







 
   
     
       
         Step to Stir-Bitch-Fair with remarks upon the University of Cambridge.
         Ward, Edward, 1667-1731.
      
       
         
           1700
        
      
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             Step to Stir-Bitch-Fair with remarks upon the University of Cambridge.
             Ward, Edward, 1667-1731.
          
           16 p.
           
             Printed and sold by J. How ...,
             London :
             1700.
          
           
             Written by Edward Ward. Cf. BM.
             Advertisement on p. 2.
             Reproduction of original in British Library.
          
        
      
    
     
       
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         eng
      
       
         
           University of Cambridge.
           Sturbridge Fair.
        
      
    
     
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           A
           STEP
           TO
           Stir-Bitch-Fair
           :
           WITH
           REMARKS
           UPON
           THE
           UNIVERSITY
           OF
           CAMBRIDGE
           .
        
         
           LONDON
           Printed
           and
           Sold
           by
           
             I.
             How
          
           ,
           in
           the
           
             Ram-Head
             Inn-Yard
          
           ,
           in
           Fanchurch-street
           ,
           1700.
           
        
      
    
     
       
         
         
           Books
           Printed
           and
           Sold
           by
           
             J.
             How
          
           ,
           in
           the
           
             Ram-Head-Inn-Yard
             in
          
           Fenchurch-Street
           ;
           
             and
             by
          
           M.
           Fabian
           ,
           at
           Mercers-Chappel
           .
        
         
           
             1.
             
             SOt's
             Paradise
             :
             Or
             the
             Humours
             of
             a
             Derby-Ale-House
             :
             With
             a
             Satyr
             upon
             the
             Ale.
             Price
             Six
             Pence
             .
          
           
             2.
             
             A
             Trip
             to
             Iamaica
             :
             With
             a
             True
             Character
             of
             the
             People
             and
             Island
             .
             Price
             Six
             Pence
             .
          
           
             3.
             
             
               Ecclesia
               &
               Factio
            
             .
             A
             Dialogue
             between
             Bow-Steeple-Dragon
             ,
             and
             the
             Exchange-Grashoper
             .
             Price
             Six
             pence
             .
          
           
             4.
             
             The
             Poet
             's
             Ramble
             after
             Riches
             .
             With
             Reflections
             upon
             a
             Country
             Corporation
             .
             Also
             the
             Author's
             Lamentation
             in
             the
             time
             of
             Adversity
             .
             Price
             Six
             pence
             .
          
           
             5.
             
             A
             Trip
             to
             New-England
             .
             With
             a
             Character
             of
             the
             Country
             and
             People
             ,
             both
             English
             and
             Indians
             .
             Price
             Six
             pence
             .
          
           
             6.
             
             Modern
             Religion
             ,
             &
             Ancient
             Loyalty
             :
             A
             Dialogue
             .
             Price
             Six
             Pence
             .
          
           
             7.
             
             The
             World
             Bewitch'd
             .
             A
             Dialogue
             between
             two
             Astrologers
             and
             the
             Author
             .
             With
             Infallible
             Predictions
             of
             what
             will
             happen
             from
             the
             Vices
             and
             Villanies
             Practis'd
             in
             
               Court
               ,
               City
            
             ,
             and
             Country
             .
             Price
             Six
             pence
             .
          
           
             8.
             
             A
             Walk
             to
             Islington
             :
             With
             a
             Description
             of
             New
             
             Tunbridge-Wells
             ,
             and
             Sadler's
             Musick-House
             .
             Price
             Six
             pence
             .
          
           
             9.
             
             The
             Humours
             of
             a
             Coffee-House
             :
             A
             Comedy
             .
             Price
             Six
             Pence
             .
          
           
             10.
             
             A
             Frolick
             to
             Horn-Fair
             .
             With
             a
             Walk
             from
             Cuckold's-Point
             thro'
             Deptford
             and
             Greenwich
             .
             Price
             Six
             pence
             .
          
           
             11.
             
             The
             Dancing-School
             .
             With
             the
             Adventures
             of
             the
             
             Easter-Holy-Days
             .
             Price
             Six
             pence
             .
          
           
             12.
             
             The
             First
             Volume
             of
             the
             LONDON-SPY
             :
             In
             Twelve
             Parts
             .
          
           
             13.
             
             The
             Second
             Volume
             of
             the
             LONDON-SPY
             :
             In
             Six
             Parts
             .
             Price
             Six
             Pence
             each
             ;
             or
             they
             may
             be
             had
             both
             Volumes
             Bound
             together
             ;
             and
             also
             Bound
             with
             the
             rest
             of
             the
             Authors
             Writings
             .
          
           
             14.
             
             The
             Metamorphos'd
             Beau
             ,
             &c.
             Price
             Six
             pence
             .
          
           
             15.
             
             The
             English
             Nun
             :
             Or
             ,
             a
             Comical
             Description
             of
             a
             Nunnery
             .
             With
             the
             Lives
             and
             Intrigues
             of
             the
             Priests
             and
             Nuns
             .
             Price
             Six
             Pence
             .
          
           
             16.
             
             Laugh
             and
             be
             Fat
             :
             Or
             ,
             an
             Antidote
             against
             Melancholy
             .
             Containing
             great
             variety
             of
             Comical
             Intrigues
             in
             Town
             and
             Country
             .
             To
             which
             is
             added
             
               Nine
               Delightful
               Tales
            
             .
             Price
             One
             Shilling
             .
          
           
             17.
             
             A
             Step
             to
             the
             Bath
             :
             With
             a
             Character
             of
             the
             Place
             .
             Price
             Six
             Pence
             .
          
           
             18.
             
             Labour
             in
             Vain
             :
             Or
             ,
             what
             Signifies
             Little
             or
             Nothing
             ,
             viz.
             I.
             The
             Poor
             Mans
             Petition
             at
             Court.
             II.
             Expectation
             of
             Benefit
             from
             a
             Covetous
             Man
             in
             his
             Life-time
             .
             III.
             The
             Marriage
             of
             an
             Old
             Man
             to
             a
             Young
             Woman
             .
             IV.
             Endeavours
             to
             Regulate
             Mens
             Manners
             by
             Preaching
             or
             Writing
             .
             V.
             Being
             a
             Iacobite
             .
             VI.
             Confining
             an
             Insolvent
             Debtor
             .
             VII
             .
             Promise
             of
             Secrecy
             in
             a
             Conspiracy
             .
             VIII
             .
             An
             Enquiry
             after
             a
             Place
             .
          
           
             19.
             
             The
             Reformer
             .
             Exposing
             the
             Vices
             of
             the
             Age
             :
             In
             several
             Characters
             .
             viz.
             1.
             
             The
             Vitious
             Courtier
             .
             2.
             
             The
             Debauch'd
             Parson
             .
             3.
             
             The
             Factious
             Hypocrite
             .
             4.
             
             The
             Precise
             Quaker
             .
             5.
             
             The
             Covetous
             Miser
             .
             6.
             
             The
             Prodigal
             Son.
             7.
             
             The
             City
             Letcher
             .
             8.
             
             The
             Insatiate
             Wife
             .
             9.
             
             The
             Amorous
             Maid
             .
             10.
             
             The
             Beau
             Apprentice
             .
             11.
             
             The
             City
             Mob
             .
             12.
             
             The
             Country
             Squire
             .
          
           
             20.
             
             The
             Rambling
             Rakes
             :
             Or
             ,
             London
             Libertines
             .
             Price
             Six
             Pence
             .
          
           
             21.
             
             The
             Insinuating
             Bawd
             :
             And
             Repenting
             Harlot
             .
             Price
             Six-pence
             .
          
        
      
       
         
         
           A
           STEP
           TO
           STIR-BITCH-FAIR
           .
        
         
           HAVING
           heard
           much
           of
           the
           Fame
           of
           Stir-Bitch-Fair
           ,
           where
           
             Vice
             ,
             Merchandise
          
           ,
           and
           Diversion
           ,
           draw
           the
           
           Cambridge-Youth
           ,
           
           London-Traders
           ,
           
           Lyn-Whores
           ,
           and
           abundance
           of
           Ubiquitarian-Strolers
           ,
           into
           a
           promiscuous
           Assembly
           ,
           all
           contributing
           something
           to
           either
           the
           Pleasure
           or
           Profit
           of
           one
           another
           ;
           some
           coming
           to
           spend
           Money
           ,
           others
           to
           get
           it
           :
           The
           Promotion
           of
           their
           Interest
           ,
           or
           the
           pleasing
           of
           their
           Senses
           being
           the
           two
           chief
           Ends
           ,
           I
           suppose
           ,
           which
           collect
           such
           Numbers
           of
           Mankind
           together
           from
           their
           sundry
           scatter'd
           Habitations
           :
           I
           resolv'd
           ,
           since
           the
           Season
           of
           the
           year
           prov'd
           Dry
           and
           Pleasant
           ,
           to
           make
           a
           short
           visit
           to
           Cambridge
           ,
           and
           withal
           to
           take
           a
           compleat
           survey
           of
           this
           its
           Neighbouring
           and
           Renown'd
           Fair
           ,
           of
           which
           I
           had
           often
           heard
           many
           remarkable
           and
           pleasant
           Stories
           .
           In
           pursuance
           of
           this
           my
           Design
           ,
           I
           gave
           earnest
           for
           a
           Place
           in
           the
           Stage-Coach
           ,
           and
           the
           next
           Morning
           having
           Lin'd
           my
           Pockets
           ,
           and
           bundled
           up
           a
           sufficient
           Quantity
           of
           Linnen
           to
           refresh
           me
           for
           the
           Fortnight
           ,
           I
           took
           a
           Hackney
           Wheel-about
           for
           Expeditions
           sake
           to
           the
           Green-Dragon
           within
           Bishopsgate
           ,
           where
           our
           Travelling
           Conveniency
           stood
           ready
           to
           receive
           me
           :
           But
           by
           that
           time
           I
           got
           thither
           ,
           the
           Countrey
           Tub-driver
           began
           to
           be
           impatient
           ,
           all
           the
           Company
           but
           my self
           being
           already
           come
           ,
           and
           had
           taken
           up
           their
           Stations
           in
           the
           Dirty
           ,
           Lumbering
           ,
           Wooden
           Hovel
           ,
           being
           more
           in
           shape
           like
           a
           Tobacco-Hogshead
           than
           a
           Coach
           ,
           Bellying
           out
           in
           the
           Boudge
           like
           the
           Stern
           of
           a
           Dutch
           Fly-Boat
           ;
           and
           was
           built
           more
           for
           Burthen
           ,
           and
           the
           Horses
           Ease
           ,
           than
           to
           commode
           Travellers
           .
           The
           rest
           of
           the
           Company
           being
           most
           of
           'em
           pretty
           Burly
           ,
           had
           made
           a
           Shift
           to
           leave
           me
           a
           Nook
           in
           the
           Back
           part
           of
           the
           Coach
           ,
           not
           much
           wider
           than
           a
           Chair
           for
           a
           jointed
           Baby
           ;
           I
           nessled
           ,
           and
           I
           squeez'd
           and
           drew
           in
           my
           sides
           like
           a
           fat
           Man
           going
           thro'
           a
           narrow
           Stile
           ,
           till
           with
           much
           ado
           I
           had
           wedg'd
           in
           my
           Buttocks
           between
           the
           side
           of
           the
           Coach
           and
           the
           Hip
           of
           a
           bouncing
           Blowsabella
           ,
           who
           sat
           next
           me
           .
           Thus
           labouring
           as
           hard
           as
           ever
           did
           furious
           Lover
           to
           riggle
           himself
           in
           between
           the
           knees
           of
           a
           coy
           Mistress
           .
        
         
         
           When
           I
           had
           thus
           by
           Storm
           and
           a
           great
           deal
           of
           Fatigue
           ,
           taken
           my
           Place
           ,
           which
           notwithstanding
           the
           troublesome
           coming
           at
           it
           ,
           I
           had
           before
           paid
           for
           ,
           I
           sat
           with
           Patience
           upon
           Force
           ,
           crowded
           up
           like
           a
           great
           Plumb
           in
           the
           Corner
           of
           a
           Minc'd-Pye
           .
           But
           before
           many
           Minutes
           were
           spent
           ,
           our
           brawny
           Storm-beaten
           Carrion-Flogger
           ,
           whose
           empty
           Noddle
           was
           arm'd
           against
           the
           Weather
           ,
           with
           a
           Leather-Cap
           as
           thick
           as
           a
           Church-Bucket
           ,
           drew
           up
           his
           Flounder-mouth
           like
           a
           Hens
           Fundament
           ;
           and
           with
           a
           cherrup
           or
           two
           ,
           and
           an
           Enlivening
           Slash
           ,
           away
           scower'd
           the
           half
           Dozen
           of
           thin
           Gutted
           Titts
           ,
           with
           a
           Crowd
           of
           Sinners
           at
           their
           Arses
           ,
           as
           if
           the
           Devil
           drove
           'em
           :
           Our
           Booted
           Caravan
           ,
           almost
           as
           big
           as
           the
           Belly
           of
           the
           Trojan-Horse
           ,
           being
           bound
           down
           so
           strictly
           to
           it
           's
           good
           Behaviour
           ,
           that
           it
           had
           no
           more
           sway
           when
           we
           came
           over
           a
           Kennel
           ,
           than
           St.
           Sepulchers
           Steeple
           has
           when
           the
           Colledge
           Youths
           are
           ringing
           in
           it
           :
           Whilst
           we
           at
           every
           swog
           ,
           neaded
           our
           Elbows
           in
           one
           anothers
           sides
           ,
           till
           I
           had
           the
           ill
           Fortune
           to
           so
           raise
           an
           old
           Gentlemans
           Spleen
           ,
           that
           he
           Grind
           and
           Snarld
           like
           a
           Towzer
           at
           a
           Bone
           when
           a
           strange
           Dog
           is
           near
           him
           ,
           being
           ready
           to
           bite
           my
           Nose
           off
           ,
           having
           given
           his
           Corns
           a
           jostle
           I
           suppose
           ,
           that
           put
           him
           under
           an
           uneasiness
           beyond
           the
           Patience
           of
           his
           Years
           ,
           which
           seem'd
           to
           be
           attended
           with
           a
           Peevish
           Temper
           and
           many
           Infirmities
           .
           In
           a
           little
           time
           we
           got
           oft
           the
           Stones
           ,
           and
           had
           done
           Cursing
           of
           the
           Pavier
           ;
           and
           then
           began
           to
           swim
           as
           easily
           along
           the
           Road
           as
           a
           Graves-end
           Barge
           in
           Fair
           Weather
           ,
           tho'
           wedg'd
           as
           close
           in
           one
           by
           another
           as
           a
           Barrel
           of
           Red-Herrings
           ,
           or
           Wheat-Ears
           in
           a
           
           Tunbridge-Pye
           .
        
         
           I
           now
           took
           the
           Liberty
           to
           examine
           into
           my
           Company
           ,
           consisting
           of
           five
           Women
           ,
           a
           sucking
           Child
           ,
           the
           old
           Gentleman
           ,
           and
           my self
           .
           Two
           of
           our
           Ladies
           I
           discover'd
           by
           their
           Talk
           were
           Sempstresses
           ,
           the
           third
           a
           
             Perfumers
             Widow
          
           ,
           the
           fourth
           a
           Fatherless
           
             Parsons
             Daughter
          
           ,
           and
           the
           fifth
           I
           imagin'd
           ,
           was
           carrying
           down
           an
           Unwelcome
           Fairing
           ,
           the
           Child
           ,
           to
           some
           unfortunate
           Cantabridgian
           ,
           who
           when
           he
           was
           last
           in
           London
           ,
           answer'd
           the
           end
           of
           his
           Creation
           a
           little
           unadvisedly
           ,
           and
           left
           his
           Image
           behind
           '
           im
           .
           The
           Old
           Gentleman
           ,
           I
           understood
           by
           his
           Talk
           ,
           having
           a
           Son
           at
           St.
           Iohn's
           Colledge
           ,
           whose
           unruly
           Appetites
           were
           a
           little
           too
           powerful
           for
           the
           Weak
           Discretion
           of
           his
           Junior
           Years
           to
           keep
           under
           a
           regular
           Subjection
           ,
           was
           going
           down
           in
           order
           (
           by
           his
           Paternal
           Authothority
           )
           to
           restrain
           him
           ,
           if
           it
           were
           possible
           ,
           from
           the
           Vices
           and
           Debaucheries
           incident
           to
           the
           Fair.
           
        
         
           I
           began
           to
           consider
           with
           my self
           the
           inequality
           of
           the
           Number
           of
           the
           
             Female
             Sex
          
           ,
           was
           likely
           to
           make
           it
           a
           Chargeable
           Journey
           to
           the
           old
           Man
           and
           I
           ,
           unless
           I
           could
           handsomly
           project
           some
           Passible
           means
           to
           slip
           my
           Neck
           out
           of
           the
           Chollar
           ,
           which
           I
           did
           in
           a
           great
           Measure
           after
           the
           following
           Method
           .
           When
           a
           little
           accidental
           Mirth
           and
           Frothy
           Prittle-Prattle
           had
           begun
           our
           Acquaintance
           ,
           and
           begot
           a
           little
           Familiarity
           amongst
           one
           another
           ,
           I
           began
           to
           tell
           'em
           a
           Story
           ,
           wherein
           I
           introduc'd
           it
           as
           a
           Custome
           in
           English
           Travelling
           ,
           that
           the
           Majority
           of
           either
           Sex
           us'd
           to
           treat
           the
           lesser
           Number
           of
           the
           other
           ;
           but
           however
           ,
           being
           unwilling
           to
           put
           so
           heavy
           a
           Task
           upon
           such
           a
           Number
           of
           so
           pritty
           Ladies
           ,
           
           tho
           scarce
           one
           was
           handsome
           enough
           to
           be
           a
           Concubine
           to
           a
           Black-a-moor
           ,
           I
           thought
           it
           was
           very
           Reasonable
           for
           the
           Old
           Gentleman
           and
           I
           to
           take
           one
           apiece
           of
           'em
           under
           our
           Protection
           ;
           and
           that
           those
           whom
           Fortune
           should
           exclude
           from
           Enjoying
           the
           Benefit
           should
           have
           no
           reason
           to
           be
           Angry
           ,
           they
           should
           draw
           Cuts
           among
           themselves
           ,
           to
           determine
           who
           should
           be
           Entit'led
           to
           the
           Advantage
           ,
           which
           the
           wanton
           Titts
           very
           merrily
           consented
           to
           ;
           but
           the
           old
           Testy
           Curmudgion
           having
           little
           Generosity
           in
           his
           Looks
           ,
           and
           less
           in
           his
           Heart
           ,
           seem'd
           to
           be
           very
           much
           out
           of
           Humour
           I
           had
           made
           so
           expensive
           a
           Proposal
           ,
           and
           very
           peevishly
           expressed
           the
           following
           Words
           ,
           
             viz.
             Marry
             let
             them
             Treat
             'em
             that
             most
             wanted
             a
             return
             of
             their
             Favours
             ,
             as
             for
             his
             part
             he
             was
             grown
             Old
             and
             past
             it
             :
          
           Why
           ,
           sure
           Father
           ,
           said
           I
           ,
           if
           you
           were
           never
           so
           Old
           ,
           you
           might
           wish
           a
           good
           thing
           well
           .
           But
           I
           'll
           engage
           ,
           said
           I
           ,
           you
           are
           able
           to
           do
           Business
           still
           ,
           if
           you
           would
           but
           give
           your
           mind
           to
           't
           .
           
             Not
             I
          
           ,
           reply'd
           the
           surly
           Cuff
           ,
           shaking
           his
           Head
           ,
           but
           whispering
           in
           my
           Ear
           ,
           says
           he
           ,
           
             I
             'd
             give
             five
             Hundred
             Pounds
             I
             could
             .
          
           However
           at
           last
           we
           droll'd
           the
           old
           Love-Penny
           into
           a
           Compliance
           ,
           and
           the
           Women
           drew
           Lots
           ;
           which
           ,
           for
           a
           Shift
           ,
           the
           willing
           Creatures
           made
           of
           Whale-Bone
           they
           pluck'd
           out
           of
           their
           Stomachers
           .
           Upon
           the
           decision
           of
           the
           matter
           ,
           the
           homeliest
           Pugnancy
           amongst
           'em
           fell
           to
           my
           Lot
           ,
           and
           Fortune
           favour'd
           the
           Old
           Fumbler
           with
           the
           Youngest
           and
           Handsom'st
           ,
           which
           infus'd
           such
           a
           Juvenal
           Spirit
           into
           my
           Grandsire
           ,
           that
           he
           grew
           as
           Frothy
           ,
           and
           as
           Brisk
           ,
           as
           a
           Bottle
           of
           small-Beer
           at
           Mid-summer
           ;
           Snapping
           his
           Middle-Finger
           and
           Thumb
           at
           every
           word
           ,
           as
           loud
           as
           a
           pair
           of
           Castinets
           ,
           entertaining
           his
           Mistress
           with
           a
           Song
           in
           excuse
           of
           his
           Age
           ,
           part
           of
           which
           I
           remember
           to
           recite
           ,
           viz.
           
        
         
           
             SONG
             .
          
           
             Tho'
             I
             am
             an
             Old
             Man
             ,
             I
             have
             Wealth
             and
             Riches
             ;
          
           
             And
             besides
             Money
             ,
             I
             've
             something
             in
             my
             Breeches
             :
          
           
             And
             dare
             to
             hold
             a
             Young
             Man
             ,
             a
             Guinea
             to
             a
             Shilling
             ,
          
           
             I
             can
             please
             a
             Young
             Wench
             ,
             if
             she
             be
             but
             willing
             .
          
        
         
           By
           this
           time
           our
           diminutive
           Fellow
           Traveller
           ,
           the
           swadled
           Infant
           ;
           began
           by
           his
           shrill
           Squales
           ,
           more
           frightful
           to
           a
           Petticoat-Sinner
           ,
           than
           a
           Sow-Gelders
           Horn
           to
           a
           gelt
           Mungril
           ,
           to
           show
           very
           terrible
           Signes
           of
           a
           Lamentable
           uneasiness
           ;
           upon
           which
           ,
           the
           indulging
           Mother
           ,
           tender
           of
           her
           hopeful
           Progeny
           (
           after
           she
           had
           try'd
           
             Hush
             ,
             my
             dear
             Creature
             ,
             Lull-a-by
             ,
             and
             the
             Bubby
             ,
          
           but
           without
           Effect
           )
           guess'd
           rightly
           the
           disaster
           that
           attended
           the
           poor
           Innocent
           ,
           and
           began
           like
           a
           careful
           Nurse
           ,
           to
           examine
           whether
           any
           Signes
           of
           good
           Luck
           had
           drop'd
           from
           the
           Childs
           Bumfiddle
           ;
           and
           upon
           strict
           enquiry
           found
           the
           Baby
           had
           broke
           his
           twatling
           strings
           ,
           to
           the
           great
           offence
           of
           the
           Nostrils
           of
           the
           whole
           Company
           ,
           insomuch
           that
           I
           ,
           for
           want
           of
           being
           accustom'd
           to
           the
           Infirmities
           of
           Children
           ,
           was
           more
           than
           ordinary
           Squeamish
           ,
           and
           to
           aviod
           the
           Sight
           of
           the
           gilded
           double
           clout
           ,
           as
           well
           as
           the
           Scent
           of
           those
           Odoriferous
           Effluvia's
           that
           arose
           from
           the
           Sower
           Grounds
           of
           the
           leaky
           Runlet
           ;
           I
           popp'd
           out
           my
           Head
           out
           of
           one
           of
           the
           Coach
           Windows
           ,
           for
           the
           Benefit
           of
           the
           Air
           ,
           
           and
           rid
           for
           a
           Mile
           ,
           as
           if
           I
           had
           sat
           Barrel'd
           up
           in
           a
           Gold-finders
           Caravan
           ;
           with
           my
           Head
           out
           of
           the
           Bung-hole
           ;
           so
           that
           between
           the
           two
           extreams
           of
           Age
           and
           Infancy
           ,
           we
           past
           away
           the
           Time
           till
           we
           came
           to
           Ware
           ;
           where
           we
           put
           in
           at
           the
           Sign
           of
           the
           
             English
             Champion
          
           ,
           who
           redeem'd
           the
           Maid
           from
           the
           Jaws
           of
           the
           Dragon
           ,
           to
           give
           Nature
           the
           refreshment
           of
           a
           Dinner
           ,
           and
           to
           ease
           our
           tired
           Limbs
           from
           that
           Numbness
           incident
           to
           those
           cripling
           Postures
           ,
           the
           Number
           of
           our
           Company
           forc'd
           us
           to
           sit
           in
           ;
           in
           this
           Inn
           stands
           the
           great
           Bed
           of
           Ware
           ,
           talk'd
           of
           as
           much
           among
           the
           Citizens
           ,
           who
           seldom
           Travel
           beyond
           the
           bounds
           of
           the
           home
           Circuit
           ;
           as
           the
           Gigantick
           greatness
           of
           the
           
             Herodian
             Colossus
          
           ,
           or
           the
           Magnitude
           of
           the
           Trojan
           Horse
           ,
           are
           amongst
           the
           Sober
           Enquirers
           into
           lost
           Antiquities
           .
           The
           Extravagant
           largeness
           of
           this
           Bed
           is
           very
           much
           wonder'd
           at
           ,
           by
           all
           that
           see
           it
           ,
           being
           wide
           enough
           to
           lodge
           a
           Troop
           of
           Soldiers
           ,
           with
           the
           assistance
           of
           a
           Trundle-Bed
           ;
           in
           the
           same
           Room
           hangs
           a
           great
           pair
           of
           Horns
           ,
           upon
           which
           (
           insisting
           upon
           an
           old
           Custom
           )
           they
           Swear
           all
           new
           Comers
           ;
           the
           form
           of
           the
           Oath
           being
           something
           Comical
           ,
           and
           withal
           very
           Antient
           ,
           I
           have
           presented
           it
           to
           the
           Reader
           ,
           hoping
           if
           it
           be
           not
           valuable
           for
           its
           Wit
           ,
           it
           may
           be
           for
           it's
           Antiquity
           .
        
         
           
             Take
             Care
             thou
             do'st
             thy self
             no
             wrong
             ,
          
           
             Drink
             no
             small
             Beer
             when
             thou
             hast
             Strong
             ;
          
           
             And
             further
             do
             thy self
             this
             Right
             ,
          
           
             Eat
             no
             Brown
             Bread
             if
             thou
             hast
             White
             ;
          
           
             And
             if
             the
             Mistress
             thou
             can'st
             Bed
             ,
          
           
             Besure
             thou
             do'st
             not
             kiss
             the
             Maid
             .
          
           
             Show
             not
             thy
             Wife
             thy
             utmost
             Strength
             ,
          
           
             Nor
             let
             her
             know
             thy
             Purses
             Length
             ;
          
           
             Never
             be
             Bonnd
             for
             any
             Friend
             ,
          
           
             But
             rather
             far
             thy
             Money
             Lend
             ;
          
           
             For
             thou
             wilt
             find
             't
             is
             better
             he
          
           
             Should
             break
             or
             be
             undone
             ,
             than
             thee
             ;
          
           
             Trust
             no
             Man
             that
             is
             Proud
             and
             Poor
             ,
          
           
             Vnless
             thou
             wilt
             forgive
             the
             Score
             ;
          
           
             For
             he
             will
             neither
             Pay
             nor
             own
             ,
          
           
             The
             Kindness
             thou
             to
             him
             hast
             shown
             ;
          
           
             Be
             just
             and
             grateful
             to
             thy
             Friend
             ,
          
           
             'T
             will
             make
             thee
             happy
             in
             the
             end
             ;
          
           
             But
             if
             thy self
             and
             thine
             thou
             d'st
             save
             ,
          
           
             Take
             Care
             thou
             deal'st
             not
             with
             a
             Knave
             :
          
           
             Trust
             not
             thy
             Wife
             ,
             tho'
             near
             so
             good
             ,
          
           
             With
             no
             Man
             but
             thy Self
             abroad
             .
          
           
             For
             if
             thou
             do'st
             ,
             e'er
             she
             returns
             ,
          
           
             Thy
             Forehead
             may
             be
             deck'd
             with
             Horns
             :
          
           
             What
             I
             have
             said
             do
             thou
             retain
             ,
          
           
             So
             Kiss
             the
             Horns
             ,
             and
             say
             ,
             Amen
             .
          
        
         
           After
           this
           very
           Useful
           and
           Cautionary
           Oath
           had
           been
           administed
           ot
           several
           of
           our
           Company
           ,
           and
           among
           the
           rest
           my self
           ;
           our
           Twelve-pence
           a
           piece
           was
           exacted
           ,
           for
           the
           Benefit
           of
           the
           rest
           of
           our
           Fellow-Travellers
           ,
           
           who
           had
           been
           accustom'd
           to
           the
           Road
           ;
           which
           Fine
           we
           were
           forc'd
           to
           submit
           to
           ,
           or
           undergo
           the
           Ridicule
           of
           the
           whole
           House
           ,
           for
           the
           Ill-natur'd
           breach
           of
           an
           Old
           Custom
           .
           This
           Ceremony
           being
           ended
           ,
           and
           the
           usual
           dues
           Collected
           ,
           and
           brought
           in
           ,
           in
           such
           sundry
           sorts
           of
           Liquor
           as
           might
           please
           every
           Bodies
           Pallat
           ,
           spur'd
           on
           by
           our
           Appetites
           ,
           we
           began
           to
           enquire
           what
           sorts
           of
           Provisions
           they
           either
           had
           in
           the
           House
           ,
           or
           intended
           for
           our
           Dinners
           ?
           To
           which
           the
           Master
           answer'd
           ,
           The
           only
           thing
           that
           the
           Town
           was
           fam'd
           for
           ,
           was
           Eels
           ;
           in
           the
           ordering
           of
           which
           they
           had
           so
           compleat
           a
           Knowledge
           ,
           they
           would
           undertake
           to
           dress
           'em
           as
           many
           several
           ways
           as
           ever
           a
           French
           Cook
           did
           a
           Feast
           of
           Frogs
           ,
           or
           a
           Dutch
           Skipper
           a
           Dish
           of
           Pickl'd
           Herrings
           .
           And
           it
           happening
           so
           Fortunately
           ,
           that
           every
           one
           of
           our
           Company
           being
           great
           Lovers
           of
           this
           Fish
           ;
           we
           readily
           united
           in
           one
           Opinion
           ,
           and
           order'd
           that
           our
           Dinner
           might
           be
           all
           Eeles
           ,
           desiring
           the
           Cook
           might
           serve
           us
           up
           with
           as
           great
           variety
           of
           this
           Slippery
           Food
           ,
           as
           her
           utmost
           Skill
           in
           the
           useful
           Art
           of
           Cookery
           would
           give
           her
           Leave
           ;
           without
           further
           directing
           her
           to
           any
           particularities
           ,
           but
           left
           her
           wholly
           to
           her
           own
           Freedom
           and
           Discretion
           in
           the
           Business
           ;
           which
           indeed
           she
           manag'd
           so
           well
           to
           her
           Masters
           Interest
           ,
           and
           to
           the
           Companies
           Satisfaction
           ,
           that
           I
           believe
           never
           was
           a
           a
           parcel
           of
           Mud-worms
           serv'd
           up
           to
           the
           Table
           of
           an
           Epicure
           ,
           and
           render'd
           more
           pleasing
           to
           the
           Pallat
           ,
           with
           such
           variety
           of
           Sawces
           ,
           or
           made
           fit
           for
           the
           Stomach
           by
           such
           sundry
           Stratagems
           ,
           as
           were
           us'd
           in
           the
           industrious
           Coquination
           of
           these
           our
           slimy
           Eatables
           ;
           Besides
           ,
           the
           ordinary
           ways
           of
           Boyling
           ,
           Frying
           ,
           Baking
           ,
           Stewing
           ,
           Roasting
           ,
           and
           Toasting
           ;
           we
           had
           'em
           Coddl'd
           ,
           Parboil'd
           ,
           Sows'd
           Dows'd
           ,
           and
           the
           Devil
           and
           all
           .
        
         
           When
           we
           had
           Plentifully
           Feasted
           on
           our
           Fish
           ,
           like
           so
           many
           Cormorants
           ,
           and
           wound
           up
           our
           Dinner
           as
           decency
           requires
           ,
           with
           a
           short
           Thankigiving
           ,
           we
           call'd
           for
           a
           Bill
           to
           inform
           us
           what
           we
           had
           to
           pay
           ;
           accordingly
           one
           was
           brought
           ,
           wherein
           more
           particulars
           were
           inserted
           ,
           than
           ever
           were
           found
           in
           a
           Taylors
           Debt-Book
           ,
           or
           a
           Boatswain's
           Catalogue
           of
           Materials
           ,
           for
           the
           new
           rigging
           of
           a
           Vessel
           ;
           which
           sum'd
           up
           ,
           came
           as
           exactly
           to
           half
           a
           Crown
           ,
           a
           Head
           ,
           and
           Twelve-pence
           for
           the
           Cook
           ,
           as
           if
           the
           Master
           himself
           ,
           had
           been
           well
           Skil'd
           in
           Arithmetical
           Proportion
           ,
           and
           knew
           well
           upon
           Expedition
           how
           to
           prevent
           Fractions
           in
           a
           reckoninig
           ;
           tho'
           we
           told
           'em
           we
           thought
           our selves
           a
           little
           unreasonably
           dealt
           with
           ;
           yet
           they
           so
           very
           much
           insisted
           on
           the
           extraordinary
           Trouble
           we
           had
           put
           'em
           to
           ;
           that
           they
           Talkatively
           prevented
           any
           manner
           of
           Abatements
           ,
           only
           the
           Master
           very
           Politickly
           presented
           us
           with
           a
           Dram
           a
           piece
           of
           right
           French
           Brandy
           ,
           to
           wash
           away
           the
           grumbling
           in
           our
           Gizards
           ,
           that
           we
           might
           not
           report
           to
           his
           Prejudice
           the
           hardness
           of
           our
           Usage
           .
        
         
           We
           all
           now
           had
           recourse
           again
           to
           our
           Countrey
           Vehicle
           ,
           where
           we
           restated
           our selves
           in
           our
           former
           Misery
           ;
           and
           underwent
           the
           Pennance
           of
           being
           cramm'd
           as
           close
           as
           Potted
           Pdigeons
           ,
           till
           we
           came
           to
           Puckeridge
           ;
           where
           the
           Coach-man
           only
           call'd
           ,
           to
           wash
           the
           Dust
           out
           of
           his
           Mouth
           ,
           and
           supply
           his
           Salival
           Ducts
           with
           a
           little
           Moisture
           ,
           which
           might
           well
           become
           Drowthy
           ,
           with
           his
           talking
           to
           his
           Horses
           ,
           upon
           whom
           he
           vented
           
           as
           much
           Spleen
           ,
           Passion
           ,
           and
           Flagellation
           ,
           as
           ever
           did
           peevish
           Pedagogue
           upon
           a
           dozen
           of
           Block-heads
           ,
           who
           had
           neither
           Wit
           nor
           Memory
           .
           All
           that
           was
           remarkable
           here
           ,
           was
           an
           Ax
           which
           they
           show'd
           us
           ,
           kept
           as
           sharp
           and
           as
           bright
           ,
           as
           if
           it
           were
           whetted
           as
           often
           as
           their
           Knives
           ,
           or
           scowerd
           as
           often
           as
           their
           Handirons
           ;
           this
           antiquated
           Weapon
           ,
           as
           they
           tell
           you
           ,
           had
           the
           Honour
           of
           cutting
           off
           some
           great
           Mans
           Head
           ,
           but
           who
           ,
           or
           upon
           what
           Account
           ,
           they
           are
           at
           a
           great
           Loss
           to
           inform
           you
           .
        
         
           From
           thence
           we
           jog'd
           on
           ,
           till
           we
           came
           to
           our
           Evenings
           Stage
           ,
           a
           Town
           call'd
           Barley
           ;
           where
           we
           put
           into
           an
           Inn
           ,
           distinguished
           by
           the
           Name
           of
           
             Old
             Pharaoh
          
           ,
           which
           Title
           it
           acquir'd
           from
           a
           Stout
           Elevating
           Malt-Liquor
           under
           the
           same
           Name
           ,
           for
           which
           it
           has
           long
           been
           famous
           .
           This
           Inn
           is
           kept
           not
           only
           by
           a
           Female
           ,
           but
           according
           to
           her
           own
           report
           ,
           and
           the
           Belief
           of
           her
           Neighbours
           ,
           a
           Maid
           too
           ;
           and
           of
           such
           a
           Herculean
           Proportion
           ,
           that
           had
           she
           been
           in
           the
           same
           Jeopardy
           with
           the
           Virgin
           of
           Old
           ,
           she
           would
           have
           been
           able
           to
           have
           made
           her
           Party
           good
           with
           the
           Dragon
           ;
           and
           if
           the
           English
           Champion
           had
           lent
           his
           assistance
           to
           the
           weakest
           side
           ,
           which
           I
           am
           sure
           must
           have
           been
           the
           Monster
           ,
           I
           am
           certain
           she
           'd
           have
           prov'd
           strong
           enough
           to
           have
           beat
           St.
           George
           into
           the
           Bargain
           .
           Here
           our
           Entertainment
           was
           very
           good
           ,
           tho'
           not
           so
           cheap
           as
           to
           be
           attended
           with
           no
           Fault
           ;
           here
           we
           heartily
           enjoy'd
           the
           true
           English
           Pleasure
           of
           Substantial
           Eating
           ,
           and
           supply'd
           that
           Emptiness
           ,
           the
           slippery
           Eels
           had
           left
           in
           our
           Stomachs
           ,
           with
           well-fed
           Mutton
           ,
           and
           fat
           Fowles
           ,
           which
           we
           wash'd
           down
           with
           old
           Pharaoh
           ,
           till
           we
           made
           our selves
           as
           merry
           as
           Bumpkins
           at
           a
           Harvest
           home
           ,
           till
           the
           Women
           like
           true
           Gossips
           over
           their
           Liquor
           ,
           began
           to
           let
           their
           Tongues
           run
           as
           fast
           as
           the
           quickest
           Division
           of
           Tollets
           Ground
           ,
           quarrelling
           about
           the
           uneasiness
           of
           one
           anothers
           places
           in
           the
           Coach
           ,
           as
           if
           their
           Bumfiddles
           had
           been
           gaul'd
           by
           the
           hardness
           of
           their
           Seats
           ;
           whilst
           indeed
           I
           heartily
           wish'd
           their
           Tongues
           in
           the
           same
           Condition
           .
           Our
           bouncing
           Maiden-Landlady
           to
           show
           a
           peculiar
           respect
           to
           us
           the
           Company
           of
           the
           Coach
           ,
           which
           I
           suppose
           ,
           she
           esteem'd
           as
           generally
           her
           most
           profitable
           Guests
           ,
           oblig'd
           us
           with
           her
           Company
           ,
           not
           only
           to
           Supper
           ,
           at
           which
           according
           to
           old
           custom
           ,
           she
           compos'd
           her
           Dutch-built
           Stern
           into
           a
           sedential
           Posture
           at
           the
           Upper
           end
           of
           the
           Table
           ,
           but
           also
           honour'd
           us
           after
           with
           a
           great
           deal
           of
           her
           Blunt
           Conversation
           ,
           which
           was
           very
           pleasant
           ,
           and
           consequently
           acceptable
           ;
           entertaining
           us
           with
           a
           great
           many
           merry
           Stories
           ,
           one
           of
           which
           I
           thought
           more
           particularly
           diverting
           ,
           and
           being
           manag'd
           by
           her self
           ,
           and
           Transacted
           in
           her
           own
           House
           ,
           I
           think
           it
           worth
           the
           Reciting
           .
        
         
           About
           the
           middle
           of
           this
           last
           Summer
           ,
           a
           couple
           of
           jolly
           Country
           Parsons
           were
           coming
           up
           to
           Town
           ,
           mounted
           upon
           Roan
           and
           Sorrel
           ,
           with
           their
           Wives
           behind
           'em
           ,
           and
           chanc'd
           in
           the
           close
           of
           the
           Evening
           to
           put
           into
           old
           Pharaoh
           ,
           and
           Inn
           there
           for
           the
           Night
           ;
           the
           House
           happening
           to
           be
           full
           of
           Travellers
           ,
           insomuch
           that
           the
           best
           Rooms
           were
           before
           taken
           up
           ,
           had
           but
           one
           Chamber
           to
           spare
           ,
           wherein
           there
           were
           two
           Beds
           ,
           which
           the
           Parsons
           
           rather
           than
           to
           go
           further
           and
           fare
           worse
           ,
           consented
           to
           accept
           of
           ;
           Ordering
           a
           couple
           of
           Fowls
           to
           be
           laid
           down
           to
           the
           Fire
           ,
           it
           being
           difficult
           for
           a
           Priest
           to
           rest
           quietly
           that
           Night
           he
           goes
           to
           Bed
           without
           Roastmeat
           for
           his
           Supper
           ,
           says
           our
           Maiden
           Landlady
           ;
           they
           all
           being
           hot
           with
           riding
           ,
           and
           half
           choak'd
           with
           the
           Dust
           upon
           the
           road
           ,
           call'd
           plentifully
           for
           old
           Pharaoh
           ,
           which
           their
           Wives
           seem'd
           highly
           to
           approve
           on
           ,
           complaining
           greatly
           they
           had
           met
           with
           but
           indifferent
           Liquor
           thro'-out
           all
           their
           Journey
           ,
           till
           they
           had
           happily
           arriv'd
           at
           Barly
           ,
           upon
           which
           ,
           says
           she
           ,
           one
           of
           the
           Parsons
           Punn'd
           upon
           the
           Name
           of
           the
           Town
           ,
           after
           the
           following
           manner
           :
        
         
           
             Good
             Barly
             makes
             good
             Mault
             ,
          
           
             Good
             Mault
             makes
             this
             good
             Liquor
             ;
          
           
             Which
             has
             no
             other
             Fault
             ,
          
           
             Vnless
             it
             's
             so
             strong
             ,
          
           
             'T
             will
             Fuddle
             e'er
             long
             ,
          
           
             Both
             me
             and
             my
             Brother
             Vicar
             .
          
        
         
           Thus
           they
           diverted
           themselves
           ,
           till
           their
           Supper
           was
           ready
           ,
           to
           which
           they
           sat
           down
           with
           as
           chearful
           looks
           ,
           and
           keen
           appetites
           ,
           as
           if
           it
           were
           a
           Parish
           Feast
           ,
           and
           what
           ever
           they
           had
           Eat
           and
           Drank
           ,
           should
           have
           been
           on
           free-cost
           ;
           when
           they
           had
           about
           half
           done
           ,
           they
           remembred
           to
           invite
           their
           Hostess
           to
           participate
           ,
           who
           having
           a
           huge
           Spirit
           ,
           as
           I
           found
           by
           her
           telling
           the
           Story
           ,
           in
           proportion
           to
           the
           Bulkiness
           of
           her
           Body
           ,
           was
           so
           highly
           disgusted
           ,
           that
           after
           a
           slighting
           manner
           ,
           she
           refus'd
           their
           unmannerly
           kindness
           ,
           resolving
           ,
           as
           I
           suppose
           ,
           to
           be
           even
           with
           'em
           in
           the
           Reck'ning
           .
           When
           Supper
           was
           over
           ,
           and
           the
           two
           Parsons
           had
           cast
           up
           Cross
           or
           Pile
           who
           should
           return
           thanks
           for
           the
           good
           Creature
           ;
           the
           two
           good
           Wives
           after
           they
           had
           drank
           a
           Grace-cup
           ,
           were
           desirous
           to
           go
           to
           Bed
           ;
           the
           Parsons
           at
           this
           time
           having
           a
           greater
           kindness
           for
           the
           Liquor
           ,
           than
           for
           their
           Helpmates
           Company
           ,
           had
           a
           mind
           to
           sit
           up
           a
           little
           longer
           ,
           and
           considering
           Tobacco
           to
           be
           a
           good
           Emblem
           of
           the
           World's
           vanity
           and
           instability
           ,
           were
           resolved
           to
           Moralize
           over
           one
           peremptory
           Pipe
           ,
           and
           a
           comfortable
           Cup
           or
           two
           of
           Coroborating
           Old
           Pharaoh
           :
           Upon
           which
           their
           Ladies
           being
           equally
           tir'd
           with
           the
           Fatigue
           of
           their
           Journey
           ,
           retir'd
           to
           their
           Chamber
           without
           their
           Husbands
           ,
           with
           a
           Female
           Chamberlain
           to
           attend
           'em
           ,
           who
           put
           them
           in
           their
           several
           Beds
           ,
           set
           the
           Recepticles
           of
           the
           Night
           in
           order
           ,
           wish'd
           them
           good
           Rest
           ,
           and
           bid
           them
           farewel
           till
           the
           next
           Morning
           .
           Our
           Maiden
           Landlady
           about
           half
           an
           hour
           after
           ,
           having
           an
           indispensable
           occasion
           for
           something
           in
           the
           same
           Room
           ,
           went
           up
           Stairs
           ,
           open'd
           the
           Chamber
           Door
           ,
           intending
           to
           excuse
           her self
           to
           the
           Levites
           Bedfellows
           ,
           but
           found
           'em
           both
           refreshing
           their
           weary
           Limbs
           with
           Natures
           kindest
           Medicament
           ,
           a
           sound
           Sleep
           ,
           which
           immediately
           put
           a
           Project
           into
           her
           Head
           ,
           to
           draw
           the
           two
           Priests
           into
           an
           ignorant
           Breach
           of
           the
           Ninth
           Commandment
           ,
           and
           make
           'em
           the
           reciprocal
           Authors
           of
           one
           anothers
           Cuckoldom
           ,
           without
           knowing
           any
           thing
           of
           the
           matter
           ,
           till
           't
           was
           too
           late
           for
           prevention
           ;
           in
           order
           to
           effect
           this
           Design
           ,
           she
           changes
           the
           places
           of
           their
           Garments
           ,
           putting
           the
           Cloaths
           of
           the
           one
           Parsons
           Wife
           ,
           to
           the
           Bed-side
           of
           the
           other
           ,
           and
           shutting
           the
           Door
           after
           her
           ,
           came
           down
           Stairs
           ,
           growing
           
           very
           Merry
           and
           Jocund
           with
           her
           Canonical
           Guests
           ,
           which
           occasion'd
           'em
           to
           inflame
           their
           Bodies
           with
           a
           Pot
           or
           two
           extraordinary
           .
           When
           thus
           their
           own
           Wills
           had
           measur'd
           out
           to
           their
           Appetites
           a
           sufficient
           Quantity
           ,
           they
           were
           lighted
           up
           to
           Bed
           ,
           and
           coming
           into
           the
           Chamber
           ,
           fearing
           to
           wake
           their
           Wives
           were
           very
           hush
           ,
           ordering
           the
           Chamberlain
           to
           go
           down
           Stairs
           ,
           for
           they
           needed
           not
           his
           Assistance
           ;
           the
           Curtains
           being
           Drawn
           ,
           and
           the
           Parsons
           having
           an
           Eye
           on
           their
           Wives
           Cloaths
           ,
           chose
           their
           Beds
           by
           the
           Apparrel
           that
           lay
           by
           'em
           ,
           examining
           no
           further
           for
           a
           better
           Information
           ,
           but
           to
           Bed
           they
           went.
           The
           Landlady
           Lodging
           herself
           that
           Night
           in
           the
           next
           Room
           ,
           which
           nothing
           but
           a
           Thin
           Wainscote
           parted
           ,
           on
           Purpose
           to
           satisfie
           her self
           how
           her
           Project
           took
           ,
           and
           what
           Event
           it
           would
           produce
           in
           the
           Morning
           .
           No
           sooner
           had
           the
           Priests
           laid
           aside
           the
           Robes
           of
           Divinity
           ,
           and
           were
           Cumbent
           in
           their
           Feathers
           ,
           but
           the
           Power
           of
           Old
           Pharaoh
           ,
           and
           the
           warmth
           of
           their
           Wives
           together
           ,
           began
           to
           operate
           on
           both
           Parties
           ,
           and
           something
           was
           done
           ,
           says
           my
           Landlady
           ,
           which
           ,
           tho'
           I
           'm
           a
           Maid
           ,
           I
           cannot
           chuse
           but
           guess
           at
           :
           All
           things
           going
           smoothly
           on
           till
           Break
           of
           Day
           without
           discovery
           ,
           about
           five
           a
           Clock
           in
           the
           Morning
           one
           of
           the
           Parsons
           opening
           the
           Curtains
           to
           guess
           at
           the
           time
           of
           Day
           ,
           happens
           to
           espy
           his
           Neighbours
           Wife
           instead
           of
           his
           own
           ,
           and
           hearing
           his
           Brother
           Priest
           (
           who
           had
           not
           been
           Marry'd
           above
           a
           Month
           )
           very
           busy
           in
           the
           next
           Bed.
           
             Hold
             ,
             hold
             ,
             Neighbour
          
           ,
           says
           he
           ,
           
             have
             a
             care
             what
             you
             do
             ;
             pray
             G
             —
             d
             send
             we
             are
             not
             mistaken
             ;
             I
             doubt
             you
             have
             my
             Goods
             there
             ,
             however
             it
             came
             about
             ,
             for
             I
             'm
             sure
             I
             have
             that
             by
             me
             that
             's
             none
             of
             my
             own
             .
          
           The
           other
           who
           had
           much
           the
           younger
           and
           Prettier
           Wife
           :
           Tears
           open
           the
           Curtains
           ,
           and
           finds
           it
           too
           true
           to
           make
           a
           Jest
           on
           ,
           Leaps
           out
           of
           Bed
           ,
           which
           the
           other
           did
           also
           ,
           and
           so
           chang'd
           into
           their
           proper
           Places
           .
           The
           Parsons
           enquiring
           amongst
           themselves
           what
           could
           be
           the
           meaning
           of
           this
           strange
           mistakes
           ,
           could
           account
           it
           to
           nothing
           but
           an
           agreement
           of
           their
           Wives
           to
           change
           Bed-fellows
           ;
           which
           the
           Women
           being
           Innocent
           deny'd
           ,
           with
           all
           satisfactory
           :
           Protetestations
           ;
           so
           that
           what
           to
           make
           on
           't
           they
           could
           not
           Imagine
           ,
           but
           drest
           themselves
           and
           went
           down
           Stairs
           ,
           having
           no
           way
           left
           but
           to
           make
           the
           best
           of
           a
           bad
           Market
           .
           When
           they
           came
           into
           the
           Kitchen
           ,
           my
           Landlady
           bid
           'em
           good
           Morrow
           ,
           hop'd
           they
           rested
           well
           all
           Night
           ,
           and
           ask'd
           if
           they
           'd
           be
           pleas'd
           to
           have
           a
           Cup
           of
           the
           old
           Liquor
           and
           a
           Toast
           for
           their
           Mornings
           Draught
           ,
           
             No
             ,
             no
          
           ,
           says
           one
           of
           the
           Heavenly
           Guides
           very
           angerly
           ,
           
             Pharaoh
             was
             a
             good
             King
             ,
             but
             your
          
           Pharaoh
           
             is
             wicked
             Liquor
             ,
             it
             had
             like
             to
             have
             rais'd
             a
             dispute
             between
             my
             Friend
             and
             I
             this
             Morning
             ,
             about
             pulling
             one
             anothers
             Boots
             on
             .
             Indeed
             Husband
             ,
          
           says
           the
           oldest
           and
           the
           wisest
           of
           he
           Wives
           ,
           
             I
             vow
             it
             was
             a
             very
             pleasant
             mistake
             ,
             howsoever
             it
             happen'd
             .
          
        
         
           
             Hush
             ,
             
               (
               says
               the
               Parson
            
             )
             Wife
             remember
             this
             ,
          
           
             Words
             are
             not
             well
             ,
             in
             things
             that
             ●are
             amiss
             .
          
        
         
           Meeting
           with
           nothing
           further
           that
           was
           remarkable
           at
           Old
           
           Pharoah's
           ,
           when
           we
           had
           refresh'd
           our
           Bodies
           with
           a
           Nights
           repose
           ;
           in
           the
           Morning
           ,
           after
           we
           had
           lin'd
           our
           Carcasses
           with
           a
           good
           Breakfast
           ,
           to
           keep
           the
           Fogs
           from
           oftending
           our
           Stomachs
           ,
           we
           set
           forward
           on
           our
           Journey
           ,
           and
           proceeded
           without
           any
           thing
           remarkable
           ,
           till
           we
           came
           to
           Saffron-Walden
           ,
           
           so
           call'd
           from
           the
           great
           Quanties
           of
           that
           most
           excellent
           Flower
           that
           grows
           there
           so
           valu'd
           by
           Physicians
           for
           it's
           admirable
           Vertues
           in
           abundance
           of
           Distempers
           ,
           being
           held
           to
           be
           one
           of
           the
           greatest
           Cordials
           the
           whole
           Universe
           produces
           ,
           it
           is
           said
           the
           Yellow
           Jaundise
           is
           never
           incident
           to
           the
           Inhabitants
           of
           this
           Place
           ,
           against
           which
           lazy
           Distemper
           ,
           this
           true
           English
           Medicine
           is
           so
           infallibly
           Efficacious
           ,
           that
           let
           a
           Person
           but
           Ride
           thro'
           the
           Town
           who
           is
           under
           this
           disorder
           ,
           and
           the
           Effluvias
           that
           arise
           from
           their
           Saffron-Gardens
           ,
           shall
           fill
           the
           Air
           with
           such
           a
           Salubrious
           Quality
           ,
           that
           the
           Odoriferous
           Breath
           you
           suck
           into
           your
           Nostrils
           ,
           shall
           prove
           an
           effectual
           Cure
           ,
           for
           not
           only
           the
           afore-mentioned
           ,
           but
           many
           other
           Distempers
           ;
           as
           for
           my
           own
           part
           ,
           I
           found
           my self
           so
           enliven'd
           with
           the
           Fumes
           ,
           which
           I
           snush'd
           up
           as
           we
           pass'd
           thro'
           ,
           that
           a
           stale
           Maid
           after
           the
           Loss
           of
           her
           Virginity
           ,
           or
           a
           clear'd
           Culprit
           ,
           who
           has
           just
           knock'd
           off
           his
           Shackles
           ,
           could
           not
           be
           more
           Frollicksome
           and
           Gay
           ,
           than
           I
           found
           my self
           ;
           which
           I
           may
           justly
           ascribe
           to
           the
           great
           Influence
           of
           this
           Golden-colour'd
           Product
           ,
           which
           is
           of
           a
           Nature
           so
           good
           ,
           that
           Physicians
           themselves
           allow
           it
           can
           scarce
           be
           us'd
           amiss
           .
        
         
           From
           thence
           we
           jogg'd
           on
           about
           a
           Mile
           ,
           at
           which
           distance
           from
           
             Saffron
             Walden
          
           ,
           stood
           a
           famous
           Pile
           of
           Stone
           Building
           ,
           called
           Audley-End
           ,
           of
           which
           I
           had
           often
           heard
           ,
           but
           never
           till
           this
           time
           had
           amaz'd
           my
           Eyes
           with
           such
           a
           stupendious
           Structure
           ,
           which
           seem'd
           to
           me
           to
           be
           a
           great
           City
           ,
           with
           the
           License
           of
           a
           Traveller
           ,
           almost
           as
           big
           as
           London
           within
           the
           Walls
           ,
           if
           you
           take
           Gardens
           and
           all
           ,
           and
           for
           ought
           I
           know
           ,
           I
           shall
           not
           enlarge
           so
           much
           as
           to
           need
           your
           Pardon
           for
           it
           .
        
         
           This
           Magnificent
           Edifice
           was
           first
           rais'd
           by
           an
           Ancestor
           of
           the
           Earl
           of
           Suffolk
           ,
           and
           sold
           afterwards
           to
           King
           Charles
           ;
           the
           Magnitude
           of
           this
           House
           is
           reported
           to
           be
           such
           ,
           that
           't
           is
           a
           Days
           Work
           for
           a
           running
           Footman
           to
           open
           and
           shut
           the
           Windows
           that
           appertain
           thereto
           ;
           and
           that
           there
           is
           one
           Gallery
           in
           it
           ,
           of
           such
           a
           vast
           length
           ,
           that
           if
           you
           beat
           a
           Drum
           at
           one
           end
           ,
           it
           shan't
           be
           loud
           enough
           to
           fright
           away
           a
           Mouse
           at
           the
           other
           ;
           nor
           are
           we
           able
           to
           distinguish
           at
           the
           same
           distance
           a
           Hog
           from
           a
           Dog
           ,
           without
           a
           spying
           Glass
           .
           It
           's
           a
           House
           fit
           only
           for
           a
           Prince
           ,
           and
           to
           be
           maintain'd
           and
           upheld
           at
           a
           National
           Charge
           ,
           for
           it
           's
           almost
           large
           enough
           to
           Beggar
           the
           Country
           it
           stands
           in
           ,
           to
           keep
           it
           in
           repair
           .
           It
           is
           situated
           in
           a
           valley
           at
           the
           Bottom
           of
           a
           Hill
           ,
           and
           has
           Water
           enough
           comes
           down
           in
           the
           Winter
           to
           drown
           it
           ,
           if
           Care
           by
           Drains
           and
           Aquaducts
           ,
           were
           not
           taken
           to
           prevent
           it
           ,
           'T
           is
           a
           useless
           Vanity
           ,
           sprung
           up
           from
           abundance
           of
           Riches
           ,
           rais'd
           more
           for
           wonder
           than
           for
           use
           ;
           and
           serves
           rather
           as
           a
           Monument
           of
           the
           Donor's
           Pride
           and
           Greatness
           ,
           than
           his
           Wisdom
           and
           Liberality
           ;
           for
           to
           spend
           one
           half
           of
           an
           Estate
           in
           a
           Building
           ,
           that
           would
           ruine
           the
           remainder
           to
           keep
           it
           in
           Repair
           ,
           either
           shows
           that
           a
           Man
           knows
           not
           well
           what
           he
           does
           ,
           or
           that
           he
           has
           more
           Money
           than
           he
           knows
           well
           what
           to
           do
           with
           ;
           or
           else
           that
           he
           was
           mindful
           to
           do
           a
           vain
           thing
           with
           his
           Treasure
           ,
           the
           better
           to
           show
           the
           World
           the
           Vanity
           of
           Riches
           .
        
         
           From
           thence
           we
           scower'd
           along
           an
           Asses
           Gallop
           ,
           now
           and
           then
           plagu'd
           with
           a
           terrifying
           Lesson
           from
           our
           little
           Humane
           Bagpipes
           ,
           meeting
           with
           
           nothing
           remarkable
           till
           we
           came
           within
           four
           Mile
           of
           Cambridge
           ,
           at
           which
           distance
           the
           top
           of
           Kings
           Colledge
           Chappel
           was
           discernable
           ,
           appearing
           in
           a
           Figure
           resembling
           a
           Cradle
           ,
           and
           by
           Travellers
           is
           so
           call'd
           ;
           which
           happen'd
           to
           draw
           into
           my
           Noddle
           ,
           the
           following
           scrap
           of
           Poetry
           .
        
         
           
             Old
             Cambridge
             brings
             forth
             Men
             of
             Learning
             and
             Parts
             ,
          
           
             Dame
             Natures
             dark
             Laws
             to
             unriddle
             ;
          
           
             And
             Since
             she
             's
             the
             Midwife
             of
             Science
             and
             Arts
             ,
          
           
             'T
             is
             fit
             she
             be
             known
             by
             a
             Cradle
             .
          
        
         
           When
           from
           thence
           we
           had
           travel'd
           about
           three
           Mile
           further
           ,
           we
           came
           to
           a
           small
           Village
           call'd
           Trumpington
           ,
           a
           Mile
           on
           this
           side
           Cambridge
           .
           This
           Town
           is
           not
           a
           little
           famous
           for
           two
           great
           Conveniences
           it
           affords
           the
           young
           Scholars
           of
           the
           University
           ,
           for
           here
           the
           fresh
           Men
           first
           learn
           to
           be
           good
           Companions
           ,
           and
           afterwards
           when
           in
           Orders
           ,
           practise
           to
           be
           good
           Preachers
           ;
           for
           here
           they
           commonly
           Drink
           their
           first
           merry
           cup
           with
           their
           Friends
           after
           their
           initiation
           ,
           and
           generally
           deliver
           their
           first
           Sermon
           when
           Qualified
           by
           the
           Bishop
           for
           the
           Ministerial
           Function
           ;
           as
           we
           pass'd
           thro'
           Trumpington
           ,
           where
           the
           Scholars
           at
           their
           leisure
           hours
           ,
           are
           some
           or
           other
           of
           'em
           usually
           refreshing
           themselves
           ;
           we
           saw
           several
           Black
           Gowns
           pop
           in
           and
           out
           of
           the
           little
           Country-hovels
           ,
           like
           so
           many
           Black
           Rabbits
           in
           a
           Warren
           ,
           bolting
           out
           of
           their
           Coney-Burroughs
           ;
           I
           have
           some
           reason
           to
           be
           jealous
           ,
           the
           Name
           of
           this
           Place
           was
           Originally
           given
           it
           for
           no
           good
           ,
           but
           rather
           from
           some
           wild
           Schollars
           ,
           who
           being
           Libidiously
           given
           ,
           had
           usual
           recourse
           thither
           ,
           and
           kist
           the
           Wenches
           till
           they
           Farted
           again
           ,
           from
           whence
           ,
           as
           some
           Sages
           conjecture
           ,
           in
           process
           of
           time
           ,
           it
           gain'd
           the
           Name
           Trumping-Town
           .
        
         
           
             Where
             Women
             ,
             doubtless
             ,
             are
             possest
             ,
          
           
             Of
             Faculties
             discerning
             ;
          
           
             Since
             they
             (
             kind
             Souls
             )
             so
             oft
             are
             Blest
             ,
          
           
             With
             Men
             of
             Parts
             and
             Learning
             .
          
        
         
           
             One
             Pulpit's
             Common
             to
             the
             Gown
             ,
          
           
             For
             Teachers
             to
             be
             seen
             in
             ;
          
           
             But
             they
             have
             Numbers
             in
             the
             Town
             ,
          
           
             Where
             Preachers
             oft
             have
             been
             in
             .
          
        
         
           
             All
             standing
             stifly
             to
             their
             Text
             ,
          
           
             Till
             clear'd
             the
             Point
             most
             fairly
             ;
          
           
             Whilst
             those
             they
             '
             nstruct
             are
             never
             vext
             ,
          
           
             But
             when
             they
             've
             done
             too
             Early
             .
          
        
         
           The
           next
           place
           we
           arriv'd
           at
           ,
           was
           our
           Journeys-end
           ,
           Cambridge
           ;
           where
           Black
           and
           Purple
           Gowns
           were
           stroling
           about
           Town
           ,
           like
           Parsons
           in
           a
           Country
           Metropolis
           ,
           during
           the
           Bishops
           visitation
           ;
           Some
           looking
           with
           as
           meagre
           Countenances
           ,
           as
           if
           in
           search
           of
           the
           Philosophers-Stone
           ,
           they
           
           had
           study'd
           themselves
           into
           an
           Hypocondriack
           Melancholly
           ;
           other
           's
           seeming
           so
           profoundly
           thoughtful
           ,
           as
           if
           in
           pursuance
           of
           
           Agrippa's
           Notions
           they
           were
           studying
           how
           to
           raise
           Sparagrass
           from
           Rams-Horns
           ,
           or
           to
           produce
           a
           Homunculus
           as
           Gardeners
           do
           Pumpkins
           ,
           by
           burying
           the
           Semen
           in
           a
           Dunghil
           ;
           some
           looking
           as
           Plump
           and
           as
           Jolly
           as
           a
           painted
           Bacchus
           bestriding
           a
           Canary
           Butt
           ;
           smiling
           as
           he
           past
           by
           ,
           at
           his
           own
           Soliloquies
           ,
           as
           if
           he
           was
           muttering
           over
           to
           himself
           some
           Bacchanalian
           Ode
           ,
           he
           had
           conceiv'd
           in
           Praise
           of
           good
           Clarret
           ;
           others
           seeming
           as
           Sottishly
           Sorrowful
           as
           if
           they
           were
           Maudlin
           Fuddl'd
           ,
           and
           lamenting
           the
           Misfortune
           of
           poor
           Anacreon
           ,
           who
           Choak'd
           himself
           with
           a
           Grape-Stone
           ;
           some
           strutting
           along
           about
           Eighteen
           years
           of
           Age
           ,
           in
           new
           Gown
           and
           Cassock
           ,
           as
           if
           they
           had
           receiv'd
           Orders
           about
           two
           hours
           before
           ,
           and
           were
           the
           next
           Morning
           to
           have
           Institution
           and
           Induction
           ,
           to
           become
           the
           hopeful
           Guide
           of
           a
           whole
           Parish
           ;
           and
           here
           and
           there
           one
           appearring
           so
           Rakishly
           Thoughtless
           ,
           as
           if
           Nature
           ,
           by
           his
           empty
           Looks
           ,
           had
           design'd
           him
           to
           grind
           Mustard
           ,
           or
           pick
           Mushrooms
           for
           some
           Noble-Mans
           Kitchen
           ;
           tho'
           his
           Parents
           ,
           in
           Opposition
           to
           his
           destiny
           ,
           resolv'd
           to
           make
           him
           a
           Scholar
           .
           As
           for
           the
           Town
           it self
           ,
           it
           was
           so
           abominably
           dirty
           ,
           that
           Old-street
           in
           the
           middle
           of
           a
           Winters
           Thaw
           ,
           or
           Bartholomew-Fair
           after
           a
           Shower
           of
           Rain
           ,
           could
           not
           have
           more
           occasion
           for
           a
           Scavenger
           ,
           than
           the
           miry
           Street
           of
           this
           famous
           Corporation
           ;
           and
           most
           of
           them
           so
           very
           narrow
           ,
           that
           should
           two
           Wheel-barrows
           meet
           in
           the
           largest
           of
           their
           Thorough-fares
           ,
           they
           are
           enough
           to
           make
           a
           stop
           for
           half
           an
           hour
           before
           they
           can
           well
           clear
           themselves
           of
           one
           another
           ,
           to
           make
           room
           for
           Passengers
           .
        
         
           After
           the
           Coach
           had
           set
           me
           down
           ,
           and
           I
           had
           taken
           a
           fair
           Leave
           of
           my
           Fellow-Travellers
           ,
           I
           walk'd
           about
           to
           take
           a
           more
           compleat
           survey
           both
           of
           the
           Town
           and
           University
           .
           The
           Buildings
           in
           many
           parts
           of
           the
           Town
           were
           so
           little
           and
           so
           low
           ,
           that
           they
           look'd
           more
           like
           Hutts
           for
           Pigmies
           ,
           than
           Houses
           for
           Men
           ;
           and
           their
           very
           Shop-keepers
           seem'd
           to
           me
           to
           be
           so
           well-siz'd
           to
           their
           Habitations
           ,
           that
           they
           appear'd
           like
           so
           many
           Monkeys
           in
           their
           Diminutive
           Shops
           mimicking
           the
           Trade
           of
           London
           .
           Amongst
           the
           rest
           of
           the
           Pomps
           and
           Vanities
           of
           this
           Wicked
           Corporation
           ,
           there
           is
           one
           very
           famous
           Inn
           ,
           distinguish'd
           by
           the
           Sign
           of
           the
           
             Devils
             Lap-dog
          
           in
           Petty-Cury
           ,
           here
           I
           went
           to
           refresh
           my self
           with
           a
           Glass
           or
           two
           of
           Canary
           ;
           where
           I
           found
           an
           Old
           grizly
           Curmudgion
           ,
           Corniferously
           Wedded
           to
           a
           Plump
           ,
           Young
           ,
           Brisk
           ,
           Black
           ,
           Beautiful
           ,
           good
           Landlady
           ,
           who
           I
           afterwards
           heard
           had
           so
           great
           a
           kindness
           for
           the
           Uniniversity
           ,
           that
           she
           had
           rather
           see
           two
           or
           three
           Gown-men
           come
           into
           her
           House
           ,
           than
           a
           Cuckoldly
           Crew
           of
           Aldermen
           in
           all
           their
           Pontificalibusses
           ;
           and
           indeed
           I
           had
           reason
           to
           believe
           there
           was
           no
           love
           lost
           ,
           for
           the
           Scholars
           crept
           in
           as
           fast
           and
           as
           slily
           ,
           for
           either
           a
           Kiss
           ,
           a
           kind
           Look
           ,
           or
           a
           Cup
           of
           Comfort
           ,
           as
           Hogs
           into
           an
           Orchard
           after
           a
           High-wind
           ,
           or
           Flys
           into
           Pigsauce
           ,
           for
           the
           sake
           of
           the
           Sugar
           ;
           I
           lik'd
           my
           pretty
           Hostess
           so
           wonderfully
           well
           ,
           and
           was
           so
           greatly
           Delighted
           with
           the
           pleasant
           Conversation
           I
           met
           with
           in
           the
           House
           ,
           that
           I
           determin'd
           with
           my self
           to
           make
           this
           my
           place
           of
           residence
           during
           my
           continuance
           in
           the
           Town
           ,
           so
           bespeaking
           a
           Bed
           ,
           I
           afterwards
           took
           a
           Walk
           in
           order
           to
           view
           the
           University
           ,
           of
           which
           I
           shall
           proceed
           to
           give
           you
           a
           sober
           and
           Concise
           Description
           .
        
         
         
           The
           Colledges
           stand
           without
           side
           the
           Town
           ,
           which
           in
           plain
           Terms
           is
           a
           Corporation
           of
           Ignorance
           ,
           hem'd
           round
           with
           Arts
           and
           Sciences
           ,
           a
           Nest
           of
           Fools
           ,
           that
           dwell
           on
           the
           Superfluities
           of
           the
           Learned
           ,
           an
           ingrateful
           Soil
           where
           the
           Seeds
           of
           Generosity
           are
           daily
           scatter'd
           ,
           but
           produce
           nothing
           in
           return
           but
           the
           Wicked
           Weeds
           of
           Unthankfulness
           and
           Ingratitude
           .
           Of
           Learned
           Societies
           there
           are
           in
           all
           Sixteen
           ,
           twelve
           Colledges
           ,
           and
           four
           Halls
           ;
           the
           most
           Magnificent
           of
           which
           ,
           being
           that
           of
           Trinity
           ,
           whose
           spacious
           Quadrangle
           ,
           and
           commodious
           Library
           remain
           without
           comparison
           ,
           the
           Scholars
           of
           this
           Foundation
           are
           distinctly
           Habited
           ,
           in
           Purple
           Gowns
           ;
           the
           rest
           of
           the
           Universitie
           wearing
           Black
           ,
           agree
           in
           one
           and
           the
           same
           Mode
           .
           The
           next
           piece
           of
           Building
           more
           particularly
           Remarkable
           ,
           is
           Kings-Colledge
           Chappel
           ,
           Founded
           by
           Henry
           the
           Sixth
           ,
           and
           is
           greatly
           fam'd
           by
           all
           Men
           of
           Judgment
           ,
           for
           it
           's
           admirable
           Architecture
           ,
           much
           after
           the
           manner
           of
           Henry
           the
           Seventh's
           Chappel
           at
           Westminster
           ,
           if
           not
           finer
           and
           larger
           .
           The
           rest
           of
           the
           Colledges
           ,
           except
           St.
           
           Iohn's
           (
           which
           has
           been
           Beautified
           and
           Enlarg'd
           of
           late
           years
           )
           wear
           the
           Faces
           of
           great
           Antiquity
           ,
           and
           tho'
           they
           are
           not
           so
           fine
           as
           those
           which
           have
           had
           the
           Advantage
           of
           a
           Modern
           improvement
           ,
           yet
           the
           rust
           of
           their
           Aged
           Walls
           ,
           and
           Obsoleteness
           of
           their
           Structure
           ,
           procure
           Veneration
           from
           all
           Spectators
           ,
           and
           seem'd
           to
           me
           more
           noble
           in
           their
           Ancient
           Uniformity
           ,
           than
           others
           disagreeable
           enlarg'd
           with
           additional
           Novelties
           .
           In
           short
           ,
           the
           Colledges
           are
           so
           Splendid
           ,
           the
           Government
           so
           Regular
           ,
           the
           Orders
           so
           Strict
           ,
           the
           Ceremonies
           so
           Decorous
           ,
           and
           the
           Preferments
           so
           Honourable
           ,
           that
           in
           all
           Europe
           it
           is
           not
           excel'd
           by
           any
           University
           except
           Oxford
           .
        
         
           Having
           thus
           feasted
           my
           Eyes
           with
           a
           general
           view
           of
           the
           Colledges
           ,
           I
           retir'd
           to
           my
           Inn
           ,
           where
           I
           repos'd
           my self
           after
           a
           good
           Supper
           ,
           till
           the
           next
           Morning
           ,
           which
           proving
           fine
           and
           Pleasant
           ,
           I
           took
           a
           Walk
           to
           Stir-Bitch-Fair
           ,
           tho'
           for
           the
           expence
           of
           3
           d.
           I
           might
           have
           been
           accommodated
           with
           the
           Conveniency
           of
           a
           London
           Hackney
           ,
           who
           at
           this
           Season
           bring
           Passengers
           from
           London
           and
           ply
           there
           for
           the
           Fortnight
           ,
           carrying
           Tag
           ,
           Rag
           ,
           and
           Bobtail
           ,
           for
           the
           aforesaid
           price
           ,
           provided
           they
           have
           as
           many
           as
           will
           fill
           their
           Coach
           ;
           but
           for
           Eighteen-pence
           a
           Scholar
           and
           his
           Mistress
           may
           have
           a
           running
           Bawdy-house
           to
           themselves
           ,
           draw
           up
           their
           Tin
           Sashes
           ,
           pink'd
           like
           the
           Bottom
           of
           a
           Cullender
           ,
           and
           hug
           one
           another
           as
           private
           as
           they
           please
           ,
           obscur'd
           from
           the
           wandring
           Eyes
           of
           all
           observing
           Passengers
           .
        
         
           I
           had
           not
           walk'd
           above
           half
           a
           Mile
           from
           Cambridge
           towards
           the
           Fair
           ,
           but
           I
           came
           to
           a
           renown'd
           Village
           which
           by
           all
           reports
           very
           deservedly
           has
           gain'd
           the
           Ignominious
           Epithet
           of
           Bawdy-Barnwel
           ,
           so
           call'd
           from
           the
           Numerous
           Brothel-Houses
           it
           contains
           for
           the
           Health
           ,
           Ease
           ,
           and
           Pleasure
           of
           the
           Learned
           Vicinity
           ,
           and
           has
           had
           so
           ancient
           a
           Reputation
           for
           Sacrificing
           it's
           Female
           Off-spring
           thro'
           many
           Ages
           ,
           to
           the
           Use
           and
           Service
           of
           the
           Neighbouring
           Societies
           ,
           that
           there
           has
           not
           been
           a
           Maiden-head
           known
           in
           the
           Town
           at
           Sixteen
           years
           of
           Age
           ,
           since
           the
           time
           of
           King
           Henry
           the
           first
           ,
           in
           whose
           Reign
           Cambridge
           was
           new
           Model'd
           into
           an
           University
           .
           Besides
           the
           Women
           of
           this
           place
           have
           such
           a
           Love
           for
           the
           Scholars
           ,
           and
           hatred
           for
           the
           Townsmen
           ,
           that
           a
           Batchelour
           of
           Arts
           ,
           shall
           have
           more
           favour
           for
           a
           Distick
           of
           English
           Verses
           ,
           in
           praise
           of
           Simple
           Fornication
           ,
           than
           the
           best
           Tradesmen
           thro'
           out
           the
           Corporation
           shall
           find
           for
           an
           Ounce
           of
           Sterlin
           .
        
         
           From
           thence
           I
           march'd
           forward
           till
           I
           came
           to
           the
           Fair
           ,
           where
           I
           beheld
           such
           a
           Number
           of
           Wooden
           Edifices
           ,
           and
           such
           a
           Multitude
           of
           Gentry
           ,
           Scholars
           ,
           Tradesmen
           ,
           Whores
           ,
           Hawkers
           ,
           Pedlars
           ,
           and
           Pick-pockets
           ,
           that
           it
           seem'd
           to
           me
           like
           an
           Abstract
           of
           all
           sorts
           of
           Mankind
           ,
           drawn
           into
           a
           lesser
           Body
           ,
           to
           show
           the
           World
           in
           Epitomy
           :
           At
           first
           I
           came
           to
           the
           Proctors-Booth
           ,
           wherein
           he
           keeps
           an
           Arbitrary
           Court
           to
           Punish
           ,
           as
           the
           Learned
           Divan
           shall
           think
           fit
           ,
           all
           Misdemeanors
           touching
           the
           Scholars
           ,
           from
           whence
           there
           can
           be
           no
           Appeal
           ;
           and
           near
           to
           this
           is
           held
           another
           Wooden
           Court
           of
           Justice
           on
           the
           Behalf
           of
           the
           Corporation
           ,
           where
           his
           Worshipful
           Bulkiness
           the
           Mayor
           ,
           sits
           to
           determine
           all
           such
           Matters
           as
           concern
           his
           Authority
           ,
           assisted
           with
           the
           cornuted
           Elders
           of
           the
           Town
           ,
           who
           are
           ready
           to
           lend
           a
           Horn
           upon
           occasion
           ,
           to
           help
           the
           Head
           of
           their
           Superiour
           in
           all
           cases
           of
           difficulty
           .
           A
           little
           beyond
           these
           ,
           lay
           vast
           Quantities
           of
           Hops
           ,
           brought
           in
           from
           the
           adjacent
           Countreys
           ;
           which
           made
           me
           at
           first
           conceive
           the
           Cantabrigians
           to
           be
           indefatigable
           Topers
           of
           Malt
           Liquor
           ,
           if
           the
           Town
           could
           consume
           a
           the
           in
           Tythe
           Twelve-month
           of
           what
           I
           beheld
           
           in
           Bags
           ,
           which
           upon
           second
           consideration
           I
           imagin'd
           might
           be
           as
           well
           bought
           up
           by
           our
           London
           Merchants
           ,
           and
           therefore
           ought
           to
           beg
           
           Cambridg's
           Pardon
           for
           thinking
           it
           guilty
           of
           such
           excessive
           Inebriety
        
         
           From
           thence
           I
           turn'd
           to
           the
           left
           ,
           by
           the
           River
           side
           ,
           where
           my
           Nostrils
           were
           Saluted
           with
           such
           a
           Saline
           Savoury
           Whiff
           ,
           as
           if
           I
           had
           been
           walking
           in
           a
           dry
           Fish-mongers
           shop
           in
           Thames-street
           ;
           at
           last
           I
           came
           into
           a
           Dutch
           Market
           of
           red
           and
           pickled
           Herrings
           ,
           Salt-fish
           ,
           Oysters
           ,
           Pitch
           ,
           Tar
           ,
           Soap
           ,
           &c.
           
           Next
           these
           a
           parcel
           of
           Wooden
           Trumpery
           ,
           rang'd
           in
           as
           much
           order
           ,
           as
           a
           Cup-board
           of
           Plate
           ,
           where
           Bacchanalian
           Students
           may
           furnish
           themselves
           with
           Punch-Bowles
           ,
           agreeable
           to
           their
           own
           Bibacity
           ,
           Sot's
           supply
           themselves
           with
           Cans
           ,
           sizable
           to
           their
           own
           Humours
           ,
           and
           Beggars
           accommodate
           themselves
           with
           Spoons
           and
           Porridge-Dishes
           of
           any
           Dimension
           ,
           suitable
           to
           their
           own
           Appetites
           .
           Adjoyning
           to
           this
           place
           ,
           stand
           about
           a
           Dozen
           of
           Sutlers
           boozing-Kens
           ,
           distinguished
           by
           the
           Name
           of
           the
           Lyn-Booths
           ;
           the
           good
           People
           that
           keep
           'em
           being
           Inhabitants
           of
           that
           Town
           ,
           and
           have
           so
           fair
           a
           Reputation
           for
           the
           foul
           practise
           of
           Venery
           ,
           that
           their
           sinful
           Hovels
           have
           always
           maintain'd
           the
           Character
           of
           being
           notorious
           Bawdy-Houses
           ;
           the
           Scholars
           ,
           to
           encourage
           the
           old
           Trade
           of
           Basket-making
           ,
           have
           great
           resort
           to
           these
           Up-tail
           Accademi●s
           ,
           where
           they
           are
           often
           presented
           with
           a
           Lyn
           Fairing
           ,
           which
           brings
           'em
           to
           thin
           Jaws
           ,
           and
           a
           Month
           or
           two's
           spare
           diet
           ,
           as
           a
           pennance
           for
           a
           minutes
           Titilation
           ;
           giving
           many
           of
           'em
           reason
           to
           say
           with
           a
           Scholar
           under
           the
           same
           Affliction
           ,
           who
           being
           at
           Chappel
           whisper'd
           to
           his
           Chamber-fellow
           ,
           
             Chum
             ,
             Chum
             ,
             tho'
             I
             have
             the
             Word
             of
             God
             in
             my
             Mouth
             ,
             to
             tell
             thee
             the
             Truth
             on
             't
             ,
             I
             have
             a
          
           Lyn
           
             Devil
             in
             my
             Breeches
          
           .
        
         
           From
           these
           Booths
           I
           went
           strait
           up
           a
           Hill
           ,
           and
           came
           into
           a
           very
           handsome
           street
           call'd
           Garlick-Row
           ,
           where
           the
           slit-deal
           Tenements
           were
           occupy'd
           by
           Sempstresses
           ,
           Perfumers
           ,
           Milleners
           ,
           Toy-men
           ,
           and
           Cabinet-makers
           ;
           and
           is
           chiefly
           frequented
           by
           Powder'd
           ▪
           Beau's
           ,
           Bushy
           Wig'd
           Blockeads
           ,
           Country
           Belfa's
           ,
           and
           Beautiful
           Bury
           Ladies
           ;
           the
           latter
           of
           which
           being
           as
           commendable
           for
           their
           good
           Nature
           ,
           as
           remarkable
           for
           their
           Prettiness
           ,
           are
           attended
           with
           such
           Crowds
           of
           Dutchified
           Fops
           ,
           with
           their
           Hats
           under
           their
           Arms
           ,
           and
           their
           Hands
           in
           their
           Pockets
           ,
           Bowing
           and
           Cringing
           with
           such
           Flexible
           Submission
           to
           each
           Proud
           Enchantress
           ,
           as
           if
           their
           Backs
           were
           made
           of
           Whalebone
           ;
           which
           brought
           into
           my
           Mind
           the
           following
           Distich
           of
           my
           Lord
           Rochesters
           ,
           in
           which
           if
           I
           alter
           one
           Word
           ,
           for
           decency's
           sake
           ,
           I
           hope
           the
           Reader
           will
           excuse
           it
           .
        
         
           
             So
             a
             Proud
             Minx
             does
             lead
             about
             ,
          
           
             Of
             Humble
             Curs
             the
             Am'rous
             Rout.
             
          
        
         
           This
           Place
           terminates
           in
           a
           Place
           call'd
           originally
           Cooks-Row
           ,
           but
           now
           more
           properly
           Cuckolds-Row
           ,
           from
           the
           great
           Number
           of
           Booksellers
           that
           are
           now
           crept
           into
           Possession
           of
           their
           Greasinesses
           Division
           ;
           this
           Learned
           part
           of
           the
           Fair
           is
           the
           Schollars
           chief
           Rendezvouz
           ,
           where
           some
           that
           have
           Money
           come
           to
           buy
           Books
           ,
           whilst
           othes
           who
           want
           it
           ,
           take
           'em
           slily
           up
           ,
           upon
           Condition
           to
           pay
           if
           they
           're
           catch'd
           ,
           and
           think
           it
           a
           Pious
           piece
           of
           Generosity
           ,
           to
           give
           St.
           Austin
           or
           St.
           Gregory
           Protection
           in
           a
           Gown
           Sleeve
           till
           they
           can
           better
           provide
           for
           '
           em
           .
           Here
           the
           most
           famous
           Auctioneer
           of
           all
           Great
           as
           well
           as
           Little
           Britain
           ,
           sells
           Books
           by
           the
           Hammer
           ,
           and
           gives
           the
           Scholars
           as
           merry
           an
           Entertainment
           ,
           as
           a
           Mountebank
           and
           his
           
             Andrew
             .
             Here
             's
             an
             Old
             Author
             for
             you
             ,
             Gentlemen
             ,
             you
             may
             Iudge
             his
             Antiquity
             by
             the
             Fashion
             of
             his
             Leather-Iacket
             ;
             herein
             ,
             is
             contain'd
             ,
             for
             the
             Benefit
             of
             you
             Scholars
             ,
             the
             Knowledge
             of
             every
             thing
             ;
             written
             by
             that
             famous
             Author
             ,
             who
             thro'
             his
             Prosound
             Wisdom
             ,
             very
             luckily
             discover'd
             that
             he
             knew
             nothing
             ?
             For
             your
             Encouragement
             ,
             Gentlemen
             ,
             I
             'll
             put
             him
             up
             at
             two
             Shillings
             ,
             advance
          
           3
           
             Pence
             ;
             Two
             Shillings
             once
             :
             What
             no
             Body
             bid
             ?
          
           The
           Bidder
           advances
           3
           
             d.
             Two
             and
          
           3d.
           
             once
             :
             Gentlemen
             ,
             Fye
             for
             shame
             ,
             why
             sure
             Men
             of
             your
             Parts
             and
             Learning
             ,
             will
             never
             suffer
             the
             Works
             of
             so
             famous
             an
             Author
             to
             be
             thus
             undervallued
             :
             If
             you
             'll
             believe
             me
             ,
             Gentlemen
             ,
             he
             's
             worth
             more
             to
             a
             Powder-Monkey
             to
             make
             Cartridges
             of
             ,
             than
             what
             's
             bid
             :
             Two
             and
             three
             pence
             twice
             ?
             What
             no
             Body
             amongst
             you
             Gentlemen
             of
             the
             Black
             Robe
             ,
             that
             has
             so
             much
             respect
             for
             the
             Wisdom
             of
             our
             Ancestors
             ,
             as
             to
             advance
             t'other
          
           3d
           ?
           
             Well
             Sir
             ,
             I
             find
             you
             must
             have
             him
             at
             two
             and
             three
             pence
             ,
          
           Knock
           ,
           
             and
             now
             you
             've
             bought
             him
             :
             Sir
             I
             must
             tell
             you
             ,
             you
             'll
             find
             Learning
             enough
             within
             him
             ,
             to
             puzzle
             both
             Vniversities
             :
             And
             thus
             much
             I
             promise
             you
             further
             Sir
             ,
             when
             you
             have
             read
             him
             seven
             years
             ,
             if
             you
             don
             't
             like
             him
             ,
             bring
             him
             to
             me
             again
             ,
             in
          
           Little
           Brittain
           ,
           
             and
             I
             'll
             help
             you
             to
             a
             Man
             shall
             give
             you
             a
             Shilling
             for
             
             him
             ,
             to
             cover
             Band-Boxes
             .
          
           At
           this
           sort
           of
           rate
           he
           banters
           the
           young
           Studients
           ;
           and
           whatever
           they
           purchas'd
           ,
           gave
           'em
           a
           Jest
           into
           the
           Bargain
           .
        
         
           From
           thence
           I
           pass'd
           into
           a
           great
           Street
           call'd
           Cheapside
           ,
           where
           on
           one
           side
           were
           a
           considerable
           number
           of
           wholesale
           Tradesmen
           ,
           as
           
             Linnen-drapers
             ,
             Silk-men
             ,
             Iron-mongers
             ,
             Leather-sellers
             ,
             Tobacconists
             ,
          
           &c.
           who
           swell'd
           in
           their
           Shops
           ,
           and
           look'd
           as
           big
           above
           the
           rest
           of
           the
           Petty-Dealers
           as
           the
           bluff
           well-fed
           
           Senior-Fellows
           of
           a
           College
           do
           above
           the
           lean
           thin-gutted
           poor
           Sizers
           .
           On
           the
           opposite
           side
           are
           Suttlers
           Booths
           ,
           much
           frequented
           by
           the
           London
           Citizens
           ,
           who
           are
           easily
           to
           be
           known
           by
           their
           thin
           Calves-Leather
           Boots
           ,
           and
           the
           Bloodiness
           of
           their
           Spurs
           ,
           whose
           Rowels
           have
           been
           often
           buryed
           in
           the
           sides
           of
           their
           Hackneys
           .
           Their
           pretence
           is
           ,
           
             coming
             down
             to
             meet
             their
             Customers
          
           ;
           tho'
           its
           plain
           by
           their
           Loitering
           ,
           they
           have
           little
           else
           to
           do
           but
           to
           
             Drink
             ,
             Smoke
          
           ,
           and
           Whore
           ,
           and
           to
           help
           support
           the
           Fair
           in
           its
           Ancient
           Custom
           of
           Debauchery
           ;
           couzening
           themselves
           of
           their
           Time
           ,
           their
           Families
           of
           their
           Money
           ,
           and
           their
           dear
           Wives
           of
           their
           Company
           .
           Their
           Whips
           they
           wear
           under
           their
           Arms
           ,
           as
           a
           Beau
           does
           his
           Hat
           ;
           and
           tie
           up
           the
           ends
           of
           their
           Bob-Wigs
           in
           Black
           Bags
           ,
           with
           a
           ridiculous
           hope
           of
           being
           thought
           Gentlemen
           .
        
         
           Behind
           these
           Booths
           is
           a
           place
           call'd
           the
           Duddery
           ,
           incompass'd
           round
           with
           Salesmen
           and
           People
           that
           fell
           
           Norwich-Stuffs
           ,
           and
           in
           the
           Middle
           ,
           abundance
           of
           Packs
           of
           that
           Deceitful
           Commodity
           
           Yorkshire-Cloth
           :
           The
           Sales-men
           Ply
           at
           their
           Booth-doores
           as
           they
           do
           in
           Long-lane
           ;
           and
           Lug
           and
           Tug
           the
           poor
           Country
           Folks
           into
           their
           Mercinary
           Wardrobes
           as
           if
           they
           had
           power
           to
           Arrest
           'em
           ;
           who
           are
           surely
           Cheated
           if
           they
           Buy
           ,
           and
           almost
           Worry'd
           if
           they
           dont
           .
           In
           the
           Center
           of
           this
           Place
           stands
           an
           old
           weather-beaten
           Pulpit
           ,
           where
           on
           Sunday
           a
           Sermon
           is
           deliver'd
           ,
           for
           the
           Edification
           of
           the
           Strowling
           Sinners
           ,
           who
           give
           open
           Attention
           ,
           as
           in
           a
           Field-Conventicle
           .
           Here
           is
           also
           great
           quantities
           of
           Wooll
           ,
           put
           up
           in
           Bags
           ,
           which
           they
           call
           Pockets
           ,
           weighing
           at
           least
           a
           Tun
           Weight
           :
           An
           Irish
           Gentleman
           coming
           by
           ,
           and
           staring
           very
           hard
           upon
           '
           em
           .
           
             By
             my
             Shoul
          
           ,
           says
           he
           ,
           
             they
             are
             the
             largest
             Feather-Beds
             dat
             ever
             I
             did
             shee
             ;
             I
             wonder
             how
             they
             do
             to
             turn
             'em
             when
             they
             make
             '
             em
             .
          
        
         
           On
           the
           other
           side
           the
           River
           there
           's
           a
           little
           Town
           ,
           call'd
           Chesterton
           ,
           in
           which
           there
           is
           the
           Sign
           of
           the
           
             Black
             Bull
          
           ,
           where
           the
           Country
           Chapmen
           generally
           Lodg
           that
           come
           to
           the
           Fair
           ,
           for
           the
           sake
           of
           rare
           strong
           humming
           Ale
           ,
           for
           which
           't
           is
           famous
           ;
           over
           which
           they
           get
           Drunk
           ,
           Quarrel
           ,
           and
           make
           Bargains
           ,
           till
           the
           Fox
           brings
           'em
           to
           Sleep
           ,
           and
           Sleep
           ,
           by
           the
           next
           Morning
           ,
           to
           a
           Sober
           Repentance
           .
        
         
           The
           chief
           Entertainment
           of
           the
           Fair
           ,
           is
           Stubble-Geese
           and
           Apple-Sauce
           ,
           Fat
           Pig
           and
           Fly-Sauce
           ,
           Bad
           Sack
           and
           Good
           Walnuts
           ;
           the
           last
           of
           which
           the
           Citizens
           send
           as
           Fairings
           to
           their
           Wives
           ,
           to
           Divert
           'em
           behind
           the
           Counter
           ,
           in
           their
           Husbands
           Absence
           .
        
         
           At
           Night
           ,
           when
           their
           Booths
           are
           shut
           up
           ,
           which
           is
           only
           by
           Skewering
           two
           Hair-cloths
           together
           ,
           then
           all
           that
           are
           Freshmen
           are
           sought
           by
           their
           Acquaintance
           ,
           in
           order
           to
           be
           Christened
           :
           The
           manner
           of
           which
           is
           thus
           ,
           Two
           or
           three
           contrive
           to
           decoy
           him
           ,
           or
           her
           into
           a
           Sutlers
           Booth
           ,
           under
           pretence
           of
           some
           body
           being
           there
           to
           speak
           with
           them
           about
           Business
           ;
           and
           then
           privately
           send
           for
           an
           old
           Fellow
           dignified
           with
           the
           Title
           of
           
             Lord
             Tap
          
           ▪
           from
           his
           going
           Arm'd
           all-over
           with
           Spiggots
           and
           Fossets
           ,
           like
           a
           Porcupine
           with
           his
           Quills
           ,
           or
           looking
           rather
           like
           a
           Fowl
           wrapt
           up
           in
           a
           Pound
           of
           Sausages
           ;
           who
           when
           he
           comes
           ,
           rings
           his
           Bell
           over
           the
           Head
           of
           the
           Party
           ,
           repeating
           these
           Words
           with
           an
           Audible
           Voice
           :
        
         
           
             Over
             thy
             Head
             I
             ring
             this
             Bell
             ,
          
           
             Because
             thou
             art
             an
             Infidel
             ;
          
           
             And
             I
             have
             found
             thee
             out
             by
             th'
             Smell
             :
          
           
             With
             a
             Hoxius
             Doxius
             call
             upon
             him
             ,
          
           
             That
             no
             Vengeance
             may
             Light
             on
             him
             .
          
        
         
           Then
           the
           Party
           Christ'ned
           chuses
           two
           out
           of
           the
           Company
           to
           be
           his
           Godfathers
           ,
           who
           generally
           give
           him
           some
           very
           Bawdy
           Name
           ;
           then
           they
           swear
           him
           upon
           the
           Horns
           ,
           as
           at
           Highgate
           ,
           make
           him
           give
           Tap
           Six
           pence
           ,
           and
           spend
           four
           or
           five
           Shillings
           to
           treat
           the
           Company
           ,
           and
           then
           for
           ever
           after
           he
           's
           free
           of
           Stir-Bitch-Fair
           ;
           Of
           which
           having
           given
           my self
           the
           Satisfaction
           of
           a
           General
           Survey
           ,
           I
           went
           back
           to
           Cambridge
           ,
           took
           a
           Place
           in
           the
           Stage
           Coach
           ,
           and
           return'd
           to
           London
           .
        
         
           FINIS
           .
        
         
      
    
     
  

