# bib

id: 20024
author: Matthewman, Lisle de Vaux
title: Crankisms
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 2396
sentence: 145
flesch: 81
cache: cache/20024.txt
txt: txt/20024.txt
summary:
  Woman has no logic, and judging from the use it is to man, is better off without it. 16 What men see in women or women in men to admire is generally a puzzle to those who know the men and women in question intimately.


id: 28847
author: Busch, Wilhelm
title: Max and Maurice: A Juvenile History in Seven Tricks
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 3250
sentence: 368
flesch: 90
cache: cache/28847.txt
txt: txt/28847.txt
summary:
  [Illustration] TO most people who have leisure Raising poultry gives great pleasure First, because the eggs they lay us For the care we take repay us; Secondly, that now and then We can dine on roasted hen; Thirdly, of the hen's and goose's Feathers men make various uses. [Illustration] Hens were hers in number three, And a cock of majesty.


id: 13484
author: Blackmore, Richard, Sir
title: Essay upon Wit
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 11424
sentence: 239
flesch: 37
cache: cache/13484.txt
txt: txt/13484.txt
summary:
  Up to this point the Wits had treated him with amused scorn, but when he called his big guns into action in the _Satyr against Wit_ (dated 1700 but issued late in 1699) the Wits set out to crush him for once and all. Satyr against Wit_, a jibe that drew Steele's reply in _Commendatory Verses_.


id: 14973
title: Essays on Wit No. 2
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 9894
sentence: 447
flesch: 67
cache: cache/14973.txt
txt: txt/14973.txt
summary:
  If they were to go on at this Rate, the Language of _Shakespear, Milton, Dryden, Addison_ and _ Waller_ is often in this Case; his best Verses are studied; one finds he quite tires himself to find that which presents itself so naturally to _Rochester_, _Congreve_, and to so many more, who with all the Ease in the World, write these Bagatelles better than _Waller_ did with Labour.


id: 6882
author: Day, Clarence
title: This Simian World
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 15639
sentence: 951
flesch: 80
cache: cache/6882.txt
txt: txt/6882.txt
summary:
  Imagine a cultivated coterie of such men and women, at a ball, dancing. When we think of these creatures as little men (which is all wrong of course) we see they have their faults.


id: 15705
author: Hobart, George V. (George Vere)
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 16893
sentence: 1478
flesch: 87
cache: cache/15705.txt
txt: txt/15705.txt
title:
  The Silly Syclopedia A Terrible Thing in the Form of a Literary Torpedo which is Launched for Hilarious Purposes Only Inaccurate in Every Particular Containing Copious Etymological Derivations and Other Useless Things

summary:
  A tide in the affairs of man which, taken between the shoulder blades and the curbstone, leads on to the hospital. A place where men go to get a thirst so that they can go there again to quench their thirst.


id: 16197
author: Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
title: One Third Off
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 17759
sentence: 753
flesch: 71
cache: cache/16197.txt
txt: txt/16197.txt
summary:
  The difference between such men as those you have described and such men as you is that they were made to be thin men and to keep on being thin men regardless of their food consumption, and that your sort are naturally predisposed to fatness. I cast a pitying eye at other men, deep of girth and purple of face, waddling down the platform, and as I scudded on past them I would say to myself that after all there was a tremendous difference between being obese and being merely well fleshed out.


id: 11279
author: Ade, George
title: The Slim Princess
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 22648
sentence: 1326
flesch: 80
cache: cache/11279.txt
txt: txt/11279.txt
summary:
  You must go! She pointed, and young Mr. Pike turned to see two guards in baggy uniforms bearing down upon him, their eyes bulging with amazement. How dare you suggest that---- Then he paused, for he was beginning to comprehend that young Mr. Pike had stepped in and saved him, and that, instead of rebuking Mr. Pike, he should be weeping on his breast and calling him son.


id: 16233
author: Morris, Corbyn
title: An Essay towards Fixing the True Standards of Wit, Humour, Railery, Satire, and Ridicule (1744)
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 21581
sentence: 1178
flesch: 67
cache: cache/16233.txt
txt: txt/16233.txt
summary:
  Perspicuity_; but will be still different in this, that the Effort of the _One_ is to strike the _Fancy_, whereas the _Other_ is wholly exerted in gratifying the _Judgment_. _Brilliancy_ of Ideas, though they are Terms which have been used by the _Greeks_ and _Romans_, and by elegant Writers of all Ages and Nations; and the Effect which they express, is perfectly conceiv'd and felt by every Person of true Genius and Imagination.


id: 374
author: Bierce, Ambrose
title: Fantastic Fables
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 28858
sentence: 1371
flesch: 74
cache: cache/374.txt
txt: txt/374.txt
summary:
  The Thief and the Honest Man A Thief who had brought a suit against his accomplices to recover his share of the plunder taken from an Honest Man, demanded the Honest Man's attendance at the trial to testify to his loss. Why, yes, said the President; by diligent effort so many men must have saved a considerable number of lives.


id: 43101
author: Various
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 32930
sentence: 2611
flesch: 89
cache: cache/43101.txt
txt: txt/43101.txt
title:
  Witty Pieces by Witty People A collection of the funniest sayings, best jokes, laughable anecdotes, mirthful stories, etc., extant

summary:
  He is running a large corps of men day and night in order to keep up with his orders. Say, old man, the three couples of us in this terrace were coming down to-night, but we must disappoint you at this late moment.


id: 849
author: Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
title: The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 42881
sentence: 2070
flesch: 82
cache: cache/849.txt
txt: txt/849.txt
summary:
  Old men and women can sit by it with their thin hands clasped, the little children can nestle down in front, the friend and neighbor has his welcome corner by its side, and even shaggy Fido and sleek Titty can toast their noses at the bars. If it is a cat she stands on your shoulder, rumples your hair, and says, Lor,' I am sorry for you, old man, as plain as words can speak; and if it is a dog he looks up at you with his big, true eyes and says with them, Well you've always got me, you know.


id: 15667
title: Best Short Stories
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 45708
sentence: 2883
flesch: 83
cache: cache/15667.txt
txt: txt/15667.txt
summary:
  At least that was the intention of Charles L. Zoll, justice of the peace of Broad Run district, Loudoun County, who delivered into the hands of the Sheriff this warrant: Commonwealth of Virginia, County of Loudoun, to wit: To the Sheriff of the said county: Wheras, Woodrow Wilson has this day made oath before me, a justice of said court, that William Hohan Zollern, alias Wilhelm, has at various times and places between July, 1914, and November, 1917, committed murder, assault, and arson upon the bodies of various people and sundry properties, against the peace and dignity of the Government of the United States, the State of Virginia and Broad Run district in particular. These are therefore in the name of the Commonwealth of Virginia and the Government of the United States to command you to forthwith apprehend the said William Hohan Zollern, alias Kaiser Wilhelm, and bring his body before me at my office in Aushburn, Va., to answer said charges, and there and then be dealt with according to law.


id: 38752
author: Firebaugh, Ellen M.
title: The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His Wife
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 52763
sentence: 4412
flesch: 96
cache: cache/38752.txt
txt: txt/38752.txt
summary:
  Good patrons should be held and not escape To other doctors that may lie in wait; For in this voice so brusque and straight and clear Well, where is the _doctor_?


id: 28503
author: Sanborn, Kate
title: The Wit of Women Fourth Edition
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 56063
sentence: 3285
flesch: 85
cache: cache/28503.txt
txt: txt/28503.txt
summary:
  Then a Colonel, cold and smiling, with a stately air beguiling, Who punctuates his paragraphs on Newport's sounding shore, Said his friend was wise and witty, and yet it seemed a pity To destroy in this old city the belief it had before In the ancient superstitions of the days of yore. His remarks our pulses quicken, when a British Lion, stricken With his wondrous self-importance--he knew everything and more-- Said he _loathed_ such moderation; and he made his declaration That, in spite of all creation, he found no God to adore; And his voice was like the ocean as its surges loudly roar; Only this and nothing more.


id: 20229
title: Stories of Comedy
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 60490
sentence: 2641
flesch: 79
cache: cache/20229.txt
txt: txt/20229.txt
summary:
  Throth there's more than there's good o' them, said Barny. An' might I be so bowld to ax, Captain, is Bingal much farther nor Fingal? A trifle or so, Paddy? Och, thin, millia murther, weirasthru, how'll I iver get there at all at all? roared out poor Barny.


id: 11639
author: Cabell, James Branch
title: Figures of Earth: A Comedy of Appearances
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 76960
sentence: 3164
flesch: 76
cache: cache/11639.txt
txt: txt/11639.txt
summary:
  Dom Manuel answered very slowly, and to little Melicent it seemed that Father's voice was sad. Said Manuel: Certainly, I think there is no escape for me upon this side of the window of Ageus. Said Manuel, rapturously: She is the finest and loveliest creature that I have ever seen.


id: 29419
author: Various
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 78785
sentence: 4496
flesch: 81
cache: cache/29419.txt
txt: txt/29419.txt
title:
  The Book of Anecdotes and Budget of Fun; containing a collection of over one thousand of the most laughable sayings and jokes of celebrated wits and humorists.

summary:
  _Just_ as I was about to lift my hand to shoot him, _thinks I_, would it be _just_ to kill _this here_ man, without _one_ were sure he came with an _unjust_ intention? Said I, 'Well, tell him I am a fighting fowl.


id: 18300
author: L'Estrange, A. G. K. (Alfred Guy Kingan)
title: History of English Humour, Vol. 1 With an Introduction upon Ancient Humour
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 85018
sentence: 4590
flesch: 75
cache: cache/18300.txt
txt: txt/18300.txt
summary:
  What great men have been in love? _ In disgust he betook himself to philosophy, but could not restrain his indignation when he found so many base men throwing the blame of their conduct on Plato, Chrysippus, Pythagoras, and other great men.


id: 18906
author: L'Estrange, A. G. K. (Alfred Guy Kingan)
title: History of English Humour, Vol. 2
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 91433
sentence: 3658
flesch: 69
cache: cache/18906.txt
txt: txt/18906.txt
summary:
  The periodical, supported by the combined talent of such men as Gifford, Ellis, Hookham Frere, Jenkinson (Lord Liverpool), Lord Clare, Dr. Whitaker, and Lord Mornington, would no doubt have had a long and successful career, had not politics led it into a vituperative channel, through which it came to an untimely end in eight months. The greatest joke and treat was to get two of such men, and set them against each other, when they had to bring out their best steel; although it sometimes happened, that both refused to fight.


id: 20375
author: Field, Al. G. (Alfred Griffith)
title: Watch Yourself Go By
extension: .txt
mime: text/plain
words: 172450
sentence: 10069
flesch: 82
cache: cache/20375.txt
txt: txt/20375.txt
summary:
  Lin said: Ye'll be so tired ye can't enjoy the show ef ye walk out thar an' back so early in the mornin'. Go Alfred would. Uncle Ned Snowden assisted Alfred home, where he remained in doors several days with two parti-hued eyes.


