item: #1 of 22 id: 11279 author: Ade, George title: The Slim Princess date: None words: 22648 flesch: 80 summary: You must go! She pointed, and young Mr. Pike turned to see two guards in baggy uniforms bearing down upon him, their eyes bulging with amazement. How dare you suggest that---- Then he paused, for he was beginning to comprehend that young Mr. Pike had stepped in and saved him, and that, instead of rebuking Mr. Pike, he should be weeping on his breast and calling him son. keywords: count; country; day; father; find; garden; general; good; governor; hotel; jeneka; kalora; malagaski; man; men; morovenia; pike; popova; princess; right; time; washington; way; woman cache: 11279.txt plain text: 11279.txt item: #2 of 22 id: 11639 author: Cabell, James Branch title: Figures of Earth: A Comedy of Appearances date: None words: 76960 flesch: 76 summary: Dom Manuel answered very slowly, and to little Melicent it seemed that Father's voice was sad. Said Manuel: Certainly, I think there is no escape for me upon this side of the window of Ageus. Said Manuel, rapturously: She is the finest and loveliest creature that I have ever seen. keywords: alianora; appearance; boy; child; count manuel; day; dead; dear; death; desire; dom manuel; earth; eyes; face; feather; figure; fine; freydis; gray; hand; head; helmas; human; images; king; life; living; look; love; magic; manuel; matter; men; miramon; misery; niafer; people; persons; place; poictesme; queen; sesphra; talking; tell; things; thinking; time; way; white; wife; window; woman; world; young; youth cache: 11639.txt plain text: 11639.txt item: #3 of 22 id: 13484 author: Blackmore, Richard, Sir title: Essay upon Wit date: None words: 11424 flesch: 37 summary: Up to this point the Wits had treated him with amused scorn, but when he called his big guns into action in the _Satyr against Wit_ (dated 1700 but issued late in 1699) the Wits set out to crush him for once and all. Satyr against Wit_, a jibe that drew Steele's reply in _Commendatory Verses_. keywords: blackmore; humour; manners; men; mind; nature; people; persons; poets; reason; religion; stage; subjects; theatre; tho; vertue; wit cache: 13484.txt plain text: 13484.txt item: #4 of 22 id: 14973 author: None title: Essays on Wit No. 2 date: None words: 9894 flesch: 67 summary: If they were to go on at this Rate, the Language of _Shakespear, Milton, Dryden, Addison_ and _ Waller_ is often in this Case; his best Verses are studied; one finds he quite tires himself to find that which presents itself so naturally to _Rochester_, _Congreve_, and to so many more, who with all the Ease in the World, write these Bagatelles better than _Waller_ did with Labour. keywords: ancients; arts; characters; essay; fancy; humour; imagination; judgment; man; moderns; nature; poetry; reason; ridicule; tis; truth; university; wit; works cache: 14973.txt plain text: 14973.txt item: #5 of 22 id: 15667 author: None title: Best Short Stories date: None words: 45708 flesch: 83 summary: At least that was the intention of Charles L. Zoll, justice of the peace of Broad Run district, Loudoun County, who delivered into the hands of the Sheriff this warrant: Commonwealth of Virginia, County of Loudoun, to wit: To the Sheriff of the said county: Wheras, Woodrow Wilson has this day made oath before me, a justice of said court, that William Hohan Zollern, alias Wilhelm, has at various times and places between July, 1914, and November, 1917, committed murder, assault, and arson upon the bodies of various people and sundry properties, against the peace and dignity of the Government of the United States, the State of Virginia and Broad Run district in particular. These are therefore in the name of the Commonwealth of Virginia and the Government of the United States to command you to forthwith apprehend the said William Hohan Zollern, alias Kaiser Wilhelm, and bring his body before me at my office in Aushburn, Va., to answer said charges, and there and then be dealt with according to law. keywords: american; away; bill; boy; business; come; country; dat; day; days; dear; doctor; door; face; father; following; friend; gentleman; german; girl; hand; head; home; house; husband; judge; kaiser; lady; life; look; man; matter; mind; moment; morning; mother; new; officer; place; reply; right; room; sir; son; story; thing; thought; time; town; train; want; war; way; wife; woman; work; world; years cache: 15667.txt plain text: 15667.txt item: #6 of 22 id: 15705 author: Hobart, George V. (George Vere) title: The Silly Syclopedia A Terrible Thing in the Form of a Literary Torpedo which is Launched for Hilarious Purposes Only Inaccurate in Every Particular Containing Copious Etymological Derivations and Other Useless Things date: None words: 16893 flesch: 87 summary: A tide in the affairs of man which, taken between the shoulder blades and the curbstone, leads on to the hospital. A place where men go to get a thirst so that they can go there again to quench their thirst. keywords: alphabet; ann; barber; cars; day; game; gentleman; good; head; home; idea; illustration; indian; letter; look; man; men; money; people; place; purpose; secretary; street; time; water; way; woman; world cache: 15705.txt plain text: 15705.txt item: #7 of 22 id: 16197 author: Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury) title: One Third Off date: None words: 17759 flesch: 71 summary: The difference between such men as those you have described and such men as you is that they were made to be thin men and to keep on being thin men regardless of their food consumption, and that your sort are naturally predisposed to fatness. I cast a pitying eye at other men, deep of girth and purple of face, waddling down the platform, and as I scudded on past them I would say to myself that after all there was a tremendous difference between being obese and being merely well fleshed out. keywords: bryan; chapter; day; days; drinking; eating; exercise; fact; fat; fellow; flesh; friend; good; life; liver; man; matter; men; new; people; place; second; self; set; state; thing; time; way; years cache: 16197.txt plain text: 16197.txt item: #8 of 22 id: 16233 author: Morris, Corbyn title: An Essay towards Fixing the True Standards of Wit, Humour, Railery, Satire, and Ridicule (1744) date: None words: 21581 flesch: 67 summary: Perspicuity_; but will be still different in this, that the Effort of the _One_ is to strike the _Fancy_, whereas the _Other_ is wholly exerted in gratifying the _Judgment_. _Brilliancy_ of Ideas, though they are Terms which have been used by the _Greeks_ and _Romans_, and by elegant Writers of all Ages and Nations; and the Effect which they express, is perfectly conceiv'd and felt by every Person of true Genius and Imagination. keywords: arrangement; character; company; definition; description; essay; fancy; foibles; following; horace; humour; humourist; introduction; life; manner; morris; new; objects; original; person; pleasure; propriety; raillery; real; ridicule; satire; sense; series; sir; subject; time; wit cache: 16233.txt plain text: 16233.txt item: #9 of 22 id: 18300 author: L'Estrange, A. G. K. (Alfred Guy Kingan) title: History of English Humour, Vol. 1 With an Introduction upon Ancient Humour date: None words: 85018 flesch: 75 summary: What great men have been in love? _ In disgust he betook himself to philosophy, but could not restrain his indignation when he found so many base men throwing the blame of their conduct on Plato, Chrysippus, Pythagoras, and other great men. keywords: age; amusement; animals; aristophanes; art; ass; century; character; charles; church; comedy; comic; country; court; day; days; death; devil; doubt; drink; fables; face; father; following; fond; fool; form; friend; general; god; good; greek; half; hand; having; head; history; house; humour; idea; kind; king; ladies; lady; language; latin; laughter; life; light; literature; lord; love; madam; man; master; men; merry; mind; money; mrs; nature; people; period; philosophers; place; play; pleasure; point; power; present; read; roman; says; sense; sir; stage; stories; story; subject; sweet; thee; things; thou; thought; time; water; way; wife; wit; women; words; work; world; writings; young cache: 18300.txt plain text: 18300.txt item: #10 of 22 id: 18906 author: L'Estrange, A. G. K. (Alfred Guy Kingan) title: History of English Humour, Vol. 2 date: None words: 91433 flesch: 69 summary: The periodical, supported by the combined talent of such men as Gifford, Ellis, Hookham Frere, Jenkinson (Lord Liverpool), Lord Clare, Dr. Whitaker, and Lord Mornington, would no doubt have had a long and successful career, had not politics led it into a vituperative channel, through which it came to an untimely end in eight months. The greatest joke and treat was to get two of such men, and set them against each other, when they had to bring out their best steel; although it sometimes happened, that both refused to fight. keywords: addison; age; author; book; case; chapter; character; circumstances; come; comic; country; course; day; death; doubt; eyes; face; fair; feeling; fine; following; form; french; friend; gay; general; gentleman; good; half; hand; head; heart; house; humour; john; kind; king; ladies; lady; laugh; laughter; left; life; look; lord; love; man; men; mind; mrs; nature; night; old; people; place; pleasure; poetry; poor; pope; present; public; reason; regard; rich; round; satire; sense; set; sir; society; story; style; subject; sweet; swift; talent; taste; thee; things; thought; time; truth; view; want; way; wife; wit; woman; words; work; world; wrong; years; young cache: 18906.txt plain text: 18906.txt item: #11 of 22 id: 20024 author: Matthewman, Lisle de Vaux title: Crankisms date: None words: 2396 flesch: 81 summary: Woman has no logic, and judging from the use it is to man, is better off without it. 16 What men see in women or women in men to admire is generally a puzzle to those who know the men and women in question intimately. keywords: man; men; woman; world cache: 20024.txt plain text: 20024.txt item: #12 of 22 id: 20229 author: None title: Stories of Comedy date: None words: 60490 flesch: 79 summary: Throth there's more than there's good o' them, said Barny. An' might I be so bowld to ax, Captain, is Bingal much farther nor Fingal? A trifle or so, Paddy? Och, thin, millia murther, weirasthru, how'll I iver get there at all at all? roared out poor Barny. keywords: ahab; anne; bagshaw; barny; ben; bluebeard; boat; captain; come; course; darbyshire; day; dear; door; eyes; face; father; friend; god; good; haddad; hand; having; head; heart; holiness; home; honor; house; johnny; lady; life; little; look; man; mind; miss; mrs; night; o'reirdon; paddy; place; poor; pope; richards; riv'rence; round; ship; sir; sister; sly; sure; thing; thought; time; tom; uncle; way; wid; widow; world cache: 20229.txt plain text: 20229.txt item: #13 of 22 id: 20375 author: Field, Al. G. (Alfred Griffith) title: Watch Yourself Go By date: None words: 172450 flesch: 82 summary: Lin said: Ye'll be so tired ye can't enjoy the show ef ye walk out thar an' back so early in the mornin'. Go Alfred would. Uncle Ned Snowden assisted Alfred home, where he remained in doors several days with two parti-hued eyes. keywords: 'em; air; alfred; alfred griffith; assured; audience; aunt; bed; big; bill; black; book; boy; boys; brownsville; business; charley; children; church; circus; city; clothes; colonel; columbus; company; country; cousin; day; days; doctor; dollars; door; eli; eyes; face; fact; family; farm; father; feet; field; folks; friends; fur; gideon; git; going; good; half; hand; harrison; head; high; hill; hit; hold; home; hope; hotel; house; illustration; jake; jes; joe; john; leave; left; life; like; lin; little; long; look; looking; man; manager; matter; men; mind; minstrel; money; morning; mother; mrs; new; night; night alfred; node; office; old; palmer; panorama; paper; pay; people; place; public; read; river; room; run; school; stage; street; talk; tell; thet; thing; thought; time; tom; town; turn; uncle; voice; wagon; walk; want; water; way; white; wife; words; work; world; wus; years; yer; young cache: 20375.txt plain text: 20375.txt item: #14 of 22 id: 26260 author: Day, Clarence title: This Simian World date: None words: 16069 flesch: 81 summary: Imagine a cultivated coterie of such men and women, at a ball, dancing. When we think of these creatures as little men (which is all wrong of course) we see they have their faults. keywords: animals; ants; beings; cats; civilization; day; good; life; love; men; minds; nature; race; self; simians; species; super; time; use; way; world cache: 26260.txt plain text: 26260.txt item: #15 of 22 id: 28503 author: Sanborn, Kate title: The Wit of Women Fourth Edition date: None words: 56063 flesch: 85 summary: Then a Colonel, cold and smiling, with a stately air beguiling, Who punctuates his paragraphs on Newport's sounding shore, Said his friend was wise and witty, and yet it seemed a pity To destroy in this old city the belief it had before In the ancient superstitions of the days of yore. His remarks our pulses quicken, when a British Lion, stricken With his wondrous self-importance--he knew everything and more-- Said he _loathed_ such moderation; and he made his declaration That, in spite of all creation, he found no God to adore; And his voice was like the ocean as its surges loudly roar; Only this and nothing more. keywords: air; anniky; aunt; best; butter; chapter; children; course; dat; day; days; dear; door; eyes; face; father; fire; friend; fur; girl; gone; good; great; hair; hand; head; heart; home; house; humor; jes; lady; life; little; look; love; mary; men; mind; miss; morning; mother; mrs; ned; new; night; paper; people; room; round; saw; scott; sense; set; sleep; stilts; story; tell; ter; things; think; thought; time; viii; way; white; wid; wife; wit; woman; work; years; yer; yez cache: 28503.txt plain text: 28503.txt item: #16 of 22 id: 28847 author: Busch, Wilhelm title: Max and Maurice: A Juvenile History in Seven Tricks date: None words: 3250 flesch: 90 summary: [Illustration] TO most people who have leisure Raising poultry gives great pleasure First, because the eggs they lay us For the care we take repay us; Secondly, that now and then We can dine on roasted hen; Thirdly, of the hen's and goose's Feathers men make various uses. [Illustration] Hens were hers in number three, And a cock of majesty. keywords: author; boys; buck; illustration; maurice; max; nonsense; trick; uncle cache: 28847.txt plain text: 28847.txt item: #17 of 22 id: 29419 author: Various title: The Book of Anecdotes and Budget of Fun; containing a collection of over one thousand of the most laughable sayings and jokes of celebrated wits and humorists. date: None words: 78785 flesch: 81 summary: _Just_ as I was about to lift my hand to shoot him, _thinks I_, would it be _just_ to kill _this here_ man, without _one_ were sure he came with an _unjust_ intention? Said I, 'Well, tell him I am a fighting fowl. keywords: bill; board; box; boy; brother; case; church; come; company; counsel; country; course; court; day; dear; dinner; doctor; dog; dollars; door; father; fellow; fine; following; friend; general; gentleman; girl; good; half; hand; head; home; honor; house; husband; john; judge; kind; king; know; lady; life; look; lord; lordship; making; man; master; mind; money; morning; mrs; new; occasion; party; pay; people; person; place; present; question; reply; right; room; round; saying; sir; son; story; table; thing; thought; time; town; want; way; wife; woman; work; yankee; years cache: 29419.txt plain text: 29419.txt item: #18 of 22 id: 374 author: Bierce, Ambrose title: Fantastic Fables date: None words: 28858 flesch: 74 summary: The Thief and the Honest Man A Thief who had brought a suit against his accomplices to recover his share of the plunder taken from an Honest Man, demanded the Honest Man's attendance at the trial to testify to his loss. Why, yes, said the President; by diligent effort so many men must have saved a considerable number of lives. keywords: business; cat; citizen; country; day; dog; friend; good; hand; head; honour; judge; king; life; lion; man; member; money; new; office; order; people; person; physician; public; right; sir; state; time; traveller; way; wolf; woman; work cache: 374.txt plain text: 374.txt item: #19 of 22 id: 38752 author: Firebaugh, Ellen M. title: The Story of a Doctor's Telephone—Told by His Wife date: None words: 52763 flesch: 96 summary: Good patrons should be held and not escape To other doctors that may lie in wait; For in this voice so brusque and straight and clear Well, where is the _doctor_? keywords: baby; blank; boy; doctor; door; eyes; good; hello; home; house; husband; john; ling; man; mary; minutes; morning; mrs; office; phone; receiver; right; thought; time; ting; voice; wait; way; wife; woman; yes cache: 38752.txt plain text: 38752.txt item: #20 of 22 id: 43101 author: Various title: Witty Pieces by Witty People A collection of the funniest sayings, best jokes, laughable anecdotes, mirthful stories, etc., extant date: None words: 32930 flesch: 89 summary: He is running a large corps of men day and night in order to keep up with his orders. Say, old man, the three couples of us in this terrace were coming down to-night, but we must disappoint you at this late moment. keywords: bowser; boy; business; car; course; dat; day; days; door; evening; eyes; fellow; free; girl; good; head; home; house; husband; illustration; lady; life; look; love; man; morning; mrs; new; night; page; people; place; press; sah; sir; street; tell; thing; thought; time; way; week; wife; woman; work; world; young cache: 43101.txt plain text: 43101.txt item: #21 of 22 id: 6882 author: Day, Clarence title: This Simian World date: None words: 15639 flesch: 80 summary: Imagine a cultivated coterie of such men and women, at a ball, dancing. When we think of these creatures as little men (which is all wrong of course) we see they have their faults. keywords: ants; beings; cats; civilization; day; good; life; love; men; minds; nature; race; self; simians; species; super; time; use; way; world cache: 6882.txt plain text: 6882.txt item: #22 of 22 id: 849 author: Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka) title: The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow date: None words: 42881 flesch: 82 summary: Old men and women can sit by it with their thin hands clasped, the little children can nestle down in front, the friend and neighbor has his welcome corner by its side, and even shaggy Fido and sleek Titty can toast their noses at the bars. If it is a cat she stands on your shoulder, rumples your hair, and says, Lor,' I am sorry for you, old man, as plain as words can speak; and if it is a dog he looks up at you with his big, true eyes and says with them, Well you've always got me, you know. keywords: bed; boy; care; children; clothes; comes; day; days; door; eyes; face; fellow; friend; girl; good; half; hands; head; heart; house; life; like; look; love; man; men; mind; moment; morning; mother; night; people; room; round; thing; thoughts; time; walk; want; way; women; work; world cache: 849.txt plain text: 849.txt