             feign
             know
             ,
             why
             the
             English
             called
             his
             Countrymen
             Butter-boxes
             ;
             the
             reason
             is
             ,
             said
             a
             stander
             by
             ,
             
               because
               they
               find
               you
               are
               so
               apt
               to
               spread
               every
               where
               ,
               and
               for
               your
               sauciness
               must
               be
               melted
               down
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Stout
             Commander
             ,
             having
             formerly
             in
             the
             Kings
             Service
             lost
             his
             Leg
             ,
             was
             not
             with
             standing
             for
             his
             great
             prudence
             ,
             and
             courage
             made
             a
             Captain
             of
             a
             Second
             Rate
             Ship
             ,
             and
             being
             in
             the
             midst
             of
             an
             Engagement
             a
             Cannon
             bullet
             took
             of
             his
             Woodden
             Supporter
             ,
             so
             that
             he
             was
             constrained
             to
             fall
             ;
             the
             Seamen
             thinking
             he
             had
             lost
             his
             Legs
             ,
             cryed
             ,
             
               down
               with
               him
               to
               the
               Chriungem
               ;
               I
               want
               him
               not
               ,
               I
               want
               him
               not
            
             (
             quoth
             he
             )
             
               but
               send
               me
               up
               to
               the
               Carpenter
               .
            
          
           
           
             BEing
             a
             Captain
             of
             Horse
             ,
             he
             was
             disswaded
             not
             to
             Attaque
             the
             Enemy
             ,
             they
             being
             thrice
             the
             number
             ;
             
               Are
               they
               so
               said
               he
            
             (
             not
             a
             jot
             dismay'd
             )
             
               then
               I
               am
               very
               glad
               ,
               for
               there
               are
               enough
               to
               be
               kill'd
               ,
               enough
               to
               be
               taken
               Prisoners
               ,
               and
               enough
               to
               run
               away
               ,
            
          
           
             A
             Monsieur
             meeting
             the
             King
             of
             
             France's
             Jester
             ,
             asked
             what
             news
             ,
             why
             Sir
             replyed
             he
             ,
             there
             are
             Forty
             thousand
             men
             risen
             to
             day
             ,
             I
             pray
             to
             what
             end
             ,
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             and
             what
             do
             they
             intend
             ?
             Why
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               to
               go
               to
               bed
               again
               at
               night
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             hearing
             a
             French
             Gentleman
             brag
             what
             variety
             of
             excellent
             Sallats
             there
             are
             in
             France
             ,
             and
             how
             the
             People
             naturally
             delight
             therein
             ,
             
               it
               cannot
               be
               denyed
            
             (
             saith
             he
             )
             
               That
               as
               you
               have
               plenty
               of
               good
               Sallats
               ,
               so
               they
               are
               most
               of
               your
               food
               ;
               Now
               we
               in
            
             England
             
               have
               dainty
               Beeves
               ,
               Veal
               ,
               Mutton
               ,
               and
               as
               God
               made
               Beasts
               to
               live
               on
               Grass
               ,
               so
               he
               made
               Man
               〈◊〉
               live
               on
               Beasts
               .
            
          
           
           
             AN
             Englishman
             and
             his
             Wise
             Lodging
             at
             a
             French-mans
             House
             ,
             both
             so
             perfect
             Children
             of
             their
             own
             Countrys
             ,
             that
             neither
             understood
             each
             other
             ,
             it
             so
             fell
             out
             ,
             that
             the
             English-mans
             Wife
             cry'd
             out
             in
             the
             Night
             ;
             whereupon
             he
             ran
             up-stairs
             to
             acquaint
             the
             Midwife
             ,
             (
             who
             did
             lye
             above
             )
             of
             his
             Wives
             condition
             ,
             that
             being
             done
             ,
             he
             went
             down
             to
             inform
             his
             Landlord
             and
             Landlady
             thereof
             ;
             standing
             by
             the
             bed
             side
             shivering
             in
             his
             shirt
             ,
             for
             it
             was
             in
             a
             cold
             winter
             night
             ,
             his
             Landlady
             pitying
             him
             said
             to
             her
             Husband
             ,
             
               Prythee
               ,
               my
               dear
               ,
               let
               the
            
             English-man
             
               come
               into
               bed
               to
               us
               and
               lye
               till
               Day-light
               ,
               since
               it
               is
               so
               cold
               ,
               and
               that
               he
               cannot
               in
               civility
               return
               to
               his
               own
               Chamber
               ,
               you
               need
               not
               fear
               any
               thing
               since
               you
               are
               in
               bed
               with
               me
               ;
               her
               request
               was
               granted
               ,
               and
               he
               lay
               down
               on
               the
               other
               side
               of
               the
               woman
            
             ;
             The
             Frenchman
             having
             tyred
             himself
             by
             Labour
             the
             day
             before
             ,
             fell
             fast
             asleep
             ;
             the
             Englishman's
             Snake
             presently
             grew
             warm
             ,
             and
             crawled
             up
             the
             Womans
             belly
             ;
             the
             motion
             of
             the
             bed
             awaked
             her
             Husband
             ,
             he
             called
             out
             
               Wife
               ,
               what
               are
               you
               doing
               ;
               what
               are
               you
               doing
               ?
               why
               
               what
               would
               you
               have
               me
               do
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               if
               I
               should
               speak
               to
               him
               it
               would
               be
               to
               little
               purpose
               ,
               for
               you
               know
               he
               understands
               not
               a
               word
               of
               our
               Language
               .
            
          
           
             AT
             the
             Battail
             of
             Newport
             the
             Prince
             of
             Orange
             having
             the
             Spanish
             Army
             before
             him
             ,
             and
             the
             Sea
             behind
             him
             ,
             said
             to
             his
             Soldiers
             ,
             
               Gentlemen
               ,
               if
               you
               intend
               to
               live
               ,
               thus
               must
               you
               do
               ,
               either
               eat
               those
            
             Spaniards
             ,
             
               or
               drink
               up
               this
               Sea.
            
             
          
           
             WHen
             
               Metellus
               Nepos
            
             asked
             in
             a
             ●e●ring
             way
             ,
             the
             famous
             
               Roman
               Orator
               Cicero
            
             ,
             who
             was
             his
             Father
             ?
             he
             replyed
             ,
             
               Thy
               Mother
               hath
               made
               that
               Question
               harder
               for
               thee
               to
               answer
               .
            
          
           
             
               MArcus
               Livius
            
             ,
             who
             was
             Governor
             of
             Tarentum
             ,
             when
             Hanibal
             took
             it
             ,
             being
             envious
             to
             see
             so
             much
             honour
             done
             to
             
               Fabius
               Maximus
            
             ,
             said
             one
             day
             openly
             in
             the
             Senate
             ,
             that
             it
             was
             himself
             ,
             not
             
               Fabius
               Maximus
            
             ,
             that
             was
             the
             cause
             of
             the
             retaking
             of
             the
             City
             of
             
               Tarentum
               ;
               Fabius
            
             smiling
             ,
             said
             wittily
             ,
             
               indeed
               thou
               speakest
               truth
               ,
               for
               hadst
               not
               thou
               lost
               it
               ,
               I
               had
               never
               retaken
               it
               .
            
          
           
           
             POpe
             Benedict
             when
             the
             Embasiadour
             of
             the
             Council
             of
             Constance
             ,
             came
             to
             him
             ,
             laying
             his
             hand
             on
             his
             breast
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               Hic
               est
               Arca
               Noae
            
             ,
             here
             is
             
               Noah's
               Ark
            
             :
             one
             hearing
             him
             say
             so
             ,
             said
             softly
             to
             his
             Friend
             ,
             In
             Noah's
             Ark
             
               there
               were
               few
               men
               ,
               but
               many
               Beasts
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             in
             Antwerp
             talking
             with
             a
             Priest
             concerning
             Religion
             ,
             asked
             ,
             
               why
               they
               kissed
               the
               Cross
               more
               than
               any
               other
               piece
               of
               wood
            
             ;
             and
             what
             was
             there
             more
             in
             that
             than
             any
             other
             Trees
             else
             ,
             that
             they
             did
             not
             kiss
             them
             ,
             Why
             (
             said
             the
             Priest
             )
             
               Is
               not
               your
               wife
               made
               all
               of
               the
               same
               Flesh
               and
               Blood
               ,
               and
               what
               is
               the
               reason
               that
               you
               do
               not
               kiss
               her
               back-side
               ,
               as
               well
               as
               her
               Mouth
               .
            
          
           
             POpe
             Alexander
             being
             accustomed
             highly
             to
             commmend
             the
             Institution
             of
             the
             single
             Life
             of
             Priests
             ,
             and
             to
             blame
             their
             using
             of
             Concubines
             ,
             was
             wont
             to
             say
             ,
             
               God
               hath
               forbidden
               us
               to
               get
               Children
               ,
               and
               the
               Devil
               hath
               given
               us
            
             Nepliews
          
           
           
             A
             Spaniard
             and
             a
             Gascoign
             coming
             both
             to
             an
             Inn
             in
             France
             ,
             found
             nothing
             ready
             ,
             but
             a
             piece
             of
             Mutton
             ,
             and
             a
             Partridge
             ;
             one
             would
             have
             the
             Partridge
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             would
             have
             it
             ;
             and
             thereupon
             quarrelling
             ,
             the
             Hostess
             perswaded
             them
             to
             eat
             it
             together
             ,
             no
             that
             they
             would
             not
             ;
             but
             at
             last
             consented
             it
             should
             be
             kept
             for
             breakfast
             ,
             and
             he
             that
             Dreamed
             in
             the
             Night
             the
             best
             Dream
             ,
             should
             have
             it
             .
             Whilst
             the
             Spaniard
             broke
             his
             sleep
             by
             studying
             a
             good
             Dream
             ,
             the
             Gascoign
             observing
             where
             the
             Partridge
             was
             Put
             ,
             got
             up
             ,
             and
             did
             eat
             it
             :
             in
             the
             Morning
             betime
             they
             arose
             ,
             and
             the
             Spaniard
             said
             ,
             he
             
               dreamed
               the
               best
               dream
               in
               the
               world
               ;
               for
            
             said
             he
             ,
             
               methought
               I
               saw
               the
               Heavens
               open
               ,
               and
               a
               Quire
               of
               Angels
               with
               Musick
               carried
               me
               to
               Heaven
               .
            
             Then
             said
             the
             
               Gascoign
               ,
               I
               Dreamed
               I
               saw
               you
               so
               carried
               to
               Heaven
               ,
               and
               thinking
               you
               would
               never
               return
               ,
               I
               arose
               in
               the
               Night
               ,
               and
               did
               eat
               the
            
             Partridge
             .
          
           
             A
             Cordelier
             and
             a
             Jacobin
             having
             taken
             up
             one
             Inn
             together
             ;
             the
             next
             morning
             the
             Jacobin
             paid
             his
             Reckoning
             ,
             
             but
             the
             Cordelier
             supposing
             to
             have
             come
             off
             here
             ,
             as
             else
             where
             ,
             for
             a
             
               God
               a
               mercy
            
             ,
             or
             a
             
               Retribuet
               Deus
            
             ,
             was
             forced
             by
             the
             Master
             of
             the
             House
             ,
             who
             was
             a
             Protestant
             ,
             to
             pay
             for
             what
             he
             had
             ,
             by
             Pawning
             some
             Books
             ,
             for
             the
             Jacobin
             refused
             to
             lend
             him
             a
             farthing
             .
             The
             next
             day
             travelling
             together
             ,
             they
             came
             to
             a
             small
             River
             ;
             whereupon
             the
             poor
             Cordelier
             put
             of
             his
             Sandals
             ,
             and
             holding
             up
             his
             Gown
             ,
             began
             to
             wade
             :
             the
             Jacobin
             being
             well
             apparell'd
             ,
             and
             loath
             to
             spoil
             his
             fine
             Cloathes
             ,
             call'd
             to
             the
             Cordelier
             to
             carry
             him
             over
             ;
             what
             will
             you
             give
             me
             then
             quoth
             he
             ?
             said
             the
             other
             ,
             I
             will
             redeem
             your
             Books
             ,
             and
             pay
             your
             Charge
             at
             the
             next
             Inn
             ;
             so
             the
             Cordelier
             took
             him
             up
             on
             his
             back
             ,
             and
             when
             he
             was
             in
             the
             deepest
             place
             of
             the
             Water
             ,
             the
             Cordelier
             asked
             the
             Jacobin
             if
             he
             had
             money
             enough
             to
             make
             good
             his
             promise
             ?
             yes
             that
             I
             have
             said
             he
             ,
             and
             thereupon
             chinkt
             his
             money
             in
             his
             pocket
             :
             the
             Cordelier
             hearing
             this
             ,
             and
             finding
             a
             fit
             opportunity
             to
             be
             revenged
             ,
             let
             him
             drop
             in
             the
             water
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               Brother
               ,
               you
               have
               done
               very
               ill
               to
               make
               me
               transgress
               my
               Orders
               ,
               for
               you
               know
               ,
               I
               am
               bound
               never
               to
               carry
               any
               money
               about
               me
               .
            
          
           
           
             A
             Peasant
             having
             been
             with
             his
             Confessor
             told
             him
             that
             he
             had
             eaten
             Eggs
             that
             Lent
             ,
             and
             was
             reproved
             for
             it
             ;
             forasmuch
             as
             Eggs
             made
             Chickens
             ,
             Chickens
             Cocks
             ,
             and
             Cocks
             Capons
             :
             a
             little
             while
             after
             this
             Confessor
             sent
             to
             him
             for
             some
             Eggs
             ,
             to
             set
             under
             a
             Hen
             ,
             and
             he
             sent
             them
             all
             boiled
             very
             hard
             ,
             The
             Curat
             being
             ignorant
             thereof
             ,
             set
             them
             under
             his
             Hen
             ,
             but
             finding
             in
             almost
             a
             Months
             time
             no
             production
             ,
             he
             broke
             one
             of
             them
             and
             found
             it
             hard
             ,
             and
             so
             brake
             another
             ,
             a
             third
             ,
             a
             fourth
             ,
             a
             fifth
             ,
             till
             he
             had
             broken
             them
             all
             ,
             and
             found
             them
             all
             as
             the
             first
             boiled
             .
             This
             so
             netled
             the
             Curate
             ,
             that
             he
             instantly
             went
             to
             the
             Pe●sant
             to
             know
             the
             reason
             of
             this
             abuse
             ;
             the
             Peasant
             excused
             himself
             ,
             saying
             ,
             he
             knew
             not
             what
             he
             meant
             ;
             
               Why
               you
               fool
            
             (
             quoth
             the
             Curate
             )
             
               did
               you
               ever
               think
               that
               Chickens
               could
               be
               hatched
               out
               of
               hard
               Eggs
               ?
               Why
               Father
               ,
               so
               you
               told
               me
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               the
               last
               Lent
            
             ;
             for
             when
             I
             confessed
             to
             you
             that
             I
             had
             eaten
             Eggs
             ,
             
               you
               chid
               me
               ,
               saying
               ,
               Eggs
               made
               Chickens
               ,
               Chickens
               Cocks
               ,
               Cocks
               Capons
               :
               now
               if
               boyled
               Eggs
               which
               I
               did
               eat
               ,
               would
               ever
               have
               been
               
               Chickens
               ,
               Cocks
               ,
               and
               Capons
               ;
               How
               did
               I
               know
               but
               the
               boiled
               Eggs
               under
               your
               Hen
               ,
               would
               come
               to
               be
               so
               too
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Country
             fellow
             seeing
             the
             Arch-Bishop
             of
             Cologn
             riding
             in
             the
             Fields
             with
             a
             great
             retinue
             compleatly
             Armed
             ,
             laught
             out
             aloud
             ;
             being
             ask'd
             his
             reason
             for
             so
             doing
             ,
             he
             answered
             ,
             
               Because
               he
               wondred
               that
               St.
            
             Peter
             ,
             
               Christs
               Vicar
               on
               Earth
               ,
               being
               exceeding
               poor
               ,
               had
               left
               his
               Successor
               so
               Rich
               that
               his
               Train
               should
               be
               more
               furnished
               with
               Sword-men
               ,
               than
               Gown-men
               .
            
             The
             Arch-Bishop
             hearing
             this
             ,
             and
             being
             willing
             that
             the
             Fellow
             should
             have
             better
             knowledg
             of
             him
             in
             his
             place
             ,
             and
             dignity
             ,
             told
             him
             ,
             that
             he
             was
             not
             only
             Arch-Bishop
             ,
             but
             a
             Duke
             also
             ,
             and
             that
             as
             a
             Duke
             he
             rode
             with
             such
             an
             Armed
             train
             of
             men
             ,
             but
             when
             he
             was
             in
             the
             Church
             ,
             he
             was
             attended
             on
             as
             an
             Archbishop
             ;
             Sir
             (
             said
             this
             poor
             Fellow
             )
             
               I
               pray
               tell
               me
               when
               my
               Lord
               Duke
               shall
               be
               with
               the
               Devil
               ,
               what
               will
               become
               of
               the
               Arch-bishop
               .
            
          
           
             THe
             Emperour
             Sigismond
             foarding
             a
             River
             ,
             his
             Horse
             stood
             still
             in
             
             the
             midst
             ,
             and
             staled
             ;
             whereupon
             a
             Page
             took
             the
             boldness
             to
             say
             ,
             
               That
               the
               Horse
               was
               like
               the
            
             Emperour
             ,
             who
             heard
             what
             was
             said
             ,
             but
             said
             nothing
             for
             that
             time
             ;
             a
             little
             while
             after
             the
             Emperour
             reminding
             those
             words
             ,
             ask'd
             the
             Page
             his
             reason
             for
             comparing
             him
             to
             a
             Horse
             ?
             
               Because
               Royal
            
             Sir
             (
             quoth
             the
             Page
             )
             
               the
               River
               had
               no
               need
               of
               Water
               ,
               and
               yet
               your
               Horse
               must
               add
               to
               it
               by
               pissing
               in
               it
               ,
               and
               so
               do
               you
               ;
               for
               those
               that
               have
               enough
               ,
               you
               give
               more
               ;
               but
               to
               such
               as
               have
               nothing
               ,
               you
               add
               not
               any
               thing
               ,
               and
               allthough
               I
               have
               been
               with
               you
               a
               long
               time
               ,
               yet
               have
               I
               not
               tasted
               of
               your
               bounty
            
             ;
             The
             next
             morning
             the
             Emperour
             took
             two
             Iron
             Chests
             ,
             the
             bigger
             of
             the
             two
             ,
             he
             filled
             with
             Lead
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             with
             Silver
             ,
             and
             bid
             his
             Page
             take
             which
             he
             would
             of
             them
             ,
             in
             recompence
             of
             his
             Service
             ;
             the
             Page
             took
             the
             biggest
             ,
             which
             the
             Emperour
             caused
             him
             to
             open
             ,
             and
             there
             he
             found
             nothing
             but
             Lead
             ,
             the
             other
             he
             opened
             himself
             ,
             and
             shewed
             him
             it
             was
             Silver
             .
             Now
             (
             said
             the
             Emperour
             )
             
               thou
               knowest
               thy
               Fortune
               ,
               the
               fault
               was
               none
               of
               mine
               ,
               that
               thy
               choice
               was
               no
               better
               ,
               and
               that
               thou
               wert
               not
               made
               rich
               ,
               for
               thou
               hast
               refused
               thy
               good
               fortune
               ,
               when
               it
               was
               offered
               thee
            
          
           
           
             THe
             Duke
             of
             Millain
             being
             besieged
             in
             a
             Castle
             by
             the
             Florentines
             ,
             one
             day
             at
             dinner
             ,
             he
             quarrell'd
             with
             his
             Victuals
             ,
             and
             chid
             his
             Cook
             severely
             ,
             for
             the
             ill
             ordering
             of
             his
             meat
             ,
             and
             sauce
             ;
             whereupon
             the
             witty
             Cook
             reply'd
             ,
             
               My
               Lord
               ;
               your
               meat
               is
               well
               enough
               dressed
               ,
               but
               the
               Florentines
               have
               put
               your
               mouth
               out
               of
               taste
               .
            
          
           
             BEfore
             the
             Battel
             Fought
             at
             Serrizals
             ,
             the
             Marquess
             of
             Guast
             assureing
             himself
             of
             the
             Victory
             ,
             gave
             his
             Jester
             a
             Suit
             of
             Armour
             fairly
             guilt
             ,
             and
             a
             Spanish
             Jennet
             ,
             with
             a
             promise
             of
             five
             hundred
             Duckets
             ,
             if
             he
             would
             be
             first
             should
             carry
             news
             to
             his
             Wife
             of
             his
             Victory
             ;
             but
             it
             so
             hapned
             ,
             that
             the
             French
             did
             beat
             the
             Emperour's
             Army
             and
             the
             Jester
             was
             taken
             ,
             and
             brought
             before
             the
             Lord
             Anguien
             ,
             who
             perceiving
             who
             he
             was
             ,
             asked
             ,
             who
             had
             furnish'd
             him
             in
             that
             splendid
             manner
             ?
             
               My
               Lord
            
             (
             replyed
             he
             )
             
               The
               Marquess
               ,
               who
               gave
               me
               my
               Horse
               and
               Armes
               ,
               and
               should
               have
               given
               me
               Five
               hundred
               Duckets
               to
               go
               and
               tell
               my
               Lady
               his
               Wife
               ,
               the
               first
               tidings
               of
               his
               Victory
               ,
               but
               to
               save
               the
               money
               ,
               I
               believe
               he
               is
               posted
               thither
               in
               person
               .
            
          
           
           
             TWo
             young
             Scholars
             Travelling
             from
             Roan
             to
             Paris
             ,
             there
             to
             study
             ,
             met
             by
             the
             way
             a
             Country-fellow
             riding
             on
             an
             Ass
             ,
             which
             bray'd
             in
             such
             manner
             ,
             as
             if
             he
             had
             been
             overjoy'd
             to
             be
             in
             such
             Learned
             society
             ;
             these
             Students
             thinking
             to
             put
             a
             trick
             on
             the
             Paisant
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               Friend
               ,
               why
               do
               you
               let
               your
               Brother
               cry
               in
               that
               manner
               ,
               cannot
               you
               find
               out
               any
               way
               to
               still
               and
               quiet
               him
               ?
            
             The
             Paisant
             who
             was
             none
             of
             the
             most
             ignorant
             of
             the
             Parish
             wherein
             he
             dwelt
             ;
             answered
             ,
             
               My
               Ass
               ,
               Sirs
               ,
               is
               so
               extream●y
               pleased
               to
               meet
               with
               his
               Relations
               ,
               and
               old
               A●quaintance
               ,
               he
               could
               do
               no
               less
               then
               sing
               a
               Song
               of
               Mirth
               ,
               and
               merry
               glee
               ,
               in
               testimony
               of
               your
               hearty
               welcome
               to
               him
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentlewoman
             of
             singular
             beauty
             but
             highly
             conceited
             thereof
             ,
             went
             to
             an
             Eminent
             Painter
             at
             Paris
             ,
             ordering
             him
             to
             draw
             her
             Picture
             like
             a
             Maid
             to
             the
             Life
             in
             little
             ,
             and
             yet
             represent
             her
             in
             full
             proportion
             .
             The
             Painter
             did
             as
             much
             as
             in
             him
             lay
             ,
             and
             carried
             home
             the
             Picture
             to
             the
             Gentlewoman
             ,
             who
             misliked
             nothing
             therein
             but
             that
             he
             had
             drawn
             her
             too
             little
             .
             
             The
             Painter
             to
             excuse
             himself
             ;
             said
             ,
             
               Madam
               ,
               I
               believe
               ,
               considering
               your
               Age
               ,
               it
               is
               very
               hard
               to
               find
               a
               Maid
               sobig
               as
               you
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             of
             Paris
             that
             was
             much
             troubled
             with
             Rheum
             ,
             was
             complementing
             a
             Lady
             in
             the
             Lour
             ,
             who
             by
             reason
             of
             that
             distemper
             ,
             was
             forced
             to
             spit
             at
             every
             Sentence
             ;
             the
             Lady
             perceiving
             it
             (
             who
             was
             furnished
             with
             whatever
             Art
             or
             Nature
             could
             bestow
             upon
             her
             )
             said
             in
             railery
             ,
             Sir
             ,
             your
             mouth
             overflows
             ,
             you
             would
             do
             well
             to
             take
             some
             course
             to
             drain
             that
             Fenny
             Body
             of
             yours
             ,
             least
             in
             time
             ,
             it
             lye
             totally
             drown'd
             in
             that
             Plegmatick
             humour
             .
             
               Pardon
               me
               ,
               Madam
            
             (
             wittily
             repartied
             this
             Gentleman
             )
             
               If
               I
               say
               you
               are
               the
               cause
               of
               this
               distemper
               ,
               if
               it
               be
               any
               ;
               for
               how
               is
               it
               possible
               for
               a
               man
               to
               look
               on
               such
               a
               dainty
               curious
               piece
               of
               Flesh
               ,
               as
               yours
               is
               ,
               and
               his
               mouth
               not
               water
               .
            
          
           
             CHarles
             the
             Fifth
             going
             privately
             to
             visit
             the
             Convent
             of
             the
             Jocobins
             in
             Vienna
             ,
             met
             by
             the
             way
             with
             a
             Fellow
             ,
             who
             got
             his
             living
             by
             Hogs
             ,
             and
             then
             had
             a
             sucking
             Pig
             in
             his
             Arms
             going
             to
             market
             ,
             which
             in
             the
             way
             grunted
             so
             
             much
             ,
             that
             the
             Emperour
             could
             not
             endure
             it
             ,
             wherefore
             said
             ,
             do
             you
             hear
             ,
             friend
             ,
             have
             you
             not
             got
             the
             art
             of
             stealing
             a
             Pig
             when
             he
             Cryes
             ;
             the
             Fellow
             (
             not
             knowing
             him
             to
             be
             the
             Emperour
             ,
             seeing
             him
             not
             only
             meanly
             clad
             ,
             but
             slenderly
             attended
             )
             said
             ,
             
               Sir
               ,
               it
               is
               a
               secret
               I
               understand
               not
               ,
               and
               therefore
               I
               shall
               be
               much
               obliged
               ,
               if
               you
               will
               inform
               me
               how
               to
               do
               it
               :
            
             Why
             then
             said
             the
             Emperour
             ,
             if
             you
             will
             have
             your
             Pig
             leave
             off
             grunting
             ,
             take
             and
             hold
             him
             by
             the
             tail
             ;
             which
             the
             Fellow
             trying
             ,
             found
             effectual
             :
             hereupon
             he
             said
             ,
             
               In
               troth
            
             Sir
             ,
             
               be
               whom
               you
               will
               ,
               I
               see
               you
               have
               not
               your
               trade
               to
               learn
               now
               :
               for
               though
               I
               have
               been
               a
               Pig-merchant
               this
               thirty
               years
               ,
               you
               are
               more
               knowing
               in
               it
               ,
               then
               I.
               
            
          
           
             LEwis
             the
             Twelfth
             ,
             King
             of
             France
             ,
             taking
             a
             view
             one
             day
             of
             his
             Army
             in
             the
             Plain
             of
             Chartrese
             ,
             saw
             three
             Soldiers
             together
             ,
             terribly
             slasht
             over
             the
             Face
             ,
             and
             carrying
             their
             Armes
             in
             a
             Scarf
             ,
             whereupon
             he
             said
             ,
             
               Gentlemen
               how
               came
               you
               thus
               to
               be
               so
               roughly
               handled
               ?
            
             by
             our
             Enemies
             (
             said
             one
             of
             the
             three
             )
             
               it
               seems
               then
            
             (
             said
             the
             King
             )
             
               they
               were
               too
               hard
               for
               you
               ,
               and
               so
               consequently
               ,
               the
               better
               
               men
               ;
               your
               pardon
               Sr.
            
             (
             said
             one
             )
             
               we
               judge
               it
               no
               such
               matter
               ,
               for
               as
               they
               did
               hurt
               us
               ,
               so
               we
               killed
               them
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Cyprian
             Dame
             ,
             who
             had
             spent
             a
             considerable
             time
             in
             the
             Service
             of
             Venus
             ,
             growing
             old
             ,
             bethought
             her self
             how
             she
             could
             spend
             the
             residue
             of
             her
             days
             ;
             and
             resolved
             upon
             the
             ancient
             and
             Venerable
             Profession
             of
             a
             Bawd
             ,
             and
             that
             she
             might
             not
             be
             altogether
             disappointed
             of
             those
             pleasures
             ,
             she
             procur'd
             others
             ,
             she
             painted
             egregiously
             .
             A
             Gentleman
             one
             time
             coming
             to
             her
             house
             ,
             and
             taking
             notice
             how
             ill
             she
             had
             laid
             on
             the
             Fucus
             ,
             or
             paint
             ,
             Drolling
             said
             ,
             
               Most
               incomparable
               Madam
               ,
               I
               cannot
               look
               in
               your
               face
               ,
               but
               the
               lustre
               thereof
               makes
               my
               Eyes
               dazle
            
             ;
             do
             they
             so
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               I
               am
               sorry
               your
               Eyes
               are
               so
               weak
               ,
               the
               Bastard
               Eagle
               cannot
               look
               against
               the
               Sun
               ,
               I
               wish
               your
               Eyes
               better
               ,
               that
               they
               may
               be
               able
               to
               Contemplate
               my
               greater
               splendour
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Young
             married
             Gentlewoman
             of
             the
             Town
             of
             Alerson
             in
             Normandy
             ,
             had
             a
             Parrot
             whom
             amongst
             other
             things
             ,
             used
             to
             say
             
               walk
               ,
               Cuckold
               ,
               walk
            
             ;
             
             One
             day
             ,
             a
             Doctor
             of
             Physick
             of
             her
             acquaintance
             coming
             that
             way
             ,
             she
             perceiving
             him
             ,
             by
             often
             repeating
             those
             words
             to
             the
             Parrot
             ,
             he
             spoke
             nothing
             else
             as
             he
             past
             along
             ;
             the
             Doctor
             seeing
             the
             Gentlewoman
             by
             the
             Cage
             ,
             made
             a
             stop
             ,
             and
             said
             ,
             
               Madam
               you
               have
               done
               very
               well
               ,
               to
               teach
               your
            
             Parrot
             
               to
               call
               men
               by
               their
               proper
               names
               ,
               as
            
             Walk
             Cuckold
             ,
             walk
             ,
             
               but
               you
               would
               have
               done
               much
               better
               ,
               if
               you
               had
               taught
               him
               ,
               how
               to
               distinguish
               persons
               ,
               which
               I
               perceive
               he
               is
               ignorant
               of
               ,
               he
               takes
               me
               to
               be
               your
               Husband
               .
            
          
           
             THE
             Count
             D'Avergne
             ,
             going
             with
             a
             Natural
             Son
             to
             the
             King
             of
             France
             ,
             to
             the
             Church
             in
             Paris
             ,
             call'd
             
               Quinze
               Vingts
            
             ,
             a
             place
             designed
             for
             the
             relief
             of
             the
             poor
             blind
             ;
             in
             the
             Church-yard
             there
             stood
             begging
             an
             old
             Man
             ,
             who
             had
             totally
             lost
             his
             sight
             ;
             yet
             was
             given
             too
             much
             to
             Curse
             ,
             and
             Swear
             ;
             the
             Count
             advised
             this
             Natural
             Son
             to
             extend
             his
             Charity
             to
             this
             poor
             Fellow
             ,
             which
             he
             denyed
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               I
               hate
               to
               give
               to
               Counterfeits
               ,
            
             nay
             ,
             said
             the
             Count
             ,
             this
             man
             sure
             is
             not
             one
             ;
             
               I
               but
            
             said
             
               the
               other
               he
               is
               one
               ,
               and
               can
               see
               as
               well
               as
               I
               do
               ,
               and
               to
               prove
               what
               I
               say
               ,
               I
               will
               go
               to
               
               him
               ,
               and
               without
               saying
               a
               word
               you
               shall
               see
               he
               know●
               me
            
             ;
             with
             that
             stepping
             towards
             him
             ,
             he
             came
             so
             near
             him
             that
             he
             chanced
             to
             tread
             upon
             his
             Toe
             ;
             the
             blind
             man
             hereupon
             cry'd
             out
             ,
             
               A
               Pox
               on
               you
               for
               a
               rotten
               Son
               of
               a
               Whore
               ,
               go
               and
               be
               domn'd
               .
            
             Look
             you
             there
             (
             said
             this
             Natural
             Son
             to
             the
             Count
             )
             
               you
               may
               perceive
               by
               what
               he
               says
               ,
               he
               knows
               me
               as
               well
               as
               you
               do
               .
            
          
           
             EManuel
             Duke
             of
             Savoy
             ,
             an
             ingenious
             and
             generous
             Prince
             ,
             having
             been
             deprived
             of
             all
             his
             Estate
             by
             Henry
             the
             Fourth
             ,
             was
             necessitated
             to
             go
             to
             Lions
             ,
             where
             the
             King
             then
             was
             ,
             to
             make
             his
             Address
             to
             his
             Majesty
             ;
             on
             sign
             whereof
             he
             fell
             on
             his
             knees
             ,
             humbly
             beseeching
             his
             Majestie
             to
             restore
             him
             to
             his
             former
             condition
             ;
             the
             King
             seeing
             him
             in
             that
             posture
             ,
             said
             ,
             Brother
             ,
             I
             am
             troubled
             to
             see
             you
             in
             this
             posture
             ,
             and
             much
             more
             for
             your
             misfortune
             ,
             but
             you
             must
             attribute
             this
             to
             your
             own
             fault
             ,
             and
             the
             force
             of
             Arms
             ,
             however
             ,
             rise
             ,
             and
             assure
             your self
             I
             will
             do
             to
             the
             utmost
             of
             my
             power
             what
             shall
             conduce
             to
             your
             future
             satisfaction
             and
             content
             .
             The
             
             Duke
             of
             Savoy
             seeing
             his
             Majesty
             in
             such
             a
             good
             humour
             ,
             continued
             still
             on
             his
             knees
             ,
             which
             caused
             his
             Majesty
             once
             more
             to
             say
             ,
             rise
             ;
             whereupon
             the
             Duke
             replyed
             ,
             
               I
               am
               reduced
               to
               so
               low
               and
               weak
               a
               condition
               ,
               that
               I
               cannot
               rise
               of
               my self
               ,
               and
               nothing
               can
               raise
               me
               but
               your
               Royal
               hand
               Sir.
            
             Whereupon
             the
             King
             rais'd
             him
             at
             once
             ,
             both
             on
             his
             Legs
             ,
             and
             to
             his
             former
             Estate
             .
          
           
             A
             Young
             man
             Married
             a
             pretty
             bucksome
             young
             Woman
             in
             Charenton
             near
             Paris
             ,
             and
             being
             in
             Bed
             ,
             the
             first
             night
             he
             let
             a
             rouzing
             fart
             ;
             his
             new
             Bedded
             Consort
             very
             much
             displeased
             thereat
             ,
             askt
             him
             why
             he
             would
             offer
             so
             soon
             to
             play
             the
             Beast
             ?
             
               Alas
               sweet-heart
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               don
               't
               you
               know
               ,
               when
               a
               Fortress
               is
               Besieged
               ,
               in
               making
               a
               breach
               ,
               the
               Cannons
               will
               roar
               ;
               in
               troth
               Husband
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               you
               need
               not
               have
               put
               your self
               to
               that
               trouble
               ,
               for
               the
               breach
               was
               made
               ,
               long
               since
               ,
               wide
               enough
               for
               a
               whole
               Army
               to
               enter
               two
               in
               a
               breast
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Young
             Cavileer
             ,
             riding
             from
             Paris
             to
             Orleans
             ,
             overtook
             by
             the
             way
             a
             sprightly
             young
             Lass
             ,
             travelling
             
             on
             foot
             ;
             taking
             pity
             of
             her
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               that
               if
               she
               pleased
               ,
               he
               would
               take
               her
               up
               behind
               him
            
             ;
             she
             consented
             ,
             but
             the
             Horse
             would
             not
             agree
             to
             the
             Bargain
             ,
             but
             kick'd
             and
             flounc'd
             strangely
             ;
             
               Well
               Sir
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               I
               see
               you
               are
               more
               civil
               than
               your
               Beast
               ,
               who
               need
               not
               have
               taken
               it
               in
               such
               dudgeon
               to
               carry
               me
               ,
               if
               he
               knew
               how
               Light
               I
               am
               ;
               Excuse
               him
               sweet
               heart
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               for
               I
               believe
               he
               thinks
               you
               fitter
               to
               carry
               behind
               than
               he
               ;
               If
               so
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               he
               deserves
               not
               the
               name
               of
               a
               horse
               ,
               but
               an
               Ass
               ,
               for
               any
               one
               that
               knows
               any
               thing
               may
               easily
               see
               ,
               I
               am
               fitter
               to
               carry
               before
               than
               behind
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Jolly
             Fellow
             at
             Orleans
             ,
             living
             at
             Marsellis
             ,
             being
             in
             Bed
             let
             a
             great
             Fart
             ,
             and
             repeated
             it
             twice
             or
             thrice
             ;
             hearing
             his
             Wife
             nothing
             but
             laugh
             ,
             said
             to
             her
             ,
             
               in
               troth
               you
               need
               not
               be
               so
               merry
               ,
               for
               if
               this
               Wind
               continue
               ,
               you
               are
               like
               to
               have
               foul
               and
               filthy
               weather
            
             ;
             falling
             asleep
             ,
             she
             raised
             her
             Bum
             ,
             and
             so
             bepist
             him
             ,
             that
             it
             ran
             from
             the
             nape
             of
             his
             Neck
             down
             his
             Back
             to
             his
             Heels
             ;
             he
             awakeing
             ,
             askt
             her
             what
             the
             Devil
             she
             meant
             by
             that
             ?
             
               Nothing
               indeed
               Husband
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               what
               I
               did
               was
               only
               to
               prevent
               that
               loathsome
               Storm
               you
               threatned
               me
               
               with
               ,
               for
               I
               have
               heard
               a
               little
               Rain
               will
               allay
               a
               great
               Wind.
               
            
          
           
             A
             Taylor
             going
             to
             Confession
             ,
             was
             askt
             by
             his
             Father
             Confessor
             ,
             whether
             he
             had
             any
             thing
             in
             his
             hands
             which
             he
             had
             wrong'd
             another
             of
             ?
             No
             indeed
             ,
             said
             the
             Taylor
             (
             knowing
             he
             should
             be
             enjoyn'd
             to
             make
             restitution
             )
             I
             have
             nothing
             now
             ,
             for
             I
             have
             disposed
             of
             my
             several
             Theft
             yesterday
             to
             a
             Broker
             ,
             willing
             to
             discharge
             my
             Shop
             ,
             as
             well
             as
             my
             Conscience
             ;
             his
             Confessor
             hearing
             that
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               and
               indeed
               I
               have
               taken
               Physick
               to
               day
               which
               hath
               discharged
               me
               of
               all
               my
               Pardons
               ,
               so
               that
               I
               have
               not
               one
               left
               for
               such
               dissembling
               penitents
               .
            
          
           
             
               SIgnieur
               de
               Morvilleers
            
             going
             to
             a
             Town
             called
             Swasie
             ,
             met
             by
             the
             way
             a
             Fool
             ,
             about
             twenty
             years
             old
             ,
             to
             whom
             he
             said
             ,
             Come
             hither
             friend
             ,
             go
             along
             with
             me
             ,
             and
             thou
             shalt
             be
             my
             Fool
             ,
             doing
             nothing
             but
             Eat
             and
             Drink
             ,
             and
             spend
             the
             time
             as
             thou
             wilt
             thy self
             .
             Ah
             ,
             said
             the
             Fool
             ,
             I
             cannot
             do
             that
             ,
             I
             am
             my
             Fathers
             Fool
             ,
             for
             he
             made
             me
             ;
             if
             you
             will
             have
             a
             Fool
             ,
             make
             one
             your self
             .
             But
             ,
             said
             the
             Lord
             ,
             I
             am
             
             more
             wise
             than
             to
             make
             a
             Fool
             ;
             well
             then
             ,
             said
             the
             Fool
             ,
             I
             'le
             go
             and
             make
             one
             for
             you
             ;
             then
             ,
             said
             my
             Lord
             ,
             according
             to
             what
             you
             said
             before
             ,
             he
             will
             not
             be
             my
             Fool
             ,
             but
             thine
             ;
             
               not
               so
               neither
            
             (
             said
             the
             Fool
             )
             
               he
               shall
               be
               all
               yours
               ;
               for
               the
               one
               Half
               which
               your
               Wife
               helpt
               to
               make
               ,
               shall
               be
               yours
               ,
               and
               the
               other
               half
               which
               belongs
               to
               me
               ,
               will
               I
               make
               a
               present
               of
               to
               you
               .
            
             Quere
             whether
             this
             was
             the
             saying
             of
             a
             Fool.
             
          
           
             ONe
             day
             a
             Gentleman
             seeing
             Hogs
             in
             his
             Vineyard
             ,
             called
             to
             his
             Servant
             and
             bid
             him
             go
             and
             see
             whose
             they
             were
             ;
             being
             in
             a
             great
             Passion
             ,
             he
             swore
             ,
             
               Whosoever
               they
               were
               ,
               he
               was
               certain
               they
               belong'd
               to
               a
               Cuckold
               ,
               and
               a
               Cuckold
               maker
               ,
               a
               Rogue
               ,
               a
               Rascal
               ,
               and
               a
               Son
               of
               a
               Whore
               :
            
             This
             man
             returning
             and
             hearing
             his
             Master
             say
             so
             ,
             cry'd
             ,
             Hold
             Sir
             ,
             
               hold
               ,
               the
            
             Hogs
             
               are
               your
               own
               ;
               the
               Devil
               they
               are
               said
               he
               ,
               well
               if
               they
               be
               ,
               what
               I
               have
               said
               ,
               I
               cannot
               unsay
               ,
               and
               I
               must
               stand
               to
               't
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Simple
             young
             man
             in
             Gascoign
             had
             a
             very
             great
             love
             to
             a
             young
             Maid
             as
             he
             thought
             ,
             and
             that
             he
             might
             
             live
             with
             her
             quietly
             without
             wrangling
             hereafter
             ,
             he
             thought
             of
             this
             expedient
             ;
             one
             day
             he
             told
             her
             ,
             that
             it
             was
             his
             full
             intent
             to
             marry
             her
             ,
             and
             to
             prevent
             future
             quarrels
             ,
             he
             said
             he
             would
             tell
             her
             all
             the
             secrets
             of
             his
             heart
             ,
             that
             their
             Alliance
             might
             be
             stronger
             ;
             amongst
             many
             other
             things
             ,
             he
             told
             her
             ,
             that
             in
             the
             heat
             of
             Blood
             he
             had
             got
             a
             Son
             ,
             on
             a
             friend
             of
             his
             ,
             which
             Son
             was
             yet
             living
             ,
             and
             desired
             her
             not
             to
             take
             it
             amiss
             :
             
               No
               no
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               I
               am
               very
               well
               pleased
               ,
               and
               now
               ,
               Sir
               ,
               let
               me
               tell
               you
               ,
               that
               a
               friend
               of
               mine
               got
               me
               with
               Child
               ,
               and
               if
               you
               intend
               to
               fortify
               our
               Alliance
               ,
               it
               may
               be
               done
               with
               another
               Marriage
               ,
               that
               is
               between
               your
               Son
               ,
               and
               my
               Daughter
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Butchers
             Wife
             in
             Paris
             having
             been
             suspected
             by
             her
             Husband
             to
             have
             Cuckolded
             him
             ;
             to
             free
             him
             in
             part
             of
             that
             jealousie
             ,
             seemed
             very
             devout
             ,
             and
             frequently
             went
             to
             Confession
             .
             One
             day
             she
             went
             to
             her
             Confessor
             ,
             who
             amongst
             many
             questions
             ,
             ask'd
             her
             ,
             
               Whether
               sometimes
               she
               had
               not
               a
               mind
               to
               the
               Flesh
               ?
            
             Indeed
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               I
               Love
               flesh
               so
               well
               ,
               that
               my
               Mouth
               waters
               
               when
               ever
               I
               see
               a
               good
               bit
               ,
               though
               it
               be
               in
               Lent
            
             ;
             but
             I
             hope
             you
             eat
             it
             not
             ,
             (
             
               said
               he
            
             )
             not
             for
             a
             World
             ,
             (
             
               said
               she
            
             )
             
               I
               but
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               This
               is
               not
               the
               flesh
               I
               mean
               ;
               answer
               me
               ,
               whether
               you
               ever
               had
               Copulation
               with
               any
               besides
               your
               Husband
               ;
               no
               indeed
               Father
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               I
               never
               had
               Collation
               with
               any
               but
               my
               Husband
               .
               Then
            
             (
             said
             he
             )
             
               in
               plainer
               termes
               ,
               had
               you
               never
               a
               desire
               to
               lie
               with
               another
               man
               ?
               I
               must
               confess
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               I
               had
               a
               great
               mind
               to
               an
            
             Apothecaries
             
               Man
               ,
               our
               next
               Neighbour
               ,
               but
               never
               did
               any
               thing
               ;
               for
               indeed
               the
               Fool
               either
               would
               not
               ,
               or
               could
               not
               understand
               my
               meaning
               ,
               though
               it
               was
               as
               plain
               as
               a
               Pike-staff
               .
               Ah
               Sister
            
             (
             said
             the
             Confessor
             )
             
               you
               know
               the
               will
               is
               as
               good
               as
               the
               deed
               ;
               however
               for
               this
               time
               I
               will
               Absolve
               you
            
             ;
             that
             being
             done
             ,
             she
             dropt
             him
             a
             low
             Curtsie
             ,
             and
             said
             ,
             Father
             ,
             I
             am
             willing
             to
             send
             you
             a
             quarter
             of
             Mutton
             ready
             roasted
             for
             Supper
             ,
             if
             you
             will
             take
             it
             in
             good
             part
             .
             He
             thanked
             her
             ,
             and
             said
             he
             would
             .
             The
             Service
             of
             the
             great
             Mass
             being
             finished
             ,
             he
             with
             a
             couple
             of
             his
             Friends
             ,
             whom
             he
             invited
             to
             Supper
             ,
             came
             accordingly
             ,
             but
             the
             Mutton
             came
             not
             ,
             wherefore
             a
             Messenger
             was
             sent
             to
             the
             Butchers
             
             Wife
             who
             told
             him
             ,
             she
             had
             sent
             it
             allready
             ,
             he
             delivering
             his
             Message
             was
             sent
             back
             to
             assure
             her
             there
             was
             no
             such
             matter
             :
             The
             woman
             remembring
             the
             words
             of
             the
             Confessor
             ,
             said
             ,
             
               Friend
               go
               tell
               your
               Master
               ,
               I
               had
               a
               good
               will
               to
               send
               it
               ,
               but
               my
               Husband
               would
               not
               let
               me
               ;
               now
               your
               Master
               told
               me
               ,
               we
               must
               take
               the
               Will
               for
               the
               Deed
               ,
               and
               so
               he
               is
               like
               for
               me
               ,
               and
               be
               as
               well
               content
               without
               the
               quarter
               of
               Mutton
               ,
               as
               if
               he
               had
               received
               it
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gascoign
             newly
             coming
             to
             Paris
             ,
             as
             he●
             walkt
             the
             Streets
             ,
             he
             saw
             the
             Kings
             Favorite
             richly
             Attired
             ,
             and
             Magnificently
             Attended
             ,
             which
             made
             him
             enquire
             of
             one
             standing
             by
             ;
             who
             that
             should
             be
             ?
             
               He
               is
               one
            
             (
             replyed
             the
             other
             )
             
               of
               great
               esteem
               at
               Court
               ,
               and
               hath
               his
               Majesties
               Ear
               ,
               h●w
            
             (
             said
             the
             Gascoign
             )
             
               nay
               then
               it
               is
               no
               wonder
               that
               his
               Majesty
               is
               deaf
               to
               so
               many
               just
               complaints
               of
               late
               ,
               if
               his
               Ear
               be
               in
               anothers
               Possession
               .
            
          
           
             IT
             is
             said
             ,
             that
             Women
             are
             a
             Paradice
             for
             Mens
             Bodies
             ,
             a
             Hell
             for
             their
             Souls
             ,
             and
             a
             Purgatory
             for
             their
             Purses
             .
             It
             hapned
             that
             a
             young
             Gentleman
             of
             Roan
             was
             very
             much
             in
             love
             
             with
             a
             fair
             and
             witty
             Gentlewoman
             of
             the
             same
             place
             ;
             but
             had
             not
             the
             confidence
             to
             acquaint
             her
             with
             his
             desires
             ,
             at
             length
             finding
             an
             opportunity
             ,
             better
             then
             he
             could
             wish
             ,
             he
             presumed
             at
             length
             to
             tell
             her
             how
             passionately
             he
             had
             Lov'd
             her
             for
             a
             long
             time
             ,
             but
             had
             not
             the
             boldness
             to
             say
             so
             much
             before
             ,
             thinking
             to
             have
             employed
             a
             friend
             in
             that
             affair
             .
             Sir
             (
             said
             she
             )
             I
             must
             pity
             your
             ignorance
             in
             that
             you
             do
             not
             know
             ,
             that
             every
             mans
             self
             is
             the
             best
             Messenger
             in
             Amorous
             Affairs
             ;
             according
             to
             the
             Italian
             Proverb
             ,
             
               Iministri
               non
               operan●
               mai
               bene
               comea
               cui
               tocca
               :
            
             and
             knowing
             you
             to
             be
             a
             Traveller
             ,
             you
             might
             have
             acquainted
             your self
             with
             that
             true
             
               Spanish
               Adage
               :
               D●lea
               una
               Muger
               una
               vez
               quiela
               quieres
               ,
               el
               Diabolo
               selo
               dira
               ciento
            
             ;
             that
             is
             ,
             
               Tell
               a
               Woman
               but
               once
               that
               you
               love
               her
               ,
               and
               the
               Devil
               will
               tell
               it
               her
               an
               hundred
               times
               after
               .
            
          
           
             AT
             Calais
             there
             lived
             a
             young
             Woman
             as
             famous
             for
             Wit
             and
             Beauty
             ,
             as
             infamous
             for
             her
             debauchery
             :
             her
             Husband
             was
             a
             very
             silly
             fellow
             ,
             and
             though
             he
             knew
             of
             the
             dishonesty
             of
             his
             Wife
             with
             several
             persons
             ,
             yet
             he
             
             but
             mildly
             reproved
             her
             ,
             fearing
             to
             do
             otherwise
             ;
             but
             still
             advised
             her
             for
             the
             future
             to
             lock
             the
             door
             against
             such
             Cuckold-makeing
             Rascals
             ;
             
               Alas
               sweet
               heart
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               what
               will
               that
               signifie
               ,
               since
               you
               know
               my
               Lock
               is
               such
               ,
               that
               every
               Key
               will
               fit
               it
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             meeting
             one
             day
             with
             a
             Jester
             that
             belonged
             to
             the
             Duke
             of
             Rouen
             ,
             askt
             him
             ,
             what
             was
             his
             name
             :
             
               my
               name
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               is
               like
               my
               Fathers
               .
            
             And
             what
             is
             his
             Name
             ?
             
               Why
               his
            
             (
             quoth
             he
             )
             
               is
               like
               mine
            
             .
             Then
             what
             is
             both
             your
             names
             (
             said
             the
             Gentleman
             )
             to
             which
             the
             Jester
             replyed
             ,
             
               One
               like
               another
            
             .
          
           
             A
             Gentleman
             of
             Provence
             had
             a
             Wife
             so
             plentiful
             stored
             with
             the
             worst
             of
             ill
             qualities
             ,
             that
             he
             grew
             weary
             of
             his
             life
             ,
             not
             knowing
             what
             to
             do
             or
             how
             to
             be
             rid
             of
             her
             safely
             ,
             at
             length
             this
             project
             came
             into
             his
             head
             ;
             he
             had
             a
             Mule
             ,
             which
             he
             fed
             four
             days
             with
             dry
             meat
             ,
             without
             one
             drop
             of
             Water
             ,
             all
             that
             while
             ;
             the
             fifth
             day
             he
             perswaded
             his
             Wife
             to
             ride
             abroad
             with
             him
             to
             take
             the
             Air
             ,
             and
             mounted
             her
             on
             that
             very
             Mule
             ,
             which
             he
             knew
             she
             delighted
             in
             ,
             
             and
             he
             himself
             backt
             another
             :
             riding
             along
             they
             came
             at
             last
             near
             a
             deep
             River
             ,
             at
             sight
             whereof
             ,
             the
             Mule
             being
             parcht
             with
             thirst
             ,
             and
             over
             greedy
             to
             quench
             it
             ,
             ran
             violently
             into
             the
             midst
             thereof
             ,
             which
             was
             out
             of
             his
             depth
             ,
             and
             so
             lost
             his
             own
             with
             the
             life
             of
             his
             Mistress
             .
          
           
             
               BErtrand
               de
               Guelclin
            
             ,
             General
             to
             Charles
             the
             Fifth
             ,
             who
             had
             no
             farther
             occasion
             to
             make
             use
             of
             him
             at
             home
             ,
             desired
             his
             Majesty
             to
             give
             him
             leave
             to
             march
             into
             Granada
             to
             fight
             against
             the
             Sarazens
             .
             Now
             for
             the
             Thieveries
             and
             violences
             this
             Bertrand
             had
             committed
             ,
             both
             he
             and
             the
             whole
             Army
             were
             Excommunicated
             by
             Pope
             Vrban
             the
             Fifth
             .
             Bertrand
             takes
             his
             way
             into
             Spain
             by
             Avignon
             ,
             where
             the
             said
             Pope
             had
             then
             his
             Residence
             ,
             who
             hearing
             of
             a
             great
             Army
             marching
             towards
             him
             ,
             sent
             a
             Cardinal
             to
             know
             what
             they
             intended
             ,
             or
             demanded
             :
             Bertrand
             made
             Answer
             ,
             
               Tell
               our
               Holy
               Father
               ,
               that
               we
               are
               come
               to
               receive
               Pardon
               ,
               and
               Absolution
               for
               thesins
               we
               have
               committed
               ,
               and
               the
               punishments
               we
               have
               deserved
               ,
               and
               to
               be
               freed
               from
               the
               Excommunication
               :
               Likewise
               we
               demand
               two
               thousand
               Florins
               in
               
               Gold
               for
               our
               present
               substance
               ,
               and
               to
               carry
               us
               on
               in
               the
               work
               of
               propagating
               the
               Christian
               Faith.
            
             The
             Cardinal
             returning
             this
             Answer
             ,
             said
             the
             Pope
             ,
             
               It
               is
               strange
               ,
               and
               wonderful
               to
               me
               ,
               that
               these
               men
               should
               demand
               Absolution
               and
               Money
               too
               ,
               since
               we
               are
               accustomed
               to
               receive
               Money
               before
               we
               give
               Absolution
               .
            
          
           
             ONe
             asking
             Diogenes
             the
             Cynick
             what
             he
             would
             have
             to
             take
             a
             cuff
             on
             the
             Ear
             ,
             he
             answered
             him
             a
             Helmet
             .
             The
             same
             man
             walking
             in
             the
             fields
             ,
             and
             seeing
             a
             young
             man
             shooting
             very
             unskilfully
             ,
             went
             and
             sate
             down
             very
             near
             the
             mark
             ;
             some
             asking
             him
             why
             he
             did
             so
             ,
             he
             answer'd
             
               least
               peradventure
               he
               that
               shoots
               should
               hit
               me
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             Abbot
             in
             a
             Monastery
             bid
             one
             of
             the
             young
             students
             to
             construe
             an
             Hymn
             in
             which
             was
             this
             word
             Pedo
             ,
             which
             signifies
             a
             shepheards
             Crook
             at
             which
             the
             Scholler
             was
             much
             puzled
             .
             Wherefore
             the
             Abbot
             commanded
             him
             to
             look
             that
             word
             in
             the
             Dictionary
             ,
             where
             having
             lookt
             ,
             he
             crys
             out
             
               Pedo
               ,
               Pedis
               ,
               Pedere
            
             ,
             which
             signifies
             to
             fart
             ,
             at
             which
             the
             rest
             broke
             
             forth
             into
             a
             loud
             Laughter
             ;
             the
             Abbot
             being
             thereat
             very
             angry
             ,
             struck
             one
             of
             them
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               you
               Rascal
               ,
               do
               you
               laugh
               ,
               whilst
               we
               are
               talking
               of
               sacred
               things
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Priest
             living
             in
             Popish
             ignorance
             ,
             and
             willing
             to
             prove
             the
             Parish
             must
             Pave
             the
             Church
             ,
             and
             not
             he
             ,
             proved
             it
             out
             of
             the
             
               Old
               Testament
            
             ,
             in
             these
             words
             ,
             
               paveant
               illi
               ,
               non
               illi
               ,
               non
               paveam
               ego
               .
            
          
           
             AN
             
               English
               man
            
             being
             in
             the
             company
             of
             a
             
               French
               man
            
             ,
             said
             in
             praise
             of
             his
             Country
             ,
             that
             we
             give
             the
             Lyon
             ,
             the
             Prince
             of
             all
             Beasts
             ,
             for
             our
             Armes
             ;
             the
             French
             man
             replyed
             ,
             't
             is
             true
             ;
             yet
             ,
             
               Leo
               Gallum
               per
               horrescit
            
             .
          
           
             TWo
             Shavelings
             (
             alias
             Fryers
             )
             were
             in
             disputation
             ,
             whether
             God
             had
             made
             more
             Worlds
             then
             one
             ?
             the
             one
             of
             them
             alledged
             that
             Passage
             in
             the
             Gospel
             ,
             concerning
             the
             cleansing
             of
             ten
             Leapers
             ,
             being
             Christs
             words
             ,
             
               Annon
               decem
               facti
               sunt
               mundi
            
             ?
             the
             other
             having
             had
             recourse
             first
             to
             the
             Text
             ,
             answered
             him
             as
             learnedly
             with
             the
             words
             following
             ,
             
               Sed
               ubi
               sunt
               illi
               novem
            
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Certain
             man
             in
             Spain
             ,
             being
             to
             be
             markt
             in
             the
             Fore-head
             for
             having
             three
             wives
             ,
             one
             said
             he
             might
             be
             spared
             ,
             for
             he
             was
             markt
             in
             the
             Forehead
             when
             he
             had
             but
             one
             Wife
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             WITTY
             SAYINGS
             OF
             A
             
               FRENCH
               JESTER
            
             .
          
           
             THat
             a
             Physician
             was
             naturally
             brother
             to
             the
             Wormes
             ,
             because
             he
             was
             engendred
             out
             of
             Mans
             Corruptions
             .
          
           
             He
             adviseth
             all
             men
             to
             be
             kind
             &
             courteous
             to
             Hemp
             :
             being
             askt
             the
             reason
             ,
             quoth
             he
             ,
             it
             is
             the
             most
             revengeful
             thing
             in
             the
             World
             :
             for
             if
             a
             man
             beat
             it
             ,
             especially
             in
             Bridewel
             ,
             it
             is
             a
             hundred
             to
             one
             ,
             but
             it
             will
             be
             the
             death
             of
             him
             shortly
             after
             .
          
           
             Standing
             by
             some
             Swearing
             at
             Play
             ,
             he
             said
             ,
             He
             that
             swears
             when
             he
             looseth
             his
             Money
             by
             Gameing
             ,
             may
             challenge
             Hell
             by
             way
             of
             Purchase
             .
          
           
             He
             said
             a
             Prodigal
             was
             like
             a
             Brush
             ,
             which
             spent
             it self
             to
             make
             others
             go
             
             handsome
             in
             their
             Apparrel
             .
          
           
             Seeing
             a
             man
             in
             the
             Pillory
             ;
             he
             said
             ,
             That
             certainly
             there
             must
             be
             a
             great
             deal
             of
             pleasant
             Oratory
             in
             it
             ,
             or
             else
             men
             would
             not
             have
             their
             Eares
             nailed
             to
             it
             .
          
           
             He
             said
             ,
             That
             Antiquaries
             love
             every
             thing
             as
             Duch-men
             do
             Cheese
             ,
             for
             being
             mouldy
             and
             Worm-eaten
             .
          
           
             He
             contradicted
             one
             for
             saying
             ,
             That
             the
             Players
             in
             Paris
             had
             but
             an
             idle
             employment
             ;
             sure
             Sir
             (
             said
             he
             )
             you
             are
             mistaken
             ,
             for
             their
             whole
             lives
             are
             nothing
             but
             Action
             .
          
           
             Being
             asked
             by
             one
             ,
             how
             he
             should
             use
             Tobacco
             that
             it
             might
             do
             him
             good
             ,
             he
             answered
             ,
             You
             must
             keep
             a
             Tobacco
             shop
             ,
             and
             sell
             it
             ,
             for
             certainly
             there
             are
             none
             else
             find
             good
             in
             it
             .
          
           
             He
             said
             ,
             That
             Poetry
             and
             Plain
             dealing
             were
             a
             couple
             of
             handsome
             Wenches
             ,
             and
             he
             that
             wedds
             himself
             to
             either
             ,
             shall
             dye
             a
             Beggar
             .
          
           
             He
             compared
             Women
             to
             Quich
             sands
             ,
             which
             seemed
             firm
             ,
             but
             if
             a
             Man
             came
             upon
             them
             ,
             he
             fell
             in
             over
             Head
             and
             Shoulders
             .
          
           
             Of
             all
             Trades
             he
             said
             ,
             A
             Tooth-drawer
             was
             the
             most
             unconscionable
             ,
             
             because
             his
             Trade
             was
             to
             take
             away
             that
             ,
             whereby
             every
             man
             gets
             his
             living
             .
             And
             that
             a
             Hangman's
             Profession
             was
             the
             most
             contemplative
             of
             all
             others
             ,
             because
             he
             never
             was
             to
             work
             ,
             but
             he
             was
             put
             in
             mind
             of
             his
             own
             end
             .
          
           
             Seeing
             some
             Reapers
             in
             Harvest
             time
             ,
             he
             told
             them
             ,
             That
             Corn
             was
             a
             quarrelsome
             Creature
             ,
             because
             it
             rose
             by
             the
             Blade
             ,
             and
             fell
             by
             the
             Ears
             with
             those
             that
             cut
             them
             .
          
           
             That
             Colliers
             and
             Mine-workers
             should
             be
             well
             acquainted
             with
             all
             
               Philosophical
               Secrets
            
             of
             the
             Earth
             ,
             because
             they
             have
             deeper
             knowledge
             in
             it
             then
             any
             others
             .
          
           
             That
             Drawers
             and
             Tapsters
             should
             be
             men
             of
             great
             esteem
             ,
             Because
             they
             are
             men
             not
             only
             of
             an
             high
             Calling
             ,
             but
             also
             of
             a
             great
             reckoning
             .
          
           
             Of
             all
             Knaves
             (
             he
             said
             )
             there
             was
             the
             greatest
             hope
             of
             a
             Cobler
             ,
             for
             though
             he
             be
             ever
             so
             idle
             a
             Fellow
             ,
             yet
             he
             is
             always
             mending
             .
          
           
             One
             time
             seeing
             a
             tall
             Man
             ,
             he
             said
             ,
             That
             for
             certain
             he
             must
             needs
             be
             a
             great
             Polititian
             ,
             because
             he
             had
             an
             extraordinary
             reach
             .
          
           
             He
             said
             a
             squint
             eyed
             Man
             could
             not
             
             but
             be
             very
             Circumspect
             ,
             since
             he
             looked
             so
             many
             ways
             at
             once
             .
          
           
             That
             Glasiers
             might
             be
             chosen
             ,
             and
             concluded
             good
             deciders
             of
             Controversie
             ,
             or
             Arbitrators
             ,
             For
             they
             spend
             most
             of
             their
             time
             in
             composing
             of
             quarrels
             .
          
           
             That
             Carpenters
             were
             the
             Civiliest
             and
             honestest
             of
             all
             men
             ,
             For
             they
             never
             do
             their
             business
             without
             a
             Rule
             .
          
           
             That
             Physicians
             of
             all
             men
             had
             the
             best
             on
             't
             ,
             For
             if
             they
             did
             well
             ,
             the
             World
             did
             proclame
             it
             ,
             if
             ill
             ,
             the
             Earth
             did
             cover
             it
             .
          
           
             That
             Vintners
             are
             very
             rash
             fellows
             ,
             because
             they
             draw
             upon
             all
             occasions
             :
             and
             so
             expert
             at
             their
             Weapons
             ,
             that
             they
             let
             very
             few
             go
             away
             scot-free
             .
          
           
             That
             Fidlers
             are
             very
             unfortunate
             in
             their
             occupation
             ,
             For
             they
             never
             do
             any
             thing
             ,
             but
             it
             is
             against
             the
             hair
             .
          
           
             That
             Trumpeters
             are
             ever
             subject
             to
             Distempers
             ,
             For
             commonly
             when
             they
             are
             most
             in
             health
             ,
             they
             will
             fall
             a
             sounding
             .
          
           
             That
             Ostlers
             and
             Horse-coursers
             are
             happy
             men
             ,
             For
             let
             the
             World
             go
             how
             it
             will
             ,
             and
             let
             there
             be
             never
             so
             much
             alteration
             in
             times
             and
             persons
             ,
             
             yet
             they
             are
             still
             to
             be
             accounted
             Stable-men
             .
          
           
             A
             person
             Drunk
             one
             day
             ,
             railing
             at
             him
             ,
             he
             told
             the
             Company
             he
             mattered
             not
             any
             thing
             what
             he
             said
             in
             his
             Cups
             ,
             For
             he
             spake
             nothing
             that
             he
             could
             stand
             to
             .
          
           
             He
             said
             ,
             some
             Taylors
             were
             like
             Wood-cocks
             ,
             because
             they
             lived
             by
             their
             long
             Bills
             .
          
           
             That
             a
             Prison
             is
             a
             good
             Instrument
             of
             Reformation
             ,
             for
             it
             makes
             many
             Rogues
             and
             Lewd
             Fellows
             ,
             staid
             men
             .
             Discoursing
             of
             a
             Common-wealth
             ,
             he
             said
             ,
             That
             in
             that
             of
             Fishes
             there
             are
             many
             Officers
             ,
             Herring
             is
             the
             King
             ;
             The
             Sword-fish
             his
             Guard
             ;
             Lobsters
             Aldermen
             ;
             Crabs
             Constables
             ,
             Dog-fish
             Serjeants
             ,
             and
             their
             Yeomen
             ;
             and
             
               Poor
               John
            
             ,
             or
             Stock-fish
             ,
             the
             common
             sort
             of
             people
             .
          
           
             That
             Coblers
             might
             be
             said
             to
             be
             good
             men
             ,
             because
             they
             set
             men
             upright
             ,
             and
             are
             ever
             employ'd
             in
             mending
             Souls
             .
          
           
             He
             said
             ,
             that
             a
             Tavern
             and
             Houses
             of
             Entertainment
             were
             the
             only
             place
             for
             men
             to
             thrive
             in
             ,
             For
             he
             said
             ,
             He
             had
             seen
             many
             a
             score
             made
             there
             .
          
           
           
             That
             Carriers
             are
             wise
             men
             ,
             for
             they
             will
             not
             meddle
             with
             any
             thing
             ,
             but
             they
             will
             know
             of
             what
             moment
             and
             weight
             it
             is
             .
          
           
             That
             Painters
             were
             cunning
             Fellows
             ,
             For
             they
             had
             a
             Colour
             for
             what
             ever
             they
             did
             .
          
           
             He
             said
             ,
             that
             Court-gallants
             had
             reason
             to
             be
             good
             Schollars
             ,
             By
             reason
             they
             were
             deep
             in
             many
             Books
             .
          
           
             One
             was
             saying
             to
             him
             ,
             that
             some
             Letters
             in
             the
             Hebrew
             Alphabet
             were
             longer
             then
             any
             other
             whatever
             :
             That
             's
             not
             so
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             for
             in
             ours
             we
             have
             one
             ,
             an
             L
             long
             .
          
           
             That
             Glovers
             get
             a
             great
             part
             of
             their
             living
             ,
             by
             cutting
             Purses
             ,
             and
             are
             never
             punish'd
             for
             it
             .
          
           
             Seeing
             on
             a
             time
             a
             man
             with
             a
             great
             Nose
             and
             thin
             Beard
             ,
             he
             said
             that
             the
             shadow
             of
             that
             mans
             long
             Nose
             hindered
             the
             growth
             of
             his
             Beard
             .
          
           
             Hearing
             of
             a
             Wench
             (
             that
             was
             bred
             on
             the
             Alms
             of
             the
             Parish
             )
             who
             had
             left
             one
             of
             her
             Bastards
             to
             be
             kept
             by
             them
             also
             ,
             I
             commend
             her
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             for
             her
             gratitude
             ;
             having
             done
             like
             the
             grateful
             Stork
             in
             Holland
             ,
             for
             it
             is
             reported
             of
             them
             ,
             that
             they
             never
             depart
             but
             
             leave
             one
             of
             their
             young
             behind
             them
             ,
             in
             recompence
             of
             the
             kindness
             they
             received
             from
             their
             Land-lord
             .
          
           
             He
             was
             wont
             to
             say
             ,
             that
             the
             Portuguise
             seems
             a
             Fool
             ,
             and
             is
             so
             ;
             the
             Spaniard
             seems
             wise
             ,
             and
             is
             a
             Fool
             ;
             the
             French
             seems
             a
             Fool
             ,
             and
             is
             wise
             ;
             the
             Englishman
             is
             wise
             ,
             but
             cannot
             show
             it
             ;
             and
             the
             Dutchman
             would
             be
             wiser
             ,
             were
             it
             not
             for
             his
             Liquor
             .
          
           
             Well
             ,
             said
             he
             ,
             may
             sick
             persons
             be
             called
             Patients
             ,
             since
             they
             suffer
             so
             much
             by
             their
             Physitians
             .
          
           
             He
             said
             ,
             that
             Soldiers
             in
             Peace
             ,
             were
             like
             Chimneys
             in
             Summer
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             
               A
               BULL
               PROLOGUE
               .
            
             
               Supposedly
               writ
               by
               Sr.
               W.D.
               
            
             
               
                 
                   YOu
                   who
                   sitting
                   here
                
                 ,
              
               
                 
                   Do
                   stand
                   to
                   see
                   our
                   Play
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   (
                   Which
                   must
                   this
                   Night
                
                 ,
              
               
                 
                   Be
                   Acted
                   here
                   to
                   day
                   .
                   )
                
              
               
                 
                   Be
                   silent
                   pray
                
                 ,
              
               
                 
                   Though
                   you
                   aloud
                   do
                   talk
                
                 :
              
               
                 
                   Stir
                   not
                   a
                   jot
                
                 ,
              
               
                 
                   Though
                   up
                   and
                   down
                   you
                   walk
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   For
                   every
                   silent
                   noise
                
              
               
                 
                   The
                   Players
                   see
                
                 ,
              
               
                 
                   Will
                   make
                   them
                   mute
                
                 ,
              
               
                 
                   And
                   speak
                   full
                   angerly
                
                 .
              
               
                 
                   O
                   stay
                   but
                   here
                
              
               
                 
                   Until
                   you
                   do
                   depart
                
                 ,
              
               
                 
                   Gently
                   your
                   smiling
                   frowns
                
              
               
                 
                   To
                   us
                   impart
                
                 .
              
               
                 
                   And
                   we
                   most
                   thankless
                
              
               
                 
                   Thankful
                   will
                   appear
                
                 ,
              
               
                 
                   And
                   wait
                   upon
                   you
                   home
                
                 ,
              
               
                 
                   But
                   yet
                   stay
                   here
                
                 .
              
            
          
           
             
             
               A
               BULL
               LETTER
               .
            
             
               MY
               dear
               and
               only
               Son
               ,
               yet
               dear
               thou
               ant
               not
               to
               me
               ,
               I
               must
               needs
               say
               ;
               for
               thou
               hast
               cost
               me
               nothing
               yet
               ,
               but
               the
               pains
               I
               took
               to
               bring
               thee
               into
               the
               world
               ,
               and
               since
               to
               maintain
               thee
               at
               home
               ,
               and
               when
               but
               a
               Boy
               ,
               I
               seeing
               thee
               a
               Lusty
               man
               ,
               I
               sent
               thee
               my
               dear
               Child
               to
               London
               ,
               and
               gave
               thirty
               pounds
               to
               Prentice
               with
               thee
               .
               I
               hear
               to
               my
               comfort
               ,
               thou
               do'st
               want
               for
               nothing
               ,
               neither
               cloaths
               ,
               nor
               Victuals
               ;
               yet
               fearing
               that
               Provision
               thou
               canst
               not
               come
               to
               at
               all
               times
               ,
               I
               have
               sent
               thee
               a
               Cheese
               marked
               F
               thine
               one
               Father-in-lawes
               Christen-name
               ,
               and
               I
               have
               sent
               thee
               also
               an
               old
               Cloak
               of
               thine
               Uncles
               ,
               to
               make
               thee
               a
               new
               Coat
               on
               't
               .
               Thou
               knowest
               I
               love
               thee
               too
               well
               ,
               and
               therefore
               least
               thou
               shouldst
               abuse
               it
               ,
               I
               would
               not
               have
               thee
               see
               it
               ;
               to
               that
               end
               I
               have
               sent
               thee
               up
               twenty
               shillings
               by
               the
               Carrier
               ,
               but
               thou
               must
               not
               know
               I
               sent
               it
               .
               Thy
               Sister
               is
               sick
               a
               bed
               though
               thanks
               be
               to
               God
               very
               well
               recovered
               ,
               and
               so
               I
               rest
               as
               long
               as
               I
               live
               ,
               and
               after
               Death
               ,
            
             
               
                 Thy
                 ever
                 loving
                 ,
                 &c.
                 
              
            
          
           
             
             
               BULLS
               .
            
             
               ONe
               hearing
               Mackerel
               cryed
               on
               a
               Sabbath
               day
               ;
               seemed
               to
               wonder
               at
               it
               ,
               and
               askt
               of
               his
               Friend
               why
               it
               was
               suffer'd
               ;
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               there
               are
               two
               sorts
               of
               Fish
               which
               are
               allow'd
               to
               be
               cryed
               on
               Sunday
               ,
               
                 and
                 they
                 are
                 Milk
                 and
                 Mackerel
                 .
              
            
             
               Two
               Scullogues
               or
               Vulgar
               Irish
               men
               talking
               after
               their
               wises
               rate
               together
               ,
               said
               one
               ,
               Charles
               the
               first
               is
               dead
               ,
               God
               bless
               him
               ;
               now
               if
               Charles
               the
               Second
               (
               God
               bless
               him
               )
               dye
               ,
               
                 Must
                 not
                 James
                 D●ke
                 of
                 Yorke
                 be
                 called
                 Chales
                 the
                 Third
                 .
              
            
             
               There
               are
               three
               things
               (
               said
               one
               )
               and
               all
               of
               them
               begin
               with
               one
               Letter
               which
               are
               very
               hurtful
               ,
               nay
               destructive
               to
               mankind
               ,
               and
               they
               are
               
                 Wine
                 ,
                 Women
                 ,
                 and
                 Tobacco
                 .
              
            
             
             
               One
               protested
               to
               me
               that
               he
               knew
               a
               Fellow
               would
               wright
               a
               hand
               as
               good
               as
               most
               men
               ,
               with
               his
               Toes
               .
            
             
               Another
               speaking
               of
               the
               Thunder
               and
               Lightning
               we
               had
               much
               about
               the
               time
               of
               that
               dreadful
               Tempest
               which
               did
               so
               much
               Mischief
               in
               Holland
               ,
               said
               ,
               Lord
               what
               a
               Horrible
               Tempestuous
               Night
               we
               had
               yesterday
               Morning
               .
            
             
               Two
               Fellows
               bragging
               what
               brave
               houses
               their
               Masters
               kept
               at
               Christmas
               ,
               says
               one
               ,
               my
               Master
               Kills
               every
               day
               an
               Ox.
               Pish
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               my
               Master
               Kills
               an
               Ox
               and
               a
               half
               .
            
             
               One
               brought
               a
               Butcher
               before
               a
               Justice
               for
               Killing
               a
               Cow
               that
               dy'd
               in
               a
               Ditch
               of
               her
               own
               accord
               ,
               and
               selling
               her
               flesh
               in
               the
               Market
               .
            
             
               One
               told
               another
               with
               indignation
               that
               he
               had
               received
               an
               affront
               from
               a
               very
               Goose
               ;
               Oh
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               I
               know
               what
               Goose
               you
               mean
               ;
               I
               am
               sure
               't
               is
               a
               Goose
               with
               too
               Legs
               .
            
             
             
               An
               ignorant
               She-cockney
               seeing
               a
               Goose
               with
               many
               young
               Goslins
               ,
               said
               ,
               she
               wondred
               how
               she
               could
               Suckle
               them
               all
               .
            
             
               A
               Gentleman
               and
               his
               Man
               walking
               in
               the
               Fields
               ,
               the
               man
               observed
               a
               Fellow
               riding
               on
               a
               Cow
               ;
               look
               Master
               says
               he
               ,
               yonder
               's
               a
               Fellow
               rides
               on
               Horseback
               on
               a
               Cow
               ,
               
                 that
                 's
                 a
                 Bull
              
               ,
               says
               the
               Master
               ;
               No
               Sir
               ,
               says
               the
               man
               ,
               I
               know
               it
               is
               a
               Cow
               by
               his
               Teats
               .
            
             
               One
               walking
               with
               his
               Friend
               ,
               and
               both
               very
               poor
               ,
               met
               with
               an
               old
               acquaintance
               grown
               rich
               ,
               Look
               ●ard
               one
               ,
               don't
               you
               see
               who
               goes
               yonder
               ,
               that
               wont
               see
               us
               ;
               yes
               ,
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               
                 He
                 sees
                 us
                 w●ll
                 enough
                 ,
                 though
                 he
                 will
                 not
                 look
                 upon
                 us
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Gentleman
               going
               by
               Water
               with
               his
               Friend
               ,
               ●ell
               into
               some
               Discourse
               ,
               which
               the
               busie
               Waterman
               understanding
               ,
               Put
               in
               for
               a
               share
               in
               their
               discourse
               ;
               one
               of
               the
               Gentlemen
               being
               angry
               hereat
               ,
               told
               him
               ,
               he
               was
               a
               saucy
               busie
               Fellow
               ,
               in
               that
               he
               must
               have
               an
               
               Oar
               in
               every
               mans
               Boat
               ,
               and
               bade
               him
               hold
               his
               Tongue
               ;
               but
               he
               continuing
               his
               babling
               ,
               I
               protest
               said
               the
               Gentleman
               ,
               as
               they
               were
               in
               the
               middle
               of
               the
               Thames
               ,
               If
               thou
               dost
               not
               hold
               thy
               Tongue
               the
               sooner
               ,
               
                 I
                 will
                 knock
                 thy
                 head
                 and
                 the
                 wall
                 together
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               grave
               Citizen
               of
               London
               ,
               though
               not
               so
               wise
               as
               he
               should
               be
               ,
               talking
               with
               some
               of
               his
               Neigbours
               concerning
               his
               Shop
               ,
               he
               had
               then
               newly
               Rebuilt
               after
               the
               Fire
               ;
               Truly
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 I
                 think
                 I
                 have
                 contrived
                 it
                 to
                 the
                 best
                 advantage
                 ,
                 for
                 it
                 hath
                 the
                 Morning
                 Sun
                 all
                 day
                 long
                 in
                 it
                 .
              
            
             
               'T
               was
               at
               first
               when
               the
               fashion
               of
               gray
               Freeze
               came
               up
               amongst
               the
               Gentry
               ,
               especially
               for
               Riding
               Suits
               ,
               that
               a
               Wise-acre
               considering
               that
               it
               was
               then
               
                 A-la-mode
                 ,
                 asked
                 if
                 there
                 were
                 no
                 black
                 of
                 that
                 colour
                 ,
                 for
                 he
                 had
                 a
                 mind
                 to
                 have
                 a
                 Coat
                 of
                 it
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               exclaiming
               against
               another
               who
               ran
               away
               in
               his
               Debt
               ,
               
                 A
                 Pox
                 light
                 on
                 him
              
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 I
                 am
                 sure
                 I
                 lent
                 him
                 six
                 and
                 f●rty
                 good
                 shillings
                 all
                 in
                 half
                 Crowns
                 .
              
            
             
             
               When
               Guinneys
               were
               first
               coyned
               they
               were
               a
               great
               rarity
               in
               the
               Countrey
               ;
               one
               coming
               from
               London
               more
               gallant
               then
               wise
               ,
               seeing
               the
               People
               so
               eager
               to
               see
               them
               ,
               alas
               (
               said
               he
               )
               throwing
               down
               two
               or
               three
               of
               them
               ,
               
                 these
                 are
                 so
                 common
                 in
              
               London
               ,
               
                 that
                 you
                 cannot
                 receive
                 forty
                 shillings
                 ,
                 but
                 you
                 must
                 take
                 seven
                 or
                 eight
                 of
                 them
                 whether
                 you
                 will
                 or
                 no.
                 
              
            
             
               One
               being
               chid
               by
               his
               Friends
               for
               wearing
               his
               Nailes
               so
               long
               ;
               
                 I
                 can
                 assure
                 you
                 said
                 he
                 ,
                 I
                 pare
                 them
                 every
                 foot
                 .
              
            
             
               After
               the
               sad
               and
               dismal
               Fire
               in
               London
               ,
               when
               nothing
               was
               left
               standing
               ,
               but
               Ruines
               ,
               one
               Passing
               by
               as
               they
               were
               pulling
               down
               a
               Wall
               ;
               
                 Have
                 a
                 care
                 ,
                 have
                 a
                 care
              
               (
               crys
               he
               to
               the
               Labourers
               )
               
                 for
                 I
                 see
                 the
                 Foundation
                 just
                 tumbling
                 on
                 your
                 heads
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               sitting
               at
               Supper
               his
               Cat
               past
               to
               and
               fro
               through
               his
               Armes
               ,
               brushing
               her
               Tail
               against
               his
               Mouth
               ,
               this
               so
               offended
               him
               ,
               that
               in
               a
               rage
               he
               cuts
               off
               the
               tip
               of
               her
               Tail
               ,
               saying
               ,
               
                 I
                 think
                 
                 now
                 Mrs.
                 Puss
                 ,
                 I
                 have
                 given
                 you
                 an
                 Ear-mark
                 :
              
               For
               the
               present
               the
               Cat
               absented
               her self
               ,
               but
               the
               next
               day
               came
               again
               according
               to
               her
               wonted
               manner
               ;
               whereupon
               in
               a
               fury
               ,
               says
               he
               ,
               
                 Why
                 ,
                 how
                 now
                 you
                 troublsome
                 Bitch
                 are
                 you
                 come
                 again
                 ,
                 I
                 thought
                 I
                 had
                 given
                 you
                 your
                 Break-fast
                 last
                 Night
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Carpenter
               being
               at
               work
               in
               a
               Bowling-green
               ,
               was
               askt
               ,
               what
               he
               was
               doing
               ?
               
                 I
                 am
                 making
                 a
                 Bench
                 for
                 the
                 standers
                 by
                 to
                 sit
                 upon
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Scholar
               meeting
               a
               poor
               ignorant
               Fellow
               on
               the
               Road
               ,
               
                 How
                 far
                 friend
              
               (
               says
               he
               )
               to
               Cambridge
               ?
               
                 Faith
                 Sir
                 I
                 know
                 not
              
               (
               says
               he
               )
               
                 but
                 from
              
               Cambridge
               
                 to
                 this
                 Town
                 is
                 counted
                 seven
                 miles
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Physitian
               visiting
               a
               sick
               Woman
               ,
               and
               finding
               her
               lye
               on
               her
               back
               ,
               advised
               her
               to
               lye
               on
               her
               side
               ,
               
                 'T
                 is
                 very
                 right
                 Mr.
                 Doctor
              
               (
               said
               her
               Husband
               )
               
                 I
                 always
                 told
                 her
                 ,
                 her
                 back
                 was
                 the
                 worst
                 ●ide
                 for
                 her
                 to
                 lye
                 upon
                 ,
                 and
                 she
                 would
                 never
                 believe
                 me
                 .
              
            
             
               Prythee
               said
               one
               ,
               why
               dost
               thou
               wear
               one
               of
               thy
               Stockens
               the
               wrong
               
               side
               outwards
               ?
               O
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 It
                 hath
                 a
                 hole
                 on
                 the
                 other
                 side
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               company
               of
               Fellowes
               in
               the
               height
               of
               their
               mirth
               threw
               Tobacco
               Pipes
               one
               at
               another
               .
               Tom
               with
               a
               piece
               of
               Pipe
               hit
               John
               in
               the
               Face
               ,
               but
               Tom
               denyed
               that
               he
               did
               it
               ,
               well
               it
               was
               ill
               done
               of
               you
               Tom
               ,
               though
               said
               John
               ,
               who
               ever
               did
               it
               .
            
             
               Two
               quarrelling
               in
               a
               Tavern
               were
               prevented
               from
               fighting
               by
               the
               Company
               ,
               Well
               (
               said
               the
               one
               )
               
                 though
                 I
                 am
                 hindred
                 from
                 having
                 my
                 Revenge
                 now
                 ,
                 know
                 that
                 I
                 will
                 kick
                 thee
                 down
                 stairs
                 where
                 ever
                 I
                 meet
                 thee
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               in
               February
               drinking
               March
               Bear
               which
               was
               very
               mellow
               ,
               complained
               of
               the
               newness
               of
               it
               ,
               saying
               ,
               
                 Sure
                 this
              
               March-Beer
               
                 cannot
                 be
                 above
                 six
                 weeks
                 old
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Tobacconist
               who
               had
               fum'd
               away
               that
               little
               under
               standing
               he
               had
               ,
               hearing
               some
               praise
               and
               others
               dispraise
               his
               Tobacco
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 Well
                 Gentlemen
                 you
                 may
                 say
                 what
                 you
                 please
                 ;
                 but
                 a
                 sweeter
                 and
                 
                 cleaner
                 Tobacco
                 you
                 never
                 saw
                 ,
                 for
                 I
                 am
                 sure
                 there
                 is
                 neither
                 leaves
                 nor
                 stalks
                 therein
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Precise
               Presbyterian
               ,
               hearing
               much
               Swearing
               in
               a
               Bowling-green
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 Fie
                 Gentlemen
                 ,
                 forbear
                 ,
                 it
                 is
                 God's
                 great
                 mercy
                 the
                 Bowling-green
                 doth
                 not
                 fall
                 on
                 your
                 heads
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Customer
               asking
               a
               Barber
               where
               he
               might
               have
               some
               Water
               to
               wash
               his
               hands
               ,
               yonder
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 there
                 is
                 some
                 in
                 that
                 empty
                 Tub.
                 
              
            
             
               One
               said
               ,
               that
               the
               Wind
               changed
               very
               often
               that
               day
               ;
               For
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 I
                 went
                 up
              
               Corn-hill
               
                 in
                 the
                 morning
                 ,
                 and
                 it
                 was
                 in
                 my
                 back
                 ,
                 and
                 in
                 less
                 then
                 half
                 an
                 hour
                 returning
                 I
                 found
                 it
                 in
                 my
                 Face
                 ,
                 going
                 up
                 thither
                 again
                 in
                 the
                 Afternoon
                 ,
                 I
                 found
                 it
                 in
                 my
                 back
                 again
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               seeing
               his
               Son
               play
               Roguish
               tricks
               ,
               
                 Why
                 Sirrah
              
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 did
                 you
                 ever
                 see
                 me
                 do
                 so
                 when
                 I
                 was
                 a
                 Boy
                 as
                 you
                 are
                 ?
              
            
             
               A
               very
               noted
               Bull-maker
               lying
               on
               his
               Death-bed
               desired
               of
               his
               Friends
               
               when
               buried
               ,
               that
               they
               would
               for
               an
               Epitaph
               onely
               write
               these
               words
               on
               his
               Tombstone
               ,
               
                 Here
                 lies
                 honest
                 Ralph
                 ,
                 as
                 dead
                 as
                 any
                 man
                 living
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               Amner
               the
               great
               Bull-maker
               of
               Windsor
               ,
               tumbling
               one
               day
               over
               a
               Form
               ,
               
                 A
                 Pox
                 on
                 't
              
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 I
                 have
                 burnt
                 my
                 shins
              
               .
            
             
               A
               Barber
               ,
               in
               the
               Countrey
               ,
               seeing
               his
               Neighbour
               cut
               down
               a
               Pear-tree
               askt
               him
               for
               some
               of
               it
               ,
               why
               ,
               what
               would
               you
               do
               with
               it
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               
                 I
                 would
              
               (
               replyed
               he
               )
               
                 make
                 some
                 B●x
                 Combs
                 thereof
              
               .
            
             
               A
               Gentleman
               both
               Foolish
               and
               Covetous
               hearing
               his
               Steward
               say
               ,
               he
               had
               killed
               him
               a
               Bullock
               against
               the
               Holy-days
               ;
               What
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 do
                 you
                 mean
                 to
                 undoe
                 me
                 by
                 such
                 extravagant
                 expences
                 ;
                 I
                 will
                 have
                 but
                 halk
                 a
                 one
                 kill'd
                 at
                 a
                 time
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               bid
               his
               Shoo-maker
               make
               one
               of
               his
               Boots
               bigger
               then
               the
               other
               ,
               and
               when
               he
               brought
               them
               home
               ,
               
                 A
                 Pox
                 on
                 you
                 for
                 a
                 Rogue
              
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 I
                 bid
                 you
                 make
                 one
                 bigger
                 ,
                 and
                 you
                 have
                 made
                 one
                 less
                 .
              
            
             
             
               A
               Mechanick
               in
               the
               late
               licentious
               Times
               ,
               when
               every
               sordid
               Tradesman
               took
               afreedome
               to
               Prate
               what
               he
               would
               instead
               of
               Preaching
               ;
               I
               say
               this
               Fellow
               usurping
               the
               Pulpit
               ,
               would
               needs
               be
               in
               his
               Comparisons
               ,
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 The
                 wicked
                 keep
                 company
                 and
                 flock
                 together
                 as
                 Beasts
                 ,
                 Birds
                 ,
                 and
                 Fishes
                 :
                 The
                 Whoremasters
                 keep
                 one
                 another
                 Company
                 ,
                 as
                 Goats
                 on
                 the
                 Mountains
                 :
                 The
                 Whorish
                 ,
              
               Baby
               lonish
               
                 Priests
                 keep
                 company
                 ,
                 as
                 Rooks
                 ,
                 Daws
                 and
                 Crows
                 seperate
                 themselves
                 ,
                 so
                 do
                 Drunkards
                 meet
                 together
                 in
                 numbers
                 ,
                 accompanying
                 each
                 other
                 even
                 as
                 the
                 white
                 Herrings
                 swim
                 together
                 by
                 themselves
                 ,
                 and
                 the
                 Red
                 Herrings
                 by
                 themselves
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               ordering
               the
               Cloath
               to
               be
               taken
               away
               having
               dined
               ,
               and
               having
               Poultrey
               ,
               said
               hastily
               ,
               
                 Pray
                 be
                 sure
                 save
                 the
                 Chickens
                 for
                 the
                 Crums
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Fishmonger
               looking
               on
               a
               Well-boat
               building
               to
               keep
               his
               Fish
               alive
               therein
               ,
               observing
               but
               few
               holes
               ,
               cryed
               out
               ,
               
                 d'
                 ye
                 hear
                 you
                 Carpenter
                 ,
                 the
                 holes
                 are
                 not
                 full
                 of
                 Boats
                 enough
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               of
               the
               Vergers
               of
               the
               
                 King's
                 Chappel
              
               
               (
               a
               noted
               Bull-maker
               )
               coming
               in
               one
               Sunday
               morning
               ,
               observed
               his
               Brother
               had
               placed
               several
               of
               his
               Friends
               in
               divers
               Pews
               before
               any
               of
               the
               Nobility
               ,
               &c.
               were
               come
               ,
               being
               angred
               at
               this
               ,
               he
               came
               running
               to
               the
               other
               Verger
               ,
               saying
               ,
               
                 Prithee
                 ,
                 what
                 hast
                 thou
                 done
                 ,
                 you
                 have
                 almost
                 half
                 filled
                 the
                 Chapple
                 before
                 any
                 one
                 is
                 come
                 .
              
            
             
               The
               same
               man
               at
               another
               time
               meeting
               his
               God-Son
               ,
               askt
               him
               ,
               whither
               he
               was
               going
               ?
               To
               School
               said
               the
               Boy
               .
               
                 That
                 's
                 well
                 done
              
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 there
                 is
                 a
                 Tester
                 ,
                 be
                 a
                 good
                 Boy
                 and
                 follow
                 thy
                 Book
                 ,
                 and
                 I
                 hope
                 I
                 shall
                 live
                 to
                 hear
                 thee
                 Preach
                 my
                 Funeral
                 Sermon
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               who
               took
               great
               delight
               in
               Cock-fighting
               ,
               kept
               Game-Chickens
               ,
               who
               had
               made
               themselves
               bald
               by
               fighting
               ,
               seeing
               them
               in
               that
               condition
               ,
               he
               complained
               to
               his
               Friend
               ,
               saying
               ,
               
                 I
                 don't
                 know
                 what
                 I
                 shall
                 do
                 with
                 my
                 Chickens
                 ,
                 for
                 what
                 with
                 fighting
                 ,
                 and
                 what
                 with
                 creeping
                 under
                 the
                 Pens
                 ,
                 these
                 Today
                 things
                 have
                 scrub'd
                 all
                 their
                 hair
                 of
                 their
                 Heads
                 .
              
            
             
               The
               same
               man
               came
               running
               to
               me
               
               one
               day
               and
               complained
               grievously
               of
               the
               unkindness
               of
               the
               Church-Wardens
               ;
               
                 Why
                 ,
                 what
                 's
                 the
                 matter
              
               (
               said
               I
               ,
               )
               
                 the
                 matter
                 quoth
                 he
                 ;
                 Why
                 ,
                 they
                 have
                 divided
                 my
                 Pew
                 ,
                 and
                 thine
                 which
                 is
                 next
                 it
                 ,
                 into
                 one
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Country
               Attorney
               lying
               in
               
                 Grays
                 ●un
                 Lane
              
               over
               against
               the
               Gate
               ,
               lest
               one
               day
               (
               as
               it
               is
               usual
               )
               a
               note
               in
               his
               door
               ,
               to
               signifie
               where
               he
               was
               gone
               ,
               but
               the
               Contents
               of
               this
               Note
               were
               very
               unusual
               ;
               for
               thus
               he
               writ
               ,
               
                 I
                 am
                 gone
                 to
                 the
              
               Grays-Inn-Walks
               Tavern
               ,
               
                 if
                 you
                 cannot
                 read
                 what
                 here
                 is
                 written
                 ,
                 ca●y
                 it
                 over
                 the
                 way
                 to
                 a
                 Stationers
                 ,
                 and
                 he
                 will
                 do
                 it
                 for
                 you
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Gentleman
               more
               welthy
               then
               wise
               Travell'd
               into
               Italy
               with
               his
               Tutor
               ,
               to
               gather
               understanding
               ;
               being
               in
               Company
               a
               flattering
               French-man
               praised
               the
               Hilt
               of
               the
               English-man's
               Sword
               extreamly
               ,
               whereupon
               the
               Gentleman
               being
               of
               a
               free
               Spirit
               ,
               told
               him
               ,
               it
               was
               at
               his
               Service
               ,
               his
               Tutor
               seeing
               this
               ,
               was
               vext
               to
               some
               purpose
               ,
               wherefore
               taking
               his
               opportunity
               he
               chid
               his
               Pupil
               for
               indiscretion
               ,
               telling
               him
               ,
               he
               might
               have
               found
               twenty
               ways
               to
               have
               excused
               himself
               for
               not
               panting
               with
               his
               Sword
               ,
               
               particularly
               thus
               ,
               that
               truly
               it
               should
               be
               at
               his
               Service
               ,
               but
               that
               it
               was
               a
               gift
               of
               a
               dear
               friend
               ,
               and
               withal
               ,
               that
               he
               had
               a
               Dagger
               of
               the
               same
               :
               Well
               said
               the
               young
               Gentleman
               ,
               I
               will
               beware
               for
               the
               time
               to
               come
               ;
               the
               French-man
               coming
               one
               Morning
               into
               his
               Chamber
               very
               much
               prais'da
               pair
               of
               Slippers
               that
               he
               then
               wore
               ;
               Truly
               (
               said
               the
               young
               Gentleman
               )
               
                 They
                 should
                 be
                 at
                 your
                 Service
                 ,
                 but
                 that
                 I
                 have
                 a
                 Dagger
                 of
                 the
                 same
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Reverend
               Justice
               in
               the
               County
               of
               Norfolk
               being
               willing
               to
               befriend
               an
               old
               Servant
               of
               his
               that
               had
               stoln
               a
               Mare
               ;
               said
               (
               as
               he
               sate
               upon
               the
               Bench
               )
               
                 Gentlemen
                 of
                 the
              
               Jury
               ,
               
                 this
                 poor
                 Fellow
                 was
                 once
                 my
                 Servant
                 ,
                 and
                 as
                 honest
                 a
                 Fellow
                 as
                 ever
                 trod
                 on
                 shoo
                 of
                 Leather
                 ,
                 however
                 he
                 came
                 now
                 to
                 steal
                 a
                 Mare
                 ,
                 which
                 is
                 Fellony
                 as
                 I
                 take
                 it
                 ,
                 and
                 therefore
                 ought
                 to
                 be
                 Hang'd
                 ;
                 but
                 pray
                 consider
                 that
                 he
                 is
                 very
                 penitent
                 ,
                 I
                 can
                 assure
                 you
                 ,
                 and
                 will
                 never
                 do
                 so
                 again
                 ;
                 wherefore
                 to
                 save
                 his
                 Life
                 ,
                 pray
                 go
                 out
                 and
                 find
                 it
                 Manslaughter
                 .
              
            
             
               It
               is
               reported
               of
               a
               Mayor
               of
               an
               Inland
               Town
               in
               the
               West
               Countrey
               ,
               in
               the
               time
               of
               the
               Civil
               Wars
               ,
               calling
               his
               
               Brethren
               together
               to
               consult
               the
               safeguard
               of
               the
               Town
               ,
               from
               the
               injury
               of
               the
               approaching
               Enemy
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 Brethren
                 let
                 us
                 seperate
                 our selves
                 together
                 ,
                 and
                 let
                 us
                 with
                 great
                 inconsideration
                 endeavour
                 to
                 fortifie
                 the
                 Town
                 ;
                 in
                 short
                 ,
                 it
                 is
                 my
                 opinion
                 ,
                 that
                 there
                 is
                 nothing
                 more
                 to
                 be
                 done
                 ,
                 but
                 to
                 make
                 the
                 Walls
                 Navigable
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Gentleman
               who
               had
               liv'd
               long
               enough
               to
               be
               wiser
               ,
               had
               a
               Maid-servant
               who
               was
               married
               out
               of
               his
               House
               ,
               several
               years
               after
               ,
               she
               came
               to
               visit
               her
               old
               Master
               ,
               who
               at
               the
               sight
               of
               her
               was
               much
               over-joy'd
               ,
               and
               made
               much
               of
               her
               ,
               amongst
               many
               other
               questions
               he
               askt
               her
               ,
               how
               many
               Children
               she
               had
               ?
               To
               which
               she
               replyed
               ;
               
                 Sir
                 ,
                 I
                 have
                 none
                 and
                 never
                 bad
                 any
                 .
                 Sayst
                 so
                 ,
                 that
                 's
                 very
                 strange
                 ,
                 that
                 such
                 a
                 buck-some
                 young
                 Woman
                 as
                 you
                 are
                 should
                 have
                 no
                 Child
                 ;
                 but
                 now
                 I
                 think
                 on
                 't
                 ,
                 what
                 a
                 fool
                 was
                 I
                 to
                 ask
                 that
                 question
                 ,
                 for
                 now
                 I
                 well
                 remember
                 thy
                 Mother
                 bad
                 no
                 Child
                 neither
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Sea
               Captain
               newly
               came
               a
               shore
               ,
               was
               invited
               to
               a
               Hunting
               Match
               ,
               after
               the
               sport
               was
               over
               ,
               coming
               home
               ,
               he
               related
               to
               his
               friend
               what
               pastime
               he
               had
               
               abroad
               ,
               in
               this
               manner
               ;
               our
               Houses
               being
               compleatly
               Rag'd
               ,
               we
               man'd
               them
               ,
               and
               the
               Wind
               being
               at
               
                 West
                 Southwest
              
               (
               Twenty
               of
               us
               being
               in
               company
               )
               away
               we
               stood
               over
               the
               Downs
               ,
               in
               a
               time
               of
               half
               a
               Watch
               we
               spy'd
               a
               Hare
               under
               a
               full
               gale
               ,
               we
               tackt
               and
               stood
               after
               her
               ,
               coming
               up
               close
               ,
               she
               tackt
               and
               we
               tackt
               ,
               upon
               which
               tack
               ,
               I
               had
               like
               to
               have
               run
               a
               ground
               ,
               but
               getting
               close
               off
               ,
               I
               stood
               after
               her
               again
               ,
               but
               as
               the
               Devil
               would
               have
               it
               ,
               just
               about
               to
               lay
               her
               Aboard
               ,
               baring
               too
               much
               Wind
               ,
               I
               and
               my
               Horse
               over-set
               ,
               and
               came
               Keel
               upward
               .
            
             
               A
               Foolish
               Gentleman
               riding
               upon
               the
               Road
               with
               his
               Man
               ,
               was
               perswaded
               to
               ride
               faster
               ,
               or
               else
               they
               should
               come
               late
               into
               their
               Ian
               ;
               for
               said
               his
               Servant
               it
               is
               eight
               a
               Clock
               by
               my
               Watch
               ,
               prythee
               said
               his
               Master
               put
               thy
               Watch
               an
               hour
               backwards
               ,
               and
               then
               we
               may
               ride
               ●eisurely
               ,
               having
               time
               enough
               .
               The
               same
               Gentleman
               bid
               his
               man
               the
               next
               morning
               early
               ,
               look
               out
               of
               the
               Window
               and
               see
               whether
               it
               was
               day
               ,
               the
               Man
               looking
               out
               ,
               told
               his
               Master
               ,
               it
               was
               yet
               as
               dark
               as
               pitch
               ,
               
                 You
                 fool
              
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 if
                 it
                 be
                 so
                 dark
                 ,
                 how
                 canst
                 thou
                 see
                 day
                 unless
                 thou
                 〈◊〉
                 Canale
                 .
              
            
             
             
               One
               askt
               another
               ,
               whether
               he
               had
               read
               such
               a
               Book
               from
               end
               to
               end
               :
               that
               's
               a
               Bull
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               for
               a
               Book
               hath
               a
               beginning
               and
               an
               end●
               but
               Inever
               heard
               before
               ,
               that
               it
               hath
               two
               ends
               ;
               
                 It
                 may
                 be
                 so
              
               said
               he
               ;
               
                 and
                 you
                 may
                 as
                 well
                 say
                 ,
                 that
                 you
                 never
                 heard
                 of
                 a
                 Man
                 that
                 could
                 begin
                 a
                 Psalm
                 backwards
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Gentlewoman
               seeing
               her
               Servant
               go
               undecently
               about
               the
               House
               with
               her
               sleeves
               stript
               up
               to
               her
               Arm-pits
               ,
               call'd
               hastily
               to
               her
               ,
               saying
               ,
               
                 I
                 wonder
                 Wench
                 thou
                 wilt
                 go
                 up
                 and
                 down
                 thus
                 with
                 thy
                 Armes
                 about
                 thy
                 Elbows
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               askt
               another
               ,
               what
               News
               from
               the
               
                 Sessions-House
                 ?
                 Why
              
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 there
                 were
                 four
                 Condemned
                 ,
                 and
                 three
                 were
                 whiz'd
                 in
                 the
                 Fist
                 ;
                 one
                 where
                 of
                 I
                 am
                 confident
                 was
                 burnt
                 in
                 the
                 hand
                 with
                 a
                 cold
                 Iron
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               was
               telling
               what
               a
               Stratagem
               a
               Bayliff
               used
               to
               take
               a
               person
               Indebted
               ,
               who
               lay
               concealed
               ,
               and
               would
               not
               stir
               abroad
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 to
                 cause
                 the
                 people
                 of
                 that
                 house
                 wherein
                 the
                 Person
                 was
                 ,
                 to
                 open
                 the
                 door
                 to
                 see
                 what
                 was
                 the
                 matter
                 ,
                 he
                 ran
                 to
                 and
                 fro
                 
                 in
                 sight
                 of
                 the
                 House
                 stark
                 Naked
                 in
                 his
                 Shirt
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               commending
               his
               own
               Writing
               said
               ,
               That
               he
               knew
               very
               few
               that
               writ
               better
               than
               himself
               ;
               you
               talk
               like
               a
               Fool
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               you
               Write
               ,
               you
               Sh
               —
               I
               know
               a
               fellow
               that
               will
               Write
               with
               his
               Toes
               a
               better
               hand
               than
               you
               .
            
             
               One
               askt
               another
               at
               Sea
               if
               he
               were
               forced
               to
               it
               ,
               which
               he
               had
               rather
               loose
               his
               Legs
               or
               his
               Arms
               ;
               
                 In
                 troth
              
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               I
               had
               rather
               lose
               my
               Legs
               ;
               for
               should
               I
               loose
               my
               hands
               ,
               where
               ever
               I
               went
               I
               could
               not
               help
               my self
               ,
               but
               sit
               with
               my
               hands
               in
               my
               Pockets
               .
            
             
               Two
               Travelling
               over
               Shot-over-Hill
               to
               Oxford
               ,
               said
               one
               ,
               this
               Shot-over-Hill
               is
               a
               fine
               place
               for
               a
               Wind-Mill
               ;
               I
               said
               the
               other
               if
               there
               were
               any
               probability
               of
               forcing
               water
               hither
               .
            
             
               A
               Countrey-manseeing
               a
               great
               many
               stones
               piled
               up
               in
               St.
               
                 Paul
                 Church-yard
              
               ,
               said
               to
               his
               Friend
               ,
               I
               wish
               I
               had
               a
               good
               quantity
               of
               these
               stones
               at
               home
               :
               what
               would
               you
               do
               with
               them
               said
               the
               other
               ?
               Why
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 with
                 those
                 Stones
                 I
                 
                 would
                 build
                 a
                 Brick-Wall
                 round
                 my
                 House
                 ,
              
            
             
               A
               Traveller
               swore
               ,
               that
               in
               the
               Deserts
               of
               Arabia
               he
               had
               seen
               a
               Vnicorn
               with
               two
               Hornes
               .
            
             
               One
               complaining
               to
               another
               of
               the
               unkindness
               of
               his
               supposed
               Friend
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 I
                 no
                 sooner
                 turn'd
                 my
                 back
                 but
                 he
                 abus'd
                 me
                 to
                 my
                 very
                 Face
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               at
               Dinner
               demanded
               of
               another
               what
               part
               of
               the
               Bullock
               a
               Clod
               of
               Beef
               was
               ,
               the
               other
               laught
               at
               his
               ignorance
               ,
               and
               told
               him
               it
               was
               the
               shoulder
               bone
               of
               the
               Flanck
               .
            
             
               One
               seeing
               an
               Orchard
               whose
               Trees
               were
               very
               full
               of
               Pears
               ,
               askt
               one
               what
               the
               Owner
               intended
               to
               do
               with
               them
               all
               ,
               O
               says
               he
               ,
               
                 he
                 sells
                 them
                 to
                 Bakers
                 to
                 make
                 two
                 penny
                 Apple
                 Pies
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Fellow
               that
               was
               Rob'd
               complain'd
               ,
               saying
               ,
               
                 The
                 Thieves
                 had
                 stolen
                 all
                 his
                 Brass
                 and
                 Pewter
                 excepting
                 one
                 Iron
                 Pot.
                 
              
            
             
               Two
               passing
               the
               streets
               in
               a
               serious
               discourse
               were
               interrupted
               by
               a
               Dumb
               
               Beggar
               ,
               Sirrah
               (
               said
               one
               )
               
                 don
                 't
                 you
                 see
                 we
                 are
                 busie
                 ,
                 therefore
                 leave
                 off
                 your
                 importunity
                 ,
                 or
                 I
                 'le
                 set
                 you
                 packing
                 ,
                 and
                 thereupon
                 lifted
                 up
                 his
                 foot
                 to
                 kick
                 him
                 .
              
               O
               fie
               said
               his
               Friend
               ,
               will
               you
               kick
               a
               Dumb
               man
               ?
               
                 Is
                 he
                 Dumb
                 said
                 the
                 other
                 ?
                 why
                 did
                 he
                 not
                 tell
                 me
                 so
                 .
              
            
             
               Many
               dining
               together
               at
               one
               Ordinary
               ,
               made
               a
               Match
               to
               play
               at
               Bowles
               ,
               but
               one
               would
               play
               but
               two
               shillings
               Rubbers
               ;
               
                 before
                 I
                 will
                 play
                 for
                 so
                 little
              
               (
               said
               the
               other
               )
               
                 I
                 will
                 sit
                 down
                 and
                 walk
                 Horses
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               indeavouring
               to
               prove
               which
               of
               all
               Creatures
               was
               longest
               liv'd
               ,
               
                 Swore
                 that
                 an
                 Eel
                 lived
                 longest
                 after
                 it
                 was
                 dead
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               passing
               the
               Ferry
               at
               
                 Hampton
                 Court
              
               ,
               the
               Ferry-man's
               wife
               at
               that
               time
               officiated
               ,
               whereat
               he
               wondred
               ,
               saying
               ,
               
                 I
                 never
                 tell
                 now
                 saw
                 a
                 Woman
                 Ferry-man
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               being
               Sentenced
               to
               dye
               fell
               on
               his
               kne●s
               and
               begg'd
               of
               the
               Judge
               to
               spare
               him
               his
               Life
               for
               his
               poor
               Wifes
               sake
               and
               his
               Fatherless
               Children
               .
            
             
             
               One
               relating
               to
               his
               Friend
               how
               hard
               hedrank
               the
               Day
               before
               ,
               said
               ,
               Faith
               Tom
               
                 I
                 bore
                 my
                 Drink
                 better
                 than
                 any
                 of
                 them
                 for
                 a
                 long
                 time
                 ,
                 but
                 at
                 length
                 ,
                 finding
                 I
                 could
                 neither
                 go
                 nor
                 stand
                 ,
                 I
                 sneakt
                 away
                 and
                 ran
                 home
                 as
                 hard
                 as
                 I
                 could
                 drive
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               was
               telling
               another
               ,
               how
               healthful
               it
               was
               to
               live
               in
               a
               good
               Air
               ,
               and
               how
               un
               who
               lesome
               in
               a
               bad
               ,
               
                 In
                 troth
                 I
                 believe
                 you
                 sail
                 be
                 ,
                 for
                 I
                 my self
                 lived
                 in
                 a
                 Fenny
                 ,
                 unhealthy
                 Air
                 ,
                 where
                 if
                 I
                 had
                 lived
                 till
                 this
                 time
                 ,
                 I
                 am
                 sure
                 ;
                 I
                 should
                 have
                 been
                 dead
                 seaven
                 years
                 ago
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Person
               boasting
               how
               good
               his
               Credit
               was
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 That
                 he
                 knew
                 a
                 Scrivener
                 who
                 would
                 at
                 any
                 time
                 lend
                 him
                 Forty
                 pound
                 on
                 his
                 own
                 Bond
                 without
                 either
                 Scrip
                 or
                 Scrowl
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               coming
               into
               an
               Inn
               ,
               askt
               the
               Host
               ,
               how
               long
               he
               had
               lived
               there
               ,
               not
               three
               days
               yet
               ,
               Sir
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               the
               other
               pausing
               a
               while
               ,
               askt
               
                 How
                 many
                 Barrells
                 he
                 drew
                 a
                 week
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Person
               of
               quality
               in
               a
               Church
               ,
               coming
               near
               the
               place
               where
               his
               Ancestors
               
               were
               buried
               ,
               after
               he
               had
               prais'd
               them
               for
               worthy
               men
               ,
               Well
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 If
                 I
                 live
                 I
                 will
                 be
                 buried
                 by
                 them
                 .
              
            
             
               Two
               playing
               at
               Tick-tack
               for
               mony
               ,
               he
               that
               lost
               ,
               desired
               they
               might
               play
               a
               while
               for
               nothing
               ;
               now
               he
               that
               before
               had
               lost
               so
               many
               Games
               ,
               now
               won
               more
               ,
               whereupon
               he
               said
               to
               the
               other
               ,
               when
               we
               play
               for
               money
               you
               always
               beat
               me
               ,
               
                 But
                 if
                 you
                 will
                 play
                 for
                 nothing
                 ,
                 I
                 will
                 play
                 with
                 you
                 for
                 an
                 hundred
                 pounds
                 .
              
            
             
               Two
               walking
               together
               in
               a
               Cloyster
               ,
               and
               boasting
               of
               their
               running
               ,
               one
               said
               to
               the
               other
               ,
               
                 Do
                 you
                 run
                 this
                 way
                 ,
                 and
                 I
                 'le
                 run
                 that
                 way
                 ,
                 and
                 I
                 'le
                 hold
                 you
                 Ten
                 pounds
                 I
                 meet
                 you
                 ,
                 before
                 you
                 meet
                 me
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Purblind
               Fellow
               in
               a
               thick
               foggy
               morning
               ,
               passing
               through
               Cheapside
               ran
               against
               a
               Post
               ,
               and
               taking
               it
               for
               a
               Man
               said
               ,
               
                 I
                 cry
                 you
                 mercy
                 ;
                 and
                 presently
                 running
                 against
                 another
                 ,
              
               said
               ,
               
                 I
                 cry
                 you
                 mercy
                 again
                 Sir
                 ,
                 truly
                 I
                 think
                 you
                 and
                 I
                 shall
                 meet
                 in
                 Heaven
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Captain
               seeing
               a
               very
               proper
               man
               ,
               askt
               who
               he
               was
               ,
               his
               name
               is
               Jackson
               
               said
               one
               ,
               I
               have
               heard
               of
               one
               Jackson
               who
               fought
               a
               Duel
               with
               Talbot
               and
               was
               slain
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 this
                 is
                 not
                 that
              
               Jackson
               
                 is
                 it
              
               ?
            
             
               One
               passing
               by
               a
               Polterers
               shop
               ,
               and
               feeing
               a
               goodly
               Swan
               lying
               upon
               a
               Stall
               said
               ,
               
                 I
                 wish
                 that
                 Swan
                 were
                 mine
                 ,
              
               why
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               what
               would
               you
               do
               with
               it
               if
               it
               were
               ,
               why
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 I
                 would
                 make
                 a
                 Goose-Pye
                 on
                 't
                 against
                 Christmass
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               seeing
               a
               parcel
               of
               merry
               Companions
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 I
                 marry
                 Sir
                 ,
                 now
                 I
                 see
                 you
                 are
                 merry
                 in
                 sober
                 sadness
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               going
               into
               an
               Ale-house
               ,
               call'd
               for
               a
               Pot
               of
               all
               Ale
               with
               a
               little
               Beer
               in
               't
               .
            
             
               A
               Hireling
               Player
               being
               deny'd
               the
               augmentation
               of
               his
               Wages
               ,
               grew
               angry
               ,
               and
               said
               ,
               
                 If
                 you
                 wont
                 ,
                 you
                 shall
                 see
                 me
                 in
              
               Ireland
               
                 within
                 these
                 two
                 dayes
              
               .
            
             
               A
               Foolish
               fellow
               making
               lamentable
               faces
               ,
               was
               askt
               what
               was
               the
               matter
               ,
               O
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 I
                 have
                 such
                 a
                 pain
                 in
                 my
                 Thigh
                 ,
                 that
                 I
                 cannot
                 lift
                 my
                 Hand
                 to
                 my
                 Head.
                 
              
            
             
             
               A
               blind
               Minister
               coming
               to
               speak
               with
               a
               Gentleman
               ,
               his
               Man
               came
               and
               :
               told
               him
               ,
               
                 That
                 the
                 old
                 blind
                 Minister
                 was
                 come
                 to
                 see
                 him
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               who
               had
               been
               in
               the
               East-Indies
               ,
               swore
               
                 he
                 had
                 seen
                 an
                 entire
              
               Chrystal
               Rock
               
                 of
                 pure-Gold
              
               .
            
             
               One
               falling
               from
               his
               Horse
               ,
               and
               pitching
               on
               his
               Head
               ,
               ran
               amongst
               a
               company
               of
               People
               standing
               by
               ,
               
                 And
                 swore
                 his
                 Neck
                 was
                 broken
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               complaning
               to
               his
               Friend
               ,
               how
               many
               crosses
               he
               groaned
               under
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 My
                 vexations
                 are
                 so
                 great
                 ,
                 I
                 wish
                 my self
                 out
                 of
                 this
                 Life
                 ,
                 or
                 out
                 of
                 the
                 World
                 ,
                 I
                 care
                 not
                 whether
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               threatning
               another
               absent
               ,
               meaning
               to
               say
               ,
               that
               where
               e're
               he
               met
               him
               he
               would
               kill
               him
               ,
               though
               he
               found
               him
               pissing
               against
               a
               Wall
               ,
               
                 Swore
                 hastily
                 ,
                 that
                 where
                 e're
                 he
                 met
                 him
                 ,
                 he
                 would
                 run
                 him
                 through
                 a
                 Wall
                 pissing
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               rebuk'd
               his
               Friend
               ,
               for
               calling
               
               one
               Son
               of
               a
               Whore
               ,
               for
               said
               he
               ,
               You
               
                 know
                 his
                 Mother
                 hath
                 the
                 general
                 repute
                 of
                 a
                 very
                 honest
                 VVoman
                 .
              
               It
               is
               true
               replyed
               the
               other
               ,
               I
               
                 know
                 his
                 Mother
                 to
                 be
                 an
                 honest
                 woman
                 ,
                 and
                 yet
                 he
                 is
                 the
                 Son
                 of
                 a
                 whore
                 for
                 all
                 that
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               having
               his
               Head
               broken
               at
               the
               Bear-garden
               in
               several
               places
               ,
               coming
               home
               ,
               desiring
               his
               Wife
               to
               have
               a
               great
               care
               of
               him
               ,
               for
               said
               he
               ,
               I
               
                 have
                 ten
                 broken
                 Heads
                 at
                 least
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               praysing
               much
               the
               Lord
               Mayor
               of
               that
               present
               year
               ;
               
                 Another
                 standing
                 by
              
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 he
                 had
                 seen
                 a
                 Thousand
                 better
                 .
              
            
             
               Another
               much
               alike
               .
               One
               complaining
               of
               the
               badness
               of
               Trade
               in
               Smithfield
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 He
                 had
                 seen
                 an
                 hundred
                 and
                 an
                 hundred
              
               Bartholomew-Fairs
               ,
               
                 but
                 never
                 came
                 a
                 worse
                 then
                 that
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               said
               ,
               He
               would
               never
               endure
               the
               Moon
               again
               ,
               for
               said
               he
               ,
               the
               Quean
               served
               me
               a
               slippery
               trick
               in
               faith
               the
               other
               Night
               ;
               
                 for
                 she
                 did
                 light
                 me
                 along
                 very
                 well
                 till
              
               I
               
                 came
                 to
                 a
                 Ditch
                 ,
                 and
                 then
                 slipping
                 behind
                 a
                 Cloud
                 ,
                 she
                 let
                 me
                 fall
                 in
                 .
              
            
             
             
               One
               being
               in
               the
               Water
               ,
               desired
               his
               friend
               to
               come
               in
               also
               ,
               to
               which
               he
               replyed
               ,
               he
               could
               swim
               no
               more
               then
               a
               Dog
               ,
               being
               entreated
               the
               second
               time
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 I
                 protest
                 I
                 can
                 swim
                 no
                 more
                 then
                 a
                 Post
                 ,
              
               and
               being
               prest
               the
               Third
               time
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 Why
                 then
                 I
                 vow
                 and
                 protest
                 I
                 can
                 swim
                 no
                 more
                 then
                 a
                 Goose
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               said
               ,
               it
               was
               Ten
               miles
               from
               London
               to
               Barnet
               ,
               the
               other
               said
               it
               must
               be
               more
               ,
               for
               it
               was
               so
               far
               to
               his
               knowledge
               forty
               years
               ago
               ,
               and
               sure
               Miles
               ,
               as
               all
               other
               things
               have
               their
               encrease
               .
            
             
               One
               complaining
               of
               the
               Folly
               of
               the
               Age
               ,
               swore
               
                 Men
                 were
                 wiser
                 in
                 future
                 times
                 then
                 now
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               being
               desired
               to
               sit
               down
               to
               Dinner
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 I
                 thank
                 you
                 kindly
                 ,
                 but
                 I
                 can
                 eat
                 nothing
                 ,
                 for
                 I
                 have
                 had
                 a
                 long
                 time
                 no
                 more
                 stomach
                 then
                 a
                 Horse
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Country
               Fellow
               askt
               what
               Sir
               
                 Copplestone
                 Banfields
              
               Christian
               Name
               was
               ?
               he
               answered
               ,
               
                 He
                 had
                 almost
                 forgot
                 ,
                 but
                 certain
                 he
                 was
                 ,
                 that
                 it
                 was
                 either
              
               Richard
               ,
               or
               Thomas
            
             
             
               One
               excusing
               himself
               to
               his
               Friend
               ,
               for
               lying
               a
               bed
               so
               long
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 He
                 came
                 home
                 very
                 late
                 last
                 Night
                 :
                 why
                 ,
                 how
                 late
                 was
                 it
                 ,
                 said
                 the
                 other
                 ?
              
               in
               troth
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 it
                 was
                 five
                 a
                 Clock
                 in
                 the
                 Morning
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               looking
               in
               a
               Latin
               Book
               ,
               was
               askt
               by
               a
               Friend
               that
               over-lookt
               him
               ,
               whether
               he
               could
               read
               it
               or
               no
               ?
               to
               whom
               he
               replyed
               ,
               
                 yes
                 indifferently
                 ,
                 but
                 it
                 is
                 the
                 most
                 broken
              
               English
               
                 that
                 e're
                 I
                 saw
              
               .
            
             
               A
               Fellow
               hearing
               one
               cry
               
                 Sandwich
                 Carrets
              
               ,
               went
               to
               the
               Cart
               ,
               and
               looking
               on
               them
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 These
                 are
                 not
              
               Sandwich
               Carrets
               ,
               indeed
               said
               the
               Carter
               
                 but
                 they
                 are
              
               ;
               whereupon
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               
                 they
                 may
                 be
              
               Sandwich
               Carrets
               ,
               
                 But
                 I
                 will
                 lay
                 my
                 Life
                 ,
                 they
                 were
                 sown
                 and
                 reapt
                 in
              
               London
               .
            
             
               One
               seeing
               a
               large
               fat
               Bull
               ,
               said
               ,
               I
               
                 wish
                 I
                 might
                 have
                 a
                 pair
                 of
                 that
                 Bulls
                 Cow-heels
                 when
                 she
                 is
                 kill'd
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Gentleman
               man
               hearing
               his
               Friend
               spake
               very
               impertinently
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 Was
                 ever
                 Calf
                 so
                 brought
                 to
                 bed
                 of
                 a
                 Bull
                 before
                 .
              
            
             
             
               One
               jearing
               a
               young
               Saylor
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 He
                 was
                 a
                 fresh
                 water
                 Seaman
                 .
              
            
             
               King
               James
               lying
               sick
               ,
               one
               prayed
               that
               he
               might
               Raign
               as
               long
               as
               the
               Sun
               and
               the
               Moon
               should
               endure
               ,
               and
               the
               Prince
               his
               Son
               after
               him
               .
            
             
               One
               having
               lost
               his
               Gloves
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 I
                 am
                 so
                 forgetful
                 ,
                 that
                 in
                 my
                 conscience
                 I
                 should
                 loose
                 my
                 Britch
                 ,
                 did
                 I
                 carry
                 it
                 about
                 me
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               being
               newly
               marryed
               ,
               being
               discovered
               by
               another
               to
               walk
               discontentedly
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 Friend
                 ,
                 since
                 thou
                 hast
                 chang'd
                 thy
                 condition
                 ,
                 thou
                 walkest
                 up
                 and
                 down
                 like
                 an
                 Image
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               having
               a
               Cane
               in
               his
               hand
               ,
               in
               merriment
               ,
               offer'd
               to
               strike
               at
               his
               Friend
               therewith
               ,
               Prythee
               ,
               said
               the
               other
               ,
               
                 Leave
                 off
                 fooling
                 ,
                 it
                 is
                 ill
                 jesting
                 with
                 Edge
                 Tools
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               said
               ,
               
                 He
                 had
                 rid
                 his
                 Horse
                 till
                 h●
                 had
                 never
                 a
                 dry
                 threed
                 about
                 him
                 .
              
            
             
             
               One
               askt
               another
               ,
               how
               he
               liked
               that
               Glass
               of
               white
               Wine
               which
               they
               then
               were
               drinking
               ;
               marry
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 I
                 never
                 drank
                 Wine
                 that
                 pleased
                 me
                 so
                 well
                 ,
                 and
                 is
                 so
                 good
                 in
                 every
                 respect
                 ,
                 yet
                 to
                 speak
                 the
                 Truth
                 ;
                 I
                 have
                 drank
                 better
                 in
              
               France
               .
            
             
               One
               being
               advised
               to
               go
               to
               Sea
               ,
               because
               he
               was
               in
               Debt
               ,
               No
               says
               he
               ,
               
                 I
                 will
                 not
                 venture
                 my
                 life
                 for
                 my
                 Liberty
                 ;
                 let
                 me
                 tell
                 you
                 this
                 in
                 short
                 ,
                 I
                 know
                 the
                 Sea
                 is
                 dangerous
                 ,
                 wherefore
                 I
                 say
                 ,
                 I
                 had
                 rather
                 Travel
                 all
                 the
                 world
                 over
                 by
                 Land
                 ,
                 then
                 cross
                 that
                 Herring-brook
                 ,
                 St.
              
               Georges
               Channel
               .
            
             
               One
               having
               an
               extream
               Cough
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 Is
                 one
                 Cough
                 be
                 so
                 troublesome
                 ,
                 what
                 should
                 a
                 man
                 do
                 if
                 he
                 had
                 Twenty
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               being
               perswaded
               to
               tell
               a
               Tale
               ,
               to
               make
               the
               rest
               merry
               ,
               says
               he
               ,
               
                 I
                 can
                 tell
                 you
                 anotable
                 tale
                 ,
                 but
                 to
                 say
                 the
                 Truth
                 ,
                 at
                 present
                 I
                 cannot
                 remenber
                 one
                 word
                 of
                 it
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               very
               old
               Country
               Churl
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 That
                 the
                 days
                 in
                 Queen
              
               Elizabeths
               
                 time
                 for
                 exceeded
                 ours
                 for
                 length
                 ,
                 for
                 now
                 four
                 
                 and
                 twenty
                 hours
                 to
                 a
                 day
                 is
                 counted
                 a
                 great
                 matter
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               going
               to
               a
               House
               of
               Office
               ,
               fie
               upon
               't
               ,
               says
               he
               ,
               
                 there
                 is
                 an
                 odorifferous
                 House
                 indeed
                 ;
                 I
                 warrant
                 they
                 eat
                 no
                 sweet
                 meats
                 ,
                 that
                 leave
                 these
                 foul
                 sents
                 behind
                 them
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               askt
               another
               which
               was
               the
               best
               Pot-hearb
               ;
               Why
               says
               he
               ,
               
                 in
                 my
                 opinion
                 a
                 good
                 fat
                 Leg
                 of
                 Mutton
                 is
                 the
                 best
              
               Pot-hearb
               
                 in
                 the
                 Po●
              
            
             
               One
               speaking
               of
               the
               Weather
               ,
               and
               the
               season
               of
               the
               Year
               ,
               We
               are
               like
               says
               he
               ,
               
                 To
                 have
                 a
                 backward
                 Spring
                 ,
                 for
                 St.
              
               Matthews
               day
               
                 lights
                 on
                 a
                 Holy-day
              
               .
            
             
               One
               seeing
               a
               Swan
               fluttering
               in
               the
               water
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 What
                 an
                 Ass
                 is
                 yonder
              
               Goose
               rather
               to
               live
               dabling
               in
               the
               Water
               then
               on
               dry
               Land.
               
            
             
               One
               riding
               on
               a
               Pack-saddle
               to
               Redding
               on
               a
               tyred
               Jade
               ,
               says
               he
               ,
               
                 I
                 never
                 rid
                 harder
                 in
                 my
                 life
                 ,
                 considering
                 the
                 slowness
                 of
                 my
                 pace
                 .
              
            
             
             
               A
               Justice
               examining
               a
               poor
               Thieving
               Scholar
               ,
               said
               
                 sirrah
                 ,
                 you
                 are
                 an
                 Arch
                 Rogue
                 ,
                 but
                 take
                 heed
                 ;
                 for
                 if
                 you
                 be
                 once
                 hang'd
                 ,
                 your
                 Book
                 cannot
                 save
                 you
                 from
                 the
                 Gallows
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Cobler
               complaining
               to
               a
               Brother
               that
               he
               could
               not
               drink
               his
               Ale
               in
               quiet
               for
               a
               scolding
               Wife
               ,
               Well
               ,
               says
               he
               ,
               
                 it
                 is
                 no
                 matter
                 ,
                 for
                 though
                 she
                 should
                 cut
                 my
                 Throat
                 and
                 thy
                 Throat
                 ,
                 yet
                 we
                 will
                 still
                 drink
                 our
                 Ale
                 together
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Traveller
               complained
               to
               his
               Host
               ,
               that
               he
               was
               much
               gaul'd
               in
               riding
               ;
               How
               came
               that
               to
               pass
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 I
                 'le
                 tell
                 you
                 said
                 the
                 other
                 ;
                 my
                 saddle
                 was
                 soft
                 enough
                 ,
                 but
                 I
                 believe
                 my
                 Breech
                 came
                 to
                 be
                 galled
                 by
                 riding
                 over
                 a
                 long
                 broken
                 stony
                 Causey
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               taking
               leave
               of
               his
               Friends
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 Well
                 ,
                 since
                 we
                 must
                 part
                 ,
                 affection
                 will
                 break
                 out
                 of
                 these
                 dry
                 Eyes
                 ,
                 but
                 farewell
                 and
                 be
                 hang'd
                 ,
                 I
                 can
                 but
                 wish
                 you
                 well
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               going
               on
               the
               Ice
               ,
               it
               crackt
               under
               him
               ,
               well
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 If
                 the
                 Ice
                 should
                 break
                 I
                 shall
                 be
                 over
                 Head
                 and
                 Ears
                 ,
                 but
                 't
                 is
                 no
                 matter
                 ,
                 I
                 can
                 swim
                 if
                 I
                 were
                 at
                 the
                 bottom
                 of
                 the
                 Water
                 .
              
            
             
             
               God
               forgive
               me
               says
               one
               ,
               
                 I
                 seldom
                 pray
                 but
                 when
                 it
                 Thunders
                 ,
                 and
                 then
                 I
                 can
                 remember
                 ,
                 forty
                 years
                 ago
                 ,
                 for
                 fear
                 will
                 quicken
                 a
                 dead
                 mans
                 wits
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               having
               his
               Candle
               knawn
               every
               Night
               by
               the
               Mice
               ,
               says
               he
               ,
               I
               
                 will
                 let
                 my
                 Candle
                 burn
                 every
                 Night
                 ,
                 and
                 then
                 I
                 shall
                 be
                 sure
                 ,
                 to
                 save
                 it
                 from
                 such
                 destructive
                 Vermine
                 .
              
            
             
               Two
               Butchers
               seeing
               their
               Dogs
               fighting
               ,
               one
               crys
               out
               ,
               
                 The
                 brinded
                 Dog
                 proves
                 the
                 better
                 man
                 my
                 life
                 on
                 't
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               asking
               whence
               Lobsters
               were
               brought
               ,
               the
               other
               replyed
               ,
               
                 one
                 might
                 easily
                 know
                 their
                 Countrey
                 by
                 their
                 Coat
                 ,
                 one
                 sort
                 are
                 fetcht
                 certainly
                 from
                 the
                 Black-sea
                 ,
                 and
                 the
                 other
                 from
                 the
                 Red-sea
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               commended
               his
               Son
               for
               a
               good
               Scholar
               ,
               for
               said
               he
               ,
               
                 He
                 can
                 read
                 in
                 any
                 thing
                 without
                 Book
                 at
                 first
                 sight
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Gentleman
               in
               a
               Tavern
               seeing
               a
               Salt-sellar
               of
               foul
               Salt
               before
               him
               ,
               call'd
               very
               angerly
               to
               the
               Drawer
               ,
               
                 Biding
                 
                 him
                 bring
                 up
                 some
                 fresh
                 Salt
                 presently
                 .
              
            
             
               Mr.
               Amner
               with
               some
               of
               his
               Friends
               was
               invited
               to
               a
               Funerall
               not
               far
               from
               Windsor
               ,
               where
               coming
               and
               finding
               the
               House
               full
               of
               company
               ,
               they
               went
               into
               an
               Arbour
               ,
               having
               sate
               there
               a
               great
               while
               ,
               Mr.
               Amner
               went
               in
               to
               know
               when
               the
               Corps
               would
               go
               to
               Church
               ,
               but
               finding
               it
               gone
               ,
               he
               came
               hastily
               to
               his
               Friends
               ,
               saying
               to
               them
               ,
               
                 Come
                 ,
                 come
                 ,
                 what
                 do
                 you
                 mean
                 to
                 stand
                 fitting
                 there
                 .
                 They
                 are
                 gone
                 ,
                 and
                 pointing
                 over
                 the
                 Pale
                 ,
                 and
                 shewing
                 them
                 the
                 Corps
                 and
                 people
                 in
                 the
                 next
                 Field
                 ,
                 he
                 said
                 ,
                 do
                 you
                 not
                 see
                 ?
                 they
                 are
                 out
                 of
                 fight
                 already
                 .
              
            
             
               At
               another
               time
               he
               complained
               to
               his
               Friend
               ,
               saying
               ,
               
                 Never
                 was
                 man
                 so
                 abused
                 for
                 coming
                 over
              
               Datchet-Ferry
               ,
               
                 a
                 Scurvy
                 Woman
                 Water-man
                 put
                 over
                 the
                 Boat
                 and
                 Landed
                 me
                 clean
                 in
                 the
                 Myre
                 .
              
            
             
               The
               same
               Mr.
               Amner
               hearing
               some
               of
               his
               Neighbours
               perswading
               one
               to
               go
               into
               the
               Water
               with
               them
               in
               the
               Summer
               time
               ,
               who
               could
               not
               swim
               ;
               said
               he
               ,
               Neighbour
               be
               perswaded
               for
               once
               by
               me
               ,
               never
               go
               into
               the
               Water
               
               till
               you
               have
               perfectly
               learned
               to
               Swim
               .
            
             
               Being
               asked
               ,
               whether
               an
               intimate
               friend
               of
               his
               ,
               lately
               Dead
               ,
               had
               left
               him
               a
               Legacy
               ?
               
                 No
                 in
                 Faith
              
               ,
               quoth
               he
               ,
               
                 not
                 a
                 Tester
                 to
                 drink
                 his
                 health
                 .
              
            
             
               About
               the
               year
               ,
               1671
               ,
               there
               was
               an
               Insurrection
               in
               Dublin
               about
               the
               building
               a
               new
               Bridge
               over
               the
               Liffee
               ,
               some
               time
               after
               ,
               one
               of
               these
               fellows
               ,
               who
               was
               known
               to
               be
               actuall
               in
               it
               ,
               was
               brought
               before
               a
               Justice
               for
               some
               misdemeanour
               ,
               the
               Justice
               knowing
               him
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 Sirrah
                 ,
                 sirrah
                 ,
                 you
                 shall
                 be
                 hang'd
                 if
                 the
                 Law
                 will
                 do
                 it
                 ,
                 you
                 are
                 a
                 notorious
                 Rogue
                 ,
                 I
                 remember
                 you
                 in
                 the
                 last
                 Resurrection
                 .
              
            
             
               This
               Justice
               having
               rid
               very
               hard
               ,
               his
               Horse
               grew
               sick
               ,
               whereupon
               he
               complained
               ,
               saying
               ,
               
                 Well
                 ,
                 well
                 ,
                 I
                 have
                 done
                 very
                 ill
                 to
                 ride
                 my
                 Horse
                 thus
                 hard
                 ,
                 I
                 doubt
                 hee
                 'l
                 hardly
                 ever
                 be
                 his
                 own
                 man
                 again
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               discreet
               Alderman
               of
               Oxford
               told
               some
               of
               his
               Brethren
               ,
               that
               they
               should
               
               overthrow
               the
               University
               in
               a
               Law-case
               (
               which
               was
               then
               in
               agitation
               )
               if
               by
               searching
               the
               Antient
               Records
               ,
               they
               could
               prove
               Henry
               the
               Second
               to
               have
               been
               before
               Henry
               the
               first
               .
            
             
               One
               being
               to
               take
               a
               journey
               into
               the
               Country
               ,
               was
               advised
               by
               a
               Friend
               of
               his
               not
               to
               go
               that
               day
               ,
               for
               certainly
               (
               quoth
               he
               )
               it
               will
               Rain
               ;
               Pish
               (
               replyed
               the
               other
               )
               
                 It
                 is
                 no
                 matter
                 for
                 Rain
                 so
                 it
                 hold
                 up
                 under
                 foot
                 .
              
            
             
               One
               reading
               the
               History
               of
               Elisha
               in
               the
               old
               Testament
               ,
               and
               how
               the
               Children
               mocked
               him
               ,
               read
               thus
               ,
               
                 And
                 there
                 came
                 three
                 she
                 Boars
              
               (
               instead
               of
               Bears
               )
               
                 out
                 of
                 the
                 Forrest
                 ,
                 and
                 devoured
                 them
                 .
              
            
             
               Another
               reading
               part
               of
               an
               Epistle
               in
               the
               new
               Testament
               ,
               read
               for
               
                 Salure
                 Epaphras
              
               ,
               the
               chosen
               of
               the
               Lord
               ,
               
                 Salute
                 Epaphras
              
               ,
               the
               Cozen
               of
               the
               Lord.
               The
               same
               man
               reading
               of
               the
               uncovering
               the
               house
               in
               the
               Gospel
               ,
               to
               let
               down
               the
               diseased
               ,
               read
               ,
               
                 And
                 they
                 let
                 them
                 down
                 in
                 Coaches
                 ,
              
               for
               Couches
               .
            
             
             
               Another
               reading
               the
               Parable
               of
               the
               Sower
               ,
               having
               it
               as
               he
               thought
               by
               heart
               ,
               and
               not
               much
               minding
               the
               Book
               ,
               but
               did
               half
               read
               it
               thus
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 And
                 some
                 seed
                 fell
                 among
                 stones
                 ,
                 and
                 the
                 stones
                 grew
                 up
                 and
                 choaked
                 it
                 .
              
               The
               same
               at
               another
               time
               read
               ,
               
                 And
                 the
                 sheep
                 eat
                 up
                 one
                 of
                 the
                 Mountains
                 ?
              
               for
               the
               sheep
               eat
               upon
               the
               Mountains
               .
            
             
               Another
               being
               to
               read
               that
               of
               St.
               Paul
               in
               the
               
                 Acts
                 ,
                 Hebraei
                 sunt
                 ,
                 sum
                 et
                 ego
              
               ;
               read
               ;
               
                 ebraei
                 sunt
                 ,
                 sum
                 et
                 ego
                 ,
              
               and
               was
               at
               that
               time
               Drunk
               indeed
               .
            
             
               Another
               taking
               his
               text
               of
               the
               Feast
               in
               the
               Gospel
               ,
               
                 How
                 camest
                 thou
                 hither
                 without
                 thy
                 wedding
                 garment
                 ?
                 And
                 the
                 man
                 was
                 Speechless
              
               ;
               divided
               it
               thus
               .
               First
               a
               question
               ,
               how
               camest
               thou
               hither
               ,
               &c.
               
               Secondly
               ,
               a
               answer
               ,
               and
               the
               man
               was
               Speechless
               :
            
             
               One
               walking
               abroad
               in
               a
               clear
               Moon
               shine
               Night
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 It
                 was
                 as
                 fine
                 a
                 Night
                 as
                 a
                 man
                 shall
                 see
                 in
                 a
                 Sommers
                 day
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               young
               Scholar
               was
               very
               much
               
               perplexed
               ,
               because
               in
               all
               his
               Dictionary
               he
               conld
               not
               find
               what
               was
               Latin
               for
               
                 Aqua
                 Vitae
              
               .
            
             
               One
               told
               a
               Melancholy
               man
               ,
               that
               if
               he
               liv'd
               long
               that
               sad
               kind
               of
               Life
               ,
               he
               would
               dye
               shortly
               .
            
             
               A
               Scholar
               having
               a
               very
               little
               study
               ,
               and
               a
               Company
               in
               his
               Chamber
               desiring
               to
               see
               it
               ,
               he
               told
               them
               ,
               
                 In
                 faith
                 Gentlemen
                 ,
                 if
                 you
                 all
                 go
                 in
                 ,
                 it
                 will
                 not
                 hold
                 you
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               country
               fellow
               having
               seen
               a
               gay
               Gentlewoman
               in
               a
               pair
               of
               Sattin
               Slippers
               ,
               describing
               her
               attire
               to
               his
               companion
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 That
                 the
                 upper
                 leather
                 of
                 her
                 Slippers
                 was
                 Sattin
                 .
              
            
             
               A
               Gentleman
               o're
               taking
               another
               on
               the
               way
               ,
               said
               ,
               
                 well
                 o're
                 taken
                 Sir
              
               ,
               the
               other
               replyed
               ,
               
                 and
                 so
                 are
                 you
              
               .
            
          
        
         
           
           
             PLEASANT
             STORIES
             .
          
           
             
               
                 A
                 Noblemans
                 Revenge
                 on
                 a
                 bold
              
               Serjeant
               .
            
             
               IN
               Poictiers
               in
               France
               a
               Nobleman
               owing
               a
               considerable
               summ
               of
               Money
               ,
               his
               Creditors
               were
               resolved
               to
               Arrest
               him
               ,
               let
               it
               cost
               them
               ever
               so
               much
               ;
               they
               soon
               met
               with
               a
               fellow
               for
               their
               purpose
               ,
               one
               who
               was
               as
               impudent
               as
               Valiant
               ,
               for
               he
               would
               venture
               upon
               the
               greatest
               difficulty
               .
               One
               day
               he
               met
               with
               this
               Lord
               ,
               and
               boldly
               coming
               up
               to
               him
               ,
               told
               him
               what
               he
               was
               ,
               and
               his
               business
               ;
               the
               Lord
               made
               no
               resistance
               ,
               but
               smothering
               his
               displeasure
               and
               revenge
               bid
               the
               Serjeant
               come
               along
               with
               him
               (
               it
               being
               about
               
               noon
               )
               he
               said
               ,
               he
               would
               first
               dine
               ,
               and
               then
               consider
               what
               was
               to
               be
               done
               .
               The
               Lord
               went
               to
               a
               Cabaret
               ,
               or
               Tavern
               ,
               and
               having
               bespoke
               dinner
               he
               privately
               sent
               away
               for
               some
               of
               his
               Servants
               and
               then
               fell
               into
               discourse
               with
               this
               Serjeant
               ,
               who
               began
               to
               mistrust
               some
               mischief
               ensuing
               ,
               and
               therefore
               made
               a
               thousand
               simple
               excuses
               for
               enterprising
               that
               bold
               attempt
               ;
               the
               Lord
               said
               little
               to
               him
               till
               he
               had
               din'd
               and
               then
               he
               called
               to
               one
               of
               his
               Gentlemen
               to
               bring
               him
               a
               pair
               of
               Sissers
               ,
               being
               brought
               ,
               go
               now
               said
               he
               ,
               and
               pair
               that
               fellows
               nails
               very
               close
               ,
               pointing
               to
               the
               Serjeant
               ;
               he
               seeing
               there
               was
               no
               avoiding
               it
               ,
               patiently
               endured
               it
               ,
               although
               the
               Gentleman
               cut
               his
               Nails
               to
               the
               very
               quick
               ;
               this
               being
               done
               ,
               the
               Lord
               came
               to
               him
               ,
               saying
               ,
               Now
               ,
               Sir
               ,
               
                 I
                 am
                 assured
                 you
                 cannot
                 scratch
                 me
                 ,
                 and
                 I
                 am
                 resolved
                 you
                 shall
                 not
                 be
                 able
                 to
                 bite
                 me
                 neither
                 ,
                 so
                 forcing
                 him
                 into
                 a
                 Chair
                 he
                 caused
                 his
                 Teeth
                 to
                 be
                 drawn
                 out
                 one
                 by
                 one
              
               ;
               Now
               ,
               Sir
               ,
               (
               said
               he
               )
               
                 have
                 a
                 care
                 of
                 abusing
                 the
                 next
                 time
                 any
                 of
                 my
                 rank
                 and
                 quality
                 ;
                 yet
                 now
                 ,
              
               Sir
               ,
               
                 I
                 will
                 be
                 kind
                 to
                 you
                 after
                 all
                 this
                 ,
                 I
                 will
                 sweeten
                 your
                 sauce
                 for
                 you●
              
               ;
               so
               causing
               him
               to
               be
               
               stript
               stark-naked
               ,
               he
               commanded
               Honey
               to
               be
               brought
               ,
               with
               which
               he
               annointed
               him
               all
               over
               and
               roll'd
               him
               in
               Feathers
               :
               never
               did
               
                 African
                 Monster
              
               appear
               so
               strange
               and
               ridiculous
               ;
               Lastly
               ,
               he
               caused
               a
               Label
               to
               be
               fixt
               to
               his
               back
               ,
               wherein
               were
               written
               these
               words
               ,
               
                 This
                 is
                 Anti-Christ
              
               .
               Now
               said
               the
               Noble-man
               ,
               I
               shall
               take
               my
               leave
               of
               you
               ,
               not
               without
               extending
               my
               Civility
               farther
               in
               your
               behalf
               ,
               I
               doubt
               you
               may
               be
               indisposed
               ,
               and
               therefore
               you
               shall
               ride
               home
               ;
               hereupon
               this
               Poor
               Devil
               in
               Feathers
               was
               mounted
               ,
               with
               his
               Hands
               tyed
               behind
               him
               ,
               and
               his
               Face
               to
               wards
               the
               Tail
               of
               his
               Horse
               ,
               and
               so
               led
               through
               the
               Streets
               to
               the
               great
               wonder
               and
               laughter
               of
               the
               People
               .
            
          
           
             
               The
               Contented
               Cuckold
               .
            
             
               A
               Nobleman
               of
               France
               did
               very
               lately
               fall
               in
               love
               with
               a
               Citizens
               Wife
               of
               Paris
               ,
               and
               left
               no
               means
               unattempted
               till
               he
               had
               made
               her
               all
               compliance
               :
               This
               Lord
               being
               one
               day
               at
               Court
               saw
               the
               Husband
               of
               this
               Female
               Friend
               come
               into
               the
               
                 Palace
                 〈◊〉
              
               ,
               and
               by
               enquiry
               
               sound
               that
               his
               business
               would
               not
               quickly
               be
               dispatcht
               ,
               whereupon
               away
               he
               slunk
               out
               of
               the
               Court
               ,
               and
               got
               privately
               (
               as
               he
               thought
               )
               into
               the
               house
               o
               this
               Citizen
               ,
               but
               it
               seems
               he
               was
               discovered
               by
               this
               Citizens
               Brother
               ,
               who
               detested
               the
               debauchery
               of
               his
               Sister
               ,
               and
               therefore
               presently
               dispatcht
               away
               a
               Messenger
               to
               Court
               to
               acquaint
               his
               Brother
               what
               unhappily
               he
               had
               discovered
               .
               The
               Citizen
               presently
               takes
               his
               Alarm
               ,
               and
               thinking
               his
               feet
               too
               flow
               ,
               took
               Coach
               and
               drove
               Je●like
               ,
               to
               hinder
               what
               was
               allready
               past
               prevention
               .
               His
               Wife
               hearing
               a
               Coach
               come
               in
               that
               Furious
               manner
               to
               her
               door
               ,
               imagin'd
               she
               was
               betray'd
               ,
               and
               therefore
               advised
               the
               Lord
               that
               was
               in
               bed
               with
               her
               to
               rise
               and
               abscond
               himself
               in
               a
               place
               she
               had
               provided
               ,
               in
               case
               any
               such
               discovery
               should
               happen
               :
               hearing
               as
               he
               thought
               some
               body
               coming
               up
               stairs
               ,
               for
               hast
               left
               his
               Cloaths
               on
               the
               bed
               ,
               which
               shee
               seeing
               ,
               in
               as
               great
               haste
               and
               confusion
               ,
               threw
               them
               into
               a
               Chest
               ,
               but
               so
               unadvisedly
               ,
               that
               the
               embroidered
               sleeve
               of
               the
               Doublet
               hung
               out
               ,
               of
               which
               she
               took
               
               no
               notice
               ,
               but
               fell
               to
               dressing
               her self
               as
               little
               concern'd
               ,
               as
               if
               she
               had
               no
               more
               harm
               in
               her
               than
               in
               a
               little
               Female
               Devil
               newly
               arrived
               at
               the
               Teens
               ,
               Her
               Husband
               entring
               the
               Chamber
               ,
               said
               ,
               Madam
               ,
               I
               understanding
               that
               my
               Lord
               came
               to
               visit
               you
               this
               morning
               ,
               I
               thought
               he
               might
               also
               have
               some
               business
               of
               great
               importance
               to
               whisper
               in
               my
               ear
               ,
               and
               this
               made
               me
               return
               sooner
               than
               you
               expected
               .
               The
               Gentlewoman
               confidently
               replyed
               ,
               that
               he
               was
               mis-informed
               ,
               for
               there
               had
               no
               body
               been
               with
               her
               that
               day
               .
               Her
               Husband
               looking
               about
               the
               Room
               espied
               the
               Lords
               embroydered
               sleeve
               hang
               out
               of
               the
               Chest
               ,
               and
               ask't
               whose
               it
               was
               ,
               and
               how
               it
               came
               thither
               ,
               this
               subtle
               Woman
               ,
               who
               like
               the
               rest
               of
               her
               sex
               ,
               never
               wants
               an
               excuse
               in
               time
               of
               extremity
               ,
               replyed
               ,
               (
               but
               trembling
               )
               
                 Sweet
                 heart
                 ,
                 I
                 beg
                 your
                 pardon
                 ,
                 for
                 my
                 forgetfulness
                 ;
                 A●
                 Gentlewoman
                 ,
                 wanting
                 money
                 brought
                 it
                 me
                 to
                 shew
                 you
                 ,
                 defiring
                 to
                 have
                 but
                 forty
                 Crowns
                 lent
                 upon
                 it
              
               ;
               let
               mee
               see
               it
               (
               said
               he
               )
               and
               looking
               upon
               it
               presently
               knew
               whose
               it
               was
               ,
               and
               without
               discovering
               any
               passion
               ,
               pull'd
               off
               his
               own
               Coat
               ,
               and
               
               put
               on
               that
               Embroydered
               with
               Gold
               ;
               when
               he
               had
               so
               done
               ,
               come
               come
               said
               he
               ,
               I
               must
               examin
               your
               Wardrobe
               ,
               and
               looking
               into
               the
               Chest
               found
               what
               appertain'd
               thereunto
               ,
               as
               Hat
               ,
               Cravat
               ,
               Breeches
               ,
               &c.
               which
               he
               took
               up
               and
               habited
               himself
               therewith
               from
               top
               to
               toe
               ;
               being
               thus
               gallantly
               ,
               nay
               ,
               nobly
               attired
               ,
               ●he
               struts
               to
               and
               fro
               the
               Chamber
               ,
               admiring
               himself
               in
               his
               Walk
               ,
               and
               when
               he
               had
               left
               off
               adoreing
               himself
               ,
               said
               he
               ,
               now
               prethee
               Wife
               tell
               me
               ,
               don't
               I
               look
               like
               a
               Lord
               ?
               have
               not
               I
               his
               very
               Mein
               ?
               I
               cannot
               believe
               but
               I
               am
               one
               now
               ;
               do
               thou
               believe
               so
               to
               ,
               and
               we
               shall
               hug
               one
               the
               other
               oftner
               ;
               but
               all
               this
               while
               I
               pitty
               the
               poor
               Gentleman
               that
               owns
               them
               ,
               for
               doubtless
               he
               hath
               been
               at
               Play
               to
               Night
               ,
               and
               losing
               all
               ,
               is
               forced
               to
               deposit
               his
               Garments
               ,
               and
               is
               it
               may
               be
               now
               a
               cold
               for
               his
               heat
               of
               Fancy
               .
               This
               Noble-man
               being
               in
               a
               strange
               confusion
               ,
               knew
               not
               what
               to
               do
               ,
               nor
               say
               ;
               at
               length
               collecting
               a
               little
               courage
               ,
               she
               had
               the
               confidence
               to
               say
               ,
               
                 Sir
                 ,
                 you
                 strangely
                 impose
                 upon
                 me
                 ;
                 for
                 why
                 is
                 it
                 not
                 as-Lawful
                 for
                 me
                 to
                 go
                 to
                 the
              
               Court
               of
               Aids
               ,
               
                 as
                 for
                 you
                 to
                 go
                 so
                 often
                 to
                 the
              
               Exchange
               ?
               
               No
               ,
               replyed
               he
               since
               you
               have
               fitted
               me
               for
               the
               Court
               ,
               I'●e
               no
               more
               to
               the
               Exchange
               ;
               and
               thereupon
               instantly
               went
               down
               stairs
               ,
               and
               calling
               for
               a
               Coach
               ,
               ordered
               the
               Coach-man
               to
               drive
               him
               instantly
               to
               the
               
                 Palace
                 Royal
              
               ,
               where
               dismounting
               ,
               he
               betook
               himself
               to
               the
               long
               Gallery
               ,
               where
               the
               Nobility
               usually
               frequented
               ,
               at
               his
               approach
               ,
               the
               Eyes
               of
               all
               the
               Court
               were
               upon
               him
               ,
               every
               one
               wondering
               what
               this
               Fine
               thing
               should
               be
               ,
               after
               several
               opinions
               were
               spent
               upon
               him
               ,
               it
               was
               concluded
               by
               the
               most
               ,
               that
               as
               he
               was
               a
               stranger
               ,
               he
               could
               by
               his
               habit
               be
               no
               less
               than
               a
               Nobleman
               ;
               at
               length
               a
               Courtier
               ,
               drawing
               near
               to
               Caress
               and
               Complement
               this
               Noble
               stranger
               ,
               looking
               steadfastly
               in
               his
               face
               ,
               knew
               him
               ,
               and
               cryed
               out
               aloud
               ,
               
                 O
                 the
                 Devil
                 ,
                 is
                 it
                 you
              
               Mr.
               Coqu●lineux
               ;
               and
               thereupon
               made
               all
               the
               haste
               from
               him
               he
               could
               to
               inform
               his
               Majesty
               first
               of
               a
               strange
               sight
               was
               newly
               come
               to
               Court
               ,
               viz.
               his
               Mercer
               as
               fine
               as
               any
               Lord.
               His
               Majesty
               commanded
               him
               to
               be
               brought
               in
               ,
               which
               was
               as
               the
               other
               designed
               and
               desired
               .
               At
               first
               fight
               the
               King
               knew
               the
               Person
               ,
               and
               
               to
               whom
               those
               fine
               Cloathes
               properly
               belong'd
               ,
               and
               was
               strangely
               surprized
               at
               the
               fight
               of
               both
               so
               improperly
               conjoyn'd
               .
               At
               length
               says
               the
               King
               ,
               Coquelineux
               ,
               prythee
               thy
               meaning
               for
               this
               thy
               phantastical
               appearance
               :
               wouldst
               thou
               by
               this
               Garb
               (
               because
               I
               am
               in
               thy
               Books
               )
               perswade
               me
               to
               make
               thee
               what
               thou
               dost
               personate
               ?
               Though
               I
               owe
               thee
               Money
               ,
               yet
               Iowe
               thee
               no
               such
               honour
               ;
               besides
               ,
               if
               thou
               wouldst
               only
               barely
               represent
               a
               Lord
               ,
               thou
               art
               mistaken
               in
               the
               time
               ,
               for
               this
               is
               no
               day
               of
               State.
               The
               Mercer
               heard
               his
               Majesty
               with
               great
               attention
               ,
               and
               perceiving
               an
               Answer
               was
               expected
               ,
               replyed
               ,
               
                 May
                 it
                 please
                 your
                 Majesty
                 ,
                 my
                 intent
                 of
                 coming
                 hither
                 ,
                 was
                 to
                 〈◊〉
                 other
                 ●nd
                 then
                 to
                 restore
                 to
                 the
                 right
                 owner
                 his
                 due
                 .
                 This
                 splendid
                 Suit
                 with
                 the
                 appurtenances
                 I
                 found
                 in
                 my
                 Wives
                 Chamber
                 ,
                 and
                 discovered
                 where
                 she
                 ●ad
                 laid
                 them
                 by
                 the
                 sle●ve
                 of
                 this
                 embroydered
                 Coat
                 hanging
                 out
                 of
                 the
                 Chest
                 carelesly
                 :
                 upon
                 a
                 full
                 view
                 ,
                 I
                 asks
                 whose
                 they
                 were
                 ;
                 she
                 very
                 ingeniously
                 told
                 me
                 ,
              
               A
               Gentlewoman
               brought
               them
               to
               her
               to
               shew
               to
               me
               ,
               to
               know
               how
               much
               I
               would
               lend
               upon
               them
               ,
               
                 but
                 I
                 mistrusting
                 they
                 may
                 be
                 stoln
                 from
                 some
                 person
                 of
                 Quality
                 ,
                 thought
                 fit
                 to
                 put
                 
                 them
                 on
                 ,
                 and
                 walk
                 publickly
                 at
                 Court
                 ,
                 for
                 by
                 that
                 means
                 the
                 right
                 owner
                 may
                 come
                 to
                 a
                 better
                 knowledge
                 of
                 his
                 goods
                 by
                 sight
                 ,
                 than
                 any
                 discription
                 .
              
               The
               King
               could
               not
               forbear
               laughing
               heartily
               to
               see
               so
               much
               seeming
               honesty
               ,
               and
               simplicity
               in
               his
               Mercer
               ;
               and
               that
               which
               added
               to
               his
               further
               mirth
               was
               the
               consideration
               of
               what
               a
               condition
               the
               Lord
               was
               in
               ,
               whom
               he
               concluded
               to
               be
               left
               without
               Garments
               :
               now
               that
               his
               Majesty
               might
               not
               lose
               so
               brave
               an
               opportunity
               for
               delight
               ,
               he
               caused
               two
               Pursuivants
               to
               be
               sent
               immediatly
               to
               the
               Mercer's
               House
               ,
               and
               there
               search
               for
               this
               Noble-man
               ,
               and
               ,
               if
               found
               ,
               to
               bring
               him
               instantly
               to
               Court
               ,
               sans
               all
               excuse
               of
               going
               any
               where
               else
               .
               This
               Lord
               fearing
               some
               such
               design
               ,
               thought
               any
               delay
               dangerous
               in
               staying
               ,
               cloath'd
               himself
               in
               the
               habit
               of
               the
               M●rcer
               ,
               and
               as
               an
               assistance
               to
               his
               disguise
               ,
               he
               put
               on
               a
               black
               Gown
               which
               he
               found
               hanging
               up
               ,
               which
               belong'd
               to
               a
               Doctor
               of
               Physick
               then
               lying
               in
               the
               House
               ;
               and
               in
               this
               Equipage
               thinking
               to
               go
               home
               undiscovered
               ,
               as
               he
               was
               sneaking
               out
               of
               the
               doors
               he
               was
               met
               by
               the
               Pursuivants
               ,
               who
               knowing
               him
               by
               his
               Countenance
               ,
               told
               him
               in
               
               few
               words
               ,
               what
               his
               Majesty
               had
               commanded
               them
               ,
               and
               that
               without
               excuse
               or
               delay
               he
               must
               instantly
               appear
               before
               His
               Majesty
               :
               he
               seeing
               there
               was
               no
               avoiding
               it
               went
               (
               not
               without
               great
               disorder
               in
               his
               thoughts
               )
               with
               the
               Officers
               .
               The
               King
               and
               several
               of
               the
               Nobles
               seeing
               this
               Lord
               in
               such
               an
               Antique
               dress
               ,
               fell
               into
               such
               a
               Laughter
               ,
               that
               they
               utterly
               forgot
               the
               civility
               that
               was
               due
               to
               the
               
                 Royal
                 Presence
              
               ;
               The
               King
               having
               laught
               his
               sides
               sore
               ,
               had
               at
               last
               leisure
               to
               say
               ;
               how
               now
               Cozen
               ,
               whence
               came
               you
               ?
               the
               Nobleman
               ,
               who
               was
               very
               facetious
               ,
               presently
               replyed
               ,
               from
               Hell
               I
               think
               an
               't
               please
               your
               Majesty
               ,
               for
               I
               came
               from
               a
               bottomless
               pit
               :
               Indeed
               (
               said
               the
               King
               )
               
                 by
                 your
                 Garb
                 you
                 look
                 as
                 if
                 you
                 had
                 been
                 a
                 Conjuring
                 somewhere
                 .
                 You
                 are
                 in
                 the
                 right
                 Sir
              
               (
               said
               the
               Lord
               )
               
                 for
                 I
                 can
                 assure
                 your
                 Majesty
                 this
                 Morning
                 I
                 raised
                 the
                 Devil
                 ,
                 and
                 laid
                 his
                 Damm
                 :
                 in
                 short
                 ,
                 I
                 will
                 tell
                 your
                 Majesty
                 the
                 whole
                 Truth
                 ;
                 a
                 Friend
                 of
                 mine
                 was
                 in
                 a
                 high
                 Fever
                 ,
                 and
                 wanted
                 a
                 cooling
                 Clyster
                 ,
                 and
                 would
                 have
                 none
                 to
                 administer
                 it
                 but
                 my self
                 :
                 I
                 pittying
                 her
                 condition
                 ,
                 in
                 compliance
                 to
                 her
                 desires
                 performed
                 this
                 Morning
                 the
                 part
                 of
                 a
                 Charitable
                 Physitian
                 .
              
               The
               King
               by
               these
               words
               
               very
               well
               understood
               what
               his
               Cozen
               had
               been
               doing
               ,
               and
               in
               railery
               checkt
               him
               :
               saying
               ,
               
                 indeed
                 you
                 are
                 to
                 blame
                 to
                 give
                 any
                 Woman
                 Physick
                 without
                 the
                 consent
                 of
                 her
                 Husband
                 ;
                 for
                 the
                 time
                 to
                 come
                 forbear
                 such
                 practices
                 ,
                 if
                 for
                 no
                 other
                 cause
                 than
                 to
                 shun
                 making
                 such
                 a
                 Metamorphosis
                 as
                 you
                 have
                 done
                 already
                 :
                 for
                 see
                 there
                 ,
                 a
              
               Mercer
               
                 chang'd
                 into
                 a
                 Lord
                 ,
                 and
                 here
                 a
                 Lord
                 changed
                 into
                 a
                 Conjurer
              
               ;
               and
               so
               dismist
               them
               ,
               allotting
               the
               Mercer
               that
               gorgeous
               Suit
               in
               part
               of
               satisfaction
               of
               the
               wrong
               he
               had
               received
               ,
               whilst
               the
               others
               shame
               was
               a
               sufficient
               punishment
               .
            
          
           
             
               A
               French
               Noble-man
               Cuckolded
               by
               his
               Servants
               .
            
             
               IT
               is
               customary
               among
               the
               Nobility
               ,
               and
               persons
               of
               great
               quality
               in
               France
               to
               lye
               in
               Chambers
               apart
               from
               those
               of
               their
               Ladies
               .
               Now
               there
               was
               a
               Lord
               (
               shall
               be
               at
               present
               nameless
               )
               who
               notwithstanding
               his
               Lady
               was
               as
               eminent
               a
               Beauty
               as
               most
               was
               in
               France
               ,
               yet
               he
               must
               (
               forsooth
               )
               follow
               the
               humour
               of
               the
               Countrey
               ;
               now
               when
               at
               any
               time
               he
               had
               a
               desire
               to
               enjoy
               the
               swear
               embraces
               of
               hit
               lovely
               consort
               ,
               
               rising
               from
               his
               own
               bed
               he
               would
               stead
               out
               in
               the
               dark
               in
               his
               Shirt
               ,
               making
               no
               noise
               ,
               and
               knocking
               at
               his
               Ladies
               Chamber
               dore
               softly
               ,
               she
               knowing
               his
               custome
               gave
               him
               admittance
               ;
               now
               besides
               the
               Mode
               ,
               he
               had
               another
               reason
               (
               as
               he
               said
               )
               to
               approve
               thereof
               ,
               because
               it
               lookt
               so
               like
               whoring
               .
               Having
               performed
               the
               necessary
               and
               obliging
               duty
               of
               Marriage
               Bed
               ,
               he
               returned
               to
               his
               own
               Chamber
               there
               to
               spend
               the
               residue
               of
               the
               Night
               in
               an
               undisturbed
               repose
               .
               One
               of
               this
               Lord
               's
               
                 Valet
                 de
                 Chambre
              
               taking
               notice
               of
               this
               humour
               ,
               concluded
               that
               he
               might
               have
               the
               same
               admittance
               into
               his
               Ladies
               Chamber
               ,
               and
               participate
               of
               the
               same
               Pleasures
               by
               the
               same
               means
               his
               Masters
               humour
               had
               inculcated
               into
               his
               thoughts
               .
               Upon
               a
               serious
               consultation
               with
               himself
               ,
               he
               concluded
               that
               Night
               best
               for
               the
               accomplishing
               his
               Design
               ,
               in
               which
               his
               Master
               had
               visited
               his
               Lady
               ;
               about
               an
               hour
               after
               he
               resolved
               to
               put
               his
               lustful
               Project
               in
               Practice
               ;
               which
               he
               did
               so
               well
               by
               imitation
               that
               he
               got
               entrance
               :
               Your
               own
               thoughts
               may
               inform
               you
               how
               they
               spent
               the
               time
               ,
               without
               my
               putting
               the
               modest
               to
               the
               extrayagant
               
               expence
               of
               blushes
               .
               All
               I
               shall
               say
               is
               ,
               That
               this
               Fellow
               performed
               his
               part
               so
               vigorously
               and
               so
               often
               ,
               that
               when
               he
               went
               from
               her
               ,
               he
               left
               her
               all
               wonder
               and
               amazement
               :
               and
               that
               which
               encreas'd
               her
               admiration
               was
               not
               only
               his
               profound
               silence
               ,
               although
               she
               urged
               him
               to
               speak
               to
               her
               with
               all
               the
               melting
               Rhetorick
               she
               could
               devise
               ,
               but
               the
               coming
               of
               her
               husband
               twice
               as
               she
               supposed
               ;
               whilst
               she
               was
               thus
               ruminating
               with
               her self
               being
               left
               alone
               ,
               her
               Husband
               stimulated
               more
               than
               ordinary
               by
               some
               provocatives
               he
               had
               taken
               the
               day
               before
               ,
               comes
               and
               with
               his
               acustomed
               knock
               and
               whisper
               demanded
               entrance
               ,
               she
               knowing
               her
               Lords
               voice
               arose
               and
               let
               him
               in
               ;
               as
               he
               was
               about
               to
               prosecute
               his
               accustomed
               enjoyment
               ,
               his
               Lady
               begg'd
               him
               to
               forbear
               ,
               urging
               that
               he
               was
               much
               to
               blame
               to
               be
               so
               inordinate
               in
               his
               desires
               :
               what
               (
               said
               she
               )
               
                 Could
                 not
                 you
                 my
                 Lord
                 (
                 since
                 you
                 find
                 so
                 great
                 an
                 alteration
                 )
                 be
                 content
                 to
                 have
                 out
                 done
                 your self
                 this
                 night
                 by
                 so
                 many
                 repetitions
                 ,
                 but
                 that
                 you
                 must
                 again
                 expose
                 your
                 body
                 to
                 the
                 injury
                 of
                 the
                 cold
                 in
                 so
                 short
                 a
                 time
                 again
              
               ;
               and
               coming
               a
               third
               time
               ,
               in
               less
               than
               two
               hours
               ?
               
               Nay
               ,
               nay
               sweet-heart
               this
               is
               but
               twice
               ,
               you
               wrong
               me
               indeed
               said
               he
               :
               To
               which
               she
               replyed
               ,
               
                 That
                 she
                 was
                 not
                 mistaken
                 ,
                 for
                 assuredly
                 it
                 was
                 so
                 often
                 .
              
               Hereupon
               this
               Gentleman
               began
               to
               pause
               upon
               it
               ;
               and
               from
               what
               he
               had
               already
               heard
               and
               gathered
               from
               other
               circumstances
               he
               verily
               believed
               that
               he
               had
               been
               abused
               by
               one
               of
               his
               Servants
               ;
               but
               kept
               all
               close
               from
               his
               Lady
               (
               for
               she
               was
               a
               vertuous
               Gentlewoman
               )
               to
               avoid
               the
               ill
               consequences
               such
               a
               discovery
               might
               produce
               .
               Having
               laid
               a
               while
               (
               in
               which
               time
               he
               studied
               to
               divert
               his
               Lady
               as
               he
               could
               )
               he
               got
               up
               ,
               and
               being
               come
               into
               his
               own
               Chamber
               he
               could
               not
               rest
               there
               long
               ,
               but
               putting
               on
               his
               Breeches
               and
               a
               Gown
               went
               into
               all
               his
               Male-servants
               Chambers
               that
               were
               about
               him
               ,
               making
               ,
               along
               as
               he
               went
               ,
               a
               strict
               enquiry
               with
               his
               Nose
               in
               every
               Bed
               ,
               for
               it
               seems
               this
               Lady
               was
               well
               sented
               .
               There
               was
               one
               of
               whom
               he
               at
               length
               might
               have
               some
               grounds
               of
               suspition
               ;
               because
               ,
               besides
               his
               complection
               which
               never
               fail'd
               of
               ardent
               inclination
               to
               the
               Female
               Sex
               ,
               he
               was
               both
               a
               handsome
               and
               a
               very
               subtle
               Fellow
               ,
               but
               he
               could
               not
               tell
               which
               Bed
               he
               lay
               in
               ;
               by
               chance
               
               groping
               up
               and
               down
               in
               the
               dark
               he
               sound
               his
               Bed
               ,
               and
               pulling
               up
               the
               Cloathes
               smelt
               a
               perfume
               he
               was
               very
               well
               acquainted
               with
               ;
               and
               from
               thence
               judged
               this
               must
               be
               the
               Rogue
               that
               had
               done
               him
               this
               dishonour
               ;
               wherefore
               that
               he
               might
               be
               sure
               to
               know
               him
               the
               next
               day
               ,
               he
               took
               out
               of
               his
               Pocket
               a
               pair
               of
               Sizers
               ,
               and
               snipe
               off
               one
               of
               his
               Whiskers
               ,
               for
               then
               it
               was
               the
               Fashion
               to
               wear
               them
               .
               This
               Fellow
               was
               a
               wake
               ,
               and
               by
               this
               knew
               very
               well
               his
               Master
               ,
               and
               his
               Design
               ,
               first
               by
               smelling
               ,
               and
               then
               by
               marking
               him
               ,
               that
               he
               might
               be
               known
               the
               next
               day
               ,
               to
               prevent
               which
               as
               soon
               as
               his
               Master
               was
               gone
               ,
               he
               instantly
               starts
               up
               ;
               and
               going
               into
               all
               the
               Chambers
               aforesaid
               ,
               cuts
               off
               (
               from
               every
               one
               that
               had
               any
               )
               that
               Whisker
               that
               was
               on
               the
               same
               side
               of
               the
               Mouth
               that
               his
               was
               on
               ,
               and
               returns
               to
               his
               own
               Bed.
               The
               Servants
               getting
               up
               next
               morning
               ,
               and
               seeing
               each
               others
               right
               Whisker
               gone
               ,
               stood
               staring
               one
               upon
               another
               like
               so
               many
               distracted
               Bedlamites
               ,
               not
               knowing
               what
               to
               say
               ,
               or
               whom
               to
               accuse
               .
               In
               short
               ,
               one
               that
               was
               known
               sufficiently
               to
               be
               an
               arch
               Rogue
               was
               suspected
               ,
               and
               thereupon
               
               some
               of
               the
               more
               passionate
               fell
               upon
               him
               and
               abused
               him
               most
               pitifully
               ,
               others
               took
               his
               part
               ,
               by
               which
               means
               they
               were
               all
               engaged
               by
               the
               Ears
               ;
               at
               the
               noise
               hereof
               the
               whole
               House
               was
               alarmed
               ,
               and
               running
               to
               see
               what
               was
               the
               matter
               ,
               they
               were
               so
               surprized
               with
               the
               strangeness
               of
               such
               a
               Comical
               sight
               ,
               that
               laying
               aside
               all
               respect
               to
               their
               Lord
               and
               Lady
               ,
               they
               laught
               beyond
               measure
               .
               Sure
               it
               must
               be
               very
               pleasant
               to
               see
               two
               such
               contrary
               Passions
               ,
               in
               one
               entire
               Company
               ,
               proceeding
               from
               one
               and
               the
               same
               cause
               .
               These
               poor
               Semi-barbarians
               finding
               themselves
               laught
               it
               by
               their
               fellows
               ,
               whom
               they
               observed
               not
               so
               abused
               as
               they
               were
               ,
               imagining
               them
               the
               Plotters
               of
               this
               mischief
               ,
               and
               without
               examining
               whether
               it
               was
               so
               〈◊〉
               no
               ,
               diverted
               the
               quarrel
               among
               themselves
               upon
               the
               others
               .
               Now
               did
               the
               Combat
               begin
               afresh
               ,
               with
               more
               eagerness
               than
               before
               ,
               which
               caused
               one
               to
               run
               and
               tell
               the
               Lord
               ,
               that
               there
               was
               a
               Civil
               War
               Commenced
               among
               his
               Servants
               ,
               and
               that
               if
               he
               came
               not
               quickly
               and
               decided
               the
               Controversie
               their
               fury
               would
               utterly
               leave
               him
               destitute
               of
               his
               present
               Attendance
               .
               Hereupon
               his
               
               Lordship
               commanded
               a
               Cessation
               of
               Arms
               ,
               &
               commanded
               they
               should
               come
               before
               him
               ;
               and
               having
               cleansed
               themselves
               from
               the
               Blood
               ,
               each
               Face
               by
               Fighting
               had
               contracted
               ;
               (
               for
               as
               they
               then
               were
               ,
               one
               Face
               could
               hardly
               be
               distinguisht
               from
               the
               other
               )
               they
               appeared
               before
               their
               Lord
               in
               the
               great
               Hall.
               In
               the
               mean
               time
               he
               ordered
               his
               Lady
               to
               be
               there
               .
               Upon
               the
               appearance
               of
               the
               men
               ,
               my
               Lord
               and
               Lady
               were
               possest
               with
               the
               same
               different
               Passions
               as
               their
               Servants
               '
               were
               ;
               for
               the
               first
               was
               in
               a
               Fury
               to
               see
               that
               Traitor
               who
               had
               abused
               him
               ;
               whilst
               the
               other
               fell
               into
               the
               greatest
               laughter
               imaginable
               ;
               after
               a
               little
               time
               the
               half
               Whiskers
               made
               a
               bitter
               complaint
               against
               the
               whole
               whiskers
               ,
               as
               to
               the
               injury
               they
               had
               sustained
               in
               the
               abuse
               of
               their
               beards
               ;
               the
               Defendants
               alledged
               that
               they
               were
               guiltless
               of
               the
               Fact
               ,
               and
               that
               for
               their
               good
               will
               in
               coming
               to
               part
               them
               they
               were
               Assaulted
               by
               them
               .
               To
               end
               the
               Controversie
               ,
               in
               short
               ,
               said
               my
               Lord
               ,
               it
               was
               I
               that
               cut
               off
               one
               Whisker
               ,
               whosoever
               is
               the
               owner
               thereof
               I
               will
               have
               his
               Head
               off
               too
               for
               an
               irreparable
               injury
               he
               hath
               done
               me
               ;
               their
               former
               passion
               was
               now
               converted
               
               into
               another
               of
               that
               for
               fear
               ,
               so
               that
               now
               their
               Knees
               wag'd
               more
               then
               their
               Hands
               before
               ;
               look
               here
               (
               said
               my
               Lord
               )
               whose
               remaining
               Whisker
               matcheth
               this
               in
               Colour
               ,
               he
               is
               the
               Subject
               of
               my
               revenge
               .
               Hereupon
               Carrats
               fell
               on
               his
               knees
               ,
               and
               beg'd
               his
               Pardon
               ,
               confessing
               the
               whole
               Truth
               ;
               for
               this
               witty
               indeavour
               of
               concealment
               he
               gave
               him
               his
               Life
               with
               the
               loss
               of
               his
               Ears
               ,
               and
               delivered
               him
               over
               to
               the
               abused
               Semi-whiskers
               who
               got
               a
               blanket
               and
               to●t
               him
               so
               long
               in
               Revenge
               ,
               that
               they
               had
               like
               to
               to●t
               his
               bones
               out
               of
               his
               skin
               ,
               as
               well
               as
               him
               out
               of
               his
               Lordships
               service
               .
            
          
           
             
               A
               mad
               Wooer
               well
               sitted
               .
            
             
               ONE
               Wooing
               a
               Widow
               ,
               more
               to
               satisfie
               his
               Friends
               ,
               than
               to
               oblige
               his
               own
               inclination
               ;
               told
               her
               ,
               that
               he
               had
               three
               qualities
               which
               she
               must
               be
               acquainted
               with
               before
               he
               married
               her
               .
               The
               first
               was
               ,
               when
               he
               went
               abroad
               ,
               and
               returned
               home
               he
               should
               be
               angry
               without
               a
               cause
               ;
               Secondly
               ,
               he
               must
               eat
               his
               meat
               alone
               ;
               And
               Thirdly
               ,
               that
               he
               should
               lye
               with
               her
               but
               once
               a
               Month.
               
                 If
                 this
                 be
                 all
              
               (
               said
               she
               )
               
                 I
                 care
                 not
                 ;
                 for
                 as
                 to
                 the
                 first
                 ,
              
               
               you
               say
               ,
               you
               shall
               be
               angry
               without
               a
               cause
               ,
               
                 I
                 will
                 take
                 came
                 to
                 give
                 you
                 cause
                 enough
                 ,
                 never
                 fear
                 .
              
               And
               for
               the
               second
               in
               eating
               your
               Meat
               alone
               ,
               
                 do
                 and
                 spare
                 not
                 ;
                 but
                 it
                 shall
                 be
                 after
                 I
                 have
                 din'd
                 .
              
               And
               as
               for
               you
               Lying
               with
               me
               but
               once
               a
               Month
               ,
               take
               your
               course
               ;
               
                 if
                 you
                 will
                 not
                 ,
                 another
                 shall
                 ,
                 for
                 in
                 that
                 time
                 ,
                 I
                 shall
                 have
                 a
                 Months
                 mind
                 to
                 another
                 .
              
            
          
           
             
               A
               great
               noise
               to
               little
               purpose
               .
            
             
               IN
               the
               latter
               end
               of
               
                 Queen
                 Elizabeths
              
               Reign
               ,
               there
               was
               a
               great
               rumour
               of
               an
               Invasion
               ,
               where
               upon
               great
               numbers
               of
               Horse
               and
               Foot
               were
               rais'd
               about
               London
               ,
               insomuch
               ,
               that
               the
               whole
               Kingdom
               was
               terribly
               affrighted
               ;
               but
               all
               coming
               to
               nothing
               ,
               a
               Countrey
               Gentleman
               then
               in
               the
               City
               askt
               his
               Friend
               ,
               to
               what
               end
               was
               all
               that
               Mustering
               in
               London
               and
               
                 Middlesex
                 .
                 To
                 what
                 end
              
               (
               quoth
               the
               other
               ?
               )
               
                 why
                 to
                 Mile-End
              
               ;
               for
               there
               was
               the
               general
               Muster
               .
               And
               to
               what
               end
               were
               so
               many
               Barges
               ,
               and
               Liters
               sent
               down
               to
               block
               up
               the
               
                 Thames
                 ?
                 To
                 what
                 end
                 ?
                 why
                 to
                 Gravesend
                 ,
              
               quoth
               the
               other
               .
               I
               but
               said
               the
               Gentleman
               to
               what
               end
               was
               the
               great
               hurley-burley
               by
               Land
               and
               Water
               ?
               
                 To
                 
                 what
                 end
              
               (
               quoth
               the
               other
               ?
               )
               
                 why
                 in
                 troth
                 as
                 far
                 as
                 I
                 understand
                 to
                 no
                 end
                 at
                 all
                 .
              
            
          
           
             
               The
               Amorous
               Contest
               .
            
             
               THE
               Duke
               of
               Lerma
               used
               ,
               by
               way
               of
               Magnificency
               and
               State
               ,
               when
               he
               washt
               before
               Dinner
               ,
               to
               give
               a
               Ring
               to
               him
               that
               held
               the
               Bason
               ,
               and
               another
               to
               him
               that
               held
               the
               Ewer
               :
               One
               time
               above
               the
               rest
               ,
               having
               a
               Diamond
               Ring
               on
               his
               Finger
               ,
               he
               made
               this
               publick
               proposition
               ,
               that
               whosoever
               of
               the
               Company
               could
               relate
               the
               saddest
               story
               in
               Love
               Affairs
               should
               have
               the
               Ring
               :
               whereupon
               a
               Gentleman
               there
               present
               undertook
               the
               task
               ,
               and
               thus
               began
               .
            
             
               
                 May
                 it
                 please
                 your
              
               Grace
               
                 to
                 understand
                 ;
                 that
                 I
                 along
                 time
                 served
                 two
                 Mistresses
                 ,
                 of
                 different
                 Form
                 and
                 Feature
                 ,
                 the
                 one
                 as
                 foul
                 as
                 the
                 other
                 fair
                 ;
                 the
                 one
                 loved
                 me
                 ,
                 whom
                 out
                 of
                 meer
                 gratitude
                 I
                 was
                 obliged
                 to
                 shomsome
                 respect
                 ;
                 the
                 other
                 hated
                 me
                 as
                 much
                 ,
                 as
                 I
                 lov'd
                 the
                 other
                 beyond
                 expression
                 .
                 Being
                 utterly
                 destitute
                 at
                 last
                 of
                 all
                 hope
                 and
                 Comfort
                 ,
                 I
                 dedicated
                 my
                 whole
                 time
                 to
                 solitude
                 ,
                 which
                 in
                 a
                 
                 little
                 time
                 brought
                 on
                 me
                 a
                 desperate
                 Fever
                 ,
                 which
                 in
                 the
                 opinion
                 of
                 my
                 Physicians
                 would
                 not
                 end
                 ,
                 but
                 with
                 my
                 Life
                 .
                 The
                 report
                 hereof
                 coming
                 to
                 my
                 cruel
                 fair
                 ones
                 ear
                 ,
                 made
                 her
                 come
                 to
                 visit
                 me
                 ,
                 who
                 seeing
                 to
                 what
                 weakness
                 I
                 was
                 reduced
                 ,
                 smothered
                 no
                 longer
                 her
                 flame
                 (
                 having
                 for
                 some
                 Reasons
                 hitherto
                 ,
                 concealed
                 her
                 soft
                 Passion
                 )
                 but
                 professed
                 how
                 endearedly
                 she
                 lov'd
                 me
                 ,
                 and
                 how
                 sorry
                 she
                 was
                 her
                 coyness
                 had
                 brought
                 me
                 to
                 this
                 condition
                 .
                 No
                 Cordial
                 could
                 so
                 revive
                 my
                 Spirits
                 ,
                 neither
                 J●lip
                 so
                 allay
                 my
                 unnatural
                 heat
                 ,
                 as
                 did
                 these
                 sweet
                 and
                 melting
                 expressions
                 ,
                 so
                 that
                 in
                 a
                 short
                 time
                 I
                 recovered
                 my
                 strength
                 .
                 Her
                 Father
                 hearing
                 of
                 her
                 Love
                 ,
                 vow'd
                 to
                 cross
                 it
                 ,
                 and
                 thereupon
                 lockt
                 her
                 up
                 from
                 my
                 sight
                 ;
                 but
                 finding
                 (
                 do
                 what
                 he
                 could
                 )
                 that
                 we
                 privately
                 conveighed
                 Letters
                 to
                 one
                 another
                 ;
                 he
                 animated
                 my
                 Rival
                 to
                 fight
                 me
                 :
                 In
                 short
                 we
                 fought
                 ,
                 and
                 by
                 the
                 happy
                 Influence
                 of
                 Heaven
                 ,
                 I
                 gained
                 the
                 Victory
                 with
                 my
                 Rival's
                 Death
                 :
                 Now
                 the
                 Law
                 of
                 my
                 Countrey
                 being
                 very
                 severe
                 against
                 Duels
                 ,
                 I
                 was
                 forced
                 to
                 flye
                 ,
                 hoping
                 in
                 time
                 
                 my
                 friends
                 would
                 procure
                 my
                 Pardon
                 .
                 But
                 now
                 to
                 make
                 my
                 Misery
                 compleat
                 ,
                 the
                 cruel
                 Father
                 of
                 my
                 Mistress
                 forced
                 her
                 in
                 my
                 absence
                 to
                 Marry
                 an
                 old
                 Count
                 his
                 Neighbour
                 ,
                 the
                 Corruption
                 of
                 whose
                 Body
                 rendred
                 him
                 fitter
                 for
                 a
                 Grave
                 than
                 a
                 Marriage
                 Bed.
                 Now
                 ,
                 if
                 your
              
               Grace
               
                 do
                 judge
                 my
                 Calamity
                 can
                 receive
                 addition
                 ,
                 and
                 that
                 my
                 Afflictions
                 lay
                 not
                 claim
                 to
                 your
                 Ring
                 ,
                 be
                 pleased
                 to
                 bestow
                 it
                 on
                 some
                 more
                 wretched
                 than
                 my self
                 .
              
            
             
               He
               had
               no
               sooner
               ended
               his
               Speech
               ,
               but
               another
               thus
               began
               .
            
             
               
                 
                   
                     
                       
                         Great
                         Prince
                         ,
                      
                    
                     
                       J
                       
                         Must
                         begin
                         my
                         mournful
                         Story
                         where
                         this
                         Gentleman
                         ends
                         his
                         .
                         He
                         received
                         at
                         once
                         ,
                         both
                         a
                         Pardon
                         for
                         the
                         Murther
                         and
                         a
                         Letter
                         from
                         his
                         Mistris
                         to
                         make
                         haste
                         into
                         her
                         imbraces
                         ;
                         the
                      
                       Count
                       
                         her
                         Husband
                         being
                         gone
                         a
                         long
                         Journey
                         ,
                         he
                         desired
                         me
                         to
                         Associate
                         him
                         in
                         this
                         pleasing
                         journey
                         ,
                         and
                         I
                         willingly
                         yielded
                         to
                         his
                         invitation
                         .
                         Arriving
                         at
                         the
                         Old
                      
                       Count's
                       
                         Castle
                         his
                         Mistress
                         met
                         him
                         with
                         the
                         same
                         joy
                         ,
                         and
                         gladness
                         with
                         which
                         the
                      
                       Spring
                       the
                       Sun
                       
                         doth
                         entertain
                         .
                         Long
                         did
                         their
                         Kisses
                         interrupt
                         their
                         Speech
                         ,
                         which
                         at
                         length
                         brake
                         out
                         into
                         unfained
                         protestations
                         ,
                         how
                         much
                         their
                         past
                         
                         miseries
                         had
                         indeared
                         each
                         to
                         other
                         .
                         When
                         they
                         had
                         chatted
                         their
                         fill
                         ,
                         to
                         Supper
                         we
                         went
                         ,
                         which
                         finisht
                         ,
                         a
                         Banquet
                         succeeded
                         ,
                         ravishing
                         both
                         to
                         Eye
                         and
                         Palat.
                         This
                         ended
                         ,
                         one
                         comes
                         in
                         ,
                         and
                         whispering
                         the
                         Lady
                         in
                         the
                         Ear
                         ,
                         she
                         instantly
                         chaug'd
                         Colour
                         ,
                         and
                         cry'd
                         out
                         ,
                         she
                         was
                         undone
                         for
                         ever
                         ,
                         unless
                         I
                         did
                         her
                         one
                         friendly
                         Office
                         ,
                         which
                         should
                         eternally
                         engage
                         her
                         to
                         me
                         ;
                         having
                         told
                         her
                         ,
                         I
                         desired
                         no
                         greater
                         honour
                         than
                         to
                         dye
                         in
                         her
                         Service
                         ,
                         she
                         then
                         inform'd
                         me
                         ,
                         that
                         the
                         old
                      
                       Count
                       
                         her
                         Husband
                         was
                         returned
                         ,
                         and
                         newly
                         gone
                         to
                         Bed
                         being
                         very
                         weary
                         and
                         expected
                         her
                         coming
                         .
                         Now
                         Sir
                         ,
                      
                       said
                       she
                       ,
                       
                         not
                         daring
                         to
                         trust
                         any
                         of
                         my
                         Maids
                         ,
                         with
                         the
                         Secret
                         of
                         my
                         Friend
                         's
                         being
                         here
                         ,
                         but
                         you
                         and
                         my
                         Sister
                         ,
                         do
                         me
                         the
                         favour
                         about
                         an
                         hour
                         hence
                         to
                         put
                         on
                         one
                         of
                         my
                         Coives
                         ,
                         and
                         one
                         of
                         my
                         Smocks
                         and
                         go
                         to
                         bed
                         to
                         my
                         Husband
                         who
                         without
                         doubt
                         will
                         be
                         asleep
                         before
                         you
                         come
                         ;
                         if
                         he
                         be
                         not
                         ,
                         all
                         he
                         will
                         do
                         is
                         but
                         to
                         hug
                         you
                         about
                         the
                         middle
                         or
                         kiss
                         you
                         ,
                         for
                         other
                         dalliance
                         you
                         need
                         not
                         fear
                         him
                         ;
                         besides
                         Age
                         hath
                         not
                         yet
                         brusht
                         your
                         Chin
                         ,
                         so
                         that
                         it
                         seems
                         to
                         me
                         as
                         smooth
                         as
                         mine
                         ;
                         ●this
                         means
                         shall
                         I
                         and
                         my
                         dearest
                         beloved
                         own
                         all
                         the
                         fruition
                         of
                         loves
                         delights
                         to
                         you
                         alone
                         .
                         In
                         short
                         ,
                      
                       Sir
                       ,
                       
                         I
                         was
                         not
                         only
                         attentive
                         ,
                         but
                         obedient
                         to
                         her
                         request
                         ,
                         and
                         into
                         the
                         supposed
                         Bed
                         of
                         the
                         old
                      
                       Count
                       
                         I
                         went
                         ,
                         where
                         I
                         was
                         no
                         sooner
                         laid
                         ,
                         but
                         I
                         heard
                         him
                         
                         breath
                         ,
                         and
                         felt
                         him
                         stir
                         and
                         move
                         towards
                         me
                         ,
                         whereat
                         I
                         shrunk
                         away
                         to
                         avoid
                         his
                         loathsome
                         touch
                         ;
                         but
                         he
                         mov'd
                         still
                         onwards
                         ,
                         and
                         I
                         farther
                         ,
                         and
                         farther
                         ,
                         till
                         I
                         lay
                         half
                         naked
                         out
                         of
                         bed
                         .
                         In
                         the
                         morning
                         as
                         I
                         was
                         shrinking
                         out
                         of
                         Bed
                         to
                         be
                         gone
                         ,
                         on
                         a
                         suddain
                         my
                         Friend
                         and
                         the
                         Countess
                         came
                         dancing
                         into
                         the
                         Chamber
                         ,
                         he
                         in
                         his
                         Shirt
                         ,
                         and
                         she
                         in
                         her
                         Smock
                         :
                         my
                         Soul
                         hereat
                         was
                         strangely
                         divided
                         betwixt
                         fear
                         and
                         wonder
                         ,
                         fear
                         of
                         my
                         own
                         detection
                         ,
                         and
                         amazement
                         at
                         their
                         boldness
                         ,
                         thinking
                         that
                         excess
                         of
                         pleasure
                         had
                         made
                         them
                         run
                         distracted
                         .
                         At
                         length
                         coming
                         to
                         the
                         Bed-side
                         drawing
                         the
                         Curtains
                         ,
                         each
                         of
                         them
                         with
                         a
                         Tapour
                         in
                         their
                         hand
                         shewed
                         me
                         the
                         most
                         lamentable
                         and
                         unpardonable
                         errour
                         that
                         ever
                         man
                         committed
                         ,
                         for
                         instead
                         of
                         the
                         old
                         rotten
                      
                       Count
                       ,
                       
                         there
                         lay
                         by
                         me
                         the
                         Sister
                         of
                         the
                         Countess
                         ,
                         who
                         for
                         sprightful
                         youth
                         ,
                         and
                         charming
                         beauty
                         Nature
                         never
                         yet
                         produced
                         her
                         like
                         .
                         Now
                         ,
                         when
                         with
                         the
                         highest
                         admiration
                         I
                         beheld
                         this
                         Miracle
                         of
                         her
                         Sex
                         ,
                         and
                         what
                         a
                         Heaven
                         of
                         happiness
                         I
                         ,
                         by
                         mistake
                         ,
                         bad
                         lost
                         ,
                         I
                         hardly
                         could
                         refrain
                         from
                         laying
                         violent
                         hands
                         on
                         my self
                         :
                         my
                         friend
                         reaped
                         his
                         enjoyments
                         ,
                         which
                         I
                         am
                         never
                         like
                         to
                         do
                         ;
                         for
                         being
                         forced
                         to
                         leave
                         the
                      
                       Castle
                       
                         in
                         a
                         very
                         little
                         time
                         after
                         I
                         heard
                         she
                         is
                         removed
                         I
                         know
                         not
                         whither
                         ,
                         so
                         that
                         I
                         must
                         now
                         languish
                         and
                         dye
                         in
                         the
                         Tyranny
                         of
                         restless
                         desire
                         .
                      
                    
                  
                
              
            
             
             
               This
               Spech
               being
               ended
               ,
               the
               Duke
               confessed
               that
               they
               both
               deserved
               much
               ,
               but
               he
               questioned
               whether
               the
               
                 Counts
                 Sister
              
               deserved
               not
               as
               Much
               as
               both
               ,
               nay
               ,
               more
               ,
               for
               she
               knew
               who
               was
               in
               Bed
               with
               her
               ,
               and
               knowing
               her self
               so
               near
               a
               good
               turn
               and
               miss
               it
               ,
               aggravates
               vexation
               to
               the
               very
               height
               ,
               and
               therefore
               said
               ,
               the
               Ring
               to
               her
               did
               properly
               belong
               .
            
          
           
             
               A
               Story
               of
               Purgatory
               .
            
             
               THe
               Pope
               gave
               a
               Priest
               a
               Silver
               Bason
               and
               indued
               it
               with
               this
               vertue
               ,
               that
               whosoever
               dropt
               a
               French
               Crown
               into
               it
               ,
               or
               to
               that
               value
               ,
               his
               Friends
               Soul
               should
               instantly
               upon
               the
               sound
               of
               it
               be
               delivered
               out
               of
               Purgatory
               .
               In
               the
               Town
               where
               the
               Priest
               liv'd
               dwelt
               a
               mad
               debauch'd
               fellow
               ,
               whose
               Uncle
               had
               left
               him
               a
               good
               estate
               .
               To
               him
               this
               priest
               came
               ,
               and
               offer'd
               for
               a
               
                 French
                 Crown
              
               to
               free
               his
               Vncles
               Soul
               from
               Purgatory
               .
               The
               young
               man
               replyed
               ,
               it
               was
               a
               reasonable
               proposition
               ,
               whereupon
               he
               took
               out
               a
               Crown
               ,
               and
               dropt
               it
               into
               the
               Bason
               ,
               then
               askt
               the
               Priest
               if
               his
               Uncles
               Soul
               was
               yet
               out
               of
               Purgatory
               ?
               I
               dare
               lay
               upon
               my
               life
               it
               is
               freed
               ,
               said
               the
               Priest
               ;
               which
               
               words
               were
               no
               sooner
               said
               ,
               but
               the
               young
               man
               took
               up
               his
               mony
               again
               ,
               and
               put
               it
               into
               his
               pocket
               ,
               wherat
               the
               Priest
               displeased
               said
               ,
               
                 if
                 you
                 take
                 your
                 mony
                 again
                 ,
                 his
                 Soul
                 will
                 again
                 enter
                 into
                 Purgatory
                 .
              
               Nay
               said
               the
               young
               man
               there
               is
               no
               fear
               of
               that
               ,
               for
               if
               my
               Uncle
               be
               as
               obstmate
               an
               old
               Knave
               ,
               dead
               ,
               as
               he
               was
               ,
               living
               ,
               if
               he
               be
               once
               out
               all
               the
               Devils
               in
               Hell
               cannot
               get
               him
               in
               again
               .
            
          
           
             
               The
               Cheater
               Cheated
            
             
               A
               Comly
               Matronly
               Woman
               (
               whom
               I
               shall
               forbear
               to
               nominate
               )
               lately
               lived
               in
               the
               Burrough
               of
               Southwark
               ,
               who
               wanting
               things
               necessary
               both
               for
               the
               Ornament
               of
               the
               body
               ,
               and
               furniture
               of
               a
               house
               ,
               held
               a
               long
               consultation
               with
               her self
               how
               she
               might
               effect
               her
               desires
               by
               a
               well
               contrived
               credit
               .
               Many
               plots
               she
               laid
               ,
               but
               found
               none
               of
               them
               firm
               enough
               to
               build
               the
               structure
               of
               her
               designed
               advantage
               ,
               till
               she
               chanced
               to
               bit
               upon
               this
               stratagem
               .
               She
               had
               a
               Daughter
               which
               was
               more
               ha●some
               than
               honest
               ,
               and
               much
               more
               witty
               than
               wise
               ,
               in
               short
               ,
               both
               Mother
               &
               Daughter
               were
               as
               right
               as
               my
               leg
               ,
               and
               as
               good
               as
               
               ver
               twang'd
               .
               These
               two
               consulting
               together
               ,
               concluded
               thus
               ,
               that
               they
               should
               in
               the
               first
               place
               change
               their
               habitation
               ,
               but
               before
               they
               did
               it
               ,
               the
               Daughter
               went
               to
               one
               of
               the
               Devils
               Factors
               ,
               
                 alias
                 a
                 Tally-man
              
               (
               with
               whom
               the
               was
               acquainted
               )
               and
               took
               up
               all
               the
               Materials
               belonging
               to
               man's
               Apparel
               ,
               which
               she
               said
               was
               for
               her
               Husband
               ,
               who
               was
               returned
               home
               to
               receive
               what
               pay
               was
               due
               to
               him
               for
               serving
               his
               Majesty
               by
               Sea
               ,
               against
               the
               Hollander
               .
               She
               told
               her
               story
               so
               plausibly
               ,
               expressing
               so
               much
               joy
               for
               his
               escape
               ,
               and
               what
               great
               advantages
               were
               like
               to
               accrue
               to
               her
               by
               the
               Valour
               of
               her
               Husband
               ,
               that
               the
               Tally-man
               did
               ,
               not
               only
               trust
               her
               with
               a
               Suit
               of
               mans
               apparel
               ,
               but
               furnisht
               her self
               with
               many
               necessary
               things
               she
               wanted
               .
               Being
               laded
               with
               credit
               ,
               home
               she
               came
               ,
               and
               having
               removed
               all
               their
               goods
               to
               a
               place
               convenient
               for
               their
               future
               projects
               ,
               the
               old
               Gentlewoman
               plaid
               the
               changling
               with
               her
               sex
               ,
               by
               throwing
               off
               her
               Female
               weeds
               ,
               and
               cloathing
               her self
               ,
               in
               every
               respect
               like
               a
               man
               ;
               the
               young
               Baggage
               for
               a
               while
               pretended
               her
               Mother
               was
               lately
               dead
               ,
               and
               that
               being
               left
               to
               the
               wide
               world
               ,
               
               she
               knew
               not
               what
               course
               to
               steer
               for
               want
               of
               advice
               ;
               there
               was
               a
               young
               man
               who
               belonged
               to
               the
               Sea
               ,
               did
               court
               her
               ,
               but
               she
               was
               fearful
               of
               engaging
               ;
               she
               at
               length
               and
               that
               in
               a
               little
               time
               had
               so
               wrought
               upon
               the
               affections
               of
               divers
               of
               the
               Neighbours
               ,
               partly
               by
               her
               good
               face
               and
               notable
               smooth
               tongue
               ,
               that
               they
               undertook
               not
               only
               to
               advise
               but
               assist
               her
               .
               Whereupon
               understanding
               that
               her
               Sweet-heart
               lay
               as
               a
               Lodger
               in
               her
               house
               ,
               some
               of
               them
               came
               to
               enquire
               into
               his
               estate
               ,
               and
               being
               very
               well
               satisfied
               therein
               ,
               they
               then
               inquired
               into
               his
               resolution
               of
               marrying
               this
               young
               woman
               ,
               he
               protested
               he
               loved
               her
               before
               any
               in
               the
               World
               ,
               and
               if
               she
               would
               they
               should
               be
               marryed
               the
               next
               day
               ,
               it
               was
               agreed
               upon
               ,
               and
               accordingly
               the
               Mother
               in
               a
               Masculine
               habit
               went
               to
               Church
               where
               they
               were
               marryed
               according
               to
               form
               ;
               great
               was
               the
               jollity
               that
               day
               ,
               and
               night
               approaching
               they
               went
               to
               bed
               together
               ,
               but
               without
               any
               hopes
               of
               reaping
               the
               sweet
               enjoyment
               of
               a
               Marriage
               bed
               ,
               but
               by
               a
               dream
               or
               the
               strength
               of
               imagination
               .
               The
               next
               day
               their
               mirth
               increased
               ,
               neither
               was
               there
               any
               diminution
               of
               it
               for
               one
               
               whole
               week
               .
               Having
               spent
               time
               enough
               in
               rejoicing
               ,
               they
               now
               pretended
               to
               mind
               their
               business
               ,
               the
               one
               for
               the
               house
               and
               the
               other
               abroad
               ,
               who
               carryed
               her
               business
               so
               craftily
               ,
               that
               she
               was
               not
               in
               the
               least
               suspected
               to
               be
               any
               other
               than
               she
               seemed
               to
               be
               ,
               for
               she
               was
               a
               Woman
               of
               an
               undannted
               Spirit
               ,
               and
               having
               a
               nimble
               Tongue
               and
               quick
               invention
               ,
               she
               had
               learned
               to
               bounce
               and
               huff
               with
               any
               Bully-Ruffin
               in
               the
               
                 Strand
                 ,
                 Holbourn
              
               ,
               or
               Convent-garden
               ;
               besides
               as
               a
               further
               qualification
               to
               that
               boystrous
               occupation
               ,
               she
               could
               Smoak
               ,
               Drink
               ,
               and
               Swear
               with
               any
               Damme
               ,
               within
               twenty
               miles
               of
               London
               ;
               but
               when
               she
               returned
               home
               ,
               and
               was
               amongst
               her
               Neighbours
               ,
               she
               always
               wore
               the
               Vizor
               of
               temperance
               and
               sobr●ety
               ,
               never
               Swearing
               ,
               nor
               seldom
               Drinking
               more
               but
               what
               might
               be
               the
               Oyl
               to
               cheerfulness
               and
               hilarity
               .
               Having
               gotten
               the
               good
               opinion
               of
               her
               Neighbours
               ,
               she
               was
               now
               resolved
               to
               make
               use
               of
               their
               Purses
               ,
               which
               she
               might
               easily
               do
               ,
               by
               pretending
               she
               had
               a
               great
               deal
               of
               mony
               due
               from
               the
               
                 Navy
                 Office
              
               ,
               and
               which
               she
               had
               not
               received
               ,
               but
               should
               speedily
               ;
               and
               to
               confirm
               their
               belief
               shewed
               them
               
               several
               counterfeit
               Tickets
               .
               This
               so
               wrought
               with
               some
               ,
               that
               they
               lent
               her
               mony
               ,
               and
               though
               not
               every
               one
               much
               ,
               yet
               
                 many
                 a
                 little
                 makes
                 a
                 Mickle
                 .
              
               Having
               enriched
               themselves
               with
               the
               spoils
               of
               others
               ,
               and
               not
               during
               to
               stay
               any
               longer
               in
               that
               place
               ,
               they
               secretly
               removed
               and
               took
               a
               house
               remote
               from
               the
               former
               to
               prevent
               discovery
               ;
               in
               this
               house
               they
               intended
               to
               sell
               all
               sorts
               of
               Liquors
               for
               the
               entertainment
               of
               men
               ,
               and
               Women
               ,
               and
               therefore
               the
               old
               one
               thought
               it
               requisite
               to
               appear
               in
               a
               Garb
               suitable
               to
               that
               profession
               ,
               which
               was
               very
               plain
               ,
               and
               that
               she
               might
               possess
               the
               People
               with
               an
               Opinion
               that
               she
               was
               (
               as
               so
               drest
               )
               an
               innocent
               harmless
               Cuckold
               she
               behaved
               her self
               so
               simply
               to
               her
               supposed
               Wife
               ,
               that
               every
               one
               judged
               him
               what
               he
               seened
               ,
               and
               thereupon
               made
               addresses
               to
               the
               young
               one
               at
               such
               convenient
               times
               as
               the
               old
               one
               went
               abrod
               on
               purpose
               ,
               or
               was
               more
               than
               ordinary
               busie
               below
               ;
               by
               this
               means
               they
               had
               a
               very
               great
               Trade
               ,
               especially
               by
               that
               Venery
               which
               was
               winkt
               at
               as
               aforesaid
               ;
               in
               this
               manner
               they
               continued
               a
               good
               while
               ,
               and
               I
               have
               been
               credibly
               informed
               ,
               that
               the
               Mother
               ,
               (
               and
               supposed
               
               Husband
               to
               her
               own
               Daughter
               )
               when
               she
               had
               a
               desire
               to
               the
               same
               satisfactions
               the
               had
               pimpt
               for
               her
               Daughter
               ,
               she
               would
               put
               on
               her
               own
               Female
               Habit
               ,
               and
               sitting
               in
               the
               house
               as
               a
               customary
               Plyer
               ,
               the
               Daughter
               frequently
               by
               way
               of
               a
               kind
               return
               ,
               did
               play
               the
               Bawd
               for
               the
               Mother
               so
               long
               till
               they
               were
               apprehended
               ,
               for
               keeping
               a
               disorderly
               house
               ,
               and
               being
               carryed
               before
               a
               justice
               upon
               Examination
               were
               found
               guilty
               of
               what
               was
               alledged
               against
               them
               ,
               and
               so
               were
               committed
               to
               Bridewell
               ,
               the
               Keeper
               viewing
               the
               Faces
               of
               them
               both
               very
               strictly
               imagin'd
               he
               had
               seen
               before
               the
               Face
               of
               the
               elder
               which
               personated
               the
               man
               ,
               but
               could
               not
               for
               the
               present
               tell
               where
               ;
               at
               length
               he
               verily
               believed
               she
               had
               been
               formerly
               under
               his
               Jurisdiction
               ,
               hereupon
               he
               seized
               her
               doublet
               ,
               and
               striping
               it
               open
               ,
               found
               by
               her
               Breasts
               what
               he
               had
               suspected
               ;
               the
               former
               Justice
               was
               informed
               hereof
               ,
               who
               sent
               for
               them
               both
               to
               appear
               before
               him
               ,
               upon
               further
               examination
               the
               seeming
               man
               was
               found
               to
               be
               only
               a
               lusty
               woman
               ,
               and
               Mother
               to
               that
               young
               woman
               she
               had
               marryed
               ;
               likewise
               it
               was
               proved
               
               against
               the
               young
               woman
               that
               she
               had
               frequently
               drest
               her self
               in
               mans
               apparel
               to
               enjoy
               her
               Amours
               with
               the
               greater
               security
               abroad
               ,
               for
               which
               ,
               they
               were
               both
               sent
               back
               again
               to
               Bridewell
               ,
               where
               they
               were
               severely
               lasht
               for
               their
               cheating
               Metamorphosis
               .
            
          
        
         
           
           
             A
             CLUSTER
             OF
             CHOICE
             NOVELS
          
           
             IN
             June
             last
             1674.
             coming
             by
             White
             Chappel-Church
             ,
             which
             was
             all
             new
             built
             ,
             but
             the
             Steeple
             (
             that
             remaining
             still
             in
             its
             ancient
             homely
             habit
             )
             I
             perceiv'd
             a
             person
             reading
             a
             Paper
             which
             was
             stuck
             against
             the
             new
             walls
             ;
             being
             inquisitive
             I
             drew
             near
             ,
             and
             found
             these
             following
             lines
             written
             thereon
             .
          
           
             
               A
               new
               Church
               ,
               and
               an
               old
               Steeple
               ,
            
          
           
             
               A
               dull
               Doctor
               ,
               and
               a
               perverse
               people
               .
            
          
           
             It
             happened
             hereupon
             that
             the
             Gentleman
             and
             my self
             agreed
             to
             drink
             a
             glass
             of
             Wine
             together
             ,
             where
             having
             descanted
             on
             these
             lines
             a
             while
             ,
             and
             finding
             me
             much
             delighted
             with
             Novels
             that
             are
             pleasant
             ,
             he
             made
             his
             introduction
             to
             the
             relation
             of
             some
             ,
             by
             these
             which
             follow
             ,
             which
             may
             be
             more
             properly
             called
             Jests
             
             than
             Stories
             .
             Thus
             he
             began
             ;
             It
             was
             not
             long
             since
             that
             I
             was
             in
             Holborn
             ,
             where
             I
             saw
             two
             high
             hot
             Huffing
             Hectors
             (
             about
             three
             quarters
             drunk
             )
             justle
             a
             Gentleman
             ,
             who
             had
             never
             a
             Sword
             by
             his
             side
             :
             he
             asking
             them
             the
             meaning
             of
             that
             rudeness
             and
             incivility
             ,
             they
             instantly
             drew
             upon
             him
             ;
             it
             so
             hapned
             that
             the
             Gentleman
             at
             that
             time
             (
             he
             being
             much
             in
             Debt
             ,
             and
             fearing
             an
             Arrest
             )
             had
             a
             brace
             of
             Pistols
             in
             his
             Pockets
             ,
             which
             he
             drew
             ,
             cockt
             and
             presented
             ;
             at
             sight
             whereof
             one
             fled
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             staid
             no
             longer
             than
             to
             say
             ,
             
               Da
               —
               me
               blood
               ,
               Sir
               ,
               had
               you
               a
               Magazeen
               of
               Swords
               ,
               I
               would
               have
               stood
               the
               shock
               of
               them
               all
               ,
               but
               Rot-me
               ,
               I
               will
               not
               encounter
               him
               that
               carries
               a
               File
               of
               Musqueteers
               in
               his
               pocket
               .
            
          
           
             
               Another
               .
            
             
               A
               Gentleman
               being
               very
               much
               in
               Debt
               ,
               kept
               close
               within
               doors
               ,
               and
               never
               stir'd
               abroad
               ,
               which
               made
               all
               the
               waitings
               of
               the
               Bayliffs
               for
               him
               ineffectual
               ,
               several
               snares
               they
               laid
               for
               him
               ,
               but
               he
               by
               his
               wariness
               shun'd
               them
               all
               ,
               till
               the
               goodness
               of
               his
               own
               nature
               to
               one
               ,
               betray'd
               him
               to
               the
               cruelty
               of
               others
               in
               this
               manner
               .
               
               There
               was
               a
               Smith
               who
               lived
               opposite
               to
               this
               Gentlemans
               Window
               ,
               through
               which
               ,
               every
               morning
               very
               early
               ,
               for
               the
               benefit
               of
               the
               fresh
               Air
               ,
               he
               used
               to
               look
               out
               ,
               which
               this
               Vulcanian
               Rascal
               took
               notice
               of
               ;
               and
               being
               before
               bribed
               by
               some
               Officers
               for
               his
               Apprehension
               ,
               he
               thought
               of
               a
               way
               how
               to
               betray
               this
               poor
               Gentleman
               into
               their
               Clutches
               .
               He
               went
               and
               told
               the
               Officers
               what
               he
               intended
               such
               a
               morning
               and
               ordered
               them
               to
               be
               ready
               in
               some
               ambush
               very
               near
               him
               ,
               for
               he
               questioned
               not
               but
               he
               had
               studied
               the
               means
               infallibly
               to
               draw
               the
               Gentleman
               out
               of
               doors
               .
               The
               Smith
               having
               bought
               him
               a
               rope
               over
               night
               ,
               got
               up
               very
               early
               the
               next
               morning
               much
               about
               the
               time
               the
               Gentleman
               used
               to
               look
               out
               of
               his
               window
               ,
               having
               got
               upon
               his
               Grindston
               ,
               he
               threw
               a
               Rope
               cross
               a
               Beam
               in
               his
               own
               shed
               ,
               where
               he
               might
               be
               easily
               seen
               by
               the
               opposite
               Gentleman
               ,
               and
               having
               made
               it
               fast
               above
               ,
               he
               put
               the
               noose
               about
               his
               neck
               ,
               and
               then
               extending
               his
               hands
               to
               Heaven
               ,
               with
               elevated
               Eyes
               ,
               he
               pretended
               to
               say
               his
               Prayers
               ,
               the
               Gentleman
               seeing
               this
               ,
               out
               of
               meer
               pitty
               and
               commiseration
               ,
               ran
               out
               with
               all
               the
               speed
               he
               could
               ,
               the
               Bayliffs
               seeing
               that
               ,
               ran
               out
               
               and
               surprised
               him
               ;
               the
               Smith
               hearing
               a
               noise
               ,
               endeavoured
               to
               turn
               about
               to
               see
               what
               was
               the
               matter
               ,
               and
               in
               that
               motion
               ,
               slipt
               from
               the
               grindstone
               ,
               and
               there
               hung
               ;
               the
               Bayliffs
               being
               busied
               ,
               and
               over-joy'd
               upon
               the
               seizing
               their
               Prisoner
               ,
               never
               minded
               what
               became
               of
               the
               Smith
               ,
               but
               going
               away
               with
               their
               Prisoner
               to
               secure
               him
               ,
               left
               him
               hanging
               as
               the
               just
               reward
               of
               so
               foul
               a
               Treachery
               ,
            
             
               Another
               Smith
               living
               in
               the
               Countrey
               ,
               there
               was
               a
               nest
               of
               Hornets
               in
               the
               Thatch
               of
               his
               Hovel
               ,
               who
               had
               made
               their
               way
               quite
               through
               ,
               and
               as
               he
               was
               at
               work
               on
               a
               long
               Curtain
               rod
               red
               hot
               ,
               an
               Hornet
               stung
               him
               ;
               at
               first
               he
               minded
               it
               not
               very
               much
               ,
               but
               presently
               after
               came
               another
               ,
               and
               stung
               him
               in
               the
               face
               ,
               this
               so
               enraged
               him
               that
               looking
               up
               and
               seeing
               them
               all
               busy
               in
               the
               thatch
               ,
               cry'd
               out
               are
               ye
               there
               ye
               Devils
               ,
               I
               'le
               set
               fire
               in
               your
               Arses
               presently
               ;
               hereupon
               he
               ran
               with
               the
               rod
               to
               the
               Forge
               ,
               and
               heating
               it
               again
               ,
               he
               ran
               it
               up
               at
               them
               ,
               and
               withal
               running
               through
               the
               thatch
               set
               it
               a
               fire
               ,
               and
               so
               revenging
               himself
               on
               his
               enemies
               he
               half
               ruin'd
               himself
               by
               burning
               down
               his
               own
               Hovel
               .
            
          
           
             
             
               Another
               .
            
             
               A
               Person
               being
               very
               Rich
               ,
               was
               likewise
               ostentatious
               and
               very
               peevish
               ,
               a
               Daughter
               he
               had
               was
               tolerably
               handsom
               ,
               and
               was
               intirely
               beloved
               by
               a
               Country
               Gentleman
               ,
               of
               no
               mean
               Estate
               ,
               having
               gained
               the
               young
               Gentlemomans
               consent
               ,
               he
               acquainted
               her
               Parents
               with
               the
               Love
               he
               bore
               their
               Daughter
               ,
               who
               no
               sooner
               heard
               it
               ,
               but
               were
               in
               a
               great
               Passion
               ,
               their
               ambition
               judging
               him
               too
               mean
               a
               Fortune
               ,
               and
               therefore
               not
               only
               refused
               his
               offer
               ,
               but
               very
               uncivilly
               forbade
               him
               the
               House
               :
               saying
               ,
               
                 Moreover
                 ,
                 that
                 if
                 it
                 should
                 be
                 their
                 misfortune
                 ,
                 and
                 his
                 imaginary
                 happiness
                 to
                 steal
                 a
                 Marriage
                 and
                 rob
                 them
                 of
                 their
                 Daughter
                 ,
                 he
                 would
                 never
                 give
                 them
                 a
                 farthing
                 .
              
               He
               obeyed
               their
               commands
               in
               that
               ,
               but
               resolved
               notwithstanding
               that
               he
               would
               see
               his
               Mistress
               whatever
               came
               on
               't
               ;
               Love
               soon
               found
               out
               a
               way
               to
               effect
               it
               ,
               at
               which
               interview
               he
               told
               her
               what
               had
               past
               between
               him
               ,
               and
               her
               Parents
               ,
               and
               the
               refusal
               of
               the
               Match
               proposed
               ;
               she
               seemed
               exceedingly
               troubled
               hereat
               ,
               and
               wept
               bitterly
               ,
               the
               other
               to
               comfort
               her
               ,
               swore
               if
               she
               would
               be
               constant
               ,
               
               he
               would
               never
               forsake
               her
               ;
               and
               to
               shew
               the
               reality
               and
               integrity
               of
               his
               Affection
               offer'd
               to
               Marry
               her
               immediatly
               ,
               she
               consented
               ,
               and
               being
               married
               with
               all
               convenient
               speed
               ,
               they
               performed
               the
               rights
               of
               Hymen
               ,
               and
               sent
               her
               home
               to
               her
               Fathers
               House
               ,
               desiring
               her
               not
               to
               take
               any
               Notice
               of
               what
               had
               past
               ,
               and
               since
               the
               time
               of
               their
               being
               together
               was
               so
               short
               the
               Old
               ones
               could
               not
               suspect
               any
               thing
               .
            
             
               A
               few
               days
               after
               this
               new
               married
               Genleman
               got
               his
               (
               supposed
               Maiden
               )
               Wife
               into
               his
               company
               ,
               and
               having
               repeated
               his
               former
               delights
               ,
               he
               told
               her
               ,
               he
               would
               go
               into
               the
               Country
               ,
               giving
               her
               directions
               where
               to
               send
               to
               him
               ,
               and
               that
               if
               she
               proved
               with
               Child
               ,
               and
               that
               her
               Parents
               should
               discover
               it
               ,
               as
               that
               they
               would
               quickly
               do
               ,
               that
               then
               she
               should
               dissemble
               the
               greatest
               grief
               imaginable
               ,
               and
               when
               pressed
               very
               much
               to
               discover
               the
               Father
               ,
               she
               should
               then
               confess
               it
               was
               such
               a
               one
               ,
               who
               had
               formerly
               made
               Love
               to
               her
               but
               her
               Parents
               would
               not
               accept
               of
               the
               Motion
               ;
               as
               for
               the
               rest
               said
               he
               ,
               leave
               the
               whole
               management
               to
               me
               .
            
             
               Upon
               this
               they
               parted
               ,
               and
               she
               proved
               with
               Child
               according
               to
               his
               expectation
               .
               
               The
               Mother
               perceiving
               the
               frequent
               Pewkings
               of
               her
               Daughter
               ,
               with
               the
               swelling
               of
               her
               Belly
               ,
               ,
               took
               her
               into
               a
               private
               place
               and
               there
               conjured
               her
               to
               tell
               her
               the
               naked
               Truth
               ,
               whether
               she
               was
               not
               with
               Child
               ?
               The
               Daughter
               with
               many
               sighs
               and
               tears
               ,
               confessed
               that
               she
               was
               ,
               and
               that
               such
               a
               Gentleman
               living
               in
               the
               Country
               had
               done
               it
               :
               The
               Mother
               like
               a
               Woman
               distracted
               ,
               first
               lockt
               up
               her
               Daughter
               ,
               and
               then
               ran
               to
               her
               Husband
               ,
               and
               calling
               him
               aside
               ,
               told
               him
               of
               the
               shame
               and
               Infamy
               that
               had
               befallen
               his
               Family
               ,
               and
               by
               whom
               ;
               this
               unexpected
               news
               made
               him
               ten
               times
               madder
               than
               his
               Wife
               ;
               but
               at
               length
               they
               both
               concluded
               that
               it
               was
               but
               a
               folly
               ,
               either
               to
               rave
               or
               rail
               at
               their
               Daughter
               ,
               but
               to
               study
               some
               means
               to
               sauder
               up
               the
               crack
               of
               their
               Daughters
               Honour
               ,
               .
               No
               better
               expedient
               was
               thought
               on
               ,
               but
               to
               write
               to
               the
               Gentleman
               and
               acquain●
               him
               with
               what
               he
               had
               don
               ,
               requiring
               satisfaction
               ;
               this
               Letter
               was
               sent
               ,
               and
               another
               returned
               by
               him
               in
               Answer
               thereunto
               ;
               to
               this
               effect
               ,
               
                 That
                 it
                 is
                 true
                 he
                 had
                 lain
                 with
                 their
                 Daughter
                 ,
                 but
                 he
                 knew
                 not
                 whether
                 he
                 got
                 her
                 with
                 Child
                 ,
                 for
                 she
                 that
                 can
                 dispende
                 with
                 being
                 a
                 Where
                 to
                 one
                 ,
                 will
                 be
                 so
                 to
                 another
                 .
              
               In
               
               short
               he
               concluded
               ,
               that
               he
               had
               no
               more
               to
               say
               than
               this
               ,
               
                 That
                 if
                 she
                 would
                 be
                 so
                 impudent
                 ,
                 to
                 lay
                 the
                 Child
                 to
                 him
                 he
                 must
                 maintain
                 it
                 ,
                 but
                 as
                 for
                 her
                 part
                 ,
                 he
                 had
                 nothing
                 to
                 say
                 to
                 her
                 ,
                 for
                 he
                 had
                 already
                 over-paid
                 her
                 that
                 little
                 pleasure
                 ,
                 he
                 had
                 purchased
                 of
                 her
                 .
              
            
             
               This
               return
               netled
               them
               to
               the
               heart
               ,
               and
               show'd
               it
               their
               Daughter
               with
               all
               the
               opprobriums
               that
               can
               be
               uttered
               .
               The
               poor
               young
               Woman
               replyed
               not
               a
               word
               ,
               supplying
               her
               speech
               with
               nought
               but
               sighs
               and
               tears
               .
               The
               old
               people
               grieved
               at
               this
               ,
               sent
               down
               a
               milder
               Letter
               ,
               requesting
               the
               favour
               ,
               that
               he
               would
               be
               pleased
               to
               come
               up
               to
               London
               for
               they
               had
               some
               business
               extraordinary
               with
               him
               ,
               tending
               much
               to
               his
               advantage
               .
               He
               sent
               them
               word
               ,
               that
               he
               had
               extraordinary
               business
               where
               he
               was
               ,
               and
               that
               he
               neither
               could
               ,
               or
               would
               stir
               from
               it
               .
               As
               the
               Belly
               swell'd
               ,
               so
               did
               their
               sorrow
               ,
               searing
               there
               was
               no
               remedying
               the
               cause
               thereof
               .
            
             
               Upon
               another
               consultation
               the
               Daughter
               told
               her
               Father
               ,
               that
               before
               ever
               she
               consented
               he
               promised
               her
               Marriage
               ;
               this
               made
               the
               old
               Gentleman
               caper
               ,
               
                 Nay
                 then
                 said
                 he
                 we
                 are
                 well
                 enough
              
               ;
               immediately
               calling
               for
               Pen
               ,
               Ink
               ,
               and
               Paper
               he
               
               wrote
               another
               Letter
               ,
               charging
               the
               Gentleman
               home
               with
               his
               Promise
               sometimes
               threatening
               him
               ,
               if
               he
               made
               it
               not
               good
               ,
               and
               then
               sweetning
               him
               again
               ,
               &c.
               beseeched
               him
               to
               make
               a
               journey
               up
               .
               This
               Gentleman
               (
               seeing
               it
               high
               time
               to
               condescend
               to
               what
               he
               most
               defired
               )
               sent
               word
               by
               such
               a
               day
               he
               would
               (
               if
               in
               health
               )
               infallibly
               be
               in
               London
               ,
               to
               no
               other
               end
               ,
               than
               to
               understand
               his
               will
               and
               pleasure
               .
               The
               Gentleman
               is
               as
               good
               as
               his
               Word
               ,
               a
               stately
               Dinner
               is
               provided
               with
               plenty
               of
               Wine
               ,
               and
               the
               Cloath
               being
               taken
               away
               ,
               there
               was
               no
               other
               discourse
               ,
               than
               how
               to
               salve
               up
               their
               Daughters
               Credit
               by
               a
               speedy
               Marriage
               ,
               and
               as
               an
               incouragement
               they
               would
               give
               him
               a
               Thousand
               pounds
               :
               He
               slighted
               it
               ,
               alledging
               further
               (
               with
               a
               Sir-reverence
               to
               the
               company
               ,
               )
               he
               would
               never
               ,
               sh
               —
               in
               his
               own
               Hat
               ,
               and
               then
               clap
               it
               on
               his
               head
               ;
               as
               they
               advanced
               he
               more
               and
               more
               slights
               their
               proposals
               ,
               saying
               that
               an
               Estate
               of
               two
               hundred
               a
               year
               deserves
               a
               greater
               Portion
               ;
               at
               length
               they
               offered
               him
               two
               Thousand
               Pounds
               ,
               to
               be
               paid
               immediately
               ,
               he
               accepts
               of
               it
               with
               this
               Proviso
               ,
               that
               upon
               the
               Birth
               of
               the
               Child
               their
               Daughter
               
               now
               goes
               with
               ,
               there
               shall
               be
               paid
               more
               ,
               five
               hundred
               Pounds
               :
               it
               is
               agreed
               to
               ,
               and
               the
               Parents
               were
               so
               eager
               and
               sollicitous
               in
               the
               preservation
               of
               the
               Honour
               of
               their
               House
               that
               they
               would
               needs
               have
               the
               Marriage
               consummated
               immediately
               ,
               the
               Country
               Gentleman
               agreed
               thereunto
               ,
               and
               presently
               sent
               away
               for
               the
               same
               Parson
               that
               married
               them
               ;
               who
               being
               desired
               by
               the
               Parents
               to
               joyn
               those
               two
               together
               in
               Matrimony
               ,
               he
               smiled
               ,
               and
               said
               ,
               Sir
               ,
               
                 that
                 is
                 needless
                 ,
                 for
                 I
                 have
                 done
                 it
                 already
              
               ;
               How
               said
               the
               Old
               Gentleman
               ?
               't
               is
               very
               true
               replyed
               the
               Son-in-law
               ,
               and
               for
               Confirmation
               ,
               see
               here
               the
               Certificate
               before
               your
               Daughter
               was
               with
               Child
               ;
               and
               so
               she
               is
               no
               Whore
               ,
               but
               an
               honest
               Wife
               .
               Nay
               then
               said
               the
               Old
               Gentleman
               I
               see
               I
               am
               gull'd
               ,
               but
               since
               it
               is
               no
               worse
               ,
               and
               that
               our
               Family
               is
               not
               defamed
               ,
               I
               will
               make
               the
               odd
               Five
               hundred
               a
               Thousand
               pounds
               ,
               and
               so
               God
               bless
               you
               together
               .
            
          
           
             
               Another
               .
            
             
               A
               Frenchman
               not
               long
               since
               took
               a
               Lodging
               near
               a
               Baker
               ,
               who
               though
               poor
               ,
               yet
               very
               rich
               in
               having
               so
               handsom
               
               a
               Woman
               to
               his
               Wife
               ,
               and
               was
               never
               blemisht
               in
               her
               reputation
               by
               any
               light
               deportment
               .
               This
               Frenchman
               presently
               had
               her
               in
               his
               Eye
               ,
               and
               courted
               her
               importunately
               ,
               and
               expensively
               ,
               but
               to
               no
               purpose
               ;
               Treats
               proving
               ineffectual
               ,
               he
               offered
               her
               Fifty
               Guinney's
               if
               she
               would
               permit
               him
               to
               lye
               with
               her
               all
               night
               ,
               she
               refused
               it
               ,
               but
               privately
               told
               her
               Husband
               what
               Monsieur
               had
               offered
               her
               ,
               and
               upon
               what
               account
               ;
               the
               Baker
               scratcht
               his
               head
               not
               knowing
               what
               to
               do
               ;
               Poverty
               perswaded
               on
               the
               one
               side
               ,
               and
               love
               hindred
               on
               the
               other
               from
               acceping
               this
               proffer
               ;
               at
               length
               said
               he
               ,
               dearest
               ,
               there
               is
               a
               way
               to
               be
               thought
               on
               to
               save
               thy
               chastity
               ,
               and
               yet
               we
               will
               have
               his
               money
               ,
               and
               that
               is
               thus
               :
               I
               will
               pretend
               to
               go
               out
               of
               Town
               such
               a
               day
               ,
               then
               do
               you
               upon
               the
               condition
               aforesaid
               promise
               Monsieur
               his
               satisfaction
               the
               night
               following
               ,
               in
               the
               mean
               time
               ,
               you
               know
               Tom
               —
               the
               Cobler
               ,
               a
               stout
               fellow
               ,
               him
               will
               I
               engage
               with
               five
               pounds
               to
               assist
               me
               ,
               we
               will
               have
               each
               of
               us
               a
               good
               broad
               Sword
               ,
               and
               thus
               armed
               we
               will
               creep
               underneath
               your
               Bed
               ,
               and
               when
               the
               French-man
               hath
               paid
               you
               the
               Gold
               
               (
               which
               you
               must
               have
               first
               )
               and
               he
               is
               just
               going
               to
               bed
               we
               will
               crawl
               out
               and
               surprise
               him
               .
               It
               was
               generally
               agreed
               ,
               and
               Monsieur
               had
               notice
               of
               the
               assignation
               ,
               who
               though
               he
               understood
               that
               the
               husband
               was
               gone
               our
               of
               town
               ,
               yet
               he
               feared
               an
               ambuscado
               ,
               and
               therefore
               carried
               a
               brace
               of
               Pistols
               with
               him
               ,
               besides
               a
               good
               Rapier
               .
               Entring
               the
               Room
               ,
               he
               caressed
               her
               ,
               
                 ala
                 mode
                 de
                 France
              
               ,
               and
               being
               very
               fiery
               ,
               he
               could
               suffer
               no
               delays
               but
               giving
               her
               the
               Gold
               ,
               ordered
               her
               to
               make
               what
               haste
               she
               could
               to
               bed
               ,
               and
               he
               would
               follow
               after
               .
               In
               the
               first
               place
               he
               drew
               out
               his
               Pistols
               and
               laid
               them
               by
               him
               ,
               and
               then
               undrest
               himself
               ,
               seeing
               her
               in
               bed
               ,
               he
               takes
               up
               his
               Sword
               and
               Pistols
               and
               advanceth
               towards
               her
               ,
               she
               seeing
               him
               in
               that
               posture
               ,
               askt
               him
               what
               he
               meant
               ?
               
                 No
                 ting
                 Madam
                 of
                 harm
                 ,
                 only
                 me
                 love
                 to
                 have
                 all
                 de
                 Arms
                 ,
                 me
                 ford
                 by
                 mee
                 side
                 ,
                 me
                 Pis-stools
                 in
                 mee
                 haunds
                 ,
                 and
                 de
                 Dagger
                 before
                 ,
                 when
                 me
                 go
                 to
                 take
                 a
                 Citadel
                 or
                 Fort
                 ,
              
               and
               laying
               down
               his
               Sword
               ,
               by
               his
               bed
               side
               ,
               he
               skipt
               into
               bed
               with
               his
               Pistols
               and
               laid
               them
               just
               over
               her
               head
               ;
               not
               to
               lose
               time
               ,
               he
               storm'd
               the
               Fort
               ,
               and
               took
               it
               ,
               and
               notwithstanding
               he
               was
               several
               times
               beaten
               out
               of
               the
               breach
               
               was
               made
               in
               the
               assault
               ,
               yet
               he
               boldly
               entred
               again
               and
               took
               possession
               .
               The
               poor
               Cuckold
               (
               and
               the
               Cobler
               who
               lay
               underneath
               the
               Bed
               )
               could
               not
               but
               hear
               what
               was
               doing
               above
               ,
               yet
               durst
               not
               stir
               for
               their
               lives
               ,
               nay
               not
               so
               much
               as
               whisper
               ,
               for
               fear
               of
               being
               heard
               ;
               Monsieur
               having
               gone
               through
               stitch
               with
               his
               work
               ,
               and
               tired
               to
               boot
               ,
               leapt
               out
               of
               bed
               with
               his
               Pistols
               ,
               and
               taking
               up
               his
               Sword
               ,
               went
               to
               the
               farther
               end
               of
               the
               room
               and
               drest
               himself
               ,
               having
               so
               done
               ,
               he
               calls
               to
               his
               
                 reaking
                 Miss
              
               ,
               bidding
               her
               to
               come
               to
               him
               ,
               she
               excused
               her self
               ,
               saying
               she
               was
               in
               a
               great
               sweat
               ,
               and
               might
               catch
               her
               death
               thereby
               ,
               but
               seeing
               Monsieur
               grow
               resolute
               ,
               she
               obeyed
               .
               Monsieur
               hereupon
               clapt
               a
               Pistol
               to
               her
               breast
               ,
               saying
               ,
               
                 Begar
                 Mrs.
                 Bish-Fox
                 ,
                 give
                 me
                 my
                 Gold
                 ,
                 begar
                 if
                 you
                 will
                 not
                 —
                 for
                 love
                 ,
                 begar
                 you
                 shall
                 never
                 have
                 my
                 money
                 ,
              
               and
               so
               taking
               the
               Guinny's
               from
               her
               ,
               went
               couragiously
               down
               the
               stairs
               to
               his
               Lodging
               .
               Monsieur
               being
               gone
               ,
               out
               crawls
               the
               Cowardly
               Cobler
               ,
               and
               the
               Cuckoldly
               Coward
               ,
               each
               blaming
               one
               another
               ,
               and
               both
               the
               woman
               ;
               what
               would
               you
               have
               me
               to
               do
               quoth
               she
               ,
               since
               he
               lay
               atop
               of
               me
               ,
               and
               what
               would
               you
               
               have
               us
               to
               do
               said
               they
               ,
               since
               you
               both
               did
               lye
               a
               Top
               of
               us
               ;
               well
               Husband
               all
               that
               I
               can
               say
               is
               ,
               by
               this
               covetous
               stratagem
               of
               yours
               ,
               you
               have
               made
               me
               a
               Whore
               ;
               Proved
               that
               mighty
               man
               your
               friend
               a
               rank
               Coward
               ,
               and
               your self
               an
               unpardonable
               Cuckold
               .
            
          
        
         
           
           
             THE
             SELF-DECEIVER
             .
          
           
             A
             Merchant
             of
             London
             ,
             growing
             old
             and
             Rich
             ,
             Retired
             himself
             a
             little
             distance
             from
             the
             City
             ,
             for
             the
             Benefit
             of
             the
             Air
             ,
             and
             took
             with
             him
             his
             Sister
             and
             an
             only
             Daughter
             ,
             having
             no
             other
             Relations
             living
             ;
             and
             though
             he
             had
             left
             of
             Trading
             ,
             yet
             some
             business
             he
             had
             with
             a
             Merchant
             in
             the
             City
             that
             called
             him
             thither
             thrice
             a
             week
             compleatly
             .
             A
             Servant
             to
             the
             Corespondent
             of
             this
             old
             Gentleman
             ,
             had
             a
             great
             and
             real
             love
             for
             his
             Daughter
             ,
             whose
             Beauty
             alone
             ,
             without
             the
             incouragement
             of
             a
             Vast
             estate
             her
             Father
             intended
             to
             give
             ,
             was
             inducement
             enough
             for
             any
             mans
             affection
             ;
             and
             such
             was
             his
             Happiness
             that
             she
             entertain'd
             a
             more
             than
             common
             kindness
             for
             him
             ;
             but
             it
             was
             both
             their
             unhappiness
             ,
             
             that
             the
             Father
             understood
             their
             loves
             ,
             and
             to
             prevent
             their
             further
             growth
             by
             meetings
             ,
             he
             commited
             his
             Daughter
             to
             the
             careful
             tuition
             of
             her
             Aunt
             ,
             who
             was
             so
             jealous
             of
             her
             trust
             ,
             that
             she
             walkt
             ,
             nor
             talkt
             with
             any
             unless
             she
             was
             present
             ,
             so
             that
             she
             was
             inaccessible
             to
             her
             Languishing
             despairing
             Lover
             ,
             yet
             did
             he
             leave
             no
             means
             unattempted
             ,
             if
             not
             to
             discourse
             ,
             yet
             at
             least
             to
             see
             his
             beloved
             object
             ,
             haunting
             the
             House
             like
             some
             disturbed
             Ghost
             ,
             but
             all
             to
             little
             purpose
             .
             The
             Fates
             at
             length
             pittying
             the
             sufferings
             of
             these
             two
             constant
             lovers
             ,
             infused
             a
             stratagem
             into
             the
             young
             Gentlewomans
             head
             ,
             whereby
             they
             may
             have
             a
             Mutual
             ,
             and
             a
             constant
             correspondence
             by
             Letter
             ,
             of
             which
             she
             inform'd
             her
             Love
             by
             dropping
             a
             paper
             out
             of
             the
             Window
             to
             this
             effect
             ;
          
           
             
               
                 
                   Friend
                   dearer
                   than
                   Life
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Modesty
                   will
                   not
                   permit
                   me
                   to
                   discover
                   my
                   Grief
                   ,
                   and
                   Troubled
                   thoughts
                   for
                   being
                   thus
                   debar'd
                   of
                   your
                   speech
                   ,
                   and
                   presence
                   ,
                   and
                   that
                   which
                   aggravates
                   my
                   sorrow
                   is
                   the
                   often
                   seeing
                   you
                   ,
                   without
                   the
                   ability
                   
                   of
                   coming
                   to
                   you
                   ,
                   However
                   some
                   comfort
                   my
                   invention
                   hath
                   of
                   late
                   procured
                   me
                   by
                   finding
                   out
                   a
                   way
                   how
                   we
                   may
                   express
                   our
                   minds
                   to
                   each
                   other
                   by
                   writing
                   ;
                   't
                   is
                   thus
                   in
                   short
                   ,
                   I
                   have
                   a
                   little
                   unript
                   the
                   Cape
                   of
                   my
                   Fathers
                   Cloak
                   (
                   that
                   's
                   lined
                   with
                   Velvet
                   )
                   into
                   which
                   I
                   have
                   put
                   a
                   letter
                   ;
                   when
                   he
                   comes
                   to
                   your
                   Masters
                   be
                   officious
                   to
                   help
                   him
                   off
                   with
                   his
                   Cloak
                   ,
                   which
                   he
                   uses
                   to
                   do
                   when
                   he
                   goes
                   to
                   Dinner
                   ,
                   and
                   in
                   the
                   Cape
                   you
                   will
                   find
                   my
                   Soul
                   contain'd
                   ,
                   which
                   take
                   out
                   ,
                   and
                   send
                   yours
                   in
                   the
                   Room
                   to
                   her
                   who
                   lives
                   no
                   longer
                   than
                   whilst
                   she
                   loves
                   ,
                   &c.
                   
                
              
            
          
           
             The
             satisfaction
             that
             he
             received
             from
             these
             Lines
             was
             inexpressible
             ,
             but
             much
             more
             ,
             when
             he
             found
             the
             plot
             took
             so
             well
             ,
             that
             he
             could
             twice
             a
             Week
             send
             to
             ,
             and
             hear
             from
             the
             only
             comfort
             of
             his
             Life
             ,
             and
             keeper
             of
             his
             happiness
             .
             By
             this
             stratagem
             they
             held
             a
             correspondence
             a
             long
             time
             ,
             but
             being
             eager
             of
             an
             interview
             ,
             they
             had
             like
             to
             have
             spoiled
             all
             ;
             for
             in
             a
             Letter
             he
             appointed
             her
             a
             place
             where
             they
             would
             meet
             ,
             in
             order
             thereunto
             she
             stole
             out
             of
             the
             House
             ,
             but
             not
             so
             Privately
             ,
             but
             that
             she
             was
             watcht
             by
             her
             Aunt
             ,
             and
             followed
             to
             the
             place
             ,
             
             where
             seeing
             this
             young
             man
             ,
             and
             knowing
             whose
             Servant
             he
             was
             ,
             reviled
             him
             with
             all
             the
             reproaches
             imaginable
             for
             indeavouring
             to
             seduce
             her
             Niece
             ,
             a
             fortune
             too
             Sublime
             for
             such
             a
             Groveling
             Earth
             Worm
             as
             he
             ;
             but
             ,
             said
             she
             ,
             I
             'le
             acquaint
             my
             Brother
             with
             your
             Knavish
             intentions
             ,
             who
             shall
             take
             a
             Course
             to
             prevent
             your
             proceedings
             ,
             and
             with
             other
             Minaces
             away
             she
             goes
             with
             her
             Kinswoman
             ,
             leaving
             the
             young
             man
             in
             a
             Condition
             more
             Miserable
             than
             imaginable
             .
          
           
             At
             Night
             the
             Old
             Gentleman
             returning
             ,
             he
             was
             informed
             by
             his
             Sister
             of
             what
             had
             Past
             in
             his
             absence
             ,
             notwithstanding
             ,
             all
             her
             Care
             ,
             and
             watchfulness
             ;
             at
             the
             report
             thereof
             the
             Old
             man
             was
             ready
             to
             run
             distracted
             ,
             and
             no
             body
             but
             would
             have
             guest
             so
             much
             by
             his
             raving
             ,
             every
             word
             being
             an
             express
             symptom
             of
             Madness
             ;
             he
             called
             his
             Daughter
             a
             Thousand
             misbecoming
             names
             ,
             and
             the
             best
             was
             Baggage
             ,
             Strumpet
             ,
             &c.
             reviling
             her
             with
             disobedience
             and
             what
             not
             ;
             and
             that
             which
             made
             her
             condition
             the
             more
             intollerable
             was
             ,
             he
             would
             not
             let
             her
             
             speak
             in
             her
             own
             defence
             ,
             and
             as
             she
             was
             about
             to
             do
             it
             ,
             he
             flung
             out
             of
             the
             Room
             and
             left
             her
             ;
             glad
             she
             was
             that
             she
             had
             some
             respit
             from
             her
             Sorrow
             ,
             and
             so
             betook
             her self
             to
             her
             Chamber
             ,
             where
             locking
             her Self
             in
             she
             instantly
             writ
             a
             Letter
             to
             her
             Love
             ,
             acquainting
             him
             with
             her
             Fathers
             Deportment
             to
             wards
             her
             ,
             with
             a
             Register
             of
             the
             very
             Names
             he
             called
             her
             ,
             with
             other
             abuses
             ,
             and
             having
             so
             done
             she
             slid
             it
             into
             the
             Cape
             as
             aforesaid
             .
          
           
             The
             Old
             man
             arose
             very
             early
             the
             next
             Morning
             ,
             in
             a
             passion
             ,
             and
             to
             London
             he
             trotted
             ,
             having
             no
             other
             busi
             
             ne●s
             man
             to
             acquaint
             ,
             the
             Merchant
             (
             his
             Friend
             )
             how
             he
             was
             abused
             by
             his
             Servant
             ,
             and
             to
             vent
             his
             Spleen
             ,
             and
             Choler
             on
             him
             .
          
           
             The
             young
             man
             was
             abroad
             at
             his
             coming
             ,
             so
             that
             his
             Master
             received
             all
             the
             Shock
             of
             the
             Old
             Gentlemans
             fury
             ,
             who
             was
             a
             little
             tam'd
             by
             him
             before
             his
             return
             ,
             by
             informing
             him
             that
             his
             man
             was
             not
             so
             Dispicable
             as
             he
             imagin'd
             ,
             having
             so
             much
             
               Per
               annum
            
             in
             Land
             ,
             besides
             a
             good
             stock
             of
             Mony
             to
             begin
             the
             World
             with
             ;
             that
             besides
             all
             that
             ,
             he
             would
             trust
             him
             (
             as
             soon
             as
             
             free
             )
             with
             a
             Thousand
             Pounds
             himself
             ;
             this
             they
             talkt
             walking
             in
             a
             great
             Hall
             ,
             the
             Cloak
             Hanging
             up
             in
             the
             Parlour
             ;
             where
             they
             usually
             Dined
             ,
             which
             gave
             our
             Lover
             on
             his
             return
             the
             opportunity
             of
             receiving
             his
             usual
             intelligence
             .
             He
             could
             not
             but
             be
             troubled
             you
             must
             think
             ,
             ,
             when
             he
             read
             how
             his
             Love
             was
             abused
             ,
             but
             since
             he
             could
             not
             remedie
             it
             ,
             he
             was
             resolved
             to
             make
             use
             of
             the
             information
             .
             He
             had
             just
             finisht
             his
             Reading
             ,
             as
             they
             both
             came
             into
             the
             Parlour
             ,
             where
             immeadiately
             upon
             entrance
             the
             Old
             man
             rav'd
             and
             rail'd
             most
             insufferablly
             ,
             calling
             him
             Beggers
             brat
             ,
             Thief
             ,
             Cheat
             ,
             &c.
             
             And
             how
             durst
             he
             have
             that
             aspiring
             thought
             to
             Rob
             him
             of
             his
             only
             Daughter
             ,
             Heiress
             to
             above
             forty
             thousand
             Pounds
             .
          
           
             The
             young
             man
             with
             much
             Patience
             heard
             ,
             and
             modestly
             told
             him
             he
             was
             much
             to
             blame
             ,
             to
             villifie
             him
             after
             that
             manner
             ,
             since
             it
             was
             well
             known
             ,
             that
             he
             was
             not
             only
             a
             Gentleman
             ,
             but
             born
             to
             an
             estate
             :
             but
             Sir
             ,
             (
             said
             he
             )
             it
             is
             no
             wonder
             ,
             you
             miscal
             me
             ,
             when
             you
             spare
             not
             your
             own
             chast
             and
             virtuous
             Daughter
             ,
             calling
             her
             by
             the
             
             base
             and
             false
             names
             of
             
               Baggage
               ,
               Strumpet
            
             ,
             &c.
             
             
               Hey
               Day
               ,
               Hey
               Day
            
             ,
             a
             Wizard
             ,
             a
             Wizard
             ,
             (
             quoth
             the
             Old
             man
             )
             
               else
               how
               could
               he
               tell
               those
               very
               Names
               ,
               I
               do
               confess
               I
               call'd
               my
               Daughter
               .
               Well
               ,
               Sir
               ,
               now
               I
               know
               how
               to
               be
               rid
               of
               a
               Knave
               ;
               I
               am
               glad
               on
               't
               ;
               I
               'le
               have
               you
               Indicted
               ,
               and
               arr
               argned
               for
               a
               Witch
               ,
               and
               so
               I
               hope
               to
               see
               you
               burn
               for
               your
               Leachery
               .
            
             His
             kind
             Master
             ,
             seeing
             the
             Passion
             of
             this
             peevish
             piece
             of
             antiquity
             caus'd
             his
             man
             to
             withdraw
             ,
             whilst
             he
             indeavoured
             to
             infuse
             a
             better
             opinion
             in
             him
             towards
             his
             Servant
             ,
             which
             gave
             him
             the
             convenience
             of
             writing
             ;
             after
             Dinner
             his
             Master
             and
             the
             old
             man
             withdrew
             into
             the
             Hall
             again
             ,
             and
             then
             (
             as
             formerly
             )
             he
             convey'd
             the
             Note
             into
             the
             Cape
             of
             the
             Cloak
             .
             Was
             not
             this
             an
             honest
             Porter
             think
             you
             that
             would
             thus
             constantly
             carry
             Letters
             for
             Lovers
             some
             Miles
             ,
             and
             never
             demand
             a
             Penny
             ,
             Coming
             home
             and
             hanging
             up
             his
             Cloak
             ,
             according
             to
             custome
             ,
             took
             aside
             his
             Sister
             into
             the
             Garden
             ,
             and
             there
             discourst
             her
             ,
             telling
             all
             that
             had
             past
             between
             him
             ,
             his
             Friend
             and
             the
             Servant
             ;
             in
             the
             mean
             time
             the
             Daughter
             
             examined
             the
             Cape
             ,
             and
             found
             what
             she
             expected
             ,
             wherein
             she
             was
             inform'd
             of
             the
             passionate
             carriage
             of
             her
             Father
             ,
             with
             his
             abusive
             language
             ,
             and
             to
             sweeten
             all
             ,
             he
             pleasantly
             related
             how
             he
             was
             suspected
             for
             a
             Wizard
             ,
             occasion'd
             by
             his
             happy
             intelligence
             .
          
           
             The
             old
             man
             returning
             from
             the
             Garden
             fell
             foul
             on
             his
             Daughter
             with
             revilling
             termes
             ;
             
               Dear
               Father
            
             (
             said
             she
             )
             
               use
               your
               pleasure
               as
               to
               me
               ;
               call
               me
               what
               you
               will
               ,
               though
               I
               deserve
               not
               the
               abuse
               ,
               I
               will
               patiently
               indure
               it
               ,
               but
               do
               not
               abuse
               that
               honest
               young
               man
               ;
               assure
               your self
               he
               is
               no
               Beggers
               brat
               ,
               Thief
               ,
               Cheat
               ,
               nor
               Wizard
               :
               Hey
               day
               ,
               Hey
               day
               ,
               Hey
               day
            
             (
             cries
             the
             old
             man
             again
             )
             
               what
               my
               Daughter
               a
               Witch
               too
               ;
               well
               ,
               well
               ,
               since
               it
               is
               so
               ,
               you
               shall
               ene
               have
               my
               consent
               to
               be
               Marryed
               to
               a
               stake
               together
               ,
               and
               so
               you
               shall
               have
               a
               Bonfire
               at
               your
               Wedding
               .
            
          
           
             These
             very
             words
             she
             sent
             back
             to
             her
             Lover
             in
             her
             Fathers
             Cape
             ,
             who
             took
             an
             opportunity
             to
             take
             it
             out
             ,
             and
             having
             read
             it
             ,
             waited
             to
             meet
             the
             old
             man
             ,
             who
             was
             consulting
             with
             his
             Master
             ,
             and
             was
             by
             him
             so
             fully
             inform'd
             as
             to
             his
             Servants
             estate
             ,
             his
             honesty
             ,
             and
             industry
             in
             his
             service
             ;
             
             with
             several
             other
             things
             which
             tended
             highly
             to
             his
             advantage
             ,
             that
             the
             old
             Gentleman
             was
             willing
             to
             admit
             of
             a
             Parley
             with
             his
             Son-in-Law
             that
             must
             be
             ;
             and
             as
             he
             was
             about
             to
             speak
             with
             lesser
             anger
             than
             before
             ,
             he
             was
             prevented
             by
             the
             young
             man
             ,
             saying
             ,
             
               Sir
               ,
               come
               end
               your
               cruelty
               all
               at
               once
               ,
               I
               am
               ready
               to
               accept
               of
               that
               Marriage
               of
               the
               Stake
               you
               proposed
               last
               Night
               to
               your
               Daughter
               :
               if
               I
               cannot
               live
               with
               her
               I
               love
               ,
               I
               shall
               rejoice
               to
               dye
               with
               her
               .
            
          
           
             The
             old
             man
             was
             all
             amazement
             ,
             to
             hear
             what
             ere
             he
             said
             at
             home
             in
             private
             should
             be
             known
             abroad
             ;
             at
             length
             he
             collecting
             himself
             ,
             and
             having
             somewhat
             calm'd
             his
             passion
             ,
             he
             told
             the
             young
             man
             since
             he
             saw
             the
             Stars
             did
             fight
             against
             him
             as
             to
             this
             Marriage
             ,
             he
             should
             have
             his
             Daughter
             ,
             conditionally
             he
             would
             tell
             him
             how
             he
             came
             by
             this
             strange
             intelligence
             ,
             whether
             the
             Devil
             ,
             or
             his
             Angels
             did
             assist
             him
             in
             it
             ,
             &c.
             
             To
             this
             the
             young
             man
             replyed
             ,
             
               That
               he
               came
               not
               to
               the
               knowledge
               of
               what
               he
               said
               secretly
               elsewhere
               ,
               nor
               his
               Daughter
               ,
               but
               by
               humane
               means
               ,
               and
               that
               he
               would
               tell
               him
               how
               ,
               so
               be
               it
               he
               would
               forgive
               the
               Person
               .
               No
               ,
               no
               ,
               
               never
            
             (
             cry'd
             the
             old
             man
             ,
             in
             a
             great
             rage
             )
             
               I
               will
               first
               see
               him
               rot
               in
               an
               Hospital
               ,
               or
               be
               Hang'd
               at
               Tibourn
               ,
               and
               be
               Damn'd
               rather
               than
               do
               it
               ;
               Nay
               then
            
             (
             said
             the
             young
             man
             )
             
               you
               are
               to
               Blame
               ,
               Sir
               ,
               to
               be
               so
               uncharitably
               cruel
               against
               your self
               ;
               for
               from
               you
               ,
               and
               you
               only
               we
               received
               this
               intelligence
               ;
               you
               were
               the
               Porter
               ,
               or
               Messenger
               that
               carryed
               Letters
               between
               us
               :
            
             how
             !
             how
             can
             this
             be
             (
             with
             much
             Wonder
             cry'd
             the
             old
             man
             )
             ;
             to
             convince
             you
             (
             said
             the
             other
             )
             I
             will
             now
             show
             you
             a
             Letter
             in
             your
             Portmantue
             that
             this
             Night
             by
             your
             means
             will
             be
             delivered
             to
             your
             Daughter
             ,
             and
             thereupon
             taking
             the
             Cloak
             he
             shewed
             him
             the
             rip
             in
             the
             Cape
             ,
             wherein
             they
             mutually
             conveighed
             Letters
             to
             each
             other
             .
          
           
             To
             be
             short
             the
             old
             man
             was
             infinitely
             pleas'd
             with
             the
             Stratagem
             ,
             and
             in
             a
             little
             time
             lov'd
             the
             young
             man
             more
             than
             he
             hated
             him
             formerly
             ,
             and
             gave
             him
             his
             Daughter
             with
             a
             vast
             some
             of
             mony
             down
             at
             the
             Marriage
             day
             ,
             and
             in
             less
             than
             twelve
             months
             did
             his
             Son
             and
             Daughter
             the
             kindness
             to
             leave
             the
             world
             ,
             and
             leave
             them
             all
             he
             had
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             RHODOMONTADO'S
             .
          
           
             I
             Am
             King
             of
             No-land
             ,
             the
             terror
             of
             the
             World
             ,
             the
             flower
             of
             the
             Nobility
             of
             
             Rodomontado's
             ,
             Furioso's
             ,
             Superboso's
             ,
             Rolands
             ,
             and
             Olivers
             ,
             beautified
             with
             infinite
             Graces
             ,
             fair
             as
             an
             Angel
             ,
             the
             heart
             and
             courage
             of
             Lucifer
             ,
             a
             Servant
             to
             the
             mighty
             Qeen
             of
             the
             Earth
             ,
             a
             Friend
             to
             distressed
             Ladies
             ,
             and
             the
             Soveraign
             Prince
             of
             the
             Anthropophagi
             or
             Man-Eaters
             .
          
           
             ONe
             day
             in
             battle
             I
             found
             out
             the
             Queen
             of
             the
             Amazons
             ,
             she
             seeing
             me
             ,
             resolved
             that
             I
             should
             fall
             by
             no
             other
             hand
             than
             that
             of
             so
             great
             and
             mighty
             a
             Queen
             ,
             and
             thereupon
             rais'd
             her
             hand
             with
             her
             Sword
             therein
             ;
             but
             I
             ,
             not
             willing
             to
             lose
             any
             time
             ,
             struck
             her
             ,
             at
             which
             she
             fell
             to
             the
             Earth
             ;
             then
             taking
             her
             by
             the
             hair
             of
             head
             ,
             I
             threw
             
             her
             with
             such
             fury
             and
             force
             that
             she
             flew
             to
             the
             fifth
             Heaven
             ,
             and
             fell
             upon
             Mars
             as
             he
             was
             sporting
             with
             
               Venus
               .
               Venus
            
             being
             greatly
             afraid
             ,
             cryed
             out
             for
             help
             ,
             at
             whose
             cry
             the
             God's
             came
             running
             to
             her
             aid
             ,
             but
             were
             much
             astonisht
             when
             they
             saw
             Mars
             stretcht
             out
             upon
             the
             place
             .
             Hereupon
             Jupiter
             thrust
             his
             head
             through
             the
             Casement
             ,
             and
             saw
             me
             distributing
             wounds
             among
             my
             enemies
             with
             so
             much
             danger
             and
             fierceness
             ,
             that
             the
             fire
             which
             flew
             from
             every
             blow
             ,
             resembled
             another
             Mount-Gibel
             or
             Aetna
             :
             Therefore
             Jupiter
             said
             to
             all
             his
             Brother
             gods
             that
             none
             of
             them
             should
             stir
             or
             make
             any
             further
             noise
             of
             what
             was
             done
             ,
             since
             it
             might
             be
             supposed
             ,
             that
             he
             which
             had
             killed
             Mars
             the
             God
             of
             War
             ,
             was
             every
             whit
             as
             able
             to
             kill
             the
             rest
             of
             the
             gods
             which
             yet
             remained
             living
             .
          
           
             WHen
             I
             speak
             ,
             my
             voice
             penetrates
             the
             depths
             of
             Hell
             ;
             where-ever
             I
             appear
             ,
             the
             World
             offers
             me
             a
             free
             subjection
             from
             East
             to
             West
             .
             It
             is
             well
             known
             ,
             that
             where
             ever
             I
             am
             ,
             my
             Bedstead
             is
             made
             of
             the
             Ribs
             of
             Giants
             ;
             the
             Ticking
             of
             my
             Bed
             is
             filled
             with
             the
             
             
             Moustacho's
             of
             the
             Masters
             of
             the
             Camp
             to
             the
             Grand
             Turk
             ;
             my
             Bolster
             with
             the
             Brains
             which
             I
             boxt
             out
             of
             the
             Heads
             of
             his
             Captains
             ;
             my
             Cloaths
             are
             made
             of
             the
             Hair
             of
             Amazons
             ;
             my
             Coverlids
             are
             composed
             of
             
             Switzers-beards
             ;
             my
             Curtains
             of
             the
             Hair
             of
             the
             Eye-brows
             ,
             and
             Eye-lids
             of
             Hungarians
             and
             Germans
             ;
             the
             Floor
             of
             my
             House
             (
             instead
             of
             Brick
             )
             is
             paved
             with
             Janazaries
             Teeth
             ;
             my
             Tapistry
             are
             the
             skins
             of
             Arabians
             ,
             and
             Sorcerers
             whom
             I
             unbarkt
             with
             the
             point
             of
             my
             Dagger
             ;
             the
             Tiles
             which
             cover
             my
             House
             are
             the
             Nails
             of
             Monarchs
             and
             Kings
             ,
             whose
             bodies
             long
             since
             in
             dispight
             of
             them
             ,
             and
             those
             miserable
             carcases
             they
             indeavoured
             to
             defend
             ,
             with
             a
             kick
             of
             my
             Foot
             I
             tumbled
             into
             their
             Sepultures
             .
          
           
             SCorning
             to
             draw
             my
             Sword
             against
             a
             bravade
             English
             Captain
             ,
             I
             gave
             him
             such
             a
             kick
             on
             the
             Breech
             ,
             that
             he
             mounted
             into
             the
             Air
             and
             knockt
             his
             Head
             against
             the
             Sun
             with
             such
             great
             force
             ,
             that
             he
             was
             the
             cause
             of
             its
             Ecclipse
             for
             five
             days
             ;
             immediately
             this
             Captain
             kneel'd
             before
             Jupiter
             ,
             praying
             him
             to
             pardon
             me
             all
             my
             offences
             ,
             in
             
             recompence
             of
             the
             kindness
             I
             had
             done
             him
             ,
             by
             that
             kick
             of
             the
             Arse
             I
             had
             given
             him
             ,
             which
             sent
             him
             to
             Heaven
             among
             the
             Stars
             ,
             since
             it
             lay
             in
             my
             power
             to
             send
             him
             as
             far
             (
             a
             contrary
             way
             )
             to
             Hell
             among
             the
             damned
             .
          
           
             WIth
             one
             single
             hair
             of
             my
             Mustacho's
             which
             if
             I
             should
             dart
             at
             thee
             ,
             it
             will
             make
             so
             great
             a
             gap
             in
             thy
             Body
             ,
             that
             the
             whole
             Infantry
             of
             Spain
             ,
             and
             Cavalry
             of
             France
             shall
             be
             able
             to
             pass
             through
             ,
             without
             touching
             either
             the
             one
             side
             of
             thee
             or
             the
             other
             .
          
           
             WIth
             this
             most
             redoubted
             Sword
             ,
             I
             Ruine
             ,
             I
             set
             on
             fire
             ,
             I
             put
             all
             into
             a
             Flame
             ,
             triumphing
             over
             Armies
             ,
             laying
             waste
             Cities
             ,
             Castles
             ,
             Towers
             ,
             Walls
             ,
             and
             invincible
             Fortresses
             .
             With
             my
             presence
             I
             make
             Jove
             hide
             himself
             ,
             Mercury
             flye
             ,
             Cupid
             tremble
             ,
             Mars
             disguise
             and
             Transform
             himself
             ,
             and
             though
             the
             silly
             Ram
             doth
             see
             me
             take
             the
             Tribute
             from
             his
             Darling
             Venus
             which
             I
             demand
             ,
             yet
             durst
             not
             make
             one
             Butt
             at
             me
             for
             so
             doing
             .
          
           
           
             WHere
             ever
             I
             am
             ,
             Death
             is
             continually
             with
             me
             ,
             because
             he
             finds
             more
             profit
             from
             us
             ,
             then
             if
             he
             were
             General
             of
             one
             hundred
             thousand
             Men
             to
             fight
             the
             Turk
             or
             Devil
             .
             He
             knows
             it
             well
             and
             therefore
             continually
             follows
             ,
             and
             accompanies
             me
             in
             the
             Conquest
             of
             the
             Kingdoms
             of
             
               Grimanians
               ,
               Dicenians
               ,
               Dinamians
               ,
               Alopitians
               ,
               Pitanians
               ,
               Espinomenians
               ,
            
             and
             Nomanians
             ,
             so
             that
             to
             speak
             the
             Truth
             ,
             without
             his
             company
             ,
             I
             should
             walk
             alone
             ,
             because
             I
             find
             none
             like
             me
             ,
             and
             none
             I
             like
             but
             him
             .
          
           
             AS
             the
             World
             is
             divided
             into
             four
             parts
             ,
             three
             whereof
             
               Affrick
               Asia
            
             ,
             and
             Europe
             ,
             and
             these
             three
             are
             incompassed
             and
             environed
             by
             the
             Sea
             ;
             so
             my
             heart
             is
             divided
             into
             three
             other
             parts
             ,
             of
             a
             Nature
             ,
             Affable
             ,
             Terrible
             ,
             and
             Cruel
             ,
             and
             three
             parts
             are
             surroundnot
             with
             Water
             ,
             but
             with
             living
             Flames
             of
             scorching
             Fire
             .
             And
             as
             the
             fire
             is
             ,
             so
             is
             (
             by
             reason
             of
             Love
             )
             my
             heart
             ,
             by
             which
             means
             I
             am
             so
             inraged
             that
             with
             three
             blows
             of
             this
             my
             good
             chopping
             blade
             ,
             the
             fore-stroke
             ,
             back-blow
             ,
             and
             thrust
             ,
             I
             could
             slay
             all
             Mankind
             ,
             making
             
             Rivers
             of
             Blood
             longer
             than
             Ganges
             ,
             broader
             than
             the
             Po
             ,
             and
             more
             terrible
             than
             the
             Cataracts
             of
             Nile
             .
             But
             the
             World
             may
             be
             thankful
             I
             am
             in
             Love
             ,
             for
             it
             is
             only
             for
             her
             sake
             that
             I
             suffer
             wretched
             Mortals
             to
             have
             a
             being
             .
          
           
             I
             Have
             in
             me
             the
             nature
             of
             a
             Basalisk
             and
             something
             more
             ;
             for
             if
             he
             with
             his
             looks
             can
             kill
             one
             ,
             I
             when
             angry
             ,
             with
             mine
             can
             destroy
             an
             hundred
             ,
             for
             my
             Eyes
             are
             equaly
             as
             fatal
             as
             a
             Chain
             shot
             from
             a
             Demi-Canon
             .
          
           
             IF
             that
             true
             v●lour
             which
             my
             Soul
             possesseth
             could
             be
             purchased
             by
             Money
             ,
             all
             Traffick
             would
             cease
             by
             Sea
             and
             Land
             ,
             and
             no
             more
             talk
             of
             Merchants
             or
             their
             Commodities
             ;
             for
             every
             one
             would
             then
             labour
             and
             imploy
             their
             industry
             to
             the
             utmost
             ,
             who
             should
             get
             the
             greatest
             share
             in
             me
             ,
             one
             would
             aim
             at
             one
             of
             my
             Arms
             another
             a
             Leg
             ,
             one
             a
             Finger
             ,
             a
             fourth
             a
             Nail
             ,
             a
             fifth
             a
             Hair
             of
             my
             Eye-lids
             ,
             and
             this
             to
             no
             other
             end
             ,
             than
             that
             he
             might
             become
             valiant
             .
          
           
             But
             I
             rejoyce
             that
             this
             cannot
             be
             by
             any
             means
             effected
             ;
             because
             it
             is
             one
             
             of
             the
             greatest
             causes
             of
             the
             present
             repose
             and
             quiet
             of
             all
             those
             Kings
             ,
             Monarchs
             ,
             and
             Princes
             ,
             which
             are
             all
             my
             very
             good
             friends
             ,
             and
             Kinsmen
             .
          
           
             NOt
             long
             since
             my
             Baud
             ,
             my
             old
             Whore
             Fortune
             ,
             gave
             me
             some
             offence
             ;
             so
             that
             I
             became
             more
             displeased
             with
             her
             than
             formerly
             she
             was
             beloved
             by
             me
             ;
             in
             so
             much
             ,
             that
             if
             she
             performed
             not
             her
             Articles
             with
             me
             ,
             I
             swore
             by
             
             Pluto's
             Horns
             ,
             by
             the
             Beard
             of
             Mars
             ,
             by
             
             Samson's
             Whiskers
             ,
             and
             by
             Mahomets
             Alcoran
             ,
             that
             I
             will
             deprive
             her
             of
             her
             Prerogative
             of
             mutability
             and
             inconstancy
             ,
             and
             as
             to
             her
             Body
             ,
             with
             one
             shock
             I
             will
             dispatch
             her
             to
             
               Terra
               Incognita
            
             ,
             her
             Limbs
             so
             shattered
             ,
             that
             at
             the
             very
             instant
             of
             her
             arrival
             thither
             ,
             she
             should
             be
             reduced
             to
             powder
             ,
             which
             shall
             be
             by
             some
             or
             other
             gathered
             and
             preserved
             for
             my
             use
             ,
             that
             is
             ,
             to
             throw
             as
             Dust
             or
             Sand
             on
             those
             Letters
             I
             send
             to
             my
             Mistress
             .
          
           
             I
             Have
             in
             two
             days
             more
             augmented
             the
             Stygian
             Kingdom
             of
             Pluto
             ,
             and
             peopled
             with
             Subjects
             his
             black
             ,
             dark
             ,
             and
             smoaky
             Realm
             ,
             than
             ever
             did
             
               Rodomont
               ,
               
               Rolant
               ,
               Renaud
               ,
               Mandrigard
            
             and
             Radamante
             ,
             having
             made
             the
             hearts
             of
             more
             valiant
             and
             couragious
             men
             in
             a
             thousand
             ,
             and
             a
             thousand
             places
             to
             tremble
             ;
             let
             those
             which
             inhabit
             the
             East
             ,
             West
             ,
             North
             and
             Equinoctial
             Line
             be
             my
             Witnesses
             .
          
           
             WHen
             I
             walk
             in
             the
             Streets
             of
             the
             City
             a
             thousand
             Ladies
             run
             to
             meet
             me
             ;
             one
             takes
             me
             violently
             by
             the
             Cloak
             ,
             another
             gives
             me
             a
             winck
             ,
             another
             beseecheth
             me
             to
             Sup
             with
             her
             ,
             another
             makes
             me
             a
             presont
             ,
             another
             kisseth
             my
             Hands
             ,
             and
             blesseth
             that
             Mother
             
             than
             brought
             me
             into
             the
             World
             ,
             adjudging
             her self
             the
             happiest
             of
             women
             ,
             may
             she
             have
             the
             opportunity
             of
             lying
             with
             me
             but
             one
             night
             ,
             to
             no
             other
             end
             ,
             than
             that
             she
             may
             have
             a
             Child
             of
             the
             Race
             of
             so
             great
             a
             personage
             as
             my self
             .
          
           
             IF
             the
             force
             of
             my
             Members
             was
             distributed
             among
             faint
             hearted
             persons
             ,
             and
             Seditious
             Spirits
             ,
             the
             World
             would
             be
             put
             into
             a
             general
             revolt
             ,
             and
             nothing
             would
             be
             seen
             there
             in
             but
             Battles
             ,
             and
             Conquests
             ;
             the
             Bells
             never
             heard
             ,
             day
             nor
             night
             ,
             but
             for
             the
             interment
             
             of
             some
             dead
             body
             ,
             Chirurgeons
             would
             never
             stir
             out
             of
             their
             houses
             ,
             but
             to
             heal
             the
             wounds
             of
             Swords
             ,
             cut
             and
             thrust
             ,
             and
             to
             reunite
             fractures
             or
             bones
             broken
             .
             Divines
             would
             be
             continually
             employed
             in
             comforting
             Widdows
             for
             the
             loss
             of
             their
             Husbands
             ,
             Children
             so
             their
             Parents
             ,
             and
             young
             Women
             in
             the
             Death
             of
             their
             Sweet-hearts
             .
          
           
             IF
             I
             come
             to
             thee
             ,
             with
             my
             Foot
             I
             will
             kick
             thee
             so
             high
             into
             the
             Air
             ,
             that
             hadst
             thou
             with
             thee
             ten
             Cart-load
             of
             bread
             ,
             thou
             should'st
             be
             in
             greater
             fear
             of
             starving
             than
             falling
             .
          
           
             I
             Had
             one
             day
             a
             quarrel
             with
             a
             French
             Gentleman
             ,
             who
             defied
             me
             ,
             saying
             ,
             draw
             if
             thou
             darest
             :
             considering
             with
             my self
             that
             I
             am
             all
             courage
             ,
             refused
             so
             to
             do
             ,
             because
             the
             French
             being
             cold
             ,
             and
             without
             choler
             ,
             I
             might
             have
             given
             him
             five
             hundred
             Thrusts
             ,
             and
             as
             many
             slashes
             ,
             without
             killing
             him
             ;
             but
             as
             for
             me
             who
             am
             wholly
             filled
             ,
             and
             made
             up
             of
             Courage
             and
             Choler
             ,
             with
             the
             least
             blow
             in
             the
             World
             ,
             he
             might
             have
             sent
             me
             to
             the
             Devil
             .
          
           
             
             
               His
               Conclusion
               .
            
             
               
                 
                   I
                   Never
                   yet
                   could
                   meet
                   that
                   daring
                   He
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Durst
                   whisper
                   ,
                   any
                   yet
                   hath
                   Conque'rd
                   me
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   I
                   've
                   fought
                   the
                   Champions
                   of
                   the
                   Earth
                   all
                   round
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   And
                   either
                   slew
                   ,
                   or
                   made
                   them
                   quit
                   their
                   ground
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   From
                   Pole
                   to
                   Pole
                   ,
                   such
                   mighty
                   things
                   I
                   've
                   done
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   That
                   from
                   all
                
                 Hero's
                 
                   I
                   their
                   glory
                   won
                
                 .
              
               
                 
                   Yet
                   still
                   I
                   must
                   act
                   more
                   ,
                   that
                   lab'ring
                   Fame
                
              
               
                 
                   May
                   reel
                   ,
                   and
                   tire
                   nay
                   sink
                   to
                   bear
                   my
                   Name
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   Where
                   ere
                   I
                   go
                   ,
                   my
                   presence
                   Conquest
                   brings
                
                 ;
              
               
                 
                   My
                   single
                   hand
                   ,
                   can
                   sway
                   the
                   Fate
                   of
                   Kings
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   I
                   've
                   Ensignes
                   snatcht
                   ,
                   oft
                   from
                   an
                   Armies
                   head
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   And
                   at
                   my
                   feet
                   laid
                   prostrate
                   Gyants
                   dead
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   Out
                   Hector'd
                   Champions
                   ,
                   and
                   out
                   foam'd
                   wild
                   Bores
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Out
                   Bluster'd
                   Billows
                   ,
                   breaking
                   on
                   the
                   shores
                
                 ;
              
               
                 
                   Out
                   fought
                
                 Briareus
                 
                   with
                   his
                   hundred
                   hands
                
                 ;
              
               
                 
                   Out
                   walkt
                   the
                   Tigers
                   on
                   the
                
                 Arabian
                 Sands
                 ;
              
               
                 
                   Out
                   lightned
                   Lightning
                   ,
                   and
                   out
                   thundred
                   Thunder
                   .
                
              
               
               
                 
                   Out-did
                   great
                
                 Mars
                 
                   infield
                   ,
                   and
                   out
                   vy'd
                   wonder
                
                 ;
              
               
                 
                   Astonisht
                   ages
                   from
                   these
                   deeds
                   shall
                   learn
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Which
                   way
                   I
                   move
                   ,
                   that
                   way
                   the
                   world
                   shall
                   turn
                   :
                
              
               
                 
                   If
                   y'
                   are
                   with
                   this
                   not
                   satisfy'd
                   enough
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   I
                   'le
                   of
                   my
                   valour
                   give
                   you
                   further
                   proof
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   I
                   by
                   an
                   Host
                   surrounded
                   was
                   in
                   field
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Whose
                   General
                   cry'd
                   ,
                   fight
                   not
                   stout
                   man
                   ,
                   but
                   yield
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   I
                   daunted
                   not
                   ,
                   rush'd
                   in
                   ,
                   and
                   with
                   one
                   swing
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Before
                   my
                   feet
                   I
                   laid
                   his
                   breathless
                   King.
                
              
               
                 
                   At
                   which
                   a
                   neighb'ring
                   Prince
                   his
                   quarrel
                   took
                
                 ;
              
               
                 
                   From
                   his
                   broad
                   shoulders
                   his
                   proud
                   bead
                   I
                   sirook
                
              
               
                 
                   So
                   quick
                   ,
                   the
                   head
                   after
                   it
                   fell
                   ,
                   it
                   curst
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   The
                   next
                   advanc'd
                   whose
                   Fate
                   was
                   like
                   the
                   first
                   :
                
              
               
                 
                   Him
                   I
                   beheaded
                   so
                   most
                   vig'rously
                
              
               
                 
                   That
                   with
                   the
                   force
                   ,
                   his
                   falling
                   head
                   kil'd
                   three
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Then
                   being
                   beset
                   with
                   an
                   united
                   power
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   With
                   my
                   long
                   Sword
                   ,
                   next
                   pass
                   I
                   thrust
                   through
                   four
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   With
                   Carkesses
                   I
                   maid
                   Long-Lanes
                   ;
                   and
                   ,
                   to
                   be
                   short
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   In
                   four
                   hours
                   space
                   I
                   made
                   this
                   bloody
                   sport
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   Here
                   scattered
                   Swords
                   ,
                   there
                   woods
                   of
                   Lances
                   stood
                   ,
                
              
               
               
                 
                   Here
                   heaps
                   of
                   bodies
                   lay
                   ,
                   there
                   streams
                   of
                   blood
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   With
                   open
                   mouth
                   there
                   lay
                   a
                   gasping
                   head
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   As
                   if
                   it
                   thirsted
                   for
                   the
                   blood
                   it
                   shed
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   Here
                   a
                   topt
                   head
                   cut
                   capers
                   ,
                   as
                   if
                   '
                   t
                   wood
                
              
               
                 
                   Have
                   danct
                   up
                   to
                   the
                   Shoulders
                   ,
                   where
                   it
                   stood
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   There
                   lay
                   dismemberd
                   arms
                   in
                   their
                   own
                   gore
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Which
                   graspt
                   ,
                   and
                   stretcht
                   to
                   reach
                   the
                   Swords
                   they
                   bare
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   When
                   I
                   'de
                   done
                   all
                   ,
                   and
                   heaps
                   on
                   heaps
                   compil'd
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   I
                   fairly
                   turned
                   about
                   my self
                   ,
                   and
                   smil'd
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   How
                   ill
                   these
                   mortals
                   manag'd
                   their
                   command
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Although
                   all
                   Hero's
                   ,
                   nothing
                   in
                   my
                   band
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   Since
                   none
                   can
                   kill
                   me
                   ,
                   I
                   my self
                   must
                   doom
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   And
                   call
                   upon
                   the
                   gods
                   to
                   make
                   me
                   room
                   .
                
              
            
          
        
         
           
           
             LYES
             ,
             AND
             IMPROBABILITIES
             .
          
           
             A
             Fellow
             swore
             that
             he
             had
             seen
             a
             Base-Viol
             as
             big
             as
             the
             
             Duke's
             Theater
             ;
             one
             demanding
             how
             it
             could
             possibly
             be
             play'd
             on
             ?
             
               well
               enough
            
             (
             quoth
             the
             other
             )
             
               for
               he
               that
               own'd
               it
            
             ,
             made
             a
             two-handed
             Bow
             about
             a
             Furlong
             in
             length
             ;
             and
             he
             and
             his
             Wife
             drew
             it
             on
             the
             Strings
             ,
             while
             ten
             of
             his
             Children
             ran
             two
             and
             fro
             upon
             the
             Stops
             or
             Frets
             ,
             observing
             with
             their
             feet
             as
             exact
             .
             Time
             ,
             as
             any
             could
             do
             with
             their
             fingers
             .
          
           
             A
             Romanist
             swore
             he
             swallowed
             a
             Pin
             ,
             and
             presently
             making
             a
             Cross
             upon
             his
             Leg
             ,
             pull'd
             it
             out
             there
             .
          
           
           
             A
             Soldier
             swore
             desperately
             ,
             that
             being
             in
             the
             Wars
             between
             the
             Russian
             and
             Polonian
             ;
             there
             chanced
             to
             be
             a
             Parley
             between
             the
             two
             Generals
             where
             a
             River
             parted
             them
             ,
             at
             that
             time
             it
             froze
             so
             excessively
             ,
             that
             the
             words
             were
             no
             sooner
             out
             of
             their
             mouths
             ,
             but
             they
             were
             frozen
             ,
             and
             could
             not
             be
             heard
             till
             eleven
             days
             after
             ,
             
               That
               a
               Thaw
               came
               which
               dissolved
               them
               ,
               and
               made
               them
               audible
               to
               all
               .
            
          
           
             One
             protested
             that
             on
             
               Salisbury
               plain
            
             ,
             he
             started
             a
             Hare
             ,
             and
             having
             a
             Horse
             under
             him
             that
             was
             very
             fleet
             ,
             coursed
             her
             ,
             and
             gave
             her
             four
             turns
             at
             least
             ,
             at
             length
             his
             Horse
             growing
             weary
             and
             he
             vext
             to
             the
             heart
             that
             he
             could
             not
             tire
             her
             ,
             threw
             his
             Hat
             at
             her
             ;
             which
             lighting
             just
             before
             her
             ,
             she
             ran
             into
             it
             ,
             and
             turned
             over
             and
             over
             it
             so
             long
             ,
             
               That
               he
               had
               time
               enough
               to
               alight
               from
               his
               Horse
               and
               take
               her
               up
               .
            
          
           
             A
             notable
             arch
             Crack
             in
             Paris
             ,
             got
             a
             bag
             of
             Ashes
             and
             carried
             them
             to
             a
             man
             whom
             he
             knew
             to
             be
             a
             great
             admirer
             of
             Reliques
             ,
             who
             askt
             him
             twenty
             pound
             a
             Peck
             for
             them
             ,
             swearing
             ,
             
               That
               they
               were
               
               the
               ashes
               of
               those
               coles
               which
               burnt
               St.
            
             Laurence
             .
          
           
             A
             Fellow
             swore
             that
             he
             ran
             a
             Grayhound
             Bitch
             great
             with
             whelps
             at
             a
             Hare
             ,
             who
             taking
             a
             Hedge
             ,
             and
             the
             Bitch
             making
             after
             her
             ,
             she
             lighted
             on
             a
             Stake
             which
             rent
             her
             belly
             up
             ,
             and
             that
             the
             whelps
             which
             were
             within
             her
             ran
             after
             the
             Hare
             and
             kill'd
             her
             .
             I
             loved
             (
             said
             he
             )
             this
             Bitch
             so
             well
             ,
             that
             I
             made
             a
             pair
             of
             Buskins
             of
             her
             skin
             ,
             which
             had
             the
             power
             to
             endue
             me
             with
             such
             swiftness
             ;
             
               That
               if
               at
               any
               time
               a
               Hare
               started
               in
               my
               way
               ,
               I
               could
               not
               rest
               till
               I
               caught
               her
               .
            
          
           
             A
             Keeper
             swore
             he
             shot
             a
             Buck's
             right
             foot
             and
             left
             ear
             at
             one
             shoot
             with
             a
             single
             Bullet
             ,
             
               And
               being
               asked
               how
               he
               could
               possibly
               do
               it
               ,
            
             (
             he
             answered
             )
             
               that
               the
               Buck
               was
               lying
               and
               scratching
               his
               left
               ear
               with
               his
               right
               foot
               when
               he
               shot
               him
               .
            
          
           
             Strada
             reports
             that
             a
             fellow
             lived
             in
             his
             time
             ,
             whose
             Nose
             was
             so
             long
             ,
             he
             could
             not
             hear
             himself
             Sneese
             .
          
        
         
           
           
             MISCELLANIES
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               WHo
               is
               a
               bashful
               Woman
            
             ?
          
           
             A.
             She
             who
             lying
             on
             her
             back
             covers
             her
             face
             with
             her
             Smock
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               Who
               is
               a
               fearful
               Woman
            
             ?
          
           
             A.
             She
             who
             claps
             her
             tail
             between
             her
             legs
             ,
             or
             she
             who
             dares
             not
             sleep
             without
             a
             man.
             
          
           
             Q.
             
               Who
               is
               a
               bold
               daring
               Woman
               ?
            
          
           
             A.
             She
             that
             dares
             singly
             oppose
             ten
             men
             at
             the
             entrance
             of
             one
             breach
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               What
               part
               of
               speech
               is
            
             Homo
             ?
          
           
             
               A.
               Homo
            
             is
             a
             participle
             ,
             because
             he
             partakes
             or
             takes
             part
             of
             all
             things
             in
             this
             world
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               Whence
               hath
            
             Papirus
             ,
             
               the
               latin
               word
               for
               Paper
               ,
               it
               's
               denomination
               ?
            
          
           
             A.
             From
             Priapus
             that
             wanton
             God
             so
             freely
             worshiped
             among
             the
             antients
             especially
             by
             Lovers
             :
             if
             you
             will
             
             consult
             ,
             the
             Anagram
             ,
             you
             will
             find
             Priapus
             and
             papirus
             to
             have
             the
             same
             letters
             .
             Now
             it
             fals
             very
             proper
             that
             Papirus
             shall
             be
             derived
             from
             Priapus
             ,
             because
             by
             letters
             frequently
             assignations
             are
             made
             for
             the
             satisfaction
             of
             each
             others
             longing
             loves
             ;
             but
             least
             they
             should
             miscarry
             in
             their
             meetings
             ,
             let
             me
             advise
             them
             to
             offer
             up
             an
             orizon
             first
             to
             the
             Roman
             famed
             Goddess
             ,
             known
             by
             the
             name
             of
             
               Dea
               Pertunda
            
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               What
               is
               a
               Woman
            
             ?
          
           
             A.
             She
             is
             the
             second
             part
             necessary
             for
             the
             propagation
             ,
             and
             conservation
             of
             mankind
             .
             A
             certain
             Greek
             Author
             saith
             that
             Fire
             ,
             Water
             ,
             and
             Woman
             ,
             are
             three
             evils
             .
             Philemon
             testifies
             that
             a
             good
             Goat
             ,
             a
             good
             Mule
             and
             a
             good
             Woman
             ,
             are
             three
             beasts
             of
             the
             worser
             sort
             ,
             who
             compares
             their
             beauty
             to
             a
             Rose
             surrounded
             with
             Thorns
             or
             prickles
             ;
             their
             words
             are
             deceitful
             ,
             their
             gauderies
             are
             like
             a
             Peacocks
             Tail
             ;
             their
             love
             is
             like
             a
             Serpent
             ,
             who
             kills
             the
             male
             in
             the
             act
             of
             copulation
             ;
             lastly
             ,
             she
             is
             so
             light
             that
             one
             single
             feather
             ,
             put
             in
             the
             contrary
             scale
             will
             weigh
             her
             down
             .
          
           
           
             Q.
             
               What
               is
               a
               curious
               woman
            
             ?
          
           
             A.
             One
             who
             desires
             to
             know
             what
             every
             man
             can
             do
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               Are
               cornuted
               men
               Infamous
            
             ?
          
           
             A.
             No
             ,
             for
             to
             carry
             Horns
             heretosore
             ,
             was
             honourable
             :
             when
             the
             Sun
             expands
             his
             radiant
             Beams
             upon
             the
             Earth
             ,
             he
             seems
             to
             say
             ,
             Behold
             my
             Horns
             ;
             The
             Moon
             either
             in
             her
             increase
             or
             decrease
             shows
             them
             and
             glories
             in
             them
             .
             Moses
             is
             Painted
             with
             two
             Radiant
             Horns
             .
             Pan
             a
             God
             of
             the
             Heathens
             had
             Horns
             ;
             Pan
             is
             a
             Greek
             word
             and
             signifieth
             every
             thing
             ,
             if
             you
             add
             Horns
             thereunto
             ,
             then
             every
             thing
             hath
             Horns
             ;
             The
             Major
             part
             of
             four
             Footed
             Beasts
             have
             Horns
             ;
             Nay
             ,
             the
             Devil
             himself
             (
             if
             any
             Credit
             may
             be
             given
             to
             Painters
             )
             hath
             Horns
             ;
             wherefore
             since
             above
             ,
             here
             ,
             and
             beneath
             us
             are
             Horns
             ,
             why
             should
             man
             be
             ashamed
             of
             them
             ,
             but
             rather
             claim
             a
             propriety
             in
             them
             ?
             To
             this
             question
             my
             Author
             subjoins
             an
             Epitaph
             made
             on
             one
             Mr.
             
               John
               Kalb
            
             ,
             or
             Calf
             in
             English
             ,
             who
             was
             of
             Noble
             extraction
             and
             Student
             at
             Heydelberge
             ,
             but
             being
             given
             too
             much
             to
             ebriety
             ,
             not
             only
             Drowned
             his
             Wits
             ,
             but
             by
             is
             lost
             
             his
             Life
             Anno
             1674
             ;
             the
             lines
             were
             these
             .
          
           
             
               O
               Deus
               omnipotens
               vituli
               miserere
               Johannis
               Quem
               Mo●s
               pr●eveniens
               non
               sinit
               esse
               bovem
               .
               Corpus
               in
               Italiaest
               ,
               habet
               intestina
               Brabantus
               ,
               Ast
               Animam
               Nemo
               :
               Cur
               ?
               Quia
               non
               habuit
               .
               Have
               mercy
               on
            
             John
             Calf
             ,
             who
             Ox
             
               had
               been
               ,
               Had
               not
               Death
               hindred
               ,
               and
               stept
               in
               between
               .
               Two
               Countries
               shar'd
               his
               Body
               ;
               but
               't
               is
               sad
               None
               had
               his
               Soul.
               Why
               ?
               For
               no
               Soul
               he
               had
               .
            
          
           
             Q.
             
               How
               many
               sorts
               of
               Fools
               are
               there
               ?
            
          
           
             A.
             Four.
             1.
             
             He
             that
             thunders
             out
             his
             menaces
             so
             often
             that
             no
             man
             fears
             him
             .
             2.
             
             He
             that
             Swears
             so
             often
             that
             no
             man
             will
             believe
             him
             .
             3.
             
             He
             that
             gives
             so
             often
             that
             he
             hath
             nothing
             left
             .
             4.
             
             He
             that
             having
             no
             Servant
             ,
             refuseth
             to
             be
             Serviceable
             to
             himself
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               who
               are
               most
               Gluttonous
            
             ?
          
           
             A.
             Women
             ;
             for
             having
             two
             Mouths
             one
             for
             the
             Day
             ,
             and
             the
             other
             for
             the
             Night
             ,
             they
             feed
             continually
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               What
               are
               the
               Priviledges
               of
               Monsieur
               Scab
               .
            
          
           
             A.
             Many
             ;
             but
             for
             brevity
             sake
             only
             these
             .
             He
             ,
             like
             some
             mighty
             Prince
             ,
             Eats
             alone
             ,
             Drinks
             alone
             ,
             and
             sh
             —
             alone
             .
             If
             on
             the
             Road
             he
             Travels
             with
             Gentlemen
             ,
             and
             they
             come
             to
             an
             Inn
             ill
             
             Furnished
             ,
             so
             that
             they
             must
             be
             forced
             to
             lye
             three
             in
             a
             bed
             ,
             to
             be
             sure
             he
             must
             have
             one
             to
             himself
             ,
             where
             he
             may
             repose
             himself
             alone
             .
             Lastly
             
               Monsieur
               Scab
            
             hath
             this
             more
             ,
             according
             to
             the
             Proverb
             ,
             
               Quod
               duo
               Scabiosi
               occulati
               plus
               videant
               quam
               ducenti
               C●eci
               cum
               suis
               Perspicillis
               :
               id
               est
               ,
            
             that
             two
             Scabs
             may
             see
             farther
             than
             two
             hundred
             Blind
             men
             with
             as
             many
             Spectacles
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               What
               advantages
               accrue
               by
               Lying
            
             .
          
           
             A.
             The
             
               Chaldeans
               ,
               AEgyptians
               ,
               Grecians
            
             ,
             and
             Romans
             ,
             when
             they
             understood
             that
             truth
             was
             not
             prevalent
             enough
             to
             convince
             ,
             and
             tame
             a
             wild
             uncivil
             People
             ,
             they
             formed
             a
             Religion
             whose
             Basis
             was
             meer
             Lyes
             ;
             they
             feigned
             a
             Neptune
             with
             a
             
               Trident
               ;
               Cupid
            
             with
             Bow
             and
             
               Arrows
               ;
               Jupiter
            
             striding
             an
             Eagle
             with
             a
             Thunderbolt
             ,
             and
             the
             like
             ,
             to
             keep
             them
             in
             perpetual
             obedience
             to
             their
             Empire
             .
             The
             same
             thing
             did
             Minos
             in
             
               Crete
               ,
               Licurgus
            
             to
             the
             Lacedemonians
             ;
             and
             Mahomet
             by
             his
             Lyes
             founded
             his
             great
             Empire
             .
             There
             are
             very
             few
             Tradesmen
             who
             do
             not
             gain
             in
             part
             their
             dayly
             Bread
             by
             Lying
             ,
             and
             the
             Lover
             would
             never
             attain
             to
             his
             defired
             end
             without
             it
             .
             did
             not
             Judeth
             
             press
             a
             Lye
             to
             free
             her
             Country
             .
             And
             
               Divine
               Plato
            
             ,
             although
             a
             great
             Zealot
             for
             truth
             ,
             in
             so
             much
             that
             he
             Banisht
             all
             Poets
             who
             grosly
             lyed
             ,
             yet
             saith
             he
             in
             his
             Second
             Book
             of
             his
             Repub.
             
               I
               desire
               that
               Mothers
               and
               Nurses
               would
               tell
               their
               Children
            
             Fabulous
             stories
             ;
             as
             much
             as
             to
             say
             ,
             that
             they
             should
             teach
             them
             lyes
             from
             their
             very
             Cradle
             ,
             to
             conclude
             Rhetorick
             it self
             is
             nothing
             else
             but
             the
             
               Art
               of
               Lying
            
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               What
               are
               these
               things
               which
               rarely
               happen
               ?
            
          
           
             A.
             A
             Bucksome
             young
             Lass
             not
             in
             love
             ,
             Fairs
             without
             Thieves
             ;
             an
             old
             Usurer
             with
             a
             good
             Conscience
             ,
             an
             old
             stock
             of
             Corn
             without
             Mice
             ,
             and
             ,
             Phan●ticks
             without
             holy
             Cheats
             .
          
           
             Q.
             
               Who
               of
               all
               men
               stand
               least
               in
               fear
               of
               Homicide
               ?
            
          
           
             A.
             Quacking
             Doctors
             ,
             and
             Hangmen
             who
             kill
             without
             being
             called
             in
             question
             ,
             and
             though
             others
             are
             punished
             for
             it
             with
             death
             ,
             these
             have
             a
             great
             reward
             for
             their
             pains
             .
          
           
             
               Q.
               Whom
               doth
               the
               world
               call
               his
               Nephew
               ?
            
          
           
             A.
             Him
             ,
             who
             hath
             a
             handsome
             Wife
             .
          
           
             
             
               The
               Degrees
               of
               Pleasure
               .
            
             
               If
               thou
               wilt
               rejoyce
               for
               a
               day
               ,
               shave
               thy
               Beard
               ;
               if
               for
               a
               week
               ,
               go
               to
               a
               Wedding
               ;
               if
               for
               a
               month
               ,
               buy
               a
               good
               Horse
               ;
               if
               for
               six
               weeks
               ,
               purchase
               a
               fair
               House
               ;
               if
               for
               a
               year
               ,
               marry
               a
               fair
               Woman
               ;
               if
               for
               two
               years
               ,
               turn
               a
               Priest
               ;
               but
               if
               always
               thou
               wilt
               be
               merry
               and
               joyful
               ,
               keep
               thy self
               chast
               and
               temperate
               .
            
             
               
                 Q.
                 who
                 are
                 remarkable
                 Fools
              
               ?
            
             
               A.
               A
               faithful
               Lover
               ,
               an
               honest
               Gamester
               ,
               and
               a
               pitiful
               Soldier
               .
            
             
               
                 Q.
                 why
                 are
                 Monsters
                 here
                 ,
                 seen
                 frequently
                 greater
                 than
                 the
                 African
                 ;
                 as
                 a
              
               Drunken
               Parson
               ,
               a
               Covetous
               Non-Conformist
               ,
               a
               Pocky
               Doctor
               ,
               &c.
               
            
             
               A.
               Because
               their
               lives
               do
               not
               quadrate
               ,
               or
               suit
               with
               their
               Professions
               .
            
             
               
                 Q.
                 A
                 Maid
                 being
                 askt
                 ,
                 whether
                 she
                 would
                 chuse
                 to
                 be
                 chang'd
                 into
                 a
                 Hen
                 or
                 a
                 Goose
                 ?
              
            
             
               A.
               Her
               answer
               was
               into
               a
               Hen
               ,
               and
               the
               reason
               was
               ,
               because
               the
               Hen
               enjoys
               her
               Cock
               all
               the
               year
               round
               ,
               but
               the
               Goose
               only
               in
               Spring-time
               .
            
             
               
                 Q.
                 what
                 is
                 the
                 Interpretation
                 of
                 these
                 Letters
                 ?
              
            
          
           
             
             
               S.
               P.
               Q.
               R.
               
            
             
               A.
               Some
               say
               thus
               ,
               
                 Senatus
                 Populusque
                 Romanus
              
               :
               others
               thus
               ,
               
                 Salutem
                 Populi
                 Quaere
                 Romani
              
               :
               The
               Sybils
               speaking
               of
               God
               thus
               ,
               
                 Serva
                 Populum
                 quem
                 Redimisti
                 .
                 Bede
              
               in
               derision
               of
               the
               Goths
               thus
               ,
               
                 Stultus
                 Populus
                 Quaerit
                 Romam
              
               :
               The
               French
               thus
               ,
               
                 Si
                 Peu
                 Que
                 Rien
              
               .
               The
               
                 Italians
                 ,
                 Samosi
                 Poltroni
                 ,
                 Questi
                 Romani
                 :
              
               The
               
                 Germans
                 ,
                 Sublato
                 Papa
                 Quietum
                 Regnum
                 .
              
               The
               Papists
               on
               the
               other
               side
               ,
               
                 Salus
                 Papae
                 Quies
                 Regni
              
               .
            
          
           
             
               
                 On
                 a
                 Friend
                 to
              
               R.
               H.
               
            
             
               
                 
                   Qui
                   sim
                   divinato
                   &
                   eris
                   mihi
                   magnus
                   Apollo
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Qui
                   Dives
                   Durus
                   Fluctus
                   &
                   Vlna
                   vocor
                   .
                
              
               
                 Richard
                 Wavel
                 .
              
            
             
               
                 
                   Medicina
                   ad
                   tollendos
                   foetores
                   anhelitus
                
              
               
                 
                   provenientes
                   a
                   cibis
                   quibusdam
                
                 .
              
               
                 
                   Sectile
                   ne
                   tetros
                   porrum
                   tibi
                   spiret
                   odores
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Protinus
                   à
                   porro
                   fac
                   mihi
                   caepe
                   vores
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   Denuo
                   foetorem
                   si
                   vis
                   depellere
                   caepe
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Hoc
                   facile
                   efficient
                   ,
                   Allia
                   mansa
                   tibi
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   Spiritus
                   at
                   si
                   post
                   etiam
                   gravis
                   Allia
                   restat
                
                 ;
              
               
                 
                   Aut
                   nihil
                   ,
                   aut
                   tantum
                   pellere
                   merda
                   potest
                   .
                
              
               
               
                 
                   He
                   that
                   for
                   stinking
                   breath
                   a
                   care
                   would
                   seek
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Must
                   eat
                   both
                   Onions
                   ,
                   and
                   good
                   store
                   of
                   Leek
                
                 ;
              
               
                 
                   But
                   if
                   the
                   stench
                   of
                   Leeks
                   offensive
                   prove
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Then
                   Garlick
                   take
                   ,
                   and
                   eat
                   thereof
                   a
                   Glove
                   .
                
              
               
                 
                   If
                   after
                   these
                   a
                   stinking
                   breath
                   remain
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Then
                   take
                   a
                   Tu
                   —
                   all
                   other
                   things
                   are
                   vain
                   .
                
              
            
             
               
                 
                   De
                   Anu
                   per
                   crepitum
                   animam
                   exhalante
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Vno
                   animam-crepitu
                   Jana
                   pedit
                   anus
                
                 .
              
            
             
               
                 In
                 French.
                 
              
               
                 
                   Vous
                   qui
                   passez
                   ,
                   priez
                   Dieu
                   pour
                   ceste
                   Dame
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   Qui
                   en
                   p●tant
                   parle
                   cul
                   rendit
                   l'ame
                   .
                
              
            
             
               
                 In
                 English
                 .
              
               
                 
                   O
                   strange
                   that
                
                 Jane
                 
                   should
                   hence
                   depart
                
                 ,
              
               
                 
                   Only
                   by
                   letting
                   of
                   a
                   Fart
                   .
                
              
            
             
               
                 An
                 Epigram
                 on
                 this
                 saying
                 ,
                 
                   Quot
                   capita
                   tot
                   ingenia
                
                 .
              
               
                 
                   So
                   many
                   heads
                   ,
                   so
                   many
                   wits
                   ,
                   fie
                   ,
                   fie
                   ,
                
              
               
                 
                   It
                   is
                   a
                   shame
                   for
                   Proverbs
                   thus
                   to
                   lie
                
                 ;
              
               
                 
                   For
                   I
                   (
                   though
                   my
                   acquaintance
                   be
                   but
                   small
                   )
                
              
               
                 
                   Know
                   many
                   heads
                   that
                   have
                   no
                   wit
                   at
                   all
                   .
                
              
            
          
        
         
           
           
             A
             PREACHMENT
             ON
             MALT
             .
          
           
             CErtain
             Townsmen
             of
             Prisal
             ,
             returning
             from
             a
             merry
             Meeting
             at
             a
             certain
             Ale-house
             ,
             met
             in
             the
             Fields
             a
             Preacher
             ,
             who
             had
             lately
             made
             a
             bitter
             Sermon
             against
             Drunkards
             ,
             and
             amongst
             other
             opprobrious
             words
             ,
             called
             them
             Malt-worms
             ,
             Wherefore
             they
             agreed
             to
             take
             him
             ,
             and
             by
             violence
             compel
             him
             to
             Preach
             a
             Sermon
             ,
             and
             his
             Text
             should
             be
             MALT
             .
             The
             Preacher
             thinking
             
             it
             better
             to
             yield
             ,
             than
             contend
             with
             them
             in
             their
             cause
             ,
             began
             his
             Sermon
             as
             followeth
             .
          
           
             There
             is
             no
             Preaching
             without
             Division
             ,
             and
             this
             Text
             cannot
             well
             be
             divided
             into
             many
             parts
             ,
             because
             it
             is
             but
             one
             word
             ,
             nor
             into
             many
             Syllables
             ,
             because
             it
             is
             but
             one
             Syllable
             ;
             It
             must
             therefore
             be
             divided
             into
             Letters
             ,
             and
             they
             are
             found
             to
             be
             four
             ,
             
               viz.
               M
               ,
               A
               ,
               L
               ,
               T
               ,
            
             These
             letters
             represent
             four
             interpretations
             ,
             which
             Divines
             commonly
             do
             use
             thus
             ,
             M.
             Moral
             ,
             A.
             Allegorical
             ,
             L.
             Literal
             ,
             T.
             Tropological
             .
          
           
             The
             Moral
             Interpretation
             is
             well
             put
             first
             ,
             and
             first
             to
             teach
             you
             boysterous
             Men
             some
             good
             manners
             ,
             at
             least
             in
             procuring
             your
             attention
             to
             the
             Sermon
             ;
             Therefore
             M.
             Masters
             ,
             A.
             All
             ,
             L.
             Listen
             ,
             T.
             to
             the
             Text.
             
          
           
             An
             Allegory
             is
             when
             one
             thing
             is
             spoken
             ,
             and
             another
             thing
             meant
             ;
             The
             thing
             spoken
             is
             Malt
             ,
             the
             thing
             meant
             is
             the
             Oyle
             of
             Malt
             ,
             commonly
             
             call'd
             Ale
             ,
             which
             to
             you
             Drunkards
             is
             so
             precious
             ,
             that
             you
             account
             it
             to
             be
             M.
             Meat
             ,
             A.
             Ale
             ,
             L.
             Liberty
             ,
             T.
             Treasure
             .
          
           
             The
             literal
             sense
             is
             as
             it
             hath
             been
             often
             heard
             of
             heretofore
             ,
             so
             it
             is
             true
             according
             to
             the
             letter
             ,
             M.
             Much
             A.
             Ale
             ,
             L.
             Little
             ,
             T.
             Thrift
             .
          
           
             The
             Tropological
             sence
             applyeth
             that
             which
             now
             is
             to
             somwhat
             following
             ,
             either
             in
             this
             world
             ,
             or
             in
             the
             world
             to
             come
             ,
             the
             thing
             that
             now
             is
             ,
             is
             the
             effect
             which
             Oyle
             of
             Malt
             produceth
             and
             worketh
             in
             some
             of
             you
             ,
             
               viz.
               M.
            
             Murther
             ,
             in
             others
             A.
             Adultery
             ,
             in
             all
             L.
             Loose
             living
             ,
             in
             many
             T.
             Treason
             ,
             and
             that
             which
             hereafter
             followeth
             ,
             both
             in
             this
             world
             and
             in
             the
             world
             to
             come
             ,
             is
             M.
             Misery
             ,
             A.
             Anguish
             ,
             L.
             Lamentation
             ,
             T.
             Trouble
             .
          
           
             I
             should
             now
             come
             to
             a
             conclusion
             ,
             and
             withal
             ,
             to
             perswade
             you
             boysterious
             men
             to
             amend
             ,
             that
             so
             you
             may
             escape
             the
             danger
             whereinto
             many
             of
             
             you
             are
             like
             to
             fall
             ,
             but
             I
             have
             no
             hopes
             to
             prevail
             ,
             because
             I
             plainly
             see
             ,
             and
             my
             Text
             as
             plainly
             telleth
             me
             it
             is
             M.
             to
             A.
             that
             is
             ,
             a
             Thousand
             Pound
             to
             a
             Pot
             of
             Ale
             you
             will
             never
             mend
             ,
             because
             all
             Drunkards
             are
             L.
             Lewd
             ,
             T.
             Thieves
             ,
             but
             yet
             for
             discharging
             my
             Conscience
             and
             duty
             ,
             First
             towards
             God
             ,
             and
             Secondly
             towards
             you
             my
             Neighbours
             ,
             I
             say
             once
             again
             ,
             concluding
             with
             my
             Text
             ,
             M.
             Mend
             ,
             A.
             All
             ,
             and
             L.
             Leave
             ,
             T.
             Tipling
             ,
             otherwise
             ,
             M.
             Masters
             ,
             A.
             All
             ,
             L.
             Look
             for
             ,
             T.
             Terrour
             and
             Torment
             .
          
           
             By
             this
             time
             the
             Ale
             wrought
             in
             the
             Townsmens
             Brains
             that
             they
             were
             between
             Hawk
             and
             Buzzard
             ,
             nearer
             sleeping
             than
             waking
             ,
             which
             the
             Preacher
             perceiving
             stole
             away
             ,
             Leaving
             them
             to
             take
             their
             Nap.
             
          
        
         
           FINIS
           .
        
      
    
     
  

